85 - Trinette Faint turns tragedy into creative purpose and problem-solving - Sideline Sisters

Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Hey ladies, my name is Jenny Chaffetz and I am the host of
Sideline Sisters. Are you a busy mom, powerhouse
professional or high achieving go getter?
This show is for no BS women whowant to be inspired to get off
the sidelines of their lives. Ever feel like you're playing
small or safe or just on autopilot?

(00:23):
My guests are relatable women who've gone on a journey,
overcome challenges, and live toshare the lessons that we we
want to hear. These conversations will be
funny, sad, scary, wise, encouraging, and most of all,
real. So whether you're driving, doing
chores, exercising, walking the dog, or just laying on the

(00:43):
couch, settle in and enjoy. I want to invite you to take
back your power, reignite your passions, and step off the
sidelines. Let's go.
Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Sideline
Sisters. I'm your host, Jenny Chaffetz.
Did you know that this podcast is available on YouTube?
Maybe you do if you're actually watching on YouTube, but if not,

(01:07):
check it out. Subscribe.
I started this YouTube channel afew weeks ago, so there are
several episodes uploaded for you to check out.
Otherwise, you can get all 80 plus episodes on your favorite
podcast app. I had the privilege of meeting a
woman named Trinette Faint. Trinette is a creative
entrepreneur, screenwriter, novelist, and actress.

(01:31):
She's the founder of Shea Faint,a curated network and retreat
company that hosts transformative gatherings.
Across the globe. She also founded Faint Services
Group, A creative consultancy, and Floor 51 productions and
entertainment production company.
Trinette has upcoming networkingevents in Rome and New York with
other cities in the works, and she's hosting a women's retreat

(01:53):
in Italy in October, which you will hear about.
She recently pitched her features spec and TV pilots at a
screenwriters festival to great response and they're under
consideration of multiple production houses.
Her novels Mid Co Star and Colette Caleb are page turning
escapist romps through the worlds of entertainment and
fashion. Colette Caleb was loosely

(02:15):
inspired by her experience working in the entertainment
business, notably at Will Smith Production Company as Matt
Damon's personal assistant and for the Tribeca Film Festival.
Growing up in Joliet, IL, Trinette began modeling at age
16 and has since been on the covers of Vogue, Knitting
Magazine and the book Knitting Out of Africa.
Trinette is the the first grand prize winner of Harper's

(02:37):
Bazaars, fabulous at Every Age contest, and she's been featured
on the Today Show in Harper's Bazaar, Marie Claire and
Glamour. She has a feature film writing
certificate from UCLAA, bachelor's in mass
communications from Emerson, anda master's in integrated
Marketing communications, also from Emerson.
Trinette and I have a really candid conversation about

(02:57):
difficult things she's encountered in life and how she
got through them, how she in particular faced fear and
uncertainty. So hopefully you will gain some
insight and be able to apply some of her suggestions to your
own life. But before I get into the
conversation with Trinette, I want to tell you about what's
going on at Gentle Coaching. As you know, because you've

(03:20):
heard me mention it so many times, I am a big fan of breath
work. Being a midlife woman, a midlife
mom in particular, is challenging.
We deal with a lot of heavy stuff, a lot of stress,
overwhelm and conflict often, and as a result we suppress our

(03:40):
emotions and just keep ourselvestogether so that we can
function. But what that ends up doing is
causing a lot of distress in thebody, a lot of dis ease.
And that is why I work specifically with this
population of midlife women. And right now I am promoting a
12 week coaching package to support and teach coping skills

(04:03):
and techniques to help move fromburnt out to balanced.
Wouldn't that be nice to experience some balance in your
life, even if there's a lot going on, things out of your
control? Wouldn't it be amazing if you
could regulate your nervous system?
If you could actually decide howyou're going to feel and not let

(04:23):
all of the external noise and chaos affect you?
So if that sounds interesting then you will want to click the
link in the show notes and fill out the coaching application.
Then we can get started working together and moving you from
from burnt out to balanced. And you guessed it, in my
coaching programs I include breath work.

(04:44):
Now if you. Are new to my world and you have
not experienced breath work yet?Then I also want to direct you
to the link for a free breath work session.
You can try it out, see what youthink, and if you decide you
want to do more of it and you want to do it in a way that is
targeted directly at your needs,then go to the coaching
application, fill it out, and wecan start working together on

(05:06):
your particular stress test. And look, the reason I promote
breath work so much is because Ihave found it so valuable for my
own life. I'm not going to pretend I have
it all figured out and that everything operates smoothly all
the time in my life. But what I will tell you is that
I fall back on breath work. I use it on a regular basis to

(05:27):
get out of my head, get out of the noise, get into my body, be
present and calm the heck down. So I hope you will take me up on
the free session in the show notes, and I really look forward
to working with you so that you can move from burned out to
balanced. Now let's get into the
conversation with Trinette. Welcome to another episode of

(05:49):
Sideline Sisters. I am so excited to welcome my
guest today. Trinette, welcome to Sideline
Sisters. Hi Jenny, thank you for having
me. Thank you for being here.
We've already had a beautiful chat as we've recounted some of
the really fabulous aspects of being women, getting older and

(06:14):
being real. And as you so kindly pointed out
in our conversation, the the kind of subtitle of this show,
we talk about real shit here. So you've got some in the course
of your life that I would love for you to share about.
So let's get into it and begin. Let me see.

