Your comeback begins when you realize you're finally standing in the shallow end

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Have you ever noticed how, after surviving a major life upheaval, you suddenly find yourself standing on solid ground—yet still bracing for waves that aren't coming? That disorienting moment marks the beginning of an unexpected freedom journey.

Freedom after transition arrives quietly. After treading water through divorce, empty nesting, retirement, or career changes, many discover they've drifted to life's shallow end. Their feet touch bottom, but the survival instinct remains on high alert. This newfound liberty—unasked for and often unrecognized—can either paralyze us with fear or propel us forward with purpose.

Throughout this episode, we explore how true freedom requires acknowledging both sides of every transition: the practical logistics (legal documents, finances, living arrangements) and the emotional landscape (grief, doubt, discovery). Skip either, and healing stalls. This is why personalized support through coaching becomes invaluable—creating a custom game plan that honors your unique circumstances and personality.

The freedom found after major life changes rarely resembles fireworks and celebrations. Instead, it might look like enjoying a quiet Friday evening without guilt or waking up without dreading the day ahead. But beware—freedom without direction can become a disaster. The sweet spot exists when you maintain boundaries while finding peace, manage time while protecting energy, and embrace accountability while preserving autonomy.

As we approach Independence Day, I invite you to recognize the freedom tucked inside your transitions. You get to decide how you show up now. Your future doesn't belong to your ex, your old boss, or even your grown children—it belongs to you. Whether you're just starting to feel solid ground or you're well into your comeback journey, remember: you've already begun. DM me on Instagram @ToniThrash to share where you are in your freedom journey.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is there a major life transition benching you?
I know you may be asking what'snext?
What's my purpose?
What if?
Because I've asked those too.
Welcome to the Start yourComeback podcast.
I'm Toni Thrash, a certifiedlife coach, and I want to share
the tools and practical steps tohelp you create a winning game

(00:23):
plan to move into your newadventure.
Hi, welcome back.

(00:57):
You're listening to episode 91.
Today is July 3rd.
Tomorrow we are celebrating ourIndependence Day.
What are your plans fortomorrow?
Are you grilling burgers?
Are you going to see fireworksjumping in the pool, or maybe
you're just enjoying a quiet dayoff?
I'll be with my family.

(01:18):
I'm sure we'll be laughing andenjoying one another's company
and watching my grandson enjoyall the chaos and the fireworks
and all the red, white and bluevibes.
But more than that, tomorrow'san opportunity to pause and
reflect on the freedoms we enjoyas Americans, and I want to

(01:38):
just take a second to say thankyou to every person who has
served our country.
I have two uncles One wasactually stationed in Vietnam
and one was stationed in Alaskaduring the same war.
I just want to say thank youbecause we live free because of
the sacrifice you gave infighting for our country.

(01:59):
We celebrate because otherslike you have sacrificed for our
freedom.
We celebrate because otherslike you have sacrificed for our
freedom.
Now, since we're celebratingour national freedom, I want to
have a little heart-to-heartabout another kind of freedom,
maybe one that sneaks up on youand one that maybe you don't
always see coming.
It's interesting because I'vebeen writing my book and, yes,

(02:24):
it's with the editor as we speakand can I say there's a smidge
of freedom involved in knowingthat it's finished Well, sort of
.
There'll be more informationabout that coming in future
episodes, but I want to talkabout that newfound freedom, the
freedom we didn't have a namefor and certainly was the least

(02:47):
expected.
You know the kind that shows upon the other side of a hard
transition like divorce orbecoming an empty nester, even
retirement, the job loss or acareer change.
Now hear me when I say thisYou've been treading water for a
very long time, and how do Iknow this?

(03:07):
Because I know I did.
You've been surviving in thedeep end and you didn't even
realize.
You drifted over to the shallowend, your feet hit the ground
and now you're standing again,but you're so used to struggling
that it doesn't even register.
You're still bracing for wavesthat aren't coming.
You see, this is the verybeginning of your freedom.

(03:30):
Because it's unfamiliar, it'sterrifying.
Okay, so now you may fall intoone of these two camps One
you're frozen in fear.
You feel the freedom, but itparalyzes you.
You don't even know what's nextor how to handle it.
Or the second one you pause,you breathe and then you start

(03:54):
mapping out your next steps.
The truth is this Freedom is afight, always has been, it will
always be.
But the best fights leave usstronger on the other side.
They strip away the fake stuff,they reveal what matters and
they invite us into a future wedidn't even think was possible.

