April 15, 2025 • 48 mins
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A seemingly ordinary day at La Mirage turns catastrophic when Fallon Carrington, devastated by Peter DeFilippes' betrayal, races into the parking lot and ends up in a coma after a mysterious accident. Was it simply a collision with a drunk driver's car, or did Jeff Colby—who was suspiciously close to her when it happened—have something to do with it?<br><br>The drama intensifies as Blake Carrington launches into full revenge mode, tracking Peter to the Denver airport where a shocking confrontation unfolds. In one of the most satisfying takedowns of the season, Peter's attempt to flee with stolen millions is thwarted when airport security discovers his cocaine stash—proving that even international playboys make amateur mistakes when they're high. Blake's confrontation with Peter reveals not just the depths of a father's rage, but the embarrassing reality that Peter planned to escape on a commercial flight rather than a private jet with his ill-gotten gains.<br><br>Meanwhile, the Carrington mansion becomes a hotbed of scheming and surprising alliances. Kirby Anders, still recovering from her miscarriage, makes a cold, calculated decision to propose a loveless marriage to Adam Carrington. Her newfound pragmatism signals a dramatic character shift that could reshape Denver's social landscape. Elsewhere in the mansion, Adam finally confesses to poisoning Jeff with mercuric oxide paint, only to immediately retract his admission when Jeff refuses to accept his apology—showcasing the psychological warfare that defines Carrington relationships.<br><br>The episode culminates with Fallon awakening from her coma, immediately rejecting Alexis's presence at her bedside while accepting Jeff's comfort. This moment of vulnerability sets the stage for shifting alliances and the inevitable power struggles that will follow. Who will emerge victorious from this web of revenge, ambition, and unexpected proposals? Tune in to discover how the Carringtons navigate these treacherous waters of wealth and betrayal.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dancing on her daddy's plane.
He's all, and I swear to you,he goes, jeffrey, what are you
thinking of?
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome, or welcome back,
to Soap Lord, the officialgathering place for newbies,
(00:21):
novices and OG diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
Gathering place for newbies,novices and OG diehard fans of
the golden age of primetime.
I'm your host, Jed, viewing andreviewing one of the soapiest,
sudziest, mildly confusingepisodes from 1984.
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, sit back and
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
Tell babe no questions,suggestions or concerns for the
next 25 to 35 minutes.
(00:43):
Everyone else in airshot.
Be cool, quiet or you will bekicked out Because we are
watching our stories.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is Soap Floor.
Hello, gorgeous, welcome back,party people to another
(01:06):
fun-filled edition of Soap More.
I am still riding high of a LilyMae Vegas residency.
I'm going to have to go backand see who wrote that episode.
That was a dang good time Fromtop to bottom, but there was
something about the episode thatwas just kind of nagging at me.
(01:28):
It's not the obvious.
The more I sleep on it, I'm notreally worried about too much
on the show.
I am willing to see, I'mexcited to see how it unfolds.
Maybe we'll have us a littlecat fight.
I don't know if Nance Landinghas cat fights, but I feel like
somebody needs to check Abby andcheck her quick.
Laura seems to be mounting upfor something big, I think, but
(01:49):
it wasn't that.
I'm like what is bothering meand it comes down to Jackson
Mowgli, mowgli, mowgli, whateverhis name is Beepity, beepity
boop.
I hope your day is shaping upwell.
I forgot to even talk to y'all,man.
I'm so sorry.
Every day is shaping up well.
If you had a rough day, it'stime to throw that thing in the
back seat.
We are watching and listeningto our stories.
(02:09):
We're back in Denver today andI'm not going to lie, I was like
something about Knotts Landingmade me run back to Dynasty and
I'm like what is reallybothering me and I know what it
is.
Jackson Mobley on Knotts Landingwas Jack.
(02:30):
On Dynasty, jack had a verybrief cameo.
I love his voice.
I love the sound of his voice.
I love the cadence of his voice.
I really enjoy hearing him talk.
So when he had that, that scene,Jack, that is, had that scene
with Blake and with Jeff and hewas going on and on about
topless Tony being a yokel.
I was like God, what reallyhappened to Tony?
I think that's what's beenbugging me.
I think that's what's beendancing in the back of my mind.
(02:51):
That was my thought whenTopless Tony came as like he was
AAA to help Jeff with his flattires and he was acting all
weird and stuff, talking abouthow he had a little bit of wine
and passed out.
What did y'all do to Tony?
That was dancing in the back ofmy head the whole time.
I'm watching Nostlanding.
So we're back on Dynasty topick up where that story sort of
left off.
So go ahead and grab yourselfsomething bubbly, refreshing and
(03:14):
bright.
I know it's warming up here.
God, I hope wherever you are inthe world, you're still
enjoying some remnants of aspring.
I feel like summer is alreadyhere.
Oh, put on your finest silkrobe and let's jump into season
four, episode 18 of Dynasty.
The Vigil One of my listenersearly on told me that Dallas and
(03:37):
Dynasty Falcon Cross, they allsort of shared writers from time
to time, and I'm seeing nowmore than ever, by the time we
hit season four, the soap worldis a very small world.
We're getting cameos I guessthey're not cameos but a lot of
swapping with actors.
So I suppose from time to timewe're going to get repeat titles
(03:59):
, especially when you go for thelow hanging fruit.
Somebody literally watched 10minutes of this and like, uh,
it's the vigil, she's in thehospital bed, it's the vigil.
Fair enough.
But I'm like damn, didn't wejust watch the vigil?
We did just watch the vigilJust nine short episodes ago on
the season premiere of Knott'sLanding.
It was called the vigil.
So it's feeling like to me as agraduated novice I would say,
(04:27):
feels like Dallas.
Knott's Landing, lay theBlueprint, whatever works.
We're just going to kind oflather, rinse, repeat.
We might add a few extra spicesin just to change it up a
little.
I'm not going to lie.
When I first watched it I waslike this is a little bit boring
, but it's actually not.
I had a better time with theshort scenes than I did the
(04:51):
overall arcing story.
But here it goes To refreshyour memory.
When last we left, fallon hadjust found out that Peter
DeFillipus was a player, as hermother, alexis, told her.
Alexis had even called aprincess Instead of listen,
fallonon, and not so many words.
You're not a princess, and if aprincess can get played, then a
(05:11):
little narrow, behind wealthygirl from Colorado can also get
played.
You are no exception to therule, honey.
You are the rule.
Fallon didn't want to hear that.
Mother, you're jealous of me,alexis, like as if.
But this is my daughter.
I'm not going to break herconfidence.
Now it is what it is.
Fallon finds out that Peter hasjumped ship.
(05:34):
He has left the country and hewants absolutely nothing to do
with her.
She is devastated by this newsand takes off on a 50-yard dash.
He gets about halfway down thehall.
Jeff is like Fallon stop Fallon, so distraught.
This is quite embarrassing whenI think about this.
This is the hotel owner.
This woman allegedly came upwith a brilliant idea of how to
(05:57):
bring in people.
It seems like she would be moreof a people person.
She's a traveled woman.
She's an educated woman.
I'm not even going to get intothat today, but for for whatever
reason, her instincts tell herto just just run, run it off.
Right about this time adisgruntled drunk guy is getting
kicked out of the bar.
(06:17):
He's furious.
This is a bear.
I just had a little sub sub tosip.
You know he's doing all thethings and they're like yeah,
yeah, boozy, go ahead and get on, go on, get.
They basically shoo him out thefront door.
It is abundantly clear thatthis man is drunker than a skunk
.
He is stumbling all over theplace and it doesn't matter,
(06:39):
he's going to go jump in one ofthose land yachts they still
made in 1984 and drive away.
I guess they don't care at LaMirage, they need the bar space.
Anyway, jeff is having a timetrying to tackle down Fallon
with his tennis arms and I'mthinking tennis arms seems like
they'd be pretty strong.
Serena's serve is vicious, butJeff is struggling.
(07:00):
He is in church shoes.
I'm going to give him a pass.
Fallon is still sprintingtowards, I assume, her car.
Drunky, drunky is jumping intohis land yacht to drive home.
Blake is being driven by hisdriver in a limousine, so right
as he pulls up remember, this isthe last thing that happened on
the last episode Jeff andFallon are a mere feet, a mere
(07:24):
feet, a few feet or mere inchesaway from the front of this
guy's crown, vic.
They're shocked looks oh my, ohmy, oh my gosh.
Blake jumps out of hislimousine and says oh my gosh.
And that's exactly where thisepisode picks up.
Oh my gosh, I immediately kneweverything was okay because he's
(07:46):
not freaking out.
I thought, oh crap, jeff gothit.
Serves him right.
Not that I'm saying he deservesit, but he did.
Remember he dodged a bulletwith the three blind fits of
rage when Blake's car blew up.
Nothing happened to Jeff, hewas perfectly fine.
But you know what he drank?
He smoked and smoked.
He absorbed all that mercuricoxide.
(08:07):
Let the man live.
So Blake has to, you know,hoist himself up over the curb.
I feel you, blake, becausesometimes my knees are like he
hoists himself over the curb.
He manages to run to thedriveway where the drunk guy is
trying to plead with.
I thought was an officer.
He's in an officer's uniform,but I guess he's a security
guard.
Note the distinction.
He's like I didn't do anything.
(08:29):
These people came out ofnowhere, this isn't my fault.
And the security guy's likeyeah, yeah, tell it to the cops.
I was a little bit confused,Wait.
So who wait?
Who are you?
He's got on a cop's uniform.
Anyway, we then see Fallongracefully poured out on the
black top, seemingly unconscious.
Blake's like what the heckhappened, jeff?
(08:50):
Jeff says I don't know.
I don't know she just camerunning out here.
I tried to stop her, put a pinin that, okay.
Blake tells not cop, hey, callan ambulance.
He's like oh yeah, absolutelyI'll go.
Drunk guy is waiting to bearrested.
Now let's go over a few thingshere.
I don't want to harp on thistoo long, and I certainly would
never defend a drunk driver.
(09:11):
However, he's not wrong.
He did walk out in broaddaylight.
He was kicked out.
He walked past valet.
He walked right past securityguard who had no problem
allowing this man to enter hisvehicle and operate said motor
vehicle.
But Fallon is lying in a verygraceful pool of luxury and
privilege.
She is not bleeding and, forall intents and purposes, it
(09:34):
doesn't seem like she was hit bythe car.
So I'm like hmm, arrest me foroperating a motor vehicle under
20 miles an hour, but I will notgo to jail for hitting this
woman.
That's just what I'm saying.
So by the time they get to thehospital, blake has got on the
horn.
Blake is a fine phone man.
(09:54):
I don't know what else to callit.
He would make a hell of asecretary in another life,
because I don't.
I guess he called from the caron a rotary phone.
That's hilarious.
He ends up calling aneurosurgeon, like one of the
top ones in the country, whoturns out to be a very striking,
handsome black man.
And I'm looking at him like Iknow.
I've seen him in other stuffand I know this because I kept
admiring his beautifully.
(10:16):
I could tell like he probablyhad a fro at some point, but
it's been cut down.
It's got that beautifulmoisturizer the sheen is just
looking like a whole snack andhe's got this thick Burt
Reynolds mustache, an undefeatedmustache.
And that's what's sticking inmy brain.
Confession time.
