November 26, 2025 • 14 mins
Ever find yourself replaying an argument and wishing you’d handled it differently?
In this episode, I’m walking you through two of the most powerful steps in my communication framework, validation and collaboration, so you can turn conflict into connection this holiday season. We’ll talk about what validation actually means (hint: it’s not agreeing with someone), how to create repair after a rupture, and how collaboration helps you co-create solutions that honor everyone’s needs. If last week’s episode was about regulation, this one’s about repair, the part that brings you back to love, trust, and safety.
You might want to listen if:
- You keep having the same argument on repeat with your partner or family
- You struggle to express your truth without sounding defensive
- You want to learn how to repair a rupture without losing your voice
- You crave deeper connection but don’t know how to get past the tension
- You’re ready to bring calm, compassion, and collaboration into your relationships this holiday season
FIND OUT MORE!
- Grab Your Copy of the #1 Best Selling Book --> Dance of Attachment
- Apply for FREE Podcast Coaching with Jenn
- Join our FREE Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
- Become a Speak Honest Member and access all you need to become secure.
- Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
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- Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
- Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
- Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!
DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes from ...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
Hello, and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, Jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal.
What's been holding you backfrom having the relationships
you deserve?
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs, and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths, and honest
conversations.
Now, let's dive in.
Hello everyone, and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I'm Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach.
And on today's episode, we arecontinuing our holiday series
(00:47):
with one of the most powerfulparts of my communication
framework (00:50):
how to validate and collaborate so you can turn any
conflict into connection.
So last week we talked aboutregulation, specifically how to
use my raise method to calm yourbody before you react.
But let's be honest, when you'retriggered, your nervous system
is the one running the show, andyou can't talk your way out of
fight, flight, or freeze.
You have to feel your way out ofit.
(01:12):
Last week we talked aboutregulation, how to use my raise
method to calm your nervoussystem when you get triggered.
Because when emotions take over,it's impossible to communicate
clearly.
Just genuinely speaking, itcannot happen.
Your body goes into protectionmode and everything feels
personal.
That's the worst time to behaving a conversation.
You cannot validate orcollaborate when you are
(01:33):
dysregulated.
So we have to regulate first.
If you get a chance, go back,listen to that episode first,
and then come back here andlet's talk about validation and
collaboration.
Because once you've had a chanceto settle, once the heat comes
down and your body feels safeagain, that's when it's time to
come back to the table.
That's where validation andcollaboration come in.
They're not about what happensduring the conflict, but what
(01:56):
you do after.
They're the repair part of thisrupture.
And I'll be honest, this iseither the part that most people
skip straight to or they want toskip past, meaning they forget
to regulate and then they justcome in hot telling their
partner what to do, or they'veregulated and then they don't
communicate what it is that theyneed.
Both of those things are notrepair.
(02:17):
We either move on and pretendnothing happens, or we hash the
same argument over and overagain trying to prove our point.
Neither one actually heals thedisconnection.
Validation and collaboration arehow we come back to each other,
how we say, hey, we're okay.
We're on the same team, even ifwe still see things differently.
And before we dive in, if you'vebeen loving these conversations
(02:38):
we've been having here on theSpeak Honest podcast, then I
would love for you to go andgrab a copy of my brand new
best-selling book, Dance ofAttachment.
It's everything I teach here andin my Speak Honest membership.
The stories, the science, thehumor, and the tools that help
you understand why you react theway you do in relationships and
how to build trust afterconflict.
(02:59):
You can grab it on Amazon orjust jump over to
danceofattachment.com or scrollon down to the show notes and
click on the link there.
And as you're listening totoday's episode, I want you to
think about a recent momentwhere you felt misunderstood or
disconnected from someone youcare about.
Maybe it was Aunt Sally at theThanksgiving dinner table.
Maybe it was your mom asking youyet again, when are you gonna
(03:20):
have kids?
Maybe it was you and yourhusband in a fight on the way to
Christmas dinner.
I just want you to be thinkingabout what happened after that
moment.
Did you repair it?
Did you avoid it?
Did it still feel unfinished?
Because that's what we'reexploring today.
How to come back to the peopleyou love in a way that feels
safe and real.
(03:41):
How to validate their experiencewithout abandoning your own
beliefs.
And how to collaborate on asolution that works for the both
of you.
Not just smooth things over andpretend everything's fine.
By the end of this episode, youwill have a clearer sense of how
repair really works.
