June 25, 2025 • 38 mins
Ever felt like you should be over your ex by now, but you can’t stop thinking about them? Wondered why you keep checking their stories, or worse, found yourself spiraling into a breakup rabbit hole of “what ifs” and “maybes”? In this honest and raw conversation, I sit down with breakup recovery coach Lucy Price to pull back the curtain on what really happens when we’re stuck in the heartbreak loop. We talk about the sneaky ways grief shows up after a breakup, why trying to win your ex back might be the wrong goal, and how to shift from obsessing over them to reclaiming you. This is a must-listen if you’re ready to get real about healing and stop wasting energy on someone who’s no longer in your life.
You might want to listen if:
- You can’t stop checking your ex’s social media and wondering what it means
- You’ve spent hours Googling “how to get my ex back” and feel stuck in the cycle
- You’re feeling more lost after a breakup you chose to end
- You’ve been told to “just cut him off” but it doesn’t feel that simple
- You’re ready to stop chasing him and start chasing your own healing
FIND OUT MORE!
- Apply for FREE Coaching with Jenn
- Join the DANCE CIRCLE - Get updates on Jenn's debut book "Dance of Attachment"
- Join our FREE Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
- Become a Relationship Reboot Member and access all you need to become secure.
- Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
- Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
- Download your free Workbook: Dance of Attachment
- Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
- Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
- Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!
DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health ...
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal.
What's been holding you backfrom having the relationships
you deserve?
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode I have a specialguest I am so excited to bring
(00:48):
on breakup recovery coach LucyPrice.
Now, lucy is a breakup recoveryand relationship coach
specializing in helpingindividuals heal from heartbreak
, rebuild confidence and createfulfilling lives with or without
a partner.
She has helped over 100 hundredclients in the last three years
.
Lucy combines compassionateguidance with practical
(01:09):
strategies to navigate breakups,cultivate self-love and gain
clarity for the future.
Her approach empowers clientsto move forward with confidence
and embrace their next chapter,and I was so excited to have
Lucy on the podcast because Ithink her work with breakup
recovery is something thatreally meshes well here at Speak
Honest with attachment stylesand communication issues and
(01:29):
everything going on, becausethere's so many women that come
to me after a breakup and theyreally want to go out there,
they want to jump in, they wantto get in their next
relationship, but oftentimes I'mthinking, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We need to slow down, like weneed to back up real quick and
we need to heal from the breakupfirst.
So I think if you are someoneout there and you've recently
had a breakup, then reallylisten to this conversation that
I'm having with Lucy and I wantyou to check in.
(01:49):
We talk about some personalstories that both of us do,
which I think are fantastic.
So you can see that evencoaches have been through this
and that's how we know what todo and that's how we understand
what it feels like when you'rein that heartbreak, because
we've been there and then wewent out and we did the work and
we did the research and we gotthe credentials and we got all
the certificates and spent allthe hours to really go out there
(02:10):
and figure out okay, how can wehelp other women through this
as well?
And so if you're out there andyou're going through a breakup,
someone like Lucy would actuallybe a beautiful coach for you to
start off with.
You go through her program, yougo through her work, you figure
out a really recover from thisbreakup and then, when you're
ready and you're ready to goback out there and you're ready
to get back in relationship,then that's where the
(02:31):
relationship reboot program is aperfect opportunity to jump in.
That is the best time to comein Now.
The relationship reboot programis our program here at Speak
Honest.
It is a 12 step program thattakes you through everything you
need to become secure and it issuch a fantastic way to learn
(02:52):
how to break free from yourtoxic patterns that have been
holding you back in therelationships.
So if you are out there rightnow and you are wanting to get
the help, let's say you've beenthrough the breakup, you've been
through the recovery and youare ready for that next step,
you are ready to go into yournext relationship, ready to be
secure, ready to be seen, readyto be safe, then I invite you to
come and join the RelationshipReboot program.
(03:13):
You can go to speak-honestcomslash relationship reboot or you
just scroll down to the shownotes and click on the link down
there to learn a little bitmore.
We would love to have you inthe program, so if that is
something that you want, pleasereach out at any time Now.
I hope that you enjoy myconversation with Lucy.
Hi everyone, thank you so muchfor being back on here on the
(03:36):
Speak Honest podcast.
I'm so excited today because Ihave a special guest and I have
a breakup recovery coach with ustoday Lucy Price.
Lucy say hi, introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about
yourself.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Hello, it's so good to be here.
My name is Lucy Price.
I am exactly what you said abreakup recovery coach.
I've helped over 100 people inthe last three years to get over
their exes, heal fromheartbreak and move forward, and
I love chatting about allthings relationships so I'm so
happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Oh, that is so fantastic and I love to hear.
So.
You got started about threeyears ago, is that right?
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I got started about five years ago and then before
that I was a health coach, soI've been coaching for a total
of, I would say, about seven,eight years.
At this point, which is justwild to see how long you like
(04:30):
start counting and you're likewait a second, how long have I
been doing this?
Yeah, yeah.
So I was a health coach forabout two, three years and then,
when the pandemic happened,everything shut down, so all of
my work was in person in gymsand businesses, and so after
that I transitioned online and Inoticed that a lot more people
were coming to me for generallife coaching, which then turned
into relationship coaching, and, just based off of my own
history around relationships andaround my own heartbreak, it
(04:50):
became a very natural fit totransition into relationship
coaching.
So I've been doing that sinceabout 2020.
And, in the last three years,very focused around breakups in
particular.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I love that pivot for you as a coach and I know I
have a lot of coaches thatlisten as well to the podcast.
So I really love how you wereable to kind of take what you
already noticed was a problemout there.
You know people were lookingfor it and you're able to shift
and pivot, and I heard you sayit also had to do with a little
bit of your own experience.
And I'd love to get into thatand I'll share a little bit
about my experience.
But definitely anyone thatknows my story knows this all
(05:22):
started back in, also 2020, whenthe world is shutting down, but
also, for some odd reason, myboyfriend at the time decided to
break up with me in the exactsame moment.
So I'm heartbroken, I'mdevastated and I'm, you know,
sitting in my bed with no pantson, drinking as much as I
possibly can, and I'm constantlyGoogling how to win my ex back.
(05:44):
And so how common do you findthis in your work for women, do
you do?
Is that how women find you?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I think it's so common to want to try and win
your ex back.
I think that is one of the topthings that so many of my
clients experience.
And some of my clients willeven come to me and they'll ask
me you know, I know you you workwith helping people get over
their ex.
But I want to keep the dooropen for me and my ex getting
back together.
And I always tell people likethat is possible.
(06:12):
You can do the work to heal fromthe heartbreak, you can process
the breakup, you can moveforward and you can still leave
that door open.
But over time you may realizethat you actually don't want to
leave the door open anymore inthe process.
And I think that can be scaryfor people sometimes to realize
like, oh, if I really do moveforward, I'm really saying
goodbye to this person.
(06:33):
But it's so common like peoplewill be a few months into the
work we do together and they'llrealize like, oh, that person
really wasn't the one or I was,you know wanting to try and win
them back because I was afraidof what this new reality meant
and I was mourning the loss ofthe future I thought I was going
to have with them and I wasmourning the loss of who I
thought they were and thefantasy version I had with them.
(06:54):
So it's so common to be sittingin bed trying to numb out,
trying to figure out how to winyour ex back and I would say
that's way more common than wegive any credit for Most of my
clients have some version ofthat.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Thank you for sharing that, just for normalizing it,
for helping other women see thatthis is a perfectly normal
place to get to.
I'll often say I went into thiswork trying to win my ex back
and instead I won myself back.
So if that's what happens.
That's what happens.
But you know what I love mostabout your work, lucy, and I
highly recommend anyone go andcheck out your stuff.
We'll drop all the informationin the show notes and you'll
(07:29):
tell us more later.
But what I got sucked into andI just want to be very open and
honest about the coaching spacesout there right now is I got
sucked into coaches who told meI can get you your ex back.
And what I love about your workso much and why I really wanted
you on this podcast, was yourhonesty, the way that you're
real about it and you're like no, let me help you get over him.
(07:49):
And, like you said, it'sabsolutely everybody's choice
when that happens.
But you're not giving themfalse hope that you can win
their ex back.
You literally can.
Can you speak on?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
that a little bit.
I have a million differentthoughts that I can speak to
about this.
I think I'm going to give afrank opinion.
I think that anyoneguaranteeing that they can get
you your ex back.
I need you to see the red flagsaround that, because there's so
much that goes into arelationship and there's so much
that goes into rebuilding andgetting back together with your
(08:22):
ex.
I do think it is possible to getback together with your ex.
I do think it is possible toget back together with your ex.
