***SIGN UP FOR THE PEOPLE PLEASING SUMMIT***
Have you ever wondered why you say yes when you mean no or why setting boundaries feels downright terrifying, even with people you love?
In this deeply honest and powerful episode, I sit down with Cora Rennie, a craniosacral therapist and recovering people pleaser, to unpack the fawning trauma response and how it shows up in our relationships. Cora opens up about her personal healing journey, including a terrifying stalking experience that led her to confront the patterns that kept her stuck. We explore how people pleasing is more than just a habit... it’s often a deeply wired survival strategy linked to your attachment style.
If you’ve ever felt like you lose yourself in relationships or struggle to find your voice, you are absolutely not alone and this conversation will speak directly to your heart.
You might want to listen if:
- You feel like you’re constantly shape-shifting to make others comfortable
- You intellectually know your patterns but can’t seem to change them
- You’ve been told you're the “good girl” or “too nice,” and it’s draining you
- You’ve experienced emotional overwhelm or shutdown when trying to set boundaries
- You’re craving real connection but don’t feel safe enough to fully show up
Learn More About Our Guest!
Cora Rennie is a recovering people-pleaser, and identifies as a highly sensitive deep-feeler. Through her training to become a biodynamic craniosacral therapist, Cora gained profound insights into the body's innate wisdom, and learned directly in her own body, the importance of a felt-sense of safety. Cora incorporates the foundations of the cranio modality with her personal gifts and own lifelong healing experiences, to support others in their recovery-of-self processes.
Links:
- www.CranioWithCora.ca
- linkedin.com/in/corarennie
- facebook.com/cranio.with.cora/
- instagram.com/craniowithcora/
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- Apply for FREE Coaching with Jenn
- Join the DANCE CIRCLE - Get updates on Jenn's debut book "Dance of Attachment"
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- Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
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- Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!
DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health ...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jenn Noble (00:05):
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jenn Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode I'm so excitedto have on a special guest.
(00:48):
I'm having on Cora Rennie todayand I'm so excited to get to
talk to her because I'm actuallygoing to be a part of Cora's
summit.
That is happening in just likea couple of days, maybe like
five days from the time thatthis is going out, but Cora is
hosting an understanding, peoplepleasing summit and I cannot
wait for all of you to getinvested and involved in this
(01:09):
summit.
If you want to join the summit,you can go ahead and scroll on
down to the show notes right nowand you're going to see a link
for you to join the peoplepleasing summit and from there
you're going to fill out theinformation, and Cora told me
that you're going to hear in alittle bit that this summit is
completely free y'all.
I cannot even believe that sheis doing all of this completely
for free.
(01:29):
You can hear it in myconversation with her.
But this is where her passionis.
This is her mission in life isto not only heal her own
people-pleasing patterns, but tohelp as many women as possible,
and that's why, when I chattedwith Cora on our summit
interview, I immediatelyconnected with her, because I
knew this woman has the exactsame values that I have.
(01:51):
This isn't someone out therejust trying to make a quick buck
or trying to pretend she'ssomething that she's not.
This is someone that's the realdeal, someone that is out there
looking to help heal women andheal the struggles that we've
been through.
In fact, you're going to hear areally vulnerable and deep
story that she shares that I wasjust, oh my gosh, overcome with
(02:11):
emotion when she startedsharing it and I just thought
this is going to be reallypowerful, and I was so honored
that she would step in and sharethat story with us.
So let me tell you a little bitabout Cora.
Cora Rennie is a recoveringpeople pleaser and identifies as
a highly sensitive, deep feeler.
Through her training to becomea biodynamic craniosacral
(02:32):
therapist, cora gained profoundinsights into the body's innate
wisdom and learned directly inher own body the importance of a
felt sense of safety.
Oh, isn't that just so powerfulto hear.
She incorporates thefoundations of cranial modality
with her personal gifts and ownlifelong healing experiences.
(02:53):
So to pour others in therecovery of self processes.
See, she believes that thereare key components to true, deep
, lasting healing thatcommunicate directly to the
physiological wiring of oursystems, and providing those
elements allows for us tocultivate a deep sense of self
resilience and trust.
Doesn't that sound amazing?
(03:15):
And through Cora's work, shecombines an understanding of
natural body responses withdeeply attuned presence for
those who are navigating complexemotional landscapes.
I love this conversation withCora so much, and I know you're
going to love it too.
So, as you're listening, I wantyou to just be really thinking
about your own people-pleasingtendencies.
(03:36):
Where in your life are youfinding similar patterns
happening?
Maybe not with the same guy asyou'll hear Cora talk about.
Right, it's not like she datedthe same man every time, but she
did notice that there was acommon denominator and that was
herself.
So as we continue theconversation, you see where we
really pull out her peoplepleasing and her fawning
(03:57):
technique, that you knowsomething she developed early on
in childhood and became thegood girl and you know, the good
student and the straight A, allthis stuff and you see where
this really starts, and so Ihope you enjoy my conversation
with Cora.
Hi, Cora, thank you so much forcoming on the Speak Honest
(04:18):
podcast.
I'm so excited to have you hereNow.
I got to talk with you firstand foremost when you were
interviewing me for yourUnderstanding People Pleasing
Summit and I was so excited tohave you on the podcast.
We could talk more about thisbecause I am such a recovering
people pleaser.
It is ridiculous.
I need this in my life.
But first and foremost, whydon't you go ahead and tell my
listeners a little bit aboutyourself?
(04:39):
Okay?
Cora Rennie (04:40):
so, first of all, I was really excited to have this
opportunity to be a guest andto be interviewed by you.
It's been a really funconnection.
So this is really exciting forme to be a part of all of this
and have this, have you nowinterviewing me so this is fun.
So I will say that, likeeveryone, there's usually one
area in your life that's kind ofmore of a struggle than other
areas, and for me it's alwaysbeen my romantic relationships.
(05:25):
No-transcript, dedicated quite abit of time to self reflection
and wanting to figure it out andwanting to be able to have and
create an experience, a healthyrelationship, and so, despite
reading lots of books and doingdifferent online courses and all
these things, I ended up stillin several other relationships
(05:51):
that still quote unquote failedand it didn't make sense to me.
I didn't feel like I was one ofthose people that was
recreating the same pattern overand over again, like every man
I entered into relationship withwas completely different from
any of the other men I had beenin relationship with, and some
of the dynamics were.
They felt like they werecompletely different.
It felt like I was learningdifferent lessons over and over,
(06:12):
but it was still not workingout and it was quite a painful
place to be.
It's like, well, why what'shappening?
Like I didn't understand andnone of the healing work that I
had done didn't seem to bemaking a difference.
So lots of shame around all ofthat and just frustration.
And it's like, oh, now my kidshave seen me fail at
relationship and they don't knowwhat a healthy relationship is
(06:33):
like.
All of these pieces over andover again.
And so what made the differencefor me, or some big aha moments
in this little journey aroundrelationship, was I was in
therapy and relating all of thisto my therapist and she's like,
well, your fawning response ischoosing all your partners for
you.
And I was like, wow, wait, what?
Can you say that again, becauseI think that's so powerful.
Jenn Noble (06:55):
I heard you say your fawning response is choosing
all of your partners for you.
Is that right?
Yeah, so yeah, good stuff.
Cora Rennie (07:04):
Yeah, well, and as much as I thought I was being
conscious about making choices,that there was this other thing
running in my system that wasactually running the show and
that what it was was a traumaresponse.
So then I had to like what isthe fawning response and
learning all about that.
So that's basically superextreme people pleasing, right,
like it's.
It's basically you're sensing,potentially, that this person
(07:29):
that your relationship withposes some kind of a threat or
danger, but it's actually saferto be liked by this dangerous
entity and to be on their goodside and to be as close to them
as possible.
It's much safer than otherwise,right?
So yeah, so that was like ahuge turning point that I had to
like unpack all of that andfigure that out.
(07:49):
And as I was getting thatinformation, the other thing
that was happening in my lifewas I had entered into a two
year program of training tolearn craniosacral therapy.
So, for anyone that doesn'tknow, craniosacral therapy is a
hands on body work technique.
Basically, it's working withthe whole system, it's working
with the nervous system and it'slight touch therapy.
It's non-invasive, all thesepieces, and a huge part of that
(08:12):
therapy is the safety that'sestablished between the
practitioner and the body that'son the table.
There's this understanding thathealing happens when there's
safety, and so the practitioneris grounded and secure and
really established in theboundaries of their own system
and aware of what their systemis doing, like in terms of
(08:32):
responses and reactions.
It's so boundary and there's nointention to manipulate the
body on the table, so thatcreates the safe space.
