What if you could unlock the key to a successful communication in your love life?
Join me as I welcome our esteemed guest, love and relationship coach Corey Lyon Folsom, author of the fascinating book Soul Statements, A Love Coach's Guide to Successful Communication.
We delve deep into the concept of Soul Statements and how these differ from traditional affirmations. Corey opens up about his unique journey as a wilderness guide and how it has shaped his approach to communication and spiritual community.
We talk about the power of returning to our deep center place with the help of Soul Statements and the role they play in understanding emotional triggers.
In our conversation, we venture into the realms of ancient Tantra practices and their role in fostering presence and emotional strength. Corey offers useful insights on using Soul Statements as a tool for self-care.
He expounds on how self-care can transcend physical boundaries and cater to the soul as well. If you're just beginning your journey with Soul Statements, Corey shares some invaluable advice that you won't want to miss. By the end of this episode, you'll be armed with practical tools and journaling prompts from Corey's book that aim to transform the way you communicate in your relationships.
So, tune in to this heartening discussion and empower yourself to navigate your journey of love and relationships with the aid of Soul Statements.
We hope you found the episode to be enlightening and insightful. Our goal is to create content that not only entertains but also helps you grow spiritually and connect with your inner self.
If you enjoyed listening to this episode, we would greatly appreciate it if you could take a moment to like, subscribe, and write a review. Your feedback is incredibly valuable to us and helps us to improve the quality of our content and reach a wider audience.
We believe that by sharing knowledge and insights about spirituality, we can help to inspire positive change and personal growth. So, if you find our podcast to be meaningful and informative, we encourage you to share it with your friends and family.
You Tube
Facebook
Facebook Group The Road To Spiritual Awakening
Spiritual Awakening 101 Guide
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone, Welcome to our Spiritual
Spotlight series.
Today I'm joined by CoreyLyons-Foltham.
He is a highly regarded loveand relationship coach and the
author of Soul Statements, ALove Coach's Guide to Successful
Communication.
Corey, thank you so much forcoming on the Spiritual
Spotlight series.
I'm so happy you're here.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I'm happy to be here, Rachel.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
So let's just dive right in.
This is his book, soulStatements, and it's more of a
guidebook and it's not like Ilove how you put it in the
beginning.
Don't read this like a novel.
So let me ask you this thebirth of Soul Statements is
creating quite a buzz.
What led you to pin down thisguide, and can you give our
listeners a brief intro of whata Soul Statement actually is?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Certainly so.
It just developed through mycoaching practice and I was
trying to help people in thatmoment when they decide the
meaning to a given event.
So, oh, this uncomfortable orunhappy thing happened.
(01:07):
Well, what do you tell yourselfin that moment to then go
forward to your next action, toyour next thought?
And I thought, why not tellyourself something that's really
true, that's unchanging aboutwho you really are deep down on
(01:27):
the inside?
And so then, if I'm remindingmyself, say, there is grit
inside me, then my next thoughtcan be colored or affected by
that thought, and then my nextaction can be more empowered.
(01:48):
And I just saw such greatsuccess with person after person
after person.
I thought, oh, I should write ablog about this, and the blog
became the book.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
So that is perfect yeah.
Let me ask go ahead please.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Oh, I was just going to say and so the Soul Statement
, your second part of thatquestion, it's not so much
trying to put yourself into afuture state or emotion yourself
into somewhere you want to bein the future, but it's that
present time declaration toemotionally inhabit.
(02:24):
Oh, this is who I really am,this is what I'm actually
capable of.
It could be another examplewould be the real me is enough.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
So yeah, I really like the idea of Soul Statements
.
So let me ask you thisaffirmations versus Soul
Statements?
Many are familiar withaffirmations as a tool for
positive thinking.
How would you differentiate aSoul Statement from an
affirmation?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah.
So I would say that a SoulStatement is a type of
affirmation, and it's presenttime.
That's the real thing, andyou're not trying to become
something or inhabit somethingnew.
You're returning to your deepcenter place, your own access,
(03:14):
so that you can revolve aroundyour deep value or end values,
and so you're not playing somekind of mental trick.
You're just giving yourself areminder of what's already true,
and then you can just act ingreater alignment with the best
(03:34):
version of yourself.
So another Soul Statement mightbe there is strength in my
center, my body knows how toheal itself.
I have a loving heart.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I love the idea of, I mean, the Soul Statements, and
he has a lot of examples in thebook and I'm going to jump off
topic here.
