October 9, 2025 • 40 mins
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The question isn’t “what’s next?” so much as “where does safety live now?” That’s where our conversation with Karla begins—mid-shock, mid-limbo—after she leaves her marriage, her home, and the routines that once defined her. Karla is a violinist with The OK Factor and the founder of The Inspired Foundry, and she brings the kind of honesty that disarms you: panic attacks during a tour stop, court emails that feel like alarms, and the way sharing dogs can turn a simple text into a week-long grief spiral. We map the three stages of major transition—shock, limbo, and re-entry—and discuss what actually moves you forward: safe people, simple rituals, and boundaries you establish every day.
As the fog lifts, we get into therapy as both triage and transformation. Karla shares how an early mismatch still helped her stabilize, why switching therapists opened new doors, and how weekly cadence became a lifeline. We explore the difference between a breakup and a divorce, the guilt and shame that surface on their own schedule, and how triggers can send you back to mile zero without erasing progress. Along the way, Karla makes a case for community that isn’t performative—friends who will sit on a green room floor and say “You’re safe” until your body believes it.
From there, the conversation widens to creative re-entry. Karla recognizes that brand design without deeper alignment no longer fits, and she pivots The Inspired Foundry toward idea coaching, residencies, and visual identities rooted in purpose. Networking becomes a small but brave practice for an introvert relearning how to be seen. And then the dream returns: 30 acres of rolling land, a retreat barn, tiny houses, artists showing up with unfinished ideas and leaving with momentum. If you’re somewhere between letting go and letting in, this story is a reminder that you don’t lose yourself to grief—you rebuild the path back.
If this conversation resonates, follow and share the show with a friend who’s navigating change. Leave a quick rating or review to help others find it, and send me a DM on Instagram @ToniThrash with the next question you want answered.
Find Karla:
https://theinspiredfoundry.com
Karla@theinspiredfoundry
Let's create your transition gameplan:
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Shock
Limbo
Re-Entry
Sound of You
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
Is there a major life transition pinching you?
(00:03):
I know you may be asking, what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those two.
Welcome to the Start YourComeback Podcast.
I'm Tony Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game
plan to move into your newadventure.
(00:52):
Carla is a violinist, creativedirector, and the founder of The
Inspired Foundry, a digitalstudio for brainstorming,
building, and branding yourinspired ideas.
She's built 150 plus brandstoured internationally as a
musician with her duo, The OKFactor, and guided hundreds of
(01:12):
creatives toward their nextevolution through branding,
coaching, and honestconversation about what it
really takes to bring ideas tolife.
She lives in Minnesota in a tidy300 square foot apartment, once
owned a 246-year-old violin, andis a wannabe cheesemonger who
believes good bread and betterquestions can solve almost
(01:35):
anything.
Thanks so much for being heretoday.
I'm just thrilled to have you.
And why don't you just kind ofstart with telling us a little
bit about who you are, what youdo, and we'll jump right in.
SPEAKER_03 (01:48):
Yeah.
Well, thanks for having me,Tony.
It's um so lovely to be on yourpodcast after hearing about it
and helping you with the podcastart and all the things.
So you and I have been workingtogether for a few years now.
Um in the realm of brand design.
So I run a studio called TheInspired Foundry.
And it's brand design related,but I'm pivoting into, you know,
(02:10):
just more like idea coaching andconsulting.
Um, beyond that, I'm a musician.
I play violin in a duo with acellist called the OK Factor.
Well, you should go listen to itif you need new music to listen
to, because it's fabulous.
Link it in the show notes, Tony.
SPEAKER_02 (02:27):
Yeah, we'll link it in the show notes.
Absolutely we will.
SPEAKER_03 (02:32):
What else do I do?
I don't know.
I'm recently divorced.
So that's, you know, one of theone of the things I think we'll
chat about today.
And living on my own inMinneapolis, um, 34, almost 35,
trying to just live my bestlife, you know.
I love that.
SPEAKER_02 (02:51):
I and for for those of you that are new listeners, I
met Carla through a mutualfriend who said she will do your
branding for you.
And then we met and we've beenworking together, and we
realized that we're both we'reboth born in October and we're
literally one day apart.
Um except I've got her beat byabout 25 or something years.
(03:15):
But I was counting.
It's fine, doesn't matter.
And so, really, what I want tokind of jump into is um your
journey.
And feel free to answer, feelfree to say pass, whatever, on
what I ask, because you know,um, but in my book, which is
(03:36):
coming out in October, which youare the cover designer for that,
which there are three thingsthat I talk about, three stages
of any major life transition.
And I've been through divorce.
I know you've recently, withinthe last two years or less, have
walked through um divorce aswell.
And so my three phases are theshock of it and what happens in
(04:01):
that phase.
You know, you can't thinkstraight.
You have to have help making allthe decisions because you don't
have any brain cells left tonavigate.
Um, and then you kind of weaveout of that into the limbo
stage, which means um you'rekind of in this, it's not quite
(04:22):
finished, you're not sure what'snext, you you're waiting for the
final so that you can move onand you're just kind of stuck,
as you call it, the messymiddle, which I love by the way.
And then finally, you know, youget off the bench.
So I am a coach, and so thebench is a big thing.
So the bench is your life, andand to re-enter that and to do
(04:44):
the things, maybe dating orwhatever that looks like.
Um, and so I kind of wanted justto kind of get a feel for where
you think you are currently, butalso kind of explain to people
what it felt like at thebeginning without if you don't
(05:10):
mind.
SPEAKER_03 (05:11):
Yeah, no, of course.
Yeah, I feel like I'm umassuming that each sort of stage
looks very different foreverybody depends on and they
can kind of all go hand in handas well.
SPEAKER_02 (05:26):
Like you can still be shock or limbo or limbo,
yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:29):
You can still be I feel like I have one foot in
limbo and I have one foot inre-entry.
Pretty, pretty good.
Um I got it's what is it?
We're recording this at thebeginning of August.
Um, so it's been a year and uhseven months, eight months.
(05:50):
Um we decided to get divorcedNew Year's Eve, 2020, leading
into 2024.
So um it was mutual and feltlike you know the right time.
Um, but it was still kind of ashock.
Like you could tell towards theend that things were like this
isn't going well, and itprobably needs to not continue,
(06:14):
um, which was a very scary uhplace to be.
Um the the shock of it was I wasthe one who left as and I left
the house.
I moved out um pretty muchimmediately, at least just to
like stay at a friend's house.
(06:34):
And he was great.
He said, you know, you're thisis your home, you stay as long
as you need to.
Um, but I couldn't reconcile theend of a marriage and still
continuing to live in thatspace.
And so um I moved out prettyquick and needed a lot of help.
I mean, it was it was surprisinghow much help I needed.
Um just the fog and like the Ican't, I can't even see to
(07:02):
tomorrow, you know, um trying tocontinue to live your life and
be a functional human beingwhile also reconciling the end
of your marriage and like thelogistics involved in that plus
the emotions of it all.
Like it's a lot.
I was unprepared as much as Ihad um maybe fantasized over the
(07:24):
last six months of my marriageof like what it would look like
if I actually left.
Um that was it was more like geta storage unit and go travel
Europe.
You know, I didn't I didn'treally think about what it would
feel like to walk out of myhouse and leave my house and
leave my dogs and leave what I,you know, considered to be my
family.
Um so the limbo was horrible.
(07:48):
It was it was kind of a weirdtiming too.
It was January, it was themiddle of winter, it was um like
not a great there wasn't a lotgoing on.
Um so I was grateful in thatlike I didn't have a ton of
work.
Um my, you know, I stayed with afriend for three months.