(06:40):
So I have had the pleasure on this show of talking to dozens
and dozens of women about, you know, crappy things that have
happened to them that that led them to the silver lining of the
cloud that they were experiencing.
And I'm going to give a shout out to two particular guests

(07:02):
that the audience, you know, make a note of this and go back
and listen to my conversation with Stacey Page and also
Stephanie Ann. Those are two women who bravely
shared stories of like cripplingphysical pain and anxiety and
sadness and overwhelm that had them lying on the floor in

(07:25):
despair, unable to see the light, the possibility.
And while that might not be yourexact experience, you did go
through some heavy times in order to to learn life's
lessons. So tell us, tell us what that

(07:47):
what that means to you that you know, going through the hard
times to get the lessons or the light.
Well, honestly, I don't think that you see the light, any
lightness without your share of darkness.
I mean, that might sound kind ofhokey, but it's true, you know,
everything is not champagne and roses and sunshine and stuff all

(08:09):
the time. So sad, yeah, but it's not.
How unfortunate. But I guess we wouldn't
appreciate it. Exactly, You wouldn't appreciate
the the the really good blessings when they come if you
don't go through like the hardships for me this past

(08:29):
winter, which doesn't even seem like that long ago because the
weather is just like spiking up and down like crazy.
New England. Right.
It's 100° today, but it's going to be what, 60 and two days not
long ago it's 50. You know, back in November I had
to put my dog down and I've had her for 16 1/2 years.
Like she was my daughter. She will always be my daughter.

(08:51):
A little Avery. Like 2 weeks after that I lost
my job. Like my stability, you know, I'd
worked for a big tech company and I'd worked up for like 6 1/2
years and then one day I just wasn't working there anymore.
And it came as a complete shock.And it's not that different from

(09:13):
what so many people are going through right now, how you know
your excess is cut off, like it's over, you're laid off,
whatever. OK.
But that really kind of took thewind out of my sails because I
was experiencing a lot of grief from losing Avery and then to
lose the job on top of that. And I'd already had a second

(09:34):
knee surgery scheduled for, I think it was maybe right before
Christmas or that third week of December.
I had a partial replacement the December before, and I was still
having like a lot of pain in my knee.
So I had to go back and have another surgery.
So immediately after the thing with work fell apart, I got on
the phone to the doctor's officeand told them what happened, and

(09:56):
we moved the surgery up so that I could have all of my insurance
for December for. Yeah.
I mean, it's sad we have to think that way in this country,
but. Yeah.
Before it ran out and so I had all my PT, all my follow up
appointments, like all that stuff that would be covered
before I had to go into COBRA. So December was for me, it was

(10:17):
full of just like just lots of grief, you know, mixed in with
the physical recovery of learning to walk and like yet
again, you know, and in the winter and every day I had
doctor's appointments cuz I reached out to all my team, all
my doctors and I was like, this is what happened.

(10:38):
I need to come and just check this, this, this is so December
was full of doctors and physicalhealing and stuff.
And then January rolls around and that it was obviously like
cold and dark and stuff here andjust dealing with the reality
that like Avery was gone and youknow, fuck, like I right, just

(10:59):
knocked it out of my sails. And it was in that time, like
within a few weeks after that, Ijust, I really threw myself into
my creativity or else I was justgoing to like, die.
You know, I'm in here in my homeby myself without Avery.
You know, my knee is still killing me.

(11:21):
And, you know, I don't have a job anymore and like, what the
actual fuck about everything. And I just started taking like
all these acting classes. You know, I've been an actor for
a long time, I've been in the union for a very long time.
But you know, a lot of this stuff had been a bit de

(11:43):
prioritized because of work, youknow, because work is your bread
and butter, you know, would easily take up 60 hours of my
work week and stuff. And you know, and I just really
jumped into my creative self. I took a succession of acting
classes. There was probably like 6
different classes that I took insix months.

(12:03):
And it just so happened that they were all kind of staggered
different places that they were starting at different times,
like right upon each other whilelooking for work and like
writing and all these things that I decided, you know what,
this is actually a gift because it gives me the space now and
the time to really focus on who I am.

(12:23):
You know, like I'm a writer, actor, creative, entrepreneur,
like all these things that I hadbeen hustling and doing in the
background in the shadow of my job and of any job I've ever
had. And like I've been given this
opportunity to, to just try to do that.
So I just like jumped in. I see You want to say what?

(12:45):
You know, I'm sorry to interruptyou.
I have to ask though, can we first just take a pause for all
the shit that you went through? Like that's, that's a lot.
And I think there is something normalized in the world today of
just having a pile of shit in your life and that being normal
and kind of a suck it up buttercup attitude.

(13:05):
When a recent episode of this show, someone said first this,
then this, then that. And it's like any one of those.
It was Karen Grossman who talkedabout grief and she said, you
know, first the grandmother died, then the dog, then her
mother, or it was something those three happened in like AI

(13:29):
forget. I should remember it was not
that long ago. But let's say, you know, 6-6
months or something and six weeks, six months something.
And it was like, Jesus Christ, any one of those?
Is a lot. And just like you're saying, the
the death of a dog, anyone listening who has a pet knows,
knows the enormity of that that cannot be underscored that job

(13:56):
loss, major surgery that requires like, like you said,
the physical therapy, the the retraining of your body, the
just the, the follow up work. And so combine them all to that
shitstorm, Let's take a let's take a moment to respect that.
Thank you. But I'm curious with all the

(14:19):
different swirling emotions those things bring was your
immediate response. Oh thank God.
Now I can dive back into the creativity or what other
emotions were intertwined. Yes, it was somewhat of that.
Once I kind of started to come out of the fog.

(14:41):
You know, January was really tough.
You know, I just, I could not sleep for a long time because
I've been so used to sleeping with Avery.
Or I should say I slept with herbecause she took up the whole
bed. In our bed.
Yes, you got to join her. Whenever she felt like moving
over, I can get in. And so just going to bed was

(15:01):
painful, right? You know, And I was.
Like that's what I'm talking about.
Like these little things that are so just fundamental to
day-to-day living that when they're not there, you know,
whether it's picking up the phone and calling the parent
that's now deceased, you don't do that anymore.

