93 - Lorraine Hightower turns pain to purpose for neurodiverse kids - Sideline Sisters

Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Hey ladies, my name is Jenny Chaffetz and I am the host of
Sideline Sisters. Are you a busy mom, powerhouse
professional or high achieving go getter?
This show is for no BS women whowant to be inspired to get off
the sidelines of their lives. Ever feel like you're playing
small or safe or just on autopilot?

(00:23):
My guests are relatable women who've gone on a journey,
overcome challenges, and live toshare the lessons that we want
to hear. These conversations will be
funny, sad, scary, wise, encouraging, and most of all,
real. So whether you're driving.
Doing. Chores, exercising, walking the
dog, or just laying on the couch.

(00:45):
Settle in and enjoy. I want to invite you to take
back your power, reignite your passions and step off the
sidelines. Let's go, everybody.
So glad to have you here for another episode of Sideline
Sisters. My name is Jenny Chaffetz, and
I'm the host of this show. And I want to say how grateful I
am that you tune in every week. And if you're sharing the

(01:09):
episodes or telling your friendsabout them, bravo and I still
appreciate you. Today.
I am excited to share my conversation with my friend
Lorraine. I met Lorraine at a beautiful
retreat that we attended back inthe spring.
And when I met her, I was immediately impressed by her
resume, her demeanor, and her mission.

(01:31):
You know, a lot of people use the expression of turning pain
into purpose, while Lorraine totally embodies that.
And if you are the parent of a differently abled, neurodiverse,
autistic, or otherwise challenged child, then sit back,
get comfortable, and feel so seen by this conversation.

(01:51):
Lorraine Hightower is a certified dyslexia advocate and
founder of a leading educationaladvocacy practice in Northern
Virginia. Combining professional expertise
with her personal journey as a parent, she transforms the lives
of children with dyslexia by creating personalized
educational plans that help themlearn and thrive.
Her advocacy has shaped state policy securing mandated teacher

(02:13):
training on dyslexia in Virginiaand earned her the Child
Advocate of the Year Award from the Virginia State PTA.
Recently, she received the Cypress Leadership Award from
the Siena School for her instrumental work in securing
vital support for children with dyslexia.
Featured in Distinct Magazine and a frequent guest on national
podcast, Lorraine and her team provide hands on advocacy,

(02:36):
parent training and consultationfor families nationwide.
She holds a certificate and special education advocacy from
William and Mary Law School, is a trained meeting theater, has
been a state leader for DecodingDyslexia Virginia, a past board
member of the Virginia International Dyslexia
Association, and is a professional member of the
Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates.

(02:58):
Lorraine is a fierce advocate for individuals with dyslexia as
she relentlessly championed structured literacy
interventions, effective accommodations, and the
opportunities every child needs to succeed in school and in
life. And even if your child is not
dyslexic, you will find this conversation valuable as a
parent of a neurodiverse individual.

(03:19):
I learned from Lorraine, and if I could turn back time, there
are things I probably would do differently.
However, as Lorraine impressed upon me over and over again.
We. Parents only know what we know
and as a result, do what we think is best for our children.
So we all need to give ourselvessome grace and not reprimand and
punish ourselves for decisions we made with limited

(03:43):
information. When we know better, we do
better, and we can always start that in the present moment.
Now, before I get into the conversation with Lorraine, I
want to remind you or maybe tellyou for the first time if you're
just hearing it, gentle coachingis pivoting.
I love coaching and breath work,but I'm going to be
incorporating those skills in a new mission.
I want to educate and empower women to look and feel better

(04:08):
than they ever have through the power of plants and a vegan
lifestyle. There is a lot of information on
the Internet about plant based diets and yes, food is a
foundational component to a vegan lifestyle, but it's not
the only component. And I also want to clarify here
that this is not a political decision.

(04:29):
I am not talking about activism or policy, although if that's
your thing, great. What I'm really doing is coming
at the vegan lifestyle, the plant based lifestyle, from a
place of compassion. I used to be addicted to animal
protein. Every meal I ate had at least
one animal product, if not more.A normal breakfast for me was

(04:51):
English muffin with eggs, Canadian bacon and cheese.
So I understand how extreme veganism sounds.
And also I am a changed person from who I was five years ago.
And as I mentioned with respect to Lorraine, when we talk about
giving ourselves grace as parents, the grace is

(05:13):
exponentially greater now that I'm vegan.
My perspective about the planet,the animals, the people who work
in factory farming, all of that has expanded my compassion and
respect for things outside of myself.
And also, I have become so much more loving and understanding
toward myself, which I never experienced when I was eating

(05:37):
the standard American diet and dieting, restricting, counting,
weighing, measuring, getting on the scale, berating myself for
how I looked and feeling really crappy.
Because let's not forget the gutissues, the endometriosis, the
sinus infections that led to me having surgery, the aches and
pains, the inflammation and bloating.

(05:59):
None of that was enjoyable, but I just thought it was part of
life. Now I know otherwise and I want
to share that with. All of you.
I want to inspire you to take care of yourselves in a loving,
gentle way. So that's what I'm offering.
A gentle coaching vegan lifestyle coaching that
incorporates nutrition, exercise, sleep, stress, toxins,

(06:21):
healing modalities, and baby steps.
So I invite you to check out Gentle coaching.com/veganism and
consider working with me to try this new approach to living.
And I promise you, it's not boring, it's not restrictive.
It's way more nutritious than when I was just eating animal
protein for most of my meals. It's a beautiful approach to

(06:42):
living and I want to share it with you.
Now let's get into this really special conversation with
Lorraine Hightower. I am so excited to be in the
presence of Lorraine Hightower, who I met in person at a women's
event back in the spring. So Lorraine, it is so nice to

(07:03):
see your beautiful face again. It's.
Great to see you, Jenny. It's, it's fun when I, I mean,
all my conversations are fun, whether I'm meeting a stranger
for the first time or reconnecting with someone.
And so it's really nice to be able to see you again and and
get your energy in this space. So I'm grateful to have you

(07:26):
here. Thank you.
And I know when we met, I think we met in Florida, I was very
much drawn to your energy and I just so love and admire what you
do and love that you have a podcast that does offer the
opportunity for women as sideline sisters to get very
real and authentic and learn from each other.
I think it's beautiful, so thankyou.
Yay, yay. Oh well, I'm so glad you're here

(07:48):
to share your wisdom because youare someone that I deeply admire
and the work that you're doing in the world is just so
important. So I'm glad that we're going to
showcase it today. So here we.
Are it's. It's that time of year again.
It is the start of a new school year.

(08:09):
So I'm really excited to get into a conversation that I have
yet to have on this show, which is that about education,
children's academic needs, what they're presenting in school at
home, and what that does to us as moms, moms of, of, of

(08:34):
students, moms of students with needs.
So I'm really glad that you can speak to that.
So as we get started, I would love to just give you some space
to introduce the audience to your story.
And I read your bio. They know the, the title that

(08:56):
you hold and the work that you're doing.
But what was the the story behind the mission work that
you're doing now? And it maybe you'll just infuse
this naturally, but how you got into this work your your
family's personal story, and also how you were able to know

(09:18):
something needed addressing. Well, I will say the the moms
not to be, not to leave the dadsout of it, but the moms always
know. Jenny, it's a a process of
really realizing that, you know,like, you know, like you know,
that something has to change, right?
But my story really begins with my son, who's turning 21 soon

(09:39):
and his journey into the public education system.
He was an only child. He was a cherished child.
My husband and I were married 10years before we had him.
And I say that because I was reading to him in the womb, I
was reading to him outside of the womb.
We were doing all the things right.
I was painting in the morning for fine motor skills and just

(10:00):
really, he had everything he needed for a strong foundation
into the public school system. But at a parent teacher
conference in first grade, a teacher who had 30 years of
experience is like, hey, your son is really fidgety.
He's not sitting still. We're not sure, you know, if he
has ADHD. And, you know, my husband and I
are like, well, what 1st grade boy is not fidgety?

