Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or
welcome back to Soap Floor, theofficial gathering place for
newbies, novices and OG diehardfans of the golden age of
primetime.
I'm your host, jet, viewing andreviewing the soapiest, sexiest
primetime storylines of 1984,85, something like that.
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, sit back and
(00:24):
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside, or, out of sight, tell
babe no questions, suggestionsor concerns for the next 25, 35,
maybe even 45 minutes.
Everyone else in earshot, cool,quiet or kicked out are your
only options, because we arewatching our story.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is Soap Floor.
(00:54):
Hello, gorgeous, welcome backto another fun-filled edition of
Soap Floor.
I hope your day is bubbly,bright and doing just all right.
We're about to get into aniconic episode of Soap Floor,
one of my favorites so far.
I know it's been a long time.
I shouldn't have left youwithout a soap review to step to
, but you know what it has beenan exciting and very, very, very
(01:17):
busy month.
I think I'm back on a regularrecording schedule.
I'm going to try to bang out asmany as I can.
I'm no longer as far in thefuture as I would going to try
to bang out as many as I can.
I'm no longer as far in thefuture as I would like to be,
but that's all right because,guess what, this is a slow
journey.
If you're looking for the quick, fast thing, then go ahead and
binge watch.
Whatever you can, I get it.
I'm going to have sort of takenmy time through these because I
(01:40):
think it's well.
I just think it's one of thosethings that takes a little bit
of time.
Plus, oh, I thought about thisafter the last episode I watched
of Nas Landing, which you knowI had a lot of strong opinions
about.
I have had a little time tothink about it.
I have slept, I have pondered,I have thought.
I have not researched, but Ithink I may.
(02:03):
I'm not saying I jumped the gun, I'm not saying I'm fully wrong
, but I definitely have adifferent point of view.
We're going to talk about thaton the next episode of Swift
Floor, because not only did Iwatch Falcon Crest, I went ahead
and watched Knot's Landing andI had me a just a really, really
good time on both shows.
So we'll get into that at adifferent point.
(02:23):
But today I think we gotourselves a little a mini movie,
a little blockbuster.
I'm having a lot of thoughtsabout this episode, so go ahead
and grab yourself somethingbubbly and bright as we jump
into season four, episode 19 ofFalcon Crest Retribution,
retribution.
(02:45):
This episode felt a little bitmore like a TV movie.
I'm not going to say thatFalcon Crest could or could not
have been a blockbuster, becauseI feel like it could have been.
I think it was trying its verybest to give Indiana Jones a run
for its money and it got reallyclose, or so I thought the
first time.
Around the second time I'm likeokay, relax, jet, maybe it's a
made-for-TV movie, but trust me,that's not an insult.
(03:08):
Back in my day, thosemade-for-TV movies were
everything.
Do y'all remember the one whereKevin Arnold hooked up with DJ
Tanner?
Only he turned out to be asuper abusive boyfriend and then
she goes, disappearingPhenomenal.
I'm telling you what it was.
Must see tv.
(03:28):
I can distinctly rememberreading the tv guide like, okay,
is this going to be good?
It is not going to be good,couldn't miss a beat.
But Falcon Crest once againpleasantly surprised me.
I shouldn't be as surprised asI am at this point, but I feel
like they had a little somethingto prove this episode they're
showing me time and time again.
(03:49):
They're not just this one trickgoing.
I never thought they were, butit was definitely solidified
this episode.
I was with a friend last weeksetting up for another family
birthday party.
We're just kind of chattingabout what's happening over the
summer, what's coming up thisyear.
Or if they were just kind ofchatting about what's happening
over the summer, what's comingup this year, and she mentioned
(04:10):
just very offhandedly oh, I'vegot to get a bigger suitcase and
I need to work on my syllabus.
Oh, your syllabus, like, areyou in class?
There's no one teaching a class.
I didn't know you taught class.
What class are you teaching?
Well, every summer in spring,if I can, can help it I teach a
biology class and some thissummer we're going to the
Galapagos Islands and I'm like,wait, what though?
(04:31):
You said?
Like three different thingsthat don't go together.
What are you saying?
I had no idea this woman who Imet probably about four years
ago was some sort ofenvironmental biologist.
I'm probably saying it wrong.
She explained it to me.
I was just so floored, like Ithought you were an accountant,
I thought she was an accountantand I thought she did like
(04:53):
quilts and stuff, among otherthings, obviously.
But I had no idea.
I'm like you're a full onbiologist, like, yeah, I went to
school for this, that and thethird.
I've been teaching for like 25years.
Wait, what?
How are you doing all this?
I see you all the time.
I had no idea she would leavetown but I thought she was just
(05:13):
going on vacation.
No, some people lead doublelives.
Others casually mentionmid-conversations that they're
going to be leading a summerclass in the Galapagos Islands,
or that they worked at a mob-runrestaurant in the early 90s, or
they had a quick little standas a Vegas dancer.
We all have these moments whenthe world gets pulled out from
(05:35):
under us, when someone youthought you had totally figured
out drops a fact so wild itforces you to rethink everything
.
And that's exactly the vibe offalcon crust, season 4, episode
19 retribution.
Because if falcon crust reallywanted to give indiana jones a
run for his money, oh we could.
If they wanted to go fulldetective mystery on you, please
(06:01):
believe me, they could.
If they wanted to have ashowdown, pound for pound,
outfit for outfits, fabric forfabric, stitch for stitch, have
a beauty contest between themand dynasty, oh they could.
They could definitely do so and, dare I say, they might win.
It just depends on what wascoming out that day.
(06:22):
This week we're going to diveinto the, the Nazi gold gumshoe
sleuthing storyline that's soaction-packed.
It'll make you rethink what youthought you knew about Falcon
Crest, just like how I thoughtmy high school sociology teacher
was a normal person.
Turns out he spent three monthswith Kevin Bacon during the
filming of Footloose because hewent to school in Marfa or I
(06:44):
guess he went to school at SolRoss they happen to be near
Marfa Met the guy they werefriends for years.
Casually brings that up one day.
Or, even stranger still, how myuncle mentions, several years
after, the fact that he is agood friend of Dwayne Rock
Johnson.
What, yeah, they went tocollege together.
(07:05):
It's just that sort of what areyou doing?
I didn't realize you could dothat.
I didn't realize you knew thatFalcon Crest is dropping that
sort of bomb on us.
Today they're proving that theword soap opera is heavy on the
offer.
This can be anything you wantit to be.
We can be your TV movie baby.
We can be your NYPD blues, wecan be your drama, we can be
(07:30):
your comedy and we're going tobe fine doing it.
So saddle up, saddle in as weenjoy Retribution, season 4,
episode 19 of Falcon Crest oh,and she's back.
I am so sorry for sounding likeI was deep under the seven seas
chasing nemo, trying to go toariel's graduation or whatever.
(07:52):
My bad, my bad.
Me and ursula were chitchatting.
I forgot to drain outeverything.
Apparently my microphone isdeceased, baby, so we're gonna
have to use what we got.
I hope this sounds well.
Also, my neighbor decided togive an impromptu afternoon
concert, so we're just gonnahave to deal with this.
The show must and will go onbecause we got to talk about it.
(08:14):
So when last we left, angela wasstanding in her front door
while topless tanya comes to herhouse brandishing a weapon,
demanding that she follow her.
You're gonna come with me,angela scoffs.
This little girl must not knowwho she is.
This is the perm rod.
God, the undisputed dawn of avalley, the west coast wine more
(08:35):
she can uncork, pureintimidation.
I'm trying my best.
I've been looking at wineinformation, trying to educate
myself, but she, she isfull-bodied confidence.
You're not going to come andplay with her.
This is a short hair.
What's not going to happen issome floozy brandishing a pistol
.
It's not going to remove herfrom her home of origin.
(08:55):
This is, this is her heritagebaby.
She ain't going nowhere.
You're going to go ahead andshoot me in the stomach today,
little girl, only topless.
Tanya says someone wants to seeyou, your daughter, daughter
Julia.
Now, I fully expected thebeginning of this episode to be
six or seven men rushing intothe door handcuffing Angela,
(09:16):
because why on earth would shefall for that?
Why would she even think thatwas something that was plausible
?
But to my shock and surprise,she flips the script.
The Angela I knew would haveslammed the door in this woman's
face, pistola and all but no,she ends up going with them.
Let the record reflect that.
She goes on her own accord, shewalks out, nobody puts a hand
(09:37):
on her.
What you're not going to do ismanhandle Angela, the perm rock,
goddess.
So she's walking up the littlesteps to DeBercy.
I guess at this point, ladiesand gentlemen, we can start
calling him Rebus, right?
This has been quite confusingwith this flip-flop of identity,
but it works well.
(09:57):
It works well if this is amovie, right, because you don't
really have to remember thatlong-term.
I can't imagine how you guysdid this over several months I
guess I've sort of done the samething, but I digress.
Angela walks herself up theentrance to Reedman's house
Topless.
Tanya is doing this thing.
(10:19):
I know all too well.
I think men and women can agreeIf you wear boots, some shoes
you have to break in.
Some shoes you can just put onand walk out the door.
Others you need to take abreather.
You need to really make someshoes.
You have to break in.
Some shoes you can just put onand walk out the door.
Others you need to take abreather.
You need to really make sure,like you need to walk the dog in
them, go get the mail in them afew times.
(10:39):
Wash dishes you kind of need towalk around them in little
increments.
I can tell hers were fresh outthe box.
She's kind of tiptoeing downthe pathway like oh Lord, my
feet hurt and I hope this oldlady doesn't do something wild.
So they walk into the house.
Angela, cardiganed up, shoulderpads out she looks pissed, walks
right up to reed menaces.
What is this julia business?
On cue, julia comes walking outof the sunroom looking like a
(11:03):
million bucks.
You got to remember the lasttime angela saw this girl alive.
She was dressed like a nun andthen she went into a burning
house totally different, and shewas always wearing a little
updo.
There she is healthy and welland vibrant and wearing cashmere
in the middle of spring.
I know you lying is a look onangela's face.
(11:26):
I know you lying.
No dear afraid now she's notlying.
Julia is alive and well andtotally convinced that.
Dr uh de berce is apsychologist, psychiatrist who
is trying to uh assist her inher recovery after she is
(11:47):
technically a fugitive.
However, I think you can't be afugitive post-mortem.
Seems like you get a clearslate.
We'll get to all that a littlebit later.
Angela has to sit down.
She has to collect herself andgraciously, debercy slash
Reidman is not a total monster.
He allows her to sit down andcatch her breath while Topless
(12:08):
Tanya makes a phone call.
Now, the last time we left thefellas, that being Greg the
manimal, reardon, chase theaviator Adonis and Richie Rich.
They were in the backseat of alimousine.
After the accidental on-purposeconfession that not only did
Angela and Craig Reardon themanimal know that Chase didn't
(12:30):
sabotage the plane, they wereperfectly content to allow him
to take the fall.
They didn't know it was acartel per se, but they knew it
was something.
And Richard's like hey, let melet the record reflect.
Remember, I was saying itwasn't you the whole time.
I didn't say who it was, but Ijust said it wasn't you.
I was never trying to make youtake the fall.
Chase is like wow, it really beyour own.
(12:52):
He should be quite used to thisat this point, when you think
about it.
Over the last four seasons thisman has caught every single
stray Angela has ever thrown atanybody.
But anyway, the phone rings.
Richard picks it up, it'stopless Tanya and she says it
doesn't matter what she says.
Basically we have someone herefor you.
He's like oh what, what did yousay?
(13:16):
I couldn't hear you.
Richard's not good at beingincognito, he's not good at
being is it conspicuous?
Whatever, he's not very good atbeing stealthy.
So topless tanya waits to thephone, clicks over to speaker
and she's like now that chaseand reardon can hear me.
(13:37):
I said we have angela captive.
Two things are happeningsimultaneously back at reedman's
home.
Angela is understanding thatshe's probably not going to be
able to walk away from thesituation.
In the limo.
All three of the men finallyrealize that all of their moves
(13:57):
have been watched.
They understand that they'vebeen spied upon and now they
need to make some really quick,really clever decisions.
