July 21, 2025 • 22 mins
In this episode, Jules and Michele get real about what it means to make bold choices in midlife from ending relationships to taking dance lessons solo. They share their own deeply personal decisions, fears, and breakthroughs while challenging listeners to stop playing it safe and finally prioritize joy, clarity, and unapologetic self-trust. Whether it’s leaving a marriage, changing careers, or simply going to happy hour, this episode is your push to do the bold thing you’ve been putting off.
What You’ll Learn:
- What making a bold choice in midlife really looks like
- The emotional baggage that often keeps women stuck (guilt, fear, judgment)
- Why self-trust is your greatest tool for navigating big decisions
- The difference between familiarity and fulfillment
- Real-life examples of bold decisions, from divorce to dancing
- How to stop apologizing for what brings you joy
Questions Answered in This Episode:
- Why is midlife the best time to make bold changes?
- What fears stop women from making powerful decisions?
- How do I trust myself when I’m scared of failing?
- Is it selfish to choose myself over others’ expectations?
- Can something small still be a bold decision?
Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!
Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everybody.
Jules and Michelle here, twospicy midlife women sharing our
real life stories and having nobullshit conversations, right,
jules?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Oh yes, we are your friends from the Pacific
Northwest, the Emerald City,seattle, washington, and we are
here to help you all, all of youladies in midlife, redefine
your relationships, ditch toxiccycles and reclaim your power,
one episode at a time.
So let's get into it.
Let's get into it, okay,michelle, before we do, can you
(00:31):
tell me what your favorite foodis, if you had to eat it for the
rest of your life?
We just had this discussion andI couldn't believe you had the
same answer as me Mexican food.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Right, how can you like?
Isn't everybody on the samepage with regard to that?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I just know that I'd have to slap it on my ass.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
I mean because that's where it would sit.
I could eat Mexican food everysingle damn day, right yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
What about snack?
Like your favorite snack.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Chips and salsa OK.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I think mine would be popcorn.
Anyway this is totally offsubject here, but you're
learning a little bit about us,you guys, because we have these
little obsessions.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Hers happens to be Mexican food, apparently, Mine's
popcorn and chocolate of allkinds all kinds of chocolate,
right, and so those are boldchoices that we make, right.
So those are bold choices thatwe make right.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
So today we're talking about making bold
choices in midlife and actuallyowning them.
So we can make a bold choiceand then we can't say oh, it was
Michelle's fault, oh, Juliemade me do it.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I mean, it's all about midlife, right?
This is who we are.
We're two spicy midlife womenand we're talking about all
these things every week, episodeto episode.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
That's right, and it's just so cool because I
don't really give a shit whatpeople don't like it or not.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Well, I was going to say the choices that we make.
That's my choice, and midlife,I think, is the perfect time to
take bold steps.
If you're going to take anysteps, midlife really is the
perfect time to do it, don't youthink?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Absolutely Well.
I think, even if we've talked alittle bit in last episodes
that we have had prior to thisone about kind of owning your,
you know, wherever you are inyour life trying to figure a lot
of those things out, a lot ofyou out there are at that place
in your life where you know youprobably are ready to make some
bold steps, some hugetransitions, some things to
(02:35):
bring you more joy or to bringmore clarity into your life,
whether it be your health oryour relationships or your work,
friendships.
You know whatever it is it'slike, but there are definitely
areas of our life we can alwaysimprove upon.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
And, like Michelle said, I think midlife is truly
an area where we start lookingat things differently because we
have those experiences behindus.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Well, and you just start asking yourself questions
Like is that all there is?
I think this is where a lot ofthings come to light.
Yeah, we have aha moments andwe start to really dive within
and try to uncover what thehell's been happening to this
(03:21):
point.
Where have I been, what am Idoing and where am I going?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, Right, can you, just for the sake of the
conversation, can you kind ofmaybe share really quickly one
major, bold choice that you'vemade in midlife?
That that would be somethingthat could resonate with all the
ladies out there.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
For me, it was making the decision to move on without
my husband.
Okay, and that was bold I.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Why was it bold, though?
Well, I mean obvious reasonsbecause you have children, and I
mean blah blah we were marriedfor 26 years, four children, and
had been through a lot.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
There was a lot.
He was not well, he had beendiagnosed with some serious
health challenges and there werea lot of things prior to that
that were not healthy in ourrelationship.
So, moving forward, and for awhile I packed it all inside, I
(04:28):
put it in a nice little box andtied it up with a beautiful
ribbon and set it up on a shelfin the closet and thought I will
just open that later.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I'll deal with it another time.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Right, and that's what I did for a while.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And so when I finally made the decision to take that
box off the shelf and untie thatbeautiful bow and, you know,
make a mess, unwrap it and takeeverything out of that box
Pandora's box, if you will.