I really like how this book isset up.
It really kind of gives you anexample and then you go into a
Soul Statement and then youactually give people tangible
tools to actually apply.
(04:06):
And I love the fact that youalso give people journaling
prompts, because I think peopleget hung up on.
Well, how should I journal?
Have you ever noticed that somepeople are kind of unfamiliar
with how to journal?
That's kind of odd question toask, but like, what questions
should I ask when I journal?
I love the fact that you giveactual questions.
(04:27):
Have you ever noticed that withyour coaching or anything like
that?
Speaker 2 (04:31):
I have.
When I was a wilderness guidemany years ago, I made it a very
consistent practice to have thestudents spend one hour usually
around midday when we'reresting from our hike to go find
a place to be by yourself andjust sit someplace, bring your
(04:54):
journal and write, and the blankpage can be just really
daunting even in the bestcircumstances.
So I discovered that it washelpful to give them kind of
starting points.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, no, I think that's perfect.
So let me actually ask thisquestion.
So your background as awilderness guide and your
passion as a love andrelationship coach form kind of
an intriguing combination.
How do these two seeminglydistinct paths shape your
approach to communication andspiritual community?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah Well, one thing I mean I learned a lot in the
wilderness, and what reallystands out for me now from this
distance of time was that Ilearned that in order to find
solutions to stickyinterpersonal issues, because in
(05:57):
the wilderness there'spressures and there's challenges
and it's a new environment andit's unfamiliar and there's
people I don't know that I'mliving shoulder to shoulder with
and we really needed everyone.
I mean we're talking everyone.
I'm talking like six or eightpeople.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
We needed everyone to kind of be on board with
whatever solution or way throughthe current difficulty, and so
we would sit in a circle and wewould talk and everyone had
their chance to contribute.
And there was no manual on howto do this, it was just really
(06:40):
learning to be human beings witheach other and starting from an
assumption of respect, and itwas really important to become
curious about why would thatperson have done this thing.
And it's the same with, say,couples.
And this other person didn'tgrow up with your body, your
(07:05):
gender, your family, your town,your pressures, your challenges,
your desires, your dreams, andso however they reacted is
probably completely natural andunderstandable, given all that
they have, all their history.
And so if we can be curiousabout why something happened,
what someone's motivation was,we can have a better opening to
(07:31):
understand.
Oh, they had a value for respector security or comfort, and
sure, I have those values too.
I value my security, my comfort, and so we found something, now
a desire in common, and we cankind of grow the solution out of
(07:52):
that.
And also, in the wilderness too, I saw just the power of
reaching out for another personwhen they're struggling and that
helping hand, that bit of gracewe can offer each other, and so
yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
That is so important, though, about reaching out for
somebody who's struggling, and Ifeel like that is also
something that applies to alsoyou, as a communications coach
and a couples coach.
I think that's so importantbecause I do ever feel like
sometimes, you see, people arekind of like you said.
(08:33):
I grew up with a different setof values, different environment
, different parents.
How do you bridge the gap withpeople that have completely
different backgrounds but wantto have a meaningful life
together, but maybe struggle tounderstand each other?
It's not intentional.
They just they don't resonatewith what's going on with the
other person.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Yeah, there's generally some level of
connection because they'realready coupled.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Right.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
And so.
But couples many times candrift apart and there is a loss
of intimacy, and the intimacy issupported by skills, learned
skills, and so if we can learnto maybe be quieter, maybe
(09:26):
realize we have two eyes, twoears and one mouth, so the
mouth's outnumbered.
That's a quote.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I say God gave you two ears for a reason.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
That's right.
That's right.
And so in.
For instance, I like to saykindness has an outsized impact
and if we can suspend for amoment what we want to say, hold
a little bit of tension insideand realize this other person
(10:05):
wasn't drafted for the positionof partner to me, and maybe I'm
not the most important person inthe room I can still think I am
, but I can act like I'm not.
And so yeah, so that's kind ofhow we some of the basis of how
(10:27):
we work with each other.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I like that.
So one thing that definitelyAmericans they struggle is
self-care.
So how do, how can soulstatements help busy people
improve their self-care?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah, I like to say that self-care is soul care, and
if I'm spending time alonewhether it's in contemplation or
journaling or working out atthe gym or just going for a walk
, whatever kind of quiets my,the circumstances running around
(11:10):
in my head and allows me tojust be with me and just enjoy
wow, I'm walking that'sfantastic.
