June 4, 2025 • 15 mins
Can a panic attack at the dentist actually teach you how far you've come in your healing journey?
In this raw and deeply honest episode, I share the unexpected emotional storm that hit me during a routine dental appointment and why it left me feeling more empowered, not less. From childhood dental trauma to adult self-advocacy, this story isn't just about cavities... it's about how healing can show up messy, loud, and inconvenient and still be proof of growth. If you've ever felt like you're doing everything right and still fall apart, this one’s for you.
You might want to listen if:
- You're doing “the work” but still get blindsided by anxiety
- You struggle with being “too much” when big emotions hit
- You’ve ever felt ashamed for breaking down in front of others
- You're learning to speak up for yourself in triggering situations
- You need a reminder that healing doesn’t always look graceful — and that’s okay
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- Apply for FREE Coaching with Jenn
- Join the DANCE CIRCLE - Get updates on Jenn's debut book "Dance of Attachment"
- Join our FREE Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
- Become a Relationship Reboot Member and access all you need to become secure.
- Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
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- Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
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DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health ...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode I'm going totell you guys a little personal
(00:47):
story.
So just the other day, I had anexperience at the dentist and
I've told the ladies in myrelationship reboot program
about this and I shared a littlebit about it on Instagram as
well.
And as I was sitting down torecord the episode, I thought to
myself how could I reallyutilize this story, the
situation I went through, anduse it as a teaching moment?
So that's what I want to talkabout.
(01:07):
But before I dive into that,first and foremost I just want
to say welcome to anyone that isnew listening here.
It's so happy to have you.
We've had an influx oflisteners coming in lately and I
just want to say I'm so happyto have you here.
If you want to get plugged in tothe Speak Honest community, the
(01:29):
best place to do that is byjoining our free Facebook
community.
You can go to Facebook rightnow and you can scroll into the
search engine and just type inSpeak Honest and what will pop
up is Speak Honest secureattachment and confident
communication for women with twolittle cute orange hearts.
So you'll know exactly whichgroup we are and I would love to
see you in our community.
We are a very close-knitcommunity of women that are all
(01:50):
in this Facebook group lookingto heal, looking to have a good
time, looking to just be incommunity with one another and
lift each other up through theprocess.
So we just finished a Maychallenge in the Facebook group.
We just finished a Maychallenge in the Facebook group,
which was incredibly fun andpowerful and healing, and every
day in May I went live and I dida live meditation, and so
(02:14):
that's the kind of stuff that wedo in there.
So in June we're going to bedoing a little bit something
different, so I would love foryou to come and check out what
we're doing.
I would love to see you inthere.
So again, you can scroll ondown to the show notes and grab
the link from there, or you canjust search Speak Honest, secure
Attachment and ConfidentCommunication for Women.
But now I will go ahead and getstarted with the episode and
while you're listening, I justwant you to kind of think about
(02:36):
yourself in this situation asI'm telling the story and as I'm
explaining where my emotionskind of got really heightened.
Check in with yourself and seeokay, where do you relate in
this?
Do you relate with myself?
Do you relate with the dentist?
Maybe the nurse or the dentalhelper?
Honestly, I'm terrible, I don'tknow the name of that person.
(02:57):
You can leave me a comment andlet me know what the name of
that would be Maybe thehygienist, but she's not really
the hygienist.
Anyways, I digress, but reallycheck in with yourself and see
in this story, how are youfeeling?
Does it bring up any emotionsfor you?
Do you also have dental anxiety?
Do you have anxiety oversomething else where you are
unable to go see your doctor?
Or maybe you're unable to goget a haircut because you have
(03:20):
anxiety around this stuff.
This is all very common.
It's perfectly normal.
We all go through it and I wantto normalize that for everyone.
So I hope you enjoy today'sepisode.
Okay, so the other day I had togo to the dentist to get a
cavity filled and just to giveyou guys a little bit of
backstory, I've actually neverhad a cavity filled.
I have great teeth.
(03:40):
It really actually annoys a lotof people.
I've never had braces.
I've never had a cavity.
My teeth are pretty good.
Yes, they are a little bitsmall and sometimes gappy, but I
kind of love my teeth and Ilove the personality they bring
to me, so I've never beenbothered to try to get them
fixed.
