Somewhere in the Middle Welcomes Master Integrative Life Coach Nancy Pickard
Nancy Pickard is a certified Master Integrative Life Coach with a myriad of coaching certifications specializing in shadow work: Boundaries, Healing your Heart, Bigger, Better, Braver, Parenting, Reinvention, and Worthy, to name many of them.
She is the author of the international best-selling book Bigger Better Braver: Conquer your fears, Embrace your courage, Transform your life. She offers a digital course and an online- zoom coaching course featuring her book. Coaching others to step out of fear and into bigger versions of themselves is her passion.
Connect with Nancy PickardFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/Nancypickardlifecoach
Twitter: https://twitter.com/cnancyrun
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nancypickardlifecoach/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nancy-pickard-771993a6/
Website: https://nancypickardlifecoach.com
Amazon: Buy Bigger Better Braver: Conquer your fears, Embrace your courage, Transform your life
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(02:07):
Happy Friday, everyone. Welcometo somewhere in the middle of
Michele. I'm your host, MicheleBarard founder and CEO of
Michele, a broad LLC and I'mreally pleased to share this
hour with you where we examineall those places where spirit
meets life and the joys andchallenges that may bring you
know, I like to start bythanking me, Miss Beverly black
and tribe family channel forhelping me create the space for
(02:29):
us. Tribe family channel is hometo an assortment of thought
provoking shows that explorelight spirit, business and
culture, including a woman atthe well hosted by Miss Beverly
black herself. Somewhere in themiddle was born and traveling
the channel. And though we havegrown onto our own platform,
you're ever grateful and loyalto our roots. To paraphrase an
African proverb, we are herebecause we stand on the
(02:51):
shoulders of those who camebefore us. I would like to thank
my guests on the September 15show, LinkedIn strategist,
Daniel afaan, you can connectwith Daniel on social media and
at his website, Danielathan.com. That's DANIELALF o
n.com. If you missed that show,make sure you listen to the
(03:13):
replay. You can find ourcomplete show archives including
the September 15 show at thesummer in the middle
podcast.com. I also want toshout out Bruce George of the
geniuses common movement whichencourages all of us to embrace
our inner genius and share itwith the world. You guys know I
think this is a really importantmessage and it should be shared
with the youth. But we adultsalso need need to be reminded
(03:36):
sometimes that the world needsour genius. Learn more about the
geniuses calm and movement atWWW dot geniuses common.com Now
this month's guest helps othersconquer their fears to live
their best lives. Nancy Picardis a certified master
(03:57):
integrative life coach with amyriad of coaching
certifications specializing inShadow Work, boundaries, healing
your heart bigger, betterbraver, parenting, reinvention
and worthy to name many of them.She is the author of the
international best selling bookbigger, better, braver, conquer
your fears, embrace your couragetransform your life. She offers
(04:20):
a digital course and an onlinezoom coaching course featuring
her book, coaching others tostep out of fear and into bigger
versions of themselves is herpassion. So I'd like to welcome
Nancy Picard to somewhere in themiddle with Michelle garage.
Nancy, thank you for being onthe show. Michelle,
thank you for having me. Well,
(04:42):
I am really excited because youhave so much wisdom to share
with our audience. And as youknow, I like to start my
interviews with two questions.So if you're ready, I will ask
those two questions. Shoot.Nancy Picard who are have you?
And how did you become who youare today?
(05:04):
Good question, Michelle. So whoam I, I am, first and foremost a
mother of two, a grandmother offour, an athlete, an
international best sellingauthor, and a master coach. So
(05:24):
not necessarily or maybe in thatorder. But those are the things
that define me honestly, myathleticism, my being a great
parent, my being an even bettergrandmother, a partner, and dog
owner, and athlete, and author.So that's who I am. And so
(05:49):
you've named
all of these things. And I thinkit's interesting that you named
mother first, because that's theone that I used to always say,
first, I'm a mom, andeverything, I used to say
everything else is kind of inservice to that. What is in
service? To what for you?
Um, so that's a great question,Michelle, because I'm at a
(06:12):
different stage in my life. Soeven though my children and my
grandchildren like my life, youknow, so much.
I'm in service to me. And
my, my life coaching and mybook, have paved the way for me
(06:34):
to help others in a way that Iabsolutely love. So it feeds me,
I have a growth mindset, I'malways getting more
certifications, I've juststarted this two year,
relationship and family therapy.But I'd be a coach with Terry
real, who I think is like a rockstar. And I have, I used to be
(06:58):
other referenced and now I'mself referenced. So I do what
feeds me, and then feeding me,
I feed everyone around me. Now,you said something very
important there, I think, towomen out there in particular,
but others as well, it's theirmen as well. But she said,
(07:19):
You're in service to yourselfnow. And I think when our kids
are younger, we are in serviceto them in so many ways. How has
that transition to being inservice yourself first changed
your life. But in
(07:41):
so many ways. It stopped me frombeing an over giver, or an
overdue or an over peoplepleaser. It made me start to ask
myself, What do I want? What doI need, you know, am I doing
this to serve myself or to serveothers. So it's not about being
selfish, it's about no longerbeing selfless. And that's a big
(08:04):
change, I also don't need to, Idon't need anybody else's
approval to do the things I wantto do. I don't need to try to
twist myself up in a pretzel tobe digestible to other people, I
can take care of myself. Now,that doesn't mean that I'm not
there when my children need meor I don't try to accommodate
(08:24):
them. But I have also learnedthat we all have our own
spiritual journey on this earth,and I cannot help them or save
them from their own journeys. Sooverdoing or overtaking
responsibility for them, hasthem undertaking responsibility
(08:46):
for themselves. And so I don'tdo that anymore. I teach
resilience to my clients and my,my parenting, you know, clients,
for their children. And also, Idon't fall apart if they fall
apart. You know, I used tobelieve the adage that you're
only as happy as your sad aschild. And I don't do that
(09:10):
anymore. Because I amspiritually guided enough to
know that whatever journeythey're on, they're supposed to
be on. And if they fall, they'llget up and they'll learn just
like I do. So I don't I countfailure or falling as a stepping
(09:31):
stone to my next success. And Ihave to allow them that same
journey, and that as a parenthas given me so much more peace
than before I had that mindset.
