November 18, 2024 • 23 mins
I share my conversation I had with my son in helping him learn to let go and have faith when the answers just won't come.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sharise Parviz (00:00):
What do you do when the answers just don't come
?
I was having a conversationwith my son the other day and
well, my son, he's in California.
A little bit background on himhe is married to a lovely woman
and they live in California andhe is currently finishing up his
(00:21):
time in the police academy andalso his time in the national
guard.
So I think he has two moreyears in the national guard and
I think he has I.
December is when, I think, hefinishes the police academy and
he starts his career as a policeofficer, and I'm very proud of
(00:42):
him.
Well, I am proud of him all.
Well, I am proud of him All.
Right, so I'm just going to getreal here.
I love you, garrett.
I'm very proud of my son.
I'm very proud that he wants toserve his country both in the
military as well as a policeofficer.
It's just, I mean, I'm worried.
(01:04):
I'm sure that's true of everymother whose son you know serves
.
You know, daughter or son.
It's just, I mean, I'm worried.
I'm sure that's true of everymother whose son you know serves
.
You know, daughter or son.
It's very difficult and whatmakes it so much more difficult
is the time we're in, right,there's not a whole lot of love,
though, for the police, and youknow the way I mean, how many
wars are we in right now?
And it it's.
Please don't think that I don'tagain support our military.
(01:24):
I absolutely appreciate thesacrifice they make to serving
us, to serving this country, toprotecting us, because that's
what they're doing.
You know, they're putting theirlives on the line for us, so,
absolutely, I hold them in thehighest regard, and whether that
is our military, our police,our firefighters, any of our
(01:50):
first son and this is just not agood time I'm like Garrett baby
(02:10):
at any other time I don't.
Of course, baby, I support you,and if this is what you're
being called to do, then youknow I'm going to love you and
support you, no matter what.
I am on your side.
And could you wait till afterthese four years are over?
Could you try it under adifferent administration?
Oh, because he joined in 2020,yeah, yeah.
(02:34):
So, yeah, there's a yeah,there's a lot of mixed emotions.
I have a super, super, duperproud, and, of course, concern,
which is normal.
And then I got the wholeconcern on top of that concern,
because, well, you know, thewhole freaking world is going to
pot right now.
But, all that being said, Iknow God's got him.
So we're good.
(02:55):
We're good.
You know, children got to dowhat they got to do.
They got to walk their journey.
All we can do is pray and whenthey seek it for guidance, we
give it to them, not unsolicited, you know.
They get to an age when you nolonger can just tell them what
(03:15):
you feel all the time.
Sometimes you know you need towait until they're ready to ask.
So this weekend my son asked.
So I was kind of just going oversome things that were happening
in our lives and I was talkingto him about what I was hearing
God tell me.
And he's like Mom, stop, whatdo you mean God's?
(03:37):
I think I told him that youknow God was speaking to me.
He's what do you mean?
God speaks to you?
I mean I don't get that.
Explain that to me.
I don't understand.
And I said Well, I said it'sdifferent.
It's different for everyone.
Yeah, I said for me.
It's a feeling I think I sharedbefore that, just starting this
(03:58):
podcast, it felt like God waspoking his finger into my
shoulder, like just pestering me, and I call that the divine nag
.
That's the divine nag.
It's the nagging that won'tgive you any peace until you say
all right, fine, let's go,let's do it.
Fine, stop, stop nagging.
Yeah, okay, that is the divinenag and that's for me.
(04:22):
I feel it in my body, it's just.
It's just this nagging feelingin my body that I need to do
something.
I need to do this, I need to gotalk to this person and I find
out that they have cancer or orsomething else.
And that's happened quite a bit, not always cancer, but you
know that someone needed someoneto talk to and God had told me,
(04:47):
you know, again, in this way,it's in my body of feeling hey,
you need to go talk to thatperson.
It's just a drawing to thisperson and like I gotta go talk
to him and God's going yeah, youneed to go talk to that person.
It's just a drawing to thisperson and like I got to go talk
to him and God's going yeah,you need to go talk to him, okay
.
So then I go and I realize, oh,that's why, anyway.
So I was explaining this to myson.
I said now there have beentimes where I've literally heard
(05:09):
his voice.
Now people are going to argue,and that's not really God and
that's fine, but to me it wasbecause, honey, it saved my life
.
Okay so, and it was a voice Ididn't recognize, and it's it's
only happened a couple of timesin my life and it's just one
word.
