October 11, 2024 • 23 mins
Have you ever enjoyed a simple indulgence only to find it disrupts your well-being more than you anticipated? Join me as I recount a night where a tempting flatbread from a Persian restaurant threw off my wellness routine, and explore how small deviations can ripple into larger impacts on our health journey. It's a story of resilience and reflection, where I learned to navigate setbacks with grace and a renewed commitment to self-care. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that while progress might not always be linear, embracing self-compassion and understanding can help us stay on the path to wellness.
Listen in as I share a poignant tale of empathy—uncovering the untold stories behind people's actions, like a father on a bus facing silent judgment until his personal tragedy surfaces. This narrative invites us to choose compassion over criticism, whether it's towards others or ourselves.
Accompany me on my personal health journey as I celebrate victories like reduced joint pain and improved sleep, even amidst occasional lapses. Through nourishing self-care rituals and mindful reflection, this episode underscores the importance of recognizing our positive changes and approaching life’s hurdles with kindness and understanding.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sharise Parviz (00:01):
Whew.
Well, I had a rough night lastnight, I think.
Last time I chatted here withyou I was feeling great and I
was, and I had two fantasticmeetings went really well.
I've got some plans going for anew project that I'm working on
, and that went really well.
(00:23):
I did a lot of what do we callit?
Brainstorming, and that wentreally well, did a lot of um, uh
, what do we call itbrainstorming?
And that went really well andhad a really good day, got, went
to the gym and worked out andwas just had a wonderful day and
so at yes, last night, uh, well, I kind of, you know whatever
what's called going off thewagon, I went off the wagon or
(00:43):
whatever.
So my husband, once a month hegoes to a political meeting at a
Persian restaurant and heattends many political meetings,
but this one is at a Persianrestaurant and I don't typically
go to the political meetings.
I really don't attend thoseanymore For various reasons, not
that I'm not, you know,supportive of it, but I just
(01:09):
don't want to get that involvedon that level.
I'm leaving that up to him.
This time he's carrying thatmantle now.
I did back in 2008.
Now he's doing it now.
So, but anyway, it's at aPersian restaurant.
And he came home and said honey, I brought you something.
And I told him I said don'tbring me anything from anywhere
while I'm on my cleanse and myat home retreat.
(01:33):
Don't do it, don't do it Right,and we don't eat out a lot, um,
any.
I mean we did when my house wasunder reconstruction, because,
well, there was about two monthsthere specifically that I, like
, couldn't cook at all.
I mean I, it was just my wholekitchen was torn up, right.
So we did have to eat out and Ithink that also caused me to to
(01:56):
not do so well in the past fewmonths, so, which is why I'm
doing the cleanse.
But anyway, so he did.
He came home last night, toldme about the meeting it went
well, which I was happy aboutand then he said I brought you
something.
I said, oh, great.
So he brought me some flatbread.
(02:16):
Okay, so flatbread, flatbreadfrom the Persian restaurant.
I am not a grain person.
I mentioned that to you beforeI.
We don't do a lot of grains.
If we do, I bake all my breadmyself and I either make a
sourdough or I'll ferment myflour or do whatever Um and so
that it's, um, you know breadthat is compatible with you know
(02:40):
digestion, and so then I eatonly organic and do organic
flour or what have you?
Um, anyway.
So of course, flatbread for thePersian restaurant.
I'm not going to turn that down.
So, um, so I had some, and theycut when you go down.
I don't know if you've everbeen to a Persian restaurant,
(03:00):
but they'll serve you flatbreadwhich is usually cut in
triangles, and they'll serve itwith mint and some type of like
a feta cheese or feta likecheese.
And, um, anyway, he didn't bringme all that, he just brought me
some flatbread and maybe thatwas a problem.
I didn't take any fat with it.
But so I had four pieces offlatbread and I thought, well,
(03:24):
pieces of flatbread.
And I thought, well, that's notgoing to hurt me any right?
Oh, okay, yeah, so, uh, let'sjust say I didn't realize or how
well I was doing until I did sobadly last night.
So, um, so I had a few pieces.
I did have them too late.
I had about seven o'clock and Ithink I told you I try to get
done eating at six.
(03:44):
But again, what's?
Four pieces, little fourtriangles of flatbread, Come on.
Anyway.
So I had them and that was theonly thing that I did
differently all day.
So that's the only thing I canum that I can nail this on.
But uh, so I had a terriblenight last night.
I tossed and turned all night.
(04:05):
I couldn't sleep.
I got a headache.
I started hot flashing againgetting hot flashes.
What else?
