Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Stop
Drinking and Start Living the
Feminine Way.
I'm your hostess, mary Wagstaff, holistic Alcohol Coach and
Feminine Embodiment Guide, hereto help you effortlessly release
alcohol by reclaiming yourfeminine essence.
Sobriety isn't just aboutquitting drinking.
It's about removing thedistortions that keep you
(00:25):
disconnected, overwhelmed andstuck in cycles of numbing.
Each week I'll share powerfultools, new perspectives that
transform, and deeply relatablestories to help you step into
the power, pleasure and purposethat it is to be a woman.
This is your next evolution ofawakened empowerment.
(00:46):
Welcome to the Feminine Way.
Welcome back to the show.
My beautiful listeners, it's soawesome to be here with you.
I'm feeling amazing.
I'm in such a good mood in realtime.
My sisters I don't know if I'veever really even talked about
this, but I have twin sistersthat live in New York, upstate
(01:08):
New York, which is where I'mfrom, and they are here in
Oregon.
I could almost cry talkingabout it.
One of them drove cross countrywith her family, and so my
niece and nephew are heregetting to play with Emmett and
you know we really haven't had alot of time together in their
young little lives and my othersister staying and her husband
are staying with my mother, andwe have never all been this
(01:32):
together here.
We um took my mother thecatalyst, for it was um we grew
up listening to, like Lilithfair rock when we were younger,
um, like Melissa Etheridge, theIndigo Girls Jewel, all of that
stuff.
And for my mother's birthday webought her a ticket to go see
(01:53):
Melissa Etheridge locally herein Oregon and it was amazing.
She completely rocked the showand so we surprised her with the
girls coming and we all went tothe show together and to be
able to be together and therewas a lot of drinking that
actually went on when, um, mysisters and I were younger, and
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even with my mother and to allbe able to be together
completely authentic, everyone'schanged their relationship to
alcohol.
It was just awesome.
Everyone was dancing, no onewas uncomfortable, and this is
what I wanted to talk to youabout today.
This is what is possible for youto step into another phase of
(02:39):
your life later on where you getto have a deeper, more
authentic connection in yourrelationships, where you know
I've I've coached so many womenwho feel like alcohol is the
catalyst for connection to godeeper.
But what I found because I'vehad the first hand embodied
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experience being in relationshipto family through alcohol and
then being on the other side ofit is that it's actually the
opposite, that it's so mucheasier to actually break that
fourth wall of intimacy whenyou've gone through the process
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of learning how to be withyourself and going through that
liminal space of kind oflearning how to be with yourself
.
And you know, going throughthat liminal space of kind of
being in those, um, those kindof like weird awkward feelings
at first.
But the only way to get thereis to actually do it.
You can't avoid it and this iswhat you have to be willing,
(03:42):
willing to accept.
And there's so many things outthere that are going to give you
a five-day process, a six-weekprocess, a quick fix, a P90X
right, and it's like, okay,great, you can make it through
P90X and you can show yourselfthat you can do it and you might
get these amazing results.
(04:03):
But you don't just stop there.
It's not sustainable.
And when I was coaching one ofmy clients this week, what she
said had been a big shift andit's only been a few weeks is
the honesty of knowing she needsto be engaged with her life.
But something I say on the showall the time is the reason you
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think you can't is the reasonthat you need to, because if you
simply try to ignore alcohol,avoid it, distract yourself,
replace it and never actuallyengage with the process of
unlearning it or going deeperand learning how to do what you
think alcohol can do for you onyour own, the desire lasts for
(04:48):
longer.
So to actually expedite yourresults so that you actually no
longer want alcohol, you have tostay engaged with it.
So the more work you put in andyou front load on the front end
, the quicker it goes away.
You actually end up savingyourself time.
So instead of repeating thisprocess right for the last five,
three years, of taking theseshort breaks and just kind of
(05:09):
being in that waiting phase andthen going back, you're
front-loading your work, you'reputting it in on the front end
and then it's like okay, nowit's over.