(10:21):
So we really didn't dare at the time, right?
We're like, that seems kind of normal.
And then in second grade, his teacher, who had 30 years of
experience, also said, hey, you know, your son Jonathan is one
of the brightest kids in this classroom, but he is really
struggling to read, to write. He can't really write his name.
And we think, you know, he mighthave a learning difference.

(10:44):
And I was actually really grateful that that teacher took
the risk of telling me that. But what, I didn't.
Oh, yeah. Do you have a question?
Yeah, no, I was just going to interrupt you for one second.
I apologize. When I was a teacher, which I
mentioned to you was 25 to 20 years ago, for those five years,
I was told I couldn't say thingslike that.

(11:06):
I didn't have the liberty to suggest your child might have XY
and Z deficiency or need. It was not within my purview.
And that was a really challenging place to sit.
Right. And and just to speak to that
briefly and then I'll continue with the story.
Unfortunately, I think that thatdilemma still exist for public

(11:29):
school teachers, even though they are mandatory reporters
when it comes to child abuse or some or you know, concerning
issues. Oh yeah, I got myself in in
those situations, but yet I couldn't.
I wasn't allowed to say to a parent at a conference you might
want to consider some neuro psych evaluation or some
additional kind of testing because what I'm seeing is not

(11:53):
consistent with the other students.
Right. But what I want to clarify is
that teachers actually can referfor an evaluation if they do
suspect a disability. So, you know, to your point,
they're scared to do so. There's often conversations that
happen outside of the classroom,right, where they don't feel
comfortable, as you're saying, to talk to parents.
But in this case, my son's second grade teacher, she had a

(12:16):
special education background andshe was teaching general
education. And she saw, as she told me, how
bright and capable he was. Because my son one day Jenny
said that he was the runt of theclassroom.
And while we all reassured him that he was the same size, you
know, as everybody else and why was he saying he was the run of
the classroom? He said you don't get it mom.

(12:37):
I'm the mental runt of the. Oh my gosh, I'm going to cry.
I know. But then his teacher, beautiful
Miss Alexander said to me, she'slike Lorraine.
Don't you see, though, that he, he's the only one that would
explain it to you that way? That's what I'm I'm trying to
tell you. He's very bright and capable,
but he can't read, write and spell.
So Long story short, we were grateful that Miss Alexander

(12:57):
shared that with us. But what I was not expecting was
the challenge of just getting myson evaluated through the public
school district. And I will never forget that
meeting where we went with his teachers, with the counselors,
you know, the administration. And we're looking at all the
data to determine if my son needs a special education

(13:18):
evaluation. And what I thought was going to
be a very quick meeting was likean hour and a half discussion
where I, my husband and I are literally begging the school
district, like, why wouldn't youwant to do this evaluation?
And, you know, that led to us getting private evaluations,
psychoeducational evaluations, then going back to the school
district, then finally agreeing that they're going to double

(13:39):
check. And now they are evaluating our
son. And it all led to an eligibility
meeting where after, you know, ayear of going through this
process because the special education process is lengthy.
Yes, the team ultimately told us.
You know, we're not really worried about your son.
He's bright, he's verbal, he's agood kid.
He's not a behavior problem. And the defining moment for me,

(14:03):
Jenny and I still get choked up when I honestly think about it
because it was so hard to hear. His guidance counselor pointed
her finger across the table at me and said, Missus Hightower,
if you put, I think she actuallysaid, if you slap a special
education label on your son, youare going to change his life
forever. And I sat there with the tears

(14:24):
like welling up in my eyes and Isaid, you know, what, If I don't
put a special education label onmy son, you're right.
Like, I'm totally going to change his life forever.
And what kind of life is my son actually going to have if he
cannot read right and spell? And that was the hard, hard
truth. So even though we knew, like I
said, like we knew, like we knew, like we knew something was

(14:44):
not right with our son, we stillknew he was bright and capable.
So we did more, more. You know, my son jokes with me
later, Mom, you treated me like a lab rat because that was
actually a popular TV show at the time.
Funny really does. He was going through summer
tutoring. He went through all these
evaluations. We finally got diagnosis that
confirmed severe dyslexia, ADHD,dysgraphia, which is a

(15:05):
handwriting disability. And I thought, OK, now that we
have all of this, right now, he's about in 4th grade.
The school district is going to hear us and they're hoping to do
the right thing. They're going to give him an
Individualized Education Programto get accommodations and
services and all's going to be well.
Because keep in mind as a recovering over performer type A

(15:29):
corporate sales and marketing executive, I was highly engaged
in his elementary school and I was serving at the time as
president, Parent Teacher Association and I helped the
school win a national award for effective family school
partnerships. Wow.
So that's the context by which Ienter this eligibility meeting.
And I don't say that because I was expecting a special favor.

(15:49):
I just say that I thought we were going to give an honest
look at the data and we're goingto make an informed decision.
And what actually happened is they were like, yeah, no, we
think you're basically overreacting.
He's going to be perfectly fine.Look at his fluid reasoning.
He's got a lot to work with cognitively.
And they pretty much showed the door.
And after that, Jenny, I told parents I felt like I walked

(16:12):
around with the Scarlet D for dyslexia on my chest because
whenever I would mention my son was diagnosed with dyslexia,
teachers would walk away from me.
They would shut it down. The principal that I had worked
so closely with to establish this National Affective Parent
School partnership, you know, she didn't want to talk about
it. And I will give her credit and

(16:34):
say a couple years later, she took me aside and confidentially
said, Lorraine, you know, part of the problem is it's not that
we didn't want to help you. We didn't have any teachers
trained in the type of ecology that you were asking for to, you
know, to work with dyslexic individuals.
So again, that's about fourth grade.
And then we get through 5th grade, you know, and he's still,

(16:56):
I think he finally does because at this point, we got attorneys
involved and what have you, finally has an IEP in fifth
grade. But the hard truth is when he
went to middle school, he felt like a social freak and he
couldn't do what everyone else could do.
Despite being in an honors histories class, he was still
working with special education teachers in a very small

(17:18):
classroom. And there was that social stigma
around it. And, you know, people were
saying to him, are you retarded?What's your problem?
You know, all the the things that, yeah, say.
And my son became pretty suicidal in 6th grade.
And so we were faced with the reality that if we did not,
according to a local psychologist, if we did not pull
him out of the public school system, we might not actually

(17:42):
have to worry about his future, right?
So we placed him in a private school that was an hour and a
half away. And my husband and I drove 90
minutes on the road minimum, literally just to keep our son
alive. And the whole time that that was
happening, I became a woman on fire.
That's all I'm going to say because I could not believe the
injustice of what was happening,not just to kids who learn

(18:06):
differently, to the parents who were trying to advocate for
them, but also to our teachers who were so well-intentioned and
wanted to do the right thing andhadn't been given the training
that they needed to help These kids, two to four in every
classroom, right, have dyslexia.We know this from National
Research effects up to 20% of the population.
So from this whole lived experience, and I will say the

(18:28):
good news is my son self selected himself back to high
school, public high school because he said the pool of
girls was very small in the private school.
It's like, I need a bigger pond,Mom.
There's not a lot of girls. So, you know, he did find his
own way. He found his own voice and he
made it back to public high school.
But years of talking to pediatricians, school board

(18:50):
members, legislators, I did a presentation.
The Virginia Department of Education sent me to Quantico to
talk to their military personnelbecause they have these DoD
schools and things like that. Because literacy is the national
crisis and not just for individuals with dyslexia.
It's more of a, it's a, it's a life or death matter, I think

(19:10):
for kids who have dyslexia, but it's something not really talked
about in our, in our mainstream culture.
We just kind of decide these kids will be fine and they can
use AI or they can use, you know, their, all of their
devices. But again, it's, it's a, it's a
passion of mine and, and I have came to be known as someone who

(19:32):
took her, you know, pain as a parent and put it into a
professional mission. And my desire really was to
prevent any other family from going through what we went
through and to hopefully save any child who felt pretty
suicidal based on their lived school experience.
Sorry for the interruption, but I have to tell you once again

