February 12, 2025 • 19 mins
Are you constantly over-explaining, struggling to say “no,” or feeling drained from trying to keep everyone else happy? This episode dives deep into the connection between anxiety and boundaries and how difficulty setting limits can lead to burnout, resentment, and overstimulation. We explore:
- The Anxiety Iceberg - what’s really beneath the surface of your anxious thoughts
- The link between anxiety and people-pleasing (hello, fawn response!)
- Why setting boundaries can feel so uncomfortable and how to move through the fear, guilt, and what-if spirals
- Somatic tools to regulate your nervous system so you can trust yourself, respond (not react), and hold your boundaries with confidence
This episode isn’t just theory, it’s packed with practical breathwork, grounding exercises, and somatic practices to help you step into a more embodied, empowered version of yourself.
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Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Radiant Life Podcast.
I'm your host, rae, the SomaticCoach, and I'm here to support
you in healing your past, livingin the present and creating
your future so that you canbecome the most centered,
embodied and happiest version ofyourself.
Each week, I'll be bringing youepisodes to help you navigate
life's challenges, ease stressand tension and learn more about
(00:24):
holistic healing, spiritualityand wellness.
If you're interested inbecoming the best version of
yourself so that you can livethe life of your dreams, then
you're in the right place.
Subscribe to the podcast andthe monthly newsletter and
follow me on Instagram andTikTok to know when new episodes
are released each week.
I am so happy that you'velanded here.
(00:45):
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to the podcast.
If you are new here, I'm Rae.
I'm a somatic coach andbreathwork facilitator, and if
you aren't new here, welcomeback.
I'm so glad that you're tuningin for today's episode, so some
front desk items before we divein.
(01:06):
One announcement that I alsoshared on our last episode is
about the podcast, and that isthat we're moving back to weekly
episodes, ideally starting inMarch.
I also might be rebranding thepodcast, so that would look like
potentially having a new name,new cover art, things of that
(01:27):
sort.
I don't remember if I mentionedthis on the last episode, but
I'm also transitioning mywebsite to a new platform and
all of these things that I'mupdating and things that I'm
shifting.
I will be sending out an emailthis month just kind of
summarizing all of theseexciting new announcements.
(01:48):
So if you're not on the monthlyemail list and you want to be
just sending your email, I'lladd you.
Or you can also sign up forbreathe easy, and that is a
ebook that teaches you how tocreate your own breathwork
practice and that willautomatically add you to receive
the monthly newsletter.
So lots of fun and excitingthings happening and I'm super
(02:11):
excited.
All good things.
I'll also mention that thebreathwork class of the month is
happening on February 13th it'sa Thursday.
If you have any questions aboutthat, let me know.
It's a Thursday.
If you have any questions aboutthat, let me know, and all the
information for that will be inthe show notes, all right?
(02:31):
So for today's topic, I wantedto speak with you about
boundaries and anxietyspecifically.
So my personal journey withanxiety really started my whole
journey with everything else.
So I don't know if you've everheard of the anxiety iceberg.
It's also something that I'vetalked about on the podcast, but
(02:53):
basically it's like visualizingan iceberg that's above water
and then at the top of it itsays anxiety and that's the
thing that you can see.
But underneath anxiety, whenall that ice melts, is all of
these other challenges that arekind of adding to that anxiety
or things that you just youdon't see.
(03:14):
So, for example, that couldlook like adhd, uh, poor
boundaries, people pleasingperfectionism, self-esteem.
It could look like so manydifferent things that are
underneath that iceberg.
But what we see and what we'reexperiencing is anxiety.
(03:34):
So today I'm going to sharewith you about how the topic of
boundaries and anxiety andnavigating both of them kind of
can go hand in hand, and howthat might be a challenge and
what that might look like ifthose are two things that you're
experiencing.
So when you struggle withsetting boundaries, some of the
(03:56):
things that you might be feelingcould be burnout from just
constantly over giving.