Not from a place of perfectionor performance, but from genuine
care and curiosity.
(04:02):
Alright, now let's dive in.
So let's start with validation.
Validation is not agreement.
Do we understand this?
This is one of the biggestmisunderstandings I see in
relationships all the time.
When I talk about validation,oftentimes the women in my group
will say, but Jen, if I validatethem, it's like I'm saying that
(04:23):
they're right.
But they're not right.
I'm right.
Nope, not at all.
Let's cut that out right now,ladies.
That's not what validationmeans.
Validation isn't about provingsomeone else right or wrong.
It's not even about provingyourself right or wrong.
It's about acknowledging theirexperience makes sense to them.
Honestly, if the whole worldcould figure this out, we would
be a better place.
(04:44):
You're not saying you're right.
You're not saying, oh, yes, I amwrong and you are correct.
What you're saying is, oh, I gethow you see it that way.
And that small differencechanges everything.
So let's use an example.
So let's say your husband says,you never listen to me, and you
immediately feel thatdefensiveness in your body.
(05:05):
And what do you say back tothat?
What are you talking about?
I listen all the time.
See, what they're really sayingin this moment is, I feel
frustrated because I don't thinkyou're hearing me.
Right?
If they could really get to thecore of what it is that they're
feeling and what it is thatthey're perceiving, this is what
they would be saying to you.
(05:26):
But can't you see it from theirside a little bit?
Because they literally just saidto you, you never listened to
me.
And instead of hearing them, yougot defensive back.
So let's take a step back.
And again, we can't do this ifwe're not regulated, ladies.
So go back, do the raise method,once you're calm, then you can
validate.
Pause long enough to hear theemotional truth underneath the
(05:47):
words that someone else issaying to you.
So you can respond with, hey, itsounds like you're, you know,
really feeling frustrated rightnow because you don't think
you're being heard.
Wow, that must actually bereally frustrating.
I could see why you think that.
That's it.
You don't have to admit fault.
You don't have to say, You'reright, I'm not hearing you.
You don't have to give in.
You just have to say, you knowwhat, I hear that this is your
(06:08):
experience.
And that's the power ofvalidation.
Think about it.
How great would it feel for youto be validated in a situation?
If you're telling your mom, hey,you really need to stop asking
me about kids.
Okay?
She's gonna hear what?
After all I've done for you, orshe's gonna hear this in
different ways.
But if you imagine she said toyou, you know what?
(06:30):
Yeah, you're right.
I can see how that's reallyannoying.
That's her validating you.
Even if she wants to keep askingyou about kids every time you
show up to the dinner table.
That is her validating you.
If we can give that to otherpeople, it helps us repair the
connection so much faster thanyou can even imagine.
One of my favorite ways toexplain validation is through
the six and nine analogy.
(06:52):
Now, this is in my book, Danceof Attachment, so if you want to
go and check it out there, youcan.
But imagine two people arestanding on opposite sides of a
sidewalk, and there's a numberdrawn between them, and one
person sees a six.
But what does the other personsee?
On the complete opposite side,they see a nine.
Well, they're both right, butthe same number is right there.
(07:13):
So based on where they'restanding, one sees a six and one
sees a nine.
Their truth isn't wrong.
It's just perspective.
And that's what validation lookslike in real life.
You can say, oh my gosh, I cansee that that would look like a
nine from where you're standing.
And from my side, it looks likea six.
See how you get to hold bothtruths at the same time?
(07:34):
And when you do this, you're notfighting for who's right or
wrong, which just causes moredisconnection.
You're building a bridge ofunderstanding.
You're saying, I don't have toagree with you to understand how
you got there.
That moment of mutualunderstanding is where safety
starts to return.
And when we feel misunderstood,our attachment patterns, they
get super activated.
(07:55):
So for people with an anxious ordisorganized attachment stance,
not being validated can feellike true abandonment, like your
whole body is shutting down inthat moment.
But for those with an avoidantattachment stance, it can feel
like intrusion or loss ofcontrol or autonomy when this is
happening.
But what happens with validationis you get to meet both of those
(08:15):
needs.
So it tells the anxious person,you're seen and I'm not going
anywhere.
And it tells the avoidantperson, you're safe and you have
freedom.
So whether you're trying torepair with your husband or your
boyfriend or your friend or youraunt Sally or your Uncle Bob or
your mom or your dad, validationis the first step towards
re-establishing trust after arupture.
