May 27, 2025 • 61 mins
What if softness isn’t something you do, but something you think? In this tender and thought-provoking episode, Lisa is joined by the luminous LaTonya Davis—Founder of the LaTonya Davis Network and of 4C in the C Suite—to explore the radical truth that soft living begins not with scented candles or spa days (although those matter), but with how we think, speak, and relate to ourselves.
Together, LaTonya and Lisa unpack the mental unlearning required to shift from survival to serenity, and how embracing gentle thoughts can be a gateway to liberation—especially for Black women who’ve been conditioned to prioritize everyone but themselves.
This is not your average self-care conversation. This is a decolonized reimagining of what it means to think softly—and of why having a gentle mindset might be the most revolutionary act of all.
Whether you’re new to soft living or you’ve been reclaiming your ease one deep breath at a time, this episode is your permission slip to slow down, dig deep, and tune in to YOU.
Join the two sista-friends to discover:
Why LaTonya says “softness is not performance, it’s presence”—and what that looks like in daily life
How our internal narratives are shaped by grind culture, patriarchy, and whiteness—and how to rewire them with intention
Practical mindset shifts for choosing ease, even when life is loud
What to do when guilt creeps in during your rest journey (hint: it’s not “push through”)
How to extend grace to yourself, especially on the days when rest feels impossible
🧘🏾♀️ This episode is an exhale. A balm. A gentle nudge back to yourself. Tap in, and let’s think gently together.
CREDITS:
👸🏽Host & Executive Producer: Lisa Hurley, author of Space To Exhale and Founder of The Great Exhale
👸🏽Guest: LaTonya Davis, PCC, CEO of L. Davis Consulting, and creator of the Queens & Crowns Network
👸🏽Producer: Latrice Torres, CEO of LeaderKeysConsulting
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Loved the episode? Write a review! 😊😊🙏🏾
SHOW NOTES
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST:
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GET SPACE TO EXHALE:
📚Get your copy of Space To Exhale: A Handbook for Curating a Soft, Centered, Serene Life
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:28):
The. Take a breath.
I am Lisa Hurley, activist, author and community builder.
(00:52):
Welcome to Space to Exhale, the podcast weekly inspiration for
self love and soft living. None.
(01:34):
Hello folks, Hi everybody, welcome to Space to Exhale the
podcast, a safe, serene sanctuary where we focus on high
vibrations, affirmations, soft living and self-care.
I am your host Lisa Hurley. I'm a three time Anthem
award-winning activist, Reiki master, and the author of Space
(01:57):
to Exhale, a handbook for curating a soft, centered,
serene life. I am here to help us all do just
that. Relax, take a breath, say no to
hustle culture, and yes to a life of ease.
My hope and dream is for us all to curate lives that we don't
(02:21):
feel we need a break from. Today, I am super excited to
introduce my very special guest and my friend Latonya Davis.
Welcome, welcome. I'm so excited.
I am delighted to be here. I'm delighted to have you.
I'm delighted to have you. This is awesome.
(02:42):
So let me tell the people who they're really listening to
today. Let me tell them a little bit
about Latonya. So Latonya Davis is a Christian
who grew up in Houston, TX. She's a Grey Lista HBCU graduate
and autism mother who believes in order to make any change
occur, one must be willing to think on a different level and
(03:04):
view things from a different perspective.
She is the author and founder of4C in the C-Suite.
And look at her hair and you will understand why.
That is because natural hair conversations were never linked
to leadership. And they should be.
This work is in honor of her three best friends who have
(03:26):
passed on. Latonya is a living ancestor as
an award-winning educator, outstanding woman in law
recipient, board member of the Autism Society, global head of
DEI with Amazon Prime, and head of DEI at Amazon Global
Marketing. But we're not done yet.
We're not done yet. There's more.
(03:49):
This season. It leads her network with
keynote speaking podcasts, art galleries, bookstore academies,
master classes and digital products ecosystem with the
first ever AI certification accelerator for Black women and
autism moms. Her overall real impact is 300
million. And there's more.
(04:10):
Make sure we're going to tell you this at the end, but we're
telling you now as well. Just go right now and also
follow Latonya on IG and TikTok at I am Latonya Davis 2025.
So that's who that's who we're listening to and learning from
today. Y'all, this is no joke.
It feels funny to hear yourself hear about yourself like that,
(04:32):
right? Yeah, you know, yeah, the
timeline is like, wow, OK, all right, you know, but I'm so glad
you kicked it off with Christian.
That's that's where it all. Starts from that's where it all
starts. That's where it all starts.
It's it's you know, as beloved as as above, so below.
That's how it starts. And Speaking of starting, so
before we get into the questionsand the interview and all of
(04:55):
that, those of you who have listened for the past few weeks
know that before we dive into that, we, we take a moment, we
take a breath. So let us take a moment to
exhale together and get grounded.
So we're going to take a few deep breaths.
So do whatever makes you feel comfortable.
(05:15):
If you want to leave your eyes open, do that.
If you want to close them, you can do that as well.
I prefer to close my eyes. So I'm going to say close your
eyes, drop your shoulders down, lift them up to your ears a
little bit, and then drop your shoulders back down and just
(05:37):
wave your neck a little bit fromside to side, back and forth and
just get very relaxed. And now take a deep breath in
through your nose and exhale through your mouth, and another
inhale and exhale, and one more time inhale and exhale.
(06:13):
OK, so now that we're grounded and our energy is right, let me
ask you this first question, Latonya.
It's not really a question. Actually.
It's like, so when we were firsttalking about, OK, what are we
going to do on this episode, right?
(06:35):
What are we going to talk about?What are we going to focus on?
And you said something that I thought was brilliant.
You're like, we're going to focus on the soft living
mindset. And I love that you, similarly
to how you just said, well, it all starts with, for example,
you being a Christian, It startswith as above, so below.
And it starts with, you know, what the mind does and focuses
(06:58):
on the body will follow, right? So you've said to me and sat on
your own platforms like the softlife isn't just about aesthetics
or luxury. It is about mental liberation.
So walk us through how we can begin that process of freeing
our minds and getting into a soft life.
(07:19):
Soft life that. So one, I want everybody to know
this is an autism household, so you might hear some stemming in
the background. That is my son.
He is supposed to be doing some work, so just know that.
It's all good. I know I love that question
about liberation and the mindsetbecause I think a lot of people
(07:39):
look towards the actions and I think it's important to think
about internal and external liberation for our minds.
For me, you know, that just looks like me focusing on
internally, which is my calling,you know, my purpose and my gift
for me. In case folks don't know, I grew
up in the church. However, I grew up seeing my
(08:02):
grandmother as a Christian and seeing how she lived her life at
church and volunteer areas, all that good stuff.
That was the very first catalystthat I had for people to say,
for me to say, oh, oh, that's what a Christian is supposed to
be because I already knew the background of Christianity,
plantation, how all those things, you know, came about.
But being from Houston, TX, where we celebrate Juneteenth
(08:25):
and me having a family of all Christians who let me see what
that was about. That was my first introduction
to it. I think for me that really
liberate, liberated my mind around like, oh, oh, so it's not
about putting on, you know, hatsand shirts and, you know,
prosperity gospel and all these sorts of things.
It's about really being true to your identity and understand who
(08:45):
you are and operating in your calling, your purpose, and also
your gift. And so my gift is leadership.
My gift is leadership. It always has been and it's
never changed. I've never seen it change over
these years. It operates with ease.
I don't have to necessarily do anything.
It shows up how it's supposed to.
The calling that I have changes and I'm sharing this each with
(09:08):
you before I move to the external because the internal
has to be aligned, yes, spiritually before you can do
anything with the external. And so the calling is like who I
who am I for this season? Who am I here for this season,
this season? I'm here for black women with
natural hair. I'm here for autism moms.
I'm here for the people who wantto really see, you know, equity
(09:28):
and inclusion in workspaces donethe right way with actual
evidence of outcomes. My purpose is why do I do what I
do? Because I really want people who
have been overlooked throughout our lives, regardless of your
background. I want them to feel seen, heard,
and valued. And value doesn't necessarily
mean that or a person has to come up and get 6 figures.
It means I'm valued because I'm born.
(09:50):
I'm valued because I'm born first and foremost.
Because. Because I exist.
Yeah, I exist and. That's like we have to
understand that titles are goingto change.
You know, relationships will change.
What will never change is who you are and who you were born to
be. And so that was my first
indication of it. And I think for me, liberation
really came to from the same grandmother who allowed us, all
the cousins to go to this camp called Camp Good news at this.
(10:13):
Yeah, I mean it to to. I'm going to say that's
solidified, you know, my belief in who Christ was because that
was the first time I was around people from all backgrounds,
white people, black people, whatever.
And I was, of course, you know, we were the minority of the
black guys, of course, of course, but I never felt
different. And that was a feeling that I
had. I never felt like I was, oh, the
(10:35):
black girl or, or the this, it was more so internally, we're
here to be able to learn about who God is and you know, what it
means to our own individual lives and how we can be able to
move through. And we had so much fun.
Archery, rifle rate, trampoline,you know, I mean, we went, I
went there from 8 to 13. It really signified for me who
people are and what humanity is,which is, and I see it to this
(10:57):
day in the work that I do, you know, in this big old, you know,
global space, working with people from around the world,
from here and there. And I'm like, oh, I'm able to
move in those places and spaces already had, you know, that when
I was a kid. And so it didn't make it hard
for me to be able to do so. I think internally you have to
look at like, what is your calling?
You know who you're here for, your purpose is your why, and
(11:19):
then your gift. When you operate in all of those
and you do it with alignment, itbecomes ease for you.
It does become soft and it's notwhat you're able to do.
All right folks, that was Chapter 1 of today's master
class. OK, that was chapter 1, So I
let's move on to chapter 2. So.
(11:40):
Yeah. My next, my next question is, it
seems to me like what I heard, part of what I heard you say is
that even though we might not have used that that language at
the time, you have always sort of operated in a mindset and and
energy of softness and ease. Yes, I would, I would contend
(12:01):
however, that that you are an anomaly.
Yes, in that in that sense, right, many of us operate and
I'm including myself in this right operate or have operated
in an energy of struggle. So what my questions for you is
what are some of the signs that our minds are, our minds are
(12:25):
operating in hard mode, right inthe mode of struggle and
difficulty and even sometimes trauma on how can we gently
begin to at least just notice those patterns and disrupt them?
I need. You know I asked you like 5
questions in one but but I know you I was.
Going to say that actually, I know you're going to say an
(12:46):
Ollie because I because I get that.
I get that a lot. It's true.
The spaces that I've been in and, and that's why I started
off with what happened to me as a kid at five years old, you
know, standing up in the church and saying, Oh, I believe in
Lord and actually really knowingthat that's what I actually
believe in. I think for me, one, I want to
let people know that we all going to go through trauma and
struggle. But for me, because of the way
(13:08):
that my mind has been centered and the way that I have been,
I've grown up, it carries to me to this day.
So I'm going to give an example of what that looks like from my
childhood. OK, My dad was murdered when I
was 16 years old. Oh God.
Bless. Most people don't know that that
(13:28):
catalyst was huge. So during that time frame, I
actually questioned God and I was.
Like. Right.
And it's like, hold on, what's going on?
My family never knew that I grieved.
So I grieved for a good five years.
It was I would go to the bathroom.
I would, you know, run the waterso nobody would hear me crying
because I miss my dad. My dad and I are very much
(13:50):
alike, extroverted, very loud, proud, you know, and he's the
one who told me things like, youknow, when you're, when it was,
he taught me how to walk. Like don't look back.
You know what's back there. Keep going forward, right?
Right, so. It kind of sucked with me, but
to go through that experience and then to have the Lord just
eventually say, you know what, you didn't lose, You didn't lose
a father. You've always had a father.
(14:12):
Your purpose is still going to be met.
And so being able to go through that situation dramatically, had
I not already had, you know, my mindset set around just my own
prayers and my scriptures and for my own self, I would not
have been able to go through that in the way that I went
through it because it happened again when my youngest brother
was murdered as well. My goodness.
So I literally thank you. Thank you for that.
(14:35):
But it's like, I literally am a person who I went to funerals as
a ritual. I was so used to going to a
cousin here. It was just grandma there.
That's just kind of what we did.And it's like, so we lose, we
lose so many people. I didn't necessarily get numb.
