March 2, 2025 • 42 mins
First Session in our Embracing Change & Empowering Yourself Series
Are the stories you tell yourself holding you back? In this episode of Shift Happens with Shay, we’re diving deep into how to identify and release limiting beliefs so you can step into a more empowered version of yourself. Whether it’s self-doubt, fear of failure, or old narratives shaped by past experiences, it’s time to rewrite your story and own your truth.
We’ll explore:
✨ The psychology behind limiting beliefs
✨ How to reframe negative thoughts into empowering affirmations
✨ Practical exercises to shift your mindset and take action
✨ Why self-compassion is key to transformation
It’s time to let go of the old stories that no longer serve you and start living a life aligned with your true potential. Hit play and start rewriting your narrative today!
Continue the conversation with Shay on her Instagram, Facebook page, website, and linkedIn! You can also email Shay at shifthappenswithshay@gmail.com if you are looking for insight about your life, send your stories, or request topics you would like to address.
Please note this podcast is not a substitution for therapy, if you require assistance with exploring trauma, deeper relationship issues, or more please reach out to establish care.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there, and welcome to ShiftHappens with Shea.
I'm Shea, your host and licensedmarriage and family therapist.
This podcast is where we diveinto all the shift life throws
our way, whether it'srelationships, mental health,
personal growth, or justfiguring out this crazy journey
of adulting.
Here, we're all about honestconversation, real stories, and
a whole lot of laughs as wetackle life's challenges
(00:22):
together.
This is your space to grow,explore, and feel seen.
So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cupof coffee or a wine, and let's
get ready to shift through itall.
Thanks for tuning in, andremember, no matter what life
brings us, we're in thistogether.
Hey guys, welcome back! I hopeyou've had an amazing last two
(00:43):
weeks.
Tell me, how did we feel afterour last session?
Where, we talked about buildingmeaningful connections.
Were you able to make somemeaningful connections?
Were you able to even reflect onthe friendships you have now?
the relationships you have now.
Did you notice some positives?
(01:04):
Did you notice some negatives?
Did we notice where some changescould happen?
And we had some insightfulconversations with our friends.
To pretty much work on havingthe ideal meaningful Connection.
I am curious to know how many ofyou guys actually stepped
outside of your bubble andtalked to somebody new or even
(01:27):
kept up with your promises toReach out and connect reconnect
with friends that we may havelet go to the wayside So, just
curious, how'd you do?
1 to 10.
Of course, I can't hear you andthat's all right, but still, say
it out loud in your car or whereyou're at.
Rate yourself.
(01:48):
1 being, hey, maybe we could doa little better.
10 being amazing.
I was able to reach out towhoever and it was great.
I'd love to hear those in thereviews.
I'd love for you to tell me yourexperiences.
On IG, and if you didn't feelyou were that successful, so you
(02:13):
rated yourself like somewherebetween a one and a five, don't
worry, it's okay, don't judgeyourself, we are all in
different phases of our livesand how we are able to
reconnect, but it is good toreflect what stopped us from
doing that.
What are some beliefs, limitingbeliefs that showed up for us
(02:34):
that made us hesitant to reachout or reconnect with others or
even make new connections?
This is what we're going to betalking about.
Limiting beliefs.
I want you to really think aboutit.
Limiting the beliefs.
What is that?
It means exactly what it means,right?
Where I have little faith inmyself.
(02:58):
Where I don't believe I have theability to follow through on
certain tasks.
I will say We all have those.
From myself, I've had a lot ofdoubt whether I was enough.
And that can be in many things.
Relationships.
(03:19):
Work even possibly sororitylife.
Any type of friendship groupsand whatnot.
Just wondering, was I enough?
Am I good enough?
Do I need to be prettier?
Do I need to change the way Ilook?
Do I need to change the way Ispeak?
How can I fit in?
How can I get in at the table?
(03:40):
Maybe I'm just not enough.
Not being enough is a limitingbelief.
You not feeling that you'resmart enough.
You not feeling that you will begood at presentations.
You not feeling that you can'tgo for that job.
You telling yourself, well, Idon't have the credentials for
that.
I can never do that.
(04:01):
Oh, I don't imagine myself everseeing myself doing anything
like that.
Those are limiting beliefs.
Like I mentioned, we all havethem.
My emotional wound isabandonment.
That does come from my personalrelationship with my father.
Woo, daddy issues.
Not per se.
(04:22):
Not gonna say my daddy was awfullike I mentioned in episode 2.
My dad was there for mychildhood.
My parents were really greatabout telling me they love me.
Telling me that I'm smart.
Telling me I can do anything.
Telling me that I don't have tobe like anybody else, just be
me, but then of course having totalk about the cultural
(04:43):
differences of what society doesexpect out of African American
women or just black cultural ingeneral.
So though they were telling me Iwas enough, I probably sublimity
subliminally got the message ofam I enough?
Will I ever be enough for theworld?
(05:05):
I'm enough for my parents.
But am I enough for the world?
And then of course as I gotolder, me and my father have
kind of fallen out, so thenthose limiting beliefs of that,
if I'm not good enough for myown dad, how can I be good
enough for any other man in mylife?
Those kind of limiting beliefs.
(05:26):
I'll never be good enough.
My own dad is not even here.
My own dad doesn't want to hearmy stories.
My own father doesn't want tounderstand me, see me, hear me.
So why would any other man wantto?
Why would any other man want mewhen he doesn't want me?
Those were thoughts I was havingaround almost 22.
(05:46):
I was still 21.
So, 21 years old, I was havingthose thoughts.
And, unfortunately, that sameyear that I fell out with my
father was also the same yearthat I experienced my sexual
assault.
Again, the narrative, am I goingto be good enough?
Am I even worthy of arelationship?
(06:08):
Do men only want my body?
Do they not want to know me?
Just all of those so thatanother me being vulnerable with
you guys.
Those are the beliefs I had andit's been really hard working
through those.
I actually was working throughit with my own coach last year
with that wound.
Understanding my woundedmasculinity because even though
(06:32):
I've worked on being softer,Creating a soft life such as,
candles, pleasant feelings,pleasant experiences, luxury in
my own ways.
You never really think about howyou're wounded in other areas
because you're improvingsomewhere else.
And I just saw myself improvingand thriving in all these other
(06:55):
areas.
And didn't even realize I stillhad a very wounded.
Masculinity?
Energy?
Masculinash energy.
I overwork, overdue, overperformed, and I have gotten a
lot better on that, getting,taking rest, because I do
(07:16):
deserve it.
I am not a machine, I am a humanbeing.
But, still sometimes in the backof my head, it's like, go, go,
go, push, push, push.
You still can do better.
And it's not reallyperfectionist and maybe a little
bit, but not truly.
It's not that I'll never beperfect enough for ABC.
(07:39):
It's I gotta be good enough.
I have to be.
So those beliefs that kind ofshow up in your life, but you
can overwrite that.
You can rewrite your narrative.
Rewriting your narrative iscrucial for your personal growth
because this empowers you to letyou know that you are in charge.
Many times we give other peoplethe power to tell us who we are
(08:03):
when it should be the other wayaround.
You know you better.
Even when you're learning andgrowing, you still know you
better because nobody has walkedin your shoes.
Nobody has It's been you for aday, a second, a blink of an
eye.
When you realize you have thepower to reauthor the negative
(08:25):
narratives in your life, life isgonna, it's going to be.
Way more rewarding instead ofjust sitting in the narratives
that other people have for youthat oh, she's so loud.
Oh She's so ghetto.
Oh She thinks she's better thaneverybody else.
Oh, she's selfish.
Oh, she's bougie Whatnot.
(08:47):
Oh, she's not good enough.
Oh, she's overcompensatingwhatever narrative language
people want to put on you.
You don't have to accept them.
Remember that So quick journaltime for you guys.
Prompt time, prompt, prompt,prompt.
What is a belief you've heldabout yourself that might not be
(09:07):
true?
Again, what's a belief you'veheld about yourself that you
feel that's not true?
It's mmm, and think about itmight not be true.
So going into it like I wassaying, limiting beliefs is
shape our decisions.
Limiting beliefs is when we puta barrier in front of us.
We tell ourselves no so manytimes before we actually give
(09:31):
ourselves yes.
We are telling ourselves we donot trust ourselves to succeed,
to overcome, or to fail and getback up out of that failure.
Limiting beliefs Shape ourdecisions.
So we may be more conscious,more cautious, not conscious,
(09:51):
more cautious of the decisionswe make because we're thinking
about what everybody else willthink, what their reactions will
be, how they'll respond, howthey'll feel about us, if
they'll want us still here.