There are people who you wishthey could do this and I get to,
and so that kind of time alonebuilds some at least for me,
(11:33):
some level of appreciation forjust on here.
And the more we can be in touchwith what feeds our spirit, the
more we feed our spirit.
Then we have more to offer.
We have some self-assurednessthat we don't have to interrupt
(11:57):
or butt in as much.
We can just be a little moresecure in our center, knowing
who we are, and they're moreable to listen.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, I like that.
I think that stillness is suchan important thing and I think a
lot of people.
We get so much in our minds andso much in the hustle and
bustle that we forget to evensomething as simple as being
able to walk is something to begrateful for.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
That's right and those inner conversations are so
important and but I don't wantto shrink it to that.
It's inner conversations, butit's also just inner quiet, and
then we have some sort of anchoror basis to then move with a
(12:47):
bit more certainty.
So another soul statement mightbe when I trust my inner voice,
I have better outcomes, or mysoul knows what to do.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I like those.
Those are really good ones.
So let me ask you this.
So it's often said thateffective communication is a key
to strong relationships.
How do soul statements fosterempathy, making us better
partners, friends and coworkers?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Yeah.
So the more we grow in selfunderstanding I think journaling
we keep talking about that issuch an excellent tool for
growing in self understanding sothe more we are familiar with
(13:32):
our inner motivations, and it'sreally key to be very, very
honest, and when I say that Imean honest, primarily honest on
the, or at least firstly honeston the inside.
And so an example of that wouldbe oh, I'm not gonna delude
(13:55):
myself of what my motivation wasfor this thing.
I was actually trying to.
I was thinking about me andwhat I wanted, and so if we're
in touch with what really movesus, what we really value, we can
(14:16):
remind ourselves of that with asoul statement in real time.
So I always have a betterthought to opt into and I like
to remind myself of that.
So, oh, what would be a betterthought I could think right now.
Oh, what would be anappropriate soul statement for
this moment?
And one of my favorite iswhat's right with me is always
(14:40):
available, and so that leads menaturally to a next thought of,
well, what is right with me?
And so it just when we remindourselves of our better selves,
we act better, we have more, ourinternal well is a little more
(15:01):
full.
So another thing that peopleare fond of saying bandwidth, so
I have more bandwidth.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
So when you said that , automatically my mind went to
we have compassion fatigue, likewhere my mind went with the
bandwidth thing.
I manage a doctor's office, soI feel like with utilizing soul
statements, it feels like you'realso helping us to pull
(15:30):
ourselves back into a presentmoment, like being present,
being not in the future, not astep in the past.
I think that being present isso important for anyone right
now and I think you really kindof dive deep into that with your
book.
Would you say that beingpresent is something that's
important for your readers andyour listeners?
Speaker 2 (15:52):
It's foundational, rachel, and so another soul
statement might be as myserenity increases, I can hold
circumstance more lightly, sothat allows for better listening
or being more open to listening, and when I'm more clear on the
(16:15):
inside I think I mentioned thisin the book then I have less.
I feel less need to extractvalidation from a given
experience, or I can justsuspend trying to prove myself
or put my point across, andthat's only helpful in a outward
(16:37):
relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
So one of the things that you're kind of bringing up
is that really the power lieswithin and not from external
validation and externalcircumstances.
You know, as being a spiritualperson, you know we're taught
that to go within, to lookwithin, bring your power within.
Would you say that that'ssomething you kind of tap upon
in this book?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yeah, I think that's a real theme.
And one thing I'm really fondof saying I think I mentioned it
also in the book is you must bepresent to win.
And I also say that presence.
I look at presence as a metaskill and so if I can develop
that self awareness, thatability to just be present for
(17:21):
life as it is happening, then itjust makes everything a little
more easier to be present forand the world responds to that.
And if I'm living in my headthat the world will respond
(17:43):
differently to me meaning otherpeople and events than if I'm
really inhabiting this momentand I'm aware and I'm able to
respond more appropriately anddirectly to what's happening.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
I like that.
So every one of us has one ofthose family members or friends
we find difficult to deal with.
How do soul statements pullsomeone you know back and help
them to cut?
Let me rephrase that questionhow can soul statements assist
someone navigating these trickywaters with somebody that maybe
they're just in a combativerelationship with?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Yeah Well, firstly, you don't necessarily have to
stay in that situation.
Sometimes, maybe you're alittle more trapped than other,
like it's Thanksgiving dinner orsomething you know.
