July 30, 2025 • 15 mins
Ever opened up to someone… and then immediately regretted it?
You’re lying in bed, replaying everything you said, wondering if you were too much, said too much, or scared them off. That shame spiral? It’s not just in your head. In this episode, I’m breaking down exactly why we feel so gross after being vulnerable—and how to stop letting that shame run the show. We’ll talk nervous system reactions, trauma responses, and what it really means when you overshare. Plus, I’ll give you some practical tools to regulate in the moment and find safer containers to be seen (without spiraling the next day).
You might want to listen if:
- You constantly second-guess yourself after deep conversations
- You’ve felt a “vulnerability hangover” and didn’t know how to come down from it
- You grew up being told you were too much, too sensitive, or too emotional
- You overshare to feel close but end up feeling exposed instead
- You want to feel safe being seen, without the shame spiral after
FIND OUT MORE!
- Apply for FREE Coaching with Jenn
- Join the DANCE CIRCLE - Get updates on Jenn's debut book "Dance of Attachment"
- Join our FREE Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
- Become a Relationship Reboot Member and access all you need to become secure.
- Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
- Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
- Download your free Workbook: Dance of Attachment
- Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
- Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
- Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!
DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health ...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello, ladies, and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode, we are divinginto one of those sticky, icky,
(00:48):
super real moments that I knowso many of us have experienced.
And I got this question fromone of my listeners and it was
so good, so I wanted to actuallycreate an entire podcast around
this question.
And the question is why do Ifeel so much shame after I open
up to someone?
Now I want to get into that,but before we do, I have
something incredibly exciting toshare.
(01:10):
Now, some of you already knowthis, but I am writing my first
debut book.
I'm so excited and it is calledDance of Attachment.
And if you have been loving thepodcast and all that we do here
at Speak Honest and you want togo deeper into all of this
healing work, then I would loveto invite you into something
really special.
It's called the Dance Circle,my behind-the-scenes book launch
(01:32):
crew, and it's where I'll besharing sneak peeks, early
bonuses and exclusiveinvitations leading up to a
launch in this fall or winterreally honestly, depending on
whenever we get all of this donebut if you want to help me
bring this book into the worldand be a part of the magic, then
it would mean so much to me ifyou came over and joined us in
(01:54):
our dance circle.
You can just join us atdanceofattachmentcom and come
and be a part of the innercircle.
I would love to have you there.
Now for the rest of the episode,I want you to be thinking about
this when have you had a momentwhere you have opened up to
someone, where you've sharedsomething deep, something
personable, something intimate,and then the next day, ugh,
(02:16):
shame, rumination spiraling.
Why did I say that?
I shouldn't have said that?
You're such an idiot?
What's going on?
I want you to think about allof that while we get into
today's episode.
Okay, so you finally let yourguard down.
You've shared something deepand personal and now you're
lying in bed replaying everysingle word over and over again,
(02:39):
wondering if you said too much.
Maybe you were too much, maybeyou didn't say enough, maybe you
scared them off, maybe youtrauma dumped.
All of this is happening to youright now and it's a lot, and I
understand.
But this idea came straight frommy client who said Jen, I just
don't understand.
Why do I feel so gross aftersharing?
(02:59):
I thought I was doing somethinghealthy and it hit me.
This entire question needed tobe a whole episode, because this
is where it's at, because thatshame spiral.
It is not a sign that you didsomething wrong.
It is a sign of somethingdeeper, something your nervous
system learned a long time ago.
So today we're unpacking theshame spiral after you overshare
(03:23):
, and I'm going to walk youthrough three things you need to
know if this is happening toyou.
So let's get into thing.
Number one why does oversharingtrigger so much shame?
Well, first, let's all take anice big deep breath, because I
know this is a lot and this isabout your nervous system.
This is not about yourcharacter, okay.
So see, when you sharesomething vulnerable and then
(03:46):
suddenly feel panicked,embarrassed or disgusted with
yourself.
