December 3, 2025 • 29 mins
Have you ever wondered why the tiniest thing can send your whole body into a spiral even when nothing big is actually happening?
In this coaching call with Cordelia, we dig into what is really happening underneath those overwhelming somatic responses and why your nervous system reacts long before your logical mind can catch up. I walk Cordelia through understanding the deeper roots of activation, how trauma memories get stored in the body, and what it looks like to find real evidence of safety when everything feels chaotic. This is a gentle, honest, supportive conversation that will help you understand your own reactions in a whole new way.
You might want to listen if:
• You get big emotional or physical reactions to things that seem small
• You are exhausted from being in fight or flight all the time
• You feel unsafe in your body even when nothing is actually wrong
• You struggle to calm down once the spiral starts
• You want simple, compassionate tools to help your nervous system feel supported again
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DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes from this information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
Hello, and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, Jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal.
What's been holding you backfrom having the relationship you
deserve?
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs, and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths, and honest
conversations.
Now, let's dive in.
Hello everyone, and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach and author of
Dance of Attachment.
(00:46):
And on today's episode, I'll behelping a client move through
nervous system overwhelm, herspiraling anxiety, and those why
questions of like, why am Ireacting so big to something so
small?
Those are the moments we allknow too well.
But before we dive in, I want totalk to you about our Speak
Honest community.
This is the space where womencome to feel seen, supported,
(01:08):
and understood while they learnhow to regulate their emotions,
they learn how to communicatewith confidence and eventually
rebuild their securerelationships from the inside
out.
It's where conversations likethe one you're about to hear
between me and Cordelia happen.
It's where women get supportthey need to grow at their own
pace.
(01:28):
Members of the program, they getfirst access to podcast coaching
like this.
So over the next few weeks,you're gonna hear a series of
coaching calls with me andCordelia.
And if that kind of supportfeels right for you, if you're
listening in and you're like, ohmy gosh, yes, I want that, then
we would love to have you insideof our membership program so you
feel supported in your healingjourney.
(01:49):
You deserve a space where yourgrowth is seen, your questions
are held with care, and yournervous system actually gets the
support it's been craving.
And I'll share more on how youcan join at the end of the
episode.
But for right now, as you'relistening to my conversation
with Cordelia, I want you tothink about the last time your
body reacted before your braincould catch up.
(02:13):
Think about the moments when youfelt activated out of nowhere,
or when a tiny inconveniencesuddenly felt like the end of
the whole freaking world.
In this session, you're going tohear how I guide her through
understanding what her body istrying to say to her, how to
validate those thematicreactions, and how to begin
(02:35):
finding evidence of safety, evenin the middle of uncertainty.
Now, let's dive in.
(02:59):
So talk to me through what kindof help you're looking for right
now.
SPEAKER_01 (03:03):
Well, that's the million-dollar question there.
Good point.
Where do you start when you gotthe laundry list going?
Funny enough, though.
So I've been dealing a lot withnervous system issues, burnout,
and lately I don't know.
There's no trigger, really.
(03:25):
Little little stressors suddenlyfeel ginormous.
And it's unlike me to get thatworked up over small things.
And I don't mean worked up andthen like getting angry, but
then I just feel stressed andnauseous and like my energy is
(03:45):
on overdrive, I guess you couldsay.
SPEAKER_00 (03:48):
And how is that affecting you in your day-to-day
life?
How is it holding you back fromwhat you want to be doing?
SPEAKER_01 (03:53):
I feel like suddenly when that comes on, inspiring is
like the ADHD squirrel syndromeon overdrive.
I don't know what to do.
Like I want to do something, orI'll try to go lay down and I
can't lay down, I can't relax,or I'll play a game on my phone,
and then that stresses me out.
And not because of the gameitself, but because I think I'm
(04:17):
on a screen, which I probablyshouldn't be when you're trying
to kind of bring yourself down.
I've tried going outside withthe dog and getting some air.
The air feels lovely.
The construction across thestreet, I want to scream.
SPEAKER_00 (04:33):
Yeah, something else that just kind of adds on to
that.
So it's sounding like your yourbody, your nervous system is
getting activated.
Is that right?
Correct.
Yeah.
And so tell me about what itfeels like in your body.
How do you know that you'respiraling?
How do you know you'reactivated?
SPEAKER_01 (04:46):
I begin to feel like I'm suffocating in my own body.
I feel like I'm almost chokingon a breath, and it's is almost
stuck in the center of my chestis like a wall.
And then right through mythroat, my throat feels like
almost like it's blocked.
(05:08):
And then that sends thisspiraling energy through my body
that's tense.
SPEAKER_00 (05:13):
And is that I I'm assuming it's not a pleasant
feeling, but I just have to ask.
Is it scary?
Is it uncomfortable?
Like what does it kind of feellike when that's happening?
SPEAKER_01 (05:22):
It's very uncomfortable.
It's very uncomfortable, and itfeels like a pulsating feeling
almost.
And I don't think my heart islike speeding, but it almost
like that, that when you've beenrunning and your heart is moving
quickly.
SPEAKER_00 (05:39):
So there's like a real physical reaction going on
in your body, but nothing likephysical is happening around
you.
Is that right?
Correct.
Okay.
So yeah.
So this is just this is a puresomatic response to something
going on.
So something that we maybe couldwork on today is digging into
where's that coming from?
How long have you had it?
(05:59):
And then maybe a couple tips andtricks for how to kind of manage
that in the moment.
And then we could keep workinglong term, but I want to be able
to give you something that helpsin the moment.
Does that sound like somethingyou're looking for?
unknown (06:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:14):
Oh, okay, great.
Okay.
Is there any other direction youwant to take this today?
Anything else you're kind oflike looking for?
SPEAKER_01 (06:19):
You know, actually, I think this is quite perfect
because it's been off and on fora while, but it's suddenly
feeling like it's escalating.
And if something that isnormally small is triggering,
it's kind of a weird thing to betriggered by something so small
when you know normally you'd belike, okay, this is frustrating,
(06:42):
it's annoying, but carry on.
It's a very big response to evensmall things, not just big
things.
SPEAKER_00 (06:49):
Perfect.
So I hear you saying that youhave this kind of small
situation happening, but yourreaction is up here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Luckily, I'm not yelling atanybody for it.
Not yet.
So just wait till I get to theend of the podcast.
That'll be good.
No, when we are in thissituation, so this is great.
Can I speak on this real quick?
SPEAKER_01 (07:10):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (07:10):
Okay, great.
So people will often ask, oh, amI overreacting?
And I guess like the niceanswer, like truly is to be
like, no, no, of course not.
You know, everybody goes throughthis.
But I suppose the real honestanswer is, yes, you are
overreacting, but not in a waythat overreacting is a bad
thing.
Is that making sense?
(07:30):
Yes.
Okay, good.