We use the old example it'scoming right up and, that being
(18:47):
said, it's just so helpful toremind yourself what you're made
of, shift into a better state,and so you have a certainty
that's deeper than circumstanceand you can feel, despite what's
(19:11):
happening or what other peoplemight be saying, that you are
where you need to be becauseyou're in here and if you can
use maybe something someone elseis saying that's distasteful or
attacking, just like, wow, thatis so interesting.
(19:34):
And you can have those thoughts, those reactive thoughts and
hopefully through, I think, soulstatements will help with this.
Giving you that little bit ofinterrupt is like oh, that's
what I used to think, that's howI used to respond.
Wow, I'm thinking that again.
(19:54):
I want to respond that wayagain.
I can feel the chemicalssurging in my body of whether
it's adrenaline or whatever, andmy heart is a trusted guide.
My body is wise and knowsexactly what I need.
I'm fearless, love, and I gotthis.
(20:16):
And so if you can say thesethings in that moment and maybe
you have some kind of powergesture that you do invisibly
and like, yeah, like, and it canbe more okay.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
I like that.
It's almost taking theemotional trigger and maybe you
acting in a way that you'regoing to regret and really
taking the power back, likereframing the situation,
choosing a soul statement,having a, you know, a power
stance, and then just maybe takea nice deep breath and just
like, okay, it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I love that.
My heart is safe and worthy oflove and you can.
Then the next, the next thoughtmight be and I can handle this,
or and this isn't me like,thank God, I'm not that person.
Thank God, I'm not acting thatway.
That's, that's a plus.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
You know, I will say thoughwhatever I say, that's
interesting.
My sister's like.
That means you don't like it.
So be mindful.
I'll be mindful of my soulstatement.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Right, right so, but I'm at least considering it.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Exactly, here you go.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I am listening to what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I like that.
Okay, I like that.
That's that's interesting in agood way.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Well, you know, and the other thing too is, what
really helps couples a lot isthat to realize that they could
acknowledge without agreeing.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
So how do you do that ?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I can.
I can understand how you wouldfeel that way, which you know,
their experience is not myexperience, their history is not
my history, and so that mightbe a completely natural response
to what their conversation isin their head.
And so, yeah, I can.
(22:14):
I see that you're distressed, Iget that you're distressed.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
I feel like I'm going to use this at work on Monday
yeah.
You think I'm kidding.
I'm not.
I love this.
Let me ask you this you have abackground in Tantra.
It's fascinating.
How does this ancient practiceinfluence your work, especially
in the realm of soul statements?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Yeah Well, one of my soul statements that came out of
my Tantra experience teachingsis I have a beloved that dwells
within.
The schools that I went toreally emphasized that
(23:08):
connection with your own heart.
That's where the beloved withindwells.
If you can build thatrelationship, slowing down and
inhabiting the moment and livingin more curiosity.
I say more because a lot ofthis is aspirational and it's a
(23:33):
moving target.
We do our best and we hopefullygrow in emotional muscles and
our actual practice.
The heart of Tantra is attention, taking your attention to the
(23:55):
very present moment and tryingnot to color it with your
evaluation, your critique, butjust being open to this is
happening.
This is life and life is goingto happen, no matter what I
(24:17):
think or do.
I can have a little bit morewitness consciousness and I can
act and move from my own centerplace and I can speak my desire.
Sometimes the desire might be Ineed to press pause and go
(24:39):
spend some time with myself.
We can reconcile ourspirituality and our sexuality.
That's another big theme, ifyou will, of the Tantra schools,
because God, spirit, theCreator, gave us this package,
(25:03):
this head full of desires andpurpose and impetus to go make
things happen in the world.
Tantra is just accepting of allof it.
There's no need to feel lessthan or ashamed of any part of
(25:28):
what we want in life or ourbodies.
That's a starting point for theTantra that kind of attention
to the moment, that building ofthat presence, the
non-critiquing that leads intosoul statements, and just a
(25:50):
general approach to how yourelate with your intimate
partner in general.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
That's beautiful.
Before I ask you the lastquestion, if anyone is
interested in picking up yourbook, can they get it at all
booksellers Amazon.
If anyone is interested inworking with you one-on-one, or
do you have coaching packages oranything like that?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Yes, they can find that information, in addition to
more about my book, at mywebsite, corerelationshipcom.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Perfect Corey in a high note for someone who's just
getting introduced to soulstatements in your work.