And, as I was thinking about orconsidering my ability to be a
practitioner and create safespace for another body, so I
guess I should backtrack themost recent relationship.
(08:54):
Right before I took thattraining, I ended up dating this
man that I.
As we were dating, I knew itwasn't a fit, so I ended the
relationship.
He then started stalking me.
Jenn Noble (09:05):
Oh, no, and so yeah.
Cora Rennie (09:07):
So I don't know if we need to say like trigger
warning or whatever so nophysical danger was done A lot
of emotional danger in that,though, isn't there.
Totally Like just boundaryviolation after boundary
violation, of like having toblock numbers and then he would
find a different number to reachme, or blocking the email, and
him driving by my house all thetime, driving by my workplace
all the time.
All of these pieces.
(09:27):
And there was one day where hedid come knocking on my door
after he was blocked in all thedifferent ways and I ended up
far away from my home, hiding ina closet, hearing him outside
calling my name, knocking on mydoor and not sure if he was
actually going to come in or not, knowing that he could if he
wanted to get into my house.
Jenn Noble (09:46):
What was that like for you in that moment?
Sorry, can I like it's okay tointerrupt because I just want to
dig into that, because that'ssuch a big thing that you went
through, and I think it'spowerful of watching where
you've come on the other side.
So what was that like for youin the moment?
Cora Rennie (10:00):
I was hiding in the closet and it was like time
stood still because I totallycompletely felt powerless.
My mind kind of went throughthese little can I get out of
the house?
Can I get to my phone, can I?
I'm like nope, nope, nope, noneof these things.
He's a big man.
It doesn't matter.
Women in general are not asstrong as men.
Even if you're the same size,even if the man's a little bit
(10:20):
smaller than you, he probablyhas more strength in his hands,
all of these things.
So, yeah, I felt in my mind thestory to hold myself around that
incident was that that was thefirst time in my entire life and
I was 48 at the time that Ifelt unsafe in the world, and I
do want to bring that back topeople pleasing later.
But yeah, it was hiding in thecloset, unable to breathe.
(10:41):
My heart's in my throat, I feellike vomiting.
Like time stood still waitingto hear, like I was hyper tuned
to any sound and just not surewhat I would do if he actually
entered the house.
He ended up not entering thehouse.
I called the police Good foryou and they charged him with
harassing communications, and sowhat I didn't know was that he
had done this to another womanin the community before.
(11:01):
We were in a pretty small town.
But yeah, so this was hispattern, this was his crazy came
out and yeah, so then whathappened with that?
Was that basically the same,the same conditions as a
restraining order.
So there were legal charges inplace that he couldn't contact
me or come within a certaindistance of me and like all
(11:22):
these things.
So that did create some safety,except we were in a small town
sorry, a small town and I stillsaw his vehicle driving around
all the time.
I ended up leaving that smalltown so that I could feel safe,
shopping at Walmart again.
Jenn Noble (11:35):
Again.
Good for you.
I'm seeing how you yourself areare breaking some of these,
these people pleasing thisfawning response by like not
thinking I just have to stay intown, I have to be okay, but
that somatic response inside ofyour body every time you saw
that car, I can only imagine mybody right now is on edge for
you.
So in the moment.
So, yeah, continue please.
Cora Rennie (11:57):
I'm now in training for craniosacral therapy.
My concern was can I createsafety for somebody?
Because I felt like that traumawasn't fully healed in my
system of that experience withthe stalker and I didn't know if
I could create safety foranother person if my system
still felt unsafe.
And I'm going to go get somewater.
Jenn Noble (12:19):
Yeah, perfectly fine .
Cora Rennie (12:19):
Take your time, okay.
So, and I also will say it'sinteresting to me that this is
coming up, because sometimes insessions, like in craniosacral
sessions, coughing will happenand it's often like related to a
vagus nerve response, and vagusnerve is all about nervous
system stuff.
Jenn Noble (12:34):
I was actually literally thinking the same
thing.
I was thinking like, oh no,this makes a lot of sense that
you're having this come up rightnow, Like with the work that I
do, I was like, yeah, thattracks.
Cora Rennie (12:42):
So so yeah, so keep going, yeah, okay, okay, we'll
try to keep going and Ihopefully anyways, as I started
experiencing felt senses ofsafety in my system, I and I
started to get the felt sense ofsort of more subtle sensations
of safety.
I began to understand thatactually the story that I had,
(13:07):
that there was that one incidentthat made me feel unsafe in the
world, was not true, that Iactually have been feeling
unsafe in the world for 50, likeI'm now 50.
So at the time, 48 years, notjust that one incident when I
was 48.
So that's what made meunderstand that I've been a
people pleaser my whole life.
Yeah, so as a young girl I wasquiet and shy like these little
(13:30):
labels get applied right.
I was a good girl.
I was a star student.
I was then later like a staremployee.
I was liked by everybody butdidn't have a lot of close
friends, all these little pieces.
Definitely perfectionist,definitely had social anxiety my
whole life, like all thesethings.
I thought I was introverted,but I would say now that I was
(13:51):
just pardon me.
Jenn Noble (13:54):
Actually, cora, I would love to bring this up real
quick, because what's happeningright now in your body is
you're having a cough come up,right, and now some of this
might be edited out, butactually I think it's going to
keep happening, and so I want toreally honor this part of your
body happening right now.
Would it be okay if we honorthis and keep this in?
Cora Rennie (14:10):
Yeah, I'm good with that.
Jenn Noble (14:11):
You're telling this incredible story and I think
what's happening and you knowthis as well is your body is
reacting, isn't it?
Cora Rennie (14:21):
Yeah, and some people know this story, but this
is the first time of me tellingthis story quite like this, so
it makes sense that yeah, thisis so powerful, and having your
voice be heard, having yourstory be heard, I think, is so
incredibly powerful.
Jenn Noble (14:34):
But we can see how even your body is almost, to an
extent, like overwhelmed,shutting down slightly, like the
cough coming into the mouth.
I would say that's a somaticresponse of just being like it's
caught right here in yourthroat.
What is that like for you rightnow, as you're trying to get
this story out?
But you're feeling this happenin your body right now.
Cora Rennie (14:53):
Yeah, oh, it's frustrating, it's like, but I
want to say it yeah.
So even now your body's likeyeah, and I want it to be clear.
Jenn Noble (15:01):
I think this is powerful for people listening to
hear, like here is someone whois working through this, has
learned about her peoplepleasing, you know has gone on
to learn it's craniosacraltherapy.
Is that right?
Okay, You'll have to tell memore about that.
Cora Rennie (15:14):
I genuinely actually have no idea what this
is, so this is perfect.
Jenn Noble (15:17):
All of this stuff is to say it still happens to us.
You are empowered in tellingthe story.
Correct me if I'm wrong, butyou might still have some hint
of fear.
But I can also see it in yourface, like there's a power in
you as you're telling the storyand yet still there's this hint
of something holding us back.
And that happens, doesn't it?
And that's okay and we canhonor that part of ourselves.
So I want to say now to yourbody, and just to your throat
(15:42):
and to your cough, that if itneeds to come up at any time
during this, we will leave inevery cough if we have to,
because it's part of you andit's part of your story and I
think it's beautiful.
Cora Rennie (15:50):
That is really beautiful, because I did have a
friend and she's like I'm soexcited that you're going to be
on this podcast, you get tospeak about yourself, and she's
like, just remember, all partsare welcome.
So it's just beautiful that youjust said that, oh, I love her,
I want to be her friend now too.
Yes, exactly that's exactly it.
Jenn Noble (16:05):
All parts are welcome, even whatever it is
this cough is doing to like,it's just, it's there and it's
part of you and I just I adoreit as well, so please continue,
but thank you so much forletting us keep this in.
Cora Rennie (16:15):
Yeah, so that was the realization that I, as a
person who you know just waslike that's just how I'm wired.
I'm just introverted, I justprefer to be alone.
But the reality is, once I beganto understand my people
pleasing as a protectiveresponse and started
understanding and being able toconnect to some of the wants and
(16:37):
deniers and desires and needsthat are underneath that
protective response, I have adeep desire for close connection
, and so it's kind of wild thatI would even think that I prefer
my own company and never tohave anybody else around.
But it's because, as a peoplepleaser, when you're like shape
(16:57):
shifting and morphing to fit allof the like, it takes so much
energy to be constantly readingother people and then presenting
the version of yourself thatthey will accept.
It takes so much energy that,of course, it feels better to be
alone, where you don't have touse that much energy, feels
better but also doesn't feelbetter because there's a deep
(17:20):
loneliness there as well.
So I will still say I do stillbelieve I'm introverted in terms
of I recharge with alone time,but I can't just be alone all
the time.