That's just your body'sreaction.
All right, this is just yourbody reacting like it just
revealed a dangerous secret.
This isn't about whether yousaid something wrong.
It's about what your systemlearned in the past that being
seen or expressing too much wasunsafe.
(04:07):
So now, what happens?
Now, when you open up, yourbody fires off that old alarm
going woo, woo, woo.
Your heart is racing, yourstomach is turning and you are
spiraling, girl, but you are notbroken and this is not your
fault.
You're having a completelyunderstandable response based on
your history.
Being seen is something that weall deeply desire, yet it is
(04:30):
one of the hardest things toactually achieve, and so you are
not broken.
If this is you, do you hear me?
You are not broken.
But now let's move on to thingnumber two.
What does oversharing actuallymean and why do we do it?
I want you to remember thatoversharing isn't about the
volume of sharing, all right.
It's not about how much youtalk.
It's not about the words.
(04:51):
It's not like your professorasked you to write a paper and
now it's about a word count.
It's about timing and safety.
Most people overshare when theyhaven't had a safe space to be
seen or heard.
So the second someone isactually listening.
It's like the floodgates areopening, but it's not attention
seeking it.
It's like the floodgates areopening, but it's not attention
seeking, it's connection seeking.
Did you hear that?
(05:11):
I want to repeat that.
Come back to me if you were notpaying attention, if your mind
went somewhere else.
Come back to me If you areoversharing, hear me.
That is not attention seeking,it is connection seeking.
You are seeking connection withthe other person.
You're trying to createcloseness, but if it's with
someone who hasn't earned thatlevel of access, then you're
(05:32):
left feeling exposed and raw.
And that doesn't mean that theother person has done anything
wrong.
It just might mean that youdon't feel safe with them yet.
See, oversharing can actually bea trauma response.
It's about what happens whenthe need to belong overrides
your sense of safety.
So you don't feel safe yet toexplore and be vulnerable with
this person.
(05:52):
Yet at the same time, your bodyis saying I need connection, I
need this, I need to attach tothis person right now.
So you overshare, you talkabout the trauma that happened
in your life, you talk aboutyour work, your friends, your ex
or something else that is goingon and it's okay.
It happens all the time, butit's just coming from a trauma
response of connection.
(06:13):
Now we're going to findhealthier ways to connect down
the road, but right now, if thisis happening to you, just
understand that this is part ofthe healing process.
But a lot of people think, ohokay, well, then I just need to
shut down, I just I can't talk,I just I'll keep my mouth shut.
But I need you to do more thanjust not talk.
All right, see, the fix isn'tto shut down, it's to slow down.
(06:38):
I want you to slow way down,girl, okay, I want you to find
safe containers.
This can be loved ones.
This could be your friend, yourpartner, maybe one of your
parents or your sibling, oranyone that is safe to you.
One of the best, safestcontainers you can do is join a
healing community, like in ourRelationship Reboot Program.
We are a safe container.
(06:59):
You can come into thatmembership and you can share
anything.
We hold space for you.
We are a safe container andthat is a great place to start.
In fact, we have women thatcome in and they've shared
things that they've never sharedwith anyone before and they get
a little bit of thatvulnerability hangover, sure.
But they come back and they say, jen, you know what?
(07:20):
That was really good, but I'mjust so sorry.
I shared so much last time andI'm so sorry I took up so much
of your time and please know Iwon't do that again.
And I took up so much of yourtime and please know I won't do
that again.
And to that woman I would sayI'm so proud of you, I'm proud
of you for sharing.
You did not take up too muchspace.
You took up the perfect amountof space.
This is where you get to trustme as the facilitator of that
group.
I get to tell you if you'vetalked too much in the group,
(07:43):
because that's what I do and,believe me, you can ask any of
the ladies in the group.
I interrupt all the time and Isay, hey, actually we need to
move this along or we need tohave space for somebody else.