But I also think that healingand processing the breakup is
necessary in a way for that tohappen, because otherwise you're
entering back into therelationship with the same
mindset, the same patterns, thesame dynamics that led to the
(08:42):
erosion of the relationship andeventually the breaking of the
relationship and eventually thebreaking of the relationship in
the first place.
And I think that when there arecoaches out there speaking on,
I can get your ex back.
You know you need to justimprove your appearance and play
hard to get, and play thesegames, Just be softer, just say
these words text less, text moretext this, do that, wear this.
(09:05):
It's great marketing, but that'swhat it is.
It's marketing and I think thatthere's just a lot more nuance
that goes into relationships andit's a big disservice to you to
get sucked into that, becauseyou deserve to heal and if you
want to get back together withyour ex, if that's something
that's on the cards, it justtakes more than sending the
(09:28):
right text or giving the rightenergy for that to happen.
I don't know, I always go backto it's great marketing, but I
do think it's just marketing andthere are things that you can
do to rebuild a relationship andto begin those conversations.
And also I find, with a lot ofthe material out there that's
talking about like I can get youyour ex back it's not actually
(09:52):
tools and resources that arehelping you heal and look at
your patterns and look at whatyou're being attracted to.
It's saying the right quoteunquote thing, or dressing the
right way or, like you said,being softer, being more this or
that.
Put pink on, wear a dress.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yes, yeah, just to like, keep it very transparent
between us.
Like in that beginning, when Iwas at my lowest and I was most
susceptible to all of thesethings, I mean I dropped a
couple grand on these kind oflike feminine coaches teaching
me how to win him back, what todo.
All these things you're sayingare like hitting me right in the
dagger, in the heart as well,in terms of talking about like,
(10:27):
oh yeah, say this, don't saythis, wear this, don't wear this
.
And I just want to reallyshowcase to people that there's
a way to break up, to recoverfrom that breakup.
And still, yes, if you want toget back together with him, of
course, but breakup, recoverydoes not indicate, you know,
breakup forever or cut him outof your life.
Like you can even still stay.
Oh, I'm such a big proponent forstaying friends with your ex,
(10:49):
like I'm just like very radicalin this world, but it's like, I
don't know, maybe because I likeall of my exes.
They're still my friends, somaybe I'm projecting.
But people come to me andthey're like you know,
conventional wisdom says if youbreak up with someone, you can't
talk to them ever again, youhave to go.
No contact, all of this, so I'dlove to hear your opinion.
What are your thought processeson being staying friends with
(11:11):
an ex?
Is it possible, even?
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I do think it's possible and I think that we get
really touchy about this insociety, we get really guarded,
we get really just fidgety aboutit and it's interesting to me.
So I have a few differentthoughts around it.
The first thought I have aroundit is it's not possible for
everybody to never talk to theirex again, and I think that's
where I love working with myclients who are co-parents
(11:35):
because they have to see theirex.
The court has ordered that theymust pass off their kids on
this date, at this time, at thisplace, and so sometimes never
seeing your ex again or nevertalking to your ex again, it's
just not actually easy.
Sure, someone could argue like,well, you always have a choice.
And it's like, yeah, you doalways have a choice.
And also, if you want to doright by your child and make
(11:57):
sure that's clean energy interms of passing them back and
forth, like there's a certainamount of engagement with your
ex that is needed there.
And so I think that that kindof takes me in the direction to
people who say just go nocontact, that's the only way you
can get over your ex is bygoing no contact.
It's like that's not true.
There's plenty of people whohave been in touch with their ex
and engaged with their ex, whohave been able to also move on
(12:19):
from their ex while maintainingsome level of contact, and it's
just not possible for everybodyto go completely no contact.
So what do you do then, youknow, do they just not get to
heal and get over their ex?
No, of course there's a way.
So I think that you know, ingeneral, we get really touched
about it.
So I think that you know, ingeneral we get really touched
about it, about being friendswith an ex.
But I will say me personally,there are some exes that I never
(12:42):
want to talk to again and thereare also some exes that I mean
I hung out with my boyfriend offive years and my ex and his new
partner yesterday.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Oh, that's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I love that Exactly, and it's like you know, him and
my ex have been friends for like15 years.
Oh, that's fantastic.
And the world, in my opinion,is way more nuanced than that
(13:18):
and we live in a gray area allthe time.
If you had a good relationshipwith your ex and you can truly
detach and can take out whateverelements you feel need to be
taken out, such as romance orattraction or whatever it is, I
do think you can still befriends with your ex.
I don't think everybody's gonnalike it necessarily, but all
(13:38):
that matters is that you feelgood about your relationships
with them.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Thank you so much for sharing that personal story
about hanging out with your exand then with your partner,
because you brought up somethingthat I kind of heard you saying
throughout this as well.
I loved how you said bringing aclean energy into that
relationship.
I co-parent with my ex-husbandand, yeah, like being able to
have that kind of friendship nowbetween us is what's best for
our son.
So that clean energy.
But what I also thought aboutwhen it comes to exes and all
(14:04):
this stuff is so much of ourlife is intertwined.
And so look at you.
You met your now boyfriendthrough this situation.
Imagine if you just listened tothe rhetoric of get rid of this
guy, never talk to him againand don't be with any friends.
We have literally lostcommunity because I mean, for me
, my ex-boyfriend, he's like apart of my biggest friend group.
(14:25):
What am I just supposed to lose?
My entire, especially over thepandemic?
Am I supposed to just lose myentire friend group because of
him and he's not going to leave?
That's not fair to ask.
So by being able to recoverfrom your breakup and that's
what I love most about likebreakup, recovery, coaching
right, like again.
It's not saying like tear itapart or anything.
Recovering means healing fromit.
(14:48):
Right Means being able to bewith that clean energy towards
that person.
And then you make the choicefrom an aligned space inside of
you, from an empowering space,not from a hiding or a fearful
space.
And is that what you see a lotwith your clients when you're
able to help them recover fromtheir breakups, are they coming
out more empowered?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I think 100%, they're coming out more empowered.
One of the things that I say isthat I think our breakups can
be our biggest breakthroughs.
They can be the moments wherewe reestablish who we are and
who we want to be.
We can re-lock in to our valuesand our desires and how we want
to live and move through theworld.
And I think that in thatprocess, what happens is a
(15:29):
regaining of personal power,because sometimes we're
outsourcing our power so muchwithout realizing it.
You know, we think we feelconfident because we're in a
relationship with this guy whohas a good job and is attractive
and charming, and blah, blah,blah, and we feel like we have
that sort of social status.
And then you go through thebreakup and you don't have that
anymore.
So you get to regain it foryourself and you get to
(15:50):
reestablish yourself and go howcan I feel more confident just
in who I am and not who I'mdating For yourself?
And go how can I feel moreconfident just in who I am and
not who I'm dating, for example?
There's other ways we can regainour power in terms of just even
learning the mindset tools, theemotional regulation tools, of
feeling like we have agency overourselves, because one of the
things I notice a lot inbreakups is it's really easy to
(16:11):
fall into the pattern of beingreactive and, you know, being
being activated by just seeing aphoto online or having a
thought of like why me, why this, why did they leave me?
And being sucked into thatmental spiral.
And so getting the tools to beable to manage the mind drama
and be able to process the heavyemotion, the anxiety, so that
(16:33):
you can move intentionallythrough the world and feel like
you're deciding your future,rather than being just brought
along through the waves ofemotion, I think that's such
powerful work and so that's alot of what I do with my clients
is we look at where have youbeen knocked off kilter in your
life through this breakup?
Where have you been living forother people?
(16:54):
Where have you been adjustingyourself or making yourself
small to please other people?
And how can we get you back?
Because this is your life andhow do you want to spend your
life?
So I think it's inherently,just through the nature of it, a
very empowering process.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I love that.
How can we get you back?
Because essentially that's whatwe're doing at the end right
Now.
Again, how I said, like not howdo I win my ex back, but like
literally, ladies like listen tothis, like how do we get
ourselves back?
And I love what you said.
I think you said breakups canbe our biggest breakthroughs.
Yes, breakups.
(17:35):
I can think of a couple ofclients right now.
They've made that really hardchoice of themselves having to
leave.
They had to leave the toxicsituation, they had to stop
their patterns, and so I wantedto know if you could speak to
the women who made the choicethemselves to break up and
they're feeling that pain.
And what I hear a lot is why amI so sad?
I chose this?
Did I make the wrong choice?
(17:55):
What's going on?
So, but they can be our biggestbreakthrough.
So could you speak a little bit?
Speaker 2 (17:59):
on that.
Absolutely, I'm going to usemyself as an example for this
one.
So, one of the hardest breakupsthat I've ever been through,
the breakup I refer to the mostin my content.
There's a couple I refer to,but this is the big one I refer
to.