I need the deep connections, Ineed depth, I need depth of
intimacy.
Jenn Noble (17:34):
And it sounds like now you're able to get that a
little bit more.
And I'm sure you know you'renot perfect at it yet.
None of us are right, butyou're going into these social
situations and, like you said,you're, you're feeling what all
these people are feeling.
You're, you're sensing them.
I would call this as well in myworld, this perception,
sensitivity that we have where.
What are they thinking of meright now?
(17:55):
What's happening?
I'm going to move my headslightly.
This way Did I accidentallyturn away from someone?
And it is like a superpower,isn't it?
It's like you can walk into aroom and you're just like
hypervigilance everywhere.
But you're right, it drains us,doesn't it?
Now, to someone out therelistening right now, and they're
like holy shit, this happens tome.
I didn't know that this waspeople pleasing.
What would you say to them interms of how can they start to
(18:24):
work through?
Cora Rennie (18:25):
this.
Oh, that's big.
All right, let's start small.
How did you start to workthrough it?
Oh, okay, you know what it's.
The things that I learned as thebasis for healing through the
craniosacral therapy have beenpretty pivotal in my healing
journey.
So craniosacral therapy theword comes from cranium down to
sacrum, so we're really intenton basically the nervous system,
basically the brain of yourbody, but also what the what I
(18:47):
have learned is biodynamiccraniosacral therapy, and that's
sort of a version of the workthat really orients to the
health in the system.
So there's this understandingthat the body has its own wisdom
and it knows well, there's acouple pieces to that.
So the body is intent onprotecting you, it's intent on
(19:08):
survival, it's intent on livinglike there's such a drive to
live and survive and ultimatelyto thrive.
But these protective mechanismscome in so that we can continue
to function.
So anything that we consider asa symptom, whether that's a
behavior pattern, whether that'sa pain in your body, is
actually an expression of health, because that means that the
(19:31):
body has done something, or yoursystem has done something, to
be able to allow the whole ofthe system to continue to
function.
And then, when your system hasaccess to safety and resource,
then the body gets to completewhatever process that started to
resolve whatever was initiallyoverwhelming to the system.
I think that reframe, thatanything that I feel might be
(19:55):
problematic in my body or in mybehaviors or in myself, is
actually just an expression ofhealth and if I can support my
system by providing safety andresource, then that gets to
complete.
Like that's been huge.
And so it's that element ofsafety and being able to provide
(20:16):
safety to the part when we talkabout parts to the parts of
myself like to understand thatthere's, there's a part of me
that's afraid of whatever and Ican tend to that part and help
that part feel safe.
And there's different ways thatsafety can come.
Touch is huge.
Like to have safe touch,non-invasive touch that doesn't
need anything from you.
That is huge.
(20:37):
But even without the ability tohave that in-person connection
with another being, there'sstill ways that we can, because
touch and connection are thesame, so we can connect to the
parts of us.
So, similarly to what you justdemonstrated for everybody, is
how you connected to that partlike because I haven't talked in
a while, but how you connectedto that part of me.
That was like trying to expressyou created connection there
(21:00):
and that that allowed somethingto shift and so we could do that
for ourselves.
Yeah, so that, like when youtalk about where do you start
for healing, like I thinkcreating a bit of a shift around
is because I Like there's somuch messaging out there around
just don't continue to playsmall, be authentic, show up as
(21:22):
your whole self, use your voice,set the boundaries, do all the.
Yeah.
Oh, I wish I would love thatthere's a part of me that wants
that.
Jenn Noble (21:30):
That's obvious.
We could.
Yeah, you know, if I could dothat, I would be doing it.
Cora Rennie (21:33):
Yeah, exactly, and so there's a lot of shame and
judgment, and then people seepeople pleasing as a character
flaw.
Well, no, this is.
This is how your systemprotected you and kept you safe
from a perceived danger, and sothere's a lot of grace around
that and actually even space forgratitude around that, and so
that mind shift is huge and thencreating safety is like the
(21:55):
other big piece.
So that's like for me, it'shaving information helps, like
it's not the whole piece, butthat's part of for me, it's
having information helps likeit's not the whole piece, but
that's part of why I created thesummit, because there are all
these like there are all thesethings that I did not know about
women's bodies, about women'snervous systems, about our
hormones and about attachmentwounding and like that's what we
(22:17):
spoke about, like all of thesereally big pieces that once you
have access to those other partsof the story, it just puts
everything in context and allowsfor a lot of just a lot more
understanding, compassion, liketowards the self yeah, I'm
loving hearing you talk aboutthis because and I can't wait to
dig into the other interviewsyou've had with the other
(22:39):
experts that you're having onthe summit because, as I'm
hearing you talk, I realize, oh,a lot of what you're saying is
a lot of what I do with myclients.
Jenn Noble (22:47):
You know a lot of the safety.
I do parts work with my clients, which is the IFS work with
Richard Schwartz, right, and soyou're talking about your parts
and I'll speak to their partsand we create safety and we
always thank ourselves for theconditioning and the attachment,
right, we don't blame ourselvesall this stuff and you can see
how there is not only one way todo this.
We all come at this and I'mseeing this.
(23:08):
There's a larger collectiveright, the conscious,
unconscious of it, all ofeveryone starting to kind of
level up in their healing to seelike we need to stop with the
blaming and the shaming and thefault finding and all of this
stuff going on.
And even our people pleasing isjust a maladaptive coping
mechanism.
It's something we put on to tryto keep us safe and, as I often
(23:29):
say, we just have to askourselves now, do we still want
to wear this coat?
Do we want to wear this peoplepleasing coat?
Is it serving us or do we wantto take it off now?
So tell me, of all of the peopleyou've been interviewing and I
know you have more to go becauseyou've been working so hard on
doing this I cannot wait for itto come out.
And also, just real quick, Iwant to tell anyone if you're
like, what the heck are theytalking about?
There is going to be the mostamazing summit.
(23:50):
On May 20th is when the firstvideos are going to be coming
out.
Is that right?
That's right, that's right.
And it is called theUnderstanding People-Pleasing
Summit, which I myself am a partof, as are so many other
amazing experts, and so I wantto know what have you learned so
far?
Like can you give us some sneakpeeks?
Like can you tease?
Cora Rennie (24:06):
us a little bit of like what's to come, yeah, Okay.
So yeah, there's going to be atotal of, I think, 33.
There's over 30.
There's over 30 conversationsthat are happening and yeah, so
we speak about trauma responses.
We speak about why the femalenervous system is more prone to
go into dissociation and fawningbecause of our perceived
(24:30):
ability to also then stresshormones, how that can impact
our people pleasing behavior.
We speak a little bit about thesocietal conditioning, just how
women are just raiseddifferently, Like we're raised
(24:53):
to be seen and not heard.
We're raised to be quiet, we'reraised to be polite, All these
little pieces.
There's some great conversationaround different relationships.
So I spoke earlier about that.
My area of struggle has alwaysbeen romantic relationships, but
people pleasing shows up in howwe relate to everything.
So we have conversation aroundpeople pleasing and money,
(25:14):
people pleasing and food.
People pleasing in the realm ofparenting we speak about well
with you.
We speak about the attachmentstyles, attachment wounding.
I have someone else speakingabout the mother wound
specifically.
Jenn Noble (25:27):
Oh, I'm excited for that one I really was trying to.
I've been learning more andmore about that lately, of like,
oh, the mother wound, thefather wound, the sister wound,
all these things.
I'm like, okay, where is thatcoming from?
So I can't wait for that one.
Cora Rennie (25:39):
Yeah.
Jenn Noble (25:39):
But you you bring up such a good point in terms of
women really are just told, likeyou know, we're meant to be the
caregivers, right?
And there's a level of feminineenergy to that right.
We are nurturers, we arecaretakers, we are receiving,
sure, but to truly havewholeness right, we have to
integrate both the the feminineand the masculine, the yin and
the yang, depending on whateverit is you want to call it, and
(25:59):
that makes so much sense, andwe've kind of lost that part of
ourselves.
I was thinking, because I havea little quote back here which
is like well-behaved womenrarely make history, and so I
myself, I've been the type ofperson that has.
I've been loud, I've beenboisterous, I've never known
when to shut up, right, I'vealways said the thing that
nobody else is saying in theroom.
I have a quite a masculineenergy and, as a result, I've
(26:21):
almost kind of lost my womanhoodbecause of that Like.
It's like oh, you know, you'renot a good, I wasn't the good
girl, you know, I was the onesent to detention all the time.
I was the one that always gotin trouble, I was the one that
people would roll their eyes atme.
I failed out of college, all ofthis stuff, and so I love
watching our two perspectives aswomen.
