May 27, 2025 • 29 mins
Ever had a lazy Sunday nap interrupted by the universe demanding you watch an 80s teen movie? That's exactly what happened when "Teen Witch" unexpectedly appeared on my screen after a Dallas marathon, triggering both nostalgic recognition and bewildered fascination.
This delightfully corny 1989 film follows Louise Miller, a shy redhead who discovers her magical powers on her 16th birthday. What unfolds is a perfect time capsule of 80s teen movie absurdity – the unpopular girl transformation, the hunky jock who doesn't notice her until she's suddenly "that girl," and fashion choices that scream Reagan-era excess. From popped collars to fishnet stockings with kitten heels, Louise's magical makeover embodies everything wonderfully ridiculous about 80s aesthetics.
The film's philosophical questions prove surprisingly thought-provoking beneath its cheesy exterior. Does Brad truly like Louise for herself or just her magically-enhanced popularity? Can changing your external circumstances actually change how others perceive you? And what makes the infamous "Top That" rap battle so gloriously, transcendently bad that it achieves a kind of perfection?
"Teen Witch" delivers everything we simultaneously love and hate about 80s teen cinema – the earnest commitment to unrealistic scenarios, the blurry line between camp and sincerity, and the absolute conviction that a new outfit and the right accessories can transform your entire social existence. Whether you're revisiting this gem or discovering it for the first time, it's a magical journey through a time when teen movies weren't afraid to be completely, unapologetically ridiculous.
Notice something familiar about this movie but can't place where you've seen it? You're not alone – like many cult classics from this era, "Teen Witch" found new life through cable TV reruns, possibly even on Disney Channel with some of the more passionate scenes carefully edited out.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome and
welcome back to anotherfun-filled edition of Soap Lore.
I'm your host Shep viewing andreviewing the sopiest, ugliest
primetime storylines of 1980.
Today's episode is a bonusBonafide filled with an
accidental watch that leaves mereeling.
(00:21):
So, whether you're new to thisor to this, head back and enjoy.
Tell the kids to play outsideor out of sight, tell they have
no questions, suggestions orconcerns for the next 25 to 35
minutes.
Everyone else in the air shot.
Cool, quiet or kicked out areyour only options, because we
are watching an 80s teen.
Play, ladies and gentlemen,boys and girls, this is still so
(00:43):
cool.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is still SoFloor.
Hello, gorgeous and welcome toanother fun-filled edition of
SoFloor, the bonus edition.
I gotta lay this out becausethis was an unexpected
revelation, I suppose.
Let me set the scene for you.
I work hard.
You know what I'm saying.
(01:03):
I work hard all day, every dayduring the week.
Sundays are my days to take adeliciously just, indulgent nap.
Fun Sundays.
I indulge in some documentariesand sometimes I'll catch up on
myself, but on this day I haddecided you know what sleep is
calling me.
It's been a crazy busy week.
I decide to lay out and then Istart to hear this music.
(01:25):
It's very, not necessarilyfamiliar because I enjoy it, but
familiar because where have Iheard this before?
It's type music.
I open my eyes, I look up andsomehow or another after
watching Dallas I did watch allthree episodes of Dallas the
movie Teen Witch decided itneeded to play for my enjoyment.
(01:48):
This is weird to me because Ithink I saw this as a kid
because one of the songs wasjust like oh my God, I knew all
the words to it.
So it was clearly in thebackground many, many times, but
I didn't really know the plot.
I think this show, teen Witch,which aired in 1989, has a
(02:09):
redhead who's not quite MileyRingwald, but she's somebody.
I feel like this is played onthe Disney Channel and I want to
say it played recently.
If you're a millennial, pleasetap in, let me know, reach out
in the show notes.
You can always send me a textand say hey, you're doing great.
Hey, you suck.
Hey, did you know?
So-and-so did DexYZ.
Let me know all the thingsbecause I fully enjoy this.
(02:31):
This is my jam.
But this movie, for some reasonI feel like I've seen this
before.
It was at least playing in thebackground.
I probably got it mixed up witha couple things.
For example, star Wars is areal movie.
Spaceballs is a real movie.
For many, many years, in mymind, they were the exact same
movie.
So you can imagine my surprise.
(02:54):
I decided to postpone my nap andsaid let me see what is going
on.
The 80s want me to watchsomething.
Let me go ahead and check itout.
I have have to admit, I love ateen flick.
I love a cheesy teen flick, butthis movie gave me this is
exactly what I'll be talkingabout when I say I hate the 80s.
It's the exact same.
(03:15):
It's so corny, it's so whack,but it's also so, so good.
So go ahead and pour yourselfoff something bubbly and bright
and dolls.
Put on your denim jacket, puton whatever you have.
If you're an OG and you knowthis film be brutal, let me have
it, because you know what Ideserve.
I am a mouthy millennial.
Sometimes I need to be put inmy place.
(03:37):
So let's go ahead and tap intothe bonus episode.
Teen movie, teen witch.
I talk a lot of ish, but onething I appreciate is a slow
intro, and this movie has justthat.
You see this sort of gorgeousredhead girl and this, this hot,
(03:59):
rockabilly dude and it's veryclear that this is a fantasy
because she's you know they'reon top of a roof.
Why would you do that?
She's running about, she's inthe hottest outfit she can find,
which in her case is like asweetheart red top, matching
skirt and red pantyhose, whichis very, very much on 80s q.
She ends up falling off theroof, waking up to her little
(04:23):
brother.
This is the trope in the 80sthat drives me nuts.
There's always a bevested,weirdo little brother who's just
kind of hanging about in aweird way.
He's under her bed as she wakesup.
Reality knows that mostchildren do not wake up before
any other children.
He's not going to wake up at6.30 am so he can crawl under
(04:47):
her bed and read her diary.
But in this film that is thecase and for whatever reason,
they love a quirky child he has.
He has the voice of a 40 yearold divorcee.
He's he snatched out a page ofher diary and he's reading it to
her.
And of course it's like oh myGod, little brother, get out.
(05:12):
It's so weird, it's kind of anunnecessary trope, but I suppose
you need to build a home lifefor this girl.
We all need to believe that,despite her bespectacled
appearance and frumpy clothing,she is a swan waiting to to
debut.
Only this girl looks just likeevery other girl in her high
school.
But we're supposed to believeshe is frumpy.
(05:34):
She is shy.
Maybe it's her red hair.
Is that a prejudice that we'reslapping on her?
I suppose that's what it is.
She's not popular, so goes tobreakfast with her smoking hot
mom and her dad, who I believeis one of the original Darrens,
with Bewitched.