No, and that's a big transition.I think for a lot of parents. I
know. Just becoming an emptynester was I didn't realize I
(09:53):
wasn't ready. I wasn't ready tobe an empty nester the pandemic
I think helped me because youknow, the kids were stuck at
home a little bit longer. Right,
right.
But it gave me time to adjust tothat concept of, oh, I don't
have to think about what's fordinner for other people, I, if I
(10:18):
don't want to get up at thecrack of whatever to get people
where they have to be. That's nolonger part of my life. Well,
you know, that goes out of yourlife in high school when they're
in high school, you know what Imean? Like, all of those things
that you used to think about asa parent, how do you find that
other folks adjust to you kindof shifting gears? are they
(10:40):
struggling with that? And howdoes your coaching help them
navigate that?
Well, I work with people whothere's a discrepancy between
where they are and where theywant to be, or what they say
they want and what they'reactually experiencing. That's
what life coaching is for. It's,it's to give you support, and to
(11:02):
help you see what you can't see.So I'm a shadow coach, I help
people uncover the disempoweringbeliefs that they don't even
know they have, that are keepingthem stuck. I'm not good enough,
I'm unworthy, my voice doesn'tmatter. My needs don't matter. I
need to be perfect to be loved.I need to control everything to
be safe. I mean, on and on, andon, we all have them. We all we
(11:26):
all develop them in ourchildhood, because we weren't
mature enough emotionally tounderstand when a situation
happened that was emotionallycharged. We gave it a meaning in
a split second, we don't evenknow it. But it rules our
operating system. And unless youuncover those beliefs, you
actually can't make the kinds ofchanges in your life that you
(11:46):
want to make. You sabotage youcycle, you do the same things
over and over again, thinkingthat this time, it's going to be
different. And this time, it'snot any different. So if people
come to me in a transition,they're an empty nester or they
want in a marriage, or they wantout of a marriage, or their
their relationship isn'tworking, or they want a new job,
(12:09):
or they're unhappy with theirjob, or they know they're self
sabotage or any of those thingsI help them with. And it starts
by uncovering the things thatthey're not even aware of.
That's where
it starts. And how does, howdoes integrative life coaching
in particular? help people workthrough things that's a very
(12:33):
specific term. So maybe youshould explain that that
integrating, integrateintegrative life coaching is
integrating spirituality. It'sintegrating emotional wholeness,
it's actually about making youemotionally whole. That's the
integration. And where thatstarts is by uncovering the
(12:53):
parts that you're not aware of,because how can you integrate
them? If you don't even knowthey exist? Right. Right. That's
where it starts.
So what are some of thetechniques that you use with
your clients to help themdiscover some of the shadow
side?
Yeah, well, so I take everyonethrough these internal
(13:15):
processes, and these processeshelp them. First, I teach them
the concept of a shatter belief,how its formed, how it was meant
to keep you safe as a child,which it does, but how it stops
keeping you safe as an adult,and it only keeps you small. And
so I start with the concepts,you know, whatever it is, we're
(13:38):
working with, you know,resistance and acceptance and
surrender, or vision and goalsor forgiveness, you know,
responsibility and choice,whatever the different things
are, I start with the concept.And then I take them through an
internal process. So I get themout of their head and into their
heart. And I ask them all thesequestions sequentially, till we
(14:01):
get down
to Oh, that makes so much sense.
Now I see where that was formedand why. And I also see that I
no longer need to hold on tothat old outdated belief because
it's not serving me. So now wecan start to do things that will
serve me we can give ourselvesnew empowering beliefs to
(14:25):
substitute for that old outdatedone that is ruling us but no
longer viable.
So I discovered that I have acontrol aspect around food. And
it was the pandemic that showedme that because during the
(14:46):
pandemic, of course, we didn'tneed anything. You know, my son
and I were out in California weneeded nothing because I
overbought so people wereraiding the grocery stores We
actually went to see what theybought out of curiosity, not
because we needed anything atthe store, so then that's when,
(15:09):
yeah, and that's when I kind ofsaid, Oh, that's a weird kind of
control some
sort of belief around, therewill never be enough,
right scarcity of food.Therefore, overbuy always have a
stuffed refrigerator, stuffedfreezer, a stuffed pantry. It
(15:29):
allowed us to enjoy that part. Imean, it sounds terrible, we got
to actually find some part ofthat, um, very scary time, at
the beginning of the pandemic alittle bit entertaining, we
found some entertainment in thatbecause of it, and people are
gonna judge me for that. Butwell, what people think of me as
(15:50):
in my business. Right, I thinkit's interesting to see how
things manifest as a grown up,you know? If so, are you finding
that your clients are justdiscovering like, they're coming
to you? Because they discoversomething like that? And they're
like, Oh, my goodness, what'sgoing on with me? Or what? When
(16:13):
do clients come to you,
they come to me because they'restuck. They come to me because
they're in a transitionalperiod. Or they're, they
recognize that they're unhappy,or they have an addiction, or
they've just lost a partner, or,you know, God forbid, the child.
(16:36):
Because I'm also a griefeducator, they come to me,
because they finally wake upenough to know something is not
working. But they're not reallysure why, or how to fix it.
So are they looking forspiritual guidance?
(16:59):
They're looking for spiritualguide. No, no, I actually, I
think they're looking, I thinkthey get spiritual guidance. But
that's not what they come to mefor. They come to me for life
guidance. They come to me for anaccountability coach, they come
to me, they help them understandwhy they're not living the life
(17:19):
they want to be living. Why dothey keep dating the same guy
over and over again, or I justgot divorced, or I just lost my
partner. I'm 5060 7080 yearsold. And I don't know how to do
it again. So I, that's one ofthe I mean, that's one of the
big things that I can helppeople with, or I hate my job, I
(17:40):
don't know how to get out of it,or I hate my partner. And I
don't know how to get out of it.Right? You know, or I've been
single for 20 years, I don'twant to be single anymore. I
don't know how to, I don't knowhow to get back in. You know, I
don't know how to make the jump.To live. The name of my book is
bigger, better. braver, conqueryour fears, embrace your courage
(18:00):
and transform your life. Andthat's what I help people do.
