November 10, 2025 • 52 mins
Glen Henry, the creator of Beleaf in Fatherhood, shares his story of how resistance turned into calling - how learning to father himself helped him become the father his children needed. We talk about the inherited baggage we carry, the control we try to hold, and the grace that grows when we choose presence over perfection. Glen opens up about fatherhood as a form of cultural resistance, the power of family to heal generational wounds, and the daily work of creating a home rooted in love and faith. It’s a conversation about wholeness, Black fatherhood, and the beauty of learning to be fathered by God while raising children in a complicated world.
Glen Henry is the creative force behind the beloved YouTube channel Beleaf in Fatherhood, where he blends humor, honesty, and heart to uplift and inspire families around the world. A devoted father and visionary storyteller, Glen uses his platform to champion positive parenting and redefine what modern fatherhood looks like. Beyond
YouTube, he connects with audiences through social media, workshops, and speaking engagements — encouraging dads to show up with love, purpose, and presence. With his relatable voice and unwavering passion, Glen has become a leading advocate for strong families and meaningful father-child relationships.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Glen Henry (00:00):
I don't even know if we know exactly all the contents
(00:03):
that we're giving the kid. We'rejust thinking we're giving them
gift. And this right here, isboldness in defiance, and it's
strong. You have grit, right?
But it really is like, man, youhave an unnatural desire to
control everything. We got tosee that as like, Hey, if you
harness this, well, this can bea gift to you, or this also
could be a problem.
Joshua Johnson (00:34):
Hello and welcome to the shifting culture
podcast in which we haveconversations about the culture
we create and the impact wecould make. We long to see the
body of Christ look like Jesus.
I'm your host. Joshua Johnson,fatherhood is one of the most
sacred callings and one of thehardest to get right. Glenn
Henry, known for his work withbelief in fatherhood, joins me
to talk about the beauty andstruggle of learning to Father
(00:55):
yourself. First, we talk aboutthe baggage we carry the control
we try to hold and the gracerequired to raise children with
presence, patience and love.
Glenn shares how fatherhoodbecame an act of cultural
resistance, a reimagining ofwhat black family, faith and
manhood could look like in aworld that often tells the wrong
(01:17):
story. This conversation isabout healing what's been
broken, giving our kids emptysuitcases to fill with their own
lives, and discovering how thefather of us all continues to
make us whole. So join us as weexplore how to break cycles,
live present and embracefatherhood as both calling and
gift. Here is my conversationwith Glenn Henry Glen Welcome to
(01:43):
shifting culture. So excited tohave you on thanks for joining
me. I'm
Glen Henry (01:47):
honored to be here.
Thank you so much for giving methe platform and opportunity to
speak with you, and hopefully wecan be edifying to some some
fathers and some families outthere, for sure.
Joshua Johnson (01:55):
Hey, man, I hope so too, and I hope that that
happens. But you know, when itcomes to fatherhood and
fathering, you say, and youstart in the beginning of your
book, you said, I never wantedto be a father. What shifted
from the resistance to wantingto be a father into a place of
now, it's a calling for you.
Glen Henry (02:14):
I think for me, the real thing was I didn't really
know what I was missing, becauseI never saw proof that, like,
good fathers were, like,passionate about the role. It
just seemed like such a burdenfor so many men in my life. And
not to say that they were alllike, struggling, but there
weren't any examples that I sawthat I could have identified
(02:37):
with so much until I was invitedover to, you know? And I'm at
the age where my friends arestarting to have kids, and I'm
like, Well, I don't think Icould ever do that, you know.
And then I was invited over. Ayouth pastor invited me over to
his family. Had like, sixdaughters at the time, five
daughters, I think. And I comeover, and I'm just like watching
(02:57):
everyone, and I, for the firsttime, I felt, it felt like
harmony in a room. I neverthought of a room having like a
sound that kind of echoed offthe walls. But it wasn't, it
wasn't as sharp as I remember itgrowing up, and it was pleasant,
and everyone seemed like theybelonged. And there was like,
(03:19):
there was, of course, you know,as a family. So, you know,
there's all types of stuffhappening in the family, but
there was no one that felt likethey were, seemed like they were
exiled or a nuisance, and I evenfelt welcomed. And so I realized
for the first time, I had proofof good fatherhood, and I
wanted, I thought, I thought, Ibelieved, at that moment, I can
(03:40):
do that as well.
Joshua Johnson (03:41):
I think that's kind of interesting to think of
like, oh, we actually could seea different path, a different
way forward, that there's adifferent example in there.
Oftentimes we get stuck in ourdysfunctions, in the way that we
were raised, the way we see ourcommunity around us, and we
don't see a different path, adifferent way. We just
(04:04):
perpetuate the same thing. Yourbook, Father yourself first. How
does that start to work to shiftthe perspective of the
dysfunctions I came from? So Idon't perpetuate that as a
father, but then I actually getsome healing so that I can be a
father.
Glen Henry (04:23):
Well, the thing is, I think when I saw proof of good
fatherhood, I realized that Iwas whether I wanted to or not,
I was already proving what Ibelieved by how I lived, right?
So you're not necessarilypreaching from from a pulpit,
but you are preaching with yourlife and how you display, or
even what you choose to do. AndI think that what happens is,
(04:46):
like believers, like, werealize, Oh man, you know, we're
supposed to be light in the darkworld, right? And we're supposed
to, like, represent well, butthe only time you really see
that lived out is, likeevangelism. You. Worship, music
or preaching now for the basicfunction of humanity, right?
(05:07):
Friendship, family, that's allreally good stuff, right? And so
I recognize that if I was toventure into fatherhood, I
wasn't I didn't want to lie andpretended like everything was
amazing, or whatever. I think Iwas kind of a little obsessed
with, like, at least doing it ina way that I didn't ruin my
(05:28):
children. Because I haven't. Ihad no desire to be around my
family once I grew up, you know,and I was just like, well, I
don't want people to walk intothis blind, because it was the
greatest school I ever been towhen I had my first son and my
second son, and then I was astay at home dad. I was like,
Oh, no one would believe me if Itold you what happened today.
(05:50):
You know what I mean? Like, Icrawled around for hours trying
to find the poop in the carpet,and it was on my face. You know
what I'm saying? Like, that iscrazy. So I started to document
it and realize like, Oh, my dadtried to teach me things, but
these kids are forcing me toapply them, because I'm seeing
the childish behavior in myselfwhen they start having attention
(06:12):
and I start having one. And sothere's a level of immaturity
that just exists in our in ouradulthood, when we see things we
don't like. When we get in roadrage, you see it. You see it.
Pop up little, little tantrums.
And those are little gifts fromour child, our inner child,
saying, Hey, you really didn'tgrow up out of that. And so I
realized what happened was thatmy I was experiencing the same
(06:32):
thing for my mom, where she's agrown adult, my mother having a
tantrum at a at the age of 50. Iwas like, Oh, I deserve better
than that, you know. And so domy children. And I realized that
there was a level of applicationI was I need to apply to myself
that I was actually showing tomy kids. I need to learn the
(06:53):
lessons more than they think.
And so, yeah, that's kind ofwhere, that's kind of how it
happens.
Joshua Johnson (07:00):
I think there's a tendency I know you know, for
me as as a father, and forothers that I've seen, there's a
tendency that we want to controlthe outcomes of who our kids
are, how they act or what theydo, not just because we want the
best for them, it's because weare, something's happening on
(07:22):
the inside of ourselves. It'srubbing us to get the wrong way.
We're reacting to the fear andthe shame and the false
narratives that we have beengiven, and we're putting them on
our children because we haven'tdone the work ourselves. How do
we start to recognize that theseare some some fears, some things
that we have to deal with andreckon with in our own lives.
(07:46):
And it's not really just aboutthe kids right now. Sometimes
it's about us.
Glen Henry (07:51):
Well, I think it's all always, always about us. And
the thing is, my kids are young,so my oldest is 12, and you know
what's so beautiful? I don'thave a degree or anything, but
God has given me such a gift torecognize seeds. I see what
happens when accountability isjust kind of like, oh, he just
is. That's how he is, until he'sa grown adult, like, Oh, you
(08:11):
don't understand him. I know Iunderstand he's never had
accountability, right? So we seewhat seeds look like, full
grown. The thing is, what Irealize as a as a father, is
that I'm very, like, immature,right? So I get irritated easily
that we call it seasoning aroundthe house when the kids are
(08:33):
yelling and screaming andjumping and you hear banging,
kind of like, oh my gosh, whatwas that? But I realized that's
a problem for me. It's not theirproblem. You know, I have a
problem with wanting to controlthe atmosphere, so I have a
peace of mind, and I can workwell from home. But I realized
that some of the things that Ifind annoying are gifts that
they have. You know, like tohear your kids yelling, scream
(08:53):
and play fight and all thatstuff. And, you know, paint on
the walls or whatever like,that's annoying to an adult.
That's that's a that's amazingfor a child. And so I think I
learned this. I learned thisearly is that, oh, I'm going to
try to control them every singlechance I get, and that is only
beneficial for me when I canteach them that here are the
(09:15):
boundaries you have, and this iswhere, if you go outside this
boundary, it's now out of it'snow out of my control. I can't
help you, right? So I want tohelp you inside all these, these
guidelines, but once you getoutside of that, I can't, I
can't do anything for you. So,you know, you recognizing you
may have a kid that has an angerproblem or just kind of like,
you know, lashes out and, youknow, we have a kid who, who
(09:37):
will, somebody will saysomething to him, and he'll
respond back with physical like,you know, he'll push him. Push
him, or, you know, try to him,and everyone's running around.
And I say, you know, that can't,that can't exist outside the
house, right? Because if yousomeone says something to you,
hit him outside this house,like, that's now someone else's
problem. And so I can, I canhelp you. Like. Guide that while
(10:00):
you're here, but unfortunately,if that's how you learn to
respond like someone else isgoing to take you away from me,
and I cannot help you, right? Sothe control piece is really
teaching the children to controlthemselves, right? I have
another kid who goes, no onewants to play with me. And I'm
like, Yeah, because every timeyou play and you win, you throw
(10:23):
it in their face and call them aloser. Like, who wants to play
with somebody like that? I'mlike, Hey, like, if you can
learn? Because I'm like, Dude,you can't keep, like, coercing
people into playing games withyou, and then then all of a
sudden, you're mean, and you'rea bully. Like, what the heck?
And he's like, yeah, I get it.
But then we go, are we gonnaplay another round? Who wants to
(10:43):
be on his team? Now I won't beon this team. I'm like, Okay,
now is everybody against youbecause you nobody wants to play
with you? Now, you got to dealwith that. This is what happens
when you're a bad teammate, likeso the control isn't me
controlling the kids, it's youteaching them how to control
themselves for what they want.
(11:03):
Self control is the bestcontrol, right? That's what you
know, fruit of spirit, right? Iam not there yet, but I see the
struggle of parents with adultchildren who are like, Man, I
hate this, right? Like theywon't let me take my grandkids
over here. They don't want me todo this. They won't let me let
(11:24):
them drink juice at night. Theythey all, you know, I'm saying,
like, it's so much, and I'mrealizing, Oh, that's a seed
that came from your when you hadthem in there, in your house.