What's one piece of advice ortool from the book you'd
recommend they start with tobegin their journey towards
improved communication andself-awareness?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
I would say that just to realize that our brains,
each one of our brains, is notdesigned to make us happy or
fulfilled.
Our brains are designed to lookfor danger, to keep us safe, to
(27:04):
make sure everything's going tobe okay.
We can always find somethingwrong, anywhere or with any
person.
We can also find what's rightand what's good about any
situation, any person.
(27:25):
Good is always there.
We can align with that.
We can align with that piece ofgoodness inside ourselves.
It's an empowering attitude tobe empowered by the truth of
(27:48):
there's always something rightand good about me.
Another soul statement thatcomes to mind is my center
informs me as I love my partner.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
I love soul statements.
I really do.
They're very powerful.
Corey, I want to thank you somuch for coming on the Spiritual
Spotlight series.
I look forward to talking toyou again soon.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Thank you, Rachel.
Hello everyone, Welcome to our Spiritual
Spotlight series.
Today I'm joined by CoreyLyons-Foltham.
He is a highly regarded loveand relationship coach and the
author of Soul Statements, ALove Coach's Guide to Successful
Communication.
Corey, thank you so much forcoming on the Spiritual
Spotlight series.
I'm so happy you're here.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I'm happy to be here, Rachel.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
So let's just dive right in.
This is his book, soulStatements, and it's more of a
guidebook and it's not like Ilove how you put it in the
beginning.
Don't read this like a novel.
So let me ask you this thebirth of Soul Statements is
creating quite a buzz.
What led you to pin down thisguide, and can you give our
listeners a brief intro of whata Soul Statement actually is?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Certainly so.
It just developed through mycoaching practice and I was
trying to help people in thatmoment when they decide the
meaning to a given event.
So, oh, this uncomfortable orunhappy thing happened.
(01:07):
Well, what do you tell yourselfin that moment to then go
forward to your next action, toyour next thought?
And I thought, why not tellyourself something that's really
true, that's unchanging aboutwho you really are deep down on
(01:27):
the inside?
And so then, if I'm remindingmyself, say, there is grit
inside me, then my next thoughtcan be colored or affected by
that thought, and then my nextaction can be more empowered.
(01:48):
And I just saw such greatsuccess with person after person
after person.
I thought, oh, I should write ablog about this, and the blog
became the book.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
So that is perfect yeah.
Let me ask go ahead please.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Oh, I was just going to say and so the Soul Statement
, your second part of thatquestion, it's not so much
trying to put yourself into afuture state or emotion yourself
into somewhere you want to bein the future, but it's that
present time declaration toemotionally inhabit.
(02:24):
Oh, this is who I really am,this is what I'm actually
capable of.
It could be another examplewould be the real me is enough.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
So yeah, I really like the idea of Soul Statements
.
So let me ask you thisaffirmations versus Soul
Statements?
Many are familiar withaffirmations as a tool for
positive thinking.
How would you differentiate aSoul Statement from an
affirmation?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah.
So I would say that a SoulStatement is a type of
affirmation, and it's presenttime.
That's the real thing, andyou're not trying to become
something or inhabit somethingnew.
You're returning to your deepcenter place, your own access,
(03:14):
so that you can revolve aroundyour deep value or end values,
and so you're not playing somekind of mental trick.
You're just giving yourself areminder of what's already true,
and then you can just act ingreater alignment with the best
(03:34):
version of yourself.
So another Soul Statement mightbe there is strength in my
center, my body knows how toheal itself.
I have a loving heart.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I love the idea of, I mean, the Soul Statements, and
he has a lot of examples in thebook and I'm going to jump off
topic here.
I really like how this book isset up.
It really kind of gives you anexample and then you go into a
Soul Statement and then youactually give people tangible
tools to actually apply.
(04:06):
And I love the fact that youalso give people journaling
prompts, because I think peopleget hung up on.
Well, how should I journal?
Have you ever noticed that somepeople are kind of unfamiliar
with how to journal?
That's kind of odd question toask, but like, what questions
should I ask when I journal?
I love the fact that you giveactual questions.
(04:27):
Have you ever noticed that withyour coaching or anything like
that?
Speaker 2 (04:31):
I have.
When I was a wilderness guidemany years ago, I made it a very
consistent practice to have thestudents spend one hour usually
around midday when we'reresting from our hike to go find
a place to be by yourself andjust sit someplace, bring your
(04:54):
journal and write, and the blankpage can be just really
daunting even in the bestcircumstances.