(08:39):
Once both people feel seen andsettled, the next step is
collaboration.
And collaboration is how we moveforward after the repair.
So it's not about compromisewhere both people are giving up
something.
It's about co-creating asolution that honors both of
your needs.
You could think of it likedancing.
Sometimes one person leads andsometimes the other person does.
And the rhythm only works whenboth people are tuned into the
(09:00):
same song.
But imagine if you're trying todance to two different songs, it
just becomes a complete chaotickerfuffle, right?
So collaboration might soundlike, hey, I can see that you
need more alone time and I needmore connection.
So how can we make space forboth of us?
Or you could try sayingsomething like, hey, I
understand you felt overwhelmedlast night and you didn't mean
the things you said.
(09:21):
How can we handle it differentlynext time?
See how you're working with themnow.
You're working towards asolution.
Collaboration is all aboutworking towards a solution.
It's not about saying, youpissed me off, you made me
angry, now you have to fix it.
That would be working towards aproblem.
We want to work towards asolution.
We want to say, hey, I feelrelief when you have these
(09:41):
conversations with me and we canwork on them together.
How can we do this next time?
Or, hey, mom, it makes me feelso much more at home when I can
just come to the house and becompletely myself and I don't
have to be performative.
Can you please ask us aboutsomething else when we come over
instead of kids?
I know that you want them sobad.
And also, it just makes us feelso much happier when we're here
(10:03):
and we don't have to think aboutit right now.
You see how we're workingtowards a solution in this
moment?
And even in that moment, westill validated her and her
lived experience.
And the goal is to work togetheron a same team, on the same
side.
So you're working towards ashared outcome.
Because in the end, your momjust wants a connection with
you.
And in the end, you just wantconnection with your mother.
So how can we work on thattogether?
(10:26):
So let's bring this to somethingthat might come up very soon,
maybe a holiday situation.
Let's say you and your husbandget into a fight right before
Thanksgiving dinner.
You're stressed about hosting,they're stressed about travel,
and you guys just snap at eachother.
And later that night, whenyou're both calm, this is the
perfect time for validation andcollaboration.
You might say, Hey, babes, Iknow I was short with you
(10:48):
earlier, and I get that itprobably made you feel
unappreciated.
I was feeling overwhelmed and Ineeded help, but it came out the
wrong way.
See, that's validation.
You're not blaming, you'reconnecting.
And then you move intocollaboration next.
Hey, next time when we host,maybe we can make a plan
together ahead of time so wedoesn't feel like we're both
drowning in all of this.
(11:09):
Now you've turned the ruptureinto repair.
You moved from you versus meinto us versus the problem.
And that's the magic.
See, validation andcollaboration work because they
meet our two deepest attachmentneeds to feel safe and to feel
seen.
And when both needs are met, therelationship becomes a space
where conflict doesn't destroyconnection, it strengthens it.
(11:33):
Rupture in a relationship is nota sign of failure.
In fact, it's deeply needed.
But what comes after the ruptureis more important than anything
else.
We need the repair, and therepair is the heartbeat of
intimacy.
Every time you repair, you teachyour body and your relationship
that safety can be rebuilt.
(11:53):
That's what creates realresilience, not avoiding
conflict, but learning how tocome back to it together.
So as you move through the restof this week, and especially
through the holidays, right?
Thanksgiving is just tomorrow bythe time this one comes out.
I want you to remember thatrepair doesn't require
perfection.
(12:14):
You don't need the perfectwords, you don't even need to
have it all figured out.
You just need the willingness tocome back after things get
messy.
That's what validation andcollaboration truly are: an
invitation back into connection.
So validation says, I see you.
And collaboration says, I wantto move forward with you.
And when you practice those twothings over and over again, the
(12:35):
relationship starts to feelsafer.
You stop walking on eggshells.
You stop needing to win.
You start feeling like you're onthe same team again.
So if something gets tense thisholiday season, just remember,
take your time, let your bodycalm down, and when you're
ready, come back with validationand collaboration.
That's how your connectiongrows.
(12:57):
And if you want to go deeperinto this kind of healing, and
if you want to understand wherethese patterns come from and how
to shift them, then grab a copyof my best-selling book, Dance
of Attachment.
It's full of stories and scienceand real life moments that help
you see your relationshipsthrough a whole new lens.
You can get it now on Amazon orover at danceofattachment.com.