I ended up ending thatrelationship, and this was after
two years of trying to makethat relationship work and
feeling like I did everything Icould think of to do to make it
(18:22):
work.
I had changed myself.
I leaned into his interests andaway from my interests.
I tried to be the person thathe wanted me to be or, frankly,
that I thought he wanted me tobe.
And I lost so much of myself inthat process and I'm not talking
about like light loss.
I was feeling anxious everysingle day.
(18:44):
I wasn't sleeping, my appetitewas leaving, I was breaking out,
my weight was fluctuating allover the place.
These were having not just amental, emotional effect on my
health as well.
And so, two years into this, Ifinally just had this
realization because I found outthat he had been cheating, that
he just didn't want to be withme, like he didn't really want
(19:07):
to be with me, and it wasgut-wrenching, it was awful and
it hit me harder than any endingof a relationship had hit me
before, because I really triedon this one.
I had had a lot of fear ofintimacy, a lot of relationship
anxiety that prevented me fromdating from the time I was 16.
(19:29):
So the fact that I met someonewho I wanted to try and wasn't
letting my commitment issues getin the way, and I was pushing
past the anxiety to invest twoyears trying to make it work and
just realizing that it wasn'tgoing to work was one of the
hardest things for me.
And I think that comes down tothat decision right, like making
that decision.
(19:49):
Why does it still hurt?
And I realized, when you get tothe root of the word decide, it
means to cut off, like some ofthe Latin roots is to cut off.
And I realized I was cuttingoff a future line that I saw for
myself.
I was cutting off him.
I was cutting off the versionof me that wanted to receive his
(20:09):
love and his care and hisaffection.
So there was a lot of cuttingand I had to grieve that.
I think it's easy to think ofgrief as just.
You're only allowed to feelthat in certain situations, but
grief is so common and it isincredibly common in a breakup,
regardless of who initiated itbecause you are mourning the
(20:31):
loss of what you thought couldbe your morning, the loss of who
you were, of what therelationship was, of even just
having someone to talk to everyday, like there's a lot that is
being grieved there.
So for me it was a harddecision and I got to the point
where I literally thought tomyself I'm losing myself and if
I keep going I'm going to losemyself completely.
(20:53):
I'm just not going to be myself.
And I chose me at the end ofthe day, like this wasn't even a
decision of like ending therelationship with him.
I mean it was, but it was moreof a conscious decision of I
need to choose me and in orderto choose me, this needs to end,
because I can't take thisanymore and that's so powerful.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story,
because I think it really willhelp other people to see that
these are real life situationsthat we're going through and
this stuff can be really big.
And I love what you talkedabout with the grief, because I
think that part is so important.
Grief is not just death.
Grief is not just losing aloved one in that way.
In fact, I think there's thisreally great quote by David
(21:34):
Kessler that, like, grief isjust having something turn out a
way you didn't expect it to,and which yeah, and I'm sure he
says it like way better, butlike it's almost seems like
dismissive in some way, but atthe same time it's like, yeah,
anything that just didn't turnout the way you thought, or
what's that other quote?
Grief is just all the love thatwe have, with nowhere for it to
go.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
So when you have like this ex or this partner and you
have all this love for them andyou're like, well, where am I
going to put this?
Who am I going to talk to?
All of these aspects is youneed to grieve that and that's
OK, you out, okay.
What was it that you likedabout this relationship?
What is it that you're missing?
I often say to them you're notactually missing him, You're
(22:24):
missing who you were around him.
So you're missing theplayfulness, the fun, maybe the
sex, maybe the cuddles, maybethe TV shows.
Maybe he helped you try out newTV shows because he had an
Apple TV subscription.
You're missing his subscriptionaccess.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
But I loved Ted.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Lasso yeah, exactly, you know you're like, but I need
to finish Severance.
What's going to happen In thoseways?
And this is I actually say thisin a jokey way, but I did have
a client at one point down we'retalking.
She's like, you know, justsometimes I really miss Apple TV
and I'm like girl, you can getApple TV, go buy Apple TV and
(23:03):
like and I know I'm making jokes, but at the same time, right,
she was like, oh yeah, wait,holy shit, I can do this for
myself.
And then she went and got itand found all these other great
shows about it.
But it's tiny little things likethat where we learn, like
grieve process.
Go through all of that,definitely, and then also see
that part of what you're lookingfor is still there.
We just have to go and find itin different ways now.
And so thank you again so muchfor sharing that.
(23:24):
But I would love for you tospeak a little bit more on that
grief.
Do you find that to be a commonproblem with the women kind of
coming into your world and intoyour programs about kind of this
big grief that they're feeling?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
I think absolutely, and I think sometimes it comes
through in the ways that wedon't even consciously see at
the beginning.
So we started our chat withGoogling how to win your ex back
.
One could argue that'sbargaining in the grief cycle.
Oh my gosh, I love that, yes,and so I think that this happens
in very sneaky ways.
(23:57):
You know you get into the angerprocessing of grief of.
You know that I don't know if Ican swear on this.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
No, no, no.
That fucking asshole did all ofthis.
That fucking asshole, you'reright, that's anger.
Oh my God Can we keep doingthis.
Lucy, can you like walk methrough the stages of grief and
a breakup?
This is amazing, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
OK, so I might miss one, but like sadness, you know,
like the depth and despair ofthinking that they were the one
and getting really fixated on it.
Then you have the fightingagainst it.
You know, trying to win himback, driving by his house at
you know 5pm, texting himrelentlessly, Like there's so
many ways that this comes outand it's just the grief stages
(24:39):
that you're working through.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Oh, even like denial.
I'm just thinking now in termsof like having that he's going
to come back in two weeks.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
He's going to message me.
I'm just, you know, checkingyour phone every five minutes to
see if he has texted you.
Going on to your stories to seeif he's seen your Instagram
stories.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, why is he blocked me on texting?
But he keeps watching all of mystories?
It must mean he still loves me.
There's something still there.
Yeah, exactly, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
And I think that we go through grief in like all the
stages of it and we might notclock it and go like, oh, I'm in
denial right now.
I mean, it also doesn't feelgood to be like I'm in denial
right now right.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Nobody wants to say that about themselves Exactly.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
But when you take like a loving step back, you can
see, oh yeah, that's where Iwas in denial and that's where I
was bargaining and that's whereI was angry and this is where I
was sad and here's where Ifound a bit of acceptance and
then I got angry again.
So we go through these cyclesand allowing yourself to go
through the process of grief,truly the cycles of grief, I
(25:38):
think is important that wherepeople get tripped up is they
end up staying in one, likethey'll kind of stay in the
bargaining or they'll stay inthe anger and they'll kind of
re-trigger a loop, a loopingeffect, where they're not
actually processing at thatpoint they're more ruminating on
it.
And so I think you have toallow yourself to feel the
feelings that come up.
(25:59):
But it's when you startgripping onto a story, what are
you making this part of angermean, like what are you making
him checking your stories?
Mean, what are you making himtexting you at 2am to see how
you've been?
Mean, like getting reallycurious about what you're making
different things mean and howyou're feeling about it and what
you're gripping onto, becausethat can kind of stagnate the
(26:20):
processing of the grief and themourning of the loss.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I love that you're asking the question like what do
you make it mean?
Because another question thatI'll often ask people is what
are you also like what are youhoping it means?
They'll like ask questions butlike, oh, he texted me on my
birthday, you know, but we'vebeen in no contact for, you know
, 27 days.
We were supposed to go 30,whatever, what do you think this
means?
(26:43):
And like, a very first questionback is always what do you hope
it means?
Like, what are you actuallyhoping is going to happen?
But, then that's okay, cause itteaches you what you want.
And if that's like, well, Ihope it means he still loves me
and he misses me, okay, great.
Well then let's get reallyhonest and vulnerable about that
, because that's where we startmaking the shifts and the
changes, right?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Absolutely.
You just reminded me when youwere saying what are you hoping
it means?
Because that's one of thequestions I ask people when
they're stalking the Instagram,stalking the social media,
trying to work things out.
It's like well, if you see aphoto of them, what do you think
that will mean?
Like, if you see a photo of himwith someone new, what are you
hoping it means?
(27:19):
What are you hoping to find?
What are you hoping to not find?
Like, asking those questionscan hold just enough of a mirror
to get curious and go oh, holdon, why am I actually doing this
?
And in some cases, go can Imeet that need another way, like
, if I'm looking for reassurancethat he's not seeing anybody,
okay, so there's a need therefor reassurance.
(27:40):
How can we find reassurance ina different way, for example, oh
, I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I could have totally used you back in the day.
Okay, I'm going to be very,very vulnerable about this.
I actually don't know if I'veshared this with very many
people.
