September 10, 2025 • 32 mins
Ever wondered why love feels so hard even though you’re smart, successful, and doing all the “right” things?
In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Coach Cass to unpack the hidden patterns that keep women stuck in cycles of heartbreak, situationships, and almost-relationships. We talk chemistry vs. compatibility, why “casual equals casualties,” and how to create space for the love you actually deserve. If you’ve been settling for “he likes me” instead of choosing from your own worth, this conversation will shift the way you see dating and relationships.
You might want to listen if:
- You keep confusing chemistry with compatibility
- You’ve said yes to men simply because “they liked you”
- You’re tired of casual connections that go nowhere
- You struggle to trust what real love feels like
- You want to create a supportive community around your love journey
About Our Guest:
When love feels out of reach, Dr. Casandra “Coach Cass” Henriquez—America’s Go-To Love Doctor—helps successful women over 40 attract and keep real love. She’s the creator of the bestselling Love Deck and founder of the Real Love Network, a thriving community for professional women seeking clarity, confidence, and connection. Featured in Forbes, Cosmopolitan, and Black Enterprise, Coach Cass brings a relatable, no-nonsense approach to love and life.
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DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health ...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, Jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode, I am so excitedto be featuring the brilliant
(00:50):
Coach Cass.
Now, if you don't know anythingabout Coach Cass, she is
amazing.
She is just so perfect for usy'all.
Honestly, I'm a little bitstarstruck.
I can't believe I even got herto come on this podcast right
now.
When I heard that she wanted tocome on, I was like, yes, let's
get her right away because Ilove her stuff.
She's so real, she's so honest,she tells you how it is and you
know anything about me.
(01:10):
That's exactly what we do aswell, Before we get started.
If you want to continue thisconversation after this, if you
have any questions, if you'relike, hey, what was that thing
Coach Cass was talking about?
Jump into our free Facebookcommunity.
Go to Speak Honest, SecureCommunication for Women.
Jump in there, ask anything youwant, and I will make sure you
get hooked up with any of thedetails, any of the links, any
(01:31):
of the specials that Coach Cassis going to talk about today.
But with all of that said,let's get on with the episode.
Coach Cass, welcome to thepodcast, darling, so happy to
have you here.
Say hi, introduce yourself,just do your thing.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Hey, jen.
Well, I'm really excited to behere, right?
So we were just talking aboutthe power of everything that we
do and literally where it camefrom.
For me is my own heartbreak.
So once upon a time, I wasdating a guy that I thought was
the one has that ever happenedto you where you thought was the
one before?
So we were dating for almosttwo years, jen, and I just knew
that.
I knew that this was going tobe my husband.
Right, this is my husband.
(02:12):
And one Christmas Eve I got acall from a mutual friend.
I'm like, oh, merry Christmas.
He's like yeah, that's not whyI'm calling.
I said well, why are youcalling?
Then he said, oh, are yousitting?
I said, oh, boy, what's goingon?
He says he's married.
(02:32):
Yeah, my heart shattered into amillion pieces.
I was in a really dark placeand I kept dating.
But I kept dating the wrong guyafter the wrong guy after the
wrong guy.
I said, oh man, something's gotto give here.
What am I not doing, right?
So I want to say it was maybemy 29th wedding invitation,
right?
That was like my definingmoment.
It's like wait a second isevery you ever felt like
everybody was getting mad.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Everybody except for me right now.
Yeah, exactly, you're like waita second, didn't?
Speaker 2 (02:58):
matter the age, the stage, the race, the weight, the
degrees, the amount of money inthe bank, like even Toothless
Willie got somebody.
It's like, wait a second nowI'm cute, you're cute.
Why is this not working for me?
And so that's when I started torealize that I wasn't really
taught how to do relationship.
You know all the degreesthrough all the studies, through
all the communications, throughall the things we watch
(03:19):
dysfunction, right, a whole lotof dysfunction.
And so I decided to draw a linein the sand.
But I drew it behind me and Isaid you know what?
I'm going to do somethingdifferent.
I'm not going to go back.
I don't want to turn into apillar of salt, if you know, you
know.
And then I started to moveforward and I said, okay, well,
I read books on love, right,almost a hundred books on love.
I interviewed couples who'dbeen married for over 25 years
(03:39):
but actually still liked eachother, because I'm Jamaican and
there's a whole lot of oldmarried folk but not everybody
likes each other.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
They might be married , but they don't really.
They don't talk much anymore.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
All the things.
I interviewed successful womenwho were successful in business
and in love, because I realizedthat a part of me felt like you
couldn't do the both of them atthe same time.
You know all these limitingbeliefs around love.
So, as I rewired my brain, Irewired my love story,
attracting my amazing husband,and we have a beautiful baby
(04:11):
girl that we just got back froma month trip in Africa with my
mom, and it's just beautiful tobe able to have these
experiences.
And I almost didn't have thathappen because I almost pushed
love away.
And that's what I find so manyprofessional women do is that
they say I'm just going to focuson my work, I'm going to focus
on my kids, I'm going to focuson my cat.
(04:32):
You know, I'm going to focus onsomething else that has nothing
to do with my plants, somethingelse that has nothing to do
with my love life, because Ican't control love.
So therefore, it'll come whenit comes, but somehow it's not
coming so literally.
That's what led me to this path, where I specifically support
professional women in their lovejourney in a community, because
(04:53):
I really believe that doingthis thing by yourself it sucks.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, it really does.
Like you don't have to do thisalone.
It's hard enough as it is.
But trying to figure all ofthis out and then thinking like
wait, am I doing the right thing?
Am I pushing them away, that'sthe hardest part to trust our
intuition.
Talk me through what it is youdo with the ladies in your
program and your community.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
So the biggest thing is to be seen and heard, right?
I find that too often we walkaround and we're speaking but no
one's listening, and so we getused to that and we enter
relationships where no one'slistening and we wonder why we
(05:35):
cry ourselves to sleep or wefeel unfulfilled or we end up in
this rotating wheel ofsituationships because we don't
know what it's like to be seenand heard.
So we practice a lot of that inmy community and really being
able to help women get clear onwhat it is that they desire and
how to identify that in the realworld.
(05:56):
Because it's one thing to haveyour list right, oh, I got a
list, Roll it out but then whatdoes that look like in real life
?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
right, yeah, like he's got to have this, this,
this, this, this.
You're like, okay, but likewhat if he kind of does this?
And you're like wait, I didn'tplan for that, right, wait, it's
not on my list, so I don't know.
And you're like girl, he justbought you flowers.
Like, yes, all the illegitimatefear.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I feel very sad for the short men, but that's a
whole nother topic.
So you know really, walkingthem through what it is to
accept and receive love and whatthat looks like, because
(06:37):
there's so many terms, rightBreadcrumbing, love bombing,
coach Cass, he called me threedays in a row.
It's love bombing, I'm like, orhe really just likes you, right
.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Or he's also just nervous.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Right, you know there's, there's this weird
things that we identify with.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Or they say, oh, he ghosted me.
And I was like, oh, my God,sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
Like how long ago, and fromthis morning?
And I was like, okay, sorry,we're ladies, ladies, ladies,
ladies.
Coach Cass and I are having amoment right now as coaches.
We love you, we adore you.
We are just trying to tell youwhat it's like right now because
we were there.
I remember my own story, coachCass.
(07:15):
It was right at the pandemic.