Now, this is the privilege ofgrowing up with old people.
I've seen Bewitched.
I've seen Herman Munster inthem, which was the Munsters,
(05:56):
the Adam family, andy Griffith,happy Days.
I've watched all those foryears as if I watched them in
real time.
I feel like her dad might beone of the original Darrens.
The other one was JR.
They all kind of mixed togetherfor me because I watched them
in syndication so I couldn'ttell you who showed up first.
(06:17):
He's definitely one of them.
So the girl's name is LouiseMiller, which is a plot twist my
husband's aunt's governmentname before she got married.
I feel like Louise is one ofthose names you didn't hear
after.
Probably Nobody named their kidLouise after probably 1969.
Yeah, I guess that tracks.
This is about 1988.
She would have been one of thelast people on earth named
(06:38):
Louise and she tries to go abouther day as a nerd.
She's in a full-on McGruff theCrime Dog outfit.
She's got her red hair relaxed,which as a woman I understand.
I know when someone has a flatiron or a hot comb to their hair
, baby girl definitely does.
(06:58):
She tries to go to her lockerand you have three Wahite young
gentlemen rapping in front ofher the wackest rappers on the
West Coast.
Doubt.
The nerds come up.
The film is painting a picture.
She is a dweeb, she's a dork,she is a nerd.
She does not fit in.
But she is pining for the oneand only brad brad pow, which is
(07:22):
a typical quintessential teenboppy movie name.
I get it.
She has a really, really doucheyteacher, mr Weaver, who for no
reason decides he wants tomortify her.
So what happened was her creepylittle brother was hiding under
her bed.
He snatched out a page of herdiary where she was talking
about Brad.
I guess she was writing fanfiction.
He couldn't appreciate herartistic interpretation of her
(07:46):
teen life.
So somehow or another it getsshuffled into her backpack when
she goes to English class toturn in her regular assignment,
because her brother isdisgusting and he eats chocolate
and candy all day, every day.
It is somehow submerged to theback of her regular assignment.
It gets turned into mr weaverand this disgusting 60 plus year
(08:08):
old man has no class.
He decides it is.
It is, uh, in vogue toembarrass a 16 year old girl by
reading a very private page ofher diary.
It is very clear that's not herassignment.
But he reads it.
He drags her in front of godand everybody.
She has no choice but to jump upfrom her desk and run to the
bathroom and hide out.
(08:29):
Luckily she has one and I domean just one home girl who's
like girl, don't even worryabout it.
You're a good writer.
Do not let that old man ruinyour swag.
You got this.
Come on out.
So she works up the courage togo out, right.
And then she goes to the lockerroom where the cheerleaders in
their lavender outfit.
Lavender has to be the color of80.
(08:49):
That's where Laura's alwayswearing lavender.
All the women on season two ofNorthland are dripping in
lavender.
I feel like I see it more andmore the girls in the in the
locker room.
The cheerleaders are putting ona brand new cheer.
We like boys.
We like boys.
Now, what high school inamerica do you know would let
that be a cheer?
But they do a whole song anddance number in their lavender
(09:13):
leotards and she is forced tojust like be basic gosh.
This musical number goes on anembarrassingly long amount of
time at least three to fourminutes and this is the thing
that has always confused me withthe 80s.
I can't tell what's camp orwhat they want me to believe is
(09:34):
real.
I feel like they want me tobelieve this is what really goes
on in a high school locker room.
So after the whole song anddance number, louise is.
She's in desperate need of sometestosterone.
So she leaves.
She goes out to the footballfield to spy on brad in the.
In the, under a cloak ofdarkness, through a hallway.
(09:55):
He's doing sit-ups, he'sthrowing footballs not to other
people but through tires.
He is giving her everything sheneeds to put into her mental.
We're not going to go theretoday, but you know what it is.
She's putting in her mentaldiary and she's going to save
that all for later.
We understand by this point inthe film.
She's got it real, real bad forbrad.
(10:18):
The girl that he loves is nextdoor to her.
She lives right across thestreet.
Brad vaguely knows who she isand we know this because in in
the drama class she gets to bethe understudy for the main girl
and she's talking to him andit's like it's really beautiful
soliloquy.
It's quite embarrassing if youthink about it.
No teenager who was that shywould be that bold to recite
(10:41):
those lines to him, but like shedoes and it's like oh my god, I
just want to.
Honey, can I just sit in yourlap?
I love you.
Blah, blah, it's Shakespeare,shakespeare, blasé, blasé, I
hate to say it.
Louise doesn't have a lot ofpersonality.
I'm just gonna say that is sheunpopular because she's a nerd?
I think by the 80s beautystandards she's quite lovely but
(11:04):
she does not have a lot ofemoting and I think teenage boys
are not bright enough to pickup on the subtleties.
But in her case she's got ateacher who is her homegirl.
She almost kisses Brad and itis just enough to feed her for
yet another day, while her nerdyhomegirl watches on like, oh my
God, girl, you're so good,we're dorks.
(11:27):
I hope we can get into thepopular crew at some point.
It's devastating.
It's a little hard to swallowtoo, because this is 1989.
So I would imagine you would bephasing this out.
But they're not.
This is as cheesy as body rock.
But let the record reflect, Ifully enjoyed body rock.
(11:49):
So by this point in the film wegot to get to the getting brad
is her heart's desire.
Louise is a square.
Louise's neighbor is a hot todrop blonde who is stealing
Brad's attention and on onefateful night he almost runs her
off the road and somehow thataccumulates in her running into
(12:12):
a psychic's house.
Make it make sense.
So, as happenstance wouldhappenad accidentally runs her
off the road one night,continues to make out with his
girlfriend, offers her to ridehome.
She's like no, no, I don't needit, brad.
She goes to a payphone.
I suppose it doesn't work.
And even though this is herhometown, she somehow stumbles
(12:34):
into the home of madameena, amystic, a psychic.
When the door opens and MadameSerena is revealed, I have a
mild panic attack Because if Idon't remember anything else, I
remember all of the horror movietrauma I suffered as an early
child and one of those films wasa poltergeist.
(12:55):
This is definitely the lady whowas trying to call Carol Ann out
of her trance.
I didn't appreciate that.
I felt completely caught offguard.
She seems a little more lightand fluffy, this movie, but
still I feel like, why are youalways typecast?
Was his name Danny Trejo?
He's always the same sort of aslice you up, type gutter
gangster.
(13:15):
You know what I mean.
Some people are typecast andit's like is this for a reason
or no?
I feel like she might have ahand in the occult.
That's all I'm saying.
