Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey all you spicy
ladies out there.
It's Jules and Michelle here,your two spicy midlife women
sharing our real life storiesand having no BS conversations
with all of you.
Right, shelly.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
That's right here to
help all you midlife women
redefine your relationships,ditch toxic cycles and reclaim
your power.
One episode at a time, let'sget into it.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Let's get into it.
So what do you think?
Are we going to talk about,maybe, rewriting the rules?
Redefining, rewriting yeah,giving everybody an idea of what
that really looks like, becausemidlife isn't a crisis, it's a
calling.
That's what we've determined, Iknow.
(00:48):
So we purposely come up withthis topic because we really
want to discuss ways you canlive your life on your own terms
, and this is the very beginningof a series of things that
we'll be discussing that arehopefully going to get you into
that place where you're feelingreally empowered to do so.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Specifically, the
tips we're going to share with
you today are going to bebreaking free from and stepping
outside of those stereotypicalexpectations that there seem to
be out there now.
They probably always have been,but when you get to midlife
they're more recognizable if youseek that with intention, right
(01:32):
yeah, and I think that thewomen today have been in the
place where you know.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
okay, barefoot and
pregnant in the kitchen is not
necessarily this generation, no,but you get the idea right.
Kind of the BC to not heard,with the kids being the ones
that are maybe hearing that.
But women have been in the past, and traditionally more.
Would you use the wordsubservient or your favorite
word, jules?
(01:58):
No, it is Submissive.
Submissive, we'll be gettinginto that toomit submit.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Well, anyways, we
wanted to, in this episode,
again share with you five tipson ways that you can identify
and really start to, to dive inand maybe do some of this and
recognize.
So, first one being what, julie?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
You know, it's really
about redefining what success
means to each of you, because inmidlife we have our priorities,
that shift.
We have things that we havedone before, that we don't
necessarily do anymore, thatdon't serve us anymore, and so
success doesn't always have tobe anymore, and so success
(02:48):
doesn't always have to be.
You know, what we envision inour lives is like climbing the
corporate ladder, getting youknow that boost, paycheck being
well.
Well, what's the word I'mlooking for?
Being, you know, focusing allon your work or your career, and
I think that's actuallysomething that I always did too,
and I think that's actuallysomething that I always did too,
and I think there's otherthings that probably fell by the
wayside because of it.
But it's really kind ofdetermining what defines success
(03:12):
for you and to you and aboutyou.
You know what your decisionsare.
You know going into this nextphase of your life.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, I would say
midlife is a time to be able to
reevaluate some of those things.
Yeah, because certainly thereis all the busyness and things
that you know lead up to midlife, whether it is having a family,
climbing the corporate ladder,different societal ideas of
(03:43):
youth and beauty and focusing onthose things.
There's you know.
So when you kind of enter intoand start evolving into that
midlife time frame, definitely atime for re-evaluation on what
sex is Sex.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Where's your mind,
girl?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
What success?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
is.
That was what we would call aFreudian slip there Spicy, a
spicy Freudian slip.
It's funny.
I was talking to a friend ofmine yesterday and she is a
little younger than us corporategirl.
We knew her at Nordstrom andeverything and she is still a
powerhouse, but in the businessworld has been quite the
(04:23):
powerhouse and really steppedback from the career, went and
tried some different things andthen came back to it because,
you know, the economy was whatit was.
So now she's back in thecorporate world but she looks at
it totally different.
And she was sending me picturesof her grandbaby brand new
grandbaby and she was sayingthis is what my life looked like
(04:44):
the last few days and it waspictures of the other grandbaby
that she was watching while herdaughter was in the hospital.
Yeah, and I was like oh my God,remember that.
And she was like I have no ideahow we did all that stuff.
I'm exhausted, yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Now you can give them
back, right?
I know it is.
You get to that point.
That's how it is.
When I have my grandkids I'mlike, oh my gosh, how did I do
this?
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Yeah, With four all
the time.
So, anyway, redefining whatsuccess means to you could be a
plethora of things.
Really.
It's, you know, involving yourfamily, it's involving you, it's
involving what makes you tickand what you want to do and what
you want to learn.
