February 25, 2024 • 56 mins
Peeling back the layers of life's complex tapestry, I sit with Ryan Walla. We uncover the healing wrapped within our wounds. Right off the top, Ryan's candid family anecdotes, serve up a poignant reminder to treasure the present. Our conversation stitches together the essence of personal growth - awareness, breath and connection. Ryan has coined these as the ABCs of living a powerfully intentional life, a way for every man to gut-check himself in times of disarray.
This episode has infinite drops of wisdom. Tune in to learn:
- Trauma, empathy, and the shadows of social media
- The true difference between empathy and sympathy,
- The lure of trauma bonding
- The strength found in vulnerability and connection
- Mentorship's profound impact
- The seductive traps of ego and the importance of tough love in forging genuine progress
Listen in as we discuss how to turn rage-fueled battlegrounds to places of peace and self-compassion. Unwrapping the journey towards understanding our inner voice, battles, and the duality of our nature, this episode is a beacon for those navigating their own paths.
Learn more about our guest, Ryan Walla and The Next Level Man, here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The interesting thing about wounds is wounds are the
wrapping paper for gifts, butyou really don't understand the
gift that you have your hands onuntil you heal the wound I'm
consistently making greatchoices about the way the Primal
(00:28):
man, I got my guy, ryan Wallach, here and by the end of the
show you're going to understandwhy.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
On the way the Primal man, we have the next level,
man, and where Primal and nextlevel start to intersect.
Ryan brother, thank you forbeing here, thank you for having
me.
Of course, yeah.
What's the highlight of yourlast week?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
The highlight of my last week.
I'll say that the highlight wasfrom today, about an hour ago.
So I have three kids 12, 10,and 8, two boys and a little
girl and we have this area inthe living room and there's a
(01:23):
pretty big rug between thecouches and, for whatever reason
, lately, as of late, there hasbeen where my oldest will walk
around and he does like this I'mdominating the carpet, I'm
dominating the living room, I'mdominating the couch.
Okay, I'm setting the scene foryou guys.
(01:44):
So he's walking around with hischest all puffed up, and then
little brother tries to come inand tries to throw him on the
couch.
And big brother throws him onthe couch, and then baby girl
comes in and she tries to getinvolved and he throws her on
the couch, right.
So there's this dominating thecarpet.
Well, the boys had stepped outfor a second, and so baby girl
starts walking around.
(02:04):
I'm dominating the carpet, I'mdominating the carpet.
So the boys make their way backin and they start wrestling.
And then, slowly, my wifestarts to like just kind of walk
in real slow, and she tiptoesinto the middle of the circle
and I said better, watch out,they're gonna get you.
And so they start trying to gether and trying to push her down
(02:26):
.
And they're not really.
She's not really trying, butthey can't really get her down.
So then I decide I'm going toget involved.
So all three kids are aroundmom trying to get her onto the
couch, and then I come in andjust bare hug everybody and just
slam them all in the couch.
I'm dominating the carpet.
Now I'm walking around, justput from my chest up and then
(02:47):
everybody's trying to get meright and it just turns into a
big walla dog pile.
It's absolutely beautiful.
We're laughing, we're hangingout, just cuddling with each
other and loving on one another,and I, as I'm laying there in a
dog pile with my kids andeverybody's on top and I'm just
(03:09):
like, wow, this is a beautifullife, it's a wonderful moment
and I'm very grateful for it.
That's been the highlight of myweek.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I'm so glad I asked so many themes in there, if we
will, about the ability to seethat, and how many parents could
be stressed from a day and thekids are playing and being loud.
It's like, hey, stop that.
(03:38):
And the skills that you'vecultivated to be able to show up
, oh, this is a moment to enjoyand to see that in and out of
each day.
That's freaking magical man.
Good for you.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
I was just talking to somebody the other day about
being present, and failure to bepresent is you're missing out
on the gift.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Yeah, I mean the big three for me that I've been
focused on and it noodling onthe last six months, if you will
.
Our intention, presence andawareness.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Speak of my language, chase Shocker, shocker, I know
Speak of my language.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
What Well?
I mean break that open.
What's that language to you?
Intention, presence andawareness.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Geez, where do we begin?
We could talk for weeks aboutthose three topics alone.
I will start at the bottom andwork my way up.
I'll start with awareness,presence and then intention,
because the reason I would liketo go in that order is I
personally believe thatawareness is where I tell this
(05:06):
to my clients.
It all starts with awareness.
Yep, everything starts withawareness.
There's no way we can solve orresolve a problem or an issue
unless we know that there is aproblem or an issue.
We have to first become awarethat there is a problem or an
issue.
(05:26):
Now that we are aware, that'shalf the battle, that's half
that.
Oh, there's something, there'san issue here.
I'm halfway to uncovering thesolution to that issue.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
With awareness, now that I'm aware I can be more
present in the moment.
Me being present in the momentis going to increase my level of
awareness, Would you agree?
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
I mean, you took it out of myhead.
I was about to hear you breakthis open and to me this is we
can pick a spot to start and itstarts being a regenerative
cycle.
These three pieces as well.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yes, exactly.
And that is so cool how thethought pattern is the same
because, yeah, I'm aware, I'mpresent, and now I'm more
intentional about being awareand present.
And then I can set otherintentions about how I want to
(06:40):
show up in these moments andwhat I want to accomplish or
what I want to do.
You do goal setting with yourclients and I imagine you've
done some goal setting on thepodcast.
I'm like 50-50.
I either hate goals or I likethem, and I'll explain why.
(07:00):
There's some guys that I workwith.
When we try to set goals, itstresses them out.
They're like now there'spressure, now I have to do this
thing.
Yet if we can take the goal iethe target, the destination and
we can couple that with anintention like why is it
important for you to get thisdone?
(07:21):
Hey, forget the target for alittle bit, just focus on why
you're going to do the thing.
Just as an example I am.
You know, some of my not all ofthem, but some of the guys that
I work with are they want tolose a couple of pounds, right,
and I'm sure some of youraudience wants to lose a couple
of pounds too.
(07:41):
So it's like cool, you weigh in100 pounds or 200 pounds.
You want to drop 20, you wantto get to 180.
You set the goal.
I weigh 180 pounds.
Well, it doesn't feel entirelytrue yet.
Well, that's obviously becauseit's not Well.
I weigh 180 pounds because why?
(08:05):
And Most guys will say, well, Iwant my family to to be inspired
, I want to leave a legacy.
I want to do all these things.
I want to be this amazing guy,this, and it's like great, it's
all amazing, that's all good.
And when we can distill thatdown, we come up with something
like I'm just giving an exampleBecause I will just say because
(08:29):
I am present, I we're 180 pounds.
Because I am present.
And I tell them okay, you don'thave the hundred eighty pound
goal yet, you're working towardthat.
Fine, but can you be presentright now, this minute, today,
this instant?
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Well, yeah, sure, and and if I may, let's look at the
levers that start to get pulledwith presents.
Right, I Love the chucklebecause If we're present, like
yeah, okay, we're present withour kids, we're present, we're
present in ourselves, we know,and that presence and this is
that self-fulfilling, thatregenerative cycle, right, and
(09:07):
pardon me if I'm stealing,stealing your thunder.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
There's no thunder to steal man.
We're all on the same page.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
We're working for the same thing that presence right
starts to Increase the awarenessof what is this choice going to
do to my body.
What is what?
What is this drink, these twodrinks at night, going to do to?
To the goal of being presentwith my family, of getting to
180 pounds?
Okay, cool.
(09:33):
And this is where I seeintention, presence and
awareness spiraling upwardBecause, okay, well, now I have
more presence, so now I'm ableto be more aware, so I'm allow,
I'm able to live with evenstronger intention, which starts
just looping back into itself.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yes, I mean I like you said it, you said it
perfectly.
There's there's a One of thebiggest things that I do not
biggest things.
One of the main things that Ido with the guys that I work
with is helping them understandtheir patterns, and I'll spare
(10:25):
the details of of the differentpatterns.
I mean, obviously we could gointo that if you wanted to, but
the patterns, when we canrecognize, when we're going into
a pattern to try and createsafety, like what?
The kid, the kids are too noisy, it's too crazy in here, the
dishwasher is going, the kidsare making noise.
You know there's all this.
(10:47):
Some guys have a sense it hasn't.
Have noise sensitivity,especially if your diet's not it
not in check.
You've got an inflamed systemRight, your guts not operating,
you're getting poor, shittysleep and you're not drinking
enough water Right Now.
Yeah, the kids being noisy andrambunctious, that that could be
a trigger.
But if I can recognize that, oh, my heart rate is becoming
(11:14):
elevated.
I'm I'm recognizing that I'macting in a way that is Leading
me down the path of yelling.
For me, that looks like Isuddenly become really irritated
if there's dishes in the sinkor If the shoes aren't exactly
(11:37):
where there's, like the shoesdon't belong by that door.
They belong by that door.
Who's who's sock?
Is this on the floor?
Why are there?
Why are the blankets all overthe floor and the couch and
they're not folded where they'resupposed to be?
When I can, this is just one ofthe patterns when I can notice
that I'm starting to get Thingshave to be super clean and
(11:59):
organized, neat and follow therules and, oh Wait, I'm getting
irritated.
I'm aware, because I'm presentwith myself and I'm aware of
this pattern is starting tocreep in.
Why am I in the pantryorganizing the green bean cans?
Why, hey, I'm being being supertransparent, I do that.
(12:21):
Yeah, I know just your bodylanguage.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
What, why?