So if the situation is downhere, you know, like something
happened or someone walked pastyou on the street, but up here,
you're like, that motherfucker,I want to like punch him in his
freaking face and he's so justand you're like, dude just
walked past me, right?
That's an indication of anoverreaction.
(07:51):
But, and here's the bigdifference.
I want us to look at thatoverreaction.
And I think you're doing thatnow, which is beautiful and why
you're coming to me with thesequestions.
We want to look at thatoverreaction as an observation.
Why am I overreacting?
What's going on there?
And if we take this as alearning lesson, real quick, it
is so common for us to quoteunquote overreact when we have a
(08:15):
built-up list of trauma kind ofunderneath our belt, so to
speak.
So you're not reacting to thething that happened today.
You're not reacting to the guythat walked past you on the
street.
You're reacting to the 20 to 50other times somebody hit you or
pushed you or ignored you orhowever it was someone treated
you.
So as I'm saying that, how's itlanding?
(08:36):
I hear you.
SPEAKER_01 (08:38):
As in, like, that's a really interesting analysis, I
guess, is what I'm trying tosay.
And it makes sense becauseyou're normally not triggered
over like something like theemail didn't want to load
properly, or it didn't show thereply option.
Like they're such small things,you're like, okay, that's dumb.
Like it's a gremlin, whatever.
(08:59):
But why would that cause suchanxiety in me?
And that makes me feel sonauseous, and then I can't eat.
I could like and I'm spiraling.
unknown (09:14):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:14):
And that makes sense that your your body is just
reacting to anything because itdoesn't know the difference.
SPEAKER_00 (09:20):
Yeah, it holds on to things, right?
Remember, our body stores ourmemories, our body kind of
stores our trauma.
So let's say, for example, um, Iwas talking to a client a couple
months ago, and she startedgetting these big emotional
reactions when she would have toopen up her email at work.
It was almost like dread, right?
It was like she would sit down,perfectly fine, having a great
time talking to her coworkers,and she would sit down.
(09:42):
And it's like before the emailseven came up, she almost wanted
to start crying.
And she's like, what the hell?
It's just emails.
What's going on?
So this is almost soundingsimilar to that, which is here's
a thing happening, and I'macting in a way where I
shouldn't be acting.
But that's what I want to touchon.
Because that belief right there,I shouldn't be acting this way.
This is small.
(10:03):
My reaction is big.
I hear judgment there.
Why is it small?
What makes it small?
Why can't it be big?
If it's big to you, it's big.
It's validate that, right?
Okay.
And I understand you're like,yes, but I don't want to act
this way.
That's no problem.
But the first step is firstacknowledging that this thing is
doing something to you.
And it's like, oh, okay.
(10:23):
Like imagine like a piece ofsalt.
You know, you put one littlegrain of salt in your spaghetti
sauce.
It's not going to be a big deal.
It's just one piece of salt.
But then put another one andanother one and another one and
another one.
You're not just dealing with onething, you're dealing with all
of this shit going on in yourlife.
So when something else comes upand pops up, your body is like
shutting down or gettingactivated or your heart's
(10:45):
thumping, not because of anemail, or not because of what
somebody did or said, butbecause of this lack of control,
this like lack of power and thislike, oh, out of control nature
that's feeling in our body.
So that's where we want to getto first, which is starting to
just notice and be like, oh,that's trying to tell me
something.
I wonder what it's trying totell me.
So what do we think it's tryingto tell you?
SPEAKER_01 (11:06):
I don't know.
It's almost like on some level,my body doesn't feel safe with
anything right now.
SPEAKER_00 (11:14):
That sounded like something it wanted to tell you.
I'm not safe.
Yeah, I don't feel safe withanything right now.
Yeah.
As you shared that, what came upfor you?
SPEAKER_01 (11:24):
That is fear-based.
Because of what is sort of goingon in my life, and and I don't
know what tomorrow will bring.
And it's not necessarily justyour regular what will tomorrow
bring future.
It's I mean this is like thisunknown phase, and I don't know
(11:48):
if I'm gonna have anyopportunities come, or am I just
gonna die broke so to speak, orwhat?
Like that doesn't sound small.
SPEAKER_00 (12:01):
Yeah, that sounds pretty big.
Yeah.
So no wonder you don't feelsafe.
What if we just gave that someattention first?
And just said, of course you'rescared, sweetheart.
Yeah, of course you're scared.
Yeah, yeah, of course you'rescared.
You're in an interesting littlelimbo land, right?
You're like in between thingsand trying to figure stuff out.
(12:25):
Yes.
And that's scary as hell.
SPEAKER_01 (12:28):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (12:30):
The first step to releasing and feeling relief
with these big emotional, kindof somatic responses coming up,
the very first step of all ofthis is acknowledging it, not
pushing it away, not judging it.
And I know that seems likecounterproductive, but it's it
just weirdly works.
And it and we talk about thissometimes, right?
But if you have like a toddleror a dog or something like that
(12:51):
and they want attention, theyknow the difference between I'm
giving you attention to make yougo away, and I'm giving you
attention because I genuinelylove and care for you.
Now, can you feel the differencebetween that and your body?
Not at the moment.
Think about it this way.
If you are with me and you'relike, you're sitting with me,
and you're my friend.
Well, you're you are my friend,right?
(13:11):
But like, let's say you'resitting there and and I'm
telling you some story andyou're like, Jen, just like get
over it.
It's not that big of a deal.
It's you know, it's it's ruiningthings that are happening in
your life, if you said that tome.
Versus saying to me, Wow, thatsounds really scary.
What do you need right now?
Do you need any help?
I'll sit with you for as long asthis takes.
(13:33):
Yeah.
Which friend would you ratherbe?
Would you want to be?
The friend that's willing to sitwith you.
Yeah.
So can we sit with you?
Can like can we sit withourselves that way?
Give it as much time as itneeds.
SPEAKER_01 (13:45):
I don't know how.
SPEAKER_00 (13:46):
The how will come later.
But first, let's ask if we can.
What resistance is coming up foryou right now as I'm asking that
question?
SPEAKER_01 (13:55):
Right through my body, right through my hips.
SPEAKER_00 (13:58):
Good one.
SPEAKER_01 (13:59):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:00):
My whole body is like not loving this.
Okay, tell me about that.
Your whole body's not lovingthat.
You said, did I hear you sayit's going through your hips?
Oh yeah, I can feel it in myhips right now.
Let's give your hips someattention.
Could you tell me in a neutralword what it feels like?
Uncomfortable?
How is it uncomfortable?
(14:21):
In a neutral term, how is ituncomfortable?
SPEAKER_01 (14:23):
Like if I was sitting in a position that's not
a normal position to be sittingin, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
It does, yeah.
And this is, if you can tell,that's a lot harder to do than
most people think.