Back in the early stages of mybreakup, I used to have a
spreadsheet.
Okay, I used to have aspreadsheet.
Okay, lucy, I'm not kidding youOkay, yeah, when my ex would
check my stories To this dayactually, almost when I ever see
his little profile picture popup on my Facebook, because it's
the exact same one I'll stillhave like a similar somatic
(28:06):
feeling because I for so longwould spend hours looking at my
stories, waiting to see when hewould watch them, and then, like
keeping a spreadsheet trackinglike, oh, he didn't check it at
1pm, he checked it at 3pm.
Oh, he's checked it at 3pmthree days in a row.
It's almost the way I marketnow to clients and leads today,
which is like, oh, when are theymost active on my Instagram?
(28:28):
Except it was for one man, onebreakup, and I was this
over-focused on how to get himback and like what could I
actually be doing in order toget that?
And so the way that youexplained that and how you're
like just ask yourself what doyou make it mean?
Like, what do you hope it means?
If I just had had a safe space,somebody to kind of call me out
in those moments, a coach thatwas honest with me, not telling
(28:51):
me, you know, oh yes, if we justfigure out when he's checking
your stories, then we'll knowwhen to text him next.
This is what she was teachingme.
It messed me up, and what I wantto really be honest about is we
need these kind of honestmoments, these kind of
empowering moments to say no,sweetheart, what do you actually
want it to mean?
And if I got really honest, Iwould have wanted it to mean
(29:12):
that he missed me and he stillwanted to be with me and he
still loved me, and if that wasthe case, then I could have gone
to him and explained that orleaned back or done something to
protect my peace in that moment, and I just wanted to really
express that and explain topeople.
We can get into these.
If anyone actually has abreakup story, feel free to
(29:33):
share it.
I put this up on my Facebookgroup all the time and people
can come in and be like oh no,no, no, I hold them.
Hold my beer, jen, like youkept a spreadsheet, I'll tell
you what I did.
Yeah, but cause I want tonormalize that kind of stuff?
Cause we are wacky when we arein the breakup phase.
So thank you for just sharingthat and for really like
bringing that in.
Do you have anything to speakon for kind of what I just
(29:54):
shared there as a coach?
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Absolutely.
I think that our brains, whenwe are in grief, especially when
there's been so much attachmentbuilt up with a particular
person, will convince us to doso many things.
And so, like the spreadsheetexample, right, like I've heard
so many stories like that, likeI truly have I've had people who
(30:16):
, like went back through textingconversations and like figured
out well, he said this at thistime and he said it here again
and after he like gets sospecific in certain little
details and I think, at the endof the day, it's our brains
trying to like feel like it hassome semblance of control and
just to normalize it.
You know, to normalize, likeit's understandable that you're
(30:37):
checking the timestamps andyou're reviewing and you're
trying to get information,because your brain is trying to
feel some sort of control,because it wants to try and feel
safe and to try and protect you.
But I think, like having theright reflections back of like
hey, really, what are you tryingto get out of this?
And for me, the big questionthat helped me because I had my
(30:58):
own stuff.
Let me tell you that I would dowith my ex, that I was trying to
figure out who he was seeingand like I had my own stuff, and
one of the questions that I gotasked that I now share with
people is just like, who do youwant to be in this moment?
And it's a very simple question.
You know, for a lot of peopleit can even be considered a
cliche question, but when I wasconfronted with okay, let's say
(31:22):
he has moved on, or let's say hehas cheated on this other
person, or let's say you know heis upset at you, who do you
want to be in this moment, andwhat can you, at the end of the
day, make your peace with?
And how you showed up.
And there's a lot of ways inwhich I showed up where I was
like, yeah, I don't love thatfor me, I don't love how I
showed up there, and so who do Iwant to be?
(31:44):
Just asking that question canbe really helpful too.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Oh, I love that yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
But like it's so normal, like a lot of people
have those, you know.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Yeah, we don't talk about it.
And then we don't want to liketalk and be like, oh, I'm the
only one that's ever, you know,done something weird at a
breakup.
No, that's not the case, likeright, so it just it happens.
But great question, who do Iwant to be in this moment?
And I really just want toencourage anyone out there
listening that, in order to havehelp with that question, hold a
mirror up to us.
Now, for many of us, and alsoback in the day, this was our
(32:16):
besties.
This could be our mom, ouraunties, our cousins, anyone
like that.
But the world is shifting andthe world is changing and
nowadays we don't always havethose safe spaces.
Those women are also goingthrough their own shit and it's
really hard for them to holdspace for you, and so it's
understandable and that's why Iwant to encourage people to get
in with more coaches and to getin with these communities of
(32:38):
women where they can come andtalk with their besties and,
like someone else is going to gothrough a breakup, you can talk
with them, they can talk withyou and you guys can hold space
for one another.
And I want to get rid of thiskind of taboo around coaching,
around coming into community,like I shouldn't need that.
I should have my own friends,like, like girl like we were,
you know, farming our own food ahundred years ago and I don't
(32:59):
know about you, but I'm gettingmy apples from, like, the store
and maybe from a farmer's marketwhen I feel fancy, but like you
know, but generally speaking,I'm going down to the local like
grocery outlet, bargain marketto go get my strawberries, so do
that too.
If anyone is out therelistening and they're going
through something or goingthrough this breakup, could you
tell them how they can get intouch with you so that way they
(33:21):
can find a community, they canfind a space, someone who is
trained, who is trustworthy?
Again, watch those other redflags, everybody if you're out
there.
But I'd love to know how can wefind you?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, absolutely Can I add on to you before.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I share.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Oh, please, yes, please the other thing that you
brought up for me was I think wecan have both right.
We can have our friends whosupport us, and that's a
beautiful support system, andalso we can lean into the
support network like coaches whocan give us specialized support
, who have been trained, whohave the resources to support us
in a different way, because Ithink also the hard truth of the
(33:58):
matter is when we go only toour friends for support.
Again, it's a beautiful supportsystem, but it's so often that
we end up getting told what wewant to hear not what we need to
hear, or we don't always clockthat.
Oh, my friend has their ownskin in this game.
They're friends with me, butthey're also friends with my ex
(34:19):
or my mom's looking out for me,but also like she's the
grandmother of my children.
There's a lot of layers that cancome into those relationships
that I think, like hiringsomeone like you, jen, or
someone like me, like what thatgives, or hiring a coach in
general, whoever it is tosupport you, like yes, or hiring
a coach in general, whoever itis to support you, I think what
that gives is someone whosefocus is just you and your
(34:41):
processing and your goals andwhat you're working towards
without any of their own, likethey have a stake in the game in
terms of they care about yougetting the results you want,
but not their own personalrelationships and things of that
nature.
So I also think that's wherethis can be very powerful work,
especially like sometimes,listen, I love my friends and I
(35:02):
love my boyfriend and I can alsoclock it when they're not
telling me what I need to hear,but they're telling me the
version they think I will acceptin that moment.
And sometimes we need lovingly,lovingly, with compassion and
care and thoughtfulness, but weneed someone to be able to go
hey, here's what I'm seeing,here's the pattern I'm seeing,
(35:22):
here's the thoughts I'm seeing,what do you think?
And just like, say it how it is.
So I also think that's thepowerful thing about getting
support.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
Thank you so much for that.
Absolutely, because we needsomeone to lovingly say, jen,
put down the spreadsheet andlet's figure out why you're
feeling this way.
Thank you for the add-on.
That stuff is just.
It's so, so important to me.
I absolutely love it.
So please let us know how canwe find you on Instagram or
anywhere else, websites oranything you're offering?
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I hang out the most on Instagram and TikTok, so you
can find me at lucymprice.
You can also find me on mywebsite, shift your story dot
net, and that has all of mysocial links on there as well.
That's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
All right.
Well, thank you so so much forcoming on the show today, lucy.
I think you have been a wealthof knowledge.
I know so many people are goingto get so much out of this and
I can't wait to have you back onanother day.
Thank you so much, jen.
It's been such a pleasure.
Take care.
Bye.
All right, everyone, I hope youenjoyed my conversation with
(36:20):
breakup recovery coach LucyPrice.
Definitely go and check her outon Instagram.
If you get a chance to go,follow her over there or on
TikTok.
And also, something that wedidn't get a chance to talk
about in the actual chat is thatLucy does have a special gift
for all of you for listening, soyou can actually go to the link
in the show notes and grab hertop five breakup mistakes and
(36:42):
how to avoid them.
She shows you how she startedmoving on without getting caught
in endless emotional spirals oroverthinking every little thing
.
So go ahead and grab that freeguide now and start healing
today.
And while you're down there, ifyou want more information on how
you can join the RelationshipReboot Program, now is the
(37:03):
perfect time to join.
