April 19, 2023 • 18 mins
The one where Dylan and Sharmayne talk about intimacy in its many forms.
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Episode Transcript
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Dylan Sellers (00:00):
So I said sex is not the only way to show
(00:03):
intimacy. Oh, so I was thinkingabout the conversation that we
had a few minutes ago. Right?
They'll see it. And I guess, youknow, we can probably drop these
at the same time. So it'd belike back to back. That's fine.
Yeah. But anyway, I was thinkingabout that conversation. And I
think the most frustrating thingabout intimacy, for me, is how
little people understand aboutit. Right, and how like
(00:25):
intimacy, the only way to beclose to somebody is to sleep
with them. You don't evenexplore, right? You don't even
explore other ways to like,connect with people. Yeah. Tell
me a little bit about like, yourexperience with different kinds
of intimacy. And like how youfigured out the sex wasn't the
(00:48):
only way to be close tosomebody. Okay?
Sharmayne Sellers (00:53):
Do you want me to just talk as a woman or
talk as a counselor or justlike, just talk?
Dylan Sellers (00:59):
I'll just because you got so many bags, you can
come out of so many hats youwearing? You know, you got so
much expertise? You want to? Imean, whatever you feel
comfortable with to kind ofsalty a little bit like, um,
there's a little hating going onright now. Like, just so many
bags. It's like, I can come atit as a counselor. I mean, it's
(01:20):
a woman do you want as a marriedwoman, as a business owner? Do
you want me to? How do you wantme to address the people?
However, however you see fit,yeah, I'll say like,
Sharmayne Sellers (01:34):
a blessing.
I'm praying for my hatinghusband right now. Oh,
Dylan Sellers (01:39):
I mean, you know, you want to your blessing. See,
I'm saying do you thing, do youthing what was the question?
Talk to me about the time whereyou learn the different levels
of intimacy, like how did youlearn that sex wasn't the only
way to be close to somebody?
Sharmayne Sellers (01:54):
Okay. So I think the first time I
experienced intimacy, withoutsex well, you, you, you
experience intimacy with yourfamily. So the sense of safety
and comfort me, you know, if youhad that experience, if you have
(02:15):
that experience with yourfamily, everybody doesn't
necessarily have that. Butintimacy is the intentional
time, or the closeness thatcomes from intentional time
being spent. And so, you know,we developed, we've developed
intimacy with our churchmembers, we've developed
(02:35):
intimacy with each other, wedidn't have sex until we got
married, and we dated for threeyears. So we were intimate with
Jesus
Dylan Sellers (02:44):
for we had to find several ways to be
intimate, like, I needed all thelevels of intimacy, because
Sharmayne Sellers (02:50):
help us or help us. Make sense. And so
that, that that's how we knewthat it was possible. And so
conversations, spending timewith each other. And in those
conversations, finding out howmuch we had in common. Yeah,
like, none of that was sexual,but all of it was meaningful and
(03:10):
genuine.
Dylan Sellers (03:11):
Yeah. I think that like, that's, that's real.
And I think that one of the oneof the mistakes that people make
is that, like, there are genuinerelationships, right? That we're
not meant to become romantic.
But we're meant to be intimate.
We're meant to like for you toshare life with that person on a
(03:31):
on a very deep level. But thenyou have sex and you ruin the
whole thing. Right? You have tothrow it, throw the baby out,
you know what I mean? Because,like, once you cross that
threshold, it changeseverything. Right? And so like,
I think, for me, I was atchurch. And so like, it's a
(03:53):
funny story. It may not be like,super funny to anybody else. But
it was funny to me. Okay, sothis is this was so I was, you
know, at church doing likeministry stuff, with like, kids
and whatnot. And there was this.
There was this woman's whitewoman who I was, like, very
attracted to, which was weird tome, because I'm not attracted to
(04:17):
white women. Right? It's justlike, not my bag. Anna Kendrick
is different. Okay, just put herin a bag all by herself. Okay.
But it was at that time, like,it was just like, it was odd to
me. So I started like,investigating. It's like, like,
wait a minute, this isn't a thisisn't a thing for me. Like why?
(04:40):
Why am I attracted here? Right.