And, most importantly, they gotto figure out how Rebman and
topless Tanya, of all people,know their comings and goings.
It is a little hard for me toremember with Falcon Crest
because I'm so accustomed to itbeing a slow burn.
(14:20):
I drift in and out of theconsciousness of remembering
that Chase and the gang don'treally know.
They didn't really know aboutReidman up until this, maybe the
previous episode, not really.
They were just kind of bumpingheads with each other and if you
think about it, reidman onlyknows what Angela knows.
(14:42):
So there's this very smallslibbit of anonymity that they
have to use to their advantage.
So Reardon's animal senses aretingling and he's like dadgummit
, I think.
I know.
I think I know he enunciateseverything so perfectly.
I think I know where the spyingdevice is located For all my
(15:06):
people overseas in Great BritainI'm not making fun of you.
This dude has a.
He has a hybrid accent.
I swear to you he does.
He starts to think and it'slike it's probably that big
giant plastered eagle or falcon.
Pardon me, let me notdisrespect the fowl that
appeared in Angela's office as agift from this little common
Frenchman, if you will, as shecalls him, in Angela's office.
(15:28):
As a gift from this littlecommon Frenchman, if you will,
as she calls him.
So they make quick plans to goback to Falcon Crest and destroy
the look at me beingdisrespectful and destroy the
Falcon, but they find that it'sin their best interest to not
alert anyone in the house ieCharlie or Emma or Lance, if he
decides to show up.
Meanwhile, back at Reidman'slair, angela is escorted to
(15:51):
Julia's quarters and she doessomething that warms my heart.
She kind of catches her up likean old lady would.
Now me.
Being raised in the South, Ican't help but hear family lore
through a Southern accent.
So forgive me if that comes andflows in this one, but the long
and short of it is and I waslike oh my god, I can't believe
you're alive.
You know, philip is dead.
(16:13):
Right, he died in that planecrash.
Philip, your stepfather.
See, we were on our wayoverseas.
We were trying to go to italyso we could spread your ashes
over the valley there.
Only our plane went kaboom overthe rocky Mountains.
So your ashes, or someone'sashes, are there, do you
remember?
In my mind she's giving her allthe family history while
letting her know this is yourlow key, your fault.
(16:34):
Had you not been dead, philipwouldn't be dead, had you not
been dead.
You remember your cousin Chase.
Well, you know, his oldest boy,cole.
He married that little girldown at the bakery, shania Linda
.
Shania Linda died in a planecrash, as did you remember your
cousin Chase and his wife Maggie.
(16:55):
Maggie has that harlot littlesister who's a lady of the night
.
Well, anyway, his sister, hersister, ends up marrying Chase's
cousin, jacqueline's sister'sboldest boy, oldest and only boy
.
You know, he inheritedeverything from Jacqueline and
his mother and he was doing wellbecause he was a doctor on his
own.
Anyway, maggie's little sister,the lady of the night, ends up
(17:16):
marrying the good doctor.
Unfortunately, he goes kaboomover the Rocky Mountains with
your ashes and Philip and ShaniaLinda, and she ends up being a
wealthy woman of the valley.
Now only she don't really knowhow to act.
And let me tell you somethingabout your boy.
Your boy is out here runningaround with one of Richard's
play pretend third stringrelatives, a little girl.
(17:37):
He calls himself in love withher.
He's about to go to jail.
Actually he was going to run medown in a car.
Only I forgave him, but he'sgoing to be on trial and they're
going to need me to testify forhim.
But let the record reflect.
This is all your fault, julia.
I hadn't really thought aboutthat, but I mean in not so many.
(18:03):
I'm not saying it's Julia'sfault obviously.
However, had they not been allon a private plane, the
opportunity to blow up half thecast of season three would have
never happened.
And who knows, we might havestill been played with Philip.
I don't think I mind Shania,linda and I definitely miss
(18:24):
Cousin Michael.
But alas, you had to catch up,julia, on who's still here on
season four.
Meanwhile, across town on JerrySpringer realness, lance and my
girl, bad girl, melly Mel, arein the good priest office trying
to get their marriage annulled.
They've been getting along somuch I forgot that they couldn't
(18:49):
stand each other.
You know they just had thatbrief whole little sexual
chemistry thing that worked outreally well for them for like 15
minutes, but now it's gone.
Once they sit in front of thepriest and they start pleading
their case, you can't help butsay the worst things about each
other.
Lance is is like yeah, well,you know, when we got married
she was knocked up by Cole, mysecond cousin.
(19:10):
And she says well, I mean, Imight have been knocked up, but
he was definitely bangingeverything in Tuscany Valley,
that's for sure.
And he says oh, and what wereyou doing with Richard?
Were you playing patty cake?
Or weren't you banging himwhile you were pregnant?
That's how I remember.
She says you know what yourwhole family is crazy.
Once they were done callingeach other whores, she goes for
(19:33):
the family and you know what?
She's not wrong.
He's like don't talk crazyabout my family, your family's
crazy.
She's like my family's deadbecause your crazy mother killed
my daddy.
Now to me, I think, if I'm thepriest, just so I can get back
to my quarters in peace and havelunch in a reasonable hour, you
know what?
That's good enough.
You're telling me you werepregnant.
He was sleeping around.
(19:53):
You were sleeping around when,pregnant, his mother killed your
father.
That to me, is reason enough toassume you're probably not
going to have the best familyatmosphere.
But he's like listen, listen,listen.
Had I known that this was allcoerced, this was all like a
scam before I would have nevermarried the two of you.
I'll do my very best to getthis done expeditiously, however
(20:17):
expeditiously in the catholicchurch.
When it comes to matters ofmarriage, where there's a whole
child involved, it takes alittle time, which is reasonable
, which is absolutely reasonable.
It's like the fastest I couldprobably do about a year.
Cole is bursted into the sceneat some point.
I'm like cole and his auntterry need to work on their
self-esteem.
You can't just what are youdoing, lurking in the shadows of
(20:40):
church.
Mind your business, cole.
This ain't got nothing to dowith you.
You know what it is.
She don't want him, he don'twant her.
It is very, very clear.
But they need to go and breakthe news to Maggie and everyone
else.
I had this revelation aboutMaggie, this episode.
So she's at Richard's radiostation and she walks into I
guess it's his office.
(21:01):
I've never really paidattention to what his office
looks like there, but it's likethis beautiful tufted leather
door.
It's quite spacious, there's asitting area, there's these
floor to ceiling windows,there's this desk.
Maggie sort of her way into thedesk.
She puts the thing down.
She didn't even notice thatLorraine is in the corner
(21:23):
sitting on the couch.
She sees her and she's like hey, what's up, why are you crying?
Lorraine cries.
She's like I'm having a roughday.
Maggie gives her a warm embrace, but she's got this like a
Novocaine smile on her face,this laughing gas smile on her
face.
This isn't the first or 45thtime I've seen this.
Is Maggie high throughout theseepisodes?
(21:44):
Falcon fiends?
I mean no disrespect, hell, I'ma child of the 90s.
I guarantee you 87%, god.
Just turn on the news today,turn on a documentary today.
Everything I watched isapparently tainted.
So I'm not here judging.
You think she was high Becauseshe is a pro.
(22:05):
Maggie is always calm, calm,way cooler than the situation
calls for, and collected all thetime.
So she's hugging lorraine andlorraine's like I'm pregnant and
he's like oh my god, it's okay,it's fine, I'm like girl.
This girl is high.
I just thought she was low.
(22:28):
She was like, uh, even killed.
She's high, she's high.
But she raises an interestingpoint to those rain.
You gotta let lance know whocares what richard says.
This is a blessing, this is awonderful thing.
Just let him know so that heknows Lorraine is a big player.
She sees Lance at a little sexytime in the hotel motel holiday
(22:51):
.
And why didn't this kid get hisown house?
I just thought about this.
He has more than enough money.
But whatever, I guess thatwould taint the story.
We don't want to chase Lanceall over California.
She does tell him, and shetells him that she wants to have
an abortion.
He flips out, he jumps up, butnot before we get at least
(23:13):
probably a good 20 seconds ofnatural hairy man chesticles
while he slips into his jordashjeans or whatever they are and
says, hey, basically this ismessed up, I'm pissed, and then
he leaves.
Looking back to the task at handhere, angela is kidnapped.
(23:34):
Chase, richard and the manimalhave no idea that Julia is still
alive.
Although I can go ahead andspoil this episode, that's not
really important.
It's just shock value, for noother reason than to be shocking
, to throw the regularcharacters off their whole thing
.
So Craig Reardon thinks that itis important that he just sort
(23:55):
of hang around Falcon Crest.
Mind you, he has his own horsestalls that he needs to hang out
at.
But he decides he's going tolinger around Falcon Crest
without telling Emma or Lancewhy Angela isn't there or what's
really going on.
He said that Angela's doingsome business.
He just wants to be close by incase something happens.
(24:15):
It's very suspicious and it'svery clear that everybody thinks
it's a little bit suspicious.
They just don't care that much.
Angela being gone is notanything to worry about, so
let's get rid of bit playernumber two.
Being gone is not anything toworry about, so let's get rid of
bit player number two.
Melissa and Cole show up toFalcon Crest late at night, to
the castle version, chase andMaggie's castle and they tell
(24:36):
Chase and Maggie thatunfortunately their marriage
can't be annulled right away.
It's going to be about a yearbefore Cole and Melissa can get
married and like oh no, that'sso bad, we're so sorry, oh,
we're so disappointed for youtoo terrible.
Soon as they leave, maggiestarts pop locking and dropping.
She is the elitist.
(24:56):
Hallelujah, thank you Jesus.
Maybe they won't get marriedever, maybe this will stall
everything.
And Chase is like be cool, becalm, we got bigger fish to fry.
Let's backtrack just a littlebit.
The three fellas that would beriordan, chase and richard go
back to falcon cross.
They go to angela.
Steady chowley is now in on it.
He understands the situation.
(25:18):
He was right by the door.
They also understand that he isangela's right hand man.
Riordan breaks the god.
I call it a.
Is it a falcon?
The falcon.
They find the tiny spyingapparatus and they drop it in a
glass of water and then theydecide amongst each other that
they need to handle this.
Just so Quick recap ReardonChow, lee, chase and Richard
(25:43):
know that Angela is kidnappedand Richard know that Angela is
kidnapped.
Angela, reardon, chase andRichard know that DeBerce is
really part of the cartel.
He is a guy who blew up his dad.
He is Reidman Jr, theillegitimate child that no one
else knows about.
Okay, chase, no, no, no.
(26:04):
Angela, reidman, topless Tanyaknow that Julia is alive, along
with Emma, because she knows allthings.
People just don't take herseriously.
So at this juncture in theepisode, you have the three men,
you have Reidman, excuse me,you have Chase, richard and the
(26:26):
manimal, craig Rearing, who needto keep everything quiet.
But they need to figure out howto quietly get angela back,
discuss it among themselves oneday in the library I suppose it
would be the next day and notjust someday which brings us to
bit player number three, auntterry, who shows up looking like
she's miss squawks in somecinemax skin and max
(26:50):
exploitation film.
She wants to know hey, reardon,I I feel like I did something
wrong.
Is there something wrong?
He's like I know, no, no, notavoiding you.
Well, do you want me to stickaround?
A hubba hubba, a hubba hubba.
She's coming on way too strongand he's like, uh no, I gotta go
, I'll talk to you later.
Bye, so she leaves and then shegoes to richard's place.
(27:12):
Of course everybody goes to thehorse track to clear their mind
and she's like dude, I wasrejected by craig the manimal
reardon for like the fourth timein a row.
You know me personally.
I was optional up around craigreardon because every time she
shows up he gives her a chore todo and she's showing up in her
finest clothes.
He's having her clean out horsestalls, brush them, bathe them,
(27:35):
do all the like, the heavylifting.
But she's like richard, can youbelieve that this fool turned
down a night of unbridledpassion why we keep having all
these horse puns?
I'm sure I don't know, I'm sureI don't want to know, but terry
can't figure out for the lifeof her why reardon isn't jumping
her bones with the quicknessrichard gives her the one, two,
(27:58):
pep talk, pep talk.
