October 29, 2025 • 32 mins
What if the only thing standing between you and your most authentic work is the pressure to sound perfect?
In this heartfelt conversation with award-winning author and book coach Ellie Laliberté, we dive into what it really means to create from your truth. We talk about witness consciousness, dropping self-doubt, and letting your writing (or your healing) be messy, human, and alive. Ellie shares how to quiet perfectionism, return to inner peace, and write (or live) for the version of yourself who needed it most.
You might want to listen if:
• You feel paralyzed by perfectionism or fear of judgment
• You’ve lost your creative spark trying to “get it right”
• You’re craving more honesty and play in your self-expression
• You struggle to let go of control and trust the process
• You’re ready to remember that good enough is already enough
About Our Guest:
Ellie is a Canadian Award Wining Author, a book coach and self-awareness coach. She is passionate about all things spiritual, higher consciousness and she teaches Witness Consciousness Practices. Simple, easy going and always up for a deep - intelligent conversation. She always aims for authenticity and enjoys being playful in a world where too many take their lives way too seriously. She's a mix of calm-grounded and bubbly energy.
FIND OUT MORE!
- Grab Your Copy of the #1 Best Selling Book --> Dance of Attachment
- Apply for FREE Podcast Coaching with Jenn
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- Become a Speak Honest Member and access all you need to become secure.
- Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
- Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
- Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
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- Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!
DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes from ...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:05):
Hello, and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, Jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal.
What's been holding you backfrom having the relationship you
deserve?
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs, and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths, and honest
conversations.
Now, let's dive in.
Hello everyone, and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach.
And on today's episode, I am soexcited to be joined by a woman
(00:49):
that I consider a friend, acolleague.
The only reason that Dance ofAttachment is actually getting
out into the wild and my bookcoach.
But so much more importantly,Ellie, she is a Canadian
award-winning author.
She is a book coach.
She is my book coach.
She is a self-awareness coach aswell.
Ellie is passionate aboutspirituality, higher
consciousness, and she teacheswitness consciousness practices
(01:11):
to help women return to innerpeace.
You can see why she's such abeautiful guest to have on Speak
Honest, because this is all thatwe talk about.
She's also the author of Lettersfrom U2U, which is this
beautiful book that she has, andshe is the creator of the course
A Journey Back to Inner Peace.
What I love about Ellie is howshe brings this mix of calm,
(01:32):
grounded wisdom with also herplayful spirit and her ability
to connect with others.
It just really reminds us not totake life too seriously while
still going deep into the thingsthat really matter.
And so if you are interestedtoday in anything that Ellie and
I are talking about, then goahead and check out
danceofattachment.com.
That's where you can check outall the information about the
(01:54):
book that we're going to betalking about today, as well as
ways that you can get in contactwith myself or even Ellie.
So as we are getting startedtoday, Ellie, go ahead, jump in,
say hi, tell us a little bitmore about yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (02:06):
Hello, hello.
I'm so happy to be on yourpodcast, Jen.
This is such an honor.
I love your personality.
I love who you are, and I reallylove this podcast and the theme
that goes with it.
So wow, I am, I have a hard timedescribing myself because I'm
not identified with so manythings in my life, and I do so
(02:27):
many of like different thingsthat it's kind of like I never
know what to say so much aboutme and like who I am in the
moment right now.
But yeah, I guess I'm a verysimple woman that has been
through a lot of shit, a lot ofemotional trauma in my life, and
that shaped me basically to justcome back to like simplicity and
(02:52):
really just have fun with lifeand get away from like the
drama, and we're gonna be reallyhonest here, but the bullshit of
the world and all of thedistractions.
And so, yeah, I guess I am avery authentic person and I love
to have really authenticconversations such as this.
(03:14):
So I'm really excited for thisconversation with you.
SPEAKER_01 (03:16):
What I love most about you, Ellie, when I first
got to meet you was yourauthenticity.
Because when I started workingwith Lucky Book Publishing to
produce Dance of Attachment, oneof the things that they said
that I was going to get was abook coach.
And I was like, oh great, thisis somebody that's actually
going to be able to help me honein on what it is that I need to
(03:38):
do.
And then I was trying to writethe book, and I think I just
like ghosted everyone in LuckyBook Publishing for quite a
while because I didn't know whatI was doing, or like I thought
I'd gotten in over my head.
So can you speak to me a littlebit about that as a book coach?
Do you see that often?
And how do you help peoplethrough that?
SPEAKER_00 (03:54):
Yeah, of course.
I mean, everybody is sodifferent in the way that they
write as well.
A lot of people say, like, oh,I'm not a writer, and then it's
not true.
Like everybody can writesomething.
When you have imagination, whichwe all have, when you have
skills from your business orfrom just your life experience
in general, you always have astory within you that you can
(04:16):
write.
And yeah, I see a lot ofself-doubt, unfortunately, in
many of the authors because theyjust don't know exactly how to,
you know, speak their truth.
What I like to tell everybody islike, you have to be as much as
you as possible inside of yourbook because this is who you
(04:38):
are.
And I think that when we were,you know, just going through
your things that you wanted toput inside of the book, you
weren't sure exactly if youshould be that blunt in your
book.
And I was like, yes, like thisis who you are, and I love that
person, you know, and I want tosee that in your book as well.
So I just have a sense of likewhen I meet someone and I see
(04:59):
their personality and I seetheir authenticity, I want to
see that as well in their book.
I feel like once people know,and I know it sounds kind of
like simple, but as soon assomeone knows, like, oh, I can
just really be me and myself,and then it feels like that it
starts to flow for them.
Because, you know, writing abook, yes, it's personal, and
(05:22):
yes, you know, you're talkingabout sensitive subjects
sometimes about your own story,but it's supposed to be really a
beautiful experience toself-expression.
You're supposed to be writingthe book for yourself before you
write it for someone else.
And so if you're having reallylike a lot of fun while you're
(05:43):
writing and you're just it's anart, right?
It's to me that's how I see it.
My writing has always been it'san art.
So when I write, I want to benothing more than myself.
I'm not trying to impressanybody.
I'm just trying, not eventrying, I'm just wanting to
really just express the fullnessof who I am inside of my book.
(06:05):
So, you know, whether that's anonfiction or a fiction with
your imagination, you have toreally just be in a state of
like, like, don't force yourwriting.
Because if you're forcing yourwriting and you're not in your
inspiration, it won't flowanyways, and then you're gonna
self-doubt.
That's where your self-doubtcomes from.
So this is kind of, yeah, that'swhat I see.
(06:26):
I see a lot of authors wantingto rush the process as well.
And I tend to tell them, like,this is not something that you
want to rush, because if itdoesn't come from your heart,
it's gonna show in your book.
And so that means it's gonnashow that you forced it, that
you just wanted to writesomething to write something.
SPEAKER_01 (06:43):
Yeah, just to get it out there and have it in.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
You said something that wasreally powerful, and you said,
write the book for yourselffirst.
And I think that that is reallyimpactful because I something I
had written, I think, in like myauthor's note in the beginning
of the book was I wrote thisbook because it's what I needed
five years ago when I wasstruggling and in depression and
(07:06):
drinking myself to sleep and allof that kind of stuff.
You know what I mean?
And so that really hit home whenyou said that, because that's
exactly why I wrote this book.
