August 20, 2025 • 37 mins
Do you ever feel like no matter how much you talk, he just doesn’t hear you?
In this episode of Speak Honest, I coach Christine through a struggle so many of us know too well: needing to feel heard in a relationship but ending up frustrated, blowing up, and then hating ourselves for it. Together, we unpack where those reactions really come from, why boundaries feel so hard to set in the moment, and how to start communicating in a way that actually works.
You might want to listen if:
- You feel like your partner tunes out or interrupts instead of really listening
- You find yourself going from zero to sixty when you don’t feel understood
- You’ve tried to set boundaries but they always come out reactive instead of proactive
- You hate the cycle of blowing up, apologizing, and then doubting yourself
- You want practical tools to feel heard without the constant fights
FIND OUT MORE!
- Apply for FREE Coaching with Jenn
- Join the DANCE CIRCLE - Get updates on Jenn's debut book "Dance of Attachment"
- Join our FREE Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
- Become a Relationship Reboot Member and access all you need to become secure.
- Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
- Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
- Download your free Workbook: Dance of Attachment
- Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
- Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
- Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!
DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health ...
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on today
I have a client coming in toask a couple questions about
(00:48):
something that she has on herheart.
But before we get started withthat, I just want to remind you
that if you are out there andyou are looking to get some
coaching, I would love to haveyou come on and be on the
podcast, just like Christine isright now.
You can go ahead and scroll ondown to the show notes and you
can click on the link that saysapply for podcast coaching, or
you can jump into the Facebookcommunity and you can just let
me know there.
Jen, I have this thing.
(01:09):
I really need some help with it.
Do you think you could justwalk me through it?
You jump on the podcast with me, we walk through it, but not
only do you get help with that,you also help all of the women
that are listening right now.
So, getting some help, somekind of understanding about
yourself.
As you're listening toChristine, then think about what
(01:29):
you could be doing for otherwomen as well.
So if that's something you wantto do, go ahead and just click
on the link apply for thepodcast.
But for right now, let's goahead and get on with the
episode Now.
Christine, thank you so muchfor coming on the podcast today.
How can I help?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Thanks, thanks for having me, jen.
I listen to your podcasts allthe time and I think you're
brilliant.
Oh, thank you, son.
Yes, I'm in a fairly newrelationship and he is a very
unique man and so much nicerthan any of the men I've dated.
I'm 66, so I've had a few menin my life and I want to make it
(02:04):
work, but we're having troubles.
It's about seven months now, sothat's when the rose-colored
glasses come off and we actuallysee each other, and I seem to
have a problem that isexacerbated by the problem he
has.
So I need to be heard, andhere's crap at communication.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
So he's quite happy to talk, but he struggles to
listen.
Is that what I heard you say?
Yes, exactly, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Yeah, he'll hear about the first two sentences
and he's already formulatedsomething in his brain to answer
that.
But that's just theintroduction to the subject that
I want to talk about.
So he misses the whole subjectand he's got this in his brain
and he's hanging on to what hewants to say.
And then he mentions the startof the conversation and I fly
(02:57):
off the handle.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Tell me more about that.
So, first off, very, verynormal, very common, especially
for men, like you know, not togeneralize, but absolutely to
generalize.
They have this way of wantingto fix things immediately.
The thing that I'm interestedin is I heard you say fly off
the handle.
So tell me more about that.
What's going on inside of you?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I get really frustrated and I find it really
hard to regulate my emotions anddeal with it in a way that I
would like to deal with it.
In the past I have I've notmentioned it at the time and
then I've come back to it later.
I've regulated first and comeback to it later.
But now it's happened so manytimes that it's like, oh,
(03:40):
straight away, and then I'll getupset, I'll rant at him, I will
cry, then I'll get off thephone and feel really bad that
I've done that.
I'll hate on myself and findreasons why he is such a good
man because he is he really issuch a good man and then I'll
(04:02):
try and win him back again.
He doesn't withdraw.
He keeps saying I'm not goinganywhere.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
That's helpful to hear Good, we know what we're
working with then on that end.
So that's good, yeah, yeah,yeah.
So if I say to you right nowhe's never going to change, this
is who he is, he's going tojump in and say something before
you're being hurt.
What happens in your body whenI say that?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Well then, the relationship's not going to work
.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Ah, beautiful.
Talk to me more about that.
Why not?
Because I need to be heard.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
I need him to know me , not.
I feel like he's got an imageof all women and he's not had a
lot of long-term relationships.
He will put his life on holdfor his woman.
He will do whatever he thinkshis woman needs, but he doesn't
listen to find out what hiswoman needs, right.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
He's not actually like truly, and when I hear you
say be heard, I'm almost hearingyou really say like be seen and
be understood.
Is that resonating as well?
Yes, okay, yeah, and tell me alittle bit.
I want to kind of sidetrackjust slightly.
Tell me, in other areas of yourlife, maybe in the past, has
(05:12):
this been a struggle for youoften being understood, being
seen, being heard.
Is this a common pattern?
Speaker 2 (05:18):
I think it is.
I've never reacted so badly toit, but I really do think it is.
I have had reactions before andI've worked on them extensively
over my life.
My mum was the same, so it's alearned pattern as well as an
issue that I have, but myreactions now are just way over
(05:39):
the top.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
And that's the part that I'm interested in, because
here's the thing Like, okay,I'll give you a little taste of
my story, right, like my husband, when he comes home from work,
he puts his shoes in the hallwayand it's just like it's grating
, christine, like it is justlike, oh my God, just put your
fucking shoes away.
It's not that hard, right.
But like I've known this mannow for five years, this is what
it's going to do.
(06:00):
I've learned this is who he is.
How can I work with him on thisin order for us to still
coexist, right To co-collaboratetogether?
So the part that I'm interestedin is the blow up on your end.
That's usually an indicationthat we're triggered by some
past events.
Something's going on that hasnothing to do with him.
So even when I say he probablywill do this forever, but how
(06:21):
can we work with him instead ofagainst him?
Like how's that when I say that?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Oh, jen, if you can help me to manage him.
Oh, that just sounds beautiful.
Yeah, because I really don'twant to lose him.
But if we can't make it work,it's like abuse on him.
He's had abuse before.
Make it work.
(06:47):
It's like abuse on him.
He's had abuse before, so I'mhoping he's not trauma bonded to
me because he put up with itbefore for quite a long time
verbal and it feels like I'mdoing the same thing and that's
the very last thing that I wantto do.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Well, and I think can we just speak on this real
quick, because, as somebody thatis incredibly feisty and loud
and absolutely verbally abusedmy ex-husband at times, that
doesn't make me like a badperson or an abuser, right, and
you doing the same doesn't makeyou.
Everyone is coming at all oftheir situations with their own
lived experience.
You're going from zero to 60because a part of you remembers
(07:18):
a past when you weren't beingheard or understood, and it puts
you in a place where you wereunsafe.
And all that's happening now isthis man is re-triggering, it's
reinforcing all of that in you,and so you're yelling at him in
this way to get heard again.
But we just have to askourselves is it working?
Are you being heard by yelling?
Usually the answer is no, butlike right.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
He actually is doing some work, jen.
Oh, I'm sure he is.
Yeah, he actually is doing somework, jen.
Oh, I'm sure he is.
Yeah, he's finding informationon communication.
He has actually learned to do alittle bit of active listening
and I think he's working oncuriosity.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Oh, that is so.
He sounds like a very specialman.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Like this makes me really yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
He really is.
So what I want us to do is Iwant us to kind of slow down and
look at what can we control?
And that's why I'm not sayinghe'll never change.
I think people can change allthe time.
But, for example, in thesituation with my husband and
his shoes, he's like, listen,I've got like 40 years of my
life, this is what I do.
I come home, I put my shoesdown and then, when him and I
started having a conversation,we realized I leave my clothes
(08:25):
in the bathroom when I shower,you know, and I leave boxes
fully open.
You know what I mean?
Like out, like out in thebackyard, and I never break them
down.
And he's like I do that stuff.
I put your clothes away, I put,I break your boxes down.
Do you see how I worked withhim over something that was
triggering me?
Because the trigger was neverabout him.
That's what I want us to get tosee here Him not listening to
(08:48):
you.
That has nothing to do with him.
We can work on him, don't worry.
We absolutely can.
But the big emotional reactionyou're having it's about you.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Absolutely, I 100% agree, and that's why I need
help.
I've listened to your podcastsand I'm trying to work through
it and, yeah, I need you.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Perfect.
So let's start with going backa little bit and really
understanding what is happeningNow.
We might not know this today,right, we can keep working on
this later, but for right now,if I can give you some tangible,
actionable steps to take movingforward, it would be to start
observing in your body what'shappening when you're getting
(09:26):
triggered.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Oh, I can tell you that.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Okay, great, talk me through it.