Why are you Ryan?
I'm because.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
There's for me that pattern that I go into to try
and create safety is I Will beloved and I will be respected if
I perform accordingly andthings are in tip-top shape.
You'll love me more when thedishes are done and supper is
(12:50):
cooked and and everybody's fedand taken care of.
You'll love me more if you walkinto the pantry and everything
is nicely neat and organized.
I will be loved more if thehouse is clean and there aren't.
There isn't a mess everywhere.
You see what kind of anillusion that can create for me.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, and like I, you get this and for the listeners,
I, you'll love me more.
I'll love me more.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeah, yeah, yes, yes.
That's the root of the issuemost.
That is.
That is the ultimate goal.
Yeah, yes, and I Imagine thatwhen most guys hear that, it's
like Come on, what do you mean?
(13:39):
I got?
I got to love myself more Ryan.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Let me.
Let me ask you this, as I lookover at my window and I see the
frost that has formed from thenegative 35 feels like outside
creeping in up the window seals.
Let me ask you this workingwith guys, how often have you
seen someone like he'll write astory out and he's like man,
writing it out felt good.
(14:02):
I don't think we need to workthat like I'm good on it, I'm
good on it and by time you getinto it like through steps 234.
But oh, oh, there was somethingin there.
How often have you seen that,mr Walla?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Nine times out of ten .
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Nine times out of ten .
Thank you, a very rare listen.
If, if, if we ask Because Iimagine you have the same
process I do processes, I do.
When we ask one of the guysthat were working with, hey, how
(14:42):
do you feel?
And there's some yuck there,it's still there.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
That's one of my favorite things about a little
rant here.
Oh, my hardship made me, oh, mystrife made me get cool and
like when are you gonna let goof that, bro, Like you know?
Or when are you gonna dive intoit and actually feel it,
(15:12):
instead of trying to cover it upwith a seven figure net worth,
eight figure, net worth anothercar, another house?
Call me crazy or call mesomebody who has a lot of raps
dealing with that stuff, but Idon't know, it's a lot of magic
happens pardon the pun, when werecognize that there's.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
We go through life, whether it's childhood or later
in life, and some traumatic bigT, little T situation, event
happens to us, we receive sometype of a wound.
The interesting thing aboutwounds is wounds are the
wrapping paper for gifts, butyou really don't understand the
(16:11):
gift that you have your hands onuntil you heal the wound and
then you get to keep a gift.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
There are few people in this world that come up with,
that have metaphors that are onthe level or better than mine,
and you are one of them.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Thank you.
That's a beautiful way to sayit.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Now I would like to add something to that, though,
because I imagine somebodysomewhere out there may hear
that and think oh well, then Ijust need to go get a wound and
then I'll have this amazing gift.
It's like hold on, hold on.
Or they begin to like revel intheir wounds, Like look at this
(17:03):
nasty thing that I've beenthrough and endured.
And then, but there's nohealing going on.
It's just showing off thisawesome present that you have
that's wrapped up in a nicelittle bow, and it's like look
at this amazing thing that Ihave and I've been through this.
You should see this thing,Don't you like that?
I have this thing.
It's like hold on, why aren'tyou opening the gift?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Now, if I may, I see two different angles to this.
What you're saying here, it'slike the hustle porn more or
less what I was talking aboutearlier of like, well, all of
these things that made me, andthat's cool, and also, unlike
the spiritual side, this loopand addiction to healing that
(17:47):
people can get into, that cansometimes very tactical with my
language here leave them notactually addressing the thing.
So, oh, let's go look atsomething else.
Well, let's go look atsomething else.
Let's just talk in circles withpeople that have had similar
experiences and not actuallydive in and feel it, just get
(18:11):
some reassurance that otherpeople have been through the
same thing too, which can feelcomforting in the moment.
And what's the drawback there?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like
trauma bonding.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, a little bit.
What's trauma bonding?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Dear listener, if you hear that and it stings, then
take note of that.
But trauma bonding is when Icome to you and I say, chase,
I'm in this situation, thissucks, and this sucks and this
happened to me and this happenedto me, and this happened to me,
and you respond with oh dude, Ihear you, man, I hear you, I
(18:54):
was there and this happened tome and this happened to me and
this happened.
I can totally understand whereyou come from and we're both
just sitting there.
Oh, oh, okay, now what I mean?
What are you gonna?
You see that in a way, thatthat's what I would consider
(19:16):
trauma bonding.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah, I'm right there with you.
And and to any of the listenerswhose hair standing up or who,
like, are getting a knee jerkout of this, it's normal, like
this is a pattern that peoplecan fall into from personal
trainers, like accidentally,this is how they keep clients by
them commiserating over theirdays together.
Or I'll even lay out a personalexample Somebody who's no
(19:42):
longer a friend, and I stilldon't know why, just blocked me
one day.
I come to find out he had anopportunity to be much more
honest with me and you know it'sso facto, likely more, much
more honest with himself and Ihope I legitimately hope the
best for the dude.
And I recognize this pattern.
(20:02):
When he pulled a few of ustogether and he was, we were
already there was a dividehappening.
It was like we would talk andshake hands and just an
energetic separation, if we will.
And we had just done a send offfor my brother.
My dad built a little Vikingship and he pulls all the guys
around and he starts getting alltwo guys.
Ian was and we all loved himand I'm standing there like I'm,
(20:27):
I'm, I love you, dude, and likein my head, of course, I'm like
letting him have his moment inmy head.
I'm like I'm not here for this.
This is not the energy that I'mcarrying around this event, but
that we're all going to bondbecause of loss Like no.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Yeah, have you?
Have you talked to yourlisteners before about the
different, like the trap ofsympathy?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I'm sure it's.
We have yet to explicitly diveinto it as beautiful and
eloquent as Ryan Wallach candive into it.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Well, I'm.
I'm taking a page out of MarkEngland's book and and because
it's from him that I learnedthis and it was it was through I
was inspired by Mark England todive into the etymology and the
meaning behind words because ofthis one example when we look
at the word sympathy and youbreak down the roots, like the
(21:27):
root of what that word means, itliterally translates into
symmetrically pathetic Sympathysymmetrically pathetic.
So when somebody comes in therelike this dude that you're
talking about, he's having thisemotional experience.
(21:47):
Well, Chase, you should havemore sympathy.
It's like hold pause.
Why do I need to becomeemotionally sympathetic to make
him feel better?
Two people feeling bad doesn'tmake another person feel better.
You see what I'm saying, butthere's a big difference.
Like empathy is being able tounderstand and then show up with
(22:12):
compassion.
Yeah, so I can be empatheticand recognize oh, they're having
a moment.
I'm going to keep my breath lowand slow, I'm going to stay
curious and if I notice myselfbeginning to have any emotional
response, I can get curiousabout that later.
(22:34):
But for now, I'm going to staypresent in this moment and know
like I'm going to show up withcompassion and understanding and
that's the best way that I canhelp somebody that's having an
emotional situation.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
And this is a skill that the intention, the presence
, especially the presence andthe awareness, can help to
cultivate.
And when Todd Squires came upwhen we were doing the round
table at the enlisted event, heasked me a question on there
along the line.
So you know what's yourfavorite thing about coaching
and I'm so glad the mics wererolling because I said it,
(23:13):
likely better than I'm about tosay it now, because I was in the
moment.
And essentially, you know, ifwe are all pinholes through
which the universe or the Godforce or God or whatever we
ascribe to, sees itself, throughwhich that entity manifests to
have a different experience,then everybody at coach gives me
(23:34):
a tiny glimpse through theirpinhole.
And when we can carry thatawareness into day to day life,
that they're looking throughlife through a different pinhole
, to me that that's one of thebiggest intentions to set, to be
able to hold empathy.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
That's cool man, that's really cool.
Thank you, yeah, I avoidsympathy at all costs.
Not at all costs.
That's pretty binary.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, I'm not going to cut my hand off.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
True.
I avoid sympathy as often as Ican, and instead my go to is I
want to understand.
I want to understand so that Ican show up with better
compassion, and perhaps mycuriosity will help them answer
their own question.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Which is often so much better.
I have a few business coachingclients now because weird thing
happens Ryan, you run a gym, youown a business for eight years
where you invest it, I get it.
Yeah, six figures of I get itdude.
Yeah, all of a sudden, peopleare like, hey, how'd you build
that coaching gig?
I'm like, well, let's do it.
(24:59):
Let me tell you.
Let me tell you Apparently Ilike coaching business better
than coaching fitness.
Now, what was the point that Ijumped off that one with?
Speaker 1 (25:10):
We were talking about , yeah, sympathy, empathy.
I have some things that I wantto circle back on, too, and you
were talking about coaching,what you love about coaching
looking through the pinhole,showing up with empathy,
understanding.
Yeah, if it's important, it'llcome back.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
It's right at the front of my brain and it has yet
to make it down to my It'llcome back when it's supposed to.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Let me circle back with one thing that I thought
was really cool.
You mentioned the pinhole andlooking through and being able
to see God through other peopleand other people see God through
you, or the universe, whateveryou want to call it and a
concept that I have it's not ahill that I will die on, but
(26:00):
it's something I like toentertain the idea of is that
humans are the fingertips of theuniverse.
It's how the universe feels, ifthat makes sense.
So it's a very Sacred is astrong word.
(26:22):
When a man finds his way intomy circle and I take on the role
of mentoring that individual,that is one of.
It's a very importantrelationship.
(26:44):
It's a very important.