(19:53):
how excited I am to now be offering vegan lifestyle
coaching. Now I know the word vegan can be
triggering, so just hear me out.Do you want to get healthier?
Do you want to feel better? Are you maybe dealing with some
health stuff, body stuff that just isn't ideal?
We all are, aren't we? So what if I could offer you a
way to improve your body? The bloating, The inflammation

(20:16):
brain. Fog, aches and pains.
Digestive issues. Poor sleep, extra weight, mood
and energy. Wouldn't that be awesome?
Yeah, I thought so. Now head to
gentlecoaching.com/veganism and let's get started.
You want to feel better and I want to help you get there.
Now let's get back to the show. Thank you so much for sharing
that. And as a parent of a

(20:40):
neurodiverse child, I am in awe of how you accepted the
challenge because I think a lot of us speaking for myself,
speaking for other parents that I know could go the other way in
the sense of it buries us. Like you said, the amount of

(21:02):
time that the process takes, thepaperwork, the outside resources
that you need to compile, waiting for various tests to
take place. It's so consuming that you know
what, not that I, I ignored anything, but I certainly wasn't
going to make it now my mission to do more of this because it,

(21:25):
it was, it was such a burden. I, I had nothing left.
I couldn't imagine taking on this course for for other
people. So it's it's just so commendable
that you've done that. I was just.
Going to say, Jenny, I don't, I don't want to sugarcoat this in
any way. I mean, this was over 15 years

(21:47):
ago and I did go on a personal journey and, and.
And I don't mean to suggest thatyou didn't feel.
Buried. And yeah, I totally get what
you're saying. Many parents are like, yeah, no
thank you. And many just are like exit the
school system and do home schooland what have you.
But what I like to say is I feltlike I went through the five
stages of grief right, that we often hear reference.

(22:08):
I was definitely in the shock and denial, and that took a
while to work through. Then there was the anger where I
remember complaining with parents in the parking lot and
going to support meetings and saying, I'm gonna speak out
about this. And then I had the epiphany of
do I wanna be part of the problem or part of the solution?
Right. And then I started bargaining,
as I said, talking to all these people going to the top in my

(22:31):
local school district, working with legislators to draft
legislation. And and even though I'm doing
all this, there were moments of depression.
Like there were moments of I'm not a anxious person or a
depressed person by nature, but there were moments where, you
know, I just slept all weekend. I might have had two glasses of
wine one night. I might have binge watched
Netflix because I was really tired of the fight is what it

(22:54):
felt like. But then there is that
acceptance. There is that connection with
others. You are making meaningful
progress. I helped to write and passed,
you know, 3 state laws to benefit with dyslexia and
teacher teachers who need to be trained on the science of
reading. And the group of parents that I
worked with through Decoding Dyslexia, Virginia, they went on

(23:15):
even beyond my involvement to Passover, you know, 15 state
laws. And I always say anytime
something happens to you, personal tragedy, family
tragedy, career upset, what haveyou, we all go through these
five stages of grief right in our own way.
Some get stuck, some move through it quickly.
But to me, the sixth stage, Jenny, is advocacy.

(23:36):
It really is because in our own way, from our own lived
experience, if we make it through that fifth stage after
the Depression, and I'm just speaking from my own experience,
but I've seen this in others. You want to help people prevent
this from happening to themselves because that's what
heals your soul. If you can help other people not
go down that path, you start healing your heart piece by

(23:59):
piece. And honestly, that's what it did
for me. I volunteered as an educational
advocate for families for years.And then and then, you know, I
started to get a little like local name for myself and I was
in the paper and what have you and I started a business, but I
did that work for other people on a volunteer basis because not
I, of course, I wanted to serve and help their child.

(24:20):
But what I didn't expect was it was healing me.
It was healing me to help them. You know, it's here's a funny
story for you. So I was listening maybe not
funny. I actually think it's
frightening. I was listening to a podcast the
other day. I'm not going to out it too much
because I don't I don't they meant well.
It was talking about neurodivergence and the host of

(24:43):
the podcast was interviewing an expert in the field.
And the host said, tell me more about what this is.
I don't think I know anyone who's neurodivergent.
She went on to explain she was talking specifically about young
children or school age children.And so she was talking about
ADHD and autism and challenges with regulating the body and

(25:10):
concentration, rigidity, rumination.
And, and he, he continued by saying the host, I don't think
I, I know these people. So tell me, what is the
worldwide crisis or the nationalcrisis in this field?
And I, I'm yelling at the podcast saying, are you
blipping, kidding me? Like, I feel like I know more

(25:33):
neurodiverse kids than not, or adults too.
And so it, it really bought, I actually reached out to the
expert on the show so that I could bring her on here as well
because I, I'm so impressed likeyou with her advocacy and
mission in the world. But I thought to myself, OK,
this guy doesn't get it because it's everywhere.

(25:58):
And I would imagine then a lot of the women listening to this
show are dealing with it in their own lives, are maybe
working with people who are affected.
I just, I want to say as women, you know, even though I love the
connection that we often always share, there is a little bit of

(26:21):
judgement that goes along with moms and their kids, even at the
best a little bit, right? Well, I want to be respectful
here. It depends on who we're talking
about, but there's that, you know, spoken or unspoken
judgement that a lot of moms feel when it comes to how we
parent and our kids. And I can tell you that when my
son was, you know, in some of these early grades, people would

(26:43):
kind of kindly hint to me, well,maybe he should, you should
start tutoring. I'm like, Yep, we're doing all
that. Maybe you should read to him or
Yep, doing all that. Maybe, you know, so, So what I
think is hard for parents sometimes is even if you know,
something is a little bit off with your child, right?
Because I do believe moms know making the decision to do
something about it is opening that public door to some type of

(27:08):
judgement, even if it's coming from a, you know,
well-intentioned place. And a lot of parents, you know,
in my experience, are hesitant to do that until it hits the
fan, so to speak. And now you have no choice
because your child has got a multi year grade level gap in
reading or spelling or writing and, and they're depressed or
they have a generalized anxiety disorder or they're addicted to

(27:30):
a substance or dropping out of high school.
We see everything. So I just want to acknowledge
that as women, I think it is really hard.
It was really hard for me to decide that I was going to not
only embrace but embody that I am the mother of a
neurodivergent individual who has ADHD, dyslexia and

(27:51):
dysgraphia. And we are really proud of the
fact that he has that and that we're going to celebrate his
strengths and we're going to tryto remediate his differences
because we knew how amazing our son was and still is.
Yeah, that's so important for people to hear.
It is the the self judgement, the outside judgement.

(28:14):
It's so strong and and it is, itis funny how you say a mom knows
because I knew from preschool. That.
His my son's amount of energy activity just wasn't typical.
And and to hear the boys will beboys.

(28:34):
See like when you were thinking,well, aren't all first graders a
little antsy? That was the message I was
receiving from outside and I wasthe one saying this is not the
normal amount of antsy. The more ants in his pants then
then he should and this is not don't you see it?

(28:55):
Don't you see it? And the dismissing.
That like what you. What you spoke to a moment ago
of the being shut down and and silenced, which is such a common
theme in all areas of women's history, but to get it when
you're trying to advocate for your child's needs, it's, it's

(29:18):
paralyzing. Well, you're making such an
important point because again, Isee this all the time where
parents know and then they try to do something and then
unfortunately, even well-intentioned school teams
will reassure them that they just need to wait a little bit
longer, right? Trust the process.

(29:38):
Where are the educational experts?
And I'm not saying that to take away from educational experts,
but parents are experts and their children too.
And as kids are getting ready togo back to school, this is what
happens every school year. Every school district across the
country is going to do their baseline assessments.
You know, there's different kinds of assessments that they
give, but they look at these core areas of like reading,

(29:59):
writing, spelling and math. Parents are going to get those
scores and if their child is below and they try to have a
conversation because maybe they're reading and they're, you
know, they don't. Most districts don't assess
spelling nationwide anymore. But reading definitely.
Let's just say a parent knows like since kindergarten, my
child has never met the mark andthey're now in 3rd grade.