Yeah, that was a bold move andit was not an easy one and it
(05:02):
took a while to make that move.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
But that was a bold move for me.
So if you could summarize thetop three things that were
keeping you from making thattransition, what would they have
been?
What was holding you?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
back my children.
Okay, we think that at the time, my children, my family as in
the way I was raised, and whatthings you stay true to and
guilt, just the whole guiltfactor, and everything in the
world is going to fall apart ifI make this decision.
(05:40):
Nothing is going to be right ifI do this.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And it wasn't right.
Anyway, it's like you're notthinking super logically, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah, so those would be my three things.
Okay, now just curious.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I think it's important to kind of outline
some of those things, becausethose three words you just used,
those are everybody that'slistening is going.
Oh yeah, I totally know whatshe's talking about and it's the
fear factor.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Yeah, that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
The fear factor.
Yeah, that's the thing, thefear factor.
I think the funny thing aboutthat is that we are so much more
capable than we give ourselvescredit for and we're always
looking for worst case scenario.
What's the worst case scenario?
Because I mean, I was in a verysimilar circumstance to that.
It's like, you know, go hard orgo home, Julie.
It's like you made all kinds ofbold decisions all within the
(06:30):
course of a year.
Yeah, the dam has been brokenand it's all coming out.
We're dealing with it all now.
So you know, there's a lot ofthings overlapping.
(06:52):
You know, and I can remember Ihad sold the house and I was
trying to get the insurancelined up for this place that I
had bought, that we were goingto live in for four months
before the new house was readyand I was talking.
This is so random, but Idistinctly remember this
conversation because it was withthis gentleman who was an
insurance guy who I use for allmy stuff at work, Right, and he
(07:15):
sent me this email and he said Ican tell that you're having a
tough time kind of organizingyour thought.
He didn't even know me and I'mlike, oh my God, this is how I'm
coming across to this poor man.
Yeah, he's trying to help mewith my insurance and I was like
I was a freaking hot mess.
I was a hot mess and I wastrying to like hold it all in
(07:35):
and pretend like everything wasfine because I didn't want my
kids to be upset.
We've all done that, yeah, soanyway, just I thought it'd be
kind of important to share someof that, you know, in terms of,
like, the fear factor and thethings that hold us back.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Well, in the fear of failure if you're making these
bold decisions, and the what ifs, right?
Well, we didn't get married toget divorced, right?
The what ifs and the judgmentthat we could be facing by
making these decisions, fromfamily members, from all kinds
of things and finances that wasactually another fear.
(08:10):
It's like, can I do this on myown?
So, yeah, just those fearfactors, I think, are something
that hold us back from makingbold decisions and we need to
recognize those things and justso when you use the word bold in
midlife, when you're talkingabout women, our audience, us,
the people who are listening,what is that?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
when you're defining word bold in midlife, when
you're talking about women, ouraudience, us, you know, the
people who are listening what isthat?
When you're defining what boldis, is it something that's just
like coming out of nowhere, ordo you think it's something that
we build up?
Speaker 1 (08:40):
on.
I think it's something we thisis me personally.
I think it is something wedefinitely build up on.
It's like been for some timecoming, definitely build up on,
it's like been for some timecoming and it's breaking that.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Air quotes if you will.
(09:20):
Good girl conditioning thatreally has have, but don't
always recognize the importanceand the boldness that there is
to that self-trust.
If that makes sense, it does.
I mean, even from myperspective it's like I was
terrified of the same thing.
I had a six-figure job.
I don't know what I was soafraid of.
I did the same thing.
I had a six-figure job.
I don't know what I was soafraid of.
Yeah Right, I had a good job.
I was, you know, smart about alot of those things.
I didn't really, but I wasstill worried about it for some
reason.
You know, that's what we do,same same.
(09:47):
How am I Catholic school?
There was nobody that wasdivorced in Catholic.
There was one family that hadgotten divorced, like the year
prior, and they had there's thejudgment piece.
Yeah, and it's.
You know, a lot of that goesback to the religion and all
that kind of stuff too.
I was not worried about myfamily, because my family is
probably going.
What the fuck?
What's taking you so long?
I mean yeah, you know, I wasn'tworried about that at all, but
(10:08):
it was really more like thetransition in lifestyle, the
transition in thinkingdifferently and doing things
differently.
And even though I didn't feellike I had that emotional
support and partnership, it wasstill someone else who was there
and I knew that.