We base our decisions not basedon what we want, our passions,
our careers, our needs, ourdesires.
We're doing it based on otherpeople's beliefs.
(10:16):
And it makes it really hardbecause then it becomes so much
pressure.
Think about that pressure.
It's almost suffocating.
Trying to live up to thisunattainable and unrealistic
expectation.
And sometimes the expectationsare something we created.
(10:36):
The person hasn't even told usthat they want this from us or
they feel this way about us orwhatnot.
They may have said one or twothings and sometimes in any
anxiety and insecurity,insecurity comes into the room
and makes us overthink.
So yeah, there are times wherewe create those unrealistic
societal expectations.
(10:59):
But these Limiting beliefs comefrom childhood, past failures,
and as I mentioned, societalexpectations.
There are times in our childhoodwhere we tried something, and
this is so crucial.
Your childhood is where you aremeant to make it.
Mistakes.
Your parents jobs were to tellyou it's okay to make a mistake,
we're here to guide you, we cancorrect it, we can give
(11:21):
feedback, we can move from here,you can grow from here.
But often times, unfortunately,some children, some people will
hear, you're not good enough,you gotta do better, you gotta
be better than A, B, and C.
No, we gotta be better than Joein the room because, hey.
We are people of color.
You have to be five timesbetter.
(11:42):
No, you can't do that.
No, you have to do it this way.
No, correct that.
Why do you do it this wayinstead of just being nurturing
and letting you be curious asyou figure it out or whatever.
Maybe from past failures.
Oh, man.
I've already failed at this onceor twice.
I didn't like this feeling.
(12:03):
It makes me uncomfortable tofail.
So because we don't likefailing, we don't give ourselves
a chance to leap out on faithabout a new idea that we may
have.
Come up upon, that it just,bing, bing, oh my god, this
would be so cool.
But as soon as this idea comes,you shoot it down and be like,
no, that'd be so stupid to do.
Because so and so did somethingsimilar and they might say I'm
(12:25):
stealing him.
Or so and so said that, that'dbe really stupid.
I heard somebody try to step outand they were dragged.
No, no, no, that wouldn't begood.
If I do that, I'm gonna failagain.
I already failed before.
Who's to say this time will bedifferent?
That, past failures can hold usback.
And when you have those beliefs,you don't take a chance on
(12:45):
yourself.
Like you look at a career andyou want to do something and you
see the list of expectations orsome of the duties and you
automatically count yourself outbecause you don't fit criteria
one and two, but wait, out ofall 10, you fit eight, why is 80
percent not good enough?
(13:07):
That's a limiting belief.
I have to be 100 percent good.
I have to meet all thecheckboxes in order for this to
work.
Limiting beliefs in yourrelationship that you feel you
have to settle because youdeserve this kind of love even
though you imagine a horse and aprince charming you end up
getting the pumpkin and youthink you deserve the pumpkin.
(13:28):
So you just think that well,Again, I'll never be good enough
for any other man.
This is the best it gets.
At least he knows me.
He sees me.
Yeah, he may criticize me alittle bit, but he's only
telling the truth.
It's, it's, it's true.
I just have to.
No.
Letting beliefs keep you therebecause you're afraid that you
won't find love or that someonewon't love you or pay attention
(13:51):
or nurture you.
That all those things youbelieved or heard will be true
and that digs into your selfworth limiting beliefs Dampen
our self worth.
It is like a spear through aheart.
It's straight through Self worthis diminished when we don't when
(14:15):
we don't believe if you can'ttrust you love you Allow
yourself to make mistakes benice to you.
Be kind to you be compassionateWho else will do it you every
time you tell yourself no Youtell yourself you're not worthy.
That's the message.
I am not worthy of this.
(14:35):
And I will never be worthy ofthis.
And that's hurtful.
And it makes me sad.
You'll notice that you don'tbelieve in yourself because
maybe the way you hold yourself.
You don't look people straightin the eye.
You're really nervous in theroom.
You kinda slouch a bit.
(14:57):
You notice that you will take ajab at yourself before somebody
else can and say that it's ajoke.
Like, oh, yeah, I know I coulddefinitely eat a whole bag of
those.
Big back in it.
Oh Girl, why'd you do that?
Self deprecating is superawkward.
(15:18):
First of all, I'll say that noteven just as a therapist, but
even before becoming a therapistI always thought it was super
awkward to see someone attackthemselves when we're just
talking about a friendlyconversation and they go and jab
at themselves and I just end upjust staring like Whoa, why'd
you say that?
It's super uncomfortable.
You either give the nervouslaughter like or you're just
(15:41):
like, uh, You know a moment I'mtalking about.
You all have definitely had one.
You're probably thinking aboutit right now.
But yeah, self deprecation is ahuge sign of that a belief is
limiting you.
So just having, we have thesethoughts.
The limiting belief comes up andwhen it happens, because you
(16:06):
probably already thought ofsomething that came up, I want
you to think If this belief werea person, what would they say to
you?
What is this belief saying as aperson?
Shoot, you probably can'timagine the actual person who
said it to you.
We already know what ourlimiting beliefs will say.
What about a positive one?
(16:28):
What would it possibly say toyou?
Maybe it would say you actuallygot this.
Of course I believe in you.
Remember when you did this oneproject before and it was
amazing, everybody applaudedyou.
Remember when you put so muchwork into it and the outcome was
amazing.
You're so knowledgeable, you'vealways been knowledgeable.
Maybe the belief would say thatinstead of saying that you're
(16:50):
fat, take that time, questionthe belief.
If it was a person, what wouldit say to you?
Self awareness is the first stepto rewriting your narrative.
If you are not aware of how youare attacking yourself or how
the people around you areattacking you, how can you
rewrite a narrative that you'vealready succumbed to and you're
(17:10):
not aware of?
You can't.
So when you start being awareand noticing that, whoa, that's
not right.
Why do I talk to myself thatway?
Why do I automatically defaultto hurting myself?
And most times we do it becausewe rather hurt ourselves first
than someone else get to it.
(17:31):
We want to beat people to thepunch.
And you're not a punching bag.
There should be nothing to beat.
Sit with that.
Just sit with it.
Build this self awareness.
It takes some time.
And it's super uncomfortable.
But we can build.
Awareness through journaling.
(17:51):
Because if you look back on yourjournals, I'll tell you, I don't
know, I look back and it tellsme a lot about myself and where
I was.
Journal about it.
Talk to a trusted friend who hasusually poured nothing but
positivity into you.
You know you've had that friendthat's reached out and said why
do you do that?
I don't like when you do that,girl.
That's not true about you.
(18:12):
Talk to them.
So you can build awareness andwhy do I do what I do?
Who am I really protectingmyself from?
What would beating them to thepunch do for me?
So this is how we're gonna startreframing and rewriting our
story.
Step one would always beidentify the belief.
(18:34):
Write it down.
What is that belief that alwayscomes back?
What is that thought that keepsrunning through your mind?
It is usually our core beliefabout ourselves.
Sometimes it takes a little bitto find out what that core
belief is.
So be curious with yourself.
Don't yell at yourself.
Don't come at yourself.
Don't roll your eyes atyourself.
Be curious.
Ask why?
(18:55):
Why do I do this?
Why do I think I will never bepretty enough?
And, oh because well this onetime in school, duh duh duh duh,
and this person and this personand that person.
Okay, but why did I believe thatperson and this, that, and the
third?
What about them made them more,authority?
Oh, because they were the mostpopular people and they dictated
(19:17):
who said they got to dictate us.
Why were their opinionsimportant?
Because I wanted to fit in.
Why did you want to fit in?
Because I've never fit inanywhere and I don't believe
anybody would want to be withme.
So if people don't want me, howcould I want me?
Bingo.
We've identified the belief.
(19:39):
Write that down, but thenchallenge it.
Ask, is this 100 percent true?
Where's the proof?
Where?
Ask yourself.
And you can write down while youchallenge, or you can challenge
out loud because I do that.
Sometimes I need to bounce off.
Is that 100 percent true?
Are you really undesirable?
(20:00):
Are you really not wanted?
Are you really unlovable?
Are you really the mostincompetent person in the world?
Are you really, will you reallynever be enough?
Because I don't believe thosebeliefs are ever 100 percent
true.
There may have been a time or anexperience, but I bet you
(20:21):
there's also an experience whereyou were enough, where you were
desirable, where you were loved,where you were reinforced, where
you were assured, where you weretold you were somebody's sun and
moon.
I bet you there's a time.
