Limbo: The Prison Sentence That Eventually Sets You Free

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Have you ever felt completely stuck between your past and your future? Welcome to limbo—the gritty wilderness of every life transition that doesn't come with a map, a timer, or an easy way out.

After the initial shock of a major life change wears off—whether it's divorce, loss, career upheaval, or empty nesting—we enter this strange suspended animation. It's what I call "motionless misery." For seven years following my divorce, I lived in survival mode, barely keeping my head above water financially and emotionally. I picked myself apart for every decision I'd ever made, carrying a crushing weight of shame and convincing myself I was uniquely disqualified from anything good.

But here's the truth I discovered: limbo, painful as it is, serves a powerful purpose. We don't grow on the mountaintop; we grow in the trenches, in the dirt, in the uncertainty. This middle space forces us to face ourselves honestly, sometimes for the first time. It's where we build the foundation for whatever comes next. The key is not to travel this wilderness alone—you need guides, truth-tellers who will challenge your thinking rather than simply comforting you.

Though it may take years (statistically, financial recovery from divorce takes five years, though mine took seven), limbo is temporary. Eventually, you find your rhythm again. You develop emotional stamina. Glimpses of peace appear. And when you've properly processed pain, grieved losses, and broken the cycle of shame, you become ready for re-entry into a new chapter—not the one you expected, but one you've developed the strength to handle.

Ready to discover what happens when you're no longer gasping for air? Join me next week as we explore re-entry and how to start living again. There's light on the other side of limbo. I promise. Until then, remember there's still time left on the clock. Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.

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Shock
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is there a major life transition benching you?
I know you may be asking what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those too.
Welcome to the Start yourComeback Podcast.
I'm Toni Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game

(00:23):
plan to move into your newadventure.
Hi, welcome back.

(00:57):
You are listening to episode 79.
I'm so glad you're here.
I'm in the middle of arefresher series on the three
stages of any life transition.
Last week I discussed the shockduring a significant life
transition.
It can be very debilitating ifwe let it.
But what happens when the shockbegins to wear off and we start

(01:21):
to see with clear eyes?
So today we're diving deep intothe mess in the middle, what I
call limbo.
This isn't the fun party gamewhere you bend backward and
laugh.
No, this is the wilderness ofevery transition.
It's gritty, raw and it doesn'tcome with a map.

(01:42):
Raw and it doesn't come with amap.
Well, let me start with this.
There's no timer on limbo, nodeadline, no calendar that says
all right, you're done sufferingnow.
And I know you don't want tohear that.
Believe me, I didn't either,but I'd be doing you a
disservice if I sugarcoated it.
Limbo takes as long as it takes.

(02:05):
That's the cold truth.
For me, it started once theinitial shock wore off.
You know the phase where you'restill spinning from the event
the divorce, a death, job loss,a major shift, and then suddenly
things try and settle, kind of.

(02:25):
You're left staring at theceiling, thinking what now?
I like to think of limbo as mypersonal prison sentence, and
here's why You're not where youwere, but you sure as heck
aren't where you're going.
You're stuck, emotionallyhandcuffed.

(02:47):
There's no moving forward.
Yet You're in this suspendedmiddle ground where nothing
feels certain and everything isstatic.
It's frustrating, it's lonely,it's incredibly humbling, but
hear me on this.
It's incredibly humbling, buthear me on this, it's necessary.
You see, we don't grow on themountaintop.

(03:12):
Growth happens in the trenches,in the dirt, in the silence, in
the uncertainty.
Limbo is where we faceourselves and it's not always
pretty.
For me, it turned into afull-blown beatdown,
self-condemnation on repeat.

(03:32):
I picked myself apart.
For every decision I'd evermade, I told myself I had failed
.
God, I carried this crushingweight of shame.
I believed I was unusable,unlovable and unworthy of
anything good.
I convinced myself no one hadever failed this spectacularly.

(03:54):
I was the first place championof screw-ups, standing on the
podium with a gold medal aroundmy neck that read Unqualified.
Limbo will do that to you.
It gets in your head and echoesall the lies you've ever
believed about yourself.
And it doesn't stop there.

(04:15):
Even after my divorce wasfinalized, I was still stuck.
I was going through the motions.
I'd go to work, come home,stare at the wall, hardly eat
anything, and do it all again.
I lived in survival mode Everyday.
I prayed nothing unexpectedwould happen no car trouble, no

(04:39):
medical issues, no surprise billbecause I simply wasn't
prepared Financially.
I was drowning, my life was onpause while the world kept
spinning.
If you've been through divorceor you're in the middle of an
empty nest or grieving someoneyou loved, you know this kind of

(05:00):
stillness.
You know the static.
Limbo is motionless misery.
Limbo is motionless misery butand this is key it's also where
we find our footing.
You see, limbo's not just aboutloss, it's about discovery.
You learn what you're made of.
You build the foundation.
You stop looking outside foranswers and start digging deep.

(05:28):
It's also where you scream.
And that digging deep it's alsowhere you scream, and that's
okay.
There were days I cried out sohard I thought my insides would
explode.
Sometimes those words were justbetween me and God, sometimes
they were ugly, raw and straightfrom a place of pain.
But those were the momentswhere clarity started to take
shape.
The first tiny steps of a gameplan emerged.

(05:51):
But don't do it alone.
Let me repeat that Don't do italone.
You need a coach, a therapist,and a trusted crew of truth
tellers, people who willchallenge your thinking, people
who will poke holes in yourtheories, people who won't just

(06:14):
nod and say bless your heart,but instead say let's get to
work.
Statistically, it takes aboutfive years to recover
financially from divorce.
I'm here to tell you.
It took seven, seven years ofrebuilding, scraping by, just
trying to do the next rightthing.
Now, 11 years later, I havesome margin.

(06:38):
I can breathe.
But back then breathing feltlike a luxury.
Look, limbo sucks.
Let's not pretend it doesn't.
Look, limbo sucks, let's notpretend it doesn't.
But the cool thing about limbo,it's only temporary.
Eventually you'll find yourrhythm.
You'll have enough emotionalstamina to start making

(06:59):
decisions again.
You'll get glimpses of peace, anew routine, a new dream and a
new plan.
Routine, a new dream and a newplan.
And when you get healthy, whenyou've processed the pain,
grieved the loss and stoppedshaming yourself, you'll be

(07:20):
ready for what's next.
You'll re-enter a new world,not the one you expected, but
one you've got the strength tohandle now.
So join me next time as we talkabout re-entry.
What happens when you're nolonger gasping for air?
What happens when you start tolive again?
There's light on the other sideof limbo.

(07:42):
I promise you that.
I have a favor to ask If thisepisode hit home, do me a favor,
share it with someone who needsto hear it hit home.
Do me a favor.
Share it with someone who needsto hear it.
Maybe leave a five-star reviewand let's keep walking this road
together.
You're not alone and this isn'tthe end of your story.

(08:03):
I'll see you next time.
Hey, thanks for listening.
I don't take it for grantedthat you're here.
You didn't listen by mistake.
If you want to reach out, youcan DM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash Until next week.
Remember, there's still timeleft on the clock.
Let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.

(08:23):
I want to give a special shoutout to Country Club for the
original music.
You can find them on Instagramat Country Club.