That's it. That's why I wrotethe book because not everybody
can afford a coach. And this wasgiving people who can't afford a
coach the opportunity to workwith me without working with me.
So what kinds of exercises doyou work through? If I if let's
(18:23):
say someone came to you todayand said, I am having trouble
transitioning from being, youknow, full time mom to you know,
very active full time mom to anempty nester, but what kinds of
things might you ask them to do?To start working through?
I start with vision and goals, Itake them into an internal
(18:46):
process, not to find out whattheir ego and their brain wants
for their future. But what doestheir soul want for their
future? So I take them throughand I do the whole life wheel.
You know? How do you want yourhealth and body to be one year
from now? Or six months fromnow? How do you want your career
to look? How do you want yourfinances to look? How do you
(19:07):
want your relationship with yourpartner? Or a relationship with
a partner? How do you want yourrelationship with your friends
or your family? What do you dofor fun and adventure? What do
you do for spirituality Iliterally take them through in a
very meditative state and mybook does the same thing. And
(19:28):
also the audio so you you couldbuy the audio and you you could
just close your eyes and I takeyou through all the processes or
you're you're reading the bookand you're taking yourself
through them. They both work,but I actually I work on Shadow
beliefs and underlyingcommitments and disowned
qualities and forgiveness andgrowth mindset. I work on all
(19:51):
those things in my book justlike I do, so my exercises are
those internal processes, so youget some answers, and then
exercises to reinforce them. Sothat you are now doing something
actionable to reinforce the newbelief that you just found out
(20:16):
when you did the process.
How long does it typically takepeople? And I know this can
vary, but you know, just howlong does it typically take
someone to take on a new belief?Well,
well, that's a, I thought you'regonna ask them something
different. So I answered bothwhat I thought you were gonna
say what you did say, but Ithought you're gonna say is how
(20:39):
long does somebody work with mefor like to see the changes, and
I work in packages of 10. And Iwould say at least 50% of the
people that I work with are doneafter 10 sessions. They come for
a specific change. I help themget there. And then I buy, and
(21:01):
they move on with their newtools and their changes. And
sometimes I never hear from themagain. Sometimes I hear from
them six months, a year, twoyears later, you know, it
depends. Some people come and goand come and go, That works,
too. And then some people I havefor 20 3040 sessions, life
coaching is not therapy. They'renot, it's not meant to last
(21:24):
forever. It's meant to be to betaught how to manage yourself,
how to be accountable toyourself, how to move forward
yourself. And so that's where Ithought you're gonna ask me, the
next question is, I can in onesession, I can help you uncover
(21:44):
something that will changeeverything. But it not
necessarily a one and done, youknow, it may you may hear it
again. But as you do the workmore and more, you'd be like,
oh, yeah, there's me thinking Ihave to control everything to be
safe. Okay, well, my new beliefis that I can release control
(22:04):
and still be safe. So when Icatch myself about to need to be
in control, my exercise will beto let it go.
You know, it sounds like whatyou're saying is that your your
processes and like Coke coachingin general is meant to be very
empowering. Yes. Yeah. So howdid you decide to become a life
(22:28):
coach?
Well, I was married for 26years, I got divorced, not what
I wanted, totally broken, likeon the ground broken. Took me a
long time to find myself to findmy voice to recognize that his
midlife crisis was not me notbeing good enough, right. And
(22:54):
took me a long time. And then Iwas, you know, years later I was
I moved to Colorado, I wasengaged in living with somebody
and then we broke up. And then Irealized, okay, it can't just be
that I'm picking emotionally,you know, weak men, although I
was, but there was a reasonbehind it. And I had to take, I
(23:14):
had to figure all that out. Andreally what it was that I was
giving away my power to thesemen, and I was being very other
referenced. I was taking care ofthem emotionally. I was doing
everything. And I saw I wasgetting broken men, because I
(23:34):
was Miss fix it. Once I becameself referenced, and I felt
safe, my big shadow belief wasthat I wasn't safe alone. So
once I realized, of course, I'msafe alone, you know, I'm 50
years old. I mean, I'm way olderthan that now. But I was 50
(23:55):
years old. I'm, I'm financiallysecure, I'm athletic, I'm in
great shape. My kids are grownand out of the house, I can do
anything. Once I really sawthat, then I realized that, you
know, this is who I wanted tobe, and that, that knowing came
(24:15):
from me hiring a coach. And so Ihad owned a personal training
gym for 16 years before I gotdivorced. And so helping people
was already my passion. I wasworking on their outer fitness,
and now I work on their innerfitness. So I got myself a
coach, and I knew right away Iwas going to become a coach. And
(24:39):
that's, that was 10 years ago,and that's what started me on
this journey.
That's amazing. I think it'sreally interesting too, because
I think a lot of people andagain, women in particular, tend
to over give in relationshipsand struggle with Uh, I want to
(25:00):
say that whole thing abouttaking care of themselves taking
care of someone else. And again,you add kids into the mix, it
gets extra draining. What wouldyou told your younger self? If
you, then yeah, what would youtell your younger self, I grew
(25:22):
up
being told I could do anything.And I could be anything. But
that it should be something Icould do while I was being a
wife and mother. So that's amixed message that I don't think
girls get today. But I got that.And so what I would tell myself
was, I would tell my youngerself, you are a rocking great
(25:46):
woman. And you don't need a manto make you whole, you are whole
by yourself. And so you findsomebody who's as whole as you
are. And that's what you makeyour life with.
Now, for younger women inparticular, but really for all
of us, how do you identify thatwhole person?
(26:11):
You have to learn to trustyourself. And trusting yourself
comes from stepping outside yourcomfort zone, trying things
you're afraid of tiny littlesteps one at a time, proving to
yourself number one that you cando hard things, you can do scary
things. And number that was oneand two. Number three would be
(26:35):
math is not my forte. Numberthree would be that your word is
golden. Once you are accountableto yourself. And once you learn
to stay in accountability and anintegrity with everything you
say, you're gonna do, you willlove yourself. And that's how
you become whole.