All right, ladies, thank you forspending this time with me.
(13:19):
I love being a part of yourgrowth, and I'm so proud of the
work you are doing.
Let's all give ourselves somegrace, take a nice big deep
breath, and remember,relationships aren't built on
getting it right every time.
They are built on coming back.
I will speak with you all nextweek.
Take care.
As we wrap up today'sconversation, always remember
(13:42):
that healing is a journey, not adestination.
And it is an honor to be a partof your healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review, and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
(14:03):
Your feedback means the world tous and helps others discover our
podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
Hello, and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, Jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal.
What's been holding you backfrom having the relationships
you deserve?
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs, and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths, and honest
conversations.
Now, let's dive in.
Hello everyone, and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I'm Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach.
And on today's episode, we arecontinuing our holiday series
(00:47):
with one of the most powerfulparts of my communication
framework (00:50):
how to validate and collaborate so you can turn any
conflict into connection.
So last week we talked aboutregulation, specifically how to
use my raise method to calm yourbody before you react.
But let's be honest, when you'retriggered, your nervous system
is the one running the show, andyou can't talk your way out of
fight, flight, or freeze.
You have to feel your way out ofit.
(01:12):
Last week we talked aboutregulation, how to use my raise
method to calm your nervoussystem when you get triggered.
Because when emotions take over,it's impossible to communicate
clearly.
Just genuinely speaking, itcannot happen.
Your body goes into protectionmode and everything feels
personal.
That's the worst time to behaving a conversation.
You cannot validate orcollaborate when you are
(01:33):
dysregulated.
So we have to regulate first.
If you get a chance, go back,listen to that episode first,
and then come back here andlet's talk about validation and
collaboration.
Because once you've had a chanceto settle, once the heat comes
down and your body feels safeagain, that's when it's time to
come back to the table.
That's where validation andcollaboration come in.
They're not about what happensduring the conflict, but what
(01:56):
you do after.
They're the repair part of thisrupture.
And I'll be honest, this iseither the part that most people
skip straight to or they want toskip past, meaning they forget
to regulate and then they justcome in hot telling their
partner what to do, or they'veregulated and then they don't
communicate what it is that theyneed.
Both of those things are notrepair.
(02:17):
We either move on and pretendnothing happens, or we hash the
same argument over and overagain trying to prove our point.
Neither one actually heals thedisconnection.
Validation and collaboration arehow we come back to each other,
how we say, hey, we're okay.
We're on the same team, even ifwe still see things differently.
And before we dive in, if you'vebeen loving these conversations
(02:38):
we've been having here on theSpeak Honest podcast, then I
would love for you to go andgrab a copy of my brand new
best-selling book, Dance ofAttachment.
It's everything I teach here andin my Speak Honest membership.
The stories, the science, thehumor, and the tools that help
you understand why you react theway you do in relationships and
how to build trust afterconflict.
(02:59):
You can grab it on Amazon orjust jump over to
danceofattachment.com or scrollon down to the show notes and
click on the link there.
And as you're listening totoday's episode, I want you to
think about a recent momentwhere you felt misunderstood or
disconnected from someone youcare about.
Maybe it was Aunt Sally at theThanksgiving dinner table.
Maybe it was your mom asking youyet again, when are you gonna
(03:20):
have kids?
Maybe it was you and yourhusband in a fight on the way to
Christmas dinner.
I just want you to be thinkingabout what happened after that
moment.
Did you repair it?
Did you avoid it?
Did it still feel unfinished?
Because that's what we'reexploring today.
How to come back to the peopleyou love in a way that feels
safe and real.
(03:41):
How to validate their experiencewithout abandoning your own
beliefs.
And how to collaborate on asolution that works for the both
of you.
Not just smooth things over andpretend everything's fine.
By the end of this episode, youwill have a clearer sense of how
repair really works.
Not from a place of perfectionor performance, but from genuine
care and curiosity.
(04:02):
Alright, now let's dive in.
So let's start with validation.
Validation is not agreement.
Do we understand this?
This is one of the biggestmisunderstandings I see in
relationships all the time.
When I talk about validation,oftentimes the women in my group
will say, but Jen, if I validatethem, it's like I'm saying that
(04:23):
they're right.
But they're not right.
I'm right.
Nope, not at all.
Let's cut that out right now,ladies.
That's not what validationmeans.
Validation isn't about provingsomeone else right or wrong.