Really, you know, I look atthat a lot like okay, don't
laugh, but I've been looking atWest Coast Swing dance lessons,
(05:30):
what I know.
But I've been watching them onInstagram and I've been like
this is like fun, sexy dance.
It's fun, yeah but it's like butI just think about how intimate
it is which we'll talk aboutthat with some other episodes
and stuff it's really superintimate.
It's like I don't know if Icould be like that intimate with
someone I don't know and Idon't know it just feels weird.
(05:51):
Oh, you just gotta like feelthat vibe man, exactly so I
think it would be really goodfor me because I might set some
of those things aside.
Anyway, total side note yeah, Idigress here, but anyway, so
that's number one, reallyredefining what success means to
you.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Really think about
that and think about what you
would do differently To createyour own definition of
fulfillment and getting thethings aligned within that, not
just what others are expecting,but what you want.
So there's that.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Well, I think that we
have a tendency to see people
that are comfortable with who weare, who we've been, how we've
projected ourselves, not wantingyou to change, you know, and
not wanting you to get out ofthat quote box that they're
putting you in.
And so when you do it's, theyquestion it.
And this we're talking family,friends, whatever, you know,
(06:43):
even even like I was thinkingabout something I was wearing,
wearing and it was a little bit,not as off the cuff as what
Michelle might wear, but alittle bit more racy for me
maybe.
And someone saying, oh, that'sdifferent than what you would
normally, and I'd be looking atthem going, yeah, so what?
Yeah, you know but they're usedto seeing things a certain way
(07:05):
certainly and don't necessarilylike seeing it differently.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
So you have to really
put those voices out of your
head when you're trying todecide what your life is going
to look like well, that's agreat segue into the, the number
two tip that we have here tochat about, and that is
challenging those ageistnarratives.
Right, push back a little bitto your point that you were just
talking about, because societyoften implies that midlife women
(07:31):
should slow down, fade into thebackground.
Right, be invisible, beinvisible.
Yeah, you know, quiet downbecause you're not so involved
with all the things anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Just go to your book
club and don't do anything else
it does not have to be that way.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Push back on that
Challenge, those narratives.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
And some of that
comes with it.
We talk spicy.
When we're saying spicy voices,having a spicy voice, just like
, why is it that you feel theneed to fulfill what other
people's expectations are of youand why do you feel that it's
not okay to do things that youdesire to do because you think
that they're meant for someoneelse?
maybe someone who's younger orsomeone who's in a different,
(08:12):
you know, part of their life.
Yeah, I was telling someone theother day which I'm going to
say this out loud it's like Ireally want to go see eminem and
he's not even touring right,but this is something that most
people in my world would belooking at me like really, you
really want to do that and Ireally do.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
I don't know why I
just do and it's, and I'm gonna,
but you know I'll probably bethe oldest person there, no
doubt.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
I know I'm probably
gonna drag you with me, but you
know I I've gotten the big likeeye roll question mark kind of
thing when I have mentioned thatto people before and they just
kind of look at me like reallyyou want to do that, that
doesn't surprise me.
Yeah, but yeah, I know you.
Yeah, and it's not because I'mtrying to be, you know, like
(08:55):
Eminem's age or anything likethat, I don't know.
I just like the music.
So I don't have to apologizefor the fact that I want to hear
it.
But.
So I don't have to apologizefor the fact that I want to hear
it, but I mean, some of thosethings can be even starting a
new career.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
I know I started a
new career in midlife, me too,
and it was a big, big one and itfelt good.
But yeah, starting a new careerin midlife I Write a book, if
you have thought about doingthat you can do, that.
You can take the time and dothat.
Travel by yourself.
Start lifting weights.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Learn a new language,
whatever it is that feels good.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Start a podcast.
Right, just do those things.
Yeah, start a podcast.
Yeah, do it.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
You can you know a
little tidbits on that is you
know maybe start following orlooking at inspiring midlife
role models who are breakingboundaries Right.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
I can think of a
handful of those from women in
the past, like Marilyn Monroe,Coco Chanel, Right Madonna not
saying she's a role model, butdefinitely breaking boundaries.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Well, I think she's a
role model for breaking
boundaries whether you wouldbreak the same ones Right
exactly, you want to talk aboutsomeone who lives up to zero
expectations of other people.
