May 5, 2025 • 20 mins
It’s been six years since I took my last sip of alcohol—and not only do I not miss it, I truly don’t want it. In this soul-deep episode, I’m reflecting on what made lasting change possible for me (spoiler: it wasn’t willpower) and sharing the feminine path that helped me create a life so rich and connected, alcohol couldn’t compete.
Whether you’re just starting or somewhere in the middle, I want to show you how to stop drinking in a way that actually feels nourishing, powerful, and aligned with who you really are. If you’re ready to do it better—not harder—this one’s for you.
Key Takeaways:
- Honor the feminine journey—rooted in rhythm, intuition, and wholeness
- You don’t need to start over—awareness is always progress
- Real change happens when you build a life that’s better than the buzz
- There is no “one way”—but the feminine way is often the missing link
Are you ready to do what alcohol promises—but better? My private coaching experience, From Burnout to Bliss Out, is open for enrollment. Let this be the summer you stop drinking and start living, fully and freely. Schedule a private consultation now.
DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mary Wagstaff (00:02):
Music. Welcome to stop drinking and start living
the feminine way. I'm yourhostess. Mary Wagstaff, holistic
alcohol coach and feminineembodiment guide here to help
you effortlessly release alcoholby reclaiming your feminine
essence. Sobriety isn't justabout quitting drinking, it's
about removing the distortionsthat keep you disconnected,
(00:26):
overwhelmed and stuck in cyclesof numbing. Each week, I'll
share powerful tools, newperspectives that transform and
deeply relatable stories to helpyou step into the power pleasure
and purpose that it is to be awoman. This is your next
evolution of awakenedempowerment. Welcome to the
(00:47):
feminine way.
Welcome back to the show. Mybeautiful listeners, I hope
you're having an amazing day inreal time, here we are in the
season of summer. Officially,some of you may not know this,
and I've talked a little bitabout the Wheel of the Year. You
(01:08):
know, part of my practice offinding a new relationship to
alcohol has been connecting withthe cycles and rhythms of the
moon and of the earth, andfinding just more meaning and
connection in my life andfilling up what I what I truly
believe that so much of us, somany of us have in our life, is
a spiritual deficit. So many ofthe women that come to work with
(01:30):
me are really seeking a deeperconnection to their life outside
of kind of the externalachievement or or wanting their
external achievement to befueled by purpose, by meaning.
And I really believe that somany of us are looking for that.
And you know, kind of getsplayed on. Our emotions get
played on with that, with if youlook at media and marketing and
(01:53):
you know what's going to createthat meaning and connection
psychologically, we know how todo that. And so it's, it's,
there's never been a moreimportant time to really learn
how to be in control of aware ofwhat that is for you. So I
digress. The Wheel of the Yearis a kind of a Celtic, Celtic
(02:18):
way of understanding the cyclesand the seasons of how things
change, the rhythms that we'rein. So it's broken up into eight
quarters, the big high holy daysor the Sabbaths, are all
astrological, right? I mean,it's really when the sun is at
(02:41):
certain places in the sky. So wehave the equinoxes and the
solstices. But what is even, Ibelieve a more potent tradition
are the cross quarter days,where we just celebrated
Beltane, which is May 1, andBeltane is the halfway point
(03:03):
between the spring equinox andthe summer solstice. But summer
solstice is that it is the highpoint of the sun. So we're not
really depending on where youare on the earth, but here in
the northern hemisphere, we'rethat is not the first day of
summer, that is actually thepeak of summer. So Beltane, or
(03:27):
May Day, is the very beginningof summer, and it is a time of
passion. It is a time when thewe dance around the maypole and
intertwine the ribbons of whatis represented as the masculine
and the feminine. And the reasonthat I even bring any of this up
is because we have tounderstand, as women, that
(03:49):
inside of us, we aremultifaceted, and when we don't
give an honor, that part of ourlives the multifaceted
perspective that happens thatwe're really going through, like
an entire year's worth of theWheel of the Year in 30 days,
(04:09):
especially when you're in yourbleeding years, right? We go
through this waxing and thiswaning phase with the moon, but
that waxing and that waning isalso happening with the sun,
throughout the wheel, throughoutthe year as well. So we kind of
go through this mini four seasoncycle every single month. And
(04:31):
it's so important to know that,and to know that we have this
really intricate web ofemotions, this really intricate
web of needs and desires that weget to give ourselves permission
to meet, and it could becomplicated, or it could be
profound, or it could be deep,or it could be you know, this
(04:52):
the reason why we are so good atholding so much in our sphere,
the reason that we haveintuition, the reason. And that
we can project out and holdspace and hold the the needs of
so many people, and the reasonthat we're good caretakers and
lovers and compassionate, and wecan see the big picture, right?
