October 8, 2024 • 52 mins
Imagine finding redemption at your lowest point—Doug Sweeney did just that. After a journey marked by addiction and run-ins with the law, Doug discovered a life-transforming faith that reshaped his entire existence. On this episode of Sober Living Stories, he opens up about his path from the depths of addiction to becoming a powerful example of hope for other men grappling with similar struggles. Doug's experience is a testament to the power of faith and community in overcoming life's darkest moments.
Forgiveness plays a pivotal role in Doug's story, offering profound lessons on the importance of deep-rooted humility grounded in faith. As we explore these themes, reflections on the Beatitudes and spiritual beliefs unveil how forgiving others—not because they deserve it, but because it liberates us—can lead to healing and renewal. This transformative journey is not just about overcoming addiction; it’s about turning life's greatest challenges into opportunities for a new life.
Throughout the conversation, we highlight the critical role of supportive communities in the recovery journey. Doug shares insights on breaking free from cycles of shame and self-destruction, illustrating how living in the present and practicing gratitude can lead to a fulfilling life. His dedication to helping others find purpose and freedom in sobriety inspires anyone facing their battles. Join us as we talk through Doug's life experience and learn how to heal from the inside out.
Doug's sole intention is to lead men who are exhausted from defeat on their own effort out of substance addiction, towards a new and real transformation that enables one to reclaim control in their life.
If you are ready to pursue a path of true change without fear of loss, Doug is here to guide and support you. Reach out to Doug Sweeney by email, and he’ll send you a link to connect via Zoom:
Email: breakingbondagefromaddiction@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I would love this to become so profound that the
alcohol market will take a brunthit.
I would love that.
I would love the bars to closeup because of this.
But I really want, I want.
I want a revival of peace, andfreedom for men to have from
addiction.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Welcome to the Sober Living Stories podcast from
addiction today, living outtheir best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide.
Going to meet Doug Sweeney.
He's going to share hisredemption story about how he
(01:24):
overcame alcohols and drugs at ayoung age.
Join us as Doug reveals how hisfaith became the cornerstone of
his recovery, guiding him to alife of purpose and hope.
He's going to also share howhis mission is to help men do
the same.
Welcome, doug.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Good morning, jessica , and thank you for hosting me
today.
I'm eternally grateful becauseit is the groundwork in which I
wish to succeed in to also helpmen who I used to be for many
years.
Addiction for me.
I'm not going to pretend to besomeone different than any other
(02:05):
addict, but uh, I had.
I had pain, I had shame and Ihad many other um things to
medicate and and feel normal by.
And it started very young.
You know.
There was a lot of, a lot ofabuse, emotional, physical, um
(02:28):
things I regretted growing upand so I just took of what I saw
.
I saw alcohol and alcohol iswhat I started with and I even
started alone.
I didn't even, I didn't evenstart socially.
I started alone because I hidit and from even right then, in
(02:52):
the very beginning, I onlyescalated.
I planned on the nextopportunity and drank more and
planned more and more for thenext thing until I started
working and then I saved moneyfor it and it just it was a
quick downward spiral in my life.
Alcohol led to drugs, drugs ledto harder drugs and eventually
(03:16):
other addictions came in.
You know, by the way of lifeand the choices that we make
practically in life, withpromiscuity and many things.
And it was just addiction afteraddiction after addiction,
until I came to a point of abroken heart and many people
(03:39):
hear the term rock bottom manytimes.
But my rock bottoms neverstopped.
They just got lower and deeperand further bottom.
Nothing stopped it.
The only thing that was goingto stop it was jails,
institution and death.
(03:59):
And jails and institutionbecame prominent in my life as a
young child.
I was 18 years old committing myfirst felonies.
I was in and out of the countyjail.
I was in JDC before I turned 18.
I had already had five DUIsbefore.
I was even old enough to drinkat age 21.
(04:20):
Was even old enough to drink atage 21.
I had so many things and thisis where addiction took me and
sometimes people other peopledon't hit that many rock bottoms
and they can sustain it alittle bit better.
But what happened for me waspurposeful, as I look back in
(04:42):
all of my years of beingclear-headed and sober, that
those times were times of gracethat I was given to change or to
make a better decision.
And many times I didn't.
Many times I didn't because Ijust figured that I knew people
who drank and did drugs andnever went to jail and never
(05:06):
went to the hospital and neverwent to rehab and they were
living functionally.
Why couldn't I do this?
And I was so adamant in life tofigure out how to do this, and
every time I became more adamantto try to figure it out.
I again would need my stomachpumped, or I again was going
(05:28):
before the same judge to get thesame sentence for the same
crime, or I again was scaring mymom, waking up in a hospital
from an accident or from alcoholpoisoning or something.
From an accident or fromalcohol poisoning or something.
It was the same things andgetting the same results the
(05:49):
actual definition of insanity.
And that's where addiction ledme.
And I came to a broken heartbecause of how far my decision
to remain addicted took me to.
It actually broke my heart to apoint that I didn't think I
(06:11):
could be forgiven.
In my life I've always had a Godconscience, but I had a God
conscience that God wascondemning God Until I had
everything right.
Condemning God Until I hadeverything right.
I was just going to hell.
But that's not what the God whocreated us, nor desires us to
(06:33):
yield ourselves to, is like.
That's not him at all.
We read in John 3.16,.
For God so loved the world thatif you believe in his son, that
you shall not perish but haveeternal life.
But the very verse after thatfor Christ did not come into the
world to condemn the world, butthat the world, through him,
(06:53):
might be saved Through him.
All we have to do is come tohim and live within him by faith
and through him and all of hisresources, and then he can make
us new.
2 Corinthians 5, verse 17, thatwe become a new creation in him
(07:17):
, and that's all that we haveever needed.
That's all that I've everneeded in order to find the
freedom.
You know, I went into thesecular treatment very young.
I was 17 years old and they putme in an adult inpatient rehab
because of my use.
Nobody had ever seen me usethat much, seen a 17 year old
(07:40):
use as much as I did.
In my little country countythat I'm from, nobody saw people
get two DUIs within a month anda half or have alcohol
poisoning or get expelled fromschool because of repeated
drinking at school or anythinglike that.
So they put me in an inpatientrehab with adults, adults from
(08:04):
their early 20s all the way upinto the early 60s.
And here I am 17.
And I and I and I'm first beingdelivered this program idea,
this, this 12 step program ideafrom Bill W back in 1935 or so,
and something about it.
(08:26):
It had a lot of core moralprinciples to the program.
But even at age 17, I knewsomething about.
Calling my addiction a disease,was just not right in my heart.
I didn't receive that to becorrect, truly correct, because
(08:46):
I see now in my walk with Godthat we have taken scripture and
reworded some of the thingsthat God called what he called
it.
He called it a drunkard, hedidn't call it an alcoholism.
We put ism on the back of somany words and just redefined
things.
And what I've learned in my lifeand I'm not here to raise
(09:09):
confrontation or debates, butwhat I've learned in my
spiritual walk with God that hecalls us to come closer and draw
nigher every day that he givesus to breathe is that addiction
in its essence is the firstthing we think of is drugs or
alcohol, and in many cases it is.
(09:31):
But it relates to so manythings.
It relates to someone who needsa new pair of shoes every two
weeks.
It relates to someone who can'tget off the game box, that has
to invest three, four or fivehours a day playing playstation
or it.
It can be anything, I'm justgiven random things everywhere.
(09:55):
It can be addiction, andaddiction and essentially is
idolatry.
Idolatry is anything or anyonethat takes control of one's mind
, will and affections, more thanGod himself.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
So true.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
And when I learned that, and we have hearts that
are idol makers.
That's what we are and that'swhy we're forever in the need of
Christ's grace, because we areincarnate.
Idol makers we are, and I don'tknow.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, let's go.
This is I really like whatyou're.
I love everything you're saying.
It's a different perspectivethan you know.
I kind of got well in 12 stepand but I also love Jesus, right
, so I have so, and which I justlearned later because it came
(11:01):
to me and it happened.
Something happened to me and ithappened, something happened to
me.
I would have never thought thatI would go in that direction,
but it was something so profoundthat happened in my life that I
knew for the rest of my lifethat was who I was serving.
And so just to back up a littlebit, the you know, when you
(11:21):
talked about your younger years,like I, that, like I was almost
in tears when you were crying,because that is how I resonated
and related.
When I heard stories like yours, because it was alone, it, it
was pointed, it was, you know,it escalated, you could not stop
it, like how do I, how are theydoing that?
(11:42):
You know, and you talked aboutfor you, you know, I know for
you it's the cornerstone is God.
And so for people who and I lovethat you, your focus is solely
on helping men, you know,because that's pointed.