I mean, would I live herlifestyle?
Probably not, but I admire thefact that she's just got that FU
attitude about whatever it isthat she wants to do and how she
does it.
Yeah, and I admire that.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I admire that about
her Because even though in
midlife, your life is stillexpansive and evolving, even in
midlife.
So challenge those ageistnarratives.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
And they're all
around us all around us, in your
clothing, in the music youlisten to in the places that you
choose to frequent.
In the music you listen to inthe places that you choose to
frequent, in the company thatyou keep.
Frankly, you know, there's a lotof things that limit us and a
lot of it's just limitingbeliefs that people have that we
succumb to, or limiting beliefsthat we have that we haven't
(11:21):
gotten past.
So, yeah, very, very important.
Along with that, I would saywith this tip number three is
owning your voice.
First of all, you got to have avoice to own right and you
start seeing little bits andpieces of people speaking up and
starting to, you know, questionthe narratives around them.
And I love that man, I loveseeing that when it's not like
(11:45):
women coming at you and tryingto create dialogue, that is
confrontational, necessarily,but more asking questions about
things and not being soagreeable about things just
because yeah, you don't have tostay quiet and agree or people
please.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah, you do not have
to do that, especially as
you're aging.
I think that's somewhat ofwhat's expected by some people
in our lives Not all, but somebut it's definitely not that
time, because I don't know aboutyou, jules, but as I've gotten
older, I definitely don't giveas many fucks.
(12:22):
She gives zero fucks.
She gives zero fucks.
You know, I definitely don't.
You know you do and you don't.
There's a balance.
But it's definitely a time tobe able to speak up and, you
know, give opinions and makethings known that maybe you
don't agree with, or things thatyou do agree with.
All of those things, thingsthat you do agree with.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
All of those things.
One thing I've noticed aboutour voice and I've actually
picked up on this a lot recentlyis how much women apologize
yeah Without even realizing howmuch they apologize.
They're constantly sorry yeah,oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry I shouldn't havesaid that.
Or I'm so sorry I didn't meanto put you out.
(13:04):
Or I'm so sorry I shouldn'thave said that.
Or I'm so sorry I didn't mean toput you out, or I'm so sorry.
That was like not very.
Whatever the case may be, youknow and apologizing is that's a
problem that you're feelinglike you have to apologize
constantly for whatever it is,except if you're late.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
I'm sorry for being
late difference.
I actually had an experiencerecently where I spoke up, I
gave my opinion, I said how Iwas feeling, and then it was a
few days after it wasn't in themoment.
I think what we're talking about.
A lot of times it's like that.
You know, apologetic in themoment, being sorry all the time
, but you know if there's asituation it happens, and then
(13:41):
you know you have a day or twoto think on it.
I think there are times whereit's okay to say gosh.
You know I've been thinkingabout this.
I know I said this.
I'm glad I said it.
It wasn't my intention to makeyou feel.
You know there's a differentway to go about the apology
after there's thought to it.
But I know what we're talkingabout here is, you know, in that
(14:03):
moment there are those peoplethat are constantly apologizing,
actually for everything.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
I know I ran across
that with someone who is an
older woman and she's constantlyapologizing, saying you don't
need to apologize and it's theway she has come up in the world
.
It's too old.
She's too old, more than likelynow, it being in her 90s, to
change how she does that becauseit's ingrained so heavily in
her.
But my response to it is youdon't need to apologize.
(14:30):
It's okay to have your opinionor whatever you know.
So I think that practicing youknow what you want and saying
what you want and saying whatyou need without apologizing is
something that is a learnedbehavior.
It's not something that you doautomatically.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah, you have to
intentionally think about that,
but I would say, yeah, mychallenge to you listeners is to
practice that.
Practice saying what you want,like Julie said, without apology
, because your experiences andyour insight are valuable.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
So don't hold back,
and we'll probably get into an
episode on this in the bedroomtoo, because having your voice
in the bedroom, I think, isreally important.
Which voice is she referring to?