Get set in, come, live yourbest summer, figure out how you
can become safe, seen and securein your relationships.
So, moving into the fall youare ready, you are ready to get
out there.
And date you are ready to getout there for those holiday
parties we are ready to get outthere.
And date you are ready to getout there for those holiday
parties we are going to get youthere, girl, I promise.
Just go ahead and reach out atany time when you want to learn
(37:24):
more about the relationshipreboot program.
I hope you all have a beautifulweek.
I will speak to you next week.
Take care, as we wrap uptoday's conversation, always
remember that healing is ajourney, not a destination, and
it is an honor to be a part ofyour healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
(37:47):
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there, and please rememberto rate, review and subscribe
if you enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal.
What's been holding you backfrom having the relationships
you deserve?
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode I have a specialguest I am so excited to bring
(00:48):
on breakup recovery coach LucyPrice.
Now, lucy is a breakup recoveryand relationship coach
specializing in helpingindividuals heal from heartbreak
, rebuild confidence and createfulfilling lives with or without
a partner.
She has helped over 100 hundredclients in the last three years
.
Lucy combines compassionateguidance with practical
(01:09):
strategies to navigate breakups,cultivate self-love and gain
clarity for the future.
Her approach empowers clientsto move forward with confidence
and embrace their next chapter,and I was so excited to have
Lucy on the podcast because Ithink her work with breakup
recovery is something thatreally meshes well here at Speak
Honest with attachment stylesand communication issues and
(01:29):
everything going on, becausethere's so many women that come
to me after a breakup and theyreally want to go out there,
they want to jump in, they wantto get in their next
relationship, but oftentimes I'mthinking, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We need to slow down, like weneed to back up real quick and
we need to heal from the breakupfirst.
So I think if you are someoneout there and you've recently
had a breakup, then reallylisten to this conversation that
I'm having with Lucy and I wantyou to check in.
(01:49):
We talk about some personalstories that both of us do,
which I think are fantastic.
So you can see that evencoaches have been through this
and that's how we know what todo and that's how we understand
what it feels like when you'rein that heartbreak, because
we've been there and then wewent out and we did the work and
we did the research and we gotthe credentials and we got all
the certificates and spent allthe hours to really go out there
(02:10):
and figure out okay, how can wehelp other women through this
as well?
And so if you're out there andyou're going through a breakup,
someone like Lucy would actuallybe a beautiful coach for you to
start off with.
You go through her program, yougo through her work, you figure
out a really recover from thisbreakup and then, when you're
ready and you're ready to goback out there and you're ready
to get back in relationship,then that's where the
(02:31):
relationship reboot program is aperfect opportunity to jump in.
That is the best time to comein Now.
The relationship reboot programis our program here at Speak
Honest.
It is a 12 step program thattakes you through everything you
need to become secure and it issuch a fantastic way to learn
(02:52):
how to break free from yourtoxic patterns that have been
holding you back in therelationships.
So if you are out there rightnow and you are wanting to get
the help, let's say you've beenthrough the breakup, you've been
through the recovery and youare ready for that next step,
you are ready to go into yournext relationship, ready to be
secure, ready to be seen, readyto be safe, then I invite you to
come and join the RelationshipReboot program.
(03:13):
You can go to speak-honestcomslash relationship reboot or you
just scroll down to the shownotes and click on the link down
there to learn a little bitmore.
We would love to have you inthe program, so if that is
something that you want, pleasereach out at any time Now.
I hope that you enjoy myconversation with Lucy.
Hi everyone, thank you so muchfor being back on here on the
(03:36):
Speak Honest podcast.
I'm so excited today because Ihave a special guest and I have
a breakup recovery coach with ustoday Lucy Price.
Lucy say hi, introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about
yourself.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Hello, it's so good to be here.
My name is Lucy Price.
I am exactly what you said abreakup recovery coach.
I've helped over 100 people inthe last three years to get over
their exes, heal fromheartbreak and move forward, and
I love chatting about allthings relationships so I'm so
happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Oh, that is so fantastic and I love to hear.
So.
You got started about threeyears ago, is that right?
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I got started about five years ago and then before
that I was a health coach, soI've been coaching for a total
of, I would say, about seven,eight years.
At this point, which is justwild to see how long you like
(04:30):
start counting and you're likewait a second, how long have I
been doing this?
Yeah, yeah.
So I was a health coach forabout two, three years and then,
when the pandemic happened,everything shut down, so all of
my work was in person in gymsand businesses, and so after
that I transitioned online and Inoticed that a lot more people
were coming to me for generallife coaching, which then turned
into relationship coaching, and, just based off of my own
history around relationships andaround my own heartbreak, it
(04:50):
became a very natural fit totransition into relationship
coaching.
So I've been doing that sinceabout 2020.
And, in the last three years,very focused around breakups in
particular.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I love that pivot for you as a coach and I know I
have a lot of coaches thatlisten as well to the podcast.
So I really love how you wereable to kind of take what you
already noticed was a problemout there.
You know people were lookingfor it and you're able to shift
and pivot, and I heard you sayit also had to do with a little
bit of your own experience.
And I'd love to get into thatand I'll share a little bit
about my experience.
But definitely anyone thatknows my story knows this all
(05:22):
started back in, also 2020, whenthe world is shutting down, but
also, for some odd reason, myboyfriend at the time decided to
break up with me in the exactsame moment.
So I'm heartbroken, I'mdevastated and I'm, you know,
sitting in my bed with no pantson, drinking as much as I
possibly can, and I'm constantlyGoogling how to win my ex back.
(05:44):
And so how common do you findthis in your work for women, do
you do?
Is that how women find you?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I think it's so common to want to try and win
your ex back.
I think that is one of the topthings that so many of my
clients experience.
And some of my clients willeven come to me and they'll ask
me you know, I know you you workwith helping people get over
their ex.
But I want to keep the dooropen for me and my ex getting
back together.
And I always tell people likethat is possible.
(06:12):
You can do the work to heal fromthe heartbreak, you can process
the breakup, you can moveforward and you can still leave
that door open.
But over time you may realizethat you actually don't want to
leave the door open anymore inthe process.
And I think that can be scaryfor people sometimes to realize
like, oh, if I really do moveforward, I'm really saying
goodbye to this person.
(06:33):
But it's so common like peoplewill be a few months into the
work we do together and they'llrealize like, oh, that person
really wasn't the one or I was,you know wanting to try and win
them back because I was afraidof what this new reality meant
and I was mourning the loss ofthe future I thought I was going
to have with them and I wasmourning the loss of who I
thought they were and thefantasy version I had with them.
(06:54):
So it's so common to be sittingin bed trying to numb out,
trying to figure out how to winyour ex back and I would say
that's way more common than wegive any credit for Most of my
clients have some version ofthat.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Thank you for sharing that, just for normalizing it,
for helping other women see thatthis is a perfectly normal
place to get to.
I'll often say I went into thiswork trying to win my ex back
and instead I won myself back.
So if that's what happens.
That's what happens.
But you know what I love mostabout your work, lucy, and I
highly recommend anyone go andcheck out your stuff.
We'll drop all the informationin the show notes and you'll
(07:29):
tell us more later.
But what I got sucked into andI just want to be very open and
honest about the coaching spacesout there right now is I got
sucked into coaches who told meI can get you your ex back.
And what I love about your workso much and why I really wanted
you on this podcast, was yourhonesty, the way that you're
real about it and you're like no, let me help you get over him.
(07:49):
And, like you said, it'sabsolutely everybody's choice
when that happens.
But you're not giving themfalse hope that you can win
their ex back.
You literally can.
Can you speak on?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
that a little bit.
I have a million differentthoughts that I can speak to
about this.
I think I'm going to give afrank opinion.
I think that anyoneguaranteeing that they can get
you your ex back.
I need you to see the red flagsaround that, because there's so
much that goes into arelationship and there's so much
that goes into rebuilding andgetting back together with your
(08:22):
ex.
I do think it is possible to getback together with your ex.
I do think it is possible toget back together with your ex.
But I also think that healingand processing the breakup is
necessary in a way for that tohappen, because otherwise you're
entering back into therelationship with the same
mindset, the same patterns, thesame dynamics that led to the
(08:42):
erosion of the relationship andeventually the breaking of the
relationship and eventually thebreaking of the relationship in
the first place.
And I think that when there arecoaches out there speaking on,
I can get your ex back.
You know you need to justimprove your appearance and play
hard to get, and play thesegames, Just be softer, just say
these words text less, text moretext this, do that, wear this.
(09:05):
It's great marketing, but that'swhat it is.
It's marketing and I think thatthere's just a lot more nuance
that goes into relationships andit's a big disservice to you to
get sucked into that, becauseyou deserve to heal and if you
want to get back together withyour ex, if that's something
that's on the cards, it justtakes more than sending the
(09:28):
right text or giving the rightenergy for that to happen.