And so like there was like this,I was drawn to her. Right. And
the only experience that I hadhad up until that point outside
of like family is that if I wasdrawn to them like maybe I just
wanted to I wanted to kick itwith maybe you upsetting Like I
wanted to build that sound likethat kind of relationship and
(05:03):
what I realized it after talkingto her, right? Is that like,
there was an assignment there.
Okay. Right. So I was attractedto her because like, spirit
recognized spirit. And so likethere was a love that I had to
express to her and to herchildren. Right, that, that if I
had to try to cross the line, Iwouldn't have been able to like,
(05:25):
give Yeah. Right. And then Irealized that like, oh, man,
when I have an assignment,sometimes it can feel like
romantic attraction. Right. AndI need to know the difference
and pretty quickly, so that Idon't end up in a bad spot.
Sharmayne Sellers (05:45):
How did you recognize the difference?
Dylan Sellers (05:48):
Well, there was some, there was some guardrails
in place. Okay. Right. So like,one, and you know, it's a
blessing, because like, I waswith you, right? So like, I'm
already saying, like, I'malready in a relationship. So
obviously, like, I can't go lefthere. And I was like, I'm not
gonna mess this up. So like,Okay, go left here. But the
(06:10):
attraction was still strong.
Also, I'm at church. Right. Andso like, there are certain
guardrails for being inministry, that that keep you
from going too far left, itshould, it should keep you from
going too far left, right. Sowith those things in place, it
gave me an opportunity to like,investigate, to pray about it be
(06:33):
like, Okay, God, like what'sgoing on here? Like, why are
you? Like, where are thesefeelings coming from? Right? And
so like, it gave me anopportunity to do that. And not
everybody, like, I'm not gonnasuggest that like, this is
innate. You don't I'm sayingit's not something that like,
happens, but it is somethingthat like you should explore.
(06:54):
Always. Right. There like sexshouldn't be the first option.
Right? It shouldn't be the thinglike sex is the is the
completion, it's Zenith. Right?
Like, we don't look at it inthat way. Right. Our culture
doesn't look at it in that way.
That like, we look at sex, like,like, it was just something to
(07:16):
do on a Saturday night. Like,vibes are right. It was, yeah,
like, um, let's get it on board.
You board. I'm feeling it, youfill in it. Like, I got an itch,
you gotta itch. We good, let'sjust make this happen. Right.
And it's like, Bro, that'sdicey. And you know, saying,
like, if you're not a believer,you know, saying like, been
(07:38):
alright, man. I got that for youusually like, but if you're a
believer, then like, You got totake that that level of intimacy
pretty seriously. Because likeGod does, for sure. You don't
I'm saying as like, far as I cantell. God didn't change his
(07:59):
definition of marriage. We did.
In the sense that in the sensethat like, when you saw it in
Scripture, I was just readingthis in Genesis, right? That
like, and they went into a tent,and he made her his wife. That's
how they described the sexualencounter. Right. So wait.
Sharmayne Sellers (08:22):
Are you saying that whoever you have sex
with? is treated like a spouseor viewed as your spouse? Yeah,
because the two shall becomeone. I knew that I just wanted
you to say,
Dylan Sellers (08:39):
it's, it's, I mean, like, that's now did we,
and he knew her, and he knewher. Right? He has taken her on
as a wife. Because what wasunderstood in that culture at
that time, is that, like, if yousleep with me, you have a
responsibility to me. Mm hmm.
Right? Because what can resultfrom you having sex with me,
(09:01):
right is a child. And so like,if you're willing to like, take
that risk, you have aresponsibility to me at that
time. Right? And it's wild, likethe only other time you see that
in Scripture, and now you got megoing down the Scripture,
talking about a pastor, butlike, nearly all the time, you
see that in Scripture is whenthey're talking about like,
(09:23):
temple prostitutes, right? Theydon't have the same regard, but
they're still things that like,they needed to be taken care of.
And so there was an exchange ofgoods, like a high exchange of
goods for you to just be like,sleeping around. Does that make
sense? So like, not to suggestthat like, I don't want to like
(09:43):
beat people up here. Right? I'mjust talking about like, how,
how seriously you have to takethat level of intimacy and there
has to be steps before it rightthere has to be like deep
conversation like to value thatThat level of intimacy, right?