(15:22):
There's no one to call, there's no dog to take out.
There's no bowl that you need tofill on the floor.
It's like, holy shit, that's these are things you've been
doing day in and day out multiple times a day for 16
years. Yeah.
And then suddenly not. Yeah.
Right. So it's like the fog that you're
talking about that's. For a long time, because, you

(15:47):
know, her hair was in them and the smell and, and all that
stuff. And I would just lie there and
just cry every night. Like, you know, I don't want to
get too emotional about it now, but like.
No, and I'm, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to, but I, but, but I
just for the listeners to understand like, oh, you know,
could she just pivot into creativity and that solved the

(16:10):
the, you know, vacancies within her or how did how were you able
to move from the devastation of,of life into opportunity?
Well, every day I would tell Avery that I loved her and I
missed her and I would take a walk because I live near the
Arboretum here in Boston. And even though when we moved

(16:34):
here, her decline had started about a year and a half before.
And once I started looking back,because I had so many feelings
of guilt, you know, because I was the one who had to make the
decision. And I live alone and, you know,
so there wasn't somebody else tobounce this off of.
I didn't have anybody. Like, really.
I mean, I had my girlfriend to talk to.

(16:55):
You Sure. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. So I felt so guilty that I had
to be the one to make this decision and, and to do this to
her. But then I also had to force
myself to remember how she was declining and how she was in
pain and like all these things that were happening and that
like the writing was on the walland that I did not want for her

(17:20):
to have a life like on medication and stuff.
And plus, you know, it gets, it gets very expensive, especially
at the end, which I learned, youknow, we had like 3 emergency
visit vets in like 5 days, you know, running to the vet, which
was 45 minutes away in the town I used to live in, in between

(17:41):
meetings. And you know, it was just like
so stressful. So once I kind of started coming
out of that fog and I just thought, you know, I need to do
something. I need to honor Avery in some
way. And she had been with me through
everything, like when I wrote mymy novels and when I was doing

(18:04):
this and doing that, like, she was always like such a good
girl. She was always at my feet, you
know, where I needed her to be. And then if I was traveling for
something, she was always very well behaved with whoever she
was with. And that was her way of telling
me, OK, Mommy, I'm gonna let yougo do this.
This is your life, you know, this is what you need to do.
She was like never an asshole orsomething.

(18:26):
That's good. Like if.
You read my books like the dedications are to her, you
know, Because I love it. You know, let me do that, you
know. So this was like part kind of
honoring her and like shifting my grief to to expel it

(18:46):
somewhere. And there's no better place to
really get in touch with who youare than an acting class like,
Oh my God, especially like my method acting class, like we
should not in therapy. It has nothing to do with like
learning lines. It is all about, you know,
connecting yourself and your experience to the lines and then

(19:08):
like interpreting them. And you know what?
And it was like, you know, we were doing monologues that, you
know, from 1800s or something. And I'm like sobbing as I'm like
doing them and like all the stuff.
It was like super powerful. So the creativity, it was a way
for me to to shift the grief andlike kind of use it somewhere

(19:29):
else, but it also helped me heal.
And I just started coming out ofcoming out of that phase of my
life because of the creativity and just like really
understanding that I have been given this gift of time.
You know, I mean, I was fortunate that I got a severance

(19:49):
and that, you know, unemploymentand whatever.
And then I had some savings. So thank God I had some savings
that I didn't have to rush and Ididn't have to panic because at
first I was very panicked for the first couple weeks.
And my therapist kept saying do not panic, don't be OK.
And what I learned through that whole process was if you have

(20:11):
something else that's inside of you that you're trying to do and
that you want to do, you know, so many of us just get caught up
in the fear of it because we areconditioned.
To have that stable job, you know, to have that insurance
through the job to do this and you know, work on your thing on
the side sort of thing. But don't forget about this big

(20:33):
thing here. But if you allow yourself to be
who you really are and really nurture that little itch inside
of you, the universe, I mean, and everybody has said this and
it's because it's true because I've been experiencing it.
But it will provide and it will give you that safety net.

(20:54):
And it is absolutely terrifying because, you know, the checks
don't come in every two weeks orwhatever it is, you know, and
you don't get the equity refreshand you know, all that stuff
that has made the big life, this, this solid middle class
life in this country possible. But you get yourself back, you

(21:15):
get control over your time and your life and this ability to
really pursue who you are and like put yourself out there.
So in this process for me, I have found that like, I'll be
freaking out about something. I'll be trying not to panic on
the outside, on the, I think you're by myself, right?

(21:35):
But trying to keep it on the inside or whatever.
And then like an hour later, I will get an e-mail or something
like booking a through my agency, you know, that pays XYZ.
And I'm like, Oh my goodness, right.
And I've been like air being being my guest room on occasion
for extra money because I had toget really creative because what

(21:56):
I taught you was panic and go into a nine to five job just to
have a job. I can use this time to to be who
I am and and take roles that serve me.
So I was able to find a job helping this Ed tech company do
events like stuff like that. That's that's meaningful and

(22:18):
that is on brand for me. Like that's the sort of stuff
that losing a big job where you're not terribly.
Yeah. Anyway, allows you to do that
makes sense for you. Yeah, I think what you said.
We. There was so much in that that I

(22:38):
have heard numerous times in thekinds of things I listen to, but
I'm not sure everyone else hearsthe message because, you know, I
listen to these really powerful woo woo stories of resilience
and self belief and they are so common.
If that's what you're listening to, which is so interesting.