So I discovered that it washelpful to give them kind of
starting points.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, no, I think that's perfect.
So let me actually ask thisquestion.
So your background as awilderness guide and your
passion as a love andrelationship coach form kind of
an intriguing combination.
How do these two seeminglydistinct paths shape your
approach to communication andspiritual community?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah Well, one thing I mean I learned a lot in the
wilderness, and what reallystands out for me now from this
distance of time was that Ilearned that in order to find
solutions to stickyinterpersonal issues, because in
(05:57):
the wilderness there'spressures and there's challenges
and it's a new environment andit's unfamiliar and there's
people I don't know that I'mliving shoulder to shoulder with
and we really needed everyone.
I mean we're talking everyone.
I'm talking like six or eightpeople.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
We needed everyone to kind of be on board with
whatever solution or way throughthe current difficulty, and so
we would sit in a circle and wewould talk and everyone had
their chance to contribute.
And there was no manual on howto do this, it was just really
(06:40):
learning to be human beings witheach other and starting from an
assumption of respect, and itwas really important to become
curious about why would thatperson have done this thing.
And it's the same with, say,couples.
And this other person didn'tgrow up with your body, your
(07:05):
gender, your family, your town,your pressures, your challenges,
your desires, your dreams, andso however they reacted is
probably completely natural andunderstandable, given all that
they have, all their history.
And so if we can be curiousabout why something happened,
what someone's motivation was,we can have a better opening to
(07:31):
understand.
Oh, they had a value for respector security or comfort, and
sure, I have those values too.
I value my security, my comfort, and so we found something, now
a desire in common, and we cankind of grow the solution out of
(07:52):
that.
And also, in the wilderness too, I saw just the power of
reaching out for another personwhen they're struggling and that
helping hand, that bit of gracewe can offer each other, and so
yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
That is so important, though, about reaching out for
somebody who's struggling, and Ifeel like that is also
something that applies to alsoyou, as a communications coach
and a couples coach.
I think that's so importantbecause I do ever feel like
sometimes, you see, people arekind of like you said.
(08:33):
I grew up with a different setof values, different environment
, different parents.
How do you bridge the gap withpeople that have completely
different backgrounds but wantto have a meaningful life
together, but maybe struggle tounderstand each other?
It's not intentional.
They just they don't resonatewith what's going on with the
other person.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Yeah, there's generally some level of
connection because they'realready coupled.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Right.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
And so.
But couples many times candrift apart and there is a loss
of intimacy, and the intimacy issupported by skills, learned
skills, and so if we can learnto maybe be quieter, maybe
(09:26):
realize we have two eyes, twoears and one mouth, so the
mouth's outnumbered.
That's a quote.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I say God gave you two ears for a reason.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
That's right.
That's right.
And so in.
For instance, I like to saykindness has an outsized impact
and if we can suspend for amoment what we want to say, hold
a little bit of tension insideand realize this other person
(10:05):
wasn't drafted for the positionof partner to me, and maybe I'm
not the most important person inthe room I can still think I am
, but I can act like I'm not.
And so yeah, so that's kind ofhow we some of the basis of how
(10:27):
we work with each other.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I like that.
So one thing that definitelyAmericans they struggle is
self-care.
So how do, how can soulstatements help busy people
improve their self-care?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah, I like to say that self-care is soul care, and
if I'm spending time alonewhether it's in contemplation or
journaling or working out atthe gym or just going for a walk
, whatever kind of quiets my,the circumstances running around
(11:10):
in my head and allows me tojust be with me and just enjoy
wow, I'm walking that'sfantastic.
There are people who you wishthey could do this and I get to,
and so that kind of time alonebuilds some at least for me,
(11:33):
some level of appreciation forjust on here.
And the more we can be in touchwith what feeds our spirit, the
more we feed our spirit.
Then we have more to offer.
We have some self-assurednessthat we don't have to interrupt
(11:57):
or butt in as much.
We can just be a little moresecure in our center, knowing
who we are, and they're moreable to listen.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, I like that.
I think that stillness is suchan important thing and I think a
lot of people.
We get so much in our minds andso much in the hustle and
bustle that we forget to evensomething as simple as being
able to walk is something to begrateful for.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
That's right and those inner conversations are so
important and but I don't wantto shrink it to that.
It's inner conversations, butit's also just inner quiet, and
then we have some sort of anchoror basis to then move with a
(12:47):
bit more certainty.