Trying to explain yoursensations and your body in a
neutral term is one of thehardest things to do, which is
why I like a challenge that,right?
So you're if there's resistance,you don't know how to do it,
beautiful.
But I like that.
You're sitting in like adifferent position that you
wouldn't normally sit in.
So let's just give your hip someattention.
(14:51):
Let's have it be in thatposition.
What does it need right now?
Can you ask your hips what theyneed right now?
Probably a good yoga cut.
Okay.
What if like if you could givethem something like right now,
even like do they want tostretch?
Do you want to get up andstretch?
Stand up and stretch then, girl.
Do it.
What do you need?
SPEAKER_01 (15:08):
I'm pressing on some of the pressure points in there.
Like when the massage therapistfinds a knot and they sort of
push on it a little bit.
That's kind of what I'm doingright now.
Do your hips like that?
Check in with them, ask.
Well, it's like catch 22, itdoesn't doesn't, right?
Because it's like, hey, what areyou doing?
I like that uncomfortable knot.
But it's like, oh, hey, wait.
Releasing a little bit, right?
SPEAKER_00 (15:29):
Can we talk to that part of you that said, hey, I
like that uncomfortable knot?
SPEAKER_01 (15:33):
Well, that's what a lot of the knots in our body do
when they start when they'relike tight and the massage
therapist is trying to workthrough it.
They're a little cranky atfirst.
And then when you start givingthem love, they start to loosen
up a bit.
SPEAKER_00 (15:46):
Yeah.
So let's talk to that crankyknot.
I want to go at the crankyknot's pace.
You're giving it some love andthen it starts to work through
it, sure.
But what if you give it too muchlove too fast?
If you try to go into a knotthat's not warmed up, you can
also have consequences, can'tyou?
SPEAKER_01 (16:02):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (16:03):
Yeah.
So let's keep checking in withyour knot on your hip.
Is it doing okay?
Does it want to go slower?
Does it want to go faster?
No, it's just slowly doing athing.
Perfect.
Slowly then.
Right there, slowly.
That's a beautiful word.
This is what I want you to bedoing this week with your body.
(16:25):
I know you have a lot going onin your life.
And we can talk about thefeeling of unsafe and we can do
all that as well.
But because your body is sophysiologically holding on to
something, it's almost like wejust need to have a conversation
with it.
I think you and I were talkingbefore as well, is like with
eating and things like that aswell, which is just let yourself
(16:45):
eat whatever you want.
And I know that seems like thatgoes against every bit of normal
societal knowledge on ourbodies, especially as women.
But there's something powerfulin giving ourselves back the
control that we have the choiceto lay down, to eat French
(17:07):
fries, to walk outside, to takecare of ourselves.
It's all our choice.
I want to get you back therefirst so you can see how safe
you are in your choices.
Because these big somaticfeelings, they're not gonna go
away anytime soon.
So let's just also be mindful ofthat.
If I said to you right now, thisis going to be, you know, like a
(17:28):
three to six month long process.
How does that feel?
That uh my head did not likethat one.
SPEAKER_01 (17:36):
Hey, let's give your head some attention.
Right above the eyes, like itjust went like, no, don't like
that.
Yeah, it's already been so manymonths of trying.
SPEAKER_00 (17:47):
Let's talk to that part of you.
Your head.
No, I don't like that.
It's already been months oftrying.
What does your head need rightnow?
A beverage.
What kind of beverage?
Like a wine or like uh sparklingwater?
I don't care which one.
Yeah.
(18:08):
I like that.
Yeah, get your wiggles out.
I like that.
SPEAKER_01 (18:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (18:11):
I still wanna t I still want to pay some attention
to your head though, because Idon't want to ignore it.
I just want to keep talking toit because it it spoke up.
It did speak up, but it wasn'tas loud.
Oh, that's beautiful.
But I just want to check in withit.
What does it need?
Calmness.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
How what kind of calmness?
SPEAKER_01 (18:30):
How would it like calmness?
I think there's just so manyvariables that are up in the air
right now.
Absolutely everything that it'swanting just at least something
to feel secure.
SPEAKER_00 (18:46):
Or just let's give it something.
We're gonna work on the evidencenow.
Tell me one or two ways thatyour life is calm right now.
Calm and secure.
I don't feel like there isanything all that calm and
secure.
Yeah.
I feel that so deeply.
(19:08):
And you know the work that we doinside of the reboot program
when we work on our evidence forour somatic repetition?
It's gonna be like this.
We need to go low-hanging fruitright now.
So let me ask you this question.
Do you live on your own?
Yes.
Do you have to have a ton ofroommates that are coming in and
(19:29):
out of the house stealing yourstuff?
No.
SPEAKER_01 (19:32):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (19:32):
No.
That is calm and secure.
Do you have a bed to sleep in?
Yes.
That is calm and secure.
Do you have a lock on your door?
Yes.
That is calm and secure.
Do you have any form oftransportation?
Like, do you have a car?
Do you take mass transportation?
I have a car.
Okay.
So you can just get in a car,put your own music on, be in
(19:52):
your own space.
You don't have to worry aboutanyone else.
You don't have to sit next tolike some weird grody guy on a
bus.
Correct.
That is calm and secure.
Now, the fact that that's hardto find, super normal.
Because our limited beliefs, ourattachment wounds that you're
familiar with, they prevent usfrom seeing that stuff.
What you're doing right now iscalm and secure, isn't it?
(20:15):
Yes.
Yeah.
Just petting your loved one.
That's calm and secure.
Somebody came up very quietly.
Yeah, they really did, which isvery abnormal of them, which is
very sweet.
Yes.
So they're calm.
Oh maybe your body language,even just calm and secure.
Right there.
That's calm and secure.
Are there tons of aspects ofyour life that are chaotic and
(20:37):
uncertain right now andinsecure?
Absolutely.
There are in my life too, justto be clear.
Right?
Like that is a common thing.
It happens in everyone's life.
What we need to do is teach yourbody to rewire your mind to find
the calm and secure.
And the reason why we're goingcalm and secure is because we
asked your mind, what did itneed?
(20:58):
So we're just using yourlanguage, your body.
You see that?
SPEAKER_01 (21:02):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (21:03):
Your homework for this week, what I want you to do
until we talk next week, is thisis going to be kind of like your
evidence, your somaticrepetition.
It's just going to lookdifferent to you.
It's not going to be like an Iam statement, although you could
say I am calm and secure if youreally want to, but it's more
than that for you.
Because it's not just anattachment wound of like, oh, I
am unworthy.
(21:23):
It's this big, massive likeattachment belief of just
everything around me is chaoticand insecure.
And I have no control overanything.
So your evidence I want you toflatten, you can journal about
it.
You can just say it to yourselfwhile you're walking.
Or you do it in the moments whenyour body is getting that way
(21:46):
again.
Heart is pounding, throat isconstricting.
