February 26, 2025 • 17 mins
Do you struggle to say no, fear disappointing others, or prioritize everyone’s comfort over your own? People-pleasing isn’t just a habit—it’s a nervous system response, often rooted in childhood conditioning and the fawn trauma response. But the good news? You can unlearn it.
In this episode, we dive deep into:
- The roots of people-pleasing – why it develops and how it disconnects you from your authentic voice
- The fear of being disliked and how to expand your capacity to hold discomfort
- A fun, unconventional “Villain Exercise” to help you break free from approval-seeking (Source: Kali Somatics)
- How somatic therapy, breathwork, and inner child work help you feel safe in self-expression
- Why setting boundaries feels hard—but is essential for emotional freedom and self-trust
If you’re ready to stop over-explaining, start speaking your truth, and step into embodied self-expression, this episode is for you.
🎧 Listen now and start rewriting your fear of disappointing others!
📩 Sign up for the newsletter to get more insights, tools, and support delivered to your inbox!
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Disclaimer: Please remember that the information shared on this podcast is intended to inspire, educate, and support you on your personal journey. It does not substitute for professional mental health advice. I am not a psychologist or medical professional. If you are experiencing distress, mental health challenges, or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified professional.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Radiant Life Podcast.
I'm your host, rae, the SomaticCoach, and I'm here to support
you in healing your past, livingin the present and creating
your future so that you canbecome the most centered,
embodied and happiest version ofyourself.
Each week, I'll be bringing youepisodes to help you navigate
life's challenges, ease stressand tension and learn more about
(00:24):
holistic healing, spiritualityand wellness.
If you're interested inbecoming the best version of
yourself so that you can livethe life of your dreams, then
you're in the right place.
Subscribe to the podcast andthe monthly newsletter and
follow me on Instagram andTikTok to know when new episodes
are released each week.
I am so happy that you'velanded here.
(00:45):
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to the podcast.
If you are new here, I'm Rae,I'm a somatic coach and
breathwork facilitator, and ifyou aren't new here, welcome
back.
I'm so glad that you're tuningin for today's episode, so I'm
excited to bring you today'sepisode.
(01:06):
Today's topic it's all aroundpeople policing.
But before I dive in, I do haveone front desk announcement,
which is I switched my websiteover to a new platform.
So previously I was on Kajabi,previously I was on Kajabi, now
I am on Squarespace.
Same URL, same website,wwwrachelecraftcom, and on that
(01:34):
website I also have a brand newscheduling system.
So previously I was usingCalendly, but now I'm using
Acuity, and what that means foryou is that everything is now in
one place, so it makes thebooking experience so much
simpler.
Everything's on my website.
I redid my website, so if youwant to check that out, you'll
be able to see just likeeverything in one place, and if
you received the monthlynewsletter, you'll also see that
(01:59):
there's a special discount inthere for you.
So definitely check it out, andif you have any questions, just
send me an email, a DM.
I will answer them and getright back for you.
So definitely check it out andif you have any questions, just
send me an email, a DM.
I will answer them and getright back to you.
Okay, so for today's topic,people pleasing.
I chose this topic specificallybecause, even on my personal
(02:19):
journey of moving throughanxiety, moving through grief,
moving through perfectionism, Irealized that underneath all
that, there was a lot of otherthings that I got to take a look
at, which people-pleasing wasdefinitely one of them.
And doing just this deeper work, this deeper healing work, and
working with the shadow andworking with our limitations.
It can be really tough stuff,it can be challenging at times,
(02:44):
and so this topic, specificallypeople pleasing I think it
definitely relates to our themefor this month of boundaries,
and I know on a previous episodeI think it was two episodes ago
I mentioned that I would betalking more about people
pleasing, and so that is thatepisode here right now.
So that is what I have for youright now.
(03:05):
So people pleasing in itself isthis learned nervous system
response that we've learned overtime as a form of survival.
And I always like to say thatour defense mechanisms, our
nervous system responses, areactually quite brilliant for
(03:25):
what we needed in those momentswhen they were formed.
And then over time, you know,as we grow and we get older, we
realize that sometimes thosepatterns don't always serve us
and because in those moments wewere trying to survive, they are
actually in fact quitebrilliant.