And so if I'm allowing you totalk for 15 minutes, it's
because I know, as your coach,you need this and we're all
going to hold space for you.
Sweetheart, that's what a safecontainer is for.
So I want you to check in withyour body.
(08:03):
I want you to learn to givevulnerability in these small
doses that feel regulated, notrushed.
But now I want to talk on pointnumber three, which is how do I
actually stop the spiral once itstarts?
Because this is where the realwork actually is.
This is when the spiral isgoing.
It's on a trajectory ofcontinuation and you don't know
(08:24):
what to do.
But it's not always aboutavoiding the overshare.
It's about soothing the shamethat comes right after.
So remember I said we're notgoing to fix it by shutting down
, right, we're not going to fixit by just keeping our mouth
shuts.
We're still going to share,we're still going to speak up,
but we're going to still bevulnerable.
But we're going to soothe therumination.
We're going to soothe the shamethat comes up.
(08:45):
So here's what I want you to doSoothe the shame that comes up.
So here's what I want you to doNext time you feel that ugh,
that just ick in your stomach,that why did I say that?
You know that feeling that'sjust like punch in the stomach,
that cringe moment, right, Ithink that's what the kids are
calling it now.
My son would say that's socringe, mom.
But listen, if you feel thatcringe, I want you to stop.
I want you to pause, and I wantyou to pause and I want you to
(09:12):
breathe.
If you haven't tried it yet, boxbreathing is one of the most
amazing ways to regulate andwith box breathing, what you do
is you inhale for four, you holdfor four, you exhale for four
and then you hold for four again.
See how it's a box?
Let's go ahead and try ittogether, right here.
So, whether you're driving,maybe you're walking, you're
listening to me on your walk oron your run, or maybe as you're
(09:32):
falling asleep or you're doingthe dishes, let's do some box
breathing right now.
Are you ready?
All right?
So we're going to inhale forfour, hold for four One, two,
three, four.
Exhale for hold for four one,two, three, four.
Exhale for four and then holdfor four one, two, three, four
(09:57):
and you can do that a coupletimes.
Do it as many times as you needto Start feeling that cringe
moment ease in your stomach.
Maybe you weren't even having ashame spiral right now as we
were doing this box breathing,but your day was really hectic
and doing that box breathingjust really helped you out.
That's what it's all about.
It's just about regulating yournervous system.
(10:17):
I want you to remind yourself,while you're breathing, that
your body is just reacting to apast threat.
But you're breathing, that yourbody is just reacting to a past
threat.
But you're safe now Because,see in the past, when you would
share your feelings or you wouldtell someone what you needed,
you were probably shamed forthis.
You were called too much or toosensitive.
Why do you have to cry abouteverything?
Why is everything such a bigdeal with you?
(10:38):
Why are you overreacting?
Why are you so dramatic?
These are all the voices in myhead all the time.
That's why I can make thosesilly voices.
But I want you to remember thatyou're safe now.
You're loved now, you're seennow, and if you don't have a
safe container to share yourselfwith, then that's our first
step.
We're going to find you a safecontainer.
(10:59):
You can come and chat with meat any time.
You can come into our freeFacebook community or you can
just search Speak Honest.
I will help you with that.
You can come in and to ourRelationship Reboot program, or
you could just come and do someone-on-one coaching with me.
Whatever it is, you just needto find your safe space.
It is just about remindingyourself that you are safe, you
(11:19):
are allowed to take up space andyou can share vulnerably and
you will be okay.
And now I want you to askyourself did I actually say
something harmful in this moment?
Or did I say something that wasjust a part of who I was?
Like, did I actually saysomething that was really bad?
Like, maybe you sharedsomeone's secret or you were
gossiping?
Sure, we can work on that, butmaybe you were just
(11:43):
uncomfortable with being seen.
See, that's the fear.
