March 16, 2025 • 37 mins
Sergeant Jay Walker shares his 15-year military journey and the challenges of living with a traumatic brain injury sustained during his deployment to Bosnia.
• Joined the Army at 19 as a combat engineer, stationed first in Germany
• Deployed to Bosnia for 10 months in 1997 where he suffered a traumatic brain injury
• Left active duty in 2001 but returned to reserves in 2007, changing roles to dental assistant
• Experiences ongoing symptoms including migraines, memory loss, slurred speech, and vision problems
• Faced homelessness even while serving in the reserves
• Found purpose through coaching high school football despite ongoing health challenges
• Emphasizes the importance of mental health support and "doing the work" for recovery
• Advocates for better understanding from family members supporting veterans
• Plans to start his own podcast to continue sharing veteran experiences
If you want to suggest topics for Jay's upcoming podcast or connect with him, please reach out to us at ablondeabrunetteandamic@gmail.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
All right.
Well, hello everyone andwelcome.
I'm hearing echo.
I'm hearing echo.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I don't hear echo.
That's what we were talkingabout before, like because we're
here, we can hear each other inreal time, okay, so there's
just a little bit of a delay.
Is it a little bit of a delay,or is it an echo?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Okay, maybe it's a delay.
Yeah, all right, we're going tostart again.
Hello everyone, thank you somuch for joining us today.
We are thrilled to have a gueston here today.
You can see him on the screen.
This is Sergeant Jay Walker,and we are here today to talk
about his experience as aveteran, and a disabled veteran
(00:45):
at that, and just kind of learna little bit about his story and
kind of take it from there.
Thanks for being here, jay.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Oh, thanks for having me.
Where should I start?
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Well, let's start with your military experience.
So uh, old were you when youwent in the military uh, 20.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Uh, well, actually 19 , because I turned 20 like in
the summertime, so right out ofhigh school and first duty
station was germany.
Well, we did basic training inmissouri for 13 weeks, so that
was a time when, um, like thedrill sergeants were in like the
, the hats that looks likeRangers.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
And um they can actually put their hands on you
back then.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
They can't do that now.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah, Is this the army?
Sorry I.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I, yeah, yeah, it was army, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Drill sergeant.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
And then, oh yeah, yeah, november of 1995.
I went to Bosnia in 97.
So all of 97, we had to gothrough Croatia to train for two
, three weeks.
Then we were in Bosnia for 10months and then we had to
debrief in Croatia.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
And then you went back to Germany or stateside.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, I went back to Germany.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Wiesbaden.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
What's that Wiesbaden ?
I was just asking if it was inWiesbaden.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Oh no, it was in.
You said Wiesbaden.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Isn't that yeah?
Speaker 3 (02:36):
No, it was Wiesbaden.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Well, you know, close enough, right.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Well, just like Munich, you know.
Just like Munich, you know justlike Munich.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
People say Munchen, but it's actually pronounced
Munich.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Yeah well, there's those.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Americans and how we pronounce stuff right yeah, yeah
so how long.
So what was your total uhexperience time frame in the in
the military then?
Speaker 3 (02:59):
so 15 years.
So I did seven years activeduty and then I got out February
2001, a couple of months before9-11.
And then I went back into themilitary in 2007 of December.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
And what possessed you to do that?
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Be honest, I had no clue what I wanted to do in life
.
Be honest, I had no clue what Iwanted to do in life.
So it's one of those thingsthat you get out the military
and you're programmed to do whatyou're told and don't ask
questions.
And even when eating habits,when you're eating, they always
tell you taste your food later,so we have to hurry up and eat.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Okay, wow yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Okay, I would not have made it in the military.
Neither one of us wouldactually Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
It was a good experience.
I mean, it was one of thosethings, like you know, I would
say, when I first got out of themilitary in 2001, I went into
like security, security for sixmonths.
I was two years doing behaviorbut working with at-risk
(04:15):
teenagers in Pennsylvania.
So I was kind of here and theretrying to find out what it is
that I want to do in life, andthen I just missed the military.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
I missed being around the structure, yeah, so I went
back.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Yeah, I went back in.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Did you go back in the same rank or the same area
of expertise that you had before?
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Same rank but a different job.
So going in the first time timeI was a combat engineer and if
you don't know much about combatengineers, think of infantrymen
.
But we dealt with explosives,demolition, landmines, like I
don't even know why I even wentinto that department.
(04:59):
My recruiter just showed me abunch.
If it went into that department, my recruiter just showed me a
bunch of video of guys, you know, jumping and shooting and
crawling and I thought it wasfun until I got there and I'm
like what am I?
What did I sign up for?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
You know, that's I mean, I'm just sitting here
listening to that, and that'sprobably the case with a lot of
young people who don't know whatthey want to do, of young
people who don't know what theywant to do, and this is a good
way for structure, forconsistency, all those types of
(05:36):
things, and probably veryimpressionable, so that you're
listening to someone who is arole model.
I guess it might seem as thatin that time, before you have
experienced anything Right.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And so I'm sure it's kind of like when people go to
the doctor they just kind of dowhatever they say that they're
telling them to do, whether it'sreally what you think you
should be doing or not.
So anyways, just that was justprompting thoughts on that.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Okay, I have a.
I have a question.
Did you, uh, were you gettingin trouble before you, like, out
of high school?
And that's kind of why youdecided, cause you didn't know
what direction to go.
No, I was actually good to behonest, like um well, football I
know doing a lot of that kindof stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Right, I actually was playing football while I was in
the army, in Germany too, sowasn't really allowed.
So I would say, if it wasanything bad like we wasn't
really allowed to play othersports, think about it.
We're government property, soyou can actually get like
charged with damaging militaryequipment by hurting yourself.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Like.
So if you go out and you playsports or so and it's not
military related you hurtyourself like they can charge
you for damaging militaryequipment.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
That's kind of a nice segue into like your injuries,
because you are well, it's likeyour military equipment, right?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
So let's talk about that how did that, uh?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
how did the injuries transpire?
And then what happened afterwith the mill, in terms of the
level of support and everythingthat you received?
Speaker 3 (07:12):
uh, so being active duty for like seven years and,
like I said, um, but the combatbeing a combat engineer and then
leaving there 2001, I didn'treally start experiencing a lot
of my injuries.
One of the major injuries I hadwas I was in a vehicle accident
in Bosnia.
(07:33):
I don't want to go into detail,but I ended up having a
traumatic brain injury.
So leaving there and then mysymptoms were migraines or
forgetfulness and slurred speech, and I still deal with it till
today.
But it affected me even goingback into the military in the
(07:56):
reserves in 2007.
I went into a differentdepartment, so I went from
combat engineer to dentalassistant.
To be honest.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
That's a completely, completely separate line of work
.
Yeah, I'm not going to bearound anything that blows up
anymore.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
So but still it affected me because you know the
migraines.
You know because in thereserves Migraines because in
the reserves it's pretty much aweekend a month and then two or
three weeks are the summer.
I believe that's it.
(08:36):
Unless they change it right now, I mean this year.
But even going to drill, Iwould still suffer from the
migraines, I would still sufferfrom sleep issuesraines, I would
still suffer from sleep issues.
You know, because we had topull guard duty.
So, all of those things Icarried over to the reserves,
you know.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Did you get any pushback?
Yeah, that's what I was goingto ask.
Well, you know, after havingthe injury and then going back
to the reserves, was there anypushback injury and then going
back to the reserves, was thereany pushback?
I'm I'm surprised that theytook you in for the reserves
with that in in the past.
You know what I mean right.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Well, it wasn't a problem.