And now they're grown ups. Andnow, now you want to control
them as an adult. It don't workthat way. They have the
joystick. They control ON, OFFbutton, you can't do nothing,
right? So right now, it's astewardship opportunity that's
Joshua Johnson (11:46):
so good to reframe it as stewardship, and I
think stewardship is really key.
How has having multiple childrenhelped you as a father, to see
the differences within kids andwhat they might need?
Glen Henry (12:00):
Having multiple children. I have one wife, but
it's not the same person Imarried. And that is weird. When
you expect someone not tochange, right? I'm like, Man, I
have a master's degree in thiswoman. And it's easy to have a
master's degree in someone untilthe curriculum changes and it's
no longer even the same subject.
You know, there was a pointwhere I realized in marriage, I
(12:23):
was marrying someone's daughterlike I was with she was still
acting as a child of her mothermore than a wife to me. So once
I realized that I have to pursuewho she is at this current
moment in time, not who she was15 years ago. Like that is a
lesson in itself. So when youapply that to the child, and
(12:46):
each of these children arecompletely different, and I want
to say that that's trueprivilege in a really good gift,
in a good job me as a father andmy wife as a mother for allowing
them to be themselves and notforcing them all to be the same
kid so that we can functionthroughout the day. But that's a
(13:07):
place of privilege, because weare stay at home parents, and we
can manage that, right? If wewere working nine to five and we
come home and we got three hoursand everyone's trying to be
themselves, we're like, look,bedtime, dinner, leave me alone,
right? So I would say that, youknow, it's taught me more about
myself. I connect with each kiddifferently. I don't like to get
(13:27):
my nails painted. I don't likewhat my daughter does that. It's
not comfortable for me, but Iwill accept the invitation,
because she's the only girl,and, you know, her brothers
don't want to do that, and I'mDad and I can do that, so I
accept that invitation. It hasalso showed me, bro, why you?
Are you tripping off nailpolish? What's the big deal?
(13:49):
Right? But there's somethinginside of me that says that's
too feminine, or doesn't showmasculinity or whatever. Like,
that's something inside of mewhere I'm kind of like, Dude,
it's your daughter. Like, I'mhaving this internal coaching
for myself. Like, grow up. Like,this is an opportunity for you
to accept the invitation. Yourdaughter wants to paint your
nails. Are you going to acceptit? Are you going to force her
(14:10):
to fold into what you want it tobe? I have to go. I'm accepting
this invitation. What color Iwant? Green. You know, my son
loves hockey. He's a black kidwho plays hockey. I don't know
nothing about hockey, you know?
I'm, I'm, he's going to tryouts. You know, they have, like,
extra gear out of a bin. None ofit fits. It's kind of like the
(14:31):
Little Giants. Remember thatmovie when they all had that
leftover gear and they werelike, like, training in the
junkyard, right? He looked likethat. And I'm watching other
kids tie the skates and figuringout how to, like, put all this
stuff on. He's got his chestthing on backwards and his pants
on backwards. It looks like sogoofy. And I'm like, I don't
want him to play I want him toplay basketball, because I can
(14:52):
help him with that. Now, he's sodifferent. He's excelling in
this sport. He's a good learner.
He's really good, right? Heplays in line. So I'm like, All
right, well, I guess we're ahockey family. Now, it's taught
me to accept the invitation thatthe child, the individual, is
giving you, right, not forcingeverybody to fold into this
(15:12):
origami of a family where theycan't escape, right? And that
takes a lot of time and a lot ofroom, but it's also taught me
that, you know, for the peoplethat are important to you, you
can, you can adjust. Everythingdoesn't have to go your way. So,
you know, it's so beautiful, thegrace that God has given me to
see the lesson and apply to me,right? Like the lesson is like,
(15:36):
Oh, you get to have a betterrelationship with your child,
but you also get to be shapedmore into this, like father for
these specific children. But youknow what's crazy? It gets even
weirder when the application offatherhood has to go outside
your home, right? So then yourfriend comes around and they're
(15:57):
throwing a tantrum, and yourecognize that this is a
tantrum, but you want to respondback with your inner child and
with another tantrum. So let'shave our inner child's fight and
see who comes out on top. Or youcould say, I understand that
you're feeling a certain way. Idon't really know how to serve
you right now because I can'tunderstand you. But you know,
whenever you're ready, like, I'mwilling to, you know, help you
(16:17):
process this, you know, it's itallows me to say, I can't just
be a patient father like that.
Needs to spread out. And soFatherhood has ministered me
into that way, in that way
Joshua Johnson (16:30):
I love this, the metaphor you use as as baggage,
the baggage that we carry. Yousaid, many of the things that I
carry are not there because Ichose to have them, but because
I didn't choose to leave them,how have you started to choose
to leave things that you werecarrying that did not serve you
as a father?
Glen Henry (16:50):
You know, this is, this is kind of the hardest, one
of the hardest things, becauseit's the season we're in right
now. You know, I liken it tolike a suitcase you get as like
an heirloom, like a gift thatyou get from your parents and
they say, Hey, we got this. Yourgrandpa, your grandparents had,
and my their grandparents had,and this is something that we've
kept in their family for years.
Here you go, it'll holdeverything, just don't unpack
it. Okay? Here you go. And youcatching this heavy. You're
(17:13):
like, Man, this is heavy. Thisis, you know, but it's nice, you
know. And I only need onesuitcase, so I'll be fine. And
you carry that thing around, andsooner or later, the weight gets
easier because you've beencarrying and then they say they
don't unpack it, right? And youdon't unpack it. But the thing
is, most of us don't even lookto see what's in it, right?
That's their business. That wasbefore them. But I promise you,
(17:35):
those things in that bag willcome up. You'll start to smell
it, you know, it'll soil yourstuff, and it'll, it'll become
the smell of your home. And sowhat I, what I like to challenge
people to do is What's in thatbag, what's in there. Let's look
at and see if that's gonna beuseful for you. And a lot of
(17:56):
times, what happens,unfortunately, is we assess the
contents of what's in the bag,and we recognize it's not good
for us, and then we have to letthe other people know that
they're not carrying this. We'renot carrying this into our next
season. And sometimes that comeswith a lot of drama and
(18:16):
sometimes ending ofrelationships, because some of
that is, like, you know, like,with something, right? So isn't,
is a general, like, idea, like,you know, tolerance, right?
Like, so I tolerate how myparent will speak to me in a way
that is, you know, they may callme on my name, right? Call me a
curse word, and that's just apart of our culture, right? I'm
not saying black culture, butthe culture of our family. And
(18:38):
so I'll go, Yeah, I don't wantyou to talk to me like that. No
more, especially you're fromfront of my kids, and matter of
fact, you can't do that. Well,you know, I'm your mother, I can
do whatever I want. Oh, thatthat doesn't work for me. So
it's either you stop or youwon't have access to me, because
love doesn't mean access. Truetrue story, true conversation.
(19:00):
Oh, you'll get over it. No, no,the bag is being unpacked. We no
longer live in this so you takeit back and deal with it so that
you can exist in this room,right? Because I don't even want
my children to see it, smell it,hear it, nothing. It stops here,
right? And so that's easier todo in your own family if you
(19:21):
have the courage to stand up toyour parents. It's harder to do
in your spouse's family, becausethey're like, this is how we
are. This is, you know, say it'seven crazy. So my wife and I,
for the past two or three years,we've been unpacking bags,
looking at the contents, andgiving them back to the original
owners. The problem is, thoughwe never should have had that
stuff in our bag in the firstplace. We should have had an
(19:41):
empty have had an empty suitcasethat we can fill with whatever
we need. I would
Joshua Johnson (19:46):
love to give my son an empty suitcase to fill
with what he needs in life, likeit's such a desire in my heart,
but I know that I'm gonna givehim something. I know that I'm
gonna give. Of them, things thathe has to carry that I didn't
intend to give to him, but I didanyways. What does that look
like to give kids emptysuitcases?
Glen Henry (20:10):
Well, so here's the thing. Is, like, I don't even
know if we know exactly all thecontents that we're giving the
kid. We're just thinking we'regiving them gift, right? And
this right here is boldness,right? In defiance, and it's
strong. You have grit, right?
But it really is like, man, youhave an un you have a unnatural
desire to control everything.
(20:30):
You know what I mean? So we gotto see that as like, Hey, if you
harness this, well, this can bea gift to you, or this also
could be a problem. And so whenyour kid goes, you know, I don't
know how old your kid is, butlet me just imagine, not to get
specific, because it can be foranybody. So say your kid's 16,
and they go, dad, you know, Ireally wished, you know, we
(20:51):
would have spent more time,like, just you and me without
mom, like, I just needed moretime. Why didn't we spend much
time together? Now for you tounpack the bag, you have to
confess that it eat. What'swhat's there? Is there? This is
what an average dad would say,bro, I had to work. What do you
(21:13):
want me to do you want to bepoor? I got to put food on the
table. I had to, I had to put aroof over your head. I was
stressed. I did better than mydad. What do you want? What do
you want from me? Right? That'syou saying, take the contents
back, and your son goes, got it,they can deal with it, or they
could say, I double it and giveit to my kid, because I know
(21:36):
that work is more important thanspending time another way you
can deal with it. I'm not sayingCorrect. I'm not saying this is
right, because it's not for meto tell you what's right for
you. I don't know your level ofmaturity. I don't know what what
you know what age you are at,mentally, right? So I would say
you're right. I spent entirelytoo much time working and
focusing on being successful. Ithought that I was doing the
(22:00):
right thing at the time, butnow, at the age of 16, son, I
have to apologize to you. I waswrong. I don't expect you to
forgive me for all that missedtime, but I'm willing to spend
the rest of my life getting thisright, if you can just trust me,
I just, I just want a chance toget it right, and so I don't,
you don't have to tell me whatit means or what I have to do,
(22:22):
but I'm going to give youinvitations and opportunities,
and you can accept the ones thatwork. And if we can do this,
then I'm willing to get it rightright now that puts that is,
that's hard to say, that's hardto commit to, because we as men
have our own ambitions, and somewomen, men, women as well, their
(22:44):
own ambitions and desires. Well,I ain't doing all that for you.
You 18. You about to be 18 intwo years. What I'm not doing,
I'm not spending my life doingthis again. No, that's your only
assignment. You only havehowever many kids you got, you
brought them into the world.
Those are your assignments,right? So I think one is like it
one forgiving yourself, right?
(23:06):
For just being flawed, becausethat's who you are. We're all
human, right? And like, thankingGod that your child had the
courage enough to say that toyou, and you've, you've allowed
that door to be open. Okay? Thenanother thing is being like,
okay, now I have to admit that Imade a mistake, and I have to
(23:29):
commit to whatever invitationthey extend to me. So if right
after that, he goes, Dad, youwant to play Madden, right? And
you like, Man, I want to go siton the toilet and scroll. I want
to make myself a sandwich andwatch the office. That's what I
want to do, right? But, yeah, Idon't really know how to play,
but give me a second. I'll beright back, and I'll do it yes,
(23:53):
and then, like, shutting offyour phone and really being into
it. That's me with the nails.
