Navigating the Awkward Re-Entry After Major Life Changes

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The re-entry stage following a major life transition presents unique challenges as we navigate newfound freedom and reconstruct our identity. Regardless of whether you're facing divorce, empty nesting, retirement, or loss of a spouse, this final stage of transition requires courage and self-compassion as you begin taking possession of your new life.

• The re-entry phase follows shock and limbo as the third pillar of any major life transition
• Re-entering the world after significant life changes can feel awkward, sad, and even depressing
• Newfound freedom often brings uncertainty about who you are and what to do next
• Personal story of divorce after 25 years and the unexpected emotions that followed
• Learning to navigate loneliness versus being alone
• The tendency to use busyness as a numbing device to avoid difficult emotions
• Facing the challenges of making all decisions independently
• Different life stages bring unique transition challenges but the process remains similar
• Working through each stage with professional support accelerates healing
• Small risks and new experiences help establish your new identity

Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. You can reach me on Instagram @ToniThrash. Remember, there's still time left on the clock to start your comeback.

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Shock
Limbo
Re-Entry


Sound of You

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Is there a major life transition benching you?
I know you may be asking what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those too.
Welcome to the Start yourComeback podcast.
I'm Toni Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game

(00:28):
plan to move into your newadventure.
Hi, welcome back.

(01:02):
You're listening to episode 80.
Hi, welcome back.
You are listening to episode 80.
One of the things we've beentalking about the last few weeks
are the three pillars of anymajor life transition the shock

(01:25):
factor, the limbo factor.
And now today I want to talkabout re-entering a world that
has gone by without giving younotice of all the changes.
Listen, regardless of thetransition you are in divorced,
maybe you're an empty nester.
You're retired, you have a newcareer, maybe you've lost a
spouse this re-entry is hard.
This re-entry is hard.

(01:48):
It's at best, awkward and atits worst, sad and depressing.
You've been buried and raisingyour kids, figuring out custody
schedules, working, survivingand grieving.
Now it's final.
You have made it through limboand now the rest of your life
awaits.
Now what this is called yourretaking possession of your life

(02:12):
stage.
But what does this mean exactly.
Let's face it, there may besome mild shock as you enter
this newfound freedom.
You thought maybe you might befinished with this, but now your
new life begins and you mayfind yourself in a place of
shock, not knowing what's nextor what to do or even how to do

(02:39):
it.
There's a new kind of stressassociated with the re-entry to
a life you have not experiencedin a long time.
I was married for 25 years andlet me say I had never lived
alone and this was quite a shockfor me.
You really don't know who youare, except divorced and now
also an empty nester.
My re-entry stage began the dayof mediation and the strain and

(03:05):
stress of the whole process.
It was finally finished.
We had hashed through everylast detail of the past 25 years
.
It was a beating.
When it was over, my attorneysaid I'm calling the judge to
see if he's in his chambers sohe can grant your divorce today.
I was like wait, what Are youkidding me?

(03:28):
She said follow me to thecourthouse.
We arrived at the courthouse at3.15 on a Friday afternoon, may
of 2014.
She asked to see the judge andwe walked in and she petitioned
the court on my behalf.
He slammed the gavel down andsaid you are now officially
divorced.
I wasn't sure how to feel.

(03:51):
I thought I would sob, and myattorney even mentioned she had
expected me to cry.
I said Well, I know this, it'scoming.
I spent that 30-minute drivehome as a divorced woman,
processing that entire day.
You see, I knew I was still amom and a coach, but really, who

(04:16):
was I now that I was singleafter 25 years?
There was a new sense offreedom, but I had zero clue
what to do with it.
There was a new sense offreedom, but I had zero clue
what to do with it.
I remember one night, not toolong after that, my best friend
called at 9 pm on a Thursdaynight and said hey, you want to

(04:36):
go get ice cream?
And I was like it's past mybedtime, I can't, because I need
to be here.
For what did I need to be therefor?
If I wanted to get ice cream at9 pm on a work night, then well
, I could.
I didn't have to ask or tellanyone, I just did it.
Please remember I was also anempty nester at this point, so I