It just, you know, it wasn'tlike a, it's an everyday thing
or it was just once in a while.
Yeah, yeah, so it really didn'taffect me as much as now.
It's like every every day orevery week, you know, because I
guess, like, of course, like asyou age and you know, you know
(09:37):
things happen.
So I have, now I have atraumatic brain injury team.
You know, back then it was justlike you know every now, and
then you talk to the doctor oryou see a therapist or something
like that.
Now it's like here I am, youknow, 49 and I have a traumatic
brain injury team.
I have a neurologist, I have atherapist.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
So the resources have been more than you had
anticipated, or do you feel likethey've evolved over time, like
you've been able to obtain morehelp or support, or did you?
Did you have that support earlyon, when the injury took place?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
I didn't have that support early on and that's what
I was saying I think at thetime, like technology probably
wasn't what it was, like youknow, or what it is now.
Back then you know theyprobably still struggle like
trying to find or locate.
You know the symptoms oftraumatic brain injury.
I'm not a doctor, I'm justsaying that it just wasn't
(10:37):
available at that time.
But then it's also up to us towant to seek that help Correct,
so we got to take accountabilityfor that as well.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Well, was it more of a?
I'm just trying to understandif they didn't have.
I mean, there were so manypeople that were dealing with
traumatic brain injuries or PTSD, all these kinds, and we're
civilians seeing things kind offrom the outside looking in,
it's hard to know if thesoldiers are getting the kind of
support they need or if thesupport's there and they're just
(11:09):
not seeking it.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I think it's a little bit of both to be, honest.
Yeah, I mean I can't reallyspeak for you know every veteran
that everyone has differenttype of disabilities or what
they suffer.
But I would say the resourcesthere, whether we took advantage
of it, you know, I guess it'sup to the individual.
So I know, speaking in, youknow, in my experience I did,
(11:38):
but I also was one of thosesoldiers that we just dealt with
it, you know.
So that's one of the things welearned.
Well, I was in the army.
What I've learned in the armyis we just drive on with the
pain or whatever it is, we'llfigure it out and we'll push
through, but see back then, youknow, I looked at it as a sign
(12:03):
of weakness.
So if I felt like I was notgiving my all, even if I had
something broken or something,then I feel like I'm feeling not
just myself, my squad, but thatwas just programming in my head
.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Well, everyone's probably head.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
But then pushing through pain and pushing through
, you know you got to know yourlimits.
You know now I didn't listen tomy body so I was pushing
through.
Even I should have been, likeyou know, sitting down and
resting and healing, but no, andso I think the more that I push
through my pain, it, you know,it definitely helps, but it
(12:46):
definitely made a differencegoing forward later on.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
In what way?
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Well, I just think that there's more injuries that
later on, if you're not takingcare of yourself, or if you're
not eating well, if you're notsleeping well, if you're not
taking care of your body, yourbody would do the work for you.
If you're not doing thosenecessary things to help your
body, your body is do the workfor you.
You know, if you're not doingthose necessary things to help
your body, your body shut down.
You know, but okay, so we'renot going to do this, okay.
(13:15):
And then next, you know,there's more injuries or more
impact to you know, differentbody parts or so okay, how um I?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
don't know if that makes any sense, or Well, it
does, I think, a lot of at leastmy impression has, and I'm not
in the military, but it's alwaysbeen like the military has this
suck it up buttercup attitude,like you're saying yeah, exactly
, general that.
(13:46):
That's one of the things thatI've heard before.
I've heard people say that tomy kids.
You know, like suck it up, manup.
I think was another way to sayit.
Walk it off, shake it off.
Yeah, I think that adds valuesometimes.
I think that's appropriate.
Sometimes people need that.
But when you're talking aboutthis kind of stuff and not
(14:06):
really knowing how to navigatethrough what's happening in your
own body, that's not the rightanswer.
But I think that just seemslike that's what a lot of people
with military experience havesaid.
I don't know that it's changedat all or if it's still the same
, but it sounds to me like theresources that you've had.
(14:28):
you've had to go out and solicityourself to get this team
together and, you know, be ableto identify what's going on with
you and medicate if you know.
I don't know, I don't know whatthe answer is, but I know that
a lot of people have had,they've been thrown medication
here, fix this problem kind of athing, and a lot of that was
PTSD, you know from some of thethings they've been through.
(14:50):
How do you feel that yourinjury or transition back into
civilian life has impacted, orhas it impacted, your
relationships with personalrelationships, work
relationships, things like that?
How has your adjustment been?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
It's been difficult.
I mean, I'm not going to lie,it's been definitely.
It's one of those things that Ilook back on and I try to, you
know, figure out, could I havedone something different?
But it affected a lot of mypersonal relationships.
I'm not going to say like the'sname, but it just kind of
(15:31):
sticks out, even when I wasgoing to receive help and talk
to a therapist.
I've known this person forseven or nine years as friends
and we tried dating.
I was talking to a therapistand it was like two hours like
outside and, um, you know, sheasked me you know who are you
(15:55):
talking to?
And I told her and I said, oh,you know, she's like okay, like
what were y'all talking about?
And I told her I was struggling.
So when she found out I had,you know, ptsd, the first thing
she said was oh my gosh, are yougoing to shoot up a movie
theater?
And I thought like no, it'sjust one of those things that.
I just think that people there'sdifferent levels of PTSD and
(16:22):
you don't have to be in themilitary to have PTSD.
So and I think there's it ismore associated with military.
And so they think that, oh,you're going to go crazy because
you have this and I'm like no,as long as you're doing the work
and you're taking care ofyourself, and you're doing it
(16:42):
for yourself, your family, yourfriends.
You know, like I said, there'sdifferent levels of PTSD.
You know, I haven't served in,like I haven't been to Iraq, you
know, or so, but I was still inBosnia, you know, and I will
(17:06):
say that those are the soldiersthat actually need that guidance
.
You know, to like make surethat when they get back from the
tour, you know, make sure thatyou know they are getting that
assistance and I don't, like Isaid, I'm not them.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I don't know if they receive assistance like they
should, but you know, that'swhat I was going to ask is if
they have those things available, ongoing and readily available
for people.
Yeah, but just listening to whatyou were just saying, it just
makes me think of life ingeneral and I think a very
important thing that you justsaid was continuing to do the
work yourself, and you can likenthat to addiction, you can
(17:54):
liken that to relationships, youcan liken that to mental,
emotional, so many differentthings that are in life, and I
think I don't know as this againjust an outsider's perspective
(18:19):
in thinking about that.
I think, unfortunately, themedia tends to make it seem like
just like that PTSD examplethat you were saying that it's
always a lot of times associatedwith that, which is why people
think that disabled vets arealways just like got their hands
out, like they need to be giveneverything deserving.
(18:42):
I'm not saying that, just thata lot of times media's
perspective on things is veryone-sided, that we see instead
of positive things that aregoing on to assist in the
ongoing recovery of our you knowveterans out there.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
There's a lot, I think, that's taken for granted.
I mean, we're talking abouthuman beings that are going into
like these tours that you'retalking about.
Like these tours that you'retalking about, you had one.
There's guys that I think it'sa different.
It's a different kind ofpersonality that goes and wants
to go back to that two or threetimes.
It's just maybe a type ofpersonality you know that is
(19:24):
wants that adrenaline rush or isin there and they're very
military, like they're going tobe lifers for military.
That's just their role.
How do you just your personalperception on everything now,
having been out for a while andseeing you know what's going on
in our world and what kind ofsupport in general we have for
our veterans?
Do you feel like there's enoughout there or that it's readily
(19:47):
available to veterans?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
To be honest, it's never enough.