But as a result, I also, inchildhood, had some dental
trauma, if you will.
So I did have some stuff doneto my teeth when I was younger.
(04:02):
I did have sealants put on andI got these little caps on my
bicuspids put on when I wasreally really little.
So, as a result, some bad thingshappened to me back then and
I'll explain that in a secondand so I have developed dental
anxiety throughout the years waswhen I was pregnant with my son
, so that was like back in 2011.
(04:23):
It was actually a perfectlyfine experience, but still it
just was uncomfortable.
It really hurt.
They didn't believe me that ithurt so bad and I didn't go
again.
So for about 13 years and Ijust want to be honest about
this I did not go to the dentist.
I didn't even take my son tothe dentist.
Yes, please throw me yourjudgment and shame.
Trust me, anything you have tothrow at me will not be any less
(04:44):
than I have ever thrown atmyself for the same thing.
And yet this is how anxietyworks, right?
And so that's why I wanna bringthis up, because this is what
happens we shut down, we avoid,we put our head in the sand, we
don't do the things that we needto do in order to better our
lives because of fear.
And so finally, somewhere alongthe lines I think it was just
because I knew I needed to getmy son to the dentist I started
taking him to the dentist and Ithought, ok, I need to do this,
(05:08):
I need to go see a dentist.
So I talked with my husbandhe's got a great dentist, I
worked it out with going to themand I thought, ok, let's just
go for a quick cleaning.
But, as you can imagine, whenyou go for a quick cleaning and
you haven't been for 13 years,they want to do a deep cleaning
and that really scared me and Ididn't know what to do.
So I shut down and I didn't goback for a couple of years again
.
So see how this is working.
(05:28):
This is a process.
This is a long time coming andI finally went back and I
finally got in my headspace tobe able to go.
And the first time I went backso this was, I think, like back
in February I had a total panicattack in that first session.
They were great, they wereamazing.
Specifically, there's like onereceptionist there who must have
some sort of trauma training,because she was fantastic with
(05:51):
calming me down and listening tome and validating me and I went
back in and I got the cleaningdone and then I went back for
four more cleanings and in thoseprogressive cleanings I was
totally fine.
Like I was so proud of myselfbut also just so happy and also
either which way it was going togo, whether or not I was going
to have a panic attack or not.
I was okay with that, but atthe same time it felt good.
Oh, okay, I'm getting better atthis.
(06:12):
I've.
I'm doing the meditations, I'mdoing the hypnotherapy, I'm
talking to my therapist Like I'mworking through this stuff.
Oh, my goodness, this isactually working.
This is great.
I'm totally healed.
So when they said, okay, we needto, it's time to start getting
your cavities filled, I was like, okay, I can do this.
So I scheduled in to get fourcavities filled.
I said, just, you know, let'sdo four at a time, not not much
more, even though, yes, I dohave way more.
(06:34):
And I was like, let's do this.
So I go back in and I'm readyto go the day before.
I'm a little nervous, my body,I'm feeling confident, honestly.
I'm feeling safe, I'm feelingsecure, I'm feeling heard, like
everything is going on reallywell.
I meditated before I went there.
I fell asleep to myhypnotherapy to make sure that I
(06:55):
was in the right mindset, I wasdoing everything right.
And then I show up at thedentist and I go to sit down and
we were in a different room.
That I'm used to.
Wild how this happens, right?
We?
Just we were in a differentroom now.
So instead of room one that I'mnormally and I'm in room three,
and then you feel it, my bodyjust starts to tense up.
Just this change of anenvironment starts to change up
(07:17):
and I was like, okay, that'sokay, you know, it's okay if I'm
upset, it's okay if I'm scared,and it's okay that we change
the rooms and I'm just talkingto myself.
And then I sit down and I get anew dental helper I realized
this because she is probablyactually like the dental nurse
and not the hygienist, and I wasso used to hygienists and so
this is a new person and also mysuper awesome, amazing
receptionist ladies is not there.
(07:37):
So can you see how people withanxiety are used to consistency.
They need that consistency inorder to stay safe.
So, with all of this stuffgoing off, my body is already a
little bit on edge, but again,I'm in control, I'm taking care
of myself.
And so I just say to the ladylisten, I'm gonna have a little
bit of a struggle with this, andas soon as I start speaking, I
start crying.
