Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, hey, all you
spicy women out there.
This is Jules and Michelle herebringing you the ultimate
podcast for women over 40.
And we are bringing you no BSconversations and real life
stories, right, michelle?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Oh, that's right here
to help all of you midlife
women redefine yourrelationships, ditch toxic
cycles and reclaim your power,one episode at a time.
So let's get into it, let's dothis.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So our episode three
is talking about and sharing
ways to redefine being a midlifewoman.
Yeah, because I think this issomething that we probably need
to talk about a little bit more.
What exactly does that looklike?
Are we all going through amidlife crisis?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I think that we all
do.
Yeah, Really we do.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
It's not like buying
a sports car, and no Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
We're breaking down
silently inside, yes, and that
it's kind of like a crisis, Ithink and maybe I'm just saying
that because that's whathappened to me and so I think
that it's the same for all womenuh, but being able to talk
about some of this, as far asRedefinition, if I had podcasts
to listen to when I was 40, canI just tell you what?
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Oh, I know there was
nothing really to listen to back
then that I can think of therewas was Sally, jesse Raphael and
Geraldo, and Oprah.
Well, Oprah would have probablybeen okay, but it wasn't
talking about women's topics.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
No, I mean sometimes,
every once in a while, ricky
Lake maybe.
Oh geez, now you're reallypushing it Right, phil Donahue,
anyways.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
So we're talking
about embracing, you know, one
of these concepts is embracingthe power of no and the
liberation of really saying yes,right, when you choose to.
So what's that called?
Speaker 2 (01:50):
That's called, you
know setting clear boundaries,
stopping the people pleasingright.
I mean so many of us women dothat.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I certainly can take
a little note from this podcast
episode because I have atendency to do that a little bit
Not as much as some people thatI know, but I think that having
clear boundaries sometimessurprises people, and even just
kind of guiding my own childrenand telling them it's okay to
have boundaries, it's not.
You're not being cruel, you'renot being mean, you're just
(02:20):
really putting yourself first ina situation where you don't
necessarily feel like you have avoice.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
So well, and it's
really honoring the things that
can drain you, so like extreme,you know, and it's protecting
what feeds you, yep, you know.
So I think it's super important, those and, like I said, I just
have started this in the lastprobably four years of my life.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And before you were
just like going with the flow.
Go with the flow, trying tokeep everybody happy.
Yeah, I've definitely done alot more of this as I've gotten
older.
Yes, and we'll get into this alittle bit more later but clear
boundaries, you know, redefiningwhere you are in your midlife
and you know how that is goingto look.
One of the things that probablywould be very important is to
(03:11):
really identify what yourboundaries are, because you want
to make sure that you'reputting yourself in a place
where you feel comfortable withthe people you're around, the
decisions that you're making,the places you're going.
You know the company that youkeep, frankly, so it's okay to
have those boundaries.
It means honoring, like yousaid, you know, what does drain
(03:31):
you and suck the life out of you, yeah, and protecting what
feeds you yeah.
Exactly there you go.
So another area was we'vetalked about this in the episode
we had a little bit last week,but we were talking about
reclaiming your sensuality and Ithink sometimes it's not even
reclaiming it's discovering andnot apologizing for it right,
(03:59):
turn up the volume on it there'snothing wrong with that and
turn it up bright and let itshine.
And as women, I think we havenot necessarily been given that
grace to do that.
In a lot of ways it's more.
You know that we and I'mtotally talking in stereotypes
here a little bit but you knowit's kind of an expectation with
men that they are, you know,turning theirs on and it's like,
but we really have not talkedabout it because it's not quote
(04:19):
ladylike, it's not somethingthat you know a classy woman
would do, or what have you Like.
It's not something that youknow a classy woman would do, or
what have you.
There's definitely ways to goabout discussing these things
and sharing your thoughts andbeing powerful in your voice
without being a bitch.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
So we want to talk
about a lot of those things,
because sensuality really, whenyou think about it, it's not
really for the young, it's forthose that want to be alive and
really understanding whatsensuality is and what it does
to you as a person is reallyimportant, and I don't know
that's necessarily something youthink about when you're in your
20s and 30s.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
In the same way, yeah
, it's definitely different,
definitely different in that ageframe, I do think, and the
sensuality can be a lot ofdifferent things, whether you're
doing things alone or if you dohave a partner, and it's the
things that bring you joy orthat you want to do.
It can be wearing red lipstick,if that's what you want to wear
, slow dancing in your kitchenby yourself or with somebody you
(05:18):
know it doesn't really matter.
Whatever with the broom,whatever is making you feel joy
inside, is going to help toignite that spark of sensuality.
Yeah, and other areas.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
When we say
sensuality, we don't necessarily
mean that we're talking aboutsex right yeah, so I think it's
really important that peopleunderstand that because
sensuality and how you are, youressence, yes, of a woman, of a
woman, you know being a womanand your essence as that woman
is different than the womanwho's next to you, yeah, and how
she carries herself and how sheexudes that you know.