I wrote it for myself and thentweaked it to talk to the women
that I'm writing to, you know,to talk to the ladies in my
program or my clients or to thewomen that find me on Instagram
or whatever, and they're like,oh my gosh, finally somebody
(07:28):
gets it.
Like that's the part that's beengetting to me so much later,
lately.
And and you're so right.
You said that to me.
It was I so I I was writing thebook, you know.
I've always had this idea of howto write the book and how I
wanted to write the book.
And then I finally gave it, Ithink, my manuscript, some of it
to you.
And I was so nervous in thatmoment, right?
And I was just like, no one hadactually read my book yet at
(07:48):
this point.
Like, no one had read my wordsat this point in time.
And your initial reaction iswhat ends up shaping to me the
rest of this book for the restof the time, because you didn't
say, like, Jen, this is sounprofessional.
You can't write this.
Like you, that's what I wastotally expecting.
I thought you were gonna belike, Jen, this is this is not,
(08:10):
this isn't what we do.
Instead, the very first meeting,you were like, I haven't stopped
laughing is what you said.
Yes.
I was like, oh, it's funny.
Okay.
That's kind of what I was goingfor.
Like, I'm just blunt andplayful.
And right, that's why my mycompany is called Speak Honest.
(08:31):
It's kind of my brand.
And so, even down to thesubtitle, the only reason the
subtitle, I thought, overthoughtthat subtitle twice.
I was like, no, it has to be waymore professional.
We have to do something else.
And you're like, but Jen, thatsubtitle's so you.
Exactly.
That's the help that you reallybring to people.
So talk me through a little bitof that.
Like, what was it like even foryou when you started reading it
(08:52):
for the first time?
SPEAKER_00 (08:53):
Well, first of all, the reason why I was saying like
I couldn't stop laughing wasbecause I was relating so much
to so many things that you weretalking about in an attachment
style that I know that I had,right?
And so when you put something somuch like in the obvious, and I
think that I had talked to youabout this, but you're just
(09:16):
taking out the seriousness ofit.
It doesn't mean that it's notintelligent and it's not
important for people tounderstand these concepts.
But what I really loved aboutyour book is the is the fact
that what I I love reading,that's why I loved reading it so
much.
And I be honest with you, Idon't read as fast usually
because I'm not that I'm notinterested in the books, but
(09:38):
sometimes it just doesn't relateto me all that much.
And so just may sometimes it'sjust the way that it's written.
But for you, I was like, oh mygod, I love this so much, and I
want to see the next partbecause I could see all of my
patterns that I used to have,and that made me so
dysfunctional in relationships,and you just brought this kind
(10:02):
of like twist to it where peopleare.
I don't understand how someonecould be reading your book and
feel like shit, like at all.
I seriously feel like everybodythat's gonna pick up this book
is going to be like, oh my god,like this is what I used to do,
(10:23):
or this is what I still do.
Like, what the hell am I doing?
And they're going to be laughingat themselves.
And this is exactly what I feelis powerful about your entire
book, is that you just broughtthis lightness to it because
attachment styles, and I thinkyou really, really nailed it
(10:43):
down with the research andeverything on how this is not
just you making up shit.
Like it's really legit, and thisis really it's all the truth.
So it's not like it's justsomeone who's talking about
these things and saying, like,oh well, when you're in a
relationship with this guy,well, this is how you feel.
That means you're like that.
And then that means no, you'rereally, really deep into your
research, and you know, you'rean expert in all of this, and it
(11:05):
shows, but you're not boring theshit out of us.
That's what I want to say.
We're having fun when we'rereading your book, and we want
to know more.
Like, I remember reading, youknow, the beginning, and I was
like, oh my god, I'm so excitedto know who I am.
Like, what pattern because I hadan idea and I'm like, but is
this really who I am?
(11:26):
Like, is it really my attachmentstyle?
I'm very curious.
And then you were likeexplaining all of the attachment
style, and I remember looking atit, I'm like, oh my god, I think
I'm that.
And then I would read the otherthing, and I'm like, oh no, I
think I did that too.
And at one point I'm like, shit,I don't know what I'm what I am.
I was laughing at myself becauseI'm like, I think I did a couple
(11:49):
of like the different kinds ofobviously really, I think that
in my patterns, I I can say thatI was very much sorry, I meant
I'm missing the uh not theavoidant, the other one.
Anxious?
The anxious, yes, I think I waslike that.
Or disorganized, which is alittle bit of both.
But yeah, the the anxious.
I think I was really anxious.
And then when, funny enough,when I came into a relationship
(12:13):
where it had been a while that Ihad not been in a relationship
with someone, it was almost likethe the opposite, where I was
now the avoidant, and my partnerwho was loving and kind and like
treated me like a queen.
Yes, treated me like a queen.
He was the one who was anxious,and I was like, oh my god, I
(12:35):
know that I was like you before,and I don't want you to be like
that because I, anyways, it wasjust so funny what I could see.
It's awesome.
SPEAKER_01 (12:43):
No, it's so true though.
I have my own experience likethat, but the opposite.
In my marriage, I was veryavoidant, very like pushed him
away because he was veryanxiously attached.
And then when I started datingagain, I started dating someone
who was avoidant, which is thecause of like, you know, all of
my upheaval of life.
And I learned in that moment, Iwas like, well, I'm acting like
(13:03):
so out of the norm for me.
But it's that learning of, oh,there's a disorganized
attachment style in theresomewhere of like oftentimes
people with disorganizedattachment will lean in the
direction that is opposite oftheir partner.
And so if you have like a fullyanxiously attached, let's just
say woman in this example, thenit really it doesn't matter.
Anyone she's kind of in arelationship with, she's gonna
(13:25):
be, you know, pretty anxious,like in terms of, and not
anxious like like our bodies areanxious, like just to be clear.
In fact, I wish there was adifferent word for it, because
it doesn't feel the same.
It's an attachment, like ananxious attachment, not an
anxiety, just for everyone to beclear.
What's cool about that is like,oh, okay, this is how she's
going to be.
So even if some other man isanxiously attached, you know,
(13:45):
then she's gonna be likeclinging to that, except she
won't be attracted to him.
It's really how this works andthe science explains all that
and whatnot.
But that's what's really coolabout that.
So thank you for sharing thatbecause you basically are having
the experience that I wantreaders to experience as they're
reading through it.
And I worked really hard.
Something that's important to meis storytelling as a speaker,
right?
(14:05):
So as like a professionalspeaker, that's the first thing
we learn to do.
Tell a story.
People don't want to just betalked at for 30 minutes when
you get up on do your keynote.
And so that's something that hasbeen wired in me for so long is
how to tell a story.
And I wanted to start most of mychapters with those stories and
do all of that and pulled inclient stories and pulled in my
own stories.
(14:26):
And I'm really hoping thatthat's the part that people are
hearing and seeing.
So talk me through that a littlebit too when you're reading the
book or anyone else's book.
How impactful are stories?
SPEAKER_00 (14:38):
I think that stories are very important because,
again, everybody can relate towhat someone has been through.
So you can give a lot ofinformation about something that
you know, but if you don't havean example or analogies and just
really things that are real toshare, people are not gonna
(14:58):
listen because people want tofeel something.
And I think that it's reallyobvious that you can't just
write something that has nofeeling in it.