And so for for people who havewalked your walk and who are in
this situation that you camefrom walk and who are in the
(12:08):
situation that you came from butthat don't know how to find
that freedom, like what is the.
I remember being in a um, adual addicted, um recovery home,
but I was bringing in the hope.
I was, I was not on thereceiving end, but I was
bringing in the hope.
And I remember there was a lineof girls on the leather couch,
beat up leather couches thatjust got off the street, dual
(12:29):
addicted.
We went around the room we saidhow much time do you have?
What was your drug of choice?
They'd say two months crackcocaine.
Six months alcohol, threemonths heroin.
And I remember this one girl,she said, and we talked about
God in that meeting and she saidbut how?
(12:50):
I don't know how to pray, Idon't know how to invite him
into my life so that a changecan be made, so can you speak to
that Like I mean people thatjust have no concept.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yes, right, there is where I want to speak today.
Right there, because Matthew,chapter 5, this is where Christ
comes and he gives us theBeatitudes, the very first
Beatitude, in verse 5, 5-5, Ibelieve, chapter 5, verse 5.
He said blessed are those whoare poor in spirit.
(13:24):
Wow, you just explained itright there.
That's what that is.
They're poor in spirit, rightout the floodgates.
The brokenhearted, the poor inspirit, the ones who don't know
how to pray, the ones who arejust like what do I do, what do
I do?
Blessed are those.
That's right where he wants us,because that's right where we
(13:47):
need him.
That's exactly right there wherehe wants us, that's where he
had me.
That's why I finally let go.
That's why I finally yielded.
I don't say surrender,surrender.
(14:10):
I'm a word buff.
I'm very much a word buff and Iget more of to be a word buff.
I love the song Surrender Allto Jesus.
You know it's a beautiful songand all but truly surrender to
me means to give in to an enemyor a foe or a war or something
like that.
For me it's yielding.
This is where I had to yield toGod when I realized what that
(14:31):
meant.
Blessed are the poor in spiritand the broken hearted.
I mean that right there is thebeginning.
There's a reason why that's thefirst beatitude, because that's
where it starts, right wherethat woman didn't know how to
pray, right where they'requestioning what do I do, what
do I do?
And that's where you got to be.
(14:51):
When you're there, then you'reable to receive, then you're
able to absorb, then you're ableto listen and not speak.
Then and then, and then, andthen he can, he can, and it's so
.
I mean you got it.
You're going to fall.
(15:11):
There's going to be many timeswe assert our will back in there
, but if we can remember thatpoint, that beginning point
right there, that first,beatitude in five, five Matthew,
five, five Blessing are thepoor in spirit, and then he can
show you Blessed are the poor inspirit, and then he can show
you, then he can teach you, he Idon't know how I communicate it
(15:35):
in a way that he showed meforgiveness because it was just
so I never, after all, that Ihad done and I'm not, I know I
am not, you can't call meCharlie Manson, you can't call
me some of the other people thatwe've heard of in life, but I'm
no more innocent than he was atall and I've done a lot of
(16:00):
things, a lot of disgusting,gross, um, despicable, hurtful
things in my life.
And I never dreamed that I wasforgivable at the time, that,
that I gave my life to him orthat I, at the time that I gave
my life to him or that I yieldedmy life to him, and he came and
(16:20):
showed me forgiveness throughsomeone who I torturously hurt.
I mean, I hurt someone so badand they forgave me and they did
(16:42):
so by and through theirintegrity and their Christ walk.
That exemplified God'sforgiveness to me and it was so
profound that and this has beenover 20 years ago and it was so
profound that I could notimagine that I was forgivable.
And because of it happening inthe way that it did, it was his
answer to my unasked questionabout how I can was forgivable.
And because of it happening inthe way that it did, it was his
(17:04):
answer to my unasked questionabout how I can be forgivable.
And it was so heavy and sostrong and so penetrating to me
that I was about to face someyears in prison.
Finally and I've you know I'dalready been in prison a couple
times, but for less than a yearminor crimes, drug abuse,
possessions, things like that.
But now I was facing some yearsand I didn't even care that I
(17:26):
was facing some years.
I just knew that I wanted tolearn his word and walk with him
in that close securitypenitentiary, no matter what,
and walk with him in that closedsecurity penitentiary, no
matter what, and and because hisforgiveness became so tangibly
real to me that I I was in myheart, it was, there was a
transformation that happened,and that transformative power
(17:50):
and love and mercy of christalone has to take place in its
own way, and we do that when weyield.
So I went and I followed mycommitment and I woke up the
next day and I still held to mypromise.
And the day after that I stillheld to my promise and within a
month and a half he showed me.
After he showed me hisforgiveness within a month and a
(18:13):
half to almost two months Ican't get that time exact but
between a month and a half andtwo months he showed me I had to
forgive and his scripture tellsus to forgive as ye have been
forgiven.
But it's not purely for text,it's not purely for words and
verbs.
It's meant for healing.
(18:34):
I didn't have to forgive who Ineeded to forgive, because they
deserve forgiveness.
I did it because it freed me.
It broke the bounds ofcaptivity in my own life.
It gave me all reason tosuspend my excuse to continue to
use and drink that liter ofvodka or buy that eight ball
(18:55):
cocaine or whatever.
It gave me no more room to dothose things when I forgave
those who I needed to forgive,and he meant healing.
He meant healing in that text.
That verse is strictly abouthealing.
It's not about doing somethingbecause it's been done for you
(19:19):
To an extent it is, but it'spurely meant for healing.
He means healing in everything.
Christ is our healer.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
You know, when you talked about, you said there was
a transformation in your heartthat happened, undeniably
profound transformation in yourheart, and that's exactly what
happened to me.
And you talk about forgivenessand that's exactly what happened
.
That day is I forgave myselfand which I didn't think I would
ever be able to do.
And, and you know, I did learnin a 12 step program.
(19:54):
I heard somebody say once I didlearn in a 12 step program.
I heard somebody say once hewill take the worst thing that
ever happened to you and turn itinto the best thing that ever
happened to you, the worstdifficulty, the biggest
challenge in your life.
He will take it and turn it intothe best thing that ever
happened to you.
And that's exactly whathappened to me that day, the
worst thing that ever happenedto me or that I did when I was
(20:19):
out there.
He took that and turned it intothe most profound thing that
ever happened in my life, whichis through that forgiveness, the
power of forgiveness.
That day changed everything Tothis day.
This is like 14 years later,because it happened in my.
No, it's actually 15, 16 yearslater and I could still tell you
(20:43):
that in my, my entire life,that was the most profound thing
that ever happened to me whenhe came into my heart and
transformed it.
And so you know it's.
It speaks to well, the power offorgiveness and and I remember
also being like how am I goingto do that?
You know years earlier, likehow do I forgive, um, how do how
(21:07):
am I forgiven and how do Iforgive others?
That was a real complexity tome, like I did not know.
And so, yeah, you speaking tothat is, and I could feel, feel
when you're talking like it's,it's, it's so much and well,
it's a gift.
You know it's a gift and it's atrue healing.
It's a true healing and, um,you know, you think, coming in,
(21:28):
people are on the ground.
You know they're, they'rebroken, they're, they're filled
with shame, they're filled withshame, they're filled with guilt
um their, their, umdifficulties pile up um their
confidence is on the ground, youknow why, would this be for me.
You know right, why would thisbe for me.
So can you speak to that alittle bit like?
Speaker 1 (21:48):
so when the god of the universe, when the god of
the universe comes and andspiritually opens your eyes to
his forgiveness, to what he'sdone.
And you know, we have to gatheraround like-minded believers,
we have to gather around achurch, a fellowship, and
forsake not the assembly of thecongregation you know what I
(22:11):
mean and encouraging each otherall the more as you see the day
drawing near and that's prettyclear in our day now.
I mean we see the day drawingnear to more chaos all the time.
So we need each other.
Iron sharpens iron, and so I,you know, in Psalm 139, david's
(22:37):
telling God you know, search me,oh God, know my thoughts, know
my ways, you know, teach me mycharacteristics, teach me the
old patterns of my life.
Show me these things, becauseif you show me these things,
then I can have a substance towork on, take a new direction or
(23:00):
a new path, and our ways ofliving and the way that we
(23:21):
process an idea or a judgment onsomeone or something that we
just become so familiar and soit's so part of us, and these
things need renewed.
And so I think a prayer, youknow, in a prayer life, an
edifying prayer life, then weshould pray this Psalm back to
God and, you know, search me, ohGod, and know my thoughts and
(23:42):
show me my process.
It's the way I do things and hewill Do.
I will he ever.