Take that time to challenge it.
It's important we challengeourselves and then step three
you're gonna replace it.
(20:43):
Yes We need to create anempowerment Empowering statement
to shift our mindset.
Yeah, not that I'm Unlovable orthat nobody would ever want me
I'm not meant to be accessibleto everybody.
Only a chosen few are allowed inmy life.
(21:05):
Only a chosen few get to be apart of my counsel because my
presence is a present to theones that love me.
Craft your statement.
Take time with it too.
At first it may not hit a littlebit.
At first it actually might bereally uncomfortable because
vulnerability.
(21:26):
We have to take that moment tobe vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is not a badthing.
Sometimes it just feels cringebecause we're not used to it.
But this is the time for you toreally be vulnerable with
yourself.
Really trust yourself.
Give yourself that space tobelieve.
Take that leap of faith to saysomething nice about you.
(21:46):
Give yourself flowers.
Recall your accomplishments atwork.
Recall positive relationshipsyou were able to create and
currently keep.
Empower yourself and take thetime to remind yourself of all
your positive.
trades your strengths.
You are more than a mistake.
(22:10):
You are more than.
I also am a big fan aboutaffirmations.
I know, I know, they can besuper cringe, but guided
affirmation practices are greatfor rewriting negative self
talk.
It is science.
If you continue to tell yourselfsomething over and over and over
(22:32):
again, you will start to believeit.
It will become a mantra.
It will become your daily thing.
Thought.
And if that is your thought,your thought impacts your
belief, your feelings, and thenthat impacts your behavior.
If you always think that you'renot good enough, or that you'll
never be secure enough, oryou'll never be confident
enough, you will always beunconfident.
(22:53):
You won't have any confidence.
You'll still look down.
You'll still fumble over words.
You'll still think everybody isjudging you.
You will not believe that youcan command a room.
But if you continue to listen toguided affirmations about self
confidence, embodiment, selflove, health, just mindset
(23:14):
shifts, questioning yourself,and I mean in an inquisitive
way.
Not in a demeaning way.
When you have these guidedaffirmation practices, you are
rewriting negative self talk andthen you'll start talking to
yourself positively because inthe beginning it is so hard to
talk about yourself positively.
(23:34):
I don't expect that to be aneasy thing.
It never is because if you'reused to talking to yourself so I
mean pretty much miserablyawful.
You're going to continue to dothat.
You're, it's not going to be,oh, I know how to talk to myself
positive today.
No, you need help.
So I always recommend if youlove reading, go ahead and pick
(23:56):
up some affirmation cards.
Go through them.
Go through a couple of them anddo it for about five to ten
minutes.
A day.
It's daily mindset work.
We got to invest in ourselves.
And this is how we start tellingourselves.
Yes.
When you start taking the time,sometimes it's going to be hard
to do it daily because it's hardto face ourselves and tell
(24:16):
ourselves something positive,something nice, something sweet,
something empowering, but you'reworth it.
You're worth the investment.
So sit with yourself, journalyourself, journal with yourself
and challenge those thoughts,identify the beliefs, where do
they come from?
Who told me this?
(24:36):
Why was it important when theysaid it?
What does that person mean tome?
And, is it true?
Challenger, was that alwaystrue?
When was there a time that thisbelief was not true?
Write the proof.
Write it.
And then again, affirmations.
If you're not quite the reader,I always suggest YouTube.
(24:59):
YouTube is great because lots ofpeople create their own
affirmations on there.
You can just let it play in thebackground and you can repeat
after it, which I highlyrecommend because You need to
start hearing your voice withthose words.
It's okay at first to listen tothe person and let them say it,
but it's more powerful when youstart saying it.
(25:21):
You hear your voice, you areprogramming your brain to
believe the things you aresaying.
You're programming yourself,reprogramming, re authoring it
and creating a new narrativethat we are these things because
we're starting to say them.
It's the first time we've saidthese things with our own voice,
our own conviction.
Do it.
(25:41):
Listen first.
That's fine.
Where you're at.
Don't, don't push yourself toanything crazy, but take that
time to listen and then try it.
Do it with your own voice.
It will one it will cement iteven better because you know
sometimes some of us have toactually say it for it to stick
so say it Visualizations, oohLove these like imagery work ask
(26:06):
yourself questions Like if I wasa courageous woman, what would
that look like?
What would a courageous me looklike?
What would she be doing?
What would she be saying?
How would she be acting?
How does the world know she'scourageous?
And you write that down.
(26:27):
Write down some inspiration.
What are courageous women?
What do they look like?
What do they do?
What is different?
How am I different from them?
Outside of money.
Okay, guys.
Outside of that, look at theirbehaviors.
What makes them different?
What makes you believe that youcan't be that, embody that,
(26:52):
because you really can.
You can be anybody you want tobe.
Be you.
Be strong.
Okay?
It makes it even better thatwhile we're doing that daily
mind work, mindset work, I wantyou to also, because this goes
into our last session when wetalked about those friends that
we got.
(27:12):
Surround yourself with peoplewho uplift your new narrative.
If you got a friend that isalways one upping you, or
embarrassing you in front ofpeople, and bringing up your
past mistakes like it's aplayback, that's not game time.
That's not no highlights.
That person's not for you.
Ctrl Alt Delete.
Yup.
Delete, delete, delete.
(27:33):
Control Alt Delete.
Block.
That person is not for you.
They're here to bring you down.
Mm mm.
So, let them go.
Surround yourself with peoplewho are going to be there for
you.
Who are going to tell you, Yes,mama.
Yas.
Keep it going.
Keep it moving.
Keep it pushing.
Slay, girl.
Period.
I'm telling you.
(27:54):
My friends what we do at timesbecause we're so silly we have
days where we will send eachother little twerk videos and
It's not like twerking in thevideos.
It's like the person is tellingyou like did you twerk today?
Did you throw that back in acircle?
Did you remember that you werethat girl?
Did you remember that you arethat bitch?
Go ahead and be hard today Andthey're fun.
(28:15):
They're always a great break inthe the day Way you are feeling
so low or you're feeling down oryou're feeling tired and it's
just that uplift or you know forinstance my My work bestie and
bestie outside at work She wastelling me how she follows this
one other podcaster who is adoctor.
(28:35):
You guys probably know dr snipeShe follows her stuff and she
saw that she reposted one of myposts and she was like, oh my
gosh girl, like you're reallyout here doing it.
I knew you could do it.
I'm so proud of you.
Look at you getting noticed.
Not that I ever doubted it.
Keep it pushing.
(28:55):
People need you.
People need to hear you.
Like you help people keep beinglike.
Keep being there and it pushesme like you want people like
that because we can already beour worst enemy.
I could do better by myself.
If I wanted to bring myself apity party, I could do that.
Not that I would.
I love myself a little too much.
(29:17):
Putting the hair behind the earand which you guys should too
but we're working on thatbecause we are creating a new
narrative about ourselves.
So It really helps to be aroundpeople who love you and want the
best for you and understand youand let you make mistakes and
not fault you for them that justsay, girl, that's okay.
(29:39):
Let's get back up and walktogether.
Take small actions thatreinforce the new belief.
So if you're going to be, likewe mentioned, our example,
courageous, if you're going tobe a courageous woman.
Then you need to do acts thatyou feel are courageous.
What would a courageous woman bedoing?
Would she be telling herself noto the new opportunity after
(30:01):
she's already researched it andsaw all the pros and cons?
No, she would go after itbecause the pros outweigh the
cons and she's got this.
And not because she knowseverything is gonna fall into
place, but because she trustsherself that if, even if it
doesn't, she will be able topivot and still make it a
(30:22):
success despite what barriersmay come in the way.
Trusting that I can overcome thebarriers.
When it comes to success andstuff, you are trusting yourself
that I will be okay past thefailures.
That's the only way you couldget to success.
Trusting yourself that, hey, ifI fail, it's all right.
(30:43):
Pivot time.
Take a little pivot.
So make sure you're not doingold habits because the old
habits will reinforce the oldbeliefs.
The old habits didn't make youfeel courageous or intelligent
or beautiful or wanted or thatyou were enough.
You got to do the things thatprove to you every day that why
you're enough.
(31:04):
Every time you do those actions,you are telling yourself, yes.
You're worthy.
Yes, you're enough.
Yes, you're worth theinvestment.
Yes, we are so much more thanwhat other people say.
Yes, we don't have to listen toothers.
They don't know us like we knowus.
They didn't do this work thatwe're doing to understand these
(31:25):
beliefs where they came from,this hurt.
They don't understand our hurt.