It's either, yes, it was, ithappened, just like.
Maybe I can't remember two orthree times in my life that I
(05:31):
heard a voice and it was yes,and it was run.
And the time that it was run Iwas eight years old and I shared
this story with my son isstarting to let him also you
know, he's an adult now to getto learn about that his mom, you
(05:51):
know, and you know his mom'schildhood and stuff.
So I was eight years old, we hadjust moved from Colorado and we
lived in the suburbs ofColorado and we ended up moving
into the inner city of Ohio andbut we didn't, we didn't change
our behavior at all, which welearned very quickly that we
(06:13):
needed to.
So I was walking to school,because I typically walked to
school when I was in Colorado.
So I walked to school in Ohioand there was some guy as I was
walking to school and a manrunning behind me and I didn't
you know, I was a kid, I don'tknow.
I turned, started kept walking,kept walking, so and he finally
(06:35):
caught up with me and he wasbehind me and I was starting to
get scared.
I remember being scared and hestarted touching me in places,
um, and I started walking fasterand and then, you know, he
stopped me and I just froze andhe said, hey, why don't you come
back with me to the uh?
Just froze.
And he said, hey, why don't youcome back with me to the uh,
(06:57):
back here, you know?
And I was just frozen and hecame to grab me and I heard in
my right ear, I heard the wordrun and man, I took off like a
shot, man, I was gone, I was outof there and I ran all the way
to school.
Oh, I'm telling you you, youknow, and then the office called
the authorities and you know,anyway, yeah, so that was that
(07:21):
time.
And so in those cases I'm, youknow you may say it's not God,
maybe it wasn't, I don't know,maybe it was an angel, you know,
god's messenger, but it was avoice I did not recognize and
saved my life.
And the other couple of times,when I heard a strong yes, it
(07:41):
was something that turned outreally, really, really good.
So, yeah, I'm going to say thatwas God, but most of the time I
feel it in my body.
So I was explaining this to myson.
I said, but some people, youknow, they hear it like an
audible, a voice.
Some people might see things,maybe it's a word, they might
(08:02):
see a word or they might, youknow, have a vision.
I mean, this may sound crazy tosome people, but I don't think
it is.
So.
There are different ways that weexperience knowing, the higher
wisdom, the higher knowing thatI believe comes from God.
And so I was explaining this tohim and he said you know, well,
(08:25):
I've been, I've been prayingbecause he's trying to get some
answers to some things.
And he says I just can't seemto get an answer.
And I've been, I've beenpraying for it.
And I said, you know, I said,let me, let me, let me say this
to you.
I'm not saying I hear from Godall the time.
I don't, and a lot of times Idon't hear from him on the
things I really want to hearfrom him on.
(08:47):
I'd like some answers here, god.
And he's like radio silence.
It's like, well, hello, hello,knock, knock, knock.
You asked me to knock, I'mknocking, okay.
But I told him.
I said, but maybe that's wherefaith comes in.
And so when I don't hear fromGod and if there's a decision I
(09:09):
need to make or if there's apath that I'm thinking about
going down or whatever it is andI'm sorry, I'm driving today
because I have an early morningclass so I can't walk.
So you know you're on the roadwith me today.
So I said I pray, that I sayLord, I'm going to give it to
you.
I'm going to give it to youbecause I don't know where you
want me to do here.
I'm not getting a yay or nayhere, so I am going to give it
(09:32):
to you that you are going tolead me and guide my steps,
because that's what you say youdo and you will close any door.
I am not supposed to walk intoand open the doors to the ones
that I do.
And I said, yeah, that's wherefaith comes in, that's where we
just have to go, continue, go,step forward in faith and
(09:53):
believe that God will direct youand an understanding that he
may have.
You take a step in a direction,right, that can then just takes
you into another direction.
It's like you know, I got to godown this road for two blocks
before I take a right to get onthe street.
I really want to be on, and soGod will guide your steps, but
(10:16):
you just have to just have faith.
And and I told him.
I said you know something elsethat really this is a, this is a
lesson that I learned, and myson is a lot like me, so I talk
about the lessons that I'velearned because he and I are so
much alike that I know he'll getit.
(10:38):
A lot of the lessons I'velearned he's now learning.
So I said, you know, gare, mywhole life I always try to force
things to happen, always, andpart of it was probably that I
had to always be in control.
I'm sharing this with you now.
I didn't share this with my son, it wasn't the right time, but
(11:01):
I said, well, let me tell youfirst.