(30:19):
And like you're saying they want, they're like, this isn't
normal. Like you were saying about your
son, this is not the normal amount of antsy.
And they're saying, shouldn't mychild who comes to school every
day be able to read? Unfortunately, they don't always
get the answer that we wish theywould get as educational
advocates specializing in literacy disabilities, right?
They're told, well, just read more at home or just, you know,

(30:43):
we'll, we'll work on this. We'll really keep an eye on this
child. And what we wish would happen,
my team and I is that those parents or those teachers,
whoever is suspecting that thereis some type of a learning, I
like the word learning difference as opposed to
disability going on, that they actually make a formal referral
to the school district and get that evaluation.

(31:03):
So they have the information that they need to either show
them that all is well and your child maybe it just is not it
reading is not a high interest topic, but there's nothing to be
too concerned about when they'recompared to, you know, their
peers on norm reference standardized assessments or it's
going to highlight, oh, they're only in the two percentile and
we have a real problem here. Do you know what I mean?
So if your listeners do nothing else, what I want them to know

(31:27):
is when they get these assessments is look at them
seriously, look at the trend. You know, even though it might
be uncomfortable, take the initiative to have a
conversation with both the teacher and talk about if my
child's not meeting the mark, what is the process to request a
psycho educational evaluation inthis school district?

(31:48):
Everything begins. Just want to add Jenny,
everything begins with data, right?
You know, a lot of times parents, we come at this
emotionally because our, it's our child, it's our baby, and
we're very emotional and we believe people should respond to
our emotions. But what I found personally,
what all of our clients find before they reach us is school

(32:09):
districts will give you the tissue, but they only respond to
data that shows that they're required to do something.
So Speaking of that requirement,then we encountered a difficult
situation with our data. He cared a lot about.
School doing well. He has tendencies strong into

(32:33):
the rigidity and so he would gethyper focused on grades.
In fifth grade we had an you know, the school had an app for
grades, so he would be checking that daily.
I wasn't checking it, but he wasand he ended up getting really
good grades in fifth grade. Then in 6th grade, the
quintessential slipped through the cracks.

(32:55):
That was what happened from 5th to 6th grade.
He discovered some social tendencies and all of a sudden
he went from an all a dashboard to all C's.
Now, I went to the school and said this is troubling.
He's got all CS when he used to have all A's.

(33:18):
What's going on? And the problem with that data
is that Caesar average Lorraine,that's what they told me.
He's he doesn't need anything. We're not equipped to offer him
anything because this is not a problem.
He's average. Maybe last year he was above
average, now he's average. This is OK by us.

(33:40):
And I said, but if we're lookingat the individual, not the
global sense of a grading system, he is an A student who's
now getting all CS isn't this alarming?
And when I continued to be dismissed, dismissed, dismissed.
And he, he did try to advocate the, the school was very big on

(34:01):
students advocating for themselves at, you know, 11.
I thought that was a little extreme for an 11 year old boy
with documented ADHD to be told to advocate for himself.
But anyway, I would send him into the teacher with notes to
read, to ask questions because he did not know how to advocate
for himself. He didn't know in those pressure
situations how to speak up. So I sent him in with note cards

(34:24):
to say, missus teacher, can you please explain to me why I got
AC on this math quiz or what I did wrong on this paper?
And the dismissing continued until finally, before he was
switching schools yet again in our town.
And I remember standing outside the school building with a

(34:45):
fellow parent and I said, he won't be back here next year.
He's not going to that next building.
And I think she thought I was being dramatic.
But that summer, I scoured the area for options and found a
little private school, kind of like your son with the there
were nine kids in his grade. Not any options for dates there.

(35:09):
But I said you need a place where there's nine kids in 7th
grade, not not 450 or whatever. Yeah, I'm curious, did your son
have an IEP or a five O 4 plan? Or so that was, that was another
interesting battle that we dealtwith, which was he had, we had
done multiple neuro psychs at that point that all confirmed

(35:33):
the same diagnosis. And all we could get up to that
point was a five O 4. We were told that's the extent
of our options for him. And at some point, I don't
remember when it was, I'd have to look through the paperwork.
But I don't feel like doing thatbecause I want to.

(35:54):
Relive. That.
Just send it to us. Yeah, and and and I hopefully,
you know, we're we're kind of past the the real dilemmas of
it. But at a certain point, maybe it
was the 3rd neuro psych that we finally presented to the school
and said this five O 4 isn't working.
We need to up the ante and we did get an IEP.

(36:16):
It might have been at that pointthat we had an advocate.
It might have been that we were,we were really, you know, we got
the big guns, but it was just sodistressing that it required
that much work. And that's what I feel like the
the women listening who are in the trenches of it are just so
disheartened by the system. Right.

(36:38):
And and often you do need a guide or a collaborator or a
mentor to show you the way. And that is what I'm honored to
do, you know, for the families we serve.
But I do want to say, speaking about your son, if regardless of
if your son had a five O 4 or anIEP, you had protections in
place, federal protections in place, that his grades, which

(36:59):
are subjective in nature and both regulations do not rely on
those grades as a sole data point for how he should have
been supported through the public school system.
Like that's what parents don't know.
They don't know what they don't know.
So they right, when they're given these comments by the
school team, it's hard to know, well, can I respond to that?

(37:19):
What are my rights? Do I have options?
Can I require the IEP team actually look at other data
points other than his grades? For example, a child who has an
IEP, the team's required to address their developmental,
functional and academic needs. And what you were describing
were some of your son's functional needs and the grades
were showing a declining trend, right?

(37:40):
So again, not to not saying thisfor you to feel badly about your
decision, it sounds like your son did fine and you found an
environment for him to thrive in, but many parents don't have
the resources to just pull theirchild out and put them in a
private school. Yeah, that's right.
You know, we do try to put resources out and educate
parents on you actually have rights and why it's so important

(38:03):
if your child doesn't have, I tend to prefer an IEP, an
individualized educational program over A5O4 plan for a
variety of reasons. 1 is that inmost states, it requires parent
consent and parent involvement, whereas 5O4 plans do not.
But these are, these are different laws for your
listeners to know. One is disability law, one is
educational law, and there's different requirements for

(38:23):
eligibility. But if they have those
protections in place and they'restill not getting their needs
met, that is not necessarily your only option is to exit the
school district. It's actually to hold them
accountable collaboratively and professionally to do what
they're obligated to do so your child can receive what's called
FAPE, a free and appropriate public education.

(38:44):
And that is exactly the point that I want to make to the
listeners is not that you need to go find the nearest private
school or charter school or Catholic school or whatever
other, or home school. I'm so glad you're out here
sharing this information and providing these resources to
people because it is just mind boggling the whole thing when

(39:08):
you know it's it's an onslaught of emotion and decision making
that feels too big for a person.So I'm glad that you are being
that guide and kind support system for parents when they are
facing a really hard point in the journey.

(39:28):
Yeah. And and I want to say there's a,
you know, there's a lot of misinformation out there.
So I, I appreciate that parents often don't know what to do.
Even, you know, many teachers still subscribe to the myth that
you have to wait until 8, right,for some of these skills to come
together. And I just heard the other day
from one of the families we're working with that the school
psychologist told them, you know, we can't identify any type

(39:51):
of a disability at this, the child's second second grade.
That's not true. I mean, that's just a completely
inaccurate statement. These assessments are.
Normed for different ages with different skills that are being
assessed. And so there is a lot of
misinformation out there. And while we can Google a lot of
things, educational advocacy, Jenny, is an unregulated field.

(40:12):
So who you get your information from is critically important.
And you know, there's no, you know, like I appreciate when I
go to a doctor, are they board certified, right?
If it's an attorney, they pass the bar.
But when you're talking to an educational advocate, I want to
caution your audience that ask this individual what is their
lived experience? How did they come to know what

(40:35):
they know? Do they have any certifications?
Because educational advocacy is a free for all in most in most
regards. Guilty in another moment in time
because I did hire an educational advocate, the first
one that I used who when we werecontemplating leaving schools
and I ultimately found that little private school myself.