And that's what I've decided toreally see as my my gifts of the
(05:17):
feminine, the gifts of the womanthat I want to be. And I share
this with you today because I amcelebrating myself. I am
celebrating this month of May,and I don't know the exact day,
but it is six years of myalcohol freedom, six years since
I have had one drop of alcohol.
Now, even though I don't youknow, really think counting days
(05:38):
is always useful. It is truethat it has been six years since
I've had a drop of alcohol, andI think even if I would have had
like, a drop of alcohol or a daythat I had had a drink, I still
don't believe in starting over.
And the reason that I don'tbelieve in starting over is
because you're generatingawareness. You're generating
(06:01):
awareness, especially whenyou're doing work in a program,
like a coaching program, or thework that I was doing on my own
before I developed the fiveshifts. And sometimes I've told
people, you know, it took meabout 18 months to quit drinking
altogether. But what I reallymean by that was it was like 18
months when I really gotserious. I really got serious
(06:22):
about, like, I'm going to figurethis out. And other things were
changing in my life. And thereason it doesn't have to take
you 18 months, and in that time,I was like, stopping and
starting, and it was the time Ihad been taking the most breaks,
and I was really putting in theeffort to figure out something
new. But I discovered the fiveshifts. I created the five
(06:43):
shifts in that time, which iswhat really flipped the script
for me. But I did start divingmore into my divine feminine
essence. I decided I startedexploring what the embodiment of
the feminine meant in my life,and that's why this podcast is
stop drinking and start livingthe feminine way, because I
(07:04):
didn't do it like a man, becauseI knew that there was a deeper
expression of myself that neededto come through, that I was
seeking all of those yearsthrough alcohol. Though I always
joke that I really wanted toquit drinking for about 20
years, or since I started,because there were many times
where I was like, That's it.
It's over. And then, of course,you feel better, and you're in
(07:26):
that place of just convincingyourself and that nothing's gone
wrong, because there's thiscrazy phenomenon that the
euphoria that you experienceright after alcohol is what
sticks in your learned memory,and not the consequence of the
negative effects, right? Butwhat also happened when I
(07:48):
started to bring more awarenessto my relationship with alcohol,
when I say more awareness, I wastaking a step back. I was
becoming a witness of myexperience. I was becoming a
witness of my thoughts. I wasbeing curious. I was being
curious about the sensations Iwas doing all of the things that
I teach my clients, that are thefive shifts process. And what I
(08:08):
recognized was I wasn't reallyexperiencing the euphoria
anymore, that every time I wasdrinking, it was falling flat,
and because I was experiencingother things in my life, I had
been putting myself in new roomsand new situations, in women's
circles, in women's networkingcommunities, in putting myself
(08:31):
out there as a leader and moreof a professional. I was
starting my coaching businesseven before I became an alcohol
coach, those things were reallyfilling me up, and I wasn't
walking my talk right like so Iit was simultaneously that I was
moving towards what I wanted,and at the same time I was
(08:55):
eliminating and deconstructingthe beliefs, right? So I was
kind of building this new, whatI call a belief ladder, where I
was building up the beliefsaround to get generate evidence
for an alcohol free life of whythat was better. And at the same
time, I was deconstructing thebeliefs that had been holding
(09:17):
alcohol up as important in mylife and to and I had to, like,
be a little uncomfortable. I hadto put myself in new situations.
