Breaking Free: Shifting from Trauma to Triumph with EMDR Therapy

IMPORTANT NOTE:
This podcast is not meant to be a replacement for professional treatment. It is not a “do it yourself” EMDR therapy process.

This is a clinical demonstration that can help existing EMDR therapist in their learning.

The demonstration can also be useful in preparing clients for what to expect. However, EMDR therapy should only be conducted by a properly trained clinical professional.

** For time purposes, silent air time has been removed**
**********************
Imagine being held captive by your own traumatic memories, unable to break free from the distress they cause. Co-host Jess Lowe, shares her EMDR therapy session guided by skilled therapist Kathy Dan Moore.  Jess revisits a haunting childhood memory of almost being kidnapped, confronting the self-limiting beliefs associated with it. As we walk you through this captivating process, you'll witness the power of EMDR in altering negative cognition. Jess shares the vulnerability of her younger self, who lived in constant fear  of not being protected, and feeling the need to do all of the protecting. Listen as KathyDan guides her through an EMDR session, shifting her beliefs from fear to empowerment. Paying close attention to her transformation post-session, we conclude with a stronger, more resilient Jess, less susceptible to triggers that once bound her. Join us for an honest, insightful exchange on therapy, resilience, and the journey to healing.
**********************
DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not replace the advice you may be receiving from a licensed therapist.This podcast and website represents the opinions of KathyDan Moore, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Grief Coach Jess Lowe, and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be taken as medical advice.
The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare professional for any medical questions.Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own. While we make every effort to ensure that the information we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors.
Privacy is of utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect patient confidentiality.This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony. 
No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website.In no way does listening, reading, emailing or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship.
If you find any errors in any of the content of  these podcasts or blogs, please send a message to [e-mail].
Podcast Music by:  Lemon Music

Have a question for our Asked and Answered Segment? Email Us!
[e-mail]

Follow us on Instagram!
https://www.instagram.com/spillingthetherateapodcast

Follow us on Facebook!
https://www.facebook.com/Spilling-the-Thera-Tea-103883072393873/

Check out our website!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to Spilling the Thera Tee with
therapist Kathy Dan Moore andgrief coach Jess Lowe.
Hey, kathy Dan, hey, I'mtouching you right now.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
We are in person, in studio.
Yes, and this is the secondtime.
Yes, we've done what is thetopic we did?
The last time?
We did um sleep disorders.
Oh, that's right, yeah, thingslike that.
I think last time.
So we, so we get to be inperson loving it.
Yes, and we're excited becausetoday require, I mean EMDR, can

(00:32):
be done virtually virtually, butI like doing it in person.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
If you get more, your client gets more out of it when
they're in person, exactly,okay, yeah, so today we're going
to do an EMDR session with meas your client.
Yay, that's exciting.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Super exciting Anytime we enter EMDR into the
mix.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
you know, I'm just happy and clam and I'm excited
because we work with each other,but, like I'm obviously not in
your client sessions.
Yes, so I get to see, likeKathy Dan, the therapist in
action and I had an action I'mexcited.
It's exciting, it's excitingAction.
So yeah, so, um catch up wise,I flew in.
Yeah, it's really it's coldhere, Although it's colder where

(01:15):
you are, it's cool here I holdit in my house.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah, we went for a walk last night and I had to go
back inside to get anotherjacket, yeah, so I feel like I'm
just kind of a baby about it.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
Well, I mean, it's not really cold here a lot, so
when it is, it's like, catchesyou off guard.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, well,let's just jump right in, let's
do it.
We're too.
I'm really excited that we'renot going to be able to really
have any other conversationsabout EMDR.
Yeah, exactly.
So before we get started, we dowant to have a little
disclaimer that the podcast isnot meant to be a replacement

(01:48):
for professional treatment.
It is not a do it yourself EMDRtherapy process.
This is a clinicaldemonstration that can help
existing EMDR therapists intheir learning, as well as be
useful for preparing clients forwhat to expect.
Right EMDR therapy should onlybe conducted by a properly
trained clinical professional.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yes, yeah, and a few things that are obviously going
to be out of context with whatwe're doing and with a usual
session is that, you know, we'releveraging, we're honoring our
friendship and our relationship,right, and we're colleagues and
we're friends, so that'sdifferent.
We're using this as a tool, asan example.