That's me with hockey, and justa little bit of interest will
change their world. Did you knowmy son's in an inline hockey his
favorite team is the EmmentalOilers. He loves Conor McDavid.
We've been watching the gameshere and there. I've been acting
like I care. You know what I'msaying, and my agency found out
(24:15):
how much we love hockey. Theyhad a connection at the NHL,
because they're in Toronto, inthe NHL, brought the Stanley Cup
to my house, and then two monthsafter that, they they flew us
out to Florida, and we went tothe game three in the NHL final,
all because I showed interestand was filming him and telling
(24:38):
good stories. So, you know, I'mnot saying that that is, that's
like, obviously, that's like,astronomical. How great it could
go, right? But what if I justwas like, Man, I want you to
play hockey. None of thathappens.
Joshua Johnson (24:56):
It is difficult.
You know, our wants, ourdesires, as fathers. It's like,
Hey, I'm tired. I just want toscroll. I want to do something.
I mean, the last couple ofweeks, as my son and I are
throwing the football in thebackyard, I get my phone out, I
look at my phone, and he, like,runs over. He's like, I'm gonna
smash your phone. Like, put itaway. He's telling me, He's
(25:17):
eight years old. He's tellingme, put your phone away. We're
playing football like bepresent. So he's telling me what
he needs and wants, and saysthat I want you here, and I want
you present. And I think even ifwe're in, if we're present, even
if we're present, we're notreally present. Sometimes we're
distracted. And a it happens.
(25:40):
We're human. It does happen. Italways happens. But you know,
what does it look like to belike to actually show up and to
see people and be present andnot just be physically there?
Glen Henry (25:55):
You know, on it.
Thank you so much for telling methat I know it's vulnerable. And
my wife had the sameconversation with me last week,
and she goes, I just want to letyou know you've been on your
phone a lot, like, since youwoke up. Like, but I was
avoiding some things, and I wasstressed out, and I was like, I
hear you. And she's like, I justwant to let you know for the
next hour and a half, while thekids are up, you need to, like,
put away your phone. And I'mlike, I cool. So it helps to
(26:17):
have a good partner who can tellyou, you know what I'm saying,
but I will also say, here's alike, really easy hack is to get
them into what you're into. Oh,my God, get them into what
you're into. And, you know, at8h, very interesting age,
because it's like, they are,like, my I have an eight year
(26:39):
old daughter right now, and shejust says whatever comes to her
mind, and she often asked me,Hey, I want you to come with us,
but I want you to work at all.
I'm like, Baby, I can't, I can'tnot take a phone call. Like, if
someone calls me like, you know,she's like, No, I want you to do
this. And I'm like, you know,that's unrealistic, you know,
(27:00):
saying like, it's not, it's not.
You know what I mean? Like, justlike me telling you, hey, I want
you to do this. I want you tofast with me. You know what I
mean? Like, Hey, these arethings that I have to do. Now, I
won't spend 30 minutes on aphone call, but if someone calls
me, I'm gonna take the phonecall for five minutes and set
those realistic expectations,because I don't want her to grow
up in a world where she thinksshe can tell people how to
manage their time, you know whatI'm saying. But I'm like, I love
(27:22):
cooking, you know? And they,they like to watch me cook, and
they like to help. So I hope Ihave a Naya cup to okra, you
know? It gets all slimy all overour hands. And she's like, I
don't like, what is? Why is thepickle doing all this? And I'm
like, It's okra, like, I'mteaching her, I'm a part of the
lifestyle, and so it allows herto be a part. And I think
(27:45):
cooking is one of those thingsfor me that's like a hack, you
know? Because everyone likes toeat, but they don't know the
process of it, right? And so,you know, if I'm cutting the
onion, I'll make a big dealabout it. You know what I'm
saying? Like, how fast can I cutthis thing without crying? You
know what I mean? Like, no, thathurry. You know, I mean, like
stuff like that, getting them tobe involved and stuff like that.
You know, we're really intovideography and stuff like that.
(28:06):
So my oldest kid, who once toldme, Hey, I don't want to be on
camera anymore. Now, you know,runs the camera, knows how to
shoot, knows how to use the FXthree and starting editing, you
know what I mean. And so likeseeing them progress, and like
being into, you know, the stuffI'm into was really cool. But
then it gets dark, you know whatI mean? Like, we were driving to
Uzis hockey game on Friday, andmy middle son, well, yeah, my
(28:31):
middle son goes, Hey, dad, who'sgonna take over your business
when you die? And they allstarted talking about my death,
and I'm just driving to me abit, and my wife is, like,
rubbing my shoulder, and I'mlike, Oh my gosh, this is
ridiculous, but that that isdefinitely like another hack is
like, try to do things that theywant to do, and then I would
(28:53):
say, give yourself two nos toone Yes, right? So like, every
third time they request, justsay yes. You know what I mean,
like, Hey, Dad, can I do this? Idon't really feel like it. Hey,
Dad, can we do this? Can youwait for a little bit that I
really want to do this? Can youhelp me? Yes, right? So it'll
teach you to just set the firstinvitation, because sometimes
the third one is just somethinglike, You know what I mean?
(29:15):
Like, they want to buy a Legoset off amazon for $109 and
you're like, Yo, you I gotta dothis with you. You know what I
Joshua Johnson (29:22):
mean? You know, I love your phrase, welcome.
Black as powerful. It's areclamation of story and
dignity. Can you unpack howfatherhood became form of
cultural resistance for you?
Glen Henry (29:35):
Yeah, you know, it's just the the underlying like
message that we received frommedia and growing up, I kind of
watched it too, like I was, youknow, I was like, watching say
by the bell and watching, like,all these shows, and like, all
the characters predominantlywhite, and most of the
characters who were black, theywere, like, grown, you know what
(29:57):
I mean. So, like, I reallycouldn't identify with that.
And. Of the superheroes wereblack. You know, it's just like,
really, like, difficult to seeimagery of, like, positive black
life. And then, especially whenI got older, and our heroes
started falling, like, BillCosby's l was, like, detrimental
to me. Like, I just, I don'tknow how I recovered from that.
And I just was like, you know, Iknow a bunch of good dads who
(30:21):
are killing it, you know what Imean? And I'm killing it as a
father as well. I think so.
Like, like, let's just remindpeople that this is a safe place
for black life, right? Like,when you watch the content
black, it's not a bunch of like,oh my gosh, we're gonna go to
the NHL. Oh my gosh, we're doingthis. It's like, man, today
we're making pancakes, and, youknow, seeing who's taste the
(30:43):
best, like, it's, it's like, youknow, today we're working on
school homework. And you know,it's really nothing, it's, it's,
some of the content is just soit's nothing happening. And it
reminds me of Mr. Rogers, wherehe would just have moments of
silence, or just that reminderthat, like it's okay to be
normal and and everythingdoesn't have to be a highlight
(31:04):
reel. Well, I was listening to apodcast, and one of the guys on
the podcast said, you know,marriages a lot, not, not a lot
of marriages make it through thequiet years. Okay? The quiet
years are like, there's noweddings, nobody's no babies are
being born. It's just likemundane life and traditions, you
know, game night, family night,Bible study, church like, you
(31:25):
know, sports like, it's get realboring. You know, I'm saying no
promotions, like, everyone'sjust hammering away. And right
now we're entering, we're in thequiet years, and that is, like,
this part is so worth it. Youknow, this is the montage where,
in a film they just kind of likeshow like, like music and
(31:47):
montage. Like, for years,everything was well, like, this
is the best part. And so I likelooking at that from the
perspective of a black man,because it always had, like,
there was always a problemgrowing up. There was always
something, you know, yeah, and Ijust want to normalize black
life. I mean,
Joshua Johnson (32:07):
you mentioned that people have long been told
the wrong story about blackfatherhood. So how do you hope
what you're doing, your book,your videos, help re narrate
that story for futuregenerations? Yeah,
Glen Henry (32:21):
I mean, I think that, I hope that it would
inspire people to just peer intoit. You know, there have been
men who see my videos and golike, Man, I never wanted to be
a dad until I saw this andcanceled abortion meetings,
like, you know, like, Hey, I'mgonna actually have this child,
because I think I can do this.
So I hope that it would inspirepeople, but also I want people
to recognize the gift thatfatherhood is right? There's one
(32:43):
thing to be like, fatherhoodain't that bad. And I'm kind of
like, actually, it's thegreatest thing you'll ever do,
and it's the most impact paroleyou'll ever play, right? Like,
the greatest thing you'll everthe biggest stage you'll ever
stand on is in your living room.
You know it is in front of yourchildren. They are the best
(33:06):
audience in their eyes or thebiggest camera lenses, right?
And it tell you the truth. Ittell you the truth about
yourself. Because you know whenyou're 60 and they're 30 and
they don't want to come home forChristmas, or they don't want to
call you, or your presencetenses them up like that means
something that's a seed that youplanted, right? So we can't
(33:29):
withdraw from banks we nevermade deposits in. And so I hope
that people really like stepinto and encouraged that man,
fatherhood is a greatest gift,if you get into the work of it,
right? You know, like, some ofthose dads were kind of like,
Yeah, but I don't change nodiapers and just don't lead a
(33:49):
kid home with me. Like, that'snot what we talk about, right?
That's not fatherhood, right?
I'm talking about I'm lookingfor the poop and finally, get on
my face.
Joshua Johnson (33:58):
One of the quotes that I love hearing your
book. You said, If blackfamilies were such a threat that
slave owners intentionallyfragmented them, how much power
could a family have in society?
Today, there's power in familyand there's power in black
families in our society in thatrole. How do we hold that now?
(34:19):
How do we start thisdefragmentation process into a
place of wholeness for familyand community?
Glen Henry (34:32):
Yeah, I think, I think, like First things first
is like choosing, well over andover and over again, you know
your spouse who you choose tomake a family with. This is the
one of the most importantdecisions you'll ever make in
your life, besides choosing tofollow Jesus, I think that is
like the hardest work, becauseit's easy to love a baby but a
(34:55):
grown person who you know I'msaying, like, Dude, get it
together. Like you cover yourface. Like, I'll cover my base
and we can work together. But somuch of you know life is like,
Oh, you need me to help you.
Like, think you know what Imean. Like, sometimes it's just
too much. One of the coolestthings I was able to do was be a
stay at home father, and thenwhen my wife was a stay at home
(35:16):
mother, like, my wife was, like,typical she would be come home
and like, what did you do allday? Like the house looks crazy.
And I'm like, nobody died. Leaveme alone. You know, you don't
know what I had to do. And sowhen, when she when the roles
were reversed, and I stood inthose shoes first, you know,
because I thought I was gonna bebored all day and there's gonna
be nothing to do, and I wouldhave the house pick and span and
(35:37):
then, you know, the freakingdishes would be all, you know,
clean, and every dinner would beready. And she she'd like, like,
she became a stay home mother,and I could just see on the look
in her eyes. And I'd be like,oh, you should take the rest of
the day off, you know, or just,just go to the spa tomorrow,
like I could see. Because whathappens is, you I've never been
(35:58):
emotionally exhausted, right?
