Rebuilding Rhythm After Life Upends Your Playbook

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We explore how structure and routine become anchors when transition blows up your playbook, from empty nest and retirement to divorce and the loss of a spouse. Small, intentional habits become scaffolding that restores safety, momentum, and meaning.

• why a blank slate overwhelms after a change
• routines as practice drills that build confidence
• empty nest strategies for connection and mastery
• retirement anchors that restore purpose and variety
• divorce routines that protect kids and co-parents
• grief rituals that provide gentle scaffolding
• morning and evening bookends to shape days
• start small: add one anchor at a time

My new book, Start Your Comeback, releases 11/11. Head over to my website, ToniThrash.com, and sign up so you'll be the first to know when it's available.
If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram @tonithrash
Until next week, remember, there's still time left on the clock. Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Is there a major life transition benching you?

(00:03):
I know you may be asking, what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those two.
Welcome to the Start YourComeback podcast.
I'm Tony Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game
plan to move into your newadventure.

(00:47):
Hi, welcome back.
You are listening to episode104.
I'm so glad you're here with metoday because we're going to be
talking about something thatevery single one of us has faced
or will face at some point.
Some new structures and routinesafter a transition.
Now let me say this up front.

(01:08):
Structure and routine after amajor life shakeup, it just
feels foreign.
It's like walking into the gymafter not working out for two
years.
You kind of look around, you seeall the equipment and think,
where do I even start?
You're tempted just to head backto the parking lot and grab a
donut instead.

But here's the truth (01:29):
new routines are what will keep you
grounded when the floor feelslike it's shifted under your
feet.
Let's be honest, transition hasa way of blowing up the playbook
you thought you'd always use.
Whether it's empty nest orretirement, divorce, or losing a

(01:50):
spouse, you can feel like you'vebeen benched and the game has
moved on without you.
Routines are like running drillsin practice.
You don't run sprints inbasketball because you just love
the feel of burning lungs.
You run sprints so when the gamespeeds up, you've got rhythm,
you've got confidence andendurance to handle it.

(02:13):
The same goes for any lifetransition.
Without structure, you wake upeach day to a blank slate.
Now, that sounds freeing onpaper.
No alarm clocks, no carpool, noboss breathing down your neck,
but a blank slate every day isoverwhelming.

(02:33):
That blank slate can quicklyturn into isolation,
procrastination, or endlessscrolling on your phone.
Structure is what helps you say,I may not have chosen this
transition, but I'm going tochoose how I live it.
Let's start with empty nesting.
When your kids move out, thehouse suddenly feels way too

(02:56):
quiet.
It's a silence that's, well,both beautiful and brutal.
The routines you've lived by for18 years, carpool lines, sports
practices, family dinners, well,they're gone.
I remember talking to a mom whosaid, I used to know exactly
where I needed to be at sixo'clock every night at the

(03:19):
dinner table with my family.
Now at six, I just wander aroundthe kitchen wondering what to do
with myself.
This is where news structuresaves you.
Perhaps it's scheduling a coffeedate with a friend every Tuesday
morning.
Maybe it's joining a book clubor finally signing up for that
pottery class you've secretlywanted to try.

(03:41):
Maybe you want to find apart-time job for maybe just 25
hours a week just to findsomething to do.
The point is your old rhythm isgone and your new rhythm doesn't
have to be empty.
Let's talk about retirement.
Now, I know it sounds dreamy.

(04:04):
No deadlines, no meetings, justfreedom.
But here's the truth.
Without new routines, retirementcan start to feel like a
never-ending Saturday.
And let's be real, nobodythrives on an endless Saturday.
Even football games eventuallyend, right?
Start with a morning anchor.

(04:26):
Maybe you go for a walk, or yougo to the gym, maybe you start
with prayer and journaling, ormaybe you even start
volunteering one day a week.
Then you layer in some minicommitments, like maybe you
mentor someone who's youngerthan you.
Maybe spend one afternoon on apassion project, or maybe sign

(04:49):
up for a class you've alwayswanted to take.
Your news structure doesn't needto be rigid, but it does need to
be intentional because if youdon't shape your time, your time
will shape you and not alwaysthe way that you want.
Now, I want to talk a minuteabout divorce and parenting.