Um I went on a tour in themiddle of that, and that was
(08:10):
odd.
The tour I had my first panicattack ever on tour.
Um it happened a couple oftimes, just like these, like I
had never had a panic attackbefore, and it was uh I was
waiting to hear back from thecourts.
I realized that um like mypaperwork had been accepted
because I filed for divorce theday that I left for tour.
(08:31):
Um and like a few days in, youknow, I was told that well,
you'd get in a confirmationemail that they like received
it.
And I had never done anythingwith the courts.
I've never been in trouble withthe law.
So like just having to work withthe government on something so
personal felt like uh like I wasin trouble.
So it was like this this feelingof like, oh my, like I was
(08:56):
terrified that I had donesomething wrong on the
paperwork, or like, you know,anyway.
So we get to um a coffee placebefore a show, and I can feel
that something's not right.
Um, we get to the show and it'sat like a an assisted living
home, set up our stuff and likewe're sound checking, and um I
(09:18):
sit down and I like I startcrying and I can't stop.
And the guys are like, Well,this is we're on tour with our
Swedish friends, five guys fromSweden who are lovely human
beings, but a little stunted asfar as like what to do when
someone's having an emotionalcrisis in a foreign country, you
know, and totally fair.
Like, I wouldn't know what to doeither.
(09:38):
Well, yeah, no, it's it's kindof funny in retrospect.
Um, but so I you know, I startcrying and I can't stop.
And Joel, one of our ourmusicians, um, he's like, you
know, patting me on the back andI'm like, I can't stop this, I
don't know what it is.
So he finds Olivia and she comesover and um I duo partner,
(09:58):
Olivia.
Um she's, you know, like handsme some water and tries to just
tell me that, you know, she'slike, you're safe.
You're everything's like you'reright here, everything's okay.
Because she can tell, like, ifthere's no way for me to stop
it, then um, then she knows thatthere's nothing she can do
except remind me thateverything's okay.
(10:21):
Yeah, yeah.
So I get through that, I playmost of the gig, and I have to
leave before the last tunebecause I could feel something
else coming on again.
So I just go lay on the floor inlike, I don't know, somebody's
office.
And um later that night we had,you know, we were having dinner
together, and I'm like, I amreally sorry.
And they're like, of course, sowonderful, saying, Oh my gosh,
(10:42):
please, like, you never need toapologize for that.
Um, we're here for you.
And it was after that time thatI started to feel like these
guys were such a safe space andsuch a happy, happy place for
me.
And tour has always been thatway, but it caused some problems
in my marriage.
Like being gone on tour withfive guys was not something that
(11:05):
my husband was super fond of.
Um so in that moment of thattour, in the first month of
being divorced, having safespaces and safe environments was
key for me.
Just like putting myself inevery possible situation where I
knew that the people I was withwould take care of me no matter
(11:27):
what.
Well, it just looked like umgoing on tour, even though I had
just filed for divorce, like Icould have stayed home staying
with my friends Dan and Taylorfor as long as possible, um,
being with Olivia more than youknow, we have ever been, just so
that I wasn't alone.
Um and the the shock probablylasted for like six months, six
(11:52):
to seven months, I think.
Um by that point, I know it'syeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:56):
Will you just explain real quick?
Um, sorry to interrupt.
I hate that.
SPEAKER_02 (12:00):
Okay.
Will you explain how importantit was for the community you had
around you to be around you atthat moment?
Because there are a lot ofpeople who are walking through
something very similar and haveno one.
And I I'm a very big advocatebecause I have that support
(12:22):
system.
Would you just kind of sharethat in a couple of sentences or
so?
SPEAKER_03 (12:28):
Yeah.
Um, I don't know how I wouldhave gotten through those early
days without people around mewho knew me and cared about me
and understood the situation.
Um I had, I was very lucky, veryprivileged to have family who
understood immediately and hadno questions.
(12:51):
It was whatever you need, youknow, they were right there.
Um invaluable, and I can't, Ihave tried to express my
gratitude to all of these peopleum many times.
But it just there's there'salmost no way to for me anyway
to articulate um there are nowords.
SPEAKER_02 (13:12):
All the good words have been used as far that
that's how I feel because yeahthey've been my support now for
11 years, even longer before.
And so it's just it's there andit's n it's unwavering, which is
a wonderful feeling to have,isn't it?
SPEAKER_03 (13:32):
Yeah.
Yeah, that just feeling of beingheld.
SPEAKER_01 (13:36):
No matter what.
And no matter what.
SPEAKER_02 (13:38):
Yeah, yeah.
unknown (13:40):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (13:41):
Okay.
So now you were saying before Iinterrupted about the shock, and
then, you know, and then youwere Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (13:50):
Yeah, I moved into my own place, a little tiny
studio apartment um that I lovein March.
So I lived in my friend'sbasement for a few months and
then um got my own place.
And I think um I needed to bealone.
Uh very much I needed to bealone.
I needed to have my own space.
I needed to, like, I didn't wanta roommate.
(14:11):
I didn't, you know, if I couldafford it, I didn't want to have
to deal with anybody else in themiddle of feeling all of my
feelings.
Um, because for so long Ihadn't, you know, I had I was in
the kind of marriage that waslike his feelings were priority,
and I was generally emotionallyincorrect.
And so um there was just not alot of room for me to have
(14:32):
feelings.
So it was important to me, evenin my haze and fog of like
understanding once we getthrough this like foggy haze,
there's gonna be a lot of stuffthat we need to feel and think
through, and we need we need tobe alone in order to do that.
And that's proved to be true.
Um we had our divorce was quick,like the state of Minnesota
(14:56):
uncontested, no kids.
I was divorced in three weeks.
You know, like it did not takevery long.
Yeah.
unknown (15:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (15:04):
It was insane.
So I filed for divorce like onthe 18th of January.
It was signed by the judge and asigned deal delivered February
2nd, um, which meant that, youknow, we didn't have a ton of
time to think about all of theother things like the house and
the dogs.
And we were, you know, in thissort of limbo period
(15:26):
experimenting with um custody ofthe dogs and sharing them.
And it meant seeing him once aweek, once every two weeks to
trade um, you know, the dogsbeing at the house versus the
dogs being with me at theapartment.
And um I we did that until Juneof this year before I had to.
It's like, okay, I can't, Ican't I can't continue to do
(15:51):
this.
And there were some things thathappened along the way, like we
had to re, we were gonnarefinance the mortgage at some
point to get me off the house.
And um, but he neglected to tellme that he had a roommate of the
female persuasion, and um justuh didn't tell me that that was
(16:12):
happening, and it was happeningfor months, and I'd had to find
out on my own.
And so at that point, it waslike we can do the refinance
now, and we're gonna make this apriority now.
Um, that was like October.
Um, I think she moved in in likeMay or June or something, and he
didn't tell me.
So uh that, you know, kind oflike it felt like I was back to
(16:34):
the beginning a little bit, backto square one as far as feeling
my feelings and um being inshock again.
Um and then it wasn't untilDecember I started to name like
some of the things that hadactually happened in my marriage
as uh abuse.
Um I I was constantly makingexcuses for him, verbal, you
(16:56):
know, stuff, emotionalmanipulation, those kinds of
things, and um had never namedit as abuse, but um was finally
able to in December.
So that was a little bit more ofa a shock.
Do you feel like it's true thatlike even like the the things
aren't aren't linear, right?
And you can you can experiencebut you just kind of spiral
(17:19):
through them, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (17:20):
Absolutely, because here's the thing that like you
just said, there's a triggerthat will, you know, your dogs.
That that's a trigger findingout there's a roommate.