I remember growing up and goingto, you know, the hair aisle or
(10:39):
the beauty supply store andalways used to like to sneak
around to where the boxes or theguys with the S curls were,
because everybody was fine, fine.
Now this would have been in the90s a little bit more, but I've
seen the boxes in the 80s.
I have like some ebonymagazines from back in the day.
All the men were fine, fine.
I know we talk about peoplebeing 90s, fine, but he is 80s
(11:00):
fine.
I'm like, oh, who is that?
I can't quite put my finger onit.
I know I know this man.
I'm gonna go look his name upafter this.
But Dr Fine Fine is in thebuilding and guess what he's not
gonna do?
He's not gonna coddle Blake.
So Blake's like well, why isshe in a coma?
Why is she knocked out?
Dr Fine Fine says, well, shewas.
(11:21):
He didn't say she was in by.
He says she has a slightfracture in the back of her
skull and because of that she isin a coma.
I don't know when she's goingto come out.
She doesn't seem to be hurtanywhere else.
She's kind of checking out well, but she's in a coma.
And Blake asked him a few morequestions and Doc's like I don't
know, I don't know.
So Blake says well, what do youknow?
(11:41):
What I know he wanted to say isI know one thing for certain,
two things for sure I am not theone, and you definitely don't
want smoke with me, salt andpepper hair, have a seat.
But what he says instead islisten, I'm the top neurosurgeon
in the country.
You certainly didn't bring mehere to babysit your daughter
and I know for a fact that she'sgoing to heal a lot quicker if
(12:01):
you and I aren't clucking overher like some old hens.
Why don't we chill?
Why don't we let this play out?
Like I said she's fine, hervitals are absolutely beautiful.
She's going to wake up at somepoint.
And Blake's like, yeah, I guessyou're right.
I guess I didn't call you hereto go off on you, but somebody's
got to pay for this.
Blake, without a lackey to gooff on, is forced to remember
(12:26):
why his daughter went dartinginto the parking lot and to
oncoming traffic, albeit fivemile per hour traffic, but
traffic nonetheless.
Was she crazy?
Was she thick?
Was she insane?
No, she was in love with thatfilthy, no good DeVille-bus.
What is defibrillators forgovernment name?
Deville-bus?
I hate that B in his name.
Name DeVille bus.
(12:48):
I hate that B in his name needsto be DeVille anyway.
Blake remembers that Peter had alawyer, a scandalous lawyer at
that.
So Blake runs up on him at LaMirage.
This man still has the audacityto be hanging out in the hotel
on Fallon's dime.
So Blake runs up on lawyerDeMaurier and, through gritted
teeth, he tells him you bettertell me where Peter is right now
or I'm gonna make you both pay.
Demoria is like oh my god, I'mso scared.
(13:10):
But um, unfortunately, blake,we're both left holding the bag
because Peter has left.
He is on a plane now, or atleast at the airport on his way
to a non-extradition friendlyEuropean country with Blake's
money.
Blake is not going to take this.
He gets in his secretary bag.
He calls the airport.
(13:31):
Actually, he calls the operatorand asks for the airport.
Airport security calls him backand he's like listen, airport
security lock down the entireDenver International Airport.
Nobody in or out.
There's a guy who took mybaby's money.
Sure, blake, I'm right on topof that, rose.
(13:52):
I'm thinking why wouldn't youcall?
I don't know who you would callto get.
The whole thing Seems likeyou'd need the cops and not just
the security guys.
But as soon as they hear thename Blake Carrigan, oh sure
I'll hop to it.
Go ahead and take a swig beforeI tell you this.
Friend, I'm holding your handwhile I say this.
This is by far the most tragicpart of this entire episode.
(14:12):
Peter DeVilbiss is aninternational playboy who has
just swindled millions andmillions of dollars from
Colorado's second wealthiest man.
Shout out to my new friendByron for reminding us that
Blake's money is the equivalentto like a billion dollars Now.
He is so papered up.
So think about this.
Peter is fresh off of an amazingheist.
(14:34):
He hit up one of the mostrecognizable names in the world,
stole this man's money, lefthis daughter brokenhearted, talk
cash crazy to everybody whoworked for Blake and the police.
And you know what this man does.
This is so disrespectful.
He walks into a Denverinternational airport, he pulls
(14:56):
out two or three forms ofaccurate, traceable forms of ID.
It goes up to like theequivalent of the southwest
counter and buys a ticket.
This fool, you just robbed oneof the richest people in the
world and you're flying coach,my God.
So I feel, listen, if for noother reason than that, if I
(15:18):
were Blake, I'd make sure hewent to jail for that.
What you're not going to do isrob me and then be economical
with my money.
So Blake, meanwhile, has sentthe bolo out telling everybody
to be on the lookout for anunassuming average height,
mildly charming, blue-bloodedJason, vaguely European,
non-blinking blonde man with awafer-thin, boyish build.
(15:40):
He's definitely cranky, he'scrooked and I guarantee you he's
coked out of his mind.
That's what I know.
Now it occurs to me on thisepisode for the first time that
Peter's sort of dead behind theeyes presentation might not just
be from the cocaine he'singesting.
It could be due to somemedication he was actually
(16:01):
prescribed.
This is 1984.
Maybe he'd gone through somethings mentally.
Maybe he's on that Adam thing,you know what I mean.
He's not really on his meds andso he sort of zones out from
time to time, loses all of hispersonality.
I don't know.
I don't know if it is due tohim taking his medication and
then overly medicating with theother stuff, or is it the lack
(16:23):
of his medication.
I'm sure I don't know.
But whatever it is, I have tobelieve it was synthetically
induced, because nobody can bethis dumb, especially if you're
an international playboy who hasrun game on a princess for
crying out loud Because he's notflying first class.
He has to go through securitylike the rest of the people in
(16:43):
the Denver airport.
There's a woman behind him.
One of the extras looks likeshe got Cowboy Carter tickets.
She's going somewhere.
I know she ain't going to Texasand that's for the best, but
she's behind him looking countryPeter goes to the metal
detector.
It immediately goes off.
He must have had a fresh bump,because he's kind to the woman.
Actually that's why he's beingkind.
He's kind because the securityperson is a woman.
(17:06):
Actually that's why he's beingkind.
He's kind because a securityperson is a woman.
And he goes oh, it must be thekeys.
And he takes the keys out ofhis pocket.
But while he's doing that, onthe conveyor belt x-ray machine
thing, the security guard who'slooking at the little scanner
sees what he thinks is drugparaphernalia.
So he pulls DeFilbiss aside andhe says hey, sir, I'm sorry I
need you to open your attachecase.
Now.
This man loves booger sugar.
(17:28):
He takes it everywhere with him.
Do you know that this man doesnot have his booger sugar
tightly in his breast pocket?
This man has it in the attachecase.
He is clearly too high toremember that.
Because he opens a daggone case, tell me why.
He's got needles.
He's got a little thing to chopit up.
He's got it all separated.
(17:49):
He is a nice packer, he is veryneatly packed, I'll give him
that.
And the security guard is kindof like what?
Okay, um, could you lift yourscarf please?
He's got a nudie magazine and afresh bag of booger sugar, the
Philbus.
What the Sir God?
(18:09):
This is why crime doesn't pay.
You got to be good or good atit.
And guess what, sir, you arenot good at it.
So the cop is like well, I mean, thank you for the free bus,
sir, I'm going to have to detainyou.
Peter's like.
For what, my God, peter?
Take your medicine, peter.
That's why Take your medicine.
He had to be out of his mind.
Well, right about this timey'all, blake arrives and he
(18:31):
manages to stumble through thesecurity checkpoint.
He locks eyes with Peter beforehe lunges and attacks him.
Okay, okay, okay, I promise Iwouldn't lie to you.
That's a very generous verb.
He didn't actually lunge somuch as he stumbled.
Blake stumbles through securityand with the momentum of him
(18:54):
tumbling over his own feet, hemanages to slam into.
Actually, let me be real, we'renot gonna lie on this one.
Blake's stunt double manages toslam into the feeling better and
take him down to the ground.
Blake's stunt double then jumpsup and sucker punches I guess
it's not a sucker punch, if yousee it coming.
He punches the filibuster'sstunt double right square in his
(19:18):
face.
Pow, tell me why this man goesflying back 15 feet.
Bam Slams into the check-incounter.
He's like oh my God, blake, Ican explain.
I can explain Now because ofthe exquisite fighting of
Blake's stunt double.
Blake is really feeling himselfso as a cop.
Go to snatch up the filibusterand they hold Blake back.
That's very cute.
He clearly paid them to do that.
(19:40):
He's saying through grittedteeth my stunt double just
whipped your ass.
You are so lucky I would havekilled you.
Well, possibly Now I askedmyself early on why Fallon would
take off running, run 400 yardsinto oncoming, albeit glacial
speeds, parking lot traffic.
I guess she called herselfrunning to her car.
Carrington's have a horriblehabit of running top speed
(20:03):
towards things that aren'tinherently dangerous and somehow
ending up in a coma or onparole.
On parole, stephen ran threeand a half miles from the
library.
No, he was in the library drunk.
Three and a half miles to theswimming pool, tripped over his
own two feet, splatter tat,splashed in the pool, knocking
(20:23):
himself out cold Bam.
Now he's in a coma.
Blake, in a drunken fit of rage,ran upstairs top speed, busted
in Stephen's room, tripped andfell a man to death.
What was that?
Ted Denard RIP.
Ted Denard tripped and fell aman to death, ended up on parole
.
He seems to be off that nowbecause he's doing great this
episode.
I'm like how are they stumblinginto all of this?
(20:44):
So, with that being said, Isuppose Peter should be a little
bit nervous.
Blake might have actuallykilled him, had just a little
bit more momentum, I think,because he was running
flat-footed, he didn't have alot of speed.
He tripped over himself.
Stunt double came in, handledbusiness.
But yeah, peter, you better.
You are so lucky, you reallyare.
(21:05):
Say what you will.
Blake Carrington, stephenCarrington and Fallon Carrington
Colby are running fallers.
You know what I'm saying.
So now we know If you see aCarrington running, havoc will
be wreaked soon thereafter.
Now Adam and Alexis are totallydifferent ballgame they would
never.
It is very clear that Adamtakes after Alexis's side First
(21:30):
off.
They're not going to run andsweat out that good hair that
they put together.
Number two, they're gonnaattack you with their words,
they're gonna verbally piss youoff, they're gonna be slick at
the mouth.
And you know what.
They both got beat up for it.
But I guess we can say that thejury is still out on alexis.
(21:52):
When she and Crystal had thatfistfight in the pond, I can't
say she lost, oh, but yeah, Iforgot.
Crystal did what her ass thatone time in the apartment or in
the little studio she really did.
And Adam, of course we allremember, got beat up in what
appeared to be a JCPenneycatalog on the top floor of a
(22:15):
brand new, high-rise building.
But was it Jeff's left hook?
Or was it the shock and awe ofhim about to be a father?
We'll never know.
All I'm saying is the ACs,Alexis and Adam, will never,
ever, ever end up in a comabecause they tripped and fell
over their own feet.
That's all I'm saying With that.
That being said, we're alladults here.
(22:39):
I think the evidence is clear.
I think we can all agree thatFallon didn't trip over her own
feet.
