Codependence in Cubicles: The Loyalty Paradox

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Have you ever found yourself questioning whether your workplace loyalty has crossed the line into simply being stuck? That gnawing feeling on Sunday nights, the constant daydreaming about being somewhere—anywhere—else, or the realization that your physical and mental health are suffering at the hands of your job?

This deeply resonant episode tackles the complex relationship between workplace loyalty and personal growth. We explore the fine line between healthy commitment and self-betrayal, offering clear signposts to help you recognize where you truly stand. From the subtle signs of stagnation to the unmistakable red flags of a toxic environment, we unpack the eight critical indicators that reveal when it's time to make a career change.

But this isn't just about knowing when to leave—it's about understanding the psychological barriers that keep us trapped in unfulfilling roles. We delve into how fear, comfort, and misplaced loyalty can transform our professional lives into emotional prisons rather than vehicles for growth. Through practical assessment questions and actionable steps, you'll gain clarity on whether you're thriving or merely surviving in your current position.

Whether you're experiencing that ceiling-hitting frustration, wrestling with Sunday night dread, or simply questioning if there's something more aligned with your values waiting beyond your current role, this episode provides both the permission and the practical roadmap to make that pivotal change. Remember—your job should be taking you somewhere meaningful, not leaving you parked in the driveway of unfulfillment. Download our free "Sound of You" tool from the website to help clarify your thoughts, and reach out for coaching if you're ready to create your game plan for a successful career pivot.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is there a major life transition benching you?
I know you may be asking what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those too.
Welcome to the Start yourComeback Podcast.
I'm Toni Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game

(00:23):
plan to move into your newadventure.
Hi, welcome back.

(00:57):
You are listening to episode 95.
We are in a series right now onknowing when it's time to make a
change.
We are in a series right now onknowing when it's time to make
a change.
Last week we talked aboutloyalty and how it can sometimes
cross the line intocodependence.
Today we're taking that sametheme to a different arena.
How do you know when it's timeto make a change in your job?

(01:18):
I teach 6th grade and beforeyou start sending me sympathy
cards, let me tell you I lovesixth graders.
Why?
Because they are this perfectmix of awkward and awesome.
They still think you know somethings.
They are still naive enoughwell, for the most part, to know

(01:38):
they don't know it all.
That right there.
That's a coach's dream and,honestly, that's where we should
all be, no matter our age ortitle.
We don't know it all.
If we ever stop being coachable, we stop growing.
Now let me take a little detourfor just a second.
For years, my good friend Kimalso my podcast coach has been

(02:01):
telling me to track my podcastepisodes and ideas using Excel.
And for years I've saidabsolutely not.
I can barely spell Excel, muchless use it.
I had my own way of trackingthings.
Then one day, maybe six, sevenmonths ago, I decided to give in

(02:22):
and I asked her to show me howshe does it.
Y'all.
She lit up like a Christmastree on Christmas morning.
She had a whole template readyand when she walked me through
it my jaw dropped.
It was easy, it was organizedand it was brilliant.
Do you know what held me backall those years?

(02:44):
Stubbornness and loyalty to myown thing, the fear of looking
dumb, the fear of admitting Ididn't know.
Something Sound familiar.
And that brings us back totoday's topic.
How do you know when it's timefor a new job and when?
Is it just stubbornness that'sholding you back?

(03:05):
Let's start with this truth weall need a job because we all
need to pay our bills.
That's real life, and if you'reblessed enough to love what you
do, hold on to that.
But here's the thing yourloyalty to your job can turn on
you if you're not careful.
I'm not telling you to quitbecause you had a bad day or

(03:28):
because your boss got on yournerves or corrected you.
Let's be honest, they probablygot on everyone's nerves that
day.
I'm talking about patterns.
I'm talking about payingattention when loyalty has
crossed over into staying stuck.
So how do you tell thedifference?
Okay, here are five signs ofhealthy loyalty.

(03:53):
Number one you believe themission.
You actually care about thework your company does.
It lines up with your values.
Number two you're committed tosuccess.
You want to see theorganization win and you give
your best to make that happen.
Number three you feel valued.