(26:56):
That's the That's the secretsauce. So I'm curious, do you
ever like go and talk to youngerwomen maybe in high school or
it don't talk to women in highschool, I am thinking about
doing a bigger, better braverversion for younger people. I
(27:17):
haven't done it yet. I coach alot of 20 and 30 year old women
a lot. I love it. I used to lovetraining them to be physically
fit the young girls and now Ilove training them to find their
voice and to know what theirworth is, and that their whole
alone. That is definitely one ofthe things I love about working
(27:40):
with young women.
Well, and you said somethingelse that I found extremely
fascinating. You said that youwere an athlete, you identified
yourself as an athlete. I don'tthink there are a lot of women
over 50 who identify themselvesin introduction as athletes.
Well, they
don't get me Aspen, Coloradowhere I live, because oh yeah,
(28:03):
I'd be required to like climbmountains there. Right. That's
like your first house and you
just came down from climbingAjax mountain and when I was 61,
I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. Soyeah, so that is that. That was
a big to do.
That's amazing. Well,congratulations, because that's
an accomplishment. Yeah. So howdid you become an athlete? How
(28:25):
did you get into the training,the personal training and become
an athlete? Well, I was actuallyalways
athletic. I was the third girl.I was my father's only son,
right? I was female. So I was aJackie girl, but not like school
sports and our day. You didn'treally do school sports. But you
(28:47):
know, I play tennis. I learnedto play golf. I was a biker
like, you know, I ran. And thenwhen I was married, my husband
and I were on a trip withanother couple. And we met this,
this couple that was like, hadRockstar bodies. And they said
they had personal trainers. Andso we came home. And we all got
(29:07):
a personal trainer. And westarted working out with a
personal trainer. And then myhusband wanted to build this
huge gym in our home. And Isaid, Well, if we're gonna do
that, I am gonna go out andbecome a trainer, like and then
I now have a business in myhome, which is what I did for 16
years. And it was amazing. Itwas great. And it was fun until
(29:28):
I got divorced. And then itwasn't so much fun anymore. And
I sold my house and I sold mybusiness and it moved to
Colorado.
How it was starting over, after26 years with How did what did
that look like?
Oh my god was very sad. Numberone, I was very broken. The
(29:52):
picture of the life that I hadbuilt and the life I had built
in the picture I envisioned formy children and my future I was
broken. I had been with this mansince I was 19. Right? So we
were married 26 years, we wereprobably together 28 or 29
years. And I dated a lot of men.And I left. You know, one man
(30:18):
told me that you should figureout what you want, because you
are leaving men in your wake.Because I didn't really know. I
mean, I hadn't been out in thedating world, right? I thought,
an athlete and I thought Ineeded this. And I thought I
needed that. And so I wentthrough a lot of men. Trying to
find out what I really wanted.And even what I thought I wanted
(30:41):
has changed over the years, youknow, you think you need you
need you need, but those aren'tnecessarily the things you
really do need. Right? So that'sits own journey. And I was
brought up as most women, my agehad been brought up. That loving
life means serving your man andserving your family, being in
(31:02):
service, your needs are not asimportant love and life means
putting your loved ones first.
And I was trying
to fix that picture. You know, Ineeded a new man and I wanted to
be married again. And I wantedthis and I wanted that. And, you
know, it took me a really longtime to stop looking outside
(31:24):
myself, and filling myself upwith somebody else.
Wow, filling yourself up withsomebody else. That's an
interesting phrase. Yeah. Right.I wonder is that one of the most
common issues you find with yourclients that they're, whether
(31:46):
they're male or female? They'rekind of trying to fill
themselves up with someone else?Yes,
I would say. I would say thatthat's a huge part of it. I
mean, it really depends on whatthey're coming to me for. But
yes, I think everyone leaves me,loving themselves and trusting
(32:07):
themselves much more than theydid before. So that is a big
goal. The other one is justhelping people navigate their
boundaries, and I'm a boundarycoach. So setting healthy
boundaries, making yourself apriority, asking for what you
want with grace and ease. Sothat you're not making the other
(32:30):
person wrong. You're saying whatyou need to honor and respect
myself? This is what I need?Would you be willing to do it?
And what can I do to help you beable to do that for me?
That's relational. And all ofthese types of things are in
your book. No, not
(32:52):
everything's in my book. Becausemy book now was written my book
came out in 2019. So my book waswritten in 2017. You know, by
the time it got published, so Iprobably have, I wasn't a
boundary coach. I wasn't aworthy coach. I didn't have
jump. I wasn't a grief educator.And I wasn't doing Terry reels,
(33:14):
relational life therapy. Sothose are all new that you get
from me now. What you get for methen is all the shadow work and,
you know, breakthrough shadowand courage and healing your
heart and, you know, a bunch ofother ones bigger, better braver
coaching, so a lot, but noteverything I own. Not everything
(33:36):
that's in my brain. If you'rehigher, you get more. It's a
it's it's what we call thatlevel one, level one. With the
shadow work.
Yeah, yeah. Level one is really,really good, really is. I'm
always adding
very cool I love that becauseone of my personal mottos is
(33:56):
always be learning. So I lovethat you are always learning and
stretching and improving andadding tools and knowledge. I
think that's amazing.
Thank you. I do too. I like yourmotto. Well, feel
free to steal it. I think it'severyone should have it. Nancy,
how can people connect with you?Where can they find your book?
(34:20):
How can they get your coaching?
Everything actually is on mywebsite, which will be in your
show notes. But it's NancyPicard life. coach.com You can
follow me on Instagram at NancyPicard life coach on Facebook
and Nancy Picard life coachamong clubhouse but not as much.
(34:42):
My my website has a free chapterfor my book, which you also will
have. I have some online coursesI have a 20% discount for the
course. And to book a freediscovery call Oh, is also on my
website. So all the differentnot not even all the different
(35:06):
modalities that I do, but a lotof them are on there. And every
single podcast that I do goes onthere. So if people want more
after they listen to us, theycan go on and watch like another
30 or 40 podcasts. So I'mpretty, it's pretty easy to get
to me.
Awesome. Awesome, dancy Picard.Thank you so much for appearing
(35:30):
on somewhere in the middle.Patricia.
Thank you for having me.
Well, that's our show thismonth, guys. You can reach me
online at Michele barard.com.You can also find me on
Facebook, Instagram and Tiktokas urban book editor, feel free
to send in some topics you'dlike us to cover on the show.