And then she's like well, I'msaying I mean not doing him,
what are you doing?
And I'm like terry, what isyour problem?
I know she is a woman of thenight.
She was a woman of the night,but even this, this seems very
desperate.
If the manimal, the squarishperson on the show isn't
interested, girl, I don't knowwhat else to tell you.
We gotta get to the main eventand it's slowly building up
(28:19):
while everyone is sort ofcollectively figuring out where
they are, who they are and whythings aren't going their way.
Reidman and Topless Tanya arelooking over ancient paperwork
from these different mines.
If you recall, julia and Emmahave mentioned this offhanded,
but it really does seem to besort of a non-factor, kind of
(28:40):
like someone asking you to givean inventory of what's in your
attic.
I mean, there's stuff up thereI don't really know.
I don't know like that.
There's several mines.
None of them are important toany of us.
We really don't know.
So Topless Tanya has dug upsomething on the Myrna Tunnel
which seemed to have been soldright around 1947.
(29:01):
That's right about the time.
Jacqueline would have beenbringing over Nazi artifacts and
they're just trying to figureout who Angela would have sold
them to.
So he asked Angela.
He burst back into the roominterrupting she and Julia's,
dare I say it, mother-daughtercloseness moment.
He interrupts and he wants toknow, hey, what the heck is
(29:23):
going on.
Which one of these, who did yousell this to?
She's looking back like that's,I'm not gonna tell you anything
.
So he's like cool, I thoughtyou might say something like
that perm rod.
So guess what?
I got something for you.
I got a metal pistola for thatass, if you can't remember who
you sold this to.
So she's keeping quiet.
Julia jumps up and she said doyou really think I'm gonna let
(29:46):
you shoot my mother?
He said uh, young lady, I don'treally need you.
I need her information, I don'treally need you.
Angela's forced into a corner.
She's like sold it to this foolback in the day.
She gave me thousands andthousands of dollars.
No gold was ever found in thosemines, complete and total bust.
(30:07):
Reed was like that's a reallygreat fairy tale.
I didn't ask for who.
I said not what, not when, notwhere, not why, not.
What happened after the fact?
Who she goes?
Oh, this wench, this heifer,this husband stealing harlot
named jacqurault I think sheused to work for the same
company as your daddy.
He's like that's cute, that'svery cute.
(30:29):
But that gives him all theknowledge he needs.
Now, keep in mind this is awhole nother situation where
Angela and Julia and Chase andRichard are none the wiser as to
why Reedman would give a damnabout these tunnels.
After many conversations theydecide enough with the jaw
(30:50):
jacking, we're just going to godown there.
So Chase, dressed in a fallpalette and a fresh leather
jacket, pam, the leather lover,shows up in a white cashmere
coat.
I don't know why, richard gosh,I'm not going to be, I'm not
going to pretend to be an experton menswear, but I will say
(31:11):
this Richard is a handsomeenough man that you notice it
right, until he starts talkingand you're like oh he, he sounds
much older than he looks.
He gives you 87 year old man inlike a 35 to 45 year old man's
body six foot three, tall, darkand handsome, all the things
(31:31):
just ain't clicking.
He also drinks copious amountsof milk.
That just makes me look at himout of the side of my eye.
But when Pam and Chase decidethat they need a fresh outfit
for this espionage, they decidethey're going to go down to the
land office that is owned byreedman and see if they can find
anything.
Of course they don't.
In this bright white coat andthis leather coat and a fresh
(31:53):
pair of aviators.
Richard shows up in his usualapparel, which is always a
three-piece suit.
However, he puts on the ninjaturtle.
I'm an incognito.
Uh, I just robbed a bank in1940s.
I'm running away from dicktracer.
Don't pull out the pistola onme outfit.
He's got on the trench and helooks like two seven-year-olds
(32:16):
who are on one seven-year-old onanother seven-year-old's
shoulder.
They're trying to sneak into arated r movie.
That's what it like.
It looks like that somebody'swearing a Scooby-Doo mask.
Two children are wearing aScooby-Doo mask that someone's
going to pull off and it's likea Richard face.
He is the exact prototype for aany guy anywhere.
(32:37):
Anytime I'm sneaking into this,I need to look like any and
everyone.
It's just God you're standing,standing out.
This was never going to work.
Thankfully it doesn't have to.
So while they're still trying topiece all this together,
they're trying to figure outwhere Angela is.
Reidman and Topless Tanya endup going to the Myrna or Myrva
canyon, which looks suspiciouslylike that canyon on Yellow Rose
(33:01):
.
I can't remember what exactlyhappened, but I know Love Child
orc was out there.
She got caught up.
It was one of the last fewepisodes looks suspiciously like
that canyon they found in thevalley in texas.
Well, it's in tuscany valley incalifornia.
Reedman and topless tanya findthe closed off mine shaft.
(33:22):
They open it up, they walk inand they notice that deep in
this very super secret closedoff mine shaft that no one gives
a damn about for the last fourdecades, there is a plastered
wall.
Now I said to myself these arethe worst villains I've ever
heard of in my life.
Reedman, first and foremost,when have you ever seen the
(33:45):
supervillain do the grunt work?
You should have several minionswho are digging through every
single tunnel and then theyreport back to you what they
find.
A plastered wall in a canyonseems like a lot of work, seems
to me.
You could just put up anothershaft and be like oh, this one
sucks and people are gonna walkright by.
(34:07):
They're not.
Who explores an abandoned mineshaft?
Nobody wants to get trappeddown there.
That's like obvious, I don'tknow.
But he figures out there is aplastered wall and he starts
axing through it or picketingthrough it, while tanya and her
two tight boots are in thebackground.
For the record, I don't knowhis secretary's name, but
Topless Tanya works for me,because every time I've seen her
(34:28):
she's boobs out holding a pieceof fruit while he draws her,
and apparently she does likepaperwork too.
So they burst through this wall,where he actually digs through
this wall and is quiteunceremonious.
This is about the time thesecond go around as I'm watching
this.
I Unceremonious.
This is about the time thesecond go around as I'm watching
this I'm thinking okay, somaybe this ain't a blockbuster,
(34:51):
this ain't exactly Harrison Ford, but it is intriguing.
So they go into this wall andthere's these lanterns, there's
lots of spider webs, so that weunderstand it hadn't been open
in a while.
I was hoping a bat or somethingwould fly off.
That was not the case.
They start sifting around to seewhat they can find.
He's like it kind of smellslike nazi memorabilia.
(35:13):
I bet we can find somethinghere.
There he finds a baby barrel.
He cracks it open with the samepickaxe he used to burst
through the plaster.
And, ladies and gentlemen, doyou know what he finds?
What are you hoping he finds?
When you hear the word treasure, what does your mind go to?
Gold coins, gold bars, silverbars, something from the spanish
(35:37):
armada, something, no, baby.
He gets at least three and ahalf gallons worth of Michael's
finest bedazzling jewel kits.
I've seen this before and Ithought to myself man, in 1985,
(35:58):
some TV executives teenagedaughters.
Jean Jacket was a lot lessbitching because all of her
bejeweled jewels disappeared.
So they can use this for a prop.
This is when I knew.
I knew for a fact there wasgoing to be an explosion, this
episode.
They had to cut back where theyhad to cut back and they damn
sure didn't cut back on theoutfits.
So meanwhile, back at falconcrafts, after the espionage,
(36:21):
after chase and leather, pamshowed us how fly they were and
Richard showed us how to sneakinto a movie at seven years old.
Chase, richard, leather, pamand all leather, by the way,
leather pants, cashmere, sweaterand whatever.
Chow Lee and Craig, the man ofMulwearden, are making a
decision.
(36:42):
Okay, look, something's afoot.
They're moving around.
What could they possibly want?
We don't know what they want,but they wanted to buy the land.
They want to do this, that andthe third.
We need to just bust up in hishouse.
That's all we got to do.
That's the only place she couldbe.
If she's not in the office,she's got to be in his house.
So they start having a littlebit of an ego contest.
Who can we get through this.
(37:03):
Who should go?
Maggie is as beside herself asmaggie could be, which is, I
mean, like on a scale of one toten.
She's like I got a point five.
She's like chase, he goes, calmdown.
Okay, girl, that's how I know.
Forgive me, perhaps maggieisn't.
She does live in a wine ranch.
Maybe she goes by every day andgets her mommy juice A la
(37:27):
Mariah Carey hey, y'all Taste usand she walks out with like two
bottles.
It is decided that we need tokeep up appearances.
So Chow Lee, you need to stayhere, although I will say I
don't know if Chow Lee canphysically fight, but I know he
can teach people to fight.
So at best he could be on thesidelines, kind of coaching them
through any sort ofconfrontation.
(37:48):
They get into richard.
The truth is, come on, ain'tnobody scared of richard?
Yeah, you knocked out an oldlady one time.
You snuck her at that, soyou're not the best.
I wouldn't have voted for themanimal, but I guess that'll do
chase.
You know, he's a vietnam vet,he's a pilot, he's been in the
Army.
He could probably handlehimself all right.
(38:08):
He's going to do it with av-neck shirt and a fresh pair of
aviators.
I guarantee you that it'sdecided.
They're going to sneak intoReidman's stolen mansion and
they do just that.
Now, for whatever reason, inthe mansion Julia has changed
clothes and she's wearing someweird sort of carpet and a
(38:29):
turtleneck, while Angela stillhas on the same clothes, and
they're having thisheart-to-heart girl.
If we ever get out this room,I'm gonna be your mother.
I'm gonna be your mother forreal.
This was more shocking to methan knowing that my friend is
going to be teaching in theGalapagos Islands.
I'm like, since when do youcare about motherhood?
Since when do you care aboutanything?
Yeah, she was a little brokenup when Julia died, obviously,
(38:54):
but mostly it's like, dang, Ijust I wish you wouldn't have
died crazy in a nun outfit andblown to bits and pieces.
That was most of it, I thought.
Small, tiny little side note.
Last little side player Whileall of this is going on, emma is
hearing little murmurings hereand there.
She and Terry are like somethingis going on.
(39:17):
Emma's going to get to thebottom of this.
She doesn't really care thather mother's missing.
She cares that Debercer has notreached out to her since their
beautiful evening on the yacht.
So she goes to his home andshe's like you know what?
You're avoiding me and I don'tlike it.
He's oh my darling, I'm sosorry, I'm just so busy.
Listen, why don't you get somenew clothes and we'll sail to
(39:40):
alcapoco immediately my mindgoes to d.
I'm like that is a great placeto have a divorce.
If you need to, you can get itdone with a quickness.
It is all the rage in the early80s, that's.
I don't know if that's a greathoneymoon spot, but you know,
say you get married, you don'twant to be there.
It's like that, it's super easy.
She's like oh my gosh, alCapoco, that's so dope.
(40:04):
I can't wait me go shopping.
He's walking to her door yeah,baby, it's gonna be beautiful.
Kisses, kisses, hey, maybe wecan even fall in love.
And she's like, oh my god,that'd be the best idea ever.
Soon as she's at the door, helooks over his shoulder to his
do dirt walking calendar guy andhe says remind me to ghost her
ass next tuesday.
That's the end of that.
(40:25):
So it's the day of the uh, therescue.
Craig reardon meets the aviatoradonis at the castle house on
falcon crest.
Maggie is still super pissedand a little bit drunk.
She is slowly kicking overabout 14 worth of home good and
(40:47):
tj max pillows.
When someone rat-a-tat-tats onthe door, this is right after
chase and the man will leave.
Here comes terry, looking likelittle red rabbit and she's like
girl.
Girl, do you know your husband?
And reared and just walk rightpast me and I couldn't get laid
if I was a 14 rug.
I don't know what's going on.
Nobody talked to me, ain'tnobody trying to get my draws?
(41:09):
I don't know what's going on.
And maggie's like, oh girl, Ican't talk, I'll talk to you
later.
Bye, kicks her out the castleand then the real fun begins.
As fond as I am of the aviatoradonis, I had to check my stuff.
Now the first go around, I'mlike dang, this is so dope.
(41:29):
There's so many, there's somany layers.