What's going on in your body?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
My throat feels like someone's got their hands around
it and my stomach cramps up,stunning.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Okay, all right, I'm going to ask you a really hard
question and you do not have toanswer this if you don't want to
.
Have you ever been in asituation where someone has had
their hands around your throat?
Yes, okay, can we spend sometime with that, just for like a
second?
Yep, because your somaticexperience is a remembered
experience.
Do you hear that?
Yeah, so what do you think isgoing to happen in this moment?
(10:00):
Again, it's not about him, it'syour body's reliving.
Honestly, I just I picked up onthat because, well, back in the
day, during the beginning of myhealing, and I kept saying it
felt like I was getting punchedin the gut.
I remember being asked have youbeen punched in the gut?
And I was like yeah, and I waslike, oh shit, this feeling I
(10:21):
have of being unsafe isn't aboutthat.
And if we can get to a placewhere we can even explain that
to him, we can get to a safespace where we can say, like,
sweetheart, when I blow up, I'mworking on it, but it's not
about you.
I'm working through something,I'm healing something in my body
.
Thank you for being a safespace for me and I will work on
this.
Just, I need to remove myselfmore often in these situations
(10:42):
and I need this.
Do you hear that communication?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Yeah, how's this landing right now?
What's going on in your body?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
I've got, yeah, a little bit of tightness in the
throat and a little bit oftension in my stomach.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
You're just so brave and vulnerable to be bringing
this up right now.
I just want to really see youand really hear you in terms of
what you have been through.
Look how far you've come.
Look at this beautiful man thatyou have.
He's not actually doing thisstuff to you.
We know that, right, but ourbodies it's like.
It's that thing where it's likeif my body could just stop
thinking that it's gettingchased by a lion, maybe I could
live my life right, but ourbodies are like in fight or
flight.
(11:21):
And so we're going to work onthis with him, because that's
what I'm saying.
Like he's going to be very slowin terms of listening, but I
still don't think it's about hisinability to listen.
I think he's just an old man.
You know what I mean.
Like he's set in his ways tosome extent.
He's trying really hard.
He loves you, right?
He adores you, he wants to workwith you.
He's doing all of this stuff.
He's doing all of this stuff.
(11:41):
So how can we get you to aplace where you're communicating
and now you get to playfullysay, oh, you're not listening
again?
Like, oh wait, go back Right.
Like I do this with my son.
Sometimes we now have likethese joking ways of being like
oh no, I'm getting like reallyannoyed with you right now.
Stop it, stop it now.
And that prevents us fromhaving a blow up.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, I love it when I can do that and I can
sometimes.
Yeah, but what I try, Jen, isto not mention it at the time
when I feel like my throat'schoking and my stomach's cramped
up.
I try and just move theconversation on and then go back
to it the next day.
How is that working for you?
(12:22):
Well, if there's not anothertrigger the next day, I'm great,
but if there's another trigger,it's like fuck off.
I don't even want to talk toyou when I hang up on him.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Okay, beautiful.
So in that moment, that firsttime something's happening, how
can we get Christine to speak upmore?
Because there's a littleChristine somewhere inside of
you that feels like, oh, I needto shut myself off, I need to
shut myself up and I need tomove on.
Well, what I want to encourageus is, the more we speak up, the
less we blow up.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, I do know that.
I've heard you say that and Iknow that I just feel like I
need to settle down the reactionin my body before I can speak
about it.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
And that's perfect.
So there's this method that Iuse, called the RAISE method.
Okay, of regulation, and thevery first step, the very first
thing we do, is remove ourselves.
So you're not wrong in terms ofthat.
You're not actually removingyourself is the problem.
What actually is happening isyou're pushing it down and then
still moving forward, but whatI'm asking is get off the phone.
(13:27):
Then what I'm saying is likeright, we have that, what we
call proactive conversation withour partner, where we say, hey,
babes, I'm trying out somethingnew.
You know, this is going to looka little bit weird and
different in the beginning, butsomething that's really
triggering me is when I'mtelling a story and you jump
into fixing or whatever it wasyou said that he was doing, and
that seems to really trigger me.
I know you're trying and I knowI'm trying, but if that happens
(13:49):
, I need to remove myself fromthe conversation.
In that moment, two things aregoing to happen here.
One you remove yourself.
You set a boundary, yay, right,I'm good at boundaries.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I really am good at boundaries.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Can I tell you something, can I?
Okay, I'm going to shift gearsfor one second and call us both
out on this.
I also used to think I wasreally good at boundaries, girl,
and then I saw all the littleways where I still let stuff go
go.
I'm using quotation marks foranyone not being able to watch
me right now.
Right, like I'm good atboundaries, are you good at
(14:22):
boundaries?
Are you good at just avoidingshit?
Right, like I say that withlove to both of us, because if
we were really good atboundaries, we'd be able to just
say oh hey, I don't like itwhen you do that.
Thanks.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Why does it have to sound so easy?
I know like.
What I learned is we're good atreactive boundaries, such as
such a disorganized trait, bythe way, such a love in my heart
for it, if I'm being honest.
It's this reactive boundary.
We're very good at saying no,what's's a reactive?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
boundary?
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Great question.
A reactive boundary is whenwe've gotten to a place where
we've kind of gone zero to 60and we're like fuck off, right.
And we're just kind of like,okay, now I'm going to say no.
So now it's like, hey, can youcome and do this thing?
No, but maybe it's more likelike water, right.
So if it's like me saying toyou hey, can you just give me
some of your?
Do you have tea in your mug?
(15:23):
I have a mug here as well.
Right, can you just give mesome of that tea in your mug,
you know, and you're like, ohyeah, sure, because I wasn't
really like asking.
I was just like, hey, give mesome of that tea in your mug.
And you're like, well, all of asudden now your body feels a
little something, but you'restill weren't, like you're not
taking the time to listen to it.
And you're like, yeah, okay, Iguess I'll give her some more
tea.
She seems to really need it.
(15:44):
Sure, and then it's like, hey,can I have more tea?
But now you have no tea left,you have nothing left in your
mug.
And so now you say, see, I'm sogood at boundaries, but setting
proactive boundaries instead ofreactive ones would have been.
In.
The first time I asked for teaand you're like oh actually, I'm
sorry, I can't give any rightnow.
(16:05):
I don't have any extra.
I'm not sure where I'm going toget more tea from later.
I don't know about you, butlike, does that even elicit
anything in your body, beingable to say that the first?
It's like we have to wait tolike this.
I was just figuring this outrecently, christine.
It's like we have to wait forit to be valid in order to say
no.
But what if we say no beforethen?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
What if we just say no thanks.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
So I'm thinking, like Tom's an older man too, like me
.
Well, he's not as old as me,but he's that generation and he
thinks that sexist jokes areokay.
Well, he did, he knows not to.
Now All women manipulate, typethings.
And I'm like where's thepunchline there, tom?
The punchline is the punch inthe guts.
For me there's not a funny jokethere.
(16:49):
It's not funny, but it's just ajoke.
No, it's not a joke.
So I patrol that boundaryeasily and he's learned now no
sex, no racist no homophobicjokes.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I'm not gonna accept them into my world, which is
really good.
That's actually stunning, likegreat job.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Brought up that way, and that's, you know, his
generation.
You know I've got a right toprotect that boundary, whereas
being listened to somewhereinside of me feels like, you
(17:32):
know, you just got to suck it up, you just got to let him do
what he does and not speak up.
So I don't feel that thatboundary is something that I can
proactively react to.
Yeah, yeah, to patrol thatboundary.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Exactly it's everything you just said.
And being able to stand up for,like the racist and homophobic
and misogynist jokes and allthis stuff, you're also not only
protecting yourself, you'reprotecting other people.
So it's going to come from aplace of like.
I am in my right, like you saidI am.
This is a valid thing for me toset a boundary for.
But all of a sudden, now it'sfor us and we're just like oh, I
(18:12):
can deal with that one, I candeal with that one until you
can't deal with it, and then youblow up.
Do you see that?
It's just, it's so common, likein my work and in everything
that I've done, like the peoplewho blow up first off, you're
blowing up your anger.
I think it's beautiful.
I mean, it's telling ussomething.
It's telling us what isimportant to you.
It's the reason you know itdrew you here to having this
conversation with me, and it'sshowcasing to you what's
(18:32):
important in your body Gorgeous.
I love your anger.
She's beautiful.
I love her.
I want to honor her.
I just want to redirect her sowe're not hurting anyone.
Does that make sense?
That'd be great.
Yeah, and that's what I have todo with my anger.
Sometimes she still likes to popup and rear her ugly little
head and I'm like, girl, calmdown in there.