But here's what I'm gonna sayabout that.
Like, good for you for standingyour ground and going, uh, we're
doing it now.
(17:41):
I'm I'm out.
No, no, no.
Seriously, yes, be it because Ifeel like in the midst of all
three phases, there's this bigelephant in the room called
grief.
And grief is in every singlepart of every single one of
(18:01):
those because it's new, it'sfearful, we don't know what it's
going to look like.
We can plan, but we don't know.
And I just you just don't knowhow similar our stories are at
(18:26):
all.
That's why you saw me to thetears streaming down my face
because I was like, oh my gosh,maybe she got out early.
Like, I mean, you uh we can talkabout that off.
Um, but because that's a wholeother podcast episode.
Um but yes, those things, andthen do do you mind just sharing
(18:49):
about like therapy and and andthe role that that has played,
if at all?
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03 (18:56):
Yeah, I um you don't have to be specific, just what
no, it's okay.
I've I've been in therapy sincelike week two of getting
divorced.
Um previous to that, we had acouples therapist, and um at
some point, I'm pretty sure,like in one-on-ones, he was
like, You're gonna have to lookat this very differently and
(19:18):
decide if if you want to meethim where he's at, because he
was coming from like a my ex wascoming, like has a trauma
background, and I just didn'tunderstand that and couldn't
meet him in it.
And so it made things, you know,tricky and and difficult and um
made it tricky for him to likehe wouldn't deal with it either.
(19:38):
So therapy for me has alwaysbeen um deal with the problems
at hand and try to like survivethrough them.
And going to therapy in theaftermath of something and not
having to go back and like fixsomething in my relationship was
very different.
Um, I think I did better helpbecause I needed something,
(19:58):
somebody immediately in thosefirst few weeks, and I didn't
get a great match, and so Ieventually found somebody
locally um who I saw throughlike uh March of this year, I
think.
And then she had to go onmaternity leave, so I had to
find somebody new, but it turnedout to be a good thing.
Um it was interesting to gothrough like nine months with
(20:22):
one therapist who knew me prettywell at that point.
I've been seeing her regularly,and then to have to start over
with somebody fresh, because atthat point you're in a different
place, you know, and like thenarratives you have around your
experience are a little bitdifferent.
And so the thing you bring to anew relationship with a
therapist was um was interestingto me uh how much more I was
(20:43):
able to leave on the table atthat point with her.
So I've been seeing her weeklysince like April or March.
Well, part of it was insurance.
Like I think it was uh 2024, Ididn't have great insurance.
And so it cost me out of pocket,you know,$150 every time to go.
(21:04):
And so I would only go once amonth.
So I made it a priority when Icould switch that I could have
more regular support that way.
SPEAKER_02 (21:11):
It's just so important.
I and I I tell every person thatI talk to, therapy saved my
life.
Like it literally, I did notknow how bad I was just from all
of the trauma of everything.
And I, you know, I I have mytherapist on speed dial and I I
(21:35):
send people to him all the time.
And he's like, Tony, I'm full.
And I'm like, I don't care.
I need you to see these people.
And he so he dumb out he workshis magic and gets him in
because it's been 11 years, butI still like to I still like to
get a feel for where I am, makesure I'm not losing my mind,
kind of thing.
But yeah, he's I just let me askyou something.
SPEAKER_03 (21:59):
As a person who is, you know, we're in limbo and
re-entry.
We're still we're stillunderstanding all of the shit,
excuse my French, that happenedin in my marriage and and what
it did to my brain.
Eleven years later, do you stillfind that you fall into those
same patterns or the same voicesin your head or like the like?
SPEAKER_02 (22:18):
Oh, that is a great question.
Give me some help here.
I'll I'll give you some help.
And and I don't know if it'sgonna be much help, but here we
go.
So obviously uh we have childrentogether.
Obviously, we have a grandsontogether, and so I I still have
(22:38):
to talk and see him on a regularbasis, which is usually maybe
four times a year.
He doesn't live local, but wehad a conversation.
I can't believe I'm saying thison air, but we have a
conversation in June.
(22:59):
He called to have a seriousconversation with me.
He goes, You never called tocheck on me.
And I say, I said, no, I don't.
And he goes, Why is that?
Because he calls regularly, likehe really does call to see how
everything's going.
And I just said, I don't knowwhat state of mind you're going
(23:19):
to be in.
And I am not willing to let thatboundary go because it sends me
into trauma again.
And I can't do that, so I'm notgoing to.
And I tried to be as kind aboutit as I could.
And the thing that I think thething that gets me in all of
(23:42):
that, what you just asked, ishow it affects my my boys, my
sons.
And that struggle of our mom anddad okay being together in the
same room.
Of course we are.
Like we're going to be.
Whether we well, however, we'regoing to be okay because it's
(24:05):
our kids, right?
And but I'm anxious, you know,I'm like, is something going to
happen?
It it's it's this ongoing.
And then I have to, when it'sover, I have to step aside and
(24:26):
just I have to I just have toregroup because I want pins and
needles.
And I I don't enjoy that.
And um, but it is it is where weare.
And so yeah, I mean it it's it'shard still.
And I mean, I I'm grateful thatyou don't have kids.
(24:50):
I I'm sorry that I'm sorry aboutyour dogs, because those are
like your kids.
That that's awful.
But it just I I'm I'm gratefulthat you don't have kids yet.
I really am.
SPEAKER_03 (25:04):
Tony, I mean, conversations in June, I had the
same, well, different one, butit was like uh I I had my dogs
for a couple of days, and wedon't talk on the phone, like we
text or we email about stuff,but I never call him ever
because his voice in my ear,that close to my being, is like
(25:27):
it's too much now.
I had to call him because I hadan issue with one of our dogs.
And so um after that phone call,he called me back.
Like, I don't know, it was likeI had to talk to him twice in
the span of a half hour.
And and I was like, I can't dothis for 10 years.
I can't do this for the rest ofthe life of my dogs.
Like, I I I can't be just on awhim, available to hear his
(25:53):
voice and be sent, justabsolutely sent, not in a good
way, you know, like um I did notknow how much that was still
going to affect me.
And I would love to be, youknow, the cool girl who can
totally handle it and befriends, like whatever.
It's the dogs are the mostimportant thing.
Like, but they're not they'renot children.
I have no real legal obligationto them the same way you do with
(26:15):
kids.
And so and and the thing isyeah, just yeah, had to I had to
make the choice to let that go.
SPEAKER_02 (26:24):
And that and the and the thing is for me, like he's
their dad.
Like he's their dad.
And I tried very hard not to Itried very hard not to lean them
in any direction.
(26:45):
I asked them how their dad'sdoing on a regular basis,
because he's their dad.
He's always going to be theirdad, regardless of what happened
between us, he's their dad, youknow?
And so I tr I try very hard tobe sensitive to that.
And sometimes I do a reallygreat job and sometimes I took
(27:07):
at it.
So there's that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (27:12):
I am I'm grateful I don't have to potentially I
mean, but this week even, I'mhaving a grief week this week
because he texted me pictures ofour dogs.
And I thought we were in like aa no contact kind of thing, but
maybe I wasn't clear enoughabout that.
He sent me pictures of the dogstwice because they got groomed
and they're so beautiful.
And in the moment it was like,oh, my dogs.
(27:35):
And then I didn't, I couldn'tunderstand why I just my
emotional, you know, landscapekept devolving over the course
of the week.
And it's like, well, it'sprobably because he sent you
pictures and you had to hearfrom him.
SPEAKER_02 (27:50):
Yeah.
unknown (27:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (27:51):
You know, I mean, I I had I got a dog.