I don't know, I always go backto it's great marketing, but I
do think it's just marketing andthere are things that you can
do to rebuild a relationship andto begin those conversations.
And also I find, with a lot ofthe material out there that's
talking about like I can get youyour ex back it's not actually
(09:52):
tools and resources that arehelping you heal and look at
your patterns and look at whatyou're being attracted to.
It's saying the right quoteunquote thing, or dressing the
right way or, like you said,being softer, being more this or
that.
Put pink on, wear a dress.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yes, yeah, just to like, keep it very transparent
between us.
Like in that beginning, when Iwas at my lowest and I was most
susceptible to all of thesethings, I mean I dropped a
couple grand on these kind oflike feminine coaches teaching
me how to win him back, what todo.
All these things you're sayingare like hitting me right in the
dagger, in the heart as well,in terms of talking about like,
(10:27):
oh yeah, say this, don't saythis, wear this, don't wear this
.
And I just want to reallyshowcase to people that there's
a way to break up, to recoverfrom that breakup.
And still, yes, if you want toget back together with him, of
course, but breakup, recoverydoes not indicate, you know,
breakup forever or cut him outof your life.
Like you can even still stay.
Oh, I'm such a big proponent forstaying friends with your ex,
(10:49):
like I'm just like very radicalin this world, but it's like, I
don't know, maybe because I likeall of my exes.
They're still my friends, somaybe I'm projecting.
But people come to me andthey're like you know,
conventional wisdom says if youbreak up with someone, you can't
talk to them ever again, youhave to go.
No contact, all of this, so I'dlove to hear your opinion.
What are your thought processeson being staying friends with
(11:11):
an ex?
Is it possible, even?
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I do think it's possible and I think that we get
really touchy about this insociety, we get really guarded,
we get really just fidgety aboutit and it's interesting to me.
So I have a few differentthoughts around it.
The first thought I have aroundit is it's not possible for
everybody to never talk to theirex again, and I think that's
where I love working with myclients who are co-parents
(11:35):
because they have to see theirex.
The court has ordered that theymust pass off their kids on
this date, at this time, at thisplace, and so sometimes never
seeing your ex again or nevertalking to your ex again, it's
just not actually easy.
Sure, someone could argue like,well, you always have a choice.
And it's like, yeah, you doalways have a choice.
And also, if you want to doright by your child and make
(11:57):
sure that's clean energy interms of passing them back and
forth, like there's a certainamount of engagement with your
ex that is needed there.
And so I think that that kindof takes me in the direction to
people who say just go nocontact, that's the only way you
can get over your ex is bygoing no contact.
It's like that's not true.
There's plenty of people whohave been in touch with their ex
and engaged with their ex, whohave been able to also move on
(12:19):
from their ex while maintainingsome level of contact, and it's
just not possible for everybodyto go completely no contact.
So what do you do then, youknow, do they just not get to
heal and get over their ex?
No, of course there's a way.
So I think that you know, ingeneral, we get really touched
about it.
So I think that you know, ingeneral we get really touched
about it, about being friendswith an ex.
But I will say me personally,there are some exes that I never
(12:42):
want to talk to again and thereare also some exes that I mean
I hung out with my boyfriend offive years and my ex and his new
partner yesterday.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Oh, that's fantastic.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I love that Exactly, and it's like you know, him and
my ex have been friends for like15 years.
Oh, that's fantastic.
And the world, in my opinion,is way more nuanced than that
(13:18):
and we live in a gray area allthe time.
If you had a good relationshipwith your ex and you can truly
detach and can take out whateverelements you feel need to be
taken out, such as romance orattraction or whatever it is, I
do think you can still befriends with your ex.
I don't think everybody's gonnalike it necessarily, but all
(13:38):
that matters is that you feelgood about your relationships
with them.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Thank you so much for sharing that personal story
about hanging out with your exand then with your partner,
because you brought up somethingthat I kind of heard you saying
throughout this as well.
I loved how you said bringing aclean energy into that
relationship.
I co-parent with my ex-husbandand, yeah, like being able to
have that kind of friendship nowbetween us is what's best for
our son.
So that clean energy.
But what I also thought aboutwhen it comes to exes and all
(14:04):
this stuff is so much of ourlife is intertwined.
And so look at you.
You met your now boyfriendthrough this situation.
Imagine if you just listened tothe rhetoric of get rid of this
guy, never talk to him againand don't be with any friends.
We have literally lostcommunity because I mean, for me
, my ex-boyfriend, he's like apart of my biggest friend group.
(14:25):
What am I just supposed to lose?
My entire, especially over thepandemic?
Am I supposed to just lose myentire friend group because of
him and he's not going to leave?
That's not fair to ask.
So by being able to recoverfrom your breakup and that's
what I love most about likebreakup, recovery, coaching
right, like again.
It's not saying like tear itapart or anything.
Recovering means healing fromit.
(14:48):
Right Means being able to bewith that clean energy towards
that person.
And then you make the choicefrom an aligned space inside of
you, from an empowering space,not from a hiding or a fearful
space.
And is that what you see a lotwith your clients when you're
able to help them recover fromtheir breakups, are they coming
out more empowered?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I think 100%, they're coming out more empowered.
One of the things that I say isthat I think our breakups can
be our biggest breakthroughs.
They can be the moments wherewe reestablish who we are and
who we want to be.
We can re-lock in to our valuesand our desires and how we want
to live and move through theworld.
And I think that in thatprocess, what happens is a
(15:29):
regaining of personal power,because sometimes we're
outsourcing our power so muchwithout realizing it.
You know, we think we feelconfident because we're in a
relationship with this guy whohas a good job and is attractive
and charming, and blah, blah,blah, and we feel like we have
that sort of social status.
And then you go through thebreakup and you don't have that
anymore.
So you get to regain it foryourself and you get to
(15:50):
reestablish yourself and go howcan I feel more confident just
in who I am and not who I'mdating For yourself?
And go how can I feel moreconfident just in who I am and
not who I'm dating, for example?
There's other ways we can regainour power in terms of just even
learning the mindset tools, theemotional regulation tools, of
feeling like we have agency overourselves, because one of the
things I notice a lot inbreakups is it's really easy to
(16:11):
fall into the pattern of beingreactive and, you know, being
being activated by just seeing aphoto online or having a
thought of like why me, why this, why did they leave me?
And being sucked into thatmental spiral.
And so getting the tools to beable to manage the mind drama
and be able to process the heavyemotion, the anxiety, so that
(16:33):
you can move intentionallythrough the world and feel like
you're deciding your future,rather than being just brought
along through the waves ofemotion, I think that's such
powerful work and so that's alot of what I do with my clients
is we look at where have youbeen knocked off kilter in your
life through this breakup?
Where have you been living forother people?
(16:54):
Where have you been adjustingyourself or making yourself
small to please other people?
And how can we get you back?
Because this is your life andhow do you want to spend your
life?
So I think it's inherently,just through the nature of it, a
very empowering process.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I love that.
How can we get you back?
Because essentially that's whatwe're doing at the end right
Now.
Again, how I said, like not howdo I win my ex back, but like
literally, ladies like listen tothis, like how do we get
ourselves back?
And I love what you said.
I think you said breakups canbe our biggest breakthroughs.
Yes, breakups.
(17:35):
I can think of a couple ofclients right now.
They've made that really hardchoice of themselves having to
leave.
They had to leave the toxicsituation, they had to stop
their patterns, and so I wantedto know if you could speak to
the women who made the choicethemselves to break up and
they're feeling that pain.
And what I hear a lot is why amI so sad?
I chose this?
Did I make the wrong choice?
(17:55):
What's going on?
So, but they can be our biggestbreakthrough.
So could you speak a little bit?
Speaker 2 (17:59):
on that.
Absolutely, I'm going to usemyself as an example for this
one.
So, one of the hardest breakupsthat I've ever been through,
the breakup I refer to the mostin my content.
There's a couple I refer to,but this is the big one I refer
to.
I ended up ending thatrelationship, and this was after
two years of trying to makethat relationship work and
feeling like I did everything Icould think of to do to make it
(18:22):
work.
I had changed myself.
I leaned into his interests andaway from my interests.
I tried to be the person thathe wanted me to be or, frankly,
that I thought he wanted me tobe.
And I lost so much of myself inthat process and I'm not talking
about like light loss.
I was feeling anxious everysingle day.
(18:44):
I wasn't sleeping, my appetitewas leaving, I was breaking out,
my weight was fluctuating allover the place.
These were having not just amental, emotional effect on my
health as well.