But today, when those samealarm systems don't know to be
(03:46):
going off, that is when we getto kind of like reprogram and
work through any pastlimitations so that we can
recreate ourselves with fullfreedom to express full
embodiment and just full freedomto show up and take up space as
we truly are.
So people pleasing is typicallycreated in childhood.
It's usually an inner childwound and it is a learned
(04:08):
behavior that goes to some sortof the tune of if I make so and
so happy, I will be safe or Iwill be loved or I will be
acknowledged or I will be seen,and so it leads to kind of good
girl behavior, good girlconditioning, and it essentially
at the root is a form of theFON trauma response.
(04:30):
So there's four traumaresponses freeze, fon, flight or
fight.
Freeze, fon, flight or fight.
And FON is one of those fourtrauma responses.
And Fawn is one of those fourtrauma responses.
(04:53):
So the challenges that we facewhen this trauma response
happens is it shows up as adisconnection from our authentic
voice.
Because we're constantly tryingto shrink or allow someone else
to be heard ahead of us, whichcan in turn help.
We end up feeling lessself-expressed, we end up
appeasing other people to avoidconflict or avoid a disagreement
, which means we might say yesor we might say no when we
(05:17):
actually mean the opposite, andwe also end up prioritizing
other people's comfort and otherpeople's needs over your own.
So all of these behaviors arepart of the FON trauma response
and, over time, chronicallybeing in that pattern.
It can lead to resentment, itcan lead to burnout, it can lead
(05:40):
to friendships ending,relationships ending heightened
anxiety.
So there's a lot of things thatcan happen from this one
behavior.
If this behavior were similar tothe anxiety iceberg, if you put
people pleasing at the top ofthe iceberg instead of anxiety,
you might see that when thaticeberg melts, underneath all of
that, people pleasing are theseother challenges and issues,
(06:03):
other things that come up.
So, as we're taking a look atthis pattern and we're looking
into this behavior, it's helpfulto get curious about what
happens in your body when thesepatterns happen in real life.
So, when you think ofdisappointing somebody else,
(06:23):
what happens?
Do you feel a tightness in yourchest, do you feel a sinking
feeling, a shrinking, do youfeel overwhelmed with guilt or
grief or shame?
And essentially, although it'svery uncomfortable, this is your
body's natural response andreaction as it's preparing for a
conflict or a rejection.
(06:45):
And although it's uncomfortable, it's actually quite brilliant.
So, accepting our bodies andunderstanding our bodies exactly
how they are and how they'reshowing up and how they're
responding, and not making thembad or wrong for it, we're just
kind of getting curious andtaking a look.
So are you able to sit with andacknowledge any discomfort that
(07:08):
comes up when you do think ofdisappointing somebody else?
Because essentially, withpeople pleasing, when we're
chronically trying to appeaseeverybody else, if we step out
of that behavior and we stepinto a new one, it can be really
confronting and it can bereally scary because you're
going to move from essentiallykeeping the peace to maybe
(07:30):
disrupting the peace and thatcan be very uncomfortable.
And over the past few years, asI've started to take a look more
at this behavior of peoplepleasing, there was a teacher,
another coach, that I stumbledupon.
Actually I found her when I wasstill on TikTok.
I'm not on TikTok anymore, butwhen I was still on TikTok,
(07:51):
maybe like two years ago, shewas in the midst of getting
canceled by a bunch of hundredsof thousands of people on TikTok
were trying to cancel her andthat's how she ended up in my
algorithm and how she wasshowing up and how she was
talking about her experience ofbeing canceled and how it was
(08:12):
affecting her somatically in thebody, because she's also a
somatic coach.
I found so fascinating and herniche is people pleasing, like
this is her actual niche and shealso highlights the fawn
response and goes into greatdetail in these two areas.
And so I took one of hercourses and it was all around
(08:37):
people pleasing, being disliked,somatic, experiencing, like all
that good stuff Totally my jam,and I thought it was really
interesting.
And in the course she sharedthis one tool that I will share
with you now.
So she shares this one toolabout getting familiar with the
qualities of your favoritevillain, and I find this so
(08:58):
interesting.
But I would use the example oflike Anna Delvey from Inventing
Anna.