A headache couldn't sleep, hotflashes oh gosh, and I think
that's it.
Oh, and I'm sniffly again.
(04:25):
So I started out my retreatbeing sniffly and I talked about
and I'm still sniffly, but Iwas becoming less and less
sniffly, it was starting toclear up, I wasn't as sneezy and
itchy.
And then this morning I woke up, my eyes are watery and I'm
extra, extra sniffly.
And when you know, when you'resniffly and, like I said, I've
(04:46):
been sniffly since I startedthis podcast you can't talk real
well because you're sniffly, soit's hard to breathe.
So I apologize, I actuallyprobably sound a lot more
nasally and posy and all thatthan typically I speak because I
can't breathe.
So there's that.
But anyway, I didn't realize.
(05:07):
Well, I guess I did realize thatI was doing better, it was
getting less nasally, lessstuffed up, and I was able to
breathe better until I wasn't.
You know what is that?
The whole thing?
You don't know what you lostuntil it's gone.
Well, there you go.
So something like that, right?
Anyway, I was a littlefrustrated this morning.
(05:31):
I was like, oh my gosh, youknow I'm really super tired
because I didn't sleep and I wasa little frustrated with myself
.
I'm like, wow, you know, Iwanted to.
I started reflecting about thisbecause in my wise and wildness
journey journal that's amouthful, isn't it?
But in my journal that I giveto my clients who are on doing
the nutritional protocol and thewise and wildness way, wise and
(05:55):
wild wellness way, um, whichI'm using right now too, in the
journal I have, you know,questions in there, not only
just about diet and exercise andand poop and all those things,
but also about what's happeningfor you that day, mentally and
emotionally, spiritually.
(06:16):
What's going well, what's notgoing well?
So, obviously, what's not goingwell is that I had four pieces
of bread and all my symptomscame back and I can be really
frustrated with myself and Ican't say that I'm not
frustrated a little.
But the next question in myjournal is for the things that
(06:41):
aren't going so well, forwhatever it is that isn't going
so well, how can you turn thatinto a win, how can you learn
from it?
And that's the important part,that's the way to turn
condemnation into compassion,right Into understanding, into
(07:01):
usefulness, into usefulnessbecause you could condemn
yourself for bad choices thatyou've made.
I mean you could beat yourselfand beat yourself the rest of
your life.
And certainly you know, I'vehad my times where I've beaten
myself for things for years, butit doesn't get anybody anywhere
and, um, there's no realusefulness.
(07:23):
I mean it's good to have regretSometimes.
The regret is good because itreminds you of what you don't
want to repeat.
But you can't live in thatregret because you live in that
regret.
You know I talked about in thebeginning of this retreat about
being toxic.
I felt toxic, right, and toxicbeing from the poisons that
we're breathing in or the foodsthat we're eating, or any of the
(07:48):
chemicals that we'resurrounding around, that we're
breathing in or drinking oreating or what have you.
But toxic also can be ourthoughts, our emotions, that can
leave a toxic burden that cancause illness, that can cause
illness.
So when you are filled withcondemnation for yourself or for
(08:10):
others, you know it's not onlyhurtful to others but even again
, as I mentioned yesterday.
Even if it's not, even ifthey're unaware of your, you
know, being judgmental or you'recondemning them or criticizing
them.
You have that in your spiritand that in your spirit is toxic
(08:33):
.
That in your spirit is dark andit's painful and you can't grow
from that and you can't learnfrom that.
It's better to ask what happenedas opposed to what's wrong with
you.
Why would you do that?
But what happened to make youmake that choice?
What is it?
(08:53):
What's your story?
What is it that made you thinkthat that was a good choice?
I can eat four pieces of breadwhen I knew that I was still
working on cleansing and thatreally is the time for bread.
But that's a real easy, easydeal.
(09:15):
That's not a big deal.
But when you're talking aboutreally condemning and judging
and being critical of yourselfor someone else, usually it's
for something much greater thanfour little pieces of bread,
although it can be.
You know, when someone isjudgmental, you know and I
certainly have been in the pastman, you can find plenty of
(09:36):
reasons to judge somebody, evenyourself, certainly yourself, I
should say.
So the point is is that?
What can you learn from it?
What can you learn from amistake?
What can you learn from a baddecision?
Right, we don't want to repeatit, but what can we learn from
it so that we can use it as a,you know, as a path to a new
(10:00):
direction?
How can we use that to propelus forward?
How can we use that withsomeone else to have compassion
for them?
And to you know, when we judgeothers or ourselves, we put that
person in a box.
Let's just talk about someoneelse for a second.
