June 18, 2025 • 15 mins
What if exploring your identity wasn’t just allowed, it was celebrated?
In this episode, I’m opening up about my own pride story, not as a coach, but as a mom. I share what it’s been like raising my trans son, from his first coming out moment at nine years old to the joy of watching him grow into who he is today. You’ll hear how learning about pronouns rewired my brain, why phases aren’t something to be feared, and how creating space for identity exploration is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids, and ourselves.
You might want to listen if:
- You’re raising or supporting a queer or trans child and want to show up with love
- You’re curious about how to navigate pronouns and evolving identities with respect
- You’ve been told something’s “just a phase,” and it stuck with you
- You want to break free from rigid expectations around gender and identity
- You believe in making space for people to grow, change, and be fully themselves
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- Apply for FREE Coaching with Jenn
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- Become a Relationship Reboot Member and access all you need to become secure.
- Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
- Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
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- Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
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- Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!
DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health ...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode, I wanted totalk about something a little
(00:47):
bit more personal.
I wanted to actually share alittle bit about my own pride
story.
So, as we know, june is pridemonth.
Happy pride month.
Everyone Yay rainbows and colorand glitter everywhere.
But pride is also so much more,and so I wanted to share a
little bit about my own storyand why pride is so important to
me.
But before I do dive in, I justwanted to say that if you are
someone that is looking for acommunity, maybe for you Pride
(01:10):
Month is a time that feels veryimportant and special to you,
but at the same time, you justfeel like you don't have a lot
of people to share that with.
I just want you to know thatthe Speak Honest community in
Facebook is an incrediblysupportive and affirming
community.
We are a group of women alltrying to heal our relationships
and just live a happier, morefulfilling life and, as a result
(01:33):
, we all have different livedexperiences, but in this
community we are incredibly safeand incredibly supportive, even
when we don't necessarily havethe same opinions or the same
ideals.
What we do is we allow and holdspace for all of those.
So if you've been looking for acommunity of women where you
can just come and expressyourself, then please come and
join us on our free Facebookcommunity.
You can just scroll on down tothe show notes and find the link
(01:56):
for our free Facebook community, speak Honest or just go ahead
and go to Facebook.
Go into the little searchengine right there in Facebook
and start typing in Speak HonestSecure Communication for Women,
and it will totally just pop upfor you.
You'll see it.
It has two little orange heartsto try to make us stand out, so
you should be able to find usno problem, but we hope to see
you over there.
But now let's get on with theepisode.
(02:17):
All right, so today I reallywanted to talk about something a
little bit more personal.
Now I'm kind of just speakingabout this off the cuff, so my
apologies if I'm all over theplace and I'm very scattered,
but I recently did a guestarticle for a Substack and it
got me thinking about my ownpride story.
(02:39):
And so here's the thing, andnow a lot of you probably know
this about me already, but atthe same time I wanted to share
it again.
Here's the thing, and now a lotof you probably know this about
me already, but at the sametime I wanted to share it again.
I am the incredibly proudmother to an amazing trans son,
so my son first came out when hewas nine years old.
And also, just to be clear, Ido have his permission to share
this story, but based on myperspective of the story.
(03:01):
So let me start there.
Let me just say that I did askhim can I share this story on my
podcast and just kind ofgenerally in my life, is it okay
if I write the article?
You know, can I post thepicture of you?
And I always ask him permissionbefore I do anything of this,
and then we talk about what itis for a person to have their
lived experience.
So this is my lived experienceas the parent of a trans child,
(03:22):
and what this looked like wasback in the fall of 2020, I
remember sitting down and wewere watching the live action
movie of Mulan, and at the time,there was a lot of, you know,
discourse going on in the world.
At that point in time, there wasa lot of the George Floyd
situation going on and the BlackLives Matter situation.
(03:43):
We had just been to a protest.
I'm quite a little bit of asocial activist at heart in
general, and so we're watchingMulan, and Mulan's always been
one of my favorite movies sinceI was a little girl.
It's just she's so badass,isn't she just amazing?
