Finding Purpose in the Pause

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Life transitions often force us into uninvited pauses that feel like being benched, but these pauses are actually opportunities for formation and growth. The stillness after major changes like divorce, empty nesting, or job loss isn't punishment but rather a necessary halftime that prepares us for our comeback.

• Pauses feel terrible—lonely, confusing, and full of doubt—but they're where champions are made
• Life's pauses trick us into thinking the game has passed us by when they're actually giving us perspective
• Acknowledge the stop instead of fighting against it
• Listen to the silence to hear what your thoughts are telling you
• Prepare for re-entry by using this time to strengthen your heart and clarify your next steps
• Journaling during pauses helps reveal what matters most and how the experience is shaping you

Head to tonithrash.com and sign up for updates on my upcoming book "Start Your Comeback" packed with tools, stories, and strategies to help you move from the bench back into the life waiting for you.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is there a major life transition benching you?
I know you may be asking what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those too.
Welcome to the Start yourComeback Podcast.
I'm Toni Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game

(00:23):
plan to move into your newadventure.
Hi, welcome back.

(00:57):
You are listening to episode101.
I'm so glad you've pulled up achair, or maybe you've popped in
those earbuds on a walk, ormaybe while you're doing that
nasty little folding laundrytask, however, you're tuning in.
Thanks for being here today.

(01:19):
I want to talk about some pauses, not the kind you hit on your
TV remote because you need tograb a snack, but you know,
those uninvited pauses that lifethrows at you in the middle of
a major life transitionSeptember 11, 2001.
When that day of terror wasover, thousands of families had

(01:41):
lost loved ones, airports wereclosed, flights were grounded
and all of America felt theweight of one of the biggest
pauses in our shared life.
Do you remember it?
The silence of no planes in theskies, the way people just
stopped, grocery store lines,classrooms, living rooms,

(02:03):
everywhere you look, there was ahush.
That pause wasn't somethinganyone chose.
It was forced upon us, but itchanged how we looked at our
routines, our priorities and, ofcourse, our sense of safety.
Your personal life transitionsoften bring that same kind of

(02:23):
pause.
Maybe it was the day thosedivorce papers were signed, or
the moment you dropped youryoungest off at college and you
came home to a silent house, orthe morning you woke up retired
not by choice but because yourcompany restructured.

(02:44):
Whatever the transition, youknow that feeling.
Life just hit the brakes.
The momentum you once hadvanished overnight and in that
pause you felt helpless.
You feel helpless.
You don't know whether to cry,to scream, to clean out the
closet or crawl back into bed.
That pause is brutal.

(03:05):
But let me tell you somethingimportant that pause is not the
end, it's not a failure, it'snot punishment, it's formation,
it's the beginning of theformation.
So here's the coach in metalking now.
So when I was coachingbasketball, we used timeouts and

(03:26):
halftimes as pauses, not topunish anyone, well you know but
to reset, regroup and makeadjustments.
Because why?
The game certainly didn't endat either one of those a timeout
or at halftime, but what we didat halftime in that locker room

(03:47):
often decided the outcome ofthe game.
Your pause in life, whether it'sweeks, months or even years, is
your halftime.
It's where you get honest aboutwhat's not working, what needs
to change, and where you'll findstrength to walk back onto the
court.
Now, I'm not going to sugarcoatthis, because pauses feel

(04:10):
terrible.
They're lonely, confusing andfull of doubt.
When I went through my divorce,I felt like I was benched
indefinitely.
Everyone else's life keptmoving and mine was stuck in
slow motion.
But that's what pauses do.
It tricks you into thinking thegame has passed you by.
But here's the truth Benchesare where champions are made,

(04:35):
because they give youperspective and they teach you
how to see the court differently.
So what do we do when we're in apause?
Well, number one, weacknowledge the stop.
We don't fight it, because wejust need to learn to
acknowledge it.
Say it out loud, name thefeelings, journal them, say

(05:00):
those out loud, cry if you needto, just don't bottle them up.
Number three listen to thesilence You've heard me talk
about before, the sound of you,the act of getting up in the
morning with no media, no music,nothing to interrupt the

(05:22):
thoughts going on in your head,and just listen to what your
thoughts are saying because yousee, in that stillness and in
those pauses and in the quiet.
The pauses are noisy in theirown way.
They echo with doubts, fearsand what ifs.
But if you sit still longenough, clarity eventually

(05:45):
whispers through.
Number four prepare for yourre-entry, because your pause is
not forever.
It's setting you up for acomeback.
Use it to strengthen your heart, sharpen your focus and clarify
your next step.
I'll never forget the firstChristmas after my divorce.

(06:06):
The house felt too quiet, ourtraditions were fractured and my
heart was heavy.
It was one of the hardestpauses of my life.
But that year also became adefining one for me.
I journaled more than ever, Itook long walks, I allowed

(06:29):
myself to grieve, I changed sometraditions and started new ones
and little by little I began todiscover who I was, outside of
being a wife.
That pause hurt, but that pausealso shaped me and made me who
I am today, because without it Iwouldn't be here helping coach

(06:51):
you through yours.
Now I want to give you a fewprompts to take with you this
week.
You know I love to put you inthe driver's seat while I coach
you from the passenger seat.
Grab your journal or the notesapp on your phone and wrestle
with these three questions.

(07:12):
With these three questions Onewhen has life forced you into an
uninvited pause?
Maybe it was the past.
Maybe you're in the middle ofit right now.

(07:34):
Number two what did that pausereveal about what matters most
to you or what mattered most toyou?
And three looking back if itwas in the past, or staring it
in the face?
If it's current, how are youseeing that it shaped you into
being who you are today?
You see, friends, pauses aren'tpermanent.
They're painful, they aredisruptive, but they are also

(07:59):
necessary.
They give you breathing room togather strength for your
reentry.
Just like the skies eventuallyreopened after 9-11, your life
will reopen too.
The silence will lift, and whenit does, you'll be ready,

(08:21):
no-transcript and fresh hope.
If any part of this resonatedwith you, I want to ask you to
do two favors today.
One share this episode withsomeone you know who might be in
a pause right now.
Sometimes they just need tohear that they're not alone.
And then, number two I wouldlove it if you would head to my

(08:46):
website.
And then, number two I wouldlove it if you would head to my
website, tonythrashcom, and signup for updates for my upcoming
book Start your Comeback.
It's packed with tools andstories and strategies to help
you move from the bench backinto the life waiting for you.

(09:07):
And remember this pause you'rein.
It's much needed and it's notforever.
It's only halftime and we'regearing up for the second half,
so you better be ready Before Igo.
On a much smaller scale, 9-11 isa big day in my family.
It's my mom's birthday.
She'll be 83 years young and no, I did not ask permission to

(09:29):
tell her age.
So, mom, if you're listening,happy birthday.
I love you.
I'll see you next week.
Thanks for listening.
I don't take it for grantedthat you're here.
You didn't listen by mistake.
If you want to reach out, youcan DM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash Until next week.

(09:50):
Remember, there's still timeleft on the clock.
Let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.
I want to give a special shoutout to Country Club for the
original music.
You can find them on Instagramat Country Club.