You see the change happen and,especially when you're doing
one-on-one coaching, we'reactually looking at that every
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single week with you and I thinkthere are amazing group
coaching programs out there andI think that there's a power in
seeing other people coached andthere's a power in um, you know,
reflection.
This is why I offer the monthlysister circle, but with
something that's so deep and weall have our personal story and
(05:51):
everyone starts from a differentplace.
And you've been going throughthis for 20, 30, 40 years.
Right Like having that realaccountability, that eye on you
and someone to really hear yourstory and to see your specific
thoughts.
There's nothing like it.
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It is the most sacred, highhonor of what you can do for
yourself, to have thatpersonalized support than
anything that I've ever engagedin, and this is the thing that
most people they don't want tohear.
But I'm not here to gaslightyou and I'm not here to bypass
(06:33):
the reality of needing to bepresent with your life and your
emotions, because this is whatalcohol has done for you.
It's had you avoiding thingsthat you don't want to look at.
But when we do it through thelens of the sacred pause method,
through my method, throughprivate coaching, there is a
neutral, objective perspectivethat we're taking from
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compassion, from curiosity,because I have all of the belief
and the embodied evidence toknow your success is inevitable.
So, and if you want yourrelationship to alcohol to
change in a sustainable way andnot just a temporary break that
ends with that quiet like screwit, you just can't ignore it
(07:21):
because those voices are waitingin the background.
I call it the get out of jailfree card and it happened to me
every time where I would take abreak, but quietly, secretly, I
knew that it was going to endwith the quote unquote reward
and alcohol being the reward,not the relief of no longer
wanting it being the reward.
(07:41):
I know you just want theseurges to go away and that it was
something that you didn't haveto think about anymore.
But pretending that you're finehave to think about anymore.
But pretending that you're finedoes not make it easier.
You have to unpack it, you haveto plan, you have to look at it
and the results are.
Is that everything in theprocess also changes your
(08:05):
relationship how you're showingup in secure attachment to your
partner, the presence with yourchildren, how you're engaging
with your business.
You apply these tools toeverything, the way you're
people-pleasing oldrelationships in your life, like
people that you've kind ofoutgrown.
So when I asked my client whatfeels different today, what do
(08:29):
you believe differently todaythan you did three weeks ago,
she said that it finally feelsreal, it feels sustainable and
for the first time it actuallyfeels possible, Like she's not
in that waiting phase right andshe it hasn't been perfect, it
hasn't been that she didn'thasn't drank a hundred percent
and that she doesn't have it allfigured out, but she's had wins
(08:52):
along the way, because when wehave there's conceptual evidence
right, Like you can see it inother people but until you have
embodied evidence and that thatability to be really honest with
yourself and feel it and knowit and know how you're showing
(09:13):
up, and that it has to bedifferent with the reflection of
me, that changes everything.
What also happens in thisprocess is and I only want to
talk about this more on anotherepisode kind of fourth wall that
(09:37):
you have between you and thepart of you that is stuck in the
alcohol story, because we'rebringing it to the forefront of
the conversation and you arestepping into the seat of the
witness to really examine yourthoughts.
So instead of just saying screwit right, we're actually saying
(09:59):
screw what?
We're finishing theconversation.
You have to actually go beyondto see and ask is this true?
What are the objections thatI'm giving myself?
And if I finish thatconversation of screw it, what
am I actually saying?
Screw it too, and do I reallybelieve that that's okay with me
(10:21):
?
Because when we finish theconversation and we don't just
sit in that habitual knee jerkreaction, we realize that no,
it's actually not okay anymore.
And so there becomes this pointwhere you see yourself pouring a
drink, but you're seeing itfrom outside of yourself.
It's like you're no longer onthe stage.
(10:44):
You're actually in the audiencewatching it, and you're and it
becomes surreal.
It becomes a surreal momentwhere you no longer, it no
longer lands the same and onceyou start to lift that veil, you
can no longer go back and itdoesn't have the same.
The objections you can't getaway with them anymore, right?
(11:08):
So there's, before we do thecoaching.
There's a lack of awareness,there's kind of a fog, there's a
haze.