(10:21):
When we judge someone, we putthem in a box and we kind of
separate them from ourselves.
And it's dehumanizing becausewe stop feeling for them on a
human level, on an emotionallevel, on a heart-to-heart level
.
We start just looking at themas, oh, you know what's wrong
(10:42):
with them, you know they're just, they don't belong, they're not
here, right, and and as Imentioned yesterday, there's a
lot of things to condemn in ourworld today.
I mean, there's a lot of evilin the world.
I'm just going to call it likeit is.
There is evil in this world.
There is an evil, there's aspiritual war going on, and that
(11:03):
is the truth.
You can feel it.
War going on, and that is thetruth, you can feel it.
But those people who are hurting, who are caught up in the world
, who have, who have beendeceived.
We have to be very careful thatwe don't condemn them and we
have compassion for them and I'mgonna cry and I don't want to
cry because they don't reallywant to be able to talk, because
(11:24):
they're hurting.
They're hurting and they'vebeen deceived and they've been
lied to.
And when we just condemn them,we're not helping them.
And you know, whether you're aChristian and I am a Christian,
or whether you just want tobring a more loving energy into
(11:44):
the world, we can't do thatthrough condemnation.
Now I'm going to step back forjust a second and say and I'm
going to put an and with that wecan condemn the evil.
We can condemn the evil Evil isnot to be accepted but let's
(12:05):
not, while we're condemning theevil, let's not condemn those
who have been deceived by it.
Let's try to have compassion,not try.
Let's have compassion, becausethe truth is, when I look at
someone and when I think abouttheir situation and I think
(12:25):
about what is think about theirsituation and I think about what
is.
So here's how you change, orhow I change, and how I a tool
that I use with my clients.
How can we go from condemningand criticizing and putting
somebody in a box and separatethem from us into becoming
compassionate and trying tounderstand them?
Why would we want to first ofall?
Why would we want to?
(12:46):
What do we benefit?
Well, as I said, condemnation,critical thinking, critical
criticism of others all of thatweighs heavy on our hearts and
it is a toxic emotion that, eventhough it may be directed at
somebody else, even if it is, itstill is toxic to our own soul
and spirit.
We can't bring out our best ifwe are toxic physically,
(13:10):
mentally or emotionally,spiritually.
We have to bring out our bestto bring out the best in the
world.
We can only do that throughreleasing these negative, you
know, critical thinking andthoughts.
Now, I think I mentioned I'mnot about all this.
You know critical thinking andthoughts.
Now, I think I mentioned I'm notabout all this.
You know positive thinking crap.
(13:31):
Because they're just putting abandaid, you know, on a gushing
wound, right, and it's, it'sjust, it's not, it doesn't last.
You could only think, you know,think positive for so long
before your brain and he says,yeah, this is bullshit right.
So I'm not about think, youknow.
Think positive, you know,because I think that's toxic,
(13:54):
because we can't deny ouremotions and our feelings, even
the ones that aren't good and weshouldn't.
Those are feelings and emotionsthat are wanting to be heard,
you know and I shouldn't sayshouldn't, but you know what I'm
saying Every part of us.
There's nothing bad about anyemotion that we have.
What makes it bad is ourbehavior in those emotions.
(14:19):
We get caught up in them andwhat we do with those emotions.
I used to tell this to my kids,not only my own kids, but also
my kids.
I taught at my performing artsschool, you know, because we
were able to work a lot aboutemotions in acting classes or
dance classes and bringing inmusicality and emotion to the
art.
And I said emotion.
(14:39):
There's not one emotion that'sbad, not anger, nothing, not
even jealousy, is bad.
These are all.
It's what we do with them.
An emotion is just an emotion.
It's a natural way of being.
We all have them, we all havethoughts, we all have things.
It's what we cling to, it'swhat we dwell on and it's how we
use them.
(14:59):
We could use them to be angry,be jealous and make poor choices
, or we can use them to learnmore about ourselves.
So, going back, though, tocompassion, when we give up the
critical selves, our criticalselves, and give up the
(15:23):
condemning selves and we moveinto compassion, then we're no
longer divided and we can reachout and actually help someone.
So, instead of asking what'swrong with you and you could ask
that's even of yourself you mayask that of yourself what's
(15:44):
wrong with you?
Why'd you do that?
What's wrong with you?
Why'd you do that?
What's wrong with you?
Instead of asking those thatquestion, there's a better
question to ask that'll help youto have compassion for someone
else and for yourselves, and iswhat has happened?
What happened?
What happened to you, or whatdo you believe happened to you?