So AI has been very popularright now, and I know, I know
that people want to go the shortway and they want to use AI to
write their books now.
(15:18):
But the thing with AI, and maybeit will advance to you know a
little bit more consciousnessand feeling-like, but at the
moment I don't believe that it'sthere.
And what happens is that it'sreally, really noticeable when
it doesn't come from a humanheart, because we're missing all
of these subtleties of thesefeelings inside of someone's
(15:40):
writing.
I mean, writing to me is waymore energetical than anything
else.
And so if it's written by arobot, there's no energy inside
of that book.
This is how I feel.
And so I do believe that thatstorytelling is even more
crucial now that people do that,now that AI is out there,
(16:01):
because AI is not gonna, youknow.
Anyways, maybe, but I don'tbelieve that AI can really
justify a story from someonewho's been through something
with all of their emotion, allof their pain, all of the
intensity inside of that story.
So I do believe that it's alwaysvery, very important that anyone
(16:24):
that's writing a book, whetheryou have a super serious
business, and you know, likeyour business can be seen as
very, very professional, butjust the fact that you can put a
little bit of your own storyinside of your book that's
related to your business and tothe practices that you teach or
things like that, is going tojust bring your business even
(16:48):
more alive, I believe.
People want to see authenticityagain.
They really do.
And so authenticity will be seenin stories way more than just in
information.
SPEAKER_01 (16:58):
Yeah, I love that you brought this up because I
was thinking about this recentlyin terms of how like Chat GPT or
AI or any of them has actuallybenefited me, but not in the way
that a lot of people expect itto.
So I've my whole life, I just Ican't write.
I know, I know you would tellme, yes, you can, Jen, but like
I just feel like I can't write.
I mean, I do have dyslexia, Ihave ADHD.
(17:20):
Words on paper don't flow wellfor me, right?
And so speaking, fine, noproblem.
I could do that.
So I started finding new ways.
In fact, I learned this throughmy son, through his like special
accommodations he has at schoolbecause he has ADHD and autism
and all of those fun things aswell.
Shocker, he's my son.
So I just gave it all to him.
(17:40):
Here you go, son.
And so as where he's gettinghelp, I'm learning from his
teachers that say, hey, just youknow, voice it into your phone
or into your computer, yourlaptop, let Google Docs take it
and then tweak it from there.
So I started taking all of theselittle skills and all these
ideas.
And I had a teacher.
So right, I'm I'm in college,back for psychology right now.
(18:01):
And I had a teacher who told methis something, which was all of
my writings, all of my papersand everything are very
refreshing to him.
And I had never heard thatbefore.
And I was like, oh, like explainthat to me.
And he goes, so many times now,all these kids, everyone is
using AI, Google, anything toall sound the same because they
think they're supposed to soundpolished, but you don't sound
(18:22):
polished.
And my stomach, I remember itdropped because I was like, oh
no, I don't sound polished.
Like, I don't sound good.
And he was like, and this iswhere I learned that this
concept of AI, I think, is gonnarevolutionize those of us that
don't talk like other people,don't write like other people.
Do you know what I mean?
So now people are gonna pick upmy book.
I'm in the perfect time framefor this.
(18:43):
People are gonna pick up my bookand not read a woman who can't
freaking figure out a run-onsentence to save her life, and
instead see that run-on sentencewith authenticity and not AI.
And that that's why I want toencourage people out there that
are afraid to do things likethis.
I was definitely afraid.
I had no idea I could ever doanything like this.
(19:03):
And yet be yourself in that.
Like be imperfect, have weirdsections in your book and you
know, go off the rails a littlebit.
The amount of times I had tolike rein my editor back in
because she would be like, Thisshould be different and this
should be different.
And I was like, stop changing myvoice.
Yeah.
And I got that confidencethrough you because that's
(19:26):
something that you teach a lotto women, which is to be in your
authentic expression.
And so I want to ask you aquestion.
When you're coaching writers,how do you help them to move
past the self-doubt that theyhave in themselves and into
their authentic expression?
SPEAKER_00 (19:40):
Again, it's different for everybody because
everybody has a different style,like a different personality and
a different way of dealing withtheir kinds of things.
And you know, sometimes even Ihave authors that don't really
talk about it, and then theyonly talk about it almost after
or really, really close to likebeing published.
Everything has been done, andnow they they have that block
(20:02):
and it's not even in theirwriting, it's in their
publishing.
I would say that I'm very goodat just bringing back someone to
be grounded and to again takeout the seriousness of
something.
I guess I can say that when anauthor to me is being very
serious and being very like inself-doubt, what I like to
(20:23):
remind them is that they have tofeel their writing from their
heart.
And again, it can't come fromtheir mind.
I know that we're using the mindto write, obviously.
But all of their worry, all oftheir self-doubt, that's all in
the in the head.
That's all self-image.
And so I help them kind of likedrop their self-image and drop
(20:46):
the way that they want toimpress so much.
And I tell them, like, what istrue in your heart?
What is it that you're doingwith this?
Are you having fun with thisbook?
Why are you putting it outthere?
And that's why we have even asection in the book that we're
doing with authors where we saymy dream, because we want the
author to reflect on their dreamof why they're writing the book.
(21:09):
They're doing it for the readerin a way, but they're actually
really doing it for themselvesat the beginning.
So that they really know likewhere is this book coming from?
If they realize that the book iscoming from their heart, they
will not be rushed, they willnot feel rushed, they they won't
(21:29):
be so caught on a deadline, andthey will go with the flow with
their book.
And so I think that, like Isaid, it's different for every
author because everybody's sodifferent.
But as soon as I start to see alittle bit of anxiety from my
authors, I try to be as calm aspossible and just bring them
into this calmness and be like,this is simple, this is not not
(21:53):
a big deal.
I mean, your book is is going tobe a big deal in the sense, but
at the same time, it's supposedto be fun, it's supposed to be
something that you put out intothe world for yourself first,
like we were talking about, andnot give yourself so much
pressure as to be perfect,because there's no such thing as
perfection, and we all knowthat, right?
The less that you're actuallyreally perfect inside of your
(22:16):
book, the more that your book isgonna be authentic and real.
So I remind everybody to againto just write when they're
inspired and never write from anenergy of doubt, because that's
not gonna flow well, right?
So if they're feeling kind oflike insecure, whatever, and in
a moment, I tell them to like,okay, well, then don't write
(22:36):
right now.
Take a break.
Take a break, take a break of acouple of days, and then come
back to it when you're feelinginspired.
Because if not, it's not gonnabe real and it's not gonna come
from your heart.
SPEAKER_01 (22:46):
That's actually really powerful because so many
times we feel like we have topush through, right?
We have to keep going, there'sno stopping.
Go, go, go.
But like I know in my process, Ithink I signed on with you guys
in February, and I didn't evenlike I had been working on the
manuscript and the concept, butI don't think I really, really
started working on it until Iwas gonna do it in April, and
(23:09):
then I couldn't.
It was like I just had so manymental blocks, stuff was going
on in life, and I was like, Ican't, I can't, and I just shut
down again.
But it's almost like youencouraged that and you were
like, that's okay.
Just reach out when when you'reready, when it's time, when you
have the time.
And I knew in the summer, Ididn't have school, I knew I
could get it done at that pointin time.