It was more so like, OK, Lord, So what is it that you need me
to learn from this situation so that I can do XY and Z?
And that's where the resilience comes in.
(14:56):
I know people don't don't think don't like the word resilience
as much, but I honestly can say that's where it comes from.
And that's where the liberation comes from.
Understanding that I was born for a purpose and that my
purpose will not be it was goingto happen before I go to the
grave. I know that, I know that.
So I think that's so it comes from just like prayer.
It comes from surrounding myselfwith the right people, having a
(15:20):
spirit of discernment to know who you should be aligned with
and who you should not, which iswhy I chose friendship for and
one of my best friends is on online today as well that Hey,
Lori. So it's just like being able to
look at life from that standpoint.
And so as I move throughout life, those two experiences
significantly shifted my impact around what does it look like
(15:44):
when you have to go through a situation?
So at that point, I honestly said, what else can, what else
can happen? So as I went through everything
else in life, it was like, OK, this can't be worse than what I
already went through. And that's how God positioned me
to show up. So whether it was losing a job,
quitting a job, terminating being unhoused, not having
money, you know, I've gone from zero figures to six figures.
(16:04):
They don't define who I am at the end of the day.
What defines me again is my calling and my purpose, who I'm
showing up for. Why am I here and what and who
am I going to do this for? That's where that comes from.
And so the liberated mindset comes from that and not and not
allowing the struggle or not allowing the situations that
happen to stop what it is that I'm supposed to do.
(16:26):
Well, I feel like I need to where's the collection plate?
Because I feel, I feel like we're at church.
This is absolutely, Oh my gosh, listen.
I don't think you knew this. You didn't know this about me, I
don't think. I you you shared about your dad
wants, but it was a long time ago, you know, so we spoke about
(16:47):
it briefly once, but not in depth.
But everything else, no, I didn't.
I didn't know everything else. But thank you so much for
trusting me and all of us enoughto to share that.
And I one thing, one of the things that stands out is that I
think a lot of people, a lot of people are triggered by the
(17:09):
phrase soft life or soft living because they seem to equate it
with laziness or you've checked out or whatever, which mind you,
if you want to check out and just like just do the minimum,
that is your right. But that is actually not the
case. Or they think that people who
talk about soft living are sort of Pollyanna's right in that,
(17:32):
you know, or have never had any problems or they've always lived
a life, lives of privilege. But let me tell you.
Yeah. What you have been through that
is proof positive that you can still, you can go through the
valley, yes, you can go through the valley and still make it out
of the valley and up to the up to the mountain top and there
will be other valleys, valleys, but you always know that you can
(17:54):
make it out. You know 1. 1000% Wow. 1000%
Yeah. Amazing.
Amazing. Thank you.
Thank you so much. So you and I are we, we, we've
had our phone calls where we're both like, OK, well, we want to
do this project and that project.
And how do we do this? And you know, I don't know,
(18:16):
like, you know, the course of the book and this and that.
And we all are doing we, we bothare doing many things all at the
same time, all at 100% right. But yes, I do think that both of
us have a clarity in our minds, OK, we can do that and go out
100%, but there needs to be a time where we slow things down.
(18:40):
So my question is. But that that is us.
And you know, everybody is different.
So in a world that especially for people who look like us, you
know, black women, black and brown women, the world tends to
demand from us that we produce and that we perform even through
when we're when we're in pain, like what you were talking
(19:02):
about, that we always have to operate and deliver perfection.
Yeah. So with that context, how do we
push against that and begin to think more gently about
ourselves and toward ourselves, especially like, let's say we
all have moments of failure or fatigue.
Like, even in those moments, howdo we either maintain or, you
(19:28):
know, attain a mindset of softness toward ourselves?
That's a great question. I.
She's like, oh. Yeah, I'm thinking that, you
know, it's a couple. Well, one, let me go to the
failure Part 1. I think that we need to, I don't
want to say redefine or reframe it, but we do not need to kind
of redefine failure. So failure to most of us, it
(19:51):
seems like, Oh my God, I didn't make it.
I didn't do it XY and Z. And I think that we should frame
it in terms of blow and grow. So you glow in terms of what did
I do very well. And then the other part is your
grow. What could I have done even
better? And I think that when we start
looking at it from that standpoint, whether you're an
entrepreneur or you're an employee or a mom or what have
you, you look at it from that standpoint, you can sort of see
(20:12):
yourself moving towards the next, towards the next level.
So I think that's really important.
I think the other thing too is perfection.
So it's so funny because I know that I'm definitely an anomaly
because any space that I've beenin, people are always like
Latanya's like she's different. I'm gonna give you all and I'm
gonna give you an example that'snot quite tied to this.
(20:32):
So I'm just kind of share it. So I most of y'all know, I've
served as an, A consultant and had my own company and that's
one of the reasons why Amazon wanted me to come to serve as
their head of DI for two of their companies.
And for those who don't know Amazon, it's not just Amazon.
Amazon has multiple companies within it run by different
leaders. Just keep that in mind.
(20:53):
So as I was leading one of the sessions one day, I was doing a
business review and I was kind of telling like, here are the,
you know, here are the results we have from the strategy XYZ.
And I walked in the meeting and before we started, I always made
sure that all the leaders understood we were going to talk
about like, what have y'all, what have y'all learned so far?
What have y'all seen so far? You know, what have you?
What have you learned about, youknow, XYZ?
(21:14):
But what I did this time, I said, hey, I'm going to let
y'all know real quick. So I had to address a
microaggression from someone real quick.
I handled it. It's OK.
So now we can start the meeting.And their face was just like.
I love that. And I said, well, I'm telling
you that so that you understand sometimes how black women have
to show up. And because I know that y'all
(21:35):
are my allies and y'all my advocates and y'all going to
block whatever needs to get blocked.
It is what it is, but I wanted them to see that there's a
difference between how you get to show up today versus how I
get to show up today and that it's not necessarily something
that is not necessarily like a failure on anybody's part.
It's just about making sure thatyou understand who you are.
(21:55):
And so we don't have to operate in those modes.
Typically in these meetings, it's read paper, read the paper,
but I switched it around to where now we're talking about,
you know, how are you showing uptoday?
How do you feel today? And they, you know, they share
like that's not how they usuallyhave done it, but they really
appreciate it because we're talking about people here.
And I've always said people first, title second, people
(22:17):
first, title second. I usually, yeah, I don't even
really, whenever I talk about these, these different topics
and I go places, people actuallydon't know my full background.
I don't even have everything on my LinkedIn platform to be
honest. I know.
I don't have everything I've actually done on there.
I only have what I want to be known for the season that I'm in
for the calling that I'm in for the season.
(22:38):
But I would just say that that'ssomething something that's
important. But I think that when it comes
to being productive and I almostfeel like it's like a hustle
culture, even within the tech space.
Yes, very hustly in terms of we got to get this done.
We got to get this done. And Excellency.
So for me, you know, I'm like, oh, I'm not, I don't work on the
weekends. I do, you know, when I was an
(22:59):
employee do my 8 hours, same thing in education.
No, I'm not going to respond to that request, you know, So I
think a lot of it is and I had in my notes here, I had how to
say no, you know. Can we go into that?
Can we go into that a bit? Because that I think a couple
episodes ago, Alexis and I were speaking about boundaries and I
(23:21):
don't know there, there's never a bad time to talk about
boundaries because it's something that a lot of us
struggle with. So yeah, tell us about how you
manage the process of enforcing boundaries and saying no.
Yeah, so I, I think of saying noas I'm saying no publicly, I'm
saying it privately and I'm saying it internally.
So first I make, I make sure I say it internally for myself.
(23:43):
Like I know I'm very self aware.I know exactly what I can do and
what I can't do. Just thank you, Lord.
Just know what I can do, what I can do.
Clarity, girl. Clarity.
Yeah. You know, right, and that's one
of The Four Seasons this week. But I for me, I think it's like
a good example might be in it. I'll give another example like a
(24:05):
tech space. There was a time where I was
asking a question because I wanted to know if there were any
women who had talked about what leadership was because all I
heard was from men. And I said, do we have anything
like that? Everybody thought it was a great
idea. Oh my God, this is so amazing.
And it was, oh, great. Can you, a whole e-mail came
out, can you leave this? And I said no.
(24:28):
And so I ended up having a meeting with someone else and
they said, oh, did you know that?
You know you can't. When someone asked you to do
something, you don't say no, yousay yes.
And then I said, I guess you haven't met me, a black woman
who has my own company, who doesanti racism work had millions of
impacts. So when I say no, I mean no.
And I don't care who I'm talkingto in this organization, find
(24:50):
somebody else to do it. So I think you're.
A whole lawyer let me just let me just throw that in there as
well. Listen, listen, y'all, I could
have, I could have just read Latonya's bio.
It could have been the whole episode.
Y'all have no idea, OK? She's also an entire lawyer, so
she knows what she's talking about, how to say what she needs
(25:13):
to say, how to phrase it so thatshe remains within, she's clear,
remains within legal boundaries,but she's firm.
So this is the person you need to listen to.
You know, and I think, you know,for me, it's like, and I always
say, you know, I always, I stillsay people first, title 2nd.
And I think that it's just sometimes I just believe that
(25:33):
people have, let me just say this.
We know this habits have formed from the plantation that have
moved into different spaces. They moved into school systems,
they moved into organizations, nonprofits, corporations.
And so not everybody really understands how that shows up.
So to even make a comment like that would suggest that you
don't even realize that you are actually a part of a system that
(25:54):
should have been dismantled. So for me to say what I said is
reframing a new idea of no, we don't tell anybody this.
We don't say XY and Z because weneed to understand, you know,
who we are. Again, what who am I?
What is my purpose? What is my calling?
Why am I here? Who am I here to serve?
I'm not here to serve everybody.I know who I was called here to
serve and in fact, every single time that I get a new client or
(26:18):
contract, it could be a individual or a company or
brand, I always pray 1st and askto reduce myself.
I ask to reduce myself so that Ican go in and lead with
integrity and lead with authority so that I can get
things done. That's why I've never had any
major issues. People ask me all the time, you
know, did you ever? No, no people don't.
(26:40):
The micro aggression I spoke about was from one person and
that was handled super quick andthey moved on.
Scout was it? Yeah.
But nobody. I've never had that as an issue
because people know who they're getting.
They know who I am before I enter into the room and not from
my profile, from my presence. I was just going to say it's
your energy. It's from your presence because
your your or your energy, your presence, your anointing.
(27:04):
That is what. It is introduces you before you
actually enter the room. It walks ahead of you and clears
the path. And that's why I said it goes
back to just really understanding who you are
internally, because when you really understand that and you
constantly operating in that, you're able to be able to make
those decisions to move forward.When you do not operate in that,
you, you tend to allow other people to define that for you.
(27:26):
And that cannot be the case. And it's been many times where
it's not just in tech. I've been in education as AK12
leader, coaching principals, youknow, being able to talk about
kids, you know, how do you treatchildren?
That's near dear to my heart. I mean, you know what I mean?
And so I think it's important tounderstand how to say no.
And I, and I, and I'm going to, I'm going to say this for those
who might be educators in here. I was serving as an assistant
(27:49):
principal for a school district in New Orleans, and I remember
they brought me in because they wanted me to help change around
the the data kids hadn't passed tests in eight years, so they
wanted me to come in and be ableto help.
So I was able to do that. One question that came up was
Brown I. Like how you throw that?
I like how you throw that in their casualties.
I was able to do it. Well, I mean, you know, it takes
(28:11):
a team, of course. But you were.
You were. Yeah, you know, but it's like.
But it was interesting because if you, if you know anything
about education, you know, education is tied to kids in the
relationship you have with them.You can teach a kid anything.
I don't care who it is. I don't care whether they have
an IEP or not. A child will learn when you have
the right relationship with thatchild, period, hands down.
(28:33):
And so I'm going to say that with certainty because I've done
it. And so, but one issue that came
up was around detention. They wanted to have detention of
the school setting. And it was myself, another AP
who was a Caucasian female. I remembered that happening in
my office that Friday evening. I usually leave early, but that
day I was in my office and I overheard her having a
(28:54):
conversation with a teacher, howshe had already gathered all
these signatures to have detention for the kids.
And I said thank you, Lord, for letting me see that.
And so walked in on Monday morning.
The principal wanted us to share, you know, our thoughts.
So I spoke first. Let me tell you all something.