If you've seen that so good Ithink it's on Netflix, but you
could also use like CruellaDeVille, you could use like any
kind of villain, pretty muchanyone that's on the Traitor
Show.
If you watch that like someonewho society has deemed a villain
, that person is bad, thatperson is like the villain on a
(09:20):
show or a series or a movie, andso you're going to pick a
villain and you're going to getfamiliar with your favorite
qualities of that villain.
So if you again, if you haveany kind of people-pleasing
history, this is going to beuncomfortable Because for years
(09:40):
this would be something thatmaybe you have interpreted as
being like very quote-unquote,bad or shameful.
And so she suggests embodyingthe archetype of this villain
for one week and then the nexttime we met for the next class,
she wanted us to come likedressed as that character and
like share about our experienceof like.
(10:02):
If I was going through thegrocery store and someone was
rude to me, because for somereason the grocery stores by me
are like absolutely a war zone,but if that week which this
didn't happen but if that weekif I were embodying Anna Delvey,
like what, what would myresponse have been, instead of
like just being upset?
But anyway, it was very funpractice and I think that
(10:27):
playing around with this tool,and this idea specifically,
allowed me to discover a fewother things about people
pleasing as well.
So the first is that it allowedme to rewrite the fear of
disappointing other people, andthat is something that I think
in itself is just amazing, soliberating when you're like so
(10:49):
attached to making other peoplehappy.
Um, it allowed me to create alittle bit of space and friction
and difference in that thoughtand in that behavior.
So I made it into like a game,like if, if someone were, if I
did something and someone wereupset with me, instead of being
like feeling like so, so so badabout it.
(11:10):
Maybe I was like, oh, like Idid something bad, like ooh,
like it's fun to be bad, likemaking it a little bit of a game
and bringing a little bit ofplayful and playfulness into it
and I'm talking about innocentstuff, obviously nothing that's
like harmful or serious oranything like that.
But, um, it does make it alittle bit lighter and a little
(11:31):
bit of possibility in somethingthat might be emotionally
charged or hard.
And I think an easy example thatis very relatable is if you've
ever quit a job, it can comewith a lot of mixed emotions.
So maybe this was a harddecision for you or maybe you
(11:51):
had to have a few difficultconversations before that time
came where you actually ended upquitting, and most likely
someone in that experience isgoing to be disappointed,
whether it's a coworker or amanager or a boss or someone.
Maybe it's even like someone inyour life, like they're not
even at your job.
Maybe it's like a parent or afriend, someone.
Maybe it's even like someone inyour life like they're not even
(12:12):
at your job.
Maybe it's like a parent or afriend, like it's usually a big
decision that is going to causedisappointment for somebody
hopefully not for you if you'rethe one that's choosing to quit,
but you get the idea.
So it's like an easy example ofhow can we rewrite that fear of
disappointing somebody elsewhen it means that your needs
and what you need is going tocome first.
(12:35):
And then, another area that itallowed me to dive into and
really see from a differentlight, which I really enjoyed,
was that all of the conditioningaround this behavior of people
pleasing is something that youcan revisit.
It is not a behavior that isalways going to be there if you
don't want it to be, especiallyif it's something that's not
(12:57):
serving you Like if you arefeeling like you're totally
overgiving or your boundariesare totally misaligned or you
are so resentful in a friendshipor a partnership or something.
All of the behaviors thatyou've been experiencing or
patterns that you're findingyourself in can be revisited.
They can be changed.
(13:18):
You can change your mindset,you can change your patterns.
It is all possible.
And in my approach, the workthat I've done for myself
personally and also with all ofmy clients for this particular
pattern around people pleasingand all of the challenging
emotions that it brings up, isinner child work absolutely
revisiting those parts ofyourself and understanding each
(13:41):
part of yourself and around thisarea of people pleasing.
So the part of you that peoplepleases, when really that part
is looking for love or safety,like allowing yourself and your
inner experience to become oneof the safest places that you
experience internally.
So nothing even has to changeexternally when you do inner
(14:04):
child work.
It's actually quite fascinatingbecause you're able to
understand yourself internallyfrom a totally different
perspective.
Another tool somatic therapy.