So that's where it starts.
So this is.
(08:03):
We're not even like five.
Told her everything that wasgoing to go on.
I told her that I do havedental anxiety, that I do have
panic attacks and that this issomething that I've struggled
with for a really long time, butI'm trying to work through it
and here's how you can help me.
So that, right in of itself, ishuge.
That's something I want youguys all to listen to is how to
advocate for yourself, how toget to a place where you don't
feel any shame or embarrassmentaround your situation, so you
(08:26):
can just express that to someone.
And she was like okay, tell mewhat you need, let's figure out
some hand signals, we'll stopwhen you need to stop, we'll
continue on when you need tocontinue on now.
Of course, in most things thisdid not go perfectly and in fact
, as I'm thinking about thissituation, some of the stuff the
dentist did still really pissesme off, like the way that he
would talk to me or the way hedismissed me At one point in
(08:47):
time.
I'm crying, I'm literallycrying, and I'm having an attack
in that moment.
And he's like oh, you know, thebest way to fight your fears is
to work through them.
And I was just like my mouth ishalf numb at this point in time
.
And I was just like don't saythat to me, like that is just
completely useless to say.
(09:08):
And at that point in time I waslike, actually, and I started
throwing out my science.
I was like, actually, did youknow that if you try to work
through your fear and you do nothave the appropriate stuff set
up in place, meaning you do nothave a support system and you
are not prepared in your mindsetyet, you can actually reinforce
the fear, causing it harder toget over it in the future?
And I think that really justshut him up and he was like, oh,
what, are you some sort ofpsychologist?
And I was like, I mean, I'm inschool to become one and also I
(09:29):
kind of just do this for aliving.
So, yes, a little bit, and alsothink about it, guys.
When you live your whole life inthis state of anxiousness and
disarray and panics, you do,honestly, just sometimes
gravitate towards finding yourcalling, and that's why I do
what I do.
The reason why I'm here isbecause I just keep observing
(09:49):
all of this stuff that'shappening in my body and I'm
thinking.
I feel very healed, I feel verysecure, I feel very safe in my
life, I love the people aroundme, I have curated the humans in
my life to feel very good andsupported, and yet I still get
this way.
And that's really what I wantto talk about today, which is
just that, no matter how hard itis that we do the work, we will
(10:11):
still always sometimes falter.
We will make mistakes.
I mean, I say that in likequotation marks.
I know you can't see me, butit's not a mistake to have a
panic attack.
I didn't choose that.
This is just part of my body.
But what I can choose is I canchoose to either shame myself,
look down on myself, reallydegrade myself and say why would
you do this?
You're such an embarrassment.
(10:31):
Why are you so difficult?
Why can't you just be easy?
Why do you always have to dothis, jen?
And instead I could see that asokay.
You had some shit happen to youwhen you were a kid.
It's not okay.
See, when I was a kid and I wastrying to explain to the
dentist that I had a lot of painin my mouth and they weren't
listening to me, then whathappened was, because I'm a bit
of a fighter, I started kickingand flailing and fighting back
(10:55):
and what happened was they wouldhold me down.
Think about that.
I'm like eight years old and Iam feeling pain.
They're not believing me.
I'm trying to get up andthey're holding me down to the
point where I remember havingbruises on my forearm.
Yeah, it's no wonder I'm alittle bit scared as an adult,
as a 40 year old woman, going tothe dentist.
Do you hear that level of loveand acceptance and validation I
(11:18):
have for myself in that moment?
That was the energy I broughtin to that appointment and that
energy is what I want us all tobring into every lived
experience that we have, whetherit be your budgeting, whether
it be you have to go to thedoctors, whether it be you have
to go to the hairdressers or thedentist, whatever it is.
Just have compassion foryourself, for the way in which
(11:42):
you are acting, because there'sno right or wrong way to act.
Seriously, ladies, I want youto hear me, there's no right or
wrong way to act.
We are just doing the best thatwe can with the tools that we
have.
And the next time I go to thedentist, will I hopefully be a
little bit more equipped?
Yes, but if I'm not, then whatis it teaching me?
It's teaching me that I have alittle bit more work to do, and
I can be grateful for that and Ican be, you know, to some
(12:03):
extent excited about that.
That's I know this is going tosound weird, you guys, but like
that's kind of how I feel rightnow.