And I have always just reallyresonated with her, because I've
always been the type of personthat wants to fight and stand up
for the beliefs of things, andI'm tired of social constructs.
(04:05):
You know I'm quite a feministin that way, and so we're
watching it and I turn to mychild and I'm just like, see,
this is why women are amazingand great, and you're going to
grow up to be just like such apowerful young woman.
And then he looks at me and hesays, mom, I don't think I'm a
girl and I was a little bitprepared for this to some extent
(04:26):
, just because, again, as muchas I have this background of
Midwestern religious, christian,evangelical life, I've always
really been outside of that.
I've always been the type ofperson to question it and look
up the Bible verses that supportthe LGBTQ community and I
fought for them and all thesethings.
So when they said that, I waslike, okay, yeah, tell me more
(04:47):
about it.
But this is the interestingpart is, at the point they said
I'm non-binary.
And I remember thinking whatthe fuck is that?
And I mean, this is 2020, soit's a little bit new and I was
ready.
You know, if he was going to bea lesbian, if he was going to
be even like a trans boy,masculine, completely I was
ready for all of that, but I hadno idea what non-binary was.
So, even in this moment, hejust completely helped me open
(05:10):
up my mind even more, and that'smy favorite part about the
story is how much he has grownme as my child and it makes me
so happy.
So that's how we started.
His journey started off as beingnon-binary and he went by them
for quite a while and this was areally difficult thing.
In fact, I think it might'vebeen easier if he had just been
straight you know not straightstraight what I mean Like a
straight masculine, like justhad completely transitioned to
(05:32):
male in the beginning.
But this they them thing, oh mygosh, did it just really mess
with people and it messed withme.
I didn't know how to say theythem for the longest time and I
did all this research and Istarted looking into it more and
thankfully there was abeautiful community of people
who took me in and helped me andtaught me how to use they them
(05:52):
in the singular and in the end Iwas like this actually isn't
that difficult.
I had a really beautiful friendwho taught me this.
So if anyone out there has abeautiful non-binary person in
their life or anyone that goesby the pronouns they them
non-binary person in their lifeor anyone that goes by the
pronouns they them, think aboutit this way.
My friend helped me see thinkabout your loved one with a
little mouse in their pocket.
So they just have this littlemouse in their pocket and so
(06:15):
when you speak about them,you're speaking about them and
the mouse, and this helped mesubstantially in my life with my
child and that helped me.
I just always pictured thiscute little mouse with them and
that's what I would say and I'dsay, okay, you know, they're
over there and they're overthere, and so it's them with
this little friend and it justhelped my brain slowly kind of
rewire itself to learn how to dothat.
(06:37):
And the coolest part about thisis what we teach in Speak
Honest is literally how torewire our brains, how to heal
our attachment wounds.
And the cool part about thiswas I started learning about
rewiring our minds throughlearning how to speak they them
pronouns and understanding thatour brains can actually learn
new things.
So even though we arespecifically built to use they
(07:00):
them in a plural sense, it doeswork in the singular and I
started reworking that.
And the next thing you know,it's so natural.
It comes out completely naturalto me now, and so did their new
name and I thought I was never,ever going to be able to
understand their new name.
I mean, I want to speakcandidly here.
As the mother of this beautifulchild, I searched for this name
(07:24):
for eons.
I had thought about their namefor ages and I was so in my
tummy, you know, when they weregrowing inside of me and I got
to name them this name, I was soexcited I had their name put on
everything in their room.
It was everywhere.
So when they didn't want to becalled that name anymore, it
definitely broke my heart.
(07:45):
And I think that it's hard as aparent to talk about that stuff
sometimes, because here's thething there's a lot of really
shitty parents out there thatdon't support their children and
don't support what they'redoing, and so as a result, it's
like it means when you do havesomeone in your life who is this
(08:07):
way, and then they'reheartbroken, all of a sudden
it's no longer about the child,it's about the parent, and so
that's why I push it down.
And so all I'm saying here is alot of times we say it's not
about the parents, about thechild, like, forget about the
parent.
But I just I want to kind ofshake that a little bit.