Jeffrey pushed her in front oftheir car.
Think about it.
She was tearing out of thehotel.
He was running behind her.
He actually had her in his armsas a car was barreling towards
(23:01):
him.
My mind tells me that Jeff, whowas fully in his right mind, is
still a little miffed.
Fallon was going to run aroundthe world with this coked out
playboy, so he's like let mejust teach her a lesson.
Real quick, real fast.
He was hoping the car was goingto pummel into them.
It didn't.
What happened was Jeffrey couldsee that the car was slowing
(23:21):
down again.
Ladies and gentlemen fan fictionor whatever you want to call
this, this is how I see it.
He saw the car slowing down.
He realized that he had hersafe in his arms.
He could have just taken a stepback, but then what lesson
would be learned?
No, no, no.
(23:41):
Instead he used those slickerthan slick church shoes, those
hard bottom shoes, to sweep herstilettos from beneath her.
She's splattertack, tatted,brain cracked on the blacktop,
bam.
Now she's in a coma.
We're going to get to Alexishere in a second.
Fallon is knocked out for 99% ofthis, well, 90% of this episode
.
She's awake and says a littlebit.
(24:01):
Towards the end it's basicallydifferent people coming into her
room just kind of checking onher.
Now I don't think, althoughBlake is pissed, he doesn't seem
overly worried to me.
Crystal don't seem all thatbothered either, quite frankly.
But Jeff, jeff is by her bedsideand he starts having these
flashback, all the memories andall the good times they had
together all 14 minutes totaland Jeff did something that was
(24:25):
really weird.
Let me ask you something soapfiends, when you remember a
really good time in your lifesay a surprise party, maybe you
performed on stage one time,your first kiss, you won the
race, something, think ofsomething like that.
When you think back on that, doyou look nerdy and dorky Like,
(24:45):
are you embarrassing?
No right, Jeff has the mostembarrassing flashbacks ever.
He's picturing he and Fallondancing on her daddy's plane and
he's all.
And I swear to you, he goes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, jeffrey.
(25:06):
What are you thinking of then?
The other one is her tellinghim she wants babies.
And he managed us to nerd thatout too.
And I'm like my God, Jeff, whoembarrasses themselves in their
own memories and their ownfantasies.
I've never seen that when Ipicture myself winning the
Olympics, because every time Iwatch the Team USA backflip.
(25:27):
Mind you, I couldn't do acartwheel, but in my head I'm
flipping over balance beams.
It's real easy.
I look amazing.
I would never play myself in myown mind.
Come on now, for the sake ofaccuracy, I did go back, just to
make sure I got the scenecorrect.
Blake runs out of the car.
(25:49):
He's oh my god.
He hoists himself up a littlehill, runs over to Fallon, who
is splatted, tat tat on theblacktop.
Jeff is near the curb, so mytheory stands Not only did he
trip her, he definitely pushedher, because he was at least
three to four feet away from her.
Oh my, oh my.
(26:12):
Anyways, speaking of Olympics,alexis has an Olympic-sized
jacuzzi tub and she likes tohave a good time in it On this
episode, specifically with DexDexter.
They are lathering up after avery, very intense afternoon.
They are soapy sudsys.
(26:33):
They're having a good timetalking.
The gist of it is she's likefirst off, don't ever say
nothing sideways about my family.
He's like I love making up.
She's like yeah, that's great.
Don't say anything sidewaysabout my family, don't ever
disagree with me.
Really simple, right.
He then says so what's up withyou and Blake?
Like Blake, who Ain't nobodyworried about Blake, let's go
(26:56):
have some sushi.
Although she's playing the wholethe long game, I think I don't
know what game she's playingshe's enjoying herself for the
time.
She and Dexter have matchingrobes on, which is adorable.
She has this whole sushi layout, although the food looks a
little gray.
I have a theory on that.
We'll talk about that anotherday but they're having a good
old time.
She's like don't worry aboutlosing me because you never had
(27:18):
me.
It's all about the game.
It's a power play.
I want you to want me, but Idon't necessarily want to admit
that.
I want you.
Phone rings.
It's Crystal.
Crystal's like hey, fallon'sbeen in an accident.
What?
She quickly puts on her finestfur and runs down to the
hospital to check on her babygirl.
(27:39):
All right, I need to jumparound just a little bit here so
we can get to the good parts,kirby.
Kirby is home from the hospitaland I bet she is so sick and
tired of looking at these people.
Crystal tries to come in andsay hey, the staff is whispering
about you.
They're calling this room yourroom.
She's in the whatever room, whocares?
And she's like, oh, is that sothat's cute.
Crystal tries to relate to herhey, listen, I've been where
(28:01):
you've been.
She said listen, crystal, I'mgoing to stop you there, baby, I
don't want to hear it.
Appreciate you.
But no, thank you, adam comeswalking in.
Everybody's super pleasant toAdam.
Hey, adam, hi.
Crystal excuses herself.
Kirby's chilling on the couchand it is very clear that she
has resigned.
She has resigned to having anot so hot life.
She realized way too late thatmaybe she might have actually
(28:24):
liked this kid, and now she'swithout.
So she's sitting on the couchand she tells Adam she's tired
of looking for the best in lifewithout.
So she's sitting on the couchand she tells Adam she's tired
of looking for the best in lifeand, with that said, it's time
to start living in reality,except my fate.
Uh, I'll marry you.
Now Adam ignores all this.
She goes I'm marrying you.
And I need you to understand Idon't want you, I don't actually
(28:45):
like you.
I'm just gonna marry you.
And he's all yippee oh my god,kirby, I don't care how long it
takes, and you and you, I'm notgonna go there, you're gonna
love me, no matter how.
Oh god, I can think of 15 lovesongs right there.
He's feeling that let therecord reflect.
(29:07):
She is laying back, like herback hurts, like okay, yeah,
that's cute.
I'm not gonna like you, adam,I'll marry you.
It will be cold, it'll lackenthusiasm, it'll be
disrespectful at times I'm gonnatalk about you being off your
meds, but it'll be a marriage.
If you want it and he's likesign me up.
Then she starts gettingrealistic.
She goes over logistics.
I was just like I guess if I'mgonna have a demon seat and it
(29:30):
has to be a caring team, atleast the kid will be taken care
of.
Your dad will be all happy thatyou have a kid and whatnot.
It'll probably get a sweetbrass crib, just like baby blake
.
Maybe it'll even get its ownroom.
Kid will be taken care of.
It'll have 15 nannies.
I'd never have to even look athim might be a sweet deal.
Adam is not appalled, and if heis, he's gonna get over it.
He's like dang, that's how youtalk, that's how you feel.
(29:52):
She's like yeah, listen, it's.
It's time to face reality.
I'm living on the edge, dare Isay.
It is this kirby's bad girl arc.
Is this her origin story?
It feels like she's flipping.
You know my theory good girlscan go bad, bad girls can never
go good.
I think kirby's just likecaution to the wind, forget it.
And adam's like that doesn'tsound like you.
(30:13):
She goes.
Well, I'm a fast learnerhomeboy.
And then she plants apassionate kiss on him.
Dare I say it.
She even looked like she had alittle bit of desire in her eyes
.
He is all too thrilled.
He don't give a damn if this is.
He's like listen, if you werebeing a bad marriage, you might
as well be in a bad marriagewith me, okay?
(30:33):
So flashback to Alexis the nextday.
She's got a fresh silk robe.
She's on the phone trying tofigure out what's what with
Fallon.
She's not really getting therespect she deserves this
episode.
So what does she do?
As a mature, rational woman?
She takes it out on the nextavailable.
Poor soul that has the audacityto walk in front of her.
Martin comes walking into thepenthouse, walks over to
(30:58):
Alexis's little spread that shealways has and grabs a big chunk
of bread and starts smearingcaviar on it.
Now Alexis is no doubt thinkingGod, this guy's a yokel.
She's staring at him and thenshe says baby boy, you know
that's not peanut butter, right,like you shouldn't be smearing
(31:18):
gobs of caviar across this bread.
She's in no mood for thefoolishness, because it was
actually crystal who hung up onher.
Alexis calls she wants to cussout blake.
Blake's not home, so she'scussing out crystal to deliver
the message to blake.
Crystal click.
She ain't got time for that,she has other things to do.
This episode.
So after Mark is scolded forspreading caviar like peanut
butter, he goes you know, thisis all your fault, right?
(31:40):
If you had never come betweenme and Fallon, none of this
would have happened.
Sir, how do we get to thatconclusion?
What are you talking about?
Welllexa says coming betweenyou and you and fallon was one
of the best things I ever did,and then quote please take your
criticism and your caviarsandwich and go to your room.
(32:02):
I love her.
I don't know why caviar sandwichtickled me so much, but then
because he did look.
It didn't seem like it goestogether.
It didn't seem like that wouldbe something you ate.
But also, why does she have abig basket of bread, a bucket of
(32:25):
champagne and then some littlehors d'oeuvres like little
saltines and wheat bins andstuff around this platter of
caviar?
Okay, maybe he shouldn'tslather it on the bread, but
what's the bread for?
I went and Googled it because Iremember this episode of Real
Housewives of Beverly Hill whereKyle goes over to her sister,
kathy Hilton.
You know Kathy Hilton is ParisHilton's mom.
(32:46):
They are super, duper rich andKathy says she prepared lunch,
but it's basically a bakedpotato and caviar.
Now she was preparing it weird.
So I didn't really believe thatwas a real thing.
But apparently it is.
And a caviar sandwich isapparently a real thing.
I guess you just don't have iton a four inch thick piece of
bread.
He looks like Oliver Twistasking for simple oh and she's
(33:11):
not done.
After she gets done, sunningMark sending him to his room
with his caviar sandwich.
Her real son shows up, adam.
She's pissed because she's likewhat I hear.
Let me why.
I have to hear that you'regoing to marry that girl.
And he's like you mean Kirby, Iabsolutely am.
He's like damn it, adam, you'renot in the backwoods of Montana
, use your brain.
You're not in the backwoods ofMontana, use your brain.
(33:40):
She is fed up with her sonshooking up with these backwood
broads.
Now, although I don't agreewith her fully, I'm just like
this isn't Sammy Joe?
I kind of get that one.
Y'all know how I feel aboutClaudia the Stallion.
There will nary be a wordspoken against her.
As a matter of fact.
I will say this though On thisepisode, alexis's bullying has
paid dividends.
Claudia's wardrobe has beenelevated.
(34:01):
She looks amazing.
She has this really coolsweater where it's I don't know
what it is like, that kind ofit's not cashmere, but maybe it
is because they they're wealthy,but it's like a two-tone
sweater and it's cream on top,and then it has a sweetheart
pattern like on the bodice asweater bodice, if you can
(34:22):
imagine and it's a deeper shadeof brown.
She's wearing all khakis.
Her hair is less crunchy.
She went from her peter pancrunch peanut butter hair to
Jiffy, smooth and creamy.
She looks fantastic.
So good on Alexis for bullyingher.
Anyway, alexis is good and fedup with her son marrying these
(34:43):
less than stellar women.
All her kids are absolutelybonkers.
They keep hooking up with theexact wrong type of person.
So once Adam, like I said, sheand Adam are not going to trip
and fall over each other.
As a matter of fact, they'reabout five or six feet away, at
a safe distance.