I mean to be, like you say,human beings, you know, and the
things that what I experiencedand no other people have
experienced from the start, youknow, is I just feel like it's
kind of like okay, come on here,let me patch you up and then
send you on your way, and thencollecting dollars.
(20:11):
So I still struggle now, like Istruggle with speech, I
struggle with memory loss, Ihave slurred speech sometimes on
vision problems.
It's like the list goes on andon.
If I was to sit there and listall the symptoms and everything
(20:32):
you know, people would think I'dbe a walking time bomb.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I'm like no, it's not it.
How do you deal with it?
Is it just stuff that you justhave learned to adjust to.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Yes, except the headaches.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I know the headaches are really have become really
severe.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Right oh.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Is that more like when you're really stressed out
that it becomes worse, or is it?
Or is it just all the time, noteven?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
so I'm learning this new thing now, like in the past
couple years, that because ofthe allergies now that I'm
getting, they're more sinusrelated.
Well, if you have a traumaticbrain injury, well that's
affected as well.
So therefore, there's times I'm, you know, taking allergy
medication and next, you know, Igotta take this type of
(21:22):
medication for that symptom.
So it's like sometimes it'slike okay today, what are we
going to deal with today, youknow, but I still gotta have
like, why am I doing what?
You know, when I wake up in themorning, you know, I kind of
change my perspective.
Different things I've.
I would say that has happened tome in the past that I now know
(21:46):
like this version of me is thebest version because I can take
that pain and disappointment andsuffering and try to challenge
something positive.
Suffering and try to challengesomething positive, so with me
coaching, football and personaltraining, and also trying to
like be an advocate for thoseothers that doesn't have a voice
, that's my drive and that's mymotivation.
(22:08):
So, even when I'm suffering orI'm going through like a moment
or a weak point, that's mymotivation to basically um.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
You're continuing.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
You're continuing to suck it up?
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah, but but in a very different way right.
In a in a in a healing sort ofway, which is helping to heal
all of those symptoms that youare suffering with.
So that's interestingperspective and very positive
one.
I'm sure there's plenty ofpeople who find that well.
(22:49):
I'm sure it's challenging foryou to do that, and it's a
decision that you, I'm assuming,make every single day.
It's a decision that you, I'massuming, make every single day.
So that is challenging forpeople, just like working out
and everything else we got to do.
It most when we don't want tois when it's going to help us,
so very admirable.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Thank you.
I will say I've been in service.
I mean, even when I was in thereserves, I was homeless People.
I was homeless, you know peoplewouldn't think like you're in a
reserve, how are you homeless?
Well, it happens, you know.
So there's different things.
I've been in dark places hereand there.
So without my family and myfriends, like to be honest, I
(23:32):
wouldn't even know, like howwould I even get past through,
you know, a lot of obstacles,but it was definitely some
struggles, like and that's thecrazy part.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Just just you've gone through homelessness.
No veteran, nobody, deserves togo through homelessness.
But you know the veterans ofthe USA who commit and give up
so much of their life for tofight for the freedom.
I know this sounds so cliche,but it's.
You know we're talking to oneright now yeah, and give up all
(24:08):
those things and go throughlifelong repercussions as a
result, so that I can get upfreely every day and go get my
coffee and do nothing if I want.
Right, none of y'all should behomeless ever for the sacrifices
that are made there.
So that's just that.
That's where it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Like and you see our homeless population.
You know because you've you'vebeen in Washington, you know he
was based here for a while backin the day, a long time ago.
But our homeless population isridiculous and the vast majority
of the people we see, like whenyou see signs it says disabled
vet or oh, there's a lot ofpeople out there that are just
(24:49):
really struggling and maybe theydon't know where to get the
resources or maybe the resourcesaren't available.
But the impression I have isonce the military is kind of
done with them, they just kindof are done and then they just
have to deal with it on theirown there's not a lot of
resources available, and maybethere are resources, but I kind
of wonder how available they are.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Is there anything you can share with us for anybody
listening that maybe is in themilitary or has gone through the
struggles or I don't know?
Just a little something thatmight help somebody similar,
just a little antidote, if youwill.
I don't know if you do and wecan.
(25:34):
We're not live, so if I'mputting you on the spot and you
want time to think, think, thiscan be cut out and we don't have
to ask the question.
But if you got something, wewould love to hear it well, one
do the work I was.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
I would definitely give the advice to veterans,
civilians, like if you'restruggling with something,
please do the work in yourself.
Like, take care of your mental.
That is so important.
It starts there.
You'd be surprised.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
And that doesn't make you soft.
No, it doesn't make you strong,I know yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Yeah, but that's the thing you hear about.
Someone like talking to atherapist oh my gosh, he must be
crazy, you know or medicating,or so, like everybody's
different.
So, but you definitely have todo the work.
If you're not doing it foryourself, do it for your family,
do it for your friends, youknow just, you have to do the
work because, like we all theseyou know, are struggling with
(26:28):
something in our life or, youknow, a traumatic event in our
life.
So definitely do the work inyourself.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's worth it.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Definitely yeah, it's definitely worth it and I'm
hoping the headaches get better,because I know that's well.
Do you feel like that, likespending your time and energy
with things like the things youlove, you know, like coaching
football, for example?
It's like you love that,obviously, and you're very good
at it and you've got a wholefollowing of kids and stuff from
(26:57):
the high school.
Does that kind of divert yourattention in a way to where
maybe it's helping with theheadaches?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
It does, but I do have a story.
So last week we're gettingready for spring training and so
I'm a running back coach uh,local high school here and uh, I
was doing my running backdrills and one of the kids was
hiking the ball too low and whenI turned around, kid elbowed me
(27:31):
right in the head.
So I don't know if you can seethat knot.
It's like right here and youknow, and I'm like oh my god,
it's like right here you know,and I'm like, oh my gosh, like
do I really need another setback?
like for so?
But even just doing somethingyou you know you love to do, I
mean things gonna happen, but no, it's uh, I'm inspired.
(27:52):
You know I go there, I look atthem and you know I talk with
other coaches.
It's something I love to do.
You know, I played football for26 years.
I coached for 14 years, so Ijust have the love for the game.
So it's just one of thosethings that you know I put all
my troubles and my stress and Ijust leave it in the parking lot
and then, I go into thisdifferent mindset, like you know
(28:20):
.
I know it sounds like oh man,this guy's like no, trust me,
there's times that I didn't wantto do anything.
I've stayed in the house forlike three, four weeks then, so
I went through that process.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
So it's just again yeah, it just starts mentally
like yeah, so so thinking aboutlike advice, like michelle had
said, like for other vets, youhad said just doing the work,
doing the work.
Is there anything else that youthink we could share,
(28:48):
especially with, say, forexample, the spouses of those
individuals or their significantothers that might be helpful in
supporting them?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
I would say that it would well.
At the time when I was goingthrough it, it would have been
nice.
If you know, my significantother actually learned exactly
what I was going through.
And so educating themselves,you know.
And being there for thembecause that's important too
themselves, you know.
And and being there for thembecause that's important to you
(29:20):
know, being there for your lovedone when you're struggling, and
so when the spouse or yourdependence is not there, I mean
you can only imagine, like whatthey're thinking, you know
they're thinking that they'redoing this on their own or they
don't have like the drive to doit because they don't have the
support.
So if you're a spouse ordependent, like definitely
(29:40):
support like what that person isdoing, because not everyone can
do it, you know?
Do you feel like?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
you did you share what was going on with you, so
your significant under couldn'tsignificant other could
understand what was happening ordo you?