(23:00):
You know, I interviewed someone named Mignon Francois.
I don't know if you've heard of her.
She is this phenomenal woman whowent from poverty to cupcake
empire with her last $5. And it was, it was this sense
of, of belief and greater purpose.

(23:21):
And she, she definitely had a belief in higher power and a
kind of a just a foundation of spirit and, and someone watching
and, and. Like really protecting her so.
Yes, yes. But you know, life.
Life happened and she found herself with a crappy husband.

(23:43):
You know, a cheating husband andsix kids and no money.
To the point that she was sitting in the dark all day to
preserve the last amount of gasoline in the generator so
that when the kids came home from school they could turn the
lights on. And she ended up with the last
$5 in her in her envelope. She went and got the ingredients

(24:08):
to make cake and ended up selling it to a neighbor who
then said can you make more for a such and such party we're
having? And she was like, yeah, I need
you to pay me up front so I can go buy the ingredients.
There was a vision, a self belief.
That. I'm not going to just sit in my

(24:28):
shitty circumstances curled in fetal position on the floor and
cry about my hand of cards. It's how can I show up in this
situation? So I love that you're Airbnb.
I love that you're looking at other opportunities that weren't
visible or on the radar prior. And.

(24:50):
It's right. So there's there's this
multifaceted creativity for you because it's being in the
creative field, but also creative thinking of.
Exactly. Would you often have the chance
to? Yes.
When you're in a traditionally like corporate environment, they
can sell the bell, the whistles and act like they will let you
think creatively and we'll give you these opportunities and

(25:12):
stuff. But more often than that, that's
not really the case. You know, you're just like this
outlier with all this energy, this stuff, this different way
of thinking in your head, and you try, try, try, try, try, get
them to do something differently.
But they just don't because they're afraid too.
I don't know, like, everybody's fucking afraid.
So just be yourself and don't fucking be scared.

(25:35):
Hey ladies, I'm interrupting this show to tell you about
gentle coaching. If you've been following along,
you know I am all about life coaching and breath work for
midlife women. Is that you?
If it is, let's go. I have a 12 week package that is
designed to take you from burnt out to balanced.
So if you're feeling the stress,overwhelm, and chaos of midlife

(25:59):
womanhood, I got you. I know all about that life, and
I also know how to deal with it.So head to the show notes, click
the coaching application, and let's get started.
Now back to the show on that. So I wanted you to speak a
little more about the fear. It's a it's a very consuming

(26:21):
emotion for so many people. How do you navigate when those
feelings are swelling? Well, I ate a lot of French
fries over that period and dranka lot of wine.
That'll do. You know, but I have had a

(26:47):
creative vision for so long, as I was telling you, like before
we started recording, you know, I started modeling when I was 16
and I'm 6/1. And it was always something that
I wanted to do. You know, I used to pull out
tear sheets from my magazines and I had them all over my wall
in my childhood bedroom in Joliet, IL.

(27:08):
And that, that was it for me. Like on camera stuff.
You know, you're born this height, you got to do something
with it, right? The good Lord gave me this.
OK, I'm going to use. It like, are you any good at
basketball? No.
All right, What can you do? I play a lot of sports too, but
like, really, fashion was my thing.
So way back then I had this likeidea of how great it would be to

(27:33):
have a beauty store that had shades for all women.
Because I'm going to date myself.
Like back in the 80s, you know, you go to these jobs and black
girls kind of shit out of luck. You know, we're just mixing
stuff, like all that stuff, likethey didn't have the colors and
you know, everything. So I started having these

(27:54):
entrepreneurial sort of ambitions like way back then.
So I've had this vision. I guess what I'm trying to say
back then to do something different.
Most people in my hometown were after high school, going to
college, I went to Paris. You know, I took a couple years
off. I went to try to model.
I went and got out there becauseI've always had this like really

(28:15):
strong belief in myself. And eventually, you know, we're
going to Fast forward a number of years.
I've won Harper's Bazaars first Fabulous at every age contest
and it was sponsored by Estee Lauder.
And I won some money that I usedto create my beauty store that I
had in my head for a billion years.

(28:38):
And I had this online store called loveyou.com and I kept it
for a couple years. But I was doing everything and I
had a full time job. This is when I was living in New
York and the hustle was real, you know, But that was like this
manifestation of something. So I've always had a creative
vision and something to hold on to and a belief in myself that I

(28:59):
can do things. So when this time rolls around,
even though there's plenty to beafraid of, I have deep in me the
faith that I can do whatever I want to do.
So if I get like freaked out about something, I just think
about like how far I've come, you know, and it's between like

(29:21):
the support of my family and friends, you know, and my
parents and, you know, me praying and asking for guidance
and, and, and recognizing opportunity and listening when
something does happen or manifest, if you will.
And just like really listening to my gut and going with that

(29:42):
and just doing that. Like, for me, that is the best
way to get through fear because if you could just like, you
know, we all sit in it for a minute, but let it pass because
it will pass. Something will happen that will
confirm that you're on the rightpath.
This has happened to me like, somany times over these last six

(30:03):
months. Like, don't panic.
Don't go running back to an office.
Like here, here's another sign. Here's a, here's a job.
Like I just booked another commercial that I'm shooting on
Friday. Yeah, You know, like these
things happen. And just when I'm at my lowest,
something like that'll happen. And I'm like, oh, shit, yes,

(30:24):
that is confirmation. You know, I went to London in
April and I pitched my screenplays at the London
Screenwriters Festival, and I had had this idea to go to
London. I just had this strong feeling
that that's where I need to pitch my stories because they
mostly take place in Europe. So I was like a kind of bypass