I kind of feel a little bitlike energized that I had this
big, massive panic attack andyet at the same time I'm
handling it.
Yet I'm handling it, yet at thesame time I'm not feeling stuck
, I'm not feeling depressed.
This morning I do feel a littlebit overwhelmed.
(12:23):
I will be very honest.
Then I can tell I have someemotional kind of hangover going
on and I need to be veryprotective over my energy today.
So after I record this and afterI finish my Friday 15s with the
girls in the RelationshipReboot program, I'm going to go
curl up on the couch with ablanket and a cup of tea and I'm
going to do my work on thecouch.
Do you see how I'm still takingcare of myself?
(12:45):
That is what I want to teachall of us.
If there's one thing, one thingI could get to just have you
all take away from this big,massive experience I had
yesterday with the dentist, isthat we are all doing the best
that we can, we are all healingin the best way that we know we
can, and it is going to lookimperfect and it's going to look
(13:05):
messy.
I want us to heal, even withthe messy.
I want us to heal in the messright there.
That's what I want to take awayHeal in the mess, make the
mistakes, have the panic attacks, cry in the dentist chair, blow
up at the lady, at the doctors,and then come back from that.
(13:26):
Learn from it.
Don't shame yourself, don'tbeat yourself up for it.
Don't be those people that wereearlier on in our lives,
degrading us and telling uswe're not enough and we're
unlovable and we're stupid andwe're difficult or we're
annoying or we're too much.
Instead, we are going to be thecaregivers that we needed for
ourselves and we're going to sayit's okay, it happens.
(13:48):
Of course you're scared, ofcourse you're nervous, of course
you blew up at that lady.
She wasn't listening to you,but let's learn how to take care
of this in the future.
Okay, and do you hear?
Do you feel the difference inthat?
That's what I want us to takeaway.
All right, everyone, thank youso much for being here for
(14:08):
today's episode and listening tome talk about my dentist
experience.
If you have any questions aboutwhat I went through or anything
you heard today, go ahead andjump into the Facebook group.
We do a post every week foreach podcast that drops every
Wednesday morning, and that'sthe best place to continue on in
this conversation.
And again, I just want toinvite you.
If you have not joined the freeFacebook community yet, I
(14:30):
highly suggest you come in rightnow.
Scroll down to the show notes,click on the link or go to
Facebook and search Speak Honest, secure Attachment and
Confident Communication forWomen.
We can't wait to see you inthere.
I will speak with you all nextweek.
Take care, as we wrap uptoday's conversation, always
(14:51):
remember that healing is ajourney, not a destination, and
it is an honor to be a part ofyour healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
(15:12):
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode I'm going totell you guys a little personal
(00:47):
story.
So just the other day, I had anexperience at the dentist and
I've told the ladies in myrelationship reboot program
about this and I shared a littlebit about it on Instagram as
well.
And as I was sitting down torecord the episode, I thought to
myself how could I reallyutilize this story, the
situation I went through, anduse it as a teaching moment?
So that's what I want to talkabout.
(01:07):
But before I dive into that,first and foremost I just want
to say welcome to anyone that isnew listening here.
It's so happy to have you.
We've had an influx oflisteners coming in lately and I
just want to say I'm so happyto have you here.
If you want to get plugged in tothe Speak Honest community, the
(01:29):
best place to do that is byjoining our free Facebook
community.
You can go to Facebook rightnow and you can scroll into the
search engine and just type inSpeak Honest and what will pop
up is Speak Honest secureattachment and confident
communication for women with twolittle cute orange hearts.
So you'll know exactly whichgroup we are and I would love to
see you in our community.
We are a very close-knitcommunity of women that are all
(01:50):
in this Facebook group lookingto heal, looking to have a good
time, looking to just be incommunity with one another and
lift each other up through theprocess.
So we just finished a Maychallenge in the Facebook group.
We just finished a Maychallenge in the Facebook group,
which was incredibly fun andpowerful and healing, and every
day in May I went live and I dida live meditation, and so
(02:14):
that's the kind of stuff that wedo in there.
So in June we're going to bedoing a little bit something
different, so I would love foryou to come and check out what
we're doing.
I would love to see you inthere.