It's like you're going throughthe motions, you're sitting in
the story just hoping this timewill be different, but you're
winging it.
You're doing the same thingagain and again and again,
thinking the same thoughts againand again and again, right?
So until you actually breakthrough, have an experience of
(11:33):
feeling, your emotions and yoururges have a full spectrum, an
actual beginning, middle and anend, you finish the conversation
of the objections and thethoughts that you've been
thinking, nothing really changes.
You're still sitting in thatsame version of that same exact
story and you stay stuck in thatfog.
(11:56):
And that's really what thesacred pause method is all about
.
It exists so that it can liftthe veil, so that you stop
circling in those same thoughtloops.
Of that I'm starting over onMonday and by Friday I'm saying
screw it again.
I have created an updatedversion of the 60 second urge
(12:16):
codes.
If you do not have this in yourarsenal, you need to get it
right now.
The link is in the show notes.
This is a free guide.
Literally, you can find reliefand less time than it takes to
pour a drink.
It's the 60 second urge codes.
You need these codes becausewhat it does is it helps you
shift from the urge just fromscreaming, scrolling or sipping
(12:41):
into taking your power, backinto stepping in the seat of the
power.
They work so good.
So follow the link.
It's a free guide.
Make sure you have this tooland these tools, these urge
codes, are going to expand asyou start to use them from your
own intuition.
Going to expand as you start touse them from your own
(13:02):
intuition.
You will find your own internalcodes that are going to work
for you and help you interruptthe belief pattern.
Something else that I wanted tolet you know is that I am
offering a very specialChristmas, in July, offer, and
this is to help you get off thefence and make the decision to
(13:22):
get support that you have beenthinking about quicker.
So when you hear this podcast,you sign up for a consultation
this coming week.
This is only going to last forthis one week.
So today is July 30th.
This is in real time.
So, signing up for a consultfor next week for Monday, the
(13:45):
4th or the 5th when you joinprivate coaching this week, you
will receive $250 off of thecoaching mentorship process,
immediate and lifetime access tothe sobriety starter kit right
when you schedule, and a bonus75 minute emotional support
(14:05):
session.
And this is just for you toreceive to relax.
It's like having a massage foryour emotions.
But you need to take action nowand book your complimentary
consultation.
These sessions will not last.
So if you're hearing this, geton it, get your urge codes, stop
(14:30):
winging it and just stopwaiting.
The decision doesn't have to bethe perfect time, and that's
what.
And that's what is keeping youstuck, because, instead of doing
it when you're not feelingconfident, instead of waiting to
figure it out, this is theprocess that gets you there, and
(14:51):
that is what I can't emphasizeenough about coaching.
Coaching is the container toget you to become that version
of yourself that is leading,that is stepping into her
maturity, that's stepping intothat next phase where
authenticity is more of arequirement than belonging, and
(15:11):
belonging requires yourauthentic expression.
Right, you are not in thatphase of your life anymore where
it feels like if I don't belong, I'm going to die.
You are stepping into thisunbothered, unapologetic phase
of your womanhood.
Who is ready to lead by exampleand step into the like?
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I don't actually care anymore,because this is for me and I
don't need permission orapproval from anyone else, but
this is where we practice it, sothat you can feel safe to
really be that woman, becausethis is how you are going to
create the exact future that youwant.
(15:55):
You are setting the rest ofyour life up with the imprints
that we create through thisprocess, through the sacred
pause method.
I can't wait to meet you, Ican't wait to connect with you
and I hope you have an amazingrest of your week.
The days of white knucklingyour way through an urge are
(16:17):
over.
No more distracting yourself,no more avoiding alcohol.
No more resisting, and I am notexaggerating when I say that
doing this one thing for fiveminutes will change not only how
successful you are in drinkingless, but how much you will love
your alcohol-free life.
You are going to feel so good.
So come on over to my website,or follow the link right here in
(16:41):
the show notes, to grab thefree urge guide that gives you
the exact cheat codes to use tofind relief without a drink.
And the best part is nodeprivation, no missing out
required.
I'll see you overmarywagstaffcoachcom.