So telling you my, my, mydriving buddy right now.
I'm telling you, you know, Ihad so many control issues
because as a child I had nocontrol.
Meaning I know children don'thave control anyway, but meaning
I didn't have any control overthe abuse or I didn't have any
control over the neglect orthese things that I just didn't
(11:22):
have control over or evenwhether there was food to eat or
not.
And so, as I, when I grew up, Ibecame super controlling, right
, and I had to control everyaspect of my life, the food I
ate, I mean, and that myrefrigerator was full all the
time, even if that meant foodrotted in the refrigerator, man,
we were not going to be withoutfood, you know, because that's
(11:46):
what you know when you grew up,not having any food and you want
that refrigerator stocked, soanyway.
So, but control was a hugeissue for me, and so what I'm
going back to explaining to myson, I said, you know, but I
controlled things almost to mygrave Gare and I, you know,
(12:08):
would just force it and force it.
And I'm like, especially ifit's something I really, really
wanted, like I could, it waslike, oh my God, I got to have
this, I got to have this, I wantthis, I want this, I want this,
I want this, I want this, and Imean every part of my being
felt like I wanted this thingRight, and so I would do
everything I could to force itto happen.
(12:38):
And you know, I guess I got to apoint where I was like I'm not
doing that anymore.
I'm just not going to do thatBecause I'm so busy, or was so
busy, forcing something tohappen it cost me my health or
it cost me money.
I mean, it cost me my time orit cost me my standards.
You know, it never cost me myintegrity, that I would, that I
would never go that far, but Iwould.
I mean the money I've lost andthe time I've lost, and you know
(12:59):
my standards, just loweringthem or compromising my
standards.
For what?
Because I had to have thisthing and I was going to make it
happen no matter what.
And and I thought, you know thatthat's crazy, you know why
would I want to do that?
And a lot of the times, well,actually all the time that I had
(13:21):
to force something, it nevercame out.
Well, you know, there are justsome dreams that I'm very, very
happy never came true.
I'm like Lord, thank you, thankyou, thank you that that dream
never came true.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you, thank you,
(13:42):
thank you, thank you that thatdream never came true.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you, thank you.
Um, there are just some dreams.
We have that man.
We're looking back, we're like,oh, I am so thankful that one,
uh, yeah, that one would havebeen a nightmare, so thank you
that it didn't come true.
But when I stopped forcingthings to happen and so I had
made the decision that you know,after all the craziness that
happened, you know, four yearsago, three, you know three, or
(14:03):
four, four years ago, I guess atthis point, yeah, 2020.
I, like, I'm not, I'm not goingto force things anymore.
I will do the, the, theappropriate, the necessary steps
that are appropriate to do forwhat I want, okay.
But once it starts costing metoo much time or too much money,
(14:28):
or too much stress, or too muchaggravation, or or I lower my
standards and start compromisingon what I want or what it is,
when that starts to happen, thenI go it's time for me to back
up, it's time for me to stepaway from it.
Because at that point I know,yeah, I'm forcing this thing and
(14:52):
it's not going to turn out well.
And I'm not saying you don'twork, we have to do the work,
right.
I mean, you know, I'm notsaying that, I'm not saying you
know, just throw your hands upin the air and sit on your butt,
you go oh Lord's got this, I'llleave it all up to God.
You do it, lord, no, no, no.
God calls us to do our part.
And at the same time, when wetune into ourselves, we know
(15:12):
when it's just gone too far, weknow when we're forcing it to
happen.
And when we get to that pointthat's what I told my son back
off of it, let it be, give it toGod and that's.
I know that's not easy becausewe're like, but I really, really
want this, you know, or I, okay, I get it, do what's necessary
(15:36):
and then give it to God.
Because when we force things andforce things and force things,
boy, I'll tell you, not onlydoes a lot of those quote
unquote dreams that we foughtfor and I'm not saying we didn't
work for it, work for it, butif we got to fight for it, and
and it and it destroys ourhealth and it destroys our peace
of mind and it destroysrelationships.
(15:57):
You know I said, ah, those are,that's a nightmare.
And not only are youpotentially most likely I'm not
going to say 100% guaranteed,but 99% guaranteed of creating
for yourself a nightmare of whatyou thought was going to be a
dream, but now I think God goes.
(16:20):
This is what I think.
I have no proof of this, butjust my opinion when that
happens, because I have theexperience of it.