I had to go to social settingswhere I wasn't drinking. I had
to go to concerts where I wasn'tdrinking. I had to go meet new
people. I had to host, you know,I hosted some mother's circles
with my new baby, and I wasdoing all of these things that
(09:38):
were new, that we're creating anew self concept. And the reason
I'm sharing this today isbecause Matthew always tells me
that I don't celebrate myselfenough, that I don't stop and
look at my wins enough and myachievements. And I am pretty
hard on myself sometimes, and Ijust you. I do sometimes go from
(09:59):
one thing to the next because Ihave so much passion about so
many things in my life, and justbecause I don't think about
alcohol anymore, and alcoholhasn't been a struggle for me
for many, many years, since Idiscovered the five shifts, and
even if I've had a thought hereor there, or even a craving,
(10:20):
which doesn't happen at allanymore. I knew what it was. I
just knew that it wasessentially what I say, what I
would tell you. It's just an oldmemory. It's an old imprint. And
so I created for myself a wholenew self concept. And
sometimes I think that alcoholisn't my story anymore, but it
(10:43):
really is like the greatest lovestory. It's the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
Because on the other side ofthat, and this is what I wanted
to share also with you, not onlyjust celebrating myself and how
putting myself out there hashelped so many women and I'm
happy to take like is, ishumbling, and as as an honor as
that is, I'm also happy to beproud of that, because we have
(11:07):
to be proud of our achievements,and I have to be proud of
putting myself out there. And soI don't just convince myself
that, you know, somehow, becauseI don't struggle with alcohol
anymore, that it's not enough,right? Like that. It's still not
having the impact. And it iseasy to forget when things
(11:29):
become a normal part of yourlife, it is easy to forget what
that struggle was like. It wassuch a struggle, right? I was I
was functioning. I was doing allthe things I've always been a
high achiever, but I wasexhausted, and I wanted nothing
more in my life than to just notthink about alcohol. And I
(11:52):
thought that I would always wantalcohol, and I've shared that so
many times on the podcast. Thereason it was so felt so hard to
quit was because I just didn'tthink that I there would could
ever be a day where I wouldn'twant it, where I wouldn't think
about that. And I have proven tomyself the A that I could do
(12:13):
that. And all of the women, notonly that, have just come
through the podcast, but but thecountless women that have come
through my coaching program thatare on the other side of alcohol
and just don't want alcohol.
You've heard the conversations.
You've heard the stories andagain. It doesn't mean you don't
have a thought about alcoholever again. It doesn't mean that
you don't have a craving up everagain. But the more you learn
how to work with those thoughtsand with those those sensations
(12:36):
in your body, they go away, andthen you become an alcohol free
person, and you're fullyauthentic. And so you identify
more with your authenticexpression, more with your
uniqueness, more with theunaltered experience. I would
never want to alter my the truthof who I am. And sometimes it
(12:56):
looks crazy, right? Like,sometimes there's a couple of
days a month where, like, I canget kind of crazy, but I know
what it is. I'm so much more intune with with my cycles, with
my rhythms, I can express thatto my family. And we've had some
kind of hard not only did wemove and decide to, like, buy a
(13:17):
farm which has literally havinga farm is a project for the
like, you never will be boredever again. And so it's kind of
perfect for Matthew and I,because we do love projects, but
it can be very overwhelming. SoI've had to coach myself a lot
on, like, I'm in this for thelong haul. Like, this is just,
this is fun. There's like,experiences the falling down
(13:38):
fences and the barbed wire, likeit's just gonna be there, right?