I'm not joking, though, becauseit's like nobody can really
read your mind.
Anyway, that's a whole nothertopic, but it comes to mind
(15:22):
because it's been like adiscussion I had recently with
somebody and I just have becomemore vocal with what's important
to me.
So I think it surprises peoplesometimes, because they're not
used to.
they're used to guessing youknow, what they want and or what
you want, I should say.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Well, and along with
owning your voice, like we were
just talking about, and notapologizing, what that's part of
is this next tip we're going totalk about, and that's the
prioritizing self-discovery overapproval.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Right.
So I think midlife is apowerful time yeah, powerful
time to explore interestswithout the need to feel
validated.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Yeah, right.
Well, we're always in aposition, especially if we have
responsibilities towards otherpeople, if we have, say it's a
need, that you want to go likeeat, pray, love, you know.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
You want to go climb
a mountain, you got to get
support from the people that arearound you.
It's not necessarily thevalidation, but you need support
if you have responsibilitiesthat you need to take care of at
home.
You know, and hopefully you'rein an environment and in
relationships where people aresupporting you, even though they
don't necessarily understandwhat it is that you're doing or
why you're doing somethingyou're doing, but they trust
(16:38):
your judgment and can supportyou along those ways.
So it's not the same, in myopinion, as validation.
Validation is basically notdoing anything until you get the
blessing or permission ofsomeone else.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Yeah, the green light
, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Now I would say that
there's times when you would do
Sal this is maybe sounding kindof manipulative but where you
would get that quote validation,but it's really very purposeful
because you want someone to buyin and make you think it's
partially their idea, so they dosupport you.
That was kind of manipulativewasn't it.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
See now this is the
way I was raised.
100%, that's manipulative.
You didn't do that shit canvasand drive up in the mountains
and set it up on a hillside andpaint a picture.
Because I feel like, becauseI'm curious about that and I
feel like it would bring me joyand just the experience, the
(17:31):
thought of the experience,sounds exciting to me Really.
I should act on that and do it.
I don't need anybody'spermission.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
I'm just thinking
about, like, spending money or,
you know, going on trips, thingslike that, that are going to
require, you know, someone elseto be talked into something.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Yeah, yeah, I mean.
You know, we can bemanipulative when we need to be.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I'm totally calling
myself out here because I mean I
learned from the master andit's like I totally have
acknowledged that over the years.
So I really try to be, you know, careful about that.
I don't have anybody in my liferight at the moment that I
would be practicing that on, ofcourse.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I think, though, as
far as the self-discovery piece,
I think the important thingthat I would want you all to get
from that is to spend time.
Make sure you're spending timedoing something that brings you
joy, whether it's journaling orconnecting in nature, so that
(18:32):
you can spend time with yourinner self and not worry about
the version of you that otherpeople are expecting, but really
it's about what brings you joy,you know the one thing and do
those things.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Yeah, like cutting
out the noise.
Like you go to the beach or,like Michelle was saying, you go
into nature, go on a walk orwhatever.
You've cut out all of the noisethat's around you, and
sometimes your mind and yourthoughts are so loud.
It's almost scary how loud theyare, because it's like you
can't ignore them.
(19:07):
So that's a wonderful time foryou to be able to really step
back and ask yourself.
It's like what is important tome, you know what about my
future is something that I wantto really invest my energy and
my time in.
And to your point as well,Michelle, it's like you don't
need permission from people toevolve.
You know they are not going tonecessarily evolve with you.
(19:30):
And then that's where otherissues come up, perhaps with
relationships and such, butthat's another topic altogether.
But if people are in arelationship, a lot of the time
they do a lot of these thingstogether because it helps
nurture their relationship.
But that doesn't mean you can'tdo things independently from
each other either yeah, With thelevel of support, of course,
that you would hope for from apartner.
(19:52):
So the one thing that I wantedto mention, too, was building a
supportive and like-mindedcommunity is really important.
Like having a really good circleof friends, and I'm not just
saying like the friends you grewup with.
There might be friends that arein different parts of your life
(20:13):
.
Maybe, like I mentioned bookclub earlier, maybe you have a
book club, you know, where youhave people that you're speaking
to on a more intellectual level, but that's the type of
relationships that you have withthem.