So another soul statement mightbe when I trust my inner voice,
I have better outcomes, or mysoul knows what to do.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I like those.
Those are really good ones.
So let me ask you this.
So it's often said thateffective communication is a key
to strong relationships.
How do soul statements fosterempathy, making us better
partners, friends and coworkers?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Yeah.
So the more we grow in selfunderstanding I think journaling
we keep talking about that issuch an excellent tool for
growing in self understanding sothe more we are familiar with
(13:32):
our inner motivations, and it'sreally key to be very, very
honest, and when I say that Imean honest, primarily honest on
the, or at least firstly honeston the inside.
And so an example of that wouldbe oh, I'm not gonna delude
(13:55):
myself of what my motivation wasfor this thing.
I was actually trying to.
I was thinking about me andwhat I wanted, and so if we're
in touch with what really movesus, what we really value, we can
(14:16):
remind ourselves of that with asoul statement in real time.
So I always have a betterthought to opt into and I like
to remind myself of that.
So, oh, what would be a betterthought I could think right now.
Oh, what would be anappropriate soul statement for
this moment?
And one of my favorite iswhat's right with me is always
(14:40):
available, and so that leads menaturally to a next thought of,
well, what is right with me?
And so it just when we remindourselves of our better selves,
we act better, we have more, ourinternal well is a little more
(15:01):
full.
So another thing that peopleare fond of saying bandwidth, so
I have more bandwidth.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
So when you said that , automatically my mind went to
we have compassion fatigue, likewhere my mind went with the
bandwidth thing.
I manage a doctor's office, soI feel like with utilizing soul
statements, it feels like you'realso helping us to pull
(15:30):
ourselves back into a presentmoment, like being present,
being not in the future, not astep in the past.
I think that being present isso important for anyone right
now and I think you really kindof dive deep into that with your
book.
Would you say that beingpresent is something that's
important for your readers andyour listeners?
Speaker 2 (15:52):
It's foundational, rachel, and so another soul
statement might be as myserenity increases, I can hold
circumstance more lightly, sothat allows for better listening
or being more open to listening, and when I'm more clear on the
(16:15):
inside I think I mentioned thisin the book then I have less.
I feel less need to extractvalidation from a given
experience, or I can justsuspend trying to prove myself
or put my point across, andthat's only helpful in a outward
(16:37):
relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
So one of the things that you're kind of bringing up
is that really the power lieswithin and not from external
validation and externalcircumstances.
You know, as being a spiritualperson, you know we're taught
that to go within, to lookwithin, bring your power within.
Would you say that that'ssomething you kind of tap upon
in this book?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yeah, I think that's a real theme.
And one thing I'm really fondof saying I think I mentioned it
also in the book is you must bepresent to win.
And I also say that presence.
I look at presence as a metaskill and so if I can develop
that self awareness, thatability to just be present for
(17:21):
life as it is happening, then itjust makes everything a little
more easier to be present forand the world responds to that.
And if I'm living in my headthat the world will respond
(17:43):
differently to me meaning otherpeople and events than if I'm
really inhabiting this momentand I'm aware and I'm able to
respond more appropriately anddirectly to what's happening.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
I like that.
So every one of us has one ofthose family members or friends
we find difficult to deal with.
How do soul statements pullsomeone you know back and help
them to cut?
Let me rephrase that questionhow can soul statements assist
someone navigating these trickywaters with somebody that maybe
they're just in a combativerelationship with?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Yeah Well, firstly, you don't necessarily have to
stay in that situation.
Sometimes, maybe you're alittle more trapped than other,
like it's Thanksgiving dinner orsomething you know.
We use the old example it'scoming right up and, that being
(18:47):
said, it's just so helpful toremind yourself what you're made
of, shift into a better state,and so you have a certainty
that's deeper than circumstanceand you can feel, despite what's
(19:11):
happening or what other peoplemight be saying, that you are
where you need to be becauseyou're in here and if you can
use maybe something someone elseis saying that's distasteful or
attacking, just like, wow, thatis so interesting.
(19:34):
And you can have those thoughts, those reactive thoughts and
hopefully through, I think, soulstatements will help with this.
Giving you that little bit ofinterrupt is like oh, that's
what I used to think, that's howI used to respond.
Wow, I'm thinking that again.
(19:54):
I want to respond that wayagain.
I can feel the chemicalssurging in my body of whether
it's adrenaline or whatever, andmy heart is a trusted guide.
My body is wise and knowsexactly what I need.
