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July 9, 2025 16 mins

Have you ever caught yourself pouring a glass of wine just because you were “bored”? Let’s talk about what’s really going on underneath that go-to excuse — and why it matters so much to your feminine wellbeing.

In this episode, we get real about how our culture conditions women to fear stillness and how alcohol has become a sneaky permission slip to rest. But what if you could grant yourself that permission — no wine required?

✨ This one’s for the woman who’s ready to reclaim her energy, her creativity, and her right to just be.

We’ll explore:

  • Why “boredom” is often a mask for your body’s need to rest
  • How productivity culture suppresses feminine creativity
  • The real shift that happens when you drink — and why it’s not what you think
  • How alcohol has become a socially acceptable way to pause
  • What it feels like to build the muscle of receptivity instead of numbing
  • The feminine magic waiting for you on the other side of the “antsy” feeling

Your feminine energy doesn’t thrive in constant doing — it thrives in presence, in play, in permission to follow your own rhythm.

🌹 Ready to experience rest and relief without deprivation?
Download your free Urge Guide at marywagstaffcoach.com

Your creative spirit is waiting. Let’s set her free.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Stop Drinking and Start Living the
Feminine Way.
I'm your hostess, mary Wagstaff, holistic Alcohol Coach and
Feminine Embodiment Guide, hereto help you effortlessly release
alcohol by reclaiming yourfeminine essence.
Sobriety isn't just aboutquitting drinking.
It's about removing thedistortions that keep you

(00:25):
disconnected, overwhelmed andstuck in cycles of numbing.
Each week I'll share powerfultools, new perspectives that
transform, and deeply relatablestories to help you step into
the power, pleasure and purposethat it is to be a woman.
This is your next evolution ofawakened empowerment.

(00:46):
Welcome to the feminine way.
Welcome back to the show, mybeautiful listeners.
Okay, I'm going to try to makethis one short and sweet.
One of the things that is oftenan objection or an excuse that
I hear from women that when wereally think about it, it's kind

(01:06):
of ludicrous is the reason thatthey're drinking is because
they are bored.
Okay, have you ever met a womanin her life that's bored?
I mean, it's just not evenpossible.
This episode is titled theunspoken basic need.
Need because this is somethingthat is a basic need, especially

(01:29):
of the feminine, but that goesoverlooked and unrecognized
because it's not seen andappreciated in our culture, in
our society, and that iscreativity.
So there's a few things aboutboredom and women that I want to

(01:52):
point out that you might befalling into.
Oftentimes, what boredomactually means for women is the
fear of being perceived as lazy,is the fear of actually resting
and receiving.

(02:13):
So instead we turn to alcoholfor an external validation, for
an external permission slip, tochill out right, and oftentimes
we actually have things that wewant to attend to.
So in order to meet both ofthose needs to chill out and to

(02:37):
continue to attend to things welower our inhibitions by
creating what I like to call theparty of one, and this is going
to be coming out soon in a newoffer that I have, a freebie
called my perimenopause andmust-haves, and it's really
about a ritual swap from alcoholto finding your new hormonal

(03:02):
normal with a sacred pause fromalcohol.
So there's this product calledloop and there are these earbuds
that really invoke withoutwithout like telling your people
, I'm not wanting to listen toyou with big old headphones.
There are these um earplugsthat create this very, very
similar experience of the partyof one inside.

(03:24):
So it's like you're functioning, but now you're like, ooh, I'm
doing my own thing and you'refeeling good, and like no one
else knows about it Okay.
So if this is you which I knowit is I want you to check out
loops L, o O P.
I'll leave a link in the shownotes.
Um, and stay tuned for myritual swap guide.
And stay tuned for my ritualswap guide.

(03:53):
So, because we're, and also,instead of actually maybe just
saying like tonight, I'm notgoing to keep doing the things,
I'm not going to make dinner,I'm not going to do the laundry,
I'm not going to preparetomorrow, and maybe you know we
don't all have the opportunitybut when I look at my male
counterpart and I'm so in awe ofthis because it's like I could
never function like that.
Well, yes, you could, and I'mnot saying you should, but my
male counterpart and I don'tknow if yours does this or if

(04:15):
you've had this experience buthe's not a big planner, he's not
a big prepper, like for me.
It's like I want to know thatthere's lunch for tomorrow for
Emmett, I want the dishes to bedone, like there's these things
that make me feel really goodand I'm not going to shame
myself for that, but what hedoes is he's trusts in his own
resourcefulness to meet theneeds, even as, even as a father

(04:38):
, right, like to get Emmettwater if Emmett's thirsty, and
they didn't bring any in the car, right, and I would have, like,
the backup water and the waterbottle and the sunblock and all
of the things, and he's willingto figure it out, and no one's
ever died, right, so like if youwere sick you wouldn't be able

(05:00):
to do all of the things.
This is the unsolicited to-dolist, so you can, in fact, give
yourself permission to donothing, right, and the kit,
like you have your backup ramen,you, and then that's it, and
then you leave the dishes andyou let it go, right.