Again, sacred is a reallystrong word.
There's this close to beingable.
Yeah, there's very few otherwords to use, Right right, and
what an honor, what a privilegeto be able to say, hey, I'm 42
(27:07):
years old, I've been marriedover 18 years, I've got business
experience, I know what it'slike having kids.
I've made a metric shit ton ofmistakes and I've learned from
them.
I've gotten to this pointbecause I started doing this
work specifically seven yearsago.
Hey, how can we fast track youand you can avoid the pitfalls
(27:27):
that I found myself in?
That's not something thatthere's a lot of coaches in the
world today, unfortunately, anda lot of them are not, as the
relationship is not as importantto them, and that makes me I
(27:52):
feel I don't wanna feel.
I don't wanna say I feel sad,because I'm not sad, but it's
either frustration or, like theguys that are working with those
people.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Dude, I got a message from someone last night who
I've done a free call, with onefree call, and he still talks
about the energy shifted thereand how impactful it was.
He's like how do I approachthis?
Because it's working with thiscoach and he asked for a review
and I don't feel right givinghim positive review but felt
(28:26):
like most of the calls were himego-stroking and honest do
what's right, like I would wannahear it if I didn't.
He's like yeah, that's thething.
I don't think he's gonna takeit well.
Well then it may be the righttime to say it to him and I'll
pile on and open this one up alittle bit about it being
unfortunate that there's a lotof coaches, because I, yes, and
(28:50):
because I started in CrossFitand owning a gym where there's a
completely low barrier to entry, and if I go back to like the
way that, even that I coachedmovement in the early days, much
less the way that I talk topeople, the way that I
communicated about mindset, itneeded a lot of work.
What I will say to the listenersis be very, very careful of the
(29:13):
caricature that people draw ofthemselves on social media.
Be very careful and verymindful, and there's something
to be said for working withsomebody who resonates with you.
Ryan and I are both absolutelyworld-class in what we do, and
some of y'all are gonna resonatebetter with Ryan than you do
(29:34):
with me, and that's awesome.
Go work with the person that'sgoing to help you the best 100%,
100%, that's 100%.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
I love that you tie that in.
We were all beginners at onepoint, yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Right, and in the internet age it makes it really
easy to have a lot of reach andaccidentally mess a lot of
journeys up before you'vecultivated a skill set.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Yes, yes, and this is what I find interesting.
So I'm gonna throw a stick inthe spoke.
Yes, we'll use a hypotheticalhere.
Let's say I got myself a mentorand I've been working with a
(30:26):
mentor for a year, two years,and I finally realized I like it
.
Suddenly, the awareness comesand I'm like wow, I really don't
like working with thisindividual and I've wasted my
time for the last year.
Whose responsibility is that?
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Exactly yes, is it?
Do I blame him?
I mean, well, what's thedefinition of the victim
mentality?
Ryan Waller, do you want thefull definition?
Blaming others for your woes isthe short version.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Exactly and at any time.
We blame anyone for anything,especially our emotional state.
We're in victim mentality.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Yeah, and we're back, and we're back to what I was
gonna bring up.
What does every victim need?
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I'm gonna let that sink in for the audience.
I already know the answer.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, I know you do that's why I asked you.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Yeah, victims need a rescuer.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
What does every rescuer need?
Ryan?
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Again, I'm letting it sink in for the audience.
Rescuers need victims to save.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
And this is the point that I was gonna make earlier.
When I'm coaching coaches thatare on the come up, that are
building their business and wecan get so tied up in, I want
these people to listen to me.
I wanna make an impact, I wannado this, I wanna do that.
And on a certain level, whenyou tie yourself up and when I
(32:17):
used to tie myself up andwhether they did the things that
I told them to do, oh, thatfelt horrible, that was just
nasty.
And the level of detachment,like empathy, and detachment
from their story, from theirdoings, that I'm able to operate
(32:38):
with now, like it's part of thereason that Meg and Henry
called me the goat yesterday.
You take that stuff, you takethat the detachment, and then
you're able to step outside ofit and then we can pull levers
without even tiny T trauma oreven drama bonded, and then we
(33:00):
can attach our worth to it.
And I'll share a personalanecdote that I believe you have
yet to hear.
I was working with anindividual who had a really not
really lost in the family, aspouse, and this individual had
taken over the company that her.
Well, I gave some specificexamples that that spouse had
run and it was like man, Ialmost, and I was.
(33:26):
This is a couple of years agoand I'd still had some reps
already and I was like almosttexting Mark England, like hey,
man, what do I do here?
Just sitting down, sitting onthe call, sucking down
cigarettes, and it had been overa year since the spouse had
passed when we were workingtogether.
(33:48):
We worked together for like 12weeks, the six or eight calls,
and almost 10 months after weget done working together, I get
a Facebook invite to thespouse's celebration of life.
So all that to say.
They were on their own timelineand what they got out of it,
(34:15):
they still got out of it and itcan be really easy when we're
out ahead to be like this is allyou have to do, can't you just
see?
You just need to let go of thatthing.
Let them walk their own path.
Though.
100% that right there.
(34:38):
I'll make sure the listenersheard that breath, because I was
gonna ask when you were talkingabout the can of green beans
and the shoes, what's oneactionable thing, one actionable
lever, when people realize,when guys realize themselves
getting overstimulated and theyneed to get everything perfect
(34:59):
and it's too loud in the house,and what's one thing they can do
to bring themselves back?
Speaker 1 (35:05):
I'll do one better.
Cool, I'll share one of the.
I will share the most importantprocess that I give to my guys
that I work with.
It's super simple.
I call it the ABCs.
Would you like to know what theABCs are?
Speaker 2 (35:28):
The EFGHIS.
Of course I would.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
A is awareness.
I'm aware that I'm organizingthe green beans in the pantry.
B, I'm gonna take a deepfucking breath, ffff, ffff.
C is connect.
(35:55):
Now, some people hear the wordconnect and they may think I
need to connect to the peoplearound me, and that would be
inaccurate.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
It's important that I connect with myself.
What do I need?
What's causing this trigger tobe stroked and what's causing
the temperature to rise?
So I'm aware that there'sirritation going on.
I'm gonna breathe to startcentering myself and then I'm
gonna start connecting with whatdoes Ryan need?
(36:31):
And so if you're looking for atool, like something to share,
we could you and I could bothsimply say, hey, man, just take
a deep breath.
And that's true, yes, take adeep breath.
But how are you gonna know whento take a deep breath if you're
not first aware?
We're coming back to what wewere talking about aware,
(36:52):
intention, presence andawareness.
Well, the ABCs.
It's imperative that I'm awareof what's going on within and
outside, and breathing gets meback into the here and now,
present, and then the connectingI'm.
Mark Englund says it best theway forward is in.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Otherwise, it's what Ooh, that's a quote that I have
somewhere in the recesses of mybrain.
You fill me in.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
The way forward is in , otherwise it's war.
Ooh yeah, and I could.
I could very easily, and Iimagine some of the listeners
dude even me.
After Years of practicing thiswork, I still find myself at
times Coming down hard on thekids because they're too noisy
(37:48):
and it's irritating Ryan, Ryan'sand victim mentality.
But if I can be aware, I cantake that deep breath, I can
connect with myself and realize,ryan, it's okay, it's okay, but
You're safe, the kids are happy, they're playing, they're
(38:09):
having a good time, no one'shurt.
Hopefully it stays that way.
Be in the moment, be present,be here.
So if I, if the the listenerstake away one tool, I would
invite them to like take it andrun with it.
Use the ABCs Breathe, connectwith yourself, the, the turmoil
(38:35):
that you're experiencing is notbecause of what's going on
around you.
Guaranteed.
You want answers, you wantsolutions.
Start looking inside.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I so I mean I love how you broke that open and they
I've Other, you've shared thosewith me or you've put the ABCs
in a post before and and I lovethat because, yeah, okay, take a
(39:04):
deep breath to your point, like, yeah, what do I do with it?
Though, dude, like Cool, here's, here's how we do it, here's
how we check in Phenomenal,absolutely phenomenal.
He says I'm there, okay, you'resafe.
I Want to open that up a littlebit cool.
How often Do you think guysblock themselves from feeling or
(39:29):
from going back in to look atthat stuff out of a lack of,
yeah, lack of belief thatthey're safe?
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I Imagine, chase, that most guys don't even know
that they feel unsafe becausethey're.
They're not even aware of theirfeelings Because, as a man men
(39:59):
we don't typically men orsomeone who is operating in a
masculine sense Is usually waymore logical than they are
emotional.
So it requires, it requiresincreasing your emotional
(40:21):
intelligence.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Oh, we're gonna put a pin in emotional intelligence
and we'll come back for anotherhour on that.
And Okay, the safety piece.
You know, I've seen clients whoare like, well, what are you
feeling?
Well, I'm not too sure.
Like, all right, cool, put yourhands on your heart and tell
(40:46):
yourself I'm safe.
Take a big deep breath.
And the amount of times I'veseen that, like literally unlock
the floodgates.
You've got a grown man feelingstuff that he didn't know he
knew he had in there that hedidn't know he could had the
capacity to feel that level.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
It's big.
Yeah, dude, I Just back inDecember Actually take that back
.
I'll go back to likemid-October.
Mid to late October.
It suddenly became veryapparent not not very apparent,
(41:26):
it was on my radar, like in theback of my mind, that I had a
lot of anger issues.
I've been doing this work for awhile.
I've worked through a lot of mystories.
I've addressed different areas.