Why are we giving access topeople?
Who don't deserve it.
They don't deserve access toyour wounds.
Stop it.
That's a very big step and a lotof trust you're putting in other
people more than you're puttingin yourself.
(31:47):
Trust yourself to explore yourwounds.
Explore your hurt so that youcan be stronger from it.
And I am not saying that we allneed to go through trauma to be
stronger.
No.
I'm saying that if you'veunfortunately been through some
traumatic experiences, you'vebeen through some hurt, Give
yourself grace and compassion.
Take time for yourself.
(32:09):
Don't blame yourself.
Stop going on a guilt trip.
It's okay, you don't have to beashamed.
No longer let shame shackle you.
Let it go.
Let that shackle go.
You've always had the key.
But you've been tellingyourself, I don't deserve the
key.
I don't deserve liberation.
(32:30):
But you always did.
You always deserved liberation.
You got the key.
You make the key.
You have the secrets.
You have the secret sauce.
You are the sauce.
That's the secret.
You're the sauce.
So be the sauce, my love.
Be the sauce.
Yes.
How are we feeling about sessionright now?
I just want to do a quick checkin because when we're talking
(32:52):
about these beliefs, I knowsometimes it can bring up
memories, specific memories,specific phrases and words that
we heard that come up in us andthis can be very, it's a lot.
It's heavy and I get that.
I don't want this to be verytriggering at all.
(33:15):
I just want this for you to takethis as a moment of exploration
and to no longer fear yourself.
You're allowed to be curiousabout yourself.
And you know what?
You're also allowed to change.
Just because you made a mistake,Umpteen years ago does not mean
you still have to be punishedfor that mistake umpteen years
ago.
You are as a person are allowedto evolve and transform, to
(33:36):
shift, to pivot, all of those.
You're allowed to change.
You don't have to be stuckthere.
You are allowed.
Give yourself the chance tochange.
Give yourself the chance to besomebody else.
And I'm not saying pretend to besomebody else.
(33:58):
Recreate yourself.
You have the right to rewriteyour story.
Nobody else gets to take thatfrom you.
Stop allowing people to takeyour story from you.
Stop allowing people to tell youwhat your story is, who you are,
what you are, where you're from.
Only you know that.
You know that experience fromfront to back, up and down,
(34:20):
diagonal.
You've lived it.
It's your story.
You get to be the proof for yourstory.
You get to be the overcomer.
You are the main character inyour story.
Start acting like it.
Okay, my loves.
So remember, all of that is justyour past is not defining you.
(34:44):
It doesn't.
You get to always get a chanceto rewrite.
To be someone new.
Every day is a new day.
If you don't like somethingabout yourself, you have the
right, and the tools, and themind, and the goals.
You have all of what you need torewrite the belief, the thought,
or whatnot.
(35:06):
You have the right.
So if you're comfortable, Iwould love for you to share your
biggest limiting belief thatyou're going to let go.
I'll put the question up onInstagram after, you listen and
whatnot.
After the episode drops, I'llpost it on, post it.
(35:28):
Post it.
I'm going to post it on IG.
Definitely.
Come on.
Let's talk about it.
Let's interact.
Let's get into it.
I want us to really get down anddirty with each other.
Get down and vulnerable andshift.
I want you all to realize howbeautiful you all are and see
how strong you are.
Let's confirm, let's believe,let's declare the biggest
(35:51):
limiting belief that we'reletting go.
Let's really think about that.
I know one of my biggest ones isI want to let go of doubt within
my career because sometimes It'snot imposter syndrome, but
sometimes I don't feel I'm doingenough for the clients that I
have, especially with trauma.
(36:13):
And I want to be, there it is,the best trauma therapist for
you guys, or just the besttherapist or the best listening
ear or the heart to, be presentin your life.
And I have to remember that I amalready enough.
So many of my clients have toldme that they're so thankful,
just grateful and appreciate mypresence in their life.
(36:34):
So I know I'm doing enough, butI can't help that I want to do
more for my clients and do morefor you guys.
But I'm letting go of thatbelief and I'm going to believe
more in career expansion.
I'm good enough as I am now.
Nothing wrong with me how I am.
I want to keep learning.
Let me continue to learn andenhance my knowledge.
(36:57):
Not because I'm not a goodenough therapist, but because I
am a therapist who loves tolearn.
I'm a therapist that loves toexpand herself because there's
more to me than what I just doright now.
That's not saying I'm not goodenough.
I am good enough.
I know I'm really good enough.
(37:18):
The stats say so.
Yeah, you know you're allowed tobrag give yourself a brag
session because that will alsohelp you align with the actions
that will reinforce Your newbeliefs.
You're saying tidbit.
Hey.
Hey, so I just want you to knowthat I want you to toot your
horn.
Dang it So yes With that beingsaid, you know I mentioned
(37:40):
vulnerability in here becausethis work is vulnerable work.
We have to dive into thatvulnerability and I'm gonna dive
into that with you guys more inour next episode.
I want us to really work onvulnerability for ourselves.
I want us to understand it.
Like what does that even mean tous?
And what will vulnerability dofor you?
(38:01):
What can it, you know, like, howdoes this help my relationships?
How does this help my careers?
How does this help be the personthat I want to be today?
And we're gonna dive into that.
We're gonna dive into the powerof vulnerability and how it can
deepen our relationship withourselves and others.
And just how it will impact yourmindset and impact all realms of
(38:23):
your reality.
Whether that's family, friends,Romance, careers, family, like
your babies and whatnot.
If you want that, or if you justI'm going to be a forever, rich
auntie, go do your thing, yournieces and nephews, your god
kids.
So we'll dive into more of that.
I love talking aboutvulnerability.
(38:44):
It is something I stillcurrently work on.
We all are.
We're all a loading bar.
We're a work in progress, okay?
And nothing wrong with that.
Take it, okay?
Love it.
Own it.
There's nothing wrong withloading.
Wait until they see you comeout.
But yes, I can't wait for youguys to tune in for that.
You know that big one.
(39:05):
So we'll talk aboutvulnerability on the 16th.
Okay, so with that being said,thank you so much guys Share the
podcast if you loved what youheard today You got some gems or
maybe you thought somebody whocould really use this send it to
them be the gift of hey Justwanted to help you put a little
bit of insight on yourself Iknow we had this conversation
(39:26):
about wanting to change ourlives and I heard this great
podcast and gave us a fewactionable Stuff to do it Share,
girl.
Don't, don't hold.
Don't be a gatekeeper.
Share.
If you guys have specific topicsyou want to talk about, DM me on
Instagram, or reach out to me onLinkedIn or email me at Shift
(39:47):
Happens with shay@gmail.com, Iwould love to hear from you
guys.
I love to hear your ideas, whatyou are struggling with, what
you wanna hear more about.
If you have a story.
Send it to me.
If you're okay with it beingshared on the podcast, let me
know and I would love to giveyou the answers on there.
On the next episode, I wouldlove to have a section of it of,
sorry, I would love to have asection eventually, where I get
(40:12):
to read some of you guys'letters.
Maybe like two, you know, two.
Letters or whatnot and sit thereand give advice like I ask Shay
thing or sip and shift with ShayIt's probably what I would call
it.
Honestly to be quite honest Andwe really get in there and we
will practice this vulnerabilitywork in semi real time I would
(40:34):
love to do that with you guys.
So if you're okay with sharing astory writing a story to me I am
more than happy to share that onhere and then to provide some
things honestly, I also will Notonly do it on a podcast, but
maybe start videotaping myself.
I'm sure you guys probably wanta more engaging and Interactive
(40:55):
like you're just seeing me so itmakes it feel more real for some
people who are visual and I knowI talked about wanting to do
YouTube kind of like you guysvideo podcast.
I'm working on that.
I promise guys.
I promise I will do it becauseit one challenges me from my
vulnerability and it helps youguys It just it's like an in
(41:15):
person session.
I also was like telehealthreally But I'm working on that.
I just got to get my setuptogether.
I want to create the ambianceand I get it.
I know if anything, I'llprobably just do this in my
office.
So you guys can still feel likeyou're in session with me.
But again, thank you guys forlistening.
I appreciate all your support.
Thank you for those who reachedout to me, where your kind words
(41:37):
and tell me how my podcast isdoing good.
It helps you guys.
It helps you guys.
Think you really appreciate thegems you're catching from here
or learning or Even justappreciating my vulnerability.
I appreciate that a lot becauseif my vulnerability helps you to
start to be real with yourself,to ask the big questions, to
(41:59):
explore, I'm happy.