You could feel resentful fromyou know, going against your own
words and what is in integrityfor you, and you could also feel
overstimulated because there'sjust like so much going on and
it's like, ah, there's like alot happening and oftentimes you
(04:19):
might have a fear around evensetting boundaries, which can
make sense.
You know, a lot of times whenwe struggle in this area it's
because there's pastconditioning that's contributing
to how we show up in this area.
So it does make a lot of sense.
So you might have a fear aroundsetting some boundaries and
(04:42):
having anxiety in general, whichis that fear of setting the
boundaries can make it reallyhard to even navigate those
fears when they come up and thatcould look like maybe we feel
really guilty when we're settinga boundary, we're really
nervous to disappoint otherpeople, or we might have a lot
of worry around what's on theother side of making this change
(05:05):
, of setting this boundary, ofshowing up in a new way.
And I have another podcastepisode coming up that I'm going
to dive in a little bit moreinto people pleasing
specifically.
But I will say thatdisappointing other people and
setting boundaries often do gohand in hand and that's okay.
(05:25):
And I'm going to share with youin another episode how you can
kind of move through thatchallenge if that's the one
that's jumping out to you themost over like guilt or worry.
If that one's jumping out toyou, then I have another episode
coming out that will speak tothat specifically.
So, from a nervous systemperspective, when you struggle
to set boundaries, you're movinginto a FON response, and there
(05:50):
are four different traumaresponses that happen.
It's fight, flight, fon orfreeze, and so, specifically
with setting boundaries, youcould be moving into one of the
four, but it's typically fawning.
So moving into the fawnresponse is considered a trauma
(06:11):
response and this happens whensomeone is trying to avoid
something that might beconsidered or perceived as
dangerous.
So it's a form of survival and,although our defense mechanisms
don't always serve us, thereason why this response happens
is because over time we've beenconditioned to try and keep
(06:34):
ourselves safe.
So it might not necessarily beserving us, but it is actually
quite brilliant.
So that's something that youknow.
Shifting more into like partswork, that's something that when
you want to work with thisresponse or this part that finds
it safe to constantly befawning, you use parts work to
like move through that andreally understand it and kind of
(06:54):
like deconstruct it andunderstand what it really needs,
which is typically safety, love, belonging, understanding, a
completion of an event,something like that.
But a FON response can show upin people-pleasing, it can show
up in being overly agreeable andit can show up as constantly
putting someone else's needsbefore your own, which shows up
(07:17):
a lot when you're settingboundaries.
And what happens when you arestarting to understand what
anxiety is and you're startingto get to the root cause of it.
You might also see that you'restruggling to set boundaries or
you're struggling with peoplepleasing, and that goes back to
that anxiety iceberg that Imentioned at the beginning of
(07:39):
the episode.
But ultimately, when you startmoving through all of these
parts, on the other side you endup feeling like a very strong
sense of self-tr side, you endup feeling like a very strong
sense of self-trust, you end upfeeling safer in your body, you
end up being able to like pauseand see situations a little bit
differently, where you'reshowing up differently and
you're giving a differentresponse, and that FON response
(08:01):
eventually begins to shift andchange and it doesn't feel as
safe as it used to, as like adefault response.
So oftentimes, when anxiety andsetting boundaries and
potentially some people pleasingare all at play, this can show
up as over explaining yourself.
It can feel like you constantlyhave to ask someone for
(08:23):
permission before you takeaction.
It can look like constantlyapologizing for things that you
know don't require an apology.
It can look like going intowhat-if spirals when you're
trying to set a boundary andexpress yourself and really
speak up, and it can also looklike completely shutting down,
which would be more of like aphrase response.
(08:44):
But going into that likeavoidance place where you're
like this is too overwhelming,this is too much, so I'm just
gonna like take a step back andlike not even deal with any of
this.
So, when all of this comes up,there are a few different things
that I would love to share withyou in terms of, like a Semitic
approach that will besupportive for you to move
through all of these things whenyou're looking to set a
(09:07):
boundary, and it could also justbe helpful anytime that you're
even just feeling anxious.
