EP 31 - Why Denial Is Blocking Your Growth (and What to Do About It)

Welcome to The Shiny Minds Show, where I will help you experience Neuro-Shine Moments™ of truth that illuminate your path to personal and professional transformation.

In this episode, I’m diving deep into the hidden ways denial holds you back—from relationships to your career.

I’ll show you how your brain’s survival mechanisms keep you stuck, and I’ll give you practical steps to break through denial, face your shadows, and step into your most empowered, authentic self.

What you’ll learn:

✨ Why denial is your brain’s sneaky defense mechanism

✨ How denial shows up in real life (with my own stories!)

✨ My signature formula for change: Awareness x Willingness

✨ How to ask for feedback & feed-forward to accelerate your growth

✨ Simple steps to integrate your shadows and shine brighter

Ready to face your truth and level up? Hit LIKE, SHARE, and SUBSCRIBE—and keep your light shining! 💡

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How I Got Here…

2011: Became a Licensed Trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming® (trained by Dr. Richard Bandler).

Earned a second Bachelor’s degree in Metaphysics from the University of Metaphysics.

2012: Became Lead Instructor of Leadership Communication Strategies at UCLA Extension.

2013: Earned a Master’s in Metaphysical Psychology from the University of Metaphysics.

2014: Became Lead Instructor and Course Author of "Managing Yourself and Others with Emotional Intelligence" at UCLAx and Received my first ICF CCE Accreditation (30 hours) for in-person training program.

2015: Achieved first “6 figures” in the US.

2016: Created Neuro-Shine Technology™ and became an official member of the Forbes Coaches Council.

2017: Named one of the 40 Under 40 Most Influential Turkish Americans.

2018: Won Global Woman Entrepreneur of the Year Award.

2019: Became an ICF Certified Coach (ACC), achieved full 60-hour ICF Accreditation as a CCE provider and launched "Be-Live in U" as the Academy of Neuro-Shine Technology™.

2021: Earned ICF MCC Credential (only 721 in the world at the time).

2022: Secured ICF Level 1 & 2 Coaching Education Accreditations.

2023: Neuro-Shine Technology™ reached 50+ countries and 500+ coaches, launched the Business Development Mastermind at the Forbes Coaches Council, featured on Kajabi’s main page and introduced 5 faculty members at the Academy of Neuro-Shine Technology™.

2024: Achieved PhD in Metaphysical Science.

2025: Received my 2nd Doctorate in Metaphysical Psychology, M. PsyD! 🥳

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
let's talk about why denial is blocking your growth

(00:04):
and what to do about it
are you ready to shine come on
it's a shiny one you got this
welcome to the Shiny Mind Show with Doctor Shiny
where you are going to experience
nourishing moments of truth
to go within yourself
and start to live in alignment with your truth

(00:25):
today we are going to talk about denials
what denials are
how they show up and what they're costing you
I see them everywhere
that's why I wanted to talk about it today
denial is where you avoid a specific truth
because it's uncomfortable

(00:46):
you subconsciously deny it
you subconsciously avoid it
it's not a very direct conscious choice all the time
although this might also happen
from the neuroscience perspective
the amygdala in your brain
is the part of you that is
responsible for your survival

(01:06):
your survival also includes
the survival of your emotions
the survival of your comfort zone around you
the survival of your ego so when amygdala is active
seconding the environment 6,000 times a second
what are you gonna do you are unconsciously

(01:28):
subconsciously
going to avoid things that are uncomfortable why
because your amygdala is doing that
in order for you to become aware
of this subconscious patterns
this subconscious avoidance patterns that you have
you need to become aware of what you are unaware of

(01:52):
and that's why we need to start right there
talking about denials
the way denial show
up in our life can be in multiple ways
I'm gonna give you two examples
how denials show up in our life okay
first example

(02:13):
this one is where you know
you might have something that you need to work on
but it is so uncomfortable
instead of looking in the mirror and facing that
you simply deny it
that is how amygdala play its game of survival

(02:33):
I am going to give two concrete
practical examples
about how denial shows up in our life
that way you can see if you have that pattern as well
okay the first one is actually from my personal life
when I was in my relationship
and one of my past relationships

(02:56):
I would go into a place of denying whatever
my boyfriend would tell me
he would tell me
you need to look at this about yourself
and because of that this and that happened
I would never ever get there
to even consider that I would show up that way

(03:20):
in my world that would be a no
no because I wouldn't see myself as that person
as the person that I am hearing in that feedback
therefore
it would be super painful for me to even consider
and ask myself did I really do that
did I really say that
did I really hurt your feelings

(03:41):
I didn't want to become that person
I didn't want to become that woman
therefore I avoided it I denied it
it cost me years
and until I finally decided to face my shadows
and own whatever I was denying
like it like when I really owned it

(04:03):
when I let go of the denial
the avoidance I was so free
was super free
and it actually was a level of integration in my body
that I felt literally in my bones
something shifted inside of me
I'm pretty sure you're gonna resonate okay
this is my personal life
I had the same example in my work life

(04:27):
so when I was in the advertising world
I was super efficient super productive
I was managing eight multinational brands all at once
from Avon to BP to Gillette to Kotex
multiple brands super productive
super efficient
and my team actually was not at my speed