Like I said earlier, all of uswant to be seen, but the truth
of the matter is, being seen isactually incredibly scary.
It is so scary to be seen forwho we truly are, because do you
know what that means?
Do you know what it means to beseen for who you truly are?
It means you can be rejectedfor who you truly are.
(12:04):
Do you hear that?
So you just have to askyourself okay, I have this shame
spiral coming on.
I'm going to pause, I'm goingto breathe, I'm going to ask
myself okay, did I actually saysomething that was bad or am I
just uncomfortable with beingseen right now?
And that is how we get in ourreality, that is, us figuring
out what we need.
(12:24):
And the next I want you to texta trusted friend.
Find a safe container.
If you're in the reboot program, jump into one of the group
coaching, let us know.
Jump into the Facebookcommunity or maybe you can even
just journal about it.
To journal it out, you can usevoice notes on your phone, you
(12:46):
can use a written journal.
You can type it out.
Whatever it is.
You just have to name the shameso it loses its power.
The key isn't to keep yourmouth shut and it's not to never
be vulnerable again.
It's to feel safe enough tostay with yourself even after
you are All right.
Well, that was a good one andI'm so glad I got to have this
topic and really open it up forthe entire podcast.
(13:09):
I think it warranted more thanjust one question within a big
listener question episode.
It needed an entire podcast sowe could really stretch this out
and understand it.
So thank you so much to myclient for bringing that
question to me and I hope tohelp you understand what's
actually going on when you findyourself spiraling after a
moment of honesty See whetheryou overshare it on a date in a
(13:30):
text or during a hardconversation this doesn't mean
that you are too much.
It means that you're human andyou're healing.
And if this episode made you say, oh, ah, yeah, jen, that's me,
I spiral a lot, this happens allthe time then the dance of
attachment was written exactlyfor you and girl, I am so
excited for this.
This book is the heart ofeverything that I teach how your
(13:52):
attachment stance shows up inreal life relationships and how
to move from anxious or avoidantpatterns into secure love
without losing yourself in theprocess.
That part is so important.
Now, if you want to be a partof the behind the scenes journey
and help me launch this bookinto the world, come join our
dance circle atdanceofattachmentcom.
(14:14):
You'll get sneak peeks, specialbonuses and exclusive early
access when the book is ready.
And that makes me so excited tosay All right, my lovelies, I
will speak with you all nextweek.
Take care, as we wrap uptoday's conversation, always
remember that healing is ajourney, not a destination, and
(14:36):
it is an honor to be a part ofyour healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there, and please rememberto rate, review and subscribe
if you enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
(14:58):
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello, ladies, and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode, we are divinginto one of those sticky, icky,
(00:48):
super real moments that I knowso many of us have experienced.
And I got this question fromone of my listeners and it was
so good, so I wanted to actuallycreate an entire podcast around
this question.
And the question is why do Ifeel so much shame after I open
up to someone?
Now I want to get into that,but before we do, I have
something incredibly exciting toshare.
(01:10):
Now, some of you already knowthis, but I am writing my first
debut book.
I'm so excited and it is calledDance of Attachment.
And if you have been loving thepodcast and all that we do here
at Speak Honest and you want togo deeper into all of this
healing work, then I would loveto invite you into something
really special.
It's called the Dance Circle,my behind-the-scenes book launch
(01:32):
crew, and it's where I'll besharing sneak peeks, early
bonuses and exclusiveinvitations leading up to a
launch in this fall or winterreally honestly, depending on
whenever we get all of this donebut if you want to help me
bring this book into the worldand be a part of the magic, then
it would mean so much to me ifyou came over and joined us in
(01:54):
our dance circle.
You can just join us atdanceofattachmentcom and come
and be a part of the innercircle.
I would love to have you there.
Now for the rest of the episode,I want you to be thinking about
this when have you had a momentwhere you have opened up to
someone, where you've sharedsomething deep, something
personable, something intimate,and then the next day, ugh,
(02:16):
shame, rumination spiraling.