They're standing in theirsuperhero poses.
They are sturdy, they're goingto talk crap and if it means
(35:04):
they get beat up for it, so beit.
Adam lets her know, in not somany words, that he's going to
marry Kirby, like it or not,whether she has a baby or not.
That's gonna be Mrs AdamCarrington, so her name is Kirby
Anders Colby Carrington, or CACfor short.
Alexis is furious.
She spins on her heels afterafter Adam leaves, gets on the
(35:25):
phone and she's still on thatbitterness because nobody is
listening to her.
So everybody is is going to getit today.
She's like Logan Hess You'restill slime and broke and I know
you love money.
So go to the papers and collecteverything you can about a crime
from 23 years ago.
You're looking for a crimecommitted by Alicia Anders Her
(35:46):
uppity, snooty never could be mehusband named Joseph and she
had a little dirty baby namedKirby.
I'm sorry I might be throwingin a couple of adjectives that
she didn't speak, but you getthe gist.
The crime is murder.
Now call me crazy.
It doesn't seem like you need aPI for that.
Why would you hire a PI to goto the newspaper to collect
something that has already beenprinted?
(36:08):
I get it, though.
She's just in a sour mood.
She's after being hung up onher daughter's in a coma, her
son's marrying the help and hersexy time was interrupted.
Somebody has to pay.
Now, speaking of sexy time,let's talk about Tracy.
Real quick.
Tracy Vanessa is her way intobeing Blake's publicist because
he has been asked, much likeBobby on Dallas, to be a
(36:31):
chairman for the party At thestate level.
So he's going to be a chairmanfor the party at the state level
.
So he's going to be apolitician.
Long story short.
Tracy figures that out byseducing one of the lackeys that
works for Blake.
She's like hey, we just hadgreat, you know, sexy time,
right, how about I tell yourwife, unless you make sure I get
the job for Blake, he's likedone.
(36:52):
Someone else who's done is Adam.
Adam is done lying.
He's done hiding.
He's not going to run away fromanything else.
I will say he's been very goodabout that.
I can't think of any secretshe's harboring at this point.
And he goes back to the houseafter talking to his mom, he
sees Jeff because no one evermoves out of the Carrington
(37:14):
mansion and he says Jeff, can Ihave a word with you?
They go into the library andapparently he spills his guts.
He tells Jeff everything abouthow much he hated him and that
he maybe kind of sorta had hisoffice painted with poison to
watch him slowly succumb to it,to said poison.
(37:35):
Now Jeff is furious, I have toadmit.
At first I was like, oh, my gosh, he's overreacting.
But then, as I just said it allout loud hi, jeff, uh, sorry, I
tried to kill you.
And then I framed my mom.
But yeah, it was definitely me.
I tried to kill you with paintbecause you embarrassed me and I
felt like you were beingdisrespectful and really mean to
me, so I wanted you to die.
(37:56):
I was like, jeff, you canaccept that, after all, you did
push Fallon in front of that car, but Jeff understandably so is
not okay with it.
He's like wow, you tried tokill me.
Okay, I could kill you, but Iknow something better.
I'm too rich for all that.
I'm not going to have any moreblood on my hands.
I'm going to have you arrested.
(38:18):
You're going to spend the restof your miserable life in jail.
And Adam's like bro, dude, Iconfess I'm sorry.
Joe's like what, you're sorry?
What were you crazy?
I was like actually, yeah, Iwas a little.
You know, the dosage was off, Iwasn't really on it like that,
but yeah, I would say I was alittle bit insane.
(38:38):
For sure.
That's what?
Yeah, for sure.
Jeff's like yeah, right,homeboy, you're going to jail.
Adam's like bro, please, I justlost my baby.
I just lost my daughter.
Isn't that punishment enough?
Jeff makes a cardinal mistakehere.
He says no, as far as I'mconcerned, that's just the
beginning.
(38:59):
Adam flips a switch like nope,okay, okay, fine, guess what?
I'm not sorry.
I'm not sorry anymore.
Now, live with that.
It reminds me of myself If I'vealready told this story.
I'm really sorry.
I'm getting up there.
You know I'm going to repeatstories from time to time.
My cousin and I had this reallydumb game for like a week in
(39:19):
high school where you'd like popeach other in the mouth.
It's really dumb.
I don't even know what we werethinking.
But I had done that to her andthen I walked into a classroom
and it was like the doors in ourclassroom were sort of deep
probably about two feet deepbefore you could like you
couldn't see around the wall.
So she hid and once she heardmy voice she just kind of hung
(39:40):
out and then she got me, pow,hit me and I said an expletive.
I don't know what I said.
Well, I didn't realize thatthere A was a teacher and B it
wasn't the normal teacher in theclass, it was this coach who
was high key, really, reallycute.
But I didn't see him in there.
Not that it was important, Ijust got slapped in the face.
I was trying to just like focusmy life.
(40:01):
So he hears me and he goes hey,hey, I can't believe you said
that.
And even in my pain, my face isthrobbing.
I'm trying to like comfortmyself.
I say, oh, coach, blah, blah,blah, I'm really sorry, I didn't
see you there, I'm so sorry.
And he stands with his hands onhis hip and it's like no, no,
(40:25):
that's not good enough.
Well, that's all you're goingto get homie, because my face
hurts and I'm not sorry.
As a matter of fact, I takethat back.
Listen, if my face hadn't beenstinging, I probably would have
said the same thing, like howdare you?
First and foremost, I wasn'teven speaking to you.
I was speaking to her.
I need to apologize to her.
I can't even get to that andyou're jumping in as if I
attacked you.
I I apologize.
(40:46):
He didn't accept my apology.
Okay, it is, it's up now.
I ended up getting in schoolsuspension and my principal was
so shocked.
He was like you, I know it wasfine, it was a day off, I didn't
care, I didn't even get introuble.
But anyways, I understand.
I'm saying I'm not condoning,but I'm saying, adam, I
(41:07):
understand If I offer you anapology and you don't take it,
fine, although I think Adam iswrong in this, because he
actually did intend to harm Jeff.
But Adam flips and he's likeokay, fine, not only am I not
sorry, I take back everything Iever said.
And Jeff's like but youconfessed, you confessed to
Blake.
He was like I just lost a baby.
I was stressed out.
Don't forget I'm a lawyer.
(41:27):
What judge is going to believe?
What judge is going to takethat confession under those
circumstances?
And Jeff's like well, you justconfessed to me, to which Adam
says what confession.
Who said that?
Who said that?
I didn't say that?
Dum dum dum.
I like it.
Let's get him riled up a littlemore.
I like this version of him.
I'm just going to say this too.
I'm just going to say this too.
(41:47):
So the next morning Adam goes tobreakfast, stephen is there and
Stephen tries to give him alittle bit of wisdom or like
scold him.
I heard what you did to Jeffand I don't like it.
Why is this version of Stephensuch a dud?
I mean, he never really had aton going on, but he was
interesting, he was workingtowards something.
Stephen got that brand new face.
(42:08):
He came back feeling way toococky, feeling himself.
I don't like it.
I'm just going to say it.
Stephen is not my fave thisseason.
He and Fallon are duds and asfar as I'm concerned, adam is
time to stop trying.
Who cares if they don't want tosit with you at Christmas?
Who cares if you don't get awhite elephant gift?
Good riddance, I'm sick of bothof them.
(42:32):
And the denim one, jeffrey colby, is also a dud.
He goes in to try to like sneaksupport kirby, like asking are
you sure if adam's the one shutup jeff, didn't he gaslight her
for her entire pregnancy?
And that's another thing.
While I'm on it, I don't evenreally believe this, but let's
just throw this out there.
Tell me why.
Every time jeff gets a wife, orevery time Jeff bangs somebody,
something crazy happens to them.
(42:54):
Think about it Fallon, claudia,the stallion, kirby, I don't
know.
Jeff, all your wives ended upin a hospital.
I don't know what to thinkabout that.
All right, we are in the homestretch.
So Alexis and Jeff are at thehospital.
(43:14):
She's in like this beautifuldark coat, looking fantastic,
and Jeff's there and he's likehe apologizes to her.
I kind of forgotten that hethought she tried to kill him.
And she's like yeah, don't evenworry about it.
Nurse comes running in.
Hey, your wife is.
Yeah, mrs Colby is stirring,come get her, Come look at her.
So Alexis and Jeff run intoFallon's room and she's still
(43:37):
sort of sweaty and slowly wakingup.
Oh, and we get to see the sideprofile of Jeff and Alexis, and
it's at that very moment that Irealized they have the exact
same haircut.
I would love to be a fly on thewall in the trailer for hair.
Alexis's only difference isthat she flips hers up.
She actually obviously putscurlers in hers and then she
(43:58):
flips a little back up.
She likes a little Carol Bradythe little letter J in the back
of her head and Jeff wears hisflat just a light little blow
dryer or whatever.
I was like, oh my God, theyhave the exact same haircut.
It looks great on both of them.
Not being critical here, fallonwakes up and oh my gosh, oh my
gosh, and Alexis Jeff goes.
I'm here, fallon, jeff, is thatyou?
(44:20):
Jeff?
And Alexis, darling, I'm heretoo, mother, oh god, no, you
disrespectful little witch, Ican't believe what.
I just wanted to make sure youwere alive.
How dare you?
(44:42):
Alexis is once again embarrassed, so she storms out and right
about this time crystal shows upto the hospital and one of the
coolest things I've ever seen.
So she's wearing like a bluepantsuit, a periwinkle colored
pantsuit with short sleeves.
Looked like she grabbed anafghan that was being used as a
table runner and slung it over ashoulder.
(45:02):
Made in a really dramatic capeof many colors was beautiful,
beautiful.
I guess she's bringing a littlebit of that down home, ohio, to
Denver.
It was so cute.
I'm like let it get cold here.
Let it get 10 degrees colder,I'm gonna find me an Afghan and
sling it over my shoulders too.
It's adorable.
(45:24):
Anyway, alexis has not forgottenthat Crystal had the nerve to
hang up on her while she wascussing her out.
She said Crystal, I bet youthought you were real.
I'm summarizing here.
I bet you thought you were realcute hanging up on me.
I was trying to leave a messagefor Blake.
I don't know why you can't justleave a message for your good
for nothing husband for me.
And Crystal, cool as a cucumber, is like oh, I mean, I remember
(45:45):
you commanding a couple ofthings.
I don't remember you asking meto do anything.
Alexa says when I leave amessage, especially with an
ex-stenographer, I expect it tobe passed on.
Oh, gold, do my bidding,secretary.
(46:05):
And then she leaves.
She's like fine, trying todecide if any of this is worth
mentioning.
I'm going to save the lastlittle bit for you guys because
I mean it's enjoyable.
A lot is revealed in the lastlike four minutes of the show.
That was fun.
It was a lot of fun.
When I first watched it Ithought, oh, that was, it wasn't
really about anything.
But on second glance I lovekind of letting it sit for a day
(46:28):
, because then I'm like, okay,yeah, there was a lot to this
one, love, love, love thewriting.
Alexis is eating them aliveevery chance she gets.
Tracy is back at the helm and,okay, I have decided.
Tracy's not necessarily a badgirl.
She really is the mostqualified for that job.