(05:20):
So so what do you need tobelieve to be able to give
yourself that permission slip?
Because if you're not doing andfinding your worth and your
validation through beingproductive, then who are you?
And I think this is the biggestquestion that we get to just

(05:42):
sit with?
Right, because if alcohol isactually giving you the thing
that you actually want, butwithout the alcohol you call it
boredom then you're denyingyourself the natural projection
of your life that you come homefrom work and maybe there's a

(06:02):
break.
Right, because if the alcoholis giving you that excuse, but
life is giving you theavailability of it already, but
you need to quiet your mindbecause, instead of taking a
break, you call it boredombecause you're not being
productive, right.
And so you just tell yourselfthat you're bored, or in like

(06:23):
you're still subconsciously kindof interpreting that as lazy.
And so where it comes in withthis unmet basic need, is you
might actually feel like that,okay, well, if I'm not attending
or tending to something andit's just me say you're alone.
Well, now, what do I do?
Right?
And life keeps you busy.
And there, very well, are a lotof you who have extracurricular

(06:47):
things that you like to do, butsome of them may be tied with
alcohol.
You might craft and drink, youmight read and drink, you might,
you know, knit and drink orcook and drink.
Um, and say you do other thingsthat don't involve alcohol.
Say you have a yoga practice ora workout practice.
Well, those things are notautomatically tied with alcohol.

(07:10):
So it's like, okay, I'm goingto do that.
Now what?
So?
Creativity stems from boredom,right?
We know that it is a good thingto not have constant
stimulation.
I mean, I can't tell you thatthe kids that I've encountered
they're like I'm bored all thetime.

(07:30):
It's like, think about when youwere younger and daydreaming,
staring off into space Like thisis where I get some really good
ideas is on my walks, when I'mjust thinking, when I don't have
something in my ears, um, whenI get up in the morning and I
give myself a moment to tocontemplate cause is there
really?
Can you ever really be bored inthis world?

(07:52):
Like, what does boredom reallymean and what is the thought
that creates boredom?
Because boredom is a, anemotion.
Boredom isn't just a state,right, because you could just
not be doing something and belike I deserve this.
This is great.
This is how I celebrate, thisis, this is how I show myself
appreciation, and now it's notboredom, but it's the same

(08:13):
circumstance, right?
Or this is the relaxation I, um, I, and also in my guide oh my
gosh, you're going to love it.
So in my guide I have thisother thing that I use these eye
masks and there's this woman Idon't know this is.
I've never really shared thiswith anyone, but there's this
woman on YouTube and this isvery popular.

(08:34):
It's Reiki ASMR, and part of mefeels like it's like wrong to
watch, but I don't care, Ireally enjoy it.
So there's this woman, anna,and she's amazing and it's this.
You know, asmr is kind of thisnew wave.
It's kind of bizarre.
It feels it does feel.
I think I feel weird talkingabout it because it feels weird
watching.
It's like, oh, this is how wehave to create connection

(08:57):
through a computer screen withthis lady making noises.
But she's so lovely and she's acoach in her own right and I
love Reiki and I love all thethings that she does.
But sometimes before I kind oftake a nap, I'll just watch a
couple of minutes and justlisten to her.
She's this amazing voice andshe's very beautiful.
She kind of looks like I don'tknow like a storybook character

(09:20):
or something, and so it's justso relaxing.
Now, I could interpret that timeas boredom, but it's not, you
know, and I would say that Icould work on my downtime for
creative contemplation, but itreally it doesn't present itself

(09:40):
as a problem.
I don't often have that feelingof like that I am bored and I'm
also okay with doing nothingbecause I do a lot Right.
So I really really want you toexamine the, the objection of
boredom, and that's why youdrink, and also in that moment

(10:03):
when you're actually physicallydrinking, that is, the only
thing that changes is that youhave liquid in a cup that is
going into your body and thatcould be anything, so you're not
not bored.
You've just erased the thoughtsthat told you that created the
boredom, that created thefeeling of lack or insufficiency

(10:26):
.
So this is your job for theweek.
What is boredom to me?
What does it feel like in mybody?
What if it was okay to be bored, you know?
So what?
How could I look at my boredomas relaxation, as the relaxation
that I think I'm getting from adrink, without any of the

(10:49):
negative consequences?
And also, how is this anopportunity for me to tap into
my creative potential?
Because what alcohol does is itstifles our creativity and it
has us continuing to live in themasculine principle, which
creates burnout, which createsoverwhelm, which creates a

(11:12):
dysregulated nervous system.
And, instead of optimizing ourideas, our output, mixed with
the phase that we're in, we justtry to do more.
One more thing in this fix itenergy, all you ever need to do
is have a new thought.