You're having to unlay, you'rehaving to unback, unback, unpeel
.
So many thoughts, realizingthat the whole cast didn't know
that they were in danger upuntil like one episode ago.
So chase and the manimal scalethe walls.
And by scaling the walls what Imean is the aviator adonis is
(41:52):
big grown.
He probably between 35, 45 backin 1982.
He goes to climb over the fence.
He's got on boots, he's got onthe vest.
For no reason, I don't know whythey have on so many clothes
clothes in California but hegoes to scale the fence and, I'm
not going to lie, it takes alittle bit of time, it takes a
few minutes.
I mean.
Thank God for the score,otherwise you'd hear his boots
(42:14):
scraping against the fence andhe has to gingerly lower himself
to the ground with theassistance of a tree.
Meanwhile the manimal just kindof hops over no big deal.
They get assistance of a tree.
Meanwhile the manimal just kindof hops over no big deal.
They get into the house.
They punk the nerdiest securityguard I've ever seen in my life
turn them around next thing.
You know, some no face comeswalking out with julia chase is
(42:40):
totally thrown back.
Like I said, julia's onlypurpose this episode is to shock
the main characters, so they'requickly apprehended and tossed
back into Julia's quarters.
So now it is Angela, the manimalChase, and Julia Chase is still
just staring.
Like he's seen it goes.
He can't freaking believe it.
(43:00):
Angela is sitting in a rockingchair, sitting in a wicker
rocking chair like an old ladyshe's like now.
How did I know both of y'all'scountry behinds would show up
here and promptly be caught.
She's not wrong.
De bercy slash.
(43:20):
Reedman is now face to face withChase.
He's brandishing a weapon.
Chase doesn't give a damn.
It is all coming back to him.
It's all becoming crystal clear.
This has been a setup.
Now I think in this scene he'sthinking that this man had done
something to Julia to bring allthis to fruition.
(43:42):
They have not had theopportunity to speak to each
other.
Chase is like oh my gosh, youdid this, juliet, to bring all
this to fruition.
They haven't had theopportunity to speak to each
other.
Chase is like oh my gosh, youdid this.
You tried to ruin my life.
You tried to blow up the plane.
You blew up the plane that blewup my daughter-in-law that I
actually like.
Now we're stuck with Melissaand Reidman pulls a full on
Angela and he says I will nottake responsibility for that
(44:04):
monstrosity.
If it didn't go my way, ally'all would have been booed up,
period.
Oh my gosh.
Meanwhile, back at Falcon CrestI let me just go ahead and put
this out here.
Maybe I'm watching a little bittoo much Knott's Landing.
Maybe I'm just a littlesuspicious of people because of
Jeff and Fallon, but I feel likeMaggie and and and Richard are
(44:25):
just a little suspicious ofpeople because of Jeff and
Fallon.
But I feel like Maggie andRichard are getting a little too
close.
They've been friendly all thistime.
He seems to really like her.
She seems to be one of the fewpeople he likes, aside from
Lorraine.
But you know she's besideherself this entire episode
because she's like this is sucha bad idea.
You guys can't go over thereand like confront someone like
(44:45):
this.
This is going to be horrible.
And he's comforting her.
All of this is happening inAngela's study in walks.
Emma, she sees this and she'sso in love she doesn't really
clock what I'm seeing.
However, again, I could just bebeing suspicious.
I don't know.
They seem a little too closefor me.
Just my personal opinion.
Lots of hugging, lots oftouching.
(45:07):
Maggie ain't the type like that.
But the rest of it is reallyirrelevant.
Emma figures out through Maggiewho DeBerce really is and that
it sucks and that he's gettingafter mother and that there's
this whole ass like espionagething happening.
Nobody really knows why andit's irrelevant.
After Reidman leaves a roomwhere Chase is left with the
(45:32):
manimal and Angela and Julia,they start to formulate a plan.
They're looking out the window,window.
Window, mind you, I said window.
Mind you.
I said window.
Yes, it's on the second floor.
Didn't they just scale a wall?
Maybe they did, maybe theydidn't.
That's irrelevant.
This is why this would be a TVmovie versus a blockbuster movie
.
They start to piece togetherlike, oh my God, he's leaving,
(45:59):
what information have we givenhim?
Where could he be going?
They put aside theirdifferences, very briefly.
Julia and big perm said well,you know, he was awfully
interested in these abandonedminds, in particular this one.
Angela impersonates red fox.
Ah, ah, my chest.
(46:20):
Oh, oh, ah, ah.
By the way, that's the best,that's the best scene in the
original buffy the vampire.
I never really got on boardwith the show.
I understand it was pretty good.
I've seen an episode.
They're here and there, butnothing and I do mean nothing
tops the original film.
Okay, back to our program.
She pulls that steak in theheart.
Oh, it hurts.
(46:41):
Oh my gosh.
The guards, because they arewell trained and they're good
young men, come running in.
We can't let an old lady die ofa heart attack in this room.
So they come in and, to mysurprise, the original time I
watched this I thought, okay,wow, the manimal can really
really fight.
Chase can really really fightthey.
(47:03):
They got lucky.
There's a punch here.
There's a punch here.
It's quite dramatic.
Oh my god, this is the worstaction scene ever.
I love them so much, but youcan tell when people start
getting money.
You can tell what type ofpeople really have like, lifted,
uh, heavy objects in their lifeor done dirt and done different
things Moved dirt, farmed, Idon't care what it is.
(47:25):
So they knock out the guards.
Chase and the manimal do, and,mind you, julia's room has
always had this sort of two-waymirror.
They finally figure out it's atwo-way mirror.
Chase points the weapon at theglass but the manimal's like no,
screw that.
He throws something through it.
After it breaks, chase and themanimal are left to just, you
(47:52):
know, get the shards out of theway so they can climb through to
the other room.
Girl sir, these men have neverand I do mean never in their
life done any manual labor.
They're picking up the glasswith two pinkies Come on now you
can't whoop somebody's ass andthen like ew, glass is so dirty,
but they do and they slowlycrawl through the window, the
(48:17):
two-way mirror window.
Chase is able to make a phonecall to Richard.
Thank God Richard is where heis, him and Pam and her leather
pants, her leather boots.
She puts on a leather jacket,cashmere scarf and a fedora.
Pam is nothing without anaccessory.
(48:38):
Do you hear me?
She is not leaving the house.
I'm like girlfriend.
Why do you have on 15 differentitems?
We don't need all theseaccessories, we need actions.
Chow Lee decides to show up, Iguess so he can coach Richard
through it.
Richard is holding a gun likeyou'd hold like a coin purse.
He's clearly never shot.
This is a whole fiasco.
But would I watch it if it wasa two-part miniseries on NBC
(49:02):
circa you know 2000?
Absolutely.
Series on NBC circa you know2000, absolutely.
Richard goes into the abandonedmine shaft where Reedman and
topless Tanya, who's dressedlike the banana boat actually
I'm being shady, but she has theexact same outfit as my mom.
My mom had the same jumper.
Actually it wasn't really a, itwas more like a culotte suit,
(49:22):
like Pam's is a full Excuse me,topless Tanya's is a full pant
suit.
My mom's was either a dress orlike culottes.
I remember this being in hercloset for a long time.
Anyway, richard goes to theabandoned mine shop brandishing
a weapon.
He can hear Topless Tanya andReedman sifting through the
(49:43):
bedazzled jewels and then she'smoving all these cups around and
it's just like she's moving abunch of goblets from medieval
times.
I remember going there when Iwas like 15, eating chicken
breast and like chicken soup.
It was fantastic, we werestarving.
But yeah, it's not even likegood goal.
I was like what was a you knowwhat?
That's irrelevant.
(50:04):
The nazi goal is is at least um60 dollars worth of bedazzling
jewels and about 15 cups frommedieval times, a couple lamps.
It ain't much.
It's quite disappointing.
There's no paintings, there'snothing.
It's quite lame.
(50:24):
Well, richard, who's afraid,stalks in there and he tries to
coax Rebman out of the hole.
Richard has a pistol, rebmanhas a Tommy gun.
The stunt double is stuntdoubling Richard is pew pew, pew
me and Rebman is pew pew, pewme and Reuben is pew pew pew.
(50:45):
They're going back and forth.
Richard does this like NinjaTurtle move, or his stunt double
does.
He rolls and the whole damnshaft starts to collapse.
Oh, it's stressful, it'sterrible.
The sheriff shows up, chaseshows up with a fresh pair of
aviators and they watch as dustand debris and all sorts of
(51:07):
things come bursting out of themineshaft door.
It's terrible, it's awful.
We're all believing that we arewitnessing the end of Richard
Channing.
Not so.
Richard and his twoseven-year-old buddy comes
walking out.
He's just fine.
He announces to the rest of thecast yeah, I'm sorry topless
tanya and reedman are in therechilling, but I'm like I'm
(51:29):
saying I'm, I'm personally notgonna go back in, and everyone
else just sorts of nods like asif he said they were dead.
He just said they were in there.
We do get to see them.
They're not dead, they're justkind of like immobilized.
Reedman is looking at the, thecraft jewels.
He's like god.
I wish my dad was alive to seeit.
(51:50):
He would have loved this.
He would be alive had you notblown him to bits and pieces.
But that's neither here northere.
It was fun.
I I don't know if I did a greatjob of executing the amount of
tension on this episode, but itwas there, it was.
I love this.
I feel like this could andshould have been a film.
(52:13):
It is very reminiscent ofIndiana Jones, if you've ever
seen it and dang it.
I kind of wish there was alittle bit more to the, to the
Vineyards of Doom, and maybethere is.
There's a little bit more tothe Vineyard of Doom and maybe
there is there's still like 10more episodes left.
I fully thought Maggie's dadwas going to have a play at this
.
Why else would you bring up anarchaeologist only to send him
(52:35):
away?
This is just another side ofFalcon Crest.
That makes me love it all themore.
It's almost outrageous.
It's just crazy enough to betrue.
They're always so thorough withthe through lines here.
But the strangest and I do meanthe strangest part of this
(52:56):
episode is that Angela hassuddenly grown a bigger heart.
It's just so unlike her.
She's been damn near ruthlesson season four, but something
about her daughter being broughtback for the dead.
She's like girls.
We're going to be the bestfriends ever.
We're going to be tight.
We're going to be a familyagain.
How long y'all think this isgoing to last?
I give it 15.
(53:20):
No, I'm going to be generous.
I give it 20 minutes until thenext episode before.
No, I'm going to be generous, Igive it 20 minutes until the
next episode before one of thosegirls pisses her off and she
sends her on the next thingsmoking.
I like it though.
I like the sleuths, I like themystery.
I like the coming together ofcharacters that normally
wouldn't work together.
I like that.
(53:40):
Everybody still has a littlebit of a secret.
I like that.
Everybody still has a littlebit of a secret.
With that being said, I ammildly concerned because there
isn't much.
Well, I guess we can just getback to regularly scheduled
family drama at this point.
With the Nazi being gone, I'mlike that's the whole storyline.
But it's really not, because,as I mentioned several times
(54:01):
this episode, most of the castwas unaware of his existence or
his, his goings on for most ofthe time.
Besides, like the last coupleof episodes, all right, so,
fiends, that's going to be it.
That's all for this episode.
Thank you for bearing with meand my technical difficulties.
I'm doing what I can.
(54:21):
Anyway, we're going to get thisfixed.
Tease, I'm doing what I can,anyway, we're gonna get this
fixed.
I hope this little lapel mic isa little bit more crystal clear
as we jump, because I gottatalk about nos landing.
Next we're gonna jump intoginger's country era, which I
didn't see coming.
So, whether you're true to thisor new to this, I think the
moral of this story is, ifsomeone gives you a giant
(54:45):
plastered or metal foul to placeinside your home, throw that in
the garage, throw it away, putit in the garage sale with a
quickness, because your lifewill be in shambles in 13
episodes or less.
Otherwise, stay hydrated, staymoisturized.
Stay off mommy juice, or atleast use it responsibly unlike
(55:07):
my favorite girl on here, maggieand keep all of your drama on
TV.