I've never had to, like, like,look at myself and, like,
remember that I haven't seenmyself when someone goes, how
are you? I'm like, dang, Ihaven't even checked I haven't
checked in on me in a while. Letme. Let me think about that, and
I'll get back to you. That is,like, primary, like, make the
(36:19):
decision who you're going tomarry and make it right,
whatever it costs, because thatright there, like black Love is
a very interesting connectionthat, for some reason, I've been
a part of this to where, youknow, you know, it's just, it's
almost kind of defiant, and itfeels like Not everyone can be
(36:41):
included, but really it's just acelebration of togetherness. So
it's super interesting. You knowwhat happens when you start to
think about things like, just asa black family? It's just so
weird. But I would say that thento have two people on mission to
like, like, learn, love and leadtheir children into eternity.
(37:05):
After all the complex,systematic things that are
happening, it's like, Oh, y'allreally locked in. You know what
I'm saying? Because we don'teven see good representation
anywhere, like I don't, I don'tsee a lot of good representation
of black life anywhere, andmaybe I'm just losing my my
mind. Like, even right rightnow. Like, you know, the highest
(37:27):
grossing stories about blackpeople are Tyler Perry films.
Like, that's, that's the storiesthat do really well. And no
disrespect to Mr. Perry, hedoesn't make content for me,
right? He doesn't make contentfor me to consume, but most of
it starts with problematicrelationship and sometimes
(37:48):
flirting with infidelity. And soall our stories are like that.
So it's like we have to do extrawork to stay together, but then
also be the story for otherpeople. You know what I mean. So
it's just a lot of work, youknow, it's a lot of work. And
also, you know, there's a levelof, like, teaching our kids
(38:12):
about, like being black inAmerica, and the the hardship
when you watch their innocencekind of leave when they're
confronted with the the realityof their blackness, but knowing
you have to tell them, becauseunfortunately, they're going to
find out whether they want to ornot. And we made that decision.
And, like, six months afterthat, we told our kids, like,
(38:34):
right after George Floyd passedaway, who was murdered, we told
our child about, you know,everybody who you know, maybe a
police officer may not be nice,you know what I'm saying. So
just can't assume people aregood. And then, like, they had
their first racial experienceexperiment at a park where this
little kid was like, the blackpeople are coming near the bad
(38:55):
guys. They're the bad guys. Andthen our nanny walked over to
her, who's white, and was like,Hey, what is this about? She was
like, Well, I was like, Well, Iwas teaching our kids about, you
know, Martin Luther King, and myfive year old heard that the
black people were, you know,bad. And she was like, what? So
then, like, turns out this ladywas in our community. Was like,
my wife was like, you know, whatwas this, you know, I'm saying.
(39:16):
And then she's like, Well, I'mnot racist. And she's like,
Yeah, we know that our kids arelike, they had this they're
traumatized. Like, what are youteaching your child? And she's
like, he's not racist. And thenshe like, and, you know, I made
a video about it, because I'mlike, yo, this happens. But I
wasn't saying this woman wasbad. I was just like, hey, you
have to talk to your kids aboutrace, you know, before someone
(39:37):
else does. And the lady waslike, I'm gonna sue you guys
when you put it out. And I'mkind of like, she doesn't even
get it, you know what I'msaying, like, and so, you know,
I wish I didn't have tocommunicate so much about race,
and I can just, but it's partof, it's an honor. You. You
(40:00):
know? Because I honestly feellike, if they gonna hate on
somebody, they might as wellhate on me, you know, I do feel
blessed to be able to speak inthe way I'm speaking and for the
people I'm speaking for. Andusually, like, when I think
about, like, oh, you know, we'rerepresenting black people, like,
I hate that, you know, I'msaying, but it's also kind of
like, Yeah, and so what? Yeah,that's what we're on. You know,
(40:22):
we are light. You know, I'msaying you're gonna shine
anyway. And most people want tohide their light. You know, they
never want to start the podcast,they never want to start the
videos, they never want to gofor the thing, because they want
to hide their light. But I'mlike, light is going to shine
through the cracks. You can seeit through blinds. You can shut
the blinds. You still see alittle bit of light. But what
I'm gonna do, I'm just turn themon at full blast.
Joshua Johnson (40:41):
It's good. It's very helpful, I think,
especially in this, this crazywater that we swim in in
America, yeah, we just Yeah. Weneed to break cycles of racism
and violence and pain drama herein America, like we just have to
break these cycles. And you'redoing wonderful work to be able
(41:02):
to help break some of thesecycles and lead us into a better
path and a new way. And I reallyhope and pray that this world,
you know, continues to getbetter, and that you know, we're
not going to have the mistakesof the past continue. One of the
things that you you said here inyour book, we're talking about
(41:24):
faith. It says you might nothave had the father you needed
as a child, but you have thefather you need right now. And
you're talking about the FatherGod as he can father you, I
think for a lot of people, whenthey've come through some
dysfunction in life and haven'tseen earthly fathers in the good
they have a distorted view ofGod, the Father of God. How has
(41:48):
your view of God, the Fathershifted and changed? And have
you found who he is?
Glen Henry (41:55):
Yeah, and this is like a daily thing, you know,
because, you know, we didn't huga lot as a family, as a kid like
my mom and even my dad, we justdidn't hug a lot. But I'm a
hugger, like, big time, like,super big hugger. And you know,
I find that because myrelationship was so distant with
my father, I really have a hardtime connecting with God. I
(42:17):
don't want to bug him. You knowwhat I'm saying, and I feel like
me really having to pursue myrelationship with God as I like,
recognize how my children pursueme. When I noticed that when I
would come back from tour, I wasan emcee, ramen, going around
the country, doing music, and Iwould come home from, like, a
(42:38):
long tour, and I'd open thedoor, and the kids will run to
my feet. Every time I open thedoor, they run to my feet. I'm
like man. The father makeshimself present, and we chase
after him. We run toward him. SoI've been particularly
challenged to chase after thefeet of the Father, right, like
(42:58):
running toward him, and becausemy disposition as a child was to
be seen when I heard and, youknow, not being a burden or
being bothered, that is just sodifficult for me. But what I
know is that whenever I dopursue that invitation, accept
that invitation, I'm alwaysgiven what I need when I need
(43:22):
it. And a lot of times, as a kidwho grew up like, you know, my
dad lived in California, I'm inBaltimore, and I traveled during
the summers to see him. Somesummers as a kid like, I feel
like I need to be held. And I'llhave to tell my wife, like, Yo,
my job is to make you feelsecure, and the kids feel
(43:43):
secure, but I don't have nosecurity. Like no one holds me,
like, even when I give you ahug, I'm hugging you like I'm
not getting squeezed. And so westarted doing these group hugs,
these family group hugs, and Godis really he doesn't. I don't
only speak. Heard him speak tome audibly twice, but there are
(44:04):
whispers in the Holy Spirit thatI get. And I'm just kind of
like, you know, he tells me,through the Holy Spirit, is what
I'm getting, is that I can getwhat I need if I communicate
what I want. And so it's sointeresting, like my my sister
passed away in 2021 and when Ireally need a hug, I'll get a
hug in my dreams from her, Oh,the greatest gift, because she
(44:28):
had really good hugs. And thatwas one of the things that I was
so irritated by. I was like, nowI'm never gonna get that hug
again. That pisses me off, youknow what I mean? But in my
dreams, she'll hug me, and it'lllast long enough and I wake up,
like, breathing slower, like Ihave a little oral ring, and I
can, like, after I wake up andshe's visited me, it's only
happened a few times. I'd say,like, five times. Like, my
(44:50):
breathing, like my BPM goesdown, you know, I'm saying,
like, it's so it's so beautiful.
And so the fact that I can makethat request, and. Let God know
I need to be hugged, held andand I'll just say, hey, I need
that. And some somebody will doit. I recognize, too, that as
fathers, we don't talk aboutwhat we need, enough. We often
take requests. We are an expert,not an import. And, you know,
(45:13):
the invitation to be a part ofit's really difficult. I do
believe it's true, that's why Isaid it in the book, but it's
super difficult to apply with mypersonal relationship with the
Lord, You know what I mean, andmy relationship with my father,
and even now, I'm spending asignificant time, amount of time
(45:34):
for my father, with my father,and I'm realizing he still don't
know what he doing. You knowwhat I'm saying, and so I have
to often make my request knownto him, still, hey, I need you
to I need you to do this. I needto knock that off. I had to tell
him, like, hey, like, you knowyou're missing out on some great
opportunities with these kids.
These kids are very special andamazing. You don't spend no time
(45:57):
with them. You know what I mean.
My kids deserve better thanthat. You know, and you know he
now he's accepted theinvitation.
Joshua Johnson (46:04):
That's great.
Well, Glenn, this has been afantastic conversation. I have a
couple quick questions at theend. One, if you if you could go
back to your 21 year old self,what advice would you
Glen Henry (46:14):
give invest in Bitcoin? No, seriously, I would.
I would, man, if I go back to my21 so what would serve me now,
you know, I think just spending,you know, setting up routine,
like, like healthy routine formyself, and not letting
relationships dictate what Idid, like a commitment to
myself. That's one of the waysnow I have to tell myself what
(46:36):
to do all the time, health wise,eating wise, all that stuff.
Like, it's harder to do thatnow. So I would set up a routine
like that.
Joshua Johnson (46:43):
Anything you've been reading or watching or
listening to, you couldrecommend. I
Glen Henry (46:47):
just got my friend Kevin on stage book, and I've
been reading that. It's calledsuccessful successful failure.
He's somebody I talk about inthe book, men who catch you,
hold you and uplift you, likejuggling. He's one of those
dudes that can do all threesuper, super, amazing
individual. And I think that hisstories in the book give you
(47:10):
permission just to just go dothe thing and let it, let it be
silly and funny, you know whatI'm saying, and let your failure
Shine. Yeah, I really love thatguy.
Joshua Johnson (47:22):
Father yourself, first is available. Will be
available November 4, anywherebooks are sold. It's fantastic
book. Really recommend this one.
It's really good. So how canpeople connect with you, what
you're doing, YouTube your book.
Where can get people get thebook? How can people connect
with
Glen Henry (47:39):
you? Everywhere. So we have Barnes and Noble is a
partner. Amazon is a partner.
Christian bookstore is apartner. Everywhere. Books are
sold. But if you really want toconnect with me for real, B, E,
L, E, A, F, M, E, L, onInstagram, belief Mel on
Instagram will get you directlyto me, but you can follow me on
tick tock. I'm there. I'm onInstagram, YouTube, Facebook,
(48:00):
all the things. But if you doneed to get in contact with me,
it's contact at belief infatherhood.com, that'll put you
in touch with my assistant. AndI really want to get out there
and speak. I feel like I have amessage for fathers and men in
general. I do feel like that inparenting conferences. And also,
if you know anybody who needsthis message as well? People I
(48:20):
need to be in contact with.
Specifically, I will meet withthem, and we can talk through
some coaching stuff if they'remissing the mark in any way, or
they feel like they can just usea little pick me up. So yeah.