I'm not gonna name her name,but you can look her up.
You know exactly who I'mtalking about if you were a
child in the late 80s, early 90s.
This woman is in my night, butluckily, in this film she seemed
(13:36):
to be a big sister of sorts, ormaybe like a fairy godmother.
She's like Miller.
Oh my gosh, you're going toreceive these powers on your
16th birthday.
Things are going to be a littlebit weird, but it'll work out
again, I promise.
You're a witch, by the way, soit's really lucky that you were
almost run off the road andshowed up on my doorstep.
(13:57):
Obviously, her 16th birthdayhappens.
No one comes to her partybecause another more poppin'
party is happening and she's notthat chick.
Unfortunately she's not thepopular chick.
However, because of a powerfulthunderstorm that night, she
sort of understands that thingshave changed.
First order of business.
(14:18):
She's barking at her brother,quite literally, because he has
a whole mess.
I guess the whole thing withthe little brother is that he's
addicted to sugar, so he'salways making these weird snacks
.
He's making like a giant andI'm talking three foot in
diameter pizza with marshmallows, chocolate, all the works.
And she's like just clean up,mom will be home, she doesn't
(14:40):
want you making this mess.
A lime rubber you'll glue.
Whatever you say sticks back onyou.
He floats in and out of an eastjersey, new york accent quite a
bit, so he says that two orthree more times and then he
calls her a dog.
Next thing, you know, he turnsinto a dog and she's like holy
crap, decides to throw him intoa freaking bathtub.
(15:04):
He suddenly turns back into aboy, but he's thoroughly weirded
out.
For the rest of the movie he'sgonna mind his business, because
up until this time he's beentalking real slick out the side
of his mouth.
No one's coming to your 16thbirthday.
Like I said, he sounds like a40-year-old divorcee.
I don't know what his problemis Meanwhile at school, it's
(15:25):
very clear that her teacher,who's also a beautiful redhead
lady, is like girl, be you, doyou?
Don't worry about what anyoneelse thinks.
And this is all happening onher 16th birthday.
Suddenly, in the theaterdepartment, this rando piece of
jewelry shows up.
It's like sort of glowing.
It looks a lot like the I'mgoing to screw this up Like when
(15:51):
you look at the picture of thepyramids.
The eye looks a lot like that.
It just sort of shows up.
She puts it on Long story shortthis belongs to her.
This was supposed to come to herthrough some form of magic.
She goes back to Serena.
Serena shows her a yearbookwhere Serena is a fully 57 year
old woman in the yearbook andsweet little Lorraine Miller, or
what's her name?
(16:12):
Louise Miller looks exactly theage she is.
Now.
She's a 16 year old.
She got her hair did up.
She's in the book.
Apparently she's been aroundsince the 1600s, only she don't
remember it.
Just, things are starting tohappen.
Popular girl who lives nextdoor to her who's dating?
Brad is like yo, I want you tocome to a dance with us tonight.
(16:32):
You can have my cousin.
When they go and pick up thecousin, tell me why the cousin
looks just like Brad.
This is a thing with the 80sfilm you don't fully get to
understand that some people aredweeb.
This is all perspective.
It's going to take more than agood pair of glasses for me to
not understand that somebody isfine fine.
(16:53):
Take, for example, if Brad Pittis walking in front of you with
a pair of glasses on, he's nothot.
How do the glasses shield thatbody, shield all that fondness?
In 80s movies?
That's the case Either way.
This is fresh after her birthday.
So she puts on this reallyhideous outfit.
Her mom got her a green andpink sweater vest.
(17:14):
She looks she's an aka and it'srevealed kind of quickly, kind
of offhandedly, that her momused to be a dweeb in junior
high but she grew into like thesmoke show.
So for the rest of the movieit's as if louise knows
eventually she's going to growinto the smoke show.
It's just taking a littlelonger than she had decided.
But she decides to go to thisdance with cousin.
(17:38):
Cousin is fine, fine, he's gotthe bouffant, he's got the hair,
but he is.
I don't know if he's high, Idon't know what his problem is,
but he's geeked up on somethingtotally unprovoked.
Louise goes to the dance and shedecides you know what?
I'm a hott too.
She's stowed away a second pairof clothes in her changing bag.
(17:59):
She flips out and when I sayshe puts on every piece of 80s
garb you can think of, she does.
She's got the button up shirtwhere she can pop the collar.
She's got the neon makeup it'shot pink.
She's got the little clip inher hair so that it's half up,
half down with the tees Waterwaybangs.
She's got fishnets in a brightcolor.
(18:21):
She's got the kitten heel in aweird color with the socks.
She's got the sequins.
She's got the necklaces.
She's got everything you canthink of to make her the
quintessential 1980s hottie onlyand don't really work.
But it does work because,unbeknownst to her, she's kind
of forgotten that her spells andeverything she says by the time
(18:42):
she's 16 is going to kind ofpump up.
Serena did not do a good job ofexplaining this.
So she's sitting at the tablewith her homegirl, table number
13.
And she's just like God.
I wish Brad would look at me.
Brad turns and he looks at her.
I wish he would come over.
Brad comes over.
I wish Brad would look at me.
Brad turns and he looks at her.
I wish he would come over.
Brad comes over.
I wish he would talk to me.
Brad talks to her Only, insteadof asking for her hand in
(19:04):
marriage, like she was expecting, he asked her to help him out
with his English homework.
The neighbor girl comes andshe's like yo, give my cousin
the keys, we're going to myhomegirl's house.
Womp, womp, give my cousin thekeys, we're going to my
homegirl's house.
What's her name?
Louise is not picking up on theI wish portion, even though by
(19:28):
this point it should feel alittle suspicious.
She's not picking up on that.
So while she's in the car,cousin nerd starts freaking out.
He's geeking out, he's laughingall hysterically.
She said I wish you'd leave mealone, baby.
He disappears behind thedriving wheel.
She's forced to break with nolegs.
(19:49):
I don't know how this happened.
She's in the passenger side, hedisappears from the driver's
side.
She's able to break in downtownLos Angeles, get herself back
home.
She tries to go to Serena anddoesn't get any help.
I'm going to speed the rest upfor you because there's not much
to it If you've seen it once,you've seen it a hundred times.
She starts to click like hey,I'm really a witch.
(20:10):
Serena's like yeah, girl, notonly are you a witch, you being
a witch is helping me out.
I can turn frogs into fine menthat I can sleep with, I can
turn, we can turn money out ofnowhere.
Girl, I'm going to make you theit girl.
Go ahead, let's put a littlespell on your little booski and
we'll see how that goes.