Like, just like the laundry isalways gonna be there. So I've
been able to step into this newventure, but from such a
different, calm place, althoughI did have a moment where I was
like, what if none of theflowers grow? What if none of
them bloom? Because I literallyhave a 90 foot hoop house high
(14:00):
tunnel with every flowersplanted. And I'm so excited, but
there's no blooms yet. We didhave some bulbs, so I've been
able to move through that. Ihave. We've had some other like,
pretty big things happen in ourfamily that were affected me on
a very personal level, but I wasreally able, and I will probably
(14:24):
talk about this more, but it's,it's too raw right now to talk
about it, but, like, with allthe details, but like, I was
really able to hold space formyself and not make it about the
other person, right? Like, Icould express myself, I could
express where I was, but I couldgive myself permission to feel
(14:45):
without saying hurtful things,without being mean, without
making the situation worthworse, without saying things
that weren't useful, right? Sowhen you have interpersonal
relationships, it's so easy to.
Just like blame and be mad andbe hurt and like all of those
things are, are, are totallylegitimate. But the way in the
(15:11):
past that I would have gone,gone about it was like bringing
it up, making it worse, yelling,fighting, saying hurtful things,
like doing all this stuff. Andinstead, what I did was like,
I've got me, I've got my backright, and really uncovered,
(15:31):
what are my resources? What do Ihave, knowing that I'm safe,
really establishing that senseof safety within, because we
look outside for externalsafety. And the truth is, the
only place we can ever find likesafety is an inside job. Safety
is your personal responsibilityas a grown human. It is no one
(15:53):
else's job to make you feelsafe. Right now, can people
compromise your safetyabsolutely but it is still your
job to find safety for yourself.
And fortunately, I am in a veryprivileged situation where that
has never been an issue for me,like even if I needed to. You
(16:15):
know, move in with my parents at44 years old. I also just
celebrated my 44th birthday, itis going to be I feel like it's
such a special year for me. I'vejust been so much closer to the
Divine, to my relationship withall of my guides. And really, it
feels so good. I feel verycontent. I feel very content in
(16:39):
my life, and I want to talk moreabout contentment. So alcohol is
still my story. It's still mystory because of the way that I
show up for my mothering andholding compassion for the
little girl inside of me helpsme hold compassion for the
little boy who sometimes bugsme, sometimes that I'm
(17:00):
frustrated with right my son andcontinuing to see myself in the
reflection of the women that Iwork with right still be able to
creating a deeper sense ofsisterhood, not just because of
alcohol, but because alcohol isreally a symptom of something
(17:24):
bigger, like I started thisepisode with of a spiritual
deficit, of a desire to findmeaning and connection through
achievement, to find safetythrough achievement, through
validation, right? And it's okayto want those things, but we,
(17:44):
and this is where thecontentment piece comes in, is
like, if we can't findcontentment without any of that
we will always be seeking. Andwhat my desire and invitation is
for you, is to be in a placewhere you can do what you think
alcohol does for you, butbetter, right? And that has what
(18:08):
six years of sobriety has givenme. That is what I have been
able to prove that alcohol hasnothing on what I'm capable of,
I can have the most pleasure,ecstasy, euphoria, all of those
things to 100 times more thanwhat alcohol doesn't even
(18:31):
scratch the surface, right? Andso is there a challenge in
there? Is there a dare? Maybe,right? But I know that that's
possible for you, and I knowit's possible in the work that I
offer my clients, because I'veseen them do it when they tap
into their feminine essence,when they tap into their desires
and really, really hold spacefor the woman that they decide
(18:56):
they want to Be and for thewoman that they are, in all of
her glory and all of hermultifaceted expressions and all
of her wild craziness, that iswhen she can honestly say
alcohol's got nothing on me. Iam wishing you the most
(19:22):
beautiful beginning of summer,the most beautiful Beltane, and
I will talk to you soon. Thanksfor being here. The days of
white knuckling your way throughan urge are over. No more
distracting yourself, no moreavoiding alcohol, no more
resisting. And I am notexaggerating when I say that
doing this one thing for fiveminutes will change not only how
(19:45):
successful you are in drinkingless, but how much you will love
your alcohol free life. You aregoing to feel so good. So come
on over to my website or followthe link right here in the show.