I think that using theperspective of connecting with
the body and understanding thebody when you're working with
this behavior of people-pleasingis so different and unique than
other modalities that you'llfind out there, and I think it
(14:26):
really allows you to understandthe responses and the sensations
and what's happening in yourbody when these behaviors are
happening.
And oftentimes it's aboutsitting with that discomfort and
again learning to make yourselfa safe space to be with
internally and understandingwhat's coming up for you exactly
(14:47):
.
And so, inner child work,somatic therapy, somatic
coaching that's the work thatI'm doing with clients every day
in this area, and it is able toexpand your capacity to be
disliked, voice your opinion,express yourself authentically
and really take up space and betruly embodied in what is your
(15:07):
honest truth.
And then, lastly, before Iclose out this episode,
something that I always like tocome back to whenever I'm
speaking about something likedeep emotional healing or
reprogramming or changingbehaviors, is absolutely having
self-compassion and knowing thatwhatever journey you're on is
(15:30):
not about perfection.
It's really about makingyourself feel safe to express
yourself authentically and beingable to create a life that you
absolutely love to be inrelationships that you love to
be surrounded by people thatbring out the best of you.
Breast in you that in a placewhere you feel like safe that's
(15:50):
ultimately what it's about.
Breast in you that in a placewhere you feel like safe that's
ultimately what it's about.
So, although people pleasing isa condition, response to small T
or big T trauma, it's somethingthat you can change.
It can take time, it'sabsolutely possible and all you
really need to do to start, ifyou're looking to make some
shifts in this area, is to beaware of the pattern, build your
(16:11):
capacity to feel uncomfortable,know that if it feels bad or
wrong, that probably means thatit is what you need to do or say
, and it's a muscle you know theother side of emerging from
people pleasing and those newbehaviors is a muscle that you
can build over time.
So continue to beself-compassionate with yourself
(16:35):
, gentle with yourself, patient,understanding, and that is what
I have for you for today'stopic.
So I hope that you enjoyedtoday's episode.
I absolutely love recordingthese for you.
If anything came up where you'relike wanting to chat with me
about it, you're curious aboutsomething, you can send me a DM,
you can send me an email.
I love chatting with you and,yeah, I hope that you have an
(16:58):
incredible rest of your week, anincredible rest of your day,
and I will talk to you soon.
Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode.
If you are moved or inspired,please share with me by leaving
a rating and review on ApplePodcasts.
It means the world to me and Iam so appreciative for your
support in helping my podcastgrow.
If we aren't already connectedon social media, head over to
(17:22):
Instagram and TikTok and followme at RayTheSemanticCoach.
Make sure you check out theshow notes of today's episode
for links to freebies,opportunities to work with me
and ways we can stay connectedoutside of the podcast.
I'm so happy that you're hereand I can't wait to talk with
you on our next episode of theRadiant Life Podcast.
Welcome to the Radiant Life Podcast.
I'm your host, rae, the SomaticCoach, and I'm here to support
you in healing your past, livingin the present and creating
your future so that you canbecome the most centered,
embodied and happiest version ofyourself.
Each week, I'll be bringing youepisodes to help you navigate
life's challenges, ease stressand tension and learn more about
(00:24):
holistic healing, spiritualityand wellness.
If you're interested inbecoming the best version of
yourself so that you can livethe life of your dreams, then
you're in the right place.
Subscribe to the podcast andthe monthly newsletter and
follow me on Instagram andTikTok to know when new episodes
are released each week.
I am so happy that you'velanded here.
(00:45):
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to the podcast.
If you are new here, I'm Rae,I'm a somatic coach and
breathwork facilitator, and ifyou aren't new here, welcome
back.
I'm so glad that you're tuningin for today's episode, so I'm
excited to bring you today'sepisode.
(01:06):
Today's topic it's all aroundpeople policing.
But before I dive in, I do haveone front desk announcement,
which is I switched my websiteover to a new platform.
So previously I was on Kajabi,previously I was on Kajabi, now
I am on Squarespace.
Same URL, same website,wwwrachelecraftcom, and on that
(01:34):
website I also have a brand newscheduling system.
So previously I was usingCalendly, but now I'm using
Acuity, and what that means foryou is that everything is now in
one place, so it makes thebooking experience so much
simpler.
Everything's on my website.
