Symphony of Parenting- Co-Parenting with a "Disneyland Parent

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Co-parenting can be a challenge when one parent emerges as the "Disneyland Parent," focusing on fun at the expense of responsibility. This episode explores the emotional implications, motivations behind this behavior, and actionable strategies to create a healthier co-parenting dynamic. 
• Understanding the Disneyland Parent concept 
• Emotional struggles: resentment, guilt, and anger 
• Common motivations for being a Disneyland Parent 
• Practical strategies for effective communication 
• Importance of setting consistent boundaries 
• Focus on your own parenting approach 
• Seeking professional help for better dynamics 
• Actionable steps toward improving co-parenting

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Is there a major life transition benching you?
I know you may be asking what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those too.
Welcome to the Start yourComeback podcast.
I'm Toni Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game

(00:28):
plan to move into your newadventure.
Hi, welcome back.

(01:03):
You're listening to Episode 74.
In the last few episodes, Ihave been dedicated to
navigating the choppy waters ofco-parenting.
Today, we're doing a deep diveinto a topic that resonates with
many the Disneyland parent.
Now, before we go any further,let's clarify what we mean by

(01:26):
this term.
A Disneyland parent isn'tnecessarily a bad person.
They're often a parent who, forvarious reasons, focus
primarily on fun, excitement andindulgence during their time
with their children, oftenleaving the less glamorous
aspects of parenting, likediscipline, routine and emotions

(01:49):
, to the other parent.
This dynamic can create awhirlwind of emotions for you,
the other parent, the one leftpicking up the pieces after the
sugar rush fades.
We're going to explore thoseemotions today, understand why
some parents fall into thispattern and, most importantly,

(02:11):
discuss strategies for copingand creating a healthier
co-parenting environment.
Let's start by acknowledging theemotional roller coaster this
situation can create.
If you're the parent leftmanaging homework battles,
bedtime tantrums and theeveryday struggles of raising

(02:32):
kids, while your co-parent isthe fun one who swoops in with
gifts and adventures, it'snatural to feel a whole range of
emotions.
Resentment is a big one.
You may feel like you're doingall the hard work while your
co-parent gets all the credit.
This, by the way, is true.

(02:53):
There can be anger at theperceived unfairness of this
situation.
You might feel like yourco-parent is undermining your
authority or creatingunrealistic expectations for
your kids.
And let's not forget the guilt.
You might question whetheryou're doing enough, whether

(03:14):
you're fun enough compared tothe exciting experiences your
kids have with their otherparent.
And let me just say this thisall goes back to the first
episode in this series onconsistency.
I promise you, if you justremain consistent, it will prove

(03:35):
to be a home run.
But it's important to rememberthat these feelings are valid,
that you're not alone inexperiencing them, that these
feelings are valid, that you'renot alone in experiencing them.
Now let's delve into some of thereasons why a parent might
become a Disneyland parent.
I've identified five commonmotivations.

(03:55):
Number one guilt.
This is the biggest one.
Some parents, especially thosewho don't have primary custody
might feel guilty about thelimited time they spend with
their children.
So then they try to compensateby making that time extra
special, filled with funactivities and gifts.

(04:17):
Number two they do it becausethey want to do it, because they
desire to be liked.
Let's face it, it's easier tobe the fun parent than the one
who sets boundaries and enforcesrules.
Some parents might prioritizebeing liked by their kids over
the more challenging aspects ofparenting.

(04:37):
Number three it could be theirlack of parenting skills.
Not everyone comes equippedwith innate parenting skills.
Some parents might strugglewith the day-to-day management
of raising children and find iteasier to focus on the fun stuff
.
Number four trying to winaffection.

(04:59):
In some cases, the co-parentmight consciously or
unconsciously try to win theirchildren's affection by
showering them with gifts andexperiences, potentially as a
way to compete with the otherparent.
And finally, number five justavoiding conflict, because

(05:21):
dealing with difficult emotionsor behavioral issues can be
tough.
Some parents might avoid thesesituations altogether, opting
for a more carefree approach toparenting.
Now, understanding thesemotivations doesn't excuse the
behavior, but it can help youapproach the situation with a

(05:44):
bit more empathy and findconstructive ways to address it.
Now let's talk about somestrategies for dealing with a
Disneyland parent.
I have five for you to thinkabout and consider.
Number one communication is key.
This might seem obvious, butit's crucial to have open and

(06:07):
honest conversations with yourco-parent.
Express your feelings andconcerns without resorting to
blame or accusations.
This is very difficult.
Matter of fact, just do it, butdon't blame or accuse.
Focus on the impact theirparenting style has on your

(06:28):
children and your co-parentingrelationship.
Number two establish clearboundaries.
Work together to createconsistent rules and
expectations for your children,regardless of which parent
they're with.
This includes things likebedtime, homework, screen time

(06:49):
and discipline.
A united front will benefityour children and reduce some
confusion confusion.
Number three focus on yourparenting.
Don't get caught up in tryingto compete with the fun parent.
Instead, focus on being thebest parent you can be.

(07:10):
Provide your children with thelove, the support, stability and
consistent guidance.
These are the things that trulymatter in the long.
Number four seek professionalhelp.
I've said it a million timesand I'll say it a million more

(07:31):
If communication breaks down orif you're struggling to cope
with the situation, then pleasemake an appointment with your
therapist, with some tools andstrategies for navigating this

(07:52):
challenging dynamic.
Plus, they'll also help youdeal with the anger, the
resentment, the bitterness thatgo along with being the other
parent.
Number five remember your worth.
Don't let your co-parent'sactions make you feel inadequate
or question your own parentingabilities.
You're doing a great job andyour love and support are

(08:12):
invaluable to your children.
My children are grown and Istill struggle to prove I can
create these fun moments and dofun things.
It is a real struggle.
I still want to be the one totake them on a fun vacation just
to prove to them and everyonearound me that I can do this.

(08:34):
It really is a struggle in realtime and sometimes it affects
my self-worth.
Finally, let's outline threeactionable steps that you can
start to take to address thissituation.
Number one schedule a calmconversation.

(08:54):
Choose a time when you both arecalm and available to talk.
Avoid bringing up the topic infront of your children or during
heated moments.
Number two make sure you havesome specific examples.
Think of those specificinstances where your co-parent's

(09:16):
actions have caused concern orcreated challenges.
This will help you communicateyour points clearly and avoid
generalizations.
And finally, number three focuson the solutions.
Don't dwell on the problems,but brainstorm solutions
together?
How can you create moreconsistency?

(09:39):
How can you ensure that bothparents are involved in all
aspects of raising your kids?
The truth is, they may not heedanything you've said and go
right back to doing their ownthing.
But this is the point where youhave to pick your battles and
not fight because your own egois hurt, because you know you

(09:59):
could never do any of thosethings.
Co-parenting with a Disneylandparent can be challenging, but
it's not impossible.
By understanding the underlyingmotivations, communicating
effectively and focusing on yourown parenting, you can create a
healthier environment for yourchildren and yourself.

(10:21):
Remember, you're not alone inthis, this journey.
Join me next time as we talkabout manipulation and
triangulation in the divorcedparenting realm.
And then we've got one moreweek after that to finish up
this series on parenting youwon't want to miss.

(10:43):
I'll see you next time.
Hey, thanks for listening.
I don't take it for grantedthat you're here.
You didn't listen by mistake.
If you want to reach out, youcan DM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash Until next week.
Remember, there's still timeleft on the clock.
Let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.

(11:04):
I want to give a special shoutout to Country Club for the
original music.
You can find them on Instagramat Country Club.
Thank you.