But you see how we bothstruggled here.
(26:42):
You are perceived as theperfect the good girl over here
and here I am like the unrulyone over here and yet look at us
still as we're trying to goalong.
Our romantic relationships areblowing up in our faces maybe
some of our friendships, ourfamilies, anything like that and
we're done with this.
And it's like wait a second.
We let's like pull this powertogether and I love that's what
(27:06):
I get.
I love getting to know you,cora, because I really love the
connection and I love it whenother women are looking to help
lift up other women.
I think that's like our power,isn't it?
Yeah?
Cora Rennie (27:16):
And I would love to speak to that for a minute,
because I could see that mytrend so, with my people
pleasing my phone and responseit's like I had this belief or
this, this attachment to if Ijust find the right partner,
that that's gonna make me feelreally great in my life, and so
I was putting so much on like,whoever my partner was at the
time, that was my best friend inlife.
(27:37):
I didn't have a lot of otherfriends.
I didn't have a lot offriendships with women.
It wasn't until I startedreally like that my body was
starting to release some of thetrauma responses that were
running in my system that Ibecame open to connecting to
other women in a different way,and so it was really beautiful
for me that in my craniosacraltherapy training it was actually
(27:59):
a group of all women, so therewere 12 of us, and so we were in
this healing space together,sharing and connecting.
And then I noticed that therewas another group that I was
involved in was actually throughvictim services after having an
experience with a stalker butthat was a group of women and we
were all sharing and healingtogether.
And then at my workplace I waslike, oh, look at all these
(28:21):
women Like there.
All of a sudden I was likethere were just so many
different circles of women thatwere showing up in my life, in
different areas of my life, andit had never existed for me
before.
I thought that I neededprotection and that I could get
that from a relationship with aman, that a man would protect me
.
And it was after starting toheal through some of that like
(28:45):
and I still do like I do have aman in my life.
Jenn Noble (28:47):
I want a man in my life like that's important to me
still.
Cora Rennie (28:50):
But that relationship doesn't provide all
of the things that I want andneed, like I was putting that on
relationship before and thatdoesn't belong there there.
So part of our like socialnervous system and our ability
to connect so when our systemshuts down or we dissociate, our
ability to connect sociallyalso kind of gets shut down, and
so when some of the trauma isreleased people pleasing
(29:13):
behaviors get released, like allthese things then you don't
even have to work at it, it juststarts to open up.
And so what started to open upfor me were all these
relationships with women andsisterhood and it's like we are
so able to uplift and supportand nurture and admire and
respect and love on each otherand protect each other, and so
(29:37):
when you have that sense ofcommunity, that's a whole other
level of resource and safetythat really enriches your life.
So even for the summit, part ofme is like, do I just want all
women speakers?
And I kind of did.
I do have a couple of malespeakers and they're really
valuable conversations.
But yeah, there is somethingWe'll let them in sometimes.
Jenn Noble (29:56):
But, you know, they got to keep, they got to check
themselves.
That's all I'm saying.
Cora Rennie (30:00):
But you know, it's just like that for me, I would
say is probably for sure in mymind.
I'm like, if I can heal thispeople pleasing thing and just
have a healthy relationship witha man, that's the goal and I'll
be all, that's what I want inmy life.
But really all of these othergifts have come, and sisterhood
is for sure, like thatsisterhood community.
(30:21):
That's one of them, and sothat's kind of what's on the
other side of being able to healthrough some of these patterns
is relationships of all kinds.
Jenn Noble (30:30):
Yeah, I really love how you said there was this
moment when you were saying,like I wanted a man because I
thought he was going to protectme.
What I started visualizing inthat moment was like, instead, I
got this sisterhood and like,girl, we will protect you, right
, like that is what we do nowand I say this often to my
clients but you want to be ableto choose your partner, not need
(30:52):
them.
Cora Rennie (30:52):
Of course yes, and right.
Jenn Noble (30:55):
There is like what you basically said, which was
now you have this beautifulpartner, but you don't need him.
You don't need him to protectyou, you don't need him to
fulfill your needs, you don'tneed him for the closeness you
choose him every day because youwant him in your life, but now,
because you have all theseother rich relationships going
on, he gets to just be one ofthem in your big juicy life.
(31:17):
And that is all I could everask my clients to get to.
So like thank you for justsharing how you got there on
your own, through your own wayof doing this and through
healing yourself.
And, like all of us, right,we're still a work in progress
and so we're going to hit thosebumps in the road and we're
going to keep going.
But I just want to say thankyou so much for coming on the
(31:37):
podcast Cora and for sharingabout so vulnerably and so open
about your experience.
I can already tell I can alreadythink of just a few women that
I know are listening that Ireally hope they listen to this
one.
I think it's going to be really, really powerful to them and
they're just going to like getchills all over their body and
be like, oh my God, how did shedo this?
How did it heal?
But let me know, how can peoplefind you, if they just want to
(32:01):
get to know you more, or if theyjust want to come join the
summit, any of that, just tellus.
You know, promote yourself,girl.
Cora Rennie (32:06):
Let's go, okay, well the link for the summit is
going to be in the show notes,as you said.
Jenn Noble (32:10):
Yes, we're going to put that right in the show notes
.
So anyone who wants to come tothe summit May 20th, you're just
going to come.
It's going to be there.
Remind me, Cora, does it costanything to join, Do we?
Cora Rennie (32:19):
know that.
So it is a free summit.
Oh yay, Look at that, ladies.
What a gift.
So there's going to be two orthree videos each day over 14
days, and they will beaccessible for the 24 hour
period for free.
Jenn Noble (32:32):
That is, oh, just honestly, what a gift to women,
especially for people.
Pleasing Like this is just a nobrainer.
You pleasing Like this is justa no brainer.
You got to go to the link, yougot to sign up right now.
You got to see all of theseexperts, listen to all of them,
and Cora is going to be therewith each and every one of them,
interviewing them and walkingthem along.
So if you've enjoyed listeningto her as much as I have right
now, like you are going to lovelistening to her, be able to
(32:53):
walk through people and I myself.
Right, we have an interview, soI'll let people know when that
one comes up.
How else can people find you?
Cora Rennie (32:59):
Yeah, probably the best place to follow me is on
Instagram.
I try to be really likeboundary around social media,
but the one place that I am onis Instagram, so it's at cranio
with Cora.
Jenn Noble (33:10):
Perfect, Go follow Cora on there, and I would love
to have you back on to reallydive deep into the craniosacral
therapy, because I feel like wejust scratched the surface on
that.
I have so many questions.
I want to know, like what doyou do?
Like I heard you say you coulddo it in person but also online,
and so now my brain is likekind of going a mile a minute,
like what is this new modalitythat I could get into my geeky
(33:32):
brain always, but again.
Cora Rennie (33:34):
I love it.
Jenn Noble (33:34):
Thank you so much for coming on.
I can't wait for the summit todrop and I hope to have you on
again.
Cora Rennie (33:39):
Thank you.
This was such a joy.
I just, yeah, I appreciate youand your just how you like in
the moment kind of coached meand helped me through like what
was coming up in my system thatI really didn't anticipate.
So I just appreciate yourgraciousness and allowing it all
just to be, and it was just areally fun conversation.
Thank you so much.
Jenn Noble (33:57):
Thank you so much, cora conversation.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much, cora.
I am so glad I got to get Corato come on the podcast with me
and share more of her storyAgain.
I don't know about you, but Iwas just overcome with emotion
(34:17):
listening to her story and justthe power behind her struggle,
but also to see how she overcamethat, to see where she found
her power to come back to fightit and to change those parts of
herself.
Not because she's broken, notbecause there's anything wrong
with her, not because she's atfault, but because she knew she
deserved something better.
And you can really hear that inher conversation and you can
see, you know, as she startstalking, that she doesn't need a
(34:41):
man anymore to protect her.
And I want anyone out therelistening right now to hear that
, okay, you do not need a man,do you hear me?
In fact, you don't need anyone,it's true, but you choose them,
don't you?
That's the best part.
We don't need a man in our lifeto protect us.
We should have plenty of peoplearound us doing that, and if
not, then why don't you come andget plugged into our community
(35:02):
over at Speak Honest?
We would love to be aprotective community for you, so
that way you can get to a placewhere you choose your partner.
You don't need them.
And now, if you've beenlistening along and you want to
just catch up on more of thispeople pleasing, I highly,
highly, highly suggest youscroll on down to the show notes
right now.
Do not wait.
Click on that link that saysjoin the people pleasing summit
(35:25):
and come and be a part of thisamazing event that Cora is
putting on for all of us.
You'll see a video from me inthere, but you're going to see
videos from 30 other experts.