I'd been divorced not quite ayear, and I got a dog and um
loved my dog.
He's big old order collie mix,70 pounds.
We walked all the time, and Ilost him last June, a year ago.
(28:14):
Um, he had a big old masswrapped around his esophagus,
and I was devastated because Ihad to put him down.
And I uh the the whole year wasjust a year of grief for me all
over again because I lost my Ilost my buddy.
I lost the the person, if youwill, that I came home to every
(28:36):
day, you know?
And so I I understand that it'sa it's extremely difficult.
It was it was a hard thing.
SPEAKER_01 (28:44):
So yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (28:47):
So what so how do you feel other than your brief
week?
Like so you you said you haveone foot in limbo and one foot
in re-entry.
Tell me tell me a little bitabout that and then yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:10):
I think um my limbo is is still reconciling with the
fact that this is gonna takelonger than I think it's going
to.
Like it's okay.
It's a divorce is different thana breakup.
You know what I mean?
Like I don't know, you get sad,you find somebody new, whatever.
Divorce for me has been like youmade a commitment and you you
(29:37):
made a legal commitment and youbroke it and you decided to end
it.
And so, like, sitting with theguilt of that and the shame of
that, and that those are twothings that I have not quite
touched in therapy yet.
Like, we're starting to getthere.
But it was more about therapywas you know, immediate like
deal with the situations and thecircumstances, and then.
(30:00):
start to get into the emotionsof it.
And um both of my therapistsover the last year would tell
you that she she asks almostevery session, how long is this
gonna take?
Because there's no there's noend date.
There's no rule book, playbookfor how how long you're gonna be
(30:22):
feeling this way.
And I feel shame that I stillfeel grief over this even a year
and a half later, which feels tome like a really long time.
Um so that's that feels likelimbo to me still.
And then re-entry like uh I I'mnot actively dating.
(30:44):
I think I'm open to the idea,but I'm working out some things
in my own brain about likedating makes me feel desperate.
You know, like I don't want tohave to deal with somebody or
manage somebody else's emotions.
Like I still have kind of messedup views around what it means to
be in like a romanticrelationship with somebody.
So I don't want to bring thatinto anything.
(31:06):
I'm aware of it and like tryingto work through it.
But I mean just like you knowfeeling like I'm living my own
life instead of navigating theaftermath of divorce that feels
like re-entry to me.
SPEAKER_02 (31:21):
It absolutely because if you just said at the
beginning that you are pivotingfrom rebranding why don't you
kind of I mean because that'sre-entry that's that's a part of
of what you're walking through.
SPEAKER_03 (31:36):
So maybe share a little bit about that and then
Yeah yeah um we uh for so longthe Inspired Foundry my creative
studio was dedicated to branddesign graphic design and then
and you know brand design forlogos and colors and fonts and
all those kinds of things umbecause it was a skill set that
(31:58):
I could I could utilize and Icould get paid for.
I think in going through adivorce and dealing with grief,
um it it I don't even know howto articulate it clearly, but
something about like how itshowed me what I was no longer
willing to do or like um what Ino longer wanted to spend my
(32:22):
time doing.
And that if I had to make it onmy own, I was gonna make it on
my own in a way that I reallyfelt amazing about.
So it gave me some sort ofclarity.
Yeah in a yes in like a rockbottom kind of way but yeah.
Yeah.
Um the first few months of thisyear I had no clients I had no
(32:46):
design clients coming in.
I was marketing a little bit butnot enough.
I started doing some in-personmarketing and that helped a lot.
But even that was clarifying interms of when you're meeting a
bunch of new people and tellingthem what you do day in and day
out and you're not excited aboutit and like you start asking
them questions.
Like I would want to ask peoplequestions like what's your big
dream?
And then I would be like I haveto relate this to branding
(33:09):
somehow and like tell them youknow what they need in terms of
design and how I can supportthem.
When I would rather just haveconversations about what their
dreams look like and and wherethey are in in process of
bringing them to life.
And so that was clarifying forme too in putting myself out
there again in sort of anentrepreneurial sense like
(33:30):
meeting people, networking, kindof um forcing myself as the
introverted person that I am tobe in public spaces with people
and small talk.
Like just not fun.
But I thought if I ever wantedto date again this is like a a
real easy way to kind of um testthe waters of meeting people
(33:52):
because for so long I didn't mybusiness was online for so many
years and so I didn't reallyneed to network.
And then when my you knowreferrals dried up or seemed
like they did then except foryou Tony you're always sending
me great people um I you know Ineeded some other strategy.
SPEAKER_02 (34:08):
I believe in you it's very kind of you I believe
in you too it's mutual mutualbelieving I know it's it's a
good place to be well um youhave any last thoughts on where
you are and where you want to bewhat is your big dream well it's
(34:32):
really interesting.
SPEAKER_03 (34:33):
I mean in the first maybe year of getting divorced I
couldn't look at the future atall.
Like future dreaming just wasnot available to me.
It was survival mode it was youknow um trying to listen to
myself over what the you knowthe things I have been told in
my marriage trying to untangleall of those things.
(34:55):
And now I finally kind of feellike I I'm starting to think
about next summer.
Like I want to make plans fornext summer already.
And um I have always held kindof a a long term dream of the
inspired foundry becoming aphysical space like 30 acres of
land, rolling hills, bigbeautiful retreat barn center,
(35:19):
tiny houses on the property comestay with me and work on your
inspired idea.
Yeah.
I'm there.
So right?
Yeah I am too I would love thatum and like when when ChatGPT
and AI started coming out thefirst thing I did was give me
some you know like visual imagesof this place that I'm
describing.
So I had a vision in my head.
(35:40):
Um and those were the thingsthat like I had done that just
before I got divorced and soholding on to that future vision
even though I I could just Icould see it visually in front
of me, I couldn't necessarilyfeel it.
I'm starting to feel it again.
I'm starting to feel like thatis a pull that is still there
that I still want.
(36:02):
And part of grief for me wasalso identifying whether the
things that I felt in mymarriage about my dreams were
trying to decide if they werecoping mechanisms for dealing
with my everyday life or if thatwas actually who I was.
So I had to go through a periodof like I don't know if I really
(36:23):
want this or if this was just medisassociating from my everyday
life.
But I think I've come aroundback to the point that like no
those those were true.
That was that was really who Iam and what I want um which
feels good to know that uh thatI didn't lose that in the
process of dealing with griefthat you don't lose yourself
(36:44):
just because you're grieving.
It's just you have to go throughsomething you have to you have
to wade through it in order tofigure out what's true.
SPEAKER_02 (36:52):
Um that is correct yeah so I don't there's there's
no tidy bow on any of this Tonyit's just no sucks there's not
it does well you know I I can'tthank you enough for being here
today like hopefully mylisteners will rally around and
(37:14):
maybe you'll get some newclients out of it we'll be sure
and uh we'll love that be sureand tell us where tell us where
you're located where they canfind you on all social media
platforms uh website and thenI'll be sure to plug all of that
in the show notes.
SPEAKER_03 (37:30):
Yeah um it's just the inspiredfoundry.com I'm the
inspired foundry on Instagram umand I talk about divorce a
little bit there a little bitabout grief um I try to keep it
inspiring but I also know thatthe messy middle is no matter
whether that's like a life messymiddle or a project messy middle
(37:51):
it's very real and doesn't gettalked about enough so I try to
um dive into that um but I'vegot you know like the studio at
the Inspired Foundry for um kindof creative community around
bringing your ideas to lifeartist residencies for more
focused project support and umbrand design packages for visual
(38:11):
identities that kind of thing umand then music you know the okay
factor on Instagram and Facebookand the internet so and Spotify
is yes and and it's great uhit's great writing music just
FYI yeah thank you Tony for allyour support on all the things
(38:31):
that I do I am grateful for ourcollaboration and our friendship
and your support.