(16:08):
What are your, what are theperceptions that the person
might have that has put them inthis position, to make these
choices, to be following thispath of deception?
And when we open up and go, wow, you know what happened, and go
(16:31):
wow, you know what happened,then we open up our hearts to
that person and we open up thelines of communication and
understanding and compassion,and then we can open up our
hearts.
When our hearts are open, wecan then now help, we can help
others heal, and everything I'msaying about what you can do for
others also applies to how wecan help ourselves heal.
(16:55):
You know I'm sure you've heardthis story and I'm going to go
ahead and repeat it here, butyou probably you may have
already heard it, or maybe youhaven't.
And the story goes somethinglike this, and there's always a
little, you know, variationwhenever you hear a story, but
this is how I've heard it therewas a man with his boys, his
kids, and they were getting on abus and the kids were super
(17:17):
rowdy and loud.
And they got on the bus, theysat down and the father just
seemed to be in a daze.
And it was a full bus, a lot ofpassengers, and the father was
in a daze, he just seemed to bekind of out of it and the kids
were running up and down the busaisle, making noise, running
into people and just causing allkinds of disruption and people
(17:39):
were getting frustrated.
But behind him sat another manand this other man looked at the
father, was completelyoblivious to what his kids were
doing and he just couldn't takeit anymore.
And this man just said hey,what's wrong with you?
Mind your kids, they're beingdisruptive.
Well, the father at that pointkind of shook himself out of his
(18:02):
stupor and looked and calledhis kids to him and he turned to
the man.
He said I'm sorry, I apologize.
We just got back from thehospital and, uh, their mother,
my, my wife, died.
(18:23):
Well, of course, the man feltterrible we're jumping down this
father's throat and immediatelyfelt compassion and reached out
and, you know, told him that hewas sorry for his loss.
But the immediate, theimmediate change from being
(18:51):
condemning to compassionate isan understanding, and that man
gained an understanding of thisfather's pain.
And so that story, you know, isa reminder to me when I feel
(19:12):
critical of myself or someoneelse.
You don't know what's going onin their lives.
You don't know and you may havealready been there, you may
have been there as well.
So, instead of saying what'swrong, if, if you have the
opportunity, ask what's happened.
(19:33):
If you don't have theopportunity in your heart, this
is what I do, especially whenI'm on the road and if I start
to get critical, and I think youknow what you don't know what's
going on with them, you don'tknow their story, you don't know
what's happened.
And so I'll say a prayer, I'llsay you know, may you be blessed
(19:54):
, may you be whole and hopefullythat energy I believe that
energy from my heart will reachtheir heart.
And not only now am I releasingmy condemnation of that other
person, I'm also releasing thatnegative energy in my own soul
(20:16):
and in my own heart.
So something to think about.
Hopefully.
I kind of went a little bit backand forth in places there.
As I said, I'm not writing anyof this down, none of this is
scripted, so hopefully you'refollowing along.
But you know, I thought aboutokay, well, you know, what did I
(20:37):
learn from this?
Going back to my story of myfour pieces of bread and how I
could be condemning myself andinstead of saying, okay, you
know what's wrong with you, youknow better.
Well, okay, what happened?
Well, what happened is that Igot offered four pieces of bread
and it sounded really good andI thought, well, it can't hurt.
(20:58):
All right, well, that's achoice.
So what did I learn from it?
Right, that's another thing.
What did I learn from it?
Well, you know what I learnedthat I'm not quite ready to eat,
uh, bread from a restaurant,which is okay, because I don't
typically do anyway.
But you know what I reallylearned?
I learned how well I wasgetting.
I learned.
I went back and reflected on allthe ways that I was getting
(21:21):
better my joints.
I wasn't feeling any pain in myjoints because I was going up
the stairs prior to my cleanseand my knees were starting to
hurt and my hips and all that,and I stopped having joint pain.
My joint pain just went away.
My snuffles, sniffles, weregoing away.
I was sleeping through thenight and not tossing and
(21:46):
turning and mind reeling whatelse I was.
I didn't have any more hotflashes until you know, till
last night, and I had a lot ofenergy.
I didn't my head, I didn't haveany headaches.
Wow, you know what I learned?
I learned that I was reallymaking progress, all right.
(22:07):
So now today, all I'm going todo is get back on track.
I know what happened, right.
What caused these symptoms toreoccur.
I know what happened, right.
Looking at it, I give itunderstanding.
I give myself understanding forhaving a moment of going Ooh,
that looks good.
We all been there.
And now?
(22:27):
What do I learn from it andwhat can I do about it?