(05:52):
Sensuality, yeah, and as herperson.
So the other thing we'retalking here about is we have
been in this hustle hustlelifestyle for the whole time.
We are young when we're goingthrough careers, we're going
through school, we're, you know,making a living, you know rise
and grind.
Yeah, rise and grind, and it istime to maybe start thinking
(06:16):
about how all of those effortsand everything are have been put
in place, whether we liked ornot, but how we can kind of
start flowing into that.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Right, and how it's
bringing other things together
right.
It's almost like aligningeverything as you move on
through years, and the way thatI think midlife invites a softer
power in a way.
No, you're not having to proveyourself Right or feel like
you're proving yourself, I guessflow over force might be a way
(06:48):
to look at it, because you knowlike the hustle is very forceful
and it's you know you're doingthe damn thing, but then you
know flowing, that that looksand feels very differently, yeah
.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Well, I think of
hustle, which I have that total
quality of just.
I love to hustle, I'm focusedon a lot of things, but that's
kind of a workaholic tendency, Ithink, in a lot of ways,
because you're hustling, you'rekind of going after the next
thing.
It's the type of work I'm into,that's like that.
But I think what we havelearned over time, you know or
at least I can speak for myselfand maybe all of you out there
(07:21):
is that you really are nothaving to prove anything you
know, and you already are enoughin the way that you present
yourself.
You know you may want to getbetter at certain things or
enhance certain things, or beable to step back and enjoy the
effort and all that hard workthat you put into getting where
you're at.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
And at and okay, you
know to do that so love that.
Yeah, I think another thing too, for midlife women and things
that you can do to redefine isthe concept of beauty and it
being about depth and not aboutyouth.
And what do you think aboutwhen I say that?
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah, and not about
youth, right?
And what do you think aboutwhen I say that?
Well, I think that our society,the way it is, really puts us
in a place where we constantlyare feeling like we have to do
things differently.
We have to try to look younger,we have to try to be younger,
we have to try to embrace all ofthose things in that way, and I
think it's fine to some degree.
If you want to do that, I thinkeverybody needs to do whatever
(08:22):
makes them comfortable.
But the depth that I thinkyou're referring to, at least
from my perspective, is that allthe experiences and things that
we have gathered, you know, andhave layered up through our
life are really what bring usthat depth, because you have
experiences to deal with, youknow to share, you have
experiences, have absolutelyexperiences to deal with, you
know to share, you haveexperiences you know to share
(08:44):
with people that are in adifferent place, that are
younger, for example I thinkit's all too for me when I'm
when I'm listening to whatyou're saying, it's making me
think about laugh lines.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Yeah, for example,
laugh lines.
The silver hair I'll call itsilver, not gray yeah, the
silver hair and the softness.
I mean, you know, liftingweights, all this is great, but
you know, I got a.
I got a softer body, the softso I'll use that terminology
right the softness of a lived-inbody.
It's all very beautiful and Ifeel like they're all part of
(09:16):
pages of this book, if, if youwill, which is all of you myself
, I should say my whole self.
All of those things make uppart of who I am, and it's
almost like the laugh lines havea story behind them.
Silver hair has a story behindit.
My body has a story behind it.
There's so much to tell andwith that, being able to fully
(09:37):
indulge, you know yourself inwhat that means.
I think it's very beautiful.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Yeah, and it's like
when you think about beauty,
it's not that you're erasingtime, but that you're embodying
it.
Yeah, Like you said, you knowour bodies have I call them
battle scars.
You know we've both had fourchildren.
We've had cesareans.
We've had all kinds of thingsthat you know have put scars on
our body.
And it's like it is what it is.
(10:04):
Do I like to have decent, niceshoulders.
Yeah, do I need to?
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah, I mean, and
that's okay.
Again, I know it's just likewe're not saying just let it all
go, sister.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Yeah, but I think we
get when people are Lifing, yeah
, they lose themselves, and sothat's where, when you're
talking about you know quote letit all go.
It's like I doubt when womenare told that that they would
feel really good about theirbodies in the first place, and
then they're being told that andcriticized in that way when in
reality, it's like they maybehaven't been taking care of
(10:37):
themselves.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
That.
That's why they don't feel goodabout their bodies or whatever.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
So it's not like
everybody has to be a size two
and, you know, have perfect skin.
Lord knows that we've had thoseconversations before you know,
but it's really about you know,about embracing your own beauty
and embracing the body thatyou're in and figuring out how
you choose to live in it.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
And owning your story
.
Let's just talk about that,right?
I think that's another thing.
When it's when it comes tobeing at midlife and making you
know a real taking, I should saytaking a deep dive into where
you're at and what you're doing,where you've been, what is that
like?