(18:52):
I know it's feisty and when itcomes to this, I want you to get
to a place where, like, he'sgoing to do something like that
listening thing and you're goingto be like, oh, hey, tom, oh,
you're doing it again.
I want to get to that place.
So, as we are looking at that,is there anything that you could
say in the moment where youcould say to him, like have you
(19:13):
guys been able to have thisconversation well enough to
where you both have like aninside word, an inside joke, an
inside anything that says like,oh, I'm getting triggered again.
Hold on, I'm not feeling heardright now.
Can we try again?
I do that a lot with my husband.
I was like, can we try thatagain please?
And he's like, oh, yeah, shit,hold on how does that sound?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
A few weeks ago, maybe more, we sort of had a
plan where I would or he wouldsay take 20 seconds and we would
disconnect and the 20 secondsmight be 20 seconds or it might
be 20 minutes for me to dealwith it and then come back and
talk about it, but that sort ofwent out the window.
I don't know why we stoppeddoing it very quickly.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Yeah, well, either A we could try bringing it back up
again.
So here's the thing withrelationships in life you are
going to need to be so mindfulevery time.
Right, it's like cycling uphillyou guys are just going to get
off course every once in a while.
And life is just, and that'sgreat.
We should be able to be onautopilot every once in a while,
we should put cruise control onour car and drive along, but
every once in a while you'redriving along on cruise control
(20:17):
and someone in front of you tapson their brakes.
You need to tap on your brakeand you need to take back
control of the car.
That's all this is.
When you find yourself gettingheated again with him.
You got to just course correctback to the 20 second thing and
you'd be like, oh okay, I need a20 second break.
And then what I would want todo is I'd really want to work
with you, the internal strugglecoming up, because I think
(20:40):
there's a big attachment woundaround not being seen, heard or
understood, and the work that Ido.
What we would do is we wouldtake that attachment wound and
we would start to rewire it inour minds over time.
So when he says that when hedoes, however he acts, you're
not triggered because you're notcoming from a place of lack.
Now, right, you know in yourheart of hearts, he hears you,
(21:02):
he sees you, he loves you, heunderstands you.
You know, in all these otherareas of your life you're heard,
you're seen, you're understood,you're loved.
You know all of this.
So when he messes up, it's notabout you, it's about him.
So when he messes up and hetries to interrupt or he tries
to go into fix it mode oranything like that, it's no
different than him.
You know, turning left when hewas meant to turn right.
(21:22):
You're not going to get angryat him and be like what were you
thinking?
You were supposed to turn left.
You're such an idiot.
You'd be like oops, hold on, wemade the wrong turn.
And that's how we come back inalignment with like who we
actually really want to be.
But that comes from an internalspace.
You might have heard me talkabout this before, but it's the
concept of like being an orangebush.
So if I were to say to you,christine, you're an orange bush
(21:45):
, what would you even think?
You'd be like what I think?
What the fuck?
Right, exactly?
You would literally if we'rehaving a conversation or
something like that, and I'd belike, oh yeah, you know like you
look just like an orange bushto me.
Blah, blah, blah.
You, your whole, entire.
You'd be like, well, that'sweird.
(22:06):
Do you see how?
Your body wouldn't be likeangry.
But and I'm gonna say somethingjust for the triggering aspect
of this okay, if I said to youyou're ugly, you look terrible.
I can't believe you wore thattoday.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
You know what?
That wouldn't trigger me.
I don't care what people think.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Oh okay, well good, you're making my point so
beautifully.
Actually, this is great, butgive me something like what's
something you're sensitive about, like your cooking, maybe, I
don't know Do you know what?
I mean, like, what is somethingyou're kind of sensitive about?
Don't tell me I don't want tolike trigger you, but you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
like well, just not being heard.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
That's, that's yeah, that's the biggest one.
Well, so like for me, and thistook a really long time, but for
me it was often like peoplewould talk about my voice like
oh, wow, she has such a goodmessage, but her voice is so
squeaky.
Oh, she has such a good voice,but she talks too fast.
Oh, she has such a good message, but she talks too fast.
Oh, she has such a good message, but she's too all over the
place.
(23:00):
And this Christine would likedestroy my soul, like it would
hurt me.
Like this was like, yeah, likefour years ago it was like I
could never become or doanything, like this is who I am.
But here's why.
Here's why this is the caseCause they were hitting me in a
place that I already believedabout myself, because you cannot
hurt someone if they don'tbelieve it.
I can call you an orange bushall day, every day, and you know
(23:21):
you're not.
I could call you ugly, like wedid, and you're like I don't
give a fuck, jen, I don't thinkI'm fine.
Like because you don't care.
But all of a sudden now I don'tunderstand you or hear you,
because deep down somewhere inyour body, you believe you don't
deserve to be heard.
There's something deeper there.
I'm not sure if we're going tohave time to figure out, like
today.
Right, we can keep talkinglater.
(23:42):
But there's something evendeeper.
There's something heavy inthere that says if I'm not heard
, then what?
Then I'm not loved, I'm notlovable, I'm unworthy, I'll
never be loved.
All that yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
All I'll never be loved.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
All that, yeah, all of that, it's all.
Yeah.
That's that deep-seated beliefof like, oh, I'm not worthy to
be listened to.
So if somebody doesn't listento me, then they're just
reinforcing that belief.
So if somebody today still sayssomething like in one of my
YouTube comments or somethingit's like, oh, she needs to
fucking slow down.
There's still a part of my bodythat goes, oh God, that hurts.
And then I have to release it.
(24:24):
I do the work.
I remember my voice is my voice.
It resonates with some people.
It doesn't resonate with others.
It doesn't make me wrong orless than or unworthy just
because my voice is differentfrom other people.
That's the work, right there.
So when he starts to not listento you, it becomes this
instinctual thing where you'relike hold up, I'm getting
triggered.
Let me observe that that's froman old wound of mine.
(24:46):
I'm feeling that somaticfeeling of that tightness in my
throat and that heaviness in mychest.
I know this isn't about him andI'm going to remind myself I
deserve to be listened to, Ideserve to be heard and he's
trying his best and I appreciatethat, but I need a moment.
How does that feel?
Like thinking you could do thatin the future?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
It feels like it's a long way off, like it would be
hard work.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yes, and it is, and that's why it's like in the
future we would get to thatplace where you're just like
okay, but get to that placewhere you're just like okay, but
for right now there issomething about him.
It makes sense that's why we'reprobably in a relationship with
him that he triggers you inthose ways.
So he's been brought into yourlife to help you heal this part
of you.
Are you ready to jump into thatwith him and heal it, because
this is something about you.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Yeah, I think if I can heal this and he's already
doing the work to listen better,to understand me, to know me I
think our relationship will bejust amazing.
Yeah, it's amazing.
He's so worth doing work for.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
That's your evidence, I want you to remember he's
worth doing the work for.
So when he messes up becauseI'm telling you right now he
will Like that's how thisstarted, right, me just being
like what if I tell you he neverchanges, I have to always start
there, because I need to seehow triggering this is to a
person, right?
And we heard that your answerwas well then, this is never
going to work.
That's where I would just wantto challenge that and say I
(26:12):
think we could get this to workeven if he doesn't change.
Oh, they think he will.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
We could get this to work even if he doesn't change.
Oh, they think he will.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
He's very slowly, but I need to work on me.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
And I'm at a loss as to where to go with this.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Yeah, so we have a couple of things, so let me hear
from you some of the ideas.
So first we have the 22nd idea.
Do we want to go back to that?
Speaker 2 (26:32):
I do think that helps me If I can regulate and calm
myself down.
We do have good talks aboutwhat happened.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Yeah, beautiful.
So let's implement that again.
Let's try that.
That's one thing.
Two, I would also venture thattry to find other people to tell
stories to.
Don't tell him everything.
Does that make sense?
Like he is not going to be thatperson for you, for everything.
So find other people to go tellstories to that are great
listeners, so you feeleverything.
(27:01):
So find other people to go tellstories to that are great
listeners, so you feel heard, sohe can do whatever it is that
he does best for you, becauseI'm sure there's a ton of other
things he does for you that yourother friends can't do.
I'm sure there's some specificthings, right.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, no one person can meet all your needs.
I know that I've got a very bigfriend circle Gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Let's start, really, if you're in a conversation with
him, this is such a great hackin life.
If you're in the middle of aconversation with him with
anyone, honestly, anyonelistening, just like listen in,
real quick.
If you're in the middle of aconversation with someone and
you start getting triggered,then that is not the person for
you to finish that story with.
I want you to hold onto it andthen go find it somewhere else.
(27:34):
So, for example, if I'm tellingand then go find it somewhere
else.
So, for example, if I'm tellingmy husband some story about,
like you know, some girlfrienddrama that I'm dealing with,
whatever, and his first reactionis like well, why do you let
her bother you like this so much?