Well, she puts a spell onherself.
(20:30):
Suddenly she's the most populargirl in school and the song that
follows is just like that Iwant to be the most popular girl
.
That song is very familiar tome, even though I don't remember
seeing this movie.
So that's playing.
And then I mean, everybodyloves her, from the dweebs to
(20:52):
the populars.
There's posters with her nameall around the campus.
She is her, she is she, she isthat chick.
Now she does throw her nerdybest friend a favor a time or
two, because that's what you'resupposed to do in these sort of
films.
And her friend is in love withVanilla Ice Splice and his two
(21:12):
companions who rap non-stopquite wackily, as they did in
1980s.
She helps her homegirl out witha little rap battle with him
and I guess he finds herattractive.
It doesn't seem like he findsher attractive right away,
because it takes till the end ofthe movie before he decides
that she is worthy of hisartistic endeavors, that he is
(21:35):
that dude and she is worthy ofhim.
He is so lame I can't hardlystand it, but it works out for
them.
So for the rest of the film,louise starts to realize that
popularity is not what shethought.
She starts to question therelationship between she and
Brad.
Does Brad like me for me, ordoes he like me because there's
(21:55):
a spell on me?
Serena's like girl.
What Nevermind Does it make?
I am 500 years old.
If the boy is looking at you,he's looking at you.
If he doesn't like you, hedoesn't like you, let it ride,
let it be.
This is a spell, regardless.
The funny thing is she wassupposed to put a spell on him
but she didn't actually did it.
So she didn't actually do it.
(22:16):
What she was supposed to lethappen was that she was supposed
to go have invite him into herspace.
So, under the guise of studyingfor their English exam would
have been the perfect.
Little situation ship, he wassupposed to sit on her bed.
Little situation ship, he wassupposed to sit on her bed.
She's supposed to chant thislittle rhyme.
Only she starts feeling guiltyabout halfway through and
(22:39):
decides not to go through it.
So, yes, brad starts to developfeelings for her and she's
questioning herself the entirefilm.
Does he want me or is thisbecause it's put a spell on him?
He takes her to an abandonedhouse with, like, all sorts of
rusty nails and dirt and grimeand thick little cobwebs, and
(23:01):
she decides that it is a goodidea to walk through this home
barefoot.
They have quite the passionatelovemaking scene without
actually seeing that part, whichmakes me question whether or
not I saw this on the DisneyChannel.
I stand by that.
I feel like I've seen this.
I don't see why I would makethat up.
They definitely put it on theDisney Channel.
(23:22):
I'm assuming they blocked outthese scenes.
But all she can think toherself is man, does he really
want me or is he just enchanted?
So by the film's end there is aremarkably campy dance session
(23:43):
between all the high schoolers.
Madame Serena is there becauseyou know Louise feels like she
should be.
She's missed out on so muchlife.
Let's just bring it.
Nerdy Rat Boy is filling hergeeky best friend have an
incredibly awkward dance sessiontogether, and louise, who still
hasn't given up that witchmoney and fly wardrobe is still
the center of attention only,for whatever reason, this dance
(24:04):
accumulates in the, the actualpassion that is in the film.
Does brad want her for her?
Does he want her because she'sa witch and she put all sorts of
spells adjacent to him notactually on him, turns out?
Brad's a standup guy.
He wants her all along.
You see, the girl he was withwas too high maintenance.
She was basically taking overhis life, letting him know what
(24:26):
he needs to do, and it was teamtoo much for him.
I love a teen movie.
I just don't know if I love an80s teen movie and this one was.
It was okay.
I love the corny music.
I love the corny dance numbers,that whole gosh behind your
(24:47):
glasses.
You're such a nerd.
Here's a tea.
She actually didn't change thatmuch.
Louise would never wore glasses, which is odd.
She wore the same clothes.
She added a tool skirt here andthere she added those little
kitten heels.
She added some fishnets.
All of a sudden she was thatchick.
All he needed.
All brad really wanted was, todate, the most popular girl in
(25:08):
school.
So even though she didn't put aspell on him, she still became
the most popular girl in school.
So, even though she didn't puta spell on him, she still became
the most popular girl in school.
So does he like her for her ordoes he like her for her status?
Unfortunately, I think it isthe latter.
She just doesn't seem to catchon.
I kind of wonder, guys or ifyou're someone who watches the
(25:30):
Disney channel with your kids oryour niece and nephews,
grandkids, whoever have you everseen this film on that show?
I swear I'm like 97% sure I'veseen it on there, but I clearly
saw it earlier in life as well.
It's so weird.
It's so weird, but it's thekind of weird you want in a good
(25:53):
old fashioned teen film.
Hey guys, this is Editing Jet,and I'd be remiss if I did not
mention the absolute best scenein the entire movie A rap battle
between dorky friend of Louiseversus vanilla splice, splice,
bait, splish splash.
He, splish Splash.
He ain't even ice, he's noteven cold as ice.
(26:13):
This is Vanilla Lukewarm.
Vanilla Lukewarm rides aroundwith these two bohos all day and
all they do is make thesereally whack raps.
Little girl's got a crush onhim so she's like okay, bet,
she's talking to her friendabout it as they're riding their
bikes towards these threelosers who are rap battling with
absolutely no one.
But since her homegirl's awitch, louise decides to
(26:36):
sprinkle her with a littlesomething.
Next thing, you know, this girljumps off her bike supersonic,
I don't even know what she says,but it's good.
She basically eats him alive.
They go, go back and forth,back and forth.
Top.
That is the name of the rap.
Do yourself a favor, google it,enjoy it.
(26:58):
It is absolutely the best scenein the entire film and I really
wish they had built on thisgirl's rap career.
They don't.
Eventually, by the end of thefilm, cinnamon Lukewarm he ain't
even Vanilla ice cinemalukewarm decides that the girl
who ate him alive in the streetbattle is worthy of his time and
they have an incredibly cornydance.
But if you do nothing else, ifyou take nothing else away from
(27:21):
this film, that rap battle isiconic.
I'll also say this um, thingsdon't always catch on when they
should.
I haven't really looked thatdeeply into how the film did.
It seems like it would beenjoyable, though I enjoyed it.
I bet I would have loved it in1989.
Yes, it's incredibly corny.
(27:41):
Yes, it's hard to swallow.
Yes, it's unbelievable, becauseshe didn't actually become a
swan, she just used the magic.
I don't think that's supposedto be the moral of the film, but
that's the moral that I'mwalking away with.
She used what she had to createan allure about herself, thus
(28:02):
luring the hot guy.