You don't have the same type ofrelationship with someone else.
So there's different types ofrelationships you're going to
have with people.
But building a community whereyou know you're surrounded by
(20:35):
people who have similarinterests or have similar ideas
but you can learn from them, Ithink would be really important.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
So finding those
people, yeah, I was just going
to say I think that takesexploration.
I was just thinking of my ownself in earlier midlife when I
was evolving and trying tofigure some of these things out.
You know kind of experimenting,if you will socialize time with
(21:04):
different types of people.
You know whether it was at thetime I was attending church you
know there was.
I was getting into a career, soit was work relationships,
sometimes in the community, withyou know other moms that my
kids were, you know, involvedwith sports with just different
things to see kind of what vibedwith you.
(21:25):
Honestly, none of that shit did.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yeah, but now you
know but now that you have to do
.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I think, for me, I
had to do those things to really
figure that out, right?
So it's definitely a time ofexploration and trying to figure
out.
Whatever it is, though, find alike-minded community, and it
will take a little bit ofexploration on your part.
Maybe it's the birds and thebees up in the mountains while
you're painting and it's notanybody particular.
(21:52):
Yeah, that could be.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Well, maybe you're
just becoming more comfortable
with yourself when you are alonewith your thoughts.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
You know, there's
midlife women's groups, there's
entrepreneurial networks,there's online communities
focused in authenticity, there'sall kinds of things.
And, you know, coming in thenear future, we are going to be
building a community as well forall you spicy midlife women.
So just know that that issomething to look forward to.
(22:22):
Here, we will be building asisterhood community for midlife
women, so you can ask questionsabout things that you wouldn't
necessarily ask.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Feel comfortable
doing it because you will be
among like-minded people andyeah, there are a couple of
Facebook groups out there thatI've noticed that are their
private groups, where womeneverything's done anonymously
but they feel comfortable askingquestions about things that you
wouldn't necessarily ask otherpeople and the kind of answers
(22:56):
you get.
I mean it's more like wow, Ikind of thought about myself,
let's see what everybody has tosay about it.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Right, I know,
because there are so many things
that I think we as women wethink about as time is evolving,
circumstances are changing,relationships are shifting, all
of those things and it's a bigtime.
There's a big, it's a lot thatgoes on that I think we don't
even necessarily identify in themoment.
(23:24):
So hopefully some of what weshare helps with the
identification of that.
Again, these tips for you know,helping you redefine what
midlife is, the first one,redefine what success means to
you, the second one means to you.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
The second one
challenge those ageist
narratives.
The third one own your voice.
Fourth one prioritizeself-discovery over approval.
And then the fifth one we'vetalked about is building a
supportive, like-mindedcommunity.
So all of these things aretopics or phrases or things that
you can really dive into deeperon your own personal level,
because it's going to meansomething different to you than
(24:07):
it maybe would to Michelle or tome or what have you, but it
really is about you and whatworks for you and how you take
this information and reallyapply it in your life.
Because you are a midlife womanif you're listening to this,
more than likely and there is adifference between being a spicy
(24:30):
, empowered midlife woman andnot apologizing and being
complacent, really, and kind ofstaying in a place where you
feel safe, and it's okay to dothat if that works for you.
What we want to do is be ableto help you, enhance your time,
enhance your effort and bringjoy really in a lot of ways to
the life that you're alreadyleading, and really just lead it
(24:53):
purposefully.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Yep, and then it's
okay.
Give yourself permission tothink outside the box If you're
asking those questions, breakfree from stereotypical
expectations, and that would beour ask of you.
Think about some of thosethings this week.
Relisten to what some of thesetips are, really dig deep and
ask some of those questions andstart taking action on some of
(25:17):
those things.
We are here.
Like I said, you can expect acommunity here real soon.
We're excited about that.
You can find us on Facebook,instagram, all the socials.
We are out there and we justlook forward to sharing more
spiciness with you in your midlife.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
That's right and for
all of you women out there.
We hope you enjoyed thisepisode and we look forward to
chatting with you again nextweek.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Until then, stay
spicy sister, bye, bye.