Where else can you get thisinformation completely for free?
I don't know about you, but Iliterally myself cannot wait to
dig and hear every single one ofthese experts and how they're
(35:46):
talking about getting andhelping their people pleasing
and the modalities that theywork, because that's one of my
favorite things as a coach is myway is not the only way.
This is just what works wellfor me and as I continue on in
my healing journey and as Ilearn and I learn more
modalities, I'm currentlyactually in a certification
(36:07):
course right now, called theSomatic Attachment Therapy
course.
It's been a game changer for meand I'm constantly learning and
growing, so I can't wait tolearn from these other experts
as well.
So if you want to be a part ofthe People Pleasing Summit,
scroll down to the show notes,click on the link and I will see
you over there.
But until next time, take care,as we wrap up today's
(36:30):
conversation, always rememberthat healing is a journey, not a
destination, and it is an honorto be a part of your healing
journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review and subscribe if you
(36:51):
enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jenn Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode I'm so excitedto have on a special guest.
(00:48):
I'm having on Cora Rennie todayand I'm so excited to get to
talk to her because I'm actuallygoing to be a part of Cora's
summit.
That is happening in just likea couple of days, maybe like
five days from the time thatthis is going out, but Cora is
hosting an understanding, peoplepleasing summit and I cannot
wait for all of you to getinvested and involved in this
(01:09):
summit.
If you want to join the summit,you can go ahead and scroll on
down to the show notes right nowand you're going to see a link
for you to join the peoplepleasing summit and from there
you're going to fill out theinformation, and Cora told me
that you're going to hear in alittle bit that this summit is
completely free y'all.
I cannot even believe that sheis doing all of this completely
for free.
(01:29):
You can hear it in myconversation with her.
But this is where her passionis.
This is her mission in life isto not only heal her own
people-pleasing patterns, but tohelp as many women as possible,
and that's why, when I chattedwith Cora on our summit
interview, I immediatelyconnected with her, because I
knew this woman has the exactsame values that I have.
(01:51):
This isn't someone out therejust trying to make a quick buck
or trying to pretend she'ssomething that she's not.
This is someone that's the realdeal, someone that is out there
looking to help heal women andheal the struggles that we've
been through.
In fact, you're going to hear areally vulnerable and deep
story that she shares that I wasjust, oh my gosh, overcome with
(02:11):
emotion when she startedsharing it and I just thought
this is going to be reallypowerful, and I was so honored
that she would step in and sharethat story with us.
So let me tell you a little bitabout Cora.
Cora Rennie is a recoveringpeople pleaser and identifies as
a highly sensitive, deep feeler.
Through her training to becomea biodynamic craniosacral
(02:32):
therapist, cora gained profoundinsights into the body's innate
wisdom and learned directly inher own body the importance of a
felt sense of safety.
Oh, isn't that just so powerfulto hear.
She incorporates thefoundations of cranial modality
with her personal gifts and ownlifelong healing experiences.
(02:53):
So to pour others in therecovery of self processes.
See, she believes that thereare key components to true, deep
, lasting healing thatcommunicate directly to the
physiological wiring of oursystems, and providing those
elements allows for us tocultivate a deep sense of self
resilience and trust.
Doesn't that sound amazing?
(03:15):
And through Cora's work, shecombines an understanding of
natural body responses withdeeply attuned presence for
those who are navigating complexemotional landscapes.
I love this conversation withCora so much, and I know you're
going to love it too.
So, as you're listening, I wantyou to just be really thinking
about your own people-pleasingtendencies.
(03:36):
Where in your life are youfinding similar patterns
happening?
Maybe not with the same guy asyou'll hear Cora talk about.
Right, it's not like she datedthe same man every time, but she
did notice that there was acommon denominator and that was
herself.
So as we continue theconversation, you see where we
really pull out her peoplepleasing and her fawning
(03:57):
technique, that you knowsomething she developed early on
in childhood and became thegood girl and you know, the good
student and the straight A, allthis stuff and you see where
this really starts, and so Ihope you enjoy my conversation
with Cora.
Hi, Cora, thank you so much forcoming on the Speak Honest
(04:18):
podcast.
I'm so excited to have you hereNow.
I got to talk with you firstand foremost when you were
interviewing me for yourUnderstanding People Pleasing
Summit and I was so excited tohave you on the podcast.
We could talk more about thisbecause I am such a recovering
people pleaser.
It is ridiculous.
I need this in my life.
But first and foremost, whydon't you go ahead and tell my
listeners a little bit aboutyourself?
(04:39):
Okay?
Cora Rennie (04:40):
so, first of all, I was really excited to have this
opportunity to be a guest andto be interviewed by you.
It's been a really funconnection.
So this is really exciting forme to be a part of all of this
and have this, have you nowinterviewing me so this is fun.
So I will say that, likeeveryone, there's usually one
area in your life that's kind ofmore of a struggle than other
areas, and for me it's alwaysbeen my romantic relationships.
(05:25):
No-transcript, dedicated quite abit of time to self reflection
and wanting to figure it out andwanting to be able to have and
create an experience, a healthyrelationship, and so, despite
reading lots of books and doingdifferent online courses and all
these things, I ended up stillin several other relationships
(05:51):
that still quote unquote failedand it didn't make sense to me.
I didn't feel like I was one ofthose people that was
recreating the same pattern overand over again, like every man
I entered into relationship withwas completely different from
any of the other men I had beenin relationship with, and some
of the dynamics were.
They felt like they werecompletely different.
It felt like I was learningdifferent lessons over and over,
(06:12):
but it was still not workingout and it was quite a painful
place to be.
It's like, well, why what'shappening?
Like I didn't understand andnone of the healing work that I
had done didn't seem to bemaking a difference.
So lots of shame around all ofthat and just frustration.
And it's like, oh, now my kidshave seen me fail at
relationship and they don't knowwhat a healthy relationship is
(06:33):
like.
All of these pieces over andover again.
And so what made the differencefor me, or some big aha moments
in this little journey aroundrelationship, was I was in
therapy and relating all of thisto my therapist and she's like,
well, your fawning response ischoosing all your partners for
you.
And I was like, wow, wait, what?
Can you say that again, becauseI think that's so powerful.
Jenn Noble (06:55):
I heard you say your fawning response is choosing
all of your partners for you.
Is that right?
Yeah, so yeah, good stuff.
Cora Rennie (07:04):
Yeah, well, and as much as I thought I was being
conscious about making choices,that there was this other thing
running in my system that wasactually running the show and
that what it was was a traumaresponse.
So then I had to like what isthe fawning response and
learning all about that.
So that's basically superextreme people pleasing, right,
like it's.
It's basically you're sensing,potentially, that this person
(07:29):
that your relationship withposes some kind of a threat or
danger, but it's actually saferto be liked by this dangerous
entity and to be on their goodside and to be as close to them
as possible.
It's much safer than otherwise,right?
So yeah, so that was like ahuge turning point that I had to
like unpack all of that andfigure that out.
(07:49):
And as I was getting thatinformation, the other thing
that was happening in my lifewas I had entered into a two
year program of training tolearn craniosacral therapy.
So, for anyone that doesn'tknow, craniosacral therapy is a
hands on body work technique.
Basically, it's working withthe whole system, it's working
with the nervous system and it'slight touch therapy.
It's non-invasive, all thesepieces, and a huge part of that
(08:12):
therapy is the safety that'sestablished between the
practitioner and the body that'son the table.
There's this understanding thathealing happens when there's
safety, and so the practitioneris grounded and secure and
really established in theboundaries of their own system
and aware of what their systemis doing, like in terms of
(08:32):
responses and reactions.
It's so boundary and there's nointention to manipulate the
body on the table, so thatcreates the safe space.
And, as I was thinking about orconsidering my ability to be a
practitioner and create safespace for another body, so I
guess I should backtrack themost recent relationship.
(08:54):
Right before I took thattraining, I ended up dating this
man that I.
As we were dating, I knew itwasn't a fit, so I ended the
relationship.
He then started stalking me.
Jenn Noble (09:05):
Oh, no, and so yeah.
Cora Rennie (09:07):
So I don't know if we need to say like trigger
warning or whatever so nophysical danger was done A lot
of emotional danger in that,though, isn't there.
Totally Like just boundaryviolation after boundary
violation, of like having toblock numbers and then he would
find a different number to reachme, or blocking the email, and
him driving by my house all thetime, driving by my workplace
all the time.
All of these pieces.
(09:27):
And there was one day where hedid come knocking on my door
after he was blocked in all thedifferent ways and I ended up
far away from my home, hiding ina closet, hearing him outside
calling my name, knocking on mydoor and not sure if he was
actually going to come in or not, knowing that he could if he
wanted to get into my house.