Same exact formula as smashingyour glasses off.
I tell you what louise islouise, but lou Louise is no
Sabrina.
Sabrina the Teenage Witch wasiconic.
She just took everything shelearned from Clarissa Explains
it All, morphed it over intoSabrina the Teenage Witch.
She had two cool aunties whodressed just as her.
(28:23):
It was amazing.
She was also just much moreassured of herself.
I liked that.
There's no need to transfer herfrom the dweeb to the popular
girl.
Just let her be.
She's in her witchery era andit was fantastic.
Love everything Melissa JoanHart has ever done.
All right, guys, that's it.
(28:44):
That's all.
Go ahead and join me next timeas we jump back into some
Skatey's soap opera debaucheryIn the meantime.
In between time, stay hydrated,stay moisturized, mind your own
business and keep all of yourdrama on TV.
Bye, thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome and
welcome back to anotherfun-filled edition of Soap Lore.
I'm your host Shep viewing andreviewing the sopiest, ugliest
primetime storylines of 1980.
Today's episode is a bonusBonafide filled with an
accidental watch that leaves mereeling.
(00:21):
So, whether you're new to thisor to this, head back and enjoy.
Tell the kids to play outsideor out of sight, tell they have
no questions, suggestions orconcerns for the next 25 to 35
minutes.
Everyone else in the air shot.
Cool, quiet or kicked out areyour only options, because we
are watching an 80s teen.
Play, ladies and gentlemen,boys and girls, this is still so
(00:43):
cool.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is still SoFloor.
Hello, gorgeous and welcome toanother fun-filled edition of
SoFloor, the bonus edition.
I gotta lay this out becausethis was an unexpected
revelation, I suppose.
Let me set the scene for you.
I work hard.
You know what I'm saying.
(01:03):
I work hard all day, every dayduring the week.
Sundays are my days to take adeliciously just, indulgent nap.
Fun Sundays.
I indulge in some documentariesand sometimes I'll catch up on
myself, but on this day I haddecided you know what sleep is
calling me.
It's been a crazy busy week.
I decide to lay out and then Istart to hear this music.
(01:25):
It's very, not necessarilyfamiliar because I enjoy it, but
familiar because where have Iheard this before?
It's type music.
I open my eyes, I look up andsomehow or another after
watching Dallas I did watch allthree episodes of Dallas the
movie Teen Witch decided itneeded to play for my enjoyment.
(01:48):
This is weird to me because Ithink I saw this as a kid
because one of the songs wasjust like oh my God, I knew all
the words to it.
So it was clearly in thebackground many, many times, but
I didn't really know the plot.
I think this show, teen Witch,which aired in 1989, has a
(02:09):
redhead who's not quite MileyRingwald, but she's somebody.
I feel like this is played onthe Disney Channel and I want to
say it played recently.
If you're a millennial, pleasetap in, let me know, reach out
in the show notes.
You can always send me a textand say hey, you're doing great.
Hey, you suck.
Hey, did you know?
So-and-so did DexYZ.
Let me know all the thingsbecause I fully enjoy this.
(02:31):
This is my jam.
But this movie, for some reasonI feel like I've seen this
before.
It was at least playing in thebackground.
I probably got it mixed up witha couple things.
For example, star Wars is areal movie.
Spaceballs is a real movie.
For many, many years, in mymind, they were the exact same
movie.
So you can imagine my surprise.
(02:54):
I decided to postpone my nap andsaid let me see what is going
on.
The 80s want me to watchsomething.
Let me go ahead and check itout.
I have have to admit, I love ateen flick.
I love a cheesy teen flick, butthis movie gave me this is
exactly what I'll be talkingabout when I say I hate the 80s.
It's the exact same.
(03:15):
It's so corny, it's so whack,but it's also so, so good.
So go ahead and pour yourselfoff something bubbly and bright
and dolls.
Put on your denim jacket, puton whatever you have.
If you're an OG and you knowthis film be brutal, let me have
it, because you know what Ideserve.
I am a mouthy millennial.
Sometimes I need to be put inmy place.
(03:37):
So let's go ahead and tap intothe bonus episode.
Teen movie, teen witch.
I talk a lot of ish, but onething I appreciate is a slow
intro, and this movie has justthat.
You see this sort of gorgeousredhead girl and this, this hot,
(03:59):
rockabilly dude and it's veryclear that this is a fantasy
because she's you know they'reon top of a roof.
Why would you do that?
She's running about, she's inthe hottest outfit she can find,
which in her case is like asweetheart red top, matching
skirt and red pantyhose, whichis very, very much on 80s q.
She ends up falling off theroof, waking up to her little
(04:23):
brother.
This is the trope in the 80sthat drives me nuts.
There's always a bevested,weirdo little brother who's just
kind of hanging about in aweird way.
He's under her bed as she wakesup.
Reality knows that mostchildren do not wake up before
any other children.
He's not going to wake up at6.30 am so he can crawl under
(04:47):
her bed and read her diary.
But in this film that is thecase and for whatever reason,
they love a quirky child he has.
He has the voice of a 40 yearold divorcee.
He's he snatched out a page ofher diary and he's reading it to
her.
And of course it's like oh myGod, little brother, get out.
(05:12):
It's so weird, it's kind of anunnecessary trope, but I suppose
you need to build a home lifefor this girl.
We all need to believe that,despite her bespectacled
appearance and frumpy clothing,she is a swan waiting to to
debut.
Only this girl looks just likeevery other girl in her high
school.
But we're supposed to believeshe is frumpy.
(05:34):
She is shy.
Maybe it's her red hair.
Is that a prejudice that we'reslapping on her?
I suppose that's what it is.
She's not popular, so goes tobreakfast with her smoking hot
mom and her dad, who I believeis one of the original Darrens,
with Bewitched.
Now, this is the privilege ofgrowing up with old people.
I've seen Bewitched.
I've seen Herman Munster inthem, which was the Munsters,
(05:56):
the Adam family, andy Griffith,happy Days.
I've watched all those foryears as if I watched them in
real time.
I feel like her dad might beone of the original Darrens.
The other one was JR.
They all kind of mixed togetherfor me because I watched them
in syndication so I couldn'ttell you who showed up first.
(06:17):
He's definitely one of them.
So the girl's name is LouiseMiller, which is a plot twist my
husband's aunt's governmentname before she got married.
I feel like Louise is one ofthose names you didn't hear
after.
Probably Nobody named their kidLouise after probably 1969.
Yeah, I guess that tracks.
This is about 1988.
She would have been one of thelast people on earth named
(06:38):
Louise and she tries to go abouther day as a nerd.