That's not what I was lookingfor.
I wanted to vent, I needed tobitch about it, right.
I wanted to be like, I neededsomeone to be like girl, don't
(27:57):
let her treat you that way,right, that's what I needed.
And I realized that's not him.
So when I said these words tohim and he said well, why do you
let her bother you so much?
I was just like oh, there's atrigger.
Okay, I'm not getting what Ineed.
I'd say you know what?
Yeah, thank you finish thatconversation with him and then I
go and I text my bestie and I'mlike girl, I need to talk to
(28:17):
you about something.
Can you call me as soon as youcan?
Do?
You see that?
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Yeah, I do.
But the things that Tom and Iare talking about sort of
insights into who I am that'sthe bit that I want him to get,
and you know he often treats melike I'm some other woman that
he's been with.
He denies it, but it doesn'tfeel like he knows who I am.
He's just generalizing whatwomen are like.
It seems to be a whole bunch ofthings that he's had in the
(28:48):
past and he brings it to ourrelationship.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
And that's the part where I would want us to get
more clear.
Well then, who are you and whatdo you want to show to him?
Because, like you said, it'swhat you perceive he's doing,
but it might just be the waythat he's coming across, but he
does see you, he knows you, hedoesn't.
That's what I want to challengeus on.
Do you truly believe this manthat you've been with for seven
months doesn't know you?
(29:12):
He doesn't?
Speaker 2 (29:13):
He really doesn't.
He said on several occasionsyou know I'll say when are we
going to catch up?
Oh, I'm just giving you spaceand I'm like I don't need space,
that's what you need.
You need space and he does, butI don't.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Okay, I don't need space.
Gorgeous, gorgeous.
Can I stop down on that withyou real quick?
Yeah, that is so classic.
This is such a humanperspective.
We are so geared towardsprojecting onto other people
what we think it is we need.
There's a high chance he's likethis forever.
I mean, this is one of the mostcommon things that I deal with
with all of my clients, evenwomen on the side.
They'll be like I would needsomebody to check in on me.
(29:50):
I would need somebody to makesure I'm doing okay.
And I was like okay, but did heask for that?
When we are in these attachmentpatterns, he just has a specific
attachment pattern and he'strying to love you the best way
that he knows how.
It doesn't mean that he doesn'tknow you.
It means that he has his ownshit going on.
So all we have to do isconsistently remind him, not get
angry when he doesn't do it,but we just remind him.
(30:14):
Like 21 times he's like I wasjust giving you space because I
thought that needed.
So we do the steps incommunication.
First we regulate and werealize he was trying his best.
Then we validate.
We say thank you so much forloving me, for trying, but this
is what I actually need when I'mfeeling this way and then the
next time when he messes it upagain, you do it again, and
(30:36):
again and again, and thatteaches them how to treat us.
Do you hear that?
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Gosh, that'll feel like I'm training a
three-year-old.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Now that we could get into in a different episode,
because that is the type ofresistance I need.
No, but I hear you, I hear you,girl, like that's the thing,
like, oh, we don't have time toget into that right now, but
that resistance is what I want.
That resistance is like wellthen, I just feel like I'm
training a three-year-old.
I would want to dive into thatand be like okay, tell me why,
telling someone what you need istreating someone like a
(31:05):
three-year-old Where's thatcoming from?
Oh, my God, that's.
If it goes that way, yeah,that's the thing thing.
People are just doing their bestout there with what they have.
Tom is doing his best and hereally does truly care for you
and, like you said, he's worthdoing the work for.
So I'm going to challenge thatbelief inside of us that we
(31:29):
shouldn't have to put in thatwork, that we shouldn't have to
remind him 20 million times likeagain, that's just life, that's
relationships.
They're going to keep doingthat thing and you're going to
be like, oh, come back with me,Course correct.
And because, so long as we knowhe does see you, he does know
you, he's doing the best that hecan, but he has his own
(31:50):
attachment wounding built upthat he thinks this is the best
way to do it.
So you, just you treat him,teach him again, teach him again
.
I've been with my husband whatfive years now and there's still
certain things where he'd belike oh, I thought you would
really like this cherrychocolate ice cream.
And I was like since when haveI ever liked cherry?
chocolate Yep that's the sort ofthing that happens.
(32:12):
That's because sometimesthey're just in their head, but
do you see the intent behind it?
There's love.
That's the difference.
As we wrap up here, if there'sone way to really know the
difference is watch somebody'sintent.
Is he intent on hurting you?
Is he intent on not listeningto you?
Is he intent on not growing andon staying still?
Or, from what I'm hearing andnow I only have a small picture,
(32:32):
but from what I'm hearing he'svery intent to try.
His intent behind giving youspace was out of love, right Out
of thinking.
That's what you needed.
His intent is good-spirited.
That's what we look for in aperson, someone we can
communicate with, someone we cando, and then, yeah, someone
that we're going to setboundaries with.
And again back to that thingwhere we think we're good at
setting boundaries but we'reactually not, because we have to
(32:55):
set them proactively again andagain and again and again, and
that's exhausting and daunting,and I feel you, but that's what
we're going to get you to, okay.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
It is exhausting and daunting, I know I totally, I do
.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
I get it All right.
And then the next step to thisI would say let's talk outside
of this episode, outside of thepodcast, and let's talk about
the program, cause I thinkcoming into the 12-step program
could be a really good deal.
So that way you could like getyour attachment style, your
attachment wounding what youneed, how to communicate it,
your boundaries, and thenputting it all together Like
that's the steps, that's all youneed in this, and then you
(33:30):
would have it.
So you and I'll talk afterwards, see how we could figure that
out for you, but for right nowwe're going to do the 20 step
thing, the 22nd thing, startthere, and then we're going to
just really start checking inwith those belief systems inside
of us, those attachment wounds.
Remind yourself you are heard,you deserve to be heard, but
like not deserve to be heard bylike blowing up at someone else,
like you already are heard.
(33:50):
Hear yourself If he'smisunderstanding you, okay, he
doesn't need to understand youbecause you understand yourself.
That's what we're going to getto, and the resistance behind
that tells us even more.
All right, hon, thank you,you're very welcome.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Tell me a couple of things in your own words any
takeaways or what you want towork on this week.
After our conversation I willhave to go back and think about
a whole lot of things that havecome up Boundaries.
Obviously, I've got some workto do there because I'm not as
good as I thought I was.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
You and me both, it's totally fine.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
I already know I'm not good at asking for my needs
to be met, so I've got some workto do on that.
I am very independent.
That hasn't come up in theconversation, but yeah, it's
like oh well, you know, I canjust be on my own if it's not
going to work.
So yeah, it's up to me to makeit work.
(34:45):
I've got work to do to make itwork.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yeah, I think being able to dig into that is going
to be so helpful.
Yeah, how are you feeling rightnow, as we're wrapping up?
Speaker 2 (34:55):
I feel good.
I just I feel like I kind ofknew a fair bit and now I'm
realizing that I don't know muchat all.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Really yeah hey, that's a good thing.
That means we have stuff towork on.
Then yay, if you know, then youcame in, it'd be like, oh shit,
what do I do now?
Speaker 2 (35:12):
yeah yeah, no, it's good okay, good, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Well, thank you so much for coming on and for being
vulnerable and sharing yourstory.
I think a lot of women again Ijust really resonate a lot with
your story as well and the waysin which you kind of go from
zero to 60 with your anger andyour emotions and just your
passion, and I think just beingable to harness that for good,
to be able to be heard, is whereit's at, because in the end,
(35:38):
those of us that kind of blow up, it is it's just a wounding of
not feeling heard and we want tobe heard, so we blow up and
it's where it comes from.
So we're just going to kind ofstop it in its tracks a little
bit early and that's where it'sgoing to go.
We're going to look at gettingyou into the program so that way
you can do the 12-step programwith us and come join a
community of women that willtotally all know exactly where
you're at with this.
It'd be like, oh yeah, let metell you about what my husband
does, so that'll be reallyperfect, and then we're just
(35:59):
going to keep, slowly but surely, kind of working through those
things.
All right, and thank you so, somuch for coming on and for
anyone else that is listening.
I hope you took so much out ofmy conversation with Christine
today.
I hope you're really listeningto your own story as you are
hearing hers and thinking like,oh, where could I be better at
setting boundaries, settingthese proactive boundaries?
(36:20):
Where am I letting things go,when actually maybe that's where
I should have said no first andso just kind of think about
those as you go on with yourweek today and again, if you're
looking at getting coached onthe podcast with me here, just
like Christine did, you canscroll down to the show notes,
click on the link to apply forpodcasting or reach out to me in
the Facebook group.
Speak honest.
It's got two little orangehearts.
You'll find us over there andcome in and keep the
(36:42):
conversation going.
Let Christine know.