I'm fearless, love, and I gotthis.
(20:16):
And so if you can say thesethings in that moment and maybe
you have some kind of powergesture that you do invisibly
and like, yeah, like, and it canbe more okay.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
I like that.
It's almost taking theemotional trigger and maybe you
acting in a way that you'regoing to regret and really
taking the power back, likereframing the situation,
choosing a soul statement,having a, you know, a power
stance, and then just maybe takea nice deep breath and just
like, okay, it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I love that.
My heart is safe and worthy oflove and you can.
Then the next, the next thoughtmight be and I can handle this,
or and this isn't me like,thank God, I'm not that person.
Thank God, I'm not acting thatway.
That's, that's a plus.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
You know, I will say thoughwhatever I say, that's
interesting.
My sister's like.
That means you don't like it.
So be mindful.
I'll be mindful of my soulstatement.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Right, right so, but I'm at least considering it.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Exactly, here you go.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I am listening to what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I like that.
Okay, I like that.
That's that's interesting in agood way.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Well, you know, and the other thing too is, what
really helps couples a lot isthat to realize that they could
acknowledge without agreeing.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
So how do you do that ?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I can.
I can understand how you wouldfeel that way, which you know,
their experience is not myexperience, their history is not
my history, and so that mightbe a completely natural response
to what their conversation isin their head.
And so, yeah, I can.
(22:14):
I see that you're distressed, Iget that you're distressed.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
I feel like I'm going to use this at work on Monday
yeah.
You think I'm kidding.
I'm not.
I love this.
Let me ask you this you have abackground in Tantra.
It's fascinating.
How does this ancient practiceinfluence your work, especially
in the realm of soul statements?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Yeah Well, one of my soul statements that came out of
my Tantra experience teachingsis I have a beloved that dwells
within.
The schools that I went toreally emphasized that
(23:08):
connection with your own heart.
That's where the beloved withindwells.
If you can build thatrelationship, slowing down and
inhabiting the moment and livingin more curiosity.
I say more because a lot ofthis is aspirational and it's a
(23:33):
moving target.
We do our best and we hopefullygrow in emotional muscles and
our actual practice.
The heart of Tantra is attention, taking your attention to the
(23:55):
very present moment and tryingnot to color it with your
evaluation, your critique, butjust being open to this is
happening.
This is life and life is goingto happen, no matter what I
(24:17):
think or do.
I can have a little bit morewitness consciousness and I can
act and move from my own centerplace and I can speak my desire.
Sometimes the desire might be Ineed to press pause and go
(24:39):
spend some time with myself.
We can reconcile ourspirituality and our sexuality.
That's another big theme, ifyou will, of the Tantra schools,
because God, spirit, theCreator, gave us this package,
(25:03):
this head full of desires andpurpose and impetus to go make
things happen in the world.
Tantra is just accepting of allof it.
There's no need to feel lessthan or ashamed of any part of
(25:28):
what we want in life or ourbodies.
That's a starting point for theTantra that kind of attention
to the moment, that building ofthat presence, the
non-critiquing that leads intosoul statements, and just a
(25:50):
general approach to how yourelate with your intimate
partner in general.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
That's beautiful.
Before I ask you the lastquestion, if anyone is
interested in picking up yourbook, can they get it at all
booksellers Amazon.
If anyone is interested inworking with you one-on-one, or
do you have coaching packages oranything like that?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Yes, they can find that information, in addition to
more about my book, at mywebsite, corerelationshipcom.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Perfect Corey in a high note for someone who's just
getting introduced to soulstatements in your work.
What's one piece of advice ortool from the book you'd
recommend they start with tobegin their journey towards
improved communication andself-awareness?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
I would say that just to realize that our brains,
each one of our brains, is notdesigned to make us happy or
fulfilled.
Our brains are designed to lookfor danger, to keep us safe, to
(27:04):
make sure everything's going tobe okay.
We can always find somethingwrong, anywhere or with any
person.
We can also find what's rightand what's good about any
situation, any person.
(27:25):
Good is always there.
We can align with that.
We can align with that piece ofgoodness inside ourselves.
It's an empowering attitude tobe empowered by the truth of
(27:48):
there's always something rightand good about me.
Another soul statement thatcomes to mind is my center
informs me as I love my partner.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
I love soul statements.
I really do.
They're very powerful.
Corey, I want to thank you somuch for coming on the Spiritual
Spotlight series.
I look forward to talking toyou again soon.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Thank you, Rachel.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.