Jenn Noble (09:46):
What was that like for you in that moment?
Sorry, can I like it's okay tointerrupt because I just want to
dig into that, because that'ssuch a big thing that you went
through, and I think it'spowerful of watching where
you've come on the other side.
So what was that like for youin the moment?
Cora Rennie (10:00):
I was hiding in the closet and it was like time
stood still because I totallycompletely felt powerless.
My mind kind of went throughthese little can I get out of
the house?
Can I get to my phone, can I?
I'm like nope, nope, nope, noneof these things.
He's a big man.
It doesn't matter.
Women in general are not asstrong as men.
Even if you're the same size,even if the man's a little bit
(10:20):
smaller than you, he probablyhas more strength in his hands,
all of these things.
So, yeah, I felt in my mind thestory to hold myself around that
incident was that that was thefirst time in my entire life and
I was 48 at the time that Ifelt unsafe in the world, and I
do want to bring that back topeople pleasing later.
But yeah, it was hiding in thecloset, unable to breathe.
(10:41):
My heart's in my throat, I feellike vomiting.
Like time stood still waitingto hear, like I was hyper tuned
to any sound and just not surewhat I would do if he actually
entered the house.
He ended up not entering thehouse.
I called the police Good foryou and they charged him with
harassing communications, and sowhat I didn't know was that he
had done this to another womanin the community before.
(11:01):
We were in a pretty small town.
But yeah, so this was hispattern, this was his crazy came
out and yeah, so then whathappened with that?
Was that basically the same,the same conditions as a
restraining order.
So there were legal charges inplace that he couldn't contact
me or come within a certaindistance of me and like all
(11:22):
these things.
So that did create some safety,except we were in a small town
sorry, a small town and I stillsaw his vehicle driving around
all the time.
I ended up leaving that smalltown so that I could feel safe,
shopping at Walmart again.
Jenn Noble (11:35):
Again.
Good for you.
I'm seeing how you yourself areare breaking some of these,
these people pleasing thisfawning response by like not
thinking I just have to stay intown, I have to be okay, but
that somatic response inside ofyour body every time you saw
that car, I can only imagine mybody right now is on edge for
you.
So in the moment.
So, yeah, continue please.
Cora Rennie (11:57):
I'm now in training for craniosacral therapy.
My concern was can I createsafety for somebody?
Because I felt like that traumawasn't fully healed in my
system of that experience withthe stalker and I didn't know if
I could create safety foranother person if my system
still felt unsafe.
And I'm going to go get somewater.
Jenn Noble (12:19):
Yeah, perfectly fine .
Cora Rennie (12:19):
Take your time, okay.
So, and I also will say it'sinteresting to me that this is
coming up, because sometimes insessions, like in craniosacral
sessions, coughing will happenand it's often like related to a
vagus nerve response, and vagusnerve is all about nervous
system stuff.
Jenn Noble (12:34):
I was actually literally thinking the same
thing.
I was thinking like, oh no,this makes a lot of sense that
you're having this come up rightnow, Like with the work that I
do, I was like, yeah, thattracks.
Cora Rennie (12:42):
So so yeah, so keep going, yeah, okay, okay, we'll
try to keep going and Ihopefully anyways, as I started
experiencing felt senses ofsafety in my system, I and I
started to get the felt sense ofsort of more subtle sensations
of safety.
I began to understand thatactually the story that I had,
(13:07):
that there was that one incidentthat made me feel unsafe in the
world, was not true, that Iactually have been feeling
unsafe in the world for 50, likeI'm now 50.
So at the time, 48 years, notjust that one incident when I
was 48.
So that's what made meunderstand that I've been a
people pleaser my whole life.
Yeah, so as a young girl I wasquiet and shy like these little
(13:30):
labels get applied right.
I was a good girl.
I was a star student.
I was then later like a staremployee.
I was liked by everybody butdidn't have a lot of close
friends, all these little pieces.
Definitely perfectionist,definitely had social anxiety my
whole life, like all thesethings.
I thought I was introverted,but I would say now that I was
(13:51):
just pardon me.
Jenn Noble (13:54):
Actually, cora, I would love to bring this up real
quick, because what's happeningright now in your body is
you're having a cough come up,right, and now some of this
might be edited out, butactually I think it's going to
keep happening, and so I want toreally honor this part of your
body happening right now.
Would it be okay if we honorthis and keep this in?
Cora Rennie (14:10):
Yeah, I'm good with that.
Jenn Noble (14:11):
You're telling this incredible story and I think
what's happening and you knowthis as well is your body is
reacting, isn't it?
Cora Rennie (14:21):
Yeah, and some people know this story, but this
is the first time of me tellingthis story quite like this, so
it makes sense that yeah, thisis so powerful, and having your
voice be heard, having yourstory be heard, I think, is so
incredibly powerful.
Jenn Noble (14:34):
But we can see how even your body is almost, to an
extent, like overwhelmed,shutting down slightly, like the
cough coming into the mouth.
I would say that's a somaticresponse of just being like it's
caught right here in yourthroat.
What is that like for you rightnow, as you're trying to get
this story out?
But you're feeling this happenin your body right now.
Cora Rennie (14:53):
Yeah, oh, it's frustrating, it's like, but I
want to say it yeah.
So even now your body's likeyeah, and I want it to be clear.
Jenn Noble (15:01):
I think this is powerful for people listening to
hear, like here is someone whois working through this, has
learned about her peoplepleasing, you know has gone on
to learn it's craniosacraltherapy.
Is that right?
Okay, You'll have to tell memore about that.
Cora Rennie (15:14):
I genuinely actually have no idea what this
is, so this is perfect.
Jenn Noble (15:17):
All of this stuff is to say it still happens to us.
You are empowered in tellingthe story.
Correct me if I'm wrong, butyou might still have some hint
of fear.
But I can also see it in yourface, like there's a power in
you as you're telling the storyand yet still there's this hint
of something holding us back.
And that happens, doesn't it?
And that's okay and we canhonor that part of ourselves.
So I want to say now to yourbody, and just to your throat
(15:42):
and to your cough, that if itneeds to come up at any time
during this, we will leave inevery cough if we have to,
because it's part of you andit's part of your story and I
think it's beautiful.
Cora Rennie (15:50):
That is really beautiful, because I did have a
friend and she's like I'm soexcited that you're going to be
on this podcast, you get tospeak about yourself, and she's
like, just remember, all partsare welcome.
So it's just beautiful that youjust said that, oh, I love her,
I want to be her friend now too.
Yes, exactly that's exactly it.
Jenn Noble (16:05):
All parts are welcome, even whatever it is
this cough is doing to like,it's just, it's there and it's
part of you and I just I adoreit as well, so please continue,
but thank you so much forletting us keep this in.
Cora Rennie (16:15):
Yeah, so that was the realization that I, as a
person who you know just waslike that's just how I'm wired.
I'm just introverted, I justprefer to be alone.
But the reality is, once I beganto understand my people
pleasing as a protectiveresponse and started
understanding and being able toconnect to some of the wants and
(16:37):
deniers and desires and needsthat are underneath that
protective response, I have adeep desire for close connection
, and so it's kind of wild thatI would even think that I prefer
my own company and never tohave anybody else around.
But it's because, as a peoplepleaser, when you're like shape
(16:57):
shifting and morphing to fit allof the like, it takes so much
energy to be constantly readingother people and then presenting
the version of yourself thatthey will accept.
It takes so much energy that,of course, it feels better to be
alone, where you don't have touse that much energy, feels
better but also doesn't feelbetter because there's a deep
(17:20):
loneliness there as well.
So I will still say I do stillbelieve I'm introverted in terms
of I recharge with alone time,but I can't just be alone all
the time.
I need the deep connections, Ineed depth, I need depth of
intimacy.
Jenn Noble (17:34):
And it sounds like now you're able to get that a
little bit more.
And I'm sure you know you'renot perfect at it yet.
None of us are right, butyou're going into these social
situations and, like you said,you're, you're feeling what all
these people are feeling.
You're, you're sensing them.
I would call this as well in myworld, this perception,
sensitivity that we have where.
What are they thinking of meright now?
(17:55):
What's happening?
I'm going to move my headslightly.
This way Did I accidentallyturn away from someone?
And it is like a superpower,isn't it?
It's like you can walk into aroom and you're just like
hypervigilance everywhere.
But you're right, it drains us,doesn't it?
Now, to someone out therelistening right now, and they're
like holy shit, this happens tome.
I didn't know that this waspeople pleasing.
What would you say to them interms of how can they start to
(18:24):
work through?
Cora Rennie (18:25):
this.