I am learning to be a more openbook.
And I do that because I know myexperience helps other people
and I want to continue to helpyou guys, too.
So again, reach out to me onInstagram at
shifthappenswithshea.
(42:19):
You can find me on YouTube withthe same thing,
shifthappenswithshea.
You can email me atshifthappenswithshea at gino.
com.
You'll find me on LinkedIn atshantaniquemoreking.
Talk to me, chat with me,connect with me.
I would love to hear from youguys.
So definitely reach out.
All right, guys.
I adore you.
See you in two weeks.
Mwah!
Hey there, and welcome to ShiftHappens with Shea.
I'm Shea, your host and licensedmarriage and family therapist.
This podcast is where we diveinto all the shift life throws
our way, whether it'srelationships, mental health,
personal growth, or justfiguring out this crazy journey
of adulting.
Here, we're all about honestconversation, real stories, and
a whole lot of laughs as wetackle life's challenges
(00:22):
together.
This is your space to grow,explore, and feel seen.
So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cupof coffee or a wine, and let's
get ready to shift through itall.
Thanks for tuning in, andremember, no matter what life
brings us, we're in thistogether.
Hey guys, welcome back! I hopeyou've had an amazing last two
(00:43):
weeks.
Tell me, how did we feel afterour last session?
Where, we talked about buildingmeaningful connections.
Were you able to make somemeaningful connections?
Were you able to even reflect onthe friendships you have now?
the relationships you have now.
Did you notice some positives?
(01:04):
Did you notice some negatives?
Did we notice where some changescould happen?
And we had some insightfulconversations with our friends.
To pretty much work on havingthe ideal meaningful Connection.
I am curious to know how many ofyou guys actually stepped
outside of your bubble andtalked to somebody new or even
(01:27):
kept up with your promises toReach out and connect reconnect
with friends that we may havelet go to the wayside So, just
curious, how'd you do?
1 to 10.
Of course, I can't hear you andthat's all right, but still, say
it out loud in your car or whereyou're at.
Rate yourself.
(01:48):
1 being, hey, maybe we could doa little better.
10 being amazing.
I was able to reach out towhoever and it was great.
I'd love to hear those in thereviews.
I'd love for you to tell me yourexperiences.
On IG, and if you didn't feelyou were that successful, so you
(02:13):
rated yourself like somewherebetween a one and a five, don't
worry, it's okay, don't judgeyourself, we are all in
different phases of our livesand how we are able to
reconnect, but it is good toreflect what stopped us from
doing that.
What are some beliefs, limitingbeliefs that showed up for us
(02:34):
that made us hesitant to reachout or reconnect with others or
even make new connections?
This is what we're going to betalking about.
Limiting beliefs.
I want you to really think aboutit.
Limiting the beliefs.
What is that?
It means exactly what it means,right?
Where I have little faith inmyself.
(02:58):
Where I don't believe I have theability to follow through on
certain tasks.
I will say We all have those.
From myself, I've had a lot ofdoubt whether I was enough.
And that can be in many things.
Relationships.
(03:19):
Work even possibly sororitylife.
Any type of friendship groupsand whatnot.
Just wondering, was I enough?
Am I good enough?
Do I need to be prettier?
Do I need to change the way Ilook?
Do I need to change the way Ispeak?
How can I fit in?
How can I get in at the table?
(03:40):
Maybe I'm just not enough.
Not being enough is a limitingbelief.
You not feeling that you'resmart enough.
You not feeling that you will begood at presentations.
You not feeling that you can'tgo for that job.
You telling yourself, well, Idon't have the credentials for
that.
I can never do that.
(04:01):
Oh, I don't imagine myself everseeing myself doing anything
like that.
Those are limiting beliefs.
Like I mentioned, we all havethem.
My emotional wound isabandonment.
That does come from my personalrelationship with my father.
Woo, daddy issues.
Not per se.
(04:22):
Not gonna say my daddy was awfullike I mentioned in episode 2.
My dad was there for mychildhood.
My parents were really greatabout telling me they love me.
Telling me that I'm smart.
Telling me I can do anything.
Telling me that I don't have tobe like anybody else, just be
me, but then of course having totalk about the cultural
(04:43):
differences of what society doesexpect out of African American
women or just black cultural ingeneral.
So though they were telling me Iwas enough, I probably sublimity
subliminally got the message ofam I enough?
Will I ever be enough for theworld?
(05:05):
I'm enough for my parents.
But am I enough for the world?
And then of course as I gotolder, me and my father have
kind of fallen out, so thenthose limiting beliefs of that,
if I'm not good enough for myown dad, how can I be good
enough for any other man in mylife?
Those kind of limiting beliefs.
(05:26):
I'll never be good enough.
My own dad is not even here.
My own dad doesn't want to hearmy stories.
My own father doesn't want tounderstand me, see me, hear me.
So why would any other man wantto?
Why would any other man want mewhen he doesn't want me?
Those were thoughts I was havingaround almost 22.
(05:46):
I was still 21.
So, 21 years old, I was havingthose thoughts.
And, unfortunately, that sameyear that I fell out with my
father was also the same yearthat I experienced my sexual
assault.
Again, the narrative, am I goingto be good enough?
Am I even worthy of arelationship?
(06:08):
Do men only want my body?
Do they not want to know me?
Just all of those so thatanother me being vulnerable with
you guys.
Those are the beliefs I had andit's been really hard working
through those.
I actually was working throughit with my own coach last year
with that wound.
Understanding my woundedmasculinity because even though
(06:32):
I've worked on being softer,Creating a soft life such as,
candles, pleasant feelings,pleasant experiences, luxury in
my own ways.
You never really think about howyou're wounded in other areas
because you're improvingsomewhere else.
And I just saw myself improvingand thriving in all these other
(06:55):
areas.
And didn't even realize I stillhad a very wounded.
Masculinity?
Energy?
Masculinash energy.
I overwork, overdue, overperformed, and I have gotten a
lot better on that, getting,taking rest, because I do
(07:16):
deserve it.
I am not a machine, I am a humanbeing.
But, still sometimes in the backof my head, it's like, go, go,
go, push, push, push.
You still can do better.
And it's not reallyperfectionist and maybe a little
bit, but not truly.
It's not that I'll never beperfect enough for ABC.
(07:39):
It's I gotta be good enough.
I have to be.
So those beliefs that kind ofshow up in your life, but you
can overwrite that.
You can rewrite your narrative.
Rewriting your narrative iscrucial for your personal growth
because this empowers you to letyou know that you are in charge.
Many times we give other peoplethe power to tell us who we are
(08:03):
when it should be the other wayaround.
You know you better.
Even when you're learning andgrowing, you still know you
better because nobody has walkedin your shoes.
Nobody has It's been you for aday, a second, a blink of an
eye.
When you realize you have thepower to reauthor the negative
(08:25):
narratives in your life, life isgonna, it's going to be.
Way more rewarding instead ofjust sitting in the narratives
that other people have for youthat oh, she's so loud.
Oh She's so ghetto.
Oh She thinks she's better thaneverybody else.
Oh, she's selfish.
Oh, she's bougie Whatnot.
(08:47):
Oh, she's not good enough.
Oh, she's overcompensatingwhatever narrative language
people want to put on you.
You don't have to accept them.
Remember that So quick journaltime for you guys.
Prompt time, prompt, prompt,prompt.
What is a belief you've heldabout yourself that might not be
(09:07):
true?
Again, what's a belief you'veheld about yourself that you
feel that's not true?
It's mmm, and think about itmight not be true.
So going into it like I wassaying, limiting beliefs is
shape our decisions.
Limiting beliefs is when we puta barrier in front of us.
We tell ourselves no so manytimes before we actually give
(09:31):
ourselves yes.
We are telling ourselves we donot trust ourselves to succeed,
to overcome, or to fail and getback up out of that failure.
Limiting beliefs Shape ourdecisions.
So we may be more conscious,more cautious, not conscious,
(09:51):
more cautious of the decisionswe make because we're thinking
about what everybody else willthink, what their reactions will
be, how they'll respond, howthey'll feel about us, if
they'll want us still here.
We base our decisions not basedon what we want, our passions,
our careers, our needs, ourdesires.
We're doing it based on otherpeople's beliefs.
(10:16):
And it makes it really hardbecause then it becomes so much
pressure.
Think about that pressure.
It's almost suffocating.
Trying to live up to thisunattainable and unrealistic
expectation.
And sometimes the expectationsare something we created.
(10:36):
The person hasn't even told usthat they want this from us or
they feel this way about us orwhatnot.
