Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs (2015)
"Let the Best Species Win"
The movie is set in present-day Montana, so unfortunately, the titular Cowboys are the modern-day rodeo type and not the Wild West type. This is disappointing, but not as disappointing as if it were the starting lineup of this year's Dallas Cowboys. The movie opens with a mining company blowing up something in the mine and releasing velociraptors who straight up kill everyone in sight. It is fantastic that they’re playing to their strengths here and not bothering with any of that pesky backstory or plot.
We cut to the local but unofficial swimmin’ hole, where four young ladies have decided to go swimming. It’s like they’ve never even seen a killer shark movie to know how much danger they’re in. Or maybe it’s the irresistabable appeal of the cool water in the tropical heat of Montana in early fall. After talking for about thirty seconds, one of them, Sky, announces that they have to go to work and then leaves, taking their only vehicle. Seriously, what was the plan supposed to be here? Luckily, a boyfriend-type person had shown up, so the other girls stayed, and after splashing in the water for a bit, they all got disemboweled by a velociraptor.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
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