You.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or
welcome back to Soap Floor, theofficial gathering place for
newbies, novices and OG diehardfans of the golden age of
primetime.
I'm your host, jet, viewing andreviewing the soapiest, sexiest
primetime storylines of 1984,85, something like that.
So, whether you're new to thisor true to this, sit back and
(00:24):
enjoy.
Tell the kids it's time to playoutside, or, out of sight, tell
babe no questions, suggestionsor concerns for the next 25, 35,
maybe even 45 minutes.
Everyone else in earshot, cool,quiet or kicked out are your
only options, because we arewatching our story.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, this is Soap Floor.
(00:54):
Hello, gorgeous, welcome backto another fun-filled edition of
Soap Floor.
I hope your day is bubbly,bright and doing just all right.
We're about to get into aniconic episode of Soap Floor,
one of my favorites so far.
I know it's been a long time.
I shouldn't have left youwithout a soap review to step to
, but you know what it has beenan exciting and very, very, very
(01:17):
busy month.
I think I'm back on a regularrecording schedule.
I'm going to try to bang out asmany as I can.
I'm no longer as far in thefuture as I would going to try
to bang out as many as I can.
I'm no longer as far in thefuture as I would like to be,
but that's all right because,guess what, this is a slow
journey.
If you're looking for the quick, fast thing, then go ahead and
binge watch.
Whatever you can, I get it.
I'm going to have sort of takenmy time through these because I
(01:40):
think it's well.
I just think it's one of thosethings that takes a little bit
of time.
Plus, oh, I thought about thisafter the last episode I watched
of Nas Landing, which you knowI had a lot of strong opinions
about.
I have had a little time tothink about it.
I have slept, I have pondered,I have thought.
I have not researched, but Ithink I may.
(02:03):
I'm not saying I jumped the gun, I'm not saying I'm fully wrong
, but I definitely have adifferent point of view.
We're going to talk about thaton the next episode of Swift
Floor, because not only did Iwatch Falcon Crest, I went ahead
and watched Knot's Landing andI had me a just a really, really
good time on both shows.
So we'll get into that at adifferent point.
(02:23):
But today I think we gotourselves a little a mini movie,
a little blockbuster.
I'm having a lot of thoughtsabout this episode, so go ahead
and grab yourself somethingbubbly and bright as we jump
into season four, episode 19 ofFalcon Crest Retribution,
retribution.
(02:45):
This episode felt a little bitmore like a TV movie.
I'm not going to say thatFalcon Crest could or could not
have been a blockbuster, becauseI feel like it could have been.
I think it was trying its verybest to give Indiana Jones a run
for its money and it got reallyclose, or so I thought the
first time.
Around the second time I'm likeokay, relax, jet, maybe it's a
made-for-TV movie, but trust me,that's not an insult.
(03:08):
Back in my day, thosemade-for-TV movies were
everything.
Do y'all remember the one whereKevin Arnold hooked up with DJ
Tanner?
Only he turned out to be asuper abusive boyfriend and then
she goes, disappearingPhenomenal.
I'm telling you what it was.
Must see tv.
(03:28):
I can distinctly rememberreading the tv guide like, okay,
is this going to be good?
It is not going to be good,couldn't miss a beat.
But Falcon Crest once againpleasantly surprised me.
I shouldn't be as surprised asI am at this point, but I feel
like they had a little somethingto prove this episode they're
showing me time and time again.
(03:49):
They're not just this one trickgoing.
I never thought they were, butit was definitely solidified
this episode.
I was with a friend last weeksetting up for another family
birthday party.
We're just kind of chattingabout what's happening over the
summer, what's coming up thisyear.
Or if they were just kind ofchatting about what's happening
over the summer, what's comingup this year, and she mentioned
(04:10):
just very offhandedly oh, I'vegot to get a bigger suitcase and
I need to work on my syllabus.
Oh, your syllabus, like, areyou in class?
There's no one teaching a class.
I didn't know you taught class.
What class are you teaching?
Well, every summer in spring,if I can, can help it I teach a
biology class and some thissummer we're going to the
Galapagos Islands and I'm like,wait, what though?
(04:31):
You said?
Like three different thingsthat don't go together.
What are you saying?
I had no idea this woman who Imet probably about four years
ago was some sort ofenvironmental biologist.
I'm probably saying it wrong.
She explained it to me.
I was just so floored, like Ithought you were an accountant,
I thought she was an accountantand I thought she did like
(04:53):
quilts and stuff, among otherthings, obviously.
But I had no idea.
I'm like you're a full onbiologist, like, yeah, I went to
school for this, that and thethird.
I've been teaching for like 25years.
Wait, what?
How are you doing all this?
I see you all the time.
I had no idea she would leavetown but I thought she was just
(05:13):
going on vacation.
No, some people lead doublelives.
Others casually mentionmid-conversations that they're
going to be leading a summerclass in the Galapagos Islands,
or that they worked at a mob-runrestaurant in the early 90s, or
they had a quick little standas a Vegas dancer.
We all have these moments whenthe world gets pulled out from
(05:35):
under us, when someone youthought you had totally figured
out drops a fact so wild itforces you to rethink everything
.
And that's exactly the vibe offalcon crust, season 4, episode
19 retribution.
Because if falcon crust reallywanted to give indiana jones a
run for his money, oh we could.
If they wanted to go fulldetective mystery on you, please
(06:01):
believe me, they could.
If they wanted to have ashowdown, pound for pound,
outfit for outfits, fabric forfabric, stitch for stitch, have
a beauty contest between themand dynasty, oh they could.
They could definitely do so and, dare I say, they might win.
It just depends on what wascoming out that day.
(06:22):
This week we're going to diveinto the, the Nazi gold gumshoe
sleuthing storyline that's soaction-packed.
It'll make you rethink what youthought you knew about Falcon
Crest, just like how I thoughtmy high school sociology teacher
was a normal person.
Turns out he spent three monthswith Kevin Bacon during the
filming of Footloose because hewent to school in Marfa or I
(06:44):
guess he went to school at SolRoss they happen to be near
Marfa Met the guy they werefriends for years.
Casually brings that up one day.
Or, even stranger still, how myuncle mentions, several years
after, the fact that he is agood friend of Dwayne Rock
Johnson.
What, yeah, they went tocollege together.
(07:05):
It's just that sort of what areyou doing?
I didn't realize you could dothat.
I didn't realize you knew thatFalcon Crest is dropping that
sort of bomb on us.
Today they're proving that theword soap opera is heavy on the
offer.
This can be anything you wantit to be.
We can be your TV movie baby.
We can be your NYPD blues, wecan be your drama, we can be
(07:30):
your comedy and we're going tobe fine doing it.
So saddle up, saddle in as weenjoy Retribution, season 4,
episode 19 of Falcon Crest oh,and she's back.
I am so sorry for sounding likeI was deep under the seven seas
chasing nemo, trying to go toariel's graduation or whatever.
(07:52):
My bad, my bad.
Me and ursula were chitchatting.
I forgot to drain outeverything.
Apparently my microphone isdeceased, baby, so we're gonna
have to use what we got.
I hope this sounds well.
Also, my neighbor decided togive an impromptu afternoon
concert, so we're just gonnahave to deal with this.
The show must and will go onbecause we got to talk about it.
(08:14):
So when last we left, angela wasstanding in her front door
while topless tanya comes to herhouse brandishing a weapon,
demanding that she follow her.
You're gonna come with me,angela scoffs.
This little girl must not knowwho she is.
This is the perm rod.
God, the undisputed dawn of avalley, the west coast wine more
(08:35):
she can uncork, pureintimidation.
I'm trying my best.
I've been looking at wineinformation, trying to educate
myself, but she, she isfull-bodied confidence.
You're not going to come andplay with her.
This is a short hair.
What's not going to happen issome floozy brandishing a pistol
.
It's not going to remove herfrom her home of origin.
(08:55):
This is, this is her heritagebaby.
She ain't going nowhere.
You're going to go ahead andshoot me in the stomach today,
little girl, only topless.
Tanya says someone wants to seeyou, your daughter, daughter
Julia.
Now, I fully expected thebeginning of this episode to be
six or seven men rushing intothe door handcuffing Angela,
(09:16):
because why on earth would shefall for that?
Why would she even think thatwas something that was plausible
?
But to my shock and surprise,she flips the script.
The Angela I knew would haveslammed the door in this woman's
face, pistola and all but no,she ends up going with them.
Let the record reflect that.
She goes on her own accord, shewalks out, nobody puts a hand
(09:37):
on her.
What you're not going to do ismanhandle Angela, the perm rock,
goddess.
So she's walking up the littlesteps to DeBercy.
I guess at this point, ladiesand gentlemen, we can start
calling him Rebus, right?
This has been quite confusingwith this flip-flop of identity,
but it works well.
(09:57):
It works well if this is amovie, right, because you don't
really have to remember thatlong-term.
I can't imagine how you guysdid this over several months I
guess I've sort of done the samething, but I digress.
Angela walks herself up theentrance to Reedman's house
Topless.
Tanya is doing this thing.
(10:19):
I know all too well.
I think men and women can agreeIf you wear boots, some shoes
you have to break in.
Some shoes you can just put onand walk out the door.
Others you need to take abreather.
You need to really make someshoes.
You have to break in.
Some shoes you can just put onand walk out the door.
Others you need to take abreather.
You need to really make sure,like you need to walk the dog in
them, go get the mail in them afew times.
(10:39):
Wash dishes you kind of need towalk around them in little
increments.
I can tell hers were fresh outthe box.
She's kind of tiptoeing downthe pathway like oh Lord, my
feet hurt and I hope this oldlady doesn't do something wild.
So they walk into the house.
Angela, cardiganed up, shoulderpads out she looks pissed, walks
right up to reed menaces.
What is this julia business?
On cue, julia comes walking outof the sunroom looking like a
(11:03):
million bucks.
You got to remember the lasttime angela saw this girl alive.
She was dressed like a nun andthen she went into a burning
house totally different, and shewas always wearing a little
updo.
There she is healthy and welland vibrant and wearing cashmere
in the middle of spring.
I know you lying is a look onangela's face.
(11:26):
I know you lying.
No dear afraid now she's notlying.
Julia is alive and well andtotally convinced that.
Dr uh de berce is apsychologist, psychiatrist who
is trying to uh assist her inher recovery after she is
(11:47):
technically a fugitive.
However, I think you can't be afugitive post-mortem.
Seems like you get a clearslate.
We'll get to all that a littlebit later.
Angela has to sit down.
She has to collect herself andgraciously, debercy slash
Reidman is not a total monster.
He allows her to sit down andcatch her breath while Topless
(12:08):
Tanya makes a phone call.
Now, the last time we left thefellas, that being Greg the
manimal, reardon, chase theaviator Adonis and Richie Rich.
They were in the backseat of alimousine.
After the accidental on-purposeconfession that not only did
Angela and Craig Reardon themanimal know that Chase didn't
(12:30):
sabotage the plane, they wereperfectly content to allow him
to take the fall.
They didn't know it was acartel per se, but they knew it
was something.
And Richard's like hey, let melet the record reflect.
Remember, I was saying itwasn't you the whole time.
I didn't say who it was, but Ijust said it wasn't you.
I was never trying to make youtake the fall.
Chase is like wow, it really beyour own.
(12:52):
He should be quite used to thisat this point, when you think
about it.
Over the last four seasons thisman has caught every single
stray Angela has ever thrown atanybody.
But anyway, the phone rings.
Richard picks it up, it'stopless Tanya and she says it
doesn't matter what she says.
Basically we have someone herefor you.
He's like oh what, what did yousay?
(13:16):
I couldn't hear you.
Richard's not good at beingincognito, he's not good at
being is it conspicuous?
Whatever, he's not very good atbeing stealthy.
So topless tanya waits to thephone, clicks over to speaker
and she's like now that chaseand reardon can hear me.
(13:37):
I said we have angela captive.
Two things are happeningsimultaneously back at reedman's
home.
Angela is understanding thatshe's probably not going to be
able to walk away from thesituation.
In the limo.
All three of the men finallyrealize that all of their moves
(13:57):
have been watched.