I want to shake that rhetoricand say, listen, if you're out
there and you have someone inyour life and they are
transitioning, you willexperience some grief, and
(08:30):
that's okay, and I understandthat we don't want to put that
grief onto our children.
So if that is something thatyou're struggling with, please
reach out with me.
I would love to talk youthrough that because I
understand what that goes.
I understand how that feels,understand how that feels and I
understand.
That's like okay, that name isgone.
It's forever, in fact.
I mean it's okay to even saythis.
But like I had to mourn theloss of my daughter this is my
(08:52):
little baby girl and I don'thave that anymore.
But what also happenedthroughout all this was this
experience of having a child whois fully and completely
themselves and that is unlikeanything you can even imagine.
Just the joy of watching yourchild come into their own is
stunning.
So holding space for both ofthose things that's the story I
(09:14):
want to share.
That's my pride story islearning how to be a completely
supportive.
I mean I would literally diefor my child.
I was so proud of him when hecame out and still I grieved the
loss of what was, and I want tohold space for both of those
things.
And so throughout this time andhe's non-binary and he's going
by a different name and he'sfiguring all of himself out he
(09:35):
kind of slowly started realizinghe's a little bit more
masculine and he started goingthey, he, and then he I think it
was like a fem boy for a littlewhile and he's just figuring
himself out and through all ofthis I'm I'm like, yeah,
whatever it is you want to do,hon, because I'm here to support
you and this is what life isall about.
And then eventually and that'swhere we're at right now, and
he's 14 is he is a trans boy,completely and utterly, and we
(09:56):
will look into figuring out howto make that more permanent in
the future, but for right now,this is where we are.
And so I want to also talk aboutthis concept of phases.
What an amazing privilege it isto be able to go through phases
.
So a lot of times people willbe like oh, you know, my kid's
(10:16):
not actually gay, they're notlesbian, they're not trans,
they're not non-binary.
This is just a phase.
This is just a phase.
And you know what?
Sometimes that is true, that istrue.
That is what I want to do here.
I just want to kind of reallypush through some of this
rhetoric of, hey, if you have atrans child, you can't grieve
who they were, you have to onlybe happy.
Nope, not true.
And also, hey, nothing shouldbe a phase.
If you say you're gay, thenthat's what you have to say you
(10:38):
are.
But here's the thing Back inthe day, children weren't
allowed to explore who they were.
So by the time they came out asadults, they had already
explored all of this inside oftheir hearts, and so then they
came out.
So what an amazing opportunityit is for us to give our
children the possibility ofphases.
I'm so proud of him for all thephases he's been through.
(10:59):
I mean, he didn't just gothrough non-binary phases, he
also went through anime phasesand emo phases and my Chemical
Romance phases.
You know what I mean.
Like, how many of us here havewent through an emo phase?
Right, we've all been throughit.
Or maybe we went through like aBarbie doll phase or a Spice
Girls phase.
Or I went through a massiveTitanic phase where I was
obsessed with the Titanic allthe time.
(11:20):
Does that mean that justbecause I don't really care for
Leonardo DiCaprio now, orTitanic now, I never really was
a fan?
No, that's not how phases work,that's not how life works.
And so, allowing our childrenthe opportunity to explore
themselves, and it's okay if itis a phase and it's okay if it
(11:40):
sticks.
That's the power.
So that's the other part I justwanted to talk about.
Part of my pride story is justreally allowing for the phases
to happen.
And even if this masculine is aphase and he starts going back
to non-binary whatever it is helands on and he can keep
exploring and keep figuring itout for himself.
That's the goal and that's nota phase.
(12:02):
Knowing and learning who you areis never a phase.
It's a process.
How many times in here do I saythat healing is a journey, not
a destination, and so isidentity.
Identity is a journey and youridentity is a journey.
If you're out there right nowand you're still exploring your
identity maybe you're a40-year-old woman that's never
really quite felt like woman fityou Then maybe now is a time
(12:24):
for you to start exploring.
Maybe for you, just being awoman was a phase.