Sometimes you need to be the first person speaking in the
room because you set the tone for what is getting ready to
happen. And I said we will not have
(29:16):
detention with these children. We're not going to send black
and brown kids through a prisoner pipeline.
Here's what we're going to do instead.
You could see her face just melt.
She's probably watching this. She didn't know.
Yeah, you good. But which is good, right?
So she. But anyway, so the principal
looks and I said, here's what we're going to do.
We're going to go back and auditand find out why, why kids are
(29:36):
behaving the way they are. So I was able to find out from
the kids what they wanted. I audited all the children, did
a whole, you know, research thing with them, Talk to the
teachers. Teachers were like, we've never
done this before. I said, if we think about this
as a as you know, as a business,the kids are the customers.
You don't have a job without thechildren.
So our responsibility is to makesure that they understand that
(29:58):
they are first and foremost valued in this space and that
their voices are heard. Within six weeks, changed it all
around, found out some information I needed to find
out, you know, and then we got that thing handled.
But it was interesting that again, things that happen on the
plantation morphed themselves into these places and people
don't really know history. And so therefore that's why it's
so easy to say, let's go ahead and detain people because we're
(30:19):
used to putting people in jail and all those other kinds of
things. And that's not what we're going
to have. So I stopped that single
handedly. And I was just thinking to
myself, you know, that's, that'sa no.
And I want people to understand like that, that's a no.
A no can be from you. A no can be you standing up for
somebody else. But it's going to look different
ways. But you have to be able to honor
yourself 1st. And when you honor yourself
(30:39):
first, it's easier to move out into the other spaces privately
and publicly to do what needs tobe done.
And so I just kind of want to share that too.
I hope I answered your other question.
Absolutely, absolutely no. This is, this is all.
It's just all so much gold is all I can call it.
It's like treasure, you know, because you are, you are an
(31:00):
anomaly. And I, I, I specifically wanted
not to speak to you, but for people, for people to hear from
you, for people to hear from you, because more people who
look like us need to know what is possible.
I need to know that it is possible to be a, you know,
(31:20):
brown skinned or dark skinned black woman, dark skinned black
woman here, natural, a big crownof natural foresee here and
still make waves with authority and integrity in your
professional life. But also, but also still be an
(31:42):
autism mom and be there for yourfriends and do all the things
that you want to do and travel and go out and take walks and
take in the sunshine and live softly.
You can actually have both and it is possible.
So I really wanted people to hear directly from you because
you have listened. There's so much that you've
done, so many stories that you've just shared with me, and
(32:04):
I know I haven't heard all of them, right?
Right. So girl, just just keep blessing
the people Speaking of it. So for those for those who for
those of us, again, I'm including myself, who you know,
we're on we're on the drive for success.
We want to move up corporate ladder.
(32:27):
We want to achieve certain things.
And so how do you in terms of mindset, in terms of maybe like
daily habits, I don't know, You know, you mentioned prayer,
affirmations, journaling, thingsof that nature.
What mindset, habits or or my oractions do you do to sort of
(32:48):
balance the drive for success and the need for a soft life?
Yes. So I I start kick off my day
with prayer. I absolutely have prayer with
God in the morning. I get up extra early.
I got to get it before my son gets up because once that
happens, the day is done. Right.
So I do my prayer in the morningand I have always equip a verse
(33:08):
with my prayers as well. I also do manifestations.
I found out that manifestations for me are just they're game
changer. It is really around and I pray
for everything, everything from you know my business to this
platform today. I pray for this platform today,
The people able to see you and to be able to see me and what
we're trying to do and the people who come because I don't
(33:29):
think people realize when y'all in the chat, people see you in
the chat. That's important for you and
what you want to be able to do. I also go for walks every day.
So my son and I take a walk because I love the sun, love the
sun walk. I do mine, of course.
I always do my my Bible time, which I need.
I don't read my Bible every day,but I do read my Bible once a
(33:51):
week, usually on Sundays and Saturdays to prep myself for my
leader, for my life principles that I that I like to have for
myself. I also make sure that I
proactively do not put myself inposition with people who are not
for me. So in other words, I make sure
that I'm just going to go just like things that we need to talk
about for social media. I do not follow people that have
(34:13):
triggering content. I do not follow people that do
not have evidence of outcomes. I do not follow individuals who
are just really there to use. How can I say this nicely?
I'm laughing because Oh my, listen, I'm not not in doubt
with me yet you're talking about.
(34:34):
People are coming to mind. Mama, keep my mouth shut.
I'm mostly profiting off of pain.
I have a different way of how I choose to do it and I'm going to
say this directly. I am an anti racism expert.
I am ADEI expert and belonging expert.
I am an autism expert. I am AK12 expert.
I don't know everything all the time, but I know enough to know
(34:57):
that in order to really drive change, your approach has to
change. And so your approach has to be
from the standpoint of where people at and how do they, how
do they see you? Whether you're an AI
entrepreneur, XYZ, whatever it might be, you want to make sure
you do that. So I make sure that I
proactively turn off things thatI don't necessarily need.
I don't follow celebrities. I don't need to.
(35:18):
The celebrities in my family, the celebrities are right here.
You're a celebrity, you know what I mean?
So we have people who are right here that we can follow.
And so I like to make sure that I'm tuning into those who are
amplifying really great content,really great information in a
really productive and positive way because I think that's
important for me, myself. And then at night, I get 8 hours
of sleep every single night. I've gotten 8 hours of sleep
(35:38):
ever since I became an autism mom and I've been autism mom for
over 15 years. And I'm going to say I knew I
had to have two journeys, my son's journey and my journey.
So I knew that my Wellness journey had to be intact.
And so I started that a long time ago.
And then getting 8 hours of sleep practically using things
like lavender. Yes.
You know I love laughing. You drop it on your pillow.
(36:00):
Like how do you how do you do it?
I do the diffuser, Diffuser. I love that.
I love it. I mean, it's incredible, you
know what? So I mean, it's like you not
read the right kinds of things. And I think for me it's like,
and I think also me like don't get like I think I told one of
the followers today getting on TikTok and starting talking
about things like natural hair, like encouraging people to know
(36:20):
that you can wear your natural hair and that that is freedom.
You know, that's liberation, notto feel like you have to wear
all these other kinds of things.If you know, if you understand
your hair, you're able to take care of it.
So I think my hair and of courseI love arts, I'm into AI and
most of y'all know, I just as a matter of fact, I just dropped
my AI newsletter today and I'm excited.
I just I'm so excited about thatbecause that has been a game
(36:43):
changer. Even in my own home, you know,
being able to build lessons for my son, being able to build, you
know, our gluten free menus or whatever we have, you know,
being able to, you know, start basically creating anything I
wanted. I've created anything I want to
have. So I mean, I think those are the
things that you want to be able to do.
So I named those because it's a combination of things that you
(37:05):
want to have for yourself, and you have to figure out what that
is for you and then plan around what that needs to look like for
you. So I think those things are
really, really important too. Well, I'm trying.
I'm here trying to process everything you said.
I mean, there were like so many gems in there.
One, one of the many things thatstood out to me was when you
(37:27):
said I do not follow people who do not have evidence of
outcomes. Yes, we need more of that.
We need more people to be like that because a lot of people are
swayed by shiny glitter things. Yes.
Yes, there's, there's, they're swayed by that.
And, and you understand the mentality, it's partly because
(37:49):
of how social media is set up. And I, I understand it.
But when people are on social media or wherever selling you
things, and those things might be actual things or services or
promises or whatever it is they're selling, make sure that
there is evidence of the outcomethat they are promising you.
(38:11):
Sure, right. Like for So for me, for example,
when I was, you know, I was in the process of thinking, OK, I
want to write a book and I had no idea how to go about it.
And then God dropped the Book Academy by Lovey.
Like I, I was like mentally asking, like mentally praying.
Like some prayers are you go down on your knees and you pray
(38:33):
and some prayers are like, you're thinking, right?
Yeah, yeah. So I said, oh, how do I do this?
Da, da, da. Two days later, the book Academy
by Lovey comes up, right. Yes.
But when I tell you I signed up immediately because again,
evidence of outcomes, Lovey is afour time New York Times best
selling author. I don't need to ask no more
(38:55):
questions. She's proven it, she's done it.
She's done it not once, twice, 3* 4 times, right.
And so really make sure people that when you are, whoever it is
you are following or connecting to or even, you know, hiring or
retaining, make sure that you have some evidence.
(39:17):
There is some evidence somewhere.
Hey, how are you doing? He's like, I'm going to be in
the mix. He always is.
He always is. And he should be.
He should be. That's my cult, yo.
He should be in the mix, yeah. So just make sure that you're
doing your due diligence and check, check for referrals from
(39:40):
people who you know and trust. Don't go out there just letting
anybody into your life and letting you know and hiring
random people because again, they look glitter and shiny.
All the glitters is not gold. Oh yeah, I'm being mindful too.
I think also, and it's just another thing that we do is
(40:00):
being mindful of like discernment, just like being
able to pray over it and making sure that we're mindful of who
we choose to repost because we will repost.
Other people's thought as well as thought leaders, we won't do
the same thing for our own. And so we need to be mindful of
that because thought leadership to me means you have, again,
(40:22):
that's why I also mentioned evidence of impact like, oh, you
do, like where have you worked at?
What have you done? Who are your clients?
What have you done? And so we want to make sure that
we're talking about that becausethat's so important.
It's not just even in that, it'sjust in anything that you do,
you want to make sure that you're focused on it, whatever,
whatever the topic is. And let me also say this, you
all are thought leaders. Let me just say this, everybody
who's on this live is a thought leader.
(40:44):
This simply means that you have information with your talent and
expertise that you can share with someone.
You need to be building your podcasts and your newsletters
and your memberships and your courses and whatever you,
whatever else you choose to do, I want you to know that you
should be doing that as well. And that's how I think
differently. I don't think like everybody
else, I could care less about some of the other things that
everybody else does. What I care about is, does this
(41:06):
actually drive the impact that Iwant to do for the people who
have been called to serve? I can do a whole lot of things,
but I choose to do certain things because I want to make
sure certain people win, and that's what this is ultimately
about. I love that.
I love that when I, I, I love seeing, when I see your post,
you know, Latonya has lots of project.
I get so excited because I'm like, what is she up to?
(41:29):
What is she up to date? It's like the, you know, the
four and, and can I just say as a copywriter, this is a, you
know, I'm just going to nerd out.
But for C in the C-Suite, Cheskis as a name, as a name.
Thank you. Oh my gosh, beautiful.
As soon as you as soon as I saw it, Latonya.
And there's there's just so muchthat you do and that you value
(41:50):
that you offer. I'm a member of one of your
Discord communities. You know, there's just so much.
Hey, he's dropping in. Listen, there's there's a
celebrity in the room and it is neither one of us, OK?
Hilarious. One of us.
So something that you talked about that is important is
(42:11):
making sure that you surround yourself with the right people,
right? And so everybody who's been
following the podcast for a while now, you know that every
episode, like I asked my guests,OK, is there an excerpt that you
want me to read? And so the one that Latonya
selected is about making sure that in addition to having the
(42:37):
right mindset for living a soft life, you're you're living a
soft life is actually influencedby who you have around you, like
having the right friends. So I'm going to read an excerpt
about that, an excerpt from the book.
And and then we're going to talka little bit more after that.
OK, So what makes a good friendship?
(43:01):
We tend to prioritize romantic relationships over platonic
ones, but our friendships are just as important as our
intimate partnerships. It's great to be booed up, but
it's just as important to be crude up.
I'm going to read that one again.
It's great to be booed up, but it's just as important to be
(43:23):
crude up. Stop right now and think, who is
in your sister circle? Who are your Bros?
Who are the people that you knowwant you to win and will help
you do it? Who are the women that bonfire
upon Mean Girls energy and instead embrace sisterhood,
(43:43):
collaboration and mutual support?
Who are the people who make you feel truly included?
Who are the folks You Can Dance and laugh and be silly with?
In other words, who are the souls around whom you feel safe
enough to exist unmasked as you live your life?
The people with whom you spend the most time will have a big
(44:05):
impact, positive or negative, Sochoose wisely.
Surround yourself with the rightkind of people.
Your close circle could include members of your immediate
family, buddies from school or university, and colleagues
turned friends. But whoever they are, they
should enhance your life rather than detract from it.
