The Foggy Road Forward: Embracing Your New Reality After Life Blindsides You

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Major life transitions can leave us in complete shock, turning our world upside down and making even simple tasks feel overwhelming. We explore how shock is actually the body's way of protecting us from processing too much pain at once and why survival mode isn't weakness but wisdom.

• Three non-negotiables for navigating the shock phase of major life transitions
• Tighten your circle to 3-5 trusted people who can provide clarity when your decision-making filter is broken
• Create a 2-3 sentence elevator speech to use when people ask questions about your situation
• Sometimes you have to voluntarily bench yourself before the emotional storm takes you out
• Therapy is the training ground for your comeback - a space where your feelings won't scare anybody
• Focus on basic survival by addressing immediate concerns like finances, housing, and emotional support
• Recognize that shock is a bridge, not your final destination

Tighten your circle, get a therapist, answer your basic survival questions, and come back next week when we'll be talking about limbo - that awkward, painful in-between stage where everything is blurry.

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Shock
Limbo
Re-Entry


Sound of You

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is there a major life transition benching you?
I know you may be asking what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those too.
Welcome to the Start yourComeback Podcast.
I'm Toni Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game

(00:23):
plan to move into your newadventure.
Hi, welcome back.

(00:57):
You're listening to episode 78.
Over the next three weeks, I'mgoing to revisit three of my
favorite episodes.
If you are new around here, thenyou are here because of a major
life transition happening inyour life right now.
You may have been blindsided bythis life transition and find

(01:20):
yourself in a complete state ofshock which, by the way, is
normal yourself in a completestate of shock, which, by the
way, is normal.
What you will learn by joiningme here are the steps to face
the reality, make a game plan toget yourself off the bench and
re-enter a life that changedwithout asking permission.
Today, I want to touch on theshock of your transition and how

(01:42):
to wade through it.
Have you ever been completelyshocked by a life transition?
I mean, you know, gut-punched,paralyzed, couldn't think
straight, shocked.
Maybe it came from a diagnosis,a betrayal, a loss or even a
revelation that something you'vebeen carrying is no longer

(02:04):
yours to hold.
When that kind of shock hits,it's not just a moment, it's a
full body experience.
Suddenly, everything in yourworld is upside down.
You feel like you don't have apurpose, you can't focus and
everything and I mean everythingfeels like a mountain you've

(02:26):
got to climb.
It's daunting at best andnumbing at worst.
Then survival mode kicks in.
And let me be clear survivalmode isn't a weakness, it's
actually wisdom.
You see, I remember that dayvery clearly.
I was home for lunch and I gothit with one of those gut punch

(02:50):
moments.
I was in marriage counseling,holding on to the role of savior
like it was my job, and it wasslowly killing me.
I was learning the hard truththat role wasn't mine anymore.
Anyway, I sat down, checked thebank account and I just knew it

(03:13):
was over.
At that very next counselingsession I said the words out
loud I'm leaving.
That shock was the first of amillion to follow.
I was devastated.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't of a million to follow.
I was devastated.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't even know how to think.
My brain was in a fog so thickthat I had to have people think

(03:34):
for me.
Literally, they would give meone next step at a time.
I'd pray, check my gut as bestas I could and then take that
one step.
It was all I could handle.
You see, shock has a way ofnumbing us, dulling our senses
so we don't feel the full weightof the pain all at once.

(03:58):
It's the body's way of sayinghold up.
We can't process all of thisright now.
It protects us, but it alsoslows us down.
And in that slow, foggy place,you need a strategy.
You need survival steps.
Right now, I'm going to give youthree non-negotiables for

(04:20):
navigating the shock phase of amajor life transition.
The first one is to tightenyour circle.
You don't need a hundred peoplegiving you advice.
That's a recipe for confusion,not clarity.
Narrow your circle down tothree to five people you trust
with your life.
These are your lifeline people,the ones who get to speak into

(04:44):
your situation.
They don't gossip, they don'tjudge and they walk alongside
with you.
These were the people I leanedon.
I asked the same questions overand over and they never
flinched.
They just answered it again andagain, because when you're in

(05:05):
shock, your decision makingfilter is broken.
You need outside clarity untilyour inner compass starts to
reset.
Not everyone has the right orthe need to know your whole
story, so you have to develop atwo to three sentence elevator
speech that becomes your go-toresponse.