These few tools that I'll sharewith you will definitely
support you.
So the first is allowing yourmind, your body, your energy to
feel grounded before you respondto something.
So respond versus rather thanreact.
(09:30):
Give yourself the time togather how you're feeling, to
gather what it feels like,what's coming up for you in your
body, what's coming up for youin your mind, before you
automatically jump to likesaying yes to something.
So give yourself time to groundyour energy before you respond.
And then the second tool isallowing yourself, in that pause
(09:52):
, to put one hand on your heart,one hand on your belly and
breathe in to any tension thatyou might be feeling in your
body.
So, again, this is a gentle,somatic practice, but it's going
to allow you to start to getcurious around where you hold
anxiety in your body.
So something comes up.
(10:13):
You're seeing that yourboundaries might have been
crossed, or you're looking tojust change how things are going
and set a new boundary yourself, and it's making you feel
anxious and that anxiety isshowing up in the body.
So the mind is going to dowhatever it's going to do, but
are you giving yourself the timeand space to really pause and
sit and be curious about what isthis feeling of anxiety Like?
(10:36):
Where is it showing up in mybody?
How am I feeling it?
Is it feeling like tension?
Is it feeling like a closure?
Is it feeling heavy?
Is it feeling like really fastpaced, like restless, almost?
Like how is this anxietyshowing up in my body and what
does it need from me?
And there was a quote that I sawthe other day that I wrote down
to that I wanted to share withyou, and it says knowing what we
(11:00):
feel is the first step toknowing why we feel that way.
So oftentimes, like with thatanxiety iceberg, anxiety is
what's showing up.
So we're going to set theboundary, and anxiety is what's
showing up, but underneath thatis usually something else.
And so this quote it's byBessel van der Kolk.
I hope I said that rightKnowing what we feel is the
(11:23):
first step to knowing why wefeel that way.
So give yourself the time andspace to pause, get curious
about what's coming up for youin your body, get curious about
what's coming up for you in yourmind, and that will help you to
kind of continue that journeyof knowing what exactly is
coming up for you, and it willjust give you so much more
insight too, which is really,really helpful.
(11:44):
And then the third again isanother like mindful, body-based
practice, but it's noticing howyou feel in your body before
you set a boundary and after youset a boundary.
So your intuition and the voiceof your body and the wisdom of
your body knows things.
If you are here listening tothis podcast, you are an
(12:08):
intuitive person.
So are you listening to whatyour body is telling you?
Are you giving yourself thetime and space to get curious
about?
Okay, this is how my body feltbefore I set this boundary and
this is how my body feels afterI set this boundary.
And so, yeah, like gettingcurious, giving yourself the
(12:30):
time and space to listen to howyour body is communicating to
you.
So maybe you've been doingboundary work for a little while
now and you want to even setstronger boundaries, like you're
aware that things, somethingcould change around this area,
and you're like okay, I'm readyto have have stronger boundaries
.
So these are a few things thatI think are always helpful to
(12:50):
incorporate when this issomething that you're taking a
look at.
So the first is for the overexplainers.
This is a great one.
So if you go into the overexplaining anxious oh my god, I
don't want to make anyone elseupset, so I'm just going to
explain as much as I can.
This one is for you, and thatis that no is a complete
(13:12):
sentence, so start incorporatingthat more into what you do.
You can say no and that can bethat there doesn't need to be an
over explanation and notice ifthat is something that you're
changing.
Notice how that shows up inyour body Like what does it feel
like when you don't overexplain?
(13:32):
If that's something that you'reused to, I'm sure it would be a
bit uncomfortable at first.
And then the second thing Iwanted to share with you around
this was I'm currently readingthe Let them Theory by Mel
Robbins and I kind of go in andout of reading self-help books
or books that would beconsidered self-help, because
sometimes it's hard for me tofinish them because they're like
(13:54):
not very interesting or it'sjust like too much information.
Um, but this one was availablefor me on my kindle and I was
like, oh, you know what, I'lljust like check it out.