(04:14):
You know that what you domatters.
You're appreciated not just inwords but in actions.
Number four you haveopportunities to grow.
They give you the chance tolearn, stretch and expand your
skills, and you're taking thoseopportunities.
And finally, number five youcan go home at night without

(04:37):
guilt.
The job doesn't consistentlydrain your emotional, mental or
physical tank.
If that's your reality, man,congratulations.
You have a great thing going.
Now let's jump into some thingsand some signs that tell you
it's time to leave, becausehere's the other side of the

(04:59):
coin.
Listen to this list and if itstarts to sound like your Monday
morning, pay attention.
Number one you've hit a ceiling.
You feel stagnant, unchallenged, like you've been parked in the
same place for too long.
Number two you feel invisible.
No matter what you do, no onenotices.

(05:20):
Your skills are underused.
You're not growing.
Number three your values don'tmatch anymore.
Maybe you've grown, maybethey've changed.
Either way, it feels likeyou're compromising something
deep in your gut.
Number four your health ispaying the price.
Stress, anxiety, burnout,headaches, that Sunday night

(05:45):
dread it's not just part of thejob anymore.
It's eating away at you.
It's eating away at you.
Number five the environment istoxic.
Gossip, distrust, backstabbing,constant negativity.

(06:05):
If this sounds like junior highon steroids, you are in the
wrong place.
Number six the company isunstable.
Leadership changes every fiveminutes, finances are shaky and
no one seems to know what'sgoing on.
Number seven you're constantlyfantasizing about being
somewhere else.
Not a vacation, just not here.

(06:26):
And finally, number eight, thisis the big one you dread work.
If every morning feels likewalking to your own funeral,
it's time to take a hard look atwhat's next.
There's a balancing act, yousee.
Let me say something importanthere Not every uncomfortable

(06:47):
season is a sign to run.
Sometimes you just need to pushthrough and figure out what it
is you're trying to learn orwhat you need to learn.
Discomfort can be a teacher.
It shapes us.
So don't bolt at the first signof frustration.
But the flip side is loyaltyshouldn't cost you your mental

(07:08):
health, your physical health oryour sense of purpose.
You are not a laugher justbecause you've been there 10
years, 10 years in the wrongplace, doesn't make you loyal.
It makes you stuck.
The key is to check in withyourself regularly.
Ask yourself these threequestions Am I growing here?

(07:29):
Am I valued here and am I proudof the work I'm doing here?
Am I valued here and am I proudof the work I'm doing here?
If you keep answering no weekafter week, that's not loyalty
anymore.
That's self-betrayal.
So here's what to do.
If you realize that it's timeyou get clear.
In other words, write down whatyou're ready to leave.

(07:50):
If you can't put it into words,you won't be able to explain it
to anyone else.
Make a plan.
Don't quit tomorrow unlessyou've got a safety net.
That's your six talking.
Start putting out feelers.
Update your resume, startnetworking.
Don't burn bridges, no matterhow bad it's gotten.

(08:13):
Leave like a professional.
You never know when thoseconnections might circle back
around.
And, most of all, don't feelguilty from wanting more.
You see, god wired us forgrowth, and sometimes growth
means staying and digging in,and other times it means
stepping out.
And other times it meansstepping out.

(08:34):
If you find yourself dreadingwork, feeling stuck or watching
your health spiral because ofyour job, it's time to pay
attention.
Your job is not your life.
It's a vehicle, and if thatvehicle isn't taking you where
you want to go anymore, youdon't just sit in the driveway
and hope you get in another car.

(08:55):
If today's episode has hit home, I want you to do this.
I want you to take 15 minutesthis week to sit down and really
evaluate where you are.
Are you loyal or are you stuck?
And maybe you don't know how tolisten to your thoughts?

(09:16):
I would love for you to go to mywebsite.
I have a tool that will helpyou start to listen to you so
that you can make thesedecisions with a clear head.
It's called the Sound of you.
All you got to do is drop youremail address in there and it's
downloaded immediately.
Just click the button addressin there and it's downloaded

(09:36):
immediately.
Just click the button.
And if you need a soundingboard for that next chapter
that's why I coach let's talkabout your game plan for a
career pivot.
I'll see you next time.
Hey, thanks for listening.
I don't take it for grantedthat you're here.
You didn't listen by mistake.
If you want to reach out here,you didn't listen by mistake.

(09:57):
If you want to reach out, youcan DM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash Until next week.
Remember, there's still timeleft on the clock.
Let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.
I want to give a special shoutout to Country Club for the
original music.
You can find them on Instagramat Country Club.