You know, push came to shovebills, were paid all that kind
(10:29):
of stuff, and he wasn't a badguy that way.
It was still someone else whowas there and I knew that.
You know, push came to shovebills, were paid all that kind
of stuff.
I mean, he wasn't a bad guythat way.
It was just more like there wasno real emotional support.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
So, whatever I did, I was going to be doing it on my
own, on your own, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And I was afraid of that.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
That's true.
I never really thought aboutthat, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah, so anyway.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Well, and I think too , that, just you know, making a
bold choice like that, I knowwe're talking about something
specific that we've experiencedin our life, but it could be a
lot of different things, right.
But whatever it is, Whetherit's something similar to what
we're referring to or somethingelse, I think it's comfortable
to play it safe, and we tend tocontinue to do that and hold on
(11:11):
to things and play it safe untilwe are able to, you know,
figure it out.
So, redefining what bold is, sothat you can make the decision
and realize and gain thatself-trust, knowing that you can
do it.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
So it's a conscious choice between familiarity,
choosing familiarity andchoosing something that makes
you a little bit nervous butexcited at the same time and
once you, once you make it likeowning it right that's huge.
That's something one way oranother, because you could own
something and it's like it'slike oh, this is not working,
(11:49):
but you're owning it.
That way, but you have to ownit either way, yeah not getting
yourself into situations whereyou think, well, I've made that,
I gotta stick with it, you know, and you have to stand firm.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Standing firm that's part of the, the owning piece
that we're talking about.
When you're making those bolddecisions.
You know you got to.
There's been thought that'sgone into it prior to that
skepticism and backlash, butstanding firm in that.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
So I think some of that really relates to having a
level of confidence that youmaybe didn't have before.
Yeah, Because I mean I'm arelatively confident.
I feel like I'm a prettyconfident person, but I remember
thinking, and I was a verycompetent person on the outside,
but I was scared.
I was scared of change and Ilike change.
(12:52):
I'm actually pretty good withchange for the most part, but in
this particular case, it wasn'tjust my change, it was all the
people that were around me thatwere going to be changing too.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
It's such a huge, huge decision.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I mean and again, there's all kinds of
circumstances that we're talkingabout here.
I mean we talk about jobs, likeI was telling you earlier today
about a friend of mine who isrealizing she's in midlife, she
is our audience and super smart,has been in executive positions
and she's working for the samecompany again that we had worked
(13:26):
for before and she's really notchallenged, you know, in a way
that I think helps her feel likeshe's adding value.
I mean, she does really wellwith what she does, yeah, but
she's just like I don't.
This is not where I'm supposedto be, but the thought of trying
to figure out where she'ssupposed to be is a little
(13:47):
unnerving.
Yeah, because it forces her tobe, to put herself in a
situation where she is going tohave to be uncomfortable.
And we've all heard that cliche.
It's like you know, your growthhappens at the end of your
comfort zone.
It couldn't be more true and itcould be in anything you know,
like silly little things, like Iwas telling michelle tonight.
(14:08):
I was like, okay, I you guyshave heard me talk about these
damn dance lessons.
I'm gonna do.
I'm doing it, I'm gonna do itand I'm gonna learn.
I know I'm gonna learn these,these dances because they look
like so much fun.
But I want her to go with mebecause I'm not gonna, I just I
don't want it.
I want her, but I want her togo with me Because I'm not going
to, I just I don't want to.
I want her to go with me.
At least until I know what I'mdoing or where I'm at.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Oh, I will show her, yes, that it is a fun thing.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
And if she said if she said no, I would be like
fine and I would do it anyway.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
But I would have a lot more fun doing it with you,
you know, or Lisa if she comeswith me, or whatever.
But my point being is kind oflike I'm doing it.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Just kind of like you know we set up our goals, for
you know we set up our goals,okay, what do we want to
accomplish?
It's no different really thanthat.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I mean that's that's living unapologetically, right,
right, that is doing what youwant to do.
Yeah, for whatever reason, youhave this within you.
You want to try it, you want todo it, you want to have fun
with it and you're going to doit.
Yeah, and not be sorry about it, no, at all.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
And all of you know it out there now, and we don't
have to explain that shit toanybody.
Guess what, ladies, I'maccountable.
I'm going to see me dancing onInstagram or something.
There we go.
Oh, you know, I'll put it upthere It'll be up there Just
wait.
Actually, we do have a littlebit of dance videos on Instagram
.
It's kind of fun stuff, but no,it's just an example of what
(15:35):
I'm talking about.
It's exciting, it's somethingdifferent, meeting different
people.