It's not even about provingyourself right or wrong.
It's about acknowledging theirexperience makes sense to them.
Honestly, if the whole worldcould figure this out, we would
be a better place.
(04:44):
You're not saying you're right.
You're not saying, oh, yes, I amwrong and you are correct.
What you're saying is, oh, I gethow you see it that way.
And that small differencechanges everything.
So let's use an example.
So let's say your husband says,you never listen to me, and you
immediately feel thatdefensiveness in your body.
(05:05):
And what do you say back tothat?
What are you talking about?
I listen all the time.
See, what they're really sayingin this moment is, I feel
frustrated because I don't thinkyou're hearing me.
Right?
If they could really get to thecore of what it is that they're
feeling and what it is thatthey're perceiving, this is what
they would be saying to you.
(05:26):
But can't you see it from theirside a little bit?
Because they literally just saidto you, you never listened to
me.
And instead of hearing them, yougot defensive back.
So let's take a step back.
And again, we can't do this ifwe're not regulated, ladies.
So go back, do the raise method,once you're calm, then you can
validate.
Pause long enough to hear theemotional truth underneath the
(05:47):
words that someone else issaying to you.
So you can respond with, hey, itsounds like you're, you know,
really feeling frustrated rightnow because you don't think
you're being heard.
Wow, that must actually bereally frustrating.
I could see why you think that.
That's it.
You don't have to admit fault.
You don't have to say, You'reright, I'm not hearing you.
You don't have to give in.
You just have to say, you knowwhat, I hear that this is your
(06:08):
experience.
And that's the power ofvalidation.
Think about it.
How great would it feel for youto be validated in a situation?
If you're telling your mom, hey,you really need to stop asking
me about kids.
Okay?
She's gonna hear what?
After all I've done for you, orshe's gonna hear this in
different ways.
But if you imagine she said toyou, you know what?
(06:30):
Yeah, you're right.
I can see how that's reallyannoying.
That's her validating you.
Even if she wants to keep askingyou about kids every time you
show up to the dinner table.
That is her validating you.
If we can give that to otherpeople, it helps us repair the
connection so much faster thanyou can even imagine.
One of my favorite ways toexplain validation is through
the six and nine analogy.
(06:52):
Now, this is in my book, Danceof Attachment, so if you want to
go and check it out there, youcan.
But imagine two people arestanding on opposite sides of a
sidewalk, and there's a numberdrawn between them, and one
person sees a six.
But what does the other personsee?
On the complete opposite side,they see a nine.
Well, they're both right, butthe same number is right there.
(07:13):
So based on where they'restanding, one sees a six and one
sees a nine.
Their truth isn't wrong.
It's just perspective.
And that's what validation lookslike in real life.
You can say, oh my gosh, I cansee that that would look like a
nine from where you're standing.
And from my side, it looks likea six.
See how you get to hold bothtruths at the same time?
(07:34):
And when you do this, you're notfighting for who's right or
wrong, which just causes moredisconnection.
You're building a bridge ofunderstanding.
You're saying, I don't have toagree with you to understand how
you got there.
That moment of mutualunderstanding is where safety
starts to return.
And when we feel misunderstood,our attachment patterns, they
get super activated.
(07:55):
So for people with an anxious ordisorganized attachment stance,
not being validated can feellike true abandonment, like your
whole body is shutting down inthat moment.
But for those with an avoidantattachment stance, it can feel
like intrusion or loss ofcontrol or autonomy when this is
happening.
But what happens with validationis you get to meet both of those
(08:15):
needs.
So it tells the anxious person,you're seen and I'm not going
anywhere.
And it tells the avoidantperson, you're safe and you have
freedom.
So whether you're trying torepair with your husband or your
boyfriend or your friend or youraunt Sally or your Uncle Bob or
your mom or your dad, validationis the first step towards
re-establishing trust after arupture.
(08:39):
Once both people feel seen andsettled, the next step is
collaboration.
And collaboration is how we moveforward after the repair.
So it's not about compromisewhere both people are giving up
something.
It's about co-creating asolution that honors both of
your needs.
You could think of it likedancing.
Sometimes one person leads andsometimes the other person does.
And the rhythm only works whenboth people are tuned into the
(09:00):
same song.
But imagine if you're trying todance to two different songs, it
just becomes a complete chaotickerfuffle, right?
So collaboration might soundlike, hey, I can see that you
need more alone time and I needmore connection.