So again, you can scroll ondown to the show notes and grab
the link from there, or you canjust search Speak Honest, secure
Attachment and ConfidentCommunication for Women.
But now I will go ahead and getstarted with the episode and
while you're listening, I justwant you to kind of think about
(02:36):
yourself in this situation asI'm telling the story and as I'm
explaining where my emotionskind of got really heightened.
Check in with yourself and seeokay, where do you relate in
this?
Do you relate with myself?
Do you relate with the dentist?
Maybe the nurse or the dentalhelper?
Honestly, I'm terrible, I don'tknow the name of that person.
(02:57):
You can leave me a comment andlet me know what the name of
that would be Maybe thehygienist, but she's not really
the hygienist.
Anyways, I digress, but reallycheck in with yourself and see
in this story, how are youfeeling?
Does it bring up any emotionsfor you?
Do you also have dental anxiety?
Do you have anxiety oversomething else where you are
unable to go see your doctor?
Or maybe you're unable to goget a haircut because you have
(03:20):
anxiety around this stuff.
This is all very common.
It's perfectly normal.
We all go through it and I wantto normalize that for everyone.
So I hope you enjoy today'sepisode.
Okay, so the other day I had togo to the dentist to get a
cavity filled and just to giveyou guys a little bit of
backstory, I've actually neverhad a cavity filled.
I have great teeth.
(03:40):
It really actually annoys a lotof people.
I've never had braces.
I've never had a cavity.
My teeth are pretty good.
Yes, they are a little bitsmall and sometimes gappy, but I
kind of love my teeth and Ilove the personality they bring
to me, so I've never beenbothered to try to get them
fixed.
But as a result, I also, inchildhood, had some dental
trauma, if you will.
So I did have some stuff doneto my teeth when I was younger.
(04:02):
I did have sealants put on andI got these little caps on my
bicuspids put on when I wasreally really little.
So, as a result, some bad thingshappened to me back then and
I'll explain that in a secondand so I have developed dental
anxiety throughout the years waswhen I was pregnant with my son
, so that was like back in 2011.
(04:23):
It was actually a perfectlyfine experience, but still it
just was uncomfortable.
It really hurt.
They didn't believe me that ithurt so bad and I didn't go
again.
So for about 13 years and Ijust want to be honest about
this I did not go to the dentist.
I didn't even take my son tothe dentist.
Yes, please throw me yourjudgment and shame.
Trust me, anything you have tothrow at me will not be any less
(04:44):
than I have ever thrown atmyself for the same thing.
And yet this is how anxietyworks, right?
And so that's why I wanna bringthis up, because this is what
happens we shut down, we avoid,we put our head in the sand, we
don't do the things that we needto do in order to better our
lives because of fear.
And so finally, somewhere alongthe lines I think it was just
because I knew I needed to getmy son to the dentist I started
taking him to the dentist and Ithought, ok, I need to do this,
(05:08):
I need to go see a dentist.
So I talked with my husbandhe's got a great dentist, I
worked it out with going to themand I thought, ok, let's just
go for a quick cleaning.
But, as you can imagine, whenyou go for a quick cleaning and
you haven't been for 13 years,they want to do a deep cleaning
and that really scared me and Ididn't know what to do.
So I shut down and I didn't goback for a couple of years again
.
So see how this is working.
(05:28):
This is a process.
This is a long time coming andI finally went back and I
finally got in my headspace tobe able to go.
And the first time I went backso this was, I think, like back
in February I had a total panicattack in that first session.
They were great, they wereamazing.
Specifically, there's like onereceptionist there who must have
some sort of trauma training,because she was fantastic with
(05:51):
calming me down and listening tome and validating me and I went
back in and I got the cleaningdone and then I went back for
four more cleanings and in thoseprogressive cleanings I was
totally fine.
Like I was so proud of myselfbut also just so happy and also
either which way it was going togo, whether or not I was going
to have a panic attack or not.
I was okay with that, but atthe same time it felt good.
Oh, okay, I'm getting better atthis.
(06:12):
I've.
I'm doing the meditations, I'mdoing the hypnotherapy, I'm
talking to my therapist Like I'mworking through this stuff.
Oh, my goodness, this isactually working.
This is great.
I'm totally healed.
So when they said, okay, we needto, it's time to start getting
your cavities filled, I was like, okay, I can do this.
