Alcohol Isn't The Cause Of Your Hangover & The Cure You Didn't Know You Needed

Hey beautiful listener 💋

This week’s challenge? Throw a better party. Not for your friends—for your life. We’re not talking balloons and cake (unless you want that)—we’re talking energy. Mood. Vibe. Frequency.

Whether you’re waking up hungover or just heavy with life, this episode is a big warm hug and a nudge to try one thingthat shifts you back into alignment with the woman you want to be.

Take yourself on a coffee walk. Smile at strangers. Put on some music and dance in your kitchen. Seriously—sometimes it’s that simple. You’re not solving for alcohol. You’re solving for aliveness, regulation, and the space to hold your realemotions—yes, even the exciting ones.

✨ Here’s what we get into:

• Why your hangover isn’t really about alcohol
• What “throw a better party” means and how to do it today
• The nervous system's role in holding pleasure, excitement, and desire
• A personal DJ win that made me feel like I could explode with joy (and how I did it without a drink)

💌 Tell me how you throw a better party! Did you take the coffee walk? Did you try the happy juice? Did my DJ set make you cry tears of joy?! Email me at [e-mail] or drop into my DMs on Instagram @marywagstaffcoach. I live for your shares.

Let’s make this week a vibe. You’re not just here to get through it—you’re here to feel it all.

With so much love,
Mary

🎧 DJ SET LINK HERE!
🧃 Check out Amare! This is the exact "happy juice" I was on in this episode! LOL. Get $10 your first order, applied directly at check out. Apply code happcup at check out, for a free Happy Juice Glass! 

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

Episode Transcript

Mary Wagstaff (00:02):
Foreign Welcome to stop drinking and start
living the feminine way. I'myour hostess. Mary Wagstaff,
holistic alcohol coach andfeminine embodiment guide here
to help you effortlessly releasealcohol by reclaiming your
feminine essence. Sobriety isn'tjust about quitting drinking,
it's about removing thedistortions that keep you

(00:25):
disconnected, overwhelmed andstuck in cycles of numbing. Each
week, I'll share powerful tools,new perspectives that transform
and deeply relatable stories tohelp you step into the power
pleasure and purpose that it isto be a woman. This is your next
evolution of awakenedempowerment. Welcome to the

(00:47):
feminine way. Welcome back tothe show. My beautiful
listeners, what is up thisweek's challenge? Throw a better
party. And what I mean by thatis one thing, one thing that is
going to take you and snap youout of yourself. Concept my
favorite, favorite thing to doif you're hungover, here's the

(01:10):
cure. Make a commitment everysingle person you see, go out,
go for a walk, go to the store.
The first 10 people you see,good morning and a big old
smile, hold the door for people,look them in the eye, ask them
how they're doing. There isnothing like even if you have to
fake it till you make it. Sowhat I do often, if I have the
time, is I go park my car at thegym where I go, and I there's a

(01:35):
30 minute walk that I like todo, just to kind of warm up, but
it goes up into this littleneighborhood that's really
beautiful, and it's a littlehill, so I kind of can get my
heart rate up, and there's oftendeer up there, and it's this
neighborhood sits right againstlike a plateau, because we live
in the high desert, so there'sthese beautiful you know,

(01:59):
There's nothing else behindthere, so it's just really
beautiful. And I take my coffeewith me, because I usually have
my coffee on the way to the gym.
I take it with me, and I call itmy coffee walk. So take yourself
on a coffee walk, a tea walk, ahappy juice walk. If you checked
out the happy juice, oh my gosh.
Please go do that. I cannot tellyou, Wow. I've never taken
anything like this. Like this isa million times better than

(02:22):
coffee. I love my coffee, butholy crap. So the link is in the
show notes, so you guys cancheck it out. But I am pretty
much sold on this, and I'm goingto keep reporting back, because
Matthew and I are doing a 30 dayhappy juice challenge, no energy
drinks, which I can kind of takeor leave, but sometimes,
especially when we're working onthe farm and it's like a long

(02:44):
day, you know, it's just likethat extra boost. But they have
these psychoactive properties,you know. And so anything that
feels a little addictive Ireally stray away from, and
coffee is definitely that thisdoes not feel like that at all
the happy juice, it just hasreally regulated my hormones and

(03:04):
uplifted my mood. So anyway,take yourself on a coffee walk.
So this is what I'm talkingabout. About throw a better
party, do something that is inalignment with, in alignment
with the person that you want tobe. Wake up, put on music, fun
music, and dance around. Don'tbug people on purpose, but just

(03:25):
set the tone for the day. Thewoman in the house, Mama, when
Mama's happy, everyone's happy.
You do set the tone. We have somuch more power than we give
ourselves credit for. We cancreate the results that we want
in our lives by our frequency,by our vibration, I am telling

(03:49):
you.