SPEAKER_02 (38:38):
It's it's so lackwise I I get so excited to
tell people about you and I Iappreciate all the things that
you do for me because I don'tknow how to do them.
This is why you get on get to dothem because I have it I have
the ideas and I can't I knowwhat I want most of the time and
then you curate it and make itall lovely and outstanding and I
(39:02):
I'm just I'm eternally gratefulfor you.
You're an awesome and thanksagain for being here.
Yeah thank you for having me heythanks for listening I don't
take it for granted that you'rehere you didn't listen by
mistake.
If you want to reach out you canDM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash.
(39:23):
Until next week remember there'sstill time left on the clock
let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.
I want to give a special shoutout to Country Club for the
original music.
You can find them on Instagramat country club
Is there a major life transition pinching you?
(00:03):
I know you may be asking, what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those two.
Welcome to the Start YourComeback Podcast.
I'm Tony Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game
plan to move into your newadventure.
(00:52):
Carla is a violinist, creativedirector, and the founder of The
Inspired Foundry, a digitalstudio for brainstorming,
building, and branding yourinspired ideas.
She's built 150 plus brandstoured internationally as a
musician with her duo, The OKFactor, and guided hundreds of
(01:12):
creatives toward their nextevolution through branding,
coaching, and honestconversation about what it
really takes to bring ideas tolife.
She lives in Minnesota in a tidy300 square foot apartment, once
owned a 246-year-old violin, andis a wannabe cheesemonger who
believes good bread and betterquestions can solve almost
(01:35):
anything.
Thanks so much for being heretoday.
I'm just thrilled to have you.
And why don't you just kind ofstart with telling us a little
bit about who you are, what youdo, and we'll jump right in.
SPEAKER_03 (01:48):
Yeah.
Well, thanks for having me,Tony.
It's um so lovely to be on yourpodcast after hearing about it
and helping you with the podcastart and all the things.
So you and I have been workingtogether for a few years now.
Um in the realm of brand design.
So I run a studio called TheInspired Foundry.
And it's brand design related,but I'm pivoting into, you know,
(02:10):
just more like idea coaching andconsulting.
Um, beyond that, I'm a musician.
I play violin in a duo with acellist called the OK Factor.
Well, you should go listen to itif you need new music to listen
to, because it's fabulous.
Link it in the show notes, Tony.
SPEAKER_02 (02:27):
Yeah, we'll link it in the show notes.
Absolutely we will.
SPEAKER_03 (02:32):
What else do I do?
I don't know.
I'm recently divorced.
So that's, you know, one of theone of the things I think we'll
chat about today.
And living on my own inMinneapolis, um, 34, almost 35,
trying to just live my bestlife, you know.
I love that.
SPEAKER_02 (02:51):
I and for for those of you that are new listeners, I
met Carla through a mutualfriend who said she will do your
branding for you.
And then we met and we've beenworking together, and we
realized that we're both we'reboth born in October and we're
literally one day apart.
Um except I've got her beat byabout 25 or something years.
(03:15):
But I was counting.
It's fine, doesn't matter.
And so, really, what I want tokind of jump into is um your
journey.
And feel free to answer, feelfree to say pass, whatever, on
what I ask, because you know,um, but in my book, which is
(03:36):
coming out in October, which youare the cover designer for that,
which there are three thingsthat I talk about, three stages
of any major life transition.
And I've been through divorce.
I know you've recently, withinthe last two years or less, have
walked through um divorce aswell.
And so my three phases are theshock of it and what happens in
(04:01):
that phase.
You know, you can't thinkstraight.
You have to have help making allthe decisions because you don't
have any brain cells left tonavigate.
Um, and then you kind of weaveout of that into the limbo
stage, which means um you'rekind of in this, it's not quite
(04:22):
finished, you're not sure what'snext, you you're waiting for the
final so that you can move onand you're just kind of stuck,
as you call it, the messymiddle, which I love by the way.
And then finally, you know, youget off the bench.
So I am a coach, and so thebench is a big thing.
So the bench is your life, andand to re-enter that and to do
(04:44):
the things, maybe dating orwhatever that looks like.
Um, and so I kind of wanted justto kind of get a feel for where
you think you are currently, butalso kind of explain to people
what it felt like at thebeginning without if you don't
(05:10):
mind.
SPEAKER_03 (05:11):
Yeah, no, of course.
Yeah, I feel like I'm umassuming that each sort of stage
looks very different foreverybody depends on and they
can kind of all go hand in handas well.
SPEAKER_02 (05:26):
Like you can still be shock or limbo or limbo,
yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:29):
You can still be I feel like I have one foot in
limbo and I have one foot inre-entry.
Pretty, pretty good.
Um I got it's what is it?
We're recording this at thebeginning of August.
Um, so it's been a year and uhseven months, eight months.
(05:50):
Um we decided to get divorcedNew Year's Eve, 2020, leading
into 2024.
So um it was mutual and feltlike you know the right time.
Um, but it was still kind of ashock.
Like you could tell towards theend that things were like this
isn't going well, and itprobably needs to not continue,
(06:14):
um, which was a very scary uhplace to be.
Um the the shock of it was I wasthe one who left as and I left
the house.
I moved out um pretty muchimmediately, at least just to
like stay at a friend's house.
(06:34):
And he was great.
He said, you know, you're thisis your home, you stay as long
as you need to.
Um, but I couldn't reconcile theend of a marriage and still
continuing to live in thatspace.
And so um I moved out prettyquick and needed a lot of help.
I mean, it was it was surprisinghow much help I needed.
Um just the fog and like the Ican't, I can't even see to
(07:02):
tomorrow, you know, um trying tocontinue to live your life and
be a functional human beingwhile also reconciling the end
of your marriage and like thelogistics involved in that plus
the emotions of it all.
Like it's a lot.
I was unprepared as much as Ihad um maybe fantasized over the
(07:24):
last six months of my marriageof like what it would look like
if I actually left.
Um that was it was more like geta storage unit and go travel
Europe.
You know, I didn't I didn'treally think about what it would
feel like to walk out of myhouse and leave my house and
leave my dogs and leave what I,you know, considered to be my
family.
Um so the limbo was horrible.
(07:48):
It was it was kind of a weirdtiming too.
It was January, it was themiddle of winter, it was um like
not a great there wasn't a lotgoing on.
Um so I was grateful in thatlike I didn't have a ton of
work.
Um my, you know, I stayed with afriend for three months.
Um I went on a tour in themiddle of that, and that was
(08:10):
odd.
The tour I had my first panicattack ever on tour.
Um it happened a couple oftimes, just like these, like I
had never had a panic attackbefore, and it was uh I was
waiting to hear back from thecourts.
I realized that um like mypaperwork had been accepted
because I filed for divorce theday that I left for tour.
(08:31):
Um and like a few days in, youknow, I was told that well,
you'd get in a confirmationemail that they like received
it.
And I had never done anythingwith the courts.
I've never been in trouble withthe law.
So like just having to work withthe government on something so
personal felt like uh like I wasin trouble.
So it was like this this feelingof like, oh my, like I was
(08:56):
terrified that I had donesomething wrong on the
paperwork, or like, you know,anyway.
So we get to um a coffee placebefore a show, and I can feel
that something's not right.
Um, we get to the show and it'sat like a an assisted living
home, set up our stuff and likewe're sound checking, and um I
(09:18):
sit down and I like I startcrying and I can't stop.