And being okay with all of it,even the messy parts.
(11:26):
There's plenty of messy parts,right, but where do you feel?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
like people hold back
.
They hold back with shame, yes,and guilt, guilt and shame,
yeah, and these are things thatwe live with because of, you
know, the things we were taughtor told or you know were
directed on when we were younger.
Really, a lot of it kind ofdials back to when we were kids,
you know, and what we've takenfrom those experiences and moved
(11:51):
on, and then what we pass on toour families and things, too,
or choose not to, or choose notto, or choose not to, and I
think for me when I think aboutthat I kept my book so tightly
shut.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
I would peek in at
the page, look at some of the
things, but I wasn't sharing itwith anybody.
I kept the secrets that weregoing on and that can be so
stressful and, yes, makes for avery guilt-ridden existence.
And it's very true what youwere saying when you, as I,
(12:27):
moved through that and startedtalking about things and made
decisions and figuring thingsout and really was okay with the
messiness.
I mean, it was Messy, it wasmessy, yeah, right, and it's
okay.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Well, and that could
be why you know you waited so
long for to kind of transitionand move on with your life.
You knew how messy it was goingto be, yeah, and how many
people were going to be affected, and all that.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
But when you stop
hiding it and you move through
it and start shining and owningyour truth and being okay with
the decisions that you're making, and then it's like what was I
so afraid of?
I had that strength in me, ohmy gosh.
Yes, yeah, it's huge, anyways.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
So also, you know one
thing and again we're going to
get into deep dive on some ofthese topics in future episodes
but our sexual identity, I thinka lot of the time is something
that has been put on the backburner and when we think about
what our lives entail, a hugepart of us is the fact that we
(13:29):
are sexual beings.
And I'm not talking about likeporno, sex kind of stuff.
I'm not talking about thingsthat way.
I'm just talking more about thefact that it was a shameful
thing to be curious when we wereyounger.
It was, frankly, not somethingthat you know I can speak for
myself, and maybe a lot of youwomen out there were not really
given the avenues to be curious,or to ask questions.
(13:52):
You know, we were just told.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
just you know, don't
have sex, You're going gonna go
to hell if you have sex you know, or god forbid you have
fantasies or desires or even acton any of that.
That was just like not even ayeah, it's not even a thing.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
And then also the
fact that sex when you say sex,
everybody just thinks ofintercourse.
Yeah, you know, all they thinkabout is intercourse, but it's
like what else is there outthere?
There's so many other aspectsto us as sexual beings that we
really didn't entertain or atleast I didn't entertain a lot
of when I was younger, that nowI'm asking a lot of questions.
I'm open to the answers.
(14:30):
I mean, you guys are going tosee an episode that's going to
be coming up, that is ondifferent types of relationships
.
And I mean it was reallyinteresting to listen to when we
were recording that.
So it's not to say that we'resuggesting you try a different
lifestyle or anything.
We're just saying there are somany different aspects of things
out there that most of us havenot explored in one capacity or
(14:52):
another.
Never too late.
Nope, never too late.
It's okay to be curious, evenkinky yeah it's okay to be
curious, even kinky, yeah, okay.
So you know your power.
You know, as you women outthere are finding your power, it
comes from you aligning withyour own beliefs and your own
desires, not necessarily fromapproval, and I think we've been
(15:16):
places a lot of the time wherewe're seeking approval in order
to be open about things that weare curious about.
And you know, it's kind offinding the right avenues to be
able to ask the right questionsand, like Michelle was saying
before, it's like we want tohave this community put together
so people can really ask stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
They want to be
clearly, they clearly want to
understand and they don't reallyfeel like there's a lot of
forums to do that and they don'twant to be on Reddit to do it.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
So, anyway, I'm
really excited about that.
Really having the ability forpeople to just be vulnerable and
get their questions answeredand be able to empower each
other, all of us empower eachother with the knowledge that
each of us has.
All of us independently,collectively, can be pretty
powerful.
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah, what about the
fact?
Do you feel like redefinitionalso can be as we make the shift
from I know we kind of mademention about the family aspect
when you're in midlife and allthe activities and working and
all of the, you know,involvement in community and
everything that we do, it kindof changes?
(16:31):
I think I can look back now andsee how things are get
redefined Right, but I thinkwhen you're in the midst of it
you're not really looking toredefine, if that makes sense.
You're just looking to survive.
Right, sense, you're justlooking to survive, right, yeah,
you're just looking to survive.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Keep your head above
water.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
So I think, as time
goes on, or you know with us and
you know talking about some ofthese things, you can ask
yourself some of these questionsearlier on, and it doesn't have
to.
You know, wait and come withtime, but looking for a little
bit more of your soul thatyou're leading through these
things with, and it doesn'talways have to be about strategy
(17:11):
, right?