Feel like they just didn't havea grasp.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah, I think that's what it was, and you know I'm
not going to throw any shade.
You know she's probably justdidn't know.
Yeah, she probably just didn'tknow, and that was the first
thing that she was thinking.
So a lot of it that you know.
Sometimes, you know, when youtalk about showing support, well
, then you have to ask yourself,well, how can I?
Speaker 1 (30:18):
show.
What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (30:19):
yeah, you know.
So if you never experienced it,you know, then how would you
know to look for it?
Speaker 2 (30:24):
are we back to communication?
Speaker 1 (30:26):
so much damn communication that has to do
with every relationship andsituation yeah yeah, just being,
and just being open to the factthat you know there's shit
going on with people yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
And it's not always going to be, you know,
comfortable.
There's got to be sacrifice onyou know, I'm sure sacrifice I'm
sure you've dealt with familymembers sacrificing and time,
resources just different thingsto be able to help you in your
own situation as they should.
That's what families do andsignificant other spouses, all
(31:03):
of us.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
All of us, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
So did you have any closing thoughts?
Speaker 3 (31:10):
So I am going to be starting a podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Hopefully in the near future, thanks to you too,
because I listen to yourepisodes and I'm like, ah, I'm
motivated, like this is nice,like I could do this, so.
So I'm thinking about like um,what type of audience or so, and
then, um, I don't know, likeokay.
So the question would be likewouldn't be just start a podcast
(31:36):
?
What would be like wouldn't bejust on a podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
What would be what?
Speaker 3 (31:39):
no, the question like to you um, what made y'all
start?
No, what made you start what?
Speaker 1 (31:44):
made us start.
Yeah, the pandemic, it wasactually pre-pandemic.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, it was before the pandemic julie is julie,
she's.
She hatched this idea in herhead and presented it to me, and
then we just kind of willynilly were talking about this
was in like 2019 we didn't startit until 2023 yeah this is our
third season 22 so there werethe pandemic things and flood
(32:15):
things and just differentsituations that you know, but
just like Julia's a dog with abone, she just didn't let it go
and we were starting a podcast.
I'm like OK let's go.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
She's like I'm coming along for the ride.
I need a blonde with me.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Oh wow, she came up with the name actually.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Half the thing is the name and your cover art, and
then, anyway, we'll talk aboutthis because I told you I'd help
you okay let's do this, though.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Uh, so, uh, you're thinking of starting a podcast.
Yes, let's ask our listeners,those that have listened to the
episode today, if you have anyinput or thought on what you
think mr Walker should eithersubject matter or do a podcast
on All different kinds of things.
Sounds like he's a coach, he'sa mentor, he lifts weights, he's
(33:07):
gone through all this militarystuff.
There's like a whole bunch ofthings that he could talk about,
so it could be the subjectspecific or it could be a wide
variety of things.
So if you have any thoughts onthat that listeners, please let
us know.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Yeah, please.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Yeah, we appreciate your time and, as you know,
everybody.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
We are out on all the socials, so if you haven't
checked it out already, pleasedo go to YouTube and subscribe
and follow.
As well as Facebook, tiktok,instagram.
We're out there, like, share,follow.
You know all the things.
Download all the podcastplatforms.
She's our social gal, so weappreciate all the support so
(33:54):
far and just can't wait to seehow the community continues so
on that note.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
On that note, thanks again, jay, and uh, I guess we
will be chatting with everybodynext week.
Oh wait, oh wait, oh wait,where's the ring the bell?
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, yeah, it's over there.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
Okay, so we have I'll cut this part out.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
You know I can pause this.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
I can't see it.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
We have this one little segment at the end.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Yeah, Okay, wait.
So I'm ringing the bell, allright, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
I'm ringing the bell, that's right.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
So are you ready for this question?
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
FWB.
Do we know what that means?
Oh yeah, what is it?
Because?
Friends with bacon?
Well, maybe, but friends withbenefits?
How do we feel about that is?
Is that an?
Is that an okay thing, or whatdo we think?
Speaker 1 (34:54):
we're gonna let you answer first I don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
I think I'm like digging myself like in a hole
right here if I answer thatquestion why, because, like I
don't know, maybe not the bestquestion with me, I know.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
It was just one we did recently and we couldn't use
it and it was top of mind, sothat's why it was just fresh.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
So what do you think about the whole concept of
friends with benefits?
Do you think it's a legitimatething?
Do you feel comfortable with it?
How would you do it?
Speaker 3 (35:34):
How would you do it?
I don't believe in it, to behonest.
But again, it's one of thosethings that when you open up
another segment on that andpeople views I was always
against it I mean I can't say, Ididn't experience.
It Could be convenient, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
I had a friend.
I knew this gal once this wasyears ago too and I never even
knew there was such a thing aslike friends with benefits,
right, but we would commute towork every once in a while and
we're driving along.
She's telling me how, becauseshe lives in a duplex.
How, cause she lives in aduplex.
(36:19):
There's this guy that lives onthe other side and she's on the
other side and you know everyonce in a while that she would
just be hey you want to.
Yeah and yeah, sure I'll beright over and I'm like what I
mean it's?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
kind of a perfect scenario.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
I mean that is a perfect scenario.
But I just was like, wow, youjust like go do that.
But see, I was married at thetime, so not really a concept
that I was familiar with and Igot married young, so it wasn't
really everything I ever did.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
I didn't even know what it was either.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
The first time I saw the acronym FWB you thought it
was.
I thought it was fat whitebitch.
I was like, yep, that's me.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Oh my gosh of my sons .
Speaker 2 (37:01):
He schooled me.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
See, everybody has a different definition.
So now that I can understand,you know, if we're on the same
page, because a lot of timeswhen people think of fwb,
friends with benefits they thinkof well, they just come over,
you know, scratch your itch andthen that's it.
I don't look at it like that.
I look at it that you know it'sall about a title.
I feel like you can do the samething with that friend as if
(37:33):
you was in a relationshipwithout the title.
Wouldn't it still be a friend,friends with benefits, if you're
not in a relationship?
If you're was in a relationshipwithout the title, wouldn't it
still be a friend, friends withbenefits?
Speaker 1 (37:39):
if you're not in a relationship, if you're not in a
relationship, but you didrelationship things together
still a friend and that's thebenefit of it.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
You're just taking out the yeah or the the feelings
part or the the titlerelationship boyfriend
girlfriend, or you know you canstill do the same things.
I don't right that's why I said, like it's kind of like a gray
area, because, like, if I lookat it like that and take away
the title and still have that aslong as we're, you know, both
(38:10):
on the same page who needs thattitle?
Speaker 2 (38:12):
right there, you just come up with your own scenario
on whatever that is there you go, go.
I'm good with that.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah, I'm good with that.
I have no idea where you guysare going with this, I got you.
He's dancing around thequestion no.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
How?
I don't think so.
I totally get what you'resaying.
Right, I totally get whatyou're saying.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Just take away your boyfriend, girlfriend, right,
right, okay, right Okay.
So because with yoursignificant other, that's your
friend, right, that's your bestfriend.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
So if you're doing everything that you do with that
friend as if he was in arelationship, that's the whole
idea with friends with benefitsis that you can do that with
multiple people, or you have theability to, because you don't
have a commitment or you're notlike locked down.
(38:59):
That's what friends withbenefits is Right.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
Yeah, but you're taking away the emotional part,
like you're saying you're notcatching feelings for them,
you're right.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
It's pretty much just so I can have sex with somebody
that I really adore anytime Iwant and not have any
expectations.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Yeah, there we go.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
On expectations.
There you go.
Yeah, there we go.