There's no reason why sheshouldn't be the head of PR and
(46:49):
Crystal could have another roleor, I don't know, he could have
made her VP of something else.
You know what I'm saying.
Tracy is willing to do whatneeds to be done.
Dynasty has always been reallybig on this big swelling and
dramatic music.
They've upped the ante thisseason because I'm like they
were playing dramatic music overwhat Tracy was doing and I was
like, I guess I don't reallythink that's all that odd.
All right, guys, I think that'sit.
(47:16):
That's all.
I hope you enjoyed yourself.
Don't forget to leave me a textwithin the show notes or you
can leave me an email atsoflorpodcasts at gmailcom.
In the meantime, in betweentime, if you really want to go
off on somebody and they won'tpick up the phone, leave a
message, send a letter, makethem go through the trouble of
reading your words before theyrip it up.
Either way, you'll never hear avowel tone.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and
(47:38):
keep all of your drama on TV Bye.
Dancing on her daddy's plane.
He's all, and I swear to you,he goes, jeffrey, what are you
thinking of?
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, welcome, or welcome back,
to Soap Lord, the officialgathering place for newbies,
(00:21):
novices and OG diehard fans ofthe golden age of primetime.
Gathering place for newbies,novices and OG diehard fans of
the golden age of primetime.
I'm your host, Jed, viewing andreviewing one of the soapiest,
sudziest, mildly confusingepisodes from 1984.
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, sit back and
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside or out of sight.
Tell babe no questions,suggestions or concerns for the
next 25 to 35 minutes.
(00:43):
Everyone else in airshot.
Be cool, quiet or you will bekicked out Because we are
watching our stories.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is Soap Floor.
Hello, gorgeous, welcome back,party people to another
(01:06):
fun-filled edition of Soap More.
I am still riding high of a LilyMae Vegas residency.
I'm going to have to go backand see who wrote that episode.
That was a dang good time Fromtop to bottom, but there was
something about the episode thatwas just kind of nagging at me.
(01:28):
It's not the obvious.
The more I sleep on it, I'm notreally worried about too much
on the show.
I am willing to see, I'mexcited to see how it unfolds.
Maybe we'll have us a littlecat fight.
I don't know if Nance Landinghas cat fights, but I feel like
somebody needs to check Abby andcheck her quick.
Laura seems to be mounting upfor something big, I think, but
(01:49):
it wasn't that.
I'm like what is bothering meand it comes down to Jackson
Mowgli, mowgli, mowgli, whateverhis name is Beepity, beepity
boop.
I hope your day is shaping upwell.
I forgot to even talk to y'all,man.
I'm so sorry.
Every day is shaping up well.
If you had a rough day, it'stime to throw that thing in the
back seat.
We are watching and listeningto our stories.
(02:09):
We're back in Denver today andI'm not going to lie, I was like
something about Knotts Landingmade me run back to Dynasty and
I'm like what is reallybothering me and I know what it
is.
Jackson Mobley on Knotts Landingwas Jack.
(02:30):
On Dynasty, jack had a verybrief cameo.
I love his voice.
I love the sound of his voice.
I love the cadence of his voice.
I really enjoy hearing him talk.
So when he had that, that scene,Jack, that is, had that scene
with Blake and with Jeff and hewas going on and on about
topless Tony being a yokel.
I was like God, what reallyhappened to Tony?
I think that's what's beenbugging me.
I think that's what's beendancing in the back of my mind.
(02:51):
That was my thought whenTopless Tony came as like he was
AAA to help Jeff with his flattires and he was acting all
weird and stuff, talking abouthow he had a little bit of wine
and passed out.
What did y'all do to Tony?
That was dancing in the back ofmy head the whole time.
I'm watching Nostlanding.
So we're back on Dynasty topick up where that story sort of
left off.
So go ahead and grab yourselfsomething bubbly, refreshing and
(03:14):
bright.
I know it's warming up here.
God, I hope wherever you are inthe world, you're still
enjoying some remnants of aspring.
I feel like summer is alreadyhere.
Oh, put on your finest silkrobe and let's jump into season
four, episode 18 of Dynasty.
The Vigil One of my listenersearly on told me that Dallas and
(03:37):
Dynasty Falcon Cross, they allsort of shared writers from time
to time, and I'm seeing nowmore than ever, by the time we
hit season four, the soap worldis a very small world.
We're getting cameos I guessthey're not cameos but a lot of
swapping with actors.
So I suppose from time to timewe're going to get repeat titles
(03:59):
, especially when you go for thelow hanging fruit.
Somebody literally watched 10minutes of this and like, uh,
it's the vigil, she's in thehospital bed, it's the vigil.
Fair enough.
But I'm like damn, didn't wejust watch the vigil?
We did just watch the vigilJust nine short episodes ago on
the season premiere of Knott'sLanding.
It was called the vigil.
So it's feeling like to me as agraduated novice I would say,
(04:27):
feels like Dallas.
Knott's Landing, lay theBlueprint, whatever works.
We're just going to kind oflather, rinse, repeat.
We might add a few extra spicesin just to change it up a
little.
I'm not going to lie.
When I first watched it I waslike this is a little bit boring
, but it's actually not.
I had a better time with theshort scenes than I did the
(04:51):
overall arcing story.
But here it goes To refreshyour memory.
When last we left, fallon hadjust found out that Peter
DeFillipus was a player, as hermother, alexis, told her.
Alexis had even called aprincess Instead of listen,
fallonon, and not so many words.
You're not a princess, and if aprincess can get played, then a
(05:11):
little narrow, behind wealthygirl from Colorado can also get
played.
You are no exception to therule, honey.
You are the rule.
Fallon didn't want to hear that.
Mother, you're jealous of me,alexis, like as if.
But this is my daughter.
I'm not going to break herconfidence.
Now it is what it is.
Fallon finds out that Peter hasjumped ship.
(05:34):
He has left the country and hewants absolutely nothing to do
with her.
She is devastated by this newsand takes off on a 50-yard dash.
He gets about halfway down thehall.
Jeff is like Fallon stop Fallon, so distraught.
This is quite embarrassing whenI think about this.
This is the hotel owner.
This woman allegedly came upwith a brilliant idea of how to
(05:57):
bring in people.
It seems like she would be moreof a people person.
She's a traveled woman.
She's an educated woman.
I'm not even going to get intothat today, but for for whatever
reason, her instincts tell herto just just run, run it off.
Right about this time adisgruntled drunk guy is getting
kicked out of the bar.
(06:17):
He's furious.
This is a bear.
I just had a little sub sub tosip.
You know he's doing all thethings and they're like yeah,
yeah, boozy, go ahead and get on, go on, get.
They basically shoo him out thefront door.
It is abundantly clear thatthis man is drunker than a skunk
.
He is stumbling all over theplace and it doesn't matter,
(06:39):
he's going to go jump in one ofthose land yachts they still
made in 1984 and drive away.
I guess they don't care at LaMirage, they need the bar space.
Anyway, jeff is having a timetrying to tackle down Fallon
with his tennis arms and I'mthinking tennis arms seems like
they'd be pretty strong.
Serena's serve is vicious, butJeff is struggling.
(07:00):
He is in church shoes.
I'm going to give him a pass.
Fallon is still sprintingtowards, I assume, her car.
Drunky, drunky is jumping intohis land yacht to drive home.
Blake is being driven by hisdriver in a limousine, so right
as he pulls up remember, this isthe last thing that happened on
the last episode Jeff andFallon are a mere feet, a mere
(07:24):
feet, a few feet or mere inchesaway from the front of this
guy's crown, vic.
They're shocked looks oh my, ohmy, oh my gosh.
Blake jumps out of hislimousine and says oh my gosh.
And that's exactly where thisepisode picks up.
Oh my gosh, I immediately kneweverything was okay because he's
(07:46):
not freaking out.
I thought, oh crap, jeff gothit.
Serves him right.
Not that I'm saying he deservesit, but he did.
Remember he dodged a bulletwith the three blind fits of
rage when Blake's car blew up.
Nothing happened to Jeff, hewas perfectly fine.
But you know what he drank?
He smoked and smoked.
He absorbed all that mercuricoxide.
(08:07):
Let the man live.
So Blake has to, you know,hoist himself up over the curb.
I feel you, blake, becausesometimes my knees are like he
hoists himself over the curb.
He manages to run to thedriveway where the drunk guy is
trying to plead with.
I thought was an officer.
He's in an officer's uniform,but I guess he's a security
guard.
Note the distinction.
He's like I didn't do anything.
(08:29):
These people came out ofnowhere, this isn't my fault.
And the security guy's likeyeah, yeah, tell it to the cops.
I was a little bit confused,Wait.
So who wait?
Who are you?
He's got on a cop's uniform.
Anyway, we then see Fallongracefully poured out on the
black top, seemingly unconscious.
Blake's like what the heckhappened, jeff?
(08:50):
Jeff says I don't know.
I don't know she just camerunning out here.
I tried to stop her, put a pinin that, okay.
Blake tells not cop, hey, callan ambulance.
He's like oh yeah, absolutelyI'll go.
Drunk guy is waiting to bearrested.
Now let's go over a few thingshere.
I don't want to harp on thistoo long, and I certainly would
never defend a drunk driver.
(09:11):
However, he's not wrong.
He did walk out in broaddaylight.
He was kicked out.
He walked past valet.
He walked right past securityguard who had no problem
allowing this man to enter hisvehicle and operate said motor
vehicle.
But Fallon is lying in a verygraceful pool of luxury and
privilege.
She is not bleeding and, forall intents and purposes, it
(09:34):
doesn't seem like she was hit bythe car.
So I'm like hmm, arrest me foroperating a motor vehicle under
20 miles an hour, but I will notgo to jail for hitting this
woman.
That's just what I'm saying.
So by the time they get to thehospital, blake has got on the
horn.
Blake is a fine phone man.
(09:54):
I don't know what else to callit.
He would make a hell of asecretary in another life,
because I don't.
I guess he called from the caron a rotary phone.
That's hilarious.
He ends up calling aneurosurgeon, like one of the
top ones in the country, whoturns out to be a very striking,
handsome black man.
And I'm looking at him like Iknow.
I've seen him in other stuffand I know this because I kept
admiring his beautifully.
(10:16):
I could tell like he probablyhad a fro at some point, but
it's been cut down.
It's got that beautifulmoisturizer the sheen is just
looking like a whole snack andhe's got this thick Burt
Reynolds mustache, an undefeatedmustache.
And that's what's sticking inmy brain.
Confession time.
I remember growing up and goingto, you know, the hair aisle or
(10:39):
the beauty supply store andalways used to like to sneak
around to where the boxes or theguys with the S curls were,
because everybody was fine, fine.
Now this would have been in the90s a little bit more, but I've
seen the boxes in the 80s.
I have like some ebonymagazines from back in the day.
All the men were fine, fine.
I know we talk about peoplebeing 90s, fine, but he is 80s
(11:00):
fine.
I'm like, oh, who is that?
I can't quite put my finger onit.
I know I know this man.
I'm gonna go look his name upafter this.
But Dr Fine Fine is in thebuilding and guess what he's not
gonna do?
He's not gonna coddle Blake.
So Blake's like well, why isshe in a coma?
Why is she knocked out?
Dr Fine Fine says, well, shewas.
(11:21):
He didn't say she was in by.