They understand that they'vebeen spied upon and now they
need to make some really quick,really clever decisions.
And, most importantly, they gotto figure out how Rebman and
topless Tanya, of all people,know their comings and goings.
It is a little hard for me toremember with Falcon Crest
because I'm so accustomed to itbeing a slow burn.
(14:20):
I drift in and out of theconsciousness of remembering
that Chase and the gang don'treally know.
They didn't really know aboutReidman up until this, maybe the
previous episode, not really.
They were just kind of bumpingheads with each other and if you
think about it, reidman onlyknows what Angela knows.
(14:42):
So there's this very smallslibbit of anonymity that they
have to use to their advantage.
So Reardon's animal senses aretingling and he's like dadgummit
, I think.
I know.
I think I know he enunciateseverything so perfectly.
I think I know where the spyingdevice is located For all my
(15:06):
people overseas in Great BritainI'm not making fun of you.
This dude has a.
He has a hybrid accent.
I swear to you he does.
He starts to think and it'slike it's probably that big
giant plastered eagle or falcon.
Pardon me, let me notdisrespect the fowl that
appeared in Angela's office as agift from this little common
Frenchman, if you will, as shecalls him, in Angela's office.
(15:28):
As a gift from this littlecommon Frenchman, if you will,
as she calls him.
So they make quick plans to goback to Falcon Crest and destroy
the look at me beingdisrespectful and destroy the
Falcon, but they find that it'sin their best interest to not
alert anyone in the house ieCharlie or Emma or Lance, if he
decides to show up.
Meanwhile, back at Reidman'slair, angela is escorted to
(15:51):
Julia's quarters and she doessomething that warms my heart.
She kind of catches her up likean old lady would.
Now me.
Being raised in the South, Ican't help but hear family lore
through a Southern accent.
So forgive me if that comes andflows in this one, but the long
and short of it is and I waslike oh my god, I can't believe
you're alive.
You know, philip is dead.
(16:13):
Right, he died in that planecrash.
Philip, your stepfather.
See, we were on our wayoverseas.
We were trying to go to italyso we could spread your ashes
over the valley there.
Only our plane went kaboom overthe rocky Mountains.
So your ashes, or someone'sashes, are there, do you
remember?
In my mind she's giving her allthe family history while
letting her know this is yourlow key, your fault.
(16:34):
Had you not been dead, philipwouldn't be dead, had you not
been dead.
You remember your cousin Chase.
Well, you know, his oldest boy,cole.
He married that little girldown at the bakery, shania Linda
.
Shania Linda died in a planecrash, as did you remember your
cousin Chase and his wife Maggie.
(16:55):
Maggie has that harlot littlesister who's a lady of the night
.
Well, anyway, his sister, hersister, ends up marrying Chase's
cousin, jacqueline's sister'sboldest boy, oldest and only boy
.
You know, he inheritedeverything from Jacqueline and
his mother and he was doing wellbecause he was a doctor on his
own.
Anyway, maggie's little sister,the lady of the night, ends up
(17:16):
marrying the good doctor.
Unfortunately, he goes kaboomover the Rocky Mountains with
your ashes and Philip and ShaniaLinda, and she ends up being a
wealthy woman of the valley.
Now only she don't really knowhow to act.
And let me tell you somethingabout your boy.
Your boy is out here runningaround with one of Richard's
play pretend third stringrelatives, a little girl.
(17:37):
He calls himself in love withher.
He's about to go to jail.
Actually he was going to run medown in a car.
Only I forgave him, but he'sgoing to be on trial and they're
going to need me to testify forhim.
But let the record reflect.
This is all your fault, julia.
I hadn't really thought aboutthat, but I mean in not so many.
(18:03):
I'm not saying it's Julia'sfault obviously.
However, had they not been allon a private plane, the
opportunity to blow up half thecast of season three would have
never happened.
And who knows, we might havestill been played with Philip.
I don't think I mind Shania,linda and I definitely miss
(18:24):
Cousin Michael.
But alas, you had to catch up,julia, on who's still here on
season four.
Meanwhile, across town on JerrySpringer realness, lance and my
girl, bad girl, melly Mel, arein the good priest office trying
to get their marriage annulled.
They've been getting along somuch I forgot that they couldn't
(18:49):
stand each other.
You know they just had thatbrief whole little sexual
chemistry thing that worked outreally well for them for like 15
minutes, but now it's gone.
Once they sit in front of thepriest and they start pleading
their case, you can't help butsay the worst things about each
other.
Lance is is like yeah, well,you know, when we got married
she was knocked up by Cole, mysecond cousin.
(19:10):
And she says well, I mean, Imight have been knocked up, but
he was definitely bangingeverything in Tuscany Valley,
that's for sure.
And he says oh, and what wereyou doing with Richard?
Were you playing patty cake?
Or weren't you banging himwhile you were pregnant?
That's how I remember.
She says you know what yourwhole family is crazy.
Once they were done callingeach other whores, she goes for
(19:33):
the family and you know what?
She's not wrong.
He's like don't talk crazyabout my family, your family's
crazy.
She's like my family's deadbecause your crazy mother killed
my daddy.
Now to me, I think, if I'm thepriest, just so I can get back
to my quarters in peace and havelunch in a reasonable hour, you
know what?
That's good enough.
You're telling me you werepregnant.
He was sleeping around.
(19:53):
You were sleeping around when,pregnant, his mother killed your
father.
That to me, is reason enough toassume you're probably not
going to have the best familyatmosphere.
But he's like listen, listen,listen.
Had I known that this was allcoerced, this was all like a
scam before I would have nevermarried the two of you.
I'll do my very best to getthis done expeditiously, however
(20:17):
expeditiously in the catholicchurch.
When it comes to matters ofmarriage, where there's a whole
child involved, it takes alittle time, which is reasonable
, which is absolutely reasonable.
It's like the fastest I couldprobably do about a year.
Cole is bursted into the sceneat some point.
I'm like cole and his auntterry need to work on their
self-esteem.
You can't just what are youdoing, lurking in the shadows of
(20:40):
church.
Mind your business, cole.
This ain't got nothing to dowith you.
You know what it is.
She don't want him, he don'twant her.
It is very, very clear.
But they need to go and breakthe news to Maggie and everyone
else.
I had this revelation aboutMaggie, this episode.
So she's at Richard's radiostation and she walks into I
guess it's his office.
(21:01):
I've never really paidattention to what his office
looks like there, but it's likethis beautiful tufted leather
door.
It's quite spacious, there's asitting area, there's these
floor to ceiling windows,there's this desk.
Maggie sort of her way into thedesk.
She puts the thing down.
She didn't even notice thatLorraine is in the corner
(21:23):
sitting on the couch.
She sees her and she's like hey, what's up, why are you crying?
Lorraine cries.
She's like I'm having a roughday.
Maggie gives her a warm embrace, but she's got this like a
Novocaine smile on her face,this laughing gas smile on her
face.
This isn't the first or 45thtime I've seen this.
Is Maggie high throughout theseepisodes?
(21:44):
Falcon fiends?
I mean no disrespect, hell, I'ma child of the 90s.
I guarantee you 87%, god.
Just turn on the news today,turn on a documentary today.
Everything I watched isapparently tainted.
So I'm not here judging.
You think she was high Becauseshe is a pro.
(22:05):
Maggie is always calm, calm,way cooler than the situation
calls for, and collected all thetime.
So she's hugging lorraine andlorraine's like I'm pregnant and
he's like oh my god, it's okay,it's fine, I'm like girl.
This girl is high.
I just thought she was low.
(22:28):
She was like, uh, even killed.
She's high, she's high.
But she raises an interestingpoint to those rain.
You gotta let lance know whocares what richard says.
This is a blessing, this is awonderful thing.
Just let him know so that heknows Lorraine is a big player.
She sees Lance at a little sexytime in the hotel motel holiday
(22:51):
.
And why didn't this kid get hisown house?
I just thought about this.
He has more than enough money.
But whatever, I guess thatwould taint the story.
We don't want to chase Lanceall over California.
She does tell him, and shetells him that she wants to have
an abortion.
He flips out, he jumps up, butnot before we get at least
(23:13):
probably a good 20 seconds ofnatural hairy man chesticles
while he slips into his jordashjeans or whatever they are and
says, hey, basically this ismessed up, I'm pissed, and then
he leaves.
Looking back to the task at handhere, angela is kidnapped.
(23:34):
Chase, richard and the manimalhave no idea that Julia is still
alive.
Although I can go ahead andspoil this episode, that's not
really important.
It's just shock value, for noother reason than to be shocking
, to throw the regularcharacters off their whole thing
.
So Craig Reardon thinks that itis important that he just sort
(23:55):
of hang around Falcon Crest.
Mind you, he has his own horsestalls that he needs to hang out
at.
But he decides he's going tolinger around Falcon Crest
without telling Emma or Lancewhy Angela isn't there or what's
really going on.
He said that Angela's doingsome business.
He just wants to be close by incase something happens.
(24:15):
It's very suspicious and it'svery clear that everybody thinks
it's a little bit suspicious.
They just don't care that much.
Angela being gone is notanything to worry about, so
let's get rid of bit playernumber two.
Being gone is not anything toworry about, so let's get rid of
bit player number two.
Melissa and Cole show up toFalcon Crest late at night, to
the castle version, chase andMaggie's castle and they tell
(24:36):
Chase and Maggie thatunfortunately their marriage
can't be annulled right away.
It's going to be about a yearbefore Cole and Melissa can get
married and like oh no, that'sso bad, we're so sorry, oh,
we're so disappointed for youtoo terrible.
Soon as they leave, maggiestarts pop locking and dropping.
She is the elitist.
(24:56):
Hallelujah, thank you Jesus.
Maybe they won't get marriedever, maybe this will stall
everything.
And Chase is like be cool, becalm, we got bigger fish to fry.
Let's backtrack just a littlebit.
The three fellas that would beriordan, chase and richard go
back to falcon cross.
They go to angela.
Steady chowley is now in on it.
He understands the situation.
(25:18):
He was right by the door.
They also understand that he isangela's right hand man.
Riordan breaks the god.
I call it a.
Is it a falcon?
The falcon.
They find the tiny spyingapparatus and they drop it in a
glass of water and then theydecide amongst each other that
they need to handle this.
Just so Quick recap ReardonChow, lee, chase and Richard
(25:43):
know that Angela is kidnappedand Richard know that Angela is
kidnapped.
Angela, reardon, chase andRichard know that DeBerce is
really part of the cartel.
He is a guy who blew up his dad.
He is Reidman Jr, theillegitimate child that no one
else knows about.
Okay, chase, no, no, no.
(26:04):
Angela, reidman, topless Tanyaknow that Julia is alive, along
with Emma, because she knows allthings.
People just don't take herseriously.
So at this juncture in theepisode, you have the three men,
you have Reidman, excuse me,you have Chase, richard and the
(26:26):
manimal, craig Rearing, who needto keep everything quiet.
But they need to figure out howto quietly get angela back,
discuss it among themselves oneday in the library I suppose it
would be the next day and notjust someday which brings us to
bit player number three, auntterry, who shows up looking like
she's miss squawks in somecinemax skin and max
(26:50):
exploitation film.
She wants to know hey, reardon,I I feel like I did something
wrong.
Is there something wrong?
He's like I know, no, no, notavoiding you.
Well, do you want me to stickaround?
A hubba hubba, a hubba hubba.
She's coming on way too strongand he's like, uh no, I gotta go
, I'll talk to you later.
Bye, so she leaves and then shegoes to richard's place.
(27:12):
Of course everybody goes to thehorse track to clear their mind
and she's like dude, I wasrejected by craig the manimal
reardon for like the fourth timein a row.
You know me personally.
I was optional up around craigreardon because every time she
shows up he gives her a chore todo and she's showing up in her
finest clothes.
He's having her clean out horsestalls, brush them, bathe them,
(27:35):
do all the like, the heavylifting.
But she's like richard, can youbelieve that this fool turned
down a night of unbridledpassion why we keep having all
these horse puns?
I'm sure I don't know, I'm sureI don't want to know, but terry
can't figure out for the lifeof her why reardon isn't jumping
her bones with the quicknessrichard gives her the one, two,
(27:58):
pep talk, pep talk.