She's in a full-on McGruff theCrime Dog outfit.
She's got her red hair relaxed,which as a woman I understand.
I know when someone has a flatiron or a hot comb to their hair
, baby girl definitely does.
(06:58):
She tries to go to her lockerand you have three Wahite young
gentlemen rapping in front ofher the wackest rappers on the
West Coast.
Doubt.
The nerds come up.
The film is painting a picture.
She is a dweeb, she's a dork,she is a nerd.
She does not fit in.
But she is pining for the oneand only brad brad pow, which is
(07:22):
a typical quintessential teenboppy movie name.
I get it.
She has a really, really doucheyteacher, mr Weaver, who for no
reason decides he wants tomortify her.
So what happened was her creepylittle brother was hiding under
her bed.
He snatched out a page of herdiary where she was talking
about Brad.
I guess she was writing fanfiction.
He couldn't appreciate herartistic interpretation of her
(07:46):
teen life.
So somehow or another it getsshuffled into her backpack when
she goes to English class toturn in her regular assignment,
because her brother isdisgusting and he eats chocolate
and candy all day, every day.
It is somehow submerged to theback of her regular assignment.
It gets turned into mr weaverand this disgusting 60 plus year
(08:08):
old man has no class.
He decides it is.
It is, uh, in vogue toembarrass a 16 year old girl by
reading a very private page ofher diary.
It is very clear that's not herassignment.
But he reads it.
He drags her in front of godand everybody.
She has no choice but to jump upfrom her desk and run to the
bathroom and hide out.
(08:29):
Luckily she has one and I domean just one home girl who's
like girl, don't even worryabout it.
You're a good writer.
Do not let that old man ruinyour swag.
You got this.
Come on out.
So she works up the courage togo out, right.
And then she goes to the lockerroom where the cheerleaders in
their lavender outfit.
Lavender has to be the color of80.
(08:49):
That's where Laura's alwayswearing lavender.
All the women on season two ofNorthland are dripping in
lavender.
I feel like I see it more andmore the girls in the in the
locker room.
The cheerleaders are putting ona brand new cheer.
We like boys.
We like boys.
Now, what high school inamerica do you know would let
that be a cheer?
But they do a whole song anddance number in their lavender
(09:13):
leotards and she is forced tojust like be basic gosh.
This musical number goes on anembarrassingly long amount of
time at least three to fourminutes and this is the thing
that has always confused me withthe 80s.
I can't tell what's camp orwhat they want me to believe is
(09:34):
real.
I feel like they want me tobelieve this is what really goes
on in a high school locker room.
So after the whole song anddance number, louise is.
She's in desperate need of sometestosterone.
So she leaves.
She goes out to the footballfield to spy on brad in the.
In the, under a cloak ofdarkness, through a hallway.
(09:55):
He's doing sit-ups, he'sthrowing footballs not to other
people but through tires.
He is giving her everything sheneeds to put into her mental.
We're not going to go theretoday, but you know what it is.
She's putting in her mentaldiary and she's going to save
that all for later.
We understand by this point inthe film.
She's got it real, real bad forbrad.
(10:18):
The girl that he loves is nextdoor to her.
She lives right across thestreet.
Brad vaguely knows who she isand we know this because in in
the drama class she gets to bethe understudy for the main girl
and she's talking to him andit's like it's really beautiful
soliloquy.
It's quite embarrassing if youthink about it.
No teenager who was that shywould be that bold to recite
(10:41):
those lines to him, but like shedoes and it's like oh my god, I
just want to.
Honey, can I just sit in yourlap?
I love you.
Blah, blah, it's Shakespeare,shakespeare, blasé, blasé, I
hate to say it.
Louise doesn't have a lot ofpersonality.
I'm just gonna say that is sheunpopular because she's a nerd?
I think by the 80s beautystandards she's quite lovely but
(11:04):
she does not have a lot ofemoting and I think teenage boys
are not bright enough to pickup on the subtleties.
But in her case she's got ateacher who is her homegirl.
She almost kisses Brad and itis just enough to feed her for
yet another day, while her nerdyhomegirl watches on like, oh my
God, girl, you're so good,we're dorks.
(11:27):
I hope we can get into thepopular crew at some point.
It's devastating.
It's a little hard to swallowtoo, because this is 1989.
So I would imagine you would bephasing this out.
But they're not.
This is as cheesy as body rock.
But let the record reflect, Ifully enjoyed body rock.
(11:49):
So by this point in the film wegot to get to the getting brad
is her heart's desire.
Louise is a square.
Louise's neighbor is a hot todrop blonde who is stealing
Brad's attention and on onefateful night he almost runs her
off the road and somehow thataccumulates in her running into
(12:12):
a psychic's house.
Make it make sense.
So, as happenstance wouldhappenad accidentally runs her
off the road one night,continues to make out with his
girlfriend, offers her to ridehome.
She's like no, no, I don't needit, brad.
She goes to a payphone.
I suppose it doesn't work.
And even though this is herhometown, she somehow stumbles
(12:34):
into the home of madameena, amystic, a psychic.
When the door opens and MadameSerena is revealed, I have a
mild panic attack Because if Idon't remember anything else, I
remember all of the horror movietrauma I suffered as an early
child and one of those films wasa poltergeist.
(12:55):
This is definitely the lady whowas trying to call Carol Ann out
of her trance.
I didn't appreciate that.
I felt completely caught offguard.
She seems a little more lightand fluffy, this movie, but
still I feel like, why are youalways typecast?
Was his name Danny Trejo?
He's always the same sort of aslice you up, type gutter
gangster.
(13:15):
You know what I mean.
Some people are typecast andit's like is this for a reason
or no?
I feel like she might have ahand in the occult.
That's all I'm saying.
I'm not gonna name her name,but you can look her up.
You know exactly who I'mtalking about if you were a
child in the late 80s, early 90s.
This woman is in my night, butluckily, in this film she seemed
(13:36):
to be a big sister of sorts, ormaybe like a fairy godmother.
She's like Miller.
Oh my gosh, you're going toreceive these powers on your
16th birthday.
Things are going to be a littlebit weird, but it'll work out
again, I promise.
You're a witch, by the way, soit's really lucky that you were
almost run off the road andshowed up on my doorstep.
(13:57):
Obviously, her 16th birthdayhappens.
No one comes to her partybecause another more poppin'
party is happening and she's notthat chick.
Unfortunately she's not thepopular chick.
However, because of a powerfulthunderstorm that night, she
sort of understands that thingshave changed.
First order of business.
