When Predictability Becomes Your Prison: Why Letting Go of the Familiar Sparks Growth

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What happens when our love of the familiar becomes the very thing that keeps us stuck? That's the question at the heart of this deeply reflective episode on breaking free from comfort ruts.

As someone who thrives on routine and predictability—"If sameness has a fan club, I'd be president and treasurer"—I've come to recognize the subtle but significant difference between being predictable and being faithful. While predictability clings to what's worked before with no veering away or risk-taking, faithfulness means showing up wholeheartedly even when it means stepping into unfamiliar territory. The distinction might seem small, but it's transformative: predictability clings to sameness, while faithfulness clings to purpose.

The cost of holding too tightly to familiarity is steep. Our edges dull, our courage atrophies, and opportunities pass us by because we're too comfortable to reach for them. Through personal stories and practical examples, I share why we struggle to let go (our love of control, comfort, and fear of the unknown) and offer four actionable steps to loosen your grip: name your ruts, make small changes to train your brain for flexibility, reframe your fears, and anchor in faithfulness to purpose rather than patterns. These aren't about abandoning stability but creating space for growth and new possibilities.

Ready to break free from the familiar patterns keeping you benched? Consider where you might be mistaking predictability for faithfulness, identify one small familiar thing you can let go of this week, and imagine how your story would shift if purpose, not patterns, led the way. Then join me for more guidance in my upcoming book "Start Your Comeback"—your playbook for navigating life's biggest transitions with confidence and courage.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is there a major life transition benching you?
I know you may be asking what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those too.
Welcome to the Start yourComeback Podcast.
I'm Toni Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game

(00:23):
plan to move into your newadventure.
Hi, welcome back.

(00:57):
You're listening to episode 102.
Can I just start with aconfession?
Today I love familiarity.
I mean, I thrive on it in myroutines, relationships and
professional environments that Iknow inside and out.
Yes, please.
Familiarity builds trust,creates a sense of knowing

(01:22):
though, let's be honest, knowingis a vulnerable place to be and
gives us a stable ground forgrowth.
As a six on the Enneagram, thisis my absolute favorite place
to be.
I love the sameness of myeveryday life.
If sameness has a fan club, I'dbe president and treasurer.

(01:43):
I'm probably one of the mostplanned out people on the planet
and, yes, I take great pride inthat.
Color coded calendars, mealplans, routines I've got them
all.
Of course, this makes me alittle one dimensional, which is
hard for my millennial childrento understand.
They thrive on variety andchange.

(02:04):
My millennial children tounderstand.
They thrive on variety andchange.
And I'm over here celebratingthe fact that Thursday night,
taco night, hasn't beeninterrupted for five years
running.
But here's the rub I keeplearning that, while I'm wired
for predictability, life doesn'talways play by my wiring, which
leads me to today'sconversation letting go of the

(02:24):
familiar Even saying it out loud, makes me cringe a little.
Maybe you feel the same way,because familiar is safe, steady
and comfortable.
But sometimes the very thing wecling to becomes the thing that
keeps us stuck.
Just the other day I wasmapping out my week, feeling

(02:47):
very proud of myself, mind you,when I suddenly realized I might
actually be in a rut.
Now let's pause here.
Ruts don't look bad at first.
They look like systems, theylook like faithfulness, they
look like we were beingdisciplined and consistent.
But in my aha moment I realizedI had blurred the line between

(03:10):
being predictable and beingfaithful.
Let me break this down for you.
Being predictable means we holdfast to what we know, what's
worked before.
There's no veering away, noexperimenting and no risk.
But being faithful, on theother hand, means showing up
wholeheartedly, even if it's ina new place, a new way or with

(03:34):
new courage.
See the differencePredictability clings to
sameness and faithfulness clingsto purpose.
You can be unpredictable andstill be faithful, and if that
thought makes your heart race alittle, congratulations, you're
human.
Now don't get me wrong.

(03:55):
There's nothing inherentlywrong with predictability.
It has its place.
But the danger is thisPredictability can lead us to
the status quo, and if we're notcareful, the status quo becomes
a rut.
And if we stay in that rut fortoo long, it becomes a grave

(04:15):
with the ends kicked out.
Here's the hidden cost offamiliarity.
It doesn't stretch us, itdoesn't demand growth, it
doesn't require trust and overtime it slowly dulls the edges
of our courage.
Think about it.
How many opportunities have wemissed because we were too
comfortable?
How many risks did we talkourselves out of because the

(04:40):
familiar felt safer?
Let me take you back to one ofmy middle school basketball
coaching days.
We were playing our toughestopponent.
My game plan going in was topress them full court, stick to
what we know.
Well, they beat us down thecourt, and fast.
By halftime we were staring ata double-digit deficit.