Like she's definitely been inmy algorithms on Instagram and
I've been like loving everythingthat she's been sharing.
So I was like you know what,I'll check it out.
And I've actually been reallyenjoying it.
I'm about halfway through, so Ithink I will finish this one.
(14:16):
We'll see.
It's really hard for me tofinish self-help books, but
we'll see if I do.
And she refers to this referencein the book no-transcript,
(14:42):
disappointing somebody else toknow that they are showing up at
the emotional capacity of their, the version of their
eight-year-old self, and howmany people don't actually know
about the inner child, orthey're not necessarily even
really interested in emotionalhealing or discovering their
(15:05):
trauma responses or likeanything like that.
So oftentimes, when we go intointeractions and it's like a
struggle or it's hard or couldpotentially lead to a fight or
discomfort or whatever is goingon to visualize them as their
eight-year-old self, and itallows you to be more
(15:27):
compassionate, allows you toslow down, it allows you to see
them as potentially an adultthat's having a temper tantrum.
And she has this great diagramthat she shows in the book,
where she shows like eightbehaviors of children and then
how those eight behaviors ofadults show up.
And again, I don't have it infront of me so I can't can't
(15:49):
speak to the diagramspecifically, but it's really
interesting and I think, ifsetting boundaries is something
that you're struggling with orthat you struggled with in the
past, uh, having this point ofview, this like frame of
reference, is really helpful.
So, when you're going to setthat boundary and it's
potentially going to disappointsomebody else, um, visualize
(16:11):
them as their eight-year-oldself.
They have emotions too.
They're going to have bigfeelings potentially, and that's
okay.
And then the third thing that Iwould mention here, something
that I've been talking about inthe podcast forever, and
definitely in this episode, isto get to know your body, get to
know what it feels like to bein your body, the different
sensations, know what it feelslike to be in your body, the
different sensations, thedifferent reactions.
And this can be done throughgrounding your energy, somatic
(16:34):
awareness practices, breath work, mindfulness, somatic shaking,
inner child work, and all ofthis.
If you take all of thosepractices and you start to
incorporate them, I cannotstress enough how much it will
change how you understand yourpersonal emotional landscape and
the subtleties that happenthroughout your day to day
(16:57):
patterning and behavior.
It's really interesting, it's adifferent perspective and it's
really helpful for getting toknow yourself in an entirely
different way and it willdefinitely support you if you're
looking to navigate anxiety setboundaries.
And it's really helpful forgetting to know yourself in an
entirely different way and itwill definitely support you if
you're looking to navigateanxiety set boundaries.
So for this month of February,the theme of the month is
(17:20):
boundaries, and so the YouTubepractice of the month is up on
my YouTube channel and that is apractice around feeling your
personal boundaries, so feelingwhat it feels like in your body
to feel the edge of your ownenergy and how your personal
boundary shows up and how youhave, you know, full autonomy
and choice around your ownenergy, which is really
empowering.
So just a quick recap fortoday's episode.
(17:43):
We talked about settingboundaries.
We talked about how, if youstruggle with them, that might
happen the fawn response.
We talked about anxiety and howboundaries and anxiety can go
hand in hand.
We went over a few differentsomatic practices that will help
you in setting boundaries andmoving through anxiety when
you're feeling differentsensations from setting them,
(18:07):
how to have stronger boundaries.
And, yeah, I think that'severything.
So I hope that you enjoyedtoday's episode.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
If you have any questions aboutwhat we covered today, or if
you just want to chat with me,you can always do that.
You can send me an email, youcan send me a DM.
I respond to everyone thatreaches out to me and, yeah, I
(18:28):
hope you have an incredible restof your week, an incredible
rest of your day, and I willtalk to you soon.
Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode.
If you are moved or inspired,please share with me by leaving
a rating and review on ApplePodcasts.
It means the world to me and Iam so appreciative for your
support in helping my podcastgrow.