(14:18):
She's barking at her brother,quite literally, because he has
a whole mess.
I guess the whole thing withthe little brother is that he's
addicted to sugar, so he'salways making these weird snacks
.
He's making like a giant andI'm talking three foot in
diameter pizza with marshmallows, chocolate, all the works.
And she's like just clean up,mom will be home, she doesn't
(14:40):
want you making this mess.
A lime rubber you'll glue.
Whatever you say sticks back onyou.
He floats in and out of an eastjersey, new york accent quite a
bit, so he says that two orthree more times and then he
calls her a dog.
Next thing, you know, he turnsinto a dog and she's like holy
crap, decides to throw him intoa freaking bathtub.
(15:04):
He suddenly turns back into aboy, but he's thoroughly weirded
out.
For the rest of the movie he'sgonna mind his business, because
up until this time he's beentalking real slick out the side
of his mouth.
No one's coming to your 16thbirthday.
Like I said, he sounds like a40-year-old divorcee.
I don't know what his problemis Meanwhile at school, it's
(15:25):
very clear that her teacher,who's also a beautiful redhead
lady, is like girl, be you, doyou?
Don't worry about what anyoneelse thinks.
And this is all happening onher 16th birthday.
Suddenly, in the theaterdepartment, this rando piece of
jewelry shows up.
It's like sort of glowing.
It looks a lot like the I'mgoing to screw this up Like when
(15:51):
you look at the picture of thepyramids.
The eye looks a lot like that.
It just sort of shows up.
She puts it on Long story shortthis belongs to her.
This was supposed to come to herthrough some form of magic.
She goes back to Serena.
Serena shows her a yearbookwhere Serena is a fully 57 year
old woman in the yearbook andsweet little Lorraine Miller, or
what's her name?
(16:12):
Louise Miller looks exactly theage she is.
Now.
She's a 16 year old.
She got her hair did up.
She's in the book.
Apparently she's been aroundsince the 1600s, only she don't
remember it.
Just, things are starting tohappen.
Popular girl who lives nextdoor to her who's dating?
Brad is like yo, I want you tocome to a dance with us tonight.
(16:32):
You can have my cousin.
When they go and pick up thecousin, tell me why the cousin
looks just like Brad.
This is a thing with the 80sfilm you don't fully get to
understand that some people aredweeb.
This is all perspective.
It's going to take more than agood pair of glasses for me to
not understand that somebody isfine fine.
(16:53):
Take, for example, if Brad Pittis walking in front of you with
a pair of glasses on, he's nothot.
How do the glasses shield thatbody, shield all that fondness?
In 80s movies?
That's the case Either way.
This is fresh after her birthday.
So she puts on this reallyhideous outfit.
Her mom got her a green andpink sweater vest.
(17:14):
She looks she's an aka and it'srevealed kind of quickly, kind
of offhandedly, that her momused to be a dweeb in junior
high but she grew into like thesmoke show.
So for the rest of the movieit's as if louise knows
eventually she's going to growinto the smoke show.
It's just taking a littlelonger than she had decided.
But she decides to go to thisdance with cousin.
(17:38):
Cousin is fine, fine, he's gotthe bouffant, he's got the hair,
but he is.
I don't know if he's high, Idon't know what his problem is,
but he's geeked up on somethingtotally unprovoked.
Louise goes to the dance and shedecides you know what?
I'm a hott too.
She's stowed away a second pairof clothes in her changing bag.
(17:59):
She flips out and when I sayshe puts on every piece of 80s
garb you can think of, she does.
She's got the button up shirtwhere she can pop the collar.
She's got the neon makeup it'shot pink.
She's got the little clip inher hair so that it's half up,
half down with the tees Waterwaybangs.
She's got fishnets in a brightcolor.
(18:21):
She's got the kitten heel in aweird color with the socks.
She's got the sequins.
She's got the necklaces.
She's got everything you canthink of to make her the
quintessential 1980s hottie onlyand don't really work.
But it does work because,unbeknownst to her, she's kind
of forgotten that her spells andeverything she says by the time
(18:42):
she's 16 is going to kind ofpump up.
Serena did not do a good job ofexplaining this.
So she's sitting at the tablewith her homegirl, table number
13.
And she's just like God.
I wish Brad would look at me.
Brad turns and he looks at her.
I wish he would come over.
Brad comes over.
I wish Brad would look at me.
Brad turns and he looks at her.
I wish he would come over.
Brad comes over.
I wish he would talk to me.
Brad talks to her Only, insteadof asking for her hand in
(19:04):
marriage, like she was expecting, he asked her to help him out
with his English homework.
The neighbor girl comes andshe's like yo, give my cousin
the keys, we're going to myhomegirl's house.
Womp, womp, give my cousin thekeys, we're going to my
homegirl's house.
What's her name?
Louise is not picking up on theI wish portion, even though by
(19:28):
this point it should feel alittle suspicious.
She's not picking up on that.
So while she's in the car,cousin nerd starts freaking out.
He's geeking out, he's laughingall hysterically.
She said I wish you'd leave mealone, baby.
He disappears behind thedriving wheel.
She's forced to break with nolegs.
(19:49):
I don't know how this happened.
She's in the passenger side, hedisappears from the driver's
side.
She's able to break in downtownLos Angeles, get herself back
home.
She tries to go to Serena anddoesn't get any help.
I'm going to speed the rest upfor you because there's not much
to it If you've seen it once,you've seen it a hundred times.
She starts to click like hey,I'm really a witch.
(20:10):
Serena's like yeah, girl, notonly are you a witch, you being
a witch is helping me out.
I can turn frogs into fine menthat I can sleep with, I can
turn, we can turn money out ofnowhere.
Girl, I'm going to make you theit girl.
Go ahead, let's put a littlespell on your little booski and
we'll see how that goes.
Well, she puts a spell onherself.
(20:30):
Suddenly she's the most populargirl in school and the song that
follows is just like that Iwant to be the most popular girl
.
That song is very familiar tome, even though I don't remember
seeing this movie.
So that's playing.
And then I mean, everybodyloves her, from the dweebs to
(20:52):
the populars.
There's posters with her nameall around the campus.
She is her, she is she, she isthat chick.
Now she does throw her nerdybest friend a favor a time or
two, because that's what you'resupposed to do in these sort of
films.
And her friend is in love withVanilla Ice Splice and his two
(21:12):
companions who rap non-stopquite wackily, as they did in
1980s.
She helps her homegirl out witha little rap battle with him
and I guess he finds herattractive.
It doesn't seem like he findsher attractive right away,
because it takes till the end ofthe movie before he decides
that she is worthy of hisartistic endeavors, that he is
(21:35):
that dude and she is worthy ofhim.