Because like, it's like you'reputting the cart before the
(10:03):
horse, when you're doing that,and like, you know, it's not
popular to talk about that andsay like, how are you supposed
to say Chase? And like, I mean,I had sex with people before I
got married. So I don't want itto seem like, you know, I'm out
here talking about something Idon't know nothing about. And
like, it's easy. It's it's not.
Right. You find yourself insituations, it's an over
(10:25):
sexualized society. Like, thereare things there's grace,
there's grace for that. Yeah.
But it is a, it is a thing,like, intimacy is something that
is beautiful, that builds longlasting relationships of all
kinds. And if you relegate thatto just like, sleeping with
somebody,
Sharmayne Sellers (10:46):
but as it's like, our, it's like, our Bishop
says, anything that grows right,grow slow. And so if you if
there's a rush to, to then bephysically intimate, then that
means that there probably wasn'tenough time taken to cultivate
that relationship. Because thenoftentimes, when you have,
(11:11):
though, those relationships arethose types of encounters with
people, you find out aspectsabout them that you probably
would have probably pushed youto change your mind or kept you
from pursuing. Yeah. And nowit's hard because, and I know
that, like I said, this is notsexy. This is not popular. But
(11:32):
soul ties are a very real thingto me, okay, I very much believe
in soul ties, I do not believethat they can't be broken. I'm
not gonna go that far. But I dobelieve when you are exchanging
yourself and with someone, it isvery difficult to not be
(11:52):
connected, connected to them.
Not only spiritually, but also,biologically, when you climax,
your body releases a hormonethat pushes you to be close with
someone, and it's the samehormone that a mother releases
when she breastfeeds. Yeah, solike to say that soul ties
aren't real or that you don'tbelieve in them. I mean, you
(12:14):
cannot, you can not believe inthem. But that doesn't make them
any less real.
Dylan Sellers (12:20):
I think that like, when you come into contact
with people who like sex, havingsex with another person, or with
anybody is not a big deal. Itend to believe that, like, if
you sit with that person longenough for some trauma, there's
some trauma, right? That you'vegotten used to the connection,
not meaning anything. So youbecome numb to it, right? I'm
(12:43):
not sure if like, if anybodywho's had like, like your first
sexual encounter, right? Like itwas kind of a big deal. If it
wasn't traumatic, yeah. Right.
So like leaving that as a as athing. Yeah, that's sometimes
like your first sexual encounteris traumatic. And that's not
what I'm talking about. I'mtalking about if your first
(13:05):
sexual encounter was a thingthat you chose, right? A thing
that was a that was a decisionon the part of you and another
person. Generally, if that wasyour first encounter, you felt
something for that person? Yes.
You don't. I mean, there wasthere was something that like,
after you felt connected, youfelt close, you wanted that to
(13:26):
be a thing. But after a while,you realize that it wasn't going
to be a forever thing. And soyou equate it in your mind that
like, sex must not be a thingthat happens to keep you
together. Mm hmm. Right? Youdon't you don't really need that
to keep you together. And so youstart building resistance to the
(13:47):
emotion that's attached to it.
Right. It becomes like yourtrauma, numbs you. To that
emotion.
Sharmayne Sellers (13:55):
We call that savage or thuggery? Yeah.
Dylan Sellers (14:00):
Yeah. That's what the folks call it in the
streets. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Imean, I'll be knowing stuff
about stuff. It's a thing. Yeah.
Sharmayne Sellers (14:07):
Don't you want to work with kids? Yeah.
Okay. Teenagers keep me hip.
Dylan Sellers (14:11):
I do remember having some conversations with,
with folks where they would say,after they got their heart
broke, it was like, I'm goinginto savage mode. Right? So what
that means
Sharmayne Sellers (14:22):
they continue to make bad decisions and make
their trauma or their baggage
Dylan Sellers (14:25):
worse, right? And then like, they bring other
people in with them. Right? Andso like, their savage mode
becomes how they wreak havoc onother people. So other people
feel the way that they do,right. And it just furthers to
try to hurt people hurt people.
So it's a wild thing, bro.
Sharmayne Sellers (14:41):
Listen, when when you're in that kind of
pain, you are willing to doanything to stop it. Like it's,
it can be unbearable. And so insome, I mean, I understand All
people get, you know, smoking,drinking or sexing it away.