(40:55):
But she sent us on a wild goose chase of various options in the
area. And so I dragged my husband to
this charter school and a lot ofcharter schools in the area and
I'm sorry, they're just not all great.
So we go to this one and I don'teven know how to say this
nicely. It, it felt like touring

(41:18):
juvenile detention. It just, it seemed like a free
for all where students were justnow I went to an alternative
elementary school. So we were allowed to be in the
hallways and there was definitely a lot of freedom in
that. But this felt like a little
this, this felt like time in theyard like it was.
And I, I'm, I feel like maybe there were some students

(41:40):
smoking, like it just felt, it really felt like we were at a
prison and that it was rec time at prison.
We continued the tour. We were polite about it.
We, we kept going on the tour. And then at the end, I remember
sitting with the principal and another administrator type and I

(42:01):
asked about college. This was a high school.
Maybe it was a six through 12, but I remember asking about the
college trajectory. And he said, OK, so where do
your graduates go from here? And they put their two heads
together, whispered a little bit, but, you know, kind of
girdling some words around. And then it was like Eureka.

(42:26):
There was that one girl who wentto college.
Right. That's what they said.
There was that one girl a coupleyears ago who went to college,
and my husband and I were like, we're out of here.
Not that. Not that every student needs to
go to college. I am not a believer in that
philosophy. But when you have to rack your
brains to remember that a few years ago there was a student

(42:48):
that graduated and went on to higher education, I found that
troubling. So.
And what you're shedding light on, Jenny, is that we know from
National Statistics that students who have disabilities
to graduate and much lower levels than anyone.
But it kind of makes sense. Like when I think about students
who have the, you know, specificlearning disability of dyslexia.

(43:10):
If you have not been taught how to read, to spell, to write, and
you don't have any type of plan that informs the accommodations,
the assistive technology, or what you need to access the
grade level, college level curriculum, then why would you
put yourself and that in? Right.
Exactly. Exactly.
It's like the perfect storm. So yeah.

(43:33):
But my part of my point in that story was that I went back to
the Advocate. Who?
Sent us to that school and I said, what were you thinking?
You know my kid, that's not the environment for him.
He very well could have been at a charter school, but not that

(43:54):
one. Why did you send us there?
That was a giant waste of time for us and the people who gave
us the tour. And then she came back and said,
oh, I haven't been there in years.
So it must have changed since the last time I visited.
And it's to your point, do your do your research on the on the
advocate or maybe probe with some deeper questions.

(44:17):
I didn't know what I didn't know.
So I trusted her and thankfully I didn't send my kid there.
But it was just like you suggested this and and you're
the person that's supposed to know more about this.
Thanks. I'm gonna seek additional input.
Yeah. And another caution for your
audience is that, you know, there are some great educational

(44:40):
advocates out there. So I'm not saying this
inclusively of all advocates, but each educational advocate
has their own bar or their standard for what they think is
acceptable, right. And for the clients and the kids
that we advocate for, we are notlooking to lower the bar at all.
We're looking to raise the bar as high as their cognitive

(45:01):
profile says that it should be raised.
And what I mean by that is if weknow this child is bright and
capable, sure, we need services to teach them how to read and to
spell, but they should be in honors classes.
They should have access to higher level opportunities and
they need their accommodations and their interventions and
everything else. And while it sounds so easy to
say that, Jenny, that is really hard to get in the public school

(45:25):
system because they don't like to put kids with Ieps or
accommodations in an honors program, even though it's a bit
discriminatory not to, right? And they will tell parents, oh,
you don't want them to get this Orton Gillingham reading
intervention an hour a day, fivetimes a week because we're going
to have to pull them out of coreinstruction and then they're

(45:46):
going to have to catch up. And we are worried about Sally
and Johnny and their emotional state.
And again, I just, I can't say it enough for any of the moms
and the few dads, hopefully thatare listening to sideline
sisters, right? Listen, Jenny, we're inclusive
here. That's great.
But I mean, it's so important toknow that when you hear these

(46:08):
things, they're not all accurate, right?
Because if you don't prioritize your child's learning how to
read and spell at a very young age, the snowball effect of that
gap, it's just going to become unbearable.
Like to your point, by the time they're in middle school or high
school and then there is no college.
So while it is, yes, hard to advocate, have the challenging

(46:31):
conversations and maybe your child does feel a little bit
different in the elementary school, there's so much more
resilient at that age. We've seen our clients, children
actually fully embrace their uniqueness, their dyslexia,
their ADHD, their what have you do little class presentations on
it to educate others. I mean, again, I just, I want to
keep beating this drum that waiting is never the answer and

(46:56):
getting accurate data and not relying on what others tell you,
whether it be a parent or a well-intentioned teacher or
administrator or even a pediatrician.
Pediatricians are honest to say they know very little about.
Dyslexia. It's not part of their medical
training. So just don't rely on what
people tell you. Feel confident and comfortable

(47:16):
knowing that you have a right, as a parent of a child in a
public school system to ask for this data to make informed
decisions about their education and their life, because the two
are very closely related. Yeah.
All right, everybody listen. Listen to that.
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And now let's get back to the show.
Now I'm curious, Lorraine, I would imagine that this work is
all consuming. You know, you're dealing with
children, children who might in some way reflect back your own

(48:26):
experience. And you're these are families,
these are humans. And I would think that it's hard
to separate, hard to go into Lorraine's personal life without
bringing Lorraine's professionallife and and vice versa.
But how do you deal with with having such an emotionally

(48:49):
charged job and also a life outside of the office?
That's such a good question. And I will tell you, we're like
starting our 10th year in business.
And I feel like I'm just starting to figure this out,
Jenny, because I am so passionate about this work.
And I feel, I feel the heartacheof the families that we work

(49:12):
with. And so I willingly accept the
responsibility of helping them and their children, Right.
And they almost become like my team.
And I say these are like our kids too, Literally.
Yeah. And we love getting the emails
when you know, they're thriving years later.
But in the moment, it is really hard not to.
If you're any type of an empathic person at all, it's
really hard not to feel that pain when parents are sharing

(49:35):
their fears, their doubts, theirfrustrations.
But two things I want to say. One thing that I learned
professionally is that, yes, we can all cry behind the scenes.
Let's get it out, right? Let's process because it is
terribly sad and frustrating andit makes you angry.
But sharing with parents that that's not going to lead to a
productive result for your childhas really helped so many

(49:59):
families understand, you know, that we have to advocate without
emotions right in front of the school district.
That's where I failed. Yeah, and and Mehdi myself too,
right. We, we get there the long, I
think you take the long road sometimes when you figure these
things out. But to answer your question,
what it really came down for from for me was boundaries.
And I'm still working to put these in place because my team,

(50:19):
my husband, my son will tell youI would work 11 hours a day.
I'd work, you know, during the day after dinner.
I'd work on the weekends becauseI'm so passionate about the work
that it didn't feel like work for me.
It felt like, you know, what I want to do in every, you know,
waking minute at the same time. It was kind of having a real

(50:40):
impact on me personally, mentally and physically.
You know, I'm, I'm, as I told you, closer to 60 than 50.
My body was like, you can't sit in a car or sit at a desk all
day long. And mentally I was running on
high cortisol, like, you know, 11-12 hours a day.
And then my stomach would start to have issues.
So I have worked over the years on my mindset, on my preserving

(51:06):
my energy, establishing boundaries, trying to, you know,
eat a clean diet so that my system is strong.
And you know, to me, this work is not for the faint at heart.
I've had other gurus in the field say, I don't know how you
do what you do. When I leave those meetings, I
just want to go eat and drink ordrive off a bridge or all these
things. And it's true.

(51:26):
This, this, this work is not easy, but it is truly, Jenny,
the most meaningful work I've ever done.
And I say that for two reasons. 1 is when parents tell me like
you trained me well and I, I knew what to do and I did this
or I helped a friend or, you know, I just feel like the
ripple effect of what my team and I are doing.
You can't not receive all that goodness, right?