So today I'm going to stay onstage one for one more day and
just to kind of cleanse out alittle bit more before I add any
other foods into my diet andjust kind of cleanse out the
four pieces of bread and all ofthat and rest.
(22:48):
Today I may not even work out,I may just rest, do some detox
baths or a detox bath Just oneis probably fine, although I
might do two and my enema anddrinking lots of herbal teas and
water, lemon water and justrest and really celebrate how
(23:09):
much better I'm feeling and thatI got to reflect on that
because of this circumstance.
So bravo for me.
All right, have a great day andI will talk to you soon.
Bye-bye.
Whew.
Well, I had a rough night lastnight, I think.
Last time I chatted here withyou I was feeling great and I
was, and I had two fantasticmeetings went really well.
I've got some plans going for anew project that I'm working on
, and that went really well.
(00:23):
I did a lot of what do we callit?
Brainstorming, and that wentreally well, did a lot of um, uh
, what do we call itbrainstorming?
And that went really well andhad a really good day, got, went
to the gym and worked out andwas just had a wonderful day and
so at yes, last night, uh, well, I kind of, you know whatever
what's called going off thewagon, I went off the wagon or
(00:43):
whatever.
So my husband, once a month hegoes to a political meeting at a
Persian restaurant and heattends many political meetings,
but this one is at a Persianrestaurant and I don't typically
go to the political meetings.
I really don't attend thoseanymore For various reasons, not
that I'm not, you know,supportive of it, but I just
(01:09):
don't want to get that involvedon that level.
I'm leaving that up to him.
This time he's carrying thatmantle now.
I did back in 2008.
Now he's doing it now.
So, but anyway, it's at aPersian restaurant.
And he came home and said honey, I brought you something.
And I told him I said don'tbring me anything from anywhere
while I'm on my cleanse and myat home retreat.
(01:33):
Don't do it, don't do it Right,and we don't eat out a lot, um,
any.
I mean we did when my house wasunder reconstruction, because,
well, there was about two monthsthere specifically that I, like
, couldn't cook at all.
I mean I, it was just my wholekitchen was torn up, right.
So we did have to eat out and Ithink that also caused me to to
(01:56):
not do so well in the past fewmonths, so, which is why I'm
doing the cleanse.
But anyway, so he did.
He came home last night, toldme about the meeting it went
well, which I was happy aboutand then he said I brought you
something.
I said, oh, great.
So he brought me some flatbread.
(02:16):
Okay, so flatbread, flatbreadfrom the Persian restaurant.
I am not a grain person.
I mentioned that to you beforeI.
We don't do a lot of grains.
If we do, I bake all my breadmyself and I either make a
sourdough or I'll ferment myflour or do whatever Um and so
that it's, um, you know breadthat is compatible with you know
(02:40):
digestion, and so then I eatonly organic and do organic
flour or what have you?
Um, anyway.
So of course, flatbread for thePersian restaurant.
I'm not going to turn that down.
So, um, so I had some, and theycut when you go down.
I don't know if you've everbeen to a Persian restaurant,
(03:00):
but they'll serve you flatbreadwhich is usually cut in
triangles, and they'll serve itwith mint and some type of like
a feta cheese or feta likecheese.
And, um, anyway, he didn't bringme all that, he just brought me
some flatbread and maybe thatwas a problem.
I didn't take any fat with it.
But so I had four pieces offlatbread and I thought, well,
(03:24):
pieces of flatbread.
And I thought, well, that's notgoing to hurt me any right?
Oh, okay, yeah, so, uh, let'sjust say I didn't realize or how
well I was doing until I did sobadly last night.
So, um, so I had a few pieces.
I did have them too late.
I had about seven o'clock and Ithink I told you I try to get
done eating at six.
(03:44):
But again, what's?
Four pieces, little fourtriangles of flatbread, Come on.
Anyway.
So I had them and that was theonly thing that I did
differently all day.
So that's the only thing I canum that I can nail this on.
But uh, so I had a terriblenight last night.
I tossed and turned all night.
(04:05):
I couldn't sleep.
I got a headache.
I started hot flashing againgetting hot flashes.
What else?
A headache couldn't sleep, hotflashes oh gosh, and I think
that's it.
Oh, and I'm sniffly again.
(04:25):
So I started out my retreatbeing sniffly and I talked about
and I'm still sniffly, but Iwas becoming less and less
sniffly, it was starting toclear up, I wasn't as sneezy and
itchy.
And then this morning I woke up, my eyes are watery and I'm
extra, extra sniffly.
And when you know, when you'resniffly and, like I said, I've
(04:46):
been sniffly since I startedthis podcast you can't talk real
well because you're sniffly, soit's hard to breathe.