Why did I say that?
I shouldn't have said that?
You're such an idiot?
What's going on?
I want you to think about allof that while we get into
today's episode.
Okay, so you finally let yourguard down.
You've shared something deepand personal and now you're
lying in bed replaying everysingle word over and over again,
(02:39):
wondering if you said too much.
Maybe you were too much, maybeyou didn't say enough, maybe you
scared them off, maybe youtrauma dumped.
All of this is happening to youright now and it's a lot, and I
understand.
But this idea came straight frommy client who said Jen, I just
don't understand.
Why do I feel so gross aftersharing?
(02:59):
I thought I was doing somethinghealthy and it hit me.
This entire question needed tobe a whole episode, because this
is where it's at, because thatshame spiral.
It is not a sign that you didsomething wrong.
It is a sign of somethingdeeper, something your nervous
system learned a long time ago.
So today we're unpacking theshame spiral after you overshare
(03:23):
, and I'm going to walk youthrough three things you need to
know if this is happening toyou.
So let's get into thing.
Number one why does oversharingtrigger so much shame?
Well, first, let's all take anice big deep breath, because I
know this is a lot and this isabout your nervous system.
This is not about yourcharacter, okay.
So see, when you sharesomething vulnerable and then
(03:46):
suddenly feel panicked,embarrassed or disgusted with
yourself.
That's just your body'sreaction.
All right, this is just yourbody reacting like it just
revealed a dangerous secret.
This isn't about whether yousaid something wrong.
It's about what your systemlearned in the past that being
seen or expressing too much wasunsafe.
(04:07):
So now, what happens?
Now, when you open up, yourbody fires off that old alarm
going woo, woo, woo.
Your heart is racing, yourstomach is turning and you are
spiraling, girl, but you are notbroken and this is not your
fault.
You're having a completelyunderstandable response based on
your history.
Being seen is something that weall deeply desire, yet it is
(04:30):
one of the hardest things toactually achieve, and so you are
not broken.
If this is you, do you hear me?
You are not broken.
But now let's move on to thingnumber two.
What does oversharing actuallymean and why do we do it?
I want you to remember thatoversharing isn't about the
volume of sharing, all right.
It's not about how much youtalk.
It's not about the words.
(04:51):
It's not like your professorasked you to write a paper and
now it's about a word count.
It's about timing and safety.
Most people overshare when theyhaven't had a safe space to be
seen or heard.
So the second someone isactually listening.
It's like the floodgates areopening, but it's not attention
seeking it.
It's like the floodgates areopening, but it's not attention
seeking, it's connection seeking.
Did you hear that?
(05:11):
I want to repeat that.
Come back to me if you were notpaying attention, if your mind
went somewhere else.
Come back to me If you areoversharing, hear me.
That is not attention seeking,it is connection seeking.
You are seeking connection withthe other person.
You're trying to createcloseness, but if it's with
someone who hasn't earned thatlevel of access, then you're
(05:32):
left feeling exposed and raw.
And that doesn't mean that theother person has done anything
wrong.
It just might mean that youdon't feel safe with them yet.
See, oversharing can actually bea trauma response.
It's about what happens whenthe need to belong overrides
your sense of safety.
So you don't feel safe yet toexplore and be vulnerable with
this person.
(05:52):
Yet at the same time, your bodyis saying I need connection, I
need this, I need to attach tothis person right now.
So you overshare, you talkabout the trauma that happened
in your life, you talk aboutyour work, your friends, your ex
or something else that is goingon and it's okay.
It happens all the time, butit's just coming from a trauma
response of connection.
(06:13):
Now we're going to findhealthier ways to connect down
the road, but right now, if thisis happening to you, just
understand that this is part ofthe healing process.
But a lot of people think, ohokay, well, then I just need to
shut down, I just I can't talk,I just I'll keep my mouth shut.