(51:48):
It's amazing. And the, the other part of it is
like I said, you know, it's still healing me.
I still have the guilt and the doubt from my own son's school
experience and I wish I didn't. But the hard truth is I do.
And he would even say things at times he'd say cuz cuz it's

(52:09):
funny. The PTA logo used to be one
voice every child. I hope I'm getting that right.
It's been a while since I was advocating through the PTA.
But one voice every child. And I love the PTA because
people think it's all bake salesand you know, getting funds for,
for recess equipment and what have you.
But actually the PTA is the low largest and oldest child
advocacy organization out there.So fun fact for your audience,

(52:32):
but my son would say to me, Mom,you're advocating for every
child and not your own child. And that really hit heart.
You know, he would, he would letme know like you're burning the
candle at both ends for everybody.
But you're not like here for me sometimes.
And of course I'd be like, well,Jonathan, you know the work I do

(52:52):
look at the ripple effect. You're helping thousands of
kids, what have you. But I still have guilt like I
wish I knew what I know now whenhe was in 2nd, 3rd, 4th grade.
I wish I would have explored different options for him again.
My son is well adjusted. He's happy he's on his own path
as an entrepreneur. But I just want to be like, you
know, you, your, your sideline sisters says real women, you

(53:15):
know real shit. And I want to say I still have
that guilt. You know, he's turning 21 and I
still have to process that. So I want parents to know, like,
I, I really get this, like I understand how it creates these
holes in your heart, but it's never too late.
And so if you have a parent listening and they're like, Oh

(53:35):
my God, I wish, you know, I would have done this.
My child's in high school. Like, don't ever lose hope for
your neurodivergent child because it's never too late and
there's always options. Thank you for speaking to the
Guilt that we feel when we are making these enormous decisions
that we can only make with the information that we have in that

(53:57):
given moment. And it is very real two years
later, have regrets, have doubtsthat we made the right choice
then. And especially when you have a
child that voices that to you, as mine does to me and I, I pray

(54:17):
for the day when it's all been made peace about.
That was so grammatically incorrect.
But when it's all been, I don't wanna say washed away, but
accepted and and given the gracethat it deserves because we made
choices for our son that he willpresent opposition to now.

(54:42):
And and you should have done that.
And or, or it'll be tongue in cheek because close to yours,
mine's 20. And he'll reflect and say, well,
you know, you did that if you hadn't done that or I never want
to do that again because it reminds me of that experience
that I won't explain here because it's his story, not

(55:03):
mine. But it is like a dagger to the
heart of why did I do that? Why did I think that was the
best choice? Well, I did.
I did what I did with the information I had.
Exactly. And I think, you know, the one
thing that I, I believe, as you said, this is my son's story
too. But I believe there was never a

(55:25):
moment that he didn't feel lovedor supported or know that his
parents were doing everything intheir power to help him.
And I think that your son probably felt the same way
whether he agreed with the decisions you were making.
You know, as parents, until our children turn 21, it's our job
to keep them safe and to do whatever we believe is in their
best interest. So I think we have to give

(55:46):
ourselves grace. And I think the parents
listening, who maybe are seeing that their child can't do what
they want them to do in the areaof school or reading or writing
or spelling, you know, just acknowledge, meet them where
they are. Acknowledge where they are.
And look at your options at thatpoint in time and if you are
intimidated to go through that process on your own and know

(56:07):
that there are people like me across the country who can be a
resource and help for you. You do not have to go this
alone. In fact, the most popular
package we sell, Jenny is calledDon't Go it Alone.
And all of my services are namedfrom my lived experience.
So when I used to do what peoplein the industry call like a
discovery call, right when you're just trying to meet

(56:29):
somebody, I always call that. What keeps you up at night?
What keeps you up at night? Call because I know that for
moms who see that their child isnot meeting the mark in whatever
way they want them to meet that mark.
Those moms are working behind the scenes after hours on the
computer, looking on YouTube, Googling.
They are trying to figure out they're not sleeping.

(56:50):
They're either getting up early or doing this at night.
They are trying to figure out what does their child need.
And so then from that we were like, oh, we got to have a don't
go it alone package, right? So, and, and I mean, it's, it's
kind of tongue in cheek, but it's all born out of my own
experience because as you said, this is not easy.
This is not easy. That's so good that what keeps
you up at night and truly, that's what I end up hearing

(57:13):
from people is I'm, I'm, I was up all night Googling the best
book to read on such and such orwhat's the best diet or what's
the best clothing for my sensoryfocus kit or what, what device,
what you know, tactile things, what games, what are the best
everything. And that is what keeps moms up,

(57:37):
is always wanting to do the bestbut having no freaking clue what
it is. Exactly.
And it's hard, but again, I am Iam positive by nature and it is
it is never too late to help your child.
And so rather than spending in multiple directions and relying
on, you know, references online or what have you, there is a

(57:59):
system in place. The Individuals with
Disabilities Education Act is the federal law that overseas 14
different classifications of disabilities and these kids have
rights once they meet that criteria.
So and as you said, there's fiveO 4 plans that allow for
accommodations for kids who are one of their major life
activities is affected and they need, you know, accommodations

(58:20):
because they're substantially restricted in that area.
So it doesn't have to feel so done on your own or this
eclectic approach of talking to your neighbor and people in the
parking lot and online. If there are resources, there is
help out there. Yes, yes.
Oh God, that's that's relatable.We all, we all know what you're
talking about. I recognize that.
All the time that polling, you know, 75 people in the

(58:43):
neighborhood carry a clipboard through the mall like.
Just to get. Your your basic idea of how much
sleep do I need? So you have said a couple of
times in our conversation that you are naturally predisposed to
positivity and that is admirable.
I'm sure there are people listening who are jealous and I

(59:04):
hear that I I know that we all have kind of a resting state one
way or the other. However, you can be a very
positive young person, but then you get older and you start to
see the ways of the world and confront challenges that didn't
appear when you were younger. What do you do to maintain a

(59:27):
positive attitude? Does it just come naturally or
are there things you do to perpetuated?
Again, another great question. I would say that my natural
disposition is to be more, I'm more of a glass half full than a
glass half empty kind of a person.
But it's also a learned experience because I think like

(59:47):
we were talking about earlier, early on in my family's story,
and I would say in other areas of my life, when I was, you
know, in school, college, career, I started to realize
that I could either like react emotionally to stuff that was
happening to me. Or I could choose how I had some
agency over this and I could choose how I wanted to respond.
And in this, in this whole situation with my son in the

(01:00:10):
school, I tried the whole angry approach and the, you know, the
injustice of it all. And why isn't someone doing
something? And I think people were like,
oh, who's this helicopter mom? She has a lot to say about this.
And I kind of got labeled as like the, as I said, the woman
with the D, the scarlet D So I could see that that wasn't
really working. I think that it's really just

(01:00:32):
realizing that we, in that moment, are we trying to be part
of the problem? Are we trying to be part of the
solution? Like what is our end goal?
That's really where my positivity comes from.
And I would say even when I go to some of these really
contentious school meetings withfamilies, just taking a moment
to realize and recognize that a lot of these people are have

(01:00:53):
good intentions, but they're victims of the system that we've
been talking about, right? Public education.
And as you shared with me as a teacher, you didn't always feel
comfortable saying what was on your mind.
So understanding that, you know,the system is not set up for a
lot of open communication, transparent communication.
Everybody's protecting their jobor being cautious about what
they say. But at the end of the day, there

(01:01:15):
still is a federal law. There's a process, there's
criteria, there's things that must be considered.
And so I'm sharing that again, because that's what gave me
hope. That's what allowed me to stay
positive for my son and with others is not getting into the
muck of it all, not blaming and shaming the school district or

(01:01:36):
the school team because that, first of all, it's not
productive. And it really didn't feel good,
Jenny. I didn't want to be the person
who was criticizing my son's teachers or I actually won't
work with clients who go on social media and put down their
school district or their school staff because a lot of people
are guiltless. I mean, definitely, there's a

(01:01:57):
lot of people who are making curriculum decisions that I wish
would choose a different curriculum because it's not
impactful and it's leading to, you know, a country where we
have significant literacy issues.
But I think when you recognize that everybody's showing up with
their own unique perspective, right?
It's not all personal to you or your child.