Heck, I went through a phasewhere I had extensions for quite
a while and I loved getting mynails done, and now I'm a little
bit more neutral or natural,but maybe I'll go back to
getting extensions and nailsagain.
Does that mean again that, oh,I was never an extension type of
woman?
No, it just means that I get toexplore my identity and what a
(12:45):
privilege to have that.
How many of us went throughlike a brunette phase?
If we're blondes, or maybeyou're a redhead and and you've
got curly red hair and you likestraightening your hair and
dying it blonde, does that meanthat that's just a phase?
Okay, so let's really just tryto cut that out of our
conversations, if we can, andreally own and honor the phases.
(13:07):
So, with all of that said, Ijust wanted to share a little
bit of my story in that I am so,so proud of my son.
I can't wait to see how hecontinues to grow and continues
to be.
I am so honored to have beengiven the opportunity to parent
him.
I am a cis, straight, white,blonde woman with blue eyes from
the Midwest.
I am not at all any of this,and yet I get this privilege to
(13:32):
get to parent him and see thisworld for what it is.
And we are going out to go do aprotest this weekend and I'm so
proud of him for wanting tostand up for himself and his
people and for just wanting touse his voice, because that's
all we do here, right?
That's why I named my businesswhat it is.
That's why my coaching businessis called Speak Honest, because
(13:54):
the goal here is for you to useyour voice to speak up, to speak
honest, to say what's on yourheart and not be afraid of the
backlash that comes from that.
All right, ladies, thank you somuch for coming along on this
journey with me today.
Thank you for hearing my story.
(14:15):
I hope you have a beautifulPride Month.
For the rest of the month ofJune, I hope that you are able
to be authentically yourself, tospeak up, to speak honest, to
be who you are and to supportand honor anyone in your life
that needs that help as well.
And remember, if you are lookingfor a safe community to be
authentically yourself, then Iwould invite you to come and
(14:36):
join our free Facebook community.
You can scroll on down to theshow notes and click on the link
, or go ahead and just go toFacebook.
Maybe you're on your phoneright now, maybe you're on a
walk and you're looking atsomething.
Just go to a little searchengine type in Speak Honest.
You're going to see a pop-upwith two little orange hearts on
the sides.
And come and join us.
I would love to have you in thecommunity so you can be fully
(14:56):
and completely yourself.
Well, I will speak with you allnext week.
Take care, as we wrap uptoday's conversation, always
remember that healing is ajourney, not a destination, and
it is an honor to be a part ofyour healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
(15:17):
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode, I wanted totalk about something a little
(00:47):
bit more personal.
I wanted to actually share alittle bit about my own pride
story.
So, as we know, june is pridemonth.
Happy pride month.
Everyone Yay rainbows and colorand glitter everywhere.
But pride is also so much more,and so I wanted to share a
little bit about my own storyand why pride is so important to
me.
But before I do dive in, I justwanted to say that if you are
someone that is looking for acommunity, maybe for you Pride
(01:10):
Month is a time that feels veryimportant and special to you,
but at the same time, you justfeel like you don't have a lot
of people to share that with.
I just want you to know thatthe Speak Honest community in
Facebook is an incrediblysupportive and affirming
community.
We are a group of women alltrying to heal our relationships
and just live a happier, morefulfilling life and, as a result
(01:33):
, we all have different livedexperiences, but in this
community we are incredibly safeand incredibly supportive, even
when we don't necessarily havethe same opinions or the same
ideals.
What we do is we allow and holdspace for all of those.
So if you've been looking for acommunity of women where you
can just come and expressyourself, then please come and
join us on our free Facebookcommunity.
You can just scroll on down tothe show notes and find the link
(01:56):
for our free Facebook community, speak Honest or just go ahead
and go to Facebook.
Go into the little searchengine right there in Facebook
and start typing in Speak HonestSecure Communication for Women,
and it will totally just pop upfor you.
You'll see it.
It has two little orange heartsto try to make us stand out, so
you should be able to find usno problem, but we hope to see
you over there.
But now let's get on with theepisode.