It's a little unnerving, butyou know what?
That's the kind of stuff thatjust gets your self going.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Those are some of the things that earlier on and I'm
just speaking about.
You know, when we're married,we have a young family and we're
not stepping outside of the box.
Never To do things like thatand like, oh, I'm going to take
dance lessons and go swing,dance, honey, two nights a week,
like we just don't.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
And then it'd be like why are you dancing with
someone else and not with me?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, there's, just like all the things.
So no, we are doing thisbecause we want to, we're not
sorry about it and we don't needto explain to anybody.
This is just what I want to do.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
It sounds like fun and I'm going to do it, and so
that's why Some of you ladiesout there you might, you're
still have kids at home.
You know, or you still havethose responsibilities which we
don't really have.
We have other responsibilities.
Believe me, you may, thoseresponsibilities may go by the
wayside when your kids get older, but other things fill in very
fast.
Whether it be aging parents,you know your job
(16:43):
responsibilities or you knowanother significant other.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Your grandma.
All these things come into play.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yeah.
So you know, I guess what itcomes down to is kind of
prioritizing.
I'm busy now and I was busythen.
We're all busy.
We're all busy With somethingthis, that thing or the other
Right, so there's going to be.
You got to make time for thethings that you want to do.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Now will I make time every day?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
No, but I will definitely make time to try it,
and if I hate it then at least Iknow I tried it.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
And I have to say that Some of these decisions,
we're calling them bold becausethey can seem to be that, but I
think some of the bold decisionsthat I've made in my life have
done nothing but push me forward.
(17:40):
And no one even but move youforward.
So if there's anything we'resaying right now to maybe some
of you younger midlife women, isto recognize that, if you have
a spark of passion to dosomething, create the time, make
a bold decision that might notseem like the norm for your life
(18:02):
and just do it, even if it isjust one time, for a moment, to
see what you get from it.
Yeah and don't feel selfish anddon't be sorry about it, don't
be guilty about it.
Enjoy it, embrace it and justlive it and love it.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
How many of you are going to want to go dancing with
me and we're just gonna me?
Yeah, michelle will go, I willdo it, because I looked her.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I was like I'm really excited, but you got to go with
me, but anyway so I mean,that's I, I guess, with what I
just said, that would be my, my,my challenge, as we're wrapping
this episode up, is just askingyou all what bold decision will
you make this week, even ifit's just the littlest something
that might not seem bold tosomebody else, because
(18:49):
everybody's circumstances aredifferent.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
So and bold doesn't necessarily mean that you're.
It's not like a measured risknecessarily where you're going
to lose money or you're going toyou know it could be something
really simple, like you're goingto lose money or you're going
to.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
you know it could be something really simple, like
you're going to ride your bikearound the lake or going to
happy hour with your girlfriendone time, which you never do,
yeah there's a whole lot oflevels of bold, so I know we
were talking about major lifeshifts, you know, for our bold
decisions, because we're able tolook back and see that for what
(19:25):
it is.
But yeah, for many people itcould be something to your point
as simple as riding your bikearound wherever and or going to
happy hour with your girlfriendone night once a month, because
you never do that Right and it'sforcing yourself to have a
different experience.
To step outside, have adifferent experience and yeah,
(19:47):
I'm kind of all about thoseanyway, me too Experiences.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
And again, it's like we like things.
I mean, I'm not even gonna lie,we like things.
There's no question about that.
But if I'm gonna invest moneyin things, it's going to be on
experiences.
Now, those experiences aregoing to be good or go to a
concert.
Yeah, she loves to hear that,oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Just act on some of those impulse things that might
seem bold, that will bring youjoy.
Yes, do it, ladies.
Do it.
Do it as we, as two spicymidlife women, are moving on
with this platform that we have,we're going to be forming a
(20:26):
community of like-minded midlifewomen.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Which you all will be hearing about.
We really wanted to get a fewepisodes into this transition
from a blonde brunette and a micto our new focus before we
started doing that.
But we're really excited, youguys, and it's like I've met so
many different people, just it.
Just since we've been focusingon this, I've been like you're
so my person.
Yeah, you guys are so my people, you know, and they're, they're
(20:52):
women just like us.
Yep, you know who are out therewith asking a lot of the same
questions and really kind ofcheering each other on.
Yeah, that that's what it's allabout.
That is exactly what it's allabout Holding each other up,
cheering each other on.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
You know, sharing experiences, asking questions
that you're curious about, thatyou don't have any, maybe a safe
place otherwise to feelcomfortable asking.