He says she has a slightfracture in the back of her
skull and because of that she isin a coma.
I don't know when she's goingto come out.
She doesn't seem to be hurtanywhere else.
She's kind of checking out well, but she's in a coma.
And Blake asked him a few morequestions and Doc's like I don't
know, I don't know.
So Blake says well, what do youknow?
(11:41):
What I know he wanted to say isI know one thing for certain,
two things for sure I am not theone, and you definitely don't
want smoke with me, salt andpepper hair, have a seat.
But what he says instead islisten, I'm the top neurosurgeon
in the country.
You certainly didn't bring mehere to babysit your daughter
and I know for a fact that she'sgoing to heal a lot quicker if
(12:01):
you and I aren't clucking overher like some old hens.
Why don't we chill?
Why don't we let this play out?
Like I said she's fine, hervitals are absolutely beautiful.
She's going to wake up at somepoint.
And Blake's like, yeah, I guessyou're right.
I guess I didn't call you hereto go off on you, but somebody's
got to pay for this.
Blake, without a lackey to gooff on, is forced to remember
(12:26):
why his daughter went dartinginto the parking lot and to
oncoming traffic, albeit fivemile per hour traffic, but
traffic nonetheless.
Was she crazy?
Was she thick?
Was she insane?
No, she was in love with thatfilthy, no good DeVille-bus.
What is defibrillators forgovernment name?
Deville-bus?
I hate that B in his name.
Name DeVille bus.
(12:48):
I hate that B in his name needsto be DeVille anyway.
Blake remembers that Peter had alawyer, a scandalous lawyer at
that.
So Blake runs up on him at LaMirage.
This man still has the audacityto be hanging out in the hotel
on Fallon's dime.
So Blake runs up on lawyerDeMaurier and, through gritted
teeth, he tells him you bettertell me where Peter is right now
or I'm gonna make you both pay.
Demoria is like oh my god, I'mso scared.
(13:10):
But um, unfortunately, blake,we're both left holding the bag
because Peter has left.
He is on a plane now, or atleast at the airport on his way
to a non-extradition friendlyEuropean country with Blake's
money.
Blake is not going to take this.
He gets in his secretary bag.
He calls the airport.
(13:31):
Actually, he calls the operatorand asks for the airport.
Airport security calls him backand he's like listen, airport
security lock down the entireDenver International Airport.
Nobody in or out.
There's a guy who took mybaby's money.
Sure, blake, I'm right on topof that, rose.
(13:52):
I'm thinking why wouldn't youcall?
I don't know who you would callto get.
The whole thing Seems likeyou'd need the cops and not just
the security guys.
But as soon as they hear thename Blake Carrigan, oh sure
I'll hop to it.
Go ahead and take a swig beforeI tell you this.
Friend, I'm holding your handwhile I say this.
This is by far the most tragicpart of this entire episode.
(14:12):
Peter DeVilbiss is aninternational playboy who has
just swindled millions andmillions of dollars from
Colorado's second wealthiest man.
Shout out to my new friendByron for reminding us that
Blake's money is the equivalentto like a billion dollars Now.
He is so papered up.
So think about this.
Peter is fresh off of an amazingheist.
(14:34):
He hit up one of the mostrecognizable names in the world,
stole this man's money, lefthis daughter brokenhearted, talk
cash crazy to everybody whoworked for Blake and the police.
And you know what this man does.
This is so disrespectful.
He walks into a Denverinternational airport, he pulls
(14:56):
out two or three forms ofaccurate, traceable forms of ID.
It goes up to like theequivalent of the southwest
counter and buys a ticket.
This fool, you just robbed oneof the richest people in the
world and you're flying coach,my God.
So I feel, listen, if for noother reason than that, if I
(15:18):
were Blake, I'd make sure hewent to jail for that.
What you're not going to do isrob me and then be economical
with my money.
So Blake, meanwhile, has sentthe bolo out telling everybody
to be on the lookout for anunassuming average height,
mildly charming, blue-bloodedJason, vaguely European,
non-blinking blonde man with awafer-thin, boyish build.
(15:40):
He's definitely cranky, he'scrooked and I guarantee you he's
coked out of his mind.
That's what I know.
Now it occurs to me on thisepisode for the first time that
Peter's sort of dead behind theeyes presentation might not just
be from the cocaine he'singesting.
It could be due to somemedication he was actually
(16:01):
prescribed.
This is 1984.
Maybe he'd gone through somethings mentally.
Maybe he's on that Adam thing,you know what I mean.
He's not really on his meds andso he sort of zones out from
time to time, loses all of hispersonality.
I don't know.
I don't know if it is due tohim taking his medication and
then overly medicating with theother stuff, or is it the lack
(16:23):
of his medication.
I'm sure I don't know.
But whatever it is, I have tobelieve it was synthetically
induced, because nobody can bethis dumb, especially if you're
an international playboy who hasrun game on a princess for
crying out loud Because he's notflying first class.
He has to go through securitylike the rest of the people in
(16:43):
the Denver airport.
There's a woman behind him.
One of the extras looks likeshe got Cowboy Carter tickets.
She's going somewhere.
I know she ain't going to Texasand that's for the best, but
she's behind him looking countryPeter goes to the metal
detector.
It immediately goes off.
He must have had a fresh bump,because he's kind to the woman.
Actually that's why he's beingkind.
He's kind because the securityperson is a woman.
(17:06):
Actually that's why he's beingkind.
He's kind because a securityperson is a woman.
And he goes oh, it must be thekeys.
And he takes the keys out ofhis pocket.
But while he's doing that, onthe conveyor belt x-ray machine
thing, the security guard who'slooking at the little scanner
sees what he thinks is drugparaphernalia.
So he pulls DeFilbiss aside andhe says hey, sir, I'm sorry I
need you to open your attachecase.
Now.
This man loves booger sugar.
(17:28):
He takes it everywhere with him.
Do you know that this man doesnot have his booger sugar
tightly in his breast pocket?
This man has it in the attachecase.
He is clearly too high toremember that.
Because he opens a daggone case, tell me why.
He's got needles.
He's got a little thing to chopit up.
He's got it all separated.
(17:49):
He is a nice packer, he is veryneatly packed, I'll give him
that.
And the security guard is kindof like what?
Okay, um, could you lift yourscarf please?
He's got a nudie magazine and afresh bag of booger sugar, the
Philbus.
What the Sir God?
(18:09):
This is why crime doesn't pay.
You got to be good or good atit.
And guess what, sir, you arenot good at it.
So the cop is like well, I mean, thank you for the free bus,
sir, I'm going to have to detainyou.
Peter's like.
For what, my God, peter?
Take your medicine, peter.
That's why Take your medicine.
He had to be out of his mind.
Well, right about this timey'all, blake arrives and he
(18:31):
manages to stumble through thesecurity checkpoint.
He locks eyes with Peter beforehe lunges and attacks him.
Okay, okay, okay, I promise Iwouldn't lie to you.
That's a very generous verb.
He didn't actually lunge somuch as he stumbled.
Blake stumbles through securityand with the momentum of him
(18:54):
tumbling over his own feet, hemanages to slam into.
Actually, let me be real, we'renot gonna lie on this one.
Blake's stunt double manages toslam into the feeling better and
take him down to the ground.
Blake's stunt double then jumpsup and sucker punches I guess
it's not a sucker punch, if yousee it coming.
He punches the filibuster'sstunt double right square in his
(19:18):
face.
Pow, tell me why this man goesflying back 15 feet.
Bam Slams into the check-incounter.
He's like oh my God, blake, Ican explain.
I can explain Now because ofthe exquisite fighting of
Blake's stunt double.
Blake is really feeling himselfso as a cop.
Go to snatch up the filibusterand they hold Blake back.
That's very cute.
He clearly paid them to do that.
(19:40):
He's saying through grittedteeth my stunt double just
whipped your ass.
You are so lucky I would havekilled you.
Well, possibly Now I askedmyself early on why Fallon would
take off running, run 400 yardsinto oncoming, albeit glacial
speeds, parking lot traffic.
I guess she called herselfrunning to her car.
Carrington's have a horriblehabit of running top speed
(20:03):
towards things that aren'tinherently dangerous and somehow
ending up in a coma or onparole.
On parole, stephen ran threeand a half miles from the
library.
No, he was in the library drunk.
Three and a half miles to theswimming pool, tripped over his
own two feet, splatter tat,splashed in the pool, knocking
(20:23):
himself out cold Bam.
Now he's in a coma.
Blake, in a drunken fit of rage,ran upstairs top speed, busted
in Stephen's room, tripped andfell a man to death.
What was that?
Ted Denard RIP.
Ted Denard tripped and fell aman to death, ended up on parole
.
He seems to be off that nowbecause he's doing great this
episode.
I'm like how are they stumblinginto all of this?
(20:44):
So, with that being said, Isuppose Peter should be a little
bit nervous.
Blake might have actuallykilled him, had just a little
bit more momentum, I think,because he was running
flat-footed, he didn't have alot of speed.
He tripped over himself.
Stunt double came in, handledbusiness.
But yeah, peter, you better.
You are so lucky, you reallyare.
(21:05):
Say what you will.
Blake Carrington, stephenCarrington and Fallon Carrington
Colby are running fallers.
You know what I'm saying.
So now we know If you see aCarrington running, havoc will
be wreaked soon thereafter.
Now Adam and Alexis are totallydifferent ballgame they would
never.
It is very clear that Adamtakes after Alexis's side First
(21:30):
off.
They're not going to run andsweat out that good hair that
they put together.
Number two, they're gonnaattack you with their words,
they're gonna verbally piss youoff, they're gonna be slick at
the mouth.
And you know what.
They both got beat up for it.
But I guess we can say that thejury is still out on alexis.
(21:52):
When she and Crystal had thatfistfight in the pond, I can't
say she lost, oh, but yeah, Iforgot.
Crystal did what her ass thatone time in the apartment or in
the little studio she really did.
And Adam, of course we allremember, got beat up in what
appeared to be a JCPenneycatalog on the top floor of a
(22:15):
brand new, high-rise building.
But was it Jeff's left hook?
Or was it the shock and awe ofhim about to be a father?
We'll never know.
All I'm saying is the ACs,Alexis and Adam, will never,
ever, ever end up in a comabecause they tripped and fell
over their own feet.
That's all I'm saying With that.
That being said, we're alladults here.
(22:39):
I think the evidence is clear.
I think we can all agree thatFallon didn't trip over her own
feet.
Jeffrey pushed her in front oftheir car.
Think about it.
She was tearing out of thehotel.
He was running behind her.
He actually had her in his armsas a car was barreling towards
(23:01):
him.
My mind tells me that Jeff, whowas fully in his right mind, is
still a little miffed.
Fallon was going to run aroundthe world with this coked out
playboy, so he's like let mejust teach her a lesson.
Real quick, real fast.
He was hoping the car was goingto pummel into them.
It didn't.
What happened was Jeffrey couldsee that the car was slowing
(23:21):
down again.
Ladies and gentlemen fan fictionor whatever you want to call
this, this is how I see it.
He saw the car slowing down.
He realized that he had hersafe in his arms.
He could have just taken a stepback, but then what lesson
would be learned?
No, no, no.
(23:41):
Instead he used those slickerthan slick church shoes, those
hard bottom shoes, to sweep herstilettos from beneath her.