He had the audacity to break upwith me on the day before the
world shut down.
Like what was he even thinking?
And so, as if being alone isnot hard enough, now I'm alone,
alone, I'm just heartbroken.
You know, I'm pantless.
I'm chugging wine in the bottlelike it's water and it's just
like this is ridiculous.
And then the same guy was.
(07:36):
It was the same guy.
It was the same guy.
Talk me through these patternswe do as women.
Talk me through that.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
So many patterns, all right.
Oh, pattern number one the guyis hot, he looks so good, the
chemistry is fiery, soautomatically we're smoldering
together, ready to move in, andeverything blows up within three
months and you're just likewhat happened?
I'm like, well, what are wedoing?
How are we choosing ourpartners, our life partners?
(08:04):
Because the women I work withare marriage focused.
They're not focused on the onenight stand situation, because
you would get that anyway.
But it's just like the patternsI see is that we focus so much
on the chemistry that we forgeteverything else that matters.
And then we wonder why we endedup falling in lust with the
drunk guy that doesn't doanything, right, that really
(08:26):
doesn't hold a job.
But then he's really sexy.
Stop that Right.
So there's that.
But he's so fun to talk to, sofun Exciting.
Stop it Right, yeah.
Then there's pattern number two.
It's OK, well, I'm going to geton the app, and then I'm off
the app.
And Then I'm on the app, thenI'm off the app and it's like
(08:46):
what are we doing?
Well, outside of that?
I work, I got to make money,coach Cass, that's it right.
So it's like they do thetwo-day free trial on a weekend
and then expect love to findthem.
Nobody knows they're single.
They don't go anywhere outsideof with a group of girlfriends
that's surrounding them, right,you know, maybe if that.
(09:08):
And then otherwise they'reNetflix and chilling and
watching all of the realityshows, sometimes crying, saying
why can't I just be married atfirst sight, knowing for a fact?
They would be absolutelyweirded out if that happened.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
If that actually happened and that's such an
interesting part about this work, as I'm sure you know as well.
But it's that, even that wetalked about that earlier like
the love bombing, which is tosay, oh, he's love bombing me
and it's like no girl.
I just don't think what youknow what it feels like to
actually have somebody like you.
For you, you've had to workyour entire life to earn your
love in this, and for me, I workmainly with attachment styles.
(09:41):
So right, so I would say, likein your anxious attachment, as
you're going through this,you're thinking to yourself, oh,
unless you earn it, you don'tdeserve it.
And so, as a result, when he'sjust giving it to you even
though you didn't do anything todeserve it, you're like whoa,
whoa, wait a second.
And it's like trying to breakall that.
So something I wanted to talkto you about was that you have
this ability.
There's a beautiful way ofmanaging these spaces where
(10:03):
women feel both challenged butalso safe and supported.
So talk me through how youbuilt that and what that feels
like in your community.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I've been a coach since 2004,.
Right, and in working withwomen in many different aspects,
I just find it important tohave a safe space and I never
say that I'm not going to tellyou like it is.
Listen here.
Okay, we call it judgment free,but still I'm going to tell you
like it is always.
(10:32):
I just came back from Africa.
I took 25, 25 of us went toAfrica, had a beautiful retreat
and it was no drama.
I haven't smiled so much allyear, like, literally, we just
had a blissful time togetherbecause of the company that we
keep.
We already have women that havesigned up for next year's
(10:53):
retreat based on the beautifulexperience that they had now and
literally, I have some womenthat come to everything because
they're just like.
There's no other space thatexists like this and for me it's
the intention and I'll tell you.
The first time I did this was myown wedding.
At my own wedding, we had afour-day destination wedding and
(11:13):
what I told people at theopening ceremony happy hour
situation I said look yourproblems.
You left them on the plane.
So here we have a good time andso there is no problems here.
We're going to have fun, period.
So we didn't pay to.
We have a good time and sothere is no problems here.
We're going to have fun period,right?
So we didn't pay to not have agood time and it's just so
amazing when you set yourintentions, people actually like
(11:33):
follow suit.
We had a drama free wedding nofamily altercations, no fights,
no nothing.
Oh man, if you could bottlethat and sell that.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
That's ridiculous.
Are you kidding me?
Wow, Good for you, because youset the intention and you put it
out there.
When you put it out there.
This is the expectation.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
And now that I've had women that have been rolling
with me for some time, right?
So, whether they're single orin a relationship like, they
still roll with me, it's justlike this is the standard.
So then we create ambassadorsof.
This is what we do, right?
This is who we are.
What I call my woman is wantedwomen, so women achieving new
triumphs every day.
So you woke up like this youare wanted.
(12:13):
Now it's to figure out what youwant, right?
And then we dissect anddecipher that all the time,
because so often we find the guy.
That's like that 80-20 rule,but sometimes that 20 is a
problem.
Yeah, and I'm not here to shameanyone for breaking up, right.
So we celebrate therelationships, the engagements,
(12:35):
the marriages, the breakups.
We celebrate it all because onething I know is that this is a
self-discovery process, reallyselfishly.
It's really all about youfiguring out what you want, and
if this is not what you want,you don't have to stay there.
And that's not enough of aconversation in society today,
like we weren't taught how todate.
We weren't taught how to choose.
(12:56):
I believe that women choose,even though men get down on one
knee and all that good stuff,but I really believe that, women
, you have to say yes and it'sokay to say no, even though
someone likes you Through thehundreds of women, thousands but
, through the many women thatI've spoken to, what I find as a
theme is they just went withthe person that liked them.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Oh, let's break that down a little bit.
I'm going to repeat that theyjust went with the person who
liked them, again going back tothat worth thing, right Of like.
Oh, okay, fine, I guess he putsup with me.
So, yeah, talk me through why.
If so, someone's listening andthey're like, wait, that's a
problem, hold up.
Yes, talk me through why thatmight not be the healthiest
solution.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
We weren't taught how to choose right.
So, especially for busyprofessional women that have so
many things okay, you know, it'slike he's doing the things he
looks good on paper, This'llwork Right, and too often we go
with this'll work versus saying,wow, this is the person for me
(13:55):
that I can build a marriage,build a life, build a home with,
you know, aligned and vision.
Like we, we weren't taughtanything about that, so it's
really like wow, you know it's,the pickings are slim.
According to the internet,according to the television,
according to all these people,there's no one out here, even
though there's millions ofpeople in the world.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh yes, I've heard you talk about this before.
Let's drop some truth bombsright now, because I've heard
you say this before where, ifyou're out there and you're
believing right, you have thislimited belief in your mind
where you're like well, the goodmen are taken, they're all
married or gay or whatever it isthat we say Talk me through why
that's detrimental to your lovelife.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
So the thing is I hate statistics, right?
So according to the BMI, right,based on whoever that they were
studying, they say I'moverweight, but I'm a healthy
weight for me, right?
So if I read into all of thestats that don't apply to me, it
then makes me depressed, itthen makes me sad, it then
decreases my self-worth.
(14:53):
Instead, you need to start tofigure out, start to look for
the examples of the peoplegetting in relationship, right?
So look at all the peopleacross the land that you know
that have recently found someone, gotten engaged, gotten married
.
You're like oh yeah, there'ssome people and even if you
don't know them personally, youknow them on the internet, you
know them on television, right,but we get so caught up in
(15:15):
there's no good men out there.