(18:50):
If we aren't already connectedon social media, head over to
Instagram and TikTok and followme at RayTheSemanticCoach.
Make sure you check out theshow notes of today's episode
for links to freebies,opportunities to work with me
and ways we can stay connectedoutside of the podcast.
Opportunities to work with meand ways we can stay connected
outside of the podcast.
I'm so happy that you're hereand I can only to talk with you
on our next episode of theradiant life podcast.
Welcome to the Radiant Life Podcast.
I'm your host, rae, the SomaticCoach, and I'm here to support
you in healing your past, livingin the present and creating
your future so that you canbecome the most centered,
embodied and happiest version ofyourself.
Each week, I'll be bringing youepisodes to help you navigate
life's challenges, ease stressand tension and learn more about
(00:24):
holistic healing, spiritualityand wellness.
If you're interested inbecoming the best version of
yourself so that you can livethe life of your dreams, then
you're in the right place.
Subscribe to the podcast andthe monthly newsletter and
follow me on Instagram andTikTok to know when new episodes
are released each week.
I am so happy that you'velanded here.
(00:45):
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to the podcast.
If you are new here, I'm Rae.
I'm a somatic coach andbreathwork facilitator, and if
you aren't new here, welcomeback.
I'm so glad that you're tuningin for today's episode, so some
front desk items before we divein.
(01:06):
One announcement that I alsoshared on our last episode is
about the podcast, and that isthat we're moving back to weekly
episodes, ideally starting inMarch.
I also might be rebranding thepodcast, so that would look like
potentially having a new name,new cover art, things of that
(01:27):
sort.
I don't remember if I mentionedthis on the last episode, but
I'm also transitioning mywebsite to a new platform and
all of these things that I'mupdating and things that I'm
shifting.
I will be sending out an emailthis month just kind of
summarizing all of theseexciting new announcements.
(01:48):
So if you're not on the monthlyemail list and you want to be
just sending your email, I'lladd you.
Or you can also sign up forbreathe easy, and that is a
ebook that teaches you how tocreate your own breathwork
practice and that willautomatically add you to receive
the monthly newsletter.
So lots of fun and excitingthings happening and I'm super
(02:11):
excited.
All good things.
I'll also mention that thebreathwork class of the month is
happening on February 13th it'sa Thursday.
If you have any questions aboutthat, let me know.
It's a Thursday.
If you have any questions aboutthat, let me know, and all the
information for that will be inthe show notes, all right?
(02:31):
So for today's topic, I wantedto speak with you about
boundaries and anxietyspecifically.
So my personal journey withanxiety really started my whole
journey with everything else.
So I don't know if you've everheard of the anxiety iceberg.
It's also something that I'vetalked about on the podcast, but
(02:53):
basically it's like visualizingan iceberg that's above water
and then at the top of it itsays anxiety and that's the
thing that you can see.
But underneath anxiety, whenall that ice melts, is all of
these other challenges that arekind of adding to that anxiety
or things that you just youdon't see.
(03:14):
So, for example, that couldlook like adhd, uh, poor
boundaries, people pleasingperfectionism, self-esteem.
It could look like so manydifferent things that are
underneath that iceberg.
But what we see and what we'reexperiencing is anxiety.
(03:34):
So today I'm going to sharewith you about how the topic of
boundaries and anxiety andnavigating both of them kind of
can go hand in hand, and howthat might be a challenge and
what that might look like ifthose are two things that you're
experiencing.
So when you struggle withsetting boundaries, some of the
(03:56):
things that you might be feelingcould be burnout from just
constantly over giving.
You could feel resentful fromyou know, going against your own
words and what is in integrityfor you, and you could also feel
overstimulated because there'sjust like so much going on and
it's like, ah, there's like alot happening and oftentimes you
(04:19):
might have a fear around evensetting boundaries, which can
make sense.
You know, a lot of times whenwe struggle in this area it's
because there's pastconditioning that's contributing
to how we show up in this area.
So it does make a lot of sense.