So I scheduled in to get fourcavities filled.
I said, just, you know, let'sdo four at a time, not not much
more, even though, yes, I dohave way more.
(06:34):
And I was like, let's do this.
So I go back in and I'm readyto go the day before.
I'm a little nervous, my body,I'm feeling confident, honestly.
I'm feeling safe, I'm feelingsecure, I'm feeling heard, like
everything is going on reallywell.
I meditated before I went there.
I fell asleep to myhypnotherapy to make sure that I
(06:55):
was in the right mindset, I wasdoing everything right.
And then I show up at thedentist and I go to sit down and
we were in a different room.
That I'm used to.
Wild how this happens, right?
We?
Just we were in a differentroom now.
So instead of room one that I'mnormally and I'm in room three,
and then you feel it, my bodyjust starts to tense up.
Just this change of anenvironment starts to change up
(07:17):
and I was like, okay, that'sokay, you know, it's okay if I'm
upset, it's okay if I'm scared,and it's okay that we change
the rooms and I'm just talkingto myself.
And then I sit down and I get anew dental helper I realized
this because she is probablyactually like the dental nurse
and not the hygienist, and I wasso used to hygienists and so
this is a new person and also mysuper awesome, amazing
receptionist ladies is not there.
(07:37):
So can you see how people withanxiety are used to consistency.
They need that consistency inorder to stay safe.
So, with all of this stuffgoing off, my body is already a
little bit on edge, but again,I'm in control, I'm taking care
of myself.
And so I just say to the ladylisten, I'm gonna have a little
bit of a struggle with this, andas soon as I start speaking, I
start crying.
So that's where it starts.
So this is.
(08:03):
We're not even like five.
Told her everything that wasgoing to go on.
I told her that I do havedental anxiety, that I do have
panic attacks and that this issomething that I've struggled
with for a really long time, butI'm trying to work through it
and here's how you can help me.
So that, right in of itself, ishuge.
That's something I want youguys all to listen to is how to
advocate for yourself, how toget to a place where you don't
feel any shame or embarrassmentaround your situation, so you
(08:26):
can just express that to someone.
And she was like okay, tell mewhat you need, let's figure out
some hand signals, we'll stopwhen you need to stop, we'll
continue on when you need tocontinue on now.
Of course, in most things thisdid not go perfectly and in fact
, as I'm thinking about thissituation, some of the stuff the
dentist did still really pissesme off, like the way that he
would talk to me or the way hedismissed me At one point in
(08:47):
time.
I'm crying, I'm literallycrying, and I'm having an attack
in that moment.
And he's like oh, you know, thebest way to fight your fears is
to work through them.
And I was just like my mouth ishalf numb at this point in time
.
And I was just like don't saythat to me, like that is just
completely useless to say.
(09:08):
And at that point in time I waslike, actually, and I started
throwing out my science.
I was like, actually, did youknow that if you try to work
through your fear and you do nothave the appropriate stuff set
up in place, meaning you do nothave a support system and you
are not prepared in your mindsetyet, you can actually reinforce
the fear, causing it harder toget over it in the future?
And I think that really justshut him up and he was like, oh,
what, are you some sort ofpsychologist?
And I was like, I mean, I'm inschool to become one and also I
(09:29):
kind of just do this for aliving.
So, yes, a little bit, and alsothink about it, guys.
When you live your whole life inthis state of anxiousness and
disarray and panics, you do,honestly, just sometimes
gravitate towards finding yourcalling, and that's why I do
what I do.
The reason why I'm here isbecause I just keep observing
(09:49):
all of this stuff that'shappening in my body and I'm
thinking.
I feel very healed, I feel verysecure, I feel very safe in my
life, I love the people aroundme, I have curated the humans in
my life to feel very good andsupported, and yet I still get
this way.
And that's really what I wantto talk about today, which is
just that, no matter how hard itis that we do the work, we will
(10:11):
still always sometimes falter.
We will make mistakes.
I mean, I say that in likequotation marks.
I know you can't see me, butit's not a mistake to have a
panic attack.
I didn't choose that.
This is just part of my body.
But what I can choose is I canchoose to either shame myself,
look down on myself, reallydegrade myself and say why would
you do this?
You're such an embarrassment.
(10:31):
Why are you so difficult?