And the guys are like, Well,this is we're on tour with our
Swedish friends, five guys fromSweden who are lovely human
beings, but a little stunted asfar as like what to do when
someone's having an emotionalcrisis in a foreign country, you
know, and totally fair.
Like, I wouldn't know what to doeither.
(09:38):
Well, yeah, no, it's it's kindof funny in retrospect.
Um, but so I you know, I startcrying and I can't stop.
And Joel, one of our ourmusicians, um, he's like, you
know, patting me on the back andI'm like, I can't stop this, I
don't know what it is.
So he finds Olivia and she comesover and um I duo partner,
(09:58):
Olivia.
Um she's, you know, like handsme some water and tries to just
tell me that, you know, she'slike, you're safe.
You're everything's like you'reright here, everything's okay.
Because she can tell, like, ifthere's no way for me to stop
it, then um, then she knows thatthere's nothing she can do
except remind me thateverything's okay.
(10:21):
Yeah, yeah.
So I get through that, I playmost of the gig, and I have to
leave before the last tunebecause I could feel something
else coming on again.
So I just go lay on the floor inlike, I don't know, somebody's
office.
And um later that night we had,you know, we were having dinner
together, and I'm like, I amreally sorry.
And they're like, of course, sowonderful, saying, Oh my gosh,
(10:42):
please, like, you never need toapologize for that.
Um, we're here for you.
And it was after that time thatI started to feel like these
guys were such a safe space andsuch a happy, happy place for
me.
And tour has always been thatway, but it caused some problems
in my marriage.
Like being gone on tour withfive guys was not something that
(11:05):
my husband was super fond of.
Um so in that moment of thattour, in the first month of
being divorced, having safespaces and safe environments was
key for me.
Just like putting myself inevery possible situation where I
knew that the people I was withwould take care of me no matter
(11:27):
what.
Well, it just looked like umgoing on tour, even though I had
just filed for divorce, like Icould have stayed home staying
with my friends Dan and Taylorfor as long as possible, um,
being with Olivia more than youknow, we have ever been, just so
that I wasn't alone.
Um and the the shock probablylasted for like six months, six
(11:52):
to seven months, I think.
Um by that point, I know it'syeah.
SPEAKER_01 (11:56):
Will you just explain real quick?
Um, sorry to interrupt.
I hate that.
SPEAKER_02 (12:00):
Okay.
Will you explain how importantit was for the community you had
around you to be around you atthat moment?
Because there are a lot ofpeople who are walking through
something very similar and haveno one.
And I I'm a very big advocatebecause I have that support
(12:22):
system.
Would you just kind of sharethat in a couple of sentences or
so?
SPEAKER_03 (12:28):
Yeah.
Um, I don't know how I wouldhave gotten through those early
days without people around mewho knew me and cared about me
and understood the situation.
Um I had, I was very lucky, veryprivileged to have family who
understood immediately and hadno questions.
(12:51):
It was whatever you need, youknow, they were right there.
Um invaluable, and I can't, Ihave tried to express my
gratitude to all of these peopleum many times.
But it just there's there'salmost no way to for me anyway
to articulate um there are nowords.
SPEAKER_02 (13:12):
All the good words have been used as far that
that's how I feel because yeahthey've been my support now for
11 years, even longer before.
And so it's just it's there andit's n it's unwavering, which is
a wonderful feeling to have,isn't it?
SPEAKER_03 (13:32):
Yeah.
Yeah, that just feeling of beingheld.
SPEAKER_01 (13:36):
No matter what.
And no matter what.
SPEAKER_02 (13:38):
Yeah, yeah.
unknown (13:40):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (13:41):
Okay.
So now you were saying before Iinterrupted about the shock, and
then, you know, and then youwere Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (13:50):
Yeah, I moved into my own place, a little tiny
studio apartment um that I lovein March.
So I lived in my friend'sbasement for a few months and
then um got my own place.
And I think um I needed to bealone.
Uh very much I needed to bealone.
I needed to have my own space.
I needed to, like, I didn't wanta roommate.
(14:11):
I didn't, you know, if I couldafford it, I didn't want to have
to deal with anybody else in themiddle of feeling all of my
feelings.
Um, because for so long Ihadn't, you know, I had I was in
the kind of marriage that waslike his feelings were priority,
and I was generally emotionallyincorrect.
And so um there was just not alot of room for me to have
(14:32):
feelings.
So it was important to me, evenin my haze and fog of like
understanding once we getthrough this like foggy haze,
there's gonna be a lot of stuffthat we need to feel and think
through, and we need we need tobe alone in order to do that.
And that's proved to be true.
Um we had our divorce was quick,like the state of Minnesota
(14:56):
uncontested, no kids.
I was divorced in three weeks.
You know, like it did not takevery long.
Yeah.
unknown (15:03):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (15:04):
It was insane.
So I filed for divorce like onthe 18th of January.
It was signed by the judge and asigned deal delivered February
2nd, um, which meant that, youknow, we didn't have a ton of
time to think about all of theother things like the house and
the dogs.
And we were, you know, in thissort of limbo period
(15:26):
experimenting with um custody ofthe dogs and sharing them.
And it meant seeing him once aweek, once every two weeks to
trade um, you know, the dogsbeing at the house versus the
dogs being with me at theapartment.
And um I we did that until Juneof this year before I had to.
It's like, okay, I can't, Ican't I can't continue to do
(15:51):
this.
And there were some things thathappened along the way, like we
had to re, we were gonnarefinance the mortgage at some
point to get me off the house.
And um, but he neglected to tellme that he had a roommate of the
female persuasion, and um justuh didn't tell me that that was
(16:12):
happening, and it was happeningfor months, and I'd had to find
out on my own.
And so at that point, it waslike we can do the refinance
now, and we're gonna make this apriority now.
Um, that was like October.
Um, I think she moved in in likeMay or June or something, and he
didn't tell me.
So uh that, you know, kind oflike it felt like I was back to
(16:34):
the beginning a little bit, backto square one as far as feeling
my feelings and um being inshock again.
Um and then it wasn't untilDecember I started to name like
some of the things that hadactually happened in my marriage
as uh abuse.
Um I I was constantly makingexcuses for him, verbal, you
(16:56):
know, stuff, emotionalmanipulation, those kinds of
things, and um had never namedit as abuse, but um was finally
able to in December.
So that was a little bit more ofa a shock.
Do you feel like it's true thatlike even like the the things
aren't aren't linear, right?
And you can you can experiencebut you just kind of spiral
(17:19):
through them, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (17:20):
Absolutely, because here's the thing that like you
just said, there's a triggerthat will, you know, your dogs.
That that's a trigger findingout there's a roommate.
But here's what I'm gonna sayabout that.
Like, good for you for standingyour ground and going, uh, we're
doing it now.
(17:41):
I'm I'm out.
No, no, no.
Seriously, yes, be it because Ifeel like in the midst of all
three phases, there's this bigelephant in the room called
grief.
And grief is in every singlepart of every single one of
(18:01):
those because it's new, it'sfearful, we don't know what it's
going to look like.
We can plan, but we don't know.
And I just you just don't knowhow similar our stories are at
(18:26):
all.
That's why you saw me to thetears streaming down my face
because I was like, oh my gosh,maybe she got out early.
Like, I mean, you uh we can talkabout that off.
Um, but because that's a wholeother podcast episode.
Um but yes, those things, andthen do do you mind just sharing
(18:49):
about like therapy and and andthe role that that has played,
if at all?
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03 (18:56):
Yeah, I um you don't have to be specific, just what
no, it's okay.
I've I've been in therapy sincelike week two of getting
divorced.