He is so lame I can't hardlystand it, but it works out for
them.
So for the rest of the film,louise starts to realize that
popularity is not what shethought.
She starts to question therelationship between she and
Brad.
Does Brad like me for me, ordoes he like me because there's
(21:55):
a spell on me?
Serena's like girl.
What Nevermind Does it make?
I am 500 years old.
If the boy is looking at you,he's looking at you.
If he doesn't like you, hedoesn't like you, let it ride,
let it be.
This is a spell, regardless.
The funny thing is she wassupposed to put a spell on him
but she didn't actually did it.
So she didn't actually do it.
(22:16):
What she was supposed to lethappen was that she was supposed
to go have invite him into herspace.
So, under the guise of studyingfor their English exam would
have been the perfect.
Little situation ship, he wassupposed to sit on her bed.
Little situation ship, he wassupposed to sit on her bed.
She's supposed to chant thislittle rhyme.
Only she starts feeling guiltyabout halfway through and
(22:39):
decides not to go through it.
So, yes, brad starts to developfeelings for her and she's
questioning herself the entirefilm.
Does he want me or is thisbecause it's put a spell on him?
He takes her to an abandonedhouse with, like, all sorts of
rusty nails and dirt and grimeand thick little cobwebs, and
(23:01):
she decides that it is a goodidea to walk through this home
barefoot.
They have quite the passionatelovemaking scene without
actually seeing that part, whichmakes me question whether or
not I saw this on the DisneyChannel.
I stand by that.
I feel like I've seen this.
I don't see why I would makethat up.
They definitely put it on theDisney Channel.
(23:22):
I'm assuming they blocked outthese scenes.
But all she can think toherself is man, does he really
want me or is he just enchanted?
So by the film's end there is aremarkably campy dance session
(23:43):
between all the high schoolers.
Madame Serena is there becauseyou know Louise feels like she
should be.
She's missed out on so muchlife.
Let's just bring it.
Nerdy Rat Boy is filling hergeeky best friend have an
incredibly awkward dance sessiontogether, and louise, who still
hasn't given up that witchmoney and fly wardrobe is still
the center of attention only,for whatever reason, this dance
(24:04):
accumulates in the, the actualpassion that is in the film.
Does brad want her for her?
Does he want her because she'sa witch and she put all sorts of
spells adjacent to him notactually on him, turns out?
Brad's a standup guy.
He wants her all along.
You see, the girl he was withwas too high maintenance.
She was basically taking overhis life, letting him know what
(24:26):
he needs to do, and it was teamtoo much for him.
I love a teen movie.
I just don't know if I love an80s teen movie and this one was.
It was okay.
I love the corny music.
I love the corny dance numbers,that whole gosh behind your
(24:47):
glasses.
You're such a nerd.
Here's a tea.
She actually didn't change thatmuch.
Louise would never wore glasses, which is odd.
She wore the same clothes.
She added a tool skirt here andthere she added those little
kitten heels.
She added some fishnets.
All of a sudden she was thatchick.
All he needed.
All brad really wanted was, todate, the most popular girl in
(25:08):
school.
So even though she didn't put aspell on him, she still became
the most popular girl in school.
So, even though she didn't puta spell on him, she still became
the most popular girl in school.
So does he like her for her ordoes he like her for her status?
Unfortunately, I think it isthe latter.
She just doesn't seem to catchon.
I kind of wonder, guys or ifyou're someone who watches the
(25:30):
Disney channel with your kids oryour niece and nephews,
grandkids, whoever have you everseen this film on that show?
I swear I'm like 97% sure I'veseen it on there, but I clearly
saw it earlier in life as well.
It's so weird.
It's so weird, but it's thekind of weird you want in a good
(25:53):
old fashioned teen film.
Hey guys, this is Editing Jet,and I'd be remiss if I did not
mention the absolute best scenein the entire movie A rap battle
between dorky friend of Louiseversus vanilla splice, splice,
bait, splish splash.
He, splish Splash.
He ain't even ice, he's noteven cold as ice.
(26:13):
This is Vanilla Lukewarm.
Vanilla Lukewarm rides aroundwith these two bohos all day and
all they do is make thesereally whack raps.
Little girl's got a crush onhim so she's like okay, bet,
she's talking to her friendabout it as they're riding their
bikes towards these threelosers who are rap battling with
absolutely no one.
But since her homegirl's awitch, louise decides to
(26:36):
sprinkle her with a littlesomething.
Next thing, you know, this girljumps off her bike supersonic,
I don't even know what she says,but it's good.
She basically eats him alive.
They go, go back and forth,back and forth.
Top.
That is the name of the rap.
Do yourself a favor, google it,enjoy it.
(26:58):
It is absolutely the best scenein the entire film and I really
wish they had built on thisgirl's rap career.
They don't.
Eventually, by the end of thefilm, cinnamon Lukewarm he ain't
even Vanilla ice cinemalukewarm decides that the girl
who ate him alive in the streetbattle is worthy of his time and
they have an incredibly cornydance.
But if you do nothing else, ifyou take nothing else away from
(27:21):
this film, that rap battle isiconic.
I'll also say this um, thingsdon't always catch on when they
should.
I haven't really looked thatdeeply into how the film did.
It seems like it would beenjoyable, though I enjoyed it.
I bet I would have loved it in1989.
Yes, it's incredibly corny.
(27:41):
Yes, it's hard to swallow.
Yes, it's unbelievable, becauseshe didn't actually become a
swan, she just used the magic.
I don't think that's supposedto be the moral of the film, but
that's the moral that I'mwalking away with.
She used what she had to createan allure about herself, thus
(28:02):
luring the hot guy.
Same exact formula as smashingyour glasses off.
I tell you what louise islouise, but lou Louise is no
Sabrina.
Sabrina the Teenage Witch wasiconic.
She just took everything shelearned from Clarissa Explains
it All, morphed it over intoSabrina the Teenage Witch.
She had two cool aunties whodressed just as her.
(28:23):
It was amazing.
She was also just much moreassured of herself.
I liked that.
There's no need to transfer herfrom the dweeb to the popular
girl.
Just let her be.
She's in her witchery era andit was fantastic.
Love everything Melissa JoanHart has ever done.
All right, guys, that's it.
(28:44):
That's all.
Go ahead and join me next timeas we jump back into some
Skatey's soap opera debaucheryIn the meantime.
In between time, stay hydrated,stay moisturized, mind your own
business and keep all of yourdrama on TV.
Bye, thank you.
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