(44:27):
You should feel better and be better by dint of having them in
your life. Friendship should not feel like
a struggle. There should be peace, harmony
and energetic concordance. Friendship should flow.
Curating your circle is one of the most important things you
can do to manifest a happier life.
But how do you determine who belongs in your sanctum
(44:50):
sanctorum? How do you divine who will be
there for you versus who will betray or abandon you?
We need to start doing friend assessments rather than keeping
or letting people in our lives simply because of history or
proximity. On the journey to curating your
circle, it can be helpful to know what friendship red flags
(45:11):
and green flags to look for. So back to the original
question, what makes a good friendship?
Who should be part of our circle?
How do we assess that? Here are some green flags to
bear in mind. Keep around you friends who are
trustworthy. Word is bond is an expression I
grew up hearing. It means that if you say
(45:33):
something, other people can trust you to keep your word.
If you make a promise, people know you will deliver.
Let your word be your bond and choose people whose words and
actions you can trust. It can even be with something as
simple as being on time. Thankfully I have lots of people
in my life who if they say they're going to be in a certain
(45:56):
place at a certain time, then that's where they will be.
I can relax and know that they will show up.
This carries over to other contexts because I can trust
them to be on time, I can trust them in other ways as well.
For instance, the people in my life who are punctual are also
the ones who can honour A boundary and keep a confidence.
(46:23):
So yes, yes, yes, talk to me, Miss Latonya, 'cause you, you,
you chose this, you chose this. And there are other areas where
I talk about friendship. But why?
Why this particular excerpt? Yes, I love that because I have
3. No, I have two out of five
friends that are currently stillliving.
(46:46):
My best, best friends, three of them have 123 have already
passed away. So I have two, I'm sorry.
I have two that are left that are living ancestors.
And so I have, I am so blessed to have had incredible
friendships with these women. So one is Andrea, one is Sheena,
1 is gay. So gay became like PhD in
(47:09):
microbiology at Howard University.
I was there when she gave her defense to get her PhD Sheena
was my college roommate, went out to become an author.
Just incredible things. Andrea, we met in law school, so
she became a lawyer and did so many great things.
And she actually was my son's grand grandfather.
(47:31):
So all three of these women weresignificant in my life.
And they and I always said there's there's I'm not going to
have any friends. I like them.
This is it Laurie, who is on thecall now is my sorority.
Hey, Laurie, her and gay are my sorority sisters.
And of course we all, you know, pledge together.
She's been in my life for a number of years is I ride it out
(47:52):
for sure. I love her to death and Rafaela,
who is an autism mom who we met through our church and our boys
are the same. And so it's just great to have
that. So I, I, I'm just saying all
that to say that it's not easy to find people who are you just
jail, you get along well, call anytime, doesn't matter where it
(48:12):
is. You know, being able to have a
crew of people who, you know, you need to call on no matter
what, whether it's I need money,you need money, it's there.
You know, whether it's I got to talk about, you know, this, this
dude XYZ, they're there. Being able to have a
relationship like that with those women is hugely
significant. And so each of their debts I
(48:33):
wasn't sad about when they passed on.
I was more so grateful for how they taught me about friendship.
And so I carry it on. And so that's why I wanted to
read that, because as you go through your life and your life
journey, you need to have peoplein your life who you ever know
that you can trust no matter what.
And those women have done it. They did it for me.
(48:54):
And so that's why I love what she said about boot up, crude
up. I love that.
Thank you. Thank you.
Well, I mean, you know, I have, you know, Annie Annie's my girl.
You know, I wrote about her in the book, right?
I wrote about her in the book. Actually, the the chapter about
curating your circle and about making sure you have good
friends starts with, you know, me sharing a story about how
(49:16):
Annie and I met. And, you know, she basically I
was like, I need some place to live for a few months.
She's like, OK, no problem. Like, it was literally as easy
as that. And, you know, I moved in and
she's, you know, next day she was like, OK, why you driving me
to work? I was like, wait, I got to use a
cartoon. She's like, ah, I'm tired.
You're going to drive. Yeah, yeah.
(49:37):
You know, but it was just the like you said, the instant
click, the ease of it, the the the understanding knowing that
this person sees you and loves you just as you are, as.
You are unconditional. Just as you are, you know, I
have friends, I have friends who, you know, they know, you
know, and some of them, many of them I, I hope are, you know, I
(49:59):
know, are on this call. And you know, there's Ilona.
There's Ilona who, you know, Godbless her.
I mean, we're, we're, we're friends, friends and colleagues
in that, you know, she's also helping me with bookmarking.
But because she knows that I am autistic and have ADHD and she
knows Lisa's going to forget stuff.
(50:20):
She's going to do 90% of it, but10% it's probably not going to
get done. But she doesn't take that and
use it against me or think, well, that means Lisa is not
smart or whatever, you know, like she works with me bearing
all of that in mind and still loves me anyway, you know what
I'm saying? And that really means a lot to
me because, you know, I've had definitely had people like take,
(50:41):
you know, some of you know, my mental health diagnosis or
things of that nature and use them against me.
And so having people who really love you exactly the way you
are, you know, flaws and all, asthe saying goes, right, It makes
such a difference because then why you and I are saying that
this is part of living a soft, asoft life is because you can
(51:04):
relax. Yes, soft life means you're
living in a in an energy of easeand that includes in your
relationships. And you know, it's not just
about your professional life. Right, it's.
About your family life, about your friendships, about all
your, your romantic relationships, all of it.
And friendships. Why and why I chose to focus on
(51:25):
friendship as opposed to romantic relationships?
Because my hope would be that whoever you're in a romantic
relationship with, you're actually friends with.
Yes, a lot of people end up in relationships with people that
don't even like them. But that, you know, that's a
topic for another episode. That's a whole other topic.
But look for people who actuallylike you, and then you can
(51:47):
relax. You can really be yourself.
You were talking a lot earlier about being authentic, being
yourself, being true to your calling and your purpose.
True friends are going to support you in that at all
times, you know, and so that's why it's so important.
So I know that we're getting close to to time.
And so I want to give you a chance.
(52:08):
Look, there's so much that you do.
So let's talk about you and yourwhat I call it in my mind, I
call it your parent company, right?
L Davis consultant. Well, you got a parent company
and subsidiaries. OK, So let the people know about
the parent company. Yes, the parent company, about
these subsidiaries, about all the academies.
(52:29):
I mean, we have a few minutes left.
Just just talk and tell the people sure.
I have. So I start off with Latanya
Davis Consulting and Consulting,which moved in the keynote
speaking, which was the trainingcompanies and I decided to build
a whole network. So the network is really
focusing on all the things whichare my podcasts for autism moms,
(52:49):
podcasts for black talent. It also has my academies.
So I have 12 different academiesfrom faith academies, Queens and
Crowns Network, AI Academy, Autism DEI, art books.
All of these are really designedfor people to go and get
anything that you possibly need for your learning and
development. So it could be courses, a master
class, anything of that nature. And so right now what I decided
(53:10):
to do is it's really focused around making sure that I have
the other kinds of checking on my son.
So it's also designed to make sure that we have like the AI,
three things that we have been working on now.
It's the AI accelerator, it's also the digital magazine and
then also the Juneteenth community, which has my books
(53:31):
that are going to be launching out as well.
So those wait hold. On Juneteenth community, how did
I wait when? Oh no.
I'm sorry June, the books will be dropping on Juneteenth.
Oh yes, that is fabulous. So yeah, those are for those who
want to learn about 14 the season and then also learning
about if you want to learn aboutcolor changing workplaces.
So the frameworks are there to be able to help people to learn
(53:53):
all those things. So what I did is, let me just
say this, I took my identity andcreated full digital ecosystem
around it. So my identity as an autism mom,
as a natural hair, natural, Lisa, I have a whole Academy
with products for people who want to learn how to do that,
for your mind, your body, Wellness, all those things.
And then also just really being able to use expertise in DI for
(54:15):
those who want to be able to learn how to do those kinds of
things and learn from it. But really it's about showing
people how to build their own digital ecosystems, just like
I've done too. Yeah.
And, and can I just say my, well, this is my interpretation
and you can, you know, definitely correct me if I'm
wrong, but I actually see everything that you do and the
(54:35):
way that you've done it as part of you curating yourself life as
well. Because in many cases you are
working, you know, at home, you are you are setting your own
hours. You have mastery and control
over your time and your schedule.
So all of that by empowering people with these with these
(54:57):
tools and with right with these tools and all of this knowledge
to be able to become more independent, all of that is part
of it. It all ties into having the
right mindset and living a softer life.
And so, yeah, that's it, right? That was it and and and so
(55:18):
people can know this, this all started from me being an autism
mom during COVID and I began to homeschool and when I created
the homeschool products I put ina Facebook group and 4000
families downloaded it. So I decided to take it and
build a business around it and that's where every other
business came from. So all the ideas y'all see
everything is there. I actually did it and built them
(55:39):
all. And so now you can also just
learn from me. Yeah, that's, that's amazing.
What I, what I love about that is it's you started by basically
solving a problem for yourself and you know, the individual,
the individual experience often is a universal experience.
(55:59):
So you were like, OK, well, I'm,I'm dealing with this, right?
I'm, I'm dealing with this. Somebody else must have this
problem. And like you said, you know,
4000 families later, you know, these people have downloaded it,
downloaded what you took the time to create and curate for
you and your son. And now it, you are helping so
many other families and you're also helping.
(56:20):
I have a, you know, I, I, I actually used to have a podcast
about natural hair years ago. You know, like, like you, you
say we've all we've yes, yes, itwas, it's called, it's called
the T on tap. It was myself and, you know, two
of my friends and we we had a podcast about natural hair and
curl, you know, curl types and you know, 3A versus 4C and all
(56:44):
of that stuff, right? We talked about eyelashes, you
know that, you know that, you know, the eyelashes that like
look like, you know, they belongon National Geographic.
Yes, right. We talked about those.
It was fun. But basically, basically to say,
you know, I also have an interest in natural hair and our
(57:06):
hair is, it's unfortunate, but it is a fact.
Our here is actually political. So I love what you do just by a,
just by showing up as yourself, as a person in the C-Suite with
4C here and then extending that to others and say, hey, you
actually do not have to shrink yourself.
(57:26):
You do not have to if you don't want to.
You don't have to change your hair.
You can. Again, this is all part of
living, living a soft life is showing up authentically.
And if that for you is, look, I have natural hair and I don't
want to change it in order to beseen as a professional, then
that's part of it too. And you're empowering so many
other black and brown women to do that.
(57:47):
So I applaud you. I love everything.
Yeah, you all do one thing. Make sure you go to the National
Hair Academy. It's affordable.
And we're even talking about, we're also talking about how the
patterns of 123 and four are Eurocentric and how we're going
to switch that to just what theyshould be, curly and curly, like
(58:08):
the ancestors did with the rituals of hair and all those
sorts of things. Learning how to take your hair
and building you a brand around it and driving your income from
that. That is what I'm teaching black
women how to do. I love it.
I. Love it.
OK, so we're we're going to close out very shortly, but
before we do every episode, I leave you guys with an with an
affirmation. So very fittingly, today's
(58:31):
affirmation is I am blessed withloyal friends whom I can trust.
I am blessed with loyal friends whom I can trust.
I am blessed with loyal friends whom I can trust.
(58:51):
OK, so that is it for this episode folks.
Just remember I'm here. I'm here busy.
Latrice is in the background. I know she's in the background.
So please promote your book. I can feel Latrice and Ilona
saying that. So I'm a do.
I'm a do what my 2 bosses tell me to do so space exhale.
(59:15):
My book drops on June 17. It is live for preorders right
now. So go out to support and
remember that preorders are veryimportant for authors.
And so it it helps that, you know, solid pre-order numbers
help send a signal to the industry that our stories matter
(59:37):
and that our books can sell. And that's important because
they're very, very few black andbrown authors and very, very few
black and brown authors who havebest sellers.
And so, you know, I would like to become one of that part of
that number. And so yes, pre-order,
pre-order, pre-order. And you know, I think that's it
for now. Thank you for attending and
(59:58):
Latonya girl, thank you. I knew.
I knew this is gonna be amazing and I don't know since you went
above and beyond and I am so grateful that you thank you.
Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for the
opportunity. Thank you all.
Hope you had a wonderful day as well.