But I need you to do more thanjust not talk.
All right, see, the fix isn'tto shut down, it's to slow down.
(06:38):
I want you to slow way down,girl, okay, I want you to find
safe containers.
This can be loved ones.
This could be your friend, yourpartner, maybe one of your
parents or your sibling, oranyone that is safe to you.
One of the best, safestcontainers you can do is join a
healing community, like in ourRelationship Reboot Program.
We are a safe container.
(06:59):
You can come into thatmembership and you can share
anything.
We hold space for you.
We are a safe container andthat is a great place to start.
In fact, we have women thatcome in and they've shared
things that they've never sharedwith anyone before and they get
a little bit of thatvulnerability hangover, sure.
But they come back and they say, jen, you know what?
(07:20):
That was really good, but I'mjust so sorry.
I shared so much last time andI'm so sorry I took up so much
of your time and please know Iwon't do that again.
And I took up so much of yourtime and please know I won't do
that again.
And to that woman I would sayI'm so proud of you, I'm proud
of you for sharing.
You did not take up too muchspace.
You took up the perfect amountof space.
This is where you get to trustme as the facilitator of that
group.
I get to tell you if you'vetalked too much in the group,
(07:43):
because that's what I do and,believe me, you can ask any of
the ladies in the group.
I interrupt all the time and Isay, hey, actually we need to
move this along or we need tohave space for somebody else.
And so if I'm allowing you totalk for 15 minutes, it's
because I know, as your coach,you need this and we're all
going to hold space for you.
Sweetheart, that's what a safecontainer is for.
So I want you to check in withyour body.
(08:03):
I want you to learn to givevulnerability in these small
doses that feel regulated, notrushed.
But now I want to talk on pointnumber three, which is how do I
actually stop the spiral once itstarts?
Because this is where the realwork actually is.
This is when the spiral isgoing.
It's on a trajectory ofcontinuation and you don't know
(08:24):
what to do.
But it's not always aboutavoiding the overshare.
It's about soothing the shamethat comes right after.
So remember I said we're notgoing to fix it by shutting down
, right, we're not going to fixit by just keeping our mouth
shuts.
We're still going to share,we're still going to speak up,
but we're going to still bevulnerable.
But we're going to soothe therumination.
We're going to soothe the shamethat comes up.
(08:45):
So here's what I want you to doSoothe the shame that comes up.
So here's what I want you to doNext time you feel that ugh,
that just ick in your stomach,that why did I say that?
You know that feeling that'sjust like punch in the stomach,
that cringe moment, right, Ithink that's what the kids are
calling it now.
My son would say that's socringe, mom.
But listen, if you feel thatcringe, I want you to stop.
I want you to pause, and I wantyou to pause and I want you to
(09:12):
breathe.
If you haven't tried it yet, boxbreathing is one of the most
amazing ways to regulate andwith box breathing, what you do
is you inhale for four, you holdfor four, you exhale for four
and then you hold for four again.
See how it's a box?
Let's go ahead and try ittogether, right here.
So, whether you're driving,maybe you're walking, you're
listening to me on your walk oron your run, or maybe as you're
(09:32):
falling asleep or you're doingthe dishes, let's do some box
breathing right now.
Are you ready?
All right?
So we're going to inhale forfour, hold for four One, two,
three, four.
Exhale for hold for four one,two, three, four.
Exhale for four and then holdfor four one, two, three, four
(09:57):
and you can do that a coupletimes.
Do it as many times as you needto Start feeling that cringe
moment ease in your stomach.
Maybe you weren't even having ashame spiral right now as we
were doing this box breathing,but your day was really hectic
and doing that box breathingjust really helped you out.
That's what it's all about.
It's just about regulating yournervous system.
(10:17):
I want you to remind yourself,while you're breathing, that
your body is just reacting to apast threat.
But you're breathing, that yourbody is just reacting to a past
threat.