Unknown (03:51):
So do that

Mary Wagstaff (03:53):
and send me an email. Leave a comment on my
Instagram, and because I'll makea I'll make a post about this
show about throwing a betterparty, because the main part of
the show is you are focusing onthe wrong problem. You are
focusing on solving for alcohol,right? And what I want you to

(04:13):
know is that your hangover isnot caused by alcohol right now,
of course, we know that if youdidn't drink, you wouldn't have
a hangover. That is not thecause of alcohol, the cause the
cause of your hangover, the maincause of your hangover, right?
We want to take it to the root,and that's why all of your
attempts have been surfaced.
You're only focusing on thealcohol, and that's why this

(04:34):
time is different. That's whyyou have to do something
different this time. So I don'tcare what it is, get your happy
juice. Get into one of myprograms, but do it differently.
And go beyond the buzz, gobeyond the hangover, go beyond
the happy hour. Like all thatstuff is so surface, because

(04:55):
when you unpack it, what you.
Realize is that it's yourdysregulation, right? You drink
because there is an emotion thatyou're not comfortable with
feeling, and sometimes that'sexcitement. I will tell you that
you haven't practiced yournervous system is not practiced

(05:17):
in holding the frequency ofexcitement and holding the
frequency of accomplishment, andholding the frequency of arousal
and holding the frequency of thegaze of the sexy lover sitting
across from you, right? We oftenthink that it's a negative
thing, but what I've experiencedin my own personal journey, and
I'm still working on this, onthe other side of alcohol, it's

(05:40):
just that I have created moreresiliency in my nervous system.
Our nervous system is like amuscle, right? It's just like
working out, and the bigger westretch our capacity, the more
space we have for it. But I'mstill practicing pleasure, I'm
still practicing receptivity.
I'm still practicing relaxing.
What I hear from all the time,we think boredom is a negative

(06:03):
emotion. All boredom is is anopportunity for you to practice
pleasure. I did an episode notthat long ago about relaxation
resistance, right? Boredom isthe thing that you're actually
looking for in a drink, but thedrink is a familiar frequency
that's giving you the externalpermission to take that break,

(06:27):
right? It's just like, you feelbetter and validated when
someone else isn't drinking,right? It's like, Oh, okay.
Like, this is okay now, becausesomeone else isn't doing it,
instead of being a grown womanand giving yourself permission
to do it anyway. Like, what dowe tell our kids? Oh, if Johnny
jumped off the bridge, would youdo it too? Right? So we have to
unpack this kind of like, youknow, and this isn't to judge

(06:52):
you because I was there too.
It's like an immature mentalitywhere we're thinking about all
of this other stuff from thesejudgments of people. But you're
grown girl, right? Like you havekids, you have a husband, you
have a mortgage, you have acareer, like you, you don't
care. You're not waiting to carewhat anyone else thinks that
you're wearing your own style.
And if

Unknown (07:12):
you do, that's okay too, because part of you know
the

Mary Wagstaff (07:16):
when we go to like, the value, if I was to ask
you, why is that important toyou because you don't make any
decisions that aren't actuallyimportant to you. It's just the
perspective of what you'reviewing them. So the real
perspective of the reason thatyou're actually drinking is
because you want to belong. Andif I was to coach you, I would
take you further and find outthe real value that's in

(07:38):
alignment with that, right? Whyis that important to you? And
really, what it comes down to islove. It comes love belonging.
Comes down to love in our mostauthentic form, to be able to be
ourselves and still feel like webelong, and still feel like we
can be loved. And when we unpackit all, it's you that has to do
that first, right? Because youare part of the love in you know

(08:00):
you belong. And so we have toget to the point where you find
the belief, the embodied belief,that you actually believe, not
just some fancy mantra thatdoesn't actually work, but
really, when you see thethoughts, and you kind of put
yourself in a differentperspective, you're gonna see,
oh my gosh, this is like,Child's Play, right? So it's,

(08:23):
it's a little bit laughable.
Even though alcohol is veryserious, and I do believe we
should take it seriously. Wecan't take our minds that
seriously. So it's like, really,like, I'm, you know, I mean, I
do

Unknown (08:38):
sometimes i This is something

Mary Wagstaff (08:40):
that's so funny about me, even if I know it's
not a bad thing, if it's like,I'm not even worried about what
the message is. But sometimes Iget nervous about opening an
email or a response from a textmessage from people I don't even
know sometimes, and I don't knowwhy it is, it's like, there's
something that I like get off onin the suspense of it. And I

(09:02):
think I've talked about this onthe show, where I can leave a
package unopened, and there'ssomething about that that's
thrilling to me, like I don'tneed to know. And it's like,
there's a little bit ofrighteousness in there. And I
think it's also like, becauseonce the surprise is over, then
it's over. And usually thereit's like, it falls flat. And
that's kind of the same foralcohol too, right? It's like