Well,
Joshua Johnson (48:32):
Glenn, thank you for this conversation. Thank you
for diving deep into fatherhood,fathering ourselves, figuring
out who God the Father is, andthen just, just diving deep.
What does it look like in adaily life to be a good father
and to have some kids that willhopefully not take all of your
baggage with them on theirjourney, but we get to unpack
(48:55):
some of the stuff that we'vebeen given, and we could
hopefully, we'll pray that wecould give some empty suitcases
away to our kids as they go ontheir journey and put in what
they need. So thank you, Glenn,it was fantastic. Thank you,
brother. You
I don't even know if we know exactly all the contents
(00:03):
that we're giving the kid. We'rejust thinking we're giving them
gift. And this right here, isboldness in defiance, and it's
strong. You have grit, right?
But it really is like, man, youhave an unnatural desire to
control everything. We got tosee that as like, Hey, if you
harness this, well, this can bea gift to you, or this also
could be a problem.
Joshua Johnson (00:34):
Hello and welcome to the shifting culture
podcast in which we haveconversations about the culture
we create and the impact wecould make. We long to see the
body of Christ look like Jesus.
I'm your host. Joshua Johnson,fatherhood is one of the most
sacred callings and one of thehardest to get right. Glenn
Henry, known for his work withbelief in fatherhood, joins me
to talk about the beauty andstruggle of learning to Father
(00:55):
yourself. First, we talk aboutthe baggage we carry the control
we try to hold and the gracerequired to raise children with
presence, patience and love.
Glenn shares how fatherhoodbecame an act of cultural
resistance, a reimagining ofwhat black family, faith and
manhood could look like in aworld that often tells the wrong
(01:17):
story. This conversation isabout healing what's been
broken, giving our kids emptysuitcases to fill with their own
lives, and discovering how thefather of us all continues to
make us whole. So join us as weexplore how to break cycles,
live present and embracefatherhood as both calling and
gift. Here is my conversationwith Glenn Henry Glen Welcome to
(01:43):
shifting culture. So excited tohave you on thanks for joining
me. I'm
Glen Henry (01:47):
honored to be here.
Thank you so much for giving methe platform and opportunity to
speak with you, and hopefully wecan be edifying to some some
fathers and some families outthere, for sure.
Joshua Johnson (01:55):
Hey, man, I hope so too, and I hope that that
happens. But you know, when itcomes to fatherhood and
fathering, you say, and youstart in the beginning of your
book, you said, I never wantedto be a father. What shifted
from the resistance to wantingto be a father into a place of
now, it's a calling for you.
Glen Henry (02:14):
I think for me, the real thing was I didn't really
know what I was missing, becauseI never saw proof that, like,
good fathers were, like,passionate about the role. It
just seemed like such a burdenfor so many men in my life. And
not to say that they were alllike, struggling, but there
weren't any examples that I sawthat I could have identified
(02:37):
with so much until I was invitedover to, you know? And I'm at
the age where my friends arestarting to have kids, and I'm
like, Well, I don't think Icould ever do that, you know.
And then I was invited over. Ayouth pastor invited me over to
his family. Had like, sixdaughters at the time, five
daughters, I think. And I comeover, and I'm just like watching
(02:57):
everyone, and I, for the firsttime, I felt, it felt like
harmony in a room. I neverthought of a room having like a
sound that kind of echoed offthe walls. But it wasn't, it
wasn't as sharp as I remember itgrowing up, and it was pleasant,
and everyone seemed like theybelonged. And there was like,
(03:19):
there was, of course, you know,as a family. So, you know,
there's all types of stuffhappening in the family, but
there was no one that felt likethey were, seemed like they were
exiled or a nuisance, and I evenfelt welcomed. And so I realized
for the first time, I had proofof good fatherhood, and I
wanted, I thought, I thought, Ibelieved, at that moment, I can
(03:40):
do that as well.
Joshua Johnson (03:41):
I think that's kind of interesting to think of
like, oh, we actually could seea different path, a different
way forward, that there's adifferent example in there.
Oftentimes we get stuck in ourdysfunctions, in the way that we
were raised, the way we see ourcommunity around us, and we
don't see a different path, adifferent way. We just
(04:04):
perpetuate the same thing. Yourbook, Father yourself first. How
does that start to work to shiftthe perspective of the
dysfunctions I came from? So Idon't perpetuate that as a
father, but then I actually getsome healing so that I can be a
father.
Glen Henry (04:23):
Well, the thing is, I think when I saw proof of good
fatherhood, I realized that Iwas whether I wanted to or not,
I was already proving what Ibelieved by how I lived, right?
So you're not necessarilypreaching from from a pulpit,
but you are preaching with yourlife and how you display, or
even what you choose to do. AndI think that what happens is,
(04:46):
like believers, like, werealize, Oh man, you know, we're
supposed to be light in the darkworld, right? And we're supposed
to, like, represent well, butthe only time you really see
that lived out is, likeevangelism. You. Worship, music
or preaching now for the basicfunction of humanity, right?
(05:07):
Friendship, family, that's allreally good stuff, right? And so
I recognize that if I was toventure into fatherhood, I
wasn't I didn't want to lie andpretended like everything was
amazing, or whatever. I think Iwas kind of a little obsessed
with, like, at least doing it ina way that I didn't ruin my
(05:28):
children. Because I haven't. Ihad no desire to be around my
family once I grew up, you know,and I was just like, well, I
don't want people to walk intothis blind, because it was the
greatest school I ever been towhen I had my first son and my
second son, and then I was astay at home dad. I was like,
Oh, no one would believe me if Itold you what happened today.
(05:50):
You know what I mean? Like, Icrawled around for hours trying
to find the poop in the carpet,and it was on my face. You know
what I'm saying? Like, that iscrazy. So I started to document
it and realize like, Oh, my dadtried to teach me things, but
these kids are forcing me toapply them, because I'm seeing
the childish behavior in myselfwhen they start having attention
(06:12):
and I start having one. And sothere's a level of immaturity
that just exists in our in ouradulthood, when we see things we
don't like. When we get in roadrage, you see it. You see it.
Pop up little, little tantrums.
And those are little gifts fromour child, our inner child,
saying, Hey, you really didn'tgrow up out of that. And so I
realized what happened was thatmy I was experiencing the same
(06:32):
thing for my mom, where she's agrown adult, my mother having a
tantrum at a at the age of 50. Iwas like, Oh, I deserve better
than that, you know. And so domy children. And I realized that
there was a level of applicationI was I need to apply to myself
that I was actually showing tomy kids. I need to learn the
(06:53):
lessons more than they think.
And so, yeah, that's kind ofwhere, that's kind of how it
happens.
Joshua Johnson (07:00):
I think there's a tendency I know you know, for
me as as a father, and forothers that I've seen, there's a
tendency that we want to controlthe outcomes of who our kids
are, how they act or what theydo, not just because we want the
best for them, it's because weare, something's happening on
(07:22):
the inside of ourselves. It'srubbing us to get the wrong way.
We're reacting to the fear andthe shame and the false
narratives that we have beengiven, and we're putting them on
our children because we haven'tdone the work ourselves. How do
we start to recognize that theseare some some fears, some things
that we have to deal with andreckon with in our own lives.
(07:46):
And it's not really just aboutthe kids right now. Sometimes
it's about us.
Glen Henry (07:51):
Well, I think it's all always, always about us. And
the thing is, my kids are young,so my oldest is 12, and you know
what's so beautiful? I don'thave a degree or anything, but
God has given me such a gift torecognize seeds. I see what
happens when accountability isjust kind of like, oh, he just
is. That's how he is, until he'sa grown adult, like, Oh, you
(08:11):
don't understand him. I know Iunderstand he's never had
accountability, right? So we seewhat seeds look like, full
grown. The thing is, what Irealize as a as a father, is
that I'm very, like, immature,right? So I get irritated easily
that we call it seasoning aroundthe house when the kids are
(08:33):
yelling and screaming andjumping and you hear banging,
kind of like, oh my gosh, whatwas that? But I realized that's
a problem for me. It's not theirproblem. You know, I have a
problem with wanting to controlthe atmosphere, so I have a
peace of mind, and I can workwell from home. But I realized
that some of the things that Ifind annoying are gifts that
they have. You know, like tohear your kids yelling, scream
(08:53):
and play fight and all thatstuff. And, you know, paint on
the walls or whatever like,that's annoying to an adult.
That's that's a that's amazingfor a child. And so I think I
learned this. I learned thisearly is that, oh, I'm going to
try to control them every singlechance I get, and that is only
beneficial for me when I canteach them that here are the
(09:15):
boundaries you have, and this iswhere, if you go outside this
boundary, it's now out of it'snow out of my control. I can't
help you, right? So I want tohelp you inside all these, these
guidelines, but once you getoutside of that, I can't, I
can't do anything for you. So,you know, you recognizing you
may have a kid that has an angerproblem or just kind of like,
you know, lashes out and, youknow, we have a kid who, who
(09:37):
will, somebody will saysomething to him, and he'll
respond back with physical like,you know, he'll push him. Push
him, or, you know, try to him,and everyone's running around.
And I say, you know, that can't,that can't exist outside the
house, right? Because if yousomeone says something to you,
hit him outside this house,like, that's now someone else's
problem. And so I can, I canhelp you. Like. Guide that while
(10:00):
you're here, but unfortunately,if that's how you learn to
respond like someone else isgoing to take you away from me,
and I cannot help you, right? Sothe control piece is really
teaching the children to controlthemselves, right? I have
another kid who goes, no onewants to play with me. And I'm
like, Yeah, because every timeyou play and you win, you throw
(10:23):
it in their face and call them aloser. Like, who wants to play
with somebody like that? I'mlike, Hey, like, if you can
learn? Because I'm like, Dude,you can't keep, like, coercing
people into playing games withyou, and then then all of a
sudden, you're mean, and you'rea bully. Like, what the heck?
And he's like, yeah, I get it.
But then we go, are we gonnaplay another round? Who wants to
(10:43):
be on his team? Now I won't beon this team. I'm like, Okay,
now is everybody against youbecause you nobody wants to play
with you? Now, you got to dealwith that. This is what happens
when you're a bad teammate, likeso the control isn't me
controlling the kids, it's youteaching them how to control
themselves for what they want.
(11:03):
Self control is the bestcontrol, right? That's what you
know, fruit of spirit, right? Iam not there yet, but I see the
struggle of parents with adultchildren who are like, Man, I
hate this, right? Like theywon't let me take my grandkids
over here. They don't want me todo this. They won't let me let
(11:24):
them drink juice at night. Theythey all, you know, I'm saying,
like, it's so much, and I'mrealizing, Oh, that's a seed
that came from your when you hadthem in there, in your house.
And now they're grown ups. Andnow, now you want to control
them as an adult. It don't workthat way. They have the
joystick. They control ON, OFFbutton, you can't do nothing,
right? So right now, it's astewardship opportunity that's
Joshua Johnson (11:46):
so good to reframe it as stewardship, and I
think stewardship is really key.
How has having multiple childrenhelped you as a father, to see
the differences within kids andwhat they might need?