So I'm just going to say frommy experience and from
experiences from people that Iknow, when we get to a point
that we're forcing so hard, Ifeel that God just kind of
(16:41):
throws up his hands and says youknow, you really want this, you
think you really want this,okay, you can have it.
Let's see what you do with that, let's see how good that goes
right.
And so I think he does that.
I mean that's a whole freedomof choice thing.
Because we're so intent on doingit our way and making it happen
intent on doing it our way andmaking it happen, so we aren't
(17:08):
only could be destroyingourselves in the process of, you
know quote unquote chasing ourdream.
We're also possibly chasing anightmare in disguise, and
what's really awful, awfully sad.
And is that not only are we?
And is that not only are we?
You know, getting a nightmare,what's turning into a nightmare?
What we've actually done isclose the doors, those doors of
(17:42):
opportunity to the real dreamthat's waiting for us, because
we filled our lives so much withso much forcing and making it
happen.
And I'm gonna do this by god.
And I'm not saying we don't workfor things, I'm not saying we
don't strive for things.
I'm saying you know thedifference between what's
appropriate and what is throwingyou completely off track.
When you learn how to listen toyour inner wisdom, that inner
(18:04):
knowing from that higher self,that higher place inside of us,
when we know, tune into that, weknow yeah, no, no, this isn't
right, yeah.
And so at that point we go,okay, are we going to continue
to force this or are we going togive it to God, like, let you
know, okayah, sirah, whateverwill be will be.
(18:24):
And what I told my son is.
At that point I would say it'stime to let go and just believe
that it, if it, if, if it ismeant to be, it will be.
And if it's not, be glad youdidn't force it, because you
could have created for yourselfa complete nightmare.
(18:46):
I mean, come on.
I mean how many relationshipsare you glad didn't work out
Right?
How many jobs and interviewsare you glad you didn't get?
I mean I look back on my lifeand all so many things I thought
I wanted.
You know relationships, jobs,careers, whatever you know
(19:08):
things in my life and I go, ohyeah, that would not have been
good.
And I'm just like, wow, youknow how thankful I am.
Just, ooh, I cringe going.
Oh God, I was so close to that.
Oh no, you know, we can lookback in our lives and see that.
Okay, I won't speak for myself.
(19:28):
I can look back on my life andsee it.
So I just said to my son look,when I decided to give up the
control and again, being acontrol freak, that's hard for
me, I used to be, I'm better atit now.
You know, all things takepractice.
But when I gave up control andI just focused on my faith that
(19:50):
all will turn out exactly asit's supposed to, and I trust,
did I do the work that wasnecessary?
Yes, I did.
I do my little check mark.
Okay, then I've paid those dues.
Right now Let it go.
And that's untrust and that'shard, I know.
And I'll tell you what havingfaith and believing that it's
(20:14):
going to work out the way it'ssupposed to work out.
Well, not only has it thathappened for us, for me and for
my husband.
We decided this on together.
We had some decisions to makethat we would have to be forced
to really make some really, youknow, compromises.
I mean not personal compromisesto our character, but really
(20:34):
financial compromises.
And we're like, really, youknow, and I, you know, forget it
, we're not, we're not doing it.
This, if it doesn't happen, itdoesn't happen, I'm not gonna,
I'm not gonna work that hard forit, I'm not gonna sacrifice
that much.
And it worked out beautifully.
And not only did we get what wewanted, we got it exactly what
(20:55):
we wanted it for.
Financially, it's like holy cow,how'd that happen happen?
Well, because we let go and arewe trusted and that it was
going to happen or it wasn't,and it did, and we were, we got
it.
But we would have been okaybecause we knew, hey, if this
doesn't work out, somethingbetter is down the road, that's
(21:19):
it.
So I shared that with my sonand he said, yeah, mom, I've
been used to forcing things too.
And I was thinking to myself,yeah, gare, I know.
That's why I shared that withyou.
I said, yeah, baby, I know.
I said, you know, try this, just, give it a go, experiment Just.
(21:40):
And you know, if you have totake a step forward on the path,
take it forward.
But just pray to God.
Hey, guide me, please, don'tlet me take one step without you
.
Yeah, and that was ourconversation about what do you
do when the answers just won'tcome.
All right, I don't know.
(22:05):
It helped him, hopefully, maybeit.
Maybe it helps you too, maybe.
Anyway, if it did, let me know.
Let me know, get on, I think weare on spotify now.
We made it, we gotta, so feelfree to contact me there or you
can contact me at my website.
I'm on all the social media, sofeel free to just reach out.