You know, in my city I hear itall the time In my city, it
doesn't matter if you're in.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Cucuquachi.
I've been through all, I'veswiped twice on them already and
all of my, you know, and it'slike, well, I saw this really
great meme out there recentlythat was like, ladies, keep
trying.
You know your soulmate is aboutto get divorced, but it's not
wrong.
But here's why.
So my, I got married recently2023.
And so it's my second marriageCause, you know, I had the whole
(15:42):
lovely, toxic thing in thebeginning and my husband now he
was on dating apps for like 15some years, you know, had like a
couple.
You know he did like the bigfancy ones back in the day, like
matchcom, and then he, you know, did start doing Bumble and he
would date some women for acouple of years or whatever, and
then never really found anyone.
And people would be like,aren't you just tired of being
(16:03):
on here?
And he's like, well, yeah, butwhat's my other option?
Like he's a very secure man, soso wonderful, so beautiful, and
at the time it's exactly that.
So we make that joke of he's.
Like I just waited Cause I knewmy forever person, she'd be
getting divorced soon and then Iwould be the better man.
So like, do you hear thatconfidence in him?
Right, as he's saying that, andI found him at a time where I
(16:24):
wasn't really ready.
I was just seeking malevalidation on dating apps, which
you know, by the way, ladies,if you do that, great Like, we
gotta like get our kicks insomehow.
Okay, and it was the pandemic.
So.
But the next thing I know I'mfalling in love with this man
and I wasn't expecting that, andso that can happen.
So long as his intention wasalways, I'm ready to settle down
(16:45):
with a woman.
He said it right there on hisdating app I am looking for a
marriage, for a long-termrelationship, with the
understanding that it doesn'thave to happen tomorrow.
He put his intention out there,didn't he?
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Yeah, and I'm hearing intentions.
Too often we say we're justlooking for something casual and
we're not, and I really feellike casual equals casualties.
You know, we have to be moreintentional about what we want.
I mainly work with women over40.
So it's just like listen, wedon't have time to play Yet we
play so many games.
And what I also find, jen, isthat even though we say we want
(17:18):
this relationship, we make nospace for it.
Oh, he wants to take you out.
Oh, I have something.
Third Tuesday from next Nebuary.
Well, how does that help anyone?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
I like Nebuary.
That's really good.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
How do you get to know anyone if you don't
continuously connect with them?
Right, you have to make spacein your calendar and if your
life is so full, then it's timeto do a relook at your life.
So I have a live event and lastyear one of the women stood up
in the beginning of this eventand stood with me.
She's 65 and she had justretired and she said you know, I
(17:53):
just spent the last 30 years atthis job.
I gave everything.
Everyone knew me, they love me.
Since I've retired, my phonehasn't rung once, it wrong once,
and it was just like thisthought of silence.
I was just like, wow, we giveour everything to work, but when
you step away from it, you getreplaced right?
(18:16):
Like when are we going to startto realize the person that you
choose to marry, to be with, topartner with, to lay beside?
Right, that's really important.
Just like you put everythingelse up there in terms of
getting your house, your car,your nice check, all of it.
Like the person that you chooseto be with that's the person
(18:36):
that's gonna be there for youwhen you're sick, when you're
down, when you choose the rightperson, right?
Hello?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Right, good point, cause you could stay with
someone.
But this brings me back to sucha great point too, and I want
to talk more about your liveevent, because I think it sounds
lovely, which goes back tocommunity, which is also the
amount of effort that you putinto your community.
So, your family, your friendsRight, I get it.
Some of us we don't have familyor we've had to remove
ourselves.
That doesn't mean we don't havefamily.
We get to create that forourselves, and if we don't have
(19:04):
a man, we get to create that inother ways as well.
And so talk me through yourlive events, what that looks
like and how that community ofwomen they get to lean on one
another while they're goingthrough the hard shit.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yeah.
So you know, during thepandemic, I got real cozy in my
chair, jen.
I did all of my webinars offthe side of my bed, right, it
was just beautiful.
I got this meeting.
I was like no new friends, Idon't need anybody else, it's
(19:36):
just me and my little cocoon.
And as the world started toopen up, I said, oh yeah, people
are amazing.
Wow, right, like, how can Ialmost shut myself off?
And I find that some people arestill in that mode, shut down,
shut off, turtles in their shellin their cocoon, scared to come
outside and play.
And I'm telling you, it's a lotof fun out here, knowing it's
(20:07):
beautiful, you know.
And it brings tears to my eyesto know what it means to other
women.
There were women who had nevertraveled with me before on our
last trip to Zanzibar and theywere crying to feel accepted,
right, instantaneous acceptance,just for being who you are.
We don't know how much moneyyou make, we don't know how old
you are, we don't know where youlive.
We just love you.
And how often do we reallyexperience that?
(20:29):
And what I find is we're oftenlooking for validation and love
in all the wrong places.
So if we could find a littlebit of that in a beautiful
community.
We're going to look for it lessoutside and we're going to
really identify what real lovefeels like.
So, yes, I have a live eventcalled Wanted Woman Live every
(20:50):
October in South Florida becauseit's the warmest place in the
country at that time.
Right, that's lovely.
Yeah, it's a good time.
Yeah, we dive deep, right.
So essentially what we'retalking about this year we have
someone coming in talking abouthow trauma lives in your body,
like how does it hurt and howdoes this affect your love life.
Right, we have a gynecologistcoming to talk about the
(21:13):
menopause and the perimenopause,because all those hormones.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
We need to be talking about that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Yes, OK, our jacking, yes, jacking up our
relationship.
So we don't even understand whywe're so crappy.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Right, like you can say yeah, my sis right.
It's like I left him yesterday.
Today he is pissing me off.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
That's a real thing.
So not only am I the president,I'm also a client, right?
So we have our mindset, coach.
That's talking about how to gofrom hustle to heart.
You know, we're always on thisgrind, like everybody wants to
solve life and has no idea howto get there.
There's still a little gracethat needs to happen in the
process, and I'm talking abouthow do we hold a power seat
(21:54):
right?
You still have power, no matterwhat seat you sit in, and I
know many women are afraid ofbeing submissive and all of that
.
What does that look like inrelationship on a day-to-day
basis?
Because I have women get into arelationship and then they're
like well, what do we do now,coach Cass?
So it's one thing to get a man,but it's another thing to keep
him or put him back if he's notthe one for you, right?
Yeah, then you're like wait, ohno, what is that whole process?
(22:15):
So we do a whole beach releasewe dance, we party, we cry, we
have a good time, you know, jen?
Oh, that's lovely.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
So is it like a conference?
Is it a retreat?
What do we call it?
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, so it's like an unconference, you know,
essentially, oh, I like thatit's learning, but yeah, and how
many days.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
So tell us more Like when in October is there still
more space available?
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yes, there's still more space available and for
those who heard it here, you canuse the code Jen.
Ok, Jen, there you go.
Ladies E-N-N Go to once.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Can I use my own code to show up?
Yes, because this soundsamazing.
So it's the beginning ofOctober, right?
Okay, so we still got plenty oftime.
Even you know you're listeningright now it's September.
If you're like, oh my gosh, I'vebeen looking to go and join a
community of women, maybethere's a bunch of women from
the Speak Honest community.
They want to get together andgo together.
(23:05):
Like listen, ladies, like youknow, I say this all the time,
but you need, you need to belistening to this information
from all these different sources.