She's splattertack, tatted,brain cracked on the blacktop,
bam.
Now she's in a coma.
We're going to get to Alexishere in a second.
Fallon is knocked out for 99% ofthis, well, 90% of this episode
.
She's awake and says a littlebit.
(24:01):
Towards the end it's basicallydifferent people coming into her
room just kind of checking onher.
Now I don't think, althoughBlake is pissed, he doesn't seem
overly worried to me.
Crystal don't seem all thatbothered either, quite frankly.
But Jeff, jeff is by her bedsideand he starts having these
flashback, all the memories andall the good times they had
together all 14 minutes totaland Jeff did something that was
(24:25):
really weird.
Let me ask you something soapfiends, when you remember a
really good time in your lifesay a surprise party, maybe you
performed on stage one time,your first kiss, you won the
race, something, think ofsomething like that.
When you think back on that, doyou look nerdy and dorky Like,
(24:45):
are you embarrassing?
No right, Jeff has the mostembarrassing flashbacks ever.
He's picturing he and Fallondancing on her daddy's plane and
he's all.
And I swear to you, he goes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, jeffrey.
(25:06):
What are you thinking of then?
The other one is her tellinghim she wants babies.
And he managed us to nerd thatout too.
And I'm like my God, Jeff, whoembarrasses themselves in their
own memories and their ownfantasies.
I've never seen that when Ipicture myself winning the
Olympics, because every time Iwatch the Team USA backflip.
(25:27):
Mind you, I couldn't do acartwheel, but in my head I'm
flipping over balance beams.
It's real easy.
I look amazing.
I would never play myself in myown mind.
Come on now, for the sake ofaccuracy, I did go back, just to
make sure I got the scenecorrect.
Blake runs out of the car.
(25:49):
He's oh my god.
He hoists himself up a littlehill, runs over to Fallon, who
is splatted, tat tat on theblacktop.
Jeff is near the curb, so mytheory stands Not only did he
trip her, he definitely pushedher, because he was at least
three to four feet away from her.
Oh my, oh my.
(26:12):
Anyways, speaking of Olympics,alexis has an Olympic-sized
jacuzzi tub and she likes tohave a good time in it On this
episode, specifically with DexDexter.
They are lathering up after avery, very intense afternoon.
They are soapy sudsys.
(26:33):
They're having a good timetalking.
The gist of it is she's likefirst off, don't ever say
nothing sideways about my family.
He's like I love making up.
She's like yeah, that's great.
Don't say anything sidewaysabout my family, don't ever
disagree with me.
Really simple, right.
He then says so what's up withyou and Blake?
Like Blake, who Ain't nobodyworried about Blake, let's go
(26:56):
have some sushi.
Although she's playing the wholethe long game, I think I don't
know what game she's playingshe's enjoying herself for the
time.
She and Dexter have matchingrobes on, which is adorable.
She has this whole sushi layout, although the food looks a
little gray.
I have a theory on that.
We'll talk about that anotherday but they're having a good
old time.
She's like don't worry aboutlosing me because you never had
(27:18):
me.
It's all about the game.
It's a power play.
I want you to want me, but Idon't necessarily want to admit
that.
I want you.
Phone rings.
It's Crystal.
Crystal's like hey, fallon'sbeen in an accident.
What?
She quickly puts on her finestfur and runs down to the
hospital to check on her babygirl.
(27:39):
All right, I need to jumparound just a little bit here so
we can get to the good parts,kirby.
Kirby is home from the hospitaland I bet she is so sick and
tired of looking at these people.
Crystal tries to come in andsay hey, the staff is whispering
about you.
They're calling this room yourroom.
She's in the whatever room, whocares?
And she's like, oh, is that sothat's cute.
Crystal tries to relate to herhey, listen, I've been where
(28:01):
you've been.
She said listen, crystal, I'mgoing to stop you there, baby, I
don't want to hear it.
Appreciate you.
But no, thank you, adam comeswalking in.
Everybody's super pleasant toAdam.
Hey, adam, hi.
Crystal excuses herself.
Kirby's chilling on the couchand it is very clear that she
has resigned.
She has resigned to having anot so hot life.
She realized way too late thatmaybe she might have actually
(28:24):
liked this kid, and now she'swithout.
So she's sitting on the couchand she tells Adam she's tired
of looking for the best in lifewithout.
So she's sitting on the couchand she tells Adam she's tired
of looking for the best in lifeand, with that said, it's time
to start living in reality,except my fate.
Uh, I'll marry you.
Now Adam ignores all this.
She goes I'm marrying you.
And I need you to understand Idon't want you, I don't actually
(28:45):
like you.
I'm just gonna marry you.
And he's all yippee oh my god,kirby, I don't care how long it
takes, and you and you, I'm notgonna go there, you're gonna
love me, no matter how.
Oh god, I can think of 15 lovesongs right there.
He's feeling that let therecord reflect.
(29:07):
She is laying back, like herback hurts, like okay, yeah,
that's cute.
I'm not gonna like you, adam,I'll marry you.
It will be cold, it'll lackenthusiasm, it'll be
disrespectful at times I'm gonnatalk about you being off your
meds, but it'll be a marriage.
If you want it and he's likesign me up.
Then she starts gettingrealistic.
She goes over logistics.
I was just like I guess if I'mgonna have a demon seat and it
(29:30):
has to be a caring team, atleast the kid will be taken care
of.
Your dad will be all happy thatyou have a kid and whatnot.
It'll probably get a sweetbrass crib, just like baby blake
.
Maybe it'll even get its ownroom.
Kid will be taken care of.
It'll have 15 nannies.
I'd never have to even look athim might be a sweet deal.
Adam is not appalled, and if heis, he's gonna get over it.
He's like dang, that's how youtalk, that's how you feel.
(29:52):
She's like yeah, listen, it's.
It's time to face reality.
I'm living on the edge, dare Isay.
It is this kirby's bad girl arc.
Is this her origin story?
It feels like she's flipping.
You know my theory good girlscan go bad, bad girls can never
go good.
I think kirby's just likecaution to the wind, forget it.
And adam's like that doesn'tsound like you.
(30:13):
She goes.
Well, I'm a fast learnerhomeboy.
And then she plants apassionate kiss on him.
Dare I say it.
She even looked like she had alittle bit of desire in her eyes
.
He is all too thrilled.
He don't give a damn if this is.
He's like listen, if you werebeing a bad marriage, you might
as well be in a bad marriagewith me, okay?
(30:33):
So flashback to Alexis the nextday.
She's got a fresh silk robe.
She's on the phone trying tofigure out what's what with
Fallon.
She's not really getting therespect she deserves this
episode.
So what does she do?
As a mature, rational woman?
She takes it out on the nextavailable.
Poor soul that has the audacityto walk in front of her.
Martin comes walking into thepenthouse, walks over to
(30:58):
Alexis's little spread that shealways has and grabs a big chunk
of bread and starts smearingcaviar on it.
Now Alexis is no doubt thinkingGod, this guy's a yokel.
She's staring at him and thenshe says baby boy, you know
that's not peanut butter, right,like you shouldn't be smearing
(31:18):
gobs of caviar across this bread.
She's in no mood for thefoolishness, because it was
actually crystal who hung up onher.
Alexis calls she wants to cussout blake.
Blake's not home, so she'scussing out crystal to deliver
the message to blake.
Crystal click.
She ain't got time for that,she has other things to do.
This episode.
So after Mark is scolded forspreading caviar like peanut
butter, he goes you know, thisis all your fault, right?
(31:40):
If you had never come betweenme and Fallon, none of this
would have happened.
Sir, how do we get to thatconclusion?
What are you talking about?
Welllexa says coming betweenyou and you and fallon was one
of the best things I ever did,and then quote please take your
criticism and your caviarsandwich and go to your room.
(32:02):
I love her.
I don't know why caviar sandwichtickled me so much, but then
because he did look.
It didn't seem like it goestogether.
It didn't seem like that wouldbe something you ate.
But also, why does she have abig basket of bread, a bucket of
(32:25):
champagne and then some littlehors d'oeuvres like little
saltines and wheat bins andstuff around this platter of
caviar?
Okay, maybe he shouldn'tslather it on the bread, but
what's the bread for?
I went and Googled it because Iremember this episode of Real
Housewives of Beverly Hill whereKyle goes over to her sister,
kathy Hilton.
You know Kathy Hilton is ParisHilton's mom.
(32:46):
They are super, duper rich andKathy says she prepared lunch,
but it's basically a bakedpotato and caviar.
Now she was preparing it weird.
So I didn't really believe thatwas a real thing.
But apparently it is.
And a caviar sandwich isapparently a real thing.
I guess you just don't have iton a four inch thick piece of
bread.
He looks like Oliver Twistasking for simple oh and she's
(33:11):
not done.
After she gets done, sunningMark sending him to his room
with his caviar sandwich.
Her real son shows up, adam.
She's pissed because she's likewhat I hear.
Let me why.
I have to hear that you'regoing to marry that girl.
And he's like you mean Kirby, Iabsolutely am.
He's like damn it, adam, you'renot in the backwoods of Montana
, use your brain.
You're not in the backwoods ofMontana, use your brain.
(33:40):
She is fed up with her sonshooking up with these backwood
broads.
Now, although I don't agreewith her fully, I'm just like
this isn't Sammy Joe?
I kind of get that one.
Y'all know how I feel aboutClaudia the Stallion.
There will nary be a wordspoken against her.
As a matter of fact.
I will say this though On thisepisode, alexis's bullying has
paid dividends.
Claudia's wardrobe has beenelevated.
(34:01):
She looks amazing.
She has this really coolsweater where it's I don't know
what it is like, that kind ofit's not cashmere, but maybe it
is because they they're wealthy,but it's like a two-tone
sweater and it's cream on top,and then it has a sweetheart
pattern like on the bodice asweater bodice, if you can
(34:22):
imagine and it's a deeper shadeof brown.
She's wearing all khakis.
Her hair is less crunchy.
She went from her peter pancrunch peanut butter hair to
Jiffy, smooth and creamy.
She looks fantastic.
So good on Alexis for bullyingher.
Anyway, alexis is good and fedup with her son marrying these
(34:43):
less than stellar women.
All her kids are absolutelybonkers.
They keep hooking up with theexact wrong type of person.
So once Adam, like I said, sheand Adam are not going to trip
and fall over each other.
As a matter of fact, they'reabout five or six feet away, at
a safe distance.
They're standing in theirsuperhero poses.
They are sturdy, they're goingto talk crap and if it means
(35:04):
they get beat up for it, so beit.
Adam lets her know, in not somany words, that he's going to
marry Kirby, like it or not,whether she has a baby or not.
That's gonna be Mrs AdamCarrington, so her name is Kirby
Anders Colby Carrington, or CACfor short.
Alexis is furious.
She spins on her heels afterafter Adam leaves, gets on the
(35:25):
phone and she's still on thatbitterness because nobody is
listening to her.
So everybody is is going to getit today.
She's like Logan Hess You'restill slime and broke and I know
you love money.
So go to the papers and collecteverything you can about a crime
from 23 years ago.
You're looking for a crimecommitted by Alicia Anders Her
(35:46):
uppity, snooty never could be mehusband named Joseph and she
had a little dirty baby namedKirby.