They may have said one or twothings and sometimes in any
anxiety and insecurity,insecurity comes into the room
and makes us overthink.
So yeah, there are times wherewe create those unrealistic
societal expectations.
(10:59):
But these Limiting beliefs comefrom childhood, past failures,
and as I mentioned, societalexpectations.
There are times in our childhoodwhere we tried something, and
this is so crucial.
Your childhood is where you aremeant to make it.
Mistakes.
Your parents jobs were to tellyou it's okay to make a mistake,
we're here to guide you, we cancorrect it, we can give
(11:21):
feedback, we can move from here,you can grow from here.
But often times, unfortunately,some children, some people will
hear, you're not good enough,you gotta do better, you gotta
be better than A, B, and C.
No, we gotta be better than Joein the room because, hey.
We are people of color.
You have to be five timesbetter.
(11:42):
No, you can't do that.
No, you have to do it this way.
No, correct that.
Why do you do it this wayinstead of just being nurturing
and letting you be curious asyou figure it out or whatever.
Maybe from past failures.
Oh, man.
I've already failed at this onceor twice.
I didn't like this feeling.
(12:03):
It makes me uncomfortable tofail.
So because we don't likefailing, we don't give ourselves
a chance to leap out on faithabout a new idea that we may
have.
Come up upon, that it just,bing, bing, oh my god, this
would be so cool.
But as soon as this idea comes,you shoot it down and be like,
no, that'd be so stupid to do.
Because so and so did somethingsimilar and they might say I'm
(12:25):
stealing him.
Or so and so said that, that'dbe really stupid.
I heard somebody try to step outand they were dragged.
No, no, no, that wouldn't begood.
If I do that, I'm gonna failagain.
I already failed before.
Who's to say this time will bedifferent?
That, past failures can hold usback.
And when you have those beliefs,you don't take a chance on
(12:45):
yourself.
Like you look at a career andyou want to do something and you
see the list of expectations orsome of the duties and you
automatically count yourself outbecause you don't fit criteria
one and two, but wait, out ofall 10, you fit eight, why is 80
percent not good enough?
(13:07):
That's a limiting belief.
I have to be 100 percent good.
I have to meet all thecheckboxes in order for this to
work.
Limiting beliefs in yourrelationship that you feel you
have to settle because youdeserve this kind of love even
though you imagine a horse and aprince charming you end up
getting the pumpkin and youthink you deserve the pumpkin.
(13:28):
So you just think that well,Again, I'll never be good enough
for any other man.
This is the best it gets.
At least he knows me.
He sees me.
Yeah, he may criticize me alittle bit, but he's only
telling the truth.
It's, it's, it's true.
I just have to.
No.
Letting beliefs keep you therebecause you're afraid that you
won't find love or that someonewon't love you or pay attention
(13:51):
or nurture you.
That all those things youbelieved or heard will be true
and that digs into your selfworth limiting beliefs Dampen
our self worth.
It is like a spear through aheart.
It's straight through Self worthis diminished when we don't when
(14:15):
we don't believe if you can'ttrust you love you Allow
yourself to make mistakes benice to you.
Be kind to you be compassionateWho else will do it you every
time you tell yourself no Youtell yourself you're not worthy.
That's the message.
I am not worthy of this.
(14:35):
And I will never be worthy ofthis.
And that's hurtful.
And it makes me sad.
You'll notice that you don'tbelieve in yourself because
maybe the way you hold yourself.
You don't look people straightin the eye.
You're really nervous in theroom.
You kinda slouch a bit.
(14:57):
You notice that you will take ajab at yourself before somebody
else can and say that it's ajoke.
Like, oh, yeah, I know I coulddefinitely eat a whole bag of
those.
Big back in it.
Oh Girl, why'd you do that?
Self deprecating is superawkward.
(15:18):
First of all, I'll say that noteven just as a therapist, but
even before becoming a therapistI always thought it was super
awkward to see someone attackthemselves when we're just
talking about a friendlyconversation and they go and jab
at themselves and I just end upjust staring like Whoa, why'd
you say that?
It's super uncomfortable.
You either give the nervouslaughter like or you're just
(15:41):
like, uh, You know a moment I'mtalking about.
You all have definitely had one.
You're probably thinking aboutit right now.
But yeah, self deprecation is ahuge sign of that a belief is
limiting you.
So just having, we have thesethoughts.
The limiting belief comes up andwhen it happens, because you
(16:06):
probably already thought ofsomething that came up, I want
you to think If this belief werea person, what would they say to
you?
What is this belief saying as aperson?
Shoot, you probably can'timagine the actual person who
said it to you.
We already know what ourlimiting beliefs will say.
What about a positive one?
(16:28):
What would it possibly say toyou?
Maybe it would say you actuallygot this.
Of course I believe in you.
Remember when you did this oneproject before and it was
amazing, everybody applaudedyou.
Remember when you put so muchwork into it and the outcome was
amazing.
You're so knowledgeable, you'vealways been knowledgeable.
Maybe the belief would say thatinstead of saying that you're
(16:50):
fat, take that time, questionthe belief.
If it was a person, what wouldit say to you?
Self awareness is the first stepto rewriting your narrative.
If you are not aware of how youare attacking yourself or how
the people around you areattacking you, how can you
rewrite a narrative that you'vealready succumbed to and you're
(17:10):
not aware of?
You can't.
So when you start being awareand noticing that, whoa, that's
not right.
Why do I talk to myself thatway?
Why do I automatically defaultto hurting myself?
And most times we do it becausewe rather hurt ourselves first
than someone else get to it.
(17:31):
We want to beat people to thepunch.
And you're not a punching bag.
There should be nothing to beat.
Sit with that.
Just sit with it.
Build this self awareness.
It takes some time.
And it's super uncomfortable.
But we can build.
Awareness through journaling.
(17:51):
Because if you look back on yourjournals, I'll tell you, I don't
know, I look back and it tellsme a lot about myself and where
I was.
Journal about it.
Talk to a trusted friend who hasusually poured nothing but
positivity into you.
You know you've had that friendthat's reached out and said why
do you do that?
I don't like when you do that,girl.
That's not true about you.
(18:12):
Talk to them.
So you can build awareness andwhy do I do what I do?
Who am I really protectingmyself from?
What would beating them to thepunch do for me?
So this is how we're gonna startreframing and rewriting our
story.
Step one would always beidentify the belief.
(18:34):
Write it down.
What is that belief that alwayscomes back?
What is that thought that keepsrunning through your mind?
It is usually our core beliefabout ourselves.
Sometimes it takes a little bitto find out what that core
belief is.
So be curious with yourself.
Don't yell at yourself.
Don't come at yourself.
Don't roll your eyes atyourself.
Be curious.
Ask why?
(18:55):
Why do I do this?
Why do I think I will never bepretty enough?
And, oh because well this onetime in school, duh duh duh duh,
and this person and this personand that person.
Okay, but why did I believe thatperson and this, that, and the
third?
What about them made them more,authority?
Oh, because they were the mostpopular people and they dictated
(19:17):
who said they got to dictate us.
Why were their opinionsimportant?
Because I wanted to fit in.
Why did you want to fit in?
Because I've never fit inanywhere and I don't believe
anybody would want to be withme.
So if people don't want me, howcould I want me?
Bingo.
We've identified the belief.
(19:39):
Write that down, but thenchallenge it.
Ask, is this 100 percent true?
Where's the proof?
Where?
Ask yourself.
And you can write down while youchallenge, or you can challenge
out loud because I do that.
Sometimes I need to bounce off.
Is that 100 percent true?
Are you really undesirable?
(20:00):
Are you really not wanted?
Are you really unlovable?
Are you really the mostincompetent person in the world?
Are you really, will you reallynever be enough?
Because I don't believe thosebeliefs are ever 100 percent
true.
There may have been a time or anexperience, but I bet you
(20:21):
there's also an experience whereyou were enough, where you were
desirable, where you were loved,where you were reinforced, where
you were assured, where you weretold you were somebody's sun and
moon.
I bet you there's a time.
Take that time to challenge it.
It's important we challengeourselves and then step three
you're gonna replace it.
(20:43):
Yes We need to create anempowerment Empowering statement
to shift our mindset.
Yeah, not that I'm Unlovable orthat nobody would ever want me
I'm not meant to be accessibleto everybody.
Only a chosen few are allowed inmy life.
(21:05):
Only a chosen few get to be apart of my counsel because my
presence is a present to theones that love me.
Craft your statement.
Take time with it too.
At first it may not hit a littlebit.
At first it actually might bereally uncomfortable because
vulnerability.