Glen Henry (12:00):
Having multiple children. I have one wife, but
it's not the same person Imarried. And that is weird. When
you expect someone not tochange, right? I'm like, Man, I
have a master's degree in thiswoman. And it's easy to have a
master's degree in someone untilthe curriculum changes and it's
no longer even the same subject.
You know, there was a pointwhere I realized in marriage, I
(12:23):
was marrying someone's daughterlike I was with she was still
acting as a child of her mothermore than a wife to me. So once
I realized that I have to pursuewho she is at this current
moment in time, not who she was15 years ago. Like that is a
lesson in itself. So when youapply that to the child, and
(12:46):
each of these children arecompletely different, and I want
to say that that's trueprivilege in a really good gift,
in a good job me as a father andmy wife as a mother for allowing
them to be themselves and notforcing them all to be the same
kid so that we can functionthroughout the day. But that's a
(13:07):
place of privilege, because weare stay at home parents, and we
can manage that, right? If wewere working nine to five and we
come home and we got three hoursand everyone's trying to be
themselves, we're like, look,bedtime, dinner, leave me alone,
right? So I would say that, youknow, it's taught me more about
myself. I connect with each kiddifferently. I don't like to get
(13:27):
my nails painted. I don't likewhat my daughter does that. It's
not comfortable for me, but Iwill accept the invitation,
because she's the only girl,and, you know, her brothers
don't want to do that, and I'mDad and I can do that, so I
accept that invitation. It hasalso showed me, bro, why you?
Are you tripping off nailpolish? What's the big deal?
(13:49):
Right? But there's somethinginside of me that says that's
too feminine, or doesn't showmasculinity or whatever. Like,
that's something inside of mewhere I'm kind of like, Dude,
it's your daughter. Like, I'mhaving this internal coaching
for myself. Like, grow up. Like,this is an opportunity for you
to accept the invitation. Yourdaughter wants to paint your
nails. Are you going to acceptit? Are you going to force her
(14:10):
to fold into what you want it tobe? I have to go. I'm accepting
this invitation. What color Iwant? Green. You know, my son
loves hockey. He's a black kidwho plays hockey. I don't know
nothing about hockey, you know?
I'm, I'm, he's going to tryouts. You know, they have, like,
extra gear out of a bin. None ofit fits. It's kind of like the
(14:31):
Little Giants. Remember thatmovie when they all had that
leftover gear and they werelike, like, training in the
junkyard, right? He looked likethat. And I'm watching other
kids tie the skates and figuringout how to, like, put all this
stuff on. He's got his chestthing on backwards and his pants
on backwards. It looks like sogoofy. And I'm like, I don't
want him to play I want him toplay basketball, because I can
(14:52):
help him with that. Now, he's sodifferent. He's excelling in
this sport. He's a good learner.
He's really good, right? Heplays in line. So I'm like, All
right, well, I guess we're ahockey family. Now, it's taught
me to accept the invitation thatthe child, the individual, is
giving you, right, not forcingeverybody to fold into this
(15:12):
origami of a family where theycan't escape, right? And that
takes a lot of time and a lot ofroom, but it's also taught me
that, you know, for the peoplethat are important to you, you
can, you can adjust. Everythingdoesn't have to go your way. So,
you know, it's so beautiful, thegrace that God has given me to
see the lesson and apply to me,right? Like the lesson is like,
(15:36):
Oh, you get to have a betterrelationship with your child,
but you also get to be shapedmore into this, like father for
these specific children. But youknow what's crazy? It gets even
weirder when the application offatherhood has to go outside
your home, right? So then yourfriend comes around and they're
(15:57):
throwing a tantrum, and yourecognize that this is a
tantrum, but you want to respondback with your inner child and
with another tantrum. So let'shave our inner child's fight and
see who comes out on top. Or youcould say, I understand that
you're feeling a certain way. Idon't really know how to serve
you right now because I can'tunderstand you. But you know,
whenever you're ready, like, I'mwilling to, you know, help you
(16:17):
process this, you know, it's itallows me to say, I can't just
be a patient father like that.
Needs to spread out. And soFatherhood has ministered me
into that way, in that way
Joshua Johnson (16:30):
I love this, the metaphor you use as as baggage,
the baggage that we carry. Yousaid, many of the things that I
carry are not there because Ichose to have them, but because
I didn't choose to leave them,how have you started to choose
to leave things that you werecarrying that did not serve you
as a father?
Glen Henry (16:50):
You know, this is, this is kind of the hardest, one
of the hardest things, becauseit's the season we're in right
now. You know, I liken it tolike a suitcase you get as like
an heirloom, like a gift thatyou get from your parents and
they say, Hey, we got this. Yourgrandpa, your grandparents had,
and my their grandparents had,and this is something that we've
kept in their family for years.
Here you go, it'll holdeverything, just don't unpack
it. Okay? Here you go. And youcatching this heavy. You're
(17:13):
like, Man, this is heavy. Thisis, you know, but it's nice, you
know. And I only need onesuitcase, so I'll be fine. And
you carry that thing around, andsooner or later, the weight gets
easier because you've beencarrying and then they say they
don't unpack it, right? And youdon't unpack it. But the thing
is, most of us don't even lookto see what's in it, right?
That's their business. That wasbefore them. But I promise you,
(17:35):
those things in that bag willcome up. You'll start to smell
it, you know, it'll soil yourstuff, and it'll, it'll become
the smell of your home. And sowhat I, what I like to challenge
people to do is What's in thatbag, what's in there. Let's look
at and see if that's gonna beuseful for you. And a lot of
(17:56):
times, what happens,unfortunately, is we assess the
contents of what's in the bag,and we recognize it's not good
for us, and then we have to letthe other people know that
they're not carrying this. We'renot carrying this into our next
season. And sometimes that comeswith a lot of drama and
(18:16):
sometimes ending ofrelationships, because some of
that is, like, you know, like,with something, right? So isn't,
is a general, like, idea, like,you know, tolerance, right?
Like, so I tolerate how myparent will speak to me in a way
that is, you know, they may callme on my name, right? Call me a
curse word, and that's just apart of our culture, right? I'm
not saying black culture, butthe culture of our family. And
(18:38):
so I'll go, Yeah, I don't wantyou to talk to me like that. No
more, especially you're fromfront of my kids, and matter of
fact, you can't do that. Well,you know, I'm your mother, I can
do whatever I want. Oh, thatthat doesn't work for me. So
it's either you stop or youwon't have access to me, because
love doesn't mean access. Truetrue story, true conversation.
(19:00):
Oh, you'll get over it. No, no,the bag is being unpacked. We no
longer live in this so you takeit back and deal with it so that
you can exist in this room,right? Because I don't even want
my children to see it, smell it,hear it, nothing. It stops here,
right? And so that's easier todo in your own family if you
(19:21):
have the courage to stand up toyour parents. It's harder to do
in your spouse's family, becausethey're like, this is how we
are. This is, you know, say it'seven crazy. So my wife and I,
for the past two or three years,we've been unpacking bags,
looking at the contents, andgiving them back to the original
owners. The problem is, thoughwe never should have had that
stuff in our bag in the firstplace. We should have had an
(19:41):
empty have had an empty suitcasethat we can fill with whatever
we need. I would
Joshua Johnson (19:46):
love to give my son an empty suitcase to fill
with what he needs in life, likeit's such a desire in my heart,
but I know that I'm gonna givehim something. I know that I'm
gonna give. Of them, things thathe has to carry that I didn't
intend to give to him, but I didanyways. What does that look
like to give kids emptysuitcases?
Glen Henry (20:10):
Well, so here's the thing. Is, like, I don't even
know if we know exactly all thecontents that we're giving the
kid. We're just thinking we'regiving them gift, right? And
this right here is boldness,right? In defiance, and it's
strong. You have grit, right?
But it really is like, man, youhave an un you have a unnatural
desire to control everything.
(20:30):
You know what I mean? So we gotto see that as like, Hey, if you
harness this, well, this can bea gift to you, or this also
could be a problem. And so whenyour kid goes, you know, I don't
know how old your kid is, butlet me just imagine, not to get
specific, because it can be foranybody. So say your kid's 16,
and they go, dad, you know, Ireally wished, you know, we
(20:51):
would have spent more time,like, just you and me without
mom, like, I just needed moretime. Why didn't we spend much
time together? Now for you tounpack the bag, you have to
confess that it eat. What'swhat's there? Is there? This is
what an average dad would say,bro, I had to work. What do you
(21:13):
want me to do you want to bepoor? I got to put food on the
table. I had to, I had to put aroof over your head. I was
stressed. I did better than mydad. What do you want? What do
you want from me? Right? That'syou saying, take the contents
back, and your son goes, got it,they can deal with it, or they
could say, I double it and giveit to my kid, because I know
(21:36):
that work is more important thanspending time another way you
can deal with it. I'm not sayingCorrect. I'm not saying this is
right, because it's not for meto tell you what's right for
you. I don't know your level ofmaturity. I don't know what what
you know what age you are at,mentally, right? So I would say
you're right. I spent entirelytoo much time working and
focusing on being successful. Ithought that I was doing the
(22:00):
right thing at the time, butnow, at the age of 16, son, I
have to apologize to you. I waswrong. I don't expect you to
forgive me for all that missedtime, but I'm willing to spend
the rest of my life getting thisright, if you can just trust me,
I just, I just want a chance toget it right, and so I don't,
you don't have to tell me whatit means or what I have to do,
(22:22):
but I'm going to give youinvitations and opportunities,
and you can accept the ones thatwork. And if we can do this,
then I'm willing to get it rightright now that puts that is,
that's hard to say, that's hardto commit to, because we as men
have our own ambitions, and somewomen, men, women as well, their
(22:44):
own ambitions and desires. Well,I ain't doing all that for you.
You 18. You about to be 18 intwo years. What I'm not doing,
I'm not spending my life doingthis again. No, that's your only
assignment. You only havehowever many kids you got, you
brought them into the world.
Those are your assignments,right? So I think one is like it
one forgiving yourself, right?
(23:06):
For just being flawed, becausethat's who you are. We're all
human, right? And like, thankingGod that your child had the
courage enough to say that toyou, and you've, you've allowed
that door to be open. Okay? Thenanother thing is being like,
okay, now I have to admit that Imade a mistake, and I have to
(23:29):
commit to whatever invitationthey extend to me. So if right
after that, he goes, Dad, youwant to play Madden, right? And
you like, Man, I want to go siton the toilet and scroll. I want
to make myself a sandwich andwatch the office. That's what I
want to do, right? But, yeah, Idon't really know how to play,
but give me a second. I'll beright back, and I'll do it yes,
(23:53):
and then, like, shutting offyour phone and really being into
it. That's me with the nails.
That's me with hockey, and justa little bit of interest will
change their world. Did you knowmy son's in an inline hockey his
favorite team is the EmmentalOilers. He loves Conor McDavid.
We've been watching the gameshere and there. I've been acting
like I care. You know what I'msaying, and my agency found out
(24:15):
how much we love hockey. Theyhad a connection at the NHL,
because they're in Toronto, inthe NHL, brought the Stanley Cup
to my house, and then two monthsafter that, they they flew us
out to Florida, and we went tothe game three in the NHL final,
all because I showed interestand was filming him and telling
(24:38):
good stories. So, you know, I'mnot saying that that is, that's
like, obviously, that's like,astronomical. How great it could
go, right? But what if I justwas like, Man, I want you to
play hockey. None of thathappens.