Hey, I've been throughsomething similar, you know.
Maybe we could connect and talkabout it, because healing is
done in community, it is done inco-collaboration and it's done
in co-regulation and that's thebest way, especially healing our
attachment styles, that we cando that.
So, again, thank you so much forcoming on, christine, and I
will speak with you later.
Take care.
Thank you, jen.
(37:03):
As we wrap up today'sconversation.
Always remember that healing isa journey, not a destination,
and it is an honor to be a partof your healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
(37:24):
right there, and please rememberto rate, review and subscribe
if you enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on today
I have a client coming in toask a couple questions about
(00:48):
something that she has on herheart.
But before we get started withthat, I just want to remind you
that if you are out there andyou are looking to get some
coaching, I would love to haveyou come on and be on the
podcast, just like Christine isright now.
You can go ahead and scroll ondown to the show notes and you
can click on the link that saysapply for podcast coaching, or
you can jump into the Facebookcommunity and you can just let
me know there.
Jen, I have this thing.
(01:09):
I really need some help with it.
Do you think you could justwalk me through it?
You jump on the podcast with me, we walk through it, but not
only do you get help with that,you also help all of the women
that are listening right now.
So, getting some help, somekind of understanding about
yourself.
As you're listening toChristine, then think about what
(01:29):
you could be doing for otherwomen as well.
So if that's something you wantto do, go ahead and just click
on the link apply for thepodcast.
But for right now, let's goahead and get on with the
episode Now.
Christine, thank you so muchfor coming on the podcast today.
How can I help?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Thanks, thanks for having me, jen.
I listen to your podcasts allthe time and I think you're
brilliant.
Oh, thank you, son.
Yes, I'm in a fairly newrelationship and he is a very
unique man and so much nicerthan any of the men I've dated.
I'm 66, so I've had a few menin my life and I want to make it
(02:04):
work, but we're having troubles.
It's about seven months now, sothat's when the rose-colored
glasses come off and we actuallysee each other, and I seem to
have a problem that isexacerbated by the problem he
has.
So I need to be heard, andhere's crap at communication.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
So he's quite happy to talk, but he struggles to
listen.
Is that what I heard you say?
Yes, exactly, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Yeah, he'll hear about the first two sentences
and he's already formulatedsomething in his brain to answer
that.
But that's just theintroduction to the subject that
I want to talk about.
So he misses the whole subjectand he's got this in his brain
and he's hanging on to what hewants to say.
And then he mentions the startof the conversation and I fly
(02:57):
off the handle.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Tell me more about that.
So, first off, very, verynormal, very common, especially
for men, like you know, not togeneralize, but absolutely to
generalize.
They have this way of wantingto fix things immediately.
The thing that I'm interestedin is I heard you say fly off
the handle.
So tell me more about that.
What's going on inside of you?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I get really frustrated and I find it really
hard to regulate my emotions anddeal with it in a way that I
would like to deal with it.
In the past I have I've notmentioned it at the time and
then I've come back to it later.
I've regulated first and comeback to it later.
But now it's happened so manytimes that it's like, oh,
(03:40):
straight away, and then I'll getupset, I'll rant at him, I will
cry, then I'll get off thephone and feel really bad that
I've done that.
I'll hate on myself and findreasons why he is such a good
man because he is he really issuch a good man and then I'll
(04:02):
try and win him back again.
He doesn't withdraw.
He keeps saying I'm not goinganywhere.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
That's helpful to hear Good, we know what we're
working with then on that end.
So that's good, yeah, yeah,yeah.
So if I say to you right nowhe's never going to change, this
is who he is, he's going tojump in and say something before
you're being hurt.
What happens in your body whenI say that?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Well then, the relationship's not going to work
.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Ah, beautiful.
Talk to me more about that.
Why not?
Because I need to be heard.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
I need him to know me , not.
I feel like he's got an imageof all women and he's not had a
lot of long-term relationships.
He will put his life on holdfor his woman.
He will do whatever he thinkshis woman needs, but he doesn't
listen to find out what hiswoman needs, right.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
He's not actually like truly, and when I hear you
say be heard, I'm almost hearingyou really say like be seen and
be understood.
Is that resonating as well?
Yes, okay, yeah, and tell me alittle bit.
I want to kind of sidetrackjust slightly.
Tell me, in other areas of yourlife, maybe in the past, has
(05:12):
this been a struggle for youoften being understood, being
seen, being heard.
Is this a common pattern?
Speaker 2 (05:18):
I think it is.
I've never reacted so badly toit, but I really do think it is.
I have had reactions before andI've worked on them extensively
over my life.
My mum was the same, so it's alearned pattern as well as an
issue that I have, but myreactions now are just way over
(05:39):
the top.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
And that's the part that I'm interested in, because
here's the thing Like, okay,I'll give you a little taste of
my story, right, like my husband, when he comes home from work,
he puts his shoes in the hallwayand it's just like it's grating
, christine, like it is justlike, oh my God, just put your
fucking shoes away.
It's not that hard, right.
But like I've known this mannow for five years, this is what
it's going to do.
(06:00):
I've learned this is who he is.
How can I work with him on thisin order for us to still
coexist, right To co-collaboratetogether?
So the part that I'm interestedin is the blow up on your end.
That's usually an indicationthat we're triggered by some
past events.
Something's going on that hasnothing to do with him.
So even when I say he probablywill do this forever, but how
(06:21):
can we work with him instead ofagainst him?
Like how's that when I say that?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Oh, jen, if you can help me to manage him.
Oh, that just sounds beautiful.
Yeah, because I really don'twant to lose him.
But if we can't make it work,it's like abuse on him.
He's had abuse before.
Make it work.
(06:47):
It's like abuse on him.
He's had abuse before, so I'mhoping he's not trauma bonded to
me because he put up with itbefore for quite a long time
verbal and it feels like I'mdoing the same thing and that's
the very last thing that I wantto do.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Well, and I think can we just speak on this real
quick, because, as somebody thatis incredibly feisty and loud
and absolutely verbally abusedmy ex-husband at times, that
doesn't make me like a badperson or an abuser, right, and
you doing the same doesn't makeyou.
Everyone is coming at all oftheir situations with their own
lived experience.
You're going from zero to 60because a part of you remembers
(07:18):
a past when you weren't beingheard or understood, and it puts
you in a place where you wereunsafe.
And all that's happening now isthis man is re-triggering, it's
reinforcing all of that in you,and so you're yelling at him in
this way to get heard again.
But we just have to askourselves is it working?
Are you being heard by yelling?
Usually the answer is no, butlike right.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
He actually is doing some work, jen.
Oh, I'm sure he is.
Yeah, he actually is doing somework, jen.
Oh, I'm sure he is.
Yeah, he's finding informationon communication.
He has actually learned to do alittle bit of active listening
and I think he's working oncuriosity.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Oh, that is so.
He sounds like a very specialman.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Like this makes me really yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
He really is.
So what I want us to do is Iwant us to kind of slow down and
look at what can we control?
And that's why I'm not sayinghe'll never change.
I think people can change allthe time.
But, for example, in thesituation with my husband and
his shoes, he's like, listen,I've got like 40 years of my
life, this is what I do.
I come home, I put my shoesdown and then, when him and I
started having a conversation,we realized I leave my clothes
(08:25):
in the bathroom when I shower,you know, and I leave boxes
fully open.
You know what I mean?
Like out, like out in thebackyard, and I never break them
down.
And he's like I do that stuff.
I put your clothes away, I put,I break your boxes down.
Do you see how I worked withhim over something that was
triggering me?
Because the trigger was neverabout him.
That's what I want us to get tosee here Him not listening to
(08:48):
you.
That has nothing to do with him.
We can work on him, don't worry.
We absolutely can.
But the big emotional reactionyou're having it's about you.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Absolutely, I 100% agree, and that's why I need
help.
I've listened to your podcastsand I'm trying to work through
it and, yeah, I need you.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Perfect.
So let's start with going backa little bit and really
understanding what is happeningNow.
We might not know this today,right, we can keep working on
this later, but for right now,if I can give you some tangible,
actionable steps to take movingforward, it would be to start
observing in your body what'shappening when you're getting
(09:26):
triggered.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Oh, I can tell you that.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Okay, great, talk me through it.
What's going on in your body?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
My throat feels like someone's got their hands around
it and my stomach cramps up,stunning.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Okay, all right, I'm going to ask you a really hard
question and you do not have toanswer this if you don't want to
.
Have you ever been in asituation where someone has had
their hands around your throat?
Yes, okay, can we spend sometime with that, just for like a
second?
Yep, because your somaticexperience is a remembered
experience.
Do you hear that?
Yeah, so what do you think isgoing to happen in this moment?
(10:00):
Again, it's not about him, it'syour body's reliving.