You check in with your body, youcheck in with the area.
You say, Oh, okay.
I can see you need somethingright now.
What do you need, sweetheart?
And then if it comes up againcalm and secure, you'll be like,
okay, I can see why you'rescared.
You're validating that part ofyou.
I can see why you're scared.
I have this comfy couch.
(22:09):
I have this beautiful animal.
I have this lovely place tolive.
We have, I don't know, do youhave AC or like heat, depending
on whatever your temperature islike?
Oh no.
Okay, yeah.
No, we need this.
No, my service job is brokenright now.
Okay, you know what?
That's fair.
Don't see, don't go there then.
But like that you're like, ohgreat.
Thanks.
Thanks, Jen.
Another thing I have to worryabout.
SPEAKER_01 (22:32):
Oddly that's not stressful.
It is annoying, but notstressful for what?
One of the few things.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (22:38):
But we have like, we can have windows, we can have
fans.
Like, where are you comfortable?
Maybe what you need is a bath.
Maybe what you need is to go foranother walk in a beautiful park
somewhere, right?
The point here is you're like,oh, I'm feeling this certain
way.
What can I give my body to getthat?
And what this is going to do,this is going to rewire your
(22:59):
central nervous system, right?
Because right now you are insympathetic nervous system,
fight or flight.
This is what's happening.
So it could just be that thesmallest thing, like somebody
cut you off, and it's just like,oh, it ruins your whole day.
That's fight or flight.
That's your sympathetic nervoussystem and it is activated.
We need to get you to aparasympathetic nervous system,
which is your rest and digest.
And it's just to be able topendulate between the two.
(23:20):
It's okay to be heightened andactive.
It's just that we need to alsogive it rest.
And then when those momentswe're like, okay, well, what I
need right now is calm andsecure.
So how can I get that?
And I don't care if it's on yourphone, Cordelia.
I don't be on your phone.
People make such a big fussabout phones.
SPEAKER_01 (23:39):
Oh, and sometimes playing certain games, they do.
Like they're Yeah.
They they do help because of thedestruction, because of the
challenge of it.
Yes.
Yes.
It's it's more when when I say Iprobably shouldn't be on my
phone, it's more of thesometimes you don't realize that
another screen is probably notwhat you need at that moment.
(24:02):
That's that is true.
So that's learning thedifference.
SPEAKER_00 (24:06):
Yeah.
And that comes with when we areready later on.
It's like asking a toddler toregulate themselves when they're
not ready yet.
No.
So sometimes we need thosehelps.
Sometimes we need the phone.
Sometimes we need the TV.
Sometimes, you know, we need amuddy book or a glass of wine.
Like the thing is, is I'm justnot here to judge that stuff
because I think that it is inits part helpful to us at
(24:30):
certain times.
And then when we're ready, justwhen we're ready, we move on to
something different.
And we're like, oh, you knowwhat?
I've made it pretty far in thisjourney.
This white claw isn't really forme anymore.
You know, like I actually, whenI drink this, feel a little bit
worse.
Do you see the intention behindthat choice now?
And you're absolutely right.
(24:51):
Like you said, sometimes wemight not need it, which is why
we're going to check in.
Any action you make this week,just want you to check in with
yourself.
Is it serving you?
And if it is, good.
If that's eating french fries,if that's laying on your ass all
day, if that's chugging a bottleof wine, I don't care.
Is it serving you today?
(25:12):
It will not be forever.
I promise you.
But if we can give your body alittle bit of some control like
that, right?
Let your little inner girl havewhatever she wants.
Give her that comfort, give herthat safety, give her that
secureness.
Teach her she's safe.
She'll come out of her hideyhole.
She'll start calming down, andthen we'll be able to level up
(25:35):
to the next step and then to thenext step, and then to the next
step.
But right now we're here.
So let's stay here, okay?
SPEAKER_01 (25:41):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (25:42):
All right.
So as we're wrapping up today,what are your takeaways?
What what do you what did youhear me say was your homework
this week?
SPEAKER_01 (25:50):
That when I start to get sort of anxious to ask
myself, what do I need?
And to remind myself that I amcalm and I'm safe.
SPEAKER_00 (26:03):
Find the actual pieces of evidence.
Not even just remind yourself,like in a platitude.
Find the evidence, right?
SPEAKER_01 (26:11):
Remind myself.
Talk about my fur babies.
Yes.
Yeah.
And what did it feel like?
Right?
When one was crouched behind myback for a while last night, and
how calming that felt.
SPEAKER_00 (26:25):
Oh, that right there.
I love it.
Oh, you can almost feel thatsomatic response of the
calminess.
Like, I mean, maybe I don'tknow, I'm not in your body, but
my body just kind of got calm orthinking about it.
SPEAKER_01 (26:36):
There is something super calming when when they
cuddle.
It really is.
It is super calming.
And I actually am quite gratefulfor all of my babies, but one of
them is so affectionate.
And whether he's in my back orin my arms sometimes at night.
(26:57):
Last night I was just gettinginto that comfort throwing
asleep.
I curled in my arms, and then hegot all ruthless and started to
gring me.
And I'm like, thank you forruining my sleep.
SPEAKER_00 (27:09):
Yeah, that happens.
That's the fun part about them.
They've got both the good andthe bad, just like life.
I love that.
I love that so much.
Oh, okay.
So I hear you have yourhomework.
So that's what we're gonna workon.
Find the evidence, journal itdown, write it in the Facebook
group if you want, send me aFacebook, uh, like an email,
whatever it is to keep youaccountable, and I'll keep
checking in with you.
And then next week, let's talkabout the change, the shift, and
(27:33):
what our next step will be.
How does that sound?
SPEAKER_01 (27:35):
Lovely.
SPEAKER_00 (27:36):
All right, beautiful.
Well, thank you so much forcoming on here, Cordelia.
And I will speak with you nextweek, okay?
Thank you.
All right, take care.
All right, everyone, that is itfor today's episode.
I hope this session withCordelia helped you feel a
little more understood in yourown healing journey, especially
(27:57):
if your nervous system has beendoing that up and down dance
lately.
If you're listening andthinking, I need this, I need
women who get it, then I want topersonally invite you to join us
inside the Speak Honestmembership.
If you've been here for a while,this is what we used to call the
Relationship Reboot Program.
It's the same support, it's thesame coaching, just a name that
(28:20):
fits a little bit better withwho we are now.
And you can find everything youneed to join us in the show
notes or head tospeak-honest.com to learn more.
You'll see what's included, howto join, and how to get the kind
of support you heard in today'ssession.
All right, ladies, that's it forthis week.
I will speak with you all nexttime.
(28:42):
Take care.
As we wrap up today'sconversation, always remember
that healing is a journey, not adestination.
And it is an honor to be a partof your healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
(29:04):
right there.