On that note, people, we're notgoing to go any deeper, we are
going to say thanks forlistening.
Mr Walker, thank you so muchfor being a guest on our show.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Listeners.
If you have any suggestions onwhat his podcast could be,
please let us know.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
And until next, time, and if you want to be his
friends with benefits, you canjust DM me.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
You can let us that know too.
Go ahead and slide into the DMsBlom, Burnett and Mike At
gmailcom.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
All right, see you later.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Bye, bye.
All right.
Well, hello everyone andwelcome.
I'm hearing echo.
I'm hearing echo.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I don't hear echo.
That's what we were talkingabout before, like because we're
here, we can hear each other inreal time, okay, so there's
just a little bit of a delay.
Is it a little bit of a delay,or is it an echo?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Okay, maybe it's a delay.
Yeah, all right, we're going tostart again.
Hello everyone, thank you somuch for joining us today.
We are thrilled to have a gueston here today.
You can see him on the screen.
This is Sergeant Jay Walker,and we are here today to talk
about his experience as aveteran, and a disabled veteran
(00:45):
at that, and just kind of learna little bit about his story and
kind of take it from there.
Thanks for being here, jay.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Oh, thanks for having me.
Where should I start?
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Well, let's start with your military experience.
So uh, old were you when youwent in the military uh, 20.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Uh, well, actually 19 , because I turned 20 like in
the summertime, so right out ofhigh school and first duty
station was germany.
Well, we did basic training inmissouri for 13 weeks, so that
was a time when, um, like thedrill sergeants were in like the
, the hats that looks likeRangers.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
And um they can actually put their hands on you
back then.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
They can't do that now.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah, Is this the army?
Sorry I.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I, yeah, yeah, it was army, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Drill sergeant.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
And then, oh yeah, yeah, november of 1995.
I went to Bosnia in 97.
So all of 97, we had to gothrough Croatia to train for two
, three weeks.
Then we were in Bosnia for 10months and then we had to
debrief in Croatia.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
And then you went back to Germany or stateside.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, I went back to Germany.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Wiesbaden.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
What's that Wiesbaden ?
I was just asking if it was inWiesbaden.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Oh no, it was in.
You said Wiesbaden.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Isn't that yeah?
Speaker 3 (02:36):
No, it was Wiesbaden.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Well, you know, close enough, right.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Well, just like Munich, you know.
Just like Munich, you know justlike Munich.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
People say Munchen, but it's actually pronounced
Munich.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Yeah well, there's those.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Americans and how we pronounce stuff right yeah, yeah
so how long.
So what was your total uhexperience time frame in the in
the military then?
Speaker 3 (02:59):
so 15 years.
So I did seven years activeduty and then I got out February
2001, a couple of months before9-11.
And then I went back into themilitary in 2007 of December.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
And what possessed you to do that?
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Be honest, I had no clue what I wanted to do in life
.
Be honest, I had no clue what Iwanted to do in life.
So it's one of those thingsthat you get out the military
and you're programmed to do whatyou're told and don't ask
questions.
And even when eating habits,when you're eating, they always
tell you taste your food later,so we have to hurry up and eat.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Okay, wow yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Okay, I would not have made it in the military.
Neither one of us wouldactually Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
It was a good experience.
I mean, it was one of thosethings, like you know, I would
say, when I first got out of themilitary in 2001, I went into
like security, security for sixmonths.
I was two years doing behaviorbut working with at-risk
(04:15):
teenagers in Pennsylvania.
So I was kind of here and theretrying to find out what it is
that I want to do in life, andthen I just missed the military.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
I missed being around the structure, yeah, so I went
back.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Yeah, I went back in.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Did you go back in the same rank or the same area
of expertise that you had before?
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Same rank but a different job.
So going in the first time timeI was a combat engineer and if
you don't know much about combatengineers, think of infantrymen
.
But we dealt with explosives,demolition, landmines, like I
don't even know why I even wentinto that department.
(04:59):
My recruiter just showed me abunch.
If it went into that department, my recruiter just showed me a
bunch of video of guys, you know, jumping and shooting and
crawling and I thought it wasfun until I got there and I'm
like what am I?
What did I sign up for?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
You know, that's I mean, I'm just sitting here
listening to that, and that'sprobably the case with a lot of
young people who don't know whatthey want to do, of young
people who don't know what theywant to do, and this is a good
way for structure, forconsistency, all those types of
(05:36):
things, and probably veryimpressionable, so that you're
listening to someone who is arole model.
I guess it might seem as thatin that time, before you have
experienced anything Right.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And so I'm sure it's kind of like when people go to
the doctor they just kind of dowhatever they say that they're
telling them to do, whether it'sreally what you think you
should be doing or not.
So anyways, just that was justprompting thoughts on that.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Okay, I have a.
I have a question.
Did you, uh, were you gettingin trouble before you, like, out
of high school?
And that's kind of why youdecided, cause you didn't know
what direction to go.
No, I was actually good to behonest, like um well, football I
know doing a lot of that kindof stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
Right, I actually was playing football while I was in
the army, in Germany too, sowasn't really allowed.
So I would say, if it wasanything bad like we wasn't
really allowed to play othersports, think about it.
We're government property, soyou can actually get like
charged with damaging militaryequipment by hurting yourself.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Like.
So if you go out and you playsports or so and it's not
military related you hurtyourself like they can charge
you for damaging militaryequipment.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
That's kind of a nice segue into like your injuries,
because you are well, it's likeyour military equipment, right?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
So let's talk about that how did that, uh?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
how did the injuries transpire?
And then what happened afterwith the mill, in terms of the
level of support and everythingthat you received?
Speaker 3 (07:12):
uh, so being active duty for like seven years and,
like I said, um, but the combatbeing a combat engineer and then
leaving there 2001, I didn'treally start experiencing a lot
of my injuries.
One of the major injuries I hadwas I was in a vehicle accident
in Bosnia.
(07:33):
I don't want to go into detail,but I ended up having a
traumatic brain injury.
So leaving there and then mysymptoms were migraines or
forgetfulness and slurred speech, and I still deal with it till
today.
But it affected me even goingback into the military in the
(07:56):
reserves in 2007.
I went into a differentdepartment, so I went from
combat engineer to dentalassistant.
To be honest.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
That's a completely, completely separate line of work
.
Yeah, I'm not going to bearound anything that blows up
anymore.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
So but still it affected me because you know the
migraines.
You know because in thereserves Migraines because in
the reserves it's pretty much aweekend a month and then two or
three weeks are the summer.
I believe that's it.
(08:36):
Unless they change it right now, I mean this year.
But even going to drill, Iwould still suffer from the
migraines, I would still sufferfrom sleep issuesraines, I would
still suffer from sleep issues.
You know, because we had topull guard duty.
So, all of those things Icarried over to the reserves,
you know.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Did you get any pushback?
Yeah, that's what I was goingto ask.
Well, you know, after havingthe injury and then going back
to the reserves, was there anypushback injury and then going
back to the reserves, was thereany pushback?
I'm I'm surprised that theytook you in for the reserves
with that in in the past.
You know what I mean right.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Well, it wasn't a problem.
It just, you know, it wasn'tlike a, it's an everyday thing
or it was just once in a while.
Yeah, yeah, so it really didn'taffect me as much as now.
It's like every every day orevery week, you know, because I
guess, like, of course, like asyou age and you know, you know
(09:37):
things happen.
So I have, now I have atraumatic brain injury team.
You know, back then it was justlike you know every now, and
then you talk to the doctor oryou see a therapist or something
like that.
Now it's like here I am, youknow, 49 and I have a traumatic
brain injury team.