(02:27):
So I already have a lot ofbackground on you as a human and
if we're a regular therapistclient relationship, a lot of
that would have been establishedthrough previous sessions,
right?
So the listener is not hearingany of that, absolutely so.
And if anybody out there wantsa rundown of EMDR, we have all

(02:51):
of the phases listed out anddiscussed in episode six, yep.
So we're going to kind of goback and listen to that.
So we're not going to do a fullphase one because that's
already implied.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
Yeah, gathering my history.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
We already know all that, and then there's phase two
is resourcing.
So this is a really importantpart that people need to
understand, and so I know you'vebeen fully resourced, yeah, and
we've talked about it already,but share a little bit of what
some of the resourcing is thatyou have in your corner.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
So meditation is a good one, also like family frame
relationship, me and my sister.
She were really close, soanytime I need to talk to her
about anything that's on my mindor to make me feel calm, safe
my sister and my husband.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
And also like music is a really big one in my life.
Okay, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
And then we've talked about what we use in therapy in
EMDR therapy as your, your safeplace or your calm place those
are interchangeable terms andyours is your husband, jason, at
home.
Yes, so that's something that,if somebody's triggered during a
session, or if I feel like youknow, or if we have to end

(04:05):
before we've really been able toresolve the distress around a
target, we will go into doingsafe place at the end.
Okay, and so today we'vealready previously gone through
her timeline and discussed someof Jess's distressing events, so
the timeline is listing allthat out, yeah, and then we've

(04:27):
really settled in on the factthat we're going to work on a
target around you beingkidnapped, almost kidnapped as a
child.
Yes, okay, yeah.
So let's talk for a secondabout, like, what you're seeing,
how I want you to look at thisis like I want you to play that
experience out, almost like it'sa movie in your mind.

(04:50):
Okay, of what was happening andand I want you to imagine
screen shotting it or pressingpause on the movie Okay, on the
scene or the visual that feelsthe most distressing, that
causes you the most distress.
Okay, and tell me a little bitabout what you're seeing.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Okay, so I'm in my front yard, I'm three to four
years old, I'm playing by myself.
I wasn't supposed to be outside, okay, and a man and his dog
Come by.
We had a like a chain linkfence, okay, and he came by he's
course talking to me and I'mnot supposed to talk to

(05:30):
strangers and he then wastelling me that I needed to go
home with him and he was likeunlatching the gate, okay, and
that's probably where I feel themost like you know, yeah,
anxious, and Okay, all right,then.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
That's what we're going to start with as your
target.
So what we want to do is wewant to align with the target
what your it's called negativecognition.
I also describe it as sort of aself limiting belief.
And so that's an eye statementthat talks about what is the
self limiting belief that youwere having at that moment.
That sometimes, like when wetalk about why EMDR works and we

(06:14):
say, oh, people talk aboutbeing activated or triggered in
their later life and and we'resaying, well, that's because
there's unproved trauma fromyour childhood and lots of times
that negative cognition iswhat's showing up later in life.
So what do you think would beyour self limiting belief around
that experience?
I'm not safe.
I'm not safe.

(06:35):
Yes, okay, that's really good.
Okay, and I want to get what'scalled a suds.
So it's a subjective unit ofdistress scale.
Okay, where do you feel?
From a zero to a zero to a zero.
You feel from a zero being thatmemory is not distressing at
all and I want you to kind ofsee it through the eyes of three
year old Jess.

(06:55):
Okay, and a 10.
That's extremely distressing.
Where would you say you are onthat?
I got like an eight about aneight.
Okay, all right, and can youtell me a little bit about what
are some of the feelings thatyou can identify that you had at
that moment?

Speaker 1 (07:15):
I mean just fear of, like, not seeing my mom again.
Fear, okay, yeah, untrusting,like not trusting, okay.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
Any other feelings that you remember Is that.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
Just really scared.
I mean just just the fear, Ithink, the of the unknown to
what's going to happen to me,Okay, Okay great, all right, so
we can go ahead and get started.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Okay, okay, so I'm going to have you hold those two
mechanisms that are going tovibrate in each hand, okay, and
you're, you have the headphoneson and they're going to be in
each ear, so it's going tocreate the bilateral stimulation
, with the sound in your earsand the vibrating in your hands.