And please remember to rate,review, and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the world tous and helps others discover our
podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak on it.
Hello, and welcome to Speak Honest.
I am your host and certifiedrelationship coach, Jennifer
Noble.
It has been my passion for overa decade to help women like you
heal.
What's been holding you backfrom having the relationship you
deserve?
Are you struggling with arelationship where you can't
seem to voice your emotions,needs, and boundaries without
(00:26):
having it blow up in your face?
Then you have found the rightpodcast, my friend.
Get ready for practical tips,empowering truths, and honest
conversations.
Now, let's dive in.
Hello everyone, and welcome backto another episode of Speak
Honest.
I am Jen Noble, your go-torelationship coach and author of
Dance of Attachment.
(00:46):
And on today's episode, I'll behelping a client move through
nervous system overwhelm, herspiraling anxiety, and those why
questions of like, why am Ireacting so big to something so
small?
Those are the moments we allknow too well.
But before we dive in, I want totalk to you about our Speak
Honest community.
This is the space where womencome to feel seen, supported,
(01:08):
and understood while they learnhow to regulate their emotions,
they learn how to communicatewith confidence and eventually
rebuild their securerelationships from the inside
out.
It's where conversations likethe one you're about to hear
between me and Cordelia happen.
It's where women get supportthey need to grow at their own
pace.
(01:28):
Members of the program, they getfirst access to podcast coaching
like this.
So over the next few weeks,you're gonna hear a series of
coaching calls with me andCordelia.
And if that kind of supportfeels right for you, if you're
listening in and you're like, ohmy gosh, yes, I want that, then
we would love to have you insideof our membership program so you
feel supported in your healingjourney.
(01:49):
You deserve a space where yourgrowth is seen, your questions
are held with care, and yournervous system actually gets the
support it's been craving.
And I'll share more on how youcan join at the end of the
episode.
But for right now, as you'relistening to my conversation
with Cordelia, I want you tothink about the last time your
body reacted before your braincould catch up.
(02:13):
Think about the moments when youfelt activated out of nowhere,
or when a tiny inconveniencesuddenly felt like the end of
the whole freaking world.
In this session, you're going tohear how I guide her through
understanding what her body istrying to say to her, how to
validate those thematicreactions, and how to begin
(02:35):
finding evidence of safety, evenin the middle of uncertainty.
Now, let's dive in.
(02:59):
So talk to me through what kindof help you're looking for right
now.
SPEAKER_01 (03:03):
Well, that's the million-dollar question there.
Good point.
Where do you start when you gotthe laundry list going?
Funny enough, though.
So I've been dealing a lot withnervous system issues, burnout,
and lately I don't know.
There's no trigger, really.
(03:25):
Little little stressors suddenlyfeel ginormous.
And it's unlike me to get thatworked up over small things.
And I don't mean worked up andthen like getting angry, but
then I just feel stressed andnauseous and like my energy is
(03:45):
on overdrive, I guess you couldsay.
SPEAKER_00 (03:48):
And how is that affecting you in your day-to-day
life?
How is it holding you back fromwhat you want to be doing?
SPEAKER_01 (03:53):
I feel like suddenly when that comes on, inspiring is
like the ADHD squirrel syndromeon overdrive.
I don't know what to do.
Like I want to do something, orI'll try to go lay down and I
can't lay down, I can't relax,or I'll play a game on my phone,
and then that stresses me out.
And not because of the gameitself, but because I think I'm
(04:17):
on a screen, which I probablyshouldn't be when you're trying
to kind of bring yourself down.
I've tried going outside withthe dog and getting some air.
The air feels lovely.
The construction across thestreet, I want to scream.
SPEAKER_00 (04:33):
Yeah, something else that just kind of adds on to
that.
So it's sounding like your yourbody, your nervous system is
getting activated.
Is that right?
Correct.
Yeah.
And so tell me about what itfeels like in your body.
How do you know that you'respiraling?
How do you know you'reactivated?
SPEAKER_01 (04:46):
I begin to feel like I'm suffocating in my own body.
I feel like I'm almost chokingon a breath, and it's is almost
stuck in the center of my chestis like a wall.
And then right through mythroat, my throat feels like
almost like it's blocked.
(05:08):
And then that sends thisspiraling energy through my body
that's tense.
SPEAKER_00 (05:13):
And is that I I'm assuming it's not a pleasant
feeling, but I just have to ask.
Is it scary?
Is it uncomfortable?
Like what does it kind of feellike when that's happening?
SPEAKER_01 (05:22):
It's very uncomfortable.
It's very uncomfortable, and itfeels like a pulsating feeling
almost.
And I don't think my heart islike speeding, but it almost
like that, that when you've beenrunning and your heart is moving
quickly.
SPEAKER_00 (05:39):
So there's like a real physical reaction going on
in your body, but nothing likephysical is happening around
you.
Is that right?
Correct.
Okay.
So yeah.
So this is just this is a puresomatic response to something
going on.
So something that we maybe couldwork on today is digging into
where's that coming from?
How long have you had it?
(05:59):
And then maybe a couple tips andtricks for how to kind of manage
that in the moment.
And then we could keep workinglong term, but I want to be able
to give you something that helpsin the moment.
Does that sound like somethingyou're looking for?
unknown (06:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:14):
Oh, okay, great.
Okay.
Is there any other direction youwant to take this today?
Anything else you're kind oflike looking for?
SPEAKER_01 (06:19):
You know, actually, I think this is quite perfect
because it's been off and on fora while, but it's suddenly
feeling like it's escalating.
And if something that isnormally small is triggering,
it's kind of a weird thing to betriggered by something so small
when you know normally you'd belike, okay, this is frustrating,
(06:42):
it's annoying, but carry on.
It's a very big response to evensmall things, not just big
things.
SPEAKER_00 (06:49):
Perfect.
So I hear you saying that youhave this kind of small
situation happening, but yourreaction is up here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Luckily, I'm not yelling atanybody for it.
Not yet.
So just wait till I get to theend of the podcast.
That'll be good.
No, when we are in thissituation, so this is great.
Can I speak on this real quick?
SPEAKER_01 (07:10):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (07:10):
Okay, great.
So people will often ask, oh, amI overreacting?
And I guess like the niceanswer, like truly is to be
like, no, no, of course not.
You know, everybody goes throughthis.
But I suppose the real honestanswer is, yes, you are
overreacting, but not in a waythat overreacting is a bad
thing.
Is that making sense?
(07:30):
Yes.
Okay, good.
So if the situation is downhere, you know, like something
happened or someone walked pastyou on the street, but up here,
you're like, that motherfucker,I want to like punch him in his
freaking face and he's so justand you're like, dude just
walked past me, right?
That's an indication of anoverreaction.
(07:51):
But, and here's the bigdifference.
I want us to look at thatoverreaction.