Joshua Johnson (24:56):
It is difficult.
You know, our wants, ourdesires, as fathers. It's like,
Hey, I'm tired. I just want toscroll. I want to do something.
I mean, the last couple ofweeks, as my son and I are
throwing the football in thebackyard, I get my phone out, I
look at my phone, and he, like,runs over. He's like, I'm gonna
smash your phone. Like, put itaway. He's telling me, He's
(25:17):
eight years old. He's tellingme, put your phone away. We're
playing football like bepresent. So he's telling me what
he needs and wants, and saysthat I want you here, and I want
you present. And I think even ifwe're in, if we're present, even
if we're present, we're notreally present. Sometimes we're
distracted. And a it happens.
(25:40):
We're human. It does happen. Italways happens. But you know,
what does it look like to belike to actually show up and to
see people and be present andnot just be physically there?
Glen Henry (25:55):
You know, on it.
Thank you so much for telling methat I know it's vulnerable. And
my wife had the sameconversation with me last week,
and she goes, I just want to letyou know you've been on your
phone a lot, like, since youwoke up. Like, but I was
avoiding some things, and I wasstressed out, and I was like, I
hear you. And she's like, I justwant to let you know for the
next hour and a half, while thekids are up, you need to, like,
put away your phone. And I'mlike, I cool. So it helps to
(26:17):
have a good partner who can tellyou, you know what I'm saying,
but I will also say, here's alike, really easy hack is to get
them into what you're into. Oh,my God, get them into what
you're into. And, you know, at8h, very interesting age,
because it's like, they are,like, my I have an eight year
(26:39):
old daughter right now, and shejust says whatever comes to her
mind, and she often asked me,Hey, I want you to come with us,
but I want you to work at all.
I'm like, Baby, I can't, I can'tnot take a phone call. Like, if
someone calls me like, you know,she's like, No, I want you to do
this. And I'm like, you know,that's unrealistic, you know,
(27:00):
saying like, it's not, it's not.
You know what I mean? Like, justlike me telling you, hey, I want
you to do this. I want you tofast with me. You know what I
mean? Like, Hey, these arethings that I have to do. Now, I
won't spend 30 minutes on aphone call, but if someone calls
me, I'm gonna take the phonecall for five minutes and set
those realistic expectations,because I don't want her to grow
up in a world where she thinksshe can tell people how to
manage their time, you know whatI'm saying. But I'm like, I love
(27:22):
cooking, you know? And they,they like to watch me cook, and
they like to help. So I hope Ihave a Naya cup to okra, you
know? It gets all slimy all overour hands. And she's like, I
don't like, what is? Why is thepickle doing all this? And I'm
like, It's okra, like, I'mteaching her, I'm a part of the
lifestyle, and so it allows herto be a part. And I think
(27:45):
cooking is one of those thingsfor me that's like a hack, you
know? Because everyone likes toeat, but they don't know the
process of it, right? And so,you know, if I'm cutting the
onion, I'll make a big dealabout it. You know what I'm
saying? Like, how fast can I cutthis thing without crying? You
know what I mean? Like, no, thathurry. You know, I mean, like
stuff like that, getting them tobe involved and stuff like that.
You know, we're really intovideography and stuff like that.
(28:06):
So my oldest kid, who once toldme, Hey, I don't want to be on
camera anymore. Now, you know,runs the camera, knows how to
shoot, knows how to use the FXthree and starting editing, you
know what I mean. And so likeseeing them progress, and like
being into, you know, the stuffI'm into was really cool. But
then it gets dark, you know whatI mean? Like, we were driving to
Uzis hockey game on Friday, andmy middle son, well, yeah, my
(28:31):
middle son goes, Hey, dad, who'sgonna take over your business
when you die? And they allstarted talking about my death,
and I'm just driving to me abit, and my wife is, like,
rubbing my shoulder, and I'mlike, Oh my gosh, this is
ridiculous, but that that isdefinitely like another hack is
like, try to do things that theywant to do, and then I would
(28:53):
say, give yourself two nos toone Yes, right? So like, every
third time they request, justsay yes. You know what I mean,
like, Hey, Dad, can I do this? Idon't really feel like it. Hey,
Dad, can we do this? Can youwait for a little bit that I
really want to do this? Can youhelp me? Yes, right? So it'll
teach you to just set the firstinvitation, because sometimes
the third one is just somethinglike, You know what I mean?
(29:15):
Like, they want to buy a Legoset off amazon for $109 and
you're like, Yo, you I gotta dothis with you. You know what I
Joshua Johnson (29:22):
mean? You know, I love your phrase, welcome.
Black as powerful. It's areclamation of story and
dignity. Can you unpack howfatherhood became form of
cultural resistance for you?
Glen Henry (29:35):
Yeah, you know, it's just the the underlying like
message that we received frommedia and growing up, I kind of
watched it too, like I was, youknow, I was like, watching say
by the bell and watching, like,all these shows, and like, all
the characters predominantlywhite, and most of the
characters who were black, theywere, like, grown, you know what
(29:57):
I mean. So, like, I reallycouldn't identify with that.
And. Of the superheroes wereblack. You know, it's just like,
really, like, difficult to seeimagery of, like, positive black
life. And then, especially whenI got older, and our heroes
started falling, like, BillCosby's l was, like, detrimental
to me. Like, I just, I don'tknow how I recovered from that.
And I just was like, you know, Iknow a bunch of good dads who
(30:21):
are killing it, you know what Imean? And I'm killing it as a
father as well. I think so.
Like, like, let's just remindpeople that this is a safe place
for black life, right? Like,when you watch the content
black, it's not a bunch of like,oh my gosh, we're gonna go to
the NHL. Oh my gosh, we're doingthis. It's like, man, today
we're making pancakes, and, youknow, seeing who's taste the
(30:43):
best, like, it's, it's like, youknow, today we're working on
school homework. And you know,it's really nothing, it's, it's,
some of the content is just soit's nothing happening. And it
reminds me of Mr. Rogers, wherehe would just have moments of
silence, or just that reminderthat, like it's okay to be
normal and and everythingdoesn't have to be a highlight
(31:04):
reel. Well, I was listening to apodcast, and one of the guys on
the podcast said, you know,marriages a lot, not, not a lot
of marriages make it through thequiet years. Okay? The quiet
years are like, there's noweddings, nobody's no babies are
being born. It's just likemundane life and traditions, you
know, game night, family night,Bible study, church like, you
(31:25):
know, sports like, it's get realboring. You know, I'm saying no
promotions, like, everyone'sjust hammering away. And right
now we're entering, we're in thequiet years, and that is, like,
this part is so worth it. Youknow, this is the montage where,
in a film they just kind of likeshow like, like music and
(31:47):
montage. Like, for years,everything was well, like, this
is the best part. And so I likelooking at that from the
perspective of a black man,because it always had, like,
there was always a problemgrowing up. There was always
something, you know, yeah, and Ijust want to normalize black
life. I mean,
Joshua Johnson (32:07):
you mentioned that people have long been told
the wrong story about blackfatherhood. So how do you hope
what you're doing, your book,your videos, help re narrate
that story for futuregenerations? Yeah,
Glen Henry (32:21):
I mean, I think that, I hope that it would
inspire people to just peer intoit. You know, there have been
men who see my videos and golike, Man, I never wanted to be
a dad until I saw this andcanceled abortion meetings,
like, you know, like, Hey, I'mgonna actually have this child,
because I think I can do this.
So I hope that it would inspirepeople, but also I want people
to recognize the gift thatfatherhood is right? There's one
(32:43):
thing to be like, fatherhoodain't that bad. And I'm kind of
like, actually, it's thegreatest thing you'll ever do,
and it's the most impact paroleyou'll ever play, right? Like,
the greatest thing you'll everthe biggest stage you'll ever
stand on is in your living room.
You know it is in front of yourchildren. They are the best
(33:06):
audience in their eyes or thebiggest camera lenses, right?
And it tell you the truth. Ittell you the truth about
yourself. Because you know whenyou're 60 and they're 30 and
they don't want to come home forChristmas, or they don't want to
call you, or your presencetenses them up like that means
something that's a seed that youplanted, right? So we can't
(33:29):
withdraw from banks we nevermade deposits in. And so I hope
that people really like stepinto and encouraged that man,
fatherhood is a greatest gift,if you get into the work of it,
right? You know, like, some ofthose dads were kind of like,
Yeah, but I don't change nodiapers and just don't lead a
(33:49):
kid home with me. Like, that'snot what we talk about, right?
That's not fatherhood, right?
I'm talking about I'm lookingfor the poop and finally, get on
my face.
Joshua Johnson (33:58):
One of the quotes that I love hearing your
book. You said, If blackfamilies were such a threat that
slave owners intentionallyfragmented them, how much power
could a family have in society?
Today, there's power in familyand there's power in black
families in our society in thatrole. How do we hold that now?
(34:19):
How do we start thisdefragmentation process into a
place of wholeness for familyand community?
Glen Henry (34:32):
Yeah, I think, I think, like First things first
is like choosing, well over andover and over again, you know
your spouse who you choose tomake a family with. This is the
one of the most importantdecisions you'll ever make in
your life, besides choosing tofollow Jesus, I think that is
like the hardest work, becauseit's easy to love a baby but a
(34:55):
grown person who you know I'msaying, like, Dude, get it
together. Like you cover yourface. Like, I'll cover my base
and we can work together. But somuch of you know life is like,
Oh, you need me to help you.
Like, think you know what Imean. Like, sometimes it's just
too much. One of the coolestthings I was able to do was be a
stay at home father, and thenwhen my wife was a stay at home
(35:16):
mother, like, my wife was, like,typical she would be come home
and like, what did you do allday? Like the house looks crazy.
And I'm like, nobody died. Leaveme alone. You know, you don't
know what I had to do. And sowhen, when she when the roles
were reversed, and I stood inthose shoes first, you know,
because I thought I was gonna bebored all day and there's gonna
be nothing to do, and I wouldhave the house pick and span and
(35:37):
then, you know, the freakingdishes would be all, you know,
clean, and every dinner would beready. And she she'd like, like,
she became a stay home mother,and I could just see on the look
in her eyes. And I'd be like,oh, you should take the rest of
the day off, you know, or just,just go to the spa tomorrow,
like I could see. Because whathappens is, you I've never been
(35:58):
emotionally exhausted, right?
I've never had to, like, like,look at myself and, like,
remember that I haven't seenmyself when someone goes, how
are you? I'm like, dang, Ihaven't even checked I haven't
checked in on me in a while. Letme. Let me think about that, and
I'll get back to you. That is,like, primary, like, make the
(36:19):
decision who you're going tomarry and make it right,
whatever it costs, because thatright there, like black Love is
a very interesting connectionthat, for some reason, I've been
a part of this to where, youknow, you know, it's just, it's
almost kind of defiant, and itfeels like Not everyone can be
(36:41):
included, but really it's just acelebration of togetherness. So
it's super interesting. You knowwhat happens when you start to
think about things like, just asa black family? It's just so
weird. But I would say that thento have two people on mission to
like, like, learn, love and leadtheir children into eternity.