(05:03):
I walked into that locker roomwith my predictable plan in
shambles.
My girls had executed itfaithfully, but it wasn't
working.
So I made a change.
We dropped the full court pressand picked them up half court.
That little adjustment flippedthe energy.
Now, we didn't win the game,but we clawed our way back and

(05:26):
the girls learned somethingpowerful Sometimes, letting go
of what we know or the familiargame plan opens us up to a
chance to fight differently, andyour life works the same way.
So why is letting go so hard?
Why do we cling to the familiar?

(05:47):
Well, number one we lovecontrol, or we love the sense of
control.
Because the familiar, it feelslike control.
When I know what's coming, Idon't have to feel vulnerable.
Number two it's comfortable.
Routines are cozy.
Who wants to give up TacoThursday?

(06:09):
And finally, the fear of theunknown.
The familiar way may not beexciting, but at least it's not
terrifying.
Here's the hard truth.
Life change never comes fromclinging tighter.
It comes from loosening yourgrip.
Now, let's get practical.

(06:30):
From loosening your grip, nowlet's get practical.
How do you let go of thefamiliar without spiraling into
panic?
Great question.
Well, number one, you name therut right.
Ask yourself where in my life amI predictable, but not
necessarily faithful?
Where am I playing it safeinstead of showing up with
courage?
Number two make a small changeLike one step.

(06:56):
Don't overhaul everythingovernight.
Start with something simple.
Maybe take a different route towork.
Maybe skip Taco Thursday I know, I know Deep breaths, deep
breaths and maybe try a newcoffee shop instead of your
usual.
These micro changes train yourbrain to accept flexibility.

(07:20):
Number three refrain the fear.
Instead of asking what if thisdoesn't work, ask what if this
unlocks something I never knew Ineeded.
I'm a professional at this, bythe way.
I always ask what if thisdoesn't work?
And I am learning to retrain mybrain to ask that question what

(07:42):
if this unlocks something Inever knew I needed?
And finally, number four anchorin faithfulness.
Remember you can beunpredictable, unpredictable and
still faithfulness.
Hold on to your purpose, notyour patterns.
For me, this has shown up in myprofessional life.
I've been so faithful in mycoaching, my routines, my

(08:04):
podcasts, but I've also realizedsome of these routines become
too predictable.
So I've started experimentingwith new ways to connect with
you, my audience.
That's a little bit scary forme, but it's also necessary,
because the truth is,familiarity may feel safe, but
sometimes safe is the riskiestmove of all.

(08:26):
I've got three questions for youthat I want you to think about
this week.
Number one where in your life.
Are you mistakingpredictability for faithfulness?
Number two what's one smallfamiliar thing you can let go of
this week just to practiceflexibility?

(08:47):
And three how would your storyshift if you leaned into
faithfulness over predictability?
Friends, letting go of thefamiliar isn't about abandoning
stability.
It's about creating space forgrowth, courage and new
possibilities.
Predictability can be good, butit can also keep you on the

(09:11):
bench waiting for life to playout the same game over and over
Faithfulness.
That's what gets you back inthe game, ready for the comeback
you were made for.
So maybe this week, loosen yourgrip just a little.
Take the small risk, break thepredictable pattern and see what

(09:32):
happens when faithfulness, notfamiliarity, leads the way.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, I want you to get on
my email list so that you cangrab a copy of my brand new book
Start your Comeback.
It comes out in late October.
It's your step-by-step playbookfor navigating life's biggest

(09:52):
transitions, whether you've beenknocked down, sidelined or just
stuck in the in-between.
I wrote this book to coach youthrough the exact process I use
with my clients, so you don'tjust survive change, you thrive
in it.
If this resonated with you, Iwould love it if you would share
it with a friend who you thinkmight be stuck in the rut of the

(10:13):
familiar.
And, as always, keep showing upfor your comeback.
I'll see you next week.
Thanks for listening.
I don't take it for grantedthat you're here.
You didn't listen by mistake.
If you want to reach out, youcan DM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash Until next week.
Remember, there's still timeleft on the clock.

(10:34):
Let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.
I want to give a special shoutout to country club for the
original music.
You can find them on instagramat country club you.