(30:46):
LA for this to just go straight there to the producers there.
And the reception of my stories was so much better than I
thought they were. And then the next day after the
pitch fest, so I think I had pitched 7 producers, I think it
was, and they had try to temper our expectations and say, OK,
just think of it as, you know, developing a relationship with

(31:09):
these people and maybe they'll ask to read your stuff, but you
know, not everybody's going to ask to read your material.
Well, everybody asks to read mine.
Wow. With the exception of one person
who comes in at financing after somebody's attached, but I still
met with him. But the response was like very
great. And I was like, Oh my goodness.
Like I was like actually overwhelmed at like how well it

(31:30):
went. Yeah.
So the next day I've been planning to just enjoy the rest
of the festival and the panels and, you know, networking folks
and stuff. And there was a different
session called Elevator Pitch, where you literally get into an
elevator with an executive, you go down to floors and you pitch
your thing and you know, becausethat's reality that could

(31:52):
happen. You know that's.
Amazing that to do it legit on set.
Love that. Well, I was so tired from
pitching the day before, and I was actually quite afraid to get
into the elevator and do it withsomeone because I was like, oh,
you know, I didn't like pitchingyesterday.
I just kind of want to relax. And this actually kind of freaks

(32:12):
me out a bit, like, like doing this, you know, one more time.
And then I told myself, you knowwhat?
Because I'm scared, I should do it.
This is why I came here. Let me, you know, buckle up my
pants and get in that damn elevator and do it.
So I prepared for, you know, about an hour or whatever.
I practiced it again and I decided which story to go

(32:35):
because I only have 45 seconds. That's what was terrifying to me
because before we have 5 minuteswith each person, which is not a
lot of time, but I was pitching 3 stories.
But this one, there's only like literally 45 seconds.
But anyway, so I get in the elevator, I pitch my story
Collects Caleb. I have a novel called Collects
Caleb. So I'm adapting.
We go up and down and he's askedme a couple questions or

(32:57):
whatever. And then when the elevator door
opens, he says, this seems like my kind of story, let's talk.
And I like, nearly fell out. I was like, Oh my God, right.
Because the person who had come out of the elevator that was
ahead of me, he didn't say that to her.

(33:18):
She just said something like, oh, to her friend.
Oh, yeah, he was nice, but I don't know, like what company he
was from and blah, blah, blah. So I think he wasn't just like
saying that. Like, of course he's not just
saying that because executives don't just say that.
Yeah. No, this is business.
This is real. Yeah, so, but he said that and
he gave me his card. He's like, we should talk.
And I was like, OK, so I have toget out of the elevator.
My 45 seconds was up. And I just like, went outside
and I called my best friend hereand I just, like, started

(33:40):
crying. I was just like, so overwhelmed.
I was like, Oh my God, like, I can't even believe that.
So that was such validation for me.
And you know, I would not have had that opportunity if I hadn't
lost my job. No doubt.
You know what I mean? I learned of the festival.
It was just like this amazing timing, you know, I was well on

(34:04):
my way out of the, the, the darkness, I guess, of winter
when this thing was happening. In April, I bought a flight in
fairly short order because it was happening like within three
weeks or something. And amazingly, like the fair
wasn't absurd and my friend was there and London so I could stay
with her for free. Like the whole thing, like all

(34:24):
kind of a line. So when I go and I have this
experience, it just it just reminded me to stay the course.
And it reminded me that yes, youcan write like, yes, you can
write novels. Yes, you can do essays.
Yes, you can do screenplays. And look at this, somebody is
interested in it and my screenplays by two TV pilots
have already placed as semi finalists in this TV writing

(34:48):
contest. So I was able to take that with
me and and you know, and talk about that.
So I think the point I was trying to make is like, fear is
very powerful, but if you chooseto stay scared, you will never
do anything yet or never understand your potential, never
live up to it And it it passes, you know, you just have to trust

(35:13):
that things will come in and support you in ways that you
need. And it, you know, I mean, I
don't have a deal yet, but he's reading my stuff and that's more
than I could have asked for. And, you know, I'm very
confident that something will pop on the screen, you know,
that this will happen and stuff.So I just have to like,

(35:37):
remember, do not be afraid because something will happen to
remind you that you're on the right course.
Do not panic. Do not do just that.
Just Just do you. Don't do the scare, just do you.
Yeah, very powerful words. You know it's.
It. You got to sit with that and

(35:58):
really hear it and believe it. Yeah.
Yeah, cuz, cuz there's, there's crap coming at us all day every
day to all day, like push us offthe balance beam and it's like
just, you know, you can wobble alittle, but just just stay, stay
on it 1 foot in front of the other.

(36:20):
And do what you need to do to, to stay there.
And, you know, a lot of my fear now is financially based because
I don't have the stability. You know, I booked my my jobs
through my talent agency and stuff.
And that's all well and good, but, you know, those paychecks
don't come in in two weeks. They come in in 60 days.
Yeah, sometimes 90, like whatever it is.

(36:43):
But they still come, you know? But things will work out.
Things will be, things will be fine.
Like you just have to get creative.
So if something like shitty happens to you, like the lady
with the the cupcakes, you just get creative and things will
things will happen to to make itto make it OK.