So we're going to be bringingthose things to you, and you can
also find us out on the socialsInstagram, facebook, tiktok,
youtube and we love being thespicy midlife women, role models
(21:31):
for you in life.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
So can't wait to bring you more and we just
really look forward to hearingfrom you on, like I said, on the
socials Michelle mentioned, youknow we'll definitely post some
things that we would love yourfeedback on too.
So until next week, more tocome, more to come.
Be bold and get out there andmake something of the week ahead
of you.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, yeah, be brave, ladies, be brave and stay spicy
.
Until next time, stay spicy,bye, bye.
Hey everybody.
Jules and Michelle here, twospicy midlife women sharing our
real life stories and having nobullshit conversations, right,
jules?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Oh yes, we are your friends from the Pacific
Northwest, the Emerald City,seattle, washington, and we are
here to help you all, all of youladies in midlife, redefine
your relationships, ditch toxiccycles and reclaim your power,
one episode at a time.
So let's get into it.
Let's get into it, okay,michelle, before we do, can you
(00:31):
tell me what your favorite foodis, if you had to eat it for the
rest of your life?
We just had this discussion andI couldn't believe you had the
same answer as me Mexican food.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Right, how can you like?
Isn't everybody on the samepage with regard to that?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I just know that I'd have to slap it on my ass.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
I mean because that's where it would sit.
I could eat Mexican food everysingle damn day, right yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
What about snack?
Like your favorite snack.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Chips and salsa OK.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I think mine would be popcorn.
Anyway this is totally offsubject here, but you're
learning a little bit about us,you guys, because we have these
little obsessions.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Hers happens to be Mexican food, apparently, Mine's
popcorn and chocolate of allkinds all kinds of chocolate,
right, and so those are boldchoices that we make, right.
So those are bold choices thatwe make right.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
So today we're talking about making bold
choices in midlife and actuallyowning them.
So we can make a bold choiceand then we can't say oh, it was
Michelle's fault, oh, Juliemade me do it.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I mean, it's all about midlife, right?
This is who we are.
We're two spicy midlife womenand we're talking about all
these things every week, episodeto episode.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
That's right, and it's just so cool because I
don't really give a shit whatpeople don't like it or not.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Well, I was going to say the choices that we make.
That's my choice, and midlife,I think, is the perfect time to
take bold steps.
If you're going to take anysteps, midlife really is the
perfect time to do it, don't youthink?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Absolutely Well.
I think, even if we've talked alittle bit in last episodes
that we have had prior to thisone about kind of owning your,
you know, wherever you are inyour life trying to figure a lot
of those things out, a lot ofyou out there are at that place
in your life where you know youprobably are ready to make some
bold steps, some hugetransitions, some things to
(02:35):
bring you more joy or to bringmore clarity into your life,
whether it be your health oryour relationships or your work,
friendships.
You know whatever it is it'slike, but there are definitely
areas of our life we can alwaysimprove upon.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
And, like Michelle said, I think midlife is truly
an area where we start lookingat things differently because we
have those experiences behindus.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Well, and you just start asking yourself questions
Like is that all there is?
I think this is where a lot ofthings come to light.
Yeah, we have aha moments andwe start to really dive within
and try to uncover what thehell's been happening to this
(03:21):
point.
Where have I been, what am Idoing and where am I going?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, Right, can you, just for the sake of the
conversation, can you kind ofmaybe share really quickly one
major, bold choice that you'vemade in midlife?
That that would be somethingthat could resonate with all the
ladies out there.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
For me, it was making the decision to move on without
my husband.
Okay, and that was bold I.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Why was it bold, though?
Well, I mean obvious reasonsbecause you have children, and I
mean blah blah we were marriedfor 26 years, four children, and
had been through a lot.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
There was a lot.
He was not well, he had beendiagnosed with some serious
health challenges and there werea lot of things prior to that
that were not healthy in ourrelationship.
So, moving forward, and for awhile I packed it all inside, I
(04:28):
put it in a nice little box andtied it up with a beautiful
ribbon and set it up on a shelfin the closet and thought I will
just open that later.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I'll deal with it another time.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Right, and that's what I did for a while.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And so when I finally made the decision to take that
box off the shelf and untie thatbeautiful bow and, you know,
make a mess, unwrap it and takeeverything out of that box
Pandora's box, if you will.
Yeah, that was a bold move andit was not an easy one and it
(05:02):
took a while to make that move.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
But that was a bold move for me.
So if you could summarize thetop three things that were
keeping you from making thattransition, what would they have
been?
What was holding you?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
back my children.