I have a neurologist, I have atherapist.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
So the resources have been more than you had
anticipated, or do you feel likethey've evolved over time, like
you've been able to obtain morehelp or support, or did you?
Did you have that support earlyon, when the injury took place?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
I didn't have that support early on and that's what
I was saying I think at thetime, like technology probably
wasn't what it was, like youknow, or what it is now.
Back then you know theyprobably still struggle like
trying to find or locate.
You know the symptoms oftraumatic brain injury.
I'm not a doctor, I'm justsaying that it just wasn't
(10:37):
available at that time.
But then it's also up to us towant to seek that help Correct,
so we got to take accountabilityfor that as well.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Well, was it more of a?
I'm just trying to understandif they didn't have.
I mean, there were so manypeople that were dealing with
traumatic brain injuries or PTSD, all these kinds, and we're
civilians seeing things kind offrom the outside looking in,
it's hard to know if thesoldiers are getting the kind of
support they need or if thesupport's there and they're just
(11:09):
not seeking it.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I think it's a little bit of both to be, honest.
Yeah, I mean I can't reallyspeak for you know every veteran
that everyone has differenttype of disabilities or what
they suffer.
But I would say the resourcesthere, whether we took advantage
of it, you know, I guess it'sup to the individual.
So I know, speaking in, youknow, in my experience I did,
(11:38):
but I also was one of thosesoldiers that we just dealt with
it, you know.
So that's one of the things welearned.
Well, I was in the army.
What I've learned in the armyis we just drive on with the
pain or whatever it is, we'llfigure it out and we'll push
through, but see back then, youknow, I looked at it as a sign
(12:03):
of weakness.
So if I felt like I was notgiving my all, even if I had
something broken or something,then I feel like I'm feeling not
just myself, my squad, but thatwas just programming in my head
.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Well, everyone's probably head.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
But then pushing through pain and pushing through
, you know you got to know yourlimits.
You know now I didn't listen tomy body so I was pushing
through.
Even I should have been, likeyou know, sitting down and
resting and healing, but no, andso I think the more that I push
through my pain, it, you know,it definitely helps, but it
(12:46):
definitely made a differencegoing forward later on.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
In what way?
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Well, I just think that there's more injuries that
later on, if you're not takingcare of yourself, or if you're
not eating well, if you're notsleeping well, if you're not
taking care of your body, yourbody would do the work for you.
If you're not doing thosenecessary things to help your
body, your body is do the workfor you.
You know, if you're not doingthose necessary things to help
your body, your body shut down.
You know, but okay, so we'renot going to do this, okay.
(13:15):
And then next, you know,there's more injuries or more
impact to you know, differentbody parts or so okay, how um I?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
don't know if that makes any sense, or Well, it
does, I think, a lot of at leastmy impression has, and I'm not
in the military, but it's alwaysbeen like the military has this
suck it up buttercup attitude,like you're saying yeah, exactly
, general that.
(13:46):
That's one of the things thatI've heard before.
I've heard people say that tomy kids.
You know, like suck it up, manup.
I think was another way to sayit.
Walk it off, shake it off.
Yeah, I think that adds valuesometimes.
I think that's appropriate.
Sometimes people need that.
But when you're talking aboutthis kind of stuff and not
(14:06):
really knowing how to navigatethrough what's happening in your
own body, that's not the rightanswer.
But I think that just seemslike that's what a lot of people
with military experience havesaid.
I don't know that it's changedat all or if it's still the same
, but it sounds to me like theresources that you've had.
(14:28):
you've had to go out and solicityourself to get this team
together and, you know, be ableto identify what's going on with
you and medicate if you know.
I don't know, I don't know whatthe answer is, but I know that
a lot of people have had,they've been thrown medication
here, fix this problem kind of athing, and a lot of that was
PTSD, you know from some of thethings they've been through.
(14:50):
How do you feel that yourinjury or transition back into
civilian life has impacted, orhas it impacted, your
relationships with personalrelationships, work
relationships, things like that?
How has your adjustment been?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
It's been difficult.
I mean, I'm not going to lie,it's been definitely.
It's one of those things that Ilook back on and I try to, you
know, figure out, could I havedone something different?
But it affected a lot of mypersonal relationships.
I'm not going to say like the'sname, but it just kind of
(15:31):
sticks out, even when I wasgoing to receive help and talk
to a therapist.
I've known this person forseven or nine years as friends
and we tried dating.
I was talking to a therapistand it was like two hours like
outside and, um, you know, sheasked me you know who are you
(15:55):
talking to?
And I told her and I said, oh,you know, she's like okay, like
what were y'all talking about?
And I told her I was struggling.
So when she found out I had,you know, ptsd, the first thing
she said was oh my gosh, are yougoing to shoot up a movie
theater?
And I thought like no, it'sjust one of those things that.
I just think that people there'sdifferent levels of PTSD and
(16:22):
you don't have to be in themilitary to have PTSD.
So and I think there's it ismore associated with military.
And so they think that, oh,you're going to go crazy because
you have this and I'm like no,as long as you're doing the work
and you're taking care ofyourself, and you're doing it
(16:42):
for yourself, your family, yourfriends.
You know, like I said, there'sdifferent levels of PTSD.
You know, I haven't served in,like I haven't been to Iraq, you
know, or so, but I was still inBosnia, you know, and I will
(17:06):
say that those are the soldiersthat actually need that guidance
.
You know, to like make surethat when they get back from the
tour, you know, make sure thatyou know they are getting that
assistance and I don't, like Isaid, I'm not them.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I don't know if they receive assistance like they
should, but you know, that'swhat I was going to ask is if
they have those things available, ongoing and readily available
for people.
Yeah, but just listening to whatyou were just saying, it just
makes me think of life ingeneral and I think a very
important thing that you justsaid was continuing to do the
work yourself, and you can likenthat to addiction, you can
(17:54):
liken that to relationships, youcan liken that to mental,
emotional, so many differentthings that are in life, and I
think I don't know as this againjust an outsider's perspective
(18:19):
in thinking about that.
I think, unfortunately, themedia tends to make it seem like
just like that PTSD examplethat you were saying that it's
always a lot of times associatedwith that, which is why people
think that disabled vets arealways just like got their hands
out, like they need to be giveneverything deserving.
(18:42):
I'm not saying that, just thata lot of times media's
perspective on things is veryone-sided, that we see instead
of positive things that aregoing on to assist in the
ongoing recovery of our you knowveterans out there.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
There's a lot, I think, that's taken for granted.
I mean, we're talking abouthuman beings that are going into
like these tours that you'retalking about.
Like these tours that you'retalking about, you had one.
There's guys that I think it'sa different.
It's a different kind ofpersonality that goes and wants
to go back to that two or threetimes.
It's just maybe a type ofpersonality you know that is
(19:24):
wants that adrenaline rush or isin there and they're very
military, like they're going tobe lifers for military.
That's just their role.
How do you just your personalperception on everything now,
having been out for a while andseeing you know what's going on
in our world and what kind ofsupport in general we have for
our veterans?
Do you feel like there's enoughout there or that it's readily
(19:47):
available to veterans?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
To be honest, it's never enough.
I mean to be, like you say,human beings, you know, and the
things that what I experiencedand no other people have
experienced from the start, youknow, is I just feel like it's
kind of like okay, come on here,let me patch you up and then
send you on your way, and thencollecting dollars.
(20:11):
So I still struggle now, like Istruggle with speech, I
struggle with memory loss, Ihave slurred speech sometimes on
vision problems.
It's like the list goes on andon.