(05:01):
had no one to answer to.
However, if you have childrenwho are younger and obviously
cannot be left alone.
Then this might be moredifficult to do, but I was free,
even though I had made itthrough the limbo stage.
I had yet to know who I was orwhat my life meant.
Maybe you've been there and canrelate, or you see this headed

(05:24):
like a bulldozer your way.
You can relate, I know you can.
In your transition there is anew haze lingering.
There's no more confusion.
It's final and you are on theloose.
There was a moment ofclarification at my next
counseling session.
He said you are now free toserve at church without waiting

(05:48):
on anyone else.
You have permission to do it.
I guess I have been waiting forpermission to be able to do
that.
When I was in college, I was ayouth pastor and loved working
with high school kids.
At the time I was a varsitytennis coach and I've had my
share of joy with teenagers.

(06:09):
But I took that permission andI jumped in without my life
preserver on and decided to workin our young adult ministry at
church.
Not going to lie, but this keptme so busy.
It was a numbing device for mein a good way, you see, going
home to my apartment at the endof the day to absolutely no one

(06:29):
was well fine for a while.
But what I learned was that Ican do alone.
But I don't do loneliness wellat all.
I was hosting small groups,dinner groups, playing sand
volleyball and working our youngadult service.
Every week I was driving to seemy kids and having dinner with

(06:50):
them.
It kept me so busy that when Igot home at night all I wanted
to do was sleep, which kept mefrom being lonely.
I was drowning from being busy.
To avoid being lonely until Iwasn't anymore, I slowed some
things down and decided to justget through it, to deal with it.

(07:12):
Face it head on.
Lonely was rough, so I startedwriting about it.
Somehow putting it on paper wasforcing me to recognize I was
that lonely.
I wrote a piece that basicallyshows how it would usually hit
me on Friday.

(07:32):
You see, I was pretty broke inthat time and I didn't make a
lot of money and so really goingout on Friday nights was not an
option.
But I mean, thursday would hitand I would absolutely dread
Friday.
I hated Friday, so I would gohome from work, eat leftovers

(07:58):
from the week, maybe watch ashow, begging for 9 pm to get
here quickly so I could just goto sleep.
I remember thinking how doesanyone do this?
You have no one to bounce ideasoff.
Get help with any questions ordecisions you need to make.
You are in charge of all thedecisions.
You are in charge of paying allthe bills by yourself.

(08:25):
This new you doesn't necessarilyfeel like a new you.
Sometimes it may mean you are aone-parent show and add in all
the extras and you'reoverwhelmed.
We haven't even touched on thedating part yet.
That episode is way furtherdown the line.
But depending on where you arein your stage of life whether

(08:45):
you are older and an emptynester, are young and have young
kids, or the mom of teenagersthis transition is hard.
Each stage has its ownchallenges and problems, but
don't give up because there ischange coming.
You will be amazed at how youknow yourself and how vulnerable

(09:11):
you can be with other people onwhere you really are in this
reentry phase.
It's huge.
It takes time.
Just like any of the otherstages, it does take time.
But as you move into anunexpected transition or one you
have been planning, the stagesare all the same.

(09:34):
There's some level of shock,followed by being in limbo and
then finally re-entering theworld around you.
The amount of work you put intoeach stage will move you
quicker.
By work, I mean seeing acounselor, having a life coach
and doing the brutal work ofworking through each stage,

(09:56):
emotion and anxiety that loomsahead.
Reentry isn't for the faint ofheart but, if you look back,
neither was your transition forthe faint of heart, but you made
it through that transition, theshock of it.
You went through the limbostage and now here you are,

(10:21):
ready to reenter a world as anew you.
Even though you may not feellike it's a new, you Give it
some time, try some new things,take a few small risks and enjoy
your new freedom and your newlife.

(10:41):
That's it for this week.
I hope you'll join me next weekand I would love to hear from
you.
So if you've gotten anythingout of this podcast, I would
love it if you would share withsomeone who needs to hear it.
That would mean the world to me.
I'll see you next time.

(11:02):
Hey, thanks for listening.
I don't take it for grantedthat you're here.
You didn't listen by mistake.
If you want to reach out, youcan DM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash Until next week.
Remember, there's still timeleft on the clock.
Let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.
I want to give a special shoutout to Country Club for the

(11:24):
original music.
You can find them on Instagramat Country Club.