(02:17):
All right, so today I reallywanted to talk about something a
little bit more personal.
Now I'm kind of just speakingabout this off the cuff, so my
apologies if I'm all over theplace and I'm very scattered,
but I recently did a guestarticle for a Substack and it
got me thinking about my ownpride story.
(02:39):
And so here's the thing, andnow a lot of you probably know
this about me already, but atthe same time I wanted to share
it again.
Here's the thing, and now a lotof you probably know this about
me already, but at the sametime I wanted to share it again.
I am the incredibly proudmother to an amazing trans son,
so my son first came out when hewas nine years old.
And also, just to be clear, Ido have his permission to share
this story, but based on myperspective of the story.
(03:01):
So let me start there.
Let me just say that I did askhim can I share this story on my
podcast and just kind ofgenerally in my life, is it okay
if I write the article?
You know, can I post thepicture of you?
And I always ask him permissionbefore I do anything of this,
and then we talk about what itis for a person to have their
lived experience.
So this is my lived experienceas the parent of a trans child,
(03:22):
and what this looked like wasback in the fall of 2020, I
remember sitting down and wewere watching the live action
movie of Mulan, and at the time,there was a lot of, you know,
discourse going on in the world.
At that point in time, there wasa lot of the George Floyd
situation going on and the BlackLives Matter situation.
(03:43):
We had just been to a protest.
I'm quite a little bit of asocial activist at heart in
general, and so we're watchingMulan, and Mulan's always been
one of my favorite movies sinceI was a little girl.
It's just she's so badass,isn't she just amazing?
And I have always just reallyresonated with her, because I've
always been the type of personthat wants to fight and stand up
for the beliefs of things, andI'm tired of social constructs.
(04:05):
You know I'm quite a feministin that way, and so we're
watching it and I turn to mychild and I'm just like, see,
this is why women are amazingand great, and you're going to
grow up to be just like such apowerful young woman.
And then he looks at me and hesays, mom, I don't think I'm a
girl and I was a little bitprepared for this to some extent
(04:26):
, just because, again, as muchas I have this background of
Midwestern religious, christian,evangelical life, I've always
really been outside of that.
I've always been the type ofperson to question it and look
up the Bible verses that supportthe LGBTQ community and I
fought for them and all thesethings.
So when they said that, I waslike, okay, yeah, tell me more
(04:47):
about it.
But this is the interestingpart is, at the point they said
I'm non-binary.
And I remember thinking whatthe fuck is that?
And I mean, this is 2020, soit's a little bit new and I was
ready.
You know, if he was going to bea lesbian, if he was going to
be even like a trans boy,masculine, completely I was
ready for all of that, but I hadno idea what non-binary was.
So, even in this moment, hejust completely helped me open
(05:10):
up my mind even more, and that'smy favorite part about the
story is how much he has grownme as my child and it makes me
so happy.
So that's how we started.
His journey started off as beingnon-binary and he went by them
for quite a while and this was areally difficult thing.
In fact, I think it might'vebeen easier if he had just been
straight you know not straightstraight what I mean Like a
straight masculine, like justhad completely transitioned to
(05:32):
male in the beginning.
But this they them thing, oh mygosh, did it just really mess
with people and it messed withme.
I didn't know how to say theythem for the longest time and I
did all this research and Istarted looking into it more and
thankfully there was abeautiful community of people
who took me in and helped me andtaught me how to use they them
(05:52):
in the singular and in the end Iwas like this actually isn't
that difficult.
I had a really beautiful friendwho taught me this.
So if anyone out there has abeautiful non-binary person in
their life or anyone that goesby the pronouns they them
non-binary person in their lifeor anyone that goes by the
pronouns they them, think aboutit this way.
My friend helped me see thinkabout your loved one with a
little mouse in their pocket.
So they just have this littlemouse in their pocket and so
(06:15):
when you speak about them,you're speaking about them and
the mouse, and this helped mesubstantially in my life with my
child and that helped me.
I just always pictured thiscute little mouse with them and
that's what I would say and I'dsay, okay, you know, they're
over there and they're overthere, and so it's them with
this little friend and it justhelped my brain slowly kind of
rewire itself to learn how to dothat.