Notes to grab the free urgeguide that gives you the exact
cheat codes to use to findrelief without a drink. And the
(20:06):
best part is no deprivation, nomissing out, required. I'll see
you over. Mary Wagstaff,coach.com, you.
Music. Welcome to stop drinking and start living
the feminine way. I'm yourhostess. Mary Wagstaff, holistic
alcohol coach and feminineembodiment guide here to help
you effortlessly release alcoholby reclaiming your feminine
essence. Sobriety isn't justabout quitting drinking, it's
about removing the distortionsthat keep you disconnected,
(00:26):
overwhelmed and stuck in cyclesof numbing. Each week, I'll
share powerful tools, newperspectives that transform and
deeply relatable stories to helpyou step into the power pleasure
and purpose that it is to be awoman. This is your next
evolution of awakenedempowerment. Welcome to the
(00:47):
feminine way.
Welcome back to the show. Mybeautiful listeners, I hope
you're having an amazing day inreal time, here we are in the
season of summer. Officially,some of you may not know this,
and I've talked a little bitabout the Wheel of the Year. You
(01:08):
know, part of my practice offinding a new relationship to
alcohol has been connecting withthe cycles and rhythms of the
moon and of the earth, andfinding just more meaning and
connection in my life andfilling up what I what I truly
believe that so much of us, somany of us have in our life, is
a spiritual deficit. So many ofthe women that come to work with
(01:30):
me are really seeking a deeperconnection to their life outside
of kind of the externalachievement or or wanting their
external achievement to befueled by purpose, by meaning.
And I really believe that somany of us are looking for that.
And you know, kind of getsplayed on. Our emotions get
played on with that, with if youlook at media and marketing and
(01:53):
you know what's going to createthat meaning and connection
psychologically, we know how todo that. And so it's, it's,
there's never been a moreimportant time to really learn
how to be in control of aware ofwhat that is for you. So I
digress. The Wheel of the Yearis a kind of a Celtic, Celtic
(02:18):
way of understanding the cyclesand the seasons of how things
change, the rhythms that we'rein. So it's broken up into eight
quarters, the big high holy daysor the Sabbaths, are all
astrological, right? I mean,it's really when the sun is at
(02:41):
certain places in the sky. So wehave the equinoxes and the
solstices. But what is even, Ibelieve a more potent tradition
are the cross quarter days,where we just celebrated
Beltane, which is May 1, andBeltane is the halfway point
(03:03):
between the spring equinox andthe summer solstice. But summer
solstice is that it is the highpoint of the sun. So we're not
really depending on where youare on the earth, but here in
the northern hemisphere, we'rethat is not the first day of
summer, that is actually thepeak of summer. So Beltane, or
(03:27):
May Day, is the very beginningof summer, and it is a time of
passion. It is a time when thewe dance around the maypole and
intertwine the ribbons of whatis represented as the masculine
and the feminine. And the reasonthat I even bring any of this up
is because we have tounderstand, as women, that
(03:49):
inside of us, we aremultifaceted, and when we don't
give an honor, that part of ourlives the multifaceted
perspective that happens thatwe're really going through, like
an entire year's worth of theWheel of the Year in 30 days,
(04:09):
especially when you're in yourbleeding years, right? We go
through this waxing and thiswaning phase with the moon, but
that waxing and that waning isalso happening with the sun,
throughout the wheel, throughoutthe year as well. So we kind of
go through this mini four seasoncycle every single month. And
(04:31):
it's so important to know that,and to know that we have this
really intricate web ofemotions, this really intricate
web of needs and desires that weget to give ourselves permission
to meet, and it could becomplicated, or it could be
profound, or it could be deep,or it could be you know, this
(04:52):
the reason why we are so good atholding so much in our sphere,
the reason that we haveintuition, the reason. And that
we can project out and holdspace and hold the the needs of
so many people, and the reasonthat we're good caretakers and
lovers and compassionate, and wecan see the big picture, right?