If I was to sit there and listall the symptoms and everything
(20:32):
you know, people would think I'dbe a walking time bomb.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I'm like no, it's not it.
How do you deal with it?
Is it just stuff that you justhave learned to adjust to.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Yes, except the headaches.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I know the headaches are really have become really
severe.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Right oh.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Is that more like when you're really stressed out
that it becomes worse, or is it?
Or is it just all the time, noteven?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
so I'm learning this new thing now, like in the past
couple years, that because ofthe allergies now that I'm
getting, they're more sinusrelated.
Well, if you have a traumaticbrain injury, well that's
affected as well.
So therefore, there's times I'm, you know, taking allergy
medication and next, you know, Igotta take this type of
(21:22):
medication for that symptom.
So it's like sometimes it'slike okay today, what are we
going to deal with today, youknow, but I still gotta have
like, why am I doing what?
You know, when I wake up in themorning, you know, I kind of
change my perspective.
Different things I've.
I would say that has happened tome in the past that I now know
(21:46):
like this version of me is thebest version because I can take
that pain and disappointment andsuffering and try to challenge
something positive.
Suffering and try to challengesomething positive, so with me
coaching, football and personaltraining, and also trying to
like be an advocate for thoseothers that doesn't have a voice
, that's my drive and that's mymotivation.
(22:08):
So, even when I'm suffering orI'm going through like a moment
or a weak point, that's mymotivation to basically um.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
You're continuing.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
You're continuing to suck it up?
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah, but but in a very different way right.
In a in a in a healing sort ofway, which is helping to heal
all of those symptoms that youare suffering with.
So that's interestingperspective and very positive
one.
I'm sure there's plenty ofpeople who find that well.
(22:49):
I'm sure it's challenging foryou to do that, and it's a
decision that you, I'm assuming,make every single day.
It's a decision that you, I'massuming, make every single day.
So that is challenging forpeople, just like working out
and everything else we got to do.
It most when we don't want tois when it's going to help us,
so very admirable.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
Thank you.
I will say I've been in service.
I mean, even when I was in thereserves, I was homeless People.
I was homeless, you know peoplewouldn't think like you're in a
reserve, how are you homeless?
Well, it happens, you know.
So there's different things.
I've been in dark places hereand there.
So without my family and myfriends, like to be honest, I
(23:32):
wouldn't even know, like howwould I even get past through,
you know, a lot of obstacles,but it was definitely some
struggles, like and that's thecrazy part.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Just just you've gone through homelessness.
No veteran, nobody, deserves togo through homelessness.
But you know the veterans ofthe USA who commit and give up
so much of their life for tofight for the freedom.
I know this sounds so cliche,but it's.
You know we're talking to oneright now yeah, and give up all
(24:08):
those things and go throughlifelong repercussions as a
result, so that I can get upfreely every day and go get my
coffee and do nothing if I want.
Right, none of y'all should behomeless ever for the sacrifices
that are made there.
So that's just that.
That's where it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Like and you see our homeless population.
You know because you've you'vebeen in Washington, you know he
was based here for a while backin the day, a long time ago.
But our homeless population isridiculous and the vast majority
of the people we see, like whenyou see signs it says disabled
vet or oh, there's a lot ofpeople out there that are just
(24:49):
really struggling and maybe theydon't know where to get the
resources or maybe the resourcesaren't available.
But the impression I have isonce the military is kind of
done with them, they just kindof are done and then they just
have to deal with it on theirown there's not a lot of
resources available, and maybethere are resources, but I kind
of wonder how available they are.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Is there anything you can share with us for anybody
listening that maybe is in themilitary or has gone through the
struggles or I don't know?
Just a little something thatmight help somebody similar,
just a little antidote, if youwill.
I don't know if you do and wecan.
(25:34):
We're not live, so if I'mputting you on the spot and you
want time to think, think, thiscan be cut out and we don't have
to ask the question.
But if you got something, wewould love to hear it well, one
do the work I was.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
I would definitely give the advice to veterans,
civilians, like if you'restruggling with something,
please do the work in yourself.
Like, take care of your mental.
That is so important.
It starts there.
You'd be surprised.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
And that doesn't make you soft.
No, it doesn't make you strong,I know yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Yeah, but that's the thing you hear about.
Someone like talking to atherapist oh my gosh, he must be
crazy, you know or medicating,or so, like everybody's
different.
So, but you definitely have todo the work.
If you're not doing it foryourself, do it for your family,
do it for your friends, youknow just, you have to do the
work because, like we all theseyou know, are struggling with
(26:28):
something in our life or, youknow, a traumatic event in our
life.
So definitely do the work inyourself.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's worth it.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Definitely yeah, it's definitely worth it and I'm
hoping the headaches get better,because I know that's well.
Do you feel like that, likespending your time and energy
with things like the things youlove, you know, like coaching
football, for example?
It's like you love that,obviously, and you're very good
at it and you've got a wholefollowing of kids and stuff from
(26:57):
the high school.
Does that kind of divert yourattention in a way to where
maybe it's helping with theheadaches?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
It does, but I do have a story.
So last week we're gettingready for spring training and so
I'm a running back coach uh,local high school here and uh, I
was doing my running backdrills and one of the kids was
hiking the ball too low and whenI turned around, kid elbowed me
(27:31):
right in the head.
So I don't know if you can seethat knot.
It's like right here and youknow, and I'm like oh my god,
it's like right here you know,and I'm like, oh my gosh, like
do I really need another setback?
like for so?
But even just doing somethingyou you know you love to do, I
mean things gonna happen, but no, it's uh, I'm inspired.
(27:52):
You know I go there, I look atthem and you know I talk with
other coaches.
It's something I love to do.
You know, I played football for26 years.
I coached for 14 years, so Ijust have the love for the game.
So it's just one of thosethings that you know I put all
my troubles and my stress and Ijust leave it in the parking lot
and then, I go into thisdifferent mindset, like you know
(28:20):
.
I know it sounds like oh man,this guy's like no, trust me,
there's times that I didn't wantto do anything.
I've stayed in the house forlike three, four weeks then, so
I went through that process.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
So it's just again yeah, it just starts mentally
like yeah, so so thinking aboutlike advice, like michelle had
said, like for other vets, youhad said just doing the work,
doing the work.
Is there anything else that youthink we could share,
(28:48):
especially with, say, forexample, the spouses of those
individuals or their significantothers that might be helpful in
supporting them?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
I would say that it would well.
At the time when I was goingthrough it, it would have been
nice.
If you know, my significantother actually learned exactly
what I was going through.
And so educating themselves,you know.
And being there for thembecause that's important too
themselves, you know.
And and being there for thembecause that's important to you
(29:20):
know, being there for your lovedone when you're struggling, and
so when the spouse or yourdependence is not there, I mean
you can only imagine, like whatthey're thinking, you know
they're thinking that they'redoing this on their own or they
don't have like the drive to doit because they don't have the
support.
So if you're a spouse ordependent, like definitely
(29:40):
support like what that person isdoing, because not everyone can
do it, you know?
Do you feel like?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
you did you share what was going on with you, so
your significant under couldn'tsignificant other could
understand what was happening ordo you?
Feel like they just didn't havea grasp.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah, I think that's what it was, and you know I'm
not going to throw any shade.
You know she's probably justdidn't know.
Yeah, she probably just didn'tknow, and that was the first
thing that she was thinking.
So a lot of it that you know.
Sometimes, you know, when youtalk about showing support, well
, then you have to ask yourself,well, how can I?
Speaker 1 (30:18):
show.
What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (30:19):
yeah, you know.
So if you never experienced it,you know, then how would you
know to look for it?