I'm I've talked about thingsthat happen with my mom and my
dad and my childhood and blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(41:48):
I've worked on that story.
We talked about this earlier,right, and I recognized I had a
lot of anger.
There was a lot of anger chase,like a Scary amount of anger,
like I want to burn this fuckingthing down.
Anger.
Well, how do I process it?
(42:10):
Because I was scared of thatanger, because when I get angry,
people get hurt, things getbroken.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, I know a lot of men do howthey've put their fire out yeah
, yeah, and it came on my radarand I was, I Was unsure how to
(42:33):
move forward with it, even withall of my experience, my
knowledge and understanding.
I was like, how do I processthis Long story short?
I went, my wife and I went to aretreat in December.
We went out to LA, we were atthis retreat and while we were
there, I Met a.
(42:53):
They call they call the thepeople who are there who are
like Helping the retreatants.
They call them guardians.
Hmm, okay, and there's oneguardian.
I had met him before, I have agreat relationship with him and
I just the intuition.
I Knew when I saw his name thathe was gonna be there as a
(43:17):
guardian.
I was like that's, he's gonnahelp me, he's gonna help me
unlock this I Would.
I never felt safe to express myanger because I didn't know how
to do it safely and, moreimportantly, I was trying to
(43:40):
like justify the things I wasangry about.
Well, my mom and my dad did thebest that they could and and
this, it really it wasn't theirfault.
Like I was a kid, it's nottheir fault and I'm trying to
justify those things, but I'mreally just taking the anger and
I'm squishing it down,squishing it down, squishing it
down, squishing it down.
(44:00):
We're at this retreat, we'reworking through some stuff and I
finally I get Justin and I'mlike, dude, I Need to let it.
I need to let some some shitout, but I don't want to do it
around here because there's 30other people that are trying to
have a moment and Me yelling andscreaming is not gonna go over
(44:22):
well with these people, right?
So I go into the other room and, like a separate part of the
house that we were in, and I'mtalking like pillow on face,
screaming until I'm horse,literally.
At one point.
This, this man, he's bigger thanme, thankfully he's.
(44:46):
He's a little bit taller, he'sabout you, he's about the same
height as you.
Okay, okay, big dude Bear hugsme and there's like Squeezing me
tight while I'm trying to justlike break out and I'm.
I had that, that, that angerinside, because, when I look
(45:08):
back, I Couldn't justify how Iwas treated.
The child, the child within,the child within, like little
Ryan on the inside I don't knowif you ever talked to your guys
about inner child work,something that I talked about
with my guys.
The child inside all he wantedto do was love his mom and dad.
(45:30):
Yep, he just wants to love.
He wants to love and be loved.
So he wasn't angry.
He didn't know what anger was.
He was just like there's thisloss, there's this void, there's
this vacuum, and it's the olderversion of me that needed to
express that anger so that theyoung version of Ryan felt safe
to come out.
So I say all of that yeah, letme just finish.
(45:55):
I say all of that.
It took Several months for me toget to a point and then, even
being in the presence of anotherstrong masculine, to Express
the anger that needed to beexpressed, so that, so that I
(46:15):
could again connect with theparts of me inside that were
wounded.
And that was me unwrapping the,the wound.
And there's the gift and I'llshare it.
Like the wound, the wound waschase, I'm a burden, and I could
(46:36):
see like damn it's, it's herein all areas of my life.
But then I unwrapped the giftand I looked inside and the gift
is I am a blessing.
Now the thing is, if you canimagine, if you can imagine the
yin yang symbol, if, if I tookall the black off of that, what
(46:57):
would we have left right?
Just blank page.
It needs the shadow.
It needs the wound To createthe gift.
But, yeah, it took me a whileto process that and to feel safe
to do so, and now it's like,wow, the healing that I've
experienced, knowing it'samazing.
(47:20):
And you've been wanting to saya couple of things and I've been
steamrolling you.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
No, give me.
You're the gas man and Talkingabout needing the shadow.
You know I do some writing,some, some poetry if I sent you
the one about the two wolves.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
The last one you sent me was about a king cool, check
this out.
I've not read the wolves yet.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
I got it.
I got a short read for you Go.
The light and the dark, bothwith their narrative.
Regaining control is more thanimperative.
Two wolves inside of me, eachfull of story.
Which one lives?
The one I feed or the one whoclaims his own victory?
Most would say it's the one Ifeed, and while I see the need
(48:05):
for sustenance, this answerrequires much more substance.
The wolves are at war and whileit might seem scary, true
victory only comes from knowingone's adversary.
If we feed the light wolf, isthat the end?
Or does the dark wolf merelyretreat to its den?
The darkness is a shadow andtry to kill it we might.
The only way to do that is todouse the light.
(48:26):
For the light wolf toexperience its true might, it
must develop and hone its ownappetite.
And what does it eat, you mightask?
The answer is that which serveserves its task.
For the light wolf to thrive,its meal is not the start.
He must first defeat his darkcounterpart.
He does this by studying thedark wolf inside and out,
(48:49):
learning everything, from hispride to his doubt.
And when, at last, he hasgleaned all he can see, it is
time to step into the arena andclaim victory.
The light wolf steps in, readyto battle and with fear in his
eyes.
The dark wolf is quite rattled,brought out from the shadows he
had.
Now must pay.
And the light wolf wonders Isthis the only way he can see the
(49:10):
dark wolf so clear, almost asif he stared into a mirror?
The light wolf wins quickly andto polish it off, he ate that
dark wolf without one singlecough.
The head of his foe now restson his shelf, an eternal
reminder that the dark wolf ispart of himself.
No longer is the influence ofdoubt and woe.
(49:30):
As the light wolf uses thelessons he learned from his foe,
the hate turns the joy and thepain into love.
The light wolf can seeeverything, as if looking down
from above.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
That's awesome.
It's yeah, yeah, like there's.
I can't follow that up.
How do I follow that up?
That was awesome dude.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Thank you, that might be the first time this one's
been on the podcast so I havesix or seven.
They're gonna be Getting madeinto their own little short form
content and getting out there.
And aside from that, you knowyou and I can talk, talk, talk
about all that kind of stuff.
There's layers to these stories.
People, always the listenershave heard enough of the.
(50:34):
Heard me recap this one.
You know the Real quick for youfor our conversation.
The one I worked in level onewas when my dad caught me
smoking, got in my face and ITried to separate and he kept me
there and I ended up 32stitches in his face, broken
nose and four staples in theback of his head, putting him in
the hospital In level one.
(50:56):
I felt dangerous.
After I dropped that guilt,then I had this Wedge between me
and my father because, well, hebullied his 17 year old into
fighting him.
And then finally, earlier thisyear, I'm sitting meditating and
I just get slapped You're justslapped with this awareness
(51:16):
around this story and I pull upmy phone, I Start a note and it
says I see you, dad.
I Remember sitting on your footwhile the garbage trucks were in
the neighborhood because I wasscared of the noise.
I remember going down the, theslide on my skis.
I remember, I remember, Iremember, I remember, I remember
.
Do I must have 50 good memoriesme?
(51:37):
My dad and I was balling Forlike half an hour and first it
was guilt that I, that I, hadheld that wedge for so long, and
then it was just absoluterelease of that wedge and
Ownership that I could, that Ihave the tools to mend any
(51:58):
relationship that I truly wantto mend.
I Took that note and I sent itto my father.
There's layers, this game.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Layers indeed.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
Dude, I want to honor the clock.
We're up.
We're up over our schedule calltime.
I know we both got things to do.
You gave the ABCs.
If there's one more thing thatthe people could take, if
there's anything else, or ifthat's it, what is it?
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Oh man one nugget.
I Imagine that a lot of men inthe world feel like they're not
good enough.
And I say as long as you arelooking to be validated by
(52:54):
something outside of you, youwill never be good enough.
So the invitation is as Clicheand woo-woo, or weird, or
foreign, whatever, whatever youwant to call it, when you hear
what I'm about to say, whatevercomes up for you, acknowledge
(53:15):
that you will not Be able tolove anyone or anything else,
and you will not be able toreceive love from anyone or
anything else Until you learn tolove yourself, all parts of you
, the unlovable parts, theshadow, the, the dark wolf.
(53:39):
And if you're looking for, ifyou're looking for validation
outside of you, it's not gonnacome.
No, sir, like I Know where Iknow, we're trying to wrap this
(53:59):
up.
I have caught myself many timesthinking yep, it's all my fault,
nobody loves me, it's all allall turned to shit because Ryan
didn't do this, that or theother.
It's my fault.
I'm the man, it's myresponsibility.
And, yes, true, it is.
And when am I gonna stopbeating myself up?
Speaker 2 (54:23):
When.
Speaker 1 (54:24):
Yeah, when, when I choose to, so ABC's is the best
tool.
The other nugget is likeUnderstand, like chase said,
there are levels to this gameand and the the greatest boss
you will ever face is that voicein your head.
Man, I thought it was Bowseryou know Bowser's a Bowser is a
(54:51):
shithead and but, but he's also,he's beatable.
You know, in the game he dies,but the boss that I'm talking
about, he's gonna live forever.
He's, he's living in your head.
He's never gonna go away.
I Understand.
So the game is not about how doI beat this guy, how do I
(55:15):
understand him.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
Well said, mr Wall aware.
Can the people find you?
Speaker 1 (55:25):
They can find me on Instagram at the dot next dot
level dot man.
There's also a website, thenext level man calm, that they
can go to.
There's some information onthere.