I mean, he is a God that wantsus to be in that position, that
heart posture, it's all about aheart posture and this moves
(24:06):
right along to, you know, romans12, 1 and 2, where Paul, you
know, says you know, I urge you,brothers, by the mercies of God
, to present your bodies as aliving and holy sacrifice, which
is your spiritual service ofworship, and do not be conformed
to this world, but betransformed by renewing your
(24:29):
mind, so that you may prove whatthe will of God is, that which
is good, acceptable and perfect.
And when we do these things,this is how we learn who we were
and we see what God wants in us.
(24:49):
And then you think he's notproviding the new path, the new
direction, the new repentance,the new sanctification, ie the
separation of our old ways.
You know what I mean.
I just love telling you.
I love telling you this becauseit has been so real it doesn't
(25:12):
get any more any dollar than itdid, you know, 20 years ago.
It just doesn't get any moreany dollar than it did, you know
, 20 years ago.
It just doesn't, and I neverused to be able to talk like
this.
I never used to be I.
All I ever did was cower myhead down.
Please don't see that I haven'thad no sleep.
Please don't see that my eyesare red and that I'm ashamed of
(25:37):
something that I don't evenremember that I did.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
How many times have we woken up and like what
happened last night?
How did last night end?
Or what lie do I got toremember that I told so I can
carry on the next slide tosustain that old lie.
And that's what addiction did,does and did for me.
That's all it ever did.
(26:03):
I lived in a rat race of tunnel, tunnel life I was.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
I didn't know one way from the other yeah yeah and
yeah, and I think too that lifeis very closed and you started
the recording with you chose todo alone, you hid it and we talk
about the hidden from closeddoor to a door that's wide open.
(26:32):
It's complete freedom.
That's wide open, it's completefreedom and you being able to
share too.
I think for other men, sharingyour heart like this, that's a
process, because I know formyself.
For 18 years I didn't speakopenly about any of this.
It wasn't until the 18th yearthat I made a decision to not do
(26:54):
that and it was so hard.
It was so hard that first timeI spoke out loud about it I felt
like, oh, what did I do?
And people are going to runaway and the people who knew me
may not think that I'm asauthentic as I presented myself,
because they didn't know thisabout me and none of that
happened.
None of that happened.
People came closer to me andthe shame and all the guilt of
(27:21):
what happened it was irrelevantbecause of who I am now, because
it's real.
But it was a process and it wasdifficult.
But I commend people who comein open spaces and speak.
I commend people who come inopen spaces and speak like
bravely, about things like their, their past, to see the
contrast of who people can be,because it's um, yeah, it's
(27:45):
difficult to talk about, butwhen I saw other people do it
and it was especially online,cause that's where I was seeing
it there seemed to be like thisinflux of people talking about
it and then opening upcommunities where other people,
like-minded people, can come inand find healing too.
And that was very inspiring tome.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Yeah, it is so for men that are listening.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
What is your hope for them?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
My hope for men and I wouldn't really want to.
It's my objective or it's mydirection to really help men
Primarily, at least in thebeginning, if not forever.
It's because I and men you knowby what God's Word says are to
(28:46):
be the leaders and are to be,you know, the bridegroom of the
family, the father, the hope tobe you'll learn from in the
illustration they lead with.
And I know statistics andbecause I know them, because
(29:12):
I've been a part of them.
And 80 plus percent of prisonpopulation are carried by men,
are filled by men, and 85 pluspercent of the reason is because
(29:33):
of addiction or something to dowith drugs, something to do
with chemical use.
And that's just the raw factsof this country.
And they call it DRC.
In actuality, yes, it all hassome that many.
(30:18):
80 plus percent, 85 percent isdrug and alcohol-related crimes,
and it's also a recidivism ratethat is just astronomical.
It used to be 67%, I think it'seven went up past 70 now.
And so true DRC, which theycall Department of
Rehabilitation and Correction.
If it was true in its essence,then it would go down, but it
doesn't go down.
And it doesn't go down becauseit's human warehousing and I'm
(30:41):
not here to condemnpenitentiaries and prisons and
stuff, but I'm here to tell youthat real recovery is with our
maker, real redemption is withour maker, and our maker is one
God in the Trinity.
And I want to show, I want tolead, I want to walk with.
(31:03):
Want to show, I want to lead, Iwant to walk with.
I have exhausted myself torelive a lot of my past to come
up with the curriculum that I'vecome up with.
And I think we have to identifyour bondages.
You know, my bondages were shame, regret, pain, zero confidence.
No matter how hard I tried,zero confidence.
(31:27):
No matter how hard I tried, Iwas put down, I was demeaned.
I didn't have nothing, I had novalue.
So all I did was liveself-destructively.
I lived crazyself-destructively.
I drank a mouse that no oneshould have lived through or
should have at least not hadsome kind of wet brain or
something, some kind ofneurological problems or
(31:50):
something.
I mean, I, the way I used, wasjust unheard of, and that was
because I I didn't believe in myworth.
I didn't.
I didn't care about my worthbecause I didn't believe in it.
Believe in my worth.
I didn't care about my worthbecause I didn't believe in it.
(32:13):
And so I think, identifyingthese bondages.
You know, my bondages existedbefore I even took the first
drink.
My bondages existed before Iever smoked or used my first
drug.
And I had, but I didn't knowthat.
And so I want to go all the wayback to the beginning and
identify those.
And then I also want to say asclearly as I can in every rehab,
(32:36):
in every county jail, in everypenitentiary that I've ever been
in, in any hospital that I'veever been in, I have known
thousands upon thousands and Ihave been in the presence of
thousands upon thousands ofaddicts in my life, in all the
states that I've lived in, inall the cities that I've lived
in, and I have never met onethat didn't harbor some type of
(32:59):
unforgiveness or some type of orsome type of unforgiveness or
some type of raging animosityagainst somebody.
And it is absolutely essentialthat we come to grips with this,
identify it and work throughthe process of proacting it with
(33:19):
heart and truth.
And that's where rural freedomcomes.
And these are two key elementsthat I want to work with with
men, and this is why I reallywant to work with with men.
I think addiction also can bepersonal as far as gender
(33:42):
related, and I don't, and thatis one reason why I don't really
want to affiliate with theopposite sex at the at the time,
anyway, until until I have moremore of a team, more of a a
help.
But I, that's, that's my mainobjective, for why I want to
work with men and that's yeah,for why I want to work with men
(34:05):
and, um, that's.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
There's there's.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
there was a video I saw once Um, I was mostly on the
California prison system andI'm I'm going to find it and
send it to you, because therewas a man in particular I forget
his name, but I'm going to findit out for you that went
through the different, just whatyou were talking about the
statistics of drug-relatedcrimes and the population in
(34:32):
prison and when I you know,we've experienced like a
different life, right.
And so the majority of theprisoners were in there, for,
you know, they, they you got tothink like they would not have
committed those crimes if theywere not addicted, right?
So if you fix the addiction you, you fix a lot.
(34:54):
A large population of of thestatistics go down right.
It's just a huge correlation,but anyway, it was.
It was incredible.
And I interviewed Jojo Godinezand he was I don't know if you
saw that podcast, but he hastrapped families and so he came
on and he was in and he actuallygot a life sentence and he was
(35:15):
released early and he's nowchanging men's lives and women's
lives and because he had thattransformation happen to him and
you know so, it's so possiblefor every single person to
experience that, and when youtalk about your curriculum going
right to the very beginning,it's so important and so helpful
(35:38):
, and to identify those, thosebondages, as you call them.
And so that they can, in turn,eventually be relieved of them
and get to who they are.
And it's just so freeing andthere's so much hope and
possibility there.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Yeah, and it shows you why you had the character
that you had and how you canbegin to have a new character.
It doesn't happen instantly.
I'm still working on mycharacter.
There's still many things thatI wish that I didn't say the way
I said or do the way I do.
And you know, the flesh isstrong, the carnal nature is
(36:15):
strong, but the power of God isstronger and it's about our
heart and our spirit yielding tothat.
But it's so good to learn.
It's painful and it hurts andit's sometimes embarrassing to
learn who we were.
But it's also key to fixate oror to be, to be working on
(36:37):
something new, to to direct usto something different, and and
it's, it's, it's, it's all aboutcharacter.
It's all about, you know, beingof of sound mind and useful and
encouraging to someone else.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You know if there's listeners, that I think one of
the main things that keep peoplefrom God who don't already know
him, that keep people from Godwho don't already know him,
whether it's out of anger orfear, is hypocrisy I think a lot
(37:16):
of people talk about, well yeah, hypocrisy and they believe
that that exists.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
So can you speak to that if people are struggling
with that and they feel stronglyabout that?
Yes, thank you for asking thatbecause you're right.
I forget about that many times.
Um, but yeah, you're right.
And and that's where men likeme and any claiming christian
who goes to church every sundayI think that's where it becomes
(37:39):
so, so more important to.