(15:04):
Because even if for that moment,there's just I don't have to
think about it, there'ssomething else that is in the
forefront of my mind. Or I canjust be in this experience for a
little while, so that I don'thave to be reminded of the pain
of the trauma of the
Dylan Sellers (15:21):
Yeah. I think that like, we need to give a
remedy though, right? Because I,I know that it's almost cliche
cliche to say to, like, HolySpirit can can help you with
that. Right. But the truth ofthe matter is, Holy Spirit,
Jesus died for that Holy Spiritcan help you with that, and that
(15:43):
comfort, but it's a choice. Andlike, you're not exempt from the
feeling of it. And so like, youwill have to feel it to reset
it. Right? Because like, if youbreak your arm, and you never go
to the hospital, it never setsproperly, it never sets
properly. And so in order for itto be set properly, what did I
(16:04):
have to do gotta break it, itgot to break it again. So you
have to feel that pain, in orderfor it to be set properly. I was
listening to this. This this,this song by no big deal. One of
the things that he said in itwas like he was like having a
conversation with Jesus. And hesays, like, Jesus, why did you
weep? If you knew you were gonnaraise your friend again, right?
(16:28):
And he says, the promise ofheaven doesn't take away the
depression. Right? And so like,you still have to feel it, but
I'm promising that you that Iwill be there with you in the
feeling, right. And so like,that's the thing that like,
you're gonna have to feel itbecause you made a choice. You
don't have to feel it. But ifyou allow Christ, if you allow
(16:51):
Holy Spirit to guide you throughit, right to be there with you,
you start to develop someresilience, that you can make
better choices that you willsurvive this thing, and you stop
being dependent on things thatdon't fill that whole.
Sharmayne Sellers (17:06):
That makes sense. Oh, absolutely.
Dylan Sellers (17:09):
We weren't expecting to go there, bro. It
was good stuff. Man, I likehaving you here. You're gonna
get me used to it. That's not agood thing. Well, I am used to
you. I don't know. I don't knowwhat I would do without you,
bro. That was that was all I hadto say about that. I think
that's all we had to say aboutthat. Well, this was so I said,
(17:32):
and we just did. We Out
So I said sex is not the only way to show
(00:03):
intimacy. Oh, so I was thinkingabout the conversation that we
had a few minutes ago. Right?
They'll see it. And I guess, youknow, we can probably drop these
at the same time. So it'd belike back to back. That's fine.
Yeah. But anyway, I was thinkingabout that conversation. And I
think the most frustrating thingabout intimacy, for me, is how
little people understand aboutit. Right, and how like
(00:25):
intimacy, the only way to beclose to somebody is to sleep
with them. You don't evenexplore, right? You don't even
explore other ways to like,connect with people. Yeah. Tell
me a little bit about like, yourexperience with different kinds
of intimacy. And like how youfigured out the sex wasn't the
(00:48):
only way to be close tosomebody. Okay?
Sharmayne Sellers (00:53):
Do you want me to just talk as a woman or
talk as a counselor or justlike, just talk?
Dylan Sellers (00:59):
I'll just because you got so many bags, you can
come out of so many hats youwearing? You know, you got so
much expertise? You want to? Imean, whatever you feel
comfortable with to kind ofsalty a little bit like, um,
there's a little hating going onright now. Like, just so many
bags. It's like, I can come atit as a counselor. I mean, it's
(01:20):
a woman do you want as a marriedwoman, as a business owner? Do
you want me to? How do you wantme to address the people?
However, however you see fit,yeah, I'll say like,
Sharmayne Sellers (01:34):
a blessing.
I'm praying for my hatinghusband right now. Oh,
Dylan Sellers (01:39):
I mean, you know, you want to your blessing. See,
I'm saying do you thing, do youthing what was the question?
Talk to me about the time whereyou learn the different levels
of intimacy, like how did youlearn that sex wasn't the only
way to be close to somebody?
