86. The 3 Reasons You Need Community to Heal Your Attachment Style

Are you trying to heal your attachment style all on your own? In this episode, I’m breaking down why community is the missing piece so many women overlook when it comes to growing, healing, and building healthier relationships. I’ll share the three biggest reasons community matters, plus give you a peek into how our Speak Honest Membership helps women feel safe, supported, and seen every single week.

You might want to listen if:

• You’ve been trying to do all the self-work alone and still feel stuck
• You crave connection but worry about being “too much” or “not enough”
• You start strong with healing but struggle to keep momentum
• You want accountability that actually feels supportive, not pressuring
• You long for a circle of women who truly understand and reflect your experiences

FIND OUT MORE!

• Apply for FREE Coaching with Jenn
• Join the DANCE CIRCLE - Get updates on Jenn's debut book "Dance of Attachment"
• Join our FREE Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
• Become a Relationship Reboot Member and access all you need to become secure.
• Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
• Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
• Download your free Workbook: Dance of Attachment
• Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
• Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
• Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!

DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health ...

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal.
What's been holding you backfrom having the relationships
you deserve?
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs and boundaries without

(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths and honest
conversations.
Now let's dive in.
Hello, ladies, and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I'm Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach, and on
today's episode we are divinginto something that doesn't get

(00:48):
talked about enough when itcomes to healing and growing in
our relationships, and that'scommunity.
Because here's the thing youcan read all the books, listen
to the podcast and do tons ofself-reflection, but if you're
doing it in isolation, you'remissing out on one of the most
powerful pieces of the puzzle,because healing wasn't meant to

(01:10):
be a solo project.
And right now, that couldn't bemore important Because the
doors to my Speak Honestmembership are open until the
end of September.
This is your chance to join anincredible circle of women who
get it, women who will supportyou hold space for you and walk
this journey with you.
I'll tell you more about thatat the end of the episode, but

(01:31):
for now, let's talk about whycommunity matters so much.
I'm going to give you three bigreasons why having a support
group of women around you cancompletely change the way that
you grow, heal and show up inyour relationships.
So let's dive in, all right.
So today I want to talk aboutthe power of community because,

(01:54):
honestly, it's one of the mostunderrated parts of healing, and
I'm going to give you threereasons why community is so
important.
All right, community gives youmirrors, not just cheerleaders.
It's so important to find acommunity where you can actually
reflect back what it is that'sgoing on in your life.
Community also gives youaccountability and momentum that
you don't get in isolation.

(02:15):
And, lastly, community healsthe deep down wound of not
belonging.
So let's break each one ofthese down.
When you're in a group, it's notjust people saying you got this
, you got this girl, let's dothis, like that's really helpful
, but it's people reflectingthings back to you that you
might not have noticed.
You hear a woman share herstory and suddenly it's like oh

(02:36):
my gosh, that's me, that's mypattern.
That reflection is so powerful.
On your own it's easy tominimize or excuse your behavior
, but when someone else holds upthat mirror through their own
story, it helps you see yourselfmore clearly and sometimes even
gives you the breakthrough youdidn't know you needed.
Now this happens so often inour Speak Honest membership.

(02:59):
Oftentimes someone will come into our group coachings that we
hold every Tuesday and Thursdayevenings and they'll tell their
story.
Maybe it's a date they went on,maybe it's a fight they had
with their husband, or maybeit's a problem they're having at
work.
And through their story andthrough our coaching, all of a
sudden you hear all these otherwomen are saying that helped me
so much.
Thank you so much for sharing,for your vulnerability.

(03:21):
Thank you for sharing yourtears and your problems and your
issues, because when I heardyour story, I saw a part of
myself.
This happens every week insideof our program and that's why
it's so important to have thosemirrors.
The second part of community isthe accountability and momentum
that you get from being held ina space like this.

(03:43):
See, healing and isolation.
Can feel like stop and gotraffic right.
You're like okay, it's time togo, wait, oh no, hold on and
it's overwhelming.
It can make you feel nauseous,even right, you move forward,
then you stall.
But when you're in a supportivegroup, there's built-in
accountability.
Think about it when you knowthe group is going to ask how
that boundary conversation went,you're more likely to actually

(04:06):
have it.
That kind of accountabilityturns intentions into action,
and that's what we do inside ofthe Speak Honest membership.
It's not just aboutaccountability, it's about
momentum.
See, when you see someone elsetrying something brave, it
actually inspires you.
When another woman shares hersmall win maybe a conversation

(04:27):
she had with her husband or theability to set a boundary on a
date you realize you can havethat same thing too.
And that collective energycarries you in a way that you
can't create by yourself.
And that's one thing we do a lotin the program.
Not only do you come into themembership and you get the
community, but because we have a12-step program that you work

(04:47):
through in order to becomesecure by the end of it, to at
least have all the tools to besecure by the end of it, what
you get is the accountability.
We have homework every singleweek and oftentimes I just give
this program out to people,right, I sell it on the side,
but nobody does the work.
And I started thinking whatdoes this program need in order
for women to actually integratethe work?