And then she's like well, I'msaying I mean not doing him,
what are you doing?
And I'm like terry, what isyour problem?
I know she is a woman of thenight.
She was a woman of the night,but even this, this seems very
desperate.
If the manimal, the squarishperson on the show isn't
interested, girl, I don't knowwhat else to tell you.
We gotta get to the main eventand it's slowly building up
(28:19):
while everyone is sort ofcollectively figuring out where
they are, who they are and whythings aren't going their way.
Reidman and Topless Tanya arelooking over ancient paperwork
from these different mines.
If you recall, julia and Emmahave mentioned this offhanded,
but it really does seem to besort of a non-factor, kind of
(28:40):
like someone asking you to givean inventory of what's in your
attic.
I mean, there's stuff up thereI don't really know.
I don't know like that.
There's several mines.
None of them are important toany of us.
We really don't know.
So Topless Tanya has dug upsomething on the Myrna Tunnel
which seemed to have been soldright around 1947.
(29:01):
That's right about the time.
Jacqueline would have beenbringing over Nazi artifacts and
they're just trying to figureout who Angela would have sold
them to.
So he asked Angela.
He burst back into the roominterrupting she and Julia's,
dare I say it, mother-daughtercloseness moment.
He interrupts and he wants toknow, hey, what the heck is
(29:23):
going on.
Which one of these, who did yousell this to?
She's looking back like that's,I'm not gonna tell you anything
.
So he's like cool, I thoughtyou might say something like
that perm rod.
So guess what?
I got something for you.
I got a metal pistola for thatass, if you can't remember who
you sold this to.
So she's keeping quiet.
Julia jumps up and she said doyou really think I'm gonna let
(29:46):
you shoot my mother?
He said uh, young lady, I don'treally need you.
I need her information, I don'treally need you.
Angela's forced into a corner.
She's like sold it to this foolback in the day.
She gave me thousands andthousands of dollars.
No gold was ever found in thosemines, complete and total bust.
(30:07):
Reed was like that's a reallygreat fairy tale.
I didn't ask for who.
I said not what, not when, notwhere, not why, not.
What happened after the fact?
Who she goes?
Oh, this wench, this heifer,this husband stealing harlot
named jacqurault I think sheused to work for the same
company as your daddy.
He's like that's cute, that'svery cute.
(30:29):
But that gives him all theknowledge he needs.
Now, keep in mind this is awhole nother situation where
Angela and Julia and Chase andRichard are none the wiser as to
why Reedman would give a damnabout these tunnels.
After many conversations theydecide enough with the jaw
(30:50):
jacking, we're just going to godown there.
So Chase, dressed in a fallpalette and a fresh leather
jacket, pam, the leather lover,shows up in a white cashmere
coat.
I don't know why, richard gosh,I'm not going to be, I'm not
going to pretend to be an experton menswear, but I will say
(31:11):
this Richard is a handsomeenough man that you notice it
right, until he starts talkingand you're like oh he, he sounds
much older than he looks.
He gives you 87 year old man inlike a 35 to 45 year old man's
body six foot three, tall, darkand handsome, all the things
(31:31):
just ain't clicking.
He also drinks copious amountsof milk.
That just makes me look at himout of the side of my eye.
But when Pam and Chase decidethat they need a fresh outfit
for this espionage, they decidethey're going to go down to the
land office that is owned byreedman and see if they can find
anything.
Of course they don't.
In this bright white coat andthis leather coat and a fresh
(31:53):
pair of aviators.
Richard shows up in his usualapparel, which is always a
three-piece suit.
However, he puts on the ninjaturtle.
I'm an incognito.
Uh, I just robbed a bank in1940s.
I'm running away from dicktracer.
Don't pull out the pistola onme outfit.
He's got on the trench and helooks like two seven-year-olds
(32:16):
who are on one seven-year-old onanother seven-year-old's
shoulder.
They're trying to sneak into arated r movie.
That's what it like.
It looks like that somebody'swearing a Scooby-Doo mask.
Two children are wearing aScooby-Doo mask that someone's
going to pull off and it's likea Richard face.
He is the exact prototype for aany guy anywhere.
(32:37):
Anytime I'm sneaking into this,I need to look like any and
everyone.
It's just God you're standing,standing out.
This was never going to work.
Thankfully it doesn't have to.
So while they're still trying topiece all this together,
they're trying to figure outwhere Angela is.
Reidman and Topless Tanya endup going to the Myrna or Myrva
canyon, which looks suspiciouslylike that canyon on Yellow Rose
(33:01):
.
I can't remember what exactlyhappened, but I know Love Child
orc was out there.
She got caught up.
It was one of the last fewepisodes looks suspiciously like
that canyon they found in thevalley in texas.
Well, it's in tuscany valley incalifornia.
Reedman and topless tanya findthe closed off mine shaft.
(33:22):
They open it up, they walk inand they notice that deep in
this very super secret closedoff mine shaft that no one gives
a damn about for the last fourdecades, there is a plastered
wall.
Now I said to myself these arethe worst villains I've ever
heard of in my life.
Reedman, first and foremost,when have you ever seen the
(33:45):
supervillain do the grunt work?
You should have several minionswho are digging through every
single tunnel and then theyreport back to you what they
find.
A plastered wall in a canyonseems like a lot of work, seems
to me.
You could just put up anothershaft and be like oh, this one
sucks and people are gonna walkright by.
(34:07):
They're not.
Who explores an abandoned mineshaft?
Nobody wants to get trappeddown there.
That's like obvious, I don'tknow.
But he figures out there is aplastered wall and he starts
axing through it or picketingthrough it, while tanya and her
two tight boots are in thebackground.
For the record, I don't knowhis secretary's name, but
Topless Tanya works for me,because every time I've seen her
(34:28):
she's boobs out holding a pieceof fruit while he draws her,
and apparently she does likepaperwork too.
So they burst through this wall,where he actually digs through
this wall and is quiteunceremonious.
This is about the time thesecond go around as I'm watching
this.
I Unceremonious.
This is about the time thesecond go around as I'm watching
this I'm thinking okay, somaybe this ain't a blockbuster,
(34:51):
this ain't exactly Harrison Ford, but it is intriguing.
So they go into this wall andthere's these lanterns, there's
lots of spider webs, so that weunderstand it hadn't been open
in a while.
I was hoping a bat or somethingwould fly off.
That was not the case.
They start sifting around to seewhat they can find.
He's like it kind of smellslike nazi memorabilia.
(35:13):
I bet we can find somethinghere.
There he finds a baby barrel.
He cracks it open with the samepickaxe he used to burst
through the plaster.
And, ladies and gentlemen, doyou know what he finds?
What are you hoping he finds?
When you hear the word treasure, what does your mind go to?
Gold coins, gold bars, silverbars, something from the spanish
(35:37):
armada, something, no, baby.
He gets at least three and ahalf gallons worth of Michael's
finest bedazzling jewel kits.
I've seen this before and Ithought to myself man, in 1985,
(35:58):
some TV executives teenagedaughters.
Jean Jacket was a lot lessbitching because all of her
bejeweled jewels disappeared.
So they can use this for a prop.
This is when I knew.
I knew for a fact there wasgoing to be an explosion, this
episode.
They had to cut back where theyhad to cut back and they damn
sure didn't cut back on theoutfits.
So meanwhile, back at falconcrafts, after the espionage,
(36:21):
after chase and leather, pamshowed us how fly they were and
Richard showed us how to sneakinto a movie at seven years old.
Chase, richard, leather, pamand all leather, by the way,
leather pants, cashmere, sweaterand whatever.
Chow Lee and Craig, the man ofMulwearden, are making a
decision.
(36:42):
Okay, look, something's afoot.
They're moving around.
What could they possibly want?
We don't know what they want,but they wanted to buy the land.
They want to do this, that andthe third.
We need to just bust up in hishouse.
That's all we got to do.
That's the only place she couldbe.
If she's not in the office,she's got to be in his house.
So they start having a littlebit of an ego contest.
Who can we get through this.
(37:03):
Who should go?
Maggie is as beside herself asmaggie could be, which is, I
mean, like on a scale of one toten.
She's like I got a point five.
She's like chase, he goes, calmdown.
Okay, girl, that's how I know.
Forgive me, perhaps maggieisn't.
She does live in a wine ranch.
Maybe she goes by every day andgets her mommy juice A la
(37:27):
Mariah Carey hey, y'all Taste usand she walks out with like two
bottles.
It is decided that we need tokeep up appearances.
So Chow Lee, you need to stayhere, although I will say I
don't know if Chow Lee canphysically fight, but I know he
can teach people to fight.
So at best he could be on thesidelines, kind of coaching them
through any sort ofconfrontation.
(37:48):
They get into richard.
The truth is, come on, ain'tnobody scared of richard?
Yeah, you knocked out an oldlady one time.
You snuck her at that, soyou're not the best.
I wouldn't have voted for themanimal, but I guess that'll do
chase.
You know, he's a vietnam vet,he's a pilot, he's been in the
Army.
He could probably handlehimself all right.
(38:08):
He's going to do it with av-neck shirt and a fresh pair of
aviators.
I guarantee you that it'sdecided.
They're going to sneak intoReidman's stolen mansion and
they do just that.
Now, for whatever reason, inthe mansion Julia has changed
clothes and she's wearing someweird sort of carpet and a
(38:29):
turtleneck, while Angela stillhas on the same clothes, and
they're having thisheart-to-heart girl.
If we ever get out this room,I'm gonna be your mother.
I'm gonna be your mother forreal.
This was more shocking to methan knowing that my friend is
going to be teaching in theGalapagos Islands.
I'm like, since when do youcare about motherhood?
Since when do you care aboutanything?
Yeah, she was a little brokenup when Julia died, obviously,
(38:54):
but mostly it's like, dang, Ijust I wish you wouldn't have
died crazy in a nun outfit andblown to bits and pieces.
That was most of it, I thought.
Small, tiny little side note.
Last little side player Whileall of this is going on, emma is
hearing little murmurings hereand there.
She and Terry are like somethingis going on.
(39:17):
Emma's going to get to thebottom of this.
She doesn't really care thather mother's missing.
She cares that Debercer has notreached out to her since their
beautiful evening on the yacht.
So she goes to his home andshe's like you know what?
You're avoiding me and I don'tlike it.
He's oh my darling, I'm sosorry, I'm just so busy.
Listen, why don't you get somenew clothes and we'll sail to
(39:40):
alcapoco immediately my mindgoes to d.
I'm like that is a great placeto have a divorce.
If you need to, you can get itdone with a quickness.
It is all the rage in the early80s, that's.
I don't know if that's a greathoneymoon spot, but you know,
say you get married, you don'twant to be there.
It's like that, it's super easy.
She's like oh my gosh, alCapoco, that's so dope.
(40:04):
I can't wait me go shopping.
He's walking to her door yeah,baby, it's gonna be beautiful.
Kisses, kisses, hey, maybe wecan even fall in love.
And she's like, oh my god,that'd be the best idea ever.
Soon as she's at the door, helooks over his shoulder to his
do dirt walking calendar guy andhe says remind me to ghost her
ass next tuesday.
That's the end of that.
(40:25):
So it's the day of the uh, therescue.
Craig reardon meets the aviatoradonis at the castle house on
falcon crest.
Maggie is still super pissedand a little bit drunk.
She is slowly kicking overabout 14 worth of home good and
(40:47):
tj max pillows.
When someone rat-a-tat-tats onthe door, this is right after
chase and the man will leave.
Here comes terry, looking likelittle red rabbit and she's like
girl.
Girl, do you know your husband?
And reared and just walk rightpast me and I couldn't get laid
if I was a 14 rug.
I don't know what's going on.
Nobody talked to me, ain'tnobody trying to get my draws?
(41:09):
I don't know what's going on.
And maggie's like, oh girl, Ican't talk, I'll talk to you
later.
Bye, kicks her out the castleand then the real fun begins.
As fond as I am of the aviatoradonis, I had to check my stuff.
Now the first go around, I'mlike dang, this is so dope.