So I started doing it a littlebit more, and then you and I
started working together a bitmore, and I was like, okay, let
(23:30):
me get this done.
And then the second parthappened the editing took a
month, which was so much morethan I expected, like putting
all the little pieces in place.
I I always explain it likebuilding a house.
If anyone's ever built a house,they have to pick out the
tiniest details they neverexpected, like the color of the
doorknobs, and all of a suddenevery shade of brass is starting
to look the same to you.
(23:51):
And it's like, hey, you know,what type of lines do you want
on your book covers and yourchapters?
And it's like, I don't knowanymore.
Like you say, just take a stepback.
That's what I did.
Sometimes I would just takebreaks and it's gonna come out
when it comes out.
I love, I love, love, love whatyou said.
You said your book is gonna be abig deal, right?
You're a big deal.
But this right here, this momentis not a big deal.
SPEAKER_00 (24:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:14):
This moment right here is just another chance to
tell your story and and speakfrom your heart.
So I love that.
But you were talking about nottaking yourself so seriously,
doing all that stuff.
So I wanted to ask real quickbefore and as we're wrapping up,
if you were giving someone outthere advice, some sort of
playful practice that they couldintegrate into their life to
help them when things arestarting to feel too heavy.
(24:36):
Can you offer some advice forthat?
SPEAKER_00 (24:38):
Are you speaking about book wise or just in
general than like Oh, that's agood question.
SPEAKER_01 (24:42):
I was thinking people who are writing, but you
know what?
Let's go in general because Iknow lots of women are writing,
and I I know that you help otherwomen in your life as well in
what you do.
And so just in general, when youare working with people, because
you're a self-awareness coach aswell.
What is something when we'restarting to feel like life is
getting too heavy?
What's a playful practice wecould do?
SPEAKER_00 (25:04):
Well, I would say, and that goes with witness
consciousness, obviously,because it's just so powerful
and it is so simple, and peoplesometimes don't understand what
it is.
But for me, when I understoodwhat this consciousness was, it
just really blew my mind as howsimple life can truly be when
you know how to just step out ofyour ego self and out of your
(25:27):
serious self and look at amovie.
So I like to see my life as amovie.
I am just this character that isplaying a role in a movie.
So when there's something that'sbecoming too serious or just
bringing me some anxiety, Iremember that my life is just a
movie and I'm a character, andthis is a play, and nothing is
(25:51):
going so seriously, nothingserious is going on in my life,
really.
So I can kind of like step backand I can see the drama, I can
see the chaos, and I can knowthat all of that is not me
because I'm just a character,I'm playing a role, but it's not
(26:12):
me.
My truest self is still, it ispeace, it is grounded, and it is
really just very simple, and Idon't get bothered by things
that are like the smallestthings of life, because I don't
feel like that should come anddisrupt my inner peace.
(26:36):
I want to stick to that.
So I'm always remembering likeif something happens, whether
it's with finances, whether it'swith a relationship, I step out
and I say, whatever, I'm justgonna let this play out because
this is just a movie and it'snot permanent, it is temporary
like everything else.
Everything is so temporary, andso I kind of bring that
(26:59):
lightness to all of the thingsthat are happening.
And so even if it's in yourwriting, again, your writing can
be super beautiful, but it's notserious.
It's just your self-expressionand it's light, and it's it's
supposed to be playful, and it'ssupposed to be making you feel
really good when you'rereleasing that energy outside of
(27:21):
yourself when you're writing,right?
It's not supposed to bring youany kind of anxiety.
So I think that in the processof things sometimes, and I will
say as well, because I've seenthis a couple of times, but even
in the process of bringing thisbook out to the world and the
process of publishing andeverything, where there is some
kind of like little details likeyou were talking about, of like,
(27:42):
yeah, we have to look at thelittle grammar errors and things
like that inside of the book.
At the end of the day, whateverhappens with your book when it's
out, the most important thingthat you have to understand when
you're writing a book is thatyou are sharing who you are with
the world.
And you shouldn't put so muchattention on the little little
(28:06):
details that because there'snever never anything perfect.
We try to make things perfect.
That's our ego.
We try to make to controleverything, and that's what
happens a lot of the time ineverything in our lives.
But if I'm talking about aprocess of publishing and all of
that, and where there's a lot oftechnicalities, which you're
you're part of right now, likewe have to understand that we
(28:27):
have to let go of a control atone point and surrender to what
is and to know that it's goodenough.
Because what?
We are good enough.
I love that.
And a lot of the times it'sbecause we feel like we might
not, we have this insecuritythat we are not good enough.
So we're projecting out intowhatever piece that we're
creating, whether it's a book,it's art, music, this is what
(28:49):
happens.
So we have to just step backagain.
SPEAKER_01 (28:52):
We are good enough.
Oh, that's so beautiful, Ellie.
Thank you so much.
And I I love that theobservation, the movie, the
understanding that we are enoughand that we don't have to get
bogged down and theperfectionism.
It's brilliant.
No.
If you are listening right nowand you are incredibly inspired
by Ellie's words, as I often am,then I want to encourage you
guys to go out and get a copy ofher book, which is Letters from
(29:14):
You to You.
If you want to cry when you fallasleep at night, make sure you
grab this.
But it's they're reallystunning.
They're all little letters andthey're all so beautiful.
And it's just this like way.
I almost it was like for me, itwas like healing parts of my
inner child and things like thatas I was reading this, because
there was, it's like as it says,letters from you to you.
So if you want to go check outthis amazing book by Ellie, I
(29:36):
highly recommend it.
I'll stick the link in the shownotes.
I will also put a link for howyou can contact Ellie if you
feel like you've been wanting towork on yourself in these ways
and Ellie is really resonatingwith you, then I highly
recommend getting a chance towork with her.
And as she has, is her course,which is called A Journey Back
to Inner Peace.
Stunning.
SPEAKER_00 (29:55):
Yeah.
I think it's a woman's journeyback to inner peace.
Sorry, I haven't gotten throughit.
So beautiful.
SPEAKER_01 (30:00):
Yeah, like I'm the worst at remembering the names
of anything.
This is even a woman's journeyback to inner peace.
If you're somebody that's beenfeeling out of alignment with
yourself lately, you know,there's always, of course, the
relationship reboot program.
You can come and join us in theSpeak Honor Ship.
But all of my ladies always knowthat I encourage that they go
get multiple sources ofresources for themselves to go
(30:21):
get that help because we want tobe able to learn in all these
different environments.
So thank you so much again,Ellie, for coming on.
And for anyone that islistening, if you are on Amazon
and you are picking up lettersfrom U to U, also go ahead and
pick up Dance of Attachment,which is my new book coming out.
And it will be out by the timethis podcast launches.
I know, I can't wait.
(30:41):
Why smart women do dumb shit inrelationships?
Like Ellie said, you don't haveto feel dumb, right?
And you don't have to feel likethere's all this shit going on.
But if you do do dumb shit inrelationships, you're not alone.
And I tell many of my stories inthis book about the dumb shit I
did all the time.
Especially, I think that doesn'tcome until the second part, but
wait till you read about thespreadsheet I used to keep about
(31:03):
tracking my ex's stories.
All the things we do for love.
But go check it out.
You can get it on Amazon.
You can also go todanceofattachment.com.
You can go check it out there.