I redid my website, so if youwant to check that out, you'll
be able to see just likeeverything in one place, and if
you received the monthlynewsletter, you'll also see that
(01:59):
there's a special discount inthere for you.
So definitely check it out, andif you have any questions, just
send me an email, a DM.
I will answer them and getright back for you.
So definitely check it out andif you have any questions, just
send me an email, a DM.
I will answer them and getright back to you.
Okay, so for today's topic,people pleasing.
I chose this topic specificallybecause, even on my personal
(02:19):
journey of moving throughanxiety, moving through grief,
moving through perfectionism, Irealized that underneath all
that, there was a lot of otherthings that I got to take a look
at, which people-pleasing wasdefinitely one of them.
And doing just this deeper work, this deeper healing work, and
working with the shadow andworking with our limitations.
It can be really tough stuff,it can be challenging at times,
(02:44):
and so this topic, specificallypeople pleasing I think it
definitely relates to our themefor this month of boundaries,
and I know on a previous episodeI think it was two episodes ago
I mentioned that I would betalking more about people
pleasing, and so that is thatepisode here right now.
So that is what I have for youright now.
(03:05):
So people pleasing in itself isthis learned nervous system
response that we've learned overtime as a form of survival.
And I always like to say thatour defense mechanisms, our
nervous system responses, areactually quite brilliant for
(03:25):
what we needed in those momentswhen they were formed.
And then over time, you know,as we grow and we get older, we
realize that sometimes thosepatterns don't always serve us
and because in those moments wewere trying to survive, they are
actually in fact quitebrilliant.
But today, when those samealarm systems don't know to be
(03:46):
going off, that is when we getto kind of like reprogram and
work through any pastlimitations so that we can
recreate ourselves with fullfreedom to express full
embodiment and just full freedomto show up and take up space as
we truly are.
So people pleasing is typicallycreated in childhood.
It's usually an inner childwound and it is a learned
(04:08):
behavior that goes to some sortof the tune of if I make so and
so happy, I will be safe or Iwill be loved or I will be
acknowledged or I will be seen,and so it leads to kind of good
girl behavior, good girlconditioning, and it essentially
at the root is a form of theFON trauma response.
(04:30):
So there's four traumaresponses freeze, fon, flight or
fight.
Freeze, fon, flight or fight.
And FON is one of those fourtrauma responses.
And Fawn is one of those fourtrauma responses.
(04:53):
So the challenges that we facewhen this trauma response
happens is it shows up as adisconnection from our authentic
voice.
Because we're constantly tryingto shrink or allow someone else
to be heard ahead of us, whichcan in turn help.
We end up feeling lessself-expressed, we end up
appeasing other people to avoidconflict or avoid a disagreement
, which means we might say yesor we might say no when we
(05:17):
actually mean the opposite, andwe also end up prioritizing
other people's comfort and otherpeople's needs over your own.
So all of these behaviors arepart of the FON trauma response
and, over time, chronicallybeing in that pattern.
It can lead to resentment, itcan lead to burnout, it can lead
(05:40):
to friendships ending,relationships ending heightened
anxiety.
So there's a lot of things thatcan happen from this one
behavior.
If this behavior were similar tothe anxiety iceberg, if you put
people pleasing at the top ofthe iceberg instead of anxiety,
you might see that when thaticeberg melts, underneath all of
that, people pleasing are theseother challenges and issues,
(06:03):
other things that come up.
So, as we're taking a look atthis pattern and we're looking
into this behavior, it's helpfulto get curious about what
happens in your body when thesepatterns happen in real life.
So, when you think ofdisappointing somebody else,
(06:23):
what happens?
Do you feel a tightness in yourchest, do you feel a sinking
feeling, a shrinking, do youfeel overwhelmed with guilt or
grief or shame?
And essentially, although it'svery uncomfortable, this is your
body's natural response andreaction as it's preparing for a
conflict or a rejection.
(06:45):
And although it's uncomfortable, it's actually quite brilliant.
So, accepting our bodies andunderstanding our bodies exactly
how they are and how they'reshowing up and how they're
responding, and not making thembad or wrong for it, we're just
kind of getting curious andtaking a look.
So are you able to sit with andacknowledge any discomfort that
(07:08):
comes up when you do think ofdisappointing somebody else?