Okay, because our brains wirethis way If we only hear of one
source, right, then we just kindof get stuck in this one way.
But let's go and listen.
No-transcript, no-transcript.
(23:54):
Receiving, right, that's notsubmissive.
What does it mean to receive?
It means you choose.
So that's like in that we, wehave full control over all of
our relationships.
It's just, we have to beintentionally making those
choices.
And what better way thandancing on the beach, living
with other women, like feelingsafe and supported and seen in
all of these areas and everyoneknows I mean, I love a good
(24:16):
dance, right, that's like mywhole thing too, and so it's
like get out there.
So how can they find you?
Is it wantedwomanlivecom?
Is that right they find you.
Is it a wanted woman livecom?
Is that right?
Yeah, that's the okay.
So they can go to wanted womanlivecom.
They can use the code Jen, j, eN N.
Get $200 off.
Go and join a bunch of women,get plugged in.
Grab one of your besties fromspeak honest.
Right, I have.
I have the relationship rebootprogram.
(24:37):
We go through a 12 step programto learn how to shift your
attachment styles and learn howto communicate securely.
Ladies, go, talk this up, gotogether Like.
This is what it's all about.
So talk me through what elsethey might experience at the
Wanted Woman Live Unconference,which I love that, by the way.
I think that's so fun.
What kind of like hours like?
Is there group work?
(24:58):
There's time off?
Of course, it sounds like whatif you're like an introvert, are
you stuck around people theentire time?
Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
So it's a thing right .
So you will be gentle to theintroverts, it'll be OK, You're
fine, we accept you.
Introverts rock there too, youknow.
So essentially we start aboutnine.
It's like nine to five, lunchbreak, and then we kind of have
like a dance party on the firstnight.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
And then on the Saturday we have a whole men's
panel so you could hear from theme as well.
Oh, that's lovely.
So you actually bring in likemale coaches and the male
perspective to really oh, that'sreally great, that's a really
cool idea, yeah for us, thatwill say sensible things right.
Oh yeah, no, they have to bevetted.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Yes, that part right.
We also are residentsexologists, so I have a year
round program where I supportwomen, and so I have some of my
experts come and speak.
So our sexologist is alsocoming to talk, because one
thing I know is like, who taughtus about sex, right?
Oh my God, Really, when we thinkabout it really bad shows on
television, hearsay and trialand error.
You know so I want, I want youto have a great sex life.
(26:02):
So we have our sexologists alsocoming to speak.
So you know, overall we end itwith a beautiful beach release
early morning type of thing.
So you fly in Thursday, you flyout Sunday after one o'clock,
you make it back for work onMonday.
You know so, either way, it's abeautiful time away in the fall
.
I know most things usuallyhappen in the spring and the
summer, but what do you do foryou in the fall?
(26:22):
So I try to space out myexperiences in a way that you
always have something good tolook forward to.
They say vacation, 75% of thehappiness is just looking
forward to it.
You know so we do about threeevents a year where we support
individuals in their lovejourney in person, and then we
also just do fun trips.
You know so we have a good time.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Oh, I love that so so much, Coach Cass.
So where else can people findyou?
On Instagram, YouTube.
Go ahead and drop some morehandles.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
All the things I'm on Instagram at inspiremany,
inspiremany, and then on YouTubeCoach Cass, right.
So if you just put Coach Cassin love, coach, you'll find me.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
And what if someone is out there looking to be like
oh my gosh, I love her vibe.
This is exactly what I'mlooking for.
I want to work with her.
Do you take on one-on-oneclients?
Are you currently just doingprograms?
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Talk me through that.
Okay, so far, and few between,I do one-on-one, so we just have
to have a conversation.
But they could's a great fit,Cause I know for a fact that I'm
not a great fit for everyone,right?
So I do refer people out andthings of that sort, you know,
(27:36):
because I I really understandthat who hears me is my
assignments, you know.
So we have real conversationsaround.
If I'm your person and if I am,then we look at what's the best
way to support you.
Some people are super busy andthey just need something quick,
and some people are like no, Iwant to be a part of community.
So, yes, we have both options.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Oh, that's great.
I'd love to touch on that realquick, just as a coach, because
I think it's so important,especially for my listeners.
I always, always say this tothem.
It's probably terrible businesssales concept, but, like in my
world, it's like how I've alwaysreally felt, which is you need
to find the person who works for, like, works with you, and you
might like someone might lovelistening to my podcast, but as
a coach, maybe I'm not quitethere, maybe I talk too fast,
(28:17):
maybe I go too deep in like aspecific somatic way or
something, and they want to gomore goal oriented way.
So we go and we find thosecoaches.
I have an entire list ofcoaches that go on there.
In fact, I'd love to make sureI add your information.
I love talking with you andmaking sure that the women who
come to me know that there areso many resources out there and
if this is why, again, I vetpeople just like anyone else
does.
This is why I love Coach Cass,because you heard her say
(28:39):
authentically listen, we mightnot be always a good fit If
you're ever out there lookingfor a therapist or a coach and
they say to you oh no, you haveto work with me, I'm the only
one red flag run away.
So we are finding coaches, justlike we're finding men.
Right, we're being picky, we'rebeing selective, but we're also
letting them in, and that'swhat I want to get across.
But we can't do this alone.
We need help and it's okay.
(29:01):
I know, back in the day, we had,you know, our besties and our
aunties and our grandmas and allthese people in our lives that,
yeah, maybe we could haveturned to, and unfortunately,
the world looks different.
We don't have it, so let us bethat.
That's what we're here for now.
You know, back in the day I'vesaid this before but back in the
day we used to grow our ownvegetables.
We don't do me.
I don't know what's going on,like.
Why do they have to take onebite out of every cucumber?
What is this?
Anyways, side tangent why can'tyou just take one full cucumber
(29:31):
squirrel and go on?
This is welcome to my ADHD rant.
Now, this is what's happening,but you're so sad.
The?
Speaker 2 (29:37):
cucumbers.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
I know, right, it's like okay, like just leave some
for me please, but now we go tothe store, right?
Or I Instacart it over to myhouse or something.
My point here is is the worldshifts, the world changes.
If you're sitting there andyou're sad that you don't have
your bestie, you know, you don'thave your aunt or your mother
to be able to talk to, we areout there creating communities
where this is existing now, andI just want you to know that
there's no shame, there'snothing wrong with that.
(29:59):
Like this is what we utilize us, use myself, use Coach Cass,
use anyone else you've everlistened to.
That is my goal for all of you.
Is there anything last youwould like to say, coach Cass,
as we are wrapping up today?
Speaker 2 (30:11):
I really believe that when love is at the base,
everything else falls in place.
So continue to walk in love.
Don't be ashamed that youdesire romantic love and be open
to it, instead of saying youknow, I need to work on myself,
so I need to close this doorright.
Leave the door open to love, nomatter what you're going
(30:33):
through, because you just neverknow when it might pop up.
And I believe that for you andthat you know for those who are
listening, you really aresomeone's answered prayer and
it's for you to believe that.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Yeah, I love that.
Leave the door open to love.
That is so, so beautiful.
And if you are out therelistening right now and you are
looking to leave your door openfor love, then I highly highly
suggest you come and join ourfree Facebook community over at
Speak Honest securecommunication for women.
We can keep the conversationgoing there.
We can get the links.
If you're like Jen, I didn'thear what you said.