I'm sorry I might be throwingin a couple of adjectives that
she didn't speak, but you getthe gist.
The crime is murder.
Now call me crazy.
It doesn't seem like you need aPI for that.
Why would you hire a PI to goto the newspaper to collect
something that has already beenprinted?
(36:08):
I get it, though.
She's just in a sour mood.
She's after being hung up onher daughter's in a coma, her
son's marrying the help and hersexy time was interrupted.
Somebody has to pay.
Now, speaking of sexy time,let's talk about Tracy.
Real quick.
Tracy Vanessa is her way intobeing Blake's publicist because
he has been asked, much likeBobby on Dallas, to be a
(36:31):
chairman for the party At thestate level.
So he's going to be a chairmanfor the party at the state level
.
So he's going to be apolitician.
Long story short.
Tracy figures that out byseducing one of the lackeys that
works for Blake.
She's like hey, we just hadgreat, you know, sexy time,
right, how about I tell yourwife, unless you make sure I get
the job for Blake, he's likedone.
(36:52):
Someone else who's done is Adam.
Adam is done lying.
He's done hiding.
He's not going to run away fromanything else.
I will say he's been very goodabout that.
I can't think of any secretshe's harboring at this point.
And he goes back to the houseafter talking to his mom, he
sees Jeff because no one evermoves out of the Carrington
(37:14):
mansion and he says Jeff, can Ihave a word with you?
They go into the library andapparently he spills his guts.
He tells Jeff everything abouthow much he hated him and that
he maybe kind of sorta had hisoffice painted with poison to
watch him slowly succumb to it,to said poison.
(37:35):
Now Jeff is furious, I have toadmit.
At first I was like, oh, my gosh, he's overreacting.
But then, as I just said it allout loud hi, jeff, uh, sorry, I
tried to kill you.
And then I framed my mom.
But yeah, it was definitely me.
I tried to kill you with paintbecause you embarrassed me and I
felt like you were beingdisrespectful and really mean to
me, so I wanted you to die.
(37:56):
I was like, jeff, you canaccept that, after all, you did
push Fallon in front of that car, but Jeff understandably so is
not okay with it.
He's like wow, you tried tokill me.
Okay, I could kill you, but Iknow something better.
I'm too rich for all that.
I'm not going to have any moreblood on my hands.
I'm going to have you arrested.
(38:18):
You're going to spend the restof your miserable life in jail.
And Adam's like bro, dude, Iconfess I'm sorry.
Joe's like what, you're sorry?
What were you crazy?
I was like actually, yeah, Iwas a little.
You know, the dosage was off, Iwasn't really on it like that,
but yeah, I would say I was alittle bit insane.
(38:38):
For sure.
That's what?
Yeah, for sure.
Jeff's like yeah, right,homeboy, you're going to jail.
Adam's like bro, please, I justlost my baby.
I just lost my daughter.
Isn't that punishment enough?
Jeff makes a cardinal mistakehere.
He says no, as far as I'mconcerned, that's just the
beginning.
(38:59):
Adam flips a switch like nope,okay, okay, fine, guess what?
I'm not sorry.
I'm not sorry anymore.
Now, live with that.
It reminds me of myself If I'vealready told this story.
I'm really sorry.
I'm getting up there.
You know I'm going to repeatstories from time to time.
My cousin and I had this reallydumb game for like a week in
(39:19):
high school where you'd like popeach other in the mouth.
It's really dumb.
I don't even know what we werethinking.
But I had done that to her andthen I walked into a classroom
and it was like the doors in ourclassroom were sort of deep
probably about two feet deepbefore you could like you
couldn't see around the wall.
So she hid and once she heardmy voice she just kind of hung
(39:40):
out and then she got me, pow,hit me and I said an expletive.
I don't know what I said.
Well, I didn't realize thatthere A was a teacher and B it
wasn't the normal teacher in theclass, it was this coach who
was high key, really, reallycute.
But I didn't see him in there.
Not that it was important, Ijust got slapped in the face.
I was trying to just like focusmy life.
(40:01):
So he hears me and he goes hey,hey, I can't believe you said
that.
And even in my pain, my face isthrobbing.
I'm trying to like comfortmyself.
I say, oh, coach, blah, blah,blah, I'm really sorry, I didn't
see you there, I'm so sorry.
And he stands with his hands onhis hip and it's like no, no,
(40:25):
that's not good enough.
Well, that's all you're goingto get homie, because my face
hurts and I'm not sorry.
As a matter of fact, I takethat back.
Listen, if my face hadn't beenstinging, I probably would have
said the same thing, like howdare you?
First and foremost, I wasn'teven speaking to you.
I was speaking to her.
I need to apologize to her.
I can't even get to that andyou're jumping in as if I
attacked you.
I I apologize.
(40:46):
He didn't accept my apology.
Okay, it is, it's up now.
I ended up getting in schoolsuspension and my principal was
so shocked.
He was like you, I know it wasfine, it was a day off, I didn't
care, I didn't even get introuble.
But anyways, I understand.
I'm saying I'm not condoning,but I'm saying, adam, I
(41:07):
understand If I offer you anapology and you don't take it,
fine, although I think Adam iswrong in this, because he
actually did intend to harm Jeff.
But Adam flips and he's likeokay, fine, not only am I not
sorry, I take back everything Iever said.
And Jeff's like but youconfessed, you confessed to
Blake.
He was like I just lost a baby.
I was stressed out.
Don't forget I'm a lawyer.
(41:27):
What judge is going to believe?
What judge is going to takethat confession under those
circumstances?
And Jeff's like well, you justconfessed to me, to which Adam
says what confession.
Who said that?
Who said that?
I didn't say that?
Dum dum dum.
I like it.
Let's get him riled up a littlemore.
I like this version of him.
I'm just going to say this too.
I'm just going to say this too.
(41:47):
So the next morning Adam goes tobreakfast, stephen is there and
Stephen tries to give him alittle bit of wisdom or like
scold him.
I heard what you did to Jeffand I don't like it.
Why is this version of Stephensuch a dud?
I mean, he never really had aton going on, but he was
interesting, he was workingtowards something.
Stephen got that brand new face.
(42:08):
He came back feeling way toococky, feeling himself.
I don't like it.
I'm just going to say it.
Stephen is not my fave thisseason.
He and Fallon are duds and asfar as I'm concerned, adam is
time to stop trying.
Who cares if they don't want tosit with you at Christmas?
Who cares if you don't get awhite elephant gift?
Good riddance, I'm sick of bothof them.
(42:32):
And the denim one, jeffrey colby, is also a dud.
He goes in to try to like sneaksupport kirby, like asking are
you sure if adam's the one shutup jeff, didn't he gaslight her
for her entire pregnancy?
And that's another thing.
While I'm on it, I don't evenreally believe this, but let's
just throw this out there.
Tell me why.
Every time jeff gets a wife, orevery time Jeff bangs somebody,
something crazy happens to them.
(42:54):
Think about it Fallon, claudia,the stallion, kirby, I don't
know.
Jeff, all your wives ended upin a hospital.
I don't know what to thinkabout that.
All right, we are in the homestretch.
So Alexis and Jeff are at thehospital.
(43:14):
She's in like this beautifuldark coat, looking fantastic,
and Jeff's there and he's likehe apologizes to her.
I kind of forgotten that hethought she tried to kill him.
And she's like yeah, don't evenworry about it.
Nurse comes running in.
Hey, your wife is.
Yeah, mrs Colby is stirring,come get her, Come look at her.
So Alexis and Jeff run intoFallon's room and she's still
(43:37):
sort of sweaty and slowly wakingup.
Oh, and we get to see the sideprofile of Jeff and Alexis, and
it's at that very moment that Irealized they have the exact
same haircut.
I would love to be a fly on thewall in the trailer for hair.
Alexis's only difference isthat she flips hers up.
She actually obviously putscurlers in hers and then she
(43:58):
flips a little back up.
She likes a little Carol Bradythe little letter J in the back
of her head and Jeff wears hisflat just a light little blow
dryer or whatever.
I was like, oh my God, theyhave the exact same haircut.
It looks great on both of them.
Not being critical here, fallonwakes up and oh my gosh, oh my
gosh, and Alexis Jeff goes.
I'm here, fallon, jeff, is thatyou?
(44:20):
Jeff?
And Alexis, darling, I'm heretoo, mother, oh god, no, you
disrespectful little witch, Ican't believe what.
I just wanted to make sure youwere alive.
How dare you?
(44:42):
Alexis is once again embarrassed, so she storms out and right
about this time crystal shows upto the hospital and one of the
coolest things I've ever seen.
So she's wearing like a bluepantsuit, a periwinkle colored
pantsuit with short sleeves.
Looked like she grabbed anafghan that was being used as a
table runner and slung it over ashoulder.
(45:02):
Made in a really dramatic capeof many colors was beautiful,
beautiful.
I guess she's bringing a littlebit of that down home, ohio, to
Denver.
It was so cute.
I'm like let it get cold here.
Let it get 10 degrees colder,I'm gonna find me an Afghan and
sling it over my shoulders too.
It's adorable.
(45:24):
Anyway, alexis has not forgottenthat Crystal had the nerve to
hang up on her while she wascussing her out.
She said Crystal, I bet youthought you were real.
I'm summarizing here.
I bet you thought you were realcute hanging up on me.
I was trying to leave a messagefor Blake.
I don't know why you can't justleave a message for your good
for nothing husband for me.
And Crystal, cool as a cucumber, is like oh, I mean, I remember
(45:45):
you commanding a couple ofthings.
I don't remember you asking meto do anything.
Alexa says when I leave amessage, especially with an
ex-stenographer, I expect it tobe passed on.
Oh, gold, do my bidding,secretary.
(46:05):
And then she leaves.
She's like fine, trying todecide if any of this is worth
mentioning.
I'm going to save the lastlittle bit for you guys because
I mean it's enjoyable.
A lot is revealed in the lastlike four minutes of the show.
That was fun.
It was a lot of fun.
When I first watched it Ithought, oh, that was, it wasn't
really about anything.
But on second glance I lovekind of letting it sit for a day
(46:28):
, because then I'm like, okay,yeah, there was a lot to this
one, love, love, love thewriting.
Alexis is eating them aliveevery chance she gets.
Tracy is back at the helm and,okay, I have decided.
Tracy's not necessarily a badgirl.
She really is the mostqualified for that job.
There's no reason why sheshouldn't be the head of PR and
(46:49):
Crystal could have another roleor, I don't know, he could have
made her VP of something else.
You know what I'm saying.
Tracy is willing to do whatneeds to be done.
Dynasty has always been reallybig on this big swelling and
dramatic music.
They've upped the ante thisseason because I'm like they
were playing dramatic music overwhat Tracy was doing and I was
like, I guess I don't reallythink that's all that odd.
All right, guys, I think that'sit.
(47:16):
That's all.
I hope you enjoyed yourself.
Don't forget to leave me a textwithin the show notes or you
can leave me an email atsoflorpodcasts at gmailcom.
In the meantime, in betweentime, if you really want to go
off on somebody and they won'tpick up the phone, leave a
message, send a letter, makethem go through the trouble of
reading your words before theyrip it up.
Either way, you'll never hear avowel tone.
Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and
(47:38):
keep all of your drama on TV Bye.
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