And so, two years into this, Ifinally just had this
realization because I found outthat he had been cheating, that
he just didn't want to be withme, like he didn't really want
(19:07):
to be with me, and it wasgut-wrenching, it was awful and
it hit me harder than any endingof a relationship had hit me
before, because I really triedon this one.
I had had a lot of fear ofintimacy, a lot of relationship
anxiety that prevented me fromdating from the time I was 16.
(19:29):
So the fact that I met someonewho I wanted to try and wasn't
letting my commitment issues getin the way, and I was pushing
past the anxiety to invest twoyears trying to make it work and
just realizing that it wasn'tgoing to work was one of the
hardest things for me.
And I think that comes down tothat decision right, like making
that decision.
(19:49):
Why does it still hurt?
And I realized, when you get tothe root of the word decide, it
means to cut off, like some ofthe Latin roots is to cut off.
And I realized I was cuttingoff a future line that I saw for
myself.
I was cutting off him.
I was cutting off the versionof me that wanted to receive his
(20:09):
love and his care and hisaffection.
So there was a lot of cuttingand I had to grieve that.
I think it's easy to think ofgrief as just.
You're only allowed to feelthat in certain situations, but
grief is so common and it isincredibly common in a breakup,
regardless of who initiated itbecause you are mourning the
(20:31):
loss of what you thought couldbe your morning, the loss of who
you were, of what therelationship was, of even just
having someone to talk to everyday, like there's a lot that is
being grieved there.
So for me it was a harddecision and I got to the point
where I literally thought tomyself I'm losing myself and if
I keep going I'm going to losemyself completely.
(20:53):
I'm just not going to be myself.
And I chose me at the end ofthe day, like this wasn't even a
decision of like ending therelationship with him.
I mean it was, but it was moreof a conscious decision of I
need to choose me and in orderto choose me, this needs to end,
because I can't take thisanymore and that's so powerful.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story,
because I think it really willhelp other people to see that
these are real life situationsthat we're going through and
this stuff can be really big.
And I love what you talkedabout with the grief, because I
think that part is so important.
Grief is not just death.
Grief is not just losing aloved one in that way.
In fact, I think there's thisreally great quote by David
(21:34):
Kessler that, like, grief isjust having something turn out a
way you didn't expect it to,and which yeah, and I'm sure he
says it like way better, butlike it's almost seems like
dismissive in some way, but atthe same time it's like, yeah,
anything that just didn't turnout the way you thought, or
what's that other quote?
Grief is just all the love thatwe have, with nowhere for it to
go.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
So when you have like this ex or this partner and you
have all this love for them andyou're like, well, where am I
going to put this?
Who am I going to talk to?
All of these aspects is youneed to grieve that and that's
OK, you out, okay.
What was it that you likedabout this relationship?
What is it that you're missing?
I often say to them you're notactually missing him, You're
(22:24):
missing who you were around him.
So you're missing theplayfulness, the fun, maybe the
sex, maybe the cuddles, maybethe TV shows.
Maybe he helped you try out newTV shows because he had an
Apple TV subscription.
You're missing his subscriptionaccess.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
But I loved Ted.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Lasso yeah, exactly, you know you're like, but I need
to finish Severance.
What's going to happen In thoseways?
And this is I actually say thisin a jokey way, but I did have
a client at one point down we'retalking.
She's like, you know, justsometimes I really miss Apple TV
and I'm like girl, you can getApple TV, go buy Apple TV and
(23:03):
like and I know I'm making jokes, but at the same time, right,
she was like, oh yeah, wait,holy shit, I can do this for
myself.
And then she went and got itand found all these other great
shows about it.
But it's tiny little things likethat where we learn, like
grieve process.
Go through all of that,definitely, and then also see
that part of what you're lookingfor is still there.
We just have to go and find itin different ways now.
And so thank you again so muchfor sharing that.
(23:24):
But I would love for you tospeak a little bit more on that
grief.
Do you find that to be a commonproblem with the women kind of
coming into your world and intoyour programs about kind of this
big grief that they're feeling?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
I think absolutely, and I think sometimes it comes
through in the ways that wedon't even consciously see at
the beginning.
So we started our chat withGoogling how to win your ex back
.
One could argue that'sbargaining in the grief cycle.
Oh my gosh, I love that, yes,and so I think that this happens
in very sneaky ways.
(23:57):
You know you get into the angerprocessing of grief of.
You know that I don't know if Ican swear on this.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
No, no, no.
That fucking asshole did all ofthis.
That fucking asshole, you'reright, that's anger.
Oh my God Can we keep doingthis.
Lucy, can you like walk methrough the stages of grief and
a breakup?
This is amazing, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
OK, so I might miss one, but like sadness, you know,
like the depth and despair ofthinking that they were the one
and getting really fixated on it.
Then you have the fightingagainst it.
You know, trying to win himback, driving by his house at
you know 5pm, texting himrelentlessly, Like there's so
many ways that this comes outand it's just the grief stages
(24:39):
that you're working through.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Oh, even like denial.
I'm just thinking now in termsof like having that he's going
to come back in two weeks.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
He's going to message me.
I'm just, you know, checkingyour phone every five minutes to
see if he has texted you.
Going on to your stories to seeif he's seen your Instagram
stories.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, why is he blocked me on texting?
But he keeps watching all of mystories?
It must mean he still loves me.
There's something still there.
Yeah, exactly, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
And I think that we go through grief in like all the
stages of it and we might notclock it and go like, oh, I'm in
denial right now.
I mean, it also doesn't feelgood to be like I'm in denial
right now right.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Nobody wants to say that about themselves Exactly.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
But when you take like a loving step back, you can
see, oh yeah, that's where Iwas in denial and that's where I
was bargaining and that's whereI was angry and this is where I
was sad and here's where Ifound a bit of acceptance and
then I got angry again.
So we go through these cyclesand allowing yourself to go
through the process of grief,truly the cycles of grief, I
(25:38):
think is important that wherepeople get tripped up is they
end up staying in one, likethey'll kind of stay in the
bargaining or they'll stay inthe anger and they'll kind of
re-trigger a loop, a loopingeffect, where they're not
actually processing at thatpoint they're more ruminating on
it.
And so I think you have toallow yourself to feel the
feelings that come up.
(25:59):
But it's when you startgripping onto a story, what are
you making this part of angermean, like what are you making
him checking your stories?
Mean, what are you making himtexting you at 2am to see how
you've been?
Mean, like getting reallycurious about what you're making
different things mean and howyou're feeling about it and what
you're gripping onto, becausethat can kind of stagnate the
(26:20):
processing of the grief and themourning of the loss.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I love that you're asking the question like what do
you make it mean?
Because another question thatI'll often ask people is what
are you also like what are youhoping it means?
They'll like ask questions butlike, oh, he texted me on my
birthday, you know, but we'vebeen in no contact for, you know
, 27 days.
We were supposed to go 30,whatever, what do you think this
means?
(26:43):
And like, a very first questionback is always what do you hope
it means?
Like, what are you actuallyhoping is going to happen?
But, then that's okay, cause itteaches you what you want.
And if that's like, well, Ihope it means he still loves me
and he misses me, okay, great.
Well then let's get reallyhonest and vulnerable about that
, because that's where we startmaking the shifts and the
changes, right?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Absolutely.
You just reminded me when youwere saying what are you hoping
it means?
Because that's one of thequestions I ask people when
they're stalking the Instagram,stalking the social media,
trying to work things out.
It's like well, if you see aphoto of them, what do you think
that will mean?
Like, if you see a photo of himwith someone new, what are you
hoping it means?
(27:19):
What are you hoping to find?
What are you hoping to not find?
Like, asking those questionscan hold just enough of a mirror
to get curious and go oh, holdon, why am I actually doing this
?
And in some cases, go can Imeet that need another way, like
, if I'm looking for reassurancethat he's not seeing anybody,
okay, so there's a need therefor reassurance.
(27:40):
How can we find reassurance ina different way, for example, oh
, I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I could have totally used you back in the day.
Okay, I'm going to be very,very vulnerable about this.
I actually don't know if I'veshared this with very many
people.
Back in the early stages of mybreakup, I used to have a
spreadsheet.
Okay, I used to have aspreadsheet.
Okay, lucy, I'm not kidding youOkay, yeah, when my ex would
check my stories To this dayactually, almost when I ever see
his little profile picture popup on my Facebook, because it's
the exact same one I'll stillhave like a similar somatic
(28:06):
feeling because I for so longwould spend hours looking at my
stories, waiting to see when hewould watch them, and then, like
keeping a spreadsheet trackinglike, oh, he didn't check it at
1pm, he checked it at 3pm.
Oh, he's checked it at 3pmthree days in a row.
It's almost the way I marketnow to clients and leads today,
which is like, oh, when are theymost active on my Instagram?