Speaker 2 (30:24):
are we back to communication?
Speaker 1 (30:26):
so much damn communication that has to do
with every relationship andsituation yeah yeah, just being,
and just being open to the factthat you know there's shit
going on with people yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
And it's not always going to be, you know,
comfortable.
There's got to be sacrifice onyou know, I'm sure sacrifice I'm
sure you've dealt with familymembers sacrificing and time,
resources just different thingsto be able to help you in your
own situation as they should.
That's what families do andsignificant other spouses, all
(31:03):
of us.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
All of us, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
So did you have any closing thoughts?
Speaker 3 (31:10):
So I am going to be starting a podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Hopefully in the near future, thanks to you too,
because I listen to yourepisodes and I'm like, ah, I'm
motivated, like this is nice,like I could do this, so.
So I'm thinking about like um,what type of audience or so, and
then, um, I don't know, likeokay.
So the question would be likewouldn't be just start a podcast
(31:36):
?
What would be like wouldn't bejust on a podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
What would be what?
Speaker 3 (31:39):
no, the question like to you um, what made y'all
start?
No, what made you start what?
Speaker 1 (31:44):
made us start.
Yeah, the pandemic, it wasactually pre-pandemic.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, it was before the pandemic julie is julie,
she's.
She hatched this idea in herhead and presented it to me, and
then we just kind of willynilly were talking about this
was in like 2019 we didn't startit until 2023 yeah this is our
third season 22 so there werethe pandemic things and flood
(32:15):
things and just differentsituations that you know, but
just like Julia's a dog with abone, she just didn't let it go
and we were starting a podcast.
I'm like OK let's go.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
She's like I'm coming along for the ride.
I need a blonde with me.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Oh wow, she came up with the name actually.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Half the thing is the name and your cover art, and
then, anyway, we'll talk aboutthis because I told you I'd help
you okay let's do this, though.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Uh, so, uh, you're thinking of starting a podcast.
Yes, let's ask our listeners,those that have listened to the
episode today, if you have anyinput or thought on what you
think mr Walker should eithersubject matter or do a podcast
on All different kinds of things.
Sounds like he's a coach, he'sa mentor, he lifts weights, he's
(33:07):
gone through all this militarystuff.
There's like a whole bunch ofthings that he could talk about,
so it could be the subjectspecific or it could be a wide
variety of things.
So if you have any thoughts onthat that listeners, please let
us know.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Yeah, please.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Yeah, we appreciate your time and, as you know,
everybody.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
We are out on all the socials, so if you haven't
checked it out already, pleasedo go to YouTube and subscribe
and follow.
As well as Facebook, tiktok,instagram.
We're out there, like, share,follow.
You know all the things.
Download all the podcastplatforms.
She's our social gal, so weappreciate all the support so
(33:54):
far and just can't wait to seehow the community continues so
on that note.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
On that note, thanks again, jay, and uh, I guess we
will be chatting with everybodynext week.
Oh wait, oh wait, oh wait,where's the ring the bell?
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, yeah, it's over there.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
Okay, so we have I'll cut this part out.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
You know I can pause this.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
I can't see it.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
We have this one little segment at the end.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Yeah, Okay, wait.
So I'm ringing the bell, allright, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
I'm ringing the bell, that's right.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
So are you ready for this question?
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
FWB.
Do we know what that means?
Oh yeah, what is it?
Because?
Friends with bacon?
Well, maybe, but friends withbenefits?
How do we feel about that is?
Is that an?
Is that an okay thing, or whatdo we think?
Speaker 1 (34:54):
we're gonna let you answer first I don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
I think I'm like digging myself like in a hole
right here if I answer thatquestion why, because, like I
don't know, maybe not the bestquestion with me, I know.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
It was just one we did recently and we couldn't use
it and it was top of mind, sothat's why it was just fresh.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
So what do you think about the whole concept of
friends with benefits?
Do you think it's a legitimatething?
Do you feel comfortable with it?
How would you do it?
Speaker 3 (35:34):
How would you do it?
I don't believe in it, to behonest.
But again, it's one of thosethings that when you open up
another segment on that andpeople views I was always
against it I mean I can't say, Ididn't experience.
It Could be convenient, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
I had a friend.
I knew this gal once this wasyears ago too and I never even
knew there was such a thing aslike friends with benefits,
right, but we would commute towork every once in a while and
we're driving along.
She's telling me how, becauseshe lives in a duplex.
How, cause she lives in aduplex.
(36:19):
There's this guy that lives onthe other side and she's on the
other side and you know everyonce in a while that she would
just be hey you want to.
Yeah and yeah, sure I'll beright over and I'm like what I
mean it's?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
kind of a perfect scenario.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
I mean that is a perfect scenario.
But I just was like, wow, youjust like go do that.
But see, I was married at thetime, so not really a concept
that I was familiar with and Igot married young, so it wasn't
really everything I ever did.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
I didn't even know what it was either.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
The first time I saw the acronym FWB you thought it
was.
I thought it was fat whitebitch.
I was like, yep, that's me.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Oh my gosh of my sons .
Speaker 2 (37:01):
He schooled me.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
See, everybody has a different definition.
So now that I can understand,you know, if we're on the same
page, because a lot of timeswhen people think of fwb,
friends with benefits they thinkof well, they just come over,
you know, scratch your itch andthen that's it.
I don't look at it like that.
I look at it that you know it'sall about a title.
I feel like you can do the samething with that friend as if
(37:33):
you was in a relationshipwithout the title.
Wouldn't it still be a friend,friends with benefits, if you're
not in a relationship?
If you're was in a relationshipwithout the title, wouldn't it
still be a friend, friends withbenefits?
Speaker 1 (37:39):
if you're not in a relationship, if you're not in a
relationship, but you didrelationship things together
still a friend and that's thebenefit of it.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
You're just taking out the yeah or the the feelings
part or the the titlerelationship boyfriend
girlfriend, or you know you canstill do the same things.
I don't right that's why I said, like it's kind of like a gray
area, because, like, if I lookat it like that and take away
the title and still have that aslong as we're, you know, both
(38:10):
on the same page who needs thattitle?
Speaker 2 (38:12):
right there, you just come up with your own scenario
on whatever that is there you go, go.
I'm good with that.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah, I'm good with that.
I have no idea where you guysare going with this, I got you.
He's dancing around thequestion no.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
How?
I don't think so.
I totally get what you'resaying.
Right, I totally get whatyou're saying.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Just take away your boyfriend, girlfriend, right,
right, okay, right Okay.
So because with yoursignificant other, that's your
friend, right, that's your bestfriend.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
So if you're doing everything that you do with that
friend as if he was in arelationship, that's the whole
idea with friends with benefitsis that you can do that with
multiple people, or you have theability to, because you don't
have a commitment or you're notlike locked down.
(38:59):
That's what friends withbenefits is Right.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
Yeah, but you're taking away the emotional part,
like you're saying you're notcatching feelings for them,
you're right.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
It's pretty much just so I can have sex with somebody
that I really adore anytime Iwant and not have any
expectations.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Yeah, there we go.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
On expectations.
There you go.
Yeah, there we go.
On that note, people, we're notgoing to go any deeper, we are
going to say thanks forlistening.
Mr Walker, thank you so muchfor being a guest on our show.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Listeners.
If you have any suggestions onwhat his podcast could be,
please let us know.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
And until next, time, and if you want to be his
friends with benefits, you canjust DM me.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
You can let us that know too.
Go ahead and slide into the DMsBlom, Burnett and Mike At
gmailcom.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
All right, see you later.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Bye, bye.
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