So you might have a fear aroundsetting some boundaries and
(04:42):
having anxiety in general, whichis that fear of setting the
boundaries can make it reallyhard to even navigate those
fears when they come up and thatcould look like maybe we feel
really guilty when we're settinga boundary, we're really
nervous to disappoint otherpeople, or we might have a lot
of worry around what's on theother side of making this change
(05:05):
, of setting this boundary, ofshowing up in a new way.
And I have another podcastepisode coming up that I'm going
to dive in a little bit moreinto people pleasing
specifically.
But I will say thatdisappointing other people and
setting boundaries often do gohand in hand and that's okay.
(05:25):
And I'm going to share with youin another episode how you can
kind of move through thatchallenge if that's the one
that's jumping out to you themost over like guilt or worry.
If that one's jumping out toyou, then I have another episode
coming out that will speak tothat specifically.
So, from a nervous systemperspective, when you struggle
to set boundaries, you're movinginto a FON response, and there
(05:50):
are four different traumaresponses that happen.
It's fight, flight, fon orfreeze, and so, specifically
with setting boundaries, youcould be moving into one of the
four, but it's typically fawning.
So moving into the fawnresponse is considered a trauma
(06:11):
response and this happens whensomeone is trying to avoid
something that might beconsidered or perceived as
dangerous.
So it's a form of survival and,although our defense mechanisms
don't always serve us, thereason why this response happens
is because over time we've beenconditioned to try and keep
(06:34):
ourselves safe.
So it might not necessarily beserving us, but it is actually
quite brilliant.
So that's something that youknow.
Shifting more into like partswork, that's something that when
you want to work with thisresponse or this part that finds
it safe to constantly befawning, you use parts work to
like move through that andreally understand it and kind of
(06:54):
like deconstruct it andunderstand what it really needs,
which is typically safety, love, belonging, understanding, a
completion of an event,something like that.
But a FON response can show upin people-pleasing, it can show
up in being overly agreeable andit can show up as constantly
putting someone else's needsbefore your own, which shows up
(07:17):
a lot when you're settingboundaries.
And what happens when you arestarting to understand what
anxiety is and you're startingto get to the root cause of it.
You might also see that you'restruggling to set boundaries or
you're struggling with peoplepleasing, and that goes back to
that anxiety iceberg that Imentioned at the beginning of
(07:39):
the episode.
But ultimately, when you startmoving through all of these
parts, on the other side you endup feeling like a very strong
sense of self-tr side, you endup feeling like a very strong
sense of self-trust, you end upfeeling safer in your body, you
end up being able to like pauseand see situations a little bit
differently, where you'reshowing up differently and
you're giving a differentresponse, and that FON response
(08:01):
eventually begins to shift andchange and it doesn't feel as
safe as it used to, as like adefault response.
So oftentimes, when anxiety andsetting boundaries and
potentially some people pleasingare all at play, this can show
up as over explaining yourself.
It can feel like you constantlyhave to ask someone for
(08:23):
permission before you takeaction.
It can look like constantlyapologizing for things that you
know don't require an apology.
It can look like going intowhat-if spirals when you're
trying to set a boundary andexpress yourself and really
speak up, and it can also looklike completely shutting down,
which would be more of like aphrase response.
(08:44):
But going into that likeavoidance place where you're
like this is too overwhelming,this is too much, so I'm just
gonna like take a step back andlike not even deal with any of
this.
So, when all of this comes up,there are a few different things
that I would love to share withyou in terms of, like a Semitic
approach that will besupportive for you to move
through all of these things whenyou're looking to set a
(09:07):
boundary, and it could also justbe helpful anytime that you're
even just feeling anxious.
These few tools that I'll sharewith you will definitely
support you.
So the first is allowing yourmind, your body, your energy to
feel grounded before you respondto something.
So respond versus rather thanreact.
(09:30):
Give yourself the time togather how you're feeling, to
gather what it feels like,what's coming up for you in your
body, what's coming up for youin your mind, before you
automatically jump to likesaying yes to something.