(31:10):
You can either scroll down tothe show notes, go to
WantedWomanLivecom, type in thecode, jen, or just ask me in the
Facebook group.
At any time, I hope you all havea beautiful, beautiful week.
Coach Cass, thank you so muchfor coming on and being a part
of this community.
I hope that you can come onagain and we can continue this
conversation.
And to everyone else, I willspeak with you all next week.
Take care, be sure to head overto our show notes, where you
can find all of the valuableinformation mentioned in today's
episode right there.
(31:31):
And please remember to rate,review and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
(31:51):
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, Jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal what's been holding youback from having the
relationships you deserve.
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello everyone and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode, I am so excitedto be featuring the brilliant
(00:50):
Coach Cass.
Now, if you don't know anythingabout Coach Cass, she is
amazing.
She is just so perfect for usy'all.
Honestly, I'm a little bitstarstruck.
I can't believe I even got herto come on this podcast right
now.
When I heard that she wanted tocome on, I was like, yes, let's
get her right away because Ilove her stuff.
She's so real, she's so honest,she tells you how it is and you
know anything about me.
(01:10):
That's exactly what we do aswell, Before we get started.
If you want to continue thisconversation after this, if you
have any questions, if you'relike, hey, what was that thing
Coach Cass was talking about?
Jump into our free Facebookcommunity.
Go to Speak Honest, SecureCommunication for Women.
Jump in there, ask anything youwant, and I will make sure you
get hooked up with any of thedetails, any of the links, any
(01:31):
of the specials that Coach Cassis going to talk about today.
But with all of that said,let's get on with the episode.
Coach Cass, welcome to thepodcast, darling, so happy to
have you here.
Say hi, introduce yourself,just do your thing.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Hey, jen.
Well, I'm really excited to behere, right?
So we were just talking aboutthe power of everything that we
do and literally where it camefrom.
For me is my own heartbreak.
So once upon a time, I wasdating a guy that I thought was
the one has that ever happenedto you where you thought was the
one before?
So we were dating for almosttwo years, jen, and I just knew
that.
I knew that this was going tobe my husband.
Right, this is my husband.
(02:12):
And one Christmas Eve I got acall from a mutual friend.
I'm like, oh, merry Christmas.
He's like yeah, that's not whyI'm calling.
I said well, why are youcalling?
Then he said, oh, are yousitting?
I said, oh, boy, what's goingon?
He says he's married.
(02:32):
Yeah, my heart shattered into amillion pieces.
I was in a really dark placeand I kept dating.
But I kept dating the wrong guyafter the wrong guy after the
wrong guy.
I said, oh man, something's gotto give here.
What am I not doing, right?
So I want to say it was maybemy 29th wedding invitation,
right?
That was like my definingmoment.
It's like wait a second isevery you ever felt like
everybody was getting mad.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Everybody except for me right now.
Yeah, exactly, you're like waita second, didn't?
Speaker 2 (02:58):
matter the age, the stage, the race, the weight, the
degrees, the amount of money inthe bank, like even Toothless
Willie got somebody.
It's like, wait a second nowI'm cute, you're cute.
Why is this not working for me?
And so that's when I started torealize that I wasn't really
taught how to do relationship.
You know all the degreesthrough all the studies, through
all the communications, throughall the things we watch
(03:19):
dysfunction, right, a whole lotof dysfunction.
And so I decided to draw a linein the sand.
But I drew it behind me and Isaid you know what?
I'm going to do somethingdifferent.
I'm not going to go back.
I don't want to turn into apillar of salt, if you know, you
know.
And then I started to moveforward and I said, okay, well,
I read books on love, right,almost a hundred books on love.
I interviewed couples who'dbeen married for over 25 years
(03:39):
but actually still liked eachother, because I'm Jamaican and
there's a whole lot of oldmarried folk but not everybody
likes each other.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
They might be married , but they don't really.
They don't talk much anymore.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
All the things.
I interviewed successful womenwho were successful in business
and in love, because I realizedthat a part of me felt like you
couldn't do the both of them atthe same time.
You know all these limitingbeliefs around love.
So, as I rewired my brain, Irewired my love story,
attracting my amazing husband,and we have a beautiful baby
(04:11):
girl that we just got back froma month trip in Africa with my
mom, and it's just beautiful tobe able to have these
experiences.
And I almost didn't have thathappen because I almost pushed
love away.
And that's what I find so manyprofessional women do is that
they say I'm just going to focuson my work, I'm going to focus
on my kids, I'm going to focuson my cat.
(04:32):
You know, I'm going to focus onsomething else that has nothing
to do with my plants, somethingelse that has nothing to do
with my love life, because Ican't control love.
So therefore, it'll come whenit comes, but somehow it's not
coming so literally.
That's what led me to this path, where I specifically support
professional women in their lovejourney in a community, because
(04:53):
I really believe that doingthis thing by yourself it sucks.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, it really does.
Like you don't have to do thisalone.
It's hard enough as it is.
But trying to figure all ofthis out and then thinking like
wait, am I doing the right thing?
Am I pushing them away, that'sthe hardest part to trust our
intuition.
Talk me through what it is youdo with the ladies in your
program and your community.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
So the biggest thing is to be seen and heard, right?
I find that too often we walkaround and we're speaking but no
one's listening, and so we getused to that and we enter
relationships where no one'slistening and we wonder why we
(05:35):
cry ourselves to sleep or wefeel unfulfilled or we end up in
this rotating wheel ofsituationships because we don't
know what it's like to be seenand heard.
So we practice a lot of that inmy community and really being
able to help women get clear onwhat it is that they desire and
how to identify that in the realworld.
(05:56):
Because it's one thing to haveyour list right, oh, I got a
list, Roll it out but then whatdoes that look like in real life
?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
right, yeah, like he's got to have this, this,
this, this, this.
You're like, okay, but likewhat if he kind of does this?
And you're like wait, I didn'tplan for that, right, wait, it's
not on my list, so I don't know.
And you're like girl, he justbought you flowers.
Like, yes, all the illegitimatefear.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I feel very sad for the short men, but that's a
whole nother topic.
So you know really, walkingthem through what it is to
accept and receive love and whatthat looks like, because
(06:37):
there's so many terms, rightBreadcrumbing, love bombing,
coach Cass, he called me threedays in a row.
It's love bombing, I'm like, orhe really just likes you, right
.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Or he's also just nervous.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Right, you know there's, there's this weird
things that we identify with.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Or they say, oh, he ghosted me.
And I was like, oh, my God,sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
Like how long ago, and fromthis morning?
And I was like, okay, sorry,we're ladies, ladies, ladies,
ladies.
Coach Cass and I are having amoment right now as coaches.
We love you, we adore you.
We are just trying to tell youwhat it's like right now because
we were there.
I remember my own story, coachCass.
(07:15):
It was right at the pandemic.
He had the audacity to break upwith me on the day before the
world shut down.
Like what was he even thinking?
And so, as if being alone isnot hard enough, now I'm alone,
alone, I'm just heartbroken.
You know, I'm pantless.
I'm chugging wine in the bottlelike it's water and it's just
like this is ridiculous.
And then the same guy was.
(07:36):
It was the same guy.
It was the same guy.
Talk me through these patternswe do as women.
Talk me through that.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
So many patterns, all right.