(28:28):
Except it was for one man, onebreakup, and I was this
over-focused on how to get himback and like what could I
actually be doing in order toget that?
And so the way that youexplained that and how you're
like just ask yourself what doyou make it mean?
Like, what do you hope it means?
If I just had had a safe space,somebody to kind of call me out
in those moments, a coach thatwas honest with me, not telling
(28:51):
me, you know, oh yes, if we justfigure out when he's checking
your stories, then we'll knowwhen to text him next.
This is what she was teachingme.
It messed me up, and what I wantto really be honest about is we
need these kind of honestmoments, these kind of
empowering moments to say no,sweetheart, what do you actually
want it to mean?
And if I got really honest, Iwould have wanted it to mean
(29:12):
that he missed me and he stillwanted to be with me and he
still loved me, and if that wasthe case, then I could have gone
to him and explained that orleaned back or done something to
protect my peace in that moment, and I just wanted to really
express that and explain topeople.
We can get into these.
If anyone actually has abreakup story, feel free to
(29:33):
share it.
I put this up on my Facebookgroup all the time and people
can come in and be like oh no,no, no, I hold them.
Hold my beer, jen, like youkept a spreadsheet, I'll tell
you what I did.
Yeah, but cause I want tonormalize that kind of stuff?
Cause we are wacky when we arein the breakup phase.
So thank you for just sharingthat and for really like
bringing that in.
Do you have anything to speakon for kind of what I just
(29:54):
shared there as a coach?
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Absolutely.
I think that our brains, whenwe are in grief, especially when
there's been so much attachmentbuilt up with a particular
person, will convince us to doso many things.
And so, like the spreadsheetexample, right, like I've heard
so many stories like that, likeI truly have I've had people who
(30:16):
, like went back through textingconversations and like figured
out well, he said this at thistime and he said it here again
and after he like gets sospecific in certain little
details and I think, at the endof the day, it's our brains
trying to like feel like it hassome semblance of control and
just to normalize it.
You know, to normalize, likeit's understandable that you're
(30:37):
checking the timestamps andyou're reviewing and you're
trying to get information,because your brain is trying to
feel some sort of control,because it wants to try and feel
safe and to try and protect you.
But I think, like having theright reflections back of like
hey, really, what are you tryingto get out of this?
And for me, the big questionthat helped me because I had my
(30:58):
own stuff.
Let me tell you that I would dowith my ex, that I was trying to
figure out who he was seeingand like I had my own stuff, and
one of the questions that I gotasked that I now share with
people is just like, who do youwant to be in this moment?
And it's a very simple question.
You know, for a lot of peopleit can even be considered a
cliche question, but when I wasconfronted with okay, let's say
(31:22):
he has moved on, or let's say hehas cheated on this other
person, or let's say you know heis upset at you, who do you
want to be in this moment, andwhat can you, at the end of the
day, make your peace with?
And how you showed up.
And there's a lot of ways inwhich I showed up where I was
like, yeah, I don't love thatfor me, I don't love how I
showed up there, and so who do Iwant to be?
(31:44):
Just asking that question canbe really helpful too.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Oh, I love that yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
But like it's so normal, like a lot of people
have those, you know.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Yeah, we don't talk about it.
And then we don't want to liketalk and be like, oh, I'm the
only one that's ever, you know,done something weird at a
breakup.
No, that's not the case, likeright, so it just it happens.
But great question, who do Iwant to be in this moment?
And I really just want toencourage anyone out there
listening that, in order to havehelp with that question, hold a
mirror up to us.
Now, for many of us, and alsoback in the day, this was our
(32:16):
besties.
This could be our mom, ouraunties, our cousins, anyone
like that.
But the world is shifting andthe world is changing and
nowadays we don't always havethose safe spaces.
Those women are also goingthrough their own shit and it's
really hard for them to holdspace for you, and so it's
understandable and that's why Iwant to encourage people to get
in with more coaches and to getin with these communities of
(32:38):
women where they can come andtalk with their besties and,
like someone else is going to gothrough a breakup, you can talk
with them, they can talk withyou and you guys can hold space
for one another.
And I want to get rid of thiskind of taboo around coaching,
around coming into community,like I shouldn't need that.
I should have my own friends,like, like girl like we were,
you know, farming our own food ahundred years ago and I don't
(32:59):
know about you, but I'm gettingmy apples from, like, the store
and maybe from a farmer's marketwhen I feel fancy, but like you
know, but generally speaking,I'm going down to the local like
grocery outlet, bargain marketto go get my strawberries, so do
that too.
If anyone is out therelistening and they're going
through something or goingthrough this breakup, could you
tell them how they can get intouch with you so that way they
(33:21):
can find a community, they canfind a space, someone who is
trained, who is trustworthy?
Again, watch those other redflags, everybody if you're out
there.
But I'd love to know how can wefind you?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, absolutely Can I add on to you before.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I share.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Oh, please, yes, please the other thing that you
brought up for me was I think wecan have both right.
We can have our friends whosupport us, and that's a
beautiful support system, andalso we can lean into the
support network like coaches whocan give us specialized support
, who have been trained, whohave the resources to support us
in a different way, because Ithink also the hard truth of the
(33:58):
matter is when we go only toour friends for support.
Again, it's a beautiful supportsystem, but it's so often that
we end up getting told what wewant to hear not what we need to
hear, or we don't always clockthat.
Oh, my friend has their ownskin in this game.
They're friends with me, butthey're also friends with my ex
(34:19):
or my mom's looking out for me,but also like she's the
grandmother of my children.
There's a lot of layers that cancome into those relationships
that I think, like hiringsomeone like you, jen, or
someone like me, like what thatgives, or hiring a coach in
general, whoever it is tosupport you, like yes, or hiring
a coach in general, whoever itis to support you, I think what
that gives is someone whosefocus is just you and your
(34:41):
processing and your goals andwhat you're working towards
without any of their own, likethey have a stake in the game in
terms of they care about yougetting the results you want,
but not their own personalrelationships and things of that
nature.
So I also think that's wherethis can be very powerful work,
especially like sometimes,listen, I love my friends and I
(35:02):
love my boyfriend and I can alsoclock it when they're not
telling me what I need to hear,but they're telling me the
version they think I will acceptin that moment.
And sometimes we need lovingly,lovingly, with compassion and
care and thoughtfulness, but weneed someone to be able to go
hey, here's what I'm seeing,here's the pattern I'm seeing,
(35:22):
here's the thoughts I'm seeing,what do you think?
And just like, say it how it is.
So I also think that's thepowerful thing about getting
support.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
Thank you so much for that.
Absolutely, because we needsomeone to lovingly say, jen,
put down the spreadsheet andlet's figure out why you're
feeling this way.
Thank you for the add-on.
That stuff is just.
It's so, so important to me.
I absolutely love it.
So please let us know how canwe find you on Instagram or
anywhere else, websites oranything you're offering?
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I hang out the most on Instagram and TikTok, so you
can find me at lucymprice.
You can also find me on mywebsite, shift your story dot
net, and that has all of mysocial links on there as well.
That's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
All right.
Well, thank you so so much forcoming on the show today, lucy.
I think you have been a wealthof knowledge.
I know so many people are goingto get so much out of this and
I can't wait to have you back onanother day.
Thank you so much, jen.
It's been such a pleasure.
Take care.
Bye.
All right, everyone, I hope youenjoyed my conversation with
(36:20):
breakup recovery coach LucyPrice.
Definitely go and check her outon Instagram.
If you get a chance to go,follow her over there or on
TikTok.
And also, something that wedidn't get a chance to talk
about in the actual chat is thatLucy does have a special gift
for all of you for listening, soyou can actually go to the link
in the show notes and grab hertop five breakup mistakes and
(36:42):
how to avoid them.
She shows you how she startedmoving on without getting caught
in endless emotional spirals oroverthinking every little thing
.
So go ahead and grab that freeguide now and start healing
today.
And while you're down there, ifyou want more information on how
you can join the RelationshipReboot Program, now is the
(37:03):
perfect time to join.
Get set in, come, live yourbest summer, figure out how you
can become safe, seen and securein your relationships.
So, moving into the fall youare ready, you are ready to get
out there.
And date you are ready to getout there for those holiday
parties we are ready to get outthere.
And date you are ready to getout there for those holiday
parties we are going to get youthere, girl, I promise.
Just go ahead and reach out atany time when you want to learn
(37:24):
more about the relationshipreboot program.
I hope you all have a beautifulweek.
I will speak to you next week.
Take care, as we wrap uptoday's conversation, always
remember that healing is ajourney, not a destination, and
it is an honor to be a part ofyour healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
(37:47):
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there, and please rememberto rate, review and subscribe
if you enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Popular Podcasts
Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!