I will also be in LA on November15th for my in-person book
launch that will also be hostedby Lucky Book Publishing and
also have other authors therethat you guys can meet.
(31:24):
So if you've been thinking aboutwanting to write a book and you
live in the LA area or up herein the Bay with me and you want
to drive down, I would love tosee you.
Or if you just want to comesupport me, you know I will
always come and see you guysthere.
So, with all of that said,Ellie, thank you so much for
coming on today, and I willspeak with you next time.
Take care.
(31:44):
As we wrap up today'sconversation, always remember
that healing is a journey, not adestination.
And it is an honor to be a partof your healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we cover today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review, and subscribe if you
(32:07):
enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the world tous and helps others discover our
podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Hello, and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, Jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal.
What's been holding you backfrom having the relationship you
deserve?
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs, and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths, and honest
conversations.
Now, let's dive in.
Hello everyone, and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach.
And on today's episode, I am soexcited to be joined by a woman
(00:49):
that I consider a friend, acolleague.
The only reason that Dance ofAttachment is actually getting
out into the wild and my bookcoach.
But so much more importantly,Ellie, she is a Canadian
award-winning author.
She is a book coach.
She is my book coach.
She is a self-awareness coach aswell.
Ellie is passionate aboutspirituality, higher
consciousness, and she teacheswitness consciousness practices
(01:11):
to help women return to innerpeace.
You can see why she's such abeautiful guest to have on Speak
Honest, because this is all thatwe talk about.
She's also the author of Lettersfrom U2U, which is this
beautiful book that she has, andshe is the creator of the course
A Journey Back to Inner Peace.
What I love about Ellie is howshe brings this mix of calm,
(01:32):
grounded wisdom with also herplayful spirit and her ability
to connect with others.
It just really reminds us not totake life too seriously while
still going deep into the thingsthat really matter.
And so if you are interestedtoday in anything that Ellie and
I are talking about, then goahead and check out
danceofattachment.com.
That's where you can check outall the information about the
(01:54):
book that we're going to betalking about today, as well as
ways that you can get in contactwith myself or even Ellie.
So as we are getting startedtoday, Ellie, go ahead, jump in,
say hi, tell us a little bitmore about yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (02:06):
Hello, hello.
I'm so happy to be on yourpodcast, Jen.
This is such an honor.
I love your personality.
I love who you are, and I reallylove this podcast and the theme
that goes with it.
So wow, I am, I have a hard timedescribing myself because I'm
not identified with so manythings in my life, and I do so
(02:27):
many of like different thingsthat it's kind of like I never
know what to say so much aboutme and like who I am in the
moment right now.
But yeah, I guess I'm a verysimple woman that has been
through a lot of shit, a lot ofemotional trauma in my life, and
that shaped me basically to justcome back to like simplicity and
(02:52):
really just have fun with lifeand get away from like the
drama, and we're gonna be reallyhonest here, but the bullshit of
the world and all of thedistractions.
And so, yeah, I guess I am avery authentic person and I love
to have really authenticconversations such as this.
(03:14):
So I'm really excited for thisconversation with you.
SPEAKER_01 (03:16):
What I love most about you, Ellie, when I first
got to meet you was yourauthenticity.
Because when I started workingwith Lucky Book Publishing to
produce Dance of Attachment, oneof the things that they said
that I was going to get was abook coach.
And I was like, oh great, thisis somebody that's actually
going to be able to help me honein on what it is that I need to
(03:38):
do.
And then I was trying to writethe book, and I think I just
like ghosted everyone in LuckyBook Publishing for quite a
while because I didn't know whatI was doing, or like I thought
I'd gotten in over my head.
So can you speak to me a littlebit about that as a book coach?
Do you see that often?
And how do you help peoplethrough that?
SPEAKER_00 (03:54):
Yeah, of course.
I mean, everybody is sodifferent in the way that they
write as well.
A lot of people say, like, oh,I'm not a writer, and then it's
not true.
Like everybody can writesomething.
When you have imagination, whichwe all have, when you have
skills from your business orfrom just your life experience
in general, you always have astory within you that you can
(04:16):
write.
And yeah, I see a lot ofself-doubt, unfortunately, in
many of the authors because theyjust don't know exactly how to,
you know, speak their truth.
What I like to tell everybody islike, you have to be as much as
you as possible inside of yourbook because this is who you
(04:38):
are.
And I think that when we were,you know, just going through
your things that you wanted toput inside of the book, you
weren't sure exactly if youshould be that blunt in your
book.
And I was like, yes, like thisis who you are, and I love that
person, you know, and I want tosee that in your book as well.
So I just have a sense of likewhen I meet someone and I see
(04:59):
their personality and I seetheir authenticity, I want to
see that as well in their book.
I feel like once people know,and I know it sounds kind of
like simple, but as soon assomeone knows, like, oh, I can
just really be me and myself,and then it feels like that it
starts to flow for them.
Because, you know, writing abook, yes, it's personal, and
(05:22):
yes, you know, you're talkingabout sensitive subjects
sometimes about your own story,but it's supposed to be really a
beautiful experience toself-expression.
You're supposed to be writingthe book for yourself before you
write it for someone else.
And so if you're having reallylike a lot of fun while you're
(05:43):
writing and you're just it's anart, right?
It's to me that's how I see it.
My writing has always been it'san art.
So when I write, I want to benothing more than myself.
I'm not trying to impressanybody.
I'm just trying, not eventrying, I'm just wanting to
really just express the fullnessof who I am inside of my book.
(06:05):
So, you know, whether that's anonfiction or a fiction with
your imagination, you have toreally just be in a state of
like, like, don't force yourwriting.
Because if you're forcing yourwriting and you're not in your
inspiration, it won't flowanyways, and then you're gonna
self-doubt.
That's where your self-doubtcomes from.
So this is kind of, yeah, that'swhat I see.
(06:26):
I see a lot of authors wantingto rush the process as well.
And I tend to tell them, like,this is not something that you
want to rush, because if itdoesn't come from your heart,
it's gonna show in your book.
And so that means it's gonnashow that you forced it, that
you just wanted to writesomething to write something.
SPEAKER_01 (06:43):
Yeah, just to get it out there and have it in.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
You said something that wasreally powerful, and you said,
write the book for yourselffirst.
And I think that that is reallyimpactful because I something I
had written, I think, in like myauthor's note in the beginning
of the book was I wrote thisbook because it's what I needed
five years ago when I wasstruggling and in depression and
(07:06):
drinking myself to sleep and allof that kind of stuff.
You know what I mean?
And so that really hit home whenyou said that, because that's
exactly why I wrote this book.
I wrote it for myself and thentweaked it to talk to the women
that I'm writing to, you know,to talk to the ladies in my
program or my clients or to thewomen that find me on Instagram
or whatever, and they're like,oh my gosh, finally somebody
(07:28):
gets it.
Like that's the part that's beengetting to me so much later,
lately.
And and you're so right.
You said that to me.
It was I so I I was writing thebook, you know.
I've always had this idea of howto write the book and how I
wanted to write the book.
And then I finally gave it, Ithink, my manuscript, some of it
to you.
And I was so nervous in thatmoment, right?
And I was just like, no one hadactually read my book yet at
(07:48):
this point.
Like, no one had read my wordsat this point in time.