And I think you're doing thatnow, which is beautiful and why
you're coming to me with thesequestions.
We want to look at thatoverreaction as an observation.
Why am I overreacting?
What's going on there?
And if we take this as alearning lesson, real quick, it
is so common for us to quoteunquote overreact when we have a
(08:15):
built-up list of trauma kind ofunderneath our belt, so to
speak.
So you're not reacting to thething that happened today.
You're not reacting to the guythat walked past you on the
street.
You're reacting to the 20 to 50other times somebody hit you or
pushed you or ignored you orhowever it was someone treated
you.
So as I'm saying that, how's itlanding?
(08:36):
I hear you.
SPEAKER_01 (08:38):
As in, like, that's a really interesting analysis, I
guess, is what I'm trying tosay.
And it makes sense becauseyou're normally not triggered
over like something like theemail didn't want to load
properly, or it didn't show thereply option.
Like they're such small things,you're like, okay, that's dumb.
Like it's a gremlin, whatever.
(08:59):
But why would that cause suchanxiety in me?
And that makes me feel sonauseous, and then I can't eat.
I could like and I'm spiraling.
unknown (09:14):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:14):
And that makes sense that your your body is just
reacting to anything because itdoesn't know the difference.
SPEAKER_00 (09:20):
Yeah, it holds on to things, right?
Remember, our body stores ourmemories, our body kind of
stores our trauma.
So let's say, for example, um, Iwas talking to a client a couple
months ago, and she startedgetting these big emotional
reactions when she would have toopen up her email at work.
It was almost like dread, right?
It was like she would sit down,perfectly fine, having a great
time talking to her coworkers,and she would sit down.
(09:42):
And it's like before the emailseven came up, she almost wanted
to start crying.
And she's like, what the hell?
It's just emails.
What's going on?
So this is almost soundingsimilar to that, which is here's
a thing happening, and I'macting in a way where I
shouldn't be acting.
But that's what I want to touchon.
Because that belief right there,I shouldn't be acting this way.
This is small.
(10:03):
My reaction is big.
I hear judgment there.
Why is it small?
What makes it small?
Why can't it be big?
If it's big to you, it's big.
It's validate that, right?
Okay.
And I understand you're like,yes, but I don't want to act
this way.
That's no problem.
But the first step is firstacknowledging that this thing is
doing something to you.
And it's like, oh, okay.
(10:23):
Like imagine like a piece ofsalt.
You know, you put one littlegrain of salt in your spaghetti
sauce.
It's not going to be a big deal.
It's just one piece of salt.
But then put another one andanother one and another one and
another one.
You're not just dealing with onething, you're dealing with all
of this shit going on in yourlife.
So when something else comes upand pops up, your body is like
shutting down or gettingactivated or your heart's
(10:45):
thumping, not because of anemail, or not because of what
somebody did or said, butbecause of this lack of control,
this like lack of power and thislike, oh, out of control nature
that's feeling in our body.
So that's where we want to getto first, which is starting to
just notice and be like, oh,that's trying to tell me
something.
I wonder what it's trying totell me.
So what do we think it's tryingto tell you?
SPEAKER_01 (11:06):
I don't know.
It's almost like on some level,my body doesn't feel safe with
anything right now.
SPEAKER_00 (11:14):
That sounded like something it wanted to tell you.
I'm not safe.
Yeah, I don't feel safe withanything right now.
Yeah.
As you shared that, what came upfor you?
SPEAKER_01 (11:24):
That is fear-based.
Because of what is sort of goingon in my life, and and I don't
know what tomorrow will bring.
And it's not necessarily justyour regular what will tomorrow
bring future.
It's I mean this is like thisunknown phase, and I don't know
(11:48):
if I'm gonna have anyopportunities come, or am I just
gonna die broke so to speak, orwhat?
Like that doesn't sound small.
SPEAKER_00 (12:01):
Yeah, that sounds pretty big.
Yeah.
So no wonder you don't feelsafe.
What if we just gave that someattention first?
And just said, of course you'rescared, sweetheart.
Yeah, of course you're scared.
Yeah, yeah, of course you'rescared.
You're in an interesting littlelimbo land, right?
You're like in between thingsand trying to figure stuff out.
(12:25):
Yes.
And that's scary as hell.
SPEAKER_01 (12:28):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (12:30):
The first step to releasing and feeling relief
with these big emotional, kindof somatic responses coming up,
the very first step of all ofthis is acknowledging it, not
pushing it away, not judging it.
And I know that seems likecounterproductive, but it's it
just weirdly works.
And it and we talk about thissometimes, right?
But if you have like a toddleror a dog or something like that
(12:51):
and they want attention, theyknow the difference between I'm
giving you attention to make yougo away, and I'm giving you
attention because I genuinelylove and care for you.
Now, can you feel the differencebetween that and your body?
Not at the moment.
Think about it this way.
If you are with me and you'relike, you're sitting with me,
and you're my friend.
Well, you're you are my friend,right?
(13:11):
But like, let's say you'resitting there and and I'm
telling you some story andyou're like, Jen, just like get
over it.
It's not that big of a deal.
It's you know, it's it's ruiningthings that are happening in
your life, if you said that tome.
Versus saying to me, Wow, thatsounds really scary.
What do you need right now?
Do you need any help?
I'll sit with you for as long asthis takes.
(13:33):
Yeah.
Which friend would you ratherbe?
Would you want to be?
The friend that's willing to sitwith you.
Yeah.
So can we sit with you?
Can like can we sit withourselves that way?
Give it as much time as itneeds.
SPEAKER_01 (13:45):
I don't know how.
SPEAKER_00 (13:46):
The how will come later.
But first, let's ask if we can.
What resistance is coming up foryou right now as I'm asking that
question?
SPEAKER_01 (13:55):
Right through my body, right through my hips.
SPEAKER_00 (13:58):
Good one.
SPEAKER_01 (13:59):
Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:00):
My whole body is like not loving this.
Okay, tell me about that.
Your whole body's not lovingthat.
You said, did I hear you sayit's going through your hips?
Oh yeah, I can feel it in myhips right now.
Let's give your hips someattention.
Could you tell me in a neutralword what it feels like?
Uncomfortable?
How is it uncomfortable?
(14:21):
In a neutral term, how is ituncomfortable?
SPEAKER_01 (14:23):
Like if I was sitting in a position that's not
a normal position to be sittingin, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
It does, yeah.
And this is, if you can tell,that's a lot harder to do than
most people think.
Trying to explain yoursensations and your body in a
neutral term is one of thehardest things to do, which is
why I like a challenge that,right?
So you're if there's resistance,you don't know how to do it,
beautiful.
But I like that.
You're sitting in like adifferent position that you
wouldn't normally sit in.
So let's just give your hip someattention.
(14:51):
Let's have it be in thatposition.
What does it need right now?
Can you ask your hips what theyneed right now?