Why can't you just be easy?
Why do you always have to dothis, jen?
And instead I could see that asokay.
You had some shit happen to youwhen you were a kid.
It's not okay.
See, when I was a kid and I wastrying to explain to the
dentist that I had a lot of painin my mouth and they weren't
listening to me, then whathappened was, because I'm a bit
of a fighter, I started kickingand flailing and fighting back
(10:55):
and what happened was they wouldhold me down.
Think about that.
I'm like eight years old and Iam feeling pain.
They're not believing me.
I'm trying to get up andthey're holding me down to the
point where I remember havingbruises on my forearm.
Yeah, it's no wonder I'm alittle bit scared as an adult,
as a 40 year old woman, going tothe dentist.
Do you hear that level of loveand acceptance and validation I
(11:18):
have for myself in that moment?
That was the energy I broughtin to that appointment and that
energy is what I want us all tobring into every lived
experience that we have, whetherit be your budgeting, whether
it be you have to go to thedoctors, whether it be you have
to go to the hairdressers or thedentist, whatever it is.
Just have compassion foryourself, for the way in which
(11:42):
you are acting, because there'sno right or wrong way to act.
Seriously, ladies, I want youto hear me, there's no right or
wrong way to act.
We are just doing the best thatwe can with the tools that we
have.
And the next time I go to thedentist, will I hopefully be a
little bit more equipped?
Yes, but if I'm not, then whatis it teaching me?
It's teaching me that I have alittle bit more work to do, and
I can be grateful for that and Ican be, you know, to some
(12:03):
extent excited about that.
That's I know this is going tosound weird, you guys, but like
that's kind of how I feel rightnow.
I kind of feel a little bitlike energized that I had this
big, massive panic attack andyet at the same time I'm
handling it.
Yet I'm handling it, yet at thesame time I'm not feeling stuck
, I'm not feeling depressed.
This morning I do feel a littlebit overwhelmed.
(12:23):
I will be very honest.
Then I can tell I have someemotional kind of hangover going
on and I need to be veryprotective over my energy today.
So after I record this and afterI finish my Friday 15s with the
girls in the RelationshipReboot program, I'm going to go
curl up on the couch with ablanket and a cup of tea and I'm
going to do my work on thecouch.
Do you see how I'm still takingcare of myself?
(12:45):
That is what I want to teachall of us.
If there's one thing, one thingI could get to just have you
all take away from this big,massive experience I had
yesterday with the dentist, isthat we are all doing the best
that we can, we are all healingin the best way that we know we
can, and it is going to lookimperfect and it's going to look
(13:05):
messy.
I want us to heal, even withthe messy.
I want us to heal in the messright there.
That's what I want to take awayHeal in the mess, make the
mistakes, have the panic attacks, cry in the dentist chair, blow
up at the lady, at the doctors,and then come back from that.
(13:26):
Learn from it.
Don't shame yourself, don'tbeat yourself up for it.
Don't be those people that wereearlier on in our lives,
degrading us and telling uswe're not enough and we're
unlovable and we're stupid andwe're difficult or we're
annoying or we're too much.
Instead, we are going to be thecaregivers that we needed for
ourselves and we're going to sayit's okay, it happens.
(13:48):
Of course you're scared, ofcourse you're nervous, of course
you blew up at that lady.
She wasn't listening to you,but let's learn how to take care
of this in the future.
Okay, and do you hear?
Do you feel the difference inthat?
That's what I want us to takeaway.
All right, everyone, thank youso much for being here for
(14:08):
today's episode and listening tome talk about my dentist
experience.
If you have any questions aboutwhat I went through or anything
you heard today, go ahead andjump into the Facebook group.
We do a post every week foreach podcast that drops every
Wednesday morning, and that'sthe best place to continue on in
this conversation.
And again, I just want toinvite you.
If you have not joined the freeFacebook community yet, I
(14:30):
highly suggest you come in rightnow.
Scroll down to the show notes,click on the link or go to
Facebook and search Speak Honest, secure Attachment and
Confident Communication forWomen.
We can't wait to see you inthere.
I will speak with you all nextweek.
Take care, as we wrap uptoday's conversation, always
(14:51):
remember that healing is ajourney, not a destination, and
it is an honor to be a part ofyour healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
(15:12):
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
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