I'd love to hear from you. Makesure you tune into the show on
(35:53):
November 17 when my guest willbe speaker and coach Paul DKC.
You can find us once a month onFridays at 5pm Pacific 6pm
Mountain 7pm Central and 8pmEastern at the summer in the
middle podcast. Let's continuethe conversation. You guys be
good. stay mindful, remainprayer for peace and blessings.
Happy Friday, everyone. Welcometo somewhere in the middle of
Michele. I'm your host, MicheleBarard founder and CEO of
Michele, a broad LLC and I'mreally pleased to share this
hour with you where we examineall those places where spirit
meets life and the joys andchallenges that may bring you
know, I like to start bythanking me, Miss Beverly black
and tribe family channel forhelping me create the space for
(02:29):
us. Tribe family channel is hometo an assortment of thought
provoking shows that explorelight spirit, business and
culture, including a woman atthe well hosted by Miss Beverly
black herself. Somewhere in themiddle was born and traveling
the channel. And though we havegrown onto our own platform,
you're ever grateful and loyalto our roots. To paraphrase an
African proverb, we are herebecause we stand on the
(02:51):
shoulders of those who camebefore us. I would like to thank
my guests on the September 15show, LinkedIn strategist,
Daniel afaan, you can connectwith Daniel on social media and
at his website, Danielathan.com. That's DANIELALF o
n.com. If you missed that show,make sure you listen to the
(03:13):
replay. You can find ourcomplete show archives including
the September 15 show at thesummer in the middle
podcast.com. I also want toshout out Bruce George of the
geniuses common movement whichencourages all of us to embrace
our inner genius and share itwith the world. You guys know I
think this is a really importantmessage and it should be shared
with the youth. But we adultsalso need need to be reminded
(03:36):
sometimes that the world needsour genius. Learn more about the
geniuses calm and movement atWWW dot geniuses common.com Now
this month's guest helps othersconquer their fears to live
their best lives. Nancy Picardis a certified master
(03:57):
integrative life coach with amyriad of coaching
certifications specializing inShadow Work, boundaries, healing
your heart bigger, betterbraver, parenting, reinvention
and worthy to name many of them.She is the author of the
international best selling bookbigger, better, braver, conquer
your fears, embrace your couragetransform your life. She offers
(04:20):
a digital course and an onlinezoom coaching course featuring
her book, coaching others tostep out of fear and into bigger
versions of themselves is herpassion. So I'd like to welcome
Nancy Picard to somewhere in themiddle with Michelle garage.
Nancy, thank you for being onthe show. Michelle,
thank you for having me. Well,
(04:42):
I am really excited because youhave so much wisdom to share
with our audience. And as youknow, I like to start my
interviews with two questions.So if you're ready, I will ask
those two questions. Shoot.Nancy Picard who are have you?
And how did you become who youare today?
(05:04):
Good question, Michelle. So whoam I, I am, first and foremost a
mother of two, a grandmother offour, an athlete, an
international best sellingauthor, and a master coach. So
(05:24):
not necessarily or maybe in thatorder. But those are the things
that define me honestly, myathleticism, my being a great
parent, my being an even bettergrandmother, a partner, and dog
owner, and athlete, and author.So that's who I am. And so
(05:49):
you've named
all of these things. And I thinkit's interesting that you named
mother first, because that's theone that I used to always say,
first, I'm a mom, andeverything, I used to say
everything else is kind of inservice to that. What is in
service? To what for you?
Um, so that's a great question,Michelle, because I'm at a
(06:12):
different stage in my life. Soeven though my children and my
grandchildren like my life, youknow, so much.
I'm in service to me. And
my, my life coaching and mybook, have paved the way for me
(06:34):
to help others in a way that Iabsolutely love. So it feeds me,
I have a growth mindset, I'malways getting more
certifications, I've juststarted this two year,
relationship and family therapy.But I'd be a coach with Terry
real, who I think is like a rockstar. And I have, I used to be
(06:58):
other referenced and now I'mself referenced. So I do what
feeds me, and then feeding me,
I feed everyone around me. Now,you said something very
important there, I think, towomen out there in particular,
but others as well, it's theirmen as well. But she said,
(07:19):
You're in service to yourselfnow. And I think when our kids
are younger, we are in serviceto them in so many ways. How has
that transition to being inservice yourself first changed
your life. But in
(07:41):
so many ways. It stopped me frombeing an over giver, or an
overdue or an over peoplepleaser. It made me start to ask
myself, What do I want? What doI need, you know, am I doing
this to serve myself or to serveothers. So it's not about being
selfish, it's about no longerbeing selfless. And that's a big
(08:04):
change, I also don't need to, Idon't need anybody else's
approval to do the things I wantto do. I don't need to try to
twist myself up in a pretzel tobe digestible to other people, I
can take care of myself. Now,that doesn't mean that I'm not
there when my children need meor I don't try to accommodate
(08:24):
them. But I have also learnedthat we all have our own
spiritual journey on this earth,and I cannot help them or save
them from their own journeys. Sooverdoing or overtaking
responsibility for them, hasthem undertaking responsibility
(08:46):
for themselves. And so I don'tdo that anymore. I teach
resilience to my clients and my,my parenting, you know, clients,
for their children. And also, Idon't fall apart if they fall
apart. You know, I used tobelieve the adage that you're
only as happy as your sad aschild. And I don't do that
(09:10):
anymore. Because I amspiritually guided enough to
know that whatever journeythey're on, they're supposed to
be on. And if they fall, they'llget up and they'll learn just
like I do. So I don't I countfailure or falling as a stepping
(09:31):
stone to my next success. And Ihave to allow them that same
journey, and that as a parenthas given me so much more peace
than before I had that mindset.
No, and that's a big transition.I think for a lot of parents. I
know. Just becoming an emptynester was I didn't realize I
(09:53):
wasn't ready. I wasn't ready tobe an empty nester the pandemic
I think helped me because youknow, the kids were stuck at
home a little bit longer. Right,
right.