And your initial reaction iswhat ends up shaping to me the
rest of this book for the restof the time, because you didn't
say, like, Jen, this is sounprofessional.
You can't write this.
Like you, that's what I wastotally expecting.
I thought you were gonna belike, Jen, this is this is not,
(08:10):
this isn't what we do.
Instead, the very first meeting,you were like, I haven't stopped
laughing is what you said.
Yes.
I was like, oh, it's funny.
Okay.
That's kind of what I was goingfor.
Like, I'm just blunt andplayful.
And right, that's why my mycompany is called Speak Honest.
(08:31):
It's kind of my brand.
And so, even down to thesubtitle, the only reason the
subtitle, I thought, overthoughtthat subtitle twice.
I was like, no, it has to be waymore professional.
We have to do something else.
And you're like, but Jen, thatsubtitle's so you.
Exactly.
That's the help that you reallybring to people.
So talk me through a little bitof that.
Like, what was it like even foryou when you started reading it
(08:52):
for the first time?
SPEAKER_00 (08:53):
Well, first of all, the reason why I was saying like
I couldn't stop laughing wasbecause I was relating so much
to so many things that you weretalking about in an attachment
style that I know that I had,right?
And so when you put something somuch like in the obvious, and I
think that I had talked to youabout this, but you're just
(09:16):
taking out the seriousness ofit.
It doesn't mean that it's notintelligent and it's not
important for people tounderstand these concepts.
But what I really loved aboutyour book is the is the fact
that what I I love reading,that's why I loved reading it so
much.
And I be honest with you, Idon't read as fast usually
because I'm not that I'm notinterested in the books, but
(09:38):
sometimes it just doesn't relateto me all that much.
And so just may sometimes it'sjust the way that it's written.
But for you, I was like, oh mygod, I love this so much, and I
want to see the next partbecause I could see all of my
patterns that I used to have,and that made me so
dysfunctional in relationships,and you just brought this kind
(10:02):
of like twist to it where peopleare.
I don't understand how someonecould be reading your book and
feel like shit, like at all.
I seriously feel like everybodythat's gonna pick up this book
is going to be like, oh my god,like this is what I used to do,
(10:23):
or this is what I still do.
Like, what the hell am I doing?
And they're going to be laughingat themselves.
And this is exactly what I feelis powerful about your entire
book, is that you just broughtthis lightness to it because
attachment styles, and I thinkyou really, really nailed it
(10:43):
down with the research andeverything on how this is not
just you making up shit.
Like it's really legit, and thisis really it's all the truth.
So it's not like it's justsomeone who's talking about
these things and saying, like,oh well, when you're in a
relationship with this guy,well, this is how you feel.
That means you're like that.
And then that means no, you'rereally, really deep into your
research, and you know, you'rean expert in all of this, and it
(11:05):
shows, but you're not boring theshit out of us.
That's what I want to say.
We're having fun when we'rereading your book, and we want
to know more.
Like, I remember reading, youknow, the beginning, and I was
like, oh my god, I'm so excitedto know who I am.
Like, what pattern because I hadan idea and I'm like, but is
this really who I am?
(11:26):
Like, is it really my attachmentstyle?
I'm very curious.
And then you were likeexplaining all of the attachment
style, and I remember looking atit, I'm like, oh my god, I think
I'm that.
And then I would read the otherthing, and I'm like, oh no, I
think I did that too.
And at one point I'm like, shit,I don't know what I'm what I am.
I was laughing at myself becauseI'm like, I think I did a couple
(11:49):
of like the different kinds ofobviously really, I think that
in my patterns, I I can say thatI was very much sorry, I meant
I'm missing the uh not theavoidant, the other one.
Anxious?
The anxious, yes, I think I waslike that.
Or disorganized, which is alittle bit of both.
But yeah, the the anxious.
I think I was really anxious.
And then when, funny enough,when I came into a relationship
(12:13):
where it had been a while that Ihad not been in a relationship
with someone, it was almost likethe the opposite, where I was
now the avoidant, and my partnerwho was loving and kind and like
treated me like a queen.
Yes, treated me like a queen.
He was the one who was anxious,and I was like, oh my god, I
(12:35):
know that I was like you before,and I don't want you to be like
that because I, anyways, it wasjust so funny what I could see.
It's awesome.
SPEAKER_01 (12:43):
No, it's so true though.
I have my own experience likethat, but the opposite.
In my marriage, I was veryavoidant, very like pushed him
away because he was veryanxiously attached.
And then when I started datingagain, I started dating someone
who was avoidant, which is thecause of like, you know, all of
my upheaval of life.
And I learned in that moment, Iwas like, well, I'm acting like
(13:03):
so out of the norm for me.
But it's that learning of, oh,there's a disorganized
attachment style in theresomewhere of like oftentimes
people with disorganizedattachment will lean in the
direction that is opposite oftheir partner.
And so if you have like a fullyanxiously attached, let's just
say woman in this example, thenit really it doesn't matter.
Anyone she's kind of in arelationship with, she's gonna
(13:25):
be, you know, pretty anxious,like in terms of, and not
anxious like like our bodies areanxious, like just to be clear.
In fact, I wish there was adifferent word for it, because
it doesn't feel the same.
It's an attachment, like ananxious attachment, not an
anxiety, just for everyone to beclear.
What's cool about that is like,oh, okay, this is how she's
going to be.
So even if some other man isanxiously attached, you know,
(13:45):
then she's gonna be likeclinging to that, except she
won't be attracted to him.
It's really how this works andthe science explains all that
and whatnot.
But that's what's really coolabout that.
So thank you for sharing thatbecause you basically are having
the experience that I wantreaders to experience as they're
reading through it.
And I worked really hard.
Something that's important to meis storytelling as a speaker,
right?
(14:05):
So as like a professionalspeaker, that's the first thing
we learn to do.
Tell a story.
People don't want to just betalked at for 30 minutes when
you get up on do your keynote.
And so that's something that hasbeen wired in me for so long is
how to tell a story.
And I wanted to start most of mychapters with those stories and
do all of that and pulled inclient stories and pulled in my
own stories.
(14:26):
And I'm really hoping thatthat's the part that people are
hearing and seeing.
So talk me through that a littlebit too when you're reading the
book or anyone else's book.
How impactful are stories?
SPEAKER_00 (14:38):
I think that stories are very important because,
again, everybody can relate towhat someone has been through.
So you can give a lot ofinformation about something that
you know, but if you don't havean example or analogies and just
really things that are real toshare, people are not gonna
(14:58):
listen because people want tofeel something.
And I think that it's reallyobvious that you can't just
write something that has nofeeling in it.
So AI has been very popularright now, and I know, I know
that people want to go the shortway and they want to use AI to
write their books now.
(15:18):
But the thing with AI, and maybeit will advance to you know a
little bit more consciousnessand feeling-like, but at the
moment I don't believe that it'sthere.
And what happens is that it'sreally, really noticeable when
it doesn't come from a humanheart, because we're missing all
of these subtleties of thesefeelings inside of someone's
(15:40):
writing.
I mean, writing to me is waymore energetical than anything
else.
And so if it's written by arobot, there's no energy inside
of that book.
This is how I feel.
And so I do believe that thatstorytelling is even more
crucial now that people do that,now that AI is out there,
(16:01):
because AI is not gonna, youknow.