Um previous to that, we had acouples therapist, and um at
some point, I'm pretty sure,like in one-on-ones, he was
like, You're gonna have to lookat this very differently and
(19:18):
decide if if you want to meethim where he's at, because he
was coming from like a my ex wascoming, like has a trauma
background, and I just didn'tunderstand that and couldn't
meet him in it.
And so it made things, you know,tricky and and difficult and um
made it tricky for him to likehe wouldn't deal with it either.
(19:38):
So therapy for me has alwaysbeen um deal with the problems
at hand and try to like survivethrough them.
And going to therapy in theaftermath of something and not
having to go back and like fixsomething in my relationship was
very different.
Um, I think I did better helpbecause I needed something,
(19:58):
somebody immediately in thosefirst few weeks, and I didn't
get a great match, and so Ieventually found somebody
locally um who I saw throughlike uh March of this year, I
think.
And then she had to go onmaternity leave, so I had to
find somebody new, but it turnedout to be a good thing.
Um it was interesting to gothrough like nine months with
(20:22):
one therapist who knew me prettywell at that point.
I've been seeing her regularly,and then to have to start over
with somebody fresh, because atthat point you're in a different
place, you know, and like thenarratives you have around your
experience are a little bitdifferent.
And so the thing you bring to anew relationship with a
therapist was um was interestingto me uh how much more I was
(20:43):
able to leave on the table atthat point with her.
So I've been seeing her weeklysince like April or March.
Well, part of it was insurance.
Like I think it was uh 2024, Ididn't have great insurance.
And so it cost me out of pocket,you know,$150 every time to go.
(21:04):
And so I would only go once amonth.
So I made it a priority when Icould switch that I could have
more regular support that way.
SPEAKER_02 (21:11):
It's just so important.
I and I I tell every person thatI talk to, therapy saved my
life.
Like it literally, I did notknow how bad I was just from all
of the trauma of everything.
And I, you know, I I have mytherapist on speed dial and I I
(21:35):
send people to him all the time.
And he's like, Tony, I'm full.
And I'm like, I don't care.
I need you to see these people.
And he so he dumb out he workshis magic and gets him in
because it's been 11 years, butI still like to I still like to
get a feel for where I am, makesure I'm not losing my mind,
kind of thing.
But yeah, he's I just let me askyou something.
SPEAKER_03 (21:59):
As a person who is, you know, we're in limbo and
re-entry.
We're still we're stillunderstanding all of the shit,
excuse my French, that happenedin in my marriage and and what
it did to my brain.
Eleven years later, do you stillfind that you fall into those
same patterns or the same voicesin your head or like the like?
SPEAKER_02 (22:18):
Oh, that is a great question.
Give me some help here.
I'll I'll give you some help.
And and I don't know if it'sgonna be much help, but here we
go.
So obviously uh we have childrentogether.
Obviously, we have a grandsontogether, and so I I still have
(22:38):
to talk and see him on a regularbasis, which is usually maybe
four times a year.
He doesn't live local, but wehad a conversation.
I can't believe I'm saying thison air, but we have a
conversation in June.
(22:59):
He called to have a seriousconversation with me.
He goes, You never called tocheck on me.
And I say, I said, no, I don't.
And he goes, Why is that?
Because he calls regularly, likehe really does call to see how
everything's going.
And I just said, I don't knowwhat state of mind you're going
(23:19):
to be in.
And I am not willing to let thatboundary go because it sends me
into trauma again.
And I can't do that, so I'm notgoing to.
And I tried to be as kind aboutit as I could.
And the thing that I think thething that gets me in all of
(23:42):
that, what you just asked, ishow it affects my my boys, my
sons.
And that struggle of our mom anddad okay being together in the
same room.
Of course we are.
Like we're going to be.
Whether we well, however, we'regoing to be okay because it's
(24:05):
our kids, right?
And but I'm anxious, you know,I'm like, is something going to
happen?
It it's it's this ongoing.
And then I have to, when it'sover, I have to step aside and
(24:26):
just I have to I just have toregroup because I want pins and
needles.
And I I don't enjoy that.
And um, but it is it is where weare.
And so yeah, I mean it it's it'shard still.
And I mean, I I'm grateful thatyou don't have kids.
(24:50):
I I'm sorry that I'm sorry aboutyour dogs, because those are
like your kids.
That that's awful.
But it just I I'm I'm gratefulthat you don't have kids yet.
I really am.
SPEAKER_03 (25:04):
Tony, I mean, conversations in June, I had the
same, well, different one, butit was like uh I I had my dogs
for a couple of days, and wedon't talk on the phone, like we
text or we email about stuff,but I never call him ever
because his voice in my ear,that close to my being, is like
(25:27):
it's too much now.
I had to call him because I hadan issue with one of our dogs.
And so um after that phone call,he called me back.
Like, I don't know, it was likeI had to talk to him twice in
the span of a half hour.
And and I was like, I can't dothis for 10 years.
I can't do this for the rest ofthe life of my dogs.
Like, I I I can't be just on awhim, available to hear his
(25:53):
voice and be sent, justabsolutely sent, not in a good
way, you know, like um I did notknow how much that was still
going to affect me.
And I would love to be, youknow, the cool girl who can
totally handle it and befriends, like whatever.
It's the dogs are the mostimportant thing.
Like, but they're not they'renot children.
I have no real legal obligationto them the same way you do with
(26:15):
kids.
And so and and the thing isyeah, just yeah, had to I had to
make the choice to let that go.
SPEAKER_02 (26:24):
And that and the and the thing is for me, like he's
their dad.
Like he's their dad.
And I tried very hard not to Itried very hard not to lean them
in any direction.
(26:45):
I asked them how their dad'sdoing on a regular basis,
because he's their dad.
He's always going to be theirdad, regardless of what happened
between us, he's their dad, youknow?
And so I tr I try very hard tobe sensitive to that.
And sometimes I do a reallygreat job and sometimes I took
(27:07):
at it.
So there's that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (27:12):
I am I'm grateful I don't have to potentially I
mean, but this week even, I'mhaving a grief week this week
because he texted me pictures ofour dogs.
And I thought we were in like aa no contact kind of thing, but
maybe I wasn't clear enoughabout that.
He sent me pictures of the dogstwice because they got groomed
and they're so beautiful.
And in the moment it was like,oh, my dogs.
(27:35):
And then I didn't, I couldn'tunderstand why I just my
emotional, you know, landscapekept devolving over the course
of the week.
And it's like, well, it'sprobably because he sent you
pictures and you had to hearfrom him.
SPEAKER_02 (27:50):
Yeah.
unknown (27:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (27:51):
You know, I mean, I I had I got a dog.
I'd been divorced not quite ayear, and I got a dog and um
loved my dog.
He's big old order collie mix,70 pounds.
We walked all the time, and Ilost him last June, a year ago.
(28:14):
Um, he had a big old masswrapped around his esophagus,
and I was devastated because Ihad to put him down.
And I uh the the whole year wasjust a year of grief for me all
over again because I lost my Ilost my buddy.
I lost the the person, if youwill, that I came home to every
(28:36):
day, you know?
And so I I understand that it'sa it's extremely difficult.
It was it was a hard thing.
SPEAKER_01 (28:44):
So yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (28:47):
So what so how do you feel other than your brief
week?
Like so you you said you haveone foot in limbo and one foot
in re-entry.
Tell me tell me a little bitabout that and then yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:10):
I think um my limbo is is still reconciling with the
fact that this is gonna takelonger than I think it's going
to.
Like it's okay.
It's a divorce is different thana breakup.
You know what I mean?