But it gave me time to adjust tothat concept of, oh, I don't
have to think about what's fordinner for other people, I, if I
(10:18):
don't want to get up at thecrack of whatever to get people
where they have to be. That's nolonger part of my life. Well,
you know, that goes out of yourlife in high school when they're
in high school, you know what Imean? Like, all of those things
that you used to think about asa parent, how do you find that
other folks adjust to you kindof shifting gears? are they
(10:40):
struggling with that? And howdoes your coaching help them
navigate that?
Well, I work with people whothere's a discrepancy between
where they are and where theywant to be, or what they say
they want and what they'reactually experiencing. That's
what life coaching is for. It's,it's to give you support, and to
(11:02):
help you see what you can't see.So I'm a shadow coach, I help
people uncover the disempoweringbeliefs that they don't even
know they have, that are keepingthem stuck. I'm not good enough,
I'm unworthy, my voice doesn'tmatter. My needs don't matter. I
need to be perfect to be loved.I need to control everything to
be safe. I mean, on and on, andon, we all have them. We all we
(11:26):
all develop them in ourchildhood, because we weren't
mature enough emotionally tounderstand when a situation
happened that was emotionallycharged. We gave it a meaning in
a split second, we don't evenknow it. But it rules our
operating system. And unless youuncover those beliefs, you
actually can't make the kinds ofchanges in your life that you
(11:46):
want to make. You sabotage youcycle, you do the same things
over and over again, thinkingthat this time, it's going to be
different. And this time, it'snot any different. So if people
come to me in a transition,they're an empty nester or they
want in a marriage, or they wantout of a marriage, or their
their relationship isn'tworking, or they want a new job,
(12:09):
or they're unhappy with theirjob, or they know they're self
sabotage or any of those thingsI help them with. And it starts
by uncovering the things thatthey're not even aware of.
That's where
it starts. And how does, howdoes integrative life coaching
in particular? help people workthrough things that's a very
(12:33):
specific term. So maybe youshould explain that that
integrating, integrateintegrative life coaching is
integrating spirituality. It'sintegrating emotional wholeness,
it's actually about making youemotionally whole. That's the
integration. And where thatstarts is by uncovering the
(12:53):
parts that you're not aware of,because how can you integrate
them? If you don't even knowthey exist? Right. Right. That's
where it starts.
So what are some of thetechniques that you use with
your clients to help themdiscover some of the shadow
side?
Yeah, well, so I take everyonethrough these internal
(13:15):
processes, and these processeshelp them. First, I teach them
the concept of a shatter belief,how its formed, how it was meant
to keep you safe as a child,which it does, but how it stops
keeping you safe as an adult,and it only keeps you small. And
so I start with the concepts,you know, whatever it is, we're
(13:38):
working with, you know,resistance and acceptance and
surrender, or vision and goalsor forgiveness, you know,
responsibility and choice,whatever the different things
are, I start with the concept.And then I take them through an
internal process. So I get themout of their head and into their
heart. And I ask them all thesequestions sequentially, till we
(14:01):
get down
to Oh, that makes so much sense.
Now I see where that was formedand why. And I also see that I
no longer need to hold on tothat old outdated belief because
it's not serving me. So now wecan start to do things that will
serve me we can give ourselvesnew empowering beliefs to
(14:25):
substitute for that old outdatedone that is ruling us but no
longer viable.
So I discovered that I have acontrol aspect around food. And
it was the pandemic that showedme that because during the
(14:46):
pandemic, of course, we didn'tneed anything. You know, my son
and I were out in California weneeded nothing because I
overbought so people wereraiding the grocery stores We
actually went to see what theybought out of curiosity, not
because we needed anything atthe store, so then that's when,
(15:09):
yeah, and that's when I kind ofsaid, Oh, that's a weird kind of
control some
sort of belief around, therewill never be enough,
right scarcity of food.Therefore, overbuy always have a
stuffed refrigerator, stuffedfreezer, a stuffed pantry. It
(15:29):
allowed us to enjoy that part. Imean, it sounds terrible, we got
to actually find some part ofthat, um, very scary time, at
the beginning of the pandemic alittle bit entertaining, we
found some entertainment in thatbecause of it, and people are
gonna judge me for that. Butwell, what people think of me as
(15:50):
in my business. Right, I thinkit's interesting to see how
things manifest as a grown up,you know? If so, are you finding
that your clients are justdiscovering like, they're coming
to you? Because they discoversomething like that? And they're
like, Oh, my goodness, what'sgoing on with me? Or what? When
(16:13):
do clients come to you,
they come to me because they'restuck. They come to me because
they're in a transitionalperiod. Or they're, they
recognize that they're unhappy,or they have an addiction, or
they've just lost a partner, or,you know, God forbid, the child.
(16:36):
Because I'm also a griefeducator, they come to me,
because they finally wake upenough to know something is not
working. But they're not reallysure why, or how to fix it.
So are they looking forspiritual guidance?
(16:59):
They're looking for spiritualguide. No, no, I actually, I
think they're looking, I thinkthey get spiritual guidance. But
that's not what they come to mefor. They come to me for life
guidance. They come to me for anaccountability coach, they come
to me, they help them understandwhy they're not living the life
(17:19):
they want to be living. Why dothey keep dating the same guy
over and over again, or I justgot divorced, or I just lost my
partner. I'm 5060 7080 yearsold. And I don't know how to do
it again. So I, that's one ofthe I mean, that's one of the
big things that I can helppeople with, or I hate my job, I
(17:40):
don't know how to get out of it,or I hate my partner. And I
don't know how to get out of it.Right? You know, or I've been
single for 20 years, I don'twant to be single anymore. I
don't know how to, I don't knowhow to get back in. You know, I
don't know how to make the jump.To live. The name of my book is
bigger, better. braver, conqueryour fears, embrace your courage
(18:00):
and transform your life. Andthat's what I help people do.
That's it. That's why I wrotethe book because not everybody
can afford a coach. And this wasgiving people who can't afford a
coach the opportunity to workwith me without working with me.
So what kinds of exercises doyou work through? If I if let's
(18:23):
say someone came to you todayand said, I am having trouble
transitioning from being, youknow, full time mom to you know,
very active full time mom to anempty nester, but what kinds of
things might you ask them to do?To start working through?