(05:08):
And that's accountability.
So every week, especially whenwe go through our cohorts, we
are doing it together.
Module one, where you have toset your goals and intentions,
we are doing it together.
And that accountability ofseeing other women pick up their
pens or type out their goalsand intentions in their own
Google doc worksheet, that givesyou the momentum to do it as

(05:28):
well.
And this part of community isoften overlooked, because that
accountability isn't just abouthaving a coach to hold you
accountable and tell you makesure you do this.
It's about all the other women,because you get inspired when
you see that woman over theredoing her thing.
And you get inspired when yousee that woman over there
struggling and you're like, oh,I struggle too.
And next thing, you know all ofus are together building and

(05:51):
working momentum to get to therelationships and the lives that
we deserve.
And that's the key part aboutthis is I want you to see that
within community, you actuallyget a chance to be held
accountable in a way you justcan't do it in isolation.
And now the last point, pointnumber three, which is belonging
, heals the wound All right.

(06:12):
So oftentimes we have what arecalled attachment wounds inside
of us, and what this meansbasically is all these labels
like I'm not enough or I don'tbelong, or I will never be loved
or I'm unworthy.
These attachment wounds, theyhold us back from who we can
actually be.
And at the heart of so manyattachment struggles is the fear
that we don't belong.

(06:33):
It's one of our key humanqualities is that we want to
belong in society and incommunity.
But what happened as a child?
We were too much, we weren'tenough, we were annoying, we
were too quiet, we're too shy,we're too loud, all of these
things that got labeled insideof us that we still carry today.

(06:53):
But when you step into acommunity and week after week
you are met with acceptance,compassion, support, then
something starts to shift.
Support, then something startsto shift.
Your nervous system literallystarts to learn that you do
belong, that you are enough.
Your brain is rewiring to feelsafe in connection, to feel safe

(07:17):
in community, to feel safe inconflict and rupture.
We are not without ourconflicts, even in the Speak
Honest community.
We have had plenty.
But you know what we do when werupture.
We come back together and werepair.
And something I teach in theprogram is the concept of
rupture and repair andrelationships.
You need to be able to haverepair to build resilience.

(07:40):
But what are you repairing,right, if there's no rupture?
So the ruptures are beautiful,they're wanted, they're needed.
I don't want us to be afraid ofthem and that's what belonging
brings to you.
It teaches you that, oh my gosh, I can be imperfect, I can
rupture, I can get upset, I canbe mad, I can say this isn't

(08:03):
what I wanted today.
And then I come back into thecommunity.
We hold space for you, we loveyou, we see you, we hear you, we
make you feel safe, seen andsupported.
And the next thing you know,you're repairing that
relationship and you're buildingthe resilience you need to
carry that forward.
And it's not just somethingnice that happens right, it's
healing, it's literally rewiringyour mind.

(08:27):
See, belonging in a safecommunity rewires your capacity
to feel belonging everywhere.
So you start feeling like youbelong with us inside of the
Speak, honest, membership.
And the next thing you know,you feel like you belong in your
real life friendships, in yourfamily, in your romantic
relationships, at work, atschool, wherever it is that
right now you're feeling thatkind of pit in your family, in

(08:48):
your romantic relationships, atwork, at school, wherever it is
that right now you're feelingthat kind of pit in your stomach
when you think about it andyou're like I don't want to go
there again because it makes meuncomfortable.
That's what we work on insidethe program and inside the
program you get these threethings right.
You get the mirror that helpsyou see yourself to reflect
things back to you.
You get the accountability andthe momentum and you get the

(09:11):
healing with that deep downbelonging feeling that you so
desperately want and youabsolutely deserve Mirrors,
momentum and belonging.
That is part of the membershipand, honestly, that's exactly
why I am so passionate about itand I want to be able to share
it with as many women aspossible.
All right, so we talked abouthow community gives you mirrors.