All right, and so thank you for joining me on space to exhale
(01:00:20):
the podcast. I am looking forward to sharing
space with you next week when I have a very special guest for
you, Elaine Lynn Herring, authorof Unlearning Silence.
And if you're listening to this before the next episode, right
when I post the upcoming LinkedIn live event, make sure
to click attend to register and you know, TuneIn every Tuesday
(01:00:41):
live on LinkedIn to catch the vibes.
If you can't make the live show,subscribe to the podcast on
Spotify and YouTube to catch thereplay and just stay in touch.
Follow me on LinkedIn. Check out my website,
spacexhalebook.com for up and for updates about all the soft
life shenanigans. And of course, if you want to
dive into what we discussed today, they are shenanigans of
(01:01:04):
Tonya, right? You know, you know, be sure to
get a copy of my book SpaceX sale available on Amazon, Barnes
and Noble, widely publishing andwherever books are sold.
So again, goodbye for now. I will see you next week and
remember you are worthy of rest,you are worthy of love, and you
are worthy of having time and space to exhale.
(01:01:28):
Bye everyone, thank you.
The. Take a breath.
I am Lisa Hurley, activist, author and community builder.
(00:52):
Welcome to Space to Exhale, the podcast weekly inspiration for
self love and soft living. None.
(01:34):
Hello folks, Hi everybody, welcome to Space to Exhale the
podcast, a safe, serene sanctuary where we focus on high
vibrations, affirmations, soft living and self-care.
I am your host Lisa Hurley. I'm a three time Anthem
award-winning activist, Reiki master, and the author of Space
(01:57):
to Exhale, a handbook for curating a soft, centered,
serene life. I am here to help us all do just
that. Relax, take a breath, say no to
hustle culture, and yes to a life of ease.
My hope and dream is for us all to curate lives that we don't
(02:21):
feel we need a break from. Today, I am super excited to
introduce my very special guest and my friend Latonya Davis.
Welcome, welcome. I'm so excited.
I am delighted to be here. I'm delighted to have you.
I'm delighted to have you. This is awesome.
(02:42):
So let me tell the people who they're really listening to
today. Let me tell them a little bit
about Latonya. So Latonya Davis is a Christian
who grew up in Houston, TX. She's a Grey Lista HBCU graduate
and autism mother who believes in order to make any change
occur, one must be willing to think on a different level and
(03:04):
view things from a different perspective.
She is the author and founder of4C in the C-Suite.
And look at her hair and you will understand why.
That is because natural hair conversations were never linked
to leadership. And they should be.
This work is in honor of her three best friends who have
(03:26):
passed on. Latonya is a living ancestor as
an award-winning educator, outstanding woman in law
recipient, board member of the Autism Society, global head of
DEI with Amazon Prime, and head of DEI at Amazon Global
Marketing. But we're not done yet.
We're not done yet. There's more.
(03:49):
This season. It leads her network with
keynote speaking podcasts, art galleries, bookstore academies,
master classes and digital products ecosystem with the
first ever AI certification accelerator for Black women and
autism moms. Her overall real impact is 300
million. And there's more.
(04:10):
Make sure we're going to tell you this at the end, but we're
telling you now as well. Just go right now and also
follow Latonya on IG and TikTok at I am Latonya Davis 2025.
So that's who that's who we're listening to and learning from
today. Y'all, this is no joke.
It feels funny to hear yourself hear about yourself like that,
(04:32):
right? Yeah, you know, yeah, the
timeline is like, wow, OK, all right, you know, but I'm so glad
you kicked it off with Christian.
That's that's where it all. Starts from that's where it all
starts. That's where it all starts.
It's it's you know, as beloved as as above, so below.
That's how it starts. And Speaking of starting, so
before we get into the questionsand the interview and all of
(04:55):
that, those of you who have listened for the past few weeks
know that before we dive into that, we, we take a moment, we
take a breath. So let us take a moment to
exhale together and get grounded.
So we're going to take a few deep breaths.
So do whatever makes you feel comfortable.
(05:15):
If you want to leave your eyes open, do that.
If you want to close them, you can do that as well.
I prefer to close my eyes. So I'm going to say close your
eyes, drop your shoulders down, lift them up to your ears a
little bit, and then drop your shoulders back down and just
(05:37):
wave your neck a little bit fromside to side, back and forth and
just get very relaxed. And now take a deep breath in
through your nose and exhale through your mouth, and another
inhale and exhale, and one more time inhale and exhale.
(06:13):
OK, so now that we're grounded and our energy is right, let me
ask you this first question, Latonya.
It's not really a question. Actually.
It's like, so when we were firsttalking about, OK, what are we
going to do on this episode, right?
(06:35):
What are we going to talk about?What are we going to focus on?
And you said something that I thought was brilliant.
You're like, we're going to focus on the soft living
mindset. And I love that you, similarly
to how you just said, well, it all starts with, for example,
you being a Christian, It startswith as above, so below.
And it starts with, you know, what the mind does and focuses
(06:58):
on the body will follow, right? So you've said to me and sat on
your own platforms like the softlife isn't just about aesthetics
or luxury. It is about mental liberation.
So walk us through how we can begin that process of freeing
our minds and getting into a soft life.
(07:19):
Soft life that. So one, I want everybody to know
this is an autism household, so you might hear some stemming in
the background. That is my son.
He is supposed to be doing some work, so just know that.
It's all good. I know I love that question
about liberation and the mindsetbecause I think a lot of people
(07:39):
look towards the actions and I think it's important to think
about internal and external liberation for our minds.
For me, you know, that just looks like me focusing on
internally, which is my calling,you know, my purpose and my gift
for me. In case folks don't know, I grew
up in the church. However, I grew up seeing my
(08:02):
grandmother as a Christian and seeing how she lived her life at
church and volunteer areas, all that good stuff.
That was the very first catalystthat I had for people to say,
for me to say, oh, oh, that's what a Christian is supposed to
be because I already knew the background of Christianity,
plantation, how all those things, you know, came about.
But being from Houston, TX, where we celebrate Juneteenth
(08:25):
and me having a family of all Christians who let me see what
that was about. That was my first introduction
to it. I think for me that really
liberate, liberated my mind around like, oh, oh, so it's not
about putting on, you know, hatsand shirts and, you know,
prosperity gospel and all these sorts of things.
It's about really being true to your identity and understand who
(08:45):
you are and operating in your calling, your purpose, and also
your gift. And so my gift is leadership.
My gift is leadership. It always has been and it's
never changed. I've never seen it change over
these years. It operates with ease.
I don't have to necessarily do anything.
It shows up how it's supposed to.
The calling that I have changes and I'm sharing this each with
(09:08):
you before I move to the external because the internal
has to be aligned, yes, spiritually before you can do
anything with the external. And so the calling is like who I
who am I for this season? Who am I here for this season,
this season? I'm here for black women with
natural hair. I'm here for autism moms.
I'm here for the people who wantto really see, you know, equity
(09:28):
and inclusion in workspaces donethe right way with actual
evidence of outcomes. My purpose is why do I do what I
do? Because I really want people who
have been overlooked throughout our lives, regardless of your
background. I want them to feel seen, heard,
and valued. And value doesn't necessarily
mean that or a person has to come up and get 6 figures.
It means I'm valued because I'm born.
(09:50):
I'm valued because I'm born first and foremost.
Because. Because I exist.
Yeah, I exist and. That's like we have to
understand that titles are goingto change.
You know, relationships will change.
What will never change is who you are and who you were born to
be. And so that was my first
indication of it. And I think for me, liberation
really came to from the same grandmother who allowed us, all
the cousins to go to this camp called Camp Good news at this.
(10:13):
Yeah, I mean it to to. I'm going to say that's
solidified, you know, my belief in who Christ was because that
was the first time I was around people from all backgrounds,
white people, black people, whatever.
And I was, of course, you know, we were the minority of the
black guys, of course, of course, but I never felt
different. And that was a feeling that I
had. I never felt like I was, oh, the
(10:35):
black girl or, or the this, it was more so internally, we're
here to be able to learn about who God is and you know, what it
means to our own individual lives and how we can be able to
move through. And we had so much fun.
Archery, rifle rate, trampoline,you know, I mean, we went, I
went there from 8 to 13. It really signified for me who
people are and what humanity is,which is, and I see it to this
(10:57):
day in the work that I do, you know, in this big old, you know,
global space, working with people from around the world,
from here and there. And I'm like, oh, I'm able to
move in those places and spaces already had, you know, that when
I was a kid. And so it didn't make it hard
for me to be able to do so. I think internally you have to
look at like, what is your calling?
You know who you're here for, your purpose is your why, and
(11:19):
then your gift. When you operate in all of those
and you do it with alignment, itbecomes ease for you.
It does become soft and it's notwhat you're able to do.
All right folks, that was Chapter 1 of today's master
class. OK, that was chapter 1, So I
let's move on to chapter 2. So.
(11:40):
Yeah. My next, my next question is, it
seems to me like what I heard, part of what I heard you say is
that even though we might not have used that that language at
the time, you have always sort of operated in a mindset and and
energy of softness and ease. Yes, I would, I would contend
(12:01):
however, that that you are an anomaly.
Yes, in that in that sense, right, many of us operate and
I'm including myself in this right operate or have operated
in an energy of struggle. So what my questions for you is
what are some of the signs that our minds are, our minds are
(12:25):
operating in hard mode, right inthe mode of struggle and
difficulty and even sometimes trauma on how can we gently
begin to at least just notice those patterns and disrupt them?
I need. You know I asked you like 5
questions in one but but I know you I was.
Going to say that actually, I know you're going to say an
(12:46):
Ollie because I because I get that.
I get that a lot. It's true.
The spaces that I've been in and, and that's why I started
off with what happened to me as a kid at five years old, you
know, standing up in the church and saying, Oh, I believe in
Lord and actually really knowingthat that's what I actually
believe in. I think for me, one, I want to
let people know that we all going to go through trauma and
struggle. But for me, because of the way
(13:08):
that my mind has been centered and the way that I have been,
I've grown up, it carries to me to this day.
So I'm going to give an example of what that looks like from my
childhood. OK, My dad was murdered when I
was 16 years old. Oh God.
Bless. Most people don't know that that
(13:28):
catalyst was huge. So during that time frame, I
actually questioned God and I was.
Like. Right.
And it's like, hold on, what's going on?
My family never knew that I grieved.
So I grieved for a good five years.
It was I would go to the bathroom.
I would, you know, run the waterso nobody would hear me crying
because I miss my dad. My dad and I are very much
(13:50):
alike, extroverted, very loud, proud, you know, and he's the
one who told me things like, youknow, when you're, when it was,
he taught me how to walk. Like don't look back.
You know what's back there. Keep going forward, right?
Right, so. It kind of sucked with me, but
to go through that experience and then to have the Lord just
eventually say, you know what, you didn't lose, You didn't lose
a father. You've always had a father.
(14:12):
Your purpose is still going to be met.
And so being able to go through that situation dramatically, had
I not already had, you know, my mindset set around just my own
prayers and my scriptures and for my own self, I would not
have been able to go through that in the way that I went
through it because it happened again when my youngest brother
was murdered as well. My goodness.
So I literally thank you. Thank you for that.
(14:35):
But it's like, I literally am a person who I went to funerals as
a ritual. I was so used to going to a
cousin here. It was just grandma there.
That's just kind of what we did.And it's like, so we lose, we
lose so many people. I didn't necessarily get numb.
It was more so like, OK, Lord, So what is it that you need me
to learn from this situation so that I can do XY and Z?
And that's where the resilience comes in.
(14:56):
I know people don't don't think don't like the word resilience
as much, but I honestly can say that's where it comes from.
And that's where the liberation comes from.
Understanding that I was born for a purpose and that my
purpose will not be it was goingto happen before I go to the
grave. I know that, I know that.
So I think that's so it comes from just like prayer.
It comes from surrounding myselfwith the right people, having a
(15:20):
spirit of discernment to know who you should be aligned with
and who you should not, which iswhy I chose friendship for and
one of my best friends is on online today as well that Hey,
Lori. So it's just like being able to
look at life from that standpoint.
And so as I move throughout life, those two experiences
significantly shifted my impact around what does it look like
(15:44):
when you have to go through a situation?
So at that point, I honestly said, what else can, what else
can happen? So as I went through everything
else in life, it was like, OK, this can't be worse than what I
already went through. And that's how God positioned me
to show up. So whether it was losing a job,
quitting a job, terminating being unhoused, not having
money, you know, I've gone from zero figures to six figures.