So give yourself time to groundyour energy before you respond.
And then the second tool isallowing yourself, in that pause
(09:52):
, to put one hand on your heart,one hand on your belly and
breathe in to any tension thatyou might be feeling in your
body.
So, again, this is a gentle,somatic practice, but it's going
to allow you to start to getcurious around where you hold
anxiety in your body.
So something comes up.
(10:13):
You're seeing that yourboundaries might have been
crossed, or you're looking tojust change how things are going
and set a new boundary yourself, and it's making you feel
anxious and that anxiety isshowing up in the body.
So the mind is going to dowhatever it's going to do, but
are you giving yourself the timeand space to really pause and
sit and be curious about what isthis feeling of anxiety Like?
(10:36):
Where is it showing up in mybody?
How am I feeling it?
Is it feeling like tension?
Is it feeling like a closure?
Is it feeling heavy?
Is it feeling like really fastpaced, like restless, almost?
Like how is this anxietyshowing up in my body and what
does it need from me?
And there was a quote that I sawthe other day that I wrote down
to that I wanted to share withyou, and it says knowing what we
(11:00):
feel is the first step toknowing why we feel that way.
So oftentimes, like with thatanxiety iceberg, anxiety is
what's showing up.
So we're going to set theboundary, and anxiety is what's
showing up, but underneath thatis usually something else.
And so this quote it's byBessel van der Kolk.
I hope I said that rightKnowing what we feel is the
(11:23):
first step to knowing why wefeel that way.
So give yourself the time andspace to pause, get curious
about what's coming up for youin your body, get curious about
what's coming up for you in yourmind, and that will help you to
kind of continue that journeyof knowing what exactly is
coming up for you, and it willjust give you so much more
insight too, which is really,really helpful.
(11:44):
And then the third again isanother like mindful, body-based
practice, but it's noticing howyou feel in your body before
you set a boundary and after youset a boundary.
So your intuition and the voiceof your body and the wisdom of
your body knows things.
If you are here listening tothis podcast, you are an
(12:08):
intuitive person.
So are you listening to whatyour body is telling you?
Are you giving yourself thetime and space to get curious
about?
Okay, this is how my body feltbefore I set this boundary and
this is how my body feels afterI set this boundary.
And so, yeah, like gettingcurious, giving yourself the
(12:30):
time and space to listen to howyour body is communicating to
you.
So maybe you've been doingboundary work for a little while
now and you want to even setstronger boundaries, like you're
aware that things, somethingcould change around this area,
and you're like okay, I'm readyto have have stronger boundaries
.
So these are a few things thatI think are always helpful to
(12:50):
incorporate when this issomething that you're taking a
look at.
So the first is for the overexplainers.
This is a great one.
So if you go into the overexplaining anxious oh my god, I
don't want to make anyone elseupset, so I'm just going to
explain as much as I can.
This one is for you, and thatis that no is a complete
(13:12):
sentence, so start incorporatingthat more into what you do.
You can say no and that can bethat there doesn't need to be an
over explanation and notice ifthat is something that you're
changing.
Notice how that shows up inyour body Like what does it feel
like when you don't overexplain?
(13:32):
If that's something that you'reused to, I'm sure it would be a
bit uncomfortable at first.
And then the second thing Iwanted to share with you around
this was I'm currently readingthe Let them Theory by Mel
Robbins and I kind of go in andout of reading self-help books
or books that would beconsidered self-help, because
sometimes it's hard for me tofinish them because they're like
(13:54):
not very interesting or it'sjust like too much information.
Um, but this one was availablefor me on my kindle and I was
like, oh, you know what, I'lljust like check it out.
Like she's definitely been inmy algorithms on Instagram and
I've been like loving everythingthat she's been sharing.
So I was like you know what,I'll check it out.
And I've actually been reallyenjoying it.
I'm about halfway through, so Ithink I will finish this one.
(14:16):
We'll see.
It's really hard for me tofinish self-help books, but
we'll see if I do.