I would say those are the twoprimary ways to get in touch
with me or see what what's goingon in the next level, the next
(55:48):
level world.
I'm really excited.
Some, some things.
I've let in the cat out of thebag a little bit.
My wife and I are working onNext level relationships and I
Parenting and Some other awesomeand amazing things.
That is coming very soon, verysoon.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
Go check it out, guys .
Absolute gangsters.
Thank you, brother.
I love you, me Love you tochase.
Speaker 1 (56:17):
Thank you, played a huge role in guiding me to that
(56:44):
discovery.
Get after it.
The interesting thing about wounds is wounds are the
wrapping paper for gifts, butyou really don't understand the
gift that you have your hands onuntil you heal the wound I'm
consistently making greatchoices about the way the Primal
(00:28):
man, I got my guy, ryan Wallach, here and by the end of the
show you're going to understandwhy.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
On the way the Primal man, we have the next level,
man, and where Primal and nextlevel start to intersect.
Ryan brother, thank you forbeing here, thank you for having
me.
Of course, yeah.
What's the highlight of yourlast week?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
The highlight of my last week.
I'll say that the highlight wasfrom today, about an hour ago.
So I have three kids 12, 10,and 8, two boys and a little
girl and we have this area inthe living room and there's a
(01:23):
pretty big rug between thecouches and, for whatever reason
, lately, as of late, there hasbeen where my oldest will walk
around and he does like this I'mdominating the carpet, I'm
dominating the living room, I'mdominating the couch.
Okay, I'm setting the scene foryou guys.
(01:44):
So he's walking around with hischest all puffed up, and then
little brother tries to come inand tries to throw him on the
couch.
And big brother throws him onthe couch, and then baby girl
comes in and she tries to getinvolved and he throws her on
the couch, right.
So there's this dominating thecarpet.
Well, the boys had stepped outfor a second, and so baby girl
starts walking around.
(02:04):
I'm dominating the carpet, I'mdominating the carpet.
So the boys make their way backin and they start wrestling.
And then, slowly, my wifestarts to like just kind of walk
in real slow, and she tiptoesinto the middle of the circle
and I said better, watch out,they're gonna get you.
And so they start trying to gether and trying to push her down
(02:26):
.
And they're not really.
She's not really trying, butthey can't really get her down.
So then I decide I'm going toget involved.
So all three kids are aroundmom trying to get her onto the
couch, and then I come in andjust bare hug everybody and just
slam them all in the couch.
I'm dominating the carpet.
Now I'm walking around, justput from my chest up and then
(02:47):
everybody's trying to get meright and it just turns into a
big walla dog pile.
It's absolutely beautiful.
We're laughing, we're hangingout, just cuddling with each
other and loving on one another,and I, as I'm laying there in a
dog pile with my kids andeverybody's on top and I'm just
(03:09):
like, wow, this is a beautifullife, it's a wonderful moment
and I'm very grateful for it.
That's been the highlight of myweek.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I'm so glad I asked so many themes in there, if we
will, about the ability to seethat, and how many parents could
be stressed from a day and thekids are playing and being loud.
It's like, hey, stop that.
(03:38):
And the skills that you'vecultivated to be able to show up
, oh, this is a moment to enjoyand to see that in and out of
each day.
That's freaking magical man.
Good for you.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
I was just talking to somebody the other day about
being present, and failure to bepresent is you're missing out
on the gift.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Yeah, I mean the big three for me that I've been
focused on and it noodling onthe last six months, if you will
.
Our intention, presence andawareness.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Speak of my language, chase Shocker, shocker, I know
Speak of my language.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
What Well?
I mean break that open.
What's that language to you?
Intention, presence andawareness.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Geez, where do we begin?
We could talk for weeks aboutthose three topics alone.
I will start at the bottom andwork my way up.
I'll start with awareness,presence and then intention,
because the reason I would liketo go in that order is I
personally believe thatawareness is where I tell this
(05:06):
to my clients.
It all starts with awareness.
Yep, everything starts withawareness.
There's no way we can solve orresolve a problem or an issue
unless we know that there is aproblem or an issue.
We have to first become awarethat there is a problem or an
issue.
(05:26):
Now that we are aware, that'shalf the battle, that's half
that.
Oh, there's something, there'san issue here.
I'm halfway to uncovering thesolution to that issue.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
With awareness, now that I'm aware I can be more
present in the moment.
Me being present in the momentis going to increase my level of
awareness, Would you agree?
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
I mean, you took it out of myhead.
I was about to hear you breakthis open and to me this is we
can pick a spot to start and itstarts being a regenerative
cycle.
These three pieces as well.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yes, exactly.
And that is so cool how thethought pattern is the same
because, yeah, I'm aware, I'mpresent, and now I'm more
intentional about being awareand present.
And then I can set otherintentions about how I want to
(06:40):
show up in these moments andwhat I want to accomplish or
what I want to do.
You do goal setting with yourclients and I imagine you've
done some goal setting on thepodcast.
I'm like 50-50.
I either hate goals or I likethem, and I'll explain why.
(07:00):
There's some guys that I workwith.
When we try to set goals, itstresses them out.
They're like now there'spressure, now I have to do this
thing.
Yet if we can take the goal iethe target, the destination and
we can couple that with anintention like why is it
important for you to get thisdone?
(07:21):
Hey, forget the target for alittle bit, just focus on why
you're going to do the thing.
Just as an example I am.
You know, some of my not all ofthem, but some of the guys that
I work with are they want tolose a couple of pounds, right,
and I'm sure some of youraudience wants to lose a couple
of pounds too.
(07:41):
So it's like cool, you weigh in100 pounds or 200 pounds.
You want to drop 20, you wantto get to 180.
You set the goal.
I weigh 180 pounds.
Well, it doesn't feel entirelytrue yet.
Well, that's obviously becauseit's not Well.
I weigh 180 pounds because why?
(08:05):
And Most guys will say, well, Iwant my family to to be inspired
, I want to leave a legacy.
I want to do all these things.
I want to be this amazing guy,this, and it's like great, it's
all amazing, that's all good.
And when we can distill thatdown, we come up with something
like I'm just giving an exampleBecause I will just say because
(08:29):
I am present, I we're 180 pounds.
Because I am present.
And I tell them okay, you don'thave the hundred eighty pound
goal yet, you're working towardthat.
Fine, but can you be presentright now, this minute, today,
this instant?
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Well, yeah, sure, and and if I may, let's look at the
levers that start to get pulledwith presents.
Right, I Love the chucklebecause If we're present, like
yeah, okay, we're present withour kids, we're present, we're
present in ourselves, we know,and that presence and this is
that self-fulfilling, thatregenerative cycle, right, and
(09:07):
pardon me if I'm stealing,stealing your thunder.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
There's no thunder to steal man.
We're all on the same page.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
We're working for the same thing that presence right
starts to Increase the awarenessof what is this choice going to
do to my body.
What is what?
What is this drink, these twodrinks at night, going to do to?
To the goal of being presentwith my family, of getting to
180 pounds?
Okay, cool.
(09:33):
And this is where I seeintention, presence and
awareness spiraling upwardBecause, okay, well, now I have
more presence, so now I'm ableto be more aware, so I'm allow,
I'm able to live with evenstronger intention, which starts
just looping back into itself.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yes, I mean I like you said it, you said it
perfectly.
There's there's a One of thebiggest things that I do not
biggest things.
One of the main things that Ido with the guys that I work
with is helping them understandtheir patterns, and I'll spare
(10:25):
the details of of the differentpatterns.
I mean, obviously we could gointo that if you wanted to, but
the patterns, when we canrecognize, when we're going into
a pattern to try and createsafety, like what?
The kid, the kids are too noisy, it's too crazy in here, the
dishwasher is going, the kidsare making noise.
You know there's all this.
(10:47):
Some guys have a sense it hasn't.
Have noise sensitivity,especially if your diet's not it
not in check.
You've got an inflamed systemRight, your guts not operating,
you're getting poor, shittysleep and you're not drinking
enough water Right Now.
Yeah, the kids being noisy andrambunctious, that that could be
a trigger.
But if I can recognize that, oh, my heart rate is becoming
(11:14):
elevated.
I'm I'm recognizing that I'macting in a way that is Leading
me down the path of yelling.
For me, that looks like Isuddenly become really irritated
if there's dishes in the sinkor If the shoes aren't exactly
(11:37):
where there's, like the shoesdon't belong by that door.
They belong by that door.
Who's who's sock?
Is this on the floor?
Why are there?
Why are the blankets all overthe floor and the couch and
they're not folded where they'resupposed to be?
When I can, this is just one ofthe patterns when I can notice
that I'm starting to get Thingshave to be super clean and
(11:59):
organized, neat and follow therules and, oh Wait, I'm getting
irritated.
I'm aware, because I'm presentwith myself and I'm aware of
this pattern is starting tocreep in.
Why am I in the pantryorganizing the green bean cans?
Why, hey, I'm being being supertransparent, I do that.
(12:21):
Yeah, I know just your bodylanguage.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
What, why?
Why are you Ryan?
I'm because.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
There's for me that pattern that I go into to try
and create safety is I Will beloved and I will be respected if
I perform accordingly andthings are in tip-top shape.
You'll love me more when thedishes are done and supper is
(12:50):
cooked and and everybody's fedand taken care of.
You'll love me more if you walkinto the pantry and everything
is nicely neat and organized.
I will be loved more if thehouse is clean and there aren't.
There isn't a mess everywhere.
You see what kind of anillusion that can create for me.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, and like I, you get this and for the listeners,
I, you'll love me more.