(16:04):
They don't define who I am at the end of the day.
What defines me again is my calling and my purpose, who I'm
showing up for. Why am I here and what and who
am I going to do this for? That's where that comes from.
And so the liberated mindset comes from that and not and not
allowing the struggle or not allowing the situations that
happen to stop what it is that I'm supposed to do.
(16:26):
Well, I feel like I need to where's the collection plate?
Because I feel, I feel like we're at church.
This is absolutely, Oh my gosh, listen.
I don't think you knew this. You didn't know this about me, I
don't think. I you you shared about your dad
wants, but it was a long time ago, you know, so we spoke about
(16:47):
it briefly once, but not in depth.
But everything else, no, I didn't.
I didn't know everything else. But thank you so much for
trusting me and all of us enoughto to share that.
And I one thing, one of the things that stands out is that I
think a lot of people, a lot of people are triggered by the
(17:09):
phrase soft life or soft living because they seem to equate it
with laziness or you've checked out or whatever, which mind you,
if you want to check out and just like just do the minimum,
that is your right. But that is actually not the
case. Or they think that people who
talk about soft living are sort of Pollyanna's right in that,
(17:32):
you know, or have never had any problems or they've always lived
a life, lives of privilege. But let me tell you.
Yeah. What you have been through that
is proof positive that you can still, you can go through the
valley, yes, you can go through the valley and still make it out
of the valley and up to the up to the mountain top and there
will be other valleys, valleys, but you always know that you can
(17:54):
make it out. You know 1. 1000% Wow. 1000%
Yeah. Amazing.
Amazing. Thank you.
Thank you so much. So you and I are we, we, we've
had our phone calls where we're both like, OK, well, we want to
do this project and that project.
And how do we do this? And you know, I don't know,
(18:16):
like, you know, the course of the book and this and that.
And we all are doing we, we bothare doing many things all at the
same time, all at 100% right. But yes, I do think that both of
us have a clarity in our minds, OK, we can do that and go out
100%, but there needs to be a time where we slow things down.
(18:40):
So my question is. But that that is us.
And you know, everybody is different.
So in a world that especially for people who look like us, you
know, black women, black and brown women, the world tends to
demand from us that we produce and that we perform even through
when we're when we're in pain, like what you were talking
(19:02):
about, that we always have to operate and deliver perfection.
Yeah. So with that context, how do we
push against that and begin to think more gently about
ourselves and toward ourselves, especially like, let's say we
all have moments of failure or fatigue.
Like, even in those moments, howdo we either maintain or, you
(19:28):
know, attain a mindset of softness toward ourselves?
That's a great question. I.
She's like, oh. Yeah, I'm thinking that, you
know, it's a couple. Well, one, let me go to the
failure Part 1. I think that we need to, I don't
want to say redefine or reframe it, but we do not need to kind
of redefine failure. So failure to most of us, it
(19:51):
seems like, Oh my God, I didn't make it.
I didn't do it XY and Z. And I think that we should frame
it in terms of blow and grow. So you glow in terms of what did
I do very well. And then the other part is your
grow. What could I have done even
better? And I think that when we start
looking at it from that standpoint, whether you're an
entrepreneur or you're an employee or a mom or what have
you, you look at it from that standpoint, you can sort of see
(20:12):
yourself moving towards the next, towards the next level.
So I think that's really important.
I think the other thing too is perfection.
So it's so funny because I know that I'm definitely an anomaly
because any space that I've beenin, people are always like
Latanya's like she's different. I'm gonna give you all and I'm
gonna give you an example that'snot quite tied to this.
(20:32):
So I'm just kind of share it. So I most of y'all know, I've
served as an, A consultant and had my own company and that's
one of the reasons why Amazon wanted me to come to serve as
their head of DI for two of their companies.
And for those who don't know Amazon, it's not just Amazon.
Amazon has multiple companies within it run by different
leaders. Just keep that in mind.
(20:53):
So as I was leading one of the sessions one day, I was doing a
business review and I was kind of telling like, here are the,
you know, here are the results we have from the strategy XYZ.
And I walked in the meeting and before we started, I always made
sure that all the leaders understood we were going to talk
about like, what have y'all, what have y'all learned so far?
What have y'all seen so far? You know, what have you?
What have you learned about, youknow, XYZ?
(21:14):
But what I did this time, I said, hey, I'm going to let
y'all know real quick. So I had to address a
microaggression from someone real quick.
I handled it. It's OK.
So now we can start the meeting.And their face was just like.
I love that. And I said, well, I'm telling
you that so that you understand sometimes how black women have
to show up. And because I know that y'all
(21:35):
are my allies and y'all my advocates and y'all going to
block whatever needs to get blocked.
It is what it is, but I wanted them to see that there's a
difference between how you get to show up today versus how I
get to show up today and that it's not necessarily something
that is not necessarily like a failure on anybody's part.
It's just about making sure thatyou understand who you are.
(21:55):
And so we don't have to operate in those modes.
Typically in these meetings, it's read paper, read the paper,
but I switched it around to where now we're talking about,
you know, how are you showing uptoday?
How do you feel today? And they, you know, they share
like that's not how they usuallyhave done it, but they really
appreciate it because we're talking about people here.
And I've always said people first, title second, people
(22:17):
first, title second. I usually, yeah, I don't even
really, whenever I talk about these, these different topics
and I go places, people actuallydon't know my full background.
I don't even have everything on my LinkedIn platform to be
honest. I know.
I don't have everything I've actually done on there.
I only have what I want to be known for the season that I'm in
for the calling that I'm in for the season.
(22:38):
But I would just say that that'ssomething something that's
important. But I think that when it comes
to being productive and I almostfeel like it's like a hustle
culture, even within the tech space.
Yes, very hustly in terms of we got to get this done.
We got to get this done. And Excellency.
So for me, you know, I'm like, oh, I'm not, I don't work on the
weekends. I do, you know, when I was an
(22:59):
employee do my 8 hours, same thing in education.
No, I'm not going to respond to that request, you know, So I
think a lot of it is and I had in my notes here, I had how to
say no, you know. Can we go into that?
Can we go into that a bit? Because that I think a couple
episodes ago, Alexis and I were speaking about boundaries and I
(23:21):
don't know there, there's never a bad time to talk about
boundaries because it's something that a lot of us
struggle with. So yeah, tell us about how you
manage the process of enforcing boundaries and saying no.
Yeah, so I, I think of saying noas I'm saying no publicly, I'm
saying it privately and I'm saying it internally.
So first I make, I make sure I say it internally for myself.
(23:43):
Like I know I'm very self aware.I know exactly what I can do and
what I can't do. Just thank you, Lord.
Just know what I can do, what I can do.
Clarity, girl. Clarity.
Yeah. You know, right, and that's one
of The Four Seasons this week. But I for me, I think it's like
a good example might be in it. I'll give another example like a
(24:05):
tech space. There was a time where I was
asking a question because I wanted to know if there were any
women who had talked about what leadership was because all I
heard was from men. And I said, do we have anything
like that? Everybody thought it was a great
idea. Oh my God, this is so amazing.
And it was, oh, great. Can you, a whole e-mail came
out, can you leave this? And I said no.
(24:28):
And so I ended up having a meeting with someone else and
they said, oh, did you know that?
You know you can't. When someone asked you to do
something, you don't say no, yousay yes.
And then I said, I guess you haven't met me, a black woman
who has my own company, who doesanti racism work had millions of
impacts. So when I say no, I mean no.
And I don't care who I'm talkingto in this organization, find
(24:50):
somebody else to do it. So I think you're.
A whole lawyer let me just let me just throw that in there as
well. Listen, listen, y'all, I could
have, I could have just read Latonya's bio.
It could have been the whole episode.
Y'all have no idea, OK? She's also an entire lawyer, so
she knows what she's talking about, how to say what she needs
(25:13):
to say, how to phrase it so thatshe remains within, she's clear,
remains within legal boundaries,but she's firm.
So this is the person you need to listen to.
You know, and I think, you know,for me, it's like, and I always
say, you know, I always, I stillsay people first, title 2nd.
And I think that it's just sometimes I just believe that
(25:33):
people have, let me just say this.
We know this habits have formed from the plantation that have
moved into different spaces. They moved into school systems,
they moved into organizations, nonprofits, corporations.
And so not everybody really understands how that shows up.
So to even make a comment like that would suggest that you
don't even realize that you are actually a part of a system that
(25:54):
should have been dismantled. So for me to say what I said is
reframing a new idea of no, we don't tell anybody this.
We don't say XY and Z because weneed to understand, you know,
who we are. Again, what who am I?
What is my purpose? What is my calling?
Why am I here? Who am I here to serve?
I'm not here to serve everybody.I know who I was called here to
serve and in fact, every single time that I get a new client or
(26:18):
contract, it could be a individual or a company or
brand, I always pray 1st and askto reduce myself.
I ask to reduce myself so that Ican go in and lead with
integrity and lead with authority so that I can get
things done. That's why I've never had any
major issues. People ask me all the time, you
know, did you ever? No, no people don't.
(26:40):
The micro aggression I spoke about was from one person and
that was handled super quick andthey moved on.
Scout was it? Yeah.
But nobody. I've never had that as an issue
because people know who they're getting.
They know who I am before I enter into the room and not from
my profile, from my presence. I was just going to say it's
your energy. It's from your presence because
your your or your energy, your presence, your anointing.
(27:04):
That is what. It is introduces you before you
actually enter the room. It walks ahead of you and clears
the path. And that's why I said it goes
back to just really understanding who you are
internally, because when you really understand that and you
constantly operating in that, you're able to be able to make
those decisions to move forward.When you do not operate in that,
you, you tend to allow other people to define that for you.
(27:26):
And that cannot be the case. And it's been many times where
it's not just in tech. I've been in education as AK12
leader, coaching principals, youknow, being able to talk about
kids, you know, how do you treatchildren?
That's near dear to my heart. I mean, you know what I mean?
And so I think it's important tounderstand how to say no.
And I, and I, and I'm going to, I'm going to say this for those
who might be educators in here. I was serving as an assistant
(27:49):
principal for a school district in New Orleans, and I remember
they brought me in because they wanted me to help change around
the the data kids hadn't passed tests in eight years, so they
wanted me to come in and be ableto help.
So I was able to do that. One question that came up was
Brown I. Like how you throw that?
I like how you throw that in their casualties.
I was able to do it. Well, I mean, you know, it takes
(28:11):
a team, of course. But you were.
You were. Yeah, you know, but it's like.
But it was interesting because if you, if you know anything
about education, you know, education is tied to kids in the
relationship you have with them.You can teach a kid anything.
I don't care who it is. I don't care whether they have
an IEP or not. A child will learn when you have
the right relationship with thatchild, period, hands down.
(28:33):
And so I'm going to say that with certainty because I've done
it. And so, but one issue that came
up was around detention. They wanted to have detention of
the school setting. And it was myself, another AP
who was a Caucasian female. I remembered that happening in
my office that Friday evening. I usually leave early, but that
day I was in my office and I overheard her having a
(28:54):
conversation with a teacher, howshe had already gathered all
these signatures to have detention for the kids.
And I said thank you, Lord, for letting me see that.
And so walked in on Monday morning.
The principal wanted us to share, you know, our thoughts.
So I spoke first. Let me tell you all something.
Sometimes you need to be the first person speaking in the
room because you set the tone for what is getting ready to
happen. And I said we will not have
(29:16):
detention with these children. We're not going to send black
and brown kids through a prisoner pipeline.
Here's what we're going to do instead.
You could see her face just melt.
She's probably watching this. She didn't know.
Yeah, you good. But which is good, right?
So she. But anyway, so the principal
looks and I said, here's what we're going to do.
We're going to go back and auditand find out why, why kids are
(29:36):
behaving the way they are. So I was able to find out from
the kids what they wanted. I audited all the children, did
a whole, you know, research thing with them, Talk to the
teachers. Teachers were like, we've never
done this before. I said, if we think about this
as a as you know, as a business,the kids are the customers.
You don't have a job without thechildren.
So our responsibility is to makesure that they understand that
(29:58):
they are first and foremost valued in this space and that
their voices are heard. Within six weeks, changed it all
around, found out some information I needed to find
out, you know, and then we got that thing handled.