(11:33):
All you ever need to do isshift perspectives and, like I
talked about before, tap intothe version of you that's
already got it.
Let her lead.
Don't let the alcohol versionof you lead, but don't shame her
either, right?
So creativity is a muscle, butit is the muscle that will fill

(11:57):
the space that has been filledby alcohol, and when you release
alcohol, I can't tell you theflood of cognitive energy that
starts flowing through you.
So, if you're familiar with thechakra system at all, or
Kundalini, right we have.
We start at the base of thespine, with the root chakra, and
all of the energy centers ofthe body are associated with

(12:19):
different glands, glands andorgans that actually do have
chemicals in them.
So there is an energeticquality in the body that is
actually physical as wellemotion and that energy.

(12:43):
Now, when you're not repressingit and they just talk about
like the pink cloud well, I mean, I'm still on the pink cloud
right now.
Of course, sobriety justbecomes like normal.
I don't even think about beingsober anymore, it's just my life
.
But there's this energy thatmoves from the root chakra like
up and out, like exploding ontop of your head, and it can be.
You know, this is like the partof integration that coaching is
really powerful was like okay,now what do I do with this

(13:03):
energy?
And like, why is every, youknow, like everyone else is an
idiot?
No, I'm just joking, um, butyou know you're like what am I
like?
How am I going to hang out withthese people anymore?
I don't feel like I haveanything in common with them.
Sometimes you feel like that.
So that's the other.
That is another piece of thepuzzle too is, you know,
creating opportunities to be inalignment and this new alignment

(13:28):
with your life.
And so it's it's this, it's it'sit's in the boredom that you
find the creative channel thatyou have to let yourself be in
it.
You have to let yourself be inthe discomfort of relaxation, of
receptivity, because you don'tthink it's discomfort, you think
that's what you're going toalcohol for.
But if, but, if you weren'tuncomfortable in the receptivity

(13:52):
and in the relaxation, youwould just allow yourself to be
there and you wouldn't call itboredom, right?
So this is your job to find outwhat does it feel like in my
body to decide that this isrelaxation.
I'm antsy, I'm uncomfortable,my tongue is swelling.
I want to do something with myhands.
I don't know what to do.
You want to feel all that.
You want to breathe.
You want to find Anna onYouTube.
You want to follow my ritualswap guide and dive in.

(14:17):
But it is a muscle you have tobuild with consistency, and that
is the beauty of coaching.
That is the beauty of sayingI'm going to do something
different.
I'm going to get support aboutthis because, no matter, no
matter what I change in mycircumstances, this thing keeps
following me around.
And now I'm blaming otherpeople in the way they're

(14:40):
showing up and when really Ineed to do a U-turn and go in
and ask how am I not showing upand where can I show up for
myself?
But creativity for women is ourlife force.
It is our basic need.
That's why we talk in spirals,that's why this podcast talks in
spirals, and I'm okay with it.
That's why we can go from onesubject to the next when we're

(15:01):
having a conversation with ourgirlfriends.
That's why we feel differentemotions all the time, and you
can have a whole rainbow ofemotions in one day and that's
why sometimes we change our mind.
Now there is consistency.
That's really important, but itis the consistency to commit to
bravery, to commit to doingsomething new, to commit to

(15:24):
finding out more of you.
I'll talk to you soon.
Have a great day.
The days of white knucklingyour way through an urge are
over.
No more distracting yourself.
No more avoiding alcohol, nomore resisting, and I am not
exaggerating when I say thatdoing this one thing for five
minutes will change not only howsuccessful you are in drinking

(15:46):
less, but how much you will loveyour alcohol-free life.
You are going to feel so good.
So come on over to my website,or follow the link right here in
the show notes, to grab thefree urge guide that gives you
the exact cheat codes to use tofind relief without a drink.
And the best part is nodeprivation, no missing out

(16:08):
required.
I'll see you overmarywagstaffcoachcom.
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