Because essentially, withpeople pleasing, when we're
chronically trying to appeaseeverybody else, if we step out
of that behavior and we stepinto a new one, it can be really
confronting and it can bereally scary because you're
going to move from essentiallykeeping the peace to maybe
(07:30):
disrupting the peace and thatcan be very uncomfortable.
And over the past few years, asI've started to take a look more
at this behavior of peoplepleasing, there was a teacher,
another coach, that I stumbledupon.
Actually I found her when I wasstill on TikTok.
I'm not on TikTok anymore, butwhen I was still on TikTok,
(07:51):
maybe like two years ago, shewas in the midst of getting
canceled by a bunch of hundredsof thousands of people on TikTok
were trying to cancel her andthat's how she ended up in my
algorithm and how she wasshowing up and how she was
talking about her experience ofbeing canceled and how it was
(08:12):
affecting her somatically in thebody, because she's also a
somatic coach.
I found so fascinating and herniche is people pleasing, like
this is her actual niche and shealso highlights the fawn
response and goes into greatdetail in these two areas.
And so I took one of hercourses and it was all around
(08:37):
people pleasing, being disliked,somatic, experiencing, like all
that good stuff Totally my jam,and I thought it was really
interesting.
And in the course she sharedthis one tool that I will share
with you now.
So she shares this one toolabout getting familiar with the
qualities of your favoritevillain, and I find this so
(08:58):
interesting.
But I would use the example oflike Anna Delvey from Inventing
Anna.
If you've seen that so good Ithink it's on Netflix, but you
could also use like CruellaDeVille, you could use like any
kind of villain, pretty muchanyone that's on the Traitor
Show.
If you watch that like someonewho society has deemed a villain
, that person is bad, thatperson is like the villain on a
(09:20):
show or a series or a movie, andso you're going to pick a
villain and you're going to getfamiliar with your favorite
qualities of that villain.
So if you again, if you haveany kind of people-pleasing
history, this is going to beuncomfortable Because for years
(09:40):
this would be something thatmaybe you have interpreted as
being like very quote-unquote,bad or shameful.
And so she suggests embodyingthe archetype of this villain
for one week and then the nexttime we met for the next class,
she wanted us to come likedressed as that character and
like share about our experienceof like.
(10:02):
If I was going through thegrocery store and someone was
rude to me, because for somereason the grocery stores by me
are like absolutely a war zone,but if that week which this
didn't happen but if that weekif I were embodying Anna Delvey,
like what, what would myresponse have been, instead of
like just being upset?
But anyway, it was very funpractice and I think that
(10:27):
playing around with this tool,and this idea specifically,
allowed me to discover a fewother things about people
pleasing as well.
So the first is that it allowedme to rewrite the fear of
disappointing other people, andthat is something that I think
in itself is just amazing, soliberating when you're like so
(10:49):
attached to making other peoplehappy.
Um, it allowed me to create alittle bit of space and friction
and difference in that thoughtand in that behavior.
So I made it into like a game,like if, if someone were, if I
did something and someone wereupset with me, instead of being
like feeling like so, so so badabout it.
(11:10):
Maybe I was like, oh, like Idid something bad, like ooh,
like it's fun to be bad, likemaking it a little bit of a game
and bringing a little bit ofplayful and playfulness into it
and I'm talking about innocentstuff, obviously nothing that's
like harmful or serious oranything like that.
But, um, it does make it alittle bit lighter and a little
(11:31):
bit of possibility in somethingthat might be emotionally
charged or hard.
And I think an easy example thatis very relatable is if you've
ever quit a job, it can comewith a lot of mixed emotions.
So maybe this was a harddecision for you or maybe you
(11:51):
had to have a few difficultconversations before that time
came where you actually ended upquitting, and most likely
someone in that experience isgoing to be disappointed,
whether it's a coworker or amanager or a boss or someone.
Maybe it's even like someone inyour life, like they're not
even at your job.
Maybe it's like a parent or afriend, someone.
Maybe it's even like someone inyour life like they're not even
(12:12):
at your job.
Maybe it's like a parent or afriend, like it's usually a big
decision that is going to causedisappointment for somebody
hopefully not for you if you'rethe one that's choosing to quit,
but you get the idea.