Sharmayne Sellers (01:54):
Okay. So I think the first time I
experienced intimacy, withoutsex well, you, you, you
experience intimacy with yourfamily. So the sense of safety
and comfort me, you know, if youhad that experience, if you have
(02:15):
that experience with yourfamily, everybody doesn't
necessarily have that. Butintimacy is the intentional
time, or the closeness thatcomes from intentional time
being spent. And so, you know,we developed, we've developed
intimacy with our churchmembers, we've developed
(02:35):
intimacy with each other, wedidn't have sex until we got
married, and we dated for threeyears. So we were intimate with
Jesus
Dylan Sellers (02:44):
for we had to find several ways to be
intimate, like, I needed all thelevels of intimacy, because
Sharmayne Sellers (02:50):
help us or help us. Make sense. And so
that, that that's how we knewthat it was possible. And so
conversations, spending timewith each other. And in those
conversations, finding out howmuch we had in common. Yeah,
like, none of that was sexual,but all of it was meaningful and
(03:10):
genuine.
Dylan Sellers (03:11):
Yeah. I think that like, that's, that's real.
And I think that one of the oneof the mistakes that people make
is that, like, there are genuinerelationships, right? That we're
not meant to become romantic.
But we're meant to be intimate.
We're meant to like for you toshare life with that person on a
(03:31):
on a very deep level. But thenyou have sex and you ruin the
whole thing. Right? You have tothrow it, throw the baby out,
you know what I mean? Because,like, once you cross that
threshold, it changeseverything. Right? And so like,
I think, for me, I was atchurch. And so like, it's a
(03:53):
funny story. It may not be like,super funny to anybody else. But
it was funny to me. Okay, sothis is this was so I was, you
know, at church doing likeministry stuff, with like, kids
and whatnot. And there was this.
There was this woman's whitewoman who I was, like, very
attracted to, which was weird tome, because I'm not attracted to
(04:17):
white women. Right? It's justlike, not my bag. Anna Kendrick
is different. Okay, just put herin a bag all by herself. Okay.
But it was at that time, like,it was just like, it was odd to
me. So I started like,investigating. It's like, like,
wait a minute, this isn't a thisisn't a thing for me. Like why?
(04:40):
Why am I attracted here? Right.
And so like there was like this,I was drawn to her. Right. And
the only experience that I hadhad up until that point outside
of like family is that if I wasdrawn to them like maybe I just
wanted to I wanted to kick itwith maybe you upsetting Like I
wanted to build that sound likethat kind of relationship and
(05:03):
what I realized it after talkingto her, right? Is that like,
there was an assignment there.
Okay. Right. So I was attractedto her because like, spirit
recognized spirit. And so likethere was a love that I had to
express to her and to herchildren. Right, that, that if I
had to try to cross the line, Iwouldn't have been able to like,
(05:25):
give Yeah. Right. And then Irealized that like, oh, man,
when I have an assignment,sometimes it can feel like
romantic attraction. Right. AndI need to know the difference
and pretty quickly, so that Idon't end up in a bad spot.
Sharmayne Sellers (05:45):
How did you recognize the difference?
Dylan Sellers (05:48):
Well, there was some, there was some guardrails
in place. Okay. Right. So like,one, and you know, it's a
blessing, because like, I waswith you, right? So like, I'm
already saying, like, I'malready in a relationship. So
obviously, like, I can't go lefthere. And I was like, I'm not
gonna mess this up. So like,Okay, go left here. But the
(06:10):
attraction was still strong.
Also, I'm at church. Right. Andso like, there are certain
guardrails for being inministry, that that keep you
from going too far left, itshould, it should keep you from
going too far left, right. Sowith those things in place, it
gave me an opportunity to like,investigate, to pray about it be
(06:33):
like, Okay, God, like what'sgoing on here? Like, why are
you? Like, where are thesefeelings coming from? Right? And
so like, it gave me anopportunity to do that. And not
everybody, like, I'm not gonnasuggest that like, this is
innate. You don't I'm sayingit's not something that like,
happens, but it is somethingthat like you should explore.
(06:54):
Always. Right. There like sexshouldn't be the first option.
Right? It shouldn't be the thinglike sex is the is the
completion, it's Zenith. Right?
Like, we don't look at it inthat way. Right. Our culture
doesn't look at it in that way.
That like, we look at sex, like,like, it was just something to
(07:16):
do on a Saturday night. Like,vibes are right. It was, yeah,
like, um, let's get it on board.