It becomes so more important towalk in the Spirit, as God is
in the Spirit, as it tells us,because when we don't walk in
the Spirit, we get so easilyentangled with our old ways and
our sin and our word of mouthand everything like that.
(38:01):
So it is imperative that wewalk in the spirit, as God is in
the spirit, and also know thatI'm not perfect.
I am not perfect.
I guarantee you I had confessedsin yesterday and I guarantee
you, before this day is up infact, and I guarantee you,
(38:23):
before this day is up in fact,by this time, already at 9.50 pm
, or am that I have already hadsin to confess.
I am never going to be perfect.
Billy Graham lived to be 97years old and changed millions
of lives.
He changed and spurred onmillions and millions of men and
(38:46):
women's hope and faith, but Iguarantee you he wasn't finished
at age 97.
This journey is never to beended until God says and we are
always going to fall.
Now I get a little perturbedclaiming Christians and I don't
(39:11):
want to specifically namedoctrines and creeds and
denominations of faith and stuffbut I really do.
I get perturbed by the samething.
But it's all a heart issue andeverything in this breathing
daily life it's all a matter ofthe heart and if your heart is
(39:31):
yielded, if you're walking inthe spirit and doing the best
that you can do, then you'regoing to illustrate hope, joy,
peace, loving, kindness,patience, endurance, all the
things that 1 Corinthians, thelove chapter, talks about.
(39:52):
You're going to exemplify those.
You're going to illustratethose and you're not going to do
it to the fullest that you can,this day compared to another
day, but you're always going tobe able to do it and therefore
we just need to for that wrongthought or that wrong word or
(40:27):
that anger that you shouldn'thave made tangible or whatever
it is that you do.
Don't accumulate those thingsand say I got to confess that
later.
Do it right now.
God is a right now God.
Don't say oh, before I go tobed tonight I want to confess
that, because then all you dobetween that moment say it's 1
(40:47):
pm, and you go to bed at 9 pm,all you're doing in those next
eight hours is compounding everyother thing that you might do
wrong or did do wrong, and thenyou're just building up more
than you can remember.
God is a right now God.
He wants you, building up morethan you can remember.
God is a right now God.
He wants you, he yearns for youto take care of these things
right now.
Let's not build our list, let'snot accumulate and then dump a
(41:13):
whole pile on God.
Let's do it right now, becausethat's also what keeps us free,
that's also what keeps our mindsteadfast on him and in his ways
.
If we hold on to these thingsand even if we do let them go at
the end of the night if we dohold on to them anymore, then
(41:34):
all we're doing is amnesticizingour capacity to hold sin and to
commit more sin because we'vegot room for it.
Let's not do that.
Let's confess them right now.
Right now, because God is rightnow.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
I think that speaks to what you had said before,
which is like alcoholism andaddiction.
It's not really about that,it's not about the substance,
it's about.
You know the behaviors and likeso when we, when we accumulate
poor behavior, we're more likelyto fall into that if you're
(42:10):
alcoholic or addicted.
So the importance of relievingyourself of that and confessing
early is to get right back ontrack and to believe in in the
core of your moral that you knowand to believe in the core of
your moral that you know and tobelieve in that.
It's like the new, that is yournew normal, that is your new
life and it's like you know,when you put that down, your new
(42:35):
life begins.
And you have to believe that inyour heart so that when you do
falter.
It's like my shirt says getused to different get used to
different Right and that youknow that'll bring you back you
know, because you know, this isyou, this is authentically you.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Now, you know so yeah , and you know, I just you know
something, let me just drop afew more.
Uh.
And after deciding to proactyour faith and yield your life
(43:15):
to God, and there's things thatwe got to change.
There's, you know, besides ourpattern of thinking and the
things that we're going to do.
You know, in addiction I knewwhere I had to go to get what my
fix was, and when I stopped Iknew that many times it was
(43:38):
going to be more work for me tosteer my thought from it or my
possibility of falling again init, and therefore I had to work
harder.
I had to drive longer routesaround somewhere than I used to
go, just so I wasn't looking atthe store that I went and got my
(44:01):
bottle in, or so that I wasn'tlooking at the bar that I
thought I could just go in andset a limit to, but then find
out that I don't even rememberleaving the bar.
You know what I mean.
You have to work towards beingfree and staying free, and in
(44:22):
ways that I kind of got myself alittle sidetracked here, but I
was going to say that I startedearly in the morning.
That I started early in themorning I found it very
important to.
I'm a physical guy.
I'm not so digitally inclinedat all.
I'm very technologicallyilliterate.
(44:45):
I'm just going to say it I am.
I hope to get better.
I am a little bit better in thelast few years, but I still
prefer old school things and Ilike to write.
So I knew it was good for me tokeep a gratitude journal and so
I started writing a gratitudejournal when I got up in the
(45:05):
morning, before I even comedownstairs.
Come downstairs, I am alreadyso filled with gratitude because
I opened my eyes and I knew howto look, but I don't know how
to make my eyes see.
Only God knows how to make myeyes see.
I got out of bed and I got abad back and I've broken a lot
(45:28):
of bones and I got some titaniumall through my body and things
like that.
But guess what?
I can still go up and downstairs.
There are so many millions ofpeople that are in wheelchairs
or quadriplegics and I deservethat from my life's actions.
But I've been blessed and gracehanded in such a way that I am
(45:53):
thankful I was able to breathewhen I woke up this morning.
I know how to inhale and exhale, but I don't know how I don't
provide the oxygen, all thesethings grateful and thankful for
(46:17):
, for the bigger or some of thethings that we don't ever think
about, then then your, yourgratitude, just expands and you
become more positive and moreenergy focused to help others
see that.
And that's what I want to, Iwant to, I want to bring that, I
want to bring that, I want todeliver that and help men see
these things and things likethat.
Because it also develops theruts.
(46:40):
It covers the old ruts up thatyou used to run in and go in,
that were only leading to death,destruction, shame and toilsome
, and it starts steering intonew ruts and giving you new ruts
that bring into life and hopeand encouragement and all the
(47:03):
things that God wants you tohave.
And that's so between theGratitude Journal and things
like that.
So between the GratitudeJournal and things like that,
these are just little tacticsthat will progress and help, you
know, help men in theirdirection.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
Sure, I believe you will help so many men in this
journey of getting a new life.
This journey of getting a newlife.
Well, your message is soheartfelt because you've really
lived it and you've completelycome out the other side, and I
really believe you're going tomake a big impact in this area.
(47:43):
So, where can people find youand to connect with you?
Speaker 1 (47:48):
Okay, so my website is very long, it's the same as
my email, but it's BreakingBondage from Addiction, and that
is where that is my website andthat's my Gmail as well
(48:18):
accumulate and lead men to afreedom that they have, are
trying to regain or who havenever had.
In my own case, I never hadthis type of freedom.
I was never.
It never was even illustrated,I never saw it, even on tv or
anything.
I didn't understand this kindof freedom that I have now, and
that's you know what his wordtells us, that that's the kind
of freedom he wants us to have,and this is what I want other
addicts to have.
I, you know, I may be, I'm, I'm, I'm very radical, I'm.
(48:45):
I'm not lukewarm at all.
I've always been hot or cold,always been hot or cold, and I
would love this to become soprofound that the alcohol market
will take a broad hit.
I will love that.
I would love the bars to closeup because of this, but I really
want.
I want.
I want a revival of peace andfreedom for men to have from
(49:11):
addiction, and I am willing andready to come down to every
level that it is.
There's not a level that Ireally don't know.
I've had so many years and somany experiences of experience
on the high side and many moretimes on the low side of it, and
(49:34):
I, I, I desire this and Idesire this, for, for, for, for
men who can lead and also leadother men in the same way.
I, I, really I want to close by.
You know I cited Romans 12.1 andhow imperative it is to renew
(49:57):
our mind and exemplify the willof God, that which is good,
acceptable and perfect.
I love how Paul puts that, butlater on, in Philippians 4,
verse 8, he says Finally,brothers, whatever is true,
whatever is honorable, whateveris just pure and pure, whatever
(50:22):
is lovely, whatever iscommendable, if there is any
excellence, if there is anythingworthy of praise think about
these things.
It all starts in our mind andwe know what our addicted mind
infiltrated and exuded and livedon and excused and lied about
(50:46):
and made up, and we know whatthat was.
Let us do these opposite thingsWhatever is pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever's commendable,whatever is excellent or
anything worthy of praise.
Think on these things.
We have to think on these things.
This is what we think on, andeverything we think, everything
(51:08):
we do physically, everything wesay with a word, is a seed.
It's either a seed of life orit's a seed of death.
Everything is a seed.
Every action, every thought,every motive, every intention.
It's all a seed.