(21:26):
We have to take that moment tobe vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is not a badthing.
Sometimes it just feels cringebecause we're not used to it.
But this is the time for you toreally be vulnerable with
yourself.
Really trust yourself.
Give yourself that space tobelieve.
Take that leap of faith to saysomething nice about you.
(21:46):
Give yourself flowers.
Recall your accomplishments atwork.
Recall positive relationshipsyou were able to create and
currently keep.
Empower yourself and take thetime to remind yourself of all
your positive.
trades your strengths.
You are more than a mistake.
(22:10):
You are more than.
I also am a big fan aboutaffirmations.
I know, I know, they can besuper cringe, but guided
affirmation practices are greatfor rewriting negative self
talk.
It is science.
If you continue to tell yourselfsomething over and over and over
(22:32):
again, you will start to believeit.
It will become a mantra.
It will become your daily thing.
Thought.
And if that is your thought,your thought impacts your
belief, your feelings, and thenthat impacts your behavior.
If you always think that you'renot good enough, or that you'll
never be secure enough, oryou'll never be confident
enough, you will always beunconfident.
(22:53):
You won't have any confidence.
You'll still look down.
You'll still fumble over words.
You'll still think everybody isjudging you.
You will not believe that youcan command a room.
But if you continue to listen toguided affirmations about self
confidence, embodiment, selflove, health, just mindset
(23:14):
shifts, questioning yourself,and I mean in an inquisitive
way.
Not in a demeaning way.
When you have these guidedaffirmation practices, you are
rewriting negative self talk andthen you'll start talking to
yourself positively because inthe beginning it is so hard to
talk about yourself positively.
(23:34):
I don't expect that to be aneasy thing.
It never is because if you'reused to talking to yourself so I
mean pretty much miserablyawful.
You're going to continue to dothat.
You're, it's not going to be,oh, I know how to talk to myself
positive today.
No, you need help.
So I always recommend if youlove reading, go ahead and pick
(23:56):
up some affirmation cards.
Go through them.
Go through a couple of them anddo it for about five to ten
minutes.
A day.
It's daily mindset work.
We got to invest in ourselves.
And this is how we start tellingourselves.
Yes.
When you start taking the time,sometimes it's going to be hard
to do it daily because it's hardto face ourselves and tell
(24:16):
ourselves something positive,something nice, something sweet,
something empowering, but you'reworth it.
You're worth the investment.
So sit with yourself, journalyourself, journal with yourself
and challenge those thoughts,identify the beliefs, where do
they come from?
Who told me this?
(24:36):
Why was it important when theysaid it?
What does that person mean tome?
And, is it true?
Challenger, was that alwaystrue?
When was there a time that thisbelief was not true?
Write the proof.
Write it.
And then again, affirmations.
If you're not quite the reader,I always suggest YouTube.
(24:59):
YouTube is great because lots ofpeople create their own
affirmations on there.
You can just let it play in thebackground and you can repeat
after it, which I highlyrecommend because You need to
start hearing your voice withthose words.
It's okay at first to listen tothe person and let them say it,
but it's more powerful when youstart saying it.
(25:21):
You hear your voice, you areprogramming your brain to
believe the things you aresaying.
You're programming yourself,reprogramming, re authoring it
and creating a new narrativethat we are these things because
we're starting to say them.
It's the first time we've saidthese things with our own voice,
our own conviction.
Do it.
(25:41):
Listen first.
That's fine.
Where you're at.
Don't, don't push yourself toanything crazy, but take that
time to listen and then try it.
Do it with your own voice.
It will one it will cement iteven better because you know
sometimes some of us have toactually say it for it to stick
so say it Visualizations, oohLove these like imagery work ask
(26:06):
yourself questions Like if I wasa courageous woman, what would
that look like?
What would a courageous me looklike?
What would she be doing?
What would she be saying?
How would she be acting?
How does the world know she'scourageous?
And you write that down.
(26:27):
Write down some inspiration.
What are courageous women?
What do they look like?
What do they do?
What is different?
How am I different from them?
Outside of money.
Okay, guys.
Outside of that, look at theirbehaviors.
What makes them different?
What makes you believe that youcan't be that, embody that,
(26:52):
because you really can.
You can be anybody you want tobe.
Be you.
Be strong.
Okay?
It makes it even better thatwhile we're doing that daily
mind work, mindset work, I wantyou to also, because this goes
into our last session when wetalked about those friends that
we got.
(27:12):
Surround yourself with peoplewho uplift your new narrative.
If you got a friend that isalways one upping you, or
embarrassing you in front ofpeople, and bringing up your
past mistakes like it's aplayback, that's not game time.
That's not no highlights.
That person's not for you.
Ctrl Alt Delete.
Yup.
Delete, delete, delete.
(27:33):
Control Alt Delete.
Block.
That person is not for you.
They're here to bring you down.
Mm mm.
So, let them go.
Surround yourself with peoplewho are going to be there for
you.
Who are going to tell you, Yes,mama.
Yas.
Keep it going.
Keep it moving.
Keep it pushing.
Slay, girl.
Period.
I'm telling you.
(27:54):
My friends what we do at timesbecause we're so silly we have
days where we will send eachother little twerk videos and
It's not like twerking in thevideos.
It's like the person is tellingyou like did you twerk today?
Did you throw that back in acircle?
Did you remember that you werethat girl?
Did you remember that you arethat bitch?
Go ahead and be hard today Andthey're fun.
(28:15):
They're always a great break inthe the day Way you are feeling
so low or you're feeling down oryou're feeling tired and it's
just that uplift or you know forinstance my My work bestie and
bestie outside at work She wastelling me how she follows this
one other podcaster who is adoctor.
(28:35):
You guys probably know dr snipeShe follows her stuff and she
saw that she reposted one of myposts and she was like, oh my
gosh girl, like you're reallyout here doing it.
I knew you could do it.
I'm so proud of you.
Look at you getting noticed.
Not that I ever doubted it.
Keep it pushing.
(28:55):
People need you.
People need to hear you.
Like you help people keep beinglike.
Keep being there and it pushesme like you want people like
that because we can already beour worst enemy.
I could do better by myself.
If I wanted to bring myself apity party, I could do that.
Not that I would.
I love myself a little too much.
(29:17):
Putting the hair behind the earand which you guys should too
but we're working on thatbecause we are creating a new
narrative about ourselves.
So It really helps to be aroundpeople who love you and want the
best for you and understand youand let you make mistakes and
not fault you for them that justsay, girl, that's okay.
(29:39):
Let's get back up and walktogether.
Take small actions thatreinforce the new belief.
So if you're going to be, likewe mentioned, our example,
courageous, if you're going tobe a courageous woman.
Then you need to do acts thatyou feel are courageous.
What would a courageous woman bedoing?
Would she be telling herself noto the new opportunity after
(30:01):
she's already researched it andsaw all the pros and cons?
No, she would go after itbecause the pros outweigh the
cons and she's got this.
And not because she knowseverything is gonna fall into
place, but because she trustsherself that if, even if it
doesn't, she will be able topivot and still make it a
(30:22):
success despite what barriersmay come in the way.
Trusting that I can overcome thebarriers.
When it comes to success andstuff, you are trusting yourself
that I will be okay past thefailures.
That's the only way you couldget to success.
Trusting yourself that, hey, ifI fail, it's all right.
(30:43):
Pivot time.
Take a little pivot.
So make sure you're not doingold habits because the old
habits will reinforce the oldbeliefs.
The old habits didn't make youfeel courageous or intelligent
or beautiful or wanted or thatyou were enough.
You got to do the things thatprove to you every day that why
you're enough.
(31:04):
Every time you do those actions,you are telling yourself, yes.
You're worthy.
Yes, you're enough.
Yes, you're worth theinvestment.
Yes, we are so much more thanwhat other people say.
Yes, we don't have to listen toothers.
They don't know us like we knowus.
They didn't do this work thatwe're doing to understand these
(31:25):
beliefs where they came from,this hurt.
They don't understand our hurt.
Why are we giving access topeople?
Who don't deserve it.
They don't deserve access toyour wounds.
Stop it.
That's a very big step and a lotof trust you're putting in other
people more than you're puttingin yourself.
(31:47):
Trust yourself to explore yourwounds.
Explore your hurt so that youcan be stronger from it.
And I am not saying that we allneed to go through trauma to be
stronger.
No.
I'm saying that if you'veunfortunately been through some
traumatic experiences, you'vebeen through some hurt, Give
yourself grace and compassion.
Take time for yourself.