I start with vision and goals, Itake them into an internal
(18:46):
process, not to find out whattheir ego and their brain wants
for their future. But what doestheir soul want for their
future? So I take them throughand I do the whole life wheel.
You know? How do you want yourhealth and body to be one year
from now? Or six months fromnow? How do you want your career
to look? How do you want yourfinances to look? How do you
(19:07):
want your relationship with yourpartner? Or a relationship with
a partner? How do you want yourrelationship with your friends
or your family? What do you dofor fun and adventure? What do
you do for spirituality Iliterally take them through in a
very meditative state and mybook does the same thing. And
(19:28):
also the audio so you you couldbuy the audio and you you could
just close your eyes and I takeyou through all the processes or
you're you're reading the bookand you're taking yourself
through them. They both work,but I actually I work on Shadow
beliefs and underlyingcommitments and disowned
qualities and forgiveness andgrowth mindset. I work on all
(19:51):
those things in my book justlike I do, so my exercises are
those internal processes, so youget some answers, and then
exercises to reinforce them. Sothat you are now doing something
actionable to reinforce the newbelief that you just found out
(20:16):
when you did the process.
How long does it typically takepeople? And I know this can
vary, but you know, just howlong does it typically take
someone to take on a new belief?Well,
well, that's a, I thought you'regonna ask them something
different. So I answered bothwhat I thought you were gonna
say what you did say, but Ithought you're gonna say is how
(20:39):
long does somebody work with mefor like to see the changes, and
I work in packages of 10. And Iwould say at least 50% of the
people that I work with are doneafter 10 sessions. They come for
a specific change. I help themget there. And then I buy, and
(21:01):
they move on with their newtools and their changes. And
sometimes I never hear from themagain. Sometimes I hear from
them six months, a year, twoyears later, you know, it
depends. Some people come and goand come and go, That works,
too. And then some people I havefor 20 3040 sessions, life
coaching is not therapy. They'renot, it's not meant to last
(21:24):
forever. It's meant to be to betaught how to manage yourself,
how to be accountable toyourself, how to move forward
yourself. And so that's where Ithought you're gonna ask me, the
next question is, I can in onesession, I can help you uncover
(21:44):
something that will changeeverything. But it not
necessarily a one and done, youknow, it may you may hear it
again. But as you do the workmore and more, you'd be like,
oh, yeah, there's me thinking Ihave to control everything to be
safe. Okay, well, my new beliefis that I can release control
(22:04):
and still be safe. So when Icatch myself about to need to be
in control, my exercise will beto let it go.
You know, it sounds like whatyou're saying is that your your
processes and like Coke coachingin general is meant to be very
empowering. Yes. Yeah. So howdid you decide to become a life
(22:28):
coach?
Well, I was married for 26years, I got divorced, not what
I wanted, totally broken, likeon the ground broken. Took me a
long time to find myself to findmy voice to recognize that his
midlife crisis was not me notbeing good enough, right. And
(22:54):
took me a long time. And then Iwas, you know, years later I was
I moved to Colorado, I wasengaged in living with somebody
and then we broke up. And then Irealized, okay, it can't just be
that I'm picking emotionally,you know, weak men, although I
was, but there was a reasonbehind it. And I had to take, I
(23:14):
had to figure all that out. Andreally what it was that I was
giving away my power to thesemen, and I was being very other
referenced. I was taking care ofthem emotionally. I was doing
everything. And I saw I wasgetting broken men, because I
(23:34):
was Miss fix it. Once I becameself referenced, and I felt
safe, my big shadow belief wasthat I wasn't safe alone. So
once I realized, of course, I'msafe alone, you know, I'm 50
years old. I mean, I'm way olderthan that now. But I was 50
(23:55):
years old. I'm, I'm financiallysecure, I'm athletic, I'm in
great shape. My kids are grownand out of the house, I can do
anything. Once I really sawthat, then I realized that, you
know, this is who I wanted tobe, and that, that knowing came
(24:15):
from me hiring a coach. And so Ihad owned a personal training
gym for 16 years before I gotdivorced. And so helping people
was already my passion. I wasworking on their outer fitness,
and now I work on their innerfitness. So I got myself a
coach, and I knew right away Iwas going to become a coach. And
(24:39):
that's, that was 10 years ago,and that's what started me on
this journey.
That's amazing. I think it'sreally interesting too, because
I think a lot of people andagain, women in particular, tend
to over give in relationshipsand struggle with Uh, I want to
(25:00):
say that whole thing abouttaking care of themselves taking
care of someone else. And again,you add kids into the mix, it
gets extra draining. What wouldyou told your younger self? If
you, then yeah, what would youtell your younger self, I grew
(25:22):
up
being told I could do anything.And I could be anything. But
that it should be something Icould do while I was being a
wife and mother. So that's amixed message that I don't think
girls get today. But I got that.And so what I would tell myself
was, I would tell my youngerself, you are a rocking great
(25:46):
woman. And you don't need a manto make you whole, you are whole
by yourself. And so you findsomebody who's as whole as you
are. And that's what you makeyour life with.
Now, for younger women inparticular, but really for all
of us, how do you identify thatwhole person?
(26:11):
You have to learn to trustyourself. And trusting yourself
comes from stepping outside yourcomfort zone, trying things
you're afraid of tiny littlesteps one at a time, proving to
yourself number one that you cando hard things, you can do scary
things. And number that was oneand two. Number three would be
(26:35):
math is not my forte. Numberthree would be that your word is
golden. Once you are accountableto yourself. And once you learn
to stay in accountability and anintegrity with everything you
say, you're gonna do, you willlove yourself. And that's how
you become whole.
(26:56):
That's the That's the secretsauce. So I'm curious, do you
ever like go and talk to youngerwomen maybe in high school or
it don't talk to women in highschool, I am thinking about
doing a bigger, better braverversion for younger people. I
(27:17):
haven't done it yet. I coach alot of 20 and 30 year old women
a lot. I love it. I used to lovetraining them to be physically
fit the young girls and now Ilove training them to find their
voice and to know what theirworth is, and that their whole
alone. That is definitely one ofthe things I love about working
(27:40):
with young women.