Like I don't know, you get sad,you find somebody new, whatever.
Divorce for me has been like youmade a commitment and you you
(29:37):
made a legal commitment and youbroke it and you decided to end
it.
And so, like, sitting with theguilt of that and the shame of
that, and that those are twothings that I have not quite
touched in therapy yet.
Like, we're starting to getthere.
But it was more about therapywas you know, immediate like
deal with the situations and thecircumstances, and then.
(30:00):
start to get into the emotionsof it.
And um both of my therapistsover the last year would tell
you that she she asks almostevery session, how long is this
gonna take?
Because there's no there's noend date.
There's no rule book, playbookfor how how long you're gonna be
(30:22):
feeling this way.
And I feel shame that I stillfeel grief over this even a year
and a half later, which feels tome like a really long time.
Um so that's that feels likelimbo to me still.
And then re-entry like uh I I'mnot actively dating.
(30:44):
I think I'm open to the idea,but I'm working out some things
in my own brain about likedating makes me feel desperate.
You know, like I don't want tohave to deal with somebody or
manage somebody else's emotions.
Like I still have kind of messedup views around what it means to
be in like a romanticrelationship with somebody.
So I don't want to bring thatinto anything.
(31:06):
I'm aware of it and like tryingto work through it.
But I mean just like you knowfeeling like I'm living my own
life instead of navigating theaftermath of divorce that feels
like re-entry to me.
SPEAKER_02 (31:21):
It absolutely because if you just said at the
beginning that you are pivotingfrom rebranding why don't you
kind of I mean because that'sre-entry that's that's a part of
of what you're walking through.
SPEAKER_03 (31:36):
So maybe share a little bit about that and then
Yeah yeah um we uh for so longthe Inspired Foundry my creative
studio was dedicated to branddesign graphic design and then
and you know brand design forlogos and colors and fonts and
all those kinds of things umbecause it was a skill set that
(31:58):
I could I could utilize and Icould get paid for.
I think in going through adivorce and dealing with grief,
um it it I don't even know howto articulate it clearly, but
something about like how itshowed me what I was no longer
willing to do or like um what Ino longer wanted to spend my
(32:22):
time doing.
And that if I had to make it onmy own, I was gonna make it on
my own in a way that I reallyfelt amazing about.
So it gave me some sort ofclarity.
Yeah in a yes in like a rockbottom kind of way but yeah.
Yeah.
Um the first few months of thisyear I had no clients I had no
(32:46):
design clients coming in.
I was marketing a little bit butnot enough.
I started doing some in-personmarketing and that helped a lot.
But even that was clarifying interms of when you're meeting a
bunch of new people and tellingthem what you do day in and day
out and you're not excited aboutit and like you start asking
them questions.
Like I would want to ask peoplequestions like what's your big
dream?
And then I would be like I haveto relate this to branding
(33:09):
somehow and like tell them youknow what they need in terms of
design and how I can supportthem.
When I would rather just haveconversations about what their
dreams look like and and wherethey are in in process of
bringing them to life.
And so that was clarifying forme too in putting myself out
there again in sort of anentrepreneurial sense like
(33:30):
meeting people, networking, kindof um forcing myself as the
introverted person that I am tobe in public spaces with people
and small talk.
Like just not fun.
But I thought if I ever wantedto date again this is like a a
real easy way to kind of um testthe waters of meeting people
(33:52):
because for so long I didn't mybusiness was online for so many
years and so I didn't reallyneed to network.
And then when my you knowreferrals dried up or seemed
like they did then except foryou Tony you're always sending
me great people um I you know Ineeded some other strategy.
SPEAKER_02 (34:08):
I believe in you it's very kind of you I believe
in you too it's mutual mutualbelieving I know it's it's a
good place to be well um youhave any last thoughts on where
you are and where you want to bewhat is your big dream well it's
(34:32):
really interesting.
SPEAKER_03 (34:33):
I mean in the first maybe year of getting divorced I
couldn't look at the future atall.
Like future dreaming just wasnot available to me.
It was survival mode it was youknow um trying to listen to
myself over what the you knowthe things I have been told in
my marriage trying to untangleall of those things.
(34:55):
And now I finally kind of feellike I I'm starting to think
about next summer.
Like I want to make plans fornext summer already.
And um I have always held kindof a a long term dream of the
inspired foundry becoming aphysical space like 30 acres of
land, rolling hills, bigbeautiful retreat barn center,
(35:19):
tiny houses on the property comestay with me and work on your
inspired idea.
Yeah.
I'm there.
So right?
Yeah I am too I would love thatum and like when when ChatGPT
and AI started coming out thefirst thing I did was give me
some you know like visual imagesof this place that I'm
describing.
So I had a vision in my head.
(35:40):
Um and those were the thingsthat like I had done that just
before I got divorced and soholding on to that future vision
even though I I could just Icould see it visually in front
of me, I couldn't necessarilyfeel it.
I'm starting to feel it again.
I'm starting to feel like thatis a pull that is still there
that I still want.
(36:02):
And part of grief for me wasalso identifying whether the
things that I felt in mymarriage about my dreams were
trying to decide if they werecoping mechanisms for dealing
with my everyday life or if thatwas actually who I was.
So I had to go through a periodof like I don't know if I really
(36:23):
want this or if this was just medisassociating from my everyday
life.
But I think I've come aroundback to the point that like no
those those were true.
That was that was really who Iam and what I want um which
feels good to know that uh thatI didn't lose that in the
process of dealing with griefthat you don't lose yourself
(36:44):
just because you're grieving.
It's just you have to go throughsomething you have to you have
to wade through it in order tofigure out what's true.
SPEAKER_02 (36:52):
Um that is correct yeah so I don't there's there's
no tidy bow on any of this Tonyit's just no sucks there's not
it does well you know I I can'tthank you enough for being here
today like hopefully mylisteners will rally around and
(37:14):
maybe you'll get some newclients out of it we'll be sure
and uh we'll love that be sureand tell us where tell us where
you're located where they canfind you on all social media
platforms uh website and thenI'll be sure to plug all of that
in the show notes.
SPEAKER_03 (37:30):
Yeah um it's just the inspiredfoundry.com I'm the
inspired foundry on Instagram umand I talk about divorce a
little bit there a little bitabout grief um I try to keep it
inspiring but I also know thatthe messy middle is no matter
whether that's like a life messymiddle or a project messy middle
(37:51):
it's very real and doesn't gettalked about enough so I try to
um dive into that um but I'vegot you know like the studio at
the Inspired Foundry for um kindof creative community around
bringing your ideas to lifeartist residencies for more
focused project support and umbrand design packages for visual
(38:11):
identities that kind of thing umand then music you know the okay
factor on Instagram and Facebookand the internet so and Spotify
is yes and and it's great uhit's great writing music just
FYI yeah thank you Tony for allyour support on all the things
(38:31):
that I do I am grateful for ourcollaboration and our friendship
and your support.
SPEAKER_02 (38:38):
It's it's so lackwise I I get so excited to
tell people about you and I Iappreciate all the things that
you do for me because I don'tknow how to do them.
This is why you get on get to dothem because I have it I have
the ideas and I can't I knowwhat I want most of the time and
then you curate it and make itall lovely and outstanding and I
(39:02):
I'm just I'm eternally gratefulfor you.
You're an awesome and thanksagain for being here.
Yeah thank you for having me heythanks for listening I don't
take it for granted that you'rehere you didn't listen by
mistake.
If you want to reach out you canDM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash.
(39:23):
Until next week remember there'sstill time left on the clock
let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.
I want to give a special shoutout to Country Club for the
original music.
You can find them on Instagramat country club
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