(06:37):
And the coolest part about thisis what we teach in Speak
Honest is literally how torewire our brains, how to heal
our attachment wounds.
And the cool part about thiswas I started learning about
rewiring our minds throughlearning how to speak they them
pronouns and understanding thatour brains can actually learn
new things.
So even though we arespecifically built to use they
(07:00):
them in a plural sense, it doeswork in the singular and I
started reworking that.
And the next thing you know,it's so natural.
It comes out completely naturalto me now, and so did their new
name and I thought I was never,ever going to be able to
understand their new name.
I mean, I want to speakcandidly here.
As the mother of this beautifulchild, I searched for this name
(07:24):
for eons.
I had thought about their namefor ages and I was so in my
tummy, you know, when they weregrowing inside of me and I got
to name them this name, I was soexcited I had their name put on
everything in their room.
It was everywhere.
So when they didn't want to becalled that name anymore, it
definitely broke my heart.
(07:45):
And I think that it's hard as aparent to talk about that stuff
sometimes, because here's thething there's a lot of really
shitty parents out there thatdon't support their children and
don't support what they'redoing, and so as a result, it's
like it means when you do havesomeone in your life who is this
(08:07):
way, and then they'reheartbroken, all of a sudden
it's no longer about the child,it's about the parent, and so
that's why I push it down.
And so all I'm saying here is alot of times we say it's not
about the parents, about thechild, like, forget about the
parent.
But I just I want to kind ofshake that a little bit.
I want to shake that rhetoricand say, listen, if you're out
there and you have someone inyour life and they are
transitioning, you willexperience some grief, and
(08:30):
that's okay, and I understandthat we don't want to put that
grief onto our children.
So if that is something thatyou're struggling with, please
reach out with me.
I would love to talk youthrough that because I
understand what that goes.
I understand how that feels,understand how that feels and I
understand.
That's like okay, that name isgone.
It's forever, in fact.
I mean it's okay to even saythis.
But like I had to mourn theloss of my daughter this is my
(08:52):
little baby girl and I don'thave that anymore.
But what also happenedthroughout all this was this
experience of having a child whois fully and completely
themselves and that is unlikeanything you can even imagine.
Just the joy of watching yourchild come into their own is
stunning.
So holding space for both ofthose things that's the story I
(09:14):
want to share.
That's my pride story islearning how to be a completely
supportive.
I mean I would literally diefor my child.
I was so proud of him when hecame out and still I grieved the
loss of what was, and I want tohold space for both of those
things.
And so throughout this time andhe's non-binary and he's going
by a different name and he'sfiguring all of himself out he
(09:35):
kind of slowly started realizinghe's a little bit more
masculine and he started goingthey, he, and then he I think it
was like a fem boy for a littlewhile and he's just figuring
himself out and through all ofthis I'm I'm like, yeah,
whatever it is you want to do,hon, because I'm here to support
you and this is what life isall about.
And then eventually and that'swhere we're at right now, and
he's 14 is he is a trans boy,completely and utterly, and we
(09:56):
will look into figuring out howto make that more permanent in
the future, but for right now,this is where we are.
And so I want to also talk aboutthis concept of phases.
What an amazing privilege it isto be able to go through phases
.
So a lot of times people willbe like oh, you know, my kid's
(10:16):
not actually gay, they're notlesbian, they're not trans,
they're not non-binary.
This is just a phase.
This is just a phase.
And you know what?
Sometimes that is true, that istrue.
That is what I want to do here.
I just want to kind of reallypush through some of this
rhetoric of, hey, if you have atrans child, you can't grieve
who they were, you have to onlybe happy.
Nope, not true.
And also, hey, nothing shouldbe a phase.
If you say you're gay, thenthat's what you have to say you
(10:38):
are.
But here's the thing Back inthe day, children weren't
allowed to explore who they were.
So by the time they came out asadults, they had already
explored all of this inside oftheir hearts, and so then they
came out.