Love to hear from you.
(22:26):
All right, talk to you soon.
Bye-bye.
What do you do when the answers just don't come
?
I was having a conversationwith my son the other day and
well, my son, he's in California.
A little bit background on himhe is married to a lovely woman
and they live in California andhe is currently finishing up his
(00:21):
time in the police academy andalso his time in the national
guard.
So I think he has two moreyears in the national guard and
I think he has I.
December is when, I think, hefinishes the police academy and
he starts his career as a policeofficer, and I'm very proud of
(00:42):
him.
Well, I am proud of him all.
Well, I am proud of him All.
Right, so I'm just going to getreal here.
I love you, garrett.
I'm very proud of my son.
I'm very proud that he wants toserve his country both in the
military as well as a policeofficer.
It's just, I mean, I'm worried.
(01:04):
I'm sure that's true of everymother whose son you know serves
.
You know, daughter or son.
It's just, I mean, I'm worried.
I'm sure that's true of everymother whose son you know serves
.
You know, daughter or son.
It's very difficult and whatmakes it so much more difficult
is the time we're in, right,there's not a whole lot of love,
though, for the police, and youknow the way I mean, how many
wars are we in right now?
And it it's.
Please don't think that I don'tagain support our military.
(01:24):
I absolutely appreciate thesacrifice they make to serving
us, to serving this country, toprotecting us, because that's
what they're doing.
You know, they're putting theirlives on the line for us, so,
absolutely, I hold them in thehighest regard, and whether that
is our military, our police,our firefighters, any of our
(01:50):
first son and this is just not agood time I'm like Garrett baby
(02:10):
at any other time I don't.
Of course, baby, I support you,and if this is what you're
being called to do, then youknow I'm going to love you and
support you, no matter what.
I am on your side.
And could you wait till afterthese four years are over?
Could you try it under adifferent administration?
Oh, because he joined in 2020,yeah, yeah.
(02:34):
So, yeah, there's a yeah,there's a lot of mixed emotions.
I have a super, super, duperproud, and, of course, concern,
which is normal.
And then I got the wholeconcern on top of that concern,
because, well, you know, thewhole freaking world is going to
pot right now.
But, all that being said, Iknow God's got him.
So we're good.
(02:55):
We're good.
You know, children got to dowhat they got to do.
They got to walk their journey.
All we can do is pray and whenthey seek it for guidance, we
give it to them, not unsolicited, you know.
They get to an age when you nolonger can just tell them what
(03:15):
you feel all the time.
Sometimes you know you need towait until they're ready to ask.
So this weekend my son asked.
So I was kind of just going oversome things that were happening
in our lives and I was talkingto him about what I was hearing
God tell me.
And he's like Mom, stop, whatdo you mean God's?
(03:37):
I think I told him that youknow God was speaking to me.
He's what do you mean?
God speaks to you?
I mean I don't get that.
Explain that to me.
I don't understand.
And I said Well, I said it'sdifferent.
It's different for everyone.
Yeah, I said for me.
It's a feeling I think I sharedbefore that, just starting this
(03:58):
podcast, it felt like God waspoking his finger into my
shoulder, like just pestering me, and I call that the divine nag
.
That's the divine nag.
It's the nagging that won'tgive you any peace until you say
all right, fine, let's go,let's do it.
Fine, stop, stop nagging.
Yeah, okay, that is the divinenag and that's for me.
(04:22):
I feel it in my body, it's just.
It's just this nagging feelingin my body that I need to do
something.
I need to do this, I need to gotalk to this person and I find
out that they have cancer or orsomething else.
And that's happened quite a bit, not always cancer, but you
know that someone needed someoneto talk to and God had told me,
(04:47):
you know, again, in this way,it's in my body of feeling hey,
you need to go talk to thatperson.
It's just a drawing to thisperson and like I gotta go talk
to him and God's going yeah, youneed to go talk to that person.
It's just a drawing to thisperson and like I got to go talk
to him and God's going yeah,you need to go talk to him, okay
.
So then I go and I realize, oh,that's why, anyway.
So I was explaining this to myson.
I said now there have beentimes where I've literally heard
(05:09):
his voice.
Now people are going to argue,and that's not really God and
that's fine, but to me it wasbecause, honey, it saved my life
.
Okay so, and it was a voice Ididn't recognize, and it's it's
only happened a couple of timesin my life and it's just one
word.
It's either, yes, it was, ithappened, just like.