(08:07):
Okay, okay, and are youcomfortable?
Do you want to kick your shoes?
Do you want to kick your shoesoff or grab a blanket?
I'm comfy, you're comfy?
Yeah, all right.
So first let's take a deepbreath in and then out.
Okay, much slower this time.
I want you to go in for sevenand out for 11.
Okay, okay, okay, good, do thatone more time.

(08:35):
Okay, now I'm going to have yougo ahead and in your mind, and
I'm going to stop the vibratingabout every minute or so, not so
that you can tell me everythingyou've thought of while it's
been off, right, okay, becauseI'm not taking you out of the
flow.
Okay, I just want to know whatyou're noticing when I stop the

(08:57):
vibrating, okay, and I'm justgoing to say what are you
noticing?
Okay, and then you'll tell meand in all likelihood, I'm just
going to say, okay, good,continue to notice that, okay,
okay.
So I want you to, in yourmind's eye, go to being
three-year-old Jess, okay, andyou're playing alone in the
front yard and a man and his dogare talking to you through the

(09:19):
chain-link fence and he'stelling you that you need to go
with him and he's starting toopen the gate.
And in your mind's eye, I wantyou to align that right now with
I'm not safe.

Speaker 3 (09:32):
Okay, and here we go.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
Okay, what are you noticing right now?
I'm really anxious.
Okay, where are you feelingthat in your body?
Like in my chest, in your chest?
Okay, I want you now just toput your attention on the
anxious feeling that you have inyour chest.
Here we go.
Okay, what are you noticingright now?

Speaker 3 (10:03):
Just that I mean.
Just like fear, Just that, Likea feeling of fear.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
Okay, just follow that feeling of fear.
Okay, what are you noticing?

Speaker 3 (10:15):
I'm worried about my mom.
You're worried about your mom.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
Okay, follow that.
Notice your mom.
Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (10:25):
What are you noticing ?
Like will she be okay if Iwasn't there?
Okay, Like if somethinghappened to me would she be?
Okay.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
Okay, good, you're doing great.
Just notice that.
Okay, what are you noticing?
Just the same worry.

Speaker 3 (10:50):
Like I can't.
I mean I'm a kid but I can'tprotect her, but like just worry
about her like mental face, mymom's Mental face, okay.

Speaker 2 (11:03):
Notice your fear of being a three-year-old and your
fear being that you need toprotect your mom here we go.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
Okay, what are you noticing?
I can't protect her, but sheneeds to protect me.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
That's great, I'm noticing that, okay.
Okay, what do you notice?

Speaker 3 (11:31):
She protected me, especially when she had me.
So I still feel like I need tobe protected.
I feel like I do all theprotecting Okay so notice that
flip flop.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Okay notice that.
Okay, what do you notice?

Speaker 3 (11:54):
I can protect myself.
Okay, notice.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
So if I ask you to go back to that target of you
being in the yard and the manand his dog talking to you
through the chain link fence andsaying you needed to come with
him, how distressing does thatmemory feel right now?
A zero being, it doesn't botheryou, it's not distressing.
Or a ten, it's extremelydistressing.
Like a two.

(12:20):
Like a two.
Okay.
So with that, would you rather?
What you believe at that momentis that you can protect
yourself and you are safe.
Okay, so we're going to go backto that memory and this time I
want you to align it in yourmind's eye with I am safe and I

(12:41):
can protect myself.
Okay, here we go.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
Okay, how are you?

Speaker 2 (12:47):
feeling I'm fine, I'm safe.
How valid does the belief of Iam safe, I can protect myself
feel A one?
It doesn't feel valid a seven.
It feels completely valid SevenA seven.
Okay, so let's just go to yoursafe place too, where you're
with your husband, jason, andyou're at your home, okay, and I

(13:08):
just want you to imagineyourself being there and being.
You know you can protectyourself, but also having that
safety.
Okay, here we go.

Speaker 3 (13:20):
Okay, how do you feel ?
The anxious feeling is gone.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
Oh, it is Okay good, Good, Okay, so here you can give
me the buzzers.
Tell me a little bit about you.
Know how that was for you?