(01:02:18):
And how can I, with that understanding, still get the
outcome that I want without it taking like such a heavy toll on
me, Then you are kind of able tomaintain a more, I don't want to
call it neutral. I'm going to call it more
hopeful. Hopeful outcome, right?
That's so good. Well, this has been enormously

(01:02:43):
helpful and encouraging to the parents listening who are in it
right now and often consumed with the hopeless, helpless
emotions. So I'm hoping that they have a
renewed spirit now. So I yeah, yeah, of course you

(01:03:06):
do that, that you're, you're positive.
So can you please tell the audience how they can work with
you and what kinds of resources you offer?
Sure. I would love to.
So our website is simply Lorraine hightower.com and you
can put the spelling of my name obviously in your show notes.

(01:03:27):
But I have a team of I have teachers on my team.
I have all of certified dyslexiaadvocates on my team.
And we really support families in two ways.
We offer Done for You advocacy services that are very
comprehensive in nature, kind oflike I was talking about that
Don't Go it Alone package, whichgives parents a lot of relief

(01:03:47):
because they've often been carrying the burden and not
knowing what to say and kind of trying to go toe to toe with
school districts. So we offer that high level done
for you comprehensive advocacy work where we are working
collaboratively with parents, but really taking the lead to
get the results that the parentswant.
Oh yeah, you had a. Yes.
And is that specific to dyslexiaor that's any kind of diagnosis?

(01:04:11):
So we specialize in serving students who have dyslexia in
the public school system. I will say the majority of our
students also have a Co occurring disability.
So unfortunately a lot of these kids will have a generalized
anxiety disorder even though they're in elementary school.
Many start off with speech issues before we identify that
it's dyslexia, ADHD and probably3540% of our families, their

(01:04:37):
children have that as well. And so there are Co occurring
conditions that go along. But you know, I'm often asked by
parents who might have a child with, you know, that's medically
fragile. I heard you were an amazing
advocate. Would you take our case kind of
thing. And so that's really not the
family. And obviously I want to help, my
heart wants to help, but I want them to work with an educational

(01:04:59):
advocate who is specialized and medically fragile children.
And I don't believe I would be the best match for them.
So we try to guide them to an appropriate advocate.
I, you know, when it comes to dyslexia, I think we're, you
know, at the top of the game. So I would highly encourage
folks to reach out to us becausethe second way we help is not

(01:05:20):
just doing the advocacy with theparents, but it's resources and
parent training and just being that place where if something
happens in your meeting, you have a place to turn and go.
What would this these folks say about that?
Is this real? Can I do this?
I'd like a sample of a letter orI need a template to walk me

(01:05:40):
through this. What should I considering at
this stage? So we really are trying to do
for parents that need it done and then educate and encourage
others that are doing it on their own that you're not crazy.
First of all, that what you're seeing is real for your child.
And we, so we do a lot of clarifying and validating parent

(01:06:01):
concerns and we do that through parent consultations.
Again, not to confuse your listeners, we have the done for
you. We have the educational.
And then the most common, the way that everybody starts off
with us is through a paid parentconsultation where they can
submit up to three significant pieces of data.
So it could be a school evaluation, private evaluation,
could be work samples, it can bean IEP if their child has an IEP

(01:06:23):
or a 5 or 4, whatever they want.And then I personally meet with
them online for an hour. I tell them everything that I'm
seeing, why I'm either concernedabout it or not concerned about
it. And we really do outline an
advocacy road map for those parents.
So they actually leave with tactical, practical action steps
that they can take if they're going to try to do that on their
own. So that's been really helpful

(01:06:43):
for a lot of families. And we just started doing that
about two years ago. And that was born out of parents
saying, hey, could you just lookat my child stuff and give me
your professional opinion? Because there are points in the
school year, Jenny, where we don't have the capacity to just
take on, you know, every family.But that's pretty much how we
serve. And then, you know, I love to do
podcasts and webinars. And I am still beating the drum

(01:07:03):
about dyslexia. And, you know, as I shared with
you, I think offline, this to meis a national crisis.
You know, the 2024 scores that came out by the National
Assessment of Educational Process, which is often referred
to as NAEP, found that only 31% of grade 4 students are at the
proficient reading level. And these are not dyslexic kids.

(01:07:26):
This is all readers, right? And that 60% were at basic.
But you know, this is just unheard of in a country as a
fluent and well educated as the United States, right?
So I, I try to do a lot to shinea light a problem that I believe
needs national attention and to get people talking about how

(01:07:51):
it's not a shameful thing if your child has dyslexia.
I, I kind of want to wrap up with some positive points about
we know we've had, it's estimated that we've had as many
as 11 presidents have dyslexia. There's endless actors, lawyers,
surgeons, novelist, you know, it's just the, there's no limit
on the field that people can go into if they have dyslexia or

(01:08:15):
other neurodiversities. And yet as a country, we, we
don't embrace this population, you know, we put them down, we
make them feel ashamed, they hide, they have anxiety.
And so whatever I can do to recognize not just the parents
of these kids, because a lot of this is highly inheritable.
So the parents are dealing with some of this too, but you know,

(01:08:37):
celebrate these kids because I see them and I see their gifts
and I see them as the world changers.
You know, Steve Jobs was dyslexic, Bill Gates thought to
be dyslexic. Like our world changers have
neuro diversities. So I just whatever I can do to
support that effort and hopefully change the mindset of
a lot of people and like the individual that you spoke about.

(01:08:59):
And thank you for reaching out to that organization to let them
know that neuro diversity is real and very common, and it's
should be celebrated in my opinion.
So what? Remind me again if I know you, I
think you said it, but how? What percentage of people are
dyslexic again? So the Yale Center on Dyslexia
and Creativity, Sally Shaywitz, is one of the top gurus and

(01:09:22):
personal mentor for me in this field.
They have determined that it's as much as one in five or up to
20% of the population. Now, depending upon where you
look, you'll see kind of different statistics.
I've seen things, you know, 10 to 20%.
And I want to say the reason forthat is because dyslexia, like
any other disability, occurs on a continuum.
So it could be mild, moderate, severe.

(01:09:43):
So like, you have to kind of identify as dyslexic to be
counted among some of these statistical studies.
But we know it's higher. It's closer to 20%.
And a lot of, you know, like my husband, part of what we found
out in this process with our sonis that my husband has ADHD and
dyslexia, but he never was appropriately identified.

(01:10:04):
He did not learn how to read until he was in the 4th grade.
And he just thought he was stupid, quite honestly.
So a lot of people don't get identified.
And so of the folks that do, that's a pretty large portion of
our population. As I said earlier, it's 2:00 to
4:00, kids in every classroom. And again, I wanna just give a
shout out to teachers because I have teachers on my team.

(01:10:27):
And I think that is the hardest,most, one of the most
unappreciated jobs out there. It's not easy.
And we put so much on our teachers.
So I am committed to also continuing to advocate for
teachers getting the training that they need to be reading
specialist, the training that they need to teach reading based
on the science of reading and understanding that it is not

(01:10:50):
their fault. Because teachers carry a lot of
guilt when they can't teach a child how to read and spell 2
and they don't know that it's because they're using an
inappropriate methodology because that kid has dyslexia.
So I just want to acknowledge the teaching population.
I'm so grateful for what they do.
And it concerns me how much we expect of our teachers.
And we keep piling on and pilingon.