And she refers to this referencein the book no-transcript,
(14:42):
disappointing somebody else toknow that they are showing up at
the emotional capacity of their, the version of their
eight-year-old self, and howmany people don't actually know
about the inner child, orthey're not necessarily even
really interested in emotionalhealing or discovering their
(15:05):
trauma responses or likeanything like that.
So oftentimes, when we go intointeractions and it's like a
struggle or it's hard or couldpotentially lead to a fight or
discomfort or whatever is goingon to visualize them as their
eight-year-old self, and itallows you to be more
(15:27):
compassionate, allows you toslow down, it allows you to see
them as potentially an adultthat's having a temper tantrum.
And she has this great diagramthat she shows in the book,
where she shows like eightbehaviors of children and then
how those eight behaviors ofadults show up.
And again, I don't have it infront of me so I can't can't
(15:49):
speak to the diagramspecifically, but it's really
interesting and I think, ifsetting boundaries is something
that you're struggling with orthat you struggled with in the
past, uh, having this point ofview, this like frame of
reference, is really helpful.
So, when you're going to setthat boundary and it's
potentially going to disappointsomebody else, um, visualize
(16:11):
them as their eight-year-oldself.
They have emotions too.
They're going to have bigfeelings potentially, and that's
okay.
And then the third thing that Iwould mention here, something
that I've been talking about inthe podcast forever, and
definitely in this episode, isto get to know your body, get to
know what it feels like to bein your body, the different
sensations, know what it feelslike to be in your body, the
different sensations, thedifferent reactions.
And this can be done throughgrounding your energy, somatic
(16:34):
awareness practices, breath work, mindfulness, somatic shaking,
inner child work, and all ofthis.
If you take all of thosepractices and you start to
incorporate them, I cannotstress enough how much it will
change how you understand yourpersonal emotional landscape and
the subtleties that happenthroughout your day to day
(16:57):
patterning and behavior.
It's really interesting, it's adifferent perspective and it's
really helpful for getting toknow yourself in an entirely
different way and it willdefinitely support you if you're
looking to navigate anxiety setboundaries.
And it's really helpful forgetting to know yourself in an
entirely different way and itwill definitely support you if
you're looking to navigateanxiety set boundaries.
So for this month of February,the theme of the month is
(17:20):
boundaries, and so the YouTubepractice of the month is up on
my YouTube channel and that is apractice around feeling your
personal boundaries, so feelingwhat it feels like in your body
to feel the edge of your ownenergy and how your personal
boundary shows up and how youhave, you know, full autonomy
and choice around your ownenergy, which is really
empowering.
So just a quick recap fortoday's episode.
(17:43):
We talked about settingboundaries.
We talked about how, if youstruggle with them, that might
happen the fawn response.
We talked about anxiety and howboundaries and anxiety can go
hand in hand.
We went over a few differentsomatic practices that will help
you in setting boundaries andmoving through anxiety when
you're feeling differentsensations from setting them,
(18:07):
how to have stronger boundaries.
And, yeah, I think that'severything.
So I hope that you enjoyedtoday's episode.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
If you have any questions aboutwhat we covered today, or if
you just want to chat with me,you can always do that.
You can send me an email, youcan send me a DM.
I respond to everyone thatreaches out to me and, yeah, I
(18:28):
hope you have an incredible restof your week, an incredible
rest of your day, and I willtalk to you soon.
Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode.
If you are moved or inspired,please share with me by leaving
a rating and review on ApplePodcasts.
It means the world to me and Iam so appreciative for your
support in helping my podcastgrow.
(18:50):
If we aren't already connectedon social media, head over to
Instagram and TikTok and followme at RayTheSemanticCoach.
Make sure you check out theshow notes of today's episode
for links to freebies,opportunities to work with me
and ways we can stay connectedoutside of the podcast.
Opportunities to work with meand ways we can stay connected
outside of the podcast.
I'm so happy that you're hereand I can only to talk with you
on our next episode of theradiant life podcast.
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