Anyways, maybe, but I don'tbelieve that AI can really
justify a story from someonewho's been through something
with all of their emotion, allof their pain, all of the
intensity inside of that story.
So I do believe that it's alwaysvery, very important that anyone
(16:24):
that's writing a book, whetheryou have a super serious
business, and you know, likeyour business can be seen as
very, very professional, butjust the fact that you can put a
little bit of your own storyinside of your book that's
related to your business and tothe practices that you teach or
things like that, is going tojust bring your business even
(16:48):
more alive, I believe.
People want to see authenticityagain.
They really do.
And so authenticity will be seenin stories way more than just in
information.
SPEAKER_01 (16:58):
Yeah, I love that you brought this up because I
was thinking about this recentlyin terms of how like Chat GPT or
AI or any of them has actuallybenefited me, but not in the way
that a lot of people expect itto.
So I've my whole life, I just Ican't write.
I know, I know you would tellme, yes, you can, Jen, but like
I just feel like I can't write.
I mean, I do have dyslexia, Ihave ADHD.
(17:20):
Words on paper don't flow wellfor me, right?
And so speaking, fine, noproblem.
I could do that.
So I started finding new ways.
In fact, I learned this throughmy son, through his like special
accommodations he has at schoolbecause he has ADHD and autism
and all of those fun things aswell.
Shocker, he's my son.
So I just gave it all to him.
(17:40):
Here you go, son.
And so as where he's gettinghelp, I'm learning from his
teachers that say, hey, just youknow, voice it into your phone
or into your computer, yourlaptop, let Google Docs take it
and then tweak it from there.
So I started taking all of theselittle skills and all these
ideas.
And I had a teacher.
So right, I'm I'm in college,back for psychology right now.
(18:01):
And I had a teacher who told methis something, which was all of
my writings, all of my papersand everything are very
refreshing to him.
And I had never heard thatbefore.
And I was like, oh, like explainthat to me.
And he goes, so many times now,all these kids, everyone is
using AI, Google, anything toall sound the same because they
think they're supposed to soundpolished, but you don't sound
(18:22):
polished.
And my stomach, I remember itdropped because I was like, oh
no, I don't sound polished.
Like, I don't sound good.
And he was like, and this iswhere I learned that this
concept of AI, I think, is gonnarevolutionize those of us that
don't talk like other people,don't write like other people.
Do you know what I mean?
So now people are gonna pick upmy book.
I'm in the perfect time framefor this.
(18:43):
People are gonna pick up my bookand not read a woman who can't
freaking figure out a run-onsentence to save her life, and
instead see that run-on sentencewith authenticity and not AI.
And that that's why I want toencourage people out there that
are afraid to do things likethis.
I was definitely afraid.
I had no idea I could ever doanything like this.
(19:03):
And yet be yourself in that.
Like be imperfect, have weirdsections in your book and you
know, go off the rails a littlebit.
The amount of times I had tolike rein my editor back in
because she would be like, Thisshould be different and this
should be different.
And I was like, stop changing myvoice.
Yeah.
And I got that confidencethrough you because that's
(19:26):
something that you teach a lotto women, which is to be in your
authentic expression.
And so I want to ask you aquestion.
When you're coaching writers,how do you help them to move
past the self-doubt that theyhave in themselves and into
their authentic expression?
SPEAKER_00 (19:40):
Again, it's different for everybody because
everybody has a different style,like a different personality and
a different way of dealing withtheir kinds of things.
And you know, sometimes even Ihave authors that don't really
talk about it, and then theyonly talk about it almost after
or really, really close to likebeing published.
Everything has been done, andnow they they have that block
(20:02):
and it's not even in theirwriting, it's in their
publishing.
I would say that I'm very goodat just bringing back someone to
be grounded and to again takeout the seriousness of
something.
I guess I can say that when anauthor to me is being very
serious and being very like inself-doubt, what I like to
(20:23):
remind them is that they have tofeel their writing from their
heart.
And again, it can't come fromtheir mind.
I know that we're using the mindto write, obviously.
But all of their worry, all oftheir self-doubt, that's all in
the in the head.
That's all self-image.
And so I help them kind of likedrop their self-image and drop
(20:46):
the way that they want toimpress so much.
And I tell them, like, what istrue in your heart?
What is it that you're doingwith this?
Are you having fun with thisbook?
Why are you putting it outthere?
And that's why we have even asection in the book that we're
doing with authors where we saymy dream, because we want the
author to reflect on their dreamof why they're writing the book.
(21:09):
They're doing it for the readerin a way, but they're actually
really doing it for themselvesat the beginning.
So that they really know likewhere is this book coming from?
If they realize that the book iscoming from their heart, they
will not be rushed, they willnot feel rushed, they they won't
(21:29):
be so caught on a deadline, andthey will go with the flow with
their book.
And so I think that, like Isaid, it's different for every
author because everybody's sodifferent.
But as soon as I start to see alittle bit of anxiety from my
authors, I try to be as calm aspossible and just bring them
into this calmness and be like,this is simple, this is not not
(21:53):
a big deal.
I mean, your book is is going tobe a big deal in the sense, but
at the same time, it's supposedto be fun, it's supposed to be
something that you put out intothe world for yourself first,
like we were talking about, andnot give yourself so much
pressure as to be perfect,because there's no such thing as
perfection, and we all knowthat, right?
The less that you're actuallyreally perfect inside of your
(22:16):
book, the more that your book isgonna be authentic and real.
So I remind everybody to againto just write when they're
inspired and never write from anenergy of doubt, because that's
not gonna flow well, right?
So if they're feeling kind oflike insecure, whatever, and in
a moment, I tell them to like,okay, well, then don't write
(22:36):
right now.
Take a break.
Take a break, take a break of acouple of days, and then come
back to it when you're feelinginspired.
Because if not, it's not gonnabe real and it's not gonna come
from your heart.
SPEAKER_01 (22:46):
That's actually really powerful because so many
times we feel like we have topush through, right?
We have to keep going, there'sno stopping.
Go, go, go.
But like I know in my process, Ithink I signed on with you guys
in February, and I didn't evenlike I had been working on the
manuscript and the concept, butI don't think I really, really
started working on it until Iwas gonna do it in April, and
(23:09):
then I couldn't.
It was like I just had so manymental blocks, stuff was going
on in life, and I was like, Ican't, I can't, and I just shut
down again.
But it's almost like youencouraged that and you were
like, that's okay.
Just reach out when when you'reready, when it's time, when you
have the time.
And I knew in the summer, Ididn't have school, I knew I
could get it done at that pointin time.
So I started doing it a littlebit more, and then you and I
started working together a bitmore, and I was like, okay, let
(23:30):
me get this done.
And then the second parthappened the editing took a
month, which was so much morethan I expected, like putting
all the little pieces in place.
I I always explain it likebuilding a house.
If anyone's ever built a house,they have to pick out the
tiniest details they neverexpected, like the color of the
doorknobs, and all of a suddenevery shade of brass is starting
to look the same to you.
(23:51):
And it's like, hey, you know,what type of lines do you want
on your book covers and yourchapters?
And it's like, I don't knowanymore.
Like you say, just take a stepback.
That's what I did.
Sometimes I would just takebreaks and it's gonna come out
when it comes out.