But it was interesting that again, things that happen on the
plantation morphed themselves into these places and people
don't really know history. And so therefore that's why it's
so easy to say, let's go ahead and detain people because we're
(30:19):
used to putting people in jail and all those other kinds of
things. And that's not what we're going
to have. So I stopped that single
handedly. And I was just thinking to
myself, you know, that's, that'sa no.
And I want people to understand like that, that's a no.
A no can be from you. A no can be you standing up for
somebody else. But it's going to look different
ways. But you have to be able to honor
yourself 1st. And when you honor yourself
(30:39):
first, it's easier to move out into the other spaces privately
and publicly to do what needs tobe done.
And so I just kind of want to share that too.
I hope I answered your other question.
Absolutely, absolutely no. This is, this is all.
It's just all so much gold is all I can call it.
It's like treasure, you know, because you are, you are an
(31:00):
anomaly. And I, I, I specifically wanted
not to speak to you, but for people, for people to hear from
you, for people to hear from you, because more people who
look like us need to know what is possible.
I need to know that it is possible to be a, you know,
(31:20):
brown skinned or dark skinned black woman, dark skinned black
woman here, natural, a big crownof natural foresee here and
still make waves with authority and integrity in your
professional life. But also, but also still be an
(31:42):
autism mom and be there for yourfriends and do all the things
that you want to do and travel and go out and take walks and
take in the sunshine and live softly.
You can actually have both and it is possible.
So I really wanted people to hear directly from you because
you have listened. There's so much that you've
done, so many stories that you've just shared with me, and
(32:04):
I know I haven't heard all of them, right?
Right. So girl, just just keep blessing
the people Speaking of it. So for those for those who for
those of us, again, I'm including myself, who you know,
we're on we're on the drive for success.
We want to move up corporate ladder.
(32:27):
We want to achieve certain things.
And so how do you in terms of mindset, in terms of maybe like
daily habits, I don't know, You know, you mentioned prayer,
affirmations, journaling, thingsof that nature.
What mindset, habits or or my oractions do you do to sort of
(32:48):
balance the drive for success and the need for a soft life?
Yes. So I I start kick off my day
with prayer. I absolutely have prayer with
God in the morning. I get up extra early.
I got to get it before my son gets up because once that
happens, the day is done. Right.
So I do my prayer in the morningand I have always equip a verse
(33:08):
with my prayers as well. I also do manifestations.
I found out that manifestations for me are just they're game
changer. It is really around and I pray
for everything, everything from you know my business to this
platform today. I pray for this platform today,
The people able to see you and to be able to see me and what
we're trying to do and the people who come because I don't
(33:29):
think people realize when y'all in the chat, people see you in
the chat. That's important for you and
what you want to be able to do. I also go for walks every day.
So my son and I take a walk because I love the sun, love the
sun walk. I do mine, of course.
I always do my my Bible time, which I need.
I don't read my Bible every day,but I do read my Bible once a
(33:51):
week, usually on Sundays and Saturdays to prep myself for my
leader, for my life principles that I that I like to have for
myself. I also make sure that I
proactively do not put myself inposition with people who are not
for me. So in other words, I make sure
that I'm just going to go just like things that we need to talk
about for social media. I do not follow people that have
(34:13):
triggering content. I do not follow people that do
not have evidence of outcomes. I do not follow individuals who
are just really there to use. How can I say this nicely?
I'm laughing because Oh my, listen, I'm not not in doubt
with me yet you're talking about.
(34:34):
People are coming to mind. Mama, keep my mouth shut.
I'm mostly profiting off of pain.
I have a different way of how I choose to do it and I'm going to
say this directly. I am an anti racism expert.
I am ADEI expert and belonging expert.
I am an autism expert. I am AK12 expert.
I don't know everything all the time, but I know enough to know
(34:57):
that in order to really drive change, your approach has to
change. And so your approach has to be
from the standpoint of where people at and how do they, how
do they see you? Whether you're an AI
entrepreneur, XYZ, whatever it might be, you want to make sure
you do that. So I make sure that I
proactively turn off things thatI don't necessarily need.
I don't follow celebrities. I don't need to.
(35:18):
The celebrities in my family, the celebrities are right here.
You're a celebrity, you know what I mean?
So we have people who are right here that we can follow.
And so I like to make sure that I'm tuning into those who are
amplifying really great content,really great information in a
really productive and positive way because I think that's
important for me, myself. And then at night, I get 8 hours
of sleep every single night. I've gotten 8 hours of sleep
(35:38):
ever since I became an autism mom and I've been autism mom for
over 15 years. And I'm going to say I knew I
had to have two journeys, my son's journey and my journey.
So I knew that my Wellness journey had to be intact.
And so I started that a long time ago.
And then getting 8 hours of sleep practically using things
like lavender. Yes.
You know I love laughing. You drop it on your pillow.
(36:00):
Like how do you how do you do it?
I do the diffuser, Diffuser. I love that.
I love it. I mean, it's incredible, you
know what? So I mean, it's like you not
read the right kinds of things. And I think for me it's like,
and I think also me like don't get like I think I told one of
the followers today getting on TikTok and starting talking
about things like natural hair, like encouraging people to know
(36:20):
that you can wear your natural hair and that that is freedom.
You know, that's liberation, notto feel like you have to wear
all these other kinds of things.If you know, if you understand
your hair, you're able to take care of it.
So I think my hair and of courseI love arts, I'm into AI and
most of y'all know, I just as a matter of fact, I just dropped
my AI newsletter today and I'm excited.
I just I'm so excited about thatbecause that has been a game
(36:43):
changer. Even in my own home, you know,
being able to build lessons for my son, being able to build, you
know, our gluten free menus or whatever we have, you know,
being able to, you know, start basically creating anything I
wanted. I've created anything I want to
have. So I mean, I think those are the
things that you want to be able to do.
So I named those because it's a combination of things that you
(37:05):
want to have for yourself, and you have to figure out what that
is for you and then plan around what that needs to look like for
you. So I think those things are
really, really important too. Well, I'm trying.
I'm here trying to process everything you said.
I mean, there were like so many gems in there.
One, one of the many things thatstood out to me was when you
(37:27):
said I do not follow people who do not have evidence of
outcomes. Yes, we need more of that.
We need more people to be like that because a lot of people are
swayed by shiny glitter things. Yes.
Yes, there's, there's, they're swayed by that.
And, and you understand the mentality, it's partly because
(37:49):
of how social media is set up. And I, I understand it.
But when people are on social media or wherever selling you
things, and those things might be actual things or services or
promises or whatever it is they're selling, make sure that
there is evidence of the outcomethat they are promising you.
(38:11):
Sure, right. Like for So for me, for example,
when I was, you know, I was in the process of thinking, OK, I
want to write a book and I had no idea how to go about it.
And then God dropped the Book Academy by Lovey.
Like I, I was like mentally asking, like mentally praying.
Like some prayers are you go down on your knees and you pray
(38:33):
and some prayers are like, you're thinking, right?
Yeah, yeah. So I said, oh, how do I do this?
Da, da, da. Two days later, the book Academy
by Lovey comes up, right. Yes.
But when I tell you I signed up immediately because again,
evidence of outcomes, Lovey is afour time New York Times best
selling author. I don't need to ask no more
(38:55):
questions. She's proven it, she's done it.
She's done it not once, twice, 3* 4 times, right.
And so really make sure people that when you are, whoever it is
you are following or connecting to or even, you know, hiring or
retaining, make sure that you have some evidence.
(39:17):
There is some evidence somewhere.
Hey, how are you doing? He's like, I'm going to be in
the mix. He always is.
He always is. And he should be.
He should be. That's my cult, yo.
He should be in the mix, yeah. So just make sure that you're
doing your due diligence and check, check for referrals from
(39:40):
people who you know and trust. Don't go out there just letting
anybody into your life and letting you know and hiring
random people because again, they look glitter and shiny.
All the glitters is not gold. Oh yeah, I'm being mindful too.
I think also, and it's just another thing that we do is
(40:00):
being mindful of like discernment, just like being
able to pray over it and making sure that we're mindful of who
we choose to repost because we will repost.
Other people's thought as well as thought leaders, we won't do
the same thing for our own. And so we need to be mindful of
that because thought leadership to me means you have, again,
(40:22):
that's why I also mentioned evidence of impact like, oh, you
do, like where have you worked at?
What have you done? Who are your clients?
What have you done? And so we want to make sure that
we're talking about that becausethat's so important.
It's not just even in that, it'sjust in anything that you do,
you want to make sure that you're focused on it, whatever,
whatever the topic is. And let me also say this, you
all are thought leaders. Let me just say this, everybody
who's on this live is a thought leader.
(40:44):
This simply means that you have information with your talent and
expertise that you can share with someone.
You need to be building your podcasts and your newsletters
and your memberships and your courses and whatever you,
whatever else you choose to do, I want you to know that you
should be doing that as well. And that's how I think
differently. I don't think like everybody
else, I could care less about some of the other things that
everybody else does. What I care about is, does this
(41:06):
actually drive the impact that Iwant to do for the people who
have been called to serve? I can do a whole lot of things,
but I choose to do certain things because I want to make
sure certain people win, and that's what this is ultimately
about. I love that.
I love that when I, I, I love seeing, when I see your post,
you know, Latonya has lots of project.
I get so excited because I'm like, what is she up to?
(41:29):
What is she up to date? It's like the, you know, the
four and, and can I just say as a copywriter, this is a, you
know, I'm just going to nerd out.
But for C in the C-Suite, Cheskis as a name, as a name.
Thank you. Oh my gosh, beautiful.
As soon as you as soon as I saw it, Latonya.
And there's there's just so muchthat you do and that you value
(41:50):
that you offer. I'm a member of one of your
Discord communities. You know, there's just so much.
Hey, he's dropping in. Listen, there's there's a
celebrity in the room and it is neither one of us, OK?
Hilarious. One of us.
So something that you talked about that is important is
(42:11):
making sure that you surround yourself with the right people,
right? And so everybody who's been
following the podcast for a while now, you know that every
episode, like I asked my guests,OK, is there an excerpt that you
want me to read? And so the one that Latonya
selected is about making sure that in addition to having the
(42:37):
right mindset for living a soft life, you're you're living a
soft life is actually influencedby who you have around you, like
having the right friends. So I'm going to read an excerpt
about that, an excerpt from the book.
And and then we're going to talka little bit more after that.
OK, So what makes a good friendship?
(43:01):
We tend to prioritize romantic relationships over platonic
ones, but our friendships are just as important as our
intimate partnerships. It's great to be booed up, but
it's just as important to be crude up.
I'm going to read that one again.
It's great to be booed up, but it's just as important to be
(43:23):
crude up. Stop right now and think, who is
in your sister circle? Who are your Bros?
Who are the people that you knowwant you to win and will help
you do it? Who are the women that bonfire
upon Mean Girls energy and instead embrace sisterhood,
(43:43):
collaboration and mutual support?
Who are the people who make you feel truly included?
Who are the folks You Can Dance and laugh and be silly with?
In other words, who are the souls around whom you feel safe
enough to exist unmasked as you live your life?
The people with whom you spend the most time will have a big
(44:05):
impact, positive or negative, Sochoose wisely.
Surround yourself with the rightkind of people.
Your close circle could include members of your immediate
family, buddies from school or university, and colleagues
turned friends. But whoever they are, they
should enhance your life rather than detract from it.
(44:27):
You should feel better and be better by dint of having them in
your life. Friendship should not feel like
a struggle. There should be peace, harmony
and energetic concordance. Friendship should flow.
Curating your circle is one of the most important things you
can do to manifest a happier life.
But how do you determine who belongs in your sanctum
(44:50):
sanctorum? How do you divine who will be
there for you versus who will betray or abandon you?
We need to start doing friend assessments rather than keeping
or letting people in our lives simply because of history or
proximity. On the journey to curating your
circle, it can be helpful to know what friendship red flags
(45:11):
and green flags to look for. So back to the original
question, what makes a good friendship?
Who should be part of our circle?
How do we assess that? Here are some green flags to
bear in mind. Keep around you friends who are
trustworthy. Word is bond is an expression I
grew up hearing. It means that if you say
(45:33):
something, other people can trust you to keep your word.
If you make a promise, people know you will deliver.
Let your word be your bond and choose people whose words and
actions you can trust. It can even be with something as
simple as being on time. Thankfully I have lots of people
in my life who if they say they're going to be in a certain
(45:56):
place at a certain time, then that's where they will be.