I'll love me more.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeah, yeah, yes, yes.
That's the root of the issuemost.
That is.
That is the ultimate goal.
Yeah, yes, and I Imagine thatwhen most guys hear that, it's
like Come on, what do you mean?
(13:39):
I got?
I got to love myself more Ryan.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Let me.
Let me ask you this, as I lookover at my window and I see the
frost that has formed from thenegative 35 feels like outside
creeping in up the window seals.
Let me ask you this workingwith guys, how often have you
seen someone like he'll write astory out and he's like man,
writing it out felt good.
(14:02):
I don't think we need to workthat like I'm good on it, I'm
good on it and by time you getinto it like through steps 234.
But oh, oh, there was somethingin there.
How often have you seen that,mr Walla?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Nine times out of ten .
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Nine times out of ten .
Thank you, a very rare listen.
If, if, if we ask Because Iimagine you have the same
process I do processes, I do.
When we ask one of the guysthat were working with, hey, how
(14:42):
do you feel?
And there's some yuck there,it's still there.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
That's one of my favorite things about a little
rant here.
Oh, my hardship made me, oh, mystrife made me get cool and
like when are you gonna let goof that, bro, Like you know?
Or when are you gonna dive intoit and actually feel it,
(15:12):
instead of trying to cover it upwith a seven figure net worth,
eight figure, net worth anothercar, another house?
Call me crazy or call mesomebody who has a lot of raps
dealing with that stuff, but Idon't know, it's a lot of magic
happens pardon the pun, when werecognize that there's.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
We go through life, whether it's childhood or later
in life, and some traumatic bigT, little T situation, event
happens to us, we receive sometype of a wound.
The interesting thing aboutwounds is wounds are the
wrapping paper for gifts, butyou really don't understand the
(16:11):
gift that you have your hands onuntil you heal the wound and
then you get to keep a gift.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
There are few people in this world that come up with,
that have metaphors that are onthe level or better than mine,
and you are one of them.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Thank you.
That's a beautiful way to sayit.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Now I would like to add something to that, though,
because I imagine somebodysomewhere out there may hear
that and think oh well, then Ijust need to go get a wound and
then I'll have this amazing gift.
It's like hold on, hold on.
Or they begin to like revel intheir wounds, Like look at this
(17:03):
nasty thing that I've beenthrough and endured.
And then, but there's nohealing going on.
It's just showing off thisawesome present that you have
that's wrapped up in a nicelittle bow, and it's like look
at this amazing thing that Ihave and I've been through this.
You should see this thing,Don't you like that?
I have this thing.
It's like hold on, why aren'tyou opening the gift?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Now, if I may, I see two different angles to this.
What you're saying here, it'slike the hustle porn more or
less what I was talking aboutearlier of like, well, all of
these things that made me, andthat's cool, and also, unlike
the spiritual side, this loopand addiction to healing that
(17:47):
people can get into, that cansometimes very tactical with my
language here leave them notactually addressing the thing.
So, oh, let's go look atsomething else.
Well, let's go look atsomething else.
Let's just talk in circles withpeople that have had similar
experiences and not actuallydive in and feel it, just get
(18:11):
some reassurance that otherpeople have been through the
same thing too, which can feelcomforting in the moment.
And what's the drawback there?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like
trauma bonding.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, a little bit.
What's trauma bonding?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Dear listener, if you hear that and it stings, then
take note of that.
But trauma bonding is when Icome to you and I say, chase,
I'm in this situation, thissucks, and this sucks and this
happened to me and this happenedto me, and this happened to me,
and you respond with oh dude, Ihear you, man, I hear you, I
(18:54):
was there and this happened tome and this happened to me and
this happened.
I can totally understand whereyou come from and we're both
just sitting there.
Oh, oh, okay, now what I mean?
What are you gonna?
You see that in a way, thatthat's what I would consider
(19:16):
trauma bonding.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah, I'm right there with you.
And and to any of the listenerswhose hair standing up or who,
like, are getting a knee jerkout of this, it's normal, like
this is a pattern that peoplecan fall into from personal
trainers, like accidentally,this is how they keep clients by
them commiserating over theirdays together.
Or I'll even lay out a personalexample Somebody who's no
(19:42):
longer a friend, and I stilldon't know why, just blocked me
one day.
I come to find out he had anopportunity to be much more
honest with me and you know it'sso facto, likely more, much
more honest with himself and Ihope I legitimately hope the
best for the dude.
And I recognize this pattern.
(20:02):
When he pulled a few of ustogether and he was, we were
already there was a dividehappening.
It was like we would talk andshake hands and just an
energetic separation, if we will.
And we had just done a send offfor my brother.
My dad built a little Vikingship and he pulls all the guys
around and he starts getting alltwo guys.
Ian was and we all loved himand I'm standing there like I'm,
(20:27):
I'm, I love you, dude, and likein my head, of course, I'm like
letting him have his moment inmy head.
I'm like I'm not here for this.
This is not the energy that I'mcarrying around this event, but
that we're all going to bondbecause of loss Like no.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Yeah, have you?
Have you talked to yourlisteners before about the
different, like the trap ofsympathy?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I'm sure it's.
We have yet to explicitly diveinto it as beautiful and
eloquent as Ryan Wallach candive into it.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Well, I'm.
I'm taking a page out of MarkEngland's book and and because
it's from him that I learnedthis and it was it was through I
was inspired by Mark England todive into the etymology and the
meaning behind words because ofthis one example when we look
at the word sympathy and youbreak down the roots, like the
(21:27):
root of what that word means, itliterally translates into
symmetrically pathetic Sympathysymmetrically pathetic.
So when somebody comes in therelike this dude that you're
talking about, he's having thisemotional experience.
(21:47):
Well, Chase, you should havemore sympathy.
It's like hold pause.
Why do I need to becomeemotionally sympathetic to make
him feel better?
Two people feeling bad doesn'tmake another person feel better.
You see what I'm saying, butthere's a big difference.
Like empathy is being able tounderstand and then show up with
(22:12):
compassion.
Yeah, so I can be empatheticand recognize oh, they're having
a moment.
I'm going to keep my breath lowand slow, I'm going to stay
curious and if I notice myselfbeginning to have any emotional
response, I can get curiousabout that later.
(22:34):
But for now, I'm going to staypresent in this moment and know
like I'm going to show up withcompassion and understanding and
that's the best way that I canhelp somebody that's having an
emotional situation.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
And this is a skill that the intention, the presence
, especially the presence andthe awareness, can help to
cultivate.
And when Todd Squires came upwhen we were doing the round
table at the enlisted event, heasked me a question on there
along the line.
So you know what's yourfavorite thing about coaching
and I'm so glad the mics wererolling because I said it,
(23:13):
likely better than I'm about tosay it now, because I was in the
moment.
And essentially, you know, ifwe are all pinholes through
which the universe or the Godforce or God or whatever we
ascribe to, sees itself, throughwhich that entity manifests to
have a different experience,then everybody at coach gives me
(23:34):
a tiny glimpse through theirpinhole.
And when we can carry thatawareness into day to day life,
that they're looking throughlife through a different pinhole
, to me that that's one of thebiggest intentions to set, to be
able to hold empathy.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
That's cool man, that's really cool.
Thank you, yeah, I avoidsympathy at all costs.
Not at all costs.
That's pretty binary.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, I'm not going to cut my hand off.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
True.
I avoid sympathy as often as Ican, and instead my go to is I
want to understand.
I want to understand so that Ican show up with better
compassion, and perhaps mycuriosity will help them answer
their own question.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Which is often so much better.
I have a few business coachingclients now because weird thing
happens Ryan, you run a gym, youown a business for eight years
where you invest it, I get it.
Yeah, six figures of I get itdude.
Yeah, all of a sudden, peopleare like, hey, how'd you build
that coaching gig?
I'm like, well, let's do it.
(24:59):
Let me tell you.
Let me tell you Apparently Ilike coaching business better
than coaching fitness.
Now, what was the point that Ijumped off that one with?
Speaker 1 (25:10):
We were talking about , yeah, sympathy, empathy.
I have some things that I wantto circle back on, too, and you
were talking about coaching,what you love about coaching
looking through the pinhole,showing up with empathy,
understanding.
Yeah, if it's important, it'llcome back.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
It's right at the front of my brain and it has yet
to make it down to my It'llcome back when it's supposed to.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Let me circle back with one thing that I thought
was really cool.
You mentioned the pinhole andlooking through and being able
to see God through other peopleand other people see God through
you, or the universe, whateveryou want to call it and a
concept that I have it's not ahill that I will die on, but
(26:00):
it's something I like toentertain the idea of is that
humans are the fingertips of theuniverse.
It's how the universe feels, ifthat makes sense.
So it's a very Sacred is astrong word.
(26:22):
When a man finds his way intomy circle and I take on the role
of mentoring that individual,that is one of.
It's a very importantrelationship.
(26:44):
It's a very important.
Again, sacred is a reallystrong word.
There's this close to beingable.
Yeah, there's very few otherwords to use, Right right, and
what an honor, what a privilegeto be able to say, hey, I'm 42
(27:07):
years old, I've been marriedover 18 years, I've got business
experience, I know what it'slike having kids.
I've made a metric shit ton ofmistakes and I've learned from
them.
I've gotten to this pointbecause I started doing this
work specifically seven yearsago.
Hey, how can we fast track youand you can avoid the pitfalls
(27:27):
that I found myself in?