Maybe I can't remember two orthree times in my life that I
(05:31):
heard a voice and it was yes,and it was run.
And the time that it was run Iwas eight years old and I shared
this story with my son isstarting to let him also you
know, he's an adult now to getto learn about that his mom, you
(05:51):
know, and you know his mom'schildhood and stuff.
So I was eight years old, we hadjust moved from Colorado and we
lived in the suburbs ofColorado and we ended up moving
into the inner city of Ohio andbut we didn't, we didn't change
our behavior at all, which welearned very quickly that we
(06:13):
needed to.
So I was walking to school,because I typically walked to
school when I was in Colorado.
So I walked to school in Ohioand there was some guy as I was
walking to school and a manrunning behind me and I didn't
you know, I was a kid, I don'tknow.
I turned, started kept walking,kept walking, so and he finally
(06:35):
caught up with me and he wasbehind me and I was starting to
get scared.
I remember being scared and hestarted touching me in places,
um, and I started walking fasterand and then, you know, he
stopped me and I just froze andhe said, hey, why don't you come
back with me to the uh?
Just froze.
And he said, hey, why don't youcome back with me to the uh,
(06:57):
back here, you know?
And I was just frozen and hecame to grab me and I heard in
my right ear, I heard the wordrun and man, I took off like a
shot, man, I was gone, I was outof there and I ran all the way
to school.
Oh, I'm telling you you, youknow, and then the office called
the authorities and you know,anyway, yeah, so that was that
(07:21):
time.
And so in those cases I'm, youknow you may say it's not God,
maybe it wasn't, I don't know,maybe it was an angel, you know,
god's messenger, but it was avoice I did not recognize and
saved my life.
And the other couple of times,when I heard a strong yes, it
(07:41):
was something that turned outreally, really, really good.
So, yeah, I'm going to say thatwas God, but most of the time I
feel it in my body.
So I was explaining this to myson.
I said, but some people, youknow, they hear it like an
audible, a voice.
Some people might see things,maybe it's a word, they might
(08:02):
see a word or they might, youknow, have a vision.
I mean, this may sound crazy tosome people, but I don't think
it is.
So.
There are different ways that weexperience knowing, the higher
wisdom, the higher knowing thatI believe comes from God.
And so I was explaining this tohim and he said you know, well,
(08:25):
I've been, I've been prayingbecause he's trying to get some
answers to some things.
And he says I just can't seemto get an answer.
And I've been, I've beenpraying for it.
And I said, you know, I said,let me, let me, let me say this
to you.
I'm not saying I hear from Godall the time.
I don't, and a lot of times Idon't hear from him on the
things I really want to hearfrom him on.
(08:47):
I'd like some answers here, god.
And he's like radio silence.
It's like, well, hello, hello,knock, knock, knock.
You asked me to knock, I'mknocking, okay.
But I told him.
I said, but maybe that's wherefaith comes in.
And so when I don't hear fromGod and if there's a decision I
(09:09):
need to make or if there's apath that I'm thinking about
going down or whatever it is andI'm sorry, I'm driving today
because I have an early morningclass so I can't walk.
So you know you're on the roadwith me today.
So I said I pray, that I sayLord, I'm going to give it to
you.
I'm going to give it to youbecause I don't know where you
want me to do here.
I'm not getting a yay or nayhere, so I am going to give it
(09:32):
to you that you are going tolead me and guide my steps,
because that's what you say youdo and you will close any door.
I am not supposed to walk intoand open the doors to the ones
that I do.
And I said, yeah, that's wherefaith comes in, that's where we
just have to go, continue, go,step forward in faith and
(09:53):
believe that God will direct youand an understanding that he
may have.
You take a step in a direction,right, that can then just takes
you into another direction.
It's like you know, I got to godown this road for two blocks
before I take a right to get onthe street.
I really want to be on, and soGod will guide your steps, but
(10:16):
you just have to just have faith.
And and I told him.
I said you know something elsethat really this is a, this is a
lesson that I learned, and myson is a lot like me, so I talk
about the lessons that I'velearned because he and I are so
much alike that I know he'll getit.
(10:38):
A lot of the lessons I'velearned he's now learning.
So I said, you know, gare, mywhole life I always try to force
things to happen, always, andpart of it was probably that I
had to always be in control.
I'm sharing this with you now.
I didn't share this with my son, it wasn't the right time, but
(11:01):
I said, well, let me tell youfirst.
So telling you my, my, mydriving buddy right now.
I'm telling you, you know, Ihad so many control issues
because as a child I had nocontrol.