(01:11:12):
And but at the same time, you know, my heart is with the kids
and their parents because we've got to help them and they
deserve, they deserve to have their educational needs met.
Amen. Amen.
Yes. And honestly, that's why I left
the teaching profession, becauseit is so, so hard to do that

(01:11:34):
job. Well, it is.
I mean it, it's not as hard to do it poorly.
It's it's not hard to show up at8:00 in the morning or 7:30 and
leave at 3:30. That's not, that's not bad.
So it's not hard to do. It's hard to do any job badly.
So, but I didn't want to do it badly.

(01:11:55):
I didn't want it. I didn't want to do it
adequately. I wanted to do it well and I
knew I couldn't with a baby. Yeah, And I will share Melissa
Minnick, who's on my team. She's been with me for five
years. I adore Melissa.
And she was a teacher for 20 years in various districts.
Part of why she was drawn to this mission and to this work is

(01:12:16):
because she had her own guilt. Like you're talking about Jenny,
like she, she was a teacher thatHarvard actually came and filmed
her teaching. I think it was science or
something, because she was such a gifted teacher.
And yet she left the profession because administrators were
putting her in places asking herto teach reading.
And she I would tell them I can't teach reading.
I'm not successful at this. But she didn't know why she

(01:12:37):
wasn't successful all these years ago.
So anyway, it's a unique situation no matter how you look
at it, whether you're a parent or an administrator or a
teacher, what have you. It's kind of all-encompassing.
So again, I love being here and I do want to say that as a gift
to you and what you do to your audience.
If anybody does want to sign up,it's just our discovery call.

(01:12:59):
We call it a discovery call. I I dropped the What keeps you
up at night because it was too long according.
To but I do love that. I know, me too.
But if you want to go to lorrainehightower.com you can
sign up for a complimentary discovery call.
And if you do mention Sideline sisters in scheduling that
discovery call, you will get a significant discount of over
$100 off of our paid consultation with me, which is

(01:13:21):
at least an hour of an online Zoom meeting talking about your
child's specific data that you submitted, my personal
recommendations and giving you aroad map on how to move forward.
And we want to do that as just because we admire what you're
doing, Jenny. So we're happy to extend that
offer. Thank you, Lorraine.
That's huge. Again, if I.

(01:13:42):
Were to turn the clocks back andknow about you even.
Not that my child was ever diagnosed with dyslexia.
Who knows, maybe that's on the list but it just didn't come up
as far as I know. It just would have felt really
good to have someone with your pedigree and personal investment

(01:14:02):
take a look at things and perhaps point us in a different
direction. So for anyone listening who's
got a kid going through something academically, please
check out Lorraine's website andtake her up on this unbelievable
offer. Yeah.
And I just want to add on that, you know, it's OK if you don't
know that they have dyslexia. Cause like to your point, the

(01:14:24):
probably half the families that we work with have no idea what's
going on with their child. So that's why the consultation
can be super helpful because even though we specialize in
dyslexia, my, you know, bandwidth on knowing how to help
point parents in the right direction based on different
disabilities, we, we can still give you resources for that.
We just don't serve that ourselves.

(01:14:45):
Yeah. Thank you.
And and to that point when my son was really little, like 3,
my antenna went up and it was because I kept hearing from his
preschool teacher no stop, don'tno stop, don't.
And I, I said to myself, I don'tthink he should be hearing this

(01:15:07):
as often as he is. What what's going on with him
that everything he's choosing todo is resulting in no stop or
don't, right? And he proceeded to go on to a
different preschool that adored him.
Well meaning, but tried to talk me out of pursuing testing and

(01:15:28):
and going down that rabbit hole because they really, they loved
him as a little human and said no, no, no, he's fine.
He's just, he's just very spirited.
And I said, but then he shouldn't, you shouldn't be
sending him to the principal. He shouldn't be.
At being disciplined, Yeah, he'sbeing disappointed.
Five years old, if he's just energetic it wouldn't be

(01:15:49):
resulting in the repercussions you're presenting.
So I'm I'm hearing mixed messages and need to do some
further investigation. Yeah, and as your son heard,
don't or what was it? No, stop.
No, stop. Don't.
Yeah. It's with dyslexia here, you're
just not trying hard enough. If you just tried harder, if you
just practiced your reading, if you just, you know, studied

(01:16:11):
more. And so it doesn't matter what
the neurodiversity is, that's not the answer.
Trying harder is not the answer.Or barking corrective phrases at
these kids is not the answer. Getting the data and then
putting the strategies, intervention accommodations in
place to help them thrive is what it's gonna take.

(01:16:32):
So parents who are listening, who are currently expressing
these kinds of words to your child, you're not wrong.
You're not bad. You don't know what you don't
know. So if you are prone to saying
you're not trying hard enough, do better.
No, stop. Don't just take a beat and
contact Lorraine. Yeah.

(01:16:53):
And I can't tell you how many times I had to apologize to my
son Jenny. I would say, hey, I'm sorry I
made you work with that tutor four days a week that summer and
you couldn't go to the pool and do all these fun things.
I thought that was in your best interest.
But like you're saying, you know, you're listening to this
podcast now you're hearing Jennyand I say it's you can just
pivot in this moment in time andtake a different course of

(01:17:14):
action, and your whole family will be more peaceful for it,
right? Yeah.
Oh, Lorraine, this has been sucha delight.
I'm so grateful to you. The road that you've traveled
that led you to this work is so powerful, and I'm just so
thankful that you shared that story today.

(01:17:34):
Well, it's my honor to be with you and thank you for all of the
important work you do and everyone that you feature.
As women, we really do need authentic conversations about
real, real stuff that we're all dealing with.
Yeah. So on that note, I want to
invite you to raise a glass. Oh, absolutely.
And let us say cheers to never give up.

(01:17:58):
It's never too late to help our kids, right?
Absolutely yes. Cheers.
Thank you, Lorraine. I wish you all the success with
your continued efforts and everything that you choose to
do. Thank you so much and to you as
well. I know this has been a really
long episode and I appreciate you staying till the end because

(01:18:20):
I will now share Lorraine notes from the sidelines.
So just to summarize everything,number one, moms know deep down
when something needs changing. It's a mother's intuition #2 you
could do everything right and still have a child with needs.
It's not about fault or blame, it just is #3 the special Ed
process is lengthy and often metwith challenge and

(01:18:41):
condescension. But please keep in mind, it's
not always that the teachers or administrators don't want to
help. There might be sometimes when
that's true, but very often it'sthat they don't have the proper
training to approach this situation #4 two to four kids.
In every classroom have dyslexia.
Literacy is a national crisis #5anytime something traumatic or

(01:19:05):
big happens, we go through the stages of grief, which are
denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
But Lorraine moved on to what she calls the sixth stage of
grief, which is advocacy, the desire to help others avoid your
pain and it really can heal yourheart.
Number six, when you get school baseline assessment results.

(01:19:28):
Take the initiative to have a conversation conversation with
the. School about it because
everything begins with data #7 educational advocacy is
unregulated. So do your homework to find the
advocate who's right for you #8 waiting is never the answer.
So if a school is telling you tojust give it time and let's see

(01:19:50):
where things shake out. No go back to #1 which was
mother's intuition #9 Get emotional behind the scenes.
But it's important to advocate without emotion and #10.
We do what we. Believe is in our kids best
interest. So if things haven't gone right
or if you've gotten a diagnosis that hurts your heart, give

(01:20:12):
yourself grace, give your familygrace and then move forward.
Thank you so much to Lorraine Hightower and for all of you for
sticking with this episode untilnow.
Please share this episode with your friends and neighbors.
As Lorraine mentioned, dyslexia and neuro diversity are so
common so I guarantee you know people who could benefit from
hearing Lorraines message. And please check the show notes

(01:20:34):
for all the important links, including vegan lifestyle
coaching. Be sure to tune in again next
week as I start an amazing series of episodes focused on
fashion, image, style. And it's not just a bunch of how
to dress your body stuff, it's the deep, relatable stories
these women share that got them into their work in fashion.

(01:20:56):
So have an amazing week and cheers to you.

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93 - Lorraine Hightower turns pain to purpose for neurodiverse kids

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}93 - Lorraine Hightower turns pain to purpose for neurodiverse kids