And let our intentions be real,motivating intentions and good
(51:33):
intentions.
We have to live this lifeintentionally.
Speaker 2 (51:37):
I'm so grateful you came on to share.
You have a powerful message.
I'm going to put your websitein the show notes so people can
look it up, and also your emailif they want to contact you
directly.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (51:48):
I thank you for being here and for being so honest
and sharing such a powerfulstory.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
Thank you so much, jessica.
You've been wonderful, thankyou.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
Thank you for tuning into the Sober Living Stories
podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
To view our featured author ofthe month or to become a guest
yourself, visitwwwjessicastepanovichcom.
I would love this to become so profound that the
alcohol market will take a brunthit.
I would love that.
I would love the bars to closeup because of this.
But I really want, I want.
I want a revival of peace, andfreedom for men to have from
addiction.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Welcome to the Sober Living Stories podcast from
addiction today, living outtheir best lives sober.
Each guest has experiencedincredible transformation and
are here to share their storywith you.
I'm Jessica Stepanovic, yourhost.
Join me each week as guestsfrom all walks of life share
their stories to inspire andprovide.
Going to meet Doug Sweeney.
He's going to share hisredemption story about how he
(01:24):
overcame alcohols and drugs at ayoung age.
Join us as Doug reveals how hisfaith became the cornerstone of
his recovery, guiding him to alife of purpose and hope.
He's going to also share howhis mission is to help men do
the same.
Welcome, doug.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Good morning, jessica , and thank you for hosting me
today.
I'm eternally grateful becauseit is the groundwork in which I
wish to succeed in to also helpmen who I used to be for many
years.
Addiction for me.
I'm not going to pretend to besomeone different than any other
(02:05):
addict, but uh, I had.
I had pain, I had shame and Ihad many other um things to
medicate and and feel normal by.
And it started very young.
You know.
There was a lot of, a lot ofabuse, emotional, physical, um
(02:28):
things I regretted growing upand so I just took of what I saw
.
I saw alcohol and alcohol iswhat I started with and I even
started alone.
I didn't even, I didn't evenstart socially.
I started alone because I hidit and from even right then, in
(02:52):
the very beginning, I onlyescalated.
I planned on the nextopportunity and drank more and
planned more and more for thenext thing until I started
working and then I saved moneyfor it and it just it was a
quick downward spiral in my life.
Alcohol led to drugs, drugs ledto harder drugs and eventually
(03:16):
other addictions came in.
You know, by the way of lifeand the choices that we make
practically in life, withpromiscuity and many things.
And it was just addiction afteraddiction after addiction,
until I came to a point of abroken heart and many people
(03:39):
hear the term rock bottom manytimes.
But my rock bottoms neverstopped.
They just got lower and deeperand further bottom.
Nothing stopped it.
The only thing that was goingto stop it was jails,
institution and death.
(03:59):
And jails and institutionbecame prominent in my life as a
young child.
I was 18 years old committing myfirst felonies.
I was in and out of the countyjail.
I was in JDC before I turned 18.
I had already had five DUIsbefore.
I was even old enough to drinkat age 21.
(04:20):
Was even old enough to drink atage 21.
I had so many things and thisis where addiction took me and
sometimes people other peopledon't hit that many rock bottoms
and they can sustain it alittle bit better.
But what happened for me waspurposeful, as I look back in
(04:42):
all of my years of beingclear-headed and sober, that
those times were times of gracethat I was given to change or to
make a better decision.
And many times I didn't.
Many times I didn't because Ijust figured that I knew people
who drank and did drugs andnever went to jail and never
(05:06):
went to the hospital and neverwent to rehab and they were
living functionally.
Why couldn't I do this?
And I was so adamant in life tofigure out how to do this, and
every time I became more adamantto try to figure it out.
I again would need my stomachpumped, or I again was going
(05:28):
before the same judge to get thesame sentence for the same
crime, or I again was scaring mymom, waking up in a hospital
from an accident or from alcoholpoisoning or something.
From an accident or fromalcohol poisoning or something.
It was the same things andgetting the same results the
(05:49):
actual definition of insanity.
And that's where addiction ledme.
And I came to a broken heartbecause of how far my decision
to remain addicted took me to.
It actually broke my heart to apoint that I didn't think I
(06:11):
could be forgiven.
In my life I've always had a Godconscience, but I had a God
conscience that God wascondemning God Until I had
everything right.
Condemning God Until I hadeverything right.
I was just going to hell.
But that's not what the God whocreated us, nor desires us to
(06:33):
yield ourselves to, is like.
That's not him at all.
We read in John 3.16,.
For God so loved the world thatif you believe in his son, that
you shall not perish but haveeternal life.
But the very verse after thatfor Christ did not come into the
world to condemn the world, butthat the world, through him,
(06:53):
might be saved Through him.
All we have to do is come tohim and live within him by faith
and through him and all of hisresources, and then he can make
us new.
2 Corinthians 5, verse 17, thatwe become a new creation in him
(07:17):
, and that's all that we haveever needed.
That's all that I've everneeded in order to find the
freedom.
You know, I went into thesecular treatment very young.
I was 17 years old and they putme in an adult inpatient rehab
because of my use.
Nobody had ever seen me usethat much, seen a 17 year old
(07:40):
use as much as I did.
In my little country countythat I'm from, nobody saw people
get two DUIs within a month anda half or have alcohol
poisoning or get expelled fromschool because of repeated
drinking at school or anythinglike that.
So they put me in an inpatientrehab with adults, adults from
(08:04):
their early 20s all the way upinto the early 60s.
And here I am 17.
And I and I and I'm first beingdelivered this program idea,
this, this 12 step program ideafrom Bill W back in 1935 or so,
and something about it.
(08:26):
It had a lot of core moralprinciples to the program.
But even at age 17, I knewsomething about.
Calling my addiction a disease,was just not right in my heart.
I didn't receive that to becorrect, truly correct, because
(08:46):
I see now in my walk with Godthat we have taken scripture and
reworded some of the thingsthat God called what he called
it.
He called it a drunkard, hedidn't call it an alcoholism.
We put ism on the back of somany words and just redefined
things.
And what I've learned in my lifeand I'm not here to raise
(09:09):
confrontation or debates, butwhat I've learned in my
spiritual walk with God that hecalls us to come closer and draw
nigher every day that he givesus to breathe is that addiction
in its essence is the firstthing we think of is drugs or
alcohol, and in many cases it is.
(09:31):
But it relates to so manythings.
It relates to someone who needsa new pair of shoes every two
weeks.
It relates to someone who can'tget off the game box, that has
to invest three, four or fivehours a day playing playstation
or it.
It can be anything, I'm justgiven random things everywhere.
(09:55):
It can be addiction, andaddiction and essentially is
idolatry.
Idolatry is anything or anyonethat takes control of one's mind
, will and affections, more thanGod himself.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
So true.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
And when I learned that, and we have hearts that
are idol makers.
That's what we are and that'swhy we're forever in the need of
Christ's grace, because we areincarnate.
Idol makers we are, and I don'tknow.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, let's go.
This is I really like whatyou're.
I love everything you're saying.
It's a different perspectivethan you know.
I kind of got well in 12 stepand but I also love Jesus, right
, so I have so, and which I justlearned later because it came
(11:01):
to me and it happened.
Something happened to me and ithappened, something happened to
me.
I would have never thought thatI would go in that direction,
but it was something so profoundthat happened in my life that I
knew for the rest of my lifethat was who I was serving.
And so just to back up a littlebit, the you know, when you
(11:21):
talked about your younger years,like I, that, like I was almost
in tears when you were crying,because that is how I resonated
and related.
When I heard stories like yours, because it was alone, it, it
was pointed, it was, you know,it escalated, you could not stop
it, like how do I, how are theydoing that?
(11:42):
You know, and you talked aboutfor you, you know, I know for
you it's the cornerstone is God.
And so for people who and I lovethat you, your focus is solely
on helping men, you know,because that's pointed.
And so for for people who havewalked your walk and who are in
this situation that you camefrom walk and who are in the
(12:08):
situation that you came from butthat don't know how to find
that freedom, like what is the.
I remember being in a um, adual addicted, um recovery home,
but I was bringing in the hope.
I was, I was not on thereceiving end, but I was
bringing in the hope.
And I remember there was a lineof girls on the leather couch,
beat up leather couches thatjust got off the street, dual
(12:29):
addicted.
We went around the room we saidhow much time do you have?
What was your drug of choice?
They'd say two months crackcocaine.
Six months alcohol, threemonths heroin.
And I remember this one girl,she said, and we talked about
God in that meeting and she saidbut how?
(12:50):
I don't know how to pray, Idon't know how to invite him
into my life so that a changecan be made, so can you speak to
that Like I mean people thatjust have no concept.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yes, right, there is where I want to speak today.