Okay, we think that at the time, my children, my family as in
the way I was raised, and whatthings you stay true to and
guilt, just the whole guiltfactor, and everything in the
world is going to fall apart ifI make this decision.
(05:40):
Nothing is going to be right ifI do this.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And it wasn't right.
Anyway, it's like you're notthinking super logically, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah, so those would be my three things.
Okay, now just curious.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I think it's important to kind of outline
some of those things, becausethose three words you just used,
those are everybody that'slistening is going.
Oh yeah, I totally know whatshe's talking about and it's the
fear factor.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Yeah, that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
The fear factor.
Yeah, that's the thing, thefear factor.
I think the funny thing aboutthat is that we are so much more
capable than we give ourselvescredit for and we're always
looking for worst case scenario.
What's the worst case scenario?
Because I mean, I was in a verysimilar circumstance to that.
It's like, you know, go hard orgo home, Julie.
It's like you made all kinds ofbold decisions all within the
(06:30):
course of a year.
Yeah, the dam has been brokenand it's all coming out.
We're dealing with it all now.
So you know, there's a lot ofthings overlapping.
(06:52):
You know, and I can remember Ihad sold the house and I was
trying to get the insurancelined up for this place that I
had bought, that we were goingto live in for four months
before the new house was readyand I was talking.
This is so random, but Idistinctly remember this
conversation because it was withthis gentleman who was an
insurance guy who I use for allmy stuff at work, Right, and he
(07:15):
sent me this email and he said Ican tell that you're having a
tough time kind of organizingyour thought.
He didn't even know me and I'mlike, oh my God, this is how I'm
coming across to this poor man.
Yeah, he's trying to help mewith my insurance and I was like
I was a freaking hot mess.
I was a hot mess and I wastrying to like hold it all in
(07:35):
and pretend like everything wasfine because I didn't want my
kids to be upset.
We've all done that, yeah, soanyway, just I thought it'd be
kind of important to share someof that, you know, in terms of,
like, the fear factor and thethings that hold us back.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Well, in the fear of failure if you're making these
bold decisions, and the what ifs, right?
Well, we didn't get married toget divorced, right?
The what ifs and the judgmentthat we could be facing by
making these decisions, fromfamily members, from all kinds
of things and finances that wasactually another fear.
(08:10):
It's like, can I do this on myown?
So, yeah, just those fearfactors, I think, are something
that hold us back from makingbold decisions and we need to
recognize those things and justso when you use the word bold in
midlife, when you're talkingabout women, our audience, us,
the people who are listening,what is that?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
when you're defining word bold in midlife, when
you're talking about women, ouraudience, us, you know, the
people who are listening what isthat?
When you're defining what boldis, is it something that's just
like coming out of nowhere, ordo you think it's something that
we build up?
Speaker 1 (08:40):
on.
I think it's something we thisis me personally.
I think it is something wedefinitely build up on.
It's like been for some timecoming, definitely build up on,
it's like been for some timecoming and it's breaking that.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Air quotes if you will.
(09:20):
Good girl conditioning thatreally has have, but don't
always recognize the importanceand the boldness that there is
to that self-trust.
If that makes sense, it does.
I mean, even from myperspective it's like I was
terrified of the same thing.
I had a six-figure job.
I don't know what I was soafraid of.
I did the same thing.
I had a six-figure job.
I don't know what I was soafraid of.
Yeah Right, I had a good job.
I was, you know, smart about alot of those things.
I didn't really, but I wasstill worried about it for some
reason.
You know, that's what we do,same same.
(09:47):
How am I Catholic school?
There was nobody that wasdivorced in Catholic.
There was one family that hadgotten divorced, like the year
prior, and they had there's thejudgment piece.
Yeah, and it's.
You know, a lot of that goesback to the religion and all
that kind of stuff too.
I was not worried about myfamily, because my family is
probably going.
What the fuck?
What's taking you so long?
I mean yeah, you know, I wasn'tworried about that at all, but
(10:08):
it was really more like thetransition in lifestyle, the
transition in thinkingdifferently and doing things
differently.
And even though I didn't feellike I had that emotional
support and partnership, it wasstill someone else who was there
and I knew that.
You know, push came to shovebills, were paid all that kind
(10:29):
of stuff, and he wasn't a badguy that way.
It was still someone else whowas there and I knew that.
You know, push came to shovebills, were paid all that kind
of stuff.
I mean, he wasn't a bad guythat way.
It was just more like there wasno real emotional support.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
So, whatever I did, I was going to be doing it on my
own, on your own, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
And I was afraid of that.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
That's true.