So what an amazing opportunityit is for us to give our
children the possibility ofphases.
I'm so proud of him for all thephases he's been through.
(10:59):
I mean, he didn't just gothrough non-binary phases, he
also went through anime phasesand emo phases and my Chemical
Romance phases.
You know what I mean.
Like, how many of us here havewent through an emo phase?
Right, we've all been throughit.
Or maybe we went through like aBarbie doll phase or a Spice
Girls phase.
Or I went through a massiveTitanic phase where I was
obsessed with the Titanic allthe time.
(11:20):
Does that mean that justbecause I don't really care for
Leonardo DiCaprio now, orTitanic now, I never really was
a fan?
No, that's not how phases work,that's not how life works.
And so, allowing our childrenthe opportunity to explore
themselves, and it's okay if itis a phase and it's okay if it
(11:40):
sticks.
That's the power.
So that's the other part I justwanted to talk about.
Part of my pride story is justreally allowing for the phases
to happen.
And even if this masculine is aphase and he starts going back
to non-binary whatever it is helands on and he can keep
exploring and keep figuring itout for himself.
That's the goal and that's nota phase.
(12:02):
Knowing and learning who you areis never a phase.
It's a process.
How many times in here do I saythat healing is a journey, not
a destination, and so isidentity.
Identity is a journey and youridentity is a journey.
If you're out there right nowand you're still exploring your
identity maybe you're a40-year-old woman that's never
really quite felt like woman fityou Then maybe now is a time
(12:24):
for you to start exploring.
Maybe for you, just being awoman was a phase.
Heck, I went through a phasewhere I had extensions for quite
a while and I loved getting mynails done, and now I'm a little
bit more neutral or natural,but maybe I'll go back to
getting extensions and nailsagain.
Does that mean again that, oh,I was never an extension type of
woman?
No, it just means that I get toexplore my identity and what a
(12:45):
privilege to have that.
How many of us went throughlike a brunette phase?
If we're blondes, or maybeyou're a redhead and and you've
got curly red hair and you likestraightening your hair and
dying it blonde, does that meanthat that's just a phase?
Okay, so let's really just tryto cut that out of our
conversations, if we can, andreally own and honor the phases.
(13:07):
So, with all of that said, Ijust wanted to share a little
bit of my story in that I am so,so proud of my son.
I can't wait to see how hecontinues to grow and continues
to be.
I am so honored to have beengiven the opportunity to parent
him.
I am a cis, straight, white,blonde woman with blue eyes from
the Midwest.
I am not at all any of this,and yet I get this privilege to
(13:32):
get to parent him and see thisworld for what it is.
And we are going out to go do aprotest this weekend and I'm so
proud of him for wanting tostand up for himself and his
people and for just wanting touse his voice, because that's
all we do here, right?
That's why I named my businesswhat it is.
That's why my coaching businessis called Speak Honest, because
(13:54):
the goal here is for you to useyour voice to speak up, to speak
honest, to say what's on yourheart and not be afraid of the
backlash that comes from that.
All right, ladies, thank you somuch for coming along on this
journey with me today.
Thank you for hearing my story.
(14:15):
I hope you have a beautifulPride Month.
For the rest of the month ofJune, I hope that you are able
to be authentically yourself, tospeak up, to speak honest, to
be who you are and to supportand honor anyone in your life
that needs that help as well.
And remember, if you are lookingfor a safe community to be
authentically yourself, then Iwould invite you to come and
(14:36):
join our free Facebook community.
You can scroll on down to theshow notes and click on the link
, or go ahead and just go toFacebook.
Maybe you're on your phoneright now, maybe you're on a
walk and you're looking atsomething.
Just go to a little searchengine type in Speak Honest.
You're going to see a pop-upwith two little orange hearts on
the sides.
And come and join us.
I would love to have you in thecommunity so you can be fully
(14:56):
and completely yourself.
Well, I will speak with you allnext week.
Take care, as we wrap uptoday's conversation, always
remember that healing is ajourney, not a destination, and
it is an honor to be a part ofyour healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
(15:17):
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
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