Right there, because Matthew,chapter 5, this is where Christ
comes and he gives us theBeatitudes, the very first
Beatitude, in verse 5, 5-5, Ibelieve, chapter 5, verse 5.
He said blessed are those whoare poor in spirit.
(13:24):
Wow, you just explained itright there.
That's what that is.
They're poor in spirit, rightout the floodgates.
The brokenhearted, the poor inspirit, the ones who don't know
how to pray, the ones who arejust like what do I do, what do
I do?
Blessed are those.
That's right where he wants us,because that's right where we
(13:47):
need him.
That's exactly right there wherehe wants us, that's where he
had me.
That's why I finally let go.
That's why I finally yielded.
I don't say surrender,surrender.
(14:10):
I'm a word buff.
I'm very much a word buff and Iget more of to be a word buff.
I love the song Surrender Allto Jesus.
You know it's a beautiful songand all but truly surrender to
me means to give in to an enemyor a foe or a war or something
like that.
For me it's yielding.
This is where I had to yield toGod when I realized what that
(14:31):
meant.
Blessed are the poor in spiritand the broken hearted.
I mean that right there is thebeginning.
There's a reason why that's thefirst beatitude, because that's
where it starts, right wherethat woman didn't know how to
pray, right where they'requestioning what do I do, what
do I do?
And that's where you got to be.
(14:51):
When you're there, then you'reable to receive, then you're
able to absorb, then you're ableto listen and not speak.
Then and then, and then, andthen he can, he can, and it's so
.
I mean you got it.
You're going to fall.
(15:11):
There's going to be many timeswe assert our will back in there
, but if we can remember thatpoint, that beginning point
right there, that first,beatitude in five, five Matthew,
five, five Blessing are thepoor in spirit, and then he can
show you Blessed are the poor inspirit, and then he can show
you, then he can teach you, he Idon't know how I communicate it
(15:35):
in a way that he showed meforgiveness because it was just
so I never, after all, that Ihad done and I'm not, I know I
am not, you can't call meCharlie Manson, you can't call
me some of the other people thatwe've heard of in life, but I'm
no more innocent than he was atall and I've done a lot of
(16:00):
things, a lot of disgusting,gross, um, despicable, hurtful
things in my life.
And I never dreamed that I wasforgivable at the time, that,
that I gave my life to him orthat I, at the time that I gave
my life to him or that I yieldedmy life to him, and he came and
(16:20):
showed me forgiveness throughsomeone who I torturously hurt.
I mean, I hurt someone so badand they forgave me and they did
(16:42):
so by and through theirintegrity and their Christ walk.
That exemplified God'sforgiveness to me and it was so
profound that and this has beenover 20 years ago and it was so
profound that I could notimagine that I was forgivable.
And because of it happening inthe way that it did, it was his
answer to my unasked questionabout how I can was forgivable.
And because of it happening inthe way that it did, it was his
(17:04):
answer to my unasked questionabout how I can be forgivable.
And it was so heavy and sostrong and so penetrating to me
that I was about to face someyears in prison.
Finally and I've you know I'dalready been in prison a couple
times, but for less than a yearminor crimes, drug abuse,
possessions, things like that.
But now I was facing some yearsand I didn't even care that I
(17:26):
was facing some years.
I just knew that I wanted tolearn his word and walk with him
in that close securitypenitentiary, no matter what,
and walk with him in that closedsecurity penitentiary, no
matter what, and and because hisforgiveness became so tangibly
real to me that I I was in myheart, it was, there was a
transformation that happened,and that transformative power
(17:50):
and love and mercy of christalone has to take place in its
own way, and we do that when weyield.
So I went and I followed mycommitment and I woke up the
next day and I still held to mypromise.
And the day after that I stillheld to my promise and within a
month and a half he showed me.
After he showed me hisforgiveness within a month and a
(18:13):
half to almost two months Ican't get that time exact but
between a month and a half andtwo months he showed me I had to
forgive and his scripture tellsus to forgive as ye have been
forgiven.
But it's not purely for text,it's not purely for words and
verbs.
It's meant for healing.
(18:34):
I didn't have to forgive who Ineeded to forgive, because they
deserve forgiveness.
I did it because it freed me.
It broke the bounds ofcaptivity in my own life.
It gave me all reason tosuspend my excuse to continue to
use and drink that liter ofvodka or buy that eight ball
(18:55):
cocaine or whatever.
It gave me no more room to dothose things when I forgave
those who I needed to forgive,and he meant healing.
He meant healing in that text.
That verse is strictly abouthealing.
It's not about doing somethingbecause it's been done for you
(19:19):
To an extent it is, but it'spurely meant for healing.
He means healing in everything.
Christ is our healer.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
You know, when you talked about, you said there was
a transformation in your heartthat happened, undeniably
profound transformation in yourheart, and that's exactly what
happened to me.
And you talk about forgivenessand that's exactly what happened
.
That day is I forgave myselfand which I didn't think I would
ever be able to do.
And, and you know, I did learnin a 12 step program.
(19:54):
I heard somebody say once I didlearn in a 12 step program.
I heard somebody say once hewill take the worst thing that
ever happened to you and turn itinto the best thing that ever
happened to you, the worstdifficulty, the biggest
challenge in your life.
He will take it and turn it intothe best thing that ever
happened to you.
And that's exactly whathappened to me that day, the
worst thing that ever happenedto me or that I did when I was
(20:19):
out there.
He took that and turned it intothe most profound thing that
ever happened in my life, whichis through that forgiveness, the
power of forgiveness.
That day changed everything Tothis day.
This is like 14 years later,because it happened in my.
No, it's actually 15, 16 yearslater and I could still tell you
(20:43):
that in my, my entire life,that was the most profound thing
that ever happened to me whenhe came into my heart and
transformed it.
And so you know it's.
It speaks to well, the power offorgiveness and and I remember
also being like how am I goingto do that?
You know years earlier, likehow do I forgive, um, how do how
(21:07):
am I forgiven and how do Iforgive others?
That was a real complexity tome, like I did not know.
And so, yeah, you speaking tothat is, and I could feel, feel
when you're talking like it's,it's, it's so much and well,
it's a gift.
You know it's a gift and it's atrue healing.
It's a true healing and, um,you know, you think, coming in,
(21:28):
people are on the ground.
You know they're, they'rebroken, they're, they're filled
with shame, they're filled withshame, they're filled with guilt
um their, their, umdifficulties pile up um their
confidence is on the ground, youknow why, would this be for me.
You know right, why would thisbe for me.
So can you speak to that alittle bit like?
Speaker 1 (21:48):
so when the god of the universe, when the god of
the universe comes and andspiritually opens your eyes to
his forgiveness, to what he'sdone.
And you know, we have to gatheraround like-minded believers,
we have to gather around achurch, a fellowship, and
forsake not the assembly of thecongregation you know what I
(22:11):
mean and encouraging each otherall the more as you see the day
drawing near and that's prettyclear in our day now.
I mean we see the day drawingnear to more chaos all the time.
So we need each other.
Iron sharpens iron, and so I,you know, in Psalm 139, david's
(22:37):
telling God you know, search me,oh God, know my thoughts, know
my ways, you know, teach me mycharacteristics, teach me the
old patterns of my life.
Show me these things, becauseif you show me these things,
then I can have a substance towork on, take a new direction or
(23:00):
a new path, and our ways ofliving and the way that we
(23:21):
process an idea or a judgment onsomeone or something that we
just become so familiar and soit's so part of us, and these
things need renewed.
And so I think a prayer, youknow, in a prayer life, an
edifying prayer life, then weshould pray this Psalm back to
God and, you know, search me, ohGod, and know my thoughts and
(23:42):
show me my process.
It's the way I do things and hewill Do.
I will he ever.
I mean, he is a God that wantsus to be in that position, that
heart posture, it's all about aheart posture and this moves
(24:06):
right along to, you know, romans12, 1 and 2, where Paul, you
know, says you know, I urge you,brothers, by the mercies of God
, to present your bodies as aliving and holy sacrifice, which
is your spiritual service ofworship, and do not be conformed
to this world, but betransformed by renewing your
(24:29):
mind, so that you may prove whatthe will of God is, that which
is good, acceptable and perfect.
And when we do these things,this is how we learn who we were
and we see what God wants in us.
(24:49):
And then you think he's notproviding the new path, the new
direction, the new repentance,the new sanctification, ie the
separation of our old ways.
You know what I mean.
I just love telling you.
I love telling you this becauseit has been so real it doesn't
(25:12):
get any more any dollar than itdid, you know, 20 years ago.
It just doesn't get any moreany dollar than it did, you know
, 20 years ago.