So how can we make space forboth of us?
Or you could try sayingsomething like, hey, I
understand you felt overwhelmedlast night and you didn't mean
the things you said.
(09:21):
How can we handle it differentlynext time?
See how you're working with themnow.
You're working towards asolution.
Collaboration is all aboutworking towards a solution.
It's not about saying, youpissed me off, you made me
angry, now you have to fix it.
That would be working towards aproblem.
We want to work towards asolution.
We want to say, hey, I feelrelief when you have these
(09:41):
conversations with me and we canwork on them together.
How can we do this next time?
Or, hey, mom, it makes me feelso much more at home when I can
just come to the house and becompletely myself and I don't
have to be performative.
Can you please ask us aboutsomething else when we come over
instead of kids?
I know that you want them sobad.
And also, it just makes us feelso much happier when we're here
(10:03):
and we don't have to think aboutit right now.
You see how we're workingtowards a solution in this
moment?
And even in that moment, westill validated her and her
lived experience.
And the goal is to work togetheron a same team, on the same
side.
So you're working towards ashared outcome.
Because in the end, your momjust wants a connection with
you.
And in the end, you just wantconnection with your mother.
So how can we work on thattogether?
(10:26):
So let's bring this to somethingthat might come up very soon,
maybe a holiday situation.
Let's say you and your husbandget into a fight right before
Thanksgiving dinner.
You're stressed about hosting,they're stressed about travel,
and you guys just snap at eachother.
And later that night, whenyou're both calm, this is the
perfect time for validation andcollaboration.
You might say, Hey, babes, Iknow I was short with you
(10:48):
earlier, and I get that itprobably made you feel
unappreciated.
I was feeling overwhelmed and Ineeded help, but it came out the
wrong way.
See, that's validation.
You're not blaming, you'reconnecting.
And then you move intocollaboration next.
Hey, next time when we host,maybe we can make a plan
together ahead of time so wedoesn't feel like we're both
drowning in all of this.
(11:09):
Now you've turned the ruptureinto repair.
You moved from you versus meinto us versus the problem.
And that's the magic.
See, validation andcollaboration work because they
meet our two deepest attachmentneeds to feel safe and to feel
seen.
And when both needs are met, therelationship becomes a space
where conflict doesn't destroyconnection, it strengthens it.
(11:33):
Rupture in a relationship is nota sign of failure.
In fact, it's deeply needed.
But what comes after the ruptureis more important than anything
else.
We need the repair, and therepair is the heartbeat of
intimacy.
Every time you repair, you teachyour body and your relationship
that safety can be rebuilt.
(11:53):
That's what creates realresilience, not avoiding
conflict, but learning how tocome back to it together.
So as you move through the restof this week, and especially
through the holidays, right?
Thanksgiving is just tomorrow bythe time this one comes out.
I want you to remember thatrepair doesn't require
perfection.
(12:14):
You don't need the perfectwords, you don't even need to
have it all figured out.
You just need the willingness tocome back after things get
messy.
That's what validation andcollaboration truly are: an
invitation back into connection.
So validation says, I see you.
And collaboration says, I wantto move forward with you.
And when you practice those twothings over and over again, the
(12:35):
relationship starts to feelsafer.
You stop walking on eggshells.
You stop needing to win.
You start feeling like you're onthe same team again.
So if something gets tense thisholiday season, just remember,
take your time, let your bodycalm down, and when you're
ready, come back with validationand collaboration.
That's how your connectiongrows.
(12:57):
And if you want to go deeperinto this kind of healing, and
if you want to understand wherethese patterns come from and how
to shift them, then grab a copyof my best-selling book, Dance
of Attachment.
It's full of stories and scienceand real life moments that help
you see your relationshipsthrough a whole new lens.
You can get it now on Amazon orover at danceofattachment.com.
All right, ladies, thank you forspending this time with me.
(13:19):
I love being a part of yourgrowth, and I'm so proud of the
work you are doing.
Let's all give ourselves somegrace, take a nice big deep
breath, and remember,relationships aren't built on
getting it right every time.
They are built on coming back.
I will speak with you all nextweek.
Take care.
As we wrap up today'sconversation, always remember
(13:42):
that healing is a journey, not adestination.
And it is an honor to be a partof your healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
right there.
And please remember to rate,review, and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
(14:03):
Your feedback means the world tous and helps others discover our
podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak honest.
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