Honestly, I just I picked up onthat because, well, back in the
day, during the beginning of myhealing, and I kept saying it
felt like I was getting punchedin the gut.
I remember being asked have youbeen punched in the gut?
And I was like yeah, and I waslike, oh shit, this feeling I
(10:21):
have of being unsafe isn't aboutthat.
And if we can get to a placewhere we can even explain that
to him, we can get to a safespace where we can say, like,
sweetheart, when I blow up, I'mworking on it, but it's not
about you.
I'm working through something,I'm healing something in my body
.
Thank you for being a safespace for me and I will work on
this.
Just, I need to remove myselfmore often in these situations
(10:42):
and I need this.
Do you hear that communication?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Yeah, how's this landing right now?
What's going on in your body?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
I've got, yeah, a little bit of tightness in the
throat and a little bit oftension in my stomach.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
You're just so brave and vulnerable to be bringing
this up right now.
I just want to really see youand really hear you in terms of
what you have been through.
Look how far you've come.
Look at this beautiful man thatyou have.
He's not actually doing thisstuff to you.
We know that, right, but ourbodies it's like.
It's that thing where it's likeif my body could just stop
thinking that it's gettingchased by a lion, maybe I could
live my life right, but ourbodies are like in fight or
flight.
(11:21):
And so we're going to work onthis with him, because that's
what I'm saying.
Like he's going to be very slowin terms of listening, but I
still don't think it's about hisinability to listen.
I think he's just an old man.
You know what I mean.
Like he's set in his ways tosome extent.
He's trying really hard.
He loves you, right?
He adores you, he wants to workwith you.
He's doing all of this stuff.
He's doing all of this stuff.
(11:41):
So how can we get you to aplace where you're communicating
and now you get to playfullysay, oh, you're not listening
again?
Like, oh wait, go back Right.
Like I do this with my son.
Sometimes we now have likethese joking ways of being like
oh no, I'm getting like reallyannoyed with you right now.
Stop it, stop it now.
And that prevents us fromhaving a blow up.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, I love it when I can do that and I can
sometimes.
Yeah, but what I try, Jen, isto not mention it at the time
when I feel like my throat'schoking and my stomach's cramped
up.
I try and just move theconversation on and then go back
to it the next day.
How is that working for you?
(12:22):
Well, if there's not anothertrigger the next day, I'm great,
but if there's another trigger,it's like fuck off.
I don't even want to talk toyou when I hang up on him.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Okay, beautiful.
So in that moment, that firsttime something's happening, how
can we get Christine to speak upmore?
Because there's a littleChristine somewhere inside of
you that feels like, oh, I needto shut myself off, I need to
shut myself up and I need tomove on.
Well, what I want to encourageus is, the more we speak up, the
less we blow up.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, I do know that.
I've heard you say that and Iknow that I just feel like I
need to settle down the reactionin my body before I can speak
about it.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
And that's perfect.
So there's this method that Iuse, called the RAISE method.
Okay, of regulation, and thevery first step, the very first
thing we do, is remove ourselves.
So you're not wrong in terms ofthat.
You're not actually removingyourself is the problem.
What actually is happening isyou're pushing it down and then
still moving forward, but whatI'm asking is get off the phone.
(13:27):
Then what I'm saying is likeright, we have that, what we
call proactive conversation withour partner, where we say, hey,
babes, I'm trying out somethingnew.
You know, this is going to looka little bit weird and
different in the beginning, butsomething that's really
triggering me is when I'mtelling a story and you jump
into fixing or whatever it wasyou said that he was doing, and
that seems to really trigger me.
I know you're trying and I knowI'm trying, but if that happens
(13:49):
, I need to remove myself fromthe conversation.
In that moment, two things aregoing to happen here.
One you remove yourself.
You set a boundary, yay, right,I'm good at boundaries.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I really am good at boundaries.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Can I tell you something, can I?
Okay, I'm going to shift gearsfor one second and call us both
out on this.
I also used to think I wasreally good at boundaries, girl,
and then I saw all the littleways where I still let stuff go
go.
I'm using quotation marks foranyone not being able to watch
me right now.
Right, like I'm good atboundaries, are you good at
(14:22):
boundaries?
Are you good at just avoidingshit?
Right, like I say that withlove to both of us, because if
we were really good atboundaries, we'd be able to just
say oh hey, I don't like itwhen you do that.
Thanks.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Why does it have to sound so easy?
I know like.
What I learned is we're good atreactive boundaries, such as
such a disorganized trait, bythe way, such a love in my heart
for it, if I'm being honest.
It's this reactive boundary.
We're very good at saying no,what's's a reactive?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
boundary?
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Great question.
A reactive boundary is whenwe've gotten to a place where
we've kind of gone zero to 60and we're like fuck off, right.
And we're just kind of like,okay, now I'm going to say no.
So now it's like, hey, can youcome and do this thing?
No, but maybe it's more likelike water, right.
So if it's like me saying toyou hey, can you just give me
some of your?
Do you have tea in your mug?
(15:23):
I have a mug here as well.
Right, can you just give mesome of that tea in your mug,
you know, and you're like, ohyeah, sure, because I wasn't
really like asking.
I was just like, hey, give mesome of that tea in your mug.
And you're like, well, all of asudden now your body feels a
little something, but you'restill weren't, like you're not
taking the time to listen to it.
And you're like, yeah, okay, Iguess I'll give her some more
tea.
She seems to really need it.
(15:44):
Sure, and then it's like, hey,can I have more tea?
But now you have no tea left,you have nothing left in your
mug.
And so now you say, see, I'm sogood at boundaries, but setting
proactive boundaries instead ofreactive ones would have been.
In.
The first time I asked for teaand you're like oh actually, I'm
sorry, I can't give any rightnow.
(16:05):
I don't have any extra.
I'm not sure where I'm going toget more tea from later.
I don't know about you, butlike, does that even elicit
anything in your body, beingable to say that the first?
It's like we have to wait tolike this.
I was just figuring this outrecently, christine.
It's like we have to wait forit to be valid in order to say
no.
But what if we say no beforethen?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
What if we just say no thanks.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
So I'm thinking, like Tom's an older man too, like me
.
Well, he's not as old as me,but he's that generation and he
thinks that sexist jokes areokay.
Well, he did, he knows not to.
Now All women manipulate, typethings.
And I'm like where's thepunchline there, tom?
The punchline is the punch inthe guts.
For me there's not a funny jokethere.
(16:49):
It's not funny, but it's just ajoke.
No, it's not a joke.
So I patrol that boundaryeasily and he's learned now no
sex, no racist no homophobicjokes.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I'm not gonna accept them into my world, which is
really good.
That's actually stunning, likegreat job.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Brought up that way, and that's, you know, his
generation.
You know I've got a right toprotect that boundary, whereas
being listened to somewhereinside of me feels like, you
(17:32):
know, you just got to suck it up, you just got to let him do
what he does and not speak up.
So I don't feel that thatboundary is something that I can
proactively react to.
Yeah, yeah, to patrol thatboundary.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Exactly it's everything you just said.
And being able to stand up for,like the racist and homophobic
and misogynist jokes and allthis stuff, you're also not only
protecting yourself, you'reprotecting other people.
So it's going to come from aplace of like.
I am in my right, like you saidI am.
This is a valid thing for me toset a boundary for.
But all of a sudden, now it'sfor us and we're just like oh, I
(18:12):
can deal with that one, I candeal with that one until you
can't deal with it, and then youblow up.
Do you see that?
It's just, it's so common, likein my work and in everything
that I've done, like the peoplewho blow up first off, you're
blowing up your anger.
I think it's beautiful.
I mean, it's telling ussomething.
It's telling us what isimportant to you.
It's the reason you know itdrew you here to having this
conversation with me, and it'sshowcasing to you what's
(18:32):
important in your body Gorgeous.
I love your anger.
She's beautiful.
I love her.
I want to honor her.
I just want to redirect her sowe're not hurting anyone.
Does that make sense?
That'd be great.
Yeah, and that's what I have todo with my anger.
Sometimes she still likes to popup and rear her ugly little
head and I'm like, girl, calmdown in there.
(18:52):
I know it's feisty and when itcomes to this, I want you to get
to a place where, like, he'sgoing to do something like that
listening thing and you're goingto be like, oh, hey, tom, oh,
you're doing it again.
I want to get to that place.
So, as we are looking at that,is there anything that you could
say in the moment where youcould say to him, like have you
(19:13):
guys been able to have thisconversation well enough to
where you both have like aninside word, an inside joke, an
inside anything that says like,oh, I'm getting triggered again.
Hold on, I'm not feeling heardright now.
Can we try again?
I do that a lot with my husband.
I was like, can we try thatagain please?