Meaning I know children don'thave control anyway, but meaning
I didn't have any control overthe abuse or I didn't have any
control over the neglect orthese things that I just didn't
(11:22):
have control over or evenwhether there was food to eat or
not.
And so, as I, when I grew up, Ibecame super controlling, right
, and I had to control everyaspect of my life, the food I
ate, I mean, and that myrefrigerator was full all the
time, even if that meant foodrotted in the refrigerator, man,
we were not going to be withoutfood, you know, because that's
(11:46):
what you know when you grew up,not having any food and you want
that refrigerator stocked, soanyway.
So, but control was a hugeissue for me, and so what I'm
going back to explaining to myson, I said, you know, but I
controlled things almost to mygrave Gare and I, you know,
(12:08):
would just force it and force it.
And I'm like, especially ifit's something I really, really
wanted, like I could, it waslike, oh my God, I got to have
this, I got to have this, I wantthis, I want this, I want this,
I want this, I want this, and Imean every part of my being
felt like I wanted this thingRight, and so I would do
everything I could to force itto happen.
(12:38):
And you know, I guess I got to apoint where I was like I'm not
doing that anymore.
I'm just not going to do thatBecause I'm so busy, or was so
busy, forcing something tohappen it cost me my health or
it cost me money.
I mean, it cost me my time orit cost me my standards.
You know, it never cost me myintegrity, that I would, that I
would never go that far, but Iwould.
I mean the money I've lost andthe time I've lost, and you know
(12:59):
my standards, just loweringthem or compromising my
standards.
For what?
Because I had to have thisthing and I was going to make it
happen no matter what.
And and I thought, you know thatthat's crazy, you know why
would I want to do that?
And a lot of the times, well,actually all the time that I had
(13:21):
to force something, it nevercame out.
Well, you know, there are justsome dreams that I'm very, very
happy never came true.
I'm like Lord, thank you, thankyou, thank you that that dream
never came true.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you, thank you,
(13:42):
thank you, thank you that thatdream never came true.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you, thank you.
Um, there are just some dreams.
We have that man.
We're looking back, we're like,oh, I am so thankful that one,
uh, yeah, that one would havebeen a nightmare, so thank you
that it didn't come true.
But when I stopped forcingthings to happen and so I had
made the decision that you know,after all the craziness that
happened, you know, four yearsago, three, you know three, or
(14:03):
four, four years ago, I guess atthis point, yeah, 2020.
I, like, I'm not, I'm not goingto force things anymore.
I will do the, the, theappropriate, the necessary steps
that are appropriate to do forwhat I want, okay.
But once it starts costing metoo much time or too much money,
(14:28):
or too much stress, or too muchaggravation, or or I lower my
standards and start compromisingon what I want or what it is,
when that starts to happen, thenI go it's time for me to back
up, it's time for me to stepaway from it.
Because at that point I know,yeah, I'm forcing this thing and
(14:52):
it's not going to turn out well.
And I'm not saying you don'twork, we have to do the work,
right.
I mean, you know, I'm notsaying that, I'm not saying you
know, just throw your hands upin the air and sit on your butt,
you go oh Lord's got this, I'llleave it all up to God.
You do it, lord, no, no, no.
God calls us to do our part.
And at the same time, when wetune into ourselves, we know
(15:12):
when it's just gone too far, weknow when we're forcing it to
happen.
And when we get to that pointthat's what I told my son back
off of it, let it be, give it toGod and that's.
I know that's not easy becausewe're like, but I really, really
want this, you know, or I, okay, I get it, do what's necessary
(15:36):
and then give it to God.
Because when we force things andforce things and force things,
boy, I'll tell you, not onlydoes a lot of those quote
unquote dreams that we foughtfor and I'm not saying we didn't
work for it, work for it, butif we got to fight for it, and
and it and it destroys ourhealth and it destroys our peace
of mind and it destroysrelationships.
(15:57):
You know I said, ah, those are,that's a nightmare.
And not only are youpotentially most likely I'm not
going to say 100% guaranteed,but 99% guaranteed of creating
for yourself a nightmare of whatyou thought was going to be a
dream, but now I think God goes.
(16:20):
This is what I think.
I have no proof of this, butjust my opinion when that
happens, because I have theexperience of it.
So I'm just going to say frommy experience and from
experiences from people that Iknow, when we get to a point
that we're forcing so hard, Ifeel that God just kind of
(16:41):
throws up his hands and says youknow, you really want this, you
think you really want this,okay, you can have it.