Yeah, I think it feels betterwhen that starts happening and
we'll go through and have youknow some episodes about that
too and what that looks like andhow to identify.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Yeah, and it could be
a variation for some people or
very similar, you know, forothers.
So I think those are going tobe really exciting things to
discuss as well.
When we talk about aging andagain we're talking midlife,
right, so we bring up the termmidlife, and what does that
really mean?
I mean, I guess, if we'relooking at our age range being,
(17:44):
you know, from zero to 85 orsomething, like that.
You know, I guess midlife isyeah, is in the 40s and your 50s
and 60s and when you thinkabout the differences between 50
years ago, what a 40 year oldwas like?
And 50 year old or 60 year oldwas like and what we're like now
.
It is very different, becauseour world has definitely evolved
(18:05):
and we are trying to remain asyouthful as possible, and I
don't mean youthful necessarilyin just the way we look, because
I think that's a big part of it.
I mean, you see that in theindustry huge in the industry
and all the, you know, thepaintings and the magazines that
are all airbrushed and all thatkind of stuff, the perfection
that that's really nobody's evergoing to achieve, which kills
(18:28):
me, because you see our younggirls out in the world really
using that as their litmus testyou know, Aging isn't something
to fight.
I think it's something.
Well, I say that, but then Ilet me step back for a moment.
It is something to fight inthat we need to take care of
ourselves, Because as we age,it's like if we don't take care
of ourselves, then our bodiesare going to let us down.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
But it's really us
letting our body down, if you
think about it, yeah, exploringyour sexuality, pleasure,
sensuality, all the things thatfeel good.
When you're not doing that andyou're bottling up and you're
people pleasing and not takingcare of yourself, like you say,
(19:12):
then those things do start toshow up in our aging right In
not the most pleasing of ways.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
That's right.
And, believe me, if you haven'thad an orgasm, it's aging you.
Oh yeah, so we right.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
And believe me, if
you haven't had an orgasm, it's
aging you, oh, yeah, so we aregoing to discuss that and if you
have multiple, because yeah itreally is a good stress reliever
it really is a good stressreliever.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yes, as Michelle said
, and ultimately, you guys, it's
like the sisterhood.
I mean Michelle and I have asisterhood.
You know we have very similarwell, we've grown up in
different places to some degree,but very similar looks on life
but different ways ofapproaching things.
Really, it's like, you know,her upbringing and my upbringing
, although similar, were verydifferent and you know, our
(19:54):
lifestyles have been different.
But it's like, I guess a lot ofit is just really respecting
each other's past, respectingwhat each person brings to the
table and really feeling likethere's no judgment.
And I think that's what, to me,it boils down to.
Is that I want to and I knowmichelle and I both said this
before is we really want toprovide an environment where you
(20:16):
genuinely feel like you can gowith no judgment and and feel
comfortable, you know, and getquestions answered for things
that you want to, or askquestions, you know, but
basically finding your people.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
This is the platform
for you, ladies, if this is
something that you're lookingfor or something that sounds
appealing, because we will bemoving forward and having a
community of sisterhood likethat.
So stay tuned for more on that.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
And if this is not
your jam and you'd rather you
know like listen to a podcast onfly fishing or something, more
power to you.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Yeah, do it, do it if
that, but seriously like if fly
fishing does make you happy andbring you joy.
Yeah, again, that's like beingtrue to yourself.
Yeah, but still listen to ourpodcast because, we're the ones
that told you to do that.
See, yeah, so it all works itfits, but yeah, so as you go
through the rest of your week.
(21:10):
First of all, thank you so muchfor listening.
We're excited to be two spicymidlife women and talking about
so many things in regard to whatthat means to be a spicy
midlife woman, how to redefinemidlife A lot of the things
we've talked about here in thisepisode and moving forward.
(21:31):
We're going to take deep divesinto so much of this stuff, as
well as the community, and weare going to be out there.
We are out there on socialmedia.
You can find us on Facebook,spicy Midlife Women, instagram,
(21:51):
spicy Midlife Women Let me justsay it again, and if you're ever
just like surfing YouTube,spicy Midlife Women, and if you
want to send us an email.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
We're at
SpicyMidlifeWomen at gmailcom.
Do it, yeah, and until nextweek.
Thank you so much, ladies, andif there's gentlemen out there,
you can definitely learn somestuff too.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
We would love to have
you in our audience as well
yeah, if you've like, just likehappened to trip across spicy
midlife women and you mightlearn something about your woman
yeah, or maybe thinking, yeah,this is something that she could
use.
Yeah, spice it up, just youknow, place in the car while
you're driving somewhere withher.
Yeah, what is this?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
oh, my brain just
went really naughty okay, yes,
okay, surprise it.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Lets yeah until next
time, jules.
Yep, let's keep it spicy.
Okay, ladies, have a good one,bye.