Oh, that's big.
All right, let's start small.
How did you start to workthrough it?
Oh, okay, you know what it's.
The things that I learned as thebasis for healing through the
craniosacral therapy have beenpretty pivotal in my healing
journey.
So craniosacral therapy theword comes from cranium down to
sacrum, so we're really intenton basically the nervous system,
basically the brain of yourbody, but also what the what I
(18:47):
have learned is biodynamiccraniosacral therapy, and that's
sort of a version of the workthat really orients to the
health in the system.
So there's this understandingthat the body has its own wisdom
and it knows well, there's acouple pieces to that.
So the body is intent onprotecting you, it's intent on
(19:08):
survival, it's intent on livinglike there's such a drive to
live and survive and ultimatelyto thrive.
But these protective mechanismscome in so that we can continue
to function.
So anything that we consider asa symptom, whether that's a
behavior pattern, whether that'sa pain in your body, is
actually an expression of health, because that means that the
(19:31):
body has done something, or yoursystem has done something, to
be able to allow the whole ofthe system to continue to
function.
And then, when your system hasaccess to safety and resource,
then the body gets to completewhatever process that started to
resolve whatever was initiallyoverwhelming to the system.
I think that reframe, thatanything that I feel might be
(19:55):
problematic in my body or in mybehaviors or in myself, is
actually just an expression ofhealth and if I can support my
system by providing safety andresource, then that gets to
complete.
Like that's been huge.
And so it's that element ofsafety and being able to provide
(20:16):
safety to the part when we talkabout parts to the parts of
myself like to understand thatthere's, there's a part of me
that's afraid of whatever and Ican tend to that part and help
that part feel safe.
And there's different ways thatsafety can come.
Touch is huge.
Like to have safe touch,non-invasive touch that doesn't
need anything from you.
That is huge.
(20:37):
But even without the ability tohave that in-person connection
with another being, there'sstill ways that we can, because
touch and connection are thesame, so we can connect to the
parts of us.
So, similarly to what you justdemonstrated for everybody, is
how you connected to that partlike because I haven't talked in
a while, but how you connectedto that part of me.
That was like trying to expressyou created connection there
(21:00):
and that that allowed somethingto shift and so we could do that
for ourselves.
Yeah, so that, like when youtalk about where do you start
for healing, like I thinkcreating a bit of a shift around
is because I Like there's somuch messaging out there around
just don't continue to playsmall, be authentic, show up as
(21:22):
your whole self, use your voice,set the boundaries, do all the.
Yeah.
Oh, I wish I would love thatthere's a part of me that wants
that.
Jenn Noble (21:30):
That's obvious.
We could.
Yeah, you know, if I could dothat, I would be doing it.
Cora Rennie (21:33):
Yeah, exactly, and so there's a lot of shame and
judgment, and then people seepeople pleasing as a character
flaw.
Well, no, this is.
This is how your systemprotected you and kept you safe
from a perceived danger, and sothere's a lot of grace around
that and actually even space forgratitude around that, and so
that mind shift is huge and thencreating safety is like the
(21:55):
other big piece.
So that's like for me, it'shaving information helps, like
it's not the whole piece, butthat's part of for me, it's
having information helps likeit's not the whole piece, but
that's part of why I created thesummit, because there are all
these like there are all thesethings that I did not know about
women's bodies, about women'snervous systems, about our
hormones and about attachmentwounding and like that's what we
(22:17):
spoke about, like all of thesereally big pieces that once you
have access to those other partsof the story, it just puts
everything in context and allowsfor a lot of just a lot more
understanding, compassion, liketowards the self yeah, I'm
loving hearing you talk aboutthis because and I can't wait to
dig into the other interviewsyou've had with the other
(22:39):
experts that you're having onthe summit because, as I'm
hearing you talk, I realize, oh,a lot of what you're saying is
a lot of what I do with myclients.
Jenn Noble (22:47):
You know a lot of the safety.
I do parts work with my clients, which is the IFS work with
Richard Schwartz, right, and soyou're talking about your parts
and I'll speak to their partsand we create safety and we
always thank ourselves for theconditioning and the attachment,
right, we don't blame ourselvesall this stuff and you can see
how there is not only one way todo this.
We all come at this and I'mseeing this.
(23:08):
There's a larger collectiveright, the conscious,
unconscious of it, all ofeveryone starting to kind of
level up in their healing to seelike we need to stop with the
blaming and the shaming and thefault finding and all of this
stuff going on.
And even our people pleasing isjust a maladaptive coping
mechanism.
It's something we put on to tryto keep us safe and, as I often
(23:29):
say, we just have to askourselves now, do we still want
to wear this coat?
Do we want to wear this peoplepleasing coat?
Is it serving us or do we wantto take it off now?
So tell me, of all of the peopleyou've been interviewing and I
know you have more to go becauseyou've been working so hard on
doing this I cannot wait for itto come out.
And also, just real quick, Iwant to tell anyone if you're
like, what the heck are theytalking about?
There is going to be the mostamazing summit.
(23:50):
On May 20th is when the firstvideos are going to be coming
out.
Is that right?
That's right, that's right.
And it is called theUnderstanding People-Pleasing
Summit, which I myself am a partof, as are so many other
amazing experts, and so I wantto know what have you learned so
far?
Like can you give us some sneakpeeks?
Like can you tease?
Cora Rennie (24:06):
us a little bit of like what's to come, yeah, Okay.
So yeah, there's going to be atotal of, I think, 33.
There's over 30.
There's over 30 conversationsthat are happening and yeah, so
we speak about trauma responses.
We speak about why the femalenervous system is more prone to
go into dissociation and fawningbecause of our perceived
(24:30):
ability to also then stresshormones, how that can impact
our people pleasing behavior.
We speak a little bit about thesocietal conditioning, just how
women are just raiseddifferently, Like we're raised
(24:53):
to be seen and not heard.
We're raised to be quiet, we'reraised to be polite, All these
little pieces.
There's some great conversationaround different relationships.
So I spoke earlier about that.
My area of struggle has alwaysbeen romantic relationships, but
people pleasing shows up in howwe relate to everything.
So we have conversation aroundpeople pleasing and money,
(25:14):
people pleasing and food.
People pleasing in the realm ofparenting we speak about well
with you.
We speak about the attachmentstyles, attachment wounding.
I have someone else speakingabout the mother wound
specifically.
Jenn Noble (25:27):
Oh, I'm excited for that one I really was trying to.
I've been learning more andmore about that lately, of like,
oh, the mother wound, thefather wound, the sister wound,
all these things.
I'm like, okay, where is thatcoming from?
So I can't wait for that one.
Cora Rennie (25:39):
Yeah.
Jenn Noble (25:39):
But you you bring up such a good point in terms of
women really are just told, likeyou know, we're meant to be the
caregivers, right?
And there's a level of feminineenergy to that right.
We are nurturers, we arecaretakers, we are receiving,
sure, but to truly havewholeness right, we have to
integrate both the the feminineand the masculine, the yin and
the yang, depending on whateverit is you want to call it, and
(25:59):
that makes so much sense, andwe've kind of lost that part of
ourselves.
I was thinking, because I havea little quote back here which
is like well-behaved womenrarely make history, and so I
myself, I've been the type ofperson that has.
I've been loud, I've beenboisterous, I've never known
when to shut up, right, I'vealways said the thing that
nobody else is saying in theroom.
I have a quite a masculineenergy and, as a result, I've
(26:21):
almost kind of lost my womanhoodbecause of that Like.
It's like oh, you know, you'renot a good, I wasn't the good
girl, you know, I was the onesent to detention all the time.
I was the one that always gotin trouble, I was the one that
people would roll their eyes atme.
I failed out of college, all ofthis stuff, and so I love
watching our two perspectives aswomen.
But you see how we bothstruggled here.
(26:42):
You are perceived as theperfect the good girl over here
and here I am like the unrulyone over here and yet look at us
still as we're trying to goalong.
Our romantic relationships areblowing up in our faces maybe
some of our friendships, ourfamilies, anything like that and
we're done with this.
And it's like wait a second.
We let's like pull this powertogether and I love that's what
(27:06):
I get.
I love getting to know you,cora, because I really love the
connection and I love it whenother women are looking to help
lift up other women.
I think that's like our power,isn't it?
Yeah?
Cora Rennie (27:16):
And I would love to speak to that for a minute,
because I could see that mytrend so, with my people
pleasing my phone and responseit's like I had this belief or
this, this attachment to if Ijust find the right partner,
that that's gonna make me feelreally great in my life, and so
I was putting so much on like,whoever my partner was at the
time, that was my best friend inlife.
(27:37):
I didn't have a lot of otherfriends.