It just doesn't, and I neverused to be able to talk like
this.
I never used to be I.
All I ever did was cower myhead down.
Please don't see that I haven'thad no sleep.
Please don't see that my eyesare red and that I'm ashamed of
(25:37):
something that I don't evenremember that I did.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
How many times have we woken up and like what
happened last night?
How did last night end?
Or what lie do I got toremember that I told so I can
carry on the next slide tosustain that old lie.
And that's what addiction did,does and did for me.
That's all it ever did.
(26:03):
I lived in a rat race of tunnel, tunnel life I was.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
I didn't know one way from the other yeah yeah and
yeah, and I think too that lifeis very closed and you started
the recording with you chose todo alone, you hid it and we talk
about the hidden from closeddoor to a door that's wide open.
(26:32):
It's complete freedom.
That's wide open, it's completefreedom and you being able to
share too.
I think for other men, sharingyour heart like this, that's a
process, because I know formyself.
For 18 years I didn't speakopenly about any of this.
It wasn't until the 18th yearthat I made a decision to not do
(26:54):
that and it was so hard.
It was so hard that first timeI spoke out loud about it I felt
like, oh, what did I do?
And people are going to runaway and the people who knew me
may not think that I'm asauthentic as I presented myself,
because they didn't know thisabout me and none of that
happened.
None of that happened.
People came closer to me andthe shame and all the guilt of
(27:21):
what happened it was irrelevantbecause of who I am now, because
it's real.
But it was a process and it wasdifficult.
But I commend people who comein open spaces and speak.
I commend people who come inopen spaces and speak like
bravely, about things like their, their past, to see the
contrast of who people can be,because it's um, yeah, it's
(27:45):
difficult to talk about, butwhen I saw other people do it
and it was especially online,cause that's where I was seeing
it there seemed to be like thisinflux of people talking about
it and then opening upcommunities where other people,
like-minded people, can come inand find healing too.
And that was very inspiring tome.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Yeah, it is so for men that are listening.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
What is your hope for them?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
My hope for men and I wouldn't really want to.
It's my objective or it's mydirection to really help men
Primarily, at least in thebeginning, if not forever.
It's because I and men you knowby what God's Word says are to
(28:46):
be the leaders and are to be,you know, the bridegroom of the
family, the father, the hope tobe you'll learn from in the
illustration they lead with.
And I know statistics andbecause I know them, because
(29:12):
I've been a part of them.
And 80 plus percent of prisonpopulation are carried by men,
are filled by men, and 85 pluspercent of the reason is because
(29:33):
of addiction or something to dowith drugs, something to do
with chemical use.
And that's just the raw factsof this country.
And they call it DRC.
In actuality, yes, it all hassome that many.
(30:18):
80 plus percent, 85 percent isdrug and alcohol-related crimes,
and it's also a recidivism ratethat is just astronomical.
It used to be 67%, I think it'seven went up past 70 now.
And so true DRC, which theycall Department of
Rehabilitation and Correction.
If it was true in its essence,then it would go down, but it
doesn't go down.
And it doesn't go down becauseit's human warehousing and I'm
(30:41):
not here to condemnpenitentiaries and prisons and
stuff, but I'm here to tell youthat real recovery is with our
maker, real redemption is withour maker, and our maker is one
God in the Trinity.
And I want to show, I want tolead, I want to walk with.
(31:03):
Want to show, I want to lead, Iwant to walk with.
I have exhausted myself torelive a lot of my past to come
up with the curriculum that I'vecome up with.
And I think we have to identifyour bondages.
You know, my bondages were shame, regret, pain, zero confidence.
No matter how hard I tried,zero confidence.
(31:27):
No matter how hard I tried, Iwas put down, I was demeaned.
I didn't have nothing, I had novalue.
So all I did was liveself-destructively.
I lived crazyself-destructively.
I drank a mouse that no oneshould have lived through or
should have at least not hadsome kind of wet brain or
something, some kind ofneurological problems or
(31:50):
something.
I mean, I, the way I used, wasjust unheard of, and that was
because I I didn't believe in myworth.
I didn't.
I didn't care about my worthbecause I didn't believe in it.
Believe in my worth.
I didn't care about my worthbecause I didn't believe in it.
(32:13):
And so I think, identifyingthese bondages.
You know, my bondages existedbefore I even took the first
drink.
My bondages existed before Iever smoked or used my first
drug.
And I had, but I didn't knowthat.
And so I want to go all the wayback to the beginning and
identify those.
And then I also want to say asclearly as I can in every rehab,
(32:36):
in every county jail, in everypenitentiary that I've ever been
in, in any hospital that I'veever been in, I have known
thousands upon thousands and Ihave been in the presence of
thousands upon thousands ofaddicts in my life, in all the
states that I've lived in, inall the cities that I've lived
in, and I have never met onethat didn't harbor some type of
(32:59):
unforgiveness or some type of orsome type of unforgiveness or
some type of raging animosityagainst somebody.
And it is absolutely essentialthat we come to grips with this,
identify it and work throughthe process of proacting it with
(33:19):
heart and truth.
And that's where rural freedomcomes.
And these are two key elementsthat I want to work with with
men, and this is why I reallywant to work with with men.
I think addiction also can bepersonal as far as gender
(33:42):
related, and I don't, and thatis one reason why I don't really
want to affiliate with theopposite sex at the at the time,
anyway, until until I have moremore of a team, more of a a
help.
But I, that's, that's my mainobjective, for why I want to
work with men and that's yeah,for why I want to work with men
(34:05):
and, um, that's.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
There's there's.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
there was a video I saw once Um, I was mostly on the
California prison system andI'm I'm going to find it and
send it to you, because therewas a man in particular I forget
his name, but I'm going to findit out for you that went
through the different, just whatyou were talking about the
statistics of drug-relatedcrimes and the population in
(34:32):
prison and when I you know,we've experienced like a
different life, right.
And so the majority of theprisoners were in there, for,
you know, they, they you got tothink like they would not have
committed those crimes if theywere not addicted, right?
So if you fix the addiction you, you fix a lot.
(34:54):
A large population of of thestatistics go down right.
It's just a huge correlation,but anyway, it was.
It was incredible.
And I interviewed Jojo Godinezand he was I don't know if you
saw that podcast, but he hastrapped families and so he came
on and he was in and he actuallygot a life sentence and he was
(35:15):
released early and he's nowchanging men's lives and women's
lives and because he had thattransformation happen to him and
you know so, it's so possiblefor every single person to
experience that, and when youtalk about your curriculum going
right to the very beginning,it's so important and so helpful
(35:38):
, and to identify those, thosebondages, as you call them.
And so that they can, in turn,eventually be relieved of them
and get to who they are.
And it's just so freeing andthere's so much hope and
possibility there.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Yeah, and it shows you why you had the character
that you had and how you canbegin to have a new character.
It doesn't happen instantly.
I'm still working on mycharacter.
There's still many things thatI wish that I didn't say the way
I said or do the way I do.
And you know, the flesh isstrong, the carnal nature is
(36:15):
strong, but the power of God isstronger and it's about our
heart and our spirit yielding tothat.
But it's so good to learn.
It's painful and it hurts andit's sometimes embarrassing to
learn who we were.
But it's also key to fixate oror to be, to be working on
(36:37):
something new, to to direct usto something different, and and
it's, it's, it's, it's all aboutcharacter.
It's all about, you know, beingof of sound mind and useful and
encouraging to someone else.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You know if there's listeners, that I think one of
the main things that keep peoplefrom God who don't already know
him, that keep people from Godwho don't already know him,
whether it's out of anger orfear, is hypocrisy I think a lot
(37:16):
of people talk about, well yeah, hypocrisy and they believe
that that exists.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
So can you speak to that if people are struggling
with that and they feel stronglyabout that?
Yes, thank you for asking thatbecause you're right.
I forget about that many times.
Um, but yeah, you're right.
And and that's where men likeme and any claiming christian
who goes to church every sundayI think that's where it becomes
(37:39):
so, so more important to.
It becomes so more important towalk in the Spirit, as God is
in the Spirit, as it tells us,because when we don't walk in
the Spirit, we get so easilyentangled with our old ways and
our sin and our word of mouthand everything like that.
(38:01):
So it is imperative that wewalk in the spirit, as God is in
the spirit, and also know thatI'm not perfect.
I am not perfect.
I guarantee you I had confessedsin yesterday and I guarantee
you, before this day is up infact, and I guarantee you,
(38:23):
before this day is up in fact,by this time, already at 9.50 pm
, or am that I have already hadsin to confess.
I am never going to be perfect.
Billy Graham lived to be 97years old and changed millions
of lives.
He changed and spurred onmillions and millions of men and
(38:46):
women's hope and faith, but Iguarantee you he wasn't finished
at age 97.