Let's see what you do with that, let's see how good that goes
right.
And so I think he does that.
I mean that's a whole freedomof choice thing.
Because we're so intent on doingit our way and making it happen
intent on doing it our way andmaking it happen, so we aren't
(17:08):
only could be destroyingourselves in the process of, you
know quote unquote chasing ourdream.
We're also possibly chasing anightmare in disguise, and
what's really awful, awfully sad.
And is that not only are we?
And is that not only are we?
You know, getting a nightmare,what's turning into a nightmare?
What we've actually done isclose the doors, those doors of
(17:42):
opportunity to the real dreamthat's waiting for us, because
we filled our lives so much withso much forcing and making it
happen.
And I'm gonna do this by god.
And I'm not saying we don't workfor things, I'm not saying we
don't strive for things.
I'm saying you know thedifference between what's
appropriate and what is throwingyou completely off track.
When you learn how to listen toyour inner wisdom, that inner
(18:04):
knowing from that higher self,that higher place inside of us,
when we know, tune into that, weknow yeah, no, no, this isn't
right, yeah.
And so at that point we go,okay, are we going to continue
to force this or are we going togive it to God, like, let you
know, okayah, sirah, whateverwill be will be.
(18:24):
And what I told my son is.
At that point I would say it'stime to let go and just believe
that it, if it, if, if it ismeant to be, it will be.
And if it's not, be glad youdidn't force it, because you
could have created for yourselfa complete nightmare.
(18:46):
I mean, come on.
I mean how many relationshipsare you glad didn't work out
Right?
How many jobs and interviewsare you glad you didn't get?
I mean I look back on my lifeand all so many things I thought
I wanted.
You know relationships, jobs,careers, whatever you know
(19:08):
things in my life and I go, ohyeah, that would not have been
good.
And I'm just like, wow, youknow how thankful I am.
Just, ooh, I cringe going.
Oh God, I was so close to that.
Oh no, you know, we can lookback in our lives and see that.
Okay, I won't speak for myself.
(19:28):
I can look back on my life andsee it.
So I just said to my son look,when I decided to give up the
control and again, being acontrol freak, that's hard for
me, I used to be, I'm better atit now.
You know, all things takepractice.
But when I gave up control andI just focused on my faith that
(19:50):
all will turn out exactly asit's supposed to, and I trust,
did I do the work that wasnecessary?
Yes, I did.
I do my little check mark.
Okay, then I've paid those dues.
Right now Let it go.
And that's untrust and that'shard, I know.
And I'll tell you what havingfaith and believing that it's
(20:14):
going to work out the way it'ssupposed to work out.
Well, not only has it thathappened for us, for me and for
my husband.
We decided this on together.
We had some decisions to makethat we would have to be forced
to really make some really, youknow, compromises.
I mean not personal compromisesto our character, but really
(20:34):
financial compromises.
And we're like, really, youknow, and I, you know, forget it
, we're not, we're not doing it.
This, if it doesn't happen, itdoesn't happen, I'm not gonna,
I'm not gonna work that hard forit, I'm not gonna sacrifice
that much.
And it worked out beautifully.
And not only did we get what wewanted, we got it exactly what
(20:55):
we wanted it for.
Financially, it's like holy cow,how'd that happen happen?
Well, because we let go and arewe trusted and that it was
going to happen or it wasn't,and it did, and we were, we got
it.
But we would have been okaybecause we knew, hey, if this
doesn't work out, somethingbetter is down the road, that's
(21:19):
it.
So I shared that with my sonand he said, yeah, mom, I've
been used to forcing things too.
And I was thinking to myself,yeah, gare, I know.
That's why I shared that withyou.
I said, yeah, baby, I know.
I said, you know, try this, just, give it a go, experiment Just.
(21:40):
And you know, if you have totake a step forward on the path,
take it forward.
But just pray to God.
Hey, guide me, please, don'tlet me take one step without you
.
Yeah, and that was ourconversation about what do you
do when the answers just won'tcome.
All right, I don't know.
(22:05):
It helped him, hopefully, maybeit.
Maybe it helps you too, maybe.
Anyway, if it did, let me know.
Let me know, get on, I think weare on spotify now.
We made it, we gotta, so feelfree to contact me there or you
can contact me at my website.
I'm on all the social media, sofeel free to just reach out.
Love to hear from you.
(22:26):
All right, talk to you soon.
Bye-bye.
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