(09:36):
We talked about accountabilityand momentum and we talked about
the most powerful thing, whichis healing that deep down wound
of not belonging.
And, honestly, that's what Isee inside of my membership
every single week Women who comein feeling like they had to do
this healing alone.
The whole time they were tired,overwhelmed, second-guessing
themselves, and then suddenlythey're surrounded by others

(09:57):
that say, oh my gosh, me too,that's what I do, I get it.
And then something shifts.
You can literally see it intheir faces, in their body
language, in their shoulders.
As they feel the relief, as theweight is lifted, they stop
apologizing for feeling too much.
In fact, oftentimes when youfirst start the program, you see
it a lot in women.

(10:18):
When they first come in,they'll take up space, right,
they'll share about their day,and then they'll be like, oh,
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean totake up so much time.
That's the one of the veryfirst things that we stop in the
program.
As I say no apologizing.
You get to take up as much timeas you need and you trust me as
the coach to facilitate thattime.
If I think it's time for us towrap up, I'll tell you that.
But look at that, look howoften, as women, we apologize

(10:41):
for just taking up space, andthat's what we work on.
We want us to ourselves tostart believing hey, maybe I am
enough, maybe I really can dothis thing and I could do this
differently and I can get theserelationships that I deserve.
And that's why I created thisspace Because healing and
isolation is just so much harderthan it has to be when you're

(11:01):
in a circle of women who get it.
The growth is faster, it'sdeeper and it's so much more
sustainable it actually lasts.
Now here's the thing the doorsto my membership are open until
the end of September.
I don't want to get you in,which means this is your window.
If you've been on the fence, ifyou've been listening to this
podcast, thinking, gosh, I wishI had a place like that, I wish

(11:33):
I could be coached by Jen, Iwish there was a safe place for
me to heal in where I could bemyself, then this is it.
Inside the membership, you getlive twice weekly support from
me where we tackle the realissues you're facing.
We do this on Tuesdays andThursday evenings.
If you want to know moreinformation about that, you can
reach out to me, but basicallyit's Tuesdays at 6.30 PM and
Thursdays atm.
We also do this thing onFridays, where I meet with you
one-on-one for 15 minutes everyonce in a while, whenever you
feel like you just need to pickme up, because in my membership,

(11:55):
you will never be alone.
You will never be just a number.
In fact, right now, we onlyhave 20 women in the program and
I'm only accepting five more bythe end of September.
So if you want to be a part ofthis, then reach out to me, go
into the show notes, click onthat link and sign up.
If that link is still working,it means there's still space,
okay, and I want you to be apart of this with us.

(12:17):
This is a safe, intimate groupof women who are walking the
same path with you.
You have access to replays,resources, tools you can use
anytime you need them and, mostimportantly, you get free access
to the Relationship RebootProgram.
This is the 12-step processthat I have created that moves
you from a non-secure attachmentstance into a secure attachment

(12:40):
stance right?
So if you're familiar with yourattachment stance, those are
anxious, avoidant, disorganized,one of those non-secure ones,
most likely if you've beenstruggling in your relationships
, if you've been doing the samedumb shit over and over again,
with the same patterns, with thesame man and different face or
whatever it is.
This is what we do we move outof those patterns and into a

(13:02):
more secure stance.
Imagine closing out this yearnot feeling like you're white
knuckling it through all yourrelationships, but actually
having a circle of women to leanon, to celebrate with and to
remind you that you're not alone.
So here's my invitation Don'twait.
If you know this is what youneed, come join us.

(13:22):
You can go to speak-honestcomslash membership or you can
scroll on down to the show noteswhere you can find the link.
Right now, head over to mywebsite, grab your spot before
the doors close, and we wouldlove to have you.
I want to welcome you in.
I want to meet you face to faceon our calls and I want to
watch you experience foryourself the power of community.

(13:45):
I want to watch you experiencefor yourself the power of
community Because, remember, youwere never meant to do this
alone.
Healing is a dance and youdon't have to dance by yourself
anymore.
Thank you so much for spendingthis time with me today.
I cannot wait to see some ofyou inside of the membership
Until next time.
I'll speak with you later.
Take care, as we wrap uptoday's conversation, always

(14:09):
remember that healing is ajourney, not a destination, and
it is an honor to be a part ofyour healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there, and please rememberto rate, review and subscribe
if you enjoyed today's podcast.

(14:30):
Your feedback means the worldto us and helps others discover
our podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.