And that's what I've decided toreally see as my my gifts of the
(05:17):
feminine, the gifts of the womanthat I want to be. And I share
this with you today because I amcelebrating myself. I am
celebrating this month of May,and I don't know the exact day,
but it is six years of myalcohol freedom, six years since
I have had one drop of alcohol.
Now, even though I don't youknow, really think counting days
(05:38):
is always useful. It is truethat it has been six years since
I've had a drop of alcohol, andI think even if I would have had
like, a drop of alcohol or a daythat I had had a drink, I still
don't believe in starting over.
And the reason that I don'tbelieve in starting over is
because you're generatingawareness. You're generating
(06:01):
awareness, especially whenyou're doing work in a program,
like a coaching program, or thework that I was doing on my own
before I developed the fiveshifts. And sometimes I've told
people, you know, it took meabout 18 months to quit drinking
altogether. But what I reallymean by that was it was like 18
months when I really gotserious. I really got serious
(06:22):
about, like, I'm going to figurethis out. And other things were
changing in my life. And thereason it doesn't have to take
you 18 months, and in that time,I was like, stopping and
starting, and it was the time Ihad been taking the most breaks,
and I was really putting in theeffort to figure out something
new. But I discovered the fiveshifts. I created the five
(06:43):
shifts in that time, which iswhat really flipped the script
for me. But I did start divingmore into my divine feminine
essence. I decided I startedexploring what the embodiment of
the feminine meant in my life,and that's why this podcast is
stop drinking and start livingthe feminine way, because I
(07:04):
didn't do it like a man, becauseI knew that there was a deeper
expression of myself that neededto come through, that I was
seeking all of those yearsthrough alcohol. Though I always
joke that I really wanted toquit drinking for about 20
years, or since I started,because there were many times
where I was like, That's it.
It's over. And then, of course,you feel better, and you're in
(07:26):
that place of just convincingyourself and that nothing's gone
wrong, because there's thiscrazy phenomenon that the
euphoria that you experienceright after alcohol is what
sticks in your learned memory,and not the consequence of the
negative effects, right? Butwhat also happened when I
(07:48):
started to bring more awarenessto my relationship with alcohol,
when I say more awareness, I wastaking a step back. I was
becoming a witness of myexperience. I was becoming a
witness of my thoughts. I wasbeing curious. I was being
curious about the sensations Iwas doing all of the things that
I teach my clients, that are thefive shifts process. And what I
(08:08):
recognized was I wasn't reallyexperiencing the euphoria
anymore, that every time I wasdrinking, it was falling flat,
and because I was experiencingother things in my life, I had
been putting myself in new roomsand new situations, in women's
circles, in women's networkingcommunities, in putting myself
(08:31):
out there as a leader and moreof a professional. I was
starting my coaching businesseven before I became an alcohol
coach, those things were reallyfilling me up, and I wasn't
walking my talk right like so Iit was simultaneously that I was
moving towards what I wanted,and at the same time I was
(08:55):
eliminating and deconstructingthe beliefs, right? So I was
kind of building this new, whatI call a belief ladder, where I
was building up the beliefsaround to get generate evidence
for an alcohol free life of whythat was better. And at the same
time, I was deconstructing thebeliefs that had been holding
(09:17):
alcohol up as important in mylife and to and I had to, like,
be a little uncomfortable. I hadto put myself in new situations.