I never really thought aboutthat, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah, so anyway.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Well, and I think too , that, just you know, making a
bold choice like that, I knowwe're talking about something
specific that we've experiencedin our life, but it could be a
lot of different things, right.
But whatever it is, Whetherit's something similar to what
we're referring to or somethingelse, I think it's comfortable
to play it safe, and we tend tocontinue to do that and hold on
(11:11):
to things and play it safe untilwe are able to, you know,
figure it out.
So, redefining what bold is, sothat you can make the decision
and realize and gain thatself-trust, knowing that you can
do it.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
So it's a conscious choice between familiarity,
choosing familiarity andchoosing something that makes
you a little bit nervous butexcited at the same time and
once you, once you make it likeowning it right that's huge.
That's something one way oranother, because you could own
something and it's like it'slike oh, this is not working,
(11:49):
but you're owning it.
That way, but you have to ownit either way, yeah not getting
yourself into situations whereyou think, well, I've made that,
I gotta stick with it, you know, and you have to stand firm.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Standing firm that's part of the, the owning piece
that we're talking about.
When you're making those bolddecisions.
You know you got to.
There's been thought that'sgone into it prior to that
skepticism and backlash, butstanding firm in that.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
So I think some of that really relates to having a
level of confidence that youmaybe didn't have before.
Yeah, Because I mean I'm arelatively confident.
I feel like I'm a prettyconfident person, but I remember
thinking, and I was a verycompetent person on the outside,
but I was scared.
I was scared of change and Ilike change.
(12:52):
I'm actually pretty good withchange for the most part, but in
this particular case, it wasn'tjust my change, it was all the
people that were around me thatwere going to be changing too.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
It's such a huge, huge decision.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I mean and again, there's all kinds of
circumstances that we're talkingabout here.
I mean we talk about jobs, likeI was telling you earlier today
about a friend of mine who isrealizing she's in midlife, she
is our audience and super smart,has been in executive positions
and she's working for the samecompany again that we had worked
(13:26):
for before and she's really notchallenged, you know, in a way
that I think helps her feel likeshe's adding value.
I mean, she does really wellwith what she does, yeah, but
she's just like I don't.
This is not where I'm supposedto be, but the thought of trying
to figure out where she'ssupposed to be is a little
(13:47):
unnerving.
Yeah, because it forces her tobe, to put herself in a
situation where she is going tohave to be uncomfortable.
And we've all heard that cliche.
It's like you know, your growthhappens at the end of your
comfort zone.
It couldn't be more true and itcould be in anything you know,
like silly little things, like Iwas telling michelle tonight.
(14:08):
I was like, okay, I you guyshave heard me talk about these
damn dance lessons.
I'm gonna do.
I'm doing it, I'm gonna do itand I'm gonna learn.
I know I'm gonna learn these,these dances because they look
like so much fun.
But I want her to go with mebecause I'm not gonna, I just I
don't want it.
I want her, but I want her togo with me Because I'm not going
to, I just I don't want to.
I want her to go with me.
At least until I know what I'mdoing or where I'm at.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Oh, I will show her, yes, that it is a fun thing.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
And if she said if she said no, I would be like
fine and I would do it anyway.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
But I would have a lot more fun doing it with you,
you know, or Lisa if she comeswith me, or whatever.
But my point being is kind oflike I'm doing it.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Just kind of like you know we set up our goals, for
you know we set up our goals,okay, what do we want to
accomplish?
It's no different really thanthat.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I mean that's that's living unapologetically, right,
right, that is doing what youwant to do.
Yeah, for whatever reason, youhave this within you.
You want to try it, you want todo it, you want to have fun
with it and you're going to doit.
Yeah, and not be sorry about it, no, at all.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
And all of you know it out there now, and we don't
have to explain that shit toanybody.
Guess what, ladies, I'maccountable.
I'm going to see me dancing onInstagram or something.
There we go.
Oh, you know, I'll put it upthere It'll be up there Just
wait.
Actually, we do have a littlebit of dance videos on Instagram
.
It's kind of fun stuff, but no,it's just an example of what
(15:35):
I'm talking about.
It's exciting, it's somethingdifferent, meeting different
people.
It's a little unnerving, butyou know what?
That's the kind of stuff thatjust gets your self going.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Those are some of the things that earlier on and I'm
just speaking about.
You know, when we're married,we have a young family and we're
not stepping outside of the box.
Never To do things like thatand like, oh, I'm going to take
dance lessons and go swing,dance, honey, two nights a week,
like we just don't.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
And then it'd be like why are you dancing with
someone else and not with me?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, there's, just like all the things.
So no, we are doing thisbecause we want to, we're not
sorry about it and we don't needto explain to anybody.