(37:05):
After all the complex,systematic things that are
happening, it's like, Oh, y'allreally locked in. You know what
I'm saying? Because we don'teven see good representation
anywhere, like I don't, I don'tsee a lot of good representation
of black life anywhere, andmaybe I'm just losing my my
mind. Like, even right rightnow. Like, you know, the highest
(37:27):
grossing stories about blackpeople are Tyler Perry films.
Like, that's, that's the storiesthat do really well. And no
disrespect to Mr. Perry, hedoesn't make content for me,
right? He doesn't make contentfor me to consume, but most of
it starts with problematicrelationship and sometimes
(37:48):
flirting with infidelity. And soall our stories are like that.
So it's like we have to do extrawork to stay together, but then
also be the story for otherpeople. You know what I mean. So
it's just a lot of work, youknow, it's a lot of work. And
also, you know, there's a levelof, like, teaching our kids
(38:12):
about, like being black inAmerica, and the the hardship
when you watch their innocencekind of leave when they're
confronted with the the realityof their blackness, but knowing
you have to tell them, becauseunfortunately, they're going to
find out whether they want to ornot. And we made that decision.
And, like, six months afterthat, we told our kids, like,
(38:34):
right after George Floyd passedaway, who was murdered, we told
our child about, you know,everybody who you know, maybe a
police officer may not be nice,you know what I'm saying. So
just can't assume people aregood. And then, like, they had
their first racial experienceexperiment at a park where this
little kid was like, the blackpeople are coming near the bad
(38:55):
guys. They're the bad guys. Andthen our nanny walked over to
her, who's white, and was like,Hey, what is this about? She was
like, Well, I was like, Well, Iwas teaching our kids about, you
know, Martin Luther King, and myfive year old heard that the
black people were, you know,bad. And she was like, what? So
then, like, turns out this ladywas in our community. Was like,
my wife was like, you know, whatwas this, you know, I'm saying.
(39:16):
And then she's like, Well, I'mnot racist. And she's like,
Yeah, we know that our kids arelike, they had this they're
traumatized. Like, what are youteaching your child? And she's
like, he's not racist. And thenshe like, and, you know, I made
a video about it, because I'mlike, yo, this happens. But I
wasn't saying this woman wasbad. I was just like, hey, you
have to talk to your kids aboutrace, you know, before someone
(39:37):
else does. And the lady waslike, I'm gonna sue you guys
when you put it out. And I'mkind of like, she doesn't even
get it, you know what I'msaying, like, and so, you know,
I wish I didn't have tocommunicate so much about race,
and I can just, but it's partof, it's an honor. You. You
(40:00):
know? Because I honestly feellike, if they gonna hate on
somebody, they might as wellhate on me, you know, I do feel
blessed to be able to speak inthe way I'm speaking and for the
people I'm speaking for. Andusually, like, when I think
about, like, oh, you know, we'rerepresenting black people, like,
I hate that, you know, I'msaying, but it's also kind of
like, Yeah, and so what? Yeah,that's what we're on. You know,
(40:22):
we are light. You know, I'msaying you're gonna shine
anyway. And most people want tohide their light. You know, they
never want to start the podcast,they never want to start the
videos, they never want to gofor the thing, because they want
to hide their light. But I'mlike, light is going to shine
through the cracks. You can seeit through blinds. You can shut
the blinds. You still see alittle bit of light. But what
I'm gonna do, I'm just turn themon at full blast.
Joshua Johnson (40:41):
It's good. It's very helpful, I think,
especially in this, this crazywater that we swim in in
America, yeah, we just Yeah. Weneed to break cycles of racism
and violence and pain drama herein America, like we just have to
break these cycles. And you'redoing wonderful work to be able
(41:02):
to help break some of thesecycles and lead us into a better
path and a new way. And I reallyhope and pray that this world,
you know, continues to getbetter, and that you know, we're
not going to have the mistakesof the past continue. One of the
things that you you said here inyour book, we're talking about
(41:24):
faith. It says you might nothave had the father you needed
as a child, but you have thefather you need right now. And
you're talking about the FatherGod as he can father you, I
think for a lot of people, whenthey've come through some
dysfunction in life and haven'tseen earthly fathers in the good
they have a distorted view ofGod, the Father of God. How has
(41:48):
your view of God, the Fathershifted and changed? And have
you found who he is?
Glen Henry (41:55):
Yeah, and this is like a daily thing, you know,
because, you know, we didn't huga lot as a family, as a kid like
my mom and even my dad, we justdidn't hug a lot. But I'm a
hugger, like, big time, like,super big hugger. And you know,
I find that because myrelationship was so distant with
my father, I really have a hardtime connecting with God. I
(42:17):
don't want to bug him. You knowwhat I'm saying, and I feel like
me really having to pursue myrelationship with God as I like,
recognize how my children pursueme. When I noticed that when I
would come back from tour, I wasan emcee, ramen, going around
the country, doing music, and Iwould come home from, like, a
(42:38):
long tour, and I'd open thedoor, and the kids will run to
my feet. Every time I open thedoor, they run to my feet. I'm
like man. The father makeshimself present, and we chase
after him. We run toward him. SoI've been particularly
challenged to chase after thefeet of the Father, right, like
(42:58):
running toward him, and becausemy disposition as a child was to
be seen when I heard and, youknow, not being a burden or
being bothered, that is just sodifficult for me. But what I
know is that whenever I dopursue that invitation, accept
that invitation, I'm alwaysgiven what I need when I need
(43:22):
it. And a lot of times, as a kidwho grew up like, you know, my
dad lived in California, I'm inBaltimore, and I traveled during
the summers to see him. Somesummers as a kid like, I feel
like I need to be held. And I'llhave to tell my wife, like, Yo,
my job is to make you feelsecure, and the kids feel
(43:43):
secure, but I don't have nosecurity. Like no one holds me,
like, even when I give you ahug, I'm hugging you like I'm
not getting squeezed. And so westarted doing these group hugs,
these family group hugs, and Godis really he doesn't. I don't
only speak. Heard him speak tome audibly twice, but there are
(44:04):
whispers in the Holy Spirit thatI get. And I'm just kind of
like, you know, he tells me,through the Holy Spirit, is what
I'm getting, is that I can getwhat I need if I communicate
what I want. And so it's sointeresting, like my my sister
passed away in 2021 and when Ireally need a hug, I'll get a
hug in my dreams from her, Oh,the greatest gift, because she
(44:28):
had really good hugs. And thatwas one of the things that I was
so irritated by. I was like, nowI'm never gonna get that hug
again. That pisses me off, youknow what I mean? But in my
dreams, she'll hug me, and it'lllast long enough and I wake up,
like, breathing slower, like Ihave a little oral ring, and I
can, like, after I wake up andshe's visited me, it's only
happened a few times. I'd say,like, five times. Like, my
(44:50):
breathing, like my BPM goesdown, you know, I'm saying,
like, it's so it's so beautiful.
And so the fact that I can makethat request, and. Let God know
I need to be hugged, held andand I'll just say, hey, I need
that. And some somebody will doit. I recognize, too, that as
fathers, we don't talk aboutwhat we need, enough. We often
take requests. We are an expert,not an import. And, you know,
(45:13):
the invitation to be a part ofit's really difficult. I do
believe it's true, that's why Isaid it in the book, but it's
super difficult to apply with mypersonal relationship with the
Lord, You know what I mean, andmy relationship with my father,
and even now, I'm spending asignificant time, amount of time
(45:34):
for my father, with my father,and I'm realizing he still don't
know what he doing. You knowwhat I'm saying, and so I have
to often make my request knownto him, still, hey, I need you
to I need you to do this. I needto knock that off. I had to tell
him, like, hey, like, you knowyou're missing out on some great
opportunities with these kids.
These kids are very special andamazing. You don't spend no time
(45:57):
with them. You know what I mean.
My kids deserve better thanthat. You know, and you know he
now he's accepted theinvitation.
Joshua Johnson (46:04):
That's great.
Well, Glenn, this has been afantastic conversation. I have a
couple quick questions at theend. One, if you if you could go
back to your 21 year old self,what advice would you
Glen Henry (46:14):
give invest in Bitcoin? No, seriously, I would.
I would, man, if I go back to my21 so what would serve me now,
you know, I think just spending,you know, setting up routine,
like, like healthy routine formyself, and not letting
relationships dictate what Idid, like a commitment to
myself. That's one of the waysnow I have to tell myself what
(46:36):
to do all the time, health wise,eating wise, all that stuff.
Like, it's harder to do thatnow. So I would set up a routine
like that.
Joshua Johnson (46:43):
Anything you've been reading or watching or
listening to, you couldrecommend. I
Glen Henry (46:47):
just got my friend Kevin on stage book, and I've
been reading that. It's calledsuccessful successful failure.
He's somebody I talk about inthe book, men who catch you,
hold you and uplift you, likejuggling. He's one of those
dudes that can do all threesuper, super, amazing
individual. And I think that hisstories in the book give you
(47:10):
permission just to just go dothe thing and let it, let it be
silly and funny, you know whatI'm saying, and let your failure
Shine. Yeah, I really love thatguy.
Joshua Johnson (47:22):
Father yourself, first is available. Will be
available November 4, anywherebooks are sold. It's fantastic
book. Really recommend this one.
It's really good. So how canpeople connect with you, what
you're doing, YouTube your book.
Where can get people get thebook? How can people connect
with
Glen Henry (47:39):
you? Everywhere. So we have Barnes and Noble is a
partner. Amazon is a partner.
Christian bookstore is apartner. Everywhere. Books are
sold. But if you really want toconnect with me for real, B, E,
L, E, A, F, M, E, L, onInstagram, belief Mel on
Instagram will get you directlyto me, but you can follow me on
tick tock. I'm there. I'm onInstagram, YouTube, Facebook,
(48:00):
all the things. But if you doneed to get in contact with me,
it's contact at belief infatherhood.com, that'll put you
in touch with my assistant. AndI really want to get out there
and speak. I feel like I have amessage for fathers and men in
general. I do feel like that inparenting conferences. And also,
if you know anybody who needsthis message as well? People I
(48:20):
need to be in contact with.
Specifically, I will meet withthem, and we can talk through
some coaching stuff if they'remissing the mark in any way, or
they feel like they can just usea little pick me up. So yeah.
Well,
Joshua Johnson (48:32):
Glenn, thank you for this conversation. Thank you
for diving deep into fatherhood,fathering ourselves, figuring
out who God the Father is, andthen just, just diving deep.
What does it look like in adaily life to be a good father
and to have some kids that willhopefully not take all of your
baggage with them on theirjourney, but we get to unpack
(48:55):
some of the stuff that we'vebeen given, and we could
hopefully, we'll pray that wecould give some empty suitcases
away to our kids as they go ontheir journey and put in what
they need. So thank you, Glenn,it was fantastic. Thank you,
brother. You
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