(37:04):
And, you know, we're so used to thinking like, Oh my God, you
have to make so much money to like, really be successful.
Everybody should define their own level of success.
You know, indeed, I've made far less money this year than I was
the last, you know, 6 1/2. Because right, it's not.
But right. But how good was that quality

(37:26):
exactly? Yeah.
Exactly, and I feel way more successful now because I'm
giving the space and the breath and the life of the things that
I want to be giving and like living out my dreams.
Like the six, The first, let's say 5 months of this year were
like laying the foundation afterall that grief and loss and

(37:49):
physical stuff. And then now I can start seeing
the manifestation of that. And here's another crazy story.
Here's another crazy story. So I went to South, South by
Southwest, which is called Southby which I did not know until I
got there. I can't say.
Oh yeah, South by Southwest likeI was.
And they're like, you're not cool.
Yeah, get it right. So something again had told me

(38:12):
that that was the event that I needed to go to get myself out
there. Yep.
So I go to this thing, I buy a pass.
I don't have any money but whatever.
So credit cards for. So I, I bought a pass.
I get down there it, it, it was like the Lord wanted me there
because I found a hotel room with this.
Was it within like 2 weeks or something?
And it was not $1000 a night, you know, but I got a place like

(38:34):
walking distance that was affordable for me.
And on the first night I went tothe film and TV happy hour and I
wasn't going to go because it was like super hot and I was
like all sticky and it like grimy and stuff.
I was just going to like chill in my hotel and then like really
kick off the next day with networking and stuff.
Well, I'm at this happy hour. I'm standing at the bar with my

(38:57):
little drink token to get my little Pinot Grigio.
I am there for less than 5 minutes.
This man walks up to me and he says, are you an actress?
And I said yes. And he was, he looks at me and
he goes, Oh my God. He goes, you're the name of this
character's name. I'm like, sorry.
And I said, is this a line or something like what's going on
here? And he goes on to explain that

(39:17):
he is a producer. His wife is currently writing a
series. And the the protagonist had this
best friend, this woman who was a black woman that took place in
like the 1850s or something in Texas.
And the lady was reportedly likevery tall.
And he had not found a very tallblack actor.

(39:38):
And he was about to start looking at, you know, university
basketball teams and stuff. And he's like, oh, what the
problem is? Like, they're not actors, right?
And he's like, this is exactly like, why I came to this event
to find someone. And I said this is exactly why I
came to this to be found, you know?
Oh my gosh. So I've since, like, talked to

(39:58):
his wife who's writing this thing and, you know.
Hopefully we'll have like a script to read, you know, within
like a month or something. But that was another thing, like
on paper, I couldn't afford to go to that event.
I was like, Oh my God. Well, the pay was, you know,
$1400, whatever ridiculous was and the flight and the hotel and
like the food, like whatever all.

(40:21):
But then on the flip side, I waslike, I can't afford not to go.
Like, this is what I'm trying todo.
I'm trying to like, really put myself out as an actor and as a
screenwriter and stuff. And I need to put myself in the
places where these people are tobe found.
That's what people need to remember.
Like fear can keep you in whatever sort of geographical

(40:44):
place that you're in because if you don't know someone here or
there, like you just won't go orit's too scary to pick up and
move and change your life and godo something, but it's not going
to come to you, you know? So I just was like, well, this
feels like something I need to do, so let me just go.
And then that happened. And then like all these other
crazy things happened over that weekend.

(41:04):
And that was just like the universal Lord everything just
validating, OK, you're on the right course, stay the path,
stay the path, stay the path. Again, that would have happened
if I had the 9 to 5 still. And you know what's interesting
that that just crossed my mind, the number of times that people
are probably getting those validation signals and not even

(41:28):
realizing it because they've gotthe blinders on and they're
doing the grind and they're busy.
And so they want to go do something else.
They want to be creative or theywant to explore such and such
passion. And they're getting Dings pings
thrown at them, but they're not even slowing down enough and

(41:51):
opening their eyes big enough, or even closing their eyes and
listening to notice that the universe is trying to tell them
something. And so instead they're sitting
at home bitching and moaning that it'll never happen.
They can't do it. Life just doesn't work out for
them. And it's like, no, dude, you are
getting the signal. It's it's like, have you seen

(42:13):
that, that meme of I'm going to get it wrong, but it's like
where someone offers the person,they want something and they're
offered, oh God, whoever's listening will know what I'm
talking about. But it's like, God sent that
signal and they ignored it. Then there was another signal

(42:35):
and they, oh, yes, what am I talking about?
And then finally something tragic happened and the person
was like, God, you were supposedto help me.
And they were like, and God says, I sent you three people to
help you. It was.
I've seen it, you know. What I'm talking about like I

(42:55):
sent you the car, I sent you thebike, I sent you the plane.
You didn't listen. So now.
Right. This is on you.
Yeah. The answers might not come in
the form the pretty package withthe bow the way you.
Want it? Never do.
But instead of that package coming in the mail, maybe you
got a note left on your doorstep.

(43:16):
You know, it's something arrivedyou just were looking for.
That one specific design, so youweren't even open to the other
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And now let's get back to the show.
Exactly, and that's part of getting out of your head.
Yeah, and. Observing, listening, being open
to things coming at you at thesedifferent, these different ways
and stuff. So between like doing that and

(44:22):
like the London Pitch Festival and now I'm about to go to
Italy. I've had this plan for like a
while. And to the South of France, I'm
doing a couple week immersion film class because I also in
this time I started taking French classes because I used to
be a little conversational. I'd taken French in college and
I had the opportunity to live inParis like long ago, but you

(44:46):
know, you don't use it, you loseit sort of thing.
So I started up French classes again and I decided to do this
immersion course in the South France.
And since I decided to do that, I launched this business called
Shayfaint, where I bring together entrepreneurs and
creatives, you know, for networking over dinners and

(45:09):
retreats and all these things. And that that idea was just born
out of the fact of like me here.And so many people like
basically like complaining abouttraditional networking online
and stuff, not naming any companies and stuff, but like,
you know, all that stuff which is not working for people
anymore. And I just thought it's just

(45:29):
like hit me like a light bulb. I was like, Oh my goodness, like
I know so many people from different facets of my life,
like why don't I try to bring people together?
And since I had that idea and form the company, it's just like
hit like wildfire, you know, doing an event in New York.
I just did one here. I'm partnering with a film
producer person in New York, friend of mine in August.