(41:29):
There's so many, there's somany layers.
You're having to unlay, you'rehaving to unback, unback, unpeel
.
So many thoughts, realizingthat the whole cast didn't know
that they were in danger upuntil like one episode ago.
So chase and the manimal scalethe walls.
And by scaling the walls what Imean is the aviator adonis is
(41:52):
big grown.
He probably between 35, 45 backin 1982.
He goes to climb over the fence.
He's got on boots, he's got onthe vest.
For no reason, I don't know whythey have on so many clothes
clothes in California but hegoes to scale the fence and, I'm
not going to lie, it takes alittle bit of time, it takes a
few minutes.
I mean.
Thank God for the score,otherwise you'd hear his boots
(42:14):
scraping against the fence andhe has to gingerly lower himself
to the ground with theassistance of a tree.
Meanwhile the manimal just kindof hops over no big deal.
They get assistance of a tree.
Meanwhile the manimal just kindof hops over no big deal.
They get into the house.
They punk the nerdiest securityguard I've ever seen in my life
turn them around next thing.
You know, some no face comeswalking out with julia chase is
(42:40):
totally thrown back.
Like I said, julia's onlypurpose this episode is to shock
the main characters, so they'requickly apprehended and tossed
back into Julia's quarters.
So now it is Angela, the manimalChase, and Julia Chase is still
just staring.
Like he's seen it goes.
He can't freaking believe it.
(43:00):
Angela is sitting in a rockingchair, sitting in a wicker
rocking chair like an old ladyshe's like now.
How did I know both of y'all'scountry behinds would show up
here and promptly be caught.
She's not wrong.
De bercy slash.
(43:20):
Reedman is now face to face withChase.
He's brandishing a weapon.
Chase doesn't give a damn.
It is all coming back to him.
It's all becoming crystal clear.
This has been a setup.
Now I think in this scene he'sthinking that this man had done
something to Julia to bring allthis to fruition.
(43:42):
They have not had theopportunity to speak to each
other.
Chase is like oh my gosh, youdid this, juliet, to bring all
this to fruition.
They haven't had theopportunity to speak to each
other.
Chase is like oh my gosh, youdid this.
You tried to ruin my life.
You tried to blow up the plane.
You blew up the plane that blewup my daughter-in-law that I
actually like.
Now we're stuck with Melissaand Reidman pulls a full on
Angela and he says I will nottake responsibility for that
(44:04):
monstrosity.
If it didn't go my way, ally'all would have been booed up,
period.
Oh my gosh.
Meanwhile, back at Falcon CrestI let me just go ahead and put
this out here.
Maybe I'm watching a little bittoo much Knott's Landing.
Maybe I'm just a littlesuspicious of people because of
Jeff and Fallon, but I feel likeMaggie and and and Richard are
(44:25):
just a little suspicious ofpeople because of Jeff and
Fallon.
But I feel like Maggie andRichard are getting a little too
close.
They've been friendly all thistime.
He seems to really like her.
She seems to be one of the fewpeople he likes, aside from
Lorraine.
But you know she's besideherself this entire episode
because she's like this is sucha bad idea.
You guys can't go over thereand like confront someone like
(44:45):
this.
This is going to be horrible.
And he's comforting her.
All of this is happening inAngela's study in walks.
Emma, she sees this and she'sso in love she doesn't really
clock what I'm seeing.
However, again, I could just bebeing suspicious.
I don't know.
They seem a little too closefor me.
Just my personal opinion.
Lots of hugging, lots oftouching.
(45:07):
Maggie ain't the type like that.
But the rest of it is reallyirrelevant.
Emma figures out through Maggiewho DeBerce really is and that
it sucks and that he's gettingafter mother and that there's
this whole ass like espionagething happening.
Nobody really knows why andit's irrelevant.
After Reidman leaves a roomwhere Chase is left with the
(45:32):
manimal and Angela and Julia,they start to formulate a plan.
They're looking out the window,window.
Window, mind you, I said window.
Mind you.
I said window.
Yes, it's on the second floor.
Didn't they just scale a wall?
Maybe they did, maybe theydidn't.
That's irrelevant.
This is why this would be a TVmovie versus a blockbuster movie
.
They start to piece togetherlike, oh my God, he's leaving,
(45:59):
what information have we givenhim?
Where could he be going?
They put aside theirdifferences, very briefly.
Julia and big perm said well,you know, he was awfully
interested in these abandonedminds, in particular this one.
Angela impersonates red fox.
Ah, ah, my chest.
(46:20):
Oh, oh, ah, ah.
By the way, that's the best,that's the best scene in the
original buffy the vampire.
I never really got on boardwith the show.
I understand it was pretty good.
I've seen an episode.
They're here and there, butnothing and I do mean nothing
tops the original film.
Okay, back to our program.
She pulls that steak in theheart.
Oh, it hurts.
(46:41):
Oh my gosh.
The guards, because they arewell trained and they're good
young men, come running in.
We can't let an old lady die ofa heart attack in this room.
So they come in and, to mysurprise, the original time I
watched this I thought, okay,wow, the manimal can really
really fight.
Chase can really really fightthey.
(47:03):
They got lucky.
There's a punch here.
There's a punch here.
It's quite dramatic.
Oh my god, this is the worstaction scene ever.
I love them so much, but youcan tell when people start
getting money.
You can tell what type ofpeople really have like, lifted,
uh, heavy objects in their lifeor done dirt and done different
things Moved dirt, farmed, Idon't care what it is.
(47:25):
So they knock out the guards.
Chase and the manimal do, and,mind you, julia's room has
always had this sort of two-waymirror.
They finally figure out it's atwo-way mirror.
Chase points the weapon at theglass but the manimal's like no,
screw that.
He throws something through it.
After it breaks, chase and themanimal are left to just, you
(47:52):
know, get the shards out of theway so they can climb through to
the other room.
Girl sir, these men have neverand I do mean never in their
life done any manual labor.
They're picking up the glasswith two pinkies Come on now you
can't whoop somebody's ass andthen like ew, glass is so dirty,
but they do and they slowlycrawl through the window, the
(48:17):
two-way mirror window.
Chase is able to make a phonecall to Richard.
Thank God Richard is where heis, him and Pam and her leather
pants, her leather boots.
She puts on a leather jacket,cashmere scarf and a fedora.
Pam is nothing without anaccessory.
(48:38):
Do you hear me?
She is not leaving the house.
I'm like girlfriend.
Why do you have on 15 differentitems?
We don't need all theseaccessories, we need actions.
Chow Lee decides to show up, Iguess so he can coach Richard
through it.
Richard is holding a gun likeyou'd hold like a coin purse.
He's clearly never shot.
This is a whole fiasco.
But would I watch it if it wasa two-part miniseries on NBC
(49:02):
circa you know 2000?
Absolutely.
Series on NBC circa you know2000, absolutely.
Richard goes into the abandonedmine shaft where Reedman and
topless Tanya, who's dressedlike the banana boat actually
I'm being shady, but she has theexact same outfit as my mom.
My mom had the same jumper.
Actually it wasn't really a, itwas more like a culotte suit,
(49:22):
like Pam's is a full Excuse me,topless Tanya's is a full pant
suit.
My mom's was either a dress orlike culottes.
I remember this being in hercloset for a long time.
Anyway, richard goes to theabandoned mine shop brandishing
a weapon.
He can hear Topless Tanya andReedman sifting through the
(49:43):
bedazzled jewels and then she'smoving all these cups around and
it's just like she's moving abunch of goblets from medieval
times.
I remember going there when Iwas like 15, eating chicken
breast and like chicken soup.
It was fantastic, we werestarving.
But yeah, it's not even likegood goal.
I was like what was a you knowwhat?
That's irrelevant.
(50:04):
The nazi goal is is at least um60 dollars worth of bedazzling
jewels and about 15 cups frommedieval times, a couple lamps.
It ain't much.
It's quite disappointing.
There's no paintings, there'snothing.
It's quite lame.
(50:24):
Well, richard, who's afraid,stalks in there and he tries to
coax Rebman out of the hole.
Richard has a pistol, rebmanhas a Tommy gun.
The stunt double is stuntdoubling Richard is pew pew, pew
me and Rebman is pew pew, pewme and Reuben is pew pew pew.
(50:45):
They're going back and forth.
Richard does this like NinjaTurtle move, or his stunt double
does.
He rolls and the whole damnshaft starts to collapse.
Oh, it's stressful, it'sterrible.
The sheriff shows up, chaseshows up with a fresh pair of
aviators and they watch as dustand debris and all sorts of
(51:07):
things come bursting out of themineshaft door.
It's terrible, it's awful.
We're all believing that we arewitnessing the end of Richard
Channing.
Not so.
Richard and his twoseven-year-old buddy comes
walking out.
He's just fine.
He announces to the rest of thecast yeah, I'm sorry topless
tanya and reedman are in therechilling, but I'm like I'm
(51:29):
saying I'm, I'm personally notgonna go back in, and everyone
else just sorts of nods like asif he said they were dead.
He just said they were in there.
We do get to see them.
They're not dead, they're justkind of like immobilized.
Reedman is looking at the, thecraft jewels.
He's like god.
I wish my dad was alive to seeit.
(51:50):
He would have loved this.
He would be alive had you notblown him to bits and pieces.
But that's neither here northere.
It was fun.
I I don't know if I did a greatjob of executing the amount of
tension on this episode, but itwas there, it was.
I love this.
I feel like this could andshould have been a film.
(52:13):
It is very reminiscent ofIndiana Jones, if you've ever
seen it and dang it.
I kind of wish there was alittle bit more to the, to the
Vineyards of Doom, and maybethere is.
There's a little bit more tothe Vineyard of Doom and maybe
there is there's still like 10more episodes left.
I fully thought Maggie's dadwas going to have a play at this
.
Why else would you bring up anarchaeologist only to send him
(52:35):
away?
This is just another side ofFalcon Crest.
That makes me love it all themore.
It's almost outrageous.
It's just crazy enough to betrue.
They're always so thorough withthe through lines here.
But the strangest and I do meanthe strangest part of this
(52:56):
episode is that Angela hassuddenly grown a bigger heart.
It's just so unlike her.
She's been damn near ruthlesson season four, but something
about her daughter being broughtback for the dead.
She's like girls.
We're going to be the bestfriends ever.
We're going to be tight.
We're going to be a familyagain.
How long y'all think this isgoing to last?
I give it 15.
(53:20):
No, I'm going to be generous.
I give it 20 minutes until thenext episode before.
No, I'm going to be generous, Igive it 20 minutes until the
next episode before one of thosegirls pisses her off and she
sends her on the next thingsmoking.
I like it though.
I like the sleuths, I like themystery.
I like the coming together ofcharacters that normally
wouldn't work together.
I like that.
(53:40):
Everybody still has a littlebit of a secret.
I like that.
Everybody still has a littlebit of a secret.
With that being said, I ammildly concerned because there
isn't much.
Well, I guess we can just getback to regularly scheduled
family drama at this point.
With the Nazi being gone, I'mlike that's the whole storyline.
But it's really not, because,as I mentioned several times
(54:01):
this episode, most of the castwas unaware of his existence or
his, his goings on for most ofthe time.
Besides, like the last coupleof episodes, all right, so,
fiends, that's going to be it.
That's all for this episode.
Thank you for bearing with meand my technical difficulties.
I'm doing what I can.
(54:21):
Anyway, we're going to get thisfixed.
Tease, I'm doing what I can,anyway, we're gonna get this
fixed.
I hope this little lapel mic isa little bit more crystal clear
as we jump, because I gottatalk about nos landing.
Next we're gonna jump intoginger's country era, which I
didn't see coming.
So, whether you're true to thisor new to this, I think the
moral of this story is, ifsomeone gives you a giant
(54:45):
plastered or metal foul to placeinside your home, throw that in
the garage, throw it away, putit in the garage sale with a
quickness, because your lifewill be in shambles in 13
episodes or less.
Otherwise, stay hydrated, staymoisturized.
Stay off mommy juice, or atleast use it responsibly unlike
(55:07):
my favorite girl on here, maggieand keep all of your drama on
TV.
You.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com