(09:25):
you build it up in your brain,and at this stage in your
relationship to alcohol, chancesare that it's falling pretty
flat, like you're you thinkyou're wanting it, and go back
to the desire and attachmentepisode a couple weeks ago, but
it's not really what you want,but what I'm telling you is that
you can get to what you reallywant. And the thing, too, I've

(09:46):
talked about this so many times,is just we it's crazy how much
we're stimulated. Ladies, we areso overstimulated you have to
take a break from stimulation,because we expect life. To just
be Big Bang Boom, like all theseaha moments, because of the way
that things are portrayed. Andit's like there is a wonder and

(10:08):
awe of life, but there's alsothis regulated pleasure and
receptivity and sensuality ofjust being with our senses,
right? And that's really whatyou're looking for. And
sometimes we do want these bigboom, aha, like big moments in
life, which we get to have, butthey're so much more bigger and

(10:28):
so much more available to you ifyou're not drinking, because
you're really willing to stepinto that next level place. And
you also learn how to be in aspace of bravery, right? You
learn how to and I should, Ihave to do an episode on this
because I talked. I don't knowif I share this with you guys at
all, but I had my first big DJshow that wasn't just an event

(10:52):
that I produced, but it was atecstatic dance Portland, and it
was like a really big deal, andthere's so much to unpack there.
I'm pretty sure I shared this,but at first, when I found out,
I was so excited, like, Ialmost, like, pooped my pants, I
screamed at the top of my lungs,and the boys were like, Duh.

(11:13):
Like, of course. And it waslike, No, you guys, like, this
is seriously the most excitingthing that's happened to me. I
felt like a kid, like, I was sonervous, I was so excited. Like,
it just and the reason I had allthose emotions was because of
the thoughts that I had in myhead about the people. Like, I
shouldn't even be talking aboutthis now. I should just do an
entire episode on it, becausethere is so much there. But

(11:35):
anyway, I was able to do thething from this like, so chill,
play like I wasn't even I wasmore proud of myself for how I
showed up, versus the set, whichwas also fire. I'm gonna link
the set in the show notes sothat you can throw a better
party with my freaking bad assDJ set. You guys are gonna cry
when you hear this. You're gonnalove me even more. Um, like

(11:59):
people were hooting andhollering. It was the coolest. I
was, like, high and so, like,out of it for four days. Like,
it took every ounce of energy Ihad and from so many ways, so
worth it, right? Like, those arethose big boom, bang, boom
moments in your life, right?
Like, those are the momentswhere life is fireworks, you
know, and I won't get that everagain, ever again. Like I could

(12:25):
go do another big show, maybe Iplay a festival, who knows? But
like that, first of like,someone paying me money to come
and DJ for I don't know 100people in this thing that I
really respect and that I have,like, all of these thoughts
about was incredible, right? Buthad this happened, well, a, I

(12:46):
never would have pursued thiswhile I was drinking. Ever,
ever, ever, I never would havemade it this far. I wouldn't
have taken it that seriously ifI was drinking, and B, I would
have been drinking, I would belike, Oh, my God, I can't handle
this. I need a drink. I can'thandle this. Because mostly what
it was was like nervousexcitement, right? And it wasn't
even that by the time I gotthere, because I did the work
ahead of time. So what I wantyou to know is that it's not the

(13:09):
alcohol. It is not the alcoholthat is the cause of your
problem. It is your emotions. Itis your emotions, and your
emotions aren't the problem. Theproblem is being able to hold
them, being able to love them,being able to be with them and

(13:31):
caress them and get pleasurefrom them, and get the
stimulation that you're lookingfor from them. This is the
feminine way, and then the likeemotions of all the chaos in
your life and the nervoussystem, the dysregulation of
that also change because you seeyour thoughts and how they're
not true. Okay, show me. Tell mehow you throw a better party. I

(13:54):
want to know. Write me. Emailme, seriously. Mary up. Mary
Wagstaff, coach.com Tell me whatyou think about my set. I would
love to hear it, and I'll talkto you soon. You're crushing it.
Have an amazing week. The daysof white knuckling your way
through an urge are over. Nomore distracting yourself, no

(14:18):
more avoiding alcohol, no moreresisting. And I am not
exaggerating when I say thatdoing this one thing for five
minutes will change not only howsuccessful you are in drinking
less, but how much you will loveyour alcohol free life. You are
going to feel so good. So comeon over to my website or follow
the link right here in the shownotes to grab the free urge

(14:40):
guide that gives you the exactcheat codes to use to find
relief without a drink. And thebest part is no deprivation, no
missing out, required. I'll seeyou over. Mary Wagstaff,
coach.com, you.