(45:50):
And my friend in Rome who I've known for 30 years, she has a
her own travel Tour Company. So we're collaborating on a
dinner there and we have a good amount of people that are coming
for a Shay faint there. It's a verb now, as you know.
Yes. And we're hosting a retreat

(46:11):
outside of Rome in October, a women's retreat that we've
managed to get, like these amazing speakers and like all
this stuff. And it's all just been like,
just felt so natural. Like, yes, yes, this makes
sense. This makes sense.
Let's go with this. And it all feeds into, like, all
the other stuff that I'm doing, like bringing together creative

(46:33):
people, you know, writers, directors, producers, like all
these sorts of folks. It all plays into each other.
It all plays into each other. It's like the Have you read
Shonda Rhimes? Year of, yes.
Yeah, exactly. It's just like, yes, that sounds
great. Yes, I'll do that.
Yes, sure, bring it. Like sometimes I think that

(46:54):
idea, the year of yes sounds awful.
But in some, you know, in in some moments, it's like, yeah,
just say yes, just stop hiding. Stop being afraid.
Stop worrying about all the details.
Yes, that sounds wonderful. And she's such a fantastic
example. Like obviously she's a

(47:15):
phenomenal writer, everything, but you know, she's got out her
career. She wanted to be a novelist and
at some point, I forget how exactly, but she switched to to
TV writing. And then, you know, the rest is
history. But that she is a very, very,

(47:35):
very good example of being open to change.
Yeah. How sometimes what you're doing
may not be quite it, but if you just pivot, you just shift.
This way things can like, reallyopen up yeah and pop off for
you. Right.
I mean, that's what I mean. Like here's someone who's as

(47:57):
successful as she was, but was living a really fear based life
and staying home and and stayingkind of protected or isolated
and recognized that that was a detriment and created this
highway for herself to. She built her own lane.

(48:20):
Yeah. And one thing I love about her
work is, you know, when she wrote Olivia Pope, I could
instantly relate because when I wrote Colette's Caleb, first of
all, I started writing that book.
It's a book about a woman who isan assistant to a celebrity
slash fashion designer. In this love triangle, she finds

(48:40):
herself in between him and his Co star.
Once Upon a time in another life, I was met Damon's
assistant and my Colette is not my story.
However, I was in that world. I was in that space very a list,
you know, and I've had other kind of like big jobs at blue
chip companies and stuff and, you know, worked for the

(49:01):
president from US of Harvard at one time, all these things.
But when I was reading books, the heroine was never a black
woman at the center of these kind of stories in these spaces.
You know, maybe she was her girlfriend's sidekick or this or
that. But you know, the woman in the
novels were typically like younger.

(49:25):
Like, like the Anne Hathaway andDevil Wears Prada?
Kind of, yeah. God bless her.
Yeah, but you know, knock. Yourself out right, but if
you're not relating then. But there's also another side,
you know? And in in my Mac space, I met
plenty of us. Like the woman that I'm
partnering with for a Shay faintin New York.

(49:47):
You know, she's a Black woman and she's in the business still.
She's a producer, like all thesethings.
And I was like, where is the story with like a Black woman at
the center of the story, like especially set abroad whose back
story is not like rooted in trauma or, you know, heavy drama
or something like that. And there's a place for every

(50:09):
story. Like, obviously, like trauma
effects everybody, you know, in all these different ways.
But I write from this perspective because I travel so
much and I'm out in the world that my characters are out in
the world. You know, like one of my
screenplays, the other one, Perry does Europe.
It's about this woman who loses her job in tech and then she

(50:29):
runs off on this adventure with her girlfriends in Europe.
And she's 5052 or something likethat.
And here's a quick sidebar and then I'll come back to the genre
rhymes thing. I've written the opening scene.
So that story, my character, she's about to go on vacation
with her girlfriends to London. The next day, she's at work,
she's leaving, and she gets fired in like, the most inhumane

(50:51):
way. And she's like, what the fuck,
right? And so she goes off to Europe
and she has this adventure with her girlfriends, and she sets
out to pursue this long dormant dream that she'd always had, you
know, take place in Europe. So once my job ended, I realized
that the same thing that happened to my care what

(51:12):
happened to me because I was going to London the next day.
This was around Thanksgiving or something.
I already had these plans to go meet up with my friend in
London. And I was like, Oh my God, like
that is. You manifested.
It yeah. And my character had this dog
that died, you know, like all these things.

(51:33):
He was like, fuck shit snacks, right?
So obviously she's going to win the lottery or something.
Right. You got to give her something.
Yeah. Mary King, whatever.
Yeah, but. It was like wild, you know?
But let's get back to my point. So I write from this place where
my character is out in the world, existing in a list spaces

(51:53):
that where we don't always see them.
So when Shonda Rhimes came out with Scandal, I was just like in
love with Libby Pope and like just took a breath of fresh air
because finally here is this character that is existing in
this rarefied, highless, you know, pace.

(52:14):
And she is got all the agency inthe world.
She's prosperous, she's thriving, like all these things.
Like she obviously like has her shit going on, but she is out
there and she's the center of the story.
So it's just a huge inspiration for me.
So Shonda, you're listening. You're listening.
And then I'd like not. To work with you.

(52:35):
Yeah, Trinette would like to work with you.
I'd like to interview you like we would.
We want a joint collab here, Shonda.
OK, See, in this we're talking about manifesting.
So maybe, maybe sit down and write a little short story about
that. I love it.
Well, Trinette, it's really inspiring to hear you talk about

(52:57):
all these different projects that are able to grow from what
was a really tragic time in yourlife not that long ago.
And that gives a lot of hope andpossibility to the listeners.
So thank you for that of. Course.