You board. I'm feeling it, youfill in it. Like, I got an itch,
you gotta itch. We good, let'sjust make this happen. Right.
And it's like, Bro, that'sdicey. And you know, saying,
like, if you're not a believer,you know, saying like, been
(07:38):
alright, man. I got that for youusually like, but if you're a
believer, then like, You got totake that that level of intimacy
pretty seriously. Because likeGod does, for sure. You don't
I'm saying as like, far as I cantell. God didn't change his
(07:59):
definition of marriage. We did.
In the sense that in the sensethat like, when you saw it in
Scripture, I was just readingthis in Genesis, right? That
like, and they went into a tent,and he made her his wife. That's
how they described the sexualencounter. Right. So wait.
Sharmayne Sellers (08:22):
Are you saying that whoever you have sex
with? is treated like a spouseor viewed as your spouse? Yeah,
because the two shall becomeone. I knew that I just wanted
you to say,
Dylan Sellers (08:39):
it's, it's, I mean, like, that's now did we,
and he knew her, and he knewher. Right? He has taken her on
as a wife. Because what wasunderstood in that culture at
that time, is that, like, if yousleep with me, you have a
responsibility to me. Mm hmm.
Right? Because what can resultfrom you having sex with me,
(09:01):
right is a child. And so like,if you're willing to like, take
that risk, you have aresponsibility to me at that
time. Right? And it's wild, likethe only other time you see that
in Scripture, and now you got megoing down the Scripture,
talking about a pastor, butlike, nearly all the time, you
see that in Scripture is whenthey're talking about like,
(09:23):
temple prostitutes, right? Theydon't have the same regard, but
they're still things that like,they needed to be taken care of.
And so there was an exchange ofgoods, like a high exchange of
goods for you to just be like,sleeping around. Does that make
sense? So like, not to suggestthat like, I don't want to like
(09:43):
beat people up here. Right? I'mjust talking about like, how,
how seriously you have to takethat level of intimacy and there
has to be steps before it rightthere has to be like deep
conversation like to value thatThat level of intimacy, right?
Because like, it's like you'reputting the cart before the
(10:03):
horse, when you're doing that,and like, you know, it's not
popular to talk about that andsay like, how are you supposed
to say Chase? And like, I mean,I had sex with people before I
got married. So I don't want itto seem like, you know, I'm out
here talking about something Idon't know nothing about. And
like, it's easy. It's it's not.
Right. You find yourself insituations, it's an over
(10:25):
sexualized society. Like, thereare things there's grace,
there's grace for that. Yeah.
But it is a, it is a thing,like, intimacy is something that
is beautiful, that builds longlasting relationships of all
kinds. And if you relegate thatto just like, sleeping with
somebody,
Sharmayne Sellers (10:46):
but as it's like, our, it's like, our Bishop
says, anything that grows right,grow slow. And so if you if
there's a rush to, to then bephysically intimate, then that
means that there probably wasn'tenough time taken to cultivate
that relationship. Because thenoftentimes, when you have,
(11:11):
though, those relationships arethose types of encounters with
people, you find out aspectsabout them that you probably
would have probably pushed youto change your mind or kept you
from pursuing. Yeah. And nowit's hard because, and I know
that, like I said, this is notsexy. This is not popular. But
(11:32):
soul ties are a very real thingto me, okay, I very much believe
in soul ties, I do not believethat they can't be broken. I'm
not gonna go that far. But I dobelieve when you are exchanging
yourself and with someone, it isvery difficult to not be
(11:52):
connected, connected to them.
Not only spiritually, but also,biologically, when you climax,
your body releases a hormonethat pushes you to be close with
someone, and it's the samehormone that a mother releases
when she breastfeeds. Yeah, solike to say that soul ties
aren't real or that you don'tbelieve in them. I mean, you
(12:14):
cannot, you can not believe inthem. But that doesn't make them
any less real.
Dylan Sellers (12:20):
I think that like, when you come into contact
with people who like sex, havingsex with another person, or with
anybody is not a big deal. Itend to believe that, like, if
you sit with that person longenough for some trauma, there's
some trauma, right? That you'vegotten used to the connection,
not meaning anything. So youbecome numb to it, right? I'm
(12:43):
not sure if like, if anybodywho's had like, like your first
sexual encounter, right? Like itwas kind of a big deal. If it
wasn't traumatic, yeah. Right.