That's not something thatthere's a lot of coaches in the
world today, unfortunately, anda lot of them are not, as the
relationship is not as importantto them, and that makes me I
(27:52):
feel I don't wanna feel.
I don't wanna say I feel sad,because I'm not sad, but it's
either frustration or, like theguys that are working with those
people.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Dude, I got a message from someone last night who
I've done a free call, with onefree call, and he still talks
about the energy shifted thereand how impactful it was.
He's like how do I approachthis?
Because it's working with thiscoach and he asked for a review
and I don't feel right givinghim positive review but felt
(28:26):
like most of the calls were himego-stroking and honest do
what's right, like I would wannahear it if I didn't.
He's like yeah, that's thething.
I don't think he's gonna takeit well.
Well then it may be the righttime to say it to him and I'll
pile on and open this one up alittle bit about it being
unfortunate that there's a lotof coaches, because I, yes, and
(28:50):
because I started in CrossFitand owning a gym where there's a
completely low barrier to entry, and if I go back to like the
way that, even that I coachedmovement in the early days, much
less the way that I talk topeople, the way that I
communicated about mindset, itneeded a lot of work.
What I will say to the listenersis be very, very careful of the
(29:13):
caricature that people draw ofthemselves on social media.
Be very careful and verymindful, and there's something
to be said for working withsomebody who resonates with you.
Ryan and I are both absolutelyworld-class in what we do, and
some of y'all are gonna resonatebetter with Ryan than you do
(29:34):
with me, and that's awesome.
Go work with the person that'sgoing to help you the best 100%,
100%, that's 100%.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
I love that you tie that in.
We were all beginners at onepoint, yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Right, and in the internet age it makes it really
easy to have a lot of reach andaccidentally mess a lot of
journeys up before you'vecultivated a skill set.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Yes, yes, and this is what I find interesting.
So I'm gonna throw a stick inthe spoke.
Yes, we'll use a hypotheticalhere.
Let's say I got myself a mentorand I've been working with a
(30:26):
mentor for a year, two years,and I finally realized I like it
.
Suddenly, the awareness comesand I'm like wow, I really don't
like working with thisindividual and I've wasted my
time for the last year.
Whose responsibility is that?
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Exactly yes, is it?
Do I blame him?
I mean, well, what's thedefinition of the victim
mentality?
Ryan Waller, do you want thefull definition?
Blaming others for your woes isthe short version.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Exactly and at any time.
We blame anyone for anything,especially our emotional state.
We're in victim mentality.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Yeah, and we're back, and we're back to what I was
gonna bring up.
What does every victim need?
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I'm gonna let that sink in for the audience.
I already know the answer.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, I know you do that's why I asked you.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Yeah, victims need a rescuer.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
What does every rescuer need?
Ryan?
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Again, I'm letting it sink in for the audience.
Rescuers need victims to save.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
And this is the point that I was gonna make earlier.
When I'm coaching coaches thatare on the come up, that are
building their business and wecan get so tied up in, I want
these people to listen to me.
I wanna make an impact, I wannado this, I wanna do that.
And on a certain level, whenyou tie yourself up and when I
(32:17):
used to tie myself up andwhether they did the things that
I told them to do, oh, thatfelt horrible, that was just
nasty.
And the level of detachment,like empathy, and detachment
from their story, from theirdoings, that I'm able to operate
(32:38):
with now, like it's part of thereason that Meg and Henry
called me the goat yesterday.
You take that stuff, you takethat the detachment, and then
you're able to step outside ofit and then we can pull levers
without even tiny T trauma oreven drama bonded, and then we
(33:00):
can attach our worth to it.
And I'll share a personalanecdote that I believe you have
yet to hear.
I was working with anindividual who had a really not
really lost in the family, aspouse, and this individual had
taken over the company that her.
Well, I gave some specificexamples that that spouse had
run and it was like man, Ialmost, and I was.
(33:26):
This is a couple of years agoand I'd still had some reps
already and I was like almosttexting Mark England, like hey,
man, what do I do here?
Just sitting down, sitting onthe call, sucking down
cigarettes, and it had been overa year since the spouse had
passed when we were workingtogether.
(33:48):
We worked together for like 12weeks, the six or eight calls,
and almost 10 months after weget done working together, I get
a Facebook invite to thespouse's celebration of life.
So all that to say.
They were on their own timelineand what they got out of it,
(34:15):
they still got out of it and itcan be really easy when we're
out ahead to be like this is allyou have to do, can't you just
see?
You just need to let go of thatthing.
Let them walk their own path.
Though.
100% that right there.
(34:38):
I'll make sure the listenersheard that breath, because I was
gonna ask when you were talkingabout the can of green beans
and the shoes, what's oneactionable thing, one actionable
lever, when people realize,when guys realize themselves
getting overstimulated and theyneed to get everything perfect
(34:59):
and it's too loud in the house,and what's one thing they can do
to bring themselves back?
Speaker 1 (35:05):
I'll do one better.
Cool, I'll share one of the.
I will share the most importantprocess that I give to my guys
that I work with.
It's super simple.
I call it the ABCs.
Would you like to know what theABCs are?
Speaker 2 (35:28):
The EFGHIS.
Of course I would.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
A is awareness.
I'm aware that I'm organizingthe green beans in the pantry.
B, I'm gonna take a deepfucking breath, ffff, ffff.
C is connect.
(35:55):
Now, some people hear the wordconnect and they may think I
need to connect to the peoplearound me, and that would be
inaccurate.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
It's important that I connect with myself.
What do I need?
What's causing this trigger tobe stroked and what's causing
the temperature to rise?
So I'm aware that there'sirritation going on.
I'm gonna breathe to startcentering myself and then I'm
gonna start connecting with whatdoes Ryan need?
(36:31):
And so if you're looking for atool, like something to share,
we could you and I could bothsimply say, hey, man, just take
a deep breath.
And that's true, yes, take adeep breath.
But how are you gonna know whento take a deep breath if you're
not first aware?
We're coming back to what wewere talking about aware,
(36:52):
intention, presence andawareness.
Well, the ABCs.
It's imperative that I'm awareof what's going on within and
outside, and breathing gets meback into the here and now,
present, and then the connectingI'm.
Mark Englund says it best theway forward is in.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Otherwise, it's what Ooh, that's a quote that I have
somewhere in the recesses of mybrain.
You fill me in.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
The way forward is in , otherwise it's war.
Ooh yeah, and I could.
I could very easily, and Iimagine some of the listeners
dude even me.
After Years of practicing thiswork, I still find myself at
times Coming down hard on thekids because they're too noisy
(37:48):
and it's irritating Ryan, Ryan'sand victim mentality.
But if I can be aware, I cantake that deep breath, I can
connect with myself and realize,ryan, it's okay, it's okay, but
You're safe, the kids are happy, they're playing, they're
(38:09):
having a good time, no one'shurt.
Hopefully it stays that way.
Be in the moment, be present,be here.
So if I, if the the listenerstake away one tool, I would
invite them to like take it andrun with it.
Use the ABCs Breathe, connectwith yourself, the, the turmoil
(38:35):
that you're experiencing is notbecause of what's going on
around you.
Guaranteed.
You want answers, you wantsolutions.
Start looking inside.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I so I mean I love how you broke that open and they
I've Other, you've shared thosewith me or you've put the ABCs
in a post before and and I lovethat because, yeah, okay, take a
(39:04):
deep breath to your point, like, yeah, what do I do with it?
Though, dude, like Cool, here's, here's how we do it, here's
how we check in Phenomenal,absolutely phenomenal.
He says I'm there, okay, you'resafe.
I Want to open that up a littlebit cool.
How often Do you think guysblock themselves from feeling or
(39:29):
from going back in to look atthat stuff out of a lack of,
yeah, lack of belief thatthey're safe?
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I Imagine, chase, that most guys don't even know
that they feel unsafe becausethey're.
They're not even aware of theirfeelings Because, as a man men
(39:59):
we don't typically men orsomeone who is operating in a
masculine sense Is usually waymore logical than they are
emotional.
So it requires, it requiresincreasing your emotional
(40:21):
intelligence.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Oh, we're gonna put a pin in emotional intelligence
and we'll come back for anotherhour on that.
And Okay, the safety piece.
You know, I've seen clients whoare like, well, what are you
feeling?
Well, I'm not too sure.
Like, all right, cool, put yourhands on your heart and tell
(40:46):
yourself I'm safe.
Take a big deep breath.
And the amount of times I'veseen that, like literally unlock
the floodgates.
You've got a grown man feelingstuff that he didn't know he
knew he had in there that hedidn't know he could had the
capacity to feel that level.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
It's big.
Yeah, dude, I Just back inDecember Actually take that back
.
I'll go back to likemid-October.
Mid to late October.
It suddenly became veryapparent not not very apparent,
(41:26):
it was on my radar, like in theback of my mind, that I had a
lot of anger issues.
I've been doing this work for awhile.
I've worked through a lot of mystories.
I've addressed different areas.
I'm I've talked about thingsthat happen with my mom and my
dad and my childhood and blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
(41:48):
I've worked on that story.
We talked about this earlier,right, and I recognized I had a
lot of anger.
There was a lot of anger chase,like a Scary amount of anger,
like I want to burn this fuckingthing down.
Anger.
Well, how do I process it?
(42:10):
Because I was scared of thatanger, because when I get angry,
people get hurt, things getbroken.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, I know a lot of men do howthey've put their fire out yeah
, yeah, and it came on my radarand I was, I Was unsure how to
(42:33):
move forward with it, even withall of my experience, my
knowledge and understanding.