Oh, pattern number one the guyis hot, he looks so good, the
chemistry is fiery, soautomatically we're smoldering
together, ready to move in, andeverything blows up within three
months and you're just likewhat happened?
I'm like, well, what are wedoing?
How are we choosing ourpartners, our life partners?
(08:04):
Because the women I work withare marriage focused.
They're not focused on the onenight stand situation, because
you would get that anyway.
But it's just like the patternsI see is that we focus so much
on the chemistry that we forgeteverything else that matters.
And then we wonder why we endedup falling in lust with the
drunk guy that doesn't doanything, right, that really
(08:26):
doesn't hold a job.
But then he's really sexy.
Stop that Right.
So there's that.
But he's so fun to talk to, sofun Exciting.
Stop it Right, yeah.
Then there's pattern number two.
It's OK, well, I'm going to geton the app, and then I'm off
the app.
And Then I'm on the app, thenI'm off the app and it's like
(08:46):
what are we doing?
Well, outside of that?
I work, I got to make money,coach Cass, that's it right.
So it's like they do thetwo-day free trial on a weekend
and then expect love to findthem.
Nobody knows they're single.
They don't go anywhere outsideof with a group of girlfriends
that's surrounding them, right,you know, maybe if that.
(09:08):
And then otherwise they'reNetflix and chilling and
watching all of the realityshows, sometimes crying, saying
why can't I just be married atfirst sight, knowing for a fact?
They would be absolutelyweirded out if that happened.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
If that actually happened and that's such an
interesting part about this work, as I'm sure you know as well.
But it's that, even that wetalked about that earlier like
the love bombing, which is tosay, oh, he's love bombing me
and it's like no girl.
I just don't think what youknow what it feels like to
actually have somebody like you.
For you, you've had to workyour entire life to earn your
love in this, and for me, I workmainly with attachment styles.
(09:41):
So right, so I would say, likein your anxious attachment, as
you're going through this,you're thinking to yourself, oh,
unless you earn it, you don'tdeserve it.
And so, as a result, when he'sjust giving it to you even
though you didn't do anything todeserve it, you're like whoa,
whoa, wait a second.
And it's like trying to breakall that.
So something I wanted to talkto you about was that you have
this ability.
There's a beautiful way ofmanaging these spaces where
(10:03):
women feel both challenged butalso safe and supported.
So talk me through how youbuilt that and what that feels
like in your community.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
I've been a coach since 2004,.
Right, and in working withwomen in many different aspects,
I just find it important tohave a safe space and I never
say that I'm not going to tellyou like it is.
Listen here.
Okay, we call it judgment free,but still I'm going to tell you
like it is always.
(10:32):
I just came back from Africa.
I took 25, 25 of us went toAfrica, had a beautiful retreat
and it was no drama.
I haven't smiled so much allyear, like, literally, we just
had a blissful time togetherbecause of the company that we
keep.
We already have women that havesigned up for next year's
(10:53):
retreat based on the beautifulexperience that they had now and
literally, I have some womenthat come to everything because
they're just like.
There's no other space thatexists like this and for me it's
the intention and I'll tell you.
The first time I did this was myown wedding.
At my own wedding, we had afour-day destination wedding and
(11:13):
what I told people at theopening ceremony happy hour
situation I said look yourproblems.
You left them on the plane.
So here we have a good time andso there is no problems here.
We're going to have fun, period.
So we didn't pay to.
We have a good time and sothere is no problems here.
We're going to have fun period,right?
So we didn't pay to not have agood time and it's just so
amazing when you set yourintentions, people actually like
(11:33):
follow suit.
We had a drama free wedding nofamily altercations, no fights,
no nothing.
Oh man, if you could bottlethat and sell that.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
That's ridiculous.
Are you kidding me?
Wow, Good for you, because youset the intention and you put it
out there.
When you put it out there.
This is the expectation.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
And now that I've had women that have been rolling
with me for some time, right?
So, whether they're single orin a relationship like, they
still roll with me, it's justlike this is the standard.
So then we create ambassadorsof.
This is what we do, right?
This is who we are.
What I call my woman is wantedwomen, so women achieving new
triumphs every day.
So you woke up like this youare wanted.
(12:13):
Now it's to figure out what youwant, right?
And then we dissect anddecipher that all the time,
because so often we find the guy.
That's like that 80-20 rule,but sometimes that 20 is a
problem.
Yeah, and I'm not here to shameanyone for breaking up, right.
So we celebrate therelationships, the engagements,
(12:35):
the marriages, the breakups.
We celebrate it all because onething I know is that this is a
self-discovery process, reallyselfishly.
It's really all about youfiguring out what you want, and
if this is not what you want,you don't have to stay there.
And that's not enough of aconversation in society today,
like we weren't taught how todate.
We weren't taught how to choose.
(12:56):
I believe that women choose,even though men get down on one
knee and all that good stuff,but I really believe that, women
, you have to say yes and it'sokay to say no, even though
someone likes you Through thehundreds of women, thousands but
, through the many women thatI've spoken to, what I find as a
theme is they just went withthe person that liked them.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Oh, let's break that down a little bit.
I'm going to repeat that theyjust went with the person who
liked them, again going back tothat worth thing, right Of like.
Oh, okay, fine, I guess he putsup with me.
So, yeah, talk me through why.
If so, someone's listening andthey're like, wait, that's a
problem, hold up.
Yes, talk me through why thatmight not be the healthiest
solution.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
We weren't taught how to choose right.
So, especially for busyprofessional women that have so
many things okay, you know, it'slike he's doing the things he
looks good on paper, This'llwork Right, and too often we go
with this'll work versus saying,wow, this is the person for me
(13:55):
that I can build a marriage,build a life, build a home with,
you know, aligned and vision.
Like we, we weren't taughtanything about that, so it's
really like wow, you know it's,the pickings are slim.
According to the internet,according to the television,
according to all these people,there's no one out here, even
though there's millions ofpeople in the world.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh yes, I've heard you talk about this before.
Let's drop some truth bombsright now, because I've heard
you say this before where, ifyou're out there and you're
believing right, you have thislimited belief in your mind
where you're like well, the goodmen are taken, they're all
married or gay or whatever it isthat we say Talk me through why
that's detrimental to your lovelife.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
So the thing is I hate statistics, right?
So according to the BMI, right,based on whoever that they were
studying, they say I'moverweight, but I'm a healthy
weight for me, right?
So if I read into all of thestats that don't apply to me, it
then makes me depressed, itthen makes me sad, it then
decreases my self-worth.
(14:53):
Instead, you need to start tofigure out, start to look for
the examples of the peoplegetting in relationship, right?
So look at all the peopleacross the land that you know
that have recently found someone, gotten engaged, gotten married
.
You're like oh yeah, there'ssome people and even if you
don't know them personally, youknow them on the internet, you
know them on television, right,but we get so caught up in
(15:15):
there's no good men out there.
You know, in my city I hear itall the time In my city, it
doesn't matter if you're in.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Cucuquachi.
I've been through all, I'veswiped twice on them already and
all of my, you know, and it'slike, well, I saw this really
great meme out there recentlythat was like, ladies, keep
trying.
You know your soulmate is aboutto get divorced, but it's not
wrong.
But here's why.
So my, I got married recently2023.
And so it's my second marriageCause, you know, I had the whole
(15:42):
lovely, toxic thing in thebeginning and my husband now he
was on dating apps for like 15some years, you know, had like a
couple.