And he's like, oh, yeah, shit,hold on how does that sound?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
A few weeks ago, maybe more, we sort of had a
plan where I would or he wouldsay take 20 seconds and we would
disconnect and the 20 secondsmight be 20 seconds or it might
be 20 minutes for me to dealwith it and then come back and
talk about it, but that sort ofwent out the window.
I don't know why we stoppeddoing it very quickly.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Yeah, well, either A we could try bringing it back up
again.
So here's the thing withrelationships in life you are
going to need to be so mindfulevery time.
Right, it's like cycling uphillyou guys are just going to get
off course every once in a while.
And life is just, and that'sgreat.
We should be able to be onautopilot every once in a while,
we should put cruise control onour car and drive along, but
every once in a while you'redriving along on cruise control
(20:17):
and someone in front of you tapson their brakes.
You need to tap on your brakeand you need to take back
control of the car.
That's all this is.
When you find yourself gettingheated again with him.
You got to just course correctback to the 20 second thing and
you'd be like, oh okay, I need a20 second break.
And then what I would want todo is I'd really want to work
with you, the internal strugglecoming up, because I think
(20:40):
there's a big attachment woundaround not being seen, heard or
understood, and the work that Ido.
What we would do is we wouldtake that attachment wound and
we would start to rewire it inour minds over time.
So when he says that when hedoes, however he acts, you're
not triggered because you're notcoming from a place of lack.
Now, right, you know in yourheart of hearts, he hears you,
(21:02):
he sees you, he loves you, heunderstands you.
You know, in all these otherareas of your life you're heard,
you're seen, you're understood,you're loved.
You know all of this.
So when he messes up, it's notabout you, it's about him.
So when he messes up and hetries to interrupt or he tries
to go into fix it mode oranything like that, it's no
different than him.
You know, turning left when hewas meant to turn right.
(21:22):
You're not going to get angryat him and be like what were you
thinking?
You were supposed to turn left.
You're such an idiot.
You'd be like oops, hold on, wemade the wrong turn.
And that's how we come back inalignment with like who we
actually really want to be.
But that comes from an internalspace.
You might have heard me talkabout this before, but it's the
concept of like being an orangebush.
So if I were to say to you,christine, you're an orange bush
(21:45):
, what would you even think?
You'd be like what I think?
What the fuck?
Right, exactly?
You would literally if we'rehaving a conversation or
something like that, and I'd belike, oh yeah, you know like you
look just like an orange bushto me.
Blah, blah, blah.
You, your whole, entire.
You'd be like, well, that'sweird.
(22:06):
Do you see how?
Your body wouldn't be likeangry.
But and I'm gonna say somethingjust for the triggering aspect
of this okay, if I said to youyou're ugly, you look terrible.
I can't believe you wore thattoday.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
You know what?
That wouldn't trigger me.
I don't care what people think.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Oh okay, well good, you're making my point so
beautifully.
Actually, this is great, butgive me something like what's
something you're sensitive about, like your cooking, maybe, I
don't know Do you know what?
I mean, like, what is somethingyou're kind of sensitive about?
Don't tell me I don't want tolike trigger you, but you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
like well, just not being heard.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
That's, that's yeah, that's the biggest one.
Well, so like for me, and thistook a really long time, but for
me it was often like peoplewould talk about my voice like
oh, wow, she has such a goodmessage, but her voice is so
squeaky.
Oh, she has such a good voice,but she talks too fast.
Oh, she has such a good message, but she talks too fast.
Oh, she has such a good message, but she's too all over the
place.
(23:00):
And this Christine would likedestroy my soul, like it would
hurt me.
Like this was like, yeah, likefour years ago it was like I
could never become or doanything, like this is who I am.
But here's why.
Here's why this is the caseCause they were hitting me in a
place that I already believedabout myself, because you cannot
hurt someone if they don'tbelieve it.
I can call you an orange bushall day, every day, and you know
(23:21):
you're not.
I could call you ugly, like wedid, and you're like I don't
give a fuck, jen, I don't thinkI'm fine.
Like because you don't care.
But all of a sudden now I don'tunderstand you or hear you,
because deep down somewhere inyour body, you believe you don't
deserve to be heard.
There's something deeper there.
I'm not sure if we're going tohave time to figure out, like
today.
Right, we can keep talkinglater.
(23:42):
But there's something evendeeper.
There's something heavy inthere that says if I'm not heard
, then what?
Then I'm not loved, I'm notlovable, I'm unworthy, I'll
never be loved.
All that yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
All I'll never be loved.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
All that, yeah, all of that, it's all.
Yeah.
That's that deep-seated beliefof like, oh, I'm not worthy to
be listened to.
So if somebody doesn't listento me, then they're just
reinforcing that belief.
So if somebody today still sayssomething like in one of my
YouTube comments or somethingit's like, oh, she needs to
fucking slow down.
There's still a part of my bodythat goes, oh God, that hurts.
And then I have to release it.
(24:24):
I do the work.
I remember my voice is my voice.
It resonates with some people.
It doesn't resonate with others.
It doesn't make me wrong orless than or unworthy just
because my voice is differentfrom other people.
That's the work, right there.
So when he starts to not listento you, it becomes this
instinctual thing where you'relike hold up, I'm getting
triggered.
Let me observe that that's froman old wound of mine.
(24:46):
I'm feeling that somaticfeeling of that tightness in my
throat and that heaviness in mychest.
I know this isn't about him andI'm going to remind myself I
deserve to be listened to, Ideserve to be heard and he's
trying his best and I appreciatethat, but I need a moment.
How does that feel?
Like thinking you could do thatin the future?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
It feels like it's a long way off, like it would be
hard work.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yes, and it is, and that's why it's like in the
future we would get to thatplace where you're just like
okay, but get to that placewhere you're just like okay, but
for right now there issomething about him.
It makes sense that's why we'reprobably in a relationship with
him that he triggers you inthose ways.
So he's been brought into yourlife to help you heal this part
of you.
Are you ready to jump into thatwith him and heal it, because
this is something about you.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Yeah, I think if I can heal this and he's already
doing the work to listen better,to understand me, to know me I
think our relationship will bejust amazing.
Yeah, it's amazing.
He's so worth doing work for.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
That's your evidence, I want you to remember he's
worth doing the work for.
So when he messes up becauseI'm telling you right now he
will Like that's how thisstarted, right, me just being
like what if I tell you he neverchanges, I have to always start
there, because I need to seehow triggering this is to a
person, right?
And we heard that your answerwas well then, this is never
going to work.
That's where I would just wantto challenge that and say I
(26:12):
think we could get this to workeven if he doesn't change.
Oh, they think he will.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
We could get this to work even if he doesn't change.
Oh, they think he will.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
He's very slowly, but I need to work on me.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
And I'm at a loss as to where to go with this.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Yeah, so we have a couple of things, so let me hear
from you some of the ideas.
So first we have the 22nd idea.
Do we want to go back to that?
Speaker 2 (26:32):
I do think that helps me If I can regulate and calm
myself down.
We do have good talks aboutwhat happened.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Yeah, beautiful.
So let's implement that again.
Let's try that.
That's one thing.
Two, I would also venture thattry to find other people to tell
stories to.
Don't tell him everything.
Does that make sense?
Like he is not going to be thatperson for you, for everything.
So find other people to go tellstories to that are great
listeners, so you feeleverything.
(27:01):
So find other people to go tellstories to that are great
listeners, so you feel heard, sohe can do whatever it is that
he does best for you, becauseI'm sure there's a ton of other
things he does for you that yourother friends can't do.
I'm sure there's some specificthings, right.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, no one person can meet all your needs.
I know that I've got a very bigfriend circle Gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Let's start, really, if you're in a conversation with
him, this is such a great hackin life.
If you're in the middle of aconversation with him with
anyone, honestly, anyonelistening, just like listen in,
real quick.
If you're in the middle of aconversation with someone and
you start getting triggered,then that is not the person for
you to finish that story with.
I want you to hold onto it andthen go find it somewhere else.
(27:34):
So, for example, if I'm tellingand then go find it somewhere
else.
So, for example, if I'm tellingmy husband some story about,
like you know, some girlfrienddrama that I'm dealing with,
whatever, and his first reactionis like well, why do you let
her bother you like this so much?
That's not what I was lookingfor.
I wanted to vent, I needed tobitch about it, right.
I wanted to be like, I neededsomeone to be like girl, don't
(27:57):
let her treat you that way,right, that's what I needed.
And I realized that's not him.
So when I said these words tohim and he said well, why do you
let her bother you so much?
I was just like oh, there's atrigger.
Okay, I'm not getting what Ineed.
I'd say you know what?
Yeah, thank you finish thatconversation with him and then I
go and I text my bestie and I'mlike girl, I need to talk to
(28:17):
you about something.
Can you call me as soon as youcan?
