Shit We Don't Tell Mom

It’s official, Kristy is now single after a 6-year relationship. In this episode, we process the emotions after a breakup, recognize what is “overly independent”, and discuss fears of the future after losing a partner. Our Shit is a series where we update our lives with each other and how we cope with its challenges.

“I felt like if we stayed together, we would've been living a compromised version of a life that neither of us r...

Angie has been cheated on. Kristy has done the cheating. Inspired by the recent events in the Try Guys, we chat about our own experiences with infidelity including physical cheating, emotional cheating, micro-cheating, work crushes, and how to move on.

“You're not a cheater,  [...] you had cheated. But you’re not a cheater. It's not a identity thing, it's an action thing.” - Angie Yu

Resources &...

Kristy and Angie sit down to talk about adult friendships during Kristy's road trip across Canada. Analogies are made, lyrics are quoted, and tears are (almost) shed.

"I'm gonna hedge my bets if I have a lot of friends that are within the close circle. If a few of them left, then I'd be fine. As long as I keep filling this first ring, then it'll never be empty. And I think that was my protection me...

Tam is in the “middle generation”. The balance between talking about mental health with her parents and learning how to teach her son to be in tune with his mental well-being. We discuss:

• her parents talking her out of using therapy
• people-pleasing tendencies as a survival tactic
• how to be there for other people but also set boundaries for your own emotions
• create space to process instead of suppressing your emotions 
• childhood bull...

What is your attachment style? Have you always wanted to do one but are not sure how it’ll go? We’ll do the quiz and narrate as we go and share some of our childhood memories and…well the answer may surprise you! Angie asked how understanding attachment helped in her current relationship and Kristy gave us a relationship update. As always, we discuss some deep shit.

“I just cannot rationalize my emotions away. Like I have ...

We decided to share a popular episode from season 1 from the summer of 2020 about how we talked ourselves out of our depressive episodes. We share audio clips of our actual voice messages with each other to show our realistic experiences, thoughts, and feelings. We talk about potential coping methods and understanding the different drivers that keep us going.

"I just cannot rationalize my emotions away. Like I have no control o...

Angie always imaged having babies. Kristy is on team no kids. But lately, they’ve both been having different thoughts. In this episode, we explore why we originally wanted/not wanted babies and why we are changing our minds. We also chat about endometriosis, discussing babies when dating, abandonment fears, trust issues, and mom’s guilt tripping us.

"Maybe the reason why I always wanted to have a baby is not why I should have a...

**Content Warning: Death, Depression, Suicide**

We are joined by psychotherapist Shirvin Lee who gets vulnerable and shares her childhood traumas of facing sexism and insurmountable pressures from her family. We also learn how to process and understand emotions better.

“Happiness is not the baseline.” - Shirvin

Resources/Mentions

• Dopamine Nation (Book)
• Why Are Emotions So Important? And How to Address Them (Article)
• Dialectical Behav...

This is an intimate story about my recent breakup with my partner of 6 years. I share my fear of judgment from friends, staying vs. leaving the relationship, the lessons learned, and how I plan to move forward. 

“I can’t just keep quitting every time something goes wrong in a relationship” - Kristy 

Resources/Mentions
Paired - App for Couples

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Toronto. Teenhood. Puberty. Friendships. Filial Piety. Emotions! The movie Turning Red is about a 13-year-old girl who is torn between her duties to walk down the path paved by her ancestors and her desire to find her own path. Kristy and Angie, both of whom happen to have been 13-year-old girls in the early 2000’s, weigh in on the key themes like intergenerational trauma and loss of identity. Turning Red is a gift to the Asian-dia...

Justine shares stories of telling her Catholic Filipino parents about dating a black man, potentially not getting married, and potentially not having kids - even though she wants 4 of them. We explore why women tend to choose “fixer-uppers”, and why we are fixated on romantic relationships to bring us happiness. She's a recovering people pleaser, avid baker, and sex educator in New York City.

“Why are we giving so much credit t...

Are we loveable? Insecurities can stem from so many different sources but how do we manage them and prevent them from ruining our current and future relationships? We dive into our experiences with our past and figure out how to notice our triggers and re-work our thinking so we can have healthier relationships.  

**Content Warning: Death, Depression, Suicide**

Takeaways:

• Don’t give up after the first time you seek profession...

Teacher by day, gogo dancer by night. We discuss (rant) how we deal with nagging mothers, life as a gogo-dancer, struggling with body image, and how to make hard life decisions. 

"No one is really looking at you. They're so concerned about their own lives. They have no time to judge you. And even if they do, it's such a passing fleeting moment."

- Special Guest
 
Takeaways:

• Give less Fs
• Our relationship ...

Inner child. Trauma. Reparenting. The Little Prince. In this episode, we sit down to talk about the first time that we confronted our inner child and how we rekindled that relationship. We dive into our definition of inner child and how we practice hanging out with our inner child. Angie also shares her experience with imaginary exposure therapy which exposed some of her deep inner child wounds.

Takeaways:

• Connecting with your in...

Mimi Young is a spirit communicator. She left the corporate 9-5 world to invest in a relationship with the unseen. In this episode, we explore how Shamanism is a way to honor our ancestry, what is dream hygiene and how you can benefit, and how to get back in touch with your cultural roots that have been lost through migration and cultural revolutions. 

“When we can return to our roots, practices and customs, in the context...

After being hospitalized for a week, Tanushree gets diagnosed with dysthymia. Then things got messy. Unintentionally triggering friends. Fighting with parents about using medication. And what self-care looks like right now. Tanushree is a fellow mental health advocate in the South Asian community. She shares her experiences being forced into a psych ward and then learning how to manage her mental well-being. 

“When you tal...

Adult friendships. Confrontations. Empathy. Responsibilities. We confront our uncomfortable thoughts and compare our friendship and partnership to a romantic relationship. They talk about their mental health and how that has affected their time management and relationships.

Takeaways:

• Having doubts about something does not mean you don’t want it
• Adult friendships need maintenance and check-ins from both sides
• Healthy friendshi...

Self-shaming. Struggling relationship. Disappointing Chinese Christian parents. Lucas Ng, Canadian actor and co-host of “Have We Made It Yet” podcast, shares how he got fired from his job triggered a cascade of endless negative self-talk, thoughts of self-harm, and eventually going to therapy 5 years later. 

**Content Warning: Self Harm**

Takeaways:

• Traumas can resurface years after they happened
• Can’t expect your partner to be you...

IUDs. Sex during periods. Pain. Discomfort. The tampon tax and all the other costs associated with our menstruations. Kristy and Angie tackle some burning questions about the ever so enduring, unbelievably persistent, biological event we unwillingly go through - our periods. We hit up our male friends and asked them to tell us something they know about menstruation and then ask something they want to know about menstruation.

Ta...