(05:10):
And we know that divorce is aroutine shredder because you
knew everything that you knew,shared schedules, holidays, who
takes out the trash, it suddenlyturned upside down.
And when you have kids in themiddle of it, the temptation is
to let routines slide becauseeveryone's emotions are running

(05:31):
high.
But kids need structure morethan ever doing seasons of
change.
They may not say it out loud,but the routines give them some
security.
And I mentioned this lastJanuary and February when I did
my Symphony of Parenting series.
It tells them the world looksdifferent, but there are still

(05:54):
anchors we can count on.
So keep as normal a schedule aspossible.
Keep dinner at the same time,keep bedtime routines
predictable, keep Saturdaypancakes if that's what you've
always done.
Because these familiar rhythmsbecome a safety net when
everything else feels uncertain.
It's something they can counton.

(06:16):
One of my clients created aFriday night ritual with her
kids after her divorce.
They called it pizza andpajamas.
No matter how tough the week hadbeen, her kids knew they could
count on Friday night lookingthe same.
That little slice of consistencydid more for her kids than hours
of explanation ever could.

(06:37):
And don't forget yourself in theprocess.
Wake up, make your bed.
You've accomplished something atleast.
Eat one healthy meal at the sametime every day.
Create a bedtime windown thathelps you rest.
Little routines rebuildstability for you and your kids,

(06:58):
brick by brick.
And then here's the most tenderone.
The loss of a spouse.
Losing a spouse doesn't justbreak your heart, it breaks your
rhythm.
The routines you built togetherecho as absence and even
ordinary things like pouring twocups of coffee instead of one

(07:19):
remind you of who's gone.
Here's what I encourage you todo.
Start with one small dailypractice.
Take a morning walk, light acandle, write a few lines in the
journal.
These small acts createscaffolding when the ground
feels shaky.
If you still have kids at home,I can't emphasize this enough.

(07:43):
Don't let grief steal theirroutines.
They're grieving too, butkeeping some familiar rhythms
intact helps them to feel safe.
Even if dinner is just scrambledeggs and toes, having it at the
same time every night, which ishard to do when you have kids in
sports, but try to make thatwork, you know.

(08:06):
But it tells them, hey, we'restill standing, we're still
going to move forward.
Slowly and gently then beginadding your community.
Meals with friends, a churchgroup, volunteer work.
Don't rush.
This is not about filling time,it's about gently creating

(08:26):
meaning again, piece by piece.
Transitions knock us offbalance, and honestly, they
expose how much we relied on oldroutines without realizing it.

But here's the hope (08:39):
new structures and some routines are
like training wheels.
They'll feel awkward, but theywill keep you moving forward
until your balance returns.
Don't overcomplicate it.
Just start small, one tiny step.
Add one anchor to your morningand one anchor to your evening.

(09:01):
That's it.
Those bookends give your dayssome shape.
From there you can build asteady rhythm that feels like
your own.
Remember, structure isn't acage, it frees you.
It frees you to focus on whatmatters most instead of being
swallowed by what's been lost.

(09:21):
Friend, you may not have chosenyour transition, but you can
choose your structure, and thatchoice matters.
My new book, Start YourComeback, releases 1111.
This book is your game plan forwalking through shock, limbo,
and re-entry with strength,strategy, and hope.
It's full of stories, practicalsteps, and coaching strategies

(09:44):
to help you get off the benchand back in the game.
Head over to my website,TonyThrash.com, and sign up so
you'll be the first to know whenit's available.
Here's the truth.
The clock is still tickingbecause you're still breathing
and you still have a game toplay.
And I believe with all my heartyou've got more comeback in you

(10:08):
than you realize.
I'll see you next time.
Hey, thanks for listening.
I don't take it for granted thatyou're here.
You didn't listen by mistake.
If you want to reach out, youcan DM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash.
Until next week, remember,there's still time left on the

(10:28):
clock.
Let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.
I want to give a special shoutout to Country Club for the
original music.
You can find them on Instagramat Country Club.