Do?
You see that?
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Yeah, I do.
But the things that Tom and Iare talking about sort of
insights into who I am that'sthe bit that I want him to get,
and you know he often treats melike I'm some other woman that
he's been with.
He denies it, but it doesn'tfeel like he knows who I am.
He's just generalizing whatwomen are like.
It seems to be a whole bunch ofthings that he's had in the
(28:48):
past and he brings it to ourrelationship.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
And that's the part where I would want us to get
more clear.
Well then, who are you and whatdo you want to show to him?
Because, like you said, it'swhat you perceive he's doing,
but it might just be the waythat he's coming across, but he
does see you, he knows you, hedoesn't.
That's what I want to challengeus on.
Do you truly believe this manthat you've been with for seven
months doesn't know you?
(29:12):
He doesn't?
Speaker 2 (29:13):
He really doesn't.
He said on several occasionsyou know I'll say when are we
going to catch up?
Oh, I'm just giving you spaceand I'm like I don't need space,
that's what you need.
You need space and he does, butI don't.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Okay, I don't need space.
Gorgeous, gorgeous.
Can I stop down on that withyou real quick?
Yeah, that is so classic.
This is such a humanperspective.
We are so geared towardsprojecting onto other people
what we think it is we need.
There's a high chance he's likethis forever.
I mean, this is one of the mostcommon things that I deal with
with all of my clients, evenwomen on the side.
They'll be like I would needsomebody to check in on me.
(29:50):
I would need somebody to makesure I'm doing okay.
And I was like okay, but did heask for that?
When we are in these attachmentpatterns, he just has a specific
attachment pattern and he'strying to love you the best way
that he knows how.
It doesn't mean that he doesn'tknow you.
It means that he has his ownshit going on.
So all we have to do isconsistently remind him, not get
angry when he doesn't do it,but we just remind him.
(30:14):
Like 21 times he's like I wasjust giving you space because I
thought that needed.
So we do the steps incommunication.
First we regulate and werealize he was trying his best.
Then we validate.
We say thank you so much forloving me, for trying, but this
is what I actually need when I'mfeeling this way and then the
next time when he messes it upagain, you do it again, and
(30:36):
again and again, and thatteaches them how to treat us.
Do you hear that?
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Gosh, that'll feel like I'm training a
three-year-old.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Now that we could get into in a different episode,
because that is the type ofresistance I need.
No, but I hear you, I hear you,girl, like that's the thing,
like, oh, we don't have time toget into that right now, but
that resistance is what I want.
That resistance is like wellthen, I just feel like I'm
training a three-year-old.
I would want to dive into thatand be like okay, tell me why,
telling someone what you need istreating someone like a
(31:05):
three-year-old Where's thatcoming from?
Oh, my God, that's.
If it goes that way, yeah,that's the thing thing.
People are just doing their bestout there with what they have.
Tom is doing his best and hereally does truly care for you
and, like you said, he's worthdoing the work for.
So I'm going to challenge thatbelief inside of us that we
(31:29):
shouldn't have to put in thatwork, that we shouldn't have to
remind him 20 million times likeagain, that's just life, that's
relationships.
They're going to keep doingthat thing and you're going to
be like, oh, come back with me,Course correct.
And because, so long as we knowhe does see you, he does know
you, he's doing the best that hecan, but he has his own
(31:50):
attachment wounding built upthat he thinks this is the best
way to do it.
So you, just you treat him,teach him again, teach him again
.
I've been with my husband whatfive years now and there's still
certain things where he'd belike oh, I thought you would
really like this cherrychocolate ice cream.
And I was like since when haveI ever liked cherry?
chocolate Yep that's the sort ofthing that happens.
(32:12):
That's because sometimesthey're just in their head, but
do you see the intent behind it?
There's love.
That's the difference.
As we wrap up here, if there'sone way to really know the
difference is watch somebody'sintent.
Is he intent on hurting you?
Is he intent on not listeningto you?
Is he intent on not growing andon staying still?
Or, from what I'm hearing andnow I only have a small picture,
(32:32):
but from what I'm hearing he'svery intent to try.
His intent behind giving youspace was out of love, right Out
of thinking.
That's what you needed.
His intent is good-spirited.
That's what we look for in aperson, someone we can
communicate with, someone we cando, and then, yeah, someone
that we're going to setboundaries with.
And again back to that thingwhere we think we're good at
setting boundaries but we'reactually not, because we have to
(32:55):
set them proactively again andagain and again and again, and
that's exhausting and daunting,and I feel you, but that's what
we're going to get you to, okay.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
It is exhausting and daunting, I know I totally, I do
.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
I get it All right.
And then the next step to thisI would say let's talk outside
of this episode, outside of thepodcast, and let's talk about
the program, cause I thinkcoming into the 12-step program
could be a really good deal.
So that way you could like getyour attachment style, your
attachment wounding what youneed, how to communicate it,
your boundaries, and thenputting it all together Like
that's the steps, that's all youneed in this, and then you
(33:30):
would have it.
So you and I'll talk afterwards, see how we could figure that
out for you, but for right nowwe're going to do the 20 step
thing, the 22nd thing, startthere, and then we're going to
just really start checking inwith those belief systems inside
of us, those attachment wounds.
Remind yourself you are heard,you deserve to be heard, but
like not deserve to be heard bylike blowing up at someone else,
like you already are heard.
(33:50):
Hear yourself If he'smisunderstanding you, okay, he
doesn't need to understand youbecause you understand yourself.
That's what we're going to getto, and the resistance behind
that tells us even more.
All right, hon, thank you,you're very welcome.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Tell me a couple of things in your own words any
takeaways or what you want towork on this week.
After our conversation I willhave to go back and think about
a whole lot of things that havecome up Boundaries.
Obviously, I've got some workto do there because I'm not as
good as I thought I was.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
You and me both, it's totally fine.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
I already know I'm not good at asking for my needs
to be met, so I've got some workto do on that.
I am very independent.
That hasn't come up in theconversation, but yeah, it's
like oh well, you know, I canjust be on my own if it's not
going to work.
So yeah, it's up to me to makeit work.
(34:45):
I've got work to do to make itwork.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yeah, I think being able to dig into that is going
to be so helpful.
Yeah, how are you feeling rightnow, as we're wrapping up?
Speaker 2 (34:55):
I feel good.
I just I feel like I kind ofknew a fair bit and now I'm
realizing that I don't know muchat all.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Really yeah hey, that's a good thing.
That means we have stuff towork on.
Then yay, if you know, then youcame in, it'd be like, oh shit,
what do I do now?
Speaker 2 (35:12):
yeah yeah, no, it's good okay, good, all right.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Well, thank you so much for coming on and for being
vulnerable and sharing yourstory.
I think a lot of women again Ijust really resonate a lot with
your story as well and the waysin which you kind of go from
zero to 60 with your anger andyour emotions and just your
passion, and I think just beingable to harness that for good,
to be able to be heard, is whereit's at, because in the end,
(35:38):
those of us that kind of blow up, it is it's just a wounding of
not feeling heard and we want tobe heard, so we blow up and
it's where it comes from.
So we're just going to kind ofstop it in its tracks a little
bit early and that's where it'sgoing to go.
We're going to look at gettingyou into the program so that way
you can do the 12-step programwith us and come join a
community of women that willtotally all know exactly where
you're at with this.
It'd be like, oh yeah, let metell you about what my husband
does, so that'll be reallyperfect, and then we're just
(35:59):
going to keep, slowly but surely, kind of working through those
things.
All right, and thank you so, somuch for coming on and for
anyone else that is listening.
I hope you took so much out ofmy conversation with Christine
today.
I hope you're really listeningto your own story as you are
hearing hers and thinking like,oh, where could I be better at
setting boundaries, settingthese proactive boundaries?
(36:20):
Where am I letting things go,when actually maybe that's where
I should have said no first andso just kind of think about
those as you go on with yourweek today and again, if you're
looking at getting coached onthe podcast with me here, just
like Christine did, you canscroll down to the show notes,
click on the link to apply forpodcasting or reach out to me in
the Facebook group.
Speak honest.
It's got two little orangehearts.
You'll find us over there andcome in and keep the
(36:42):
conversation going.
Let Christine know.
Hey, I've been throughsomething similar, you know.
Maybe we could connect and talkabout it, because healing is
done in community, it is done inco-collaboration and it's done
in co-regulation and that's thebest way, especially healing our
attachment styles, that we cando that.
So, again, thank you so much forcoming on, christine, and I
will speak with you later.
Take care.
Thank you, jen.
(37:03):
As we wrap up today'sconversation.
Always remember that healing isa journey, not a destination,
and it is an honor to be a partof your healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
(37:24):
right there, and please rememberto rate, review and subscribe
if you enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.