I didn't have a lot offriendships with women.
It wasn't until I startedreally like that my body was
starting to release some of thetrauma responses that were
running in my system that Ibecame open to connecting to
other women in a different way,and so it was really beautiful
for me that in my craniosacraltherapy training it was actually
(27:59):
a group of all women, so therewere 12 of us, and so we were in
this healing space together,sharing and connecting.
And then I noticed that therewas another group that I was
involved in was actually throughvictim services after having an
experience with a stalker butthat was a group of women and we
were all sharing and healingtogether.
And then at my workplace I waslike, oh, look at all these
(28:21):
women Like there.
All of a sudden I was likethere were just so many
different circles of women thatwere showing up in my life, in
different areas of my life, andit had never existed for me
before.
I thought that I neededprotection and that I could get
that from a relationship with aman, that a man would protect me
.
And it was after starting toheal through some of that like
(28:45):
and I still do like I do have aman in my life.
Jenn Noble (28:47):
I want a man in my life like that's important to me
still.
Cora Rennie (28:50):
But that relationship doesn't provide all
of the things that I want andneed, like I was putting that on
relationship before and thatdoesn't belong there there.
So part of our like socialnervous system and our ability
to connect so when our systemshuts down or we dissociate, our
ability to connect sociallyalso kind of gets shut down, and
so when some of the trauma isreleased people pleasing
(29:13):
behaviors get released, like allthese things then you don't
even have to work at it, it juststarts to open up.
And so what started to open upfor me were all these
relationships with women andsisterhood and it's like we are
so able to uplift and supportand nurture and admire and
respect and love on each otherand protect each other, and so
(29:37):
when you have that sense ofcommunity, that's a whole other
level of resource and safetythat really enriches your life.
So even for the summit, part ofme is like, do I just want all
women speakers?
And I kind of did.
I do have a couple of malespeakers and they're really
valuable conversations.
But yeah, there is somethingWe'll let them in sometimes.
Jenn Noble (29:56):
But, you know, they got to keep, they got to check
themselves.
That's all I'm saying.
Cora Rennie (30:00):
But you know, it's just like that for me, I would
say is probably for sure in mymind.
I'm like, if I can heal thispeople pleasing thing and just
have a healthy relationship witha man, that's the goal and I'll
be all, that's what I want inmy life.
But really all of these othergifts have come, and sisterhood
is for sure, like thatsisterhood community.
(30:21):
That's one of them, and sothat's kind of what's on the
other side of being able to healthrough some of these patterns
is relationships of all kinds.
Jenn Noble (30:30):
Yeah, I really love how you said there was this
moment when you were saying,like I wanted a man because I
thought he was going to protectme.
What I started visualizing inthat moment was like, instead, I
got this sisterhood and like,girl, we will protect you, right
, like that is what we do nowand I say this often to my
clients but you want to be ableto choose your partner, not need
(30:52):
them.
Cora Rennie (30:52):
Of course yes, and right.
Jenn Noble (30:55):
There is like what you basically said, which was
now you have this beautifulpartner, but you don't need him.
You don't need him to protectyou, you don't need him to
fulfill your needs, you don'tneed him for the closeness you
choose him every day because youwant him in your life, but now,
because you have all theseother rich relationships going
on, he gets to just be one ofthem in your big juicy life.
(31:17):
And that is all I could everask my clients to get to.
So like thank you for justsharing how you got there on
your own, through your own wayof doing this and through
healing yourself.
And, like all of us, right,we're still a work in progress
and so we're going to hit thosebumps in the road and we're
going to keep going.
But I just want to say thankyou so much for coming on the
(31:37):
podcast Cora and for sharingabout so vulnerably and so open
about your experience.
I can already tell I can alreadythink of just a few women that
I know are listening that Ireally hope they listen to this
one.
I think it's going to be really, really powerful to them and
they're just going to like getchills all over their body and
be like, oh my God, how did shedo this?
How did it heal?
But let me know, how can peoplefind you, if they just want to
(32:01):
get to know you more, or if theyjust want to come join the
summit, any of that, just tellus.
You know, promote yourself,girl.
Cora Rennie (32:06):
Let's go, okay, well the link for the summit is
going to be in the show notes,as you said.
Jenn Noble (32:10):
Yes, we're going to put that right in the show notes
.
So anyone who wants to come tothe summit May 20th, you're just
going to come.
It's going to be there.
Remind me, Cora, does it costanything to join, Do we?
Cora Rennie (32:19):
know that.
So it is a free summit.
Oh yay, Look at that, ladies.
What a gift.
So there's going to be two orthree videos each day over 14
days, and they will beaccessible for the 24 hour
period for free.
Jenn Noble (32:32):
That is, oh, just honestly, what a gift to women,
especially for people.
Pleasing Like this is just a nobrainer.
You pleasing Like this is justa no brainer.
You got to go to the link, yougot to sign up right now.
You got to see all of theseexperts, listen to all of them,
and Cora is going to be therewith each and every one of them,
interviewing them and walkingthem along.
So if you've enjoyed listeningto her as much as I have right
now, like you are going to lovelistening to her, be able to
(32:53):
walk through people and I myself.
Right, we have an interview, soI'll let people know when that
one comes up.
How else can people find you?
Cora Rennie (32:59):
Yeah, probably the best place to follow me is on
Instagram.
I try to be really likeboundary around social media,
but the one place that I am onis Instagram, so it's at cranio
with Cora.
Jenn Noble (33:10):
Perfect, Go follow Cora on there, and I would love
to have you back on to reallydive deep into the craniosacral
therapy, because I feel like wejust scratched the surface on
that.
I have so many questions.
I want to know, like what doyou do?
Like I heard you say you coulddo it in person but also online,
and so now my brain is likekind of going a mile a minute,
like what is this new modalitythat I could get into my geeky
(33:32):
brain always, but again.
Cora Rennie (33:34):
I love it.
Jenn Noble (33:34):
Thank you so much for coming on.
I can't wait for the summit todrop and I hope to have you on
again.
Cora Rennie (33:39):
Thank you.
This was such a joy.
I just, yeah, I appreciate youand your just how you like in
the moment kind of coached meand helped me through like what
was coming up in my system thatI really didn't anticipate.
So I just appreciate yourgraciousness and allowing it all
just to be, and it was just areally fun conversation.
Thank you so much.
Jenn Noble (33:57):
Thank you so much, cora conversation.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much, cora.
I am so glad I got to get Corato come on the podcast with me
and share more of her storyAgain.
I don't know about you, but Iwas just overcome with emotion
(34:17):
listening to her story and justthe power behind her struggle,
but also to see how she overcamethat, to see where she found
her power to come back to fightit and to change those parts of
herself.
Not because she's broken, notbecause there's anything wrong
with her, not because she's atfault, but because she knew she
deserved something better.
And you can really hear that inher conversation and you can
see, you know, as she startstalking, that she doesn't need a
(34:41):
man anymore to protect her.
And I want anyone out therelistening right now to hear that
, okay, you do not need a man,do you hear me?
In fact, you don't need anyone,it's true, but you choose them,
don't you?
That's the best part.
We don't need a man in our lifeto protect us.
We should have plenty of peoplearound us doing that, and if
not, then why don't you come andget plugged into our community
(35:02):
over at Speak Honest?
We would love to be aprotective community for you, so
that way you can get to a placewhere you choose your partner.
You don't need them.
And now, if you've beenlistening along and you want to
just catch up on more of thispeople pleasing, I highly,
highly, highly suggest youscroll on down to the show notes
right now.
Do not wait.
Click on that link that saysjoin the people pleasing summit
(35:25):
and come and be a part of thisamazing event that Cora is
putting on for all of us.
You'll see a video from me inthere, but you're going to see
videos from 30 other experts.
Where else can you get thisinformation completely for free?
I don't know about you, but Iliterally myself cannot wait to
dig and hear every single one ofthese experts and how they're
(35:46):
talking about getting andhelping their people pleasing
and the modalities that theywork, because that's one of my
favorite things as a coach is myway is not the only way.
This is just what works wellfor me and as I continue on in
my healing journey and as Ilearn and I learn more
modalities, I'm currentlyactually in a certification
(36:07):
course right now, called theSomatic Attachment Therapy
course.
It's been a game changer for meand I'm constantly learning and
growing, so I can't wait tolearn from these other experts
as well.
So if you want to be a part ofthe People Pleasing Summit,
scroll down to the show notes,click on the link and I will see
you over there.
But until next time, take care,as we wrap up today's
(36:30):
conversation, always rememberthat healing is a journey, not a
destination, and it is an honorto be a part of your healing
journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review and subscribe if you
(36:51):
enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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