You know he did like the bigfancy ones back in the day, like
matchcom, and then he, you know, did start doing Bumble and he
would date some women for acouple of years or whatever, and
then never really found anyone.
And people would be like,aren't you just tired of being
(16:03):
on here?
And he's like, well, yeah, butwhat's my other option?
Like he's a very secure man, soso wonderful, so beautiful, and
at the time it's exactly that.
So we make that joke of he's.
Like I just waited Cause I knewmy forever person, she'd be
getting divorced soon and then Iwould be the better man.
So like, do you hear thatconfidence in him?
Right, as he's saying that, andI found him at a time where I
(16:24):
wasn't really ready.
I was just seeking malevalidation on dating apps, which
you know, by the way, ladies,if you do that, great Like, we
gotta like get our kicks insomehow.
Okay, and it was the pandemic.
So.
But the next thing I know I'mfalling in love with this man
and I wasn't expecting that, andso that can happen.
So long as his intention wasalways, I'm ready to settle down
(16:45):
with a woman.
He said it right there on hisdating app I am looking for a
marriage, for a long-termrelationship, with the
understanding that it doesn'thave to happen tomorrow.
He put his intention out there,didn't he?
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Yeah, and I'm hearing intentions.
Too often we say we're justlooking for something casual and
we're not, and I really feellike casual equals casualties.
You know, we have to be moreintentional about what we want.
I mainly work with women over40.
So it's just like listen, wedon't have time to play Yet we
play so many games.
And what I also find, jen, isthat even though we say we want
(17:18):
this relationship, we make nospace for it.
Oh, he wants to take you out.
Oh, I have something.
Third Tuesday from next Nebuary.
Well, how does that help anyone?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
I like Nebuary.
That's really good.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
How do you get to know anyone if you don't
continuously connect with them?
Right, you have to make spacein your calendar and if your
life is so full, then it's timeto do a relook at your life.
So I have a live event and lastyear one of the women stood up
in the beginning of this eventand stood with me.
She's 65 and she had justretired and she said you know, I
(17:53):
just spent the last 30 years atthis job.
I gave everything.
Everyone knew me, they love me.
Since I've retired, my phonehasn't rung once, it wrong once,
and it was just like thisthought of silence.
I was just like, wow, we giveour everything to work, but when
you step away from it, you getreplaced right?
(18:16):
Like when are we going to startto realize the person that you
choose to marry, to be with, topartner with, to lay beside?
Right, that's really important.
Just like you put everythingelse up there in terms of
getting your house, your car,your nice check, all of it.
Like the person that you chooseto be with that's the person
(18:36):
that's gonna be there for youwhen you're sick, when you're
down, when you choose the rightperson, right?
Hello?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Right, good point, cause you could stay with
someone.
But this brings me back to sucha great point too, and I want
to talk more about your liveevent, because I think it sounds
lovely, which goes back tocommunity, which is also the
amount of effort that you putinto your community.
So, your family, your friendsRight, I get it.
Some of us we don't have familyor we've had to remove
ourselves.
That doesn't mean we don't havefamily.
We get to create that forourselves, and if we don't have
(19:04):
a man, we get to create that inother ways as well.
And so talk me through yourlive events, what that looks
like and how that community ofwomen they get to lean on one
another while they're goingthrough the hard shit.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yeah.
So you know, during thepandemic, I got real cozy in my
chair, jen.
I did all of my webinars offthe side of my bed, right, it
was just beautiful.
I got this meeting.
I was like no new friends, Idon't need anybody else, it's
(19:36):
just me and my little cocoon.
And as the world started toopen up, I said, oh yeah, people
are amazing.
Wow, right, like, how can Ialmost shut myself off?
And I find that some people arestill in that mode, shut down,
shut off, turtles in their shellin their cocoon, scared to come
outside and play.
And I'm telling you, it's a lotof fun out here, knowing it's
(20:07):
beautiful, you know.
And it brings tears to my eyesto know what it means to other
women.
There were women who had nevertraveled with me before on our
last trip to Zanzibar and theywere crying to feel accepted,
right, instantaneous acceptance,just for being who you are.
We don't know how much moneyyou make, we don't know how old
you are, we don't know where youlive.
We just love you.
And how often do we reallyexperience that?
(20:29):
And what I find is we're oftenlooking for validation and love
in all the wrong places.
So if we could find a littlebit of that in a beautiful
community.
We're going to look for it lessoutside and we're going to
really identify what real lovefeels like.
So, yes, I have a live eventcalled Wanted Woman Live every
(20:50):
October in South Florida becauseit's the warmest place in the
country at that time.
Right, that's lovely.
Yeah, it's a good time.
Yeah, we dive deep, right.
So essentially what we'retalking about this year we have
someone coming in talking abouthow trauma lives in your body,
like how does it hurt and howdoes this affect your love life.
Right, we have a gynecologistcoming to talk about the
(21:13):
menopause and the perimenopause,because all those hormones.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
We need to be talking about that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Yes, OK, our jacking, yes, jacking up our
relationship.
So we don't even understand whywe're so crappy.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Right, like you can say yeah, my sis right.
It's like I left him yesterday.
Today he is pissing me off.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
That's a real thing.
So not only am I the president,I'm also a client, right?
So we have our mindset, coach.
That's talking about how to gofrom hustle to heart.
You know, we're always on thisgrind, like everybody wants to
solve life and has no idea howto get there.
There's still a little gracethat needs to happen in the
process, and I'm talking abouthow do we hold a power seat
(21:54):
right?
You still have power, no matterwhat seat you sit in, and I
know many women are afraid ofbeing submissive and all of that
.
What does that look like inrelationship on a day-to-day
basis?
Because I have women get into arelationship and then they're
like well, what do we do now,coach Cass?
So it's one thing to get a man,but it's another thing to keep
him or put him back if he's notthe one for you, right?
Yeah, then you're like wait, ohno, what is that whole process?
(22:15):
So we do a whole beach releasewe dance, we party, we cry, we
have a good time, you know, jen?
Oh, that's lovely.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
So is it like a conference?
Is it a retreat?
What do we call it?
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, so it's like an unconference, you know,
essentially, oh, I like thatit's learning, but yeah, and how
many days.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
So tell us more Like when in October is there still
more space available?
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yes, there's still more space available and for
those who heard it here, you canuse the code Jen.
Ok, Jen, there you go.
Ladies E-N-N Go to once.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Can I use my own code to show up?
Yes, because this soundsamazing.
So it's the beginning ofOctober, right?
Okay, so we still got plenty oftime.
Even you know you're listeningright now it's September.
If you're like, oh my gosh, I'vebeen looking to go and join a
community of women, maybethere's a bunch of women from
the Speak Honest community.
They want to get together andgo together.
(23:05):
Like listen, ladies, like youknow, I say this all the time,
but you need, you need to belistening to this information
from all these different sources.
Okay, because our brains wirethis way If we only hear of one
source, right, then we just kindof get stuck in this one way.
But let's go and listen.
No-transcript, no-transcript.
(23:54):
Receiving, right, that's notsubmissive.
What does it mean to receive?
It means you choose.
So that's like in that we, wehave full control over all of
our relationships.
It's just, we have to beintentionally making those
choices.
And what better way thandancing on the beach, living
with other women, like feelingsafe and supported and seen in
all of these areas and everyoneknows I mean, I love a good
(24:16):
dance, right, that's like mywhole thing too, and so it's
like get out there.