I had to go to social settingswhere I wasn't drinking. I had
to go to concerts where I wasn'tdrinking. I had to go meet new
people. I had to host, you know,I hosted some mother's circles
with my new baby, and I wasdoing all of these things that
(09:38):
were new, that we're creating anew self concept. And the reason
I'm sharing this today isbecause Matthew always tells me
that I don't celebrate myselfenough, that I don't stop and
look at my wins enough and myachievements. And I am pretty
hard on myself sometimes, and Ijust you. I do sometimes go from
(09:59):
one thing to the next because Ihave so much passion about so
many things in my life, and justbecause I don't think about
alcohol anymore, and alcoholhasn't been a struggle for me
for many, many years, since Idiscovered the five shifts, and
even if I've had a thought hereor there, or even a craving,
(10:20):
which doesn't happen at allanymore. I knew what it was. I
just knew that it wasessentially what I say, what I
would tell you. It's just an oldmemory. It's an old imprint. And
so I created for myself a wholenew self concept. And
sometimes I think that alcoholisn't my story anymore, but it
(10:43):
really is like the greatest lovestory. It's the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
Because on the other side ofthat, and this is what I wanted
to share also with you, not onlyjust celebrating myself and how
putting myself out there hashelped so many women and I'm
happy to take like is, ishumbling, and as as an honor as
that is, I'm also happy to beproud of that, because we have
(11:07):
to be proud of our achievements,and I have to be proud of
putting myself out there. And soI don't just convince myself
that, you know, somehow, becauseI don't struggle with alcohol
anymore, that it's not enough,right? Like that. It's still not
having the impact. And it iseasy to forget when things
(11:29):
become a normal part of yourlife, it is easy to forget what
that struggle was like. It wassuch a struggle, right? I was I
was functioning. I was doing allthe things I've always been a
high achiever, but I wasexhausted, and I wanted nothing
more in my life than to just notthink about alcohol. And I
(11:52):
thought that I would always wantalcohol, and I've shared that so
many times on the podcast. Thereason it was so felt so hard to
quit was because I just didn'tthink that I there would could
ever be a day where I wouldn'twant it, where I wouldn't think
about that. And I have proven tomyself the A that I could do
(12:13):
that. And all of the women, notonly that, have just come
through the podcast, but but thecountless women that have come
through my coaching program thatare on the other side of alcohol
and just don't want alcohol.
You've heard the conversations.
You've heard the stories andagain. It doesn't mean you don't
have a thought about alcoholever again. It doesn't mean that
you don't have a craving up everagain. But the more you learn
how to work with those thoughtsand with those those sensations
(12:36):
in your body, they go away, andthen you become an alcohol free
person, and you're fullyauthentic. And so you identify
more with your authenticexpression, more with your
uniqueness, more with theunaltered experience. I would
never want to alter my the truthof who I am. And sometimes it
(12:56):
looks crazy, right? Like,sometimes there's a couple of
days a month where, like, I canget kind of crazy, but I know
what it is. I'm so much more intune with with my cycles, with
my rhythms, I can express thatto my family. And we've had some
kind of hard not only did wemove and decide to, like, buy a
(13:17):
farm which has literally havinga farm is a project for the
like, you never will be boredever again. And so it's kind of
perfect for Matthew and I,because we do love projects, but
it can be very overwhelming. SoI've had to coach myself a lot
on, like, I'm in this for thelong haul. Like, this is just,
this is fun. There's like,experiences the falling down
(13:38):
fences and the barbed wire, likeit's just gonna be there, right?
Like, just like the laundry isalways gonna be there. So I've
been able to step into this newventure, but from such a
different, calm place, althoughI did have a moment where I was
like, what if none of theflowers grow? What if none of
them bloom? Because I literallyhave a 90 foot hoop house high
(14:00):
tunnel with every flowersplanted. And I'm so excited, but
there's no blooms yet. We didhave some bulbs, so I've been
able to move through that. Ihave. We've had some other like,
pretty big things happen in ourfamily that were affected me on
a very personal level, but I wasreally able, and I will probably
(14:24):
talk about this more, but it's,it's too raw right now to talk
about it, but, like, with allthe details, but like, I was
really able to hold space formyself and not make it about the
other person, right? Like, Icould express myself, I could
express where I was, but I couldgive myself permission to feel
(14:45):
without saying hurtful things,without being mean, without
making the situation worthworse, without saying things
that weren't useful, right? Sowhen you have interpersonal
relationships, it's so easy to.