(32:09):
Don't blame yourself.
Stop going on a guilt trip.
It's okay, you don't have to beashamed.
No longer let shame shackle you.
Let it go.
Let that shackle go.
You've always had the key.
But you've been tellingyourself, I don't deserve the
key.
I don't deserve liberation.
(32:30):
But you always did.
You always deserved liberation.
You got the key.
You make the key.
You have the secrets.
You have the secret sauce.
You are the sauce.
That's the secret.
You're the sauce.
So be the sauce, my love.
Be the sauce.
Yes.
How are we feeling about sessionright now?
I just want to do a quick checkin because when we're talking
(32:52):
about these beliefs, I knowsometimes it can bring up
memories, specific memories,specific phrases and words that
we heard that come up in us andthis can be very, it's a lot.
It's heavy and I get that.
I don't want this to be verytriggering at all.
(33:15):
I just want this for you to takethis as a moment of exploration
and to no longer fear yourself.
You're allowed to be curiousabout yourself.
And you know what?
You're also allowed to change.
Just because you made a mistake,Umpteen years ago does not mean
you still have to be punishedfor that mistake umpteen years
ago.
You are as a person are allowedto evolve and transform, to
(33:36):
shift, to pivot, all of those.
You're allowed to change.
You don't have to be stuckthere.
You are allowed.
Give yourself the chance tochange.
Give yourself the chance to besomebody else.
And I'm not saying pretend to besomebody else.
(33:58):
Recreate yourself.
You have the right to rewriteyour story.
Nobody else gets to take thatfrom you.
Stop allowing people to takeyour story from you.
Stop allowing people to tell youwhat your story is, who you are,
what you are, where you're from.
Only you know that.
You know that experience fromfront to back, up and down,
(34:20):
diagonal.
You've lived it.
It's your story.
You get to be the proof for yourstory.
You get to be the overcomer.
You are the main character inyour story.
Start acting like it.
Okay, my loves.
So remember, all of that is justyour past is not defining you.
(34:44):
It doesn't.
You get to always get a chanceto rewrite.
To be someone new.
Every day is a new day.
If you don't like somethingabout yourself, you have the
right, and the tools, and themind, and the goals.
You have all of what you need torewrite the belief, the thought,
or whatnot.
(35:06):
You have the right.
So if you're comfortable, Iwould love for you to share your
biggest limiting belief thatyou're going to let go.
I'll put the question up onInstagram after, you listen and
whatnot.
After the episode drops, I'llpost it on, post it.
(35:28):
Post it.
I'm going to post it on IG.
Definitely.
Come on.
Let's talk about it.
Let's interact.
Let's get into it.
I want us to really get down anddirty with each other.
Get down and vulnerable andshift.
I want you all to realize howbeautiful you all are and see
how strong you are.
Let's confirm, let's believe,let's declare the biggest
(35:51):
limiting belief that we'reletting go.
Let's really think about that.
I know one of my biggest ones isI want to let go of doubt within
my career because sometimes It'snot imposter syndrome, but
sometimes I don't feel I'm doingenough for the clients that I
have, especially with trauma.
(36:13):
And I want to be, there it is,the best trauma therapist for
you guys, or just the besttherapist or the best listening
ear or the heart to, be presentin your life.
And I have to remember that I amalready enough.
So many of my clients have toldme that they're so thankful,
just grateful and appreciate mypresence in their life.
(36:34):
So I know I'm doing enough, butI can't help that I want to do
more for my clients and do morefor you guys.
But I'm letting go of thatbelief and I'm going to believe
more in career expansion.
I'm good enough as I am now.
Nothing wrong with me how I am.
I want to keep learning.
Let me continue to learn andenhance my knowledge.
(36:57):
Not because I'm not a goodenough therapist, but because I
am a therapist who loves tolearn.
I'm a therapist that loves toexpand herself because there's
more to me than what I just doright now.
That's not saying I'm not goodenough.
I am good enough.
I know I'm really good enough.
(37:18):
The stats say so.
Yeah, you know you're allowed tobrag give yourself a brag
session because that will alsohelp you align with the actions
that will reinforce Your newbeliefs.
You're saying tidbit.
Hey.
Hey, so I just want you to knowthat I want you to toot your
horn.
Dang it So yes With that beingsaid, you know I mentioned
(37:40):
vulnerability in here becausethis work is vulnerable work.
We have to dive into thatvulnerability and I'm gonna dive
into that with you guys more inour next episode.
I want us to really work onvulnerability for ourselves.
I want us to understand it.
Like what does that even mean tous?
And what will vulnerability dofor you?
(38:01):
What can it, you know, like, howdoes this help my relationships?
How does this help my careers?
How does this help be the personthat I want to be today?
And we're gonna dive into that.
We're gonna dive into the powerof vulnerability and how it can
deepen our relationship withourselves and others.
And just how it will impact yourmindset and impact all realms of
(38:23):
your reality.
Whether that's family, friends,Romance, careers, family, like
your babies and whatnot.
If you want that, or if you justI'm going to be a forever, rich
auntie, go do your thing, yournieces and nephews, your god
kids.
So we'll dive into more of that.
I love talking aboutvulnerability.
(38:44):
It is something I stillcurrently work on.
We all are.
We're all a loading bar.
We're a work in progress, okay?
And nothing wrong with that.
Take it, okay?
Love it.
Own it.
There's nothing wrong withloading.
Wait until they see you comeout.
But yes, I can't wait for youguys to tune in for that.
You know that big one.
(39:05):
So we'll talk aboutvulnerability on the 16th.
Okay, so with that being said,thank you so much guys Share the
podcast if you loved what youheard today You got some gems or
maybe you thought somebody whocould really use this send it to
them be the gift of hey Justwanted to help you put a little
bit of insight on yourself Iknow we had this conversation
(39:26):
about wanting to change ourlives and I heard this great
podcast and gave us a fewactionable Stuff to do it Share,
girl.
Don't, don't hold.
Don't be a gatekeeper.
Share.
If you guys have specific topicsyou want to talk about, DM me on
Instagram, or reach out to me onLinkedIn or email me at Shift
(39:47):
Happens with shay@gmail.com, Iwould love to hear from you
guys.
I love to hear your ideas, whatyou are struggling with, what
you wanna hear more about.
If you have a story.
Send it to me.
If you're okay with it beingshared on the podcast, let me
know and I would love to giveyou the answers on there.
On the next episode, I wouldlove to have a section of it of,
sorry, I would love to have asection eventually, where I get
(40:12):
to read some of you guys'letters.
Maybe like two, you know, two.
Letters or whatnot and sit thereand give advice like I ask Shay
thing or sip and shift with ShayIt's probably what I would call
it.
Honestly to be quite honest Andwe really get in there and we
will practice this vulnerabilitywork in semi real time I would
(40:34):
love to do that with you guys.
So if you're okay with sharing astory writing a story to me I am
more than happy to share that onhere and then to provide some
things honestly, I also will Notonly do it on a podcast, but
maybe start videotaping myself.
I'm sure you guys probably wanta more engaging and Interactive
(40:55):
like you're just seeing me so itmakes it feel more real for some
people who are visual and I knowI talked about wanting to do
YouTube kind of like you guysvideo podcast.
I'm working on that.
I promise guys.
I promise I will do it becauseit one challenges me from my
vulnerability and it helps youguys It just it's like an in
(41:15):
person session.
I also was like telehealthreally But I'm working on that.
I just got to get my setuptogether.
I want to create the ambianceand I get it.
I know if anything, I'llprobably just do this in my
office.
So you guys can still feel likeyou're in session with me.
But again, thank you guys forlistening.
I appreciate all your support.
Thank you for those who reachedout to me, where your kind words
(41:37):
and tell me how my podcast isdoing good.
It helps you guys.
It helps you guys.
Think you really appreciate thegems you're catching from here
or learning or Even justappreciating my vulnerability.
I appreciate that a lot becauseif my vulnerability helps you to
start to be real with yourself,to ask the big questions, to
(41:59):
explore, I'm happy.
I am learning to be a more openbook.
And I do that because I know myexperience helps other people
and I want to continue to helpyou guys, too.
So again, reach out to me onInstagram at
shifthappenswithshea.
(42:19):
You can find me on YouTube withthe same thing,
shifthappenswithshea.
You can email me atshifthappenswithshea at gino.
com.
You'll find me on LinkedIn atshantaniquemoreking.
Talk to me, chat with me,connect with me.
I would love to hear from youguys.
So definitely reach out.
All right, guys.
I adore you.
See you in two weeks.
Mwah!
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