So I apologize, I actuallyprobably sound a lot more
nasally and posy and all thatthan typically I speak because I
can't breathe.
So there's that.
But anyway, I didn't realize.
(05:07):
Well, I guess I did realize thatI was doing better, it was
getting less nasally, lessstuffed up, and I was able to
breathe better until I wasn't.
You know what is that?
The whole thing?
You don't know what you lostuntil it's gone.
Well, there you go.
So something like that, right?
Anyway, I was a littlefrustrated this morning.
(05:31):
I was like, oh my gosh, youknow I'm really super tired
because I didn't sleep and I wasa little frustrated with myself
.
I'm like, wow, you know, Iwanted to.
I started reflecting about thisbecause in my wise and wildness
journey journal that's amouthful, isn't it?
But in my journal that I giveto my clients who are on doing
the nutritional protocol and thewise and wildness way, wise and
(05:55):
wild wellness way, um, whichI'm using right now too, in the
journal I have, you know,questions in there, not only
just about diet and exercise andand poop and all those things,
but also about what's happeningfor you that day, mentally and
emotionally, spiritually.
(06:16):
What's going well, what's notgoing well?
So, obviously, what's not goingwell is that I had four pieces
of bread and all my symptomscame back and I can be really
frustrated with myself and Ican't say that I'm not
frustrated a little.
But the next question in myjournal is for the things that
(06:41):
aren't going so well, forwhatever it is that isn't going
so well, how can you turn thatinto a win, how can you learn
from it?
And that's the important part,that's the way to turn
condemnation into compassion,right Into understanding, into
(07:01):
usefulness, into usefulnessbecause you could condemn
yourself for bad choices thatyou've made.
I mean you could beat yourselfand beat yourself the rest of
your life.
And certainly you know, I'vehad my times where I've beaten
myself for things for years, butit doesn't get anybody anywhere
and, um, there's no realusefulness.
(07:23):
I mean it's good to have regretSometimes.
The regret is good because itreminds you of what you don't
want to repeat.
But you can't live in thatregret because you live in that
regret.
You know I talked about in thebeginning of this retreat about
being toxic.
I felt toxic, right, and toxicbeing from the poisons that
we're breathing in or the foodsthat we're eating, or any of the
(07:48):
chemicals that we'resurrounding around, that we're
breathing in or drinking oreating or what have you.
But toxic also can be ourthoughts, our emotions, that can
leave a toxic burden that cancause illness, that can cause
illness.
So when you are filled withcondemnation for yourself or for
(08:10):
others, you know it's not onlyhurtful to others but even again
, as I mentioned yesterday.
Even if it's not, even ifthey're unaware of your, you
know, being judgmental or you'recondemning them or criticizing
them.
You have that in your spiritand that in your spirit is toxic
(08:33):
.
That in your spirit is dark andit's painful and you can't grow
from that and you can't learnfrom that.
It's better to ask what happenedas opposed to what's wrong with
you.
Why would you do that?
But what happened to make youmake that choice?
What is it?
(08:53):
What's your story?
What is it that made you thinkthat that was a good choice?
I can eat four pieces of breadwhen I knew that I was still
working on cleansing and thatreally is the time for bread.
But that's a real easy, easydeal.
(09:15):
That's not a big deal.
But when you're talking aboutreally condemning and judging
and being critical of yourselfor someone else, usually it's
for something much greater thanfour little pieces of bread,
although it can be.
You know, when someone isjudgmental, you know and I
certainly have been in the pastman, you can find plenty of
(09:36):
reasons to judge somebody, evenyourself, certainly yourself, I
should say.
So the point is is that?
What can you learn from it?
What can you learn from amistake?
What can you learn from a baddecision?
Right, we don't want to repeatit, but what can we learn from
it so that we can use it as a,you know, as a path to a new
(10:00):
direction?
How can we use that to propelus forward?
How can we use that withsomeone else to have compassion
for them?
And to you know, when we judgeothers or ourselves, we put that
person in a box.
Let's just talk about someoneelse for a second.
(10:21):
When we judge someone, we putthem in a box and we kind of
separate them from ourselves.
And it's dehumanizing becausewe stop feeling for them on a
human level, on an emotionallevel, on a heart-to-heart level
.
We start just looking at themas, oh, you know what's wrong
(10:42):
with them, you know they're just, they don't belong, they're not
here, right, and and as Imentioned yesterday, there's a
lot of things to condemn in ourworld today.
I mean, there's a lot of evilin the world.
I'm just going to call it likeit is.
There is evil in this world.