So it's like an easy example ofhow can we rewrite that fear of
disappointing somebody elsewhen it means that your needs
and what you need is going tocome first.
(12:35):
And then, another area that itallowed me to dive into and
really see from a differentlight, which I really enjoyed,
was that all of the conditioningaround this behavior of people
pleasing is something that youcan revisit.
It is not a behavior that isalways going to be there if you
don't want it to be, especiallyif it's something that's not
(12:57):
serving you Like if you arefeeling like you're totally
overgiving or your boundariesare totally misaligned or you
are so resentful in a friendshipor a partnership or something.
All of the behaviors thatyou've been experiencing or
patterns that you're findingyourself in can be revisited.
They can be changed.
(13:18):
You can change your mindset,you can change your patterns.
It is all possible.
And in my approach, the workthat I've done for myself
personally and also with all ofmy clients for this particular
pattern around people pleasingand all of the challenging
emotions that it brings up, isinner child work absolutely
revisiting those parts ofyourself and understanding each
(13:41):
part of yourself and around thisarea of people pleasing.
So the part of you that peoplepleases, when really that part
is looking for love or safety,like allowing yourself and your
inner experience to become oneof the safest places that you
experience internally.
So nothing even has to changeexternally when you do inner
(14:04):
child work.
It's actually quite fascinatingbecause you're able to
understand yourself internallyfrom a totally different
perspective.
Another tool somatic therapy.
I think that using theperspective of connecting with
the body and understanding thebody when you're working with
this behavior of people-pleasingis so different and unique than
other modalities that you'llfind out there, and I think it
(14:26):
really allows you to understandthe responses and the sensations
and what's happening in yourbody when these behaviors are
happening.
And oftentimes it's aboutsitting with that discomfort and
again learning to make yourselfa safe space to be with
internally and understandingwhat's coming up for you exactly
(14:47):
.
And so, inner child work,somatic therapy, somatic
coaching that's the work thatI'm doing with clients every day
in this area, and it is able toexpand your capacity to be
disliked, voice your opinion,express yourself authentically
and really take up space and betruly embodied in what is your
(15:07):
honest truth.
And then, lastly, before Iclose out this episode,
something that I always like tocome back to whenever I'm
speaking about something likedeep emotional healing or
reprogramming or changingbehaviors, is absolutely having
self-compassion and knowing thatwhatever journey you're on is
(15:30):
not about perfection.
It's really about makingyourself feel safe to express
yourself authentically and beingable to create a life that you
absolutely love to be inrelationships that you love to
be surrounded by people thatbring out the best of you.
Breast in you that in a placewhere you feel like safe that's
(15:50):
ultimately what it's about.
Breast in you that in a placewhere you feel like safe that's
ultimately what it's about.
So, although people pleasing isa condition, response to small T
or big T trauma, it's somethingthat you can change.
It can take time, it'sabsolutely possible and all you
really need to do to start, ifyou're looking to make some
shifts in this area, is to beaware of the pattern, build your
(16:11):
capacity to feel uncomfortable,know that if it feels bad or
wrong, that probably means thatit is what you need to do or say
, and it's a muscle you know theother side of emerging from
people pleasing and those newbehaviors is a muscle that you
can build over time.
So continue to beself-compassionate with yourself
(16:35):
, gentle with yourself, patient,understanding, and that is what
I have for you for today'stopic.
So I hope that you enjoyedtoday's episode.
I absolutely love recordingthese for you.
If anything came up where you'relike wanting to chat with me
about it, you're curious aboutsomething, you can send me a DM,
you can send me an email.
I love chatting with you and,yeah, I hope that you have an
(16:58):
incredible rest of your week, anincredible rest of your day,
and I will talk to you soon.
Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode.
If you are moved or inspired,please share with me by leaving
a rating and review on ApplePodcasts.
It means the world to me and Iam so appreciative for your
support in helping my podcastgrow.
If we aren't already connectedon social media, head over to
(17:22):
Instagram and TikTok and followme at RayTheSemanticCoach.
Make sure you check out theshow notes of today's episode
for links to freebies,opportunities to work with me
and ways we can stay connectedoutside of the podcast.
I'm so happy that you're hereand I can't wait to talk with
you on our next episode of theRadiant Life Podcast.
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