Just like blame and be mad andbe hurt and like all of those
things are, are, are totallylegitimate. But the way in the
(15:11):
past that I would have gone,gone about it was like bringing
it up, making it worse, yelling,fighting, saying hurtful things,
like doing all this stuff. Andinstead, what I did was like,
I've got me, I've got my backright, and really uncovered,
(15:31):
what are my resources? What do Ihave, knowing that I'm safe,
really establishing that senseof safety within, because we
look outside for externalsafety. And the truth is, the
only place we can ever find likesafety is an inside job. Safety
is your personal responsibilityas a grown human. It is no one
(15:53):
else's job to make you feelsafe. Right now, can people
compromise your safetyabsolutely but it is still your
job to find safety for yourself.
And fortunately, I am in a veryprivileged situation where that
has never been an issue for me,like even if I needed to. You
(16:15):
know, move in with my parents at44 years old. I also just
celebrated my 44th birthday, itis going to be I feel like it's
such a special year for me. I'vejust been so much closer to the
Divine, to my relationship withall of my guides. And really, it
feels so good. I feel verycontent. I feel very content in
(16:39):
my life, and I want to talk moreabout contentment. So alcohol is
still my story. It's still mystory because of the way that I
show up for my mothering andholding compassion for the
little girl inside of me helpsme hold compassion for the
little boy who sometimes bugsme, sometimes that I'm
(17:00):
frustrated with right my son andcontinuing to see myself in the
reflection of the women that Iwork with right still be able to
creating a deeper sense ofsisterhood, not just because of
alcohol, but because alcohol isreally a symptom of something
(17:24):
bigger, like I started thisepisode with of a spiritual
deficit, of a desire to findmeaning and connection through
achievement, to find safetythrough achievement, through
validation, right? And it's okayto want those things, but we,
(17:44):
and this is where thecontentment piece comes in, is
like, if we can't findcontentment without any of that
we will always be seeking. Andwhat my desire and invitation is
for you, is to be in a placewhere you can do what you think
alcohol does for you, butbetter, right? And that has what
(18:08):
six years of sobriety has givenme. That is what I have been
able to prove that alcohol hasnothing on what I'm capable of,
I can have the most pleasure,ecstasy, euphoria, all of those
things to 100 times more thanwhat alcohol doesn't even
(18:31):
scratch the surface, right? Andso is there a challenge in
there? Is there a dare? Maybe,right? But I know that that's
possible for you, and I knowit's possible in the work that I
offer my clients, because I'veseen them do it when they tap
into their feminine essence,when they tap into their desires
and really, really hold spacefor the woman that they decide
(18:56):
they want to Be and for thewoman that they are, in all of
her glory and all of hermultifaceted expressions and all
of her wild craziness, that iswhen she can honestly say
alcohol's got nothing on me. Iam wishing you the most
(19:22):
beautiful beginning of summer,the most beautiful Beltane, and
I will talk to you soon. Thanksfor being here. The days of
white knuckling your way throughan urge are over. No more
distracting yourself, no moreavoiding alcohol, no more
resisting. And I am notexaggerating when I say that
doing this one thing for fiveminutes will change not only how
(19:45):
successful you are in drinkingless, but how much you will love
your alcohol free life. You aregoing to feel so good. So come
on over to my website or followthe link right here in the show.
Notes to grab the free urgeguide that gives you the exact
cheat codes to use to findrelief without a drink. And the
(20:06):
best part is no deprivation, nomissing out, required. I'll see
you over. Mary Wagstaff,coach.com, you.
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