This journey is never to beended until God says and we are
always going to fall.
Now I get a little perturbedclaiming Christians and I don't
(39:11):
want to specifically namedoctrines and creeds and
denominations of faith and stuffbut I really do.
I get perturbed by the samething.
But it's all a heart issue andeverything in this breathing
daily life it's all a matter ofthe heart and if your heart is
(39:31):
yielded, if you're walking inthe spirit and doing the best
that you can do, then you'regoing to illustrate hope, joy,
peace, loving, kindness,patience, endurance, all the
things that 1 Corinthians, thelove chapter, talks about.
(39:52):
You're going to exemplify those.
You're going to illustratethose and you're not going to do
it to the fullest that you can,this day compared to another
day, but you're always going tobe able to do it and therefore
we just need to for that wrongthought or that wrong word or
(40:27):
that anger that you shouldn'thave made tangible or whatever
it is that you do.
Don't accumulate those thingsand say I got to confess that
later.
Do it right now.
God is a right now God.
Don't say oh, before I go tobed tonight I want to confess
that, because then all you dobetween that moment say it's 1
(40:47):
pm, and you go to bed at 9 pm,all you're doing in those next
eight hours is compounding everyother thing that you might do
wrong or did do wrong, and thenyou're just building up more
than you can remember.
God is a right now God.
He wants you, building up morethan you can remember.
God is a right now God.
He wants you, he yearns for youto take care of these things
right now.
Let's not build our list, let'snot accumulate and then dump a
(41:13):
whole pile on God.
Let's do it right now, becausethat's also what keeps us free,
that's also what keeps our mindsteadfast on him and in his ways
.
If we hold on to these thingsand even if we do let them go at
the end of the night if we dohold on to them anymore, then
(41:34):
all we're doing is amnesticizingour capacity to hold sin and to
commit more sin because we'vegot room for it.
Let's not do that.
Let's confess them right now.
Right now, because God is rightnow.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
I think that speaks to what you had said before,
which is like alcoholism andaddiction.
It's not really about that,it's not about the substance,
it's about.
You know the behaviors and likeso when we, when we accumulate
poor behavior, we're more likelyto fall into that if you're
(42:10):
alcoholic or addicted.
So the importance of relievingyourself of that and confessing
early is to get right back ontrack and to believe in in the
core of your moral that you knowand to believe in the core of
your moral that you know and tobelieve in that.
It's like the new, that is yournew normal, that is your new
life and it's like you know,when you put that down, your new
(42:35):
life begins.
And you have to believe that inyour heart so that when you do
falter.
It's like my shirt says getused to different get used to
different Right and that youknow that'll bring you back you
know, because you know, this isyou, this is authentically you.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Now, you know so yeah , and you know, I just you know
something, let me just drop afew more.
Uh.
And after deciding to proactyour faith and yield your life
(43:15):
to God, and there's things thatwe got to change.
There's, you know, besides ourpattern of thinking and the
things that we're going to do.
You know, in addiction I knewwhere I had to go to get what my
fix was, and when I stopped Iknew that many times it was
(43:38):
going to be more work for me tosteer my thought from it or my
possibility of falling again init, and therefore I had to work
harder.
I had to drive longer routesaround somewhere than I used to
go, just so I wasn't looking atthe store that I went and got my
(44:01):
bottle in, or so that I wasn'tlooking at the bar that I
thought I could just go in andset a limit to, but then find
out that I don't even rememberleaving the bar.
You know what I mean.
You have to work towards beingfree and staying free, and in
(44:22):
ways that I kind of got myself alittle sidetracked here, but I
was going to say that I startedearly in the morning.
That I started early in themorning I found it very
important to.
I'm a physical guy.
I'm not so digitally inclinedat all.
I'm very technologicallyilliterate.
(44:45):
I'm just going to say it I am.
I hope to get better.
I am a little bit better in thelast few years, but I still
prefer old school things and Ilike to write.
So I knew it was good for me tokeep a gratitude journal and so
I started writing a gratitudejournal when I got up in the
(45:05):
morning, before I even comedownstairs.
Come downstairs, I am alreadyso filled with gratitude because
I opened my eyes and I knew howto look, but I don't know how
to make my eyes see.
Only God knows how to make myeyes see.
I got out of bed and I got abad back and I've broken a lot
(45:28):
of bones and I got some titaniumall through my body and things
like that.
But guess what?
I can still go up and downstairs.
There are so many millions ofpeople that are in wheelchairs
or quadriplegics and I deservethat from my life's actions.
But I've been blessed and gracehanded in such a way that I am
(45:53):
thankful I was able to breathewhen I woke up this morning.
I know how to inhale and exhale, but I don't know how I don't
provide the oxygen, all thesethings grateful and thankful for
(46:17):
, for the bigger or some of thethings that we don't ever think
about, then then your, yourgratitude, just expands and you
become more positive and moreenergy focused to help others
see that.
And that's what I want to, Iwant to, I want to bring that, I
want to bring that, I want todeliver that and help men see
these things and things likethat.
Because it also develops theruts.
(46:40):
It covers the old ruts up thatyou used to run in and go in,
that were only leading to death,destruction, shame and toilsome
, and it starts steering intonew ruts and giving you new ruts
that bring into life and hopeand encouragement and all the
(47:03):
things that God wants you tohave.
And that's so between theGratitude Journal and things
like that.
So between the GratitudeJournal and things like that,
these are just little tacticsthat will progress and help, you
know, help men in theirdirection.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
Sure, I believe you will help so many men in this
journey of getting a new life.
This journey of getting a newlife.
Well, your message is soheartfelt because you've really
lived it and you've completelycome out the other side, and I
really believe you're going tomake a big impact in this area.
(47:43):
So, where can people find youand to connect with you?
Speaker 1 (47:48):
Okay, so my website is very long, it's the same as
my email, but it's BreakingBondage from Addiction, and that
is where that is my website andthat's my Gmail as well
(48:18):
accumulate and lead men to afreedom that they have, are
trying to regain or who havenever had.
In my own case, I never hadthis type of freedom.
I was never.
It never was even illustrated,I never saw it, even on tv or
anything.
I didn't understand this kindof freedom that I have now, and
that's you know what his wordtells us, that that's the kind
of freedom he wants us to have,and this is what I want other
addicts to have.
I, you know, I may be, I'm, I'm, I'm very radical, I'm.
(48:45):
I'm not lukewarm at all.
I've always been hot or cold,always been hot or cold, and I
would love this to become soprofound that the alcohol market
will take a broad hit.
I will love that.
I would love the bars to closeup because of this, but I really
want.
I want.
I want a revival of peace andfreedom for men to have from
(49:11):
addiction, and I am willing andready to come down to every
level that it is.
There's not a level that Ireally don't know.
I've had so many years and somany experiences of experience
on the high side and many moretimes on the low side of it, and
(49:34):
I, I, I desire this and Idesire this, for, for, for, for
men who can lead and also leadother men in the same way.
I, I, really I want to close by.
You know I cited Romans 12.1 andhow imperative it is to renew
(49:57):
our mind and exemplify the willof God, that which is good,
acceptable and perfect.
I love how Paul puts that, butlater on, in Philippians 4,
verse 8, he says Finally,brothers, whatever is true,
whatever is honorable, whateveris just pure and pure, whatever
(50:22):
is lovely, whatever iscommendable, if there is any
excellence, if there is anythingworthy of praise think about
these things.
It all starts in our mind andwe know what our addicted mind
infiltrated and exuded and livedon and excused and lied about
(50:46):
and made up, and we know whatthat was.
Let us do these opposite thingsWhatever is pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever's commendable,whatever is excellent or
anything worthy of praise.
Think on these things.
We have to think on these things.
This is what we think on, andeverything we think, everything
(51:08):
we do physically, everything wesay with a word, is a seed.
It's either a seed of life orit's a seed of death.
Everything is a seed.
Every action, every thought,every motive, every intention.
It's all a seed.
And let our intentions be real,motivating intentions and good
(51:33):
intentions.
We have to live this lifeintentionally.
Speaker 2 (51:37):
I'm so grateful you came on to share.
You have a powerful message.
I'm going to put your websitein the show notes so people can
look it up, and also your emailif they want to contact you
directly.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (51:48):
I thank you for being here and for being so honest
and sharing such a powerfulstory.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
Thank you so much, jessica.
You've been wonderful, thankyou.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
Thank you for tuning into the Sober Living Stories
podcast.
If you have been inspired,consider subscribing and sharing
with anyone who could use hopein their lives.
Remember to stay tuned for moreinspiring stories in the
episodes to come.
To view our featured author ofthe month or to become a guest
yourself, visitwwwjessicastepanovichcom.
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