There is an evil, there's aspiritual war going on, and that
(11:03):
is the truth.
You can feel it.
War going on, and that is thetruth, you can feel it.
But those people who are hurting, who are caught up in the world
, who have, who have beendeceived.
We have to be very careful thatwe don't condemn them and we
have compassion for them and I'mgonna cry and I don't want to
cry because they don't reallywant to be able to talk, because
(11:24):
they're hurting.
They're hurting and they'vebeen deceived and they've been
lied to.
And when we just condemn them,we're not helping them.
And you know, whether you're aChristian and I am a Christian,
or whether you just want tobring a more loving energy into
(11:44):
the world, we can't do thatthrough condemnation.
Now I'm going to step back forjust a second and say and I'm
going to put an and with that wecan condemn the evil.
We can condemn the evil Evil isnot to be accepted but let's
(12:05):
not, while we're condemning theevil, let's not condemn those
who have been deceived by it.
Let's try to have compassion,not try.
Let's have compassion, becausethe truth is, when I look at
someone and when I think abouttheir situation and I think
(12:25):
about what is think about theirsituation and I think about what
is.
So here's how you change, orhow I change, and how I a tool
that I use with my clients.
How can we go from condemningand criticizing and putting
somebody in a box and separatethem from us into becoming
compassionate and trying tounderstand them?
Why would we want to first ofall?
Why would we want to?
(12:46):
What do we benefit?
Well, as I said, condemnation,critical thinking, critical
criticism of others all of thatweighs heavy on our hearts and
it is a toxic emotion that, eventhough it may be directed at
somebody else, even if it is, itstill is toxic to our own soul
and spirit.
We can't bring out our best ifwe are toxic physically,
(13:10):
mentally or emotionally,spiritually.
We have to bring out our bestto bring out the best in the
world.
We can only do that throughreleasing these negative, you
know, critical thinking andthoughts.
Now, I think I mentioned I'mnot about all this.
You know critical thinking andthoughts.
Now, I think I mentioned I'm notabout all this.
You know positive thinking crap.
(13:31):
Because they're just putting abandaid, you know, on a gushing
wound, right, and it's, it'sjust, it's not, it doesn't last.
You could only think, you know,think positive for so long
before your brain and he says,yeah, this is bullshit right.
So I'm not about think, youknow.
Think positive, you know,because I think that's toxic,
(13:54):
because we can't deny ouremotions and our feelings, even
the ones that aren't good and weshouldn't.
Those are feelings and emotionsthat are wanting to be heard,
you know and I shouldn't sayshouldn't, but you know what I'm
saying Every part of us.
There's nothing bad about anyemotion that we have.
What makes it bad is ourbehavior in those emotions.
(14:19):
We get caught up in them andwhat we do with those emotions.
I used to tell this to my kids,not only my own kids, but also
my kids.
I taught at my performing artsschool, you know, because we
were able to work a lot aboutemotions in acting classes or
dance classes and bringing inmusicality and emotion to the
art.
And I said emotion.
(14:39):
There's not one emotion that'sbad, not anger, nothing, not
even jealousy, is bad.
These are all.
It's what we do with them.
An emotion is just an emotion.
It's a natural way of being.
We all have them, we all havethoughts, we all have things.
It's what we cling to, it'swhat we dwell on and it's how we
use them.
(14:59):
We could use them to be angry,be jealous and make poor choices
, or we can use them to learnmore about ourselves.
So, going back, though, tocompassion, when we give up the
critical selves, our criticalselves, and give up the
(15:23):
condemning selves and we moveinto compassion, then we're no
longer divided and we can reachout and actually help someone.
So, instead of asking what'swrong with you and you could ask
that's even of yourself you mayask that of yourself what's
(15:44):
wrong with you?
Why'd you do that?
What's wrong with you?
Why'd you do that?
What's wrong with you?
Instead of asking those thatquestion, there's a better
question to ask that'll help youto have compassion for someone
else and for yourselves, and iswhat has happened?
What happened?
What happened to you, or whatdo you believe happened to you?
(16:08):
What are your, what are theperceptions that the person
might have that has put them inthis position, to make these
choices, to be following thispath of deception?
And when we open up and go, wow, you know what happened, and go
(16:31):
wow, you know what happened,then we open up our hearts to
that person and we open up thelines of communication and
understanding and compassion,and then we can open up our
hearts.
When our hearts are open, wecan then now help, we can help
others heal, and everything I'msaying about what you can do for
others also applies to how wecan help ourselves heal.
(16:55):
You know I'm sure you've heardthis story and I'm going to go
ahead and repeat it here, butyou probably you may have
already heard it, or maybe youhaven't.