(05:26):
Memorize it and repeat it, andthat's how you stay sane when
everyone, and their mother wantsto know what happened.
Number two sometimes you have tobench yourself.
This one's tough, especiallyfor the strong ones, the fixers,
the ones who've always held ittogether for everyone else.

(05:48):
But here's the truth.
Sometimes you have tovoluntarily bench yourself
before the emotional storm takesyou out, and sometimes you
don't get the choice.
You may already be benched.
Maybe your spouse walked out.

(06:13):
Maybe you were let go from ajob.
Maybe a friend or family membercut you off that bench.
Yeah, someone else might haveput you there and it hurts, but
that doesn't mean you'repowerless.
Getting benched, whether byyour own decision or someone
else's, isn't the end.
It's actually where healingbegins, because when you're full
of anger, heartbreak andconfusion, you're not in any

(06:36):
position to run the plays.
You'll throw wild passes, takedesperate shots and end up worse
than where you started.
Therapy Let me say that again.
Therapy you need a space whereyour feelings won't scare
anybody, a space where you cansay the hard things Fall apart,

(07:00):
get raw and real and startputting the pieces back together
.
I remember driving to therapy,crying every single time,
sitting in the reception areatrying to hold it together.
But as soon as I saw mytherapist coming down the hall,
I couldn't fake it anymore.

(07:20):
The tears just came.
That space became sacred.
It was brutal, but it was mine.
You see, therapy is thetraining ground for your
comeback.
And, yes, it's work, hard work,but it shortens your time on
the bench and it gives you thetools to get back in the game

(07:43):
Not broken, but better.
So, whether you've benchedyourself or someone else made
the call for you, take the time,get the help, sit in it, heal
from it.
Whatever you do, don't skipthis step.
The third and final step is youjust have to focus on basic

(08:06):
survival In those earlybeginning days of transition.
You don't need to solve everyproblem, you just need to
survive.
Ask yourself these questionswhat about my job?
Do I need more income, or iswhat I have enough for now?
Where am I going to live?

(08:27):
What are even my options?
How will I pay for therapy?
Can I use insurance, a slidingscale or community resources.
What's going on with my money?
Do I need a new bank account?
What bills can I cut?
What about my insurance?
Is there enough coverage for meand my kids, if I have them?

(08:50):
How does custody work?
This looks different for everyfamily.
What are some resources can Itap into right now, in this
moment?
What do I say to my kids?
How do I keep them emotionallysafe?
While I'm figuring this out,here's an important one Will I

(09:13):
ever get my life back?
And, finally, what do I do withthis fear of being alone?
Listen, I know it'soverwhelming, but these are the
questions of someone who wantsto live, someone who wants to
come back.
Come back Right now.
Your normal has been rippedaway, but here's the truth.

(09:36):
Shock is a motivator.
It will either drive you intoaction or drag you into the pit.
That choice is up to you and,let's be real, you'll probably
spend some time in both places.
But I'm here to tell you youcan choose the path out.

(09:57):
You can make it and you don'thave to do it alone.
I've walked this path.
I know how lonely andterrifying it feels, but I also
know there's hope on the otherside.
You're not stuck forever.
This shock phase isn't permanent.
It's a bridge, not your finaldestination, and that's why I do

(10:18):
this podcast to hand you tools,hopefully to encourage you to
push you when you can't pushyourself, because your comeback
story is still being written andit starts with surviving today.
So let me give you a couple ofcalls to action today.
Tighten your circle, Get atherapist, answer your basic

(10:43):
survival questions and then comeback next week, because next
week we're going to be talkingabout limbo, that awkward,
painful in-between stage whereeverything is blurry and you're
not where you were, but you'realso not quite where you're
going.
I'm so glad you're here.
I see you, I believe in you andI promise there is still time

(11:09):
left on the clock to get you offthe bench and onto the road to
your comeback story.
I'll see you next week.
Hey, thanks for listening.
I don't take it for grantedthat you're here.
You didn't listen by mistake.
If you want to reach out, youcan DM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash Until next week.

(11:31):
Remember there's still timeleft on the clock.
Let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.
I want to give a specialshout-out to Country Club for
the original music.
You can find them on Instagramat Country Club.
Thank you.