So how can they find you?
Is it wantedwomanlivecom?
Is that right they find you.
Is it a wanted woman livecom?
Is that right?
Yeah, that's the okay.
So they can go to wanted womanlivecom.
They can use the code Jen, j, eN N.
Get $200 off.
Go and join a bunch of women,get plugged in.
Grab one of your besties fromspeak honest.
Right, I have.
I have the relationship rebootprogram.
(24:37):
We go through a 12 step programto learn how to shift your
attachment styles and learn howto communicate securely.
Ladies, go, talk this up, gotogether Like.
This is what it's all about.
So talk me through what elsethey might experience at the
Wanted Woman Live Unconference,which I love that, by the way.
I think that's so fun.
What kind of like hours like?
Is there group work?
(24:58):
There's time off?
Of course, it sounds like whatif you're like an introvert, are
you stuck around people theentire time?
Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
So it's a thing right .
So you will be gentle to theintroverts, it'll be OK, You're
fine, we accept you.
Introverts rock there too, youknow.
So essentially we start aboutnine.
It's like nine to five, lunchbreak, and then we kind of have
like a dance party on the firstnight.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
And then on the Saturday we have a whole men's
panel so you could hear from theme as well.
Oh, that's lovely.
So you actually bring in likemale coaches and the male
perspective to really oh, that'sreally great, that's a really
cool idea, yeah for us, thatwill say sensible things right.
Oh yeah, no, they have to bevetted.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Yes, that part right.
We also are residentsexologists, so I have a year
round program where I supportwomen, and so I have some of my
experts come and speak.
So our sexologist is alsocoming to talk, because one
thing I know is like, who taughtus about sex, right?
Oh my God, Really, when we thinkabout it really bad shows on
television, hearsay and trialand error.
You know so I want, I want youto have a great sex life.
(26:02):
So we have our sexologists alsocoming to speak.
So you know, overall we end itwith a beautiful beach release
early morning type of thing.
So you fly in Thursday, you flyout Sunday after one o'clock,
you make it back for work onMonday.
You know so, either way, it's abeautiful time away in the fall
.
I know most things usuallyhappen in the spring and the
summer, but what do you do foryou in the fall?
(26:22):
So I try to space out myexperiences in a way that you
always have something good tolook forward to.
They say vacation, 75% of thehappiness is just looking
forward to it.
You know so we do about threeevents a year where we support
individuals in their lovejourney in person, and then we
also just do fun trips.
You know so we have a good time.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Oh, I love that so so much, Coach Cass.
So where else can people findyou?
On Instagram, YouTube.
Go ahead and drop some morehandles.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
All the things I'm on Instagram at inspiremany,
inspiremany, and then on YouTubeCoach Cass, right.
So if you just put Coach Cassin love, coach, you'll find me.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
And what if someone is out there looking to be like
oh my gosh, I love her vibe.
This is exactly what I'mlooking for.
I want to work with her.
Do you take on one-on-oneclients?
Are you currently just doingprograms?
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Talk me through that.
Okay, so far, and few between,I do one-on-one, so we just have
to have a conversation.
But they could's a great fit,Cause I know for a fact that I'm
not a great fit for everyone,right?
So I do refer people out andthings of that sort, you know,
(27:36):
because I I really understandthat who hears me is my
assignments, you know.
So we have real conversationsaround.
If I'm your person and if I am,then we look at what's the best
way to support you.
Some people are super busy andthey just need something quick,
and some people are like no, Iwant to be a part of community.
So, yes, we have both options.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Oh, that's great.
I'd love to touch on that realquick, just as a coach, because
I think it's so important,especially for my listeners.
I always, always say this tothem.
It's probably terrible businesssales concept, but, like in my
world, it's like how I've alwaysreally felt, which is you need
to find the person who works for, like, works with you, and you
might like someone might lovelistening to my podcast, but as
a coach, maybe I'm not quitethere, maybe I talk too fast,
(28:17):
maybe I go too deep in like aspecific somatic way or
something, and they want to gomore goal oriented way.
So we go and we find thosecoaches.
I have an entire list ofcoaches that go on there.
In fact, I'd love to make sureI add your information.
I love talking with you andmaking sure that the women who
come to me know that there areso many resources out there and
if this is why, again, I vetpeople just like anyone else
does.
This is why I love Coach Cass,because you heard her say
(28:39):
authentically listen, we mightnot be always a good fit If
you're ever out there lookingfor a therapist or a coach and
they say to you oh no, you haveto work with me, I'm the only
one red flag run away.
So we are finding coaches, justlike we're finding men.
Right, we're being picky, we'rebeing selective, but we're also
letting them in, and that'swhat I want to get across.
But we can't do this alone.
We need help and it's okay.
(29:01):
I know, back in the day, we had,you know, our besties and our
aunties and our grandmas and allthese people in our lives that,
yeah, maybe we could haveturned to, and unfortunately,
the world looks different.
We don't have it, so let us bethat.
That's what we're here for now.
You know, back in the day I'vesaid this before but back in the
day we used to grow our ownvegetables.
We don't do me.
I don't know what's going on,like.
Why do they have to take onebite out of every cucumber?
What is this?
Anyways, side tangent why can'tyou just take one full cucumber
(29:31):
squirrel and go on?
This is welcome to my ADHD rant.
Now, this is what's happening,but you're so sad.
The?
Speaker 2 (29:37):
cucumbers.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
I know, right, it's like okay, like just leave some
for me please, but now we go tothe store, right?
Or I Instacart it over to myhouse or something.
My point here is is the worldshifts, the world changes.
If you're sitting there andyou're sad that you don't have
your bestie, you know, you don'thave your aunt or your mother
to be able to talk to, we areout there creating communities
where this is existing now, andI just want you to know that
there's no shame, there'snothing wrong with that.
(29:59):
Like this is what we utilize us, use myself, use Coach Cass,
use anyone else you've everlistened to.
That is my goal for all of you.
Is there anything last youwould like to say, coach Cass,
as we are wrapping up today?
Speaker 2 (30:11):
I really believe that when love is at the base,
everything else falls in place.
So continue to walk in love.
Don't be ashamed that youdesire romantic love and be open
to it, instead of saying youknow, I need to work on myself,
so I need to close this doorright.
Leave the door open to love, nomatter what you're going
(30:33):
through, because you just neverknow when it might pop up.
And I believe that for you andthat you know for those who are
listening, you really aresomeone's answered prayer and
it's for you to believe that.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Yeah, I love that.
Leave the door open to love.
That is so, so beautiful.
And if you are out therelistening right now and you are
looking to leave your door openfor love, then I highly highly
suggest you come and join ourfree Facebook community over at
Speak Honest securecommunication for women.
We can keep the conversationgoing there.
We can get the links.
If you're like Jen, I didn'thear what you said.
(31:10):
You can either scroll down tothe show notes, go to
WantedWomanLivecom, type in thecode, jen, or just ask me in the
Facebook group.
At any time, I hope you all havea beautiful, beautiful week.
Coach Cass, thank you so muchfor coming on and being a part
of this community.
I hope that you can come onagain and we can continue this
conversation.
And to everyone else, I willspeak with you all next week.
Take care, be sure to head overto our show notes, where you
can find all of the valuableinformation mentioned in today's
episode right there.
(31:31):
And please remember to rate,review and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
(31:51):
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
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