(04:16):
One of the greatest freedomsyou now have is this you get to
decide how you show up.
Let me be honest Sometimes wedon't show up at all, and that's
okay for a season.
Shock can cloud your judgmentand prevent you from seeing
clearly.
Limbo will confuse your steps.

(04:37):
But there's a moment sometimesquiet, sometimes loud, sometimes
quiet, sometimes loud when yourealize this is mine to decide.
Your future doesn't belong toyour ex.
Your peace doesn't belong toyour old boss.
No-transcript.

(05:00):
Your identity is not wrapped upin your kids and all their
activities.
It now belongs to you and whenyou start building your comeback
game plan, that's when thefreedom gets real.
That's when you ask what do Iwant a year from now, five years
from now, maybe even 15 yearsfrom now?
This is where your power lies.

(05:24):
You see, every transition hastwo sides.
There's the business side, thelegal documents, the financials,
the job hunts, the applications, maybe new living arrangements.
And then there's the emotionalside.
You're dealing with the loss,the doubt, the grief, anxiety

(05:46):
and the discovery of new things.
But you can't ignore one sideand expect to heal.
This is where therapy and lifecoaching become game changers.
You need someone who sees thefull court, not just the
scoreboard.
You don't need a cookie cuttersolution.
You need a custom game planbuilt for your life, your goals

(06:08):
and your personality.
I've coached dozens throughtransitions and not one game
plan has been the same.
The divorce or the job changethose technically, are the same,
but they're different.
Each step is different.
You have differentcircumstances.

(06:28):
Freedom isn't always fireworksand national anthems.
Sometimes it looks like a quietFriday night at home and being
okay with that, maybe playingmahjong in the middle of the
week with a group of friends.
Maybe it's not having to fakejoy at a job that made you
miserable.
Maybe you're retired and youwoke up with a full day ahead of

(06:51):
you and you can now dream againfor what is next.
But let me drop a caution hereDon't abuse this freedom.
It's called laziness.
Freedom without direction leadsto disaster.
When I first found myself in anew season, I remember saying
out loud I can do whatever Iwant whenever I want.

(07:12):
And while that was true, I alsorealized because I'm a six on
the Enneagram have I said thatbefore I craved security and
structure.
So my freedom looked less likechaos and more like calm and
safe.
But that's okay, that's who Iam.
And freedom is knowing that,owning it and then living it

(07:35):
without apology.
Even now, 11 years later, Iremind myself hey, tony, you get
to choose.
Later I remind myself hey, tony, you get to choose.
This is your freedom.
But I'm also practical.
I know there will be schedulesand work demands and calendars
full of adulting.
Freedom doesn't eraseresponsibility.

(07:57):
It reframes it.
You can still have boundariesand peace.
You can still manage your timeand protect your energy.
You can still have boundariesand peace.
You can still manage your timeand protect your energy.
You can still haveaccountability and autonomy.
It's not either or it's both.
And that's the sweet spot, justlike a tennis player hitting
the ball right in the middle ofthe racket the sweet spot is

(08:19):
glorious.
So let me ask you this today,on this eve of the 4th of July
Do you recognize the freedomthat you have, or are you still
seeing the struggle?
There's an element of freedomtucked inside every single

(08:39):
transition.
You just need help uncoveringit and living in it.
Enjoy your Independence Daytomorrow.
Maybe start early, like mygrandmother used to do.
Her birthday was July 3rd andshe would hang her American flag
out on that day and celebrateall day, the July 3rd and then

(08:59):
July 4th.
So maybe you should hang yourflag out today, celebrate the
freedoms you've been given andthe ones you're starting to
create for yourself.
You've got this.
I'm proud of you and yourcomeback.
You've already started.
I'll see you next time.
Hey, thanks for listening.
I don't take it for grantedthat you're here.

(09:21):
You didn't listen by mistake.
If you want to reach out, youcan DM me on Instagram at Tony
Thrash Until next week.
Remember, there's still timeleft on the clock.
Let's get you off the bench tostart your comeback.
I want to give a special shoutout to Country Club for the
original music.
You can find them on Instagramat Country Club.