I love, I love, love, love whatyou said.
You said your book is gonna be abig deal, right?
You're a big deal.
But this right here, this momentis not a big deal.
SPEAKER_00 (24:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:14):
This moment right here is just another chance to
tell your story and and speakfrom your heart.
So I love that.
But you were talking about nottaking yourself so seriously,
doing all that stuff.
So I wanted to ask real quickbefore and as we're wrapping up,
if you were giving someone outthere advice, some sort of
playful practice that they couldintegrate into their life to
help them when things arestarting to feel too heavy.
(24:36):
Can you offer some advice forthat?
SPEAKER_00 (24:38):
Are you speaking about book wise or just in
general than like Oh, that's agood question.
SPEAKER_01 (24:42):
I was thinking people who are writing, but you
know what?
Let's go in general because Iknow lots of women are writing,
and I I know that you help otherwomen in your life as well in
what you do.
And so just in general, when youare working with people, because
you're a self-awareness coach aswell.
What is something when we'restarting to feel like life is
getting too heavy?
What's a playful practice wecould do?
SPEAKER_00 (25:04):
Well, I would say, and that goes with witness
consciousness, obviously,because it's just so powerful
and it is so simple, and peoplesometimes don't understand what
it is.
But for me, when I understoodwhat this consciousness was, it
just really blew my mind as howsimple life can truly be when
you know how to just step out ofyour ego self and out of your
(25:27):
serious self and look at amovie.
So I like to see my life as amovie.
I am just this character that isplaying a role in a movie.
So when there's something that'sbecoming too serious or just
bringing me some anxiety, Iremember that my life is just a
movie and I'm a character, andthis is a play, and nothing is
(25:51):
going so seriously, nothingserious is going on in my life,
really.
So I can kind of like step backand I can see the drama, I can
see the chaos, and I can knowthat all of that is not me
because I'm just a character,I'm playing a role, but it's not
(26:12):
me.
My truest self is still, it ispeace, it is grounded, and it is
really just very simple, and Idon't get bothered by things
that are like the smallestthings of life, because I don't
feel like that should come anddisrupt my inner peace.
(26:36):
I want to stick to that.
So I'm always remembering likeif something happens, whether
it's with finances, whether it'swith a relationship, I step out
and I say, whatever, I'm justgonna let this play out because
this is just a movie and it'snot permanent, it is temporary
like everything else.
Everything is so temporary, andso I kind of bring that
(26:59):
lightness to all of the thingsthat are happening.
And so even if it's in yourwriting, again, your writing can
be super beautiful, but it's notserious.
It's just your self-expressionand it's light, and it's it's
supposed to be playful, and it'ssupposed to be making you feel
really good when you'rereleasing that energy outside of
(27:21):
yourself when you're writing,right?
It's not supposed to bring youany kind of anxiety.
So I think that in the processof things sometimes, and I will
say as well, because I've seenthis a couple of times, but even
in the process of bringing thisbook out to the world and the
process of publishing andeverything, where there is some
kind of like little details likeyou were talking about, of like,
(27:42):
yeah, we have to look at thelittle grammar errors and things
like that inside of the book.
At the end of the day, whateverhappens with your book when it's
out, the most important thingthat you have to understand when
you're writing a book is thatyou are sharing who you are with
the world.
And you shouldn't put so muchattention on the little little
(28:06):
details that because there'snever never anything perfect.
We try to make things perfect.
That's our ego.
We try to make to controleverything, and that's what
happens a lot of the time ineverything in our lives.
But if I'm talking about aprocess of publishing and all of
that, and where there's a lot oftechnicalities, which you're
you're part of right now, likewe have to understand that we
(28:27):
have to let go of a control atone point and surrender to what
is and to know that it's goodenough.
Because what?
We are good enough.
I love that.
And a lot of the times it'sbecause we feel like we might
not, we have this insecuritythat we are not good enough.
So we're projecting out intowhatever piece that we're
creating, whether it's a book,it's art, music, this is what
(28:49):
happens.
So we have to just step backagain.
SPEAKER_01 (28:52):
We are good enough.
Oh, that's so beautiful, Ellie.
Thank you so much.
And I I love that theobservation, the movie, the
understanding that we are enoughand that we don't have to get
bogged down and theperfectionism.
It's brilliant.
No.
If you are listening right nowand you are incredibly inspired
by Ellie's words, as I often am,then I want to encourage you
guys to go out and get a copy ofher book, which is Letters from
(29:14):
You to You.
If you want to cry when you fallasleep at night, make sure you
grab this.
But it's they're reallystunning.
They're all little letters andthey're all so beautiful.
And it's just this like way.
I almost it was like for me, itwas like healing parts of my
inner child and things like thatas I was reading this, because
there was, it's like as it says,letters from you to you.
So if you want to go check outthis amazing book by Ellie, I
(29:36):
highly recommend it.
I'll stick the link in the shownotes.
I will also put a link for howyou can contact Ellie if you
feel like you've been wanting towork on yourself in these ways
and Ellie is really resonatingwith you, then I highly
recommend getting a chance towork with her.
And as she has, is her course,which is called A Journey Back
to Inner Peace.
Stunning.
SPEAKER_00 (29:55):
Yeah.
I think it's a woman's journeyback to inner peace.
Sorry, I haven't gotten throughit.
So beautiful.
SPEAKER_01 (30:00):
Yeah, like I'm the worst at remembering the names
of anything.
This is even a woman's journeyback to inner peace.
If you're somebody that's beenfeeling out of alignment with
yourself lately, you know,there's always, of course, the
relationship reboot program.
You can come and join us in theSpeak Honor Ship.
But all of my ladies always knowthat I encourage that they go
get multiple sources ofresources for themselves to go
(30:21):
get that help because we want tobe able to learn in all these
different environments.
So thank you so much again,Ellie, for coming on.
And for anyone that islistening, if you are on Amazon
and you are picking up lettersfrom U to U, also go ahead and
pick up Dance of Attachment,which is my new book coming out.
And it will be out by the timethis podcast launches.
I know, I can't wait.
(30:41):
Why smart women do dumb shit inrelationships?
Like Ellie said, you don't haveto feel dumb, right?
And you don't have to feel likethere's all this shit going on.
But if you do do dumb shit inrelationships, you're not alone.
And I tell many of my stories inthis book about the dumb shit I
did all the time.
Especially, I think that doesn'tcome until the second part, but
wait till you read about thespreadsheet I used to keep about
(31:03):
tracking my ex's stories.
All the things we do for love.
But go check it out.
You can get it on Amazon.
You can also go todanceofattachment.com.
You can go check it out there.
I will also be in LA on November15th for my in-person book
launch that will also be hostedby Lucky Book Publishing and
also have other authors therethat you guys can meet.
(31:24):
So if you've been thinking aboutwanting to write a book and you
live in the LA area or up herein the Bay with me and you want
to drive down, I would love tosee you.
Or if you just want to comesupport me, you know I will
always come and see you guysthere.
So, with all of that said,Ellie, thank you so much for
coming on today, and I willspeak with you next time.
Take care.
(31:44):
As we wrap up today'sconversation, always remember
that healing is a journey, not adestination.
And it is an honor to be a partof your healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we cover today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review, and subscribe if you
(32:07):
enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the world tous and helps others discover our
podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
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