Probably a good yoga cut.
Okay.
What if like if you could givethem something like right now,
even like do they want tostretch?
Do you want to get up andstretch?
Stand up and stretch then, girl.
Do it.
What do you need?
SPEAKER_01 (15:08):
I'm pressing on some of the pressure points in there.
Like when the massage therapistfinds a knot and they sort of
push on it a little bit.
That's kind of what I'm doingright now.
Do your hips like that?
Check in with them, ask.
Well, it's like catch 22, itdoesn't doesn't, right?
Because it's like, hey, what areyou doing?
I like that uncomfortable knot.
But it's like, oh, hey, wait.
Releasing a little bit, right?
SPEAKER_00 (15:29):
Can we talk to that part of you that said, hey, I
like that uncomfortable knot?
SPEAKER_01 (15:33):
Well, that's what a lot of the knots in our body do
when they start when they'relike tight and the massage
therapist is trying to workthrough it.
They're a little cranky atfirst.
And then when you start givingthem love, they start to loosen
up a bit.
SPEAKER_00 (15:46):
Yeah.
So let's talk to that crankyknot.
I want to go at the crankyknot's pace.
You're giving it some love andthen it starts to work through
it, sure.
But what if you give it too muchlove too fast?
If you try to go into a knotthat's not warmed up, you can
also have consequences, can'tyou?
SPEAKER_01 (16:02):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (16:03):
Yeah.
So let's keep checking in withyour knot on your hip.
Is it doing okay?
Does it want to go slower?
Does it want to go faster?
No, it's just slowly doing athing.
Perfect.
Slowly then.
Right there, slowly.
That's a beautiful word.
This is what I want you to bedoing this week with your body.
(16:25):
I know you have a lot going onin your life.
And we can talk about thefeeling of unsafe and we can do
all that as well.
But because your body is sophysiologically holding on to
something, it's almost like wejust need to have a conversation
with it.
I think you and I were talkingbefore as well, is like with
eating and things like that aswell, which is just let yourself
(16:45):
eat whatever you want.
And I know that seems like thatgoes against every bit of normal
societal knowledge on ourbodies, especially as women.
But there's something powerfulin giving ourselves back the
control that we have the choiceto lay down, to eat French
(17:07):
fries, to walk outside, to takecare of ourselves.
It's all our choice.
I want to get you back therefirst so you can see how safe
you are in your choices.
Because these big somaticfeelings, they're not gonna go
away anytime soon.
So let's just also be mindful ofthat.
If I said to you right now, thisis going to be, you know, like a
(17:28):
three to six month long process.
How does that feel?
That uh my head did not likethat one.
SPEAKER_01 (17:36):
Hey, let's give your head some attention.
Right above the eyes, like itjust went like, no, don't like
that.
Yeah, it's already been so manymonths of trying.
SPEAKER_00 (17:47):
Let's talk to that part of you.
Your head.
No, I don't like that.
It's already been months oftrying.
What does your head need rightnow?
A beverage.
What kind of beverage?
Like a wine or like uh sparklingwater?
I don't care which one.
Yeah.
(18:08):
I like that.
Yeah, get your wiggles out.
I like that.
SPEAKER_01 (18:11):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (18:11):
I still wanna t I still want to pay some attention
to your head though, because Idon't want to ignore it.
I just want to keep talking toit because it it spoke up.
It did speak up, but it wasn'tas loud.
Oh, that's beautiful.
But I just want to check in withit.
What does it need?
Calmness.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
How what kind of calmness?
SPEAKER_01 (18:30):
How would it like calmness?
I think there's just so manyvariables that are up in the air
right now.
Absolutely everything that it'swanting just at least something
to feel secure.
SPEAKER_00 (18:46):
Or just let's give it something.
We're gonna work on the evidencenow.
Tell me one or two ways thatyour life is calm right now.
Calm and secure.
I don't feel like there isanything all that calm and
secure.
Yeah.
I feel that so deeply.
(19:08):
And you know the work that we doinside of the reboot program
when we work on our evidence forour somatic repetition?
It's gonna be like this.
We need to go low-hanging fruitright now.
So let me ask you this question.
Do you live on your own?
Yes.
Do you have to have a ton ofroommates that are coming in and
(19:29):
out of the house stealing yourstuff?
No.
SPEAKER_01 (19:32):
No.
SPEAKER_00 (19:32):
No.
That is calm and secure.
Do you have a bed to sleep in?
Yes.
That is calm and secure.
Do you have a lock on your door?
Yes.
That is calm and secure.
Do you have any form oftransportation?
Like, do you have a car?
Do you take mass transportation?
I have a car.
Okay.
So you can just get in a car,put your own music on, be in
(19:52):
your own space.
You don't have to worry aboutanyone else.
You don't have to sit next tolike some weird grody guy on a
bus.
Correct.
That is calm and secure.
Now, the fact that that's hardto find, super normal.
Because our limited beliefs, ourattachment wounds that you're
familiar with, they prevent usfrom seeing that stuff.
What you're doing right now iscalm and secure, isn't it?
(20:15):
Yes.
Yeah.
Just petting your loved one.
That's calm and secure.
Somebody came up very quietly.
Yeah, they really did, which isvery abnormal of them, which is
very sweet.
Yes.
So they're calm.
Oh maybe your body language,even just calm and secure.
Right there.
That's calm and secure.
Are there tons of aspects ofyour life that are chaotic and
(20:37):
uncertain right now andinsecure?
Absolutely.
There are in my life too, justto be clear.
Right?
Like that is a common thing.
It happens in everyone's life.
What we need to do is teach yourbody to rewire your mind to find
the calm and secure.
And the reason why we're goingcalm and secure is because we
asked your mind, what did itneed?
(20:58):
So we're just using yourlanguage, your body.
You see that?
SPEAKER_01 (21:02):
Yes.
SPEAKER_00 (21:03):
Your homework for this week, what I want you to do
until we talk next week, is thisis going to be kind of like your
evidence, your somaticrepetition.
It's just going to lookdifferent to you.
It's not going to be like an Iam statement, although you could
say I am calm and secure if youreally want to, but it's more
than that for you.
Because it's not just anattachment wound of like, oh, I
am unworthy.
(21:23):
It's this big, massive likeattachment belief of just
everything around me is chaoticand insecure.
And I have no control overanything.
So your evidence I want you toflatten, you can journal about
it.
You can just say it to yourselfwhile you're walking.
Or you do it in the moments whenyour body is getting that way
(21:46):
again.
Heart is pounding, throat isconstricting.
You check in with your body, youcheck in with the area.
You say, Oh, okay.
I can see you need somethingright now.
What do you need, sweetheart?
And then if it comes up againcalm and secure, you'll be like,
okay, I can see why you'rescared.
You're validating that part ofyou.
I can see why you're scared.
I have this comfy couch.