I can relax and know that they will show up.
This carries over to other contexts because I can trust
them to be on time, I can trust them in other ways as well.
For instance, the people in my life who are punctual are also
the ones who can honour A boundary and keep a confidence.
(46:23):
So yes, yes, yes, talk to me, Miss Latonya, 'cause you, you,
you chose this, you chose this. And there are other areas where
I talk about friendship. But why?
Why this particular excerpt? Yes, I love that because I have
3. No, I have two out of five
friends that are currently stillliving.
(46:46):
My best, best friends, three of them have 123 have already
passed away. So I have two, I'm sorry.
I have two that are left that are living ancestors.
And so I have, I am so blessed to have had incredible
friendships with these women. So one is Andrea, one is Sheena,
1 is gay. So gay became like PhD in
(47:09):
microbiology at Howard University.
I was there when she gave her defense to get her PhD Sheena
was my college roommate, went out to become an author.
Just incredible things. Andrea, we met in law school, so
she became a lawyer and did so many great things.
And she actually was my son's grand grandfather.
(47:31):
So all three of these women weresignificant in my life.
And they and I always said there's there's I'm not going to
have any friends. I like them.
This is it Laurie, who is on thecall now is my sorority.
Hey, Laurie, her and gay are my sorority sisters.
And of course we all, you know, pledge together.
She's been in my life for a number of years is I ride it out
(47:52):
for sure. I love her to death and Rafaela,
who is an autism mom who we met through our church and our boys
are the same. And so it's just great to have
that. So I, I, I'm just saying all
that to say that it's not easy to find people who are you just
jail, you get along well, call anytime, doesn't matter where it
(48:12):
is. You know, being able to have a
crew of people who, you know, you need to call on no matter
what, whether it's I need money,you need money, it's there.
You know, whether it's I got to talk about, you know, this, this
dude XYZ, they're there. Being able to have a
relationship like that with those women is hugely
significant. And so each of their debts I
(48:33):
wasn't sad about when they passed on.
I was more so grateful for how they taught me about friendship.
And so I carry it on. And so that's why I wanted to
read that, because as you go through your life and your life
journey, you need to have peoplein your life who you ever know
that you can trust no matter what.
And those women have done it. They did it for me.
(48:54):
And so that's why I love what she said about boot up, crude
up. I love that.
Thank you. Thank you.
Well, I mean, you know, I have, you know, Annie Annie's my girl.
You know, I wrote about her in the book, right?
I wrote about her in the book. Actually, the the chapter about
curating your circle and about making sure you have good
friends starts with, you know, me sharing a story about how
(49:16):
Annie and I met. And, you know, she basically I
was like, I need some place to live for a few months.
She's like, OK, no problem. Like, it was literally as easy
as that. And, you know, I moved in and
she's, you know, next day she was like, OK, why you driving me
to work? I was like, wait, I got to use a
cartoon. She's like, ah, I'm tired.
You're going to drive. Yeah, yeah.
(49:37):
You know, but it was just the like you said, the instant
click, the ease of it, the the the understanding knowing that
this person sees you and loves you just as you are, as.
You are unconditional. Just as you are, you know, I
have friends, I have friends who, you know, they know, you
know, and some of them, many of them I, I hope are, you know, I
(49:59):
know, are on this call. And you know, there's Ilona.
There's Ilona who, you know, Godbless her.
I mean, we're, we're, we're friends, friends and colleagues
in that, you know, she's also helping me with bookmarking.
But because she knows that I am autistic and have ADHD and she
knows Lisa's going to forget stuff.
(50:20):
She's going to do 90% of it, but10% it's probably not going to
get done. But she doesn't take that and
use it against me or think, well, that means Lisa is not
smart or whatever, you know, like she works with me bearing
all of that in mind and still loves me anyway, you know what
I'm saying? And that really means a lot to
me because, you know, I've had definitely had people like take,
(50:41):
you know, some of you know, my mental health diagnosis or
things of that nature and use them against me.
And so having people who really love you exactly the way you
are, you know, flaws and all, asthe saying goes, right, It makes
such a difference because then why you and I are saying that
this is part of living a soft, asoft life is because you can
(51:04):
relax. Yes, soft life means you're
living in a in an energy of easeand that includes in your
relationships. And you know, it's not just
about your professional life. Right, it's.
About your family life, about your friendships, about all
your, your romantic relationships, all of it.
And friendships. Why and why I chose to focus on
(51:25):
friendship as opposed to romantic relationships?
Because my hope would be that whoever you're in a romantic
relationship with, you're actually friends with.
Yes, a lot of people end up in relationships with people that
don't even like them. But that, you know, that's a
topic for another episode. That's a whole other topic.
But look for people who actuallylike you, and then you can
(51:47):
relax. You can really be yourself.
You were talking a lot earlier about being authentic, being
yourself, being true to your calling and your purpose.
True friends are going to support you in that at all
times, you know, and so that's why it's so important.
So I know that we're getting close to to time.
And so I want to give you a chance.
(52:08):
Look, there's so much that you do.
So let's talk about you and yourwhat I call it in my mind, I
call it your parent company, right?
L Davis consultant. Well, you got a parent company
and subsidiaries. OK, So let the people know about
the parent company. Yes, the parent company, about
these subsidiaries, about all the academies.
(52:29):
I mean, we have a few minutes left.
Just just talk and tell the people sure.
I have. So I start off with Latanya
Davis Consulting and Consulting,which moved in the keynote
speaking, which was the trainingcompanies and I decided to build
a whole network. So the network is really
focusing on all the things whichare my podcasts for autism moms,
(52:49):
podcasts for black talent. It also has my academies.
So I have 12 different academiesfrom faith academies, Queens and
Crowns Network, AI Academy, Autism DEI, art books.
All of these are really designedfor people to go and get
anything that you possibly need for your learning and
development. So it could be courses, a master
class, anything of that nature. And so right now what I decided
(53:10):
to do is it's really focused around making sure that I have
the other kinds of checking on my son.
So it's also designed to make sure that we have like the AI,
three things that we have been working on now.
It's the AI accelerator, it's also the digital magazine and
then also the Juneteenth community, which has my books
(53:31):
that are going to be launching out as well.
So those wait hold. On Juneteenth community, how did
I wait when? Oh no.
I'm sorry June, the books will be dropping on Juneteenth.
Oh yes, that is fabulous. So yeah, those are for those who
want to learn about 14 the season and then also learning
about if you want to learn aboutcolor changing workplaces.
So the frameworks are there to be able to help people to learn
(53:53):
all those things. So what I did is, let me just
say this, I took my identity andcreated full digital ecosystem
around it. So my identity as an autism mom,
as a natural hair, natural, Lisa, I have a whole Academy
with products for people who want to learn how to do that,
for your mind, your body, Wellness, all those things.
And then also just really being able to use expertise in DI for
(54:15):
those who want to be able to learn how to do those kinds of
things and learn from it. But really it's about showing
people how to build their own digital ecosystems, just like
I've done too. Yeah.
And, and can I just say my, well, this is my interpretation
and you can, you know, definitely correct me if I'm
wrong, but I actually see everything that you do and the
(54:35):
way that you've done it as part of you curating yourself life as
well. Because in many cases you are
working, you know, at home, you are you are setting your own
hours. You have mastery and control
over your time and your schedule.
So all of that by empowering people with these with these
(54:57):
tools and with right with these tools and all of this knowledge
to be able to become more independent, all of that is part
of it. It all ties into having the
right mindset and living a softer life.
And so, yeah, that's it, right? That was it and and and so
(55:18):
people can know this, this all started from me being an autism
mom during COVID and I began to homeschool and when I created
the homeschool products I put ina Facebook group and 4000
families downloaded it. So I decided to take it and
build a business around it and that's where every other
business came from. So all the ideas y'all see
everything is there. I actually did it and built them
(55:39):
all. And so now you can also just
learn from me. Yeah, that's, that's amazing.
What I, what I love about that is it's you started by basically
solving a problem for yourself and you know, the individual,
the individual experience often is a universal experience.
(55:59):
So you were like, OK, well, I'm,I'm dealing with this, right?
I'm, I'm dealing with this. Somebody else must have this
problem. And like you said, you know,
4000 families later, you know, these people have downloaded it,
downloaded what you took the time to create and curate for
you and your son. And now it, you are helping so
many other families and you're also helping.
(56:20):
I have a, you know, I, I, I actually used to have a podcast
about natural hair years ago. You know, like, like you, you
say we've all we've yes, yes, itwas, it's called, it's called
the T on tap. It was myself and, you know, two
of my friends and we we had a podcast about natural hair and
curl, you know, curl types and you know, 3A versus 4C and all
(56:44):
of that stuff, right? We talked about eyelashes, you
know that, you know that, you know, the eyelashes that like
look like, you know, they belongon National Geographic.
Yes, right. We talked about those.
It was fun. But basically, basically to say,
you know, I also have an interest in natural hair and our
(57:06):
hair is, it's unfortunate, but it is a fact.
Our here is actually political. So I love what you do just by a,
just by showing up as yourself, as a person in the C-Suite with
4C here and then extending that to others and say, hey, you
actually do not have to shrink yourself.
(57:26):
You do not have to if you don't want to.
You don't have to change your hair.
You can. Again, this is all part of
living, living a soft life is showing up authentically.
And if that for you is, look, I have natural hair and I don't
want to change it in order to beseen as a professional, then
that's part of it too. And you're empowering so many
other black and brown women to do that.
(57:47):
So I applaud you. I love everything.
Yeah, you all do one thing. Make sure you go to the National
Hair Academy. It's affordable.
And we're even talking about, we're also talking about how the
patterns of 123 and four are Eurocentric and how we're going
to switch that to just what theyshould be, curly and curly, like
(58:08):
the ancestors did with the rituals of hair and all those
sorts of things. Learning how to take your hair
and building you a brand around it and driving your income from
that. That is what I'm teaching black
women how to do. I love it.
I. Love it.
OK, so we're we're going to close out very shortly, but
before we do every episode, I leave you guys with an with an
affirmation. So very fittingly, today's
(58:31):
affirmation is I am blessed withloyal friends whom I can trust.
I am blessed with loyal friends whom I can trust.
I am blessed with loyal friends whom I can trust.
(58:51):
OK, so that is it for this episode folks.
Just remember I'm here. I'm here busy.
Latrice is in the background. I know she's in the background.
So please promote your book. I can feel Latrice and Ilona
saying that. So I'm a do.
I'm a do what my 2 bosses tell me to do so space exhale.
(59:15):
My book drops on June 17. It is live for preorders right
now. So go out to support and
remember that preorders are veryimportant for authors.
And so it it helps that, you know, solid pre-order numbers
help send a signal to the industry that our stories matter
(59:37):
and that our books can sell. And that's important because
they're very, very few black andbrown authors and very, very few
black and brown authors who havebest sellers.
And so, you know, I would like to become one of that part of
that number. And so yes, pre-order,
pre-order, pre-order. And you know, I think that's it
for now. Thank you for attending and
(59:58):
Latonya girl, thank you. I knew.
I knew this is gonna be amazing and I don't know since you went
above and beyond and I am so grateful that you thank you.
Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for the
opportunity. Thank you all.
Hope you had a wonderful day as well.
All right, and so thank you for joining me on space to exhale
(01:00:20):
the podcast. I am looking forward to sharing
space with you next week when I have a very special guest for
you, Elaine Lynn Herring, authorof Unlearning Silence.
And if you're listening to this before the next episode, right
when I post the upcoming LinkedIn live event, make sure
to click attend to register and you know, TuneIn every Tuesday
(01:00:41):
live on LinkedIn to catch the vibes.
If you can't make the live show,subscribe to the podcast on
Spotify and YouTube to catch thereplay and just stay in touch.
Follow me on LinkedIn. Check out my website,
spacexhalebook.com for up and for updates about all the soft
life shenanigans. And of course, if you want to
dive into what we discussed today, they are shenanigans of
(01:01:04):
Tonya, right? You know, you know, be sure to
get a copy of my book SpaceX sale available on Amazon, Barnes
and Noble, widely publishing andwherever books are sold.
So again, goodbye for now. I will see you next week and
remember you are worthy of rest,you are worthy of love, and you
are worthy of having time and space to exhale.
(01:01:28):
Bye everyone, thank you.
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