I was like, how do I processthis Long story short?
I went, my wife and I went to aretreat in December.
We went out to LA, we were atthis retreat and while we were
there, I Met a.
(42:53):
They call they call the thepeople who are there who are
like Helping the retreatants.
They call them guardians.
Hmm, okay, and there's oneguardian.
I had met him before, I have agreat relationship with him and
I just the intuition.
I Knew when I saw his name thathe was gonna be there as a
(43:17):
guardian.
I was like that's, he's gonnahelp me, he's gonna help me
unlock this I Would.
I never felt safe to express myanger because I didn't know how
to do it safely and, moreimportantly, I was trying to
(43:40):
like justify the things I wasangry about.
Well, my mom and my dad did thebest that they could and and
this, it really it wasn't theirfault.
Like I was a kid, it's nottheir fault and I'm trying to
justify those things, but I'mreally just taking the anger and
I'm squishing it down,squishing it down, squishing it
down, squishing it down.
(44:00):
We're at this retreat, we'reworking through some stuff and I
finally I get Justin and I'mlike, dude, I Need to let it.
I need to let some some shitout, but I don't want to do it
around here because there's 30other people that are trying to
have a moment and Me yelling andscreaming is not gonna go over
(44:22):
well with these people, right?
So I go into the other room and, like a separate part of the
house that we were in, and I'mtalking like pillow on face,
screaming until I'm horse,literally.
At one point.
This, this man, he's bigger thanme, thankfully he's.
(44:46):
He's a little bit taller, he'sabout you, he's about the same
height as you.
Okay, okay, big dude Bear hugsme and there's like Squeezing me
tight while I'm trying to justlike break out and I'm.
I had that, that, that angerinside, because, when I look
(45:08):
back, I Couldn't justify how Iwas treated.
The child, the child within,the child within, like little
Ryan on the inside I don't knowif you ever talked to your guys
about inner child work,something that I talked about
with my guys.
The child inside all he wantedto do was love his mom and dad.
(45:30):
Yep, he just wants to love.
He wants to love and be loved.
So he wasn't angry.
He didn't know what anger was.
He was just like there's thisloss, there's this void, there's
this vacuum, and it's the olderversion of me that needed to
express that anger so that theyoung version of Ryan felt safe
to come out.
So I say all of that yeah, letme just finish.
(45:55):
I say all of that.
It took Several months for me toget to a point and then, even
being in the presence of anotherstrong masculine, to Express
the anger that needed to beexpressed, so that, so that I
(46:15):
could again connect with theparts of me inside that were
wounded.
And that was me unwrapping the,the wound.
And there's the gift and I'llshare it.
Like the wound, the wound waschase, I'm a burden, and I could
(46:36):
see like damn it's, it's herein all areas of my life.
But then I unwrapped the giftand I looked inside and the gift
is I am a blessing.
Now the thing is, if you canimagine, if you can imagine the
yin yang symbol, if, if I tookall the black off of that, what
(46:57):
would we have left right?
Just blank page.
It needs the shadow.
It needs the wound To createthe gift.
But, yeah, it took me a whileto process that and to feel safe
to do so, and now it's like,wow, the healing that I've
experienced, knowing it'samazing.
(47:20):
And you've been wanting to saya couple of things and I've been
steamrolling you.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
No, give me.
You're the gas man and Talkingabout needing the shadow.
You know I do some writing,some, some poetry if I sent you
the one about the two wolves.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
The last one you sent me was about a king cool, check
this out.
I've not read the wolves yet.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
I got it.
I got a short read for you Go.
The light and the dark, bothwith their narrative.
Regaining control is more thanimperative.
Two wolves inside of me, eachfull of story.
Which one lives?
The one I feed or the one whoclaims his own victory?
Most would say it's the one Ifeed, and while I see the need
(48:05):
for sustenance, this answerrequires much more substance.
The wolves are at war and whileit might seem scary, true
victory only comes from knowingone's adversary.
If we feed the light wolf, isthat the end?
Or does the dark wolf merelyretreat to its den?
The darkness is a shadow andtry to kill it we might.
The only way to do that is todouse the light.
(48:26):
For the light wolf toexperience its true might, it
must develop and hone its ownappetite.
And what does it eat, you mightask?
The answer is that which serveserves its task.
For the light wolf to thrive,its meal is not the start.
He must first defeat his darkcounterpart.
He does this by studying thedark wolf inside and out,
(48:49):
learning everything, from hispride to his doubt.
And when, at last, he hasgleaned all he can see, it is
time to step into the arena andclaim victory.
The light wolf steps in, readyto battle and with fear in his
eyes.
The dark wolf is quite rattled,brought out from the shadows he
had.
Now must pay.
And the light wolf wonders Isthis the only way he can see the
(49:10):
dark wolf so clear, almost asif he stared into a mirror?
The light wolf wins quickly andto polish it off, he ate that
dark wolf without one singlecough.
The head of his foe now restson his shelf, an eternal
reminder that the dark wolf ispart of himself.
No longer is the influence ofdoubt and woe.
(49:30):
As the light wolf uses thelessons he learned from his foe,
the hate turns the joy and thepain into love.
The light wolf can seeeverything, as if looking down
from above.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
That's awesome.
It's yeah, yeah, like there's.
I can't follow that up.
How do I follow that up?
That was awesome dude.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Thank you, that might be the first time this one's
been on the podcast so I havesix or seven.
They're gonna be Getting madeinto their own little short form
content and getting out there.
And aside from that, you knowyou and I can talk, talk, talk
about all that kind of stuff.
There's layers to these stories.
People, always the listenershave heard enough of the.
(50:34):
Heard me recap this one.
You know the Real quick for youfor our conversation.
The one I worked in level onewas when my dad caught me
smoking, got in my face and ITried to separate and he kept me
there and I ended up 32stitches in his face, broken
nose and four staples in theback of his head, putting him in
the hospital In level one.
(50:56):
I felt dangerous.
After I dropped that guilt,then I had this Wedge between me
and my father because, well, hebullied his 17 year old into
fighting him.
And then finally, earlier thisyear, I'm sitting meditating and
I just get slapped You're justslapped with this awareness
(51:16):
around this story and I pull upmy phone, I Start a note and it
says I see you, dad.
I Remember sitting on your footwhile the garbage trucks were in
the neighborhood because I wasscared of the noise.
I remember going down the, theslide on my skis.
I remember, I remember, Iremember, I remember, I remember
.
Do I must have 50 good memoriesme?
(51:37):
My dad and I was balling Forlike half an hour and first it
was guilt that I, that I, hadheld that wedge for so long, and
then it was just absoluterelease of that wedge and
Ownership that I could, that Ihave the tools to mend any
(51:58):
relationship that I truly wantto mend.
I Took that note and I sent itto my father.
There's layers, this game.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Layers indeed.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
Dude, I want to honor the clock.
We're up.
We're up over our schedule calltime.
I know we both got things to do.
You gave the ABCs.
If there's one more thing thatthe people could take, if
there's anything else, or ifthat's it, what is it?
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Oh man one nugget.
I Imagine that a lot of men inthe world feel like they're not
good enough.
And I say as long as you arelooking to be validated by
(52:54):
something outside of you, youwill never be good enough.
So the invitation is as Clicheand woo-woo, or weird, or
foreign, whatever, whatever youwant to call it, when you hear
what I'm about to say, whatevercomes up for you, acknowledge
(53:15):
that you will not Be able tolove anyone or anything else,
and you will not be able toreceive love from anyone or
anything else Until you learn tolove yourself, all parts of you
, the unlovable parts, theshadow, the, the dark wolf.
(53:39):
And if you're looking for, ifyou're looking for validation
outside of you, it's not gonnacome.
No, sir, like I Know where Iknow, we're trying to wrap this
(53:59):
up.
I have caught myself many timesthinking yep, it's all my fault,
nobody loves me, it's all allall turned to shit because Ryan
didn't do this, that or theother.
It's my fault.
I'm the man, it's myresponsibility.
And, yes, true, it is.
And when am I gonna stopbeating myself up?
Speaker 2 (54:23):
When.
Speaker 1 (54:24):
Yeah, when, when I choose to, so ABC's is the best
tool.
The other nugget is likeUnderstand, like chase said,
there are levels to this gameand and the the greatest boss
you will ever face is that voicein your head.
Man, I thought it was Bowseryou know Bowser's a Bowser is a
(54:51):
shithead and but, but he's also,he's beatable.
You know, in the game he dies,but the boss that I'm talking
about, he's gonna live forever.
He's, he's living in your head.
He's never gonna go away.
I Understand.
So the game is not about how doI beat this guy, how do I
(55:15):
understand him.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
Well said, mr Wall aware.
Can the people find you?
Speaker 1 (55:25):
They can find me on Instagram at the dot next dot
level dot man.
There's also a website, thenext level man calm, that they
can go to.
There's some information onthere.
I would say those are the twoprimary ways to get in touch
with me or see what what's goingon in the next level, the next
(55:48):
level world.
I'm really excited.
Some, some things.
I've let in the cat out of thebag a little bit.
My wife and I are working onNext level relationships and I
Parenting and Some other awesomeand amazing things.
That is coming very soon, verysoon.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
Go check it out, guys .
Absolute gangsters.
Thank you, brother.
I love you, me Love you tochase.
Speaker 1 (56:17):
Thank you, played a huge role in guiding me to that
(56:44):
discovery.
Get after it.
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