And the story goes somethinglike this, and there's always a
little, you know, variationwhenever you hear a story, but
this is how I've heard it therewas a man with his boys, his
kids, and they were getting on abus and the kids were super
(17:17):
rowdy and loud.
And they got on the bus, theysat down and the father just
seemed to be in a daze.
And it was a full bus, a lot ofpassengers, and the father was
in a daze, he just seemed to bekind of out of it and the kids
were running up and down the busaisle, making noise, running
into people and just causing allkinds of disruption and people
(17:39):
were getting frustrated.
But behind him sat another manand this other man looked at the
father, was completelyoblivious to what his kids were
doing and he just couldn't takeit anymore.
And this man just said hey,what's wrong with you?
Mind your kids, they're beingdisruptive.
Well, the father at that pointkind of shook himself out of his
(18:02):
stupor and looked and calledhis kids to him and he turned to
the man.
He said I'm sorry, I apologize.
We just got back from thehospital and, uh, their mother,
my, my wife, died.
(18:23):
Well, of course, the man feltterrible we're jumping down this
father's throat and immediatelyfelt compassion and reached out
and, you know, told him that hewas sorry for his loss.
But the immediate, theimmediate change from being
(18:51):
condemning to compassionate isan understanding, and that man
gained an understanding of thisfather's pain.
And so that story, you know, isa reminder to me when I feel
(19:12):
critical of myself or someoneelse.
You don't know what's going onin their lives.
You don't know and you may havealready been there, you may
have been there as well.
So, instead of saying what'swrong, if, if you have the
opportunity, ask what's happened.
(19:33):
If you don't have theopportunity in your heart, this
is what I do, especially whenI'm on the road and if I start
to get critical, and I think youknow what you don't know what's
going on with them, you don'tknow their story, you don't know
what's happened.
And so I'll say a prayer, I'llsay you know, may you be blessed
(19:54):
, may you be whole and hopefullythat energy I believe that
energy from my heart will reachtheir heart.
And not only now am I releasingmy condemnation of that other
person, I'm also releasing thatnegative energy in my own soul
(20:16):
and in my own heart.
So something to think about.
Hopefully.
I kind of went a little bit backand forth in places there.
As I said, I'm not writing anyof this down, none of this is
scripted, so hopefully you'refollowing along.
But you know, I thought aboutokay, well, you know, what did I
(20:37):
learn from this?
Going back to my story of myfour pieces of bread and how I
could be condemning myself andinstead of saying, okay, you
know what's wrong with you, youknow better.
Well, okay, what happened?
Well, what happened is that Igot offered four pieces of bread
and it sounded really good andI thought, well, it can't hurt.
(20:58):
All right, well, that's achoice.
So what did I learn from it?
Right, that's another thing.
What did I learn from it?
Well, you know what I learnedthat I'm not quite ready to eat,
uh, bread from a restaurant,which is okay, because I don't
typically do anyway.
But you know what I reallylearned?
I learned how well I wasgetting.
I learned.
I went back and reflected on allthe ways that I was getting
(21:21):
better my joints.
I wasn't feeling any pain in myjoints because I was going up
the stairs prior to my cleanseand my knees were starting to
hurt and my hips and all that,and I stopped having joint pain.
My joint pain just went away.
My snuffles, sniffles, weregoing away.
I was sleeping through thenight and not tossing and
(21:46):
turning and mind reeling whatelse I was.
I didn't have any more hotflashes until you know, till
last night, and I had a lot ofenergy.
I didn't my head, I didn't haveany headaches.
Wow, you know what I learned?
I learned that I was reallymaking progress, all right.
(22:07):
So now today, all I'm going todo is get back on track.
I know what happened, right.
What caused these symptoms toreoccur.
I know what happened, right.
Looking at it, I give itunderstanding.
I give myself understanding forhaving a moment of going Ooh,
that looks good.
We all been there.
And now?
(22:27):
What do I learn from it andwhat can I do about it?
So today I'm going to stay onstage one for one more day and
just to kind of cleanse out alittle bit more before I add any
other foods into my diet andjust kind of cleanse out the
four pieces of bread and all ofthat and rest.
(22:48):
Today I may not even work out,I may just rest, do some detox
baths or a detox bath Just oneis probably fine, although I
might do two and my enema anddrinking lots of herbal teas and
water, lemon water and justrest and really celebrate how
(23:09):
much better I'm feeling and thatI got to reflect on that
because of this circumstance.
So bravo for me.
All right, have a great day andI will talk to you soon.
Bye-bye.
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