But you're safe now Because,see in the past, when you would
share your feelings or you wouldtell someone what you needed,
you were probably shamed forthis.
You were called too much or toosensitive.
Why do you have to cry abouteverything?
Why is everything such a bigdeal with you?
(10:38):
Why are you overreacting?
Why are you so dramatic?
These are all the voices in myhead all the time.
That's why I can make thosesilly voices.
But I want you to remember thatyou're safe now.
You're loved now, you're seennow, and if you don't have a
safe container to share yourselfwith, then that's our first
step.
We're going to find you a safecontainer.
(10:59):
You can come and chat with meat any time.
You can come into our freeFacebook community or you can
just search Speak Honest.
I will help you with that.
You can come in and to ourRelationship Reboot program, or
you could just come and do someone-on-one coaching with me.
Whatever it is, you just needto find your safe space.
It is just about remindingyourself that you are safe, you
(11:19):
are allowed to take up space andyou can share vulnerably and
you will be okay.
And now I want you to askyourself did I actually say
something harmful in this moment?
Or did I say something that wasjust a part of who I was?
Like, did I actually saysomething that was really bad?
Like, maybe you sharedsomeone's secret or you were
gossiping?
Sure, we can work on that, butmaybe you were just
(11:43):
uncomfortable with being seen.
See, that's the fear.
Like I said earlier, all of uswant to be seen, but the truth
of the matter is, being seen isactually incredibly scary.
It is so scary to be seen forwho we truly are, because do you
know what that means?
Do you know what it means to beseen for who you truly are?
It means you can be rejectedfor who you truly are.
(12:04):
Do you hear that?
So you just have to askyourself okay, I have this shame
spiral coming on.
I'm going to pause, I'm goingto breathe, I'm going to ask
myself okay, did I actually saysomething that was bad or am I
just uncomfortable with beingseen right now?
And that is how we get in ourreality, that is, us figuring
out what we need.
(12:24):
And the next I want you to texta trusted friend.
Find a safe container.
If you're in the reboot program, jump into one of the group
coaching, let us know.
Jump into the Facebookcommunity or maybe you can even
just journal about it.
To journal it out, you can usevoice notes on your phone, you
(12:46):
can use a written journal.
You can type it out.
Whatever it is.
You just have to name the shameso it loses its power.
The key isn't to keep yourmouth shut and it's not to never
be vulnerable again.
It's to feel safe enough tostay with yourself even after
you are All right.
Well, that was a good one andI'm so glad I got to have this
topic and really open it up forthe entire podcast.
(13:09):
I think it warranted more thanjust one question within a big
listener question episode.
It needed an entire podcast sowe could really stretch this out
and understand it.
So thank you so much to myclient for bringing that
question to me and I hope tohelp you understand what's
actually going on when you findyourself spiraling after a
moment of honesty See whetheryou overshare it on a date in a
(13:30):
text or during a hardconversation this doesn't mean
that you are too much.
It means that you're human andyou're healing.
And if this episode made you say, oh, ah, yeah, jen, that's me,
I spiral a lot, this happens allthe time then the dance of
attachment was written exactlyfor you and girl, I am so
excited for this.
This book is the heart ofeverything that I teach how your
(13:52):
attachment stance shows up inreal life relationships and how
to move from anxious or avoidantpatterns into secure love
without losing yourself in theprocess.
That part is so important.
Now, if you want to be a partof the behind the scenes journey
and help me launch this bookinto the world, come join our
dance circle atdanceofattachmentcom.
(14:14):
You'll get sneak peeks, specialbonuses and exclusive early
access when the book is ready.
And that makes me so excited tosay All right, my lovelies, I
will speak with you all nextweek.
Take care, as we wrap uptoday's conversation, always
remember that healing is ajourney, not a destination, and
(14:36):
it is an honor to be a part ofyour healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there, and please rememberto rate, review and subscribe
if you enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
(14:58):
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
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