This is just what I want to do.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
It sounds like fun and I'm going to do it, and so
that's why Some of you ladiesout there you might, you're
still have kids at home.
You know, or you still havethose responsibilities which we
don't really have.
We have other responsibilities.
Believe me, you may, thoseresponsibilities may go by the
wayside when your kids get older, but other things fill in very
fast.
Whether it be aging parents,you know your job
(16:43):
responsibilities or you knowanother significant other.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Your grandma.
All these things come into play.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yeah.
So you know, I guess what itcomes down to is kind of
prioritizing.
I'm busy now and I was busythen.
We're all busy.
We're all busy With somethingthis, that thing or the other
Right, so there's going to be.
You got to make time for thethings that you want to do.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Now will I make time every day?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
No, but I will definitely make time to try it,
and if I hate it then at least Iknow I tried it.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
And I have to say that Some of these decisions,
we're calling them bold becausethey can seem to be that, but I
think some of the bold decisionsthat I've made in my life have
done nothing but push me forward.
(17:40):
And no one even but move youforward.
So if there's anything we'resaying right now to maybe some
of you younger midlife women, isto recognize that, if you have
a spark of passion to dosomething, create the time, make
a bold decision that might notseem like the norm for your life
(18:02):
and just do it, even if it isjust one time, for a moment, to
see what you get from it.
Yeah and don't feel selfish anddon't be sorry about it, don't
be guilty about it.
Enjoy it, embrace it and justlive it and love it.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
How many of you are going to want to go dancing with
me and we're just gonna me?
Yeah, michelle will go, I willdo it, because I looked her.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I was like I'm really excited, but you got to go with
me, but anyway so I mean,that's I, I guess, with what I
just said, that would be my, my,my challenge, as we're wrapping
this episode up, is just askingyou all what bold decision will
you make this week, even ifit's just the littlest something
that might not seem bold tosomebody else, because
(18:49):
everybody's circumstances aredifferent.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
So and bold doesn't necessarily mean that you're.
It's not like a measured risknecessarily where you're going
to lose money or you're going toyou know it could be something
really simple, like you're goingto lose money or you're going
to.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
you know it could be something really simple, like
you're going to ride your bikearound the lake or going to
happy hour with your girlfriendone time, which you never do,
yeah there's a whole lot oflevels of bold, so I know we
were talking about major lifeshifts, you know, for our bold
decisions, because we're able tolook back and see that for what
(19:25):
it is.
But yeah, for many people itcould be something to your point
as simple as riding your bikearound wherever and or going to
happy hour with your girlfriendone night once a month, because
you never do that Right and it'sforcing yourself to have a
different experience.
To step outside, have adifferent experience and yeah,
(19:47):
I'm kind of all about thoseanyway, me too Experiences.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
And again, it's like we like things.
I mean, I'm not even gonna lie,we like things.
There's no question about that.
But if I'm gonna invest moneyin things, it's going to be on
experiences.
Now, those experiences aregoing to be good or go to a
concert.
Yeah, she loves to hear that,oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Just act on some of those impulse things that might
seem bold, that will bring youjoy.
Yes, do it, ladies.
Do it.
Do it as we, as two spicymidlife women, are moving on
with this platform that we have,we're going to be forming a
(20:26):
community of like-minded midlifewomen.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Which you all will be hearing about.
We really wanted to get a fewepisodes into this transition
from a blonde brunette and a micto our new focus before we
started doing that.
But we're really excited, youguys, and it's like I've met so
many different people, just it.
Just since we've been focusingon this, I've been like you're
so my person.
Yeah, you guys are so my people, you know, and they're, they're
(20:52):
women just like us.
Yep, you know who are out therewith asking a lot of the same
questions and really kind ofcheering each other on.
Yeah, that that's what it's allabout.
That is exactly what it's allabout Holding each other up,
cheering each other on.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
You know, sharing experiences, asking questions
that you're curious about, thatyou don't have any, maybe a safe
place otherwise to feelcomfortable asking.
So we're going to be bringingthose things to you, and you can
also find us out on the socialsInstagram, facebook, tiktok,
youtube and we love being thespicy midlife women, role models
(21:31):
for you in life.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
So can't wait to bring you more and we just
really look forward to hearingfrom you on, like I said, on the
socials Michelle mentioned, youknow we'll definitely post some
things that we would love yourfeedback on too.
So until next week, more tocome, more to come.
Be bold and get out there andmake something of the week ahead
of you.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, yeah, be brave, ladies, be brave and stay spicy
.
Until next time, stay spicy,bye, bye.
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