So like leaving that as a as athing. Yeah, that's sometimes
like your first sexual encounteris traumatic. And that's not
what I'm talking about. I'mtalking about if your first
(13:05):
sexual encounter was a thingthat you chose, right? A thing
that was a that was a decisionon the part of you and another
person. Generally, if that wasyour first encounter, you felt
something for that person? Yes.
You don't. I mean, there wasthere was something that like,
after you felt connected, youfelt close, you wanted that to
(13:26):
be a thing. But after a while,you realize that it wasn't going
to be a forever thing. And soyou equate it in your mind that
like, sex must not be a thingthat happens to keep you
together. Mm hmm. Right? Youdon't you don't really need that
to keep you together. And so youstart building resistance to the
(13:47):
emotion that's attached to it.
Right. It becomes like yourtrauma, numbs you. To that
emotion.
Sharmayne Sellers (13:55):
We call that savage or thuggery? Yeah.
Dylan Sellers (14:00):
Yeah. That's what the folks call it in the
streets. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Imean, I'll be knowing stuff
about stuff. It's a thing. Yeah.
Sharmayne Sellers (14:07):
Don't you want to work with kids? Yeah.
Okay. Teenagers keep me hip.
Dylan Sellers (14:11):
I do remember having some conversations with,
with folks where they would say,after they got their heart
broke, it was like, I'm goinginto savage mode. Right? So what
that means
Sharmayne Sellers (14:22):
they continue to make bad decisions and make
their trauma or their baggage
Dylan Sellers (14:25):
worse, right? And then like, they bring other
people in with them. Right? Andso like, their savage mode
becomes how they wreak havoc onother people. So other people
feel the way that they do,right. And it just furthers to
try to hurt people hurt people.
So it's a wild thing, bro.
Sharmayne Sellers (14:41):
Listen, when when you're in that kind of
pain, you are willing to doanything to stop it. Like it's,
it can be unbearable. And so insome, I mean, I understand All
people get, you know, smoking,drinking or sexing it away.
(15:04):
Because even if for that moment,there's just I don't have to
think about it, there'ssomething else that is in the
forefront of my mind. Or I canjust be in this experience for a
little while, so that I don'thave to be reminded of the pain
of the trauma of the
Dylan Sellers (15:21):
Yeah. I think that like, we need to give a
remedy though, right? Because I,I know that it's almost cliche
cliche to say to, like, HolySpirit can can help you with
that. Right. But the truth ofthe matter is, Holy Spirit,
Jesus died for that Holy Spiritcan help you with that, and that
(15:43):
comfort, but it's a choice. Andlike, you're not exempt from the
feeling of it. And so like, youwill have to feel it to reset
it. Right? Because like, if youbreak your arm, and you never go
to the hospital, it never setsproperly, it never sets
properly. And so in order for itto be set properly, what did I
(16:04):
have to do gotta break it, itgot to break it again. So you
have to feel that pain, in orderfor it to be set properly. I was
listening to this. This this,this song by no big deal. One of
the things that he said in itwas like he was like having a
conversation with Jesus. And hesays, like, Jesus, why did you
weep? If you knew you were gonnaraise your friend again, right?
(16:28):
And he says, the promise ofheaven doesn't take away the
depression. Right? And so like,you still have to feel it, but
I'm promising that you that Iwill be there with you in the
feeling, right. And so like,that's the thing that like,
you're gonna have to feel itbecause you made a choice. You
don't have to feel it. But ifyou allow Christ, if you allow
(16:51):
Holy Spirit to guide you throughit, right to be there with you,
you start to develop someresilience, that you can make
better choices that you willsurvive this thing, and you stop
being dependent on things thatdon't fill that whole.
Sharmayne Sellers (17:06):
That makes sense. Oh, absolutely.
Dylan Sellers (17:09):
We weren't expecting to go there, bro. It
was good stuff. Man, I likehaving you here. You're gonna
get me used to it. That's not agood thing. Well, I am used to
you. I don't know. I don't knowwhat I would do without you,
bro. That was that was all I hadto say about that. I think
that's all we had to say aboutthat. Well, this was so I said,
(17:32):
and we just did. We Out
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