(22:09):
I have this beautiful animal.
I have this lovely place tolive.
We have, I don't know, do youhave AC or like heat, depending
on whatever your temperature islike?
Oh no.
Okay, yeah.
No, we need this.
No, my service job is brokenright now.
Okay, you know what?
That's fair.
Don't see, don't go there then.
But like that you're like, ohgreat.
Thanks.
Thanks, Jen.
Another thing I have to worryabout.
SPEAKER_01 (22:32):
Oddly that's not stressful.
It is annoying, but notstressful for what?
One of the few things.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (22:38):
But we have like, we can have windows, we can have
fans.
Like, where are you comfortable?
Maybe what you need is a bath.
Maybe what you need is to go foranother walk in a beautiful park
somewhere, right?
The point here is you're like,oh, I'm feeling this certain
way.
What can I give my body to getthat?
And what this is going to do,this is going to rewire your
(22:59):
central nervous system, right?
Because right now you are insympathetic nervous system,
fight or flight.
This is what's happening.
So it could just be that thesmallest thing, like somebody
cut you off, and it's just like,oh, it ruins your whole day.
That's fight or flight.
That's your sympathetic nervoussystem and it is activated.
We need to get you to aparasympathetic nervous system,
which is your rest and digest.
And it's just to be able topendulate between the two.
(23:20):
It's okay to be heightened andactive.
It's just that we need to alsogive it rest.
And then when those momentswe're like, okay, well, what I
need right now is calm andsecure.
So how can I get that?
And I don't care if it's on yourphone, Cordelia.
I don't be on your phone.
People make such a big fussabout phones.
SPEAKER_01 (23:39):
Oh, and sometimes playing certain games, they do.
Like they're Yeah.
They they do help because of thedestruction, because of the
challenge of it.
Yes.
Yes.
It's it's more when when I say Iprobably shouldn't be on my
phone, it's more of thesometimes you don't realize that
another screen is probably notwhat you need at that moment.
(24:02):
That's that is true.
So that's learning thedifference.
SPEAKER_00 (24:06):
Yeah.
And that comes with when we areready later on.
It's like asking a toddler toregulate themselves when they're
not ready yet.
No.
So sometimes we need thosehelps.
Sometimes we need the phone.
Sometimes we need the TV.
Sometimes, you know, we need amuddy book or a glass of wine.
Like the thing is, is I'm justnot here to judge that stuff
because I think that it is inits part helpful to us at
(24:30):
certain times.
And then when we're ready, justwhen we're ready, we move on to
something different.
And we're like, oh, you knowwhat?
I've made it pretty far in thisjourney.
This white claw isn't really forme anymore.
You know, like I actually, whenI drink this, feel a little bit
worse.
Do you see the intention behindthat choice now?
And you're absolutely right.
(24:51):
Like you said, sometimes wemight not need it, which is why
we're going to check in.
Any action you make this week,just want you to check in with
yourself.
Is it serving you?
And if it is, good.
If that's eating french fries,if that's laying on your ass all
day, if that's chugging a bottleof wine, I don't care.
Is it serving you today?
(25:12):
It will not be forever.
I promise you.
But if we can give your body alittle bit of some control like
that, right?
Let your little inner girl havewhatever she wants.
Give her that comfort, give herthat safety, give her that
secureness.
Teach her she's safe.
She'll come out of her hideyhole.
She'll start calming down, andthen we'll be able to level up
(25:35):
to the next step and then to thenext step, and then to the next
step.
But right now we're here.
So let's stay here, okay?
SPEAKER_01 (25:41):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (25:42):
All right.
So as we're wrapping up today,what are your takeaways?
What what do you what did youhear me say was your homework
this week?
SPEAKER_01 (25:50):
That when I start to get sort of anxious to ask
myself, what do I need?
And to remind myself that I amcalm and I'm safe.
SPEAKER_00 (26:03):
Find the actual pieces of evidence.
Not even just remind yourself,like in a platitude.
Find the evidence, right?
SPEAKER_01 (26:11):
Remind myself.
Talk about my fur babies.
Yes.
Yeah.
And what did it feel like?
Right?
When one was crouched behind myback for a while last night, and
how calming that felt.
SPEAKER_00 (26:25):
Oh, that right there.
I love it.
Oh, you can almost feel thatsomatic response of the
calminess.
Like, I mean, maybe I don'tknow, I'm not in your body, but
my body just kind of got calm orthinking about it.
SPEAKER_01 (26:36):
There is something super calming when when they
cuddle.
It really is.
It is super calming.
And I actually am quite gratefulfor all of my babies, but one of
them is so affectionate.
And whether he's in my back orin my arms sometimes at night.
(26:57):
Last night I was just gettinginto that comfort throwing
asleep.
I curled in my arms, and then hegot all ruthless and started to
gring me.
And I'm like, thank you forruining my sleep.
SPEAKER_00 (27:09):
Yeah, that happens.
That's the fun part about them.
They've got both the good andthe bad, just like life.
I love that.
I love that so much.
Oh, okay.
So I hear you have yourhomework.
So that's what we're gonna workon.
Find the evidence, journal itdown, write it in the Facebook
group if you want, send me aFacebook, uh, like an email,
whatever it is to keep youaccountable, and I'll keep
checking in with you.
And then next week, let's talkabout the change, the shift, and
(27:33):
what our next step will be.
How does that sound?
SPEAKER_01 (27:35):
Lovely.
SPEAKER_00 (27:36):
All right, beautiful.
Well, thank you so much forcoming on here, Cordelia.
And I will speak with you nextweek, okay?
Thank you.
All right, take care.
All right, everyone, that is itfor today's episode.
I hope this session withCordelia helped you feel a
little more understood in yourown healing journey, especially
(27:57):
if your nervous system has beendoing that up and down dance
lately.
If you're listening andthinking, I need this, I need
women who get it, then I want topersonally invite you to join us
inside the Speak Honestmembership.
If you've been here for a while,this is what we used to call the
Relationship Reboot Program.
It's the same support, it's thesame coaching, just a name that
(28:20):
fits a little bit better withwho we are now.
And you can find everything youneed to join us in the show
notes or head tospeak-honest.com to learn more.
You'll see what's included, howto join, and how to get the kind
of support you heard in today'ssession.
All right, ladies, that's it forthis week.
I will speak with you all nexttime.
(28:42):
Take care.
As we wrap up today'sconversation, always remember
that healing is a journey, not adestination.
And it is an honor to be a partof your healing journey.
If you want to dig deeper intothe topics we covered today, be
sure to head over to our shownotes, where you can find all of
the valuable informationmentioned in today's episode
(29:04):
right there.
And please remember to rate,review, and subscribe if you
enjoyed today's podcast.
Your feedback means the world tous and helps others discover our
podcast.
Until next time, remember tospeak up and speak on it.
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