(53:18):
Thank you. Yeah, I decided, you know, my
first 50 years or 53, whatever, and I was like, you know what, I
want the next 50 to look like something else.
I'm kind of done being that person in the office and living
within this kind of box and hustling so much in the

(53:39):
background. Like, no, my hustle is me.
There you go. Anything else is going to be the
background. Yeah.
Can you? Please tell everybody how to
follow you and and get your books and see what's going on
and and keep track of all the developments.
Sure, so my main website is my first and last name

(54:02):
trinettefaint.com, so I imagine it'd be written in the notes or
something. Yes it will.
Instagram trinette dot faint, and my new company is Sheafaint,
as in shame wall, Sheafaint dot com and stuff.
And you can link to the books ineither one of those.
So yeah. And come to our retreat that
we're having in October. It's going to be epic, let me

(54:26):
tell you. Yes.
Oh my God, I can't wait. And I'm going to see the
location when I get there next week.
My friend's going to take me to where we're going.
And we have just been planning all these amazing excursions and
stuff and it's just going to be so much fun.
And you know, everybody is like exhausted in this world and
nobody has like any extra money and stuff.

(54:47):
But the way I see it, you can't afford to like not treat
yourself and do something like this because Lord knows we could
all drop dead tomorrow. So and you can't take it with
you. Exactly.
Just go relax and fresh and, youknow, recharge.
You know, the women listening, they understand, they understand
the value of self-care and reward for all the hard work,

(55:13):
whatever that's looked like. So I I think people will be very
interested in what you've got going on.
I hope so. I mean, it's a perfect time.
It's, you know, it's offseason and it's cheaper to get there to
roam at that point. And, you know, the fee covers
everything, all transportation, meals, you know, wine.
I mean, let's talk about the food.

(55:34):
Oh my God, I can't wait. Wow, how long is it?
The retreat is October 15th through 19th.
So what I'm advising people, because we're starting it like a
Wednesday through Sunday, like avery long weekend, is to maybe
fly in on, you know, that Mondaykind of relaxed.
Like if you want to go somewhereelse in Europe, you know, go do
that, you know, kind of decompress with the time change

(55:56):
and then head over to Rome and stuff like that.
So, yeah. So come on, come on, come on.
Wow, that sounds amazing. So just make sure we'll we'll
link everything. Everybody check the show notes.
That sounds fantastic. And Trinette, thank you.
I want to invite you to raise a glass, let's say.

(56:19):
Cheers to creativity and plowingthrough the fear.
Yes, and to Avery, who continuesto inspire me.
All right, to Avery and all the Averys out there.
Yeah, they're right. OK.
Thank you so much, Jenny. This is great.
Thank you Trinette, I'm so grateful to you and wish you so

(56:41):
much success. Thank you.
Trinette's not just a pretty face, huh?
She is hella relatable. I mean, if you have ever lost a
pet, then you know what she wentthrough and you get it and it
sucks. Now let's get into Trinette's
notes from the sidelines #1 you can't see light without dark.
It just is a fact #2 Tragedy cangive us the space to focus on

(57:06):
who we are now and what we want to do #3 we're conditioned to
choose stability, the straight and narrow.
If you allow yourself to be who you really are and nurture the
itch within, the universe will provide and give you that safety
net. Sure, it's unpredictable, but
you get your life back #4 be yourself and don't be scared.

(57:27):
But when fear comes in, as it inevitably will draw from
previous proof, if you stay stuck in fear, you'll never
realize or live up to your potential #5 put yourself in the
places where the people you wantto meet are so that you can be
found. It's not just going to come to

(57:48):
you. Remember that little story I was
trying to recall in a conversation?
I know you've all seen it. It's the drowning man who's
refusing the offer of the truck to escape the flood, then the
boat to escape the flood, then the helicopter to escape the now
massive flood. And then he drowns and says to
God upon meeting his maker, why didn't you save me?

(58:11):
And God says, are you kidding? I sent you the truck above the
helicopter. So that message related to what
Trinette was saying. As far as the opportunities
coming to you, they may not lookexactly the way you envisioned
or desired, but be open. Just be open.
And finally, number six, choose to put your priorities out front

(58:33):
in your life, not in the background because you can't
afford not to take care of yourself.
That was just so encouraging. So I hope you found value in
Trinette's story, knowing that amidlife woman has undergone
challenges we all understand, but still is grounded in
herself, belief and inner knowing that she's on the path

(58:57):
that feels right. So thank you, Trinette, for
being here and thank you to everyone who has been a guest on
this show and who listens to this show.
It exists because women are brave enough to come forward and
speak openly about their lives. So I want to honor them and also
you, the listener who is taking this time to hear the messages

(59:19):
and hopefully shift a little bitfrom whatever stuck, resigned,
hopeless feelings you might haveinto something more positive and
possible. That's what I'm hoping to offer
here on this show. So if you enjoyed this
conversation, please share it sothat we can grow this audience
and grow this platform for the speakers who come here and share

(59:42):
vulnerably. And once again, I'm going to
remind you about the free breathwork link in the show notes and
hope to see you right back here next week for my conversation
with midlife badass Lisa Niver, who wrote an incredible book
called Brave Ish. So if that word resonates with
you, you are definitely going towant to listen.
In on her remarkable story of traveling around the world,

(01:00:05):
surviving A troubling marriage, and rediscovering herself.
I'm sending you so much love andsupport.
Cheers to you.

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85 - Trinette Faint turns tragedy into creative purpose and problem-solving

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}85 - Trinette Faint turns tragedy into creative purpose and problem-solving