Well, and you said somethingelse that I found extremely
fascinating. You said that youwere an athlete, you identified
yourself as an athlete. I don'tthink there are a lot of women
over 50 who identify themselvesin introduction as athletes.
Well, they
don't get me Aspen, Coloradowhere I live, because oh yeah,
(28:03):
I'd be required to like climbmountains there. Right. That's
like your first house and you
just came down from climbingAjax mountain and when I was 61,
I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. Soyeah, so that is that. That was
a big to do.
That's amazing. Well,congratulations, because that's
an accomplishment. Yeah. So howdid you become an athlete? How
(28:25):
did you get into the training,the personal training and become
an athlete? Well, I was actuallyalways
athletic. I was the third girl.I was my father's only son,
right? I was female. So I was aJackie girl, but not like school
sports and our day. You didn'treally do school sports. But you
(28:47):
know, I play tennis. I learnedto play golf. I was a biker
like, you know, I ran. And thenwhen I was married, my husband
and I were on a trip withanother couple. And we met this,
this couple that was like, hadRockstar bodies. And they said
they had personal trainers. Andso we came home. And we all got
(29:07):
a personal trainer. And westarted working out with a
personal trainer. And then myhusband wanted to build this
huge gym in our home. And Isaid, Well, if we're gonna do
that, I am gonna go out andbecome a trainer, like and then
I now have a business in myhome, which is what I did for 16
years. And it was amazing. Itwas great. And it was fun until
(29:28):
I got divorced. And then itwasn't so much fun anymore. And
I sold my house and I sold mybusiness and it moved to
Colorado.
How it was starting over, after26 years with How did what did
that look like?
Oh my god was very sad. Numberone, I was very broken. The
(29:52):
picture of the life that I hadbuilt and the life I had built
in the picture I envisioned formy children and my future I was
broken. I had been with this mansince I was 19. Right? So we
were married 26 years, we wereprobably together 28 or 29
years. And I dated a lot of men.And I left. You know, one man
(30:18):
told me that you should figureout what you want, because you
are leaving men in your wake.Because I didn't really know. I
mean, I hadn't been out in thedating world, right? I thought,
an athlete and I thought Ineeded this. And I thought I
needed that. And so I wentthrough a lot of men. Trying to
find out what I really wanted.And even what I thought I wanted
(30:41):
has changed over the years, youknow, you think you need you
need you need, but those aren'tnecessarily the things you
really do need. Right? So that'sits own journey. And I was
brought up as most women, my agehad been brought up. That loving
life means serving your man andserving your family, being in
(31:02):
service, your needs are not asimportant love and life means
putting your loved ones first.
And I was trying
to fix that picture. You know, Ineeded a new man and I wanted to
be married again. And I wantedthis and I wanted that. And, you
know, it took me a really longtime to stop looking outside
(31:24):
myself, and filling myself upwith somebody else.
Wow, filling yourself up withsomebody else. That's an
interesting phrase. Yeah. Right.I wonder is that one of the most
common issues you find with yourclients that they're, whether
(31:46):
they're male or female? They'rekind of trying to fill
themselves up with someone else?Yes,
I would say. I would say thatthat's a huge part of it. I
mean, it really depends on whatthey're coming to me for. But
yes, I think everyone leaves me,loving themselves and trusting
(32:07):
themselves much more than theydid before. So that is a big
goal. The other one is justhelping people navigate their
boundaries, and I'm a boundarycoach. So setting healthy
boundaries, making yourself apriority, asking for what you
want with grace and ease. Sothat you're not making the other
(32:30):
person wrong. You're saying whatyou need to honor and respect
myself? This is what I need?Would you be willing to do it?
And what can I do to help you beable to do that for me?
That's relational. And all ofthese types of things are in
your book. No, not
(32:52):
everything's in my book. Becausemy book now was written my book
came out in 2019. So my book waswritten in 2017. You know, by
the time it got published, so Iprobably have, I wasn't a
boundary coach. I wasn't aworthy coach. I didn't have
jump. I wasn't a grief educator.And I wasn't doing Terry reels,
(33:14):
relational life therapy. Sothose are all new that you get
from me now. What you get for methen is all the shadow work and,
you know, breakthrough shadowand courage and healing your
heart and, you know, a bunch ofother ones bigger, better braver
coaching, so a lot, but noteverything I own. Not everything
(33:36):
that's in my brain. If you'rehigher, you get more. It's a
it's it's what we call thatlevel one, level one. With the
shadow work.
Yeah, yeah. Level one is really,really good, really is. I'm
always adding
very cool I love that becauseone of my personal mottos is
(33:56):
always be learning. So I lovethat you are always learning and
stretching and improving andadding tools and knowledge. I
think that's amazing.
Thank you. I do too. I like yourmotto. Well, feel
free to steal it. I think it'severyone should have it. Nancy,
how can people connect with you?Where can they find your book?
(34:20):
How can they get your coaching?
Everything actually is on mywebsite, which will be in your
show notes. But it's NancyPicard life. coach.com You can
follow me on Instagram at NancyPicard life coach on Facebook
and Nancy Picard life coachamong clubhouse but not as much.
(34:42):
My my website has a free chapterfor my book, which you also will
have. I have some online coursesI have a 20% discount for the
course. And to book a freediscovery call Oh, is also on my
website. So all the differentnot not even all the different
(35:06):
modalities that I do, but a lotof them are on there. And every
single podcast that I do goes onthere. So if people want more
after they listen to us, theycan go on and watch like another
30 or 40 podcasts. So I'mpretty, it's pretty easy to get
to me.
Awesome. Awesome, dancy Picard.Thank you so much for appearing
(35:30):
on somewhere in the middle.Patricia.
Thank you for having me.
Well, that's our show thismonth, guys. You can reach me
online at Michele barard.com.You can also find me on
Facebook, Instagram and Tiktokas urban book editor, feel free
to send in some topics you'dlike us to cover on the show.
I'd love to hear from you. Makesure you tune into the show on
(35:53):
November 17 when my guest willbe speaker and coach Paul DKC.
You can find us once a month onFridays at 5pm Pacific 6pm
Mountain 7pm Central and 8pmEastern at the summer in the
middle podcast. Let's continuethe conversation. You guys be
good. stay mindful, remainprayer for peace and blessings.
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