Speaker 1 (13:36):
It wasn't bad.
I feel like a lot of people getnervous because it's something
they've never experienced before.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yes, yeah, and that's obviously a really abbreviated
version of EMDR, but that's kindof the wonderful thing about it
is sometimes it's one target,sometimes it's something that's
happened recently, like a caraccident or a recent traumatic
event.
But I love the analogy of likeimagine that it's weeds and you

(14:07):
can either pull the top of theweed off, but it's still there
and growing, or you can get itby the root and EMDR can allow
us to go back into childhood andget these self-limiting beliefs
that are impacting our currentlives.
You know, and it changes theway you know, our perspective

(14:27):
about things that are superimportant.
Like do you feel safe?
And?

Speaker 1 (14:31):
can you?

Speaker 2 (14:31):
protect yourself.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
Yeah, I love it, and so maybe I won't feel so nervous
in parking lots.
You know, because that standsfrom also like and we'll see.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
And so a lot of times I'll ask clients, like when
they leave.
You know, sometimes you canhave a headache or you can feel
really tired.
There's a lot of activityhappening in your brain when you
do this, but when you leave,pay attention to just what you
notice.
That's different.
I've had things where I haven'tnoticed it right in the moment
and then in hindsight I'm like,oh wow, I wasn't very reactive
to that.
That's something that wouldhave activated me in the past.

(15:02):
Yeah, and sometimes people canreally experience some funky,
weird dreams and I say just kindof notice that so that the next
session I can get a self reportof what they've noticed that's
happened since then.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
Okay Well, tomorrow the airport will be a good, good
test.
We shall see.
We shall see.
Okay, well, if you want toswitch, we do have an answer
answered Awesome From Melaniefrom Portland.
She says that my mom and I havea very strained relationship.

(15:38):
She wants to be in everyone'sbusiness all the time and all
caps.
When I attempt to setboundaries, she proceeds to
attempt to guilt trip.
How can I get the point across?
I love my mom, but I'm in awith.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
So I would wonder what's underneath her.
Wanting to be in other people'sbusiness all the time?
Yeah, I would need to feelneeded and have your you know
your point of view and yourfeedback being is it, is it
loneliness?
Is it?
You know what's going onunderneath it?

(16:14):
Yeah, that has her alwayscrying.
If you will, thank you kind of,looking at it from this
empathetic place of like, whatis?
How is this?
Like, act serving you?
But then from a strategicstandpoint, I would say are you
creating boundaries with her?

(16:34):
Because boundaries we've saidthis before it's not a one time
thing.
You have to put boundaries downcontinually.
So then you can say you know,mom, like I said before, this is
not an area I want to discuss,period.
Yeah, and then you will be atyour wit's end if you're not
executing your boundaries in aconsistent manner.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, and she mentioned that she does attempt
to set them, but her momproceeds to attempt to guilt
trip her.
So that might be have aconversation where you can tell
your mom.
I understand that this is howyou're feeling, but I have to
have this boundary set for me sothat we can have a better
communicative relationship.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
Yeah, I'm going to push back a little bit on that.
She's able to guilt trip you.
She's able to try to say thingwe are, either we are the ones
in control of whether or notwe're experiencing guilt.
Yeah, so can you look at it andgo, oh, I see what you're doing
right there.
Yeah, you're hoping all feelguilty about me setting this

(17:36):
boundary, but I don't there yougo.
Because it's good for me andit's good for our relationship,
and so that's you know, a goodway that you can kind of push
back like they people can't makeyou feel right, they can try.
Hi, this is how you determinewhether or not that's happening.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
Yeah, absolutely yeah .
I hope that answers yourquestion.
Yeah, so good luck, all right.
Well, thank you to ourlisteners for joining us today.
If you've enjoyed today'sepisode, please leave us a
review on Apple podcast.
This will help us move up thechart and be more accessible to
new listeners.
Don't forget to check out ourwebsite, instagram and Facebook,
which is also linked below.

(18:13):
We will continue to addresources and information.
If you have a question for ouranswered segment, click on the
link below or on our website.
Hope everyone has a greatweekend.
Stay safe.
We're your host.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
Kathy Danmore and Jess Lowe and join us next time,
where we will be discussing theconsequences of childhood
neglect.
We'll be breaking it down oncesip at a time.