(04:51):
was not at my level of productivity
and I would actually criticize them
I would tell them that they need to be faster
they need to be more efficient
and it would actually hurt their feelings
and then I would receive the feedback
but I would never
ever take it because to me it was about them

(05:14):
like they were not being efficient enough
they were not productive enough for me
I was perfect so I denied it
I avoided it again
because it was super uncomfortable to even consider
that I could be that person
can you relate
if you relate please pause

(05:35):
and then
please take the time to go ask yourself that question
do I really do that is there any possibility
is it like even slightly true
if you don't insert that consciousness
if you don't ever ask that question
you're never gonna have the chance to
integrate that
lower frequency within yourself and rise above that

(05:57):
I promise you it is going to happen and I promise you
you're gonna survive
this amygdala is sometimes a little bit false okay
when when it it actually protects us from dying
when when there's a bear chasing us
you know amydala triggers the cortisol and adrenaline

(06:19):
and all that so it is helpful because we survive
but when it is about protecting our ego
then it is false so I need you to
in white to become conscious about that
because denying it is never helping you grow
denying it is always costing you your growth

(06:41):
and that's why you want to ask yourself
you want to open a window and see
is it even slightly true
so moving forward
how can you become aware of your denials
and how can you avoid them
what what can you do about it
first of all
I want to remind you my formula for change

(07:02):
change equals awareness multiplied by willingness
if you don't have awareness
what are you going to be willing to change
you don't even know what to change
so first of all
you need to have awareness how are you denying
how are you avoiding uncomfortable truths
so in order for you to become aware

(07:22):
you're gonna need to do what is uncomfortable
before that uncomfortable truth comes to you
in a surprising way you need to ask for it
so what am I recommending
I am recommending you to go search for feedback
literally from your friends
from your colleagues from your parents
from your siblings from your immediate environment

(07:45):
from your loved ones ask for feedback
I promise you you are gonna survive
yeah it's gonna be uncomfortable
it's going to be painful at first
when you overcome the very first moment of
oh my god I am this imperfect person
and then I have these
parts of me that I don't like hearing about yeah

(08:08):
it's gonna happen be prepared for that okay
take a nice deep breath
and be prepared for that and apply the formula okay
now I'm aware of this what am I willing to do about it
how am I willing to change this
you always are in charge
you always have the last word to say

(08:29):
do you wanna keep living with the denials
do you wanna keep avoiding what is costing you
or do you wanna change something
or are you willing to do something about it
so that you can live the life that you deserve
you can become the person you are meant to

(08:51):
and when I say ask for feedback
of course we talked about asking external feedback
right
so what I am also inviting you to do is two things
when you ask for the feedback
ask also for the feed forward
what do I mean by feed forward
something that can work for that person

(09:13):
so let's imagine your mom is telling you
okay you have been super angry lately
and that is my feedback
what is the feed forward so
perhaps if you take a 5 minute meditation time
before you do some activities
perhaps you can manage your anger

(09:34):
so moving forward this information can help you
this way to do something about it
that's the feed forward not only ask for feedback
but also ask for feed forward
their perspective on how to overcome this

(09:54):
shadow frequency shadow perspective
shadow behaviour that you have the pattern right
so how can you overcome that shadow pattern of yourself
so that's what they're going to tell you
and the second thing that I want you to do is
to sit down with yourself

(10:15):
and then give yourself the feedback
and the feed forward
make a list of what you are not completely happy about
your behaviors about your patterns
about your denials avoidances and language patterns
talk patterns perhaps self talk
what you're saying to yourself inside

(10:36):
when you are not honoring your values
when you are not speaking your truth
when you are trying to people please
and betraying yourself
there are items that you tolerate
there are things that you do
and it is all unconscious
until you make a decision to become aware
sit with yourself and ask yourself

(10:58):
where am I falling short of my true self
when you ask that and then make the list for yourself
and then also ask yourself okay
what am I going to do about it
what am I willing to do about it
awareness multiply by willingness
then you are freely choosing to overcome your denials

(11:19):
to overcome your
behaviors and patterns that you have been avoiding
and then you are the one who is choosing it
nobody else you are the one who is choosing to step up
isn't that delicious
this is how you can become your best self
and then
this is also how you can inspire others to do the same

(11:41):
when you go ask for feedback and feed forward
guess what you're doing
you're inspiring others to do the same
guess what it is happening energetically
as you work on yourself your inner work
is also going to energetically open up new levels
and the new layers for others to do the same
so that is how you can overcome your denials

(12:03):
and then grow into your more delicious self
I hope you like this video
I hope you are going to integrate
all parts of you that are just not integrated yet
that's just that's just the point of it
you are amazing you are delicious
you may just be focusing on what is not working

(12:26):
right now you may just be focusing on what is painful
instead of what you can do
about that pain
because that pain is not going to kill you
I promise you what doesn't kill you
is gonna make you stronger right
so now please share with me
what is one denial you are gonna work on today

(12:49):
please share it in the comments
like this video if you resonated with it
share it with your friends
who also need to face their own denials
and then become true brutally honest with themselves
because that's how